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galactic-murmaider · 2 years

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Some Offdensen Headcanons/Fan Theories (or: “Sed cur pateris?”)

Some of these I might flesh out into a fanfic, but then I remember of right I have two psychologists I've been neglecting for too long because I started watching the series just to get some inspiration and now oops now I'm obsessed with this show again and found a different middle-aged man to simp over. So for now enjoy some of my rambling nonsense. Also bear in mind this all pre-movie release so it is inevitable some of this will be completely wrong albeit if I do get anything right, my PayPal is right open /j. So without further ado:

1. When he was born

Little known fun fact, we actually sort of know when he was born to the point where I went ahead added it to his fan wiki page. In the episode “Dethsources” (S2E14) we see a first place plaque for a fencing tournament dated 1985.

I bring this up because with college sports there is no age limit ,your eligibility to compete expires after four or five years of graduating high school (so undergrad and maybe the first year of grad school) although the rules vary slightly vary depending on which Division it’s in and there’s small exceptions such as being in the military (we’ll get to that). So assuming Charles graduated high school at the typical age, he was roughly around 18-24 at the time putting his birth year between 1962-1967 putting him in about his forties for most of the series’s run. And naturally Metalocalypse being Metalocalypse I hereby propose that he might’ve been born in 1966. And if you want to be extra metal, probably on either June 6th or April 30th. Especially since if you believe a certain fan theory he’d technically be the Metalocalypse universe’s equivalent of the Anti-Christ albeit fortunate that he went the Hellboy route…which leads me to:

2. His family

CW: Brief discussions of dubious/non-consent (at least in the context of classic mythology)

I’ve read a few good fan fics so I’m gonna try not to copy others I’ve read too much,but to get one thing out of the way: it’s a modest bet but I somewhat subscribe to the fan theory Salacia is his father. It’s not a perfect theory, but I reblogged a post a while ago that makes a pretty convincing argument as to why that might be the case so I recommend checking that out so I won’t bore you with the full details. Only other thing about my interpretation of the dad!Salacia theory I’ll add for now is that Salacia probably conceived Charles for a specific, nefarious purpose (think Ego from Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2); unaware that he’d grow up to become the Dead Man. I’d probably imagine he used a similar technique to him shapeshifting in Doomstar Requiem to lovebomb and hypnotize Murderface to set him up for betraying the rest of Dethklok in that he courted Charles’ mother using a specific persona (probably without the hypnosis since I don’t want to go full sexual assault here but then again his name is possibly word play on “salacious”) for reasons that don’t really have roots in “love” since as far we can tell he sees most humans as pawns to him even if he’d probably have to at least seen “something” in her. Although we at least know that he stuck around for a while rather than the abandonment being immediate. And even regardless on if you believe in the Salacia theory, there is some indication that Charles grew up with an absent father since he refers to him exclusively in the past tense and seems oddly wistful about the subject in S3E5’s “Fatherklok” (again know this isn’t a flawless theory since that scene could have several possible meanings). And hell speaking of that episode, it’d make sense from a narrative perspective since gods seducing mortals (including taking other forms to do so) is a common theme in various mythologies, especially since for all we know Ms. Offdensen may not have been the only one.

…but enough of that for now, I’d probably imagine he was primarily raised by a single mother or extended family after his father left the family. I have plans for the latter but I’m keeping my more fan fic-y ideas under wraps for now (as tempted as I am to infodump about his mom and Uncle Ned). All I will add is that the personality I gave his mother kind of depends on what version I’m going with. He probably might also come from a more lower-middle or working class background since I think it might strengthen his character arc if he didn’t come from anything, especially if he had to claw his way to where he was at the start of the series even if it requires blood along the way (because capitalism gonna capitalism). Also depending on the nature of what Salacia’s endgame is, he potentially has several half-siblings he has no idea exists. Although probably was raised alongside his cousins in the extended family version of his backstory, he has “oldest sibling” vibes to me.

3. What was he like growing up?

For the most part not super different, he kind of gives off serious “grew up rather fast” energy. That is to say seems quiet and nerdy in the surface, except he could kick your ass even back then as a few bullies learned the hard way (“have you ever been kicked down a roller slide?”). After all as established earlier, he seems to have grown up without a father which can lead to aggression and other behavior issues in some children as shown in some real life studies, but it was more the pent up kind where it’s bottled up and then explodes under specific circumstances. So he was slightly more aggressive than usual at first and for all we know the fencing lessons might’ve been a way to provide an outlet for that. Especially since he was caught at least once in elementary school, with his guidance counselor being borderline-terrified of the possibility of him being a “budding psychopath” and being not sure how to feel after he became Dethklok’s manager and thus the richest and most powerful man on Earth. Although by the time we get to high school, yeah he’s more or less similar to how he is as an adult.

