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lozzypoz321 · 4 years

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Word count: 3.8k!

A/N: this is one of my favourite things I’ve ever written and I’m super proud of it, also the biggest word count I’ve ever done, hope you enjoy and pretty please leave feedback!! <3

Warnings: brief mentions of underage sex, calling of child services, brief mentions of an anxiety attack

Avengers college AU

Bucky: Guys I’m really desperate

Bruce: what?

Steve: wdym?

Bucky: does anyone have the first period free tomorrow? Can’t afford a babysitter for Riley :/

Tony: nah can’t, I’ve got a busy schedule

Clint: economics man

Bruce: science m8

Nat: same as Clint I’m afraid Jamesy

Clint: wbu Steve?

Steve: library club and I can’t skip

Bucky: >: I

Bucky: I think I may be having a midlife crisis.

Tony: okay 1. You’re 20 and 2. You shouldn’t have gone an’ knocked up a woman at 17

Nat: Tony!

Bucky: You’re acting like you didn’t get some at 17 Tony

Bruce: he has a fair point.

Nat: and anyway Riley’s too pure for your insults Tony

Bucky: uwu

Tony: you have officially turned into every teenage girl Barnes

Nat: anywayyyyyyy, Thor how’re you coping with your brother’s “phase”

Tony: I am starting to think Loki’s goth phase isn’t just a phase Natalie, I caught him walking around in a skull T-shirt with chains this morning

Clint: oh daym

Steve: what are you going to do?

Thor: I am going to show that I respect him by buying him some flowers!

Clint: What abt a chain tho?

Nat: wait, does anyone wanna go to laser tag at some point?

Tony: oooh yes!

Bruce: yeah I’m down! :)

Steve: I’ve got time yeah thanks

Bucky: I never back down from a laser tag game

Nat: great! I’ll book it with Tony’s card

Tony: wait what?

Bucky: oh shit, I’ve gotta go, Riley’s just run away somewhere brb

Clint: oh damn.

Bucky shoved his phone hastily into his pocket and looked around, desperation filling his eyes as they searched for any sign of his daughter. The bushes swayed with the evening breeze and very few people strolled around campus, either going on a walk, meeting up early with friends or getting food. The young adult heavily sighed out of relief when he caught sight of Riley, excitedly chatting to a man, who James quickly identified him as one of his other friends, Sam.

Braking out into a light jog, he made his way across campus to the pair while also trying to avoid bumping into the other students that were now staring at him, in college he was basically known as the fuck boy. Not that he was, the only reason behind it was that he had a daughter at 17 and everyone apart from his friends never saw past that.

“What’re you doing here munchkin?” He asked the small girl who was now shyly smiling at her father. Sam chuckled at the duo and turning his attention away from Riley, “wasn’t her fault dude, just telling me how she’s going to chemistry class tomorrow, can’t wait to see that” he said with a sly smirk on his face.

Bucky mentally sighed, yes it was going to be very tough tomorrow. Not only was she very restless, but she also was very talkative and wouldn’t put a filter on around people older than her, which most of the time could be very offensive. “Yeah! I promised him I’ll be good!”

“Oh really? Well I kinda hoped you’d have something to say to Professor Demon”

“Sam,” he groaned and ran a hand through his hair “his names Damon, if he caught you sayin’ that then we’d get suspended so quickly dude” Riley giggled and looked up at her dad innocently “and then we’d go poor because you suck at getting jobs”

“He sucks at everything” Sam mumbled, earning a glare from the other man. “We better go get some food now, there’s literally nothing in the fridge except a can of tuna, some ketchup and packets of sour sauce from takeout awhile ago”

“Oof man”

The walk to the diner that he had decided on going to after he couldn’t be bothered going grocery shopping was a long one. Riley insisted on stopping for every dog they saw, to ask to stroke it. “Ri’ baby, we can’t keep stopping, we gotta get back to the dorm before it’s your bedtime”

The pout she sent him instantly melted his heart before he realised she knew exactly what she was doing and he readjusted his grip on her hand so she didn’t end up running away again like she did earlier.

“Ri’ what do you want?” He asked the child once the waitress had come over asking for their orders. She gave a nonchalant shrug and turned her attention back to the video that was playing on Bucky’s phone that he had given her for the wait. “M’kay so, can we get a,” he took a pause to take a quick glance at the kid’s menu on the table “chicken nuggets and chips please with… chocolate milkshake?”

Riley nodded and the waitress, who from the name tag on her apron, was named Elizabeth, began to write down both his and her order but halfway through gave a quick glance up to Bucky, but when he caught her cheeks flooded red that made his daughter snort.

“Is that all sir?”

“Riley shut up” he quietly told the girl as Elizabeth walked away with her head down. “She was flirting with you dad” she laughed making him jokingly nudge her across the table “Oi, and anyway she’s not my type munchkin”

“Well don’t be too loud, the creeps staring at you dad”

He didn’t mean to, but without thinking his head whipped round to instantly make eye contact with the woman who was biting her lip, her eyes now as big as plates. His cheeks heated furiously as he immediately turned back around to face his adorable giggling daughter. “You better like those chicken nuggets munchkin cause I’ve got to go through this to get them”

“I will dad, I like chickens”

“Riley, come on you gotta get some sleep” he groaned once she’d slid onto the sofa where he was writing his assignment last minute for the fifth time that night.

“But dad,” She whined and pulled on the sleeve of the college logo sweater he had pulled on without even thinking about it once they’d got home as he had only just realised he had a paper to write, “I’m not tired and I don’t want to be alone”

His eyes softened at the pleading look on her face that would get him to do anything she wanted him to “m’kay baby, how about we go into into the bedroom and you try to get some sleep while I finish this up”

She nodded enthusiastically and he picked up the study books and paper in one hand and Riley in the other, deep eye bags could be found on his face from the lack of sleep that he had spent pulling all-nighters working on college work and began to make his way into the small room that had a single bed pressed up against the wall with a mattress next to it, an abundance of blankets on both.

He set the small girl onto the single bed and lowered himself down into the smaller one, using the bed frame to press his back against and using a hardback book underneath the paper to rest on.

“Why do people stare at you?” Bucky only just heard Riley mumble as her eyes struggled to keep open. He stopped writing but kept his hand in the same place while grinder his teeth, wondering what to say. “Cause baby… people don’t really think that I should have you this young,” he struggled to find the words as he felt his daughter roll onto her back to listen “but they don’t understand that I love you a lot, don’t I munchkin?”

Riley giggled behind him and uttered a small yes. “At least they haven’t tried to take me away again”

The young man's breath hitched in the back of his throat at the memory flashed through his mind. They’d been watching a movie with Steve after their classes and a knock had sounded on the door.Apparently, Child services had been called by one of the students and they tried to take her away but he wouldn’t let them, they had threatened to take him to court because the living settings were not meant for a child but 17-year-old Steve had calmly spoken to them outside the room while James had been on the edge of a panic attack inside.

“Yeah, scared me Ri’” his horse voice answered back making her eyebrows scrunch in confusion “I’m not going anywhere dad. Well, unless I die but y’know”

He sent her a bitch face look over his shoulder which made her uncontrollably giggle. Bucky chuckled and set his attention back to the essay while absent mindedly talking to her about random things.

“Is Loki gonna be at the laser tag place?” She asked and added on excitedly “oooh can I come dad?!”

“Sure doll, let me tell the guys”

Buck: we got plus ones on this laser tag thing?

Bruce: whyyyy??

Thor: oooh if that is the case I would very much like to take my brother!

Nat: oh are you bringing Riley then?

Buck: yup

Steve: I don’t see why not

Tony: I’m off to speak to this really hot girl

Clint: what that spice girl?

Buck: do you mean pepper?

Clint: ah yes!

He chuckled at the screen and chucked his phone to the side while looking up to his daughter on the bed above him, going to tell her they approved before stopping and smiling to himself as he caught sight of her peaceful, sleeping form.

Without waking her up, he got off the mattress and tucked in the blankets, quietly laughing as he retrieved the earbuds she had borrowed in the diner from her pocket. “Night munchkin”

Bucky groaned as the ringing of his phone awoke him, the technology next to his ear from when he had fallen asleep sat up. “Wha’?”

It was so early in the morning that he didn’t even have the energy to think of a proper sentence, never mind say one.

Steve: hey guys make sure your ready, it starts an hour after school

Clint: Steve. School. Finishes. At. 6. Pm. What. Tf. Do. You. Mean. It. Starts. In. An. hour. After.

