#plus when your saving the entire world you gotta look pretty sexy while doing so

[bright-cloud]

✨Wavemother's Robe✨

My tav; Basil wearing the highly popular outfit in the game 💙

[makeste]

BnHA 326: What’s up Kids, It’s Me, Your Old Pal Stain

Previously on BnHA: Ochako shamed the U.A. Clown Mob into letting Deku go back inside his own fucking school by giving them an hour-long speech about how not to be humongous dickheads. Kouta and Gigantic Fox Lady saved the manga by being the only ones brave enough to give Deku a hug. Shouto was all “man, all this togetherness sure does remind me of that promise you made that we would handle Touya together which you immediately bailed on, doesn’t it, Dad.” Aizawa was all, “for the one and a half people out there who thought that my losing an eye and a leg might actually make me less sexy, I’m very happy to prove you wrong.” All Might was all, “[standing outside the U.A. fortress alone in the rain talking to someone or something??].” Like seriously, what was up with that though.

Today on BnHA: All Might is all “here I am in Kamino having a belated mid-life crisis because Deku abandoned me and I’m a terrible mentor and everything sucks and I hate myself.” Stain is all, “don’t make me come over there and give you a ten page speech about why you’re still the goat while menacingly holding you at swordpoint the entire time” because idk if you knew this guys, but Stain is pretty crazy actually. Anyway so he does that, and then All Might gets all emotional, and then the lady from chapter 92 shows up and gives All Might’s statue an encouraging pep talk, and then Horikoshi is all “and it even stopped raining lol can you believe this shit I’m not even a little bit subtle,” and he really isn’t. But I still got emotional anyway, because seeing people reassure All Might that everything he’s struggled for his entire life hasn’t been in vain just got to me okay. Horikoshi knows I am weak to the All Might feels and he just goes for the jugular every time, that bastard.

lmao. “in the neverending downpour, All Might is...” yeah, thank you, glad we’re getting right to that then

“All Might is driving 95 mph in his busted ass car in the pouring rain, is what he’s doing.” huh

so basically a day or two after his adopted child refused to accept the handmade bento that he packed with love, my man is out here acting like he’s got nothing to live for anymore. this sure bodes well for certain prophecies on which the clock is still ominously ticking down

his fucking face though omg. is it weird that I’m kind of hoping more people ambush him just because I think it’d be funny to see them get their asses kicked like the last bunch

(ETA: or maybe he will just stand there openly not giving a fuck and basically daring them to stab him!! get it together please All Might.)

side note, “anti-hero supporters” is such a strange way of saying “people who hate heroes”, which I’m assuming is what they actually wanted to say?? this makes it sound like it’s a group that really loves antiheroes. “these Hannibal stans have been a real menace lately. time to go deal with them”

ha ha ha, fucking ouch

are you really gonna do it Horikoshi you bastard. are you really going to let that be the final encounter between the two characters whose relationship you once described as the vertical axis of the entire fucking story. are you really gonna?? huh??

huh

you’re telling me you were driving 112 mph and you still didn’t get there in time. you’re losing your touch old man. lol Todo’s ice is almost fully melted already, how late were you

(ETA: so apparently this is taking place after the end of chapter 325, meaning he went to U.A., hung out for a bit, saw the kids come back with his bedraggled half-dead protégé in tow, watched as they shamed the civilians into some long-overdue character development, and then was all “welp, time to go argue with the hero-hating faction or something because I’m feeling useless.” and Edge just let him go, just like that. though to be fair I have to imagine it’s pretty hard to say no to All Fucking Might.)

also belated lol at the fact that the kids were all “yeahhhhhhh we are definitely not gonna touch that thing, let’s just leave it here, he doesn’t need it anyway.” probably the right call to make since they couldn’t get a hazmat team on such short notice

fuck. ha ha ha fucking ouch part two

All Might please put that thing down before you get gangrene. also yeah, you dropped the ball, good for you to acknowledge it. nobody’s perfect and you did your best. but yeah you could have handled a lot of things completely differently. but I still love you

is Horikoshi really putting this flashback here. are you serious. what kind of fucking sadist

look, I swear I’m not one of those people that runs up and down the street shouting “DEATH FLAG!!” at every third panel lol. but this shit screamed Death Flag when we originally got it, and it’s screaming DEATH FLAG!!! even more now. like with the capital letters and exclamation marks and all. and that’s just a fact. I don’t like it but that’s how it is

ffkdjslk

“DID YOU READ THE SIGN??!” Horikoshi asks while zooming in maniacally because he thinks we’re blind or something. lol what

