#preferably with a job to fall back on but. I'm not picky anymore

[mania-sama]

if you need me, dear, i'm the same as i was

Everywhere, Everything - Noah Kahan

➼ 01 - i wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat ❧ Information (Summary, Tags, Chapters) ❧ Next Chapter ❧ Word Count: 7,742 ❧ Cross-posted from Archive of Our Own

Iwaizumi Hajime stumbles into the shower at three-thirty in the morning, attempting to yank the vivid memory of his dream out of his brain by pulling vainly at his hair. He succeeds only in inducing a pounding headache. Perfect. This is exactly what he needs on arguably one of the most important days of his career. Dread pools in the pit of his stomach, and he steps out feeling worse than when he got in.

Unable to fall back asleep, he spends the next two hours doom-scrolling on Tiktok. He mostly gets stupid clips and gym videos, but that doesn’t come without its pitfalls. Every time he sees a girl and guy lifting weights together or playing around on the machines, Iwaizumi has the urge to throw up his dinner and sling his phone across the room.

The video where two best friends created a montage of their time spent traveling South America does make him curse out loud, sending him into a ten-minute spiral that he sincerely regrets.

The second the time hits six o’clock, he clicks his phone off with more force than necessary and dresses with equal parts aggression and perturbation. His fingers tremble, and his vision blur at the edges. 

He can still smell the airport, can still feel the throng of people moving around him with their suitcases rolling loudly on the ground. They all had a destination in mind: a place to be or a person to meet, setting out on a new adventure or returning home to their old comforts.

But not Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was losing everything.

He shakes his hands vigorously as if he’s somehow shedding away his dream. His job demands the utmost attention and patience from him. He can’t risk fraying his nerves on the shit going on in his own head. His team needs him at his functional best, all prevailing circumstances considered.

He meets the Men’s National Volleyball Team in their main dining hall, determined to keep them on a proper eating schedule to help with both their diets and his own. Nobody commented on his admittedly picky eating and slightly shorter temper, for a bundle of anxiety is circulating through the players themselves. After two days’ rest from participating in competitive games, they have the most important match to play against one of the strongest teams in this year’s Olympics:

Argentina.

The Japanese National Team is good. The whole world recognizes their player powerhouses, and their ability to strategize and adapt has helped them immensely in the games they’d already played. But they aren’t going against the weaker teams anymore. This is the Olympic gold game. Everything is on the line.¹

And somehow, they hadn’t been seeded against Argentina yet.²

It’s been by pure luck and happenstance. It’s not the first time it’s happened, and it likely won’t be the last. But still. It would’ve been nice to have played against them at least once before they had to fight for a shiny piece of metal. Their strategy is formed based solely on the games they’ve watched both in-person and on television instead of the lived experience of coming toe-to-toe with the unrelenting Argentinian players.

These facts are what the players are worried about, anyway. 

Iwaizumi Hajime is not a player.

No one on the team has mentioned it to him yet, and he prefers to keep it that way. They likely don’t remember that he and Oikawa Tooru, #13 of the Argentinian Men’s National Volleyball Team, played on the same team in high school. And even if they do, they certainly wouldn’t know that they were closer than just the ace and his setter.

Except for Kageyama and Hinata, maybe. But Kageyama is still far too awkward and anti-social to say something like that, nor does Iwaizumi believe he cares enough to antagonize him. As for Hinata, he’d mentioned playing beach volleyball with Oikawa a couple of times with a few unsubtle side glances at Iwaizumi. However, Hinata had never talked to him about it, and Iwaizumi had never pushed for him to do so. Iwaizumi thinks that if the opposite hitter wants to say something, he would’ve done it by now.

If God truly loves him, his team will stay both ignorant and away from him.

When Miya Atsumu sits down next to him, propping his chin on the heel of his head and staring at him with an unnervingly knowledgeable gaze, Iwaizumi knows that God has forsaken him.

“You ate fast. You’re going to give yourself a stomach ache,” Iwaizumi comments before Miya can say anything. Letting him take control of the conversation from the get-go is a quick way for Iwaizumi to lose his goddamn mind.

“No, you’re eating slow,” Miya points out. Iwaizumi pointedly takes a large bite from his banana, trying very hard not to bare his teeth crudely. “Got a headache?”

Iwaizumi spares him a mean side-eye. “I’m getting there. Is there something you need?”

“Yeah,” Miya says, smiling, and fuck, Iwaizumi just let him take the reins so easily, didn’t he? His attempts at politeness always seem to blow up in his face. “Any advice you can give me about Argentina’s number thirteen? Setter versus setter beef, you know. I need all the help I can get.”

Iwaizumi considers his answer carefully. “You spend enough time alone analyzing their games, plus however long the team spends reviewing together. There’s nothing I can tell you that you don’t already know.”

And he believes this. They probably know Oikawa Tooru better than Iwaizumi does at this point. They see him from an angle that Iwaizumi never could and never will. He doesn’t have anything to add to their observations.

“Uh-huh,” Miya muses. Iwaizumi would punch him in the jaw if he thought that was something he could get away with. “No weaknesses? Nothing? I mean, you knew the guy for what, eleven years? You’re saying there’s nothing you can add?”

Iwaizumi’s food tastes like ash on his tongue. “Fifteen years,” he corrects despite himself. “He’s probably changed a lot since high school. I don’t know anything special about him.”

His bitterness is impossible to mask. He wants to wrap his hands around Miya’s throat and strangle the daylights out of him, but that would be unprofessional.

“Damn,” Miya says. Damn indeed, Iwaizumi thinks, stabbing his egg yolk. “Are you excited to be on the same court as him again? I know you don’t exactly keep in contact, so it’s been a while.”

“Have you been prying into my personal life?”

“I didn’t!” He exclaims, waving his hands lightly. “I know a guy who knows a guy who knew you two in high school. The rest is everything you’ve already told us, I swear!”

Iwaizumi doesn’t mention that in order to get that information, Miya had to have personally asked for it in detail. He’s far too wired to get into a debate about logistics with Miya Atsumu of all people.

“Sure,” he dismisses, stuffing the rest of his now-bland food down his throat. He gets up to put away his tray, nodding to the rest of the team as he passes with Miya trailing behind him. “I don’t feel any particular way. We haven’t talked in, like, eight years. He’s just like any other player on the Argentina team.”

“Wow,” Miya breathes, wide-eyed and very clearly holding back a laugh. Iwaizumi escapes into the throng of athletes and staff before he does something that will get him both fired and arrested.

He meets with them again in the Japanese-designated exercise room after he’s splashed water on his face and cooled down. Iwaizumi knows that Miya was riling him up because he was on edge himself. Miya thrived off of provocation, so when they were all fraying from anxiety, he automatically latched onto the first thing that he thought would make him feel better. It doesn’t make what he did right or okay, but Iwaizumi understands the reasonings behind his actions.

Luckily, Iwaizumi has fifteen years of experience in dealing dickheads like Miya. 

Fifteen years he can never get back. Might as well make good use of them.

His veins pulse with excitement and unease, watching the players carefully to make sure they don’t accidentally injure themselves. Bokuto Koutarou tries his very best to kill himself on the elliptical every time he’s on it, so he keeps a special eye on him.

He spends most of his time with Sakusa Kiyoomi, though, and not the trouble-makers who give him a migraine. Sakusa knows the routine by now: careful calf stretches with resistance bands and weights, then ten minutes on the Stairmaster. They talk through the exercises, and the outside hitter, thankfully, does not mention any significant pain or weakness. Iwaizumi doesn’t question the silence; he would’ve been able to spot if his muscles started convulsing on their own or if Sakusa started to favor a leg.

At the end of their session, Sakusa wipes off his sweat with his towel and turns to Iwaizumi. “Sorry for what Miya said. He can be a bitch.”

Iwaizumi squints at him. “Don’t apologize on his behalf.”

“I know,” he shrugs, “but he’s always trying to start something, and he’s not going to apologize himself. Truth is, he’s kind of excited to see Oikawa-san. He’s admired him for pretty much his whole life, and now that they’re facing off for the first time since high school, he doesn’t know what to do with all his… feelings.”

Sakusa’s face scrunches up at that last word, and it almost makes Iwaizumi laugh. Then he remembers that he’s going through the same thing tenfold with no one to console but himself. He still talks with Hanamaki and Matsukawa, but it’s not the same when they aren’t there with him. Since Iwaizumi took this job for the national team, it’s been much harder to get together for drinks or simply be in their presence. Thus, all this excitement and “feelings”, as Sakusa puts it, have been left to be deciphered by his lonesome.

And he is certainly not going to Miya about his problems. Distant admiration and a close bond are two very, very different beasts. Most days, he’s not even sure Hanamaki and Matsukawa understand the depth of his old, broken unrequited love. He’s not sure anyone can.

“I get it,” is all Iwaizumi says.

The outside hitter eyes him up and down for a moment, his gaze burning and scrutinizing. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, then aborts it abruptly by turning away to join the rest of the team heading out of the gym. Iwaizumi hears them say something about reviewing matches, but he doesn’t join them. Instead, he spends his time meditating, watching an old episode of Kitchen Nightmares³, and trying — failing — not to think about airports, blocked numbers, or unsaid confessions.

Then he meets up with the team again, and the thirty-minute warm-up session is over quicker than he hoped it would be. They file into Team Japan’s entrance to the Olympic court.

Iwaizumi thinks he’s holding himself together well, all things considered. He doesn’t have a mental breakdown. His heart is beating at a normal rate. He doesn’t pace around the tight corridor. His thoughts are clearer than the jumbled, anxious mutters of the players.

A horn blows, the gates open, and a stream of light hits his fattened pupils. His world goes white and blurry as he walks behind the players with the coaches and staff. When his vision clears, all he can see is the white and dark blue jerseys of the opposing team.

He doesn't know how he manages it, but he finds Oikawa’s brown hair and stupidly long limbs and jersey number immediately. Oikawa isn’t looking his way. His head whips around to view the crowd cheering in their seats, finds the drones in the air and the volleyball net in the middle of the court, and Iwaizumi thinks that in the last eight years of radio silence, nothing has changed.