Nat: we thought you could do with a late start

Tony: fuck you Romanoff

Clint: ten bucks says she’s smirking rn

Buck: ughhh

Bruce: I feel exactly the same way

Buck: no you don’t. I spent up until 6 am doing that English essay I forgot about

Tony: oof

Bucky: I will physically be running on caffeine this morning so be ready

He took a look around the messy room before deciding he would clean it another day and raised himself onto his feet before making sure Riley was still on the single bed asleep. He made his way to the tiny kitchen that held a mini-fridge, microwave, kettle and an oven with two counters on one side to make himself a cup of coffee that he was depending on if he had to spend an hour of his day running around in sweaty gear and a fake gun while making sure his daughter didn’t run away to get some sort of snack.

“Fuck” he mumbled as the loud whirring of the kettle started, sure to wake Riley up. “I’m tired” he heard a voice groan behind him, making the man whirl around, instantly making eye contact with his daughter. Sighing out of relief and returning back to the drink he was previously making. “So am I doll, yet you can’t have coffee”

He made her go get dressed and brush her teeth while he had a mental breakdown over what he was going to do about the paper he didn’t manage to finish before he fell asleep last night.

“Dad,” Bucky looked up to find Riley once again dressed in a pair of Joggers and a baggy T-shirt that she’d dragged out of the very few clean clothes in her draw “someone’s messaging your laptop”

She struggled to hold up the open device that showed multiple emails from one of his professors questioning his performance in class for the recent weeks. He inwardly cursed and took the laptop from her to begin emailing her back, choosing to ignore the insults she had thrown at him and his daughter in the middle of it.

“She is so full of-“ he stopped halfway through the sentence, noticing that Riley was sat next to him, quietly playing a YouTube video on his phone. “Whatcha watching Ri’?” He asked, his attention still focusing on trying to be professional in the email back. “c- c-“ she struggled to pronounce the word so she passed it to him.

“Commentary channels?” The man asked with a laugh, thinking about how most parents wouldn’t even let their 4 child near a video like that but yet again he wasn’t like most parents. He was 20 and had to do this alone.

“Oh yeah”

“Come on munchkin, we gotta get to first period before we’re late” he told her and grabbed his backpack to quickly shove his college things in before glancing at the digital clock on his phone and scooping Riley up so they could get there quicker.

Halfway through the panicked running across campus, the small girl decided she needed a nap and fell asleep against his shoulder, making Natalia laugh as they passed.

As soon as he arrived in the classroom he knew it was a bad idea when 11 pair of eyes fell to his, heavily panting and holding an asleep 4-year-old.

“Sir he’s late” a girl, younger than him moaned to the teacher who was now shrugging his shoulders “I don’t care”

“But professor, why’d he bring the baby?”

Bucky had enough of everyone staring at him, he readjusted the bag on his back before making his way to the back of the class, sitting in an empty seat in between Sam and Tony and placed Riley on his lap.

“That’s a good question Jaimee, Barnes?”

“Couldn’t find anyone to look after her professor” he mumbled in response, making sure to be loud enough to hear. “No babysitter?”

“Can’t afford it sir”

He didn’t once make eye contact with anyone in the room, instead putting his attention on the books that he was bringing out of his bag. “You alright man?” Tony whispered across the desk and flicked a pen at him, “Oi” Bucky hissed as the metal came in contact with the side of his head making Sam laugh loudly at him.

“Dad,” a mumble was heard quietly, making the older man look at his daughter, eyes that were previously closed were now looking up at his wide with pleading “I’m hungry”

If he was anywhere else in the world he would have sworn loudly, but right now he was in a class with 10 other students and his daughter. “Okay baby, but you're gonna have to wait for a while, we’re in my class but I’ll get you something after okay?”

She nodded and rested her hair back against his chest, making him smile slightly as he went back to taking notes of the class. “I’ve got skittles,” Sam held out the family-sized packet of sugary sweets making Riley do grabby hands towards it. Without asking Sam gave her it, earning a goofy smile from the girl. “Thank you dude but she’s literally gonna get the biggest sugar rush possible now”

“Aha, can’t wait to see that”

By halfway through the period Riley was already rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, on the spot next to Bucky’s chair, his hand holding hers to make sure she didn’t run up to the front and distract everyone. “Dad, are you going to work tonight?”

“Yeah munchkin, not for long though, you can stay with Stevie. How about that?”

“Yeah, m’kay”

Suddenly the professor spoke up, directing his attention to Bucky “Barnes, the symbol Sb stands for stibium or stibnite. What is the modern name of this element?”

“That doesn’t sound like English dad” Riley loudly whispered to him, making the class laugh, “and what do you think the answer is?”

The girl pondered for a second and looked at her dad with seriousness drawn upon her features “...tell me,”

“Laser in the house!” Clint exclaimed in excitement once everyone had found their way to the front of campus where they’d agreed to meet.

“I like lasers,” Riley gushed while smiling brightly making most of the young adults chuckle, Loki however, did not. “Why did you have to bring me?” The man grumbled, sending a death glare towards his brother.

“Why are you dressed like that?”

“Riley no-“

“Did you go through childhood trauma to endure this?”

“Ri’ you can’t ask-“

“Why is there a child?” Loki asked as if he had only just noticed she was there. “She is Barnes’ daughter brother” Thor said and gently patted her head, making her scowl.

“You have a daughter?”

“I’ve had her for 4 years dude”

“Oh”

Steve grabbed his phone from his pocket and glanced at the time “guys we’ve gotta be there in half an hour we better get goin’”

“Alright Rogers, you really do like to keep track of time don’t you?” Tony asked and rolled his eyes making Nat nudge him in the ribs. “Tony, I’m not that old”

“You're 21, everyone else is 20 punk” Bucky teased him but stopped when he sent him a death glare. “Erm, I’m not 20.” The young girl pointed out while everyone else started making their way to the entertainment place. “Smart girl Ri’”

“Wait, do we need to decide the teams?” Bruce asked everyone once Bucky and Riley had caught up with the rest. “Ooooh,” Clint exclaimed with wide eyes “dibs on Natasha! She’s got good aim.”

“I’m gonna stick with you. Power team” Bucky whispered down to the stupidly smiling girl as she nodded furiously. By the time everyone had chosen their teammates and managed to agree, the group had arrived. “This’ll be great” Bruce sighed once they’d caught sight of the room of light-up vests with attached laser guns.

“Rules,” a middle-aged man who looked like he’d given up on life, walked into the room with a clipboard in hand “No Running, No Physical Contact, Hold Laser with Both Hands, No Climbing, Players must be careful when manoeuvring around interior arena walls, Please let us know if any of your guests suffer from the following: Asthma, epilepsy or suffer from seizures caused by fog or strobe lights.”

Everyone was quiet for a second before Steve quietly spoke up with a blush “I have asthma, sir.”

The worker took a pause and pondered for a moment, as though this had never happened in his whole 68 years of working there, “just… don’t start a fire alright?”

They all nodded in agreement, just happy that he’d been let in, and began to enter the massive room where the game was about to take place. “Right, so, let’s not rugby tackle people like you did last time,” Steve said and mostly directed it to Thor who smiled sheepishly “cause- err, there’s a kid, yeah, Riley, that’s it”

Bucky chuckled and picked up the fake laser gun as the lights began to darken, “let’s get this party started”

As soon as the words left his mouth, chaos ensured, young adults setting off running to find a place to set-up camp. As he wanted to be fast, Bucky quickly picked up Riley and began to run towards a pillar so he could hide behind it, so he’s able to get a good view of people.

“How does it work?” Riley whispered from the spot of her back pressed against his chest so she could also see and indicated towards the gun. “Gotta put your finger on the trigger” he instructed and took ahold of her index finger and brought it over to the weapon, placing the rest of her hand on the handle while her other one held the underneath of the top part, trying not to drop it.

The whole room was silent for a good 5 minutes before Bucky decided to make a move, taking hold of the collar of her jacket to gently pull her up with him. Not holding Riley’s hand as she would have ended up dropping the laser gun if she didn’t have two hands on it.

The two of them scouted out the place trying to be quiet so they didn’t get caught. Suddenly, making them jump, a loud zapping sounded in the distance, indicating that someone had found an enemy. He began to run away from the sound, after making sure his daughter was following and attempting to find somewhere to hide again but this time he didn’t find a deserted place.