-- though actually, it only just occurred to me that this sign is actually written in English. I never really paid attention up until now and had been assuming it was written in Japanese and translated by the scanlators, but the writing here is clearly part of the original image. anyway so maybe that’s why he’s zooming in?? just to make sure everybody pays attention lol

okay fuck this

see, this is the whole problem right here. once again All Might is all on his own. Deku’s self-destructive angst spiral was fortunately brought to a grinding halt because he actually has support from his friends and family and teachers and classmates. but All Might never had that same kind of support, and it’s made all the difference between the two of them, and not in a good way. Katsuki wasn’t wrong when he said All Might and Deku were both cut from the same cloth. but now when it’s All Might’s turn to go all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD~~” once again, there’s nobody in sight

just, after forty plus years of him carrying this torch, I just wish someone would finally come along to let him know he doesn’t have to. all those things that he wanted to say to Deku are also things that he needs and deserves to hear himself. Aizawa was making a little progress there, but now he’s got his sad zombie cloud boyfriend situation to deal with, and we can’t expect him and his perfect hair to solve all our problems. someone else has gotta step up

oh my god

“you rang?” never mind I take it all back sob

omg why am I laughing. shit

this man truly has the best PR game in the series. we were truly convinced he was gonna suddenly become a good guy and defend All Might against the other villains or some nonsense. as if this wasn’t the same man who decided on a whim that Iida Tensei deserved to be paralyzed, and that his fifteen-year-old brother deserved to die for daring to be upset about it

lol even All Might is all “I genuinely never saw this coming” lmao

just want to say, for the record, I have always harbored a very sensible hatred toward Stain. feeling very vindicated right now. good job Past Me

adsfklwkfsdwgkj

ffffwefjslkg. ghsdlkg. dsfkkkslkjldwkjrg

STAIN: heard you talking shit old man

ME: smh that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking Stain

STAIN: how dare you talk about All Might that way

ME: gljfljgk

(ETA: in hindsight I have no idea how I didn’t clue in sooner that he didn’t recognize him -- or, well, ~didn’t recognize~ him, to be more accurate lol. I think it was the whole “is that a slight against the heroes?” thing that threw me. Viz’s translation makes it much clearer that he’s offended on behalf of All Might specifically, not heroes in general. anyways.)

sob. so All Might is all “yeah I don’t blame you for not recognizing me in this sweet leather jacket”

good thing he still knows how to do this party trick

A+ reflexes on Stain’s part presumably pulling the sword back a few inches to keep this dumbass from impaling himself with his whole pufferfish routine. can you imagine if that was the gruesome death Nighteye foresaw. and he was just too embarrassed to say anything

lol anyways guess I was wrong about Stain everyone

way to fucking go, Past Me. you really biffed this one

oh wait

Stain sure is one wacky rollercoaster ride

oh fuck me lol I forgot how much I did not miss this

(ETA: “this here is the sacred ground where All Might gave up the last of his power and turned into a shriveled old man!! please ignore the part where I admit to knowing all about that, and yet pretend not to recognize said man when he’s standing two feet in front of me.”)

Past Me, I know we’ve had our ups and downs these past ninety seconds, but I’m really starting to think you were on to something. this dude has always been kind of insufferable. always acting like his high horse is a fucking giraffe when it’s actually a Shetland pony

dammit now he’s got All Might going off on a depressed monologue

oh my god my heart

shit

why the fuck does that hit so hard. he became a hero because he couldn’t bear to just sit back and let bad things happen to people who didn’t deserve it. I mean that’s basically the same as every hero ever, right? so why does it still hit so fucking hard every single time though. what is it about seeing someone so determined to stand up for other people and fight on their behalf. it just never loses its impact no matter how many times I see that determination mirrored in so many of my favorite characters

