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ask-hunterxhunter · 3 years

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Helloo royal Guards as yandere please

But without the presence of Meruem because I find it difficult for them to fall in love with Reader while serving the King.

Mmmh, Neferpitou with a Reader male because my headcanon is that she is a infertile female uhhh I dont know how to explain it but I think that in the ant castes there are infertile females that are workers

Yeah, as far as I know, that's how it is with ants... I'm not an expert, but I think the female workers are infertile and care for the queen. Their development depends on how much food they receive when they're larvae. If there is abundance, some larvae will be "princess ants" (fertile and will leave the colony to start their own once the time is right).

Hmm... The Chimera Ants, however, seem to work quite different. Besides the whole "Ant Giving Birth to an Anthro Lion" and what not, they didn't end up starving once the queen died (which I read happens because there are no more larvae and the ants need them to properly feed) and many of them left to try starting colonies of their own (even some of the males seemed to want that, not just females like Zanzan)...

Perhaps this is more like some species of wasp? I've read that the queen produces a pheromone that keeps the others infertile. Once she dies, they battle for dominance in order to become the next queen. With the Chimera, however, they left for new territories rather than stay and fight...

...

Is there an entomologist in the house?

Neferpitou

The royal guards, regardless of Meruem’s presence, are not exactly easy to deal with even in their normal state (and I don’t think this is simply because they are not humans). Take them to Yandere level and, well, let’s just say it is not a pretty picture…

Pitou is not someone whose interest is easily aroused (she is the kind that “knows several people but regards only a few of them as her actual friends”) and, in a sense, the opposite is also true: It’s not easy to lose such interest, either. With her in Yandere-mode, well, it’s basically impossible. Once you’ve realized what is going, taking the usual measures to try dealing with it (such as moving, contacting the police, so on), don’t waste any time hoping she will “move on” or “change targets” as some stalkers do. It's not in her nature (both due to her personality and instincts).

Not that you would certainly realize what is going on right away. It would depend on her mood and how she decides to deal with her feelings (and she can’t change this decision): She may just go for the straight, extreme actions or keep a convincing facade of normality for a while… Regardless of whether this “normality” is you trying to kill each other or being friends (or she at least living in peace among humans)...

In the “enemies” case, Pitou would not spend days brooding about having fallen for an enemy and trying to get rid of those feelings. She would just shrug the situation off and start to debate whether it’s best to kidnap you right away or try to court you. If she’s working with other Ants for whatever reason or they just happen to be in the area, she would make sure everyone knows you are not to be hurt (and may God have mercy on whoever doesn’t listen). Her attacks would still be convincing from your point of view while being harmless playing in Pitou’s mind. After all, she lets you escape with no injures!

The “convincing facade” is more regarding how deep (and unsettling) her feelings are. In both scenarios, she would confess soon and, being what/how she is, likely act on it. No matter how much you explain you’re not interested or what arguments you use, Pitou would just wave her tail, perhaps ask what you mean exactly in that “innocently curious” tone of hers and… Completely ignore what you just said.

Well, okay, maybe you need to remember she isn’t completely human, so you can’t demand that she behaves like one, right?

Oh, boy, are you making a mistake… Not being human doesn’t mean that Pitou doesn’t understand that there are limits.

She understands.

She just couldn’t care less.

Remember when she probed Pokkles’ brain with him still alive? When Gon and Killua saw her for the first time? This is nothing next to how she can be when she’s obsessed with you.

I mentioned she would act on her feelings, right? Here’s another thing: She is also likely to do so in the manner of an animal trying to attract a particular mate. And because we’re talking Yandere-mode, I don’t mean the “bird dancing” or “penguin offering a pebble”. Not even the “cat giving you a dead prey”…

If you’re friends/she’s living in the human society, there would be some restraint at first, to the point her insistence would seem innocent… Then she would either grow impatient and kidnap you, or things would escalate, giving you hints to the darkness of her feelings until you’re forced to accept that this friend is a threat to you. Maybe after returning home, you find a note in your bed in which Pitou wrote that she loves how soft your bed is, how your home’s security is lacking… And, by the way, that person seems to have a crush on you… Hmm… Should she break their hands or their legs? The playful tone of the note only makes it darker.

Somehow you know she is not kidding.

If you’re enemies, well, she has no reason to restrain herself from the start. Her interactions with you would become far darker even if she miiight not kidnap you right away (for whatever reason) especially since she wouldn’t waste time playing by human rules. Pitou would find a way to make a claim (pinning you down, rubbing herself against you like a cat, and even leaving a love bite/hickey on your neck are very much on the table) or say it loud and clear in battle when there are other humans around. This isn’t just for the other humans, but for you as well: You’re hers, now. There is no room for discussion.

Also, in this scenario, it’s not impossible that Pitou’s “love” started with her deciding to make you her pet. Collar and all.

It should be said that Pitou is a cat in almost every sense, so the tendency to “play with her food” is very much present... Yes, she sees you as a “mate” rather than “prey”, but your attempts to avoid/hide from her consist of an opportunity that is far too good to miss! You change address and, after a few days, start to relax… Only for her to leave a new “present” at your door! It’s both funny and cute how you thought something so simple would keep her away! Awww, you’re so adorable!

Again, it’s true that some of her actions (such as this) have no malice whatsoever behind them, but I repeat, don’t let yourself be fooled: She is very much aware that what she is doing is creepy and wrong and why. I’m repeating this because Pitou can be as charming and cute as a cat… And as devious and sadistic as any human.

While some yanderes give you time (perhaps hoping you’ll eventually come around or because chasing you is so much fun), Pitou is among those who won’t take long before deciding to “take you home”.

Pitou loves having you all to herself and will be very affectionate, especially when it’s just the two of you. Maybe this sounds a little cute on principle? Yeah, trust me, it is not. It’s terrifying! Even when you reject her and she caresses your head saying you’re cute, you can see the insanity in her eyes, mixed with a sick infatuation.

It doesn’t help that, at times, her being “affectionate” involves brushing your hair, cuddling and even bathing together. Not only this invasion of space can already be uncomfortable, something about how Pitou does it makes you feel too much like a pet, especially when she talks about how much she loves you, how lovely you are, and how she is never going to let you go. In this situation, and the way she speaks, those words make you feel cold.

You should have realized by now that there is no reasoning with her and this isn’t because she is not human. Pitou is likely to twist your arguments or make points that would frankly make you think she learned from Illumi or Hisoka (and she only does that because she thinks it’s funny, anyway).

As for Pitou, well, she can’t say she is happy that you’re uncomfortable, but she believes it’s just temporary and you’ll get used to your new life… Hey, humans capture animals all the time to put them in zoos or circus. She isn’t that bad in comparison, now, is she?

She’s easily the kind of yandere that responds to pleas for freedom by caressing your head and saying you’re cute. How could she possibly let you go? You’d run away! Besides, she can keep you well-fed and protected. You say such silly things, love!