“Aha!” Nat yelled and jumped out from behind a pillar while aiming the laser at Bucky’s chest. His panicked yelling and screaming filled the air as he made a run for it, completely forgetting about his teammate left behind and the rule “no running”. Suddenly, before he could brace himself his body went flying, his foot getting stuck on a stray shoe that belonged to Thor. At the same time Steve had jumped out, meaning to get the man in the chest, but instead Bucky had landed on him, using him to muffle the landing, earning an “ow man...” in return.

Bucky wanted to move, he really did, but he just couldn’t. He was in a trance, his and Steve’s baby blue eyes made eye contact, without knowing what he was doing, Steve’s body involuntarily leant up: closer to the younger man. His lips never looked more inviting, but all of a sudden a yell broke out in the room.

“Dad! Help! Nat nearly got me!”

The father scrambled up off the floor, his mind going a million miles an hour about what just happened and why it was wrong. He was his best friend. He should only see him as a friend.

Without meaning to, he ran away from him, not bothering to even spare Steve a second glance in search of his daughter, who was now cowered in one of the room's corners, trying not to get shot. Bucky chuckled slightly at the tactic and crossed the room, luckily not being noticed by Tony and Nat who were having a shoot off at each other from their opposite ends in the room.

“Nat nearly got you Ri’?”

“M’ yeah and you weren’t there.”

Guilt coursed through the mans veins as he remembered that he’d left her, but before his mind could go wondering to the events after it, he stopped himself, “sorry munchkin”

“Is’ okay, just don’t do it again dad”

He silently laughed at the sincerity in her voice and grabbed her hand to lead her away from the battle scene so they could get somebody else in the laser tag game. In quiet discussions they settled on Bruce, the one who was most likely to not be paying attention, and if he was it would still be easy to take aim without him seeing.

“Come on Ri, we got this.”

@donutloverxo @xolovegrace @rooskaya-yelena @deephideoutmilkshake @kidney9-9 @marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger @herecomesthewriterwitch @every-marveler-ever

#bucky x oc!daughter #bucky x oc #bucky x daughter #Avengers college AU #college au #bucky barnes x daughter #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky oneshot #bucky barnes x oc

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angelsfalling16 · 4 years

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Hello there! For the Meet Cute ask...how about 20 or 44? Thanks! 😁

20. You walk out of a dressing room asking if the outfit suits you, but it’s not your friend waiting outside the room like you thought.

44. You fix your hair in the reflection of a window to see them smiling at you through it.

Hi!! Thanks so much for the ask! I had a lot of fun with this one, and it got a little long, so I’m putting most of it under a cut. I hope you like it! :)

20. You walk out of a dressing room asking if the outfit suits you, but it’s not your friend waiting outside the room like you thought.

(Meet Cute Prompts)

Simon

"How do you think this outfit looks?" I ask Penny as I step out of the dressing room. Only, when I push aside the curtain, she isn't standing there.

In her place is a guy who towers over me in his knee-high boots with shiny laces up the front, which nearly hide his dark pants that seem to be painted onto his legs because they’re so tight. It takes me a moment to drag my eyes away from his legs, and when my eyes meet his, his head is tilted to the side as his eyes slowly look me up and down.

"Well, the outfit isn’t bad, but I'm sure we could find you something better."

"I—. Wh-what?" I stammer out.

We? Is this guy offering to help find me clothes?

He stares at me for a moment longer before saying, "Wait there. I'll be right back."

He's gone before I can stop him, and I'm so stunned that I do what he says and wait for him.

I wonder where Penny went. Hopefully she gets back before that guy does.

Does he work here? He wasn't wearing a name tag and he didn't have that same bored look that most of the other employees have. He looked almost excited to be helping me. I guess it's possible he's a new employee who hasn't yet had his spirit broken by the soul sucking demands of retail.

I feel a bit awkward just standing here, but I can’t say that I’m not at least a little bit interested to see what he brings back for me to try on.

When he does return, he has an armful of things to put on. I take them without a word before returning to the dressing room, not really sure why I’m going along with this.

The jeans are a little tighter than the ones I usually wear, but they still have some give to them. They aren’t as tight as the ones the guy on the other side of this curtain is wearing. (I wonder if he can even sit down in those jeans. Are they so tight they would just rip? How does he get them off? With scissors?)

I fasten the jeans and move on to the shirt. It's a plain blue t-shirt but it has to be one of the nicest t shirts I've ever worn. No, not one of. It definitely is the nicest. It’s soft and hugs my torso in a way that is actually pretty comfortable. Who knew a t-shirt could feel this nice? I definitely didn't.

I slip the jacket he handed me on next. It’s a simple dark grey bomber jacket, but it pairs nicely with the blue shirt. After one last look at the finished outfit, I push aside the dingy, floral curtain to await my judgement.

I almost expect the guy to have disappeared when I step out, but he's there, waiting for me, and penny is still nowhere to be seen.

"You're wearing the jacket all wrong," he says almost immediately. How can I be wearing a jacket wrong? "Take it off and I'll help you."

I frown but take it off anyway and hand it to him. I watch as he shakes it out before holding it up for me to slip into it as though he’s a parent dressing a child. I just stare at him, wondering if he’s serious, but when he doesn’t move, I sigh and slip my arms into the sleeves.

“Good,” he murmurs. It feels weird to receive praise for simply putting on a jacket, but I can’t deny how nice it sounds coming from him.

He gently pulls on me until I have turned back around to face him, and he fusses with my shirt for a moment before moving on to the jacket, tugging at the sleeves until he gets them where he wants them. Then, he starts in on the collar of the jacket, straightening it out from where part of it had gotten tucked under when I put it on.

His fingers graze the side of my neck, and I’m certain that I imagine the way they linger there for a moment longer than necessary.

When he finally stops fiddling with the jacket and takes a step back, I have to remind myself to breathe. For some reason, my heart is racing in my chest, and I’m struggling to take in air. The guy admires me for another moment before nodding.

“That’ll do.”

It’s a wonder I’ve been able to dress myself for all of these years, I think.

Only, I must have said it out loud because the guy responds by saying, “Yes, it truly is.”

I scowl at him before moving over to check my appearance in the mirror. I have to admit that the whole thing does look good. I never would have picked out this outfit on my own, and I’m actually grateful for his help.

“This will be perfect for the wedding,” I murmur.

“Wait, wedding?” The guy asks, and I can see his eyebrow quirk in his reflection from where he’s standing close behind me. “Oh no, this is not the right outfit for a wedding. This won’t do at all.” He’s shaking his head at me and frowning now.

“I think it looks nice,” I say with a shrug, turning back to face him. “The wedding is more of a small, casual thing. This will be fine.”

He just keeps shaking his head at me, more vigorously now.

“You can dress casual without wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Man, do we have a lot of work to do.” He pulls his phone out, types something into it, and returns it to his pocket before saying, “Alright. Let’s do this.”

“Do...what?” I ask, a little distracted with wondering how he managed to fit in phone in his pants when they’re that tight.

“I’m going to help you find something to wear to the wedding.”

“What?”

“It’ll be great.”

I shake my head, not believing that in the least bit. I glance around me, hoping to spot a way out of this situation – Where is Penny? – but find nothing.

I could just walk away, but I find myself not really wanting to. I want to see how this plays out, and I don’t want to part from this guy just yet.

***

By the time we’re finished, I’m buying the first outfit plus a new suit that is nicer than anything I have ever owned. I mean, who buys suits when you can just rent one? (Lots of people, according to this guy who seems to have suddenly disappeared.)

I pay for the suit, trying not to worry too much about the price, and when I turn away from the cash rep, I see Penny walking towards me.

Sure, now she’s here.

“Where have you been?” I hiss at her.

“I went a couple of stores down. I texted you. Didn’t you see it?”

I pat my pockets in search of my phone, and that’s when I realize that I left my phone on the bench in the dressing room, where it’s been sitting for the past forty-five minutes, untouched.

I go retrieve it, and when I pick it up, I see two missed texts from Penny, and I groan inwardly. If only I had checked my phone sooner, maybe I could have avoided all of this. Though, it really wasn’t too bad. I even enjoyed it a bit, all of the trying on different things before he found that suit for me to try.

I return to Penny and find the guy from before has returned and is talking amiably to her, wearing a quiet smile.

“Hey, Simon, this is Baz,” Penny says, gesturing at the guy in front of her. “He’s in one of my lit classes.”

