#posting on my main bc id get yelled at if i posted this on the evil rare blog | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

madisonrooney · 4 years

Note

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit. ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

#gcwca secret santa #Anonymous

4 notes · View notes

mikkock · 5 years

Note

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth”

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks).

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget.

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,,

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

#thats way less talk than i thought id do #prolly bc i wrote half of it when it was between midnight and one AM #wait no it was 2 am #but ye #sry if shit messy af #those two are my faves tho n talkin bout em on the spot is hard cuz my brain is screaming about everything bout em at once #if u wanna get more info on em do ask i love them so much n i feel i didnt do em justice here cuz speaking is a fraud words dont exist #im glad they caught ur interest tho #nothin more gratifyin than not being the only bitch who likes his own children

9 notes · View notes

xp-egg · 5 years

Text

paranoia/mental illness/disturbing tw.. related to the post i made on my main blog

So im about to drive up to see my mama for hanukkah, alone as i do each yr. redacted THING happened a few summers ago but essentially bc of it she believes ppl from [Japanese automobile corporation] tried to m*rder her on the job nd now cant keep a job or a place to live so she lives w my baba . i havent talked to her in a year for reasons i will explain ...so we r texting abt my travel plan, cooking plan, talking for the first time all yr besides birthday wishes n stuff, shes talking normally, we say our goodbyes/cantwaittoseeyous. bht 12ish hours later she sends me, un-explained with no preface, a cryptic list of what i slowly figure out are license plate numbers out of nowhere n says ppl are trying to run her over n cackling (this is not new.. just i havent had to deal w it all year and i was hoping she could let it go for just a few days....), i ask if she has gotten to a safe place and ofc she says shit like 'well unfortunately natasha i will never be safe. they follow me at all moments and one day you will read abt ur mother having been killed, etc etc.' like omg i just cant talk to u. At all. Anymore. can i not have one day.. without this... please g*d... she cant be around ANYONE bc she thinks they are all working w [car company] conspiring to m*rder, slander, whatever her.. shes lost 12 jobs in the past 4 years. everytime we go out in public she screams at people for even glancing at her/smiling at her and claims they were [doing some weird threatening thing they certainly werent ? .. like sometimes ppl with certain names or wearing A CERTAIN COLOR is enough to be a SIGN and she loses it and starts telling them loudly to fuck off and stop looking at her.... my non-hallucinating brain as a witness] and im mildly concerned someone WILL kill her in retaliation for her being insane in their face.. (she had some guy start yelling back at her and she recorded it as 'proof'. He was clearly very annoyed at her saying terrible accusations at him when he was trying to mind his fucking business.....it was indescribably scary but like can i blame him? she was being highly inappropriate publically.. SHE was prob scaring HIM. she scares me lmao) like she has been so mild mannered and rational her whole life.. she has a degree in chemistry and a literal genius IQ. its like watching a loving animal slowly go violently rabid. It Sucks

last year she finally accused ME of also being paid off/threatened by [company] to conspire against her JUST bc i went to visit her older brothers family (my aunt n cousins who are the family members ive been closest to our whole lives aside from my mother nd baba) w my bf at the time bc i wanted him to meet my non-insane family members..... JUST FOR VISITING MY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BC THEY ARE EXPECTING ME TO VISIT N THEY LOVE ME ? Like they love my mom too but multiple years of being accused of being bought off, or [company] threatening to m*rder my cousins (she always says the most brutal and disturbingly specific details too) if they didnt do whatever thing would intimidate my mom, [in this case purchasing the most affordable reliable new family car they could from [company] ..it WAS right after she told them about her initial event but likethey needed a new car and her claims are literally delusional. i rly dont want to disown my other family for that but its a hard decision.. terrible situation], but being accused to conspire to m*rder her gets tiring so they gave up a while ago. when she accused ME even tho i have been the literal last person to stand by her for the past 4.5 years.. i never made her feel like her claims were impossible even when literally everyone else did bc i figured she needed a buoy.. i said fuck it i can't talk to you anymore. i will start going insane too . we have all tried to comfortingly reason w her (well i didnt for a while, i just wholly accepted her story without trying to reason with her INSANE JUMPS IN CORRELATION.. fully bizarre and delusional.. bc i wanted to support her), i spent so much more money getting a less reliable car just to avoid buying from [company], supported her contacting the authorities (obviously they can't help bc she is making insane claims), make her feel as safe n protected.. did as much as we possibly could but like... theres a limit. this is year 4.5 of this, every day, every hour. EVERY year she says well the dirt on [company] will get out this year.. youll see.. ill be validated (essentially). she went to inpatient treatment and she said they accused her of having barbituates in her system when she arrived (what) nd the only diagnosis they gave her was 'rule out paranoid delusion' (bro come on... she thinks EVERYONE is trying to k*ll her.. help) so she wont get any more help. i want to at least try and save my baba bc she is old and puts up w this every single day. but on top of having my own problems, by saving my baba id be damning my mother, or myself. i never know what to do....