That’s not to say Pitou doesn’t have a limit to how much rejection she can take or her patience. And this is a line you don’t want to cross. It’s hard to say if Pitou would get to the point of physical punishment, but this doesn’t mean she wouldn’t make use of other means.

Menthuthyoupi.

It’s not easy to catch the attention of any of the Royal Trio, each for their own reasons. In Youpi’s case, it’s partially because he doesn’t have any human DNA on him, so despite being able to communicate and all, he doesn’t usually pay that much attention to people. It’s almost like he’s an alien (or we are, in his view). Even in a scenario when he is living in peace with humans, he doesn’t have exactly a clear opinion about them. They just exist. Maybe a few of them are okay enough, but that’s it… And in a scenario when he is still fighting them, well, they are the enemy. It’s pretty simple.

Youpi is direct, both in personality and as a Chimera Ant (in that he follows his instincts without hesitation). As such, like Pitou, he wouldn’t avoid his feelings once he comes to understand them. It’s a little strange, yes, but he accepts the fact that he loves you and that’s it. That said, Youpi would be initially confused (especially if you’re an enemy. How on Earth did he develop this sort of feeling for someone he’s supposed to kill?), and he wouldn’t make a move until he is sure of what he is feeling and what he wants.

Sadly, because this isn’t him in a healthy state of mind, this doesn’t mean anything good for you. This isn’t a shy monster-boy finding a human he considers special. This isn’t even “enemies falling in love” or “dark romance”. This is an “already dangerous individual” developing an equally dangerous obsession.

At first, Youpi starts to stalk you (if you’re his enemy/if you’ve never spoken before) or try to find excuses to spend more time with you (if you’re on friendly terms) in this attempt to understand exactly what is going on with himself. During this time, his feelings for you become stronger along with his desire to know everything about you. He’s curious. He’s fascinated. He wants to see you more often. He wants to talk with you… He just wants to be near you…

It’s pretty disturbing because, despite his size, Youpi will find the means to stalk you without anyone realizing it, just like an animal hunting. You may notice a shadow here and now, feel a chill up your spine, but it won’t be enough to make the danger clear enough. If you two are enemies, there are chances you’ll realize that there is something is wrong, as he either avoids fighting you (no issues with anyone else, though) or that he doesn’t seem to be actively trying to hurt you as much as before… Despite this, you’ll never, ever imagine he is in love with you.

Well, disturbing as it may be, it sounds almost as harmless as he can be in this scenario, right?

Not the case. You can’t forget how obsession grows, how it affects a person, and that it gets to the point when merely stalking isn’t enough. There is no such thing as a harmless yandere/stalker. So even if Youpi, at first, is satisfied with merely watching you from afar and making sure you aren’t hurt, it starts to not be enough. He sees you with your friends, smiling at them, hugging them, laughing… And he starts to imagine how it would be to have you doing these things with him, to be the one who makes you smile, to be the one holding you… And he realizes he wants it.

He loves you. He wants you.

And there is no reason to not act on those feelings.

Regardless of the circumstances between you, he seems to take the rejection well (if you manage to control the shock, act calmly and explain your reasons for it). At first, he thinks about your points and may even understand them… Only to find out that he doesn’t care. He can’t forget you. He can’t let go of you… And honestly, he doesn’t really want to. That you don’t feel the same now doesn’t matter. Don’t some couples start not feeling the same for each other, only for those feelings to change later?

In the case of “peaceful existence”, it might be easier to get a glimpse of his instability than with the Neferpitou, but it doesn’t make much of a difference. Even the precautions people normally take in those situations would only work for a certain time… The myth of the animal that “will pursue its prey to the ends of the Earth once it has its scent” is true when it comes down to Youpi (literally even).

Now, while Youpi is less likely to resort to kidnapping (at least right away), he would still find ways to inject himself into your life, so even then, you can’t say you’re free. He may not go straight to threatening your loved ones (and it’s hard to predict if he would follow with it), but there are many other tactics that he could and would use.

And being less likely to kidnap you doesn’t mean he wouldn’t if he didn’t decide it is the better course of action. After all, no matter how strong you prove yourself to be, it doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt. If he keeps you, he can’t make sure you’re safe.

Either way, there is no way to be free of him.

If he kidnapped you, Youpi wouldn’t go so far as to place you in an actual cage or chain you up, but he would find means to make sure you can’t leave.

He is easily the most patient of the trio, including with your rejections and attempts to escape. It doesn’t please him and nothing can convince him to let you go, but at least Youpi doesn’t get angry, condescending, or twist things around. In fact, it gets to the point when you can lose control and try hitting him that he wouldn’t even raise his voice. He would just hold your wrists (carefully) and try to calm you down…

Now, just because he isn’t human, it doesn’t mean Youpi is unable to understand that what he is doing is wrong and why you’re so unhappy. Hey, animals also don’t like to be taken from the place they consider their home like that. He can relate, he can understand. But his obsession is too great for him to let you go and, instead, he hopes that you’ll adapt with time.

Not having human genes and understanding even less about humans than Pitou and Pouf, in his desire to make you comfortable (and make you accept him), Youpi would likely try to learn what he can about humans (probably even asking for Pitou’s help).

For Youpi, your presence alone makes him feel good. While he wouldn’t force you into things that make you uncomfortable or excessively invade your personal space the way Pitou might, there would still be times when Youpi would want to show you some affection. Chances are, he would enjoy holding you close (especially because, next to him, you feel so small and cute) and nuzzling you, which is not only a common expression of affection among animals, but it also gives him an extra opportunity to enjoy your scent.

Youpi might be less cruel than most of yanderes, but this doesn’t mean much. At the end of the day, whether he has kidnapped you or not, the situation is still essentially the same. You’re being hurt either way…

Shaiapouf.

Even in his normal state of mind, for all his apparent calmness and self-control, it’s been showed several times that Pouf can be actually quite intense with his emotions, to the point they cloud his thoughts (and that’s a polite way to say it). Well, multiply that by a thousand and you’ll only scratch the surface of how he becomes as a Yandere.

Even if, by some miracle, this is a scenario where Pouf lives peacefully with humans it doesn’t mean he likes them. It’s more that he “tolerates” and “accepts” their existence as an unpleasant fact and it’s very much unlikely he would have human friends (he would probably find a way to live with comfort and luxury while having as little contact as possible with them). In a sense, you can compare him to some yokais in Inuyasha… He doesn’t go out of his way to antagonize humans (and risk a fight), but he sure as hell doesn’t care for them.

Until you, that is.

Pouf will never be able to say when his feelings for you started to grow and it will take a long time for him to understand them. By the time this happens, well, he is way into “Obsession Land”. Once he can no longer deny what he feels and it hits him that he loves you, his first reaction is… Well, pretty much an emotional tantrum, followed by self-despise and intense fury. How could he ever fall for a human? Disgraceful! Terrible! How could he fall so low? He even tries to hate you for making him feel that way, only to realize he can’t.