Baz? That’s an interesting name.

“We’ve met,” Baz says.

“Really?”

“Um, y-yeah. We met while you were gone,” I explain. “He actually helped me pick out a couple of things."

“Oh, cool,” she says like it’s the simplest thing in the world and not like some guy I don’t know just spent almost an hour picking clothes out for me.

“Well, I should be going,” Baz says. “My friends are waiting for me. I’ll see you two at the wedding,” he adds with a quick wave.

“Wait, what? The wedding?” I ask confused, but he’s already walked away, so Penny is left to explain.

“Yeah, the wedding next weekend. He’s one of the groomsmen.”

“Oh,” I say stupidly, staring after him. What a strange coincidence.

This should be interesting, I think, my cheeks warming as I remember the way his fingers skated over my arms and sides as he helped me get the suit situated right. They left sparks in their wake that I ignored at the time, but I’m not sure I can ignore them anymore. Not if I’m going to be seeing him again.

I wonder if he’ll help me fix the suit when he sees me. (Maybe I’ll wear it messy just to tempt him…)

My heart does a flip at the prospect of seeing him and having his hands on me again, and it takes me a moment to realize that Penny has begun walking out of the store without me.

I jog to catch up to her, and thoughts of Baz are in my head for the rest of the day. I find myself suddenly excited to go to the wedding.

#snowbaz #snowbaz ficlet #simon snow #baz pitch #carry on #wayward son #rainbow rowell #simon's obsession with baz's jeans was honestly accidental #but it's fit so it's alright #lol #i kept wanting to write baz going into the dressing room and kissing him #but it didn't really fit #so i left the ending open #but dw simon and baz get to together at the wedding #it's inevitable #(and baz does fix his suit haha)

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thistangledbrain · 3 years

Text

Day 19 & 20!

Day 19 - “I hate it when...”

As you’ve gleaned from prior posts, I hate it when you forget autism is a developmental disorder and not an intellectual one. We are so. Fucking. Tired. Of being treated as lesser, or like we don’t understand what you’re saying to us.

Outside of the reactions to others’ behavior, though, I have some personal “I hate it when”...I’ve let you into my mind and told you what I appreciate about how my brain works, but there are things I don’t like, for sure.

I hate that personal stressor things trigger a toddler-like need to SHUT DOWN. Like writing this blog, for example...the vulnerability I feel usually leads to a need to go to sleep for a long time, once I’m finished. Or after a long day socializing. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to engage my brain anymore, I just need to shut all systems down and sleep. Especially if there’s been a meltdown (meltdown—->shutdown)...and oh boy do I hate meltdowns. They’re really rare, thank dog.

I hate that my executive function is an absolute bag of ass. This is probably the biggest thing I would change. It got infinitely worse when my disability got bad (EDS), for some reason. And it drives me up the damn wall.

I hate my low function days/moments. It’s like my brain just won’t kick into gear, or the gears and wheels are rusty and grinding, & it’s rather anxiety inducing. I usually “hide” on my low days, sometimes in my darkened bedroom, and watch favorite shows or movies, or get lost in a good book - if I can. On low days I find myself re-reading crap constantly because it’s not making any sense, so I’ll even avoid complicated recipes...I have no idea why these days/moments happen, but boy do they piss me off/make me anxious (that’s kind of the same thing for me. My anxiety nearly always manifests as anger). On my low days, you’ll see (if you were a fly on the wall, because I suppress this even around my own family), me walking in tight, anxious figure 8’s and flapping my hands in a distressed way, as I anxiously try to mentally kick my brain into gear. (It doesn’t work, but it IS a little soothing. And my dogs are SO sweet...they gather around me tightly and just seem to know I need them.)

🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s probably more I could expound on that I don’t like, but writing this one has been pretty distasteful. I try not to dwell on things I hate anymore, so I’ve put this entry down multiple times and come back to it when I’m in a decent frame of mind. I think I’m tired of talking about it now, so I’m gonna just stop talking.....

Which is a good segue into Day 20 -

————————————-

“Communication”

Ahh communication. This entry will be long, because I have a lot to communicate LOL....

Personally, I write far more coherently and eloquently than I speak. My brain goes too fast...I often trip over words; my brain’s three steps ahead of what’s coming out of my mouth and I get scrambled sometimes. I can also take the time to think about what I want to say/HOW I want to say it. Like many autistics, I’m a blurter. LOL...I am constantly trying to remind myself, just because I think it, doesn’t mean I have to say it. This gets a LOT of us in trouble...one of my most memorable examples is, I *loudly* blurted “that’s BULLSHIT!!” in a church one time. (I was speaking on how my devout Methodist grandmother, who regularly takes communion at her church, was not permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, merely because she isn’t Catholic, despite the fact that this woman is all about some Jesus & a devoted churchgoer - not just on Easter and Christmas.) In my defense, it WAS (IS) bullshit. I just didn’t need to practically yell that in church. As you can imagine, it was like a needle scratching across a record & everyone turned to stare. (My poor husband rescued me.) 🤦🏻‍♀️ Sigh. It’s a good idea to keep me out of most church services.

I am rather famous (infamous?) for calling bullshit straight to someone’s face, BLUNTLY. It’s out of my mouth before my brain’s “tact gatekeeper” I’ve spent over a decade trying to train is even half awake at his post (it’s a him because my husband is the one who taught me how to use tact in the first place. And it’s a him because said “gatekeeper” is lazy and falls asleep on the job all the time 😆). Have you ever just blurted your honest thoughts and heard shocked gasps or someone just busts out laughing? Yeah. That happens to me regularly. Or uncomfortable chuckles and someone will blink a few times and say, “oohhhkay, well, you could said that a different way.” (My old response to that was, I’m not responsible for what your reaction is to what I say...you’re in charge of your own feelings. I *understand* now how irresponsible and unfeeling that is, and I try to keep that in the front of my mind, even when I’m frustrated and nearly burning up with the desire to speak my thoughts in their raw form, but this is routinely an area I struggle to adapt to...and I am very sorry when I hurt someone I care about.)

On the other side of this same coin though, this is a trait my friends respect deeply, because I’m not cruel hearted or anything. You always know where you stand with me, and I’m the last person to try and lie to you. I SUUUUUCK at lying. And on the rare times when I do, I usually end up eventually telling on myself (this drove my older stepsister NUTS when we were kids, because she liked to do lots of sneaky things, and I don’t have an inherently sneaky nature LOL...so “DO NOT tell momma” was a *serious* risk for her, if she let me tag along 😂). Lying to someone just feels disgusting. Oily. Shameful. I hate lying. Plus, my short term memory is a grabasstic bag of CRAP, so there’s a good chance I won’t remember the lie and get caught anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My boys also suck at lying or hiding stuff, and generally prefer not to...but I also give them a safe forum to be honest. (I’m sure there’s LOTS of crap I don’t know, but you’d be surprised how much they DO tell me.)

Another thing with me personally is that I go mute sometimes. I’m not being deliberately obstinate. I’m not REFUSING to speak in those moments...sometimes I literally can’t, and the effort of doing so will make me gag, or even projectile vomit. Sounds very dramatic, doesn’t it? It is. (And it annoys the SHIT out of me.) There’s not a fucking thing i can do about it. The movement of my tongue in my mouth will literally begin to trigger my gag reflex, and if I try to power through it, I’m rewarded with my lunch returning to the surface anyway, regardless of my desires, and sometimes rather unexpectedly & violently. USUALLY this happens when I’m uber stressed, but sometimes it seems kind of out of the blue & catches even me off guard. If this happens but I still have something to say, I start texting instead, and explain. Most people - especially my hubby - are very kind when this happens. (I don’t want your pity, I just want you to switch to written communication for a minute until I can figuratively kick the fuck out of the engine in my “speaking center” and get it to work again.) Other times, I will literally get tired of talking. Like my mouth and tongue - and somehow, the “word forming” part of my brain feels physically exhausted (weird, I know, but I also spend the vast majority of my life silent - I am home alone all day, hate talking on the phone, and simply don’t speak much, by choice. So maybe it is actual “mouth fatigue” 😂😂😂 - I’ve stopped eating before because I just got tired of chewing, too, even though I’m still somewhat hungry. 🙄) I am usually *perfectly* happy to keep listening! And I’ll stay engaged in the conversation usually. I am just...done audibly talking. I’ll literally say “my mouth is tired of making the sounds now, but please keep going”...but I think my husband is the only one who doesn’t find this unusual, and rolls with it. It usually happens after a long, animated conversation...instead of winding down, though, it just..stops. If I try to keep going, cue the gagging. I can stay engaged in the conversation if you let me start writing/typing instead of speaking, for my responses. So that’s a “fun” little trait of mine that many neurotypicals find unsettling. Please don’t take it personally. My mouth just doesn’t want to make the words anymore - and I’m probably mostly done adding what I needed to add to the conversation anyway. I’m a great listener when this happens, though. 😆