but well anyways i love driving hours into a fucking hornets nest each year. at least there are latkes ig

#i cant imagine what its like on her end but i just cant take it anymore #shes the only one im close to and this is so much worse than her dying.... i feel very alone #she says TERRIBLE things too #like in a normal casual conversation just forcing erratic phrases containing m*rder r*pe #insanely violent and disturbing phrases #its so embarrassing bc she does it around strangers... the two boyfriends ive tried to let her meet... our landlord in 2014..#idk what to do.#tw disturbing #on a personal level its miserable isolating n combined w my own personal failures contributes to my own s**** ideation #but on an impersonal level omg i want to write a book SO bad the things she has tried to accuse this company of are like otherdimensional #its very sad and almost hilarious bc it is SO insane #whatever i hate everything

1 note · View note

incoherentmuses · 5 years

Photo

wanted to post ol’ Ekene-Afa on her own bc I love my big buff ex-gladiator wife

(yes i know ToA NPCs are Chultan humans, we’re playing in homebrew land where everyone is dragonborn just go with it)

this was so much fun to draw, i realised i love love love drawing buff people, especially buff ladies. Muscles are great! Ekene could kill me with one flex and im into it.

in the campaign one of the PC’s had established that he really admires her from her gladiator career and gets tongue-tied around her, and then I drew this and was like oh! this is why! she’s so asljdaskdjaf *dies in bisexual*

[ID: a black scaled dragonborn woman, posing with her arms behind her head to flex. She is very muscular, and covered in scars and battle damaged. She is wearing a blue cutoff crop top with the letters DGL on it, an orange loincloth with geometric patterns, and a many-stringed belt with coloured beads on it.]

-----

how to support me

reblog if you like my art, yell in the tags its my fave thing

ko-fi.com/incoherentmuses for donations. im in sore need of a new computer but those are expensive so everything helps

redbubble.com/people/flailingmuse my redbubble store has loads of neat merch, mostly its queer d&d things

commissions are open! check the commissions link on my main page or DM me~

#dragonborn #dnd #dnd art #Dungeons and Dragons #gladiator #dnd pinup #dragonborn pinup #dragonborn gladiator #character art #illustration #digital art #tumblr art #sfw

10 notes · View notes

brokendildo · 6 years

Text

this is about to be a real personal post about my previous relationship so if you don’t care just scroll on by

anyways have y’all ever left a relationship that you thought was okay at first and eventually found yourself more and more unhappy? and once you’re finally out of it you can assess the damage it did to you and you finally see all the red flags that you chose not to notice before? like i put so much work and time and effort into my last relationship with a man who was clearly not stable mentally or emotionally and he’d gaslight the shit out of me. every time we had an argument (which was often) it was always my fault. he never not once apologized for the shit he’d do and i’m pretty sure he was cheating on me the whole time. and if not the whole them then at least more than once. we dated for a year and a few months on and off and that was the first red flag i should’ve seen. when you break up with someone over an argument and you feel you’re no longer right for each other just leave it at that. i kept going back four or five times and i regret it now. i wasted so much time with that asshole. and when i say mentally and emotionally unstable i mean like we’d be getting ready to leave his house (which was an hour away from mine and i made my work schedule work around my visits to see him and over that year and a half he came over to my place TWICE.) like we’d be in the car about to leave the driveway and he’s like I HAVE TO CHECK THE DOOR and i’m like it’s locked?? i locked it? and he’s like no you don’t know what you’re doing. like okay bitch and on top of that he was insanely paranoid like he would tear up receipts with the last four numbers of his credit card and his name on it. i know that’ll come from anxiety and ocd considering i have been diagnosed w both but he refused to get help and when i would mention therapy or even a simple doctors visit he’d flip out. all those were things i should’ve noticed but the main thing was how he treated me vs. how i treated him. just to clarify, at the time i was working in an extremely busy restaurant. i couldn’t get weekends off because of this so my schedule went something like this: school from 7am to 1 pm every week day and then work right after (i’d have to be in around 3) i’d work until 12 or 1 am and then get home and have to do homework until about 4am and i’d get zero sleep. then saturday’s id go in at 7am to work and get out around 3 or 4 depending on whether or not the person who was suppose to take over my station showed up on time. then i’d drive an hour to go to his house and he would never ask me about my day and when he did it was only because he felt he needed to. it always sounded forced and i knew he didn’t really give a shit about my day (or me honestly) but that became very clear when one day while telling him about how my day went (it was a really bad one) he starts yelling at me saying that i need to stop fucking complaining all the time. that shit hurts when it’s coming from someone who claims to love you. and the worst thing about this entire relationship is that it really fucked me up in the long run. i’m in a healthy relationship now and i couldn’t be happier with the person i’m dating and i honestly see a wonderful future for us but there’s still some issues that i’m trying to work through and it’s not easy and it doesn’t happen overnight. i apologize constantly i’m always trying to make sure that my partner is happy and i feel like i’m overcompensating and usually when people do that i’ve noticed it’s bc they feel guilty about something and i don’t want him to think that i have anything to be guilty about but i also don’t want him to just leave?? idk. don’t ignore your issues kids because they grow into ugly monsters.