Oikawa is right in his element, with the world watching him stand in the middle of their flashing lights. He looks confident in the way he never could’ve been in Japan.

Some things have changed.

“I couldn’t be prouder to have you as a partner, and you’re the absolute best setter. Even if we end up on different teams, those facts will never change.”

Iwaizumi joins the rest of the staff on the sidelines, clasps his hands behind his back, and waits patiently for the national anthems to start playing.

His feelings aside, this is the Olympic gold medal game. He is happy to be here. And by God, they will come away with their necks decorated in gold. They’ve trained hard enough. He’s trained hard enough, with so many years of schooling, interning, and working tirelessly to improve his reputation and status in the world of sports medicine. He deserves this as much as the players on the court.

“But I’ll still give my all to defeat you.”

Except the one person who has given up everything — his family, his friends, his nationality — to chase his dreams. Maybe he deserves it a little more than everyone else.

Iwaizumi tears up at his country’s national anthem, swaying slightly back and forth as if he hasn’t gone through this ritual half a dozen times before in these past two weeks. He watches from his peripheral for Oikawa, who stands stock-still during both the Japanese and Argentinian songs. Not once does he catch Oikawa looking back for him.

It shouldn’t hurt after eight fucking years, but bile crawls up his throat anyway and his legs try to give out from under him.

Nobody mentions it. Miya and Sakusa give him a discerning look, but he ignores them hard enough for his silent message to get across. He will not talk about it, and he will not let it affect the game.

Oikawa serves first.

“Bring it on.”

His form is perfect, the same as when Iwaizumi has admired it time and time again from his phone, laptop, and apartment television. He’s seen Oikawa Tooru on the large projector screens during strategy debriefs, both learning from Oikawa’s strengths and breaking down his weaknesses. It was torture to see him everywhere at all times. Close enough to idolize, but never to breathe the same air, share a cup of coffee, or feel the sweat dripping off his body.

Their suns set at different times. Their days were out of alignment. Their lives moved on separate planes. They survived eight years without a single word confirming if they were dead or alive; if they were doing alright or suffering from addiction; if they were married or still searching for a place to call home; if Oikawa missed Iwaizumi as much as Iwaizumi missed him.

Now, here they are, on the same court so many years after graduating high school, and his heart still races with that old, painful adrenaline of watching Oikawa’s power rattle the morale of the opposing team.

Hinata Shouyou receives the bowl with some difficulty, and they are unable to get a spike off before the ball has to go over the net. Oikawa flicks his tongue over his lips. Iwaizumi’s heart sputters.

He shouldn’t be so satisfied to see his own team struggle to set a tempo against Oikawa.

At twenty-seven to twenty-five, Team Japan takes the first set of five.

The brief intermission between sets allows the respective teams to cool off and regroup in preparation for the second set. Iwaizumi hovers over the players as they drink from their water bottles and catch their breaths. He doesn’t need any of them dropping from exhaustion or dehydration, nor does he need impromptu cramps or asthma attacks.

Before he has a chance to ask, Sakusa tells him that he feels fine. Iwaizumi accepts the answer without argument — no muscle twitching, no favoring, and honestly, Sakusa appears less worn out than the other on-court players.

His mind warns him against it, but his head moves on its own accord. He spots Oikawa on the Argentinian bench, wiping sweat from his forehead and drinking from his bottle while talking to his teammate. He seems fine, too. Healthy. Happy. Not giving a damn about the person he knew for fifteen years across the net.

Oikawa rubs his chest, right over his heart, in a contained circular motion. Iwaizuimi twitches and the edges of his mouth involuntarily fall into a frown.

“Head in the game,” Miya says loudly, slapping him on the back with far more force than strictly necessary. Iwaizumi glares at him, and Miya returns it in kind with a cruel grin. “Got anything for us now?”

“Nothing you haven’t seen,” Iwaizumi says. People press their hands to their chests all the time. He knows Oikawa is fine. Iwaizumi needs to keep his eyes focused on his own team. “Feeling okay?”

“Better than ever,” the setter responds. “Let’s win this bitch.”

The team laughs and repeats similar phrases before setting out on the court for the start of the second set. Oikawa enters with a confident, fierce stride on the Argentinian side of the net. Miya rolls his eyes and sticks out his tongue rather childishly.

Argentina takes the second set, twenty-five to eighteen.

“Wow,” Iwaizumi echoes, not intending to be mean but succeeding in gaining a few glares nonetheless. “How’s everyone doing?”

Kageyama, who’d subbed in for Miya halfway through the set, answers first. “Like I need the gold medal in between my teeth.”

Iwaizumi stares at him, remembering the kid he was so long ago and the vitriol Oikawa harbored for him for being born with innate talent. They have both come so far to compete on the world stage, facing each other once again in a battle of control and mind games, serves and sets.

He can’t tell what either of them are thinking. Does Kageyama feel the need to prove himself as Oikawa had for the years that Iwaizumi had known him? What does Oikawa feel, now, on his bench with people Iwaizumi has never met?

Instinctively, he glances over at Oikawa, trying to gauge his reactions like he hadn’t been keeping one eye on him the entire match. His hand is gliding from the middle of his chest to his collarbone, then back again. He’s halfway draped onto the teammate closest to him, #6.

He doesn’t seem perturbed, but Iwaizumi reads Oikawa like they were still kids. Oikawa never settles for anything less than perfection. Iwaizumi sees it in the way his jaw tightens when he shakes the receive or his serve doesn’t land the pinpoint he wants it to. He sees it in the subtle side-eyes and glances at Japan’s #9 and #1 when he thinks no one is paying much attention.

And he knows that in fifteen years of being by his side, and in observing several years’ worth of recorded San Juan matches, Oikawa Tooru does not have a nervous habit of rubbing his chest. It’s always been below the hips where he slides his fingers back-and-forth, back-and-forth, creating a sandpaper-like sound that is honestly louder than it should be. It had annoyed Iwaizumi to death in their classes, since he usually sat behind Oikawa and therefore heard everything better than his peers. He had gained a habit of pinching Oikawa’s fingers together when he was physically able.

#13 of the Argentinian National Team sets down his water bottle and drops his hand to the side. The pads of his fingers start sliding, and Iwaizumi barely restrains himself from walking under the net and pinching him.

His other hand keeps working on his chest and collarbone, and one of his legs starts idly moving side-to-side.

“Hinata,” he calls, forcing himself to turn around and talk to his actual team. Oikawa Tooru should not, is not, his priority. That much is clear, for Iwaizumi has a wonderful career, players he cares about, and a match he really wants to win. “Let me see your arm.”

As his reply, Hinata coughs haggardly. He hasn’t been subbed once in the entire game yet. Iwaizumi figures he needs a little more time than the rest to catch his breath. Sticking his forearms out, Iwaizumi examines the spot where Hinata had received a strong spike at a backward angle; it elicited a pained reaction out of him, and Iwaizumi has to be sure it was nothing serious.

He pats Hinata’s elbow in approval. “You’re fine. Try receiving the ball like a normal person next time.”

The short man flashes him a grin and a thumbs-up before eagerly trodding off to consume what has to be a gallon of water. An objectively terrible idea to follow through with, but Iwaizumi fears he is far too late to correct that behavior.

Finding their #15 player, Iwaziumi gives Sakusa a hard once-over. Outwardly, he appears perfectly fine. They’d worked through all of the precautionary measures to prevent pain or injuries, but his cramps could strike at any moment regardless of how much effort was put in to stop them.

Sakusa catches his gaze and nods to him reassuringly. Iwaizumi warns the head coach, Hibarida Fuki, that Sakusa needs to be subbed out the moment Iwaizumi asks for him. The coach looks like he wants to argue, but Iwaizumi was born with a face that makes people listen to him if he glares at them hard enough. Hibarida acquiesces his demand without further complaint.

Sakusa works hard in the first few points of the match set, as if he knows, deep down, that this is the last he’ll play of the game. When Oikawa jumps for a set, his body piked in the air and muscles taut, Iwaizumi feels his gut twist with simple, innate intuition.

It catches the team off-guard when the setter dumps it instead of setting it off to either the outside or opposite hitter that had lined up to spike. Sakusa dives for the ball, missing it by the smallest centimeter from his pointer finger, and Iwaizumi calls for him to come in with only the smallest twinge of guilt.

The dump was amazing. The way Sakusa’s leg twitched on the ground for the smallest fraction of a second was decidedly not amazing, and neither was the way Oikawa stumbled when his feet hit the floor.

Sakusa sits close to Iwaizumi on the bench, his face contorted into something remarkable like a pout. “I feel fine,” he grumbles.

“You come from a family of doctors. I’ve worked with you for months. You know to trust me on this,” Iwaizumi says. “When your leg cramps, it’s better it happens here than sacrifice a play out there.”

The outside hitter rolls his eyes but says nothing. Iwaizumi is well aware of how frustrating it is for him to be forced from a game like this. He’d had his own bad days in high school volleyball, and he has no shortage of memories of dealing with Oikawa’s rages and breakdowns over his old knee injury.

Surgery does wonders, he reminisces. Due to the careful and precise timing that they had agonized over for quite some time, Oikawa didn’t even have to miss any of his high school matches from recovery and rehabilitation.

“I’m not playing collegiate. I can’t. I want to study sports medicine.”

“Why? Why is that so important to you when… If I promise to stay, will you play?”

“Nothing you do will get me to play again.”

He shakes his head and trains his eyes on the volleyball leaving Kageyama’s fingertips, only for it to be slammed to the ground by Bokuto. Impressively, the spike is received low by Argentina’s libero, and the game continues.

Iwaizumi is checking on Oikawa more often than he isn’t, he realizes about halfway through the set. Oikawa isn’t in the game at the moment, having been subbed out by another setter who is doing remarkably well. He doesn’t sit near his athletic trainer, so he obviously wasn’t pulled for a health concern.