Communication is a really interesting thing with all of us, because it’s a struggle on one level or another. I will tell you, it’s a frequent topic in my groups. “WHY CAN’T NEUROTYPICALS JUST SAY WHAT THE FUCK THEY MEAN?!?! 😩😩😩” I’m dead serious - you might think, because we’re sensitive (generally), we can’t “handle” it? You’d be so very wrong. What we can’t handle is when you dance around a subject or we have to try and translate what you just said to us (which most of us are not that good at). Just fucking say it! Nine times out of ten, you’ll just get a look of dawning realization and a “oh, shit, okay” response. We can handle it. Just. Say. It. We’ll respect you a lot more in the morning, LOL 😆

I think every autistic has some sort of beef with neurotypicals when it comes to communication (as I’m sure you have yours with us, obviously).

You guys operate under some weird ass rules that we simply don’t understand - especially if you don’t tell us those rules & just expect us to know. Like, if my husband hadn’t patiently taken years to show/teach me how the way I said certain things were hurtful, I would still be in the “yeah she’s cool but she’s kind of an asshole” territory. (I still struggle to grasp this, or at least it still frustrates me....truth is truth, whether it’s an ironclad general fact or your own personal truth - and yes sometimes the truth hurts, but like...I don’t pin any responsibly for that on the truth teller, if that makes sense?)

Working in rescue also helped hone my ability to speak “neurotypically” to others - I work with a LOT of women, and boy do a lot of them NOT appreciate when you bluntly tell them what you think. Men on the other hand....

I know *lots* of autistic women who prefer friendships with men, largely centering around this communication thing. We hurt men’s feelings a little less regularly than other women’s. I know I was like that, until I got a little more used to how I have to modify my communication with most women (but that annoys me, I’m gonna be honest - it annoys my Autie friends, too). The only time I am as starkly blunt as I used to be, is when speaking to my female Autie friends (because they can handle it), or most of the dudes I’m friends with. But if my message is getting “lost in the sauce” and you’re not getting my point, I usually give a frustrated sigh, WARN you that I’m about to tell you flatly what I need to say, because we aren’t getting anywhere, and just say it.

Yes I am the friend who, when you gush on and on about your new back yard bred puppy, talking all about how you’re gonna breed him when he grows up, is gonna flatly say “he’s not breeding quality”, if they’re not. Then I’m gonna ask you why you want to do such a thing, given that you’re aware of the massive load of rescue dogs (PARTICULARLY Great Danes and Cane Corsos) - and probably beat your argument down every step of the way. That doesn’t always go badly though - one of my closest friends was considering breeding their dog, and while it was a beautiful dog, it was not one that should reproduce (from an “improve the breed” perspective). We barely knew each other, but I gained a reputation for being kind but starkly honest...and I knew what I was talking about...and now I have this person’s deep respect, and they have mine (because they listened and did the research I asked them to - and did not add to the breed population). So it’s not *always* a trainwreck, because the people who end up respecting how I communicate, usually end up VERY close friends. AND I WANT THAT IN RETURN, which is refreshing for a LOT of people. I want your dead honesty in return - PLEASE. It’s so much easier for me to process and accept. For example, my house is almost constantly in some sort of disarray. I have one friend who will come in and go, “girl. I almost can’t breathe in here - this clutter is too much”(and then she offers to help me tackle it!!).

Or, fairly recently, “oh my god those curtains are so horrible, I hope you’re getting rid of those when you redo this room.”

“But I MADE those curtains! I love that print!”

“Ugh. No. They’re terrible. Get rid of them.”

My feelings were not hurt in the LEAST (I of course had a flash of “you bitch, I was so excited to find that print and I MADE THOSE, ya jerk” 😂). At first I said, “well you’re just gonna have to suck it up and deal with my shitty curtains, because I like them” 😂, but then as I was redoing the room, I took them down...and it DID look a lot better, so I left them down 😂😂😂....

So I guess my point with all this is: every autie I know deeply wishes you’d just fucking spit it out. We WILL often miss or misinterpret the point if you “fluff” it too much (around my neck of the woods, we call it putting too much gild on the lily, though I’ve never understood that one. Idk if a “gilded lily” is/was ever a thing, why anyone would gild a lily in the first place...LOTS of us struggle with colloquialisms that don’t make literal sense. 😆 Recently a friend was baffled over “shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up faster”, and fully half of the respondents to her post were people baffled by why anyone would shit in their hand - I and a couple others had to explain, and it just ended with them going “well that’s a fucking stupid saying anyway, and wishes aren’t things you can put in your hands, either” 😂😂😂...but I’m from the south, and these things are just part of our vocab. MOST of them are easy to grasp for me, like “nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs”, because I immediately picture it and can grasp the meaning. But others I don’t get - the gilded lily is one LOL)...

We are LITERAL AS FUCK. It’s why we ruin lots of jokes, too. My poor husband is the dad joke king - and I ruin fully 1/3 or more of his jokes by being too literal (which he also finds amusing, so that’s good). Sometimes we realize we’re ruining the joke but we don’t care, because it’s dumb, or we just .... can’t....HELP IT. 😩😂

Jeez, I could almost write all day about autistics and communication LOL!!

But to summarize (and not succinctly, sorry), I guess, for me and many many others...we are often blunt, direct, almost painfully honest, and very, very literal. Your unspoken rules of communication absolutely go over our heads, unless you - yannow - *communicate* and explain them. We’ll probably tell you those rules are stupid and exhausting, but we will TRY and stick to it as best we can. But see, we literally have to think about every single word that comes out of our mouths, because we communicate far more directly than you weird fuckers do. And it is literally actually exhausting. It’s not an easily natural thing for us to adapt to, your weird way of saying things but not saying what you really mean. You’re wasting a LOT of words there, sir, and we are now getting obsessively confused over why you would do such a thing. 😂 It’s also why I keep getting banned from Facebook. My recent one was because I said - in one of my Autie “safe” groups, where I should be able to just say what I mean - that I tend to punch or want to punch people who deliberately startle the shit out of me. We were talking about how stupid April Fool’s Day was, and how we hate pranks. Three of us got banned for 30 days for just...well. Facebook called it “incitement of violence”. 🙄🥺🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

But I haven’t met - yet, maybe? - an autistic person who is cruel natured - not one of us gets any joy from being a bully type. WE feel everything on a higher level, so we kind of assume you do, too...you might think, “then why are you such an asshole?!”, but it’s simply that we - or every Autie I know, anyway - struggle to grasp how directly communicating your feelings is so fuckin hard or hurtful for y’all. I think anyone struggles to grasp something they themselves don’t experience. All you have to do is explain, though, and keep guiding us towards communicating in ways that we both find acceptable. I mean we’re champs at accepting all manner of different human - regardless of race, sexuality, and so on - but the communication is one area that frustrates the ever loving SHIT out of most of us, because it makes so little logical sense why anyone would say a bunch of useless words that muddy up their intent.

My closing advice? Help Your Pet Autie ™️ (this is absolutely a tongue in cheek term btw) understand how you’d like to be communicated with, and guide us. BE SPECIFIC for fucks sake - we suck at guessing what you might want, and it’s so frustrating that we’ll often just stop communicating at all. Instead of saying “it hurts me when you say this”, try saying “the WAY you said this hurt my feelings because of ____. Maybe you could put it like this instead” (or, “you know, you should really just keep shit like that to yourself”) and *give examples*. Don’t expect us to come up with different ways of saying shit, because we don’t understand what it is specifically you want, and it’s not very logical, therefore it’s not “natural” for us. Plus, everyone is different. I can’t talk to one of my sons the same way I can talk to the other, without certain negative reactions. Give us a chance to know your needs - we DO CARE!!! - but be CLEAR. I know in your world, tact is a big deal, but MOST of us will miss the fucking point if you’re too tactful (and when we misinterpret, we always err on the side of worst case scenario, and make the issue wayyyyy bigger than it should be. Being clear is soooo important).