This lasts for a while, with him trying to convince himself to bury those feelings, no matter what it takes. If you two are enemies, be prepared: Pouf may consider killing you as the only way to “get rid of this shame”. He soon realizes he can’t bear the idea of you being hurt, let alone by him (well, like this, I mean)… But at least you’re not having to deal with his obsession yet.

Sadly, it doesn’t mean this will last long enough for something to happen before things get out of control. Pouf can’t get you out of his mind, possibly deciding to “observe you” in order to “remind himself” that you’re just a human: Flawed, inferior, and unworthy. This evolves into stalking and has the opposite effect: He becomes more and more infatuated, as well as worried that you might get hurt. You’re so beautiful, so gentle… You should not be fighting! At all! Oh, you’re an angel. No wonder he fell for you! You’re perfect for him!

If this is the “peaceful scenario”, the course of events is still pretty similar, no matter how you’ve met. At first, wanting to get you out of his system, he may be cold whenever you meet and even a little nasty, but it won’t work. He will start to long for more of your presence and if he manages to spend time with you, to consider you only of the few (if not the only) human who is better than the rest of the masses.

Either way, once he accepts that he loves you, you’re screwed.

In the “enemy scenario”, Pouf may try once to convince you to come with him, speaking highly of you and how much he loves you… In his mind, it’s poetry. In reality? The words may be pretty, but the way he says them, the shine in his eyes, the way he insists to hold your hands between his… Well, it’s creepy. Pouf may accept you denying him for a while, but it won’t take long until he seizes the first chance he has to take you. He was just being polite, offering you the chance of doing so by choice (if he does that when you’re gravely injured in a battle, he will use that frequently to point out he saved you and how you need him to keep you safe).

In the “peaceful scenario”, again, it’s not that much a different course of events. Your attempts to make him understand you’re not interested are ignored and there is precious little that anyone can do to keep you safe and, yes, including the Hunter Organization. He would do everything to get you.

In his mind, he is not doing anything wrong. If anything, his actions are almost heroic and proof of his devotion to you.

When you wake up in an unknown location and start to freak out or try to escape, Pouf reacts as if this is just adorable, then going on about how he loves you and wants to keep you safe. And let me tell you, this isn’t a “flowery speech” or like his funny moments in the anime. At this moment you realize you’re in a lot of trouble and that the chances of Pouf ever letting you go are non-existent.

It's not easy to determine exactly how deep his delusion goes; if it’s only about the “perfect life” you two will share or if it includes you. It’s not impossible that Pouf isn’t really in love with you, but rather an idealized version of you. He may also believe that, deep down, you do love him and just need time to realize it.

Pouf is the “adoring” kind of Yandere. He would love to spoil you, care for you, and would want to lavish you with gifts. Perhaps you’d expect him to be the less dangerous of the trio, or at least the most manageable, right? You’re dead wrong. Pouf is actually the worst of them, maybe even on the list of the worst yanderes of all Hunter cast.

His personality also means Pouf doesn’t believe anyone is worthy of your attention and if there is anyone you like (or that he thinks you like), it’s just because they’re manipulative and toxic. It’s his sacred duty to keep you safe from such scum! Perhaps the better term for him, rather than “jealous”, would be “possessive”. As far as he is concerned, you have no need to get in contact with another human ever again.

You thought he hated Komugi? Trust me, that was nothing compared to this.

He would lock you in a room, which you’d only leave while accompanied by him (he can’t have you trying to run off, can he?). Actually… If that happens, you should be glad. This guy isn’t above placing bars along a corner of his chambers (they are certainly large enough), turning that area into your “room” (bed and all). It certainly would appeal to him, especially since it gives him more chance to watch you.

There are stories about how excessive love can be suffocating, the “The Chaser” episode from the “Twilight Zone”… Well, Pouf’s love wouldn’t follow this line. This would be just tiresome. His adoration is frightening, even for a Yandere. The way he’s so sweet to you is mixed with a certain darkness, not letting you forget you’re dealing with an unstable person.

He understands this is a time of adaptation for you and this change of life is a shock, but he wouldn’t be happy if you asked him to let you go every day. In the same sickly-sweet way of always, he will mix subtle (or not so subtle) threats with words of adoration. Maybe he should chain you up… Maybe you’re thinking about that person who (he believes) has a crush on you? Maybe he should make sure you never think of them again…

There is also the fact that Pouf is among the Yanderes who would have almost no respect for your personal space. For all his adoration of you, he can be quite manipulative and controlling: If he wants to hold you in his lap, brush your hair, have you sleeping next to him, dance with you, well… There is little point in fighting. You would have to choose your battles wisely and keep in mind that Pouf isn’t above tying you up if you “start to be difficult”. Some Yanderes are happy enough with having you with them and may have enough patience to “wait for you to love them back”… Well, with Pouf, it depends on his mood.

There would be times when his behavior is all “patient and loving” (more like he just smiles when you try to get away or lash out)… And times when he would basically “demand” that you love him. Not with words, though: You’d learn that there are times when it’s safer for you to act a little more loving towards him (within reason) rather than antagonize him.

#I'm sorry if this was too long #Got carried away #Now I'm wondering about how exactly the Chimera Ants work as a colony #Anyone has a theory?#hunterxhunter #hxh #headcanon #hxh headcanon #yandere #Royal Guards #chimera ants #shaiapouf #pouf #menthuthuyoupi #youpi #pitou #neferpitou #hxh yandere #Somehow I imagine Pouf would be like The Tragedy of Chateau Cepage

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achtung-attitude · 3 years

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CHAPTER 48: Judas Priest - Part 2

GANGSTA’S PARADISE’s light shines once again, replacing the mundane auditorium into a reflective nightmare world. Shizuka glares at the preacher man, already healing from the beating she gave him.

“What woman? What are you talking about?” she demands.

Brother Dust grunts, shifting slowly to sit on his knees. “The woman outside this room... If I release GANGSTA’S PARADISE, then her Stand will kill us both! Hers is the cruelest ability of all! HOUSE OF PAIN, the Stand of T’onga Kim… your own mother, Shizuka Joestar.”

Shizuka’s heart flutters with emotion. She shakes her head. “Bullshit! This is just another one of your tricks-!”

“It’s not!!!” Dust shouts, so loud and sudden it surprises her. The old man takes steadying breaths, calming his nerves. “It’s… It’s not. I assure you. The pain you felt earlier, as if your insides were being violently shaken…! There’s nothing in my arsenal that can do that! Surely I would have used it against you already, yes?!”

Shizuka keeps quiet, not denying.

“Her ability…” Dust continues, “HOUSE OF PAIN, has two conditions to activate: one is a closed space, with all windows and doors sealed shut. The second is a living target inside the closed space. Though physically weak, it becomes nigh undefeatable once these conditions are met…!

“Once HOUSE OF PAIN is activated, it becomes impossible to escape from the closed space! A nuclear weapon could be detonated in this room, and those doors would not budge! It’s only thanks to GANGSTA’S PARADISE that either of us are alive at all! Had you knocked me fully unconscious earlier, then you would have been killed by the very woman you came to find…”

Shizuka’s eyes flare. “I’ve had enough of your shit-!” she thunders, but she pauses. Dust, on his knees, raises his hands in surrender.