Perhaps their trainer isn’t concerned, but Iwaizumi is done lying to himself. He is concerned, and it’s going to drive him to insanity before the game is over. There are all these little habits that Oikawa has never presented before. They couldn’t have developed overnight from his last match to this one. And then there is his breathing. The Argentina setter’s breathing is off-set — weirdly irregular in the rises and falls of his chest. Unless he’s having a panic attack, which Iwaizumi is quite certain he isn’t because Oikawa is showing none of his other overstimulated symptoms aside from his sliding fingers, then there is something physically wrong with Oikawa.

Or maybe Iwaizumi’s mind is simply looking for something to worry over. He’s never grown out of it. Of the twenty-seven years of his lived life, he has spent twenty-four of them concerned for Oikawa. He didn’t stop when they were deep in arguments about the future. He didn’t stop when they were thousands of miles apart, separated by an ocean and a twelve-hour time difference (and for two years, a four-hour difference and one long car ride away if need be). He certainly isn’t stopping now when Team Japan needs his watchful eye more than ever.

Besides, he thinks a little desperately. I’m too far away to see him clearly. It’s all a trick of the eye.

Argentina takes the third set at twenty-six to twenty-four. Oikawa set and served the last point, and Iwaizumi was well aware he had stared long enough for people to notice.

“Omi-kun,” Miya calls, making his way over to the benched player. “Here, water.”

Sakusa stands to meet him halfway, only to promptly collapse into Miya’s arms in an honestly skilled save. His fingers scrap at Miya’s elbows, and the panicked setter drags him back to the bench. Immediately, Iwaizumi gets to work stretching out Sakusa’s leg and rolling his calf muscles.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck .” Sakusa gasps intermittently. With Miya at his side and the crowd falling into a hushed silence at the display, the whole scene kind of looks like he’s giving birth, and Iwaizumi is the poor midwife. “I didn’t— I didn’t even feel it coming. Shit. ”

Iwaizumi glances up at Miya. God, he even looks like the worried father who’s wondering what more he can do to support his laboring wife. 

Sakusa shrugs Miya’s hand off his shoulder, hissing: “Quit touching me.”

The rest of the team piles onto Sakusa to give him their strength and condolences. Sakusa, for his part, seethes from their pity and the overstimulation they’re causing. Iwaizumi barks for them to leave. Someone must have flashed an okay sign to the audience because soon the dome is overtaken by a sudden, thundering applause.

From the other side of the court, the Argentinian team gets up from their kneeling position and claps politely. Sakusa gives them little acknowledgment, so Iwaizumi half-bows for him.

Oikawa pointedly stares at the floor, one hand pressing against his chest while the other rests limply at his side after he finishes clapping. His back is now turned, away from Iwaizumi, and he can see the hunched shoulders and the uneven pacing of his breathing. It’s not exhaustion. He knows exhaustion like the back of his eyelids and can compare his players’ fatigued panting to Oikawa’s struggle for air.

It’s not the same. It’s not the same.

If Oikawa has a problem, Iwaizumi reminds himself, he has his own athletic trainer to attend to him. He hasn’t needed Iwaziumi’s support for eight years; he certainly isn’t going to randomly start now.

Sakusa is the one who needs him, because Sakusa is his player, and his player is gripping the bench with white knuckles and an expression of pain and frustration. This is something Iwaizumi can help with. This is the job he has spent his entire adult life training for.

As with all things in life, sometimes what someone needs isn’t physical. Sometimes what they need is a distraction.

“Help me with something,” Iwaizumi says, succeeding in capturing Sakusa’s attention. “Akaashi’s in the stands somewhere. We need to find him before Bokuto loses his head.”

Even though some of the team members have never met Akaashi Keiji in person (which Iwaizumi has, since they attended the same university and remained friends after), they all know what he looks like based on the astonishing amount of pictures of him Bokuto shows them every week. Iwaizumi has been watching the players closely, as per his job description, and has taken note of the wild swiveling of Bokuto’s head whenever there is even the slightest attention break from the game. While seated, his near-erratic behavior worsens tenfold. Instead of supporting his team from the sidelines, his wide eyes roam the crowd fervently.

If he doesn’t spot Akaashi soon, Iwaizumi is one hundred percent sure they are going to have a very dramatic meltdown. Which would be both embarrassing for their home country and an extreme hindrance to the team’s functionality.

Sakusa grimaces, looking rather oddly at him before turning his head to the audience.

“You’re attentive,” he says after a brief hesitation. “I hate it.”

“You hate a lot of things,” Iwaizumi responds neutrally.

The distraction does work, though. The outside hitter settles down into his normal state of being: slightly disgusted and irritated with everyone around him, as opposed to being extremely disgusted and irritated with everyone around him. While they are going through a round of dynamic stretches in the middle of the fourth set, Sakusa stops dead in his tracks and stares intently at one spot in the stands. “Found him.”

Iwaizumi sighs in relief. “Finally.” From where he is on the sideline, Bokuto looks about five minutes away from a predicted, total meltdown. “When we’re done with this, tell him the good news. I need to get Komori off the court before he passes out.”

The libero in question runs a hand through his hair, no doubt coming away with an exorbitant amount of grime and sweat. “Too attentive,” Sakusa says again, this time with more forced agitation to mask the layer of distress in his tone.

Iwaizumi is pretty sure he knows what that’s about, too, but doesn’t say anything to spare Sakusa the embarrassment and probable heart attack. They don’t really need a player dropping like that, even if said player is already sidelined.

He manages to get Komori off the court without incident, and the ruckus Bokuto makes after Sakusa points out Akaashi to him is far better than the other outcome should they have failed in their mission to locate Bokuto’s favorite human being.

His gaze slides back onto the court, finding Oikawa’s body immediately. He hates his heart. It twists in his chest with longing and unsubstantiated concern. The near-decade they’ve spent apart means nothing to his pulsing organ, as though it thinks he’s a child again and walking to Oikawa’s house to beat his ass at Mortal Kombat.

Although, the clogging in his throat reminds him more of when he rode the subway back from the hospital after his best friend’s knee gave out, or when he started prodding Oikawa to eat every day because teenage athletes are the most prone to eating disorders and Iwaizumi hadn’t seen him eat lunch once in the past week.

Twenty-five to twenty-three. Japan wins the fourth set.

The fifth set will determine it all, and it won’t be easy. His players look ready to drop. They’ve pushed themselves harder than they have this entire Olympic tournament. However, their morale and adrenaline are through the roof. If they can keep their spirits up through the next fifteen required points, they can win.

The last set starts, and despite everything — the trepidation making it hard to breathe, his whirling thoughts, the desperation to convince himself that he is hallucinating symptoms — Oikawa Tooru is still the best goddamn setter he’s ever seen.

Now that Sakusa has nothing better to do with the anxiety and pressure of the last set that will determine the winner, he speaks to Iwaizumi. “What is it?”

“What is what?” Iwaizumi asks somewhat absently, intently focused on the game in front of him. He never stopped loving volleyball despite the change in the profession. A part of him still wants to run out and hit the ball with every last bit of his strength.

Argentina calls a time-out to stifle the flow of the game. Oikawa sways, but they don’t take him off the court. They need him.

Sakusa grunts. “Don’t play dumb. You’ve been staring at Oikawa-san this entire game. What’s wrong?”

Iwaizumi has half a mind to bite back with “ Why do you care?”, but doesn’t because that would be unprofessional. He knows Sakusa is restless, agitated, and worst of all, starting to perceive Iwaizumi as a threat to his personal security. According to him, Iwaizumi is too attentive, which means that he can reveal the secrets Sakusa wants to keep buried.

He isn’t that type of person. He hasn’t gone out of his way to find out anything about his players that doesn’t specifically pertain to their medical records, and even if he does find out the things Sakusa doesn’t want him to know, Iwaizumi wouldn’t spill it to the world. It isn’t his story to tell.

So, he answers with a little honesty no matter the insensitivity of the question, because that is the only way to make Sakusa cool down — to make him think that he’s gotten Iwaizumi to crack. “I keep thinking there’s something wrong with him. Medically, I mean. I’m sure it’s nothing. His trainer would’ve spoken to him by now if there was a problem.”

I’m sure it’s the eight years where I never got to check up on him coming back to haunt me, he doesn’t say. That’s a little more honesty than Sakusa deserves.

The game continues. Fourteen to fourteen. They are down to the last wire.

“Bullshit,” Sakusa says, surprising Iwaizumi. “How long did you say you knew him?”

He’s certain that Miya has already told him, but he responds anyway.⁴ “Fifteen years.”

“Iwaizumi-sensei⁵, you’ve been with this team for a couple of months and you already know each of us like the back of your hand. I’ve never met someone as hypervigilant as you. You know I’m going to cramp before I know I’m going to cramp,” he says. “You’re really doubting yourself about someone you’ve spent half your life with?”

Iwaizumi looks at the player, who’s giving him an open expression that conveys, plainly, you’re being an idiot.

Fifteen to fourteen.

Sakusa rolls his eyes at Iwaizumi’s dumbfounded face. “Trust your instincts, because from what I’ve seen, they’ve never led you astray. Hell, I’d let you perform open heart surgery on me, and you’re not even a surgeon.”

He’s pretty sure that’s the nicest thing Sakusa has said in his life. Ever.

Iwaizumi swivels back to Oikawa. He’s jumping in the air to set the ball for a spike, or a dump, or something that will bring his team to victory. Looking down, Iwaizumi finds his ankles swollen beyond normal. 

Open heart surgery.

“Holy shit,” Iwaizumi whispers, all of the air leaving his lungs.

Sixteen to fourteen. Team Argentina wins Olympic gold.

He’s on the court before Sakusa is. He’s across the net before Argentina can celebrate their victory. He’s grabbing Oikawa’s shoulders tightly before anybody else can get to him. Iwaizumi stares into his estranged best friend’s glassy, confused, uncomprehending eyes. 

He’s shaking Tooru’s shoulders, desperate as he yells: “You are having a heart attack!”