And hey. Maybe it’ll help clear up some communication in other areas of your life. Being clear isn’t a license to be a fucking asshole; nobody’s giving you a license to unleash on everyone about how much you can’t stand humans...if WE hafta be quiet about that, so do you lmao...fair’s fair. 😆 But quit hedging and hinting and hoping we will pick up on the whatever your grievance is - because we won’t. We’ll just know you’re unhappy, and start panicking over guessing what we did wrong, and just shut down, because we have no idea.

Just. Fucking. Say it. 😘

#asd #autism #autistic #acceptance #awareness #actuallyautistic

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lickingyellowpaint · 3 years

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Alright, because at least one anon was curious, here are some thoughts based on, admittedly, a very brief foray into the world of sales. I'll speak only to what made my gut instinct do a confused puppy head-tilt, and obviously this is opinion, from someone on tumblr, and therefore not the end-all, be-all of advice on this...

Red Flags of Possible Scam Employers and/or Services

1) The first red flag was that the company threw me into the internal chats - chock full of pep and others' successes - before I was actually physically at work and able to understand their utility. Perhaps it’s easier from a tech perspective to fling new employees into every digital system at once. And sure, there was useful information and good insight into how the company uses those chats - lots of newbies asking questions and getting relevant good answers whilst on the floor, which IS nice - and if you're like me and unfamiliar with the tech or apps being used, it's great practice.

For the most part, though, two of the main chats were just hyping up their salespeople as they met their goals. I suspect they want you to see how much money everyone's making, how they're meeting their goals, and make you want to succeed similarly. There was already a little too much constant enthusiasm bouncing around the place for my goth ass, but hey, can't say the culture was negative! Still somewhat a nefarious psychological move, though, imho. The intent is likely to boast, dazzle, entice, overwhelm and make you envious enough to be competitive, as much as it is to inspire and inform. Just a guess.

2) The second red flag was similar in nature. In a lot of the e-meeting training sessions, there was a LOT of time spent on praising the success of those present in video meetings, a LOT of time spent on explaining the tier system of salespeople, the incentives, the commission system, cool trips you can earn... and I get that, to a degree, okay, you have a job, you wanna know how much money you can really make. Fine!

But if as much or more time is spent on those types of things than the actual training on what you need to learn to do the job... hm. Hm! I suspect more headgaming. (And no, this wasn't an MLM targeting suburban moms to employ and get all their friends onboard. This is a big company with good stock and trusted affiliates.) Anyway, this is about when my gut started to do that quiet hrrrr-uff dogs do when they wanna bark but aren't sure about it yet.

3) Language and words are key. Obviously, most people are sharp enough to know that phrases like "no out-of-pocket upfront cost" is a codeword for We Can't Legally Say It's Free But Want You To Feel Like It Is, and means there'll be payment involved at some point. It's one thing to know that, and quite another to parrot the phrase at an elderly potential customer, or one whose grasp of English isn't quite perfect. Could you, in good conscience, do that for a commission and feel good about it? Turns out I couldn't.

And that's not necessarily indicative of a scam company altogether - sales is sales, and sales language has probably been a little deceptive by nature for as long as it's been around. But could you do that for a paycheck, while being new to the job, thus not being entirely sure what it's gonna cost that little old lady or that immigrant family down the line? Could you? You may not really know for sure until you hear yourself say it, and your gut starts barking in earnest, because you don't know what their next step - that you just convinced them to take - will be.

4) I didn't know, so I tried to find out. While my followers here know I was pretty diligent with my required training stuff, you can see from points 1 and 2 that those materials weren't really meaty and informative enough for me. I tried to seek further clarification not just on my tasks, but the next steps - could someone explain them to me better, in a way that assured me I wasn't pitching a scam? Could someone send me videos or content relevant to the next step in the process, just so I understand it better for my own edification and peace of mind?

Well... maybe they tried to. I was sent a link to a video of one of the next-step-in-the-process sales guys at work... only to be denied access to that video, and though I requested access, nothing in the system ever granted it to me. A glitch? Perhaps. But when I mentioned wanting access, wanting a few more questions answered until I felt right with things, most of what I heard was:

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that."

"Don't overcomplicate things for yourself."

"That's a little above your role. Keep things simple, say you don't know, and it'll add value to the expertise of the next-step sales guy!"

"We tend to save that for more advanced training, since not all of our new people have your emotional intelligence, and might not have as good a brain-to-mouth filter, and say more to the customer than they need to."

Well... I wasn't asking in order to answer a customer's questions, I was asking to answer mine. I won't speak to what I don't know to be true, and I won't sell what I'm not sure is legit, no matter how much I'm paid to do so. And that gut-dog? Now it's a pack of dogs, and at least one of them is starting to howl.

5) It's howling kind of loudly, actually, and my (delightful, friendly, funny) managers aren't helping me quiet it down. So if they can't answer my questions to my satisfaction, I have to seek answers elsewhere.

Arguably, obviously, I should have done this from the start, but - that's when I sought out customer reviews.

And I don't mean clicking Google Reviews and just reading those.

I mean spending most of an afternoon on a deep dive into the following search terms:

"[Company Name] reviews" "[CN] scam" "[CN] Better Business Bureau reviews" "[CN] reddit" "[CN] class action/lawsuit" "[CN] Yelp/any other well-known review site you can think of”/Twitter tag/FB search

You get the idea.

Now, of course some bad actors (rival companies, annoyed ex-employees) can write bad reviews to make the company look bad. Equally, anyone who felt like it could write good reviews to make the company look good. (I wasn't about to search every good reviewer's name in our email database to see if any matched up. But a couple did include words or phrases that might be included in customer-facing marketing and mission statements and thus parroted naturally, but were definitely included in internal training vids. Just a very slight few, but they popped out at me.) Another thing to keep in mind when wanting to take all reviews into account equally is that when people are happy with a product, they don't always remember to leave reviews, so most reviews are written by the vaguely-to-deeply dissatisfied to begin with, and may not be an accurate representation of what's really going on.

Let's be fair here. As a thought experiment, look up the reviews for a company/service/product you truly love, and see if the bad ones reflect a concern you can understand, or one you'd brush off, or one that just doesn't reflect your experience at all. What works for one person/locale/reason for another, might not for someone else, and that’s understandable.

Also ponder:

Out of, let's say, 200 reviews, how many would need to be positive to get you to buy something, especially if it was something you wanted? Would a lot of negative ones make you second-guess the product or service?

How would you gauge the seriousness of the problems presented in the negative ones?

Would a company responding to the bad reviews with apologies and customer service numbers, on that same forum where all could read their empathy and solutions, be enough to convince you that the company had handled the issue by the time you're reading them?

Ponder, ponder, ponder...

aaaand, moving on.

Let's say that out of 200 reviews from a plethora of sources, 40-50 are five-star happy with the company.

Another, eh, 30 or so are two- or three-star, because something went wrong, wrong enough to leave an iffy or downright bad taste in the reviewers' mouths.

The last 110-120? One-star reviews. With at least 10-20 of those saying they'd have left zero stars if the review forum allowed it.

Some of those one-stars may be several years old. Some may have since had their issue truly resolved, and never bothered to update their review or add to it. Some have issues that boil down to, "Okay, the customer clearly didn't understand the terms", or, "That's a crazy problem but I can't relate to caring about it because [insert personal preference/reason] here."

But if a whole load of those one-star reviews tend to speak up about the same types of problems, serious ones, ones you'd find bothersome or downright tragic, ones that would cost you money in some way or another, ones that make you further doubt the integrity of the company altogether, and many of them are as recent as the last few months...

Do I need to finish that sentence?

Hold up, BRB, I have to let the gut-dogs out, they're going absolutely batshit crazy. Must be a full moon!

Or just a disorganized, neglectful, or possibly purposely deceitful company.

The old saying says there’s a sucker born every minute.

Would your conscience be cool with being paid to be one, or to prey on them?

Advice:

My advice is pretty basic: before joining, signing, buying important things, do your diligent research and trust. your. gut.

I hope the above list of experiences helps guide you in doing both.

#if you wanna play it super-safe just ignore salespeople and don't go into sales to begin with lol

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let-it-raines · 5 years

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Betting on the Bullseye (27/30)

Emma Swan loses a drunken bet that means she has to ask her celebrity crush - if you can call him that - to be her date to her office’s annual fundraising gala for Boston’s Children Shelter. Killian Jones is that celebrity. She expects all kinds of humiliation and for her dignity to be completely lost all because of the ridiculousness of the situation. What she doesn’t expect is for him to say yes.