He had a mostly okay relationship with his family, albeit in the present he isn’t as close either due to being constantly tied to his work and/or there’s not a lot of his family that are still alive. That and he’s specifically from Narragansett, Rhode Island which I partially chose because of the water connection and also the fact that they have these towers that look semi-“metal” if you ask me

That and he had a near-death experience at age eleven in which he almost drowned and had these strange visions of five figures with a blazing star but that’s not important….and speaking of death, I guess:

4. Does he have a military background?

As far as I know yes, albeit he doesn’t like to talk about it, it’s at least explain how he has so many skills from marksmanship to being able to maintain his own private in the form of some of the elite Klokateers ,as well as how he was able to blend in so well during the nine months he spent infiltrating Crozier’s army between seasons 2 and 3. Although the exact details I’m having a hard time figuring out (other than he probably didn’t have any encounters with the Tribunal at least no directly), mostly because the US military did have some military action in the 80’s and early 90’s but not by much, as well justify the how or why considering the college exemptions, although my best guess might be taking a cue from The Two Of Us Are Dying only without the outdated information and saying it might’ve been a college scholarship thing after something happened regarding the fencing one. There is at least the possibility that he might’ve gone to a military prep school since bare in mind contrary to pop culture believes, they’re not reform schools for juvenile delinquents and is as selective as any private school, I doubt he’d at least turn the scholarship opportunities and the sense of structure even if being in the armed forces may not be his preferred career path…that and also you get a sword and we all know Charlie likes swords.

Although this one might need the most polish albeit I did as much research on this subject as possible. I have also considered the possibility of somehow he was a Tribunal agent that went rogue ,but I’m not sure if that would make sense. Also because Metalocalypse is Metalocalypse, I at least dubbed the school the Napalm Death Academy, who’s motto is “Sed cur pateris”. Totally no red flags and is certainly not secretly part of the Tribunal’s conspiracy….I’m running out of transitions so here’s the part you’ve probably been waiting for:

5. How he met Dethklok (and the early years)

CW: suicide ideation

He didn’t find Dethklok, Dethklok found him so to speak. It would especially make since thematically since the Metalocalypse universe runs on fate and destiny, in particular of the “everything happens for a reason” variety so it was likely a chance encounter. Possibly during a dark chapter in his life particularly of the quarter life crisis variety, in a way Dethklok gave him purpose and a reason to keep going. And Doomstar Requiem revealed that Dethklok had a manager before him (and I don’t feel like just calling him “old manager” the whole time so let’s just go with the placeholder name Blake for now). I’d probably imagine that this manager was only slightly more competent than Dethklok themselves and was prone to making bad business decisions. And while I feel like I could write a whole ass fan fiction about this, I’ll at least set the scene for the cliffnotes version:

It’s around the early to mid 90’s, Charles’s post-college career didn’t exactly go as he planned since he found himself unsatisfied and unfulfilled with his job and general life direction (possibly toppled by personal tragedy such as death in the family) to potentially even suicidally depressed levels. The stars somehow align one evening so that he hears an up and coming act that catches his attention rather quickly, he’d been a secret metalhead for a while to escape the stresses of his job (a la Aggretsuko) but this band was something else, something much greater. Although interacting with them and their manager after the show was a much different experience, but he couldn’t help but take in one piece of information…that apparently they weren’t even being paid for the gig and clearly they deserve better than being “paid in exposure”, so he abandoned any plans he might’ve had on ending his own life. In other words: Dethklok being high key stupid saved his life!

As for Blake, didn’t really take his job too seriously in the first place that lead to Charles picking up the slack even before becoming their manager officially; especially after miraculously making enough to quit his shitty old job and commit to the band full time, which eventually escalated into a falling out (probably when Charles arranged the Crystal Mountain desk which Blake thought was him being a “sell out”) that caused him to quit and walk out on the band. It took at least two weeks for Dethklok to notice he was even gone, thinking he’d just gone out to get cigarettes.

I apologize for being confusingly vague with some of these, but trying to balance whether or not I should spoil potential fan fic ideas or not. But Y’know what I can’t spoil?

6. Sexual and Romantic Orientation

Originally in the misc. section but actually it went on for so long it was graduated to it’s own section

But I think he’s most likely somewhere on the aspec since he’s one of the few male characters that expresses no interest in romance or sex (the closest we get to anything hinting at his sexuality being “Goingdownklok” which even then “No comment” could have several potential meanings). Kind of doesn’t help that the Church of Black Klok consists solely of men as far as we can tell and the back of the Season 3 DVD/Blu-Ray has a quote from Ishnifus about that how “none shall birth no more” which seems to suggest that it’s a “vow of celibacy” type of religious order, although again the fact that Offdensen is prepared for such a thing could mean multiple different things. Along with some other subtle and not so subtle hints such as Skwisgaar is the only one he doesn’t pal in the Season 3 extra around with due to him sleeping with a few women, and in the deleted scene from “Dethsources” during the counterpart to Melmord’s montage (there’s even purple lighting) . But still I’m also open to the possibility that he’s gay or even that he’s into women but a thousand times classier than Dethklok; it’s just him being asexual is the one I put the most stock in. Hopefully the new movie might provide a representation win, but we’ll see.