“Please, wait! There’s no longer any point in us fighting!”

“No… point…?” she repeats, bewildered.

“Yes!” Dust says. “You understand, don’t you? There’s no doubt you could kill me now with ease, but what of it? When I die, GANGSTA’S PARADISE dies with me, along with any hope of you surviving HOUSE OF PAIN.”

She considers this. “So? What do you want from me?”

“A truce,” he declares. Shizuka grimaces at the word. “For as long as it takes to escape this place, we cooperate. Once we do escape, we will go our separate ways, never to meet again. I swear not to seek retribution against you or your friends.”

“You just said it was impossible to escape! That the Stand was undefeatable!”

“No… I said it was nigh undefeatable. But you see, HOUSE OF PAIN has one critical weakness!” He raises his index finger to his brow, illustratively. “While impossible to escape from inside, the closed space can be opened by anyone from outside! T’onga must remain nearby to prevent passersby from disrupting her ability until her targets are eliminated! That is the key to our salvation!”

“From outside…? So what do you need me for?”

“I can lift GANGSTA’S PARADISE’s ability enough for you to send a message to your friends outside. If you can send this message, then they should be able to defeat T’onga and open the door, allowing us to escape. Right now, this is something only you can do.”

“You must have underlings to do your dirty work, call them.”

“No. I can't-”

“Bullshit, you run a gang!”

“No, I mean I literally can’t. I, uh… I don’t carry a cellular phone...”

Shizuka raises her eyebrow skeptically.”

“It’s true! I am an old man...” he laughs self-deprecatingly. “I’ve… always preferred conducting business face-to-face. It’s been sufficient for me in the past. Besides, even if I did carry one…” Dust pauses. “If T’onga is here, then that means… The disciple I set to guard this place has been eliminated. Indeed, I sense that both of my disciples are no longer with us.”

His shoulder slumps slightly. The preacher’s head bows for an instant, before looking back up, his smile returned. “So you see… it can only be you. Once again, the choice is in your hands. And once again, it is a choice between life and death. I'm sure you don't care what happens to me, but surely there are things you still want to do?”

“How do I…” Shizuka says, “How do I know you won't just try to kill me as soon as we get out of here? What guarantee do I have?”

“I have none to give. I have nothing, except my faith. I am not afraid of dying, but I have a task I must complete. God still has a purpose for me in this life. I swear upon that purpose that I will not harm you or your friends in any way.

“Though, I needn’t say all that, do I? The very fact you’re asking is because... you’ve already realized that this is your best hope of surviving?”

Shizuka, at a loss, gazes at her elderly enemy. Dust clambers back onto his feet and smiles, a stream of blood running up to his nose, as if in reverse.

“Well, Shizuka Joestar? Once more: do we have a deal?”

***

In the corridor outside Convention Hall D, T’onga Kim leans back against the door, staring up at the panelled ceiling. She pants heavily, dried blood crusted on her face. “What the hell… Is taking so long…? They should have been dead by now…!” she wheezes. “Is it Dust…?”

Turning the corner to the corridor, a teenage girl approaches the panel doors with a bewildered look in her eye. “Oh, there…!” she exclaims, catching sight of T’onga. The girl trots towards her. “Hey, excuse me! Are you a staff member? I just wanted to know if the Paulie Paul panel’s still on. After the earthquake, I mean--”

Before the teenager finishes her sentence, T’onga uncoils and drives a fist into the girl’s nose. Despite her many injuries, she still has her strength. “Fuck off, kid.”

The girl wails and scrambles away, blood gushing from her nose. T’onga scowls at her as she leaves, then gasps. She clutches her side. “Come on… Come on already…! Just die! Die so I can go home…!!” she hisses.

Her ears prick up, hearing footsteps approaching, and a familiar voice. “Fucking perfect…!” she groans, staggering away from the door. She moves as quickly as she’s able, hiding herself away to prepare for Kilo and Moya to arrive.

***

Moya lags behind Kilo as they rush down the corridor to Hall D. “You still look pale. You gon’ be alright?” Kilo asks once they reach the door.

“Don’t worry about me…!” she replies. “You’re sure this is where Shizuka is?”

He nods. “This is where that afro dopehead sent her. And look…!” He tears off the paper taped to the door, with the impossible triangle scrawled onto it. “This makes it pretty clear.”

“There’s no guards… This is fishy…” Moya says.

“Guess they weren't expecting back-up. Dust figured we’d’ve been killed by now. He’s in for a damn reality check…!” He reaches for the door.

Just as his fingers make contact with the handle, the panels in the ceilings shift. Moya notices and shouts a warning, “Kilo!”

But too late. T’onga drops from the ceiling, knife in hand, landing right behind Kilo. She reaches around him, quick as a viper, and holds the silvery blade against his throat.

“Ugh…?!” Kilo grunts.

“T’onga…!!”

“That’s close enough, Moya,” the assassin murmurs. “And you, handsome… Don’t you move an inch, got it?”

Kilo glances back at her. “Got it,” he says. The knife at his throat suddenly bubbles, then melts into silver goo. T’onga gasps and staggers away. Before she can get far, SATURN BARZ emerges out of Kilo’s back and tackles her, driving her into the opposing wall.

T’onga hits the wall and opens her mouth to shout, but nothing escapes. A pang of agony radiates from her cracked ribs and chokes her voice. She sinks to her knees, eyes bulging as she looks to see SATURN BARZ bearing down on her again, intent of finishing her off.

“KILO, DON’T!!!” Moya shouts. SATURN BARZ’ talon stops short of T’onga, and its user turns.

“Huh?”

“Don’t kill her! That’s her!” his comrade says. “That’s T’onga!”

Kilo’s eyes go wide. “You mean… This is…?”

The police officer storms over and looms above the fallen assassin. “T’onga, you bitch! What are you doing here?!”

“Here… for the convention…!” she chokes out eventually. “The fuck you think? All-Kill sent me to kill Brother Dust… And I have… HOUSE OF PAIN is in effect…!”

“What…?!” Moya says, going pale. Kilo looks at her, confused. “A girl…!” she presses, “Was there a girl with blonde hair and tanned skin inside with him?!”

“Yeah, she’s in there…!” T’onga replies, “Why? She a friend? Why should I care?”

Moya drops to her knees and grabs the assassin by her collar. “That girl is your daughter! Shizuka Joestar!!”

Her voice echoes down the corridor. The ensuing silence is broken by a pained cough from T’onga. “…Whh… What…?”

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #achtung attitude #t'onga kim #kilo staples #moya pezzente #ch48

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kaahaani · 4 years

Note

I really enjoy your TKEM fanfics and headcanons. Would you consider writing/sharing some Lee Gon and Tae-eul headcanons? Perhaps about their wedding/first weeks as married/Tae-eul settling in as Queen - their dynamic and experience during that time? Thank no mattar what, for just writing and sharing your creativity!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I had a lot of fun with this one, but cut myself off because it got too long LOL. Basically most of my headcannons are scattered throughout my stories, but I went into detail below about things I don’t touch up on too much.