“I wanted to make the world a better place.” omg. but you did, though. like seriously, I feel like people are always dogging on him for not being 100% perfect, and fandom really doesn’t give him enough credit for everything he still managed to accomplish. this man came of age at a time when Japan was by all accounts a total shitshow, and singlehandedly managed to bring about an era of peace that lasted for four fucking decades. can you imagine having peace for that long?? that’s longer than I’ve been alive. shit

and he gave people hope. he inspired them and protected them and made them feel safe. and no, he couldn’t save everyone, because he’s only one fucking dude (and also because the whole time AFO was also out there desperately working to undermine him so that he could keep preaching his narrative of “heroes are bad actually”). but you know what he did do, is inspire multiple new generations of heroes who, if they can all manage to work together, will finally be able to accomplish everything he never could

so yeah. forty years of peace, and inspired the “that’s how we all became the greatest heroes” generation -- that’s a fucking win in my book. talk about having a net positive impact on the world. lol anyways now I’m all fired up and ready to fight anyone who tries to talk any shit about you, All Might

“but what if I talk shit about myself” okay listen up All Might I’m gonna need you to try just a little bit harder to work with me here okay. please calm down and stop blaming yourself for every single bad thing that’s ever happened in the world. do you remember that time Bakugou was blaming himself for Kamino, and you gave him a hug and told him it wasn’t his fault, and that he was only a boy, and that even though he was strong, even strong people can struggle with the burdens they place on themselves, and that you were sorry for not seeing that earlier? do you remember all of that? that’s what I want someone to tell you too, dammit. anyway please stop breaking my heart please and thanks

wtf

are you dead All Might

um

I don’t even have the slightest idea what’s happening lol

oh snap did he grab him so they could hide??

hold the fucking phone. don’t tell me this person in the background with the umbrella is here to actually do something decent??

oh my godddd

and here come the feels. oh boy. okay don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sit here sobbing over this fictional lady and her simple act of kindness in this weekly shounen manga that I care about way too much

FUCKING DAMMIT AND HERE’S A SECOND HELPING

DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST GETTING DISPROPORTIONATELY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS WOMAN’S DETERMINATION TO HONOR A MAN WHO SACRIFICED EVERYTHING TO SAVE HER AND COUNTLESS OTHERS. I’M JUST HAVING SOME FEELS OVER HERE ABOUT HER HEARTFELT, DOESN’T-EVEN-KNOW-ANYONE-ELSE-IS-WATCHING FEELINGS OF GRATITUDE THAT COMPELLED HER TO COME OUT HERE AND MAKE THIS SMALL BUT POWERFUL GESTURE. I’M JUST OUT HERE GETTING ALL PROFOUNDLY WORKED UP ABOUT STATUE MAINTENANCE AND THE HUMAN RACE. NEVER MIND. JUST IGNORE ME AND CARRY ON

holy shit. I was not even remotely prepared. you can’t just do that to me. you can’t just leave all these death flags on my lawn and then suddenly shift gears to show me the best of humanity in a chapter where I was expecting the worst. that fucks a person up lol

OH ARE WE STILL GOING

my heart. you see that, All Might. your legacy is so much more powerful and meaningful than you think

...has. has Stain actually been giving All Might a pep talk this entire time

I give up lol. this dude is a fucking enigma

YAYYY

it may just be a metaphor panel, but I’ll take it lol. I missed them. nice to see the traffic light trio front and off-center. I know the whole “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes” thing had left some questioning whether certain characters would continue to play a central role in the narrative, and hopefully this will help to ease those concerns just a bit

anyway, so idk if it’s getting a bit chilly down there in hell, but damned if Stain didn’t just give an actual decent fucking speech

I have to say, earlier when I was whining about All Might not having a support squad, I really was not expecting Stain to be the one to come over and pat his head and reassure him that he made the world a better place