24 notes · View notes

imadethisatage11 · 3 years

Text

Live-blogging my reaction to Spiral: from the book of saw

Spoilers under the cut

TL;DR: my overall review is that it was good but I’m going to go watch DPS to cleanse me

- ok so that woman got robbed and for what

- I had to pause to find out who this detective’s actor was Bc it was driving me nuts and it’s MCMURRAY FROM LETTERKENNY???

- love that they’re gonna fuck up this train conductors day lmao

- LOVE genuinely that we’re back to looking gritty and having an old tv play the video and having some rapid cut camera work early 2000’s vibes I embrace you

- why does the voice sound like that,, I wasn’t expecting John but why is it so non threatening now it’s literally just Some Guy™️

- I am glad I paid $15 to listen to Chris Rock talk about Forrest Gump. Worth my money and I mean it genuinely I love Chris Rock he’s great. Stream Everybody Hates Chris on Hulu

- “Z?” Zeke who just had his cover blown: this MF

- “do I look like a fucking Jamaican nanny?!” I- 😀🤚🏽

- ayo Max Minghella

- Chris Rock falling just short of being convincingly aggressively cynical Bc he is Chris Rock with the voice of Chris Rock

- it sounds like he’s setting up jokes that don’t have punchlines and instead they’re just like,, mediocre cynic cop dialogue

- while looking at some pretty fucking intact teeth: this bum is gonna be pretty hard to ID

- I mean I guess the homeless don’t have dental records but were you not even gonna try?

- I’m very pleased Chris Rock put on gloves before handling the strange package I love actually smart character choices that would make sense for them to make

- I.e. the cop knows how to properly handle unexpected unmarked packages delivered to the precinct

- “I thought the jigsaw killer was dead” “well if it’s another copy cat…” another wait is that referring to Logan (which Logan pinned on the other coincidentally crooked cop whose name I’ve forgotten) does that imply Logan only did like? The one trap? And hasn’t been active? Just waited ten years after John died recreates the one trap he was in and then stops?? I mean don’t get me wrong if movie wants to ignore Jigsaw (2017)’s existence I’m game but like what

- also why do the packages look like they’re wrapped in Tiffany boxes lmao

- oh yay they did run dental

- Chris Rock is an asshole but they should go with protocol if that’s what they’re doing

- ordering a man mid piss out of the men’s room to yell at Zeke

- does conflict of interest matter when the whole precinct knows the victim?

- uncomfortable stand-offs with your ex while at the home of a grieving friend

- Samuel L Jackson!

- “I could’ve killed you!” “What are you talking about, I have the gun!” *SLJ pulls a gun out* “I could’ve killed you”

- daddy issues

- “you think this is linked to John Kramer?” Bruh you think it’s NOT??

- ik this is SO far fetched but I rlly hope this movie tells us wtf happened to Dr Gordon. I’m sure it won’t but a girl can dream

- “should we tell Zeke?” “Fuck him” I get you guys don’t like to work w him Bc he’s an ass but like. You’re just not doing your jobs now you’re just proving he’s right that you’re untrustworthy

- splitting up and not telling ppl where you’re going is the number one way to get kidnapped or murdered but way to go cop instincts

- what is this Chinese finger trap ass shit

- love the blue tones tho very Saw

- all it needs is to become uncomfortably green

- fun fact I actually watched the first saw w my friend who is red green color blind and he said it looked AWFUL and I was like oh yeah everything is blue tinted like twilight blue tint and later it’s green just FYI (he thought that made significantly more sense than whatever shit ass color palette he was perceiving)

- being mad at your son for turning in a dirty cop Bc now you’ll have to mess with internal affairs

- and then assaulting someone??? SLJ is an even worse asshole lmao

- another Tiffany box bound in twine maybe it’ll be one of those cheesy diamond heart necklaces

- HELLO what is that ugly ass pig puppet

- also the voice is so stilted did the killer use fuckin text to speech so they couldn’t unscramble the voice like they did to Hoffman?