Tooru’s voice is strangled and hoarse between his gasping breaths in mangled Spanish Iwaizumi doesn’t understand. Not a second later his dilated pupils, distorted from his eye contacts, roll back to expose solid white sclera and red veins. He keels over, limp, and Iwaizumi starts screaming for a stretcher and an ambulance. Laying him on the ground, he puts his palms over Tooru’s chest to start compressions.

And suddenly, Hajime is fifteen again, hovering over Tooru as he sobs on the boards of the gym they use to practice volleyball during the off-season. “It hurts,” he’s crying, clutching his knee. “It hurts!” Hajime doesn’t know what to do aside from calling one-one-nine. He tells the operator their location and the details of their situation while he lets Tooru claw his forearm into welts, knowing that whatever pain Iwaizumi feels is being felt a thousandfold by his best friend.

And Hajime is fifteen and three-quarters, learning emergency CPR for his new part-time job as a lifeguard. He thinks that it could come in useful. He thinks that saving people isn’t a job he would mind.

And Hajime is sixteen, watching Tooru recover from his surgery, and he realizes he will never play professional volleyball. He wants to help people like Tooru forever — people who want to dedicate their whole life to a sport but have a body that strives to prevent their goal every step of the way. He can’t do that as a player on the court.

And Hajime is seventeen, trying to convince Tooru to eat a sandwich even though he is adamantly insisting he isn’t hungry. He discovers sports medicine isn’t just about the physical ills and pains. To be a good athletic trainer, he has to see every aspect of a player’s well-being, and that includes their mental health.

And Hajime is eighteen, standing alone in the airport and experiencing loss for the first time. In order for Oikawa to grow as an athlete, he has to cut away the weed strangling his roots. Hajime lets him without complaint. This is part of his new career, after all; if he helps athletes succeed, they would all, one day, leave his medical care.

And Hajime is twenty-seven, losing his best friend for a second time at the end of the first set of chest compressions. At least three ribs have cracked under his pace and pressure. He pinches Tooru’s nose, pries his jaw open, and breathes air into his lungs twice. His ring and pinky finger automatically find his pulse point.

Nothing.

Seeing that no medical equipment has arrived, he starts the second set of chest compressions. Oikawa’s bones creak and give way under his desperation. He knows CPR like the back of his hand; if the ribs are breaking, that means it’s working. It doesn’t get rid of the panic and pain at the thought of how much damage he’s doing to Oikawa’s body.

The paramedics are a second too late with their LUCAS device at the end of the last compression. He dives down for another round of mouth-to-mouth, recognizing, faintly yet viscerally at the same time, that Oikawa’s soft skin is pale and rapidly cooling.

At the junction between his neck and jaw, Iwaizumi searches for a heartbeat.

Breathe. Nothing.

Breathe. Nothing.

Then, the faint brush of life against Iwaizumi’s fingertips.

He helps the paramedics load Oikawa onto the stretcher. They roll him away from the court, leaving behind Iwaizumi in a daze. That wasn’t how he wanted to meet Oikawa again. That wasn’t how he wanted to talk to him, feel him, or see him; wasn’t how he’d wanted to have Oikawa’s lips on his like he’d dreamt about so many times in his teenage years and again, occasionally, in his adult life when he’s had too much to drink. 

The head coach of the Argentina team, Jose Blanco, Oikawa’s long-term idol, steps in front of him. “English?” He asks in said language, and Iwaizumi nods automatically. Blanco etches a small smile onto his face. “Thank you for your help. You saved his life.”

Iwaizumi stares at Blanco, all of the English he’s ever learned and spoken suddenly fleeing from his memory. How does he say that they aren’t out of the woods yet, that Oikawa’s heart could still fail at any moment and refuse to start beating again? How does he say that this may be the problem that finally kills the life Oikawa has sacrificed everything for? How does he say that he honestly fears the day that Oikawa can’t play volleyball anymore because he’s an absolute fucking maniac and would rather take his own life than let the universe sweep the rug out from under him?

How does he say that he’s currently living in a reality that is dancing too close to his worst nightmare?

“It was no problem,” he settles for.

“You are Iwa-chan, yes?”

Iwaizumi freezes. He hasn’t heard that nickname in nearly a decade. His high school friends never called him that unless they were teasing him, which faded a week or so after Oikawa left because while he was never the first to bring Oikawa up, he was always the first to cut the topic short. Takeru grew out of it in a couple of months. Nobody else in the right, sane mind would ever call the stoic, mean-looking, and too-attentive Iwaziumi Hajime Iwa-chan.

Except, of course, Oikawa Tooru, who always had a deep and utter hatred for giving his peers a modicum of respect.

It’s somewhat funny hearing the name come from a large Argentinian who lacks both the lightness in which Oikawa would say it and a Japanese accent to make the honorific sound natural. He almost laughs. He thinks that it must make Oikawa laugh, too.

Having rehearsed it in the mirror a thousand times and put it to real use a dozen more, his English introduction rolls off his tongue easily. “Iwaizumi Hajime, athletic trainer for the Japan National Team.” He sticks out his hand, which the head coach uses to bring him into a tight hug. And he doesn’t want to ask when they pull apart, because Blanco is chuckling lightly and he no doubt wants to celebrate his victory, but the words are tumbling out of his mouth anyway. “He… calls me that?”

“Oh, kid—” Iwaizumi is twenty-seven years old “—he never stops talking about you. Last night was horrible. He went on and on. I thought you were, uh, a woman. Guess not.”

Oh. Oh, God.

He doesn’t have time to process… everything since Blanco starts waving over his team. Iwaizumi tries to escape, but they all grab onto his hands or his shoulders or pat him on the back. He’s hearing a lot of Spanish and English, with the occasional horrifically pronounced Japanese word passing through their mouths. He gets the jist of it, though, as the captain of the team presses an object into his right palm.

Tómas Gallo pulls him in and presses a kiss into both of his cheeks. “Thank you, Iwa-chan. He would be honored if you took the gold medal in his place.”

Overwhelmed, he pushes away and returns to his team, who are huddled on the other side of the net. The world starts coming back to him in fractured pieces. He eyes the audience, who seem to all have their gazes trained on him.

It doesn’t really occur to him that he’s just saved the world’s best setter (not just by Iwaizumi’s standards. Not anymore. The whole world recognizes now what he’s sensed since they were seven years old on the city’s little league team). In the heat of the moment, and even still, with the lingering feeling of Oikawa’s bones creaking and snapping under his palms, of his still heartbeat and rolled-back eyes repeating in his after-vision, it’d only been him saving his best friend, just like he always has.

He looks down at his hand, finally registering that he’s holding something. Slowly unraveling his fingers, he stares down at the small keychain. It’s a miniature Japanese flag with Iwaizumi’s faded signature scribbled over it in black Sharpie ink. He’d slipped it unknowingly into Oikawa’s backpack just before he’d disappeared to the security checkpoint, leaving his entire childhood behind.

After several attempts to message him a day later asking about the flight, he had found out his phone number was blocked. He couldn’t view any of Oikawa’s social accounts when he had checked. When he had gone to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, they had shrugged and said they didn’t know anything, either.

Iwaizumi lets himself drop the keychain into his pocket. Setting his shoulders and calming his expression, he rejoins the team with an apologetic wave.

He thinks that he’s holding himself together well, all things considered. His heart isn’t failing. He doesn’t pace around the large gymnasium. His face is emotionless when everyone else seems to be looking at him with worry. His knees are pressing against the court boards. His fingernails are digging into his skin. Someone is wrapping their arms around his shoulders.

He breaks down on live television.

—

Tómas Gallo hands him Oikawa Tooru’s gold medal in a quiet hallway after the adornment ceremony.

On a count of three, Iwaizumi bites the gold medal with the captain of the Argentinian Men’s National Volleyball Team. His tongue accidentally scrapes the edge of the medallion. The cold metal tastes indistinguishable from blood.

It checks out, really. Iwaizumi has always believed that Oikawa's veins pulse with ichor. 

Gallo’s hand comes to squeeze Iwaizumi’s shoulder. He says: “Tooru says he could not have made it without you. We thank you for letting us have him.”

Iwaizumi doesn’t tell him that before he became Iwaizumi Hajime, twenty-seven years old and well-known among the most important people in the world of sports medicine, he was first and foremost Iwaizumi Hajime, three years old and playing in the sandbox when a boy wearing an alien-themed shirt dumped squirming worms all over him. He doesn’t remember it, exactly, since he was three and hadn’t developed that part of his brain yet, but his mother told him that he had tried his best to beat Oikawa to death with a plastic shovel.

He doesn’t tell Gallo that he could never have made it, either, if it hadn’t been for that little asshole and his handful of dirt-covered earthworms. Oikawa had stolen a piece of soul and shaped his future that day with his grubby hands, insufferable personality, and heart of pure gold.

Gallo doesn’t say anything more when the athletic trainer chokes down a sob.

—

“Oikawa-san is recovering from emergency surgery, Iwaizumi-sensei. He’s in good hands,” someone tells him. Their voice disintegrates like sand falling between his fingertips.

Iwaizumi breathes.

¹ In the real 2020 Tokyo Olympics, Argentina won bronze and Japan came in seventh. However, the real Argentina did not have THE Oikawa Tooru, and the real Japan didn’t have… everyone. Clearly, this is not the real Olympics. I will take my creative liberties where I can get them.

² Here, you can start to see my complete and utter lack of knowledge about volleyball. And the Olympics.

³ His roommate at UC-Irvine put him on Kitchen Nightmares and he hasn’t been the same since.

⁴ They will never admit it, partly because they think they are subtle, but everyone knows that Atsumu and Sakusa gossip with each other like the main characters of Mean Girls.

⁵ —Sensei, because that seemed like the most accurate honorific to use in relation to his job as a medical professional but not a medical doctor. If you believe this to be horrifically inaccurate, let me know and I’ll change it. I am obviously not Japanese. Usually I don’t even use honorifics in fics, but I decided to this time so I could empasize Iwa-chan.