-- okay LISTEN

YOU CAN’T JUST COME INTO MY HOUSE AND HIT ME WITH THOSE ALL MIGHT TEARS AGAIN GODDAMMIT THIS ISN’T FAIR. my god. first 317 and now this

holy fucking shit

“I’m just gonna pretend like I haven’t been stalking him for two days and didn’t see the entire Deku bentogate thing go down, and then I’ll give him the whole big speech that I rehearsed, and then I’ll turn around and be all ‘BUT IF YOU’RE A TRUE HERO’, and then I’ll toss him the super-secret AFO wifi password that I stole from Tartarus. god I’m such a badass. fucking give myself chills”

so basically what you’re telling me is that this whole time my “what’s up kids” characterization of Stain from this shitpost has actually been 100% accurate. just want to make sure I’m understanding this right. okay then

“and then I’ll dramatically spin around and be all NOW COME KILL ME BITCH”

it must be so much fun to write Stain. drawing this coked-out maniac who talks like a chatbot that was trained to speak by reading Alan Moore monologues. that must be a trip

anyway so All Might is still crying, the awesome lady from chapter 92 is admiring her handiwork totally oblivious to the batshit insanity going on fifty meters to her right, and it’s finally stopped raining lol

“THE RAIN WAS A METAPHOR YOU SEE” yes, yes, we got it lol. thanks for that Horikoshi. don’t think we needed any help putting the pieces together on that one but I appreciate the effort

so that’s the end! and as I mentioned in another post, I had the count off by one chapter, but next week should be cliffhanger week! so break out your U.A. Traitor bingo cards, friends and fiends. either that or something else happens that I’m completely not expecting at all. which, based on my success rate with Stain predictions, I’d say is more than likely lol

mmm but anyway, so now that the Hug Deku 2021 campaign has finally come to an end, what’s it gonna take to get a hug for my struggling bento-preparing jacket-rocking world-weary death-flag-waving husband who is the worthiest man to ever live and deserves the fucking world, goddammit

[not-close-to-straight]

“It’s Five O Clock Somewhere” (WinterHawk)

Clint and Bucky bonding over too much alcohol and THIS iconic song.

PLAYLIST MASTERLIST HERE

*****************

Bucky hated being benched, hated being put on the sidelines, hated being sat at home in the compound while Steve took the rest of the team out to save the world. 

He understood why people didn’t want to see the Winter Soldier running around out in the world again. He understood why his activities were heavily monitored, why he was only allowed to help on missions that were nothing more than good PR opportunities. 

Steve had been quick to forgive the Soldier’s past, the team had come along shortly and Tony-- somehow even Tony treated Bucky as if nothing was wrong between them. Here within the compound, Bucky was just another face on the team, just another good guy. 

The world had an entirely different view though, and that’s why today just like so many other days, Bucky was confined to the compound while the others went off to be heroes. 

It was fine. Bucky wasn’t bitter at all. Not. At. All. 

It wasn’t like he was lonely, or like the quiet made him feel as if he were going insane. It wasn’t like he couldn’t sleep when there was no one else there, not like he tried to sleep and woke up in panics because what if he was still in cryo freeze--

Any way. It was fine. It was all fine. Bucky would go downstairs and make himself a sandwich and maybe watch one of those old spy films Natasha was always watching and try to catch a very quick, nightmare free nap. 

“The sun is hotttt and that old clockkkk is moving slow! And so am I!” 

Bucky stopped in his tracks and tilted his head, because he couldn’t possbly be hearing what sounded like a very drunk Clint Barton singing a terribly off tune twang about-- 

“Work day passes li-ike molasses in winner-time! But darlin’ it’s July! Gettin’ paid by the hour, and older by the--” 

“Barton.” 

“--minute--OHMYGOD!” Clint shrieked and froze mid step, mouth agape, eyes wide, holding a giant sandwich in one hand and a very very fruity looking blended drink in the other. “Oh my god. Frosty, my man you scared the shit outta me. What are you doing?” 

“No no.” Bucky shook his head and squinted at the drink, at the triple-quadruple-quintuple layered sandwich, at the way Clint had gotten all six foot three of himself into ratty purple sweatpants and crop top that definitely belonged to Natasha. “What are you doing?” 

“Hanging out.” Clint said, as if that explained anything at all. “What does it look like?” 

“It looks like you’re gettin’ drunk at half past twelve in the afternoon.” Bucky pointed out. “Caterwaulin’ to some awful song, wearing stolen clothes and about to eat enough food to put you into a coma.”