- cops finding dead pigs, a little on the nose

- oh so this dude has a history of “fuck it” ok well screw that guy then

- SLJ deserves to be pissed at that cop for letting Zeke get shot but like what an unhinged man he threatened to kill him and then actually assaulted him HOW did he EVER get in charge to begin with

- ok wait is Zeke actually the only decent cop (inc his dad but maybe excluding the newbie)

- that is a truly gruesome way to lose fingers tho I must say but he deserves that shit

- wait did the trap not go fast enough or was there a way for him to do that faster and I missed it

- like should he not have hesitated Bc there was a time limit or was it just rigged

- cuz the machine had to pull them off he couldn’t just cut them quickly

- so are they just gonna leave broken leg Dude there or

- also just now I tried to talk abt this movie (so far) vs Jigsaw (2017) to my mom and I got too excited and referenced some character names she didn’t know and she shut me down and said she didn’t care 😀

- live-blogging to my, like, five followers that compromise one one (1) person that knows me IRL, one (1) Sawtual, and a handful of ppl only here for my main DPS content to fill the void of emotional parental neglect. What a great website

- oh no did the rookie die :( he was actually sweet

- I feel like he was too important to kill offscreen tho

- like they’re TELLING us he .. was skinned.. but was he REALLY

- Chris Rock having a revelation: AH FUCK

- everyone else at the crime scene: ….

- favorite thing abt movies that were already gonna be rated R is when they’re like “well if we’re already at R we might as well say fuck”

- she has to SEVER HER SPINAL CORD? Why was she deemed the biggest asshole

- also how on earth was this trap portable it IS in their basement right

- transporting the hot wax is just what gets me

- Chris Rock rn: are you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

- was this abt his dad the whole time???

- does it count as live blogging when I do one big post instead of several small ones lol I just want it to be avoidable for ppl who are just here for Dead Poets Society

- man’s fully abt to cut his arm off like barely even hesitated long enough to notice the bobby pin he could pick the lock with

- there’s a body here suspended

- not hanging mind you

- but covered and suspended

- and I bet it’s the newbie

- ah damn it’s Pete that’s disappointing

- it’s possible the trailers just made him seem more important than he was

- why are they punishing Zeke for reporting a dirty cop and having his career accordingly ruined like he did the right thing and already suffered for it? This killer doesn’t like crooked cops?? Why does Zeke have to be tortured by hearing this dude die like that’s what they want isn’t it?

- I think it’s too late pal

- the glass trap was pretty fucking cool though

- I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

- I didn’t think he was a MURDERER but I KNEW he was alive

- OH SHIT THE DIRTY COP ZEKE TURNED IN KILLED NEWBIE’S DAD??

- I’m terrible at guessing endings but it makes viewing more fun

- honestly,, do it Chris Rock ACAB

- “you want me to kill cops?” “No, fuck no, just the bad ones”

- what a fun villain though

- I have no idea what the Ultimate Game Plan™️ is here though is he gonna make him kill his dad? I mean his dad does suck but making a dude KILL his DAD? That is a tall order Max Minghella

- ok but literally why wouldn’t you listen to him here shoot the target??

- ANGIE! It WaS aNgIe

- killing this man is not correct justice anyway Zeke

- shot the target! Good man

- groovy of them to play the Hello Zepp soundtrack rn

- oh shit what’s going on SLJ knows what it is

- oh.. w o w. Brutal way to go. Very heavy handed imagery

- and that’s all I guess who the fuck knows what’s up w Doctor Gordon

- and I guess Max Minghella is just gonna get away now but tbh Chris Rock only seemed truly mad at him for involving his dad

- nice rap remix to the OG Hello Zepp score very cool credits music

#spiral #spiral from the book of saw #live blogging #spiral 2021 #mini vent

1 note · View note

katherine-mcnamara · 3 years

Note

while i do agree that hande isn't hurting for resources, it's also not anyone's business who you want to gif? this is a free hobby, everyone gifs who brings them joy, and if hande does that for you then no one has any right to tell you that you shouldn't. it's incredibly rude and entitled to think to tell gif makers which fcs they can and can't gif, simply bc she's lightskinned and already has resources. people in the rpc need to go outside and touch grass.

Oh i never said she needed resources which is why at first i was like ???????? she's a comfort fc why are you YELLING @ people but yeah the messages every time i mention her just it's too much like I didn't even make them for others I made them for ME, when I was extremely depressed and low, because all I was giffing at one point was her, kat mcnamara, and laura harrier because those are the main faces I get the happy feelings from!!!

I just snapped a little tonight because I'm tired of it when I haven't even posted gifs of her out of fear of the shitstorm it'll cause. Like I am one person and you all just cannot decide that I don't get to gif my faves but others can I'm so tired.

but this made me smile ily and sorry id this makes no sense i'm sick so my brain is like mushy but I appreciate this a lot 🥺🥺💕💕

#<3 #asks #anonymous #answered

0 notes

simplicitys-bliss · 7 years

Text

it’s kinda funny

depression i mean.

*heres a disclaimer before you continue to read this if you chose to: this post is kinda sad. Like, not really, but it’s h e l l a personal, and if you don’t feel like reading about any of that, or seeing how my thought process is all over the place when I talk about stuff like this, id just stop reading now. Go back to looking at memes, asthetically pleasing pictures of fashion/places/food, dogs, and porn bc you won’t enjoy this*

So back to depression; to me, it’s like one minute I’m super happy, I’m ready to take on the world, and ready to do great things, but the next I feel as if im drowning..or rather, i can’t breath.