[kirieshhhka003]

Diavolo anon is back with my bullshit train of stupid requests msksksmks (if i'm annoying just say it oki? :""3) anyway... May I ask for Diavolo's NSFW alphabet? I'm very curious over several letters,,, 👀 👉👈

I knew that you’ll request me this someday🤩. Thank you for your request, my precious Diavolo anon💚

Note: in all NSFW alphabets I describe how this character acts during sex with different partners, NOT with someone they love

Warnings: NSFW

Diavolo NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Well, partners won’t get anything after sex with this man. Diavolo loves to take relaxing baths with foam, lit aroma candles and while having a goblet of red vine and enjoying the view from his window

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He doesn’t have any specific preferences, he just demands all his partners to be slim and have a pretty and cute face. On himself he loves his arms and tattoos on them, and his dick🙂

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He doesn’t care where to cum, he had a vazektomija operation, so he can fuck without worrying about accidentally impregnating any girl. Really doesn’t bother about it and never thinks about it

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Couple of times, when Doppio had control over their body, Diavolo had called and dirty talked to him. It was something like phone sex, Dia was commanding Doppio where he needs to touch, rub and stroke. A poor boy was so excited and ashamed of this kind of attention from his bossu, he hardly kept his consciousness

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Diavolo’s about 33 yo, he has a daughter so I guess he knows what to do🤷‍♀️

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

His favorite positions are all kinds of missionary, doggystyle and cowgirl, nothing too weird. Mostly, all positions where he can reach to partner’s neck and choke them

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

No, no, and no. He’s always serious and sex is not an exeption. If partners act goofy or joke around during sex, they get their punishment immediately

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Diavolo doesn’t care much about it but he doesn’t let it grow too long either. There’s always a short carpet down there and it’s brown color(though in anime he was born with his hair pink, but I hc that Diavolo dyes his hair)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

No love, no tenderness, no feelings. Diavolo doesn’t care about partner’s pleasure. He uses sex as something to take his head off the work and blow off steam

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Yeah, he jacks off, but not often. He mostly does it when hornieness hits him hard and he needs cum right here and right now. But mostly he just orders some prostitutes and has some fun with them

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dirty talk, facefucking, degrading, hair pulling, face/ass slapping, dick choking, breath play, sadism. Diavolo loves to make his partners cry during sex, especially from pain

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Isn’t picky with location but prefers it to be comfortable, so bed or sofa are the best places for him

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Mostly, negative emotions. When he gets pissed or annoyed or someone in mafia fucked up, he tends to burst his emotions/feelings on his partners

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Going down on his partner and kissing them, he’s disgusted even by a thought about it

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Diavolo loves rough sex and face fucking and dick choking are his biggest kinks, so he always up to get a nice blow job. As I said earlier, he’d never go down on his partner. NEVER

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on his mood but mostly he goes fast and rough. I mean, he’s always rough but his thrusts may be slow and deep or just very fast

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t like them and sees no sense in them. He loves to take his time and to enjoy himself, quickies only make him desperate for sex even more

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

NO. We all know Diavolo, he’s very cautious and carefull when it comes to his personality, he doesn’t leave any evidences or hints. So no, never

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Diavolo goes for 2, sometimes 3 rounds(he’s not that young, y’know), each of them lasts for 15-20 minutes. During the last round Diavolo gets more aggressive and his pace becomes faster and rougher

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Hell no, he’s too old for shit like this. Maybe handcuffs, collar or gag but nothing more than this

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Diavolo doesn’t tease and hates when partners do that either. If they do, they’ll get punishment, he can even break a couple of their bones to teach them a lesson

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Isn’t very vocal, the only thing that partner can hear from Diavolo during sex are quiet groans and swearings addressed to them

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Diavolo kills all his partners afterwards. He had some fun and reached his orgasm, their work here is done. They don’t know his name, his age, anything about him, but they don’t need to be alive anymore

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His size is average, 6 inches when fully hard, very veiny, without curve, more on a thicker side. Head is slightly bigger and darker

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Well, his sex drive is normal. Diavolo controls his libido and doesn’t has a boner just because a sexy girl walked by wearing a mini skirt. He knows how to keep his dick in his pants

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Well, Diavolo can sleep after sex but as I said in “W” he’s busy with killing his (now ex) partner. After the “work” is done he loves to lay in the bed for 10-20 minutes and then take a shower or bath to relax and wash off all the sweat and sperm from his body

Masterlist | Smut Masterlist

[castielific]

Title: Fancy and the tramp

Story status: Complete, 8 chapters

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Dean/Castiel, Alternate Universe, Fake boyfriends, pretend relationship, homeless!Dean, rich!Cas, family, angst with a happy ending, temporary breakup, getting back together, coming out, past!homophobia, self esteem issues, Dean Winchester has a sexuality crisis, first time, homelessness, bed sharing, pining

Sex tags: anal sex, switching, bottom!Cas, bottom!Dean, first time, frottage, marking, blowjob, fingering, barebacking

Special warning: Contrary to what the title may presage, there are no spaghettis in this story. 

Summary: 

"Okay, let's be clear on one thing from the start. This is not a lifetime movie and I'm straight, so no falling in love, get it?"

"I get it, Dean," Castiel nods.

Well, that's it then, apparently Dean is going to a fancy engagement party with his new fake boyfriend. What a weird day. 

Link to AO3

Chapter 1 under the cut:

************

"Come on Ricky, you owe me that money!" Dean says on his phone, taking a step forward when the line of the coffee shop shortens. 

"I don't owe you shit, Dean. You still owe me the last three months of your rent," his ex landlord says on the phone.

"And I'll pay you, you know I will. But to get the money, I need a job, and to get that job I need some new clothes and-"

"Yeah yeah, I know the deal. You think no one has told me that one before? No bueno, man, I'm keeping your deposit," Ricky grumbles. 

Dean groans in frustration. "Come on, all I need is fifty dollars so I can buy a pair of pants without any holes in it. You give me fifty, I get the job and I pay you back, how does that sound?" he tries to negotiate. 

"Like a fucking lie," Ricky spits just before hanging up.

"No Ric-fuck!" 

The woman in front of him in line sends him a dark look. Dean rolls his eyes at her. Like she hasn't heard worse before. 

Ricky was his last shot. It was a long one, he really does owe that bastard some serious money. Guess he can kiss the job interview at two goodbye. It's some kind of assistant job. It sounds easy enough, buying coffee and picking dry cleaning and stuff. It was still a long shot anyway. Dean's only real job experience is being a bagger boy when he was seventeen and it lasted about two months before his dad decided to move them further east. 

So far, he'd always managed to get by doing repairs or cleaning at gas stops and motels. The older he gets and the harder it gets to find that kind of random job. People are more willing to give a few bucks in exchange for manual tasks to a kid than they are to a nearly thirty years old guy. Now they just tell him to fuck off. 

And since it's always been casual and off the book, the only official work experience he has is the bagger thing. He doesn't even have a high school diploma because he dropped out long before that. Not exactly a stellar resume. Which explains why he hasn't found work in eight month and is currently living in his car. Thank God he has Baby. 

He had been too ambitious thinking he could get his own place. It could only pay rent for about five months before he went broke. He's never had a home before, and had no idea that having an apartment cost so much. In motels, you don't exactly have to pay for water or heat or utilities. There was a bunch of stuff he hadn't planned for that ate up the last of his meagre savings. Ricky threw him out after three months when Dean couldn't scrape up enough money to pay rent anymore, putting a violent stop to Dean's pipe dream of living a normal life. He hoped it would be simpler to get a job if he had an actual address, had even thought about scrapping up enough to maybe get his GED. He's not sure what he's going to do now. 

He's always wanted to be a mechanic. If his dad ever taught him anything, it was how to take care of the Impala. John taught him all the basics and Dean got the knack of it. As a teen, he spent days reading car magazines and working on the Impala, trying to learn as much as he could about how cars worked and how to repair the different parts. He knows enough by now that he could easily work in a garage, but he's got no diploma, and hasn't found anyone willing to hire him on faith alone. 

The line of the coffee shop shortens again, the barista asking her order to the goody-two-shoes in front of him. Dean looks regretfully at the display of sandwiches. He searches his pockets and only comes up with three dollars. Of course, the cheapest piece of food cost four dollars. Dean sighs. Guess just a coffee will have to do today. 

He won't have another choice but to go to the soup kitchen tonight. He hates it there. The food is crap and he wants to punch the prancy people serving it. They always try to give him some Jesus bullshit with his food, like Jesus is ever gonna put a roof over his head and find him a decent job. Neither Jesus nor God nor whatever gives a crap about him. Not that he blames them. Hell, if they exist they're probably not big fans of the guy that used to slip into church as a kid to pick the lock of the donation box

"Just an americano, please," Dean says regretfully when the barista asks for his order. At least it will keep him warm and fill his stomach for a short while.

Halloween just went by and the weather is becoming really cold. He should use the last of Baby's tank to go as far south as he can before winter really hits. He probably won't get farther than Wichita though, and the thought makes him shiver. No one wants to get stuck for a winter in Wichita. Maybe he could go and see if he can make a few bucks at the nearest motel, that kind of place always needs a handyman's help. He hasn't tried the one on Corn Street yet. He's noticed only two lights are still working on their sign, he could offer to help with that. If he makes fifty bucks, he might be able to reach Austin. 

Dean stops on the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop, pondering if he should walk to the bar a few streets down or the motel. Sometimes Benny, the owner of the bar, lets him use the sink in the back to wash up. If he's lucky, he'll even get some leftovers from last night. It's generally just some stale pretzels, cold fries on good days, but it's still better than nothing. He's got two cans of beans and a car with an near empty tank to his name right now, so he's not picky. 

Dean takes a look at his watch. It's eleven thirty already, the leftovers are probably already in the trash at Benny's. The motel is probably his best bet. 

"I'll give you a hundred dollars if you pretend to be my boyfriend." comes a hoarse voice, way too close to his ear. 