Tae-Eul randomly says “ask me again” on a random Sunday night when they’re in the Republic of Korea. She is dreading not seeing him for the week and doesn’t want to do it anymore. He automatically knows what she’s referring to and asks her to marry him, she says yes.

He cries because he’s been waiting for her to be ready, pretending that he wasn’t afraid that she’d never be ready to be his Queen.

Read more below the cut!

She insists her father knows about the Kingdom – that’s how Jeong Do-In ends up in the Kingdom in To Say That.

He slides the ring onto her finger when she falls asleep curled up into him, she laughs when she wakes up and whacks him, telling him that he’s supposed to ask before sliding it onto her finger. He points out that she already said yes so he’s just locking her in. They’re deliriously happy.

The two of them are always touching the ring and each other. Everyone in the palace is shook because they all know that Pyeha doesn’t like to be touched – and they have never seen him so happy or with a woman.

Lady Noh is ready to throw the wedding of the century, Tae-Eul is overwhelmed but she doesn’t complain too much because Lee Gon is happy and obviously the King will have a huge wedding.

Tae-Eul is overwhelmed with the media attention, skittish when people just surround her and yell for her attention. She doesn’t know where to look, how to look, how to deal with it – but Lee Gon is by her side, shielding her, whispering in her ear to soothe her, instructing the guards to keep the people away. She can’t get over the fact that her face is everywhere – every magazine, the TV, every website – just everywhere.

But whenever she gets overwhelmed Lee Gon is there to reassure her and whisk her away, he shows her parts of his world she couldn’t see while they were “hiding”.

Tae-Eul gets media training, etiquette classes and all these things she didn’t know Queens needed to know? But she adapts, learns how to look and smile so her pictures don’t turn out horrible, learns how to answer invasive questions, learns how to ignore multiple people yelling at her, learns how to sit so the media doesn’t comment on her posture.

Lee Gon is super proud of her but also misses little things like the way she used to stuff her face, or how she never held a cup so delicately, or the way she used to walk around - her gait rather manly and confident.

Lee Gon doesn’t agree with Lady Noh and Tae-Eul’s stylist – they put his woman in these ridiculous girly clothes that are just not her. She’s glad he says it because she was getting overwhelmed. He kicks them all out and they pick things she likes together without anyone’s input. But he’s definitely a fan of her now form-fitting clothing that don’t hide her body – and can’t keep her hands off of her – especially after he realizes the wardrobe upgrade comes with really pretty lingerie (he decides the stylist isn’t too bad after all).

Lee Gon tries to be her tutor – to teach her about the Kingdom, its history and current problems - but they always get distracted (*wink wink*) and Lady Noh makes them get a real tutor so Tae-Eul can actually learn.

She’s a quick study, and Lee Gon relents that maybe Liberal Arts students aren’t too bad after all, she hits him in the arm in front of all these people when he says it – scandalizing the palace.

By the time the wedding rolls around, the public loves Tae-Eul, Lee Gon is very vocal about his love for her and they can see it in their eyes. It’s like a fairytale to the public, a normal girl captures the King’s heart – the public is smitten with them because they’re so in love.

They also admire the policies she’s talked about – reforms in the prison system, changes to policing, women’s rights and health, focus on mental health and children’s health and education.

Lady Noh insists that they can’t see each other until the wedding on the day before the wedding. Lee Gon sits outside the door of her room and they spend half the night talking about how nervous they are through the door – their fingers entangled under the door. Lady Noh kicks him out at 1am when she happens to walk by and tells him to sleep while yelling oh my head, oh my heart, oh these kids.

On the day of the wedding everything is so grand and perfect but the two of them just have eyes for each other, they don’t care about the millions of flowers imported from around the world, the number of employees hired, the designers involved in their outfits, the cake, the food – nothing. They both only have eyes for each other. They couldn’t tell you what they did, who was there and what it looked like if it wasn’t for the videos they watched later. They’re always just looking at each other in the videos and it’s all live streamed so the Kingdom is like fangirling to the extreme because they’re so in love and it’s so obvious.

They disappear on a honeymoon in the Republic – for privacy reasons. Tae-Eul has always wanted to go to Greece, they spend two weeks exploring and engaging in licentious activities all around their rented villa. Lee Gon is obsessed with knocking her up.

When they return Tae-Eul settles into the role of Queen really well, she’s almost surprised. She loves the changes she can make with the power she has – her first task is reforming the police system, something she’s always had problems with

Her days are filled with engagements, Lee Gon tries to attend most of them with her at first, helping her adjust into the role – but also because they’re newlyweds and he just can’t stand leaving her. They basically act like horny teenagers and JY always catches in compromising positions.

They spend some nights just cuddled in the study talking about Kingdom affairs – helping Tae-Eul get a grasp of things better. She’s awed by how well he handles himself and he teaches her how to be diplomatic, how to avoid baiting questions, how to not express all your emotions on your face.

He disagrees with his strategists when they tell him the Queen needs to stop picking sides (she leans very liberal and is very outspoken about prison reform and women’s rights when this conversation comes up) but he tells them that she can do and say whatever she wants, she’s the Queen.

He’s her biggest fan but also her biggest critic behind closed doors though, always complimenting her when she does well but working with her on things she can improve on – but if anyone else says anything negative about her he gets so riled up. He buys out media outlets that are critical of her, purchases servers and domain names of blogs that are unfair, and even threatens parliament members who dare to speak against her publicly. He doesn’t care that it’s borderline tyrannical, no one touches his wife.

She joins him for all his favourite events – Story Time with King becomes Story Time with the King and Queen – Lady Noh now instigating the children to ask them when they’ll have their own children.

She enjoys attending sporting events with him and watching him row, throw the first ball or just play in a charity match - it’s very sexy.

They bicker and banter over random things - they try to keep it private but people who hear/know are still shocked at how the Queen talks to the King and how he just watches her with a fond smile and gives it right back to her.

He still cooks for her occasionally, she learns to give him the love and compliments he wants rather than acting aloof.

She’s sometimes so overwhelmed with love for him, he doesn’t measure and love her in bearable amounts, he’s just so in love with her that it blows her off her feet. And she loves him so much.

She takes on her own activities in conjunction with the Royal Affairs Office – focusing on the history, art and culture of the Kingdom (both to keep it alive and to learn about it)

She never gets used to people waiting on her, her husband is so used to it that he doesn’t care what he says around them but she’s always aware of the little smiles and giggles when he’s being outrageous

She hates being in the spotlight sometimes, really misses being normal – being able to blend into the crowd, go to a restaurant or anywhere on a whim, having the freedom to just get up and go anywhere. But the feeling goes as soon as it comes, all she needs is to see her husband’s face and it’s all worth it.

He feels guilty about all she left behind and always asks are you happy when his mind tells him she would have been happier with a normal life. She reassures him that she wouldn’t trade this life with him for anything - the little things she doesn’t like are NOTHING compared to all the things she loves.