You see, i haven’t felt genuine happiness in a long fucking time, and it fucking sucks. I have however felt euphoria, and that was neat. Euphoria in a moment, in a person, in a time.

In a moment, it was when I was accepted into college. It’s crazy to think the number one thing that causes my anxiety and my fears of failing in life were once the source of complete and udder euphoria. It was as if in that moment, wow man all my hard work over the four years that was high school actually meant something. That it was actually worth it. And that to me caused this sense of self acceptance that I have yet to feel from a specific moment in time again. Maybe one day something will happen to cause it, but nothing has really matched the feeling of making it into my top school after convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough.

In a person, oh man. Have you ever met someone equally matched with you? Ya know, someone who matches you on most everything; humor, sarcasm, love. It’s fucking great. And idk. I felt like I had found that. To quote Marroon 5’s Sunday Morning: “livin life gets hard, Sunday morning raining is falling and im callin to you...” blah blah blah. What I’m trying to get at is yes I have found utter euphoria in someone so bad I think of cheesy 2000s love songs. that’s pathetic. What’s pathetic is it’s not the same on both ends, at least not anymore. I have not met one person like this, and it really really sucks that shit like circumstances and time and place have put a road block in an otherwise blissful highway of love. again, its corny as fuck. and pathetic.

In a time? Shit last year. I would give anything to go back to this time last year. Timehop has a funny way of drudging up things from the past you forget about after the moment passes and it doesn’t come out of your long term memory until a day when you’re really low and you see that at this same moment you were once in cloud nine. This time last year was that, and again I would give anything to go back. Another time that I wish I could go to would have to be the beginning of this summer. I will never ever forget this summer, except for the beginning of it. When everything was just starting to come together. I didn’t even realize in that moment that I had set myself up to feel completely in sync with people I would’ve never guessed myself to be friends with.

I guess you could say I have a lot to be happy for. But the thing about depression is that it all becomes like a giant blind spot. Depression takes the front seat and puts my emotions in drive, while happiness and reasons to live and reasons to feel like I actually matter become a blind spot in the road.

Like school. Holy fucking shit school makes me want to die, like real life death. I feel out of place, I feel overwhelmed, and I feel alone. But at the same time, I’ve never had a group of peers like my a capella group. And if I dropped out, they would definitely be missed. But the problem I’m coming to is that they seem to be the only reason I’m still here. And i feel like that’s not a good thing. NOTA is my happiness blind spot and I wish they were my main view.

And then there’s this whole lonely business. What the fuck is up with this. I used to consider myself pretty self dependent, but holy shit i find myself wanting love and assurance and acceptance so bad all of the time and it sucks. I have my good days where I appreciate the solo lifestyle, like not having anything to owe to anybody, or being able to do whatever I want like being away from my phone for hours and no one yelling at me for it. But okay, the other night I went to a party with my a capella group, and went back to my friend Jerry’s house with my other friend Haley. I was drunkish, but Jerry was blacked and I didn’t trust him alone so I stayed till he fell asleep. I got on a bus around 2:30ish and I was alone. Then this couple came on the bus along with two other loud drunk men all staggering from Pickles(a downtown bar). I kept looking at this couple, and even these two guys, and kept thinking about how nice it’d be to have someone to check in with when I leave alone on nights like these. Or when I’m at work(I work at a restaurant as a Host/busser) and I sit old couples. Not even really old, but old enough so that you know they’re at least 10+ years into a relationship. I find myself thinking “damn being marrieds gonna be so neat what the fuck. having someone to eat fake Italian food and bool with? someone who I’m completely comfortable with who accepts me for me? fuck that’s nice.” And idk. I guess that’s just because I came out of a relationship with I though was it for me; the kind where you never saw there being a time without them but now you’re alone watching Betty and Kevin eat arugula salads talk about their mortgage and looking for happiness in people who could care less about your feelings and your well being. sad.

I’m drowning in loneliness and sadness and putting my happiness in my blind spot, and it’s no bueno. I can’t breathe. It’s like if depression is a pool, I took a cannon ball into that bitch. Happiness is the air right about level the water line, the light you can see when you’re underwater and your ascending up, but for me my light is just glass. Like I’m in a tank and there’s light everywhere, but I can’t get to it.

Does this make sense? Am I reaching anyone? Does this hit familiar to anyone, or am I alone on this. Iunno. But then again, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters lol.