Furthermore, we know canonically from the episode Fanklok that even in-universe there are people that want to sleep with him, which makes sense considering how much the world practically revolves around Dethklok guaranteeing high status in this world just by association and people find money and power sexy and he is (or was) canonically the richest and most powerful man on Earth; so indeed people do try to make advances on him but he politely turns them down at every opportunity. I’d also probably imagine at least a few times there have been awkward moments where Dethklok groupies have tried to get close to him (drunk or otherwise) which naturally made him just a smidge uncomfortable if very good at hiding it. So basically for that reason he added a clause to the “backstage audience” agreement that any sexual activity or advancement is restricted only to Dethklok and that attempts on employees or other associates is strictly off-limits. Especially had to since one such photo leak. He does reluctantly let the smutty fan art be sold at Klokakon though since the artists are paying vendor prices to solicit there.

6. Other Random Bull🎸

Aka I’ve covered the basics so the rest of these will be mostly lighter and not tied to anything particularly grand

Another popular one to add: He is the voice of Facebones. My main argument being while I can maybe see why that scene from “Murdering Outside the Box” could be a mistake, at the same time if you think about it logically you’d need the voice actor to do the raffle live as well as the fact that throughout the series it is very convenient that he has videos on short notice for such things as the drum machine to replace Pickles while he’s in rehab and the Dethkones (especially since he was weirdly fixated on that for most of the episode). Initially he only did it because they were still a humble ragtag production and for once it was Dethklok that was busy and he wasn’t. They did try to replace the voice for Facebones once, but it resulted in mass riots in the streets and a few acts of destruction so Offdensen resumed the role rather quickly and structured his schedule in a way that he can record in a way that doesn’t interfere with his other duties. Facebones is a tightly guarded industry secret since he is rather strict about not doing the voice outside of official business (a la Frank Oz) and often they have to take *ahem* “drastic measures” towards anybody who finds out but won’t sign the NDA. Also he keeps a steady supply of water and honey lemon tea because of this and the band doesn’t know why.

If he had an “ancient animal form” I’d imagine it probably be a wolf both because it’s a badass predator of course, but mainly because wolves are considered amongst the best fathers in the animal kingdom due to how super protective and attentive they are of their offspring. Although if Salacia’s bloodline is a factor maybe his true ancient spirit animal is some cosmic abomination that would cause you to claw your eyes out when you see it, who knows?

He secretly watched Dethklok (sans Toki for obvious reasons) throughout Doomstar at a distance both because he could sense that Ishnifus was gonna die and that his ascension to become his successor was upon him but also to attest that they were truly ready and just plain old’ being able to “function” without him. Although even though his suicidal thoughts had been at bay for about fifteen years, he would have sacrificed himself for the Prophecy if he was able to.

His leather jacket outfit is sort of symbolism of the most crucial parts of his relationship to Dethklok: how they first met (or at least the version in my head anyway), his triumphant return in Renovationklok, and finally his departure in Doomstar. Barring how he’s probably gonna come back one last time in the new movie.

He has a bedroom other than his office in Mordhaus, we’ve just never seen it properly since he likes his privacy, and is currently Abigail’s. He also owns a few other smaller properties for the rare moments he has time off from Dethklok (although even he rarely wants to necessarily spend time without them).

He isn’t against the idea of having children, but even ignoring the asexual/possibly aromantic idea (although of course that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, adoption exists even for single parents) he doesn’t think that it would really work out due to how chained to his work he is (possibly even speaks from experience being part of Gen X aka “the latchkey generation”), and he’s already a father figure to five grown-ass men so his found family is good enough for him.

The Church of Black Klok is a group of monks…that never said they were pacifists though, so I fully expect Charles to go full Alexander Anderson from Hellsing once he dies return!

So ummm that’s it, several days and getting sidetracked by vocational rehabilitation night classes later and I got most of my bases covered, although I might fix any mistakes I left and will maybe add more if requested via reblog. Special thanks to @cloudchaser2000 for suggesting that chef’s kiss title after I previewed the “Napalm Death” thing to them 😂 and otherwise being an awesome mutual.

#content warnings as it goes #Metalocalypse #dethklok #charles offdensen #charles foster offdensen #metalocalypse spoilers #church of black klok #comfort characters #comfort shows #headcanons

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