#tkem #the king eternal monarch #kdrama #lee min ho #kim go eun #Anonymous #tkem headcannons #fanfic: to say that

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sanerontheinside · 5 years

Note

Made-up fic title meme: Nine Times Out of Ten

Nine times out of ten, you can trust your gut. Trust in the Force. Take a leap of faith, spring the trap, save the day and bring yourself back home in one piece.

This fic isn’t about those times. Well, not exactly.

It’s a 5+1 format (but a 9+1). Nine times Master Jinn couldn’t quite look Knight Kenobi in the eye, said nothing when he should’ve said something. Nine times Obi-Wan didn’t push, or made an excuse to escape at the last moment.

It’s a classic, of course. Nine times out of ten, they are assigned a mission together, or they meet in the field, or they comm each other to catch up and everything goes right all around them. A gamble, a rescue in the nick of time—all of that goes without a hitch, but at the first sign of emotions they both retreat.

The tenth time is the worst time: everything goes wrong. They knew it from the moment they landed, of course. The mission background was even written that way: a lot of things carefully unsaid. And Obi-Wan had a bad feeling about it. He doesn’t say it anymore, but he doesn’t need to. Qui-Gon can read it well enough in his expression.

They’re on the run and there’s no way off this damn planet, they’re being chased, the locals weren’t friendly to begin with (and who could blame them, what with the Premier’s secret police); and just to add insult to injury, it’s in a torrential downpour, because why wouldn’t it be. Wet, miserable, and on the run isn’t exactly the time and place either of them would have chosen for such declarations. Not that they’ve been particularly good at choosing the right time when it was presented to them.

They’re in an ambush, doing their best to stay behind cover and avoid blasterfire. They’re between a handful of bastards who have the high ground and a steep incline beneath them. Somewhere between a joke that isn’t nearly as light as he feels, and a witty, ragged retort from Ben, Qui-Gon finds himself slipping fast and thinks oh. This is it, then.

Then, somewhere at the bottom of a fast mudslide and just shy of a few big rocks, he thinks, not quite. But Ben is not with him.

It would be terrible to be separated like this. To lose each other on a hostile world—

Ben surfaces beside him with a wet cough and a glare. “Stop panicking,” he says, “you’re making me nervous.”

Qui-Gon laughs. He can’t help it. Because of course it’s not the blasterfire that’s making Knight Kenobi nervous, and it’s not the fact that they’ve been followed for three days, or even the fact that they just took a fast tumble down a forested mountainside. “I love you,” is what he says, carried on a wave of overwhelming fondness.

He doesn’t even have time to regret it: a well-aimed shot scores the rock beside them and he catches hold of Obi-Wan’s hand and tugs him along.

Okay! Now that we’ve established that everybody nearly died...

What follows is a comedy of gotdamn errors. Every time Obi-Wan tries to pin Qui-Gon down on the subject, they’re either interrupted, drunk (there really was no guarantee of clean water to drink, they picked the next best thing), or their comms glitch and temporarily go down.

We’re doing everything out of order here. The next time they nearly die, it feels like a much, much closer call. So there’s Thank the Force You’re Alive kissing. And then the kissing escalates. And then Ben Kenobi certainly gets to pin down Master Jinn, though perhaps not quite in the way he initially intended.

Talking happens after.

how long after? mayhap we’ll never know....

#fic title meme #nine times out of ten #ksjdlkfjla;ksdjflaskdjf #Anonymous #ask me things #saner chats

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levok · 7 years

Text

Every song used in SKAM from season 1-4

Sesong 1

Lana Del Rey – Music to Watch Boys To

TIX/The Pøssy Project – Sjeiken 2015

Lemaitre Ft. Jennie A. – Closer

Ralph Myerz – Think Twice

A-Laget – Kulare Å Pule

Yelle – Je Veux Te Voir

Elsa & Emilie - Run

Ry X – Berlin

Lorde – A Worlds Alone

Selena Gomez – Good for You

Radiohead – Everything in its Right Place

Beastie Boys – Make Some Noise

Spoon – Do You

Young Thug Ft. Birdman – Constantly Hating

O.T. Genasis – Coco Coucheron RemixPeaches – Dick in the Air

Punch! – Hemingway 2016

Alfons – Ganjaman

The Weeknd – Can’t Feel My Face

Peaches Ft. Kim Gordon – Close Up

Kid Astray – Back to the Ordinary

Die Antwoord – I Fink U Freeky

Gabrielle – 5 Fine Frøkner

Sigur Rós – Rembihnútur

Sigur Rós – Varðeldur

Sigur Rós – Yfirborð

Monifah – Touch It

Le Le – Breakfast

Wu-Tang Clan – Shame On a Nigga

Die Antwoord – Baby’s On Fire

London Grammar – Strong

Kelis Ft. Too $hort – Bossy

Karpe Diem – Lett Å Være Rebell I Kjellerleiligheten Din

Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek

Jusin Bieber – Baby

Highasakite – Lover, Where Do You Love?

Die Andtwoord – In Your Face

Jon Hopkins – Abandon Window

Bloodhound Gang – Fire Water Brun

Woodkid – Run Boy Run

Missy Elliot – Get Ur Freak On

Oslo Gospel Choir – Deilig Er Jorden

Michael Jackson – Billie Jean

Karpe Diem – Hvite Menn Som Pusher 50

Art Garfunkel – O Come All Ye Faithfull

Klovner I Kamp – Et Juleevangelium

Massiv Attack – Teardrop

Hoizer – Take Me to Church

Empires - Hello Lover

Electric Six – Gay Bar

Sesong 2

Carl Louis + Pav – Apogee

Lady Gaga – Bad Romance

Elton John – Circle of Life

Turboneger – City of Satan

Britney Spears – Gimme More

Carl Louis + Ary – Human Again

Amy Whinehouse – The Girl from Ipanema

The Weeknd – The Hills

New Order – Blue Monday

Joy Division – Newdawn Fades

Tami T – I Never Loved This Hard This Fast Before

Lil Wayne ft. Drake & Future – Love Me

Kanye West & Jay-Z – Illest Motherfucker Alive

Hanzee – The Penetrators 2016

Extreme – More Than Words

ZL-Project – Galleriet 2015

Massive Attack & Young Fathers – Woodoo In My Blood

Watkin Tudor Jones – Super Evil

M.I.A. – Borders

Robyn – Dancing On My Own

Robyn (Chew Fu Remix) – Dancing On My Own

Coldplay – Paradise

Bek & Wallin Ft. Benjamin Beats – Woops 2016

Lady Sovereign – Love Me or Hate Me

Childish Gambino – II. Zealots of Stockholm

TIX & The Pøssy Project – East High 2016

Tame Impala – Let it Happen (Soulwax Remix)

Forsvarets Stabmusikkorps – Bojarenes Indtogsmarsch

Egil Ellevill & Jack Dee - Bromance

Air – Sexy Boy

Fergie – Clumsy

Skrillex – Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites

Forsvarets Stabmusikkorps – Sønner av Norge

David Guella + Showtek – Bad

Axwell – Barricade

ZL-Project – Overdoze 2016

Bodø Domkor - Våren

Smerz – Because

Beglomert -Vota Ferriomi

Oslo Filarmoniske Orkester + Mariss Jason – Morgenstemning

Uranienborg Skolekorps – Gammel Jegermarsj

Susanne Sundfør – Darlings

Bloksberg – Gamlebyen

Beyonce – Pray You Catch Me

Susanne Sundfør - Kamikaze

Fergie – Here I Come

Rockettothesky – Grizzly Man

Berliner Philharmoniker + Herbert Von Karajan – Ja, Vi Elsker

Forsvarets Stabsmusikkorps & Schola Cantorum – Fagert Er Landet

Feit’n Fra Kolbotn – Noe Bedre

Mats Eilertsen - Memento

Dr. Dre – Still D.R.E.