#personal biz

1 note · View note

i-amusemyself · 7 years

Note

All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

1 note · View note

cowboy-butch · 8 years

Text

power rangers spoilers under the cut

like.. a few major ones. theyre detailed, i tried to list out possible trigger warnings (bolded) but if you need a specific one message me! proceed with caution :)

it was honestly really funny, there was a lot of wit and sarcasm in many of the jokes and i was constantly laughing. and while there was a more serious vibe with the movie than with what i remember of the show, there were quite a few lighthearted, very sweet moments that made the theater ‘aww’ (the scenes of jake and his mom and how he cared for her were some of the sweetest they made my heart hurt)

some of the dialogue wasnt that great, there were some plot holes that i noticed throughout the movie, and some of the acting wasnt as good as it couldve been, but it was a good movie, it was a good adaptation of the show and a good start to what im guessing is a series? there’s a credit scene where they kinda introduce the green ranger (which the girl next to me was freaking out about it was great)

the evil witch lady was kinda underwhelming? i wasnt really scared of her, i could tell that she would fuck shit up if she wasnt stopped but the portrayal wasnt really what i expected it to be, which is fine things dont have to be perfect all around, but i hope they get some better, more experienced actors to play the villains next time. the witch’s monster that she creates was kinda scary, there were some intense scenes with the monster and the five that racked up my anxiety lol

i wasnt a devout show watcher, ive seen a few episodes here and there as a kid, but some people have been commenting on the tv/movie references and inside jokes that were in this movie. there were some nostalgic scenes that i remember, “its morphin time!” and the “go go power rangers!” song definitely made me feel like a giddy little kid. this was a revamp but they didnt forget their origin story, they didnt forget where they came from lol

billy (blue) fucking stole the show. he was absolutely amazing. im not autistic, but i follow a few people who are and who talk about it concerning themselves and characters they see as being on the spectrum. so i noticed a few aspects of billy’s character which coincided with what ive read like when jason scott (red) touched him with no warning or consent he asks him to stop, he is constantly building things his whole basement/room is covered in tools and equipment and a big work table, which is what came to my mind as his special interest

when he got excited there was continuity of him clapping his hands and sort of bouncing on his feet, and the most blatant aspect of all; billy confessed to jason that he was on the spectrum, jason didnt seem to understand and made a little joke, and billy went on to say that his brain worked differently than jason’s, that he couldnt understand sarcasm or some humor but that he remembered everything, like /everything/. in the movie he was by far the best developed character in my opinion, it felt like RJ Cyler did a lot of research and listening to build his character to be the best representation that he could make him. (i dont know if this has anything to do with autism or if its just a cute thing billy does, but he cant swear. like something surprised him and he yelled ‘motherf- ah just mother is good’ like he couldnt finish the word. idk i just liked that part of his character)

t warning: okay so there is one scene that could be triggering for some people, so major spoiler here. the villain ends up killing billy ¾ through the movie, the rangers take him back to the main ship to ask their mentor person what to do and if theres any way to save him, but eventually the mentor brings him back to life. i felt slightly uncomfortable during that scene because they killed off their only black and autistic character. i still dont know how to feel about it until i hear from actual black/autistic people but i wanted y’all to know, if seeing that could harm you or trigger you. if you want to avoid seeing that happen to billy, it happens when the five are captured at the docks and its drawn out for a few minutes, i cant remember how many. if someone could accompany you, they could stay in the theater and text or come get you when the scene is over.

OH and something i noticed after the emotional scene mentioned above, billy was being hugged and he was hugging back, but jason walked up to him and kept his distance, letting billy initiate the hug if thats what he wanted to do. jason heard billy’s uncomfortableness in being touch and remembered, and let him have his space and freedom to decide on a hug or not. theyre my new brotp and I LOVE THEM

keep in mind that i dont know everything, i dont have autism so some things most likely shot over my head and didnt register, so im sorry if it did and if what ive told you has been incorrect. you are totally free to correct me if i have been, but i felt like billy was (mostly) treated with care and respect.

so admittedly the gay character reveal was kinda small, i wouldve definitely liked if it was bigger but keeping in mind what the director said in one of his interviews is important.

“For Trini, really she’s questioning a lot about who she is. She hasn’t fully figured it out yet. I think what’s great about that scene and what the scene propels for the rest of the movie is, ‘That’s OK.’ The movie is saying, ‘That’s OK,’ and all of the kids have to own who they are and find their tribe.” xxx

The way it’s revealed sounded as if Trini (yellow) was fresh into figuring out who she is, what her sexuality is, where she fits in society. the five were revealing secrets about one another to get to know each other better and she tells them that she and her family are never in town for long, and she likes it like that because its easier to not have to constantly get to know people, to show them your vulnerable side.

zack (black) made a little joke about ‘boyfriend problems’ which her subtle face expressions rejected, to which he asks ‘girlfriend problems?’ and she seemed unsure. (theres no negative reactions from the others, it does seem to portray the idea that ‘Thats OK’, that her potentially having girlfriend problems is totally okay to the other characters) im not positive in what expression she was conveying, maybe the character wasnt totally sure of her answer herself, but i remember being that way too.

i always asked myself if wondering if i was bisexual was actually just me wanting to fit in with my friends, or if i was trying to get attention from some unknown faceless person. i kept quiet about my thoughts for quite some time, i didnt want to blurt it out while still feeling wildly unconfident about my answer, in case i /was/ vying for attention (i wasnt). so maybe this representation isnt what my present day mostly-out self wouldve liked, but to my past questioning and confused “straight” self, i wouldve related to that uncertainty. i wouldve seen myself in Trini and wouldve cried tbh. if the sequels actually happen (theres a plan for five more movies to be made?? i hope it happens) then i really do hope that we see her sexuality expanded upon as she becomes more comfortable with herself.