“Is it only half past twelve?” Clint looked faintly surprised, then shrugged it off. “Welp. I’ve been drinking since like ten, and it’s gotta be five o clock somewhere and we’re both benched from the mission. Wanna get drunk with me?” 

“Super soldier.” Bucky said, more than a hint regretfully. He and Clint weren’t exactly friends, but the archer was hilarious and easy going and well-- well Bucky had a type, and Clint was tall, blonde and had muscles for days, which pretty much checked every box Bucky had. 

Plus, Clint had never once looked at Bucky weird or all the brain washing, he never flinched when Bucky wanted to spar, and even though his litany of nicknames for Bucky ranged from ‘Frosty’ to ‘Ye Olde Sourpuss’, they were never said with anything other than easy affection and accompanied by a flirty sort of wink. Besides, sometimes Clint talked bull shit about the other Avengers via sign language, and while Bucky’s sign language was rusty at best, it made him feel a little more connected to talk like that anyway. 

“Super soldier.” Bucky repeated, feeling regretful all over again when Clint just looked at him. “Can’t get drunk.” 

“Oh, but I can fix that.” Clint’s grin stretched towards goofy and Bucky blinked at the sheer sunniness of it, wondering if he would ever get used to how much he liked Clint’s smile. “Okay so you can’t ever tell anyone? But I guarantee I got something that will get even your delightfully frostbitten ass drunk as a skunk in May.” 

“You’re drunk enough for the both of us.” Bucky decided and Clint’s grin got a little bit bigger. “Besides, me and Stevie-- we’ve emptied Tony’s whole cupboard trying to get drunk. Doesn’t work.” 

“Come on, I’ll show you.” Clint set his precariously tall sandwich down, and chugged back most of the neon colored blended drink. Then he grabbed at Bucky’s hand-- Bucky’s left hand-- and took off down the corridor, dragging Bucky behind him. 

“Clint-- Clint wait--” Bucky found himself laughing without even meaning to, holding onto Clint’s hand and following the archer’s rather clumsy run down towards the bottom floor where Bruce had his lab and his Hulk-out room. “Just wait, what are we doing?” 

“Okay come here.” Clint’s eyes were sparkling bright blue, brilliant and clear and when he stumbled to a stop and Bucky nearly ran into him, they ended up nose to nose, chest to chest, and even though Clint was only an inch or so taller than Bucky, the height difference seemed alot more extreme when they were so close. 

“Wow.” Clint wet his lips and looked Bucky over with a smile that was practically lecherous. “We should get up close and personal a lot more.” 

“You’re drunk.” Bucky said flatly, ignoring the thrill that went through him at Clint’s words, and Clint just nodded in agreement. 

“Totally sloshed, Buck. Totally sloshed. But come and look.” he dragged Bucky over to Bruce’s desk and undid the bottom drawer. “So a few months ago, I triple dog dared Bruce to get the Hulk drunk because Big and Green is kinda like you and Stars and Gripes and he can’t get drunk, right? So Bruce did all this research and experimenting and came up with this!” 

Clint retrieved a flask and held it up triumphantly, and Bucky eyed it skeptically. “What is it?” 

“Moonshine!” Clint crowed. “Just about the purest shit you’ll find outside of Kentucky, you feel me? If this don’t put the whoo hoo in your hootenanny, then you’re just outta luck.” 

“Put the whoo hoo in my what?” Bucky laughed again and Clint whistled, “Boy howdy Buck, you are mega hot when you laugh. Let’s do more of that right now. This put Bruce in a coma for like three days. Here, bottoms up.”  

“Um--” Bucky looked between the flask and Clint’s eager smile, thought about all the lonely afternoons he’d spent in the compound and how much more fun it would be spend this afternoon with Clint, tried to remember the last time he was drunk and wondered what Clint would taste like with moonshine on his lips....

“Bottoms up.” 

*************

*************

“Why are you--” Bucky blinked up at the ceiling, almost a hundred percent sure that it had not been moving in circles earlier that morning. “Why are you wearing Natasha’s crop top?” 