What she truly doesn’t expect is to actually like the man.

Rating: Mature

A/N: I say nothing except this one is for @resident-of-storybrooke before she leaves on her trip 😘

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tag list: @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @artistic-writer @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @galaxyzxstark @lifeinahole27 @andiirivera @ultimiflos @hollyethecurious @thejollyroger-writer @superchocovian @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @notoriouscs @mariakov81

-/-

“Ruby is going to be here in thirty minutes,” she mumbles into Killian’s back, burrowing her face further into his sweater. It’s absurdly soft, and she wonders if he’ll ever take it back if she steals it. She’d probably have to keep it hidden away somewhere other than the closet, though. It was much easier to steal things when they didn’t live in the same place. “We have to get out of bed.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Babe, I have to be there early. You’re my date, so you have to be there early with me.”

“If I break up with you for the night, can I come later?”

“No. Then you’d have to buy me food to nourish my broken heart and still show up.”

She feels Killian’s groan more than she hears it, the sounds muffled by the sheets and pillows he’s got his face buried in. It’s three in the afternoon, far past time for them to be lounging in bed, but honestly, they’ve been exceptionally lazy today and have been sleeping on and off all day. It’s Saturday, so they can totally do it. And if it were any other Saturday, she’d be fine with them not moving or turning the lights on (Killian is usually a little more active), but they’ve got to go to this damn charity gala.

That makes it sound bad. It’s a good thing, a really good thing, for the Children’s Shelter and a few other places around town that always join in, but she’s kind of tired of it after dealing with it for weeks on end. She misses last year when Lucy at the museum took care of everything and the only thing she had to worry about was the fact that she was going on a very publicized date with a complete stranger who is now her boyfriend and the man she lives with.

Her life is really weird.

She knows that, thinks about it all of the time, but sometimes it really hits her how strange she and Killian are together. Or not necessarily how they are together but more the fact of how they got together.

It’s really a strange story.

Ruby is definitely going to brag about it all being because of her tonight. She already knows. If Ruby and Dorothy work out, though, Emma can get the same bragging rights, so things will even out.

Hoping a relationship will work out for bragging rights is obviously the height of maturity.

“So you’re telling me that breaking up with you does me no good?”

She hums in response, shifting up so that she can run her lips over the back of his neck, sprawling herself out across his back like Leo and Aiden do to her sometimes. Comparing herself to toddlers is probably not a great thing either, but she doesn’t care. His skin is warm and a bit salty from dried sweat, and even though she’s the one trying to get them out of bed, she finds herself not wanting to move from this spot. Sometimes she wonders if they could stay in bed for weeks on end, alternating between lazily moving against and within each other and sleeping or watching TV while eating junk food.

She should take some days off of work in the new year, and instead of going anywhere and getting exhausted from walking around, they’ll simply stay here and stay in bed, all of the curtains closed so that nothing from the outside world gets in.

Yeah, that sounds really good right now.

“Swan, I know that you’re trying to entice me to move, but running your lips across my neck is not going to make me get up and shower.”

“Would you rather I scream in your ear?”

“It’ll get me up and moving faster.”

“Kinky.”

Killian rolls their bodies before she can move off of him, and for the briefest of moments, he’s smothering her, her breath escaping her while his entire body weight presses down on top of her.

“Killian,” she mumbles, pushing her arms up against him while he shakes his hips to dig himself further into her, the friction so damn good that maybe they don’t have to get out of bed. “Killian, get off of me.”

“Nah, I’m good like this.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“An arsehole who you want as your arm candy tonight, so I suggest that you be nice to me.”

She knees him as hard as she can without actually hurting him, and he plays along, groaning a bit too loudly before rolling off of her and sitting up in bed, his back scrunched over as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes with the heels of his hands, the bed still bouncing the slightest bit after all of their movement.

“Go take your shower, love,” he encourages, twisting his head and nudging her leg. “Ruby will kill you if you’re not at least showered when she gets here.”

“I’m still going to be in the shower by the time she gets here because I have to shave.”

He raises a brow, but she doesn’t really notice because she can’t stop staring at the unruly state of his hair. It’s got to be sticking in a million different directions because of sleep and her hands, and she kind of wants to spend all day running her hands through it. The man has soft hair. That she’s only kind of obsessed with.

(Okay, really obsessed.)

“Doesn’t your dress cover your legs?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, rolling out of bed and tugging at her clothes to pull them off her, tossing her shirt on the bed. Killian is totally staring at her boobs right now, but she doesn’t care. He’s seen her naked enough times in non-sexual situations that it doesn’t even matter. Casual intimacy and confidence and all that jazz. “But you’re wearing a tux that makes you look very dapper, and, you know, you might get lucky tonight.”

“Yeah?” he laughs, his lips curling up into a smirk.

“I mean, maybe. It depends on my mood and if I get to shave.”

“Please, I’m used to your hairy legs. You’ve got to keep warm for winter.”

“So funny,” she mock laughs, pulling her pajama pants down before leaning over the bed and twisting a bit of his chest hair around her finger, “especially from the bear himself. But, no, I’m going to shave and it’s going to feel like a dolphin tonight.”

“I don’t think you realize how creepy that sounds.”

“Gross,” she whines, stepping away from him and into the bathroom so that she can turn the water on, the chill of the air reaching her skin faster than she thought it would. Her favorite thing about living here, Killian not included, is definitely how much better the water pressure is. And how fast it heats up. At her old place she’d be freezing for at least ten minutes only to have the water struggle to get her conditioner out.

She can’t believe that there are people out there who can get away with not using conditioner. Her hair would be one big knot without it.

Plus the split ends. Those would be insane.

By the time she’s out of the shower, her entire body washed and shaved (like a dolphin in a totally non weird way), she can hear Ruby in the bedroom talking to Killian. She doesn’t know what they’re talking about, but she’s sure it’s Ruby complaining about her. It has to be. She’s definitely late, and even though Ruby is always late, she seems to forget that whenever it’s Emma.

“Emma Swan,” Ruby groans, pulling the bathroom door open while she’s still drying herself off with the towel.

“Oh my God,” she shrieks, wrapping her towel around her waist to cover herself, “have you ever heard of knocking?”

“Have you ever heard of being on time?”

“I’m only a little late,” she promises, stepping away from the towel to grab her robe off the hook, quickly wrapping it around her, tugging at the string around her waist. “You look nice.”

“I went ahead and did my makeup since I knew that you’d be late.”

“I’m a punctual person.” Ruby raises her brow in a move that is so Killian that it’s weird. She’s so thankful that they get along, that they’ve always gotten along, but she’s starting to think they’ve spent a little too much time together. Or maybe she has a type in the kind of people she likes. “Okay, so I am most of the time.”

“Just not tonight, but that’s okay. I’m going to work my magic to make you pretty.”

“This is when you say that I’m already pretty,” she laughs, drying off her hair and patting down her face before she grabs her face wash and begins rubbing it into her skin.

“You’re already pretty,” Ruby drolls, sarcasm dripping off of every syllable. “I think I’m just going to do your regular makeup tonight but with a different eyeshadow and a red lip.”

“You’re going to make me look like a Christmas tree, aren’t you?” She cringes a bit as the acid of her face wash gets in her eyes before she’s rinsing that out and reaching for her moisturizer. “My dress is green, Rubes. I don’t need to go with the whole thing.”

“I’m not going to make you look like a Christmas tree, I promise. You’ve just got to trust me? Have I ever let you down before?”

“There was the time in college where you accidentally died my hair red. There was the other time where you made that homemade face mask and I had breakouts for a month. Ooh, or where you did my makeup for an interview and I didn’t know until it was over that I had orange streaks all over my face. And I definitely didn’t get that job.”

“But that was back when we had no money and no experience. Now we have no money and plenty of experience.”

“That can be taken in so many ways.”

Emma watches Ruby waggle her eyebrows through the mirror. Yep, she and Killian are going to have to spend some time apart after tonight.

Maybe before tonight.

They’re too similar.

“And that’s the Ruby way, my darling. Now let’s get ready because you have an event to run, and the carriage turns back into a pumpkin at midnight.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does to me.”