(and maybe it was just me but did Trini seem like she had the hots for Kimberly (pink)? id have to watch it again bc a lot of information at one time kinda shocks my brain into a stupor and the details get foggy)

t warning: theres a car crash scene in the very beginning of the movie and one sorta 2/4 of the way where theyre escaping the mining area and connect with a train. after the second crash jason throws up but there isnt any visual, only audio. i cant think of anything else in the movie, so if any of you need to avoid or know about those, i hope this helps.

so these are my thoughts and opinions! if you disagree i totally understand but dont be a jerk about it, you respect me I’ll respect you. i hope y’all have enjoyed my long ass post and if you see the movie i hope you enjoy it!

#pr spoilers #power rangers #power rangers spoilers #i already posted this but i didnt see it in the tags i was ready to STAB someone #mine #long post #queue

6 notes · View notes

allosexyjunkrat-blog · 8 years

Text

ok fellas now that i have a discourse blog, specifically for discourse, im gonna address somethin that i know a loooot of people have difficulty covering

and it is

roadrat

as a disclaimer, i literally do not dislike people who like roadrat. hell on my main im pretty sure everyone i follow likes it. and ya know what?

youre right. its legal. roadhog is 48. junkrat is 25. 100% legal, legaler than the dudes themselves.

but fighting to say that its morally correct is like the discourse over the omnic crisis.

it just doesnt FUCKING make sense.

junkrat is indeed an adult who can make his own choices.

but the omnic crisis was over 30 years ago in the overwatch timeline, and the australian omnium blew shortly after the govt gifted to the omnics the land in the outback.sorry for all the uh. “thes”. im not eloquent. roadhog lived through the omnic crisis, and the omnium explosion. we dont know if junkrat was even alive when that shit went down.

thus, in case ya didnt notice already, roadhog is FAR more mature than junkrat.

junkrat is physically an adult, but he hasnt had half of the experiences roadhog had.

yeah, junkrat probably had to mature real quick to survive for 25 years, but he is NOT socially mature. like he literally has half a good interaction in game. and in the comic, he was easily taken advantage of by a sleazy ass businessman. he is not immature, hes had a lot of life to get through, but he has no social skills since he grew up in the fucking post apocalyptic outback.

now i am certainly not trying to say that roadhog is bad cause hes old, or junkrats stupid and cant fuck anything til he gets a working brain, or whatever some fuck is deducing from this.

im frankly just offended that people think roadhog would do this kinda shit.

you claim the term “predatory gays” in this whole argument to justify yourself, or, instead, justify yelling at people for not liking it, but its.....not like that. youre basically saying that roadhog would willingly enter a relationship with a (mentally ill, hes literally irradiated to the point that it fucks with his head) dude thats basically the same age younger than a son would be. and honetsly

i am offended.

roadhog is better than that. hes a emo grumpy Kunt but he is better than that. bc that can easily be interpreted in a way that would seem..... Not Good. manipulative maybe. bad.

of course, that isnt to say in that event, roadhog wouldnt approach it in a mature way that would avoid taking advantage of the massive age and maturity gap (cause those are different things) while being a good and healthy influence on junkrat and his mental health.

but the main thing i really wanna say in this is that

you should NOT be telling people that theyre not allowed to feel the way they feel about this.

it aint homophobia, it aint fatphobia, whatever ya wanna call it. its just because of the circumstances.

again, id like to assert that i dont mind this ship much, nor do i dislike poeple for liking it.

just don’t keep doin whatever the FUCK you think youre doin, cause its not cool.

#its going to show up in the search regardless of what you do #thats what i knew a couple years ago #idk if its changed any #but im not gonna obnoxiously blot it out #ship hate #readmore so i dont relaly bother people searching or whatever

33 notes · View notes

sugarstardusted · 8 years

Text

dream thing.. potentially long post sorry, if the app won’t let me put a read more on it

it started out in like… a school, or something? idk. the first thing i remember is a school. the girls and the guys were divided into separate classes for some reason, and each class had an age range of about 3 years? so like 10-13, 14-17, etc. maybe more than that but idk specifics i just remember some ppl being older and some younger than me

i also wasn’t ME, like i am now, but it was like a first person dream, so im just using “me” for ease of writing.. anyway

so the class i was in was kind of… idk. little unruly with a strict teacher but she was also a good person&teacher? and the class was only a bit unruly but always listened. we were learning abt some sort of… science thing, i guess. and everyone was rly worried abt some experiment we had to do later in the year?