Passion Pit – Tonight, Tonight

Missy Elliott ft. Ludacris – One Minute Man

Highasakite – God Don’t Leave Me

Kamelen – Si Ingenting

David Guetta – I Gotta Feeling

The Black Eyed Peas – I Gotta Feeling

Astrid S – 2 AM

Snoop Dogg – I Wanna Fuck You

Sonny Alven – Our Youth

Ketil Scheie + Audun Andre Sandvik – Somewhere Only We Know

Robin og Bugge – Best Når Jeg Er Full

Alphaville – Forever Young

Jay-Z – Young Forever

Sesong 3

Sandra Lyng – Liqr

The Magnetic Fields – Three Way

Kjartan Lauritzen – Fredag

Pieces of Juno – Silver & Gold

N.W.A. – Fuck Tha Police

Herreløse – Narkotika

Datski ft. Snoop Dogg – Smoke Bomb

Desiigner – Panda

Wu Tang Clan – C.R.E.A.M

NAS – The World is Yours

Radiohead – Talk Show Host

Ketil Schei – I’m Kissing You

MGMT – Electric Feel (Justice Remix)

NAS – The Message

Nils Bech – That Girl

Lorna – Papi Chulo… Te Traigo El Mmmm

Robyn+Sultan+Ned – Call Your Girlfriend

Robyn – Call Your Girlfriend

Surferosa – Neon Commando

Oslo Filharmoniske Orkester + Mariss Jansons – Preludium

LCD Soundsystem – Someone Great

No. 4 – Lite og Stort

Des’ree – I’m Kissing You

Ketil Schei – I’m Kissing You

Tears for Fears – Head over Heals

Justin Bieber – Sorry

Slick Posh – Koko Remix

10cc – I’m Not in Love

Kanye West – Hold My Liquor

The Velvet Underground & Nico – Sunday Morning

Dårlig Vane – Gikk I Bakken

Mikkel Øwre – Berghain 2016

Vince Staples – Lift Med Up

NAS + Puff Daddy – Hate Me Now

N.W.A. – Express Yourself (Extended Mix)

Lykke Li – Tonight

Pharrell Williams – Crave

Arif + Aon & Hooks – 8Ball

Arif + Unge Farrari – 7

Kings of Convenience – Misread

Gabrielle – 5 Fine Frøkner

Childish Gambino – II. Worldstar

The Weeknd – High For This

Jay-Z + Beyonce – Part II (On the Run)

Nils Bech – O Helga Natt

De Lillos – Hjernen er Alene

The White Birtch – Lantern

Aurora – Conqueror

Benji Hughes – Girls Love Shoes

Kurt Nilsen – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Maria Mena – Home for Christmas

Kurt Nielsen – White Christmas

Nidarosdomens Guttekor + Trondheim Symfoniorkester – Ave Maria

Queen – Thank God It’s Christmas

Sesong 4

Robyn – None of Dem

Annie – Chewing Gum

Dr. Dre + Snoop Dogg – The Next Episode

Nelly – Hot In Here

Hkeem + Temur – Fy Faen

Emilie Nicolas – Grown Up

Møme + Merryn Jeann – Aloha

Tomine Harket + Unge Ferrari – Nostalgi 3Millioner

Young Thug – Best Friend

The Weeknd + Daft Punk – I Feel it Coming

Sigur Rós – Straumnes

Drake + Giggs – No Long Talk

They. – U-rite

Bendik – Siste Gang

Yo Gotti – Power of Money

Ed Sheeran – Kiss Me

Burak Yeter + Danelle Sandoval – Tuesday

TIX + The Pøssy Project - Sjeiken 2015

Pet Shop Boys – It’s a Sin

2Pac – Dear Mama

Kanye West – Can’t Tell Me Nothing

Karpe Diem – Gunerius

Fay Wildhagen – Into the Woods

Amanda Delara – Gunerius

Morrissey – Suedehead

Sigur Rós – Straumnes

Kendrick Lamar – Humble.

Sage the Gemini – Now and Later

Lars Andreas Aspesæter – Imagine (Instrumental)

A$AP Ferg + Future – Next Level

Andre Bratten – Iconography

Susanna and the Magical Orchestra – Love Will Tear Us Apart

Mari Kvien Brunvoll – Everywhere You Go

Dreyma – Mývatn

Merone – Ikke Snakk Til Meg

Geir Sundstøl – Sheriffen Av Rotterdam

Frode Haltli – Flashing

Radiodok. BBC – Islam People and Power

Lars Vaular – En Haters Begravelse

Gabrielle – September

Bobby Shmurda – Hot Nigga

Childish Gambino – III. Life: The Biggest Troll (Andrew Auernheimer)

Drake+Wizkid+Kyla – One Dance

Röyksopp – Röyksopp Forever

Kudos – Berghain 2016

Sigur Rós – Straumnes

Siri Nilsen – Jeg Vet

Cezinando – Håper Du Har Plass

Kjartan Lauritzen – Havana

Madcon + Ray Dalton – Don’t Worry (Maria Helena Remix)

Madcon + Ray Dalton – Don’t Worry

Sonny Alven + Emmi – Our Youth

Fay Wildhagen – Into the Woods

Jay-z + Kanye West + Mr Hudson – Who Gon Stop Me

DMX + Eve + Jadakiss – We’re Back

Martin Masarov + Nicoline – Fuckgirl

Jonas Benyoub – Youm Wara Youm

Cenzinando – Vi er Perfekt Men Verden er Ikke Det

Astrid S - Vi er Perfekt Men Verden er Ikke Det

Sigur Rós – Straumnes

Beyoncé – Pretty Hurts

The White Birch – Love, Lay Me Blind

Mika – Last Party

Highasakite – Lover, Where Do You Live?