Dean jumps, nearly spilling his coffee on himself. He spins to the right to face the man who just talked and is met with a pair of clear blue eyes. Way too close again. He waits a second for the man to take a step back as he realises as close Dean turning brought them, but the guy just continues to stare at him, head slightly tilted to the side. He's wearing an oversized trench coat over a dark blue suit that looks expensive. He's so close a gust of wind makes the bottom of his coat brushes Dean's shin. 

"Dude, personal space," Dean reproaches, taking a step back. "And fuck off, I don't swing that way," he adds, not meanly. It's not the first time he's getting hit on by a dude. Sadly, not even the weirdest. He's strictly into chicks though, so no dice.

"Two hundred bucks," the man insists. He looks ready to fall on his knees and beg, eyes going wider and wider as he throws a panicked look to the right of Dean's shoulder. "It won't take more than ten minutes and all you have to do is nod along," he begs, making Dean wonders if he's in danger somehow. Maybe he has a stalker or an abusive ex? 

Dean follows his eyes to a woman coming closer. She's very elegant in a grey pantsuit and a long white fur coat as she walks straight toward them. He can feel her eyes judging him even from thirty feet away, looking at him from head to toes. If he wasn't already self-aware of the number of holes in his jeans, he would definitely be under that gaze. 

"Five hundred dollars," the other man whispers just as the blond woman reaches them. 

"Castiel, dear, you should have told me we would have company, I would have notified the restaurant," the woman says, sending a clearly disapproving look toward Dean as she deposits a kiss on the other man's - (Castiel, apparently, what kind of name is that??) - cheek. 

"Mother, let me introduce you to my boyfriend," Castiel says, looking ill at ease. He's obviously not a very good liar. 

Dean blinks a few times as their attention turns toward him. Castiel seems to be trying to communicate something with his eyes, and Dean frowns in incomprehension for a moment before he gets the hint. 

"Huh. Dean. Winchester," he finally says. "Ma'am," he adds when she just continues to stare at him like he has grease smeared all over his face. He's pretty sure that she wouldn't want to touch his hand if he were to offer it to shake, so he doesn't. 

"Naomi Novak," she introduces herself. "What a delight to finally meet Castiel's new companion," Naomi says, her deadpan tone contradicting her words. "Of course, I would have preferred not to be ambushed by such an announcement. Castiel, you know, that Le Délice hates it when we change our reservation last minute. Who knows if they will even have a table for three," she declares, already composing a number on her phone. 

"It's okay, mother, Dean won't be joining us for lunch."

"Oh, is it because your attire isn't appropriate?" Castiel's mother asks, looking at the holes in Dean's jeans and the big leather jacket that used to be his dad's. "I assure you they won't say a word about it if you're with us," she reassures. 

Dean squirms a little, wondering what the hell is even happening. Ten minutes ago he was buying a coffee and going at his day like a perfectly normal person (well, albeit a homeless and jobless one). Now, his fashion sense is being criticized by the mother of a man who is pretending to be his boyfriend. Did a piano fall on his head or something? Has he finally lost his mind?

He looks to the man beside him. He's scratching the side of his neck in nervousness. The move makes his coat fall a little over his wrist, revealing a freaking Rolex watch. Dean looks back to the woman, eyes sliding on her diamond earrings and the huge rock around her neck. 

You know what? That's not okay. His stomach has been crying for food since last morning, and he's what? Supposed to help this stranger by saying no to free lunch at one of the most prestigious restaurants in town? Fuck no. He's gonna eat like a king and make a few hundred bucks off the back of those rich assholes. 

"In that case, it would be my pleasure to join you," Dean announces with his most charming smile. 

"What?" Castiel can't help but bark. "But y-your work thing?" he tries, sweating. The round panic eyes are back. Dean sends him his best shit eating grin. They both know he now either has to invite this stranger to lunch or reveal the lie to his mother. The guy is trapped and may as well continue to play along.

"It's not as important as a chance to finally get to know your mother, honey," Dean answers. "He's told me so many nice things about you, Naomi. Can I call you Naomi?"

"Of course, dear," Naomi says. She looks a little wide eyed too, probably thrown by Dean turning on the charm to the max.

"Perfect! We shall go now, we don't want to miss your reservation. I do hope it won't be too much of a bother for them to add a chair to your table," Dean says. He should probably tone it down with the pompous tone, because he nearly added an English accent here. 

Naomi leads the way, and Dean is going to follow when a hand grabbing his arm makes him fall a few steps behind. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Castiel hisses.

"Acting as your boyfriend?" Dean says innocently. By Castiel's glare, he's not fooled. 

"I asked you to nod silently for ten minutes, not to do method acting for a whole meal," he reproaches. Naomi sends a look behind her shoulder and Castiel smiles at her like there is no worries, indicating for her to lead the way, 

Dean shrugs. "I had some free time."

"I'm not giving you more money than planned, if that's your goal," Castiel says with a suspicious squint. 

"I'm fine with the five hundred as long as you're also paying for lunch," Dean says, wiggling his eyebrows as they walk toward the restaurant. Something passes on Castiel's face that Dean can't quite identify. The other man stares at him for so long that it's a wonder he doesn't trip. He finally relents with a long suffering sigh as they enter 'Le Délice'. 

Apparently, Naomi Novak is prominent enough that they don't mind changing her reservation after all. They're seated at a table near a legit indoor fountain. Dean is looking around, trying not to let show how impressed he is by the place. The walls are made of stone and covered in frescos that he always thought you couldn't see outside of a church or castle. A waiter gives him a leather covered menu and Dean opens it eagerly. After a few niceties to Naomi, they're asked what they want to drink. Dean has an inkling that he probably shouldn't ask for a beer in an establishment like this. 

"Same for me, please," he says after Castiel ordered some wine with a name Dean can't pronounce. At least, he hopes that's wine. Who knows. Hell, in this place the bottles of water are probably more expensive than his usual brand of beer. 

Dean starts to second guess his decision when he realizes that the menu is in french. What is it with rich people and France? He just wants a damn steak, how do you say that in french? Is there even steaks here or is it just frog legs and snails? Oh god, he hopes not. 

"I think I'll take the duck today," Naomi notes. "Nobody cooks it better than chef Francis. How about you Dean? Have you ever come here before?" There is a mean glint in her eyes that says she knows perfectly well he hasn't. Hell, from the side eyes he got from everyone as they crossed the room, everyone here knows he's not from their world. There are three holes in his jeans, threads hanging from the bottom and his dad's leather jacket probably should have ended up in the trash about three years ago. Even now, it's still too big for him and the sleeves are so scruffed that they're nearly paper thin. The original dark brown color has turned to a light beige in most places from wear. His scruff is just the bad side of too long now, and he hasn't had a haircut since April, strands starting to fall into his eyes. At least, he's wearing his best plaid shirt and managed to wash up last night, so he's not smelling too rank. Why would Castiel pick him out of all the people in the street at that moment to play his boyfriend? It makes no sense at all. From the guy's obvious discomfort as he hides behind his menu, he probably realizes it. 

"Actually, Naomi, duck sounds like a delicious idea," Dean says, voluntarily ignoring her question. To be honest, he’s never even eaten duck before, but it's poultry so it probably taste like chicken. You can't go wrong with chicken, right? His stomach certainly likes the idea, gurgling so loudly that he has to hide it behind a cough. 

Castiel ends up ordering some fish and soon their drinks arrive. Dean barely has time to sip at his red wine before Naomi pounces. 

"So, tell me everything, how did you two meet?"

Dean nearly chokes on his drink. Castiel seems to gulp down his whole glass. 

"We met at a coffee shop. Dean was in line in front of me and we started to talk," Castiel explains, not quite meeting anyone's eyes.

"How quaint!" Naomi exclaims, clasping her hands in delight. "I'm just sorry that you didn't tell me about it sooner, Castiel. How long have you been keeping this charming man a secret?"

"Not-," Castiel clears his throat, "-not long."

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you Dean. I sure wish this luncheon will give me the chance to learn everything about you."

Luncheon? Who even talks like that outside of Downton Abbey?

"I do hope I'll get to keep some mystery, we wouldn't want this guy to lose interest," Dean says with a wink. He pats Castiel's hand on the table. Should he hold it or something? How open on PDA are gay people those days? Not that he knows more about how heterosexual couple act in public anyway, especially in those crowds. It's probably safer to keep the PDA to a minimum here. 

"You have to at least tell me some things. For one, what career path are you on?" She looks like a shark circling her prey. 

"I'm a mechanic," he lies. He'd rather stay as close to the truth as possible. It's a little unfair that Castiel is letting him do all the talking when his initial demand was that he stayed silent, especially since it's his skin that Dean is apparently saving, but the guy looks like he's swallowed a potato whole. 

"Oh, that's...interesting," Naomi says in that insincere tone of hers. She looks like he told her he was fucking children’s corpses every full moon. He's two seconds away from telling her that he's actually jobless, penniless, and homeless, just to see her face, when Castiel intervenes. 

"How is Anna's engagement party coming on?" 

Thankfully, this seems to be a subject Naomi loves because she tells them about every aspect of the future party all the way through their meal. 

Duck, as it turns out, is actually very good. It's more like red meat than chicken, which is a great surprise. Although, Dean isn't a fan of the way rich people put tiny quantities of food in very large plates. He eats all the dinner rolls and scrapes every single bit of sauce out of his plate, yet he's still hungry by the end of it. He nearly starts crying when the waiter asks them if they'll take dessert and Naomi declines. He's starting to wonder if that little piece of duck was worth sitting through lunch with her. 

"That sounds like you're turning this into a wonderful event, mother, Anna must be delighted," Castiel compliments. 

"Oh, you know your sister," Naomi waves it off. "It sure feels like a nice opportunity to introduce your new beau to everyone."

Dean frowns. What's a beau? Is that him? That's not him, right?

"I wouldn't dare take any attention away from Anna," Castiel tries to refuse. 

"Don't be daft, you know your sister won't care. Everyone will be so happy that you've finally found-" she passes a long look, over Dean, like she's doubting anyone would actually approve of him. She certainly doesn't seem to, "-someone," she finishes lamely. 