anyway i guess we had gone off to a break or something, bc then i remember walking by myself back to the class through this big main hall, and i had this little index card with a picture of a blind, red headed boy glued to one side and the name “william” written underneath, and… lyrics? written on the other side

and i was passing a big main hall where some classes were together for a big assembly or something? and somebody was shouting for a william, and i looked over and saw the same boy from the picture i had, and i sort of suddenly realized we were connected, somehow? so i was trying desperately to get his attention bc even tho no one had said this expressly, i was suddenly aware that ppl who didnt have like… this ‘premonition’ thing that led to them putting together this index card were going to be killed???? so i had to let him know that i had him on my card and he would be ok

his friends told him and he ran over and he had me on HIS card, but for some reason when i looked at it, it was blank on both sides–and same when he looked at mine? but when i went back to my “class” we were reading the lyrics on the back of our cards and when it was my turn to read, the words had changed to a different verse? (i think what was on williams card became mine, and vice versa, or something)

and then i told the teacher id found the match to my card, but before she could say anything we heard yelling outside, and we looked out the windows and like 7 of the saplings that were in the big backyard of the school had sprouted, and everyone else in the class was yelling all excited bc apparently that meant that the boys had to fight to the death???? and i was like ultra panicking

so while everyone was distracted watching that i snuck out, like literally even out of the whole school to the town, and i went to this apartment where apparently some old lady and her granddaughter lived? i wasnt related to them but i think i was like in love w/the granddaughter or something, we were rly close

and the granddaughter was rly rly ill, a high fever and she was unconscious in bed, and the grandmother didnt have a thermometer or something, so she asked me to stay and watch the girl while she went to go buy one, but like IMMEDIATELY after the old lady left her phone started ringing, but only enough for me to hear it, bc if i tried to pick it up, it would immediately stop

but when i’d look on the phone screen where caller id was supposed to be, there were these cryptic messages on it? the first one said “answer me,” the second was “i know she’s gone,” and the third one was apparently directed at me bc it was “i know you’re there, _____” with my name in the blank, but no matter how many times i read my name i couldn’t. actually SEE it??

anyway i fucking freaked out and ran downstairs (i was on the 2nd floor) to the apartment office to ask them to help me, bc i knew who was calling/leaving the messages, but the lady in the office wouldnt help me even though i was in hysterics and sobbing at this point, but finally she agreed to keep an eye out and told me to go upstairs to keep watch on the girl in bed

but then when i left the office and started up the stairs someone called me,and i turned around to see, and it was the man who had left the messages, and he was trying to talk to me like we were friends, but he was so self-satisfied, and smug, and he started. bragging abt how he knew all this stuff abt the granddaughter and where the old lady went, and i was screaming at him to leave, and finally he was like “alright, but you better keep an eye on her up there” and started laughing maniacally

so i ran upstairs even more panicked and the apartment door was still closed and locked but when i went inside i immediately knew something was wrong, i could FEEL it, and i went into the girls room and she had been like brutally murdered, there was blood everywhere and i could hardly recognize her body, and i started screaming and crying but i somehow couldnt move to go to her, and the police suddenly showed up, and they made me leave and go back to the school but promised they wouldn’t let the guy do anything else

so i went back to the school and while i was walking back down the hall to my class i kept seeing notes FROM THE GUY with the same things he had said to me in the apartment, and then there was a note right outside the door of my classroom that said “oh, poor william, you’re far too late” and i ran inside and everyone was still at the window watching the fucking bloodbath of a game/battle outside and as i ran up to see they called for it to stop and all the boys who were still alive started going in all laughing and joking while the boys’ teachers started cleaning up the bodies and william’s was one of them

and i immediately felt super sick to my stomach and i started backing away to the door, and the other girls in my class looked at me rly pitifully, and the teacher wouldn’t make eye contact, and i had no idea why–but one of the girls i guess realized i didnt know what was supposed to happen next and finally she was like “didn’t he have the other part of your song? you have to die now, too”

but none of them made a move like they were going to stop me so i ran, and i was going back down the halls trying to squeeze past all the blood-covered boys who had won the “game,” and i could hear the voice of the man who’d killed that girl, and i knew he was the reason why william had died??? and he was taunting me, even though he wasn’t actually THERE, and i could still hear him even when i left the school and ran and hid in some little alley near the apartment place

he kept saying things like how he wasnt gonna let the ppl at school get rid of me like they were supposed to bc of their “rules” or w/e re: the index card/song thing, he was going to find me and do the same thing to me like he did w/the other girl, and he started going into detail about it and no matter how much i covered my ears or tried to yell over his voice i could still hear him???

i think eventually he found me, and he was abt to kill me, but then i finally woke up but. god. it was awful

#stardust.txt #long post

3 notes · View notes