“Because my abs are a national treasure and it’s a damn shame to keep them covered up.” Clint said slurred, laying flat on his back on the living room floor. “I mean, have you seen my abs? They’re not All American cheese graters like your boyfriend is packing, but I’d consider them wash board status.” 

“Wash board.” Bucky’s smile was far too wide and he didn’t even care. “Yeah, you are pretty gorgeous.” 

“I know, right?” Clint had pulled a silly straw from.. from somewhere, and it twisted and turned and looped up and around so he could manage to still drink the alarmingly purple liquid on his drink without actually sitting up. “I am gorgeous. People are always like ‘oh no, Clint’s got a bandage on his nose again’ and ‘oh no, Clint got hurt again’ but you know what? Not everyone looks sexy rocking bandaids and bruises, okay? I own my disasterness.” 

“S’that why you’re home?” Bucky rolled off the couch and splatted onto the carpet next to Clint, the empty flask of moonshine clattering to the floor as well. “You got banged up last time?” 

“Concussion.” Clint confirmed, slurping through that ridiculous straw. “Bruce said I should sit this one out. Didn’t know you were home too though or I would’a worn something less revealing. At least would’a worn underwear. You know, for modesty’s sake and all that.

“You have no modesty.” 

“I have exactly no modesty!” 

It wasn’t funny, not in the least, but both Clint and Bucky cracked up, holding at their sides and guffawing at the idea of Clint having any sense of modesty at all. 

“Oh man, I know what we should do.” Clint bolted upright to sitting, then put his hand to his head and collapsed backwards into a heap, cracking his head on the floor and groaning, “Ow pain, that didn’t help my concussion.” If Bucky would have been sober, he would have been embarrassed at the way he snort-laughed, but as it was, the snort just set Clint off into another round of giggles and it was several minutes before they managed to pull themselves together again. 

“Okay okay okay. I was gonna say.” Clint sat up slower this time, rotating to look down at Bucky. “We should play truth or dare. That’s what pretty people do when they drink. Truth or dare. You know how to play that, or was it before your time?” 

“Shut the fuck up and play.” Bucky shoved at Clint’s chest, or at least he meant to shove. It turned into more of a caress type situation, and Clint’s eyes got comically wide when Bucky’s fingers lingered at the skin showing beneath his crop top. 

“It’s fuckin’ embarrasing that I’m about to pop an awkward boner cos you touched my tummy.” he announced and when Bucky’s eyes automatically helplessly fell to Clint’s lap, the archer yelped, “Don’t look at it! You’ll scare it away! He’s shy!” 

Bucky’s mouth fell open and Clint gathered enough of his wits to say, “Uh, my dick is not shy. That’s not where that sentence was intended to go. He’s not-- he’s not a shy boy. Not at all.” and Bucky fell apart laughing as Clint turned an entirely unhealthy shade of red. 

“Truth or dare!” Bucky finally gasped out, struggling to sit up as well and feeling around for the flask, hoping for another quick drink. “Go on then, play the game!” 

“Alright, ask me a truth.” Clint offered Bucky the rest of his neon drink and Bucky shook his head firmly. 

“M’not drinkin’ that toxic shit. Alright truth. You really as clumsy as you look or do you play it up so people don’t know you’re smart?” 

“I walked into a door yesterday cos Thor swaggered by in his underwear and I almost died.” Clint confirmed, raising his voice to be heard over Bucky’s snickering. “IN MY DEFENSE, have you seen that guy? I would pay him to smother me in those thighs.” 

“Oh fuck me, that’s too much truth.” Bucky took a hesitant, tiny sip of Clint’s drink and instantly pulled a face. “My turn.” 

“Truth or dare, Mr. Freeze?” Clint staggered to his feet and wandered over to the bar to get Bucky a beer. “What’ll it be?” 

“Truth.” Bucky said easily, partly cos he was too damn drunk to attempt a dare, partly because for the first time in for ever he felt like maybe opening up a tiny bit. “Let’s hear it.” 

“Yeah alright.” Clint made it back and passed the beer over. “Are you and Steve dating, fucking, have dated or fucked, or in any way have any association with each other’s dicks at all?” 