"Oh shoot, I don't think I'm available that night," Dean tries to play off. 

"I'm not sure I've told you the date of it yet."

"Cas did," he says. The other man perks up at the surname, but whatever, 'Castiel' is a mouthful. "And I have this huh work thing, you know? Bummer," Dean says with a fake pout. 

"What kind of 'work thing' can a mechanic possibly have on a Saturday evening?"

Dean tenses up, pursing his lips. "One he can't get out of?"

"Nonsense, you're coming," Naomi brushes off. And that is that apparently. Shit. There is a vein about to pop on Castiel's forehead. "Castiel, dear, you look a little white. Was the fish okay?"

"I-Yeah-I-Actually, do you think we could possibly cut our lunch short? I am indeed feeling quite unwell."

"Of course, my dear," Naomi says, leaning forward until her hand touches his forehead. "You're as clammy as a fish. I should come home with you, and make sure you're okay," she announces, taking her napkin off her lap and deposing it on the table, ready to stand up. 

"No!" Castiel stops her, a little too brusquely. "I-Dean will take good care of me, don't worry," he says, getting up and grabbing Dean's arm so he does so too. Dean follows his lead, all too happy to get out of here. "Stay and enjoy your tea, mother."

"If you say so," Naomi says, sending an unsure look at Dean, obviously upset at being brushed off in his favor. "Call me this evening, or I'll worry all night."

"Of course, mother," Castiel acquiesces, kissing her cheek. Dean hovers behind him. Is he supposed to kiss her too? Wave hello? Shake her hand? 

"Dean," she says as what is apparently a sufficient goodbye. Thank God. "I'll be sure to see you on Saturday," she reminds just as they're walking away. 

Cas turns on him as soon as they're outside the restaurant. 

"What was that?!" he asks, not quite yelling. He starts pacing, rubbing a hand through his already pretty ruffled hair. 

"You owing me five hundred bucks? Dude, you're lucky I don't charge you more for the fresh hell I just lived through."

"You went through hell? You?!" his pacing gets faster and Dean has an idea that if he stops pacing he might punch him in the face. 

"That's what you get for asking this kind of stuff from a perfect stranger," Dean shrugs, pushing a pebble with the point of his shoe. His red sock is peeking out from a tiny hole near his big toe. It's such a contrast to how grand everything and everyone looked in there. It's making him feel like shit. He's maybe feeling a tiny bit guilty for trapping Castiel like that too. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, albeit one with a psycho mom.

Cas turns on him, eyes glaring and mouth open in what will probably be a flow of reproaches. He stops himself before he says anything though, seeming to deflate. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breathe instead, shoulders falling. "I'm sorry. You're right. I should be thanking you. I have no right to make you any reproach when I brought this on myself."

"It wasn't so bad, though, was it? I mean, I think I sold it?" Dean asks, a little hesitant. He even used pedantic talk and everything. 

"You did as well as could be expected."

"That's not much of a compliment…". 

"I shouldn't take more of your time," Cas apologizes, taking his wallet out. Dean goggles at the amount of cash in there. 

"You really shouldn't have that much cash on you, that's, like, asking for trouble."

Castiel squints at him like he's wondering if that means Dean is gonna rob him for a moment, before he hands him a wad of cash. 

Dean's eyes bulge out, "That's way more than five hundred dollars."

"There's also an advance in there to buy some clothes for the engagement party."

"The what now?" Dean blinks dumbly for a second until his brain catches up to what is happening. "Dude, no, I'm done!" 

"You were the one to push it so far in the first place," Castiel reminds. Accuses, really. 

"I just wanted to eat fancy food, okay! Not, like, go steady."

"There will be lots of food at my sister's engagement party," Castiel tries to persuade. Badly. 

Dean gives him a nonplussed look. The cash feels heavy in his hand. He's never had so much before. This could help him get a new start. What's a night of playing Downton Abbey compared to the many many nights he might not have to freeze his ass off in the backseat of his car thanks to it?

"Why are you even doing this anyway? And why would you choose me? Do I look that desperate for cash?"

"No," Cas says after what's definitely a too long pause. Dean scowls. "You were in front of me in the coffee shop line. I heard you talking on the phone. You said you needed some cash to buy a new outfit for a job interview. Begged, really."

"Where the fuck do you get on listening in on other people’s conversation?" 

"I didn't listen, I just heard."

"You know, what? Fuck you," Dean spits, "I don't need that bullshit in my life right now." He has enough cash to get to Austin and replenish his stock of food, even buy some new clothes. At least this way he can keep his dignity rather than being insulted by a bunch of rich assh-

"Please," Castiel begs, following him as Dean storms away. "You don't understand…"

"Oh I understand perfectly," Dean says, stopping and turning around so brusquely that they nearly bump into each other. "You think you can shit on other people from your high horse and that they'll still do your deed for a few hundred bucks. Well, I'm not your freaking puppet, man."

"I have never shitted on any-" he stops himself with a frustrated groan, before turning on the puppy dog eyes. "Dean, please. Listen to what I have to say at least?"

"I know what you're gonna say. I've seen that movie before, Cas. You're going to bring me to that party, so you can parade me around like I'm some earned price or some shit. Meanwhile you get to appease mommy dearest and the clan of hyenas putting pressure on you to find a husband, while still having the satisfaction of giving them a huge fuck you by bringing a guy like me instead of the golden boy they're dreaming of."

"I-" Castiel stops himself, pursing his lips. "That's actually not that far from the reality."

"Of course it isn't. Told you, I've seen that trope before. Except this is real life and your plan sucks, so you can keep your money and I'll keep my dignity. Just grow a pair and tell them all to fuck off, will ya?"

"You sure do like saying that to people," Castiel sulks. "Are you sure you can't do it for me?" 

"Oh believe me I would love to tell your mom to fuck off, but I like my balls attached to my body, so that's a hard pass."

Castiel laughs slightly at that and Dean can feel his own anger start to abate at the sound. "Good self-preservation instinct on your part," Cas mumbles. The puppy look is still there, except now it's making him feel like he's kicked the puppy.  

"You know, we're in the 21st century, right? You shouldn't feel pressured to the point of inventing a boyfriend. Who gives a shit about that nowadays?"

"My family does," Castiel answers in a long sigh. "You don't get it, how could you... I have three brothers, Dean," Castiel explains. "Two sisters. My little sister, who is just nineteen, just got engaged. I was already seen as the irremediably unwed one and now I…," he pauses, sending a nervous look at Dean, looking ashamed.

"Oh come on. How hard can it be? You're rich, objectively good looking. Do you have weird kinks or something?"

 "I-I wouldn't know. I've never even been in a relationship before," he confesses, looking at the ground.

"When you say 'relationship', you don't mean you've never…" Dean inquires. Cas' cheeks redden, and Dean blows like he just got punched. "Wow. That sucks."

"Yes, it's very pathetic."

"What? Eh no, it's not pathetic. Surprising, yeah. But, to each their own, you know?"

Cas inclines his head like he's not sure he does know. 

"I'm sorry I tried to drag you in all of this. You seem like a good man. You don't deserve-"

"-to be served on a platter to your family?" Dean asks, searching Castiel's gaze until they exchange a smile. 

"Yes. That." The man is still looking dejected. The money is still in Dean's hand. That duck really was good. Damn it.

"The food better be freaking awesome," Dean relents with a frustrated grunt. Castiel seems instantly relieved. "And you're not pretty woman-ing me," he warns, pointing a finger at the other man. "I'm choosing my own clothes and I don't give a shit if I don't know which fork to use for fish."

Castiel's head is tilted and he's blinking owlishly, like he doesn't understand a word that Dean is saying. Figures. He's not sure how he could convince anyone that he's this dork's boyfriend, honestly. Naomi certainly looked like she wasn't fooled. 

"I'm sorry for the way my mother behaved toward you. I assure you, being yourself will be amply sufficient to the task."

"Dude, the way y'all talk, where do you come from, Victorian England?"

"I-I don't think I have English ancestry, no. Why?"

They blink at each other for some time. 

"I must be a freaking masochist."

Cas' face scrunches up even more in incomprehension. 

"Okay, let's be clear on one thing from the start. This is not a lifetime movie and I'm straight, so: no falling in love, get it?"

"I get it, Dean," Castiel nods. 

Well, that's it then, apparently Dean is going to a fancy engagement party with his new boyfriend. What a weird day... 

You can read the rest on AO3

[carrottuan93]

Haven’t met you yet | Mark

Masterlist (1/4) | part2 - part3 - part4

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 2631

Foreword: You promise yourself you’re going to wait for the perfect love even if it takes forever but you’re already barging on it’s doorstep without even realizing that love has met you already in the first place.

It’s all about timing and seeking reassurance in all the right places.

It’s a chance you never want to miss and an opportunity that you wouldn’t trade for anything.

Learn to take risks and learn to fall in love along the way. Cause true love is patient and it’ll come when you least expect it.

Have you been good all year round? You never know what Santa has in stored for you this Christmas.

[Feel free to listen on the playlist that I made for this one shot :)))]

"Eunhee, I should probably take a break from your endless blind date setups. Nothing is working out for me, seriously." You heaved a sigh, slouching on the couch as you gave your best friend an exasperated look the moment you entered her humble bookshop. She's too excited for your love life ever since she and her long-time university crush Jackson became an official couple on your birthday when you celebrated it on Jeju last year. It was a really cold New Year’s Eve when you chose to reserve this romantic restaurant by the beach as the venue for your special day. Eunhee doesn't have any idea about Jackson's plan when you booked a flight to Jeju Island for a week despite the busy season. Since you wanted to play the fairy godmother role for the both of them, you saved Jackson from worrying and suggested that he'd do it on your birthday instead. And just like that, they spent the New Year countdown melting into each other’s puddle while greeting you a happy birthday. The things you do for your friend, if that ain’t salty for your part (it is, for being the third wheel), automatically elected you as the sole Queen of singles club after Neun’s grand exit.