Cat Stevens – Peace Train

Bonus:

Gabrielle - Nattergal

#skam #skam music #skam playlist

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riverthemessiah · 7 years

Text

long ass post.

it finally happened.

i had envisioned this moment many times in my head before but if i’m being completely honest, a tiny, tiny part of me doubted it would ever happen. the much larger part of me, i guess, knew it would.

i was at state and lake transferring from the red line to the green line and was halfway up the steps to the platform when it happened. this truck, my memory is telling me it was white but i’m not completely sure that’s a fact; all the cars are registering as white at the moment, had whipped around the rest of the cars traveling east on lake but stopped at the light at state, and parked itself so that the rest of the traffic was perpendicular to him. like the police do. for a millisecond or so there was a brief feeling of fear inside me. like what i feel when the police pull up doing shit like that; i know that when police do shit like that, someone might get murdered. but lo and behold, it was just some angry white man hopping out of his car to yell at some other driver. if it were another white person he was yelling at, or anybody other than a Black Woman, in all likelihood i would’ve kept up the steps and continued to mind my business, as i often prefer to do. but it was a Black Woman.

people standing around watching were shocked. i would’ve been too had i not known these two truths i know: one, white people either have no understanding of the concept of personal space or they feel entitled to however much space they want to take up (hence this dude stopping traffic for a personal gripe) and two, as powerful as Black Women are, nobody in this society is afraid of them and nobody respects them, which puts them in immense danger all the time. for a second i stood frozen, watching, like everyone else, from halfway up the steps as this white man marched towards the Black Woman in the white sedan. (i’m a bit more positive her car was actually white). he was screaming about her having thrown something at his car. from what i knew at the moment and from what i would experience in the coming moments, he probably deserved it.

i saw another, older, Black man ride up on a bike at some point during this exchange tho whether he did this before or after the white man got back in his car is unclear to me. i stood waiting for a sign that someone had best intervene; that i should if no one else does. when the white man called her a “fat bitch” and tried to open the Black Woman’s door, that was it. by the time i got to where the action was, mostly being carried by my own fantasies about what i’d do if ever put in this situation, he was back in his car. the older Black man was speaking calmly and fearfully to him thru the passenger window of the white man’s car, definitely stained with coffee or some other beverage that had been thrown at him. i hate that. i hate that older Black men tend to speak so gently and fearfully to white men. so cowardly. i mean, i get it; older Black people were raised by Black people who were alive when Emmett Till was killed, who were raised by Black people to whom white people were legally allowed to do and say much worse things than “slavery is over, get over it”, who were raised by Black people to whom that statement would’ve been blatantly untrue if stated. i get it. but this ain’t that, tho. similar, but it definitely ain’t that.

i walked up to the car. the white man hadn’t pulled off fast enough and the older Black man wasn’t saying what i felt he should’ve been so i spoke. when i spoke i told him “gon get the fuck up outta here, bro.” the white man responded with “go fuck yourself.” he didn’t say it in an angry or threatening way, not the way he’d been speaking to the Black Woman, not at all. he said it in a way that said “i’m too heated to check my words before i say them but this is between me and the fat nigger bitch, not you”.

i aim to lead and to end things both in positive, progressive energy. but while in between those points, if mogs wanna get on some goofy shit, i’m definitely with reciprocating all that energy. maybe i should work on that, but i don’t because maybe that’s safer than trying to be Martin Luther King or Jesus in this world. without thinking, the first words out of my mouth was merely a weak ass return of what he’d stated. then, once again being carried by my fantasies about how i’d imagine a situation like this playing out, i told him “don’t talk to no Black Woman like that”. he responded with an “are you fucking kidding me?”, although his eyes were now directed at his gear shift and (probably deliberately) not at me. i wasn’t sure if he was shocked that someone had stood up for a Black Woman or that a man had sided against him in a dispute with a woman, but i’m sure he was afraid. still heated, but now as afraid as he was bold when hopping out the car to scream at the Black Woman.

still feeding of the angry energy that he’d placed into the situation, and now being led by that energy, i stated again “gon get the fuck up outta here, bro. fuck is you talking about?” somewhere in between a calm voice and the yelling i’m capable of when i get as angry as he was at the Black Woman. i wasn’t there but i was getting there, and i know now that if he wanted to take it there, i would’ve met him there without thinking once about it. but he didn’t. once my voice raised, he put his car in gear and drove off. i’m not sure which direction he drove in, and, selfishly now that i think about it, i hadn’t even checked on the Black Woman he had verbally attacked before i walked off. i guess in my fantasies i hadn’t thought about checking on the well-being of the victim, only about being the savior. something new to think about.

as i walked back up to the green line, continuing my journey, there was a white woman standing where i had walked down from, staring at me. i walked past her in the moment, still processing what had happened. when i got to the top of the platform, i felt, and i guess was a bit overwhelmed, by all the feelings that had been suppressed in the moment. my legs were shaking with anxiety. my heart was pumping with adrenaline. somewhere in between that a smile tried to etch its way onto my face. i was pleased by my own power. i don’t know how i feel about that. especially since i didn’t even realize i hadn’t asked the Black Woman if she was alright until i started typing this when i got home. i didn’t realize it wasn’t about her and her safety as much as it was about me and my ability to un-empower a white man. a single white man. about the pleasure i get knowing that i am feared. not just feared, but feared by a man who operates on exerting his so-believed power over women. that’s the largest part of my definition of manhood: exerting power over men who think there’s power in subjugating women. i couldn’t hide my own pleasure in my own proving of my own beliefs to my own self. i was a better, stronger, more capable man than him. and, to a lesser and unintentional extent, also the older Black man who did not defend the Black Woman but spoke to the white man in what i perceived to be fear. i was a better man than both of them. and proving it to myself pleased me.

when the white woman who stood where i stood as i ascended the steps again met me on the platform, i was still processing. still too overcome with what i was feeling to want to engage her. my birth chart suggests that i carry a lot of nervous energy, and i think that’s true judging from how awkward exchanges with me can be when i don’t know you or don’t trust you. maybe i was overcome with nervousness afterwards because i don’t yet know this version of myself. this version who introduces himself as a name other than the one my dad gave me (that i admittedly have never liked; never felt like it belonged to me). this version who stands up for Black Women on the street. this version who brings his fantasies to life when the moment arises. who believes in alpha-male-ism and strives to prove himself as just that, but only if it protects [Black W]omen from men who think men become alphas by ruling over women.

looking back, my ego says that the white woman was turned on by this. she glanced at me before she got off the green line at california. she had her phone out when she engaged me on the platform, saying something about calling the police for a moment that had already been placed under control. placed under control by me. (i just chuckled to myself as i typed that) again, i was too deep into myself to catch the vibes, if those were in fact what she was throwing, so i walked off to process some more. plus, that was NOT the time or opportunity for a white woman to shoot her shot.

so yeah, maybe i don’t yet know this new me who’s ascending out of the ashes of the me people used to know. the me i used to be. or maybe i do know this me and the old me is shaking because he’s the type of boy who should be afraid of this me. this me who doesn’t shy away from his own power and isn’t interested in trading it for the purpose of being liked. this is new, and i won’t set myself up for disappointment by thinking i already know what to expect of this newness. but what i do know is,

i fuck with it. it’s not to be fucked with and doesn’t care to be liked. and i like that.

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