Bucky stared at him for a full minute and Clint waggled his eyebrows. “C’mon Buck, you knew I was gonna ask. Everyone thinks you two are doin’ the knick knack paddy whack so here’s your chance to lay it all out on the---glmpgh!?!”

The noise Clint made when Bucky jolted forward and mashed their mouths together was decidedly un sexy and fairly hilarious, but initial weirdness aside, he threw himself whole heartedly into the unexpected kiss. 

Bucky oophed when Clint shoved him down to the ground, but then he groaned when the big blond stretched out on top of him, and both of them made some sort of noise when the next kiss involved a whole lotta tongue and more than a hint of teeth. 

Clint’s hands were everywhere, callouses lighting up Bucky’s skin as he tried to get underneath Bucky’s shirt, one of his long legs wedged firmly between Bucky’s thighs and when Bucky lifted his hip and rubbed against him, Clint cheered, “Hey look, he’s not shy anymore!” and Bucky nearly ruined the moment by dying of laughter. 

“I’m way too drunk for this.” Clint complained as their kisses got messy and hands got sloppy. “Been wanting this for fuckin’ ever--” 

“Really?” Bucky asked in surprise. “Me?” 

“Have you seen you?” Clint retorted. “But I’m too damn drunk to enjoy it and you outta your mind on moonshine doesn’t feel like real agreement and--” 

“Shut up.” Bucky grumbled and shoved his hand down the back of those ugly sweatpants to get a big handful of booty. “M’not too drunk to not know what m’doin!” 

“Okay okay okay--” Clint tore their mouths apart and all but attacked Bucky’s neck, leaving harsh kisses and bruising bites down the clear skin and working his tongue over the scars where metal met flesh and when he moaned, “Fuck, baby, you’re so gorgeous do you know that?”--

--Bucky went still for a few seconds, wrapped his arms tight around Clint and just held him, rocked by a wave of emotion and vulnerability and god damn it maybe he was too drunk if being called gorgeous made him want to cry--

“Clint?” he asked, and when there was no answer, when it suddenly registered that Clint felt heavier than usual against him, Bucky leaned away to peer down at the blond. “Clint are you--” 

“--Jesus fuck, you’re passed the hell out.” he said in exasperation, and Clint-- who was very much passed the hell out because he’d been drinking for the last six hours and was only human, after all-- just snored away peacefully. 

“Oh my god.” Bucky rolled to the side so he wouldn’t squash Clint flat. “Okay well you know what, maybe I’ll just close my eyes for a minute too. Been a while since I’ve been drunk, forgot that it could make you so tired....” 

**************

**************

“Okay but like--” Sam gestured helplessly to the living room, to the sight of Clint passed out in ratty clothes with the remnants of several fruity drinks and what looked like a silly straw surround him, and then to Bucky, who was open mouthed snoring, hair a wreck, an empty flask near his hand. “--What in the fuck happened here?” 

“I dunno, but it’s a pretty good bet that Cap disapproves.” Tony swatted Steve on the rear and grinned. “Don’t look so upset, babe. What did you expect Clint and Bucky to do if we left them here alone?” 

“I didn’t expect to come back and find them passed out drunk at four thirty in the afternoon.” Steve said flatly. “It’s not even five o clock. I thought people weren’t supposed to drink until five o clock? How are they already this drunk?” 

“Oh come on, you know the song.” Tony shoved his boyfriend towards the elevator so they could get undressed from the fight. “It’s always five o clock in Margaritaville.” 

“I do not know that song.” Steve insisted, his voice fading away as Tony herded him down the hall. “I do not know that song! It’s not five o clock, it’s four thirty! Clint is a terrible influence on Bucky!” 

“Who do you think started drinking?” Sam asked Natasha. “Clint or Bucky?” 

“It was definitely Clint.” She decided. “Probably drinking those weird fruity mixed drinks he pretends are completely manly. They all have names like Juicy Lucy and Dances with Wenches or some other beachy bullshit. Honestly, I’m just impressed their clothes are still on.” 

“You and me both.” Sam tipped his head and narrowed his eyes. “Tash, is Clint wearing your crop top?” 

“You know what? I don’t want to talk about it.” 

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