 Since their anniversary is just around the corner, they are planning to spend it once again on Jeju and Eunhee, for being the supportive sister from another mother that she is, will surely drag you with them at all costs since it has been your tradition to celebrate New Year’s Eve with your best friend. She is dying to set you up with someone so you won't be celebrating your birthday alone anymore.

 "I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought you and my friend Hae In will work out. What happened by the way? tell me about your date." She sat beside your spot after closing the shop and did the honor of pouring you a glass of your favorite merlot. This girl knows how to calm you down for sure. I mean she isn't your best friend if she have no idea that wine is your comfort drink. For whatever reason it is, you don't know why it helps to lessen your loneliness by drinking the night away. Maybe knocking you down into a deep slumber and finding yourself completely clueless the next day, alongside the horrible hangover can patch up the painful truth that you are still single up to this point of your life. In addition to the earthly and God-sent smell of neatly piled books crowding the interior of her paradise, Eunhee's bookshop is your go-to place at all times. You used to frequent this a lot during your childhood days where you first met her and together you shared the same passion and love for books and wine through all these years.

 "He's too overrated for my type. Like I don't know why we need to talk about all of his exes and why his relationship with them didn't work out when we can sit and be comfortable with just talking about our interests, 'us' the present and not his past. He's a perfectionist per se and I don't like it when a guy shows disinterest whenever I told them about myself as some nerdy bookish girl who craves for a netflix kind of night compared to his ideal dream girl-next-door whom you can freely bring to a club the minute next." You look down on the red liquid in your glass, appreciating its refined and classic smell that is clouding your nostrils. You're way too excited to go home so you can finally sink on your newly changed bed sheets and savor the enticing smell of fabric conditioner which you cannot live without. You glanced outside the window, observing the couples walking together under the falling snow, as if Valentines day has come all of a sudden in the middle of December. Red roses are a popular gift for the ladies as you've observed and you cannot help yourself from wondering if someone will ever give you flowers on Christmas, particularly pink roses, which you really admire. You always dreamt of tending a bed of pink roses only for yourself because the sight of it makes you really happy. It's just unfortunate that they aren't in full bloom during this season that's why you can only wait for February to come so you could save the trouble of finding a lame date and just buy yourself a bouquet for Valentines. You can give yourself flowers and still feel like in a relationship with all the fictional characters on your novels. No one is stopping you from dating them in your mind, you thought.

 “Ugh I can’t believe that guy. I thought he’s a good catch but actually a bummer for real. Don’t worry, I’ll choose better next time." She gave you a warm hug, patting your head as you lay your cheek on her shoulder. She released you and you gave her an 'I'm-okay-don't-worry' kind of smile. And you sat there for almost an hour talking about your other failed blind dates in the past week that all belongs in either Jackson or Eunhee's circle. You have no idea why none of them matched your personality. Either they are too wild or too boring for them to function as your potential boyfriend. No one could really captivate your specific taste in a guy. It's not that you are too picky and have a high standard when it comes to scouting a lover. You just have your own preferences when it comes to choosing someone whom you'll devote your precious time into. No relationship is perfect because everything is built out of flaws, misunderstandings, heartaches and drama but if you'll enter in a commitment at least choose someone who's worthy of that pain. You aren’t getting any younger and all you need right now is someone reliable, honest and trustworthy enough to not waste your feelings and emotion. You need a serious guy who will not take you for granted and who welcomes the idea of settling in the near future. At least someone with a nice job? Or a bearable attitude, outlook and philosophy in life? He doesn't need to be the most handsome or richest guy in the planet. After all, you always talk to God about giving you with someone who will really love all your imperfections and flawed nature. You always pray to the heavens above that maybe he'll cross the mountains and bring you the moon and the stars like they always did on the movies and in stories but you're fed with too much fantasy and began to think that maybe the guy for you was rather inexistent or an alien inhabiting a distant galaxy located in a million light years away.

 "A break is all I need after all. I will be fine tomorrow at Christmas eve. Don't worry about me having a date on our dinner. I'll bring some macarons as an antidote for all things bitter for you and Jackson's couple party." It's your best friend’s first Christmas with her boyfriend that's why they are throwing a mini gathering for their family and close friends. You had this feeling that you will be the only one attending the party without a date so might as well go straight to the kitchen and grab a bottle of whatever wine you can get and spend the evening dancing on tipsy toes and the floor would be very much pleased to accommodate your drunken needs. But you will not gonna end up wasted on a party especially Eunhee will not be there beside you to take you home since you do not want to rob Jackson of his time with her. Their happiness always matters before you and that's what makes you happy, to see your best friend happy with the man that he really deserves.

 "All right sweetcheeks. We'll not let you feel gloomy on Christmas eve. Good girls get a reward from Santa so you have nothing to worry about." She gave you a wink and clanked your glasses in unison as you both emptied the bottle of wine to your heart's content. You both agreed to watch a romantic holiday movie over a shared furry blanket and hear out your friend as she talked to you mostly of his boyfriend, as if you’ve read a book about the guide to 101 ways on how to fall for Jackson. Maybe the love bug bit too hard on your friend now that she really has the man of her dreams right on her fingertips, she can’t ask for anything else. Their love story is too underrated and you’re one of the living witnesses that a coin is never wasted on a wishing well. If you only joined Eunhee on her wishing spree every time you both pass by your University’s fountain of love, your coin bank would have gone empty by now. But you didn’t do it and saved all of your coins for yourself cause you really enjoy playing basketball in the arcades for fun. For all you can remember way back in college days, your friend is just one of the many timid girls who are cheering and admiring the ever-famous fencing athlete, business student and heartthrob, Jackson. You have classes together with him and that is how your job as a love guru began. You really deserve a raise because you did succeed on making them a couple. You could set up a dating agency and earn better than your current job for all you care. But amidst all the love advice that you gave to them, you’re the complete opposite of a matchmaker. Because love never finds your way despite making love work for the others. Love is sweet but a bitch most of the time.

 If love finally came to Eunhee and Jackson, hopefully yours would come in a whirlpool, sweeping you off of your feet and rendering all the other love stories made in the history irrelevant. You love spontaneity and you’re up for the extraordinary. In fact, you already made a dozen of playlists on spotify and counting, awaiting to be dedicated to him. You may have weird habits, like using ketchup as a dip for your honey glazed donuts, and still act straight and sit the whole day finishing a book with your favorite espresso at coffee shops. You love taking midnight trips to the art museum and you wonder if he can appreciate the abstract the way it makes your soul come alive. You love travelling back to time and studying history and it would be a bonus if he’ll join you on the 3% mint choco enthusiasts in the whole world. And your list goes on and on and it’ll take a lifetime to introduce yourself to someone but you want to meet him soon. You can’t wait for that time to annoy the hell out of him and if he still chooses to come back after your endless nagging, that’s the time when you’re not gonna let go of him anymore. You know for yourself, you’re looking for an almost perfect individual but you’re ready to tear up your never ending list of your ideal guy if someone could really surprise you and made you want to look at the world in a different dimension. After all, an ideal can never be achieved in real life. You cannot make someone ‘the one’ but you can only search for someone and make them ‘your one’. Things may not come out the way you want them to be but things will work out if he’s your destiny. It might be hard to find the rarest form of love, which is true love, but you’re willing to go on a train trip bound to a destination you’ve never been to given that he’ll meet you at the end of the tunnel. Love isn’t hard. Love is supposed to be easy. You just need patience and it’ll come to you when you least expect it.

 It's nearing 11 pm already when you feel lightheaded because of your wine intake and maybe due to the fact that your early sleeping schedule has been breached by tonight's unfortunate event. You bid goodbye to your friend despite her invitation that you should just sleep on her place and decided to call for an uber to save yourself from zoning out like a zombie because you can no longer walk straight with your clouded vision. Eunhee lives upstairs her bookstore because she manages her family's business when her father passed away that's why she isn't living with you anymore. You've grown to be independent now that you're living on your own after sharing the same apartment with your friend during your university days.

 "Tomorrow night at 8. I'll text you the address. Don't be late, Y/n. Have a goodnight!” Eunhee tucked you up nicely on your seat and soon the taxi sped up passing underneath the city lights in the mood for the radio's yuletide playlist. You're a bit drunk to see clearly but you can recognize the faint Christmas lights flickering throughout the busy streets. In just half an hour, the uber came to a stop and you hopped off the cab as you made your way towards the entrance of the condo that you’re residing in. You walked past the concierge and romantic music is donning the halls screaming love is in the air but not for you cause it makes you suffocated. Inside the elevator you noticed that you'll join a couple on your way to a 5-minute trip to the 12th floor. You silently wished that nobody would enter in between floors so as not to slow down your fast lane to your unit or else it'll be another episode of 'You-are-single-fgds' slapping your face. Geez, you badly want a damn break but the couple is too absorbed in their own selves, doing whatever cringey couple thing it is behind you, so you chose to ignore their reflection on the elevator walls.

 God spared you for that ride and luckily you reached the 12th floor in the fastest speed possible. You walked in a crazy zigzag pattern when you reached the front step of your door and you held on the handle to prevent yourself from falling directly on the ground. Your eyes are zooming in for the door lock as you punch in your keycode multiple times and still wonder why the door isn't granting you any access at all.

 "The fudge why aren't you opening?" You tried all possible combinations already but to no luck, you are still denied. For the 10th time, the lock gave up on you and is now urging for a password reset when all of a sudden the heavens finally heard your prayer and the door automatically opened. You fell towards a pair of arms, as if on cue you are saved once again from falling directly on the floor. You grabbed on a pair of shoulders, and you felt like you've reached your bed already as your senses are welcomed with a lovely scent of fabcon, which for you is the sweetest scent in the world.

 "Hmm. I can finally sleep now." You smiled the moment you felt safe and secured within the parameters of what you think of as your bed.

"Wait, you cannot sleep on my arms." It's too late for you to wake up because you're already dozing off to dreamland.

"Oh shoot. What am I gonna do with you?" You barged into someone's room and you haven't had the slightest idea of what you'll gonna do the next morning when you wake up.