Ruby’s pretty much a master when it comes to makeup. It’s one of those things where she just has the natural talent with it. She watches videos online and takes classes, is always trying out new things, and even though sometimes Emma ends up looking like a clown, usually Ruby knows exactly what she’s doing. Except when it comes to hair. Mary Margaret despite having a pixie cut for years, is definitely the best out of the three of them at doing hair. But she wasn’t about to ask her over when she, David, and the kids are coming over for lunch tomorrow anyways. She’d asked Ruby, but Ruby had laughed and said that she didn’t plan on moving away from bed all day Sunday.

No part of her blames her.

She’s kind of regretting her decision to be social tomorrow already.

“Alright, ladies,” Killian sighs, poking his head into the bathroom, his lips pressed together in a soft smile, “I know you’re still in the middle of finally doing something about the tragedy that is Emma’s face, but I need to take a shower.”

“You can take a shower while I’m in here,” Ruby whistles as she brushes some eyeshadow over Emma’s lid. “I’m not shy.” “I know you aren’t, love, but I’m afraid that I am. That blue shadow looks very vibrant.”

“I know that it’s not blue, babe,” she huffs, opening the eye that’s not getting worked on. “Get your stuff and go shower in the guest room, okay? I think we’ll still be in here awhile.”

“You’re right. It’ll likely take a long time for Ruby to really get all that blue piled up.”

“Go take your shower.”

“As you wish, Swan.”

She closes her eyes while Ruby keeps working, and she can hear the faint sounds of Killian gathering his things out of the shower before the door shuts behind him.

“I was really hoping he was going to shower in here.” “You are so gross.”

“Your lover is hot.”

She snickers at that, memories of Killian calling himself her lover when they weren’t exactly sure what they were to each other yet coming to mind. He’s so ridiculous, but listening to Ruby now, she realizes that all of her friends are absolutely and utterly ridiculous.

She likes it that way.

An hour later her makeup is done and Ruby has just helped her pin her hair back up in a high ponytail, the curls trailing down her neck and the slightest bit of her back. It’s heavy enough that she knows she’ll likely change it before the end of the night, but for now, it works, especially because it’ll keep her hair out of her face as she runs through her checklist at the venue before everyone gets there. If it wasn’t more comfortable to have her hair down, she’d wear it up nearly every day.

“This feels like we’re going to prom,” she sighs while stepping into her dress, pulling it up and zipping it as much as she can on her own.

“Except you feel ridiculous because you’re almost thirty and not sixteen?”

“Besides the fact that I’m not almost thirty, that’s exactly it.”

“Twenty-nine, thirty, same difference.”

“Mathematically that is so wrong,” she scoffs while walking out into the bedroom where Killian is buttoning up his shirt, leaving just enough buttons undone that she knows he likely won’t wear his bowtie for long if at all. “KJ, can you zip my dress?”

“In one moment, love,” he promises, stepping over to her with his bottom lip tugged between her teeth. “You look beautiful, by the way.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Not so bad. That’s what every man wants to hear.”

“You’re dashing,” she sighs, exaggerating the word as Killian takes her zipper and runs it up her back, flicking her ponytail over her shoulder so it doesn’t get caught. When he’s finished, she turns around and wraps her arms around his neck, fingers messing with his hair. It’s weird being directly eye to eye with him, but it always happens in these heels. “And, like, really damn hot too.”

“That’s what I was going for,” he sighs, turning his head and kissing her wrist. “You probably need to go in there and help Ruby zip up her dress.”

“Nope, I’m good,” Ruby protests as she stumbles out of the bathroom already zipped up into her white jumpsuit. “Aww, look at the lovebirds. We have to take a picture to send to Mom and Dad.”

“Who?” “David and Mary Margaret, obviously. Their initials even match up with being Mom and Dad. It’s very fitting. Go stand out on your balcony so I can get one.”

“Rubes.”

“Nope, no protesting. You’ll thank me later when you want to look back on your prom day.”

“Prom?” Killian asks, raising his brow in question.

“It’s nothing.” She unwraps her arms from his neck and turns to walk out of the bedroom so that she can go down the hall to get access to the balcony, Killian and Ruby right behind her. It’s freezing out here, especially with the sea breeze wafting up, so she bounces a bit waiting for Killian to come stand next to her at the railing. “It is too cold to even walk outside for five minutes.” “If you just smile for the crazy woman, we’ll be inside soon enough.”

She laughs under her breath as Killian wraps his arm around her waist, tugging her closer while she presses her hand against his chest and smiles as Ruby takes a few pictures of them, one time getting far too close. And as cold as she is, as much as she wants to go inside, she ropes Ruby into coming to stand next to her so that they can take a few pictures too.

What is adult prom if not taking awkward pictures with your friends?

Once she’s back inside she grabs her coat and her clutch, wishing goodbye to Ruby and telling her that they’ll see her later when she and Dorothy show up to the museum for the dinner. It’s not a long ride there, especially with how fast their Uber driver is moving through the roads, and before she knows it, she’s in the thick of planning and making sure that their tables for their guests have all the right name cards in all of the right places. She’s constantly amazed by how people get upset over who is sitting next to who.

This may be metaphorical adult prom (it’s totally not), but she kind of thought the drama would be over. Then again, she’s obviously making up for everything that happened in high school that she missed out on by simply showing up and making the grades, only joining clubs if she really hated her foster parents and wanted to be out of the house a little more often. Or if she needed them to look good on her college application. She did a lot of that. She just didn’t do the drama. She doesn’t want to know, so she makes sure that the name cards are right, that the preordered dinners are all lined up, and that the donor tables are clear and easy for people to donate money throughout the night.

She’s the first person to sign the sheet, filling out her donor information and writing her donation in the box. She’ll have to make out her check later. Next year they should totally get those card swipe things that hook up to phones. Of course, most people don’t take this money directly out of their personal bank accounts. They have several that need wire transferring or whatever, which is absolutely insane.

That’s just something she’s not going to think about tonight.

Everything is a bit of a blur for the two hours that she’s helping set up, her legs weaving in and out between Christmas trees. They’ve gone with warmer colors this year instead of the silvers and blues of last year, and she likes this better. It feels more intimate and festive and less snow queen. But eventually some of the guests start to arrive, everyone wandering around and mingling or sitting at their seats, and she can breathe a sigh of relief as she’s officially off of the clock…except for going around and asking for donations.

Maybe she’ll send Killian around to do them in her place. That worked really well last year.

“This looks wonderful, Emma,” Dorothy compliments as she and Ruby settle down into their seats. “Have you already taken all of your pictures for work?”

“Lucy, who runs the events at the museum, is going to text me the pictures when there’s a crowd in here. So no crappy phone pictures or anything.”

“So you can actually enjoy dinner?”

She smiles. “That I can.”

For the rest of the night, all she can think about is the difference between this time last year and right now.

Last year she’d probably been sweating she was so nervous and uncomfortable. This year she’s slouching at the table with her arm stretched out over Killian’s shoulders while she plays with his hair and asks Dorothy how work is going, Killian’s hand resting heavily on her thigh.

Last year the conversation had been stilted and a little awkward. This year it flows naturally, everything coming easily even with some of her coworkers that she doesn’t often see sitting at the table with them.

Last year when Killian asked her to dance, she hadn’t really wanted to do it. This year she happily rises from her chair and lets him guide her out to the small dance floor, their feet and bodies expertly moving together instead of gently swaying back and forth.

Last year she wasn’t sure if she’d ever find someone who would love her for who she is without trying to change her or lying about who they are. This year she’s got a partner in her life who loves her without hesitation and who she loves in return.

She’s turning into a cheesy mess, but it’s a good night that has her cheeks hurting from smiling so much, and that has nothing to do with the sweet talking the donors.

“You look pensive,” Killian sighs as he pulls her a bit closer, releasing her hands so that he can wrap his arms around her waist.

“That’s just my face.”

“One of the many.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, clasping her fingers together on the nape of his neck.

He looks so handsome tonight, his hair combed back but just wild enough that it’s not too straight laced, and the bowtie he did end up wearing for a little while untied and draped around his neck with some of his shirt buttons undone. She’s feeling particularly affectionate right now, especially with the few glasses of wine she’s had and the lateness of the night, only a few people left in the museum, so when she gets the opportunity to rest her head on his shoulder, she does.

“This is so much better than last year.”

“Oh I don’t know,” he laments, his lips brushing her temple, “last year was pretty good. We had a fantastic first date. I even got to stay the night.”

“And then you left in a super rude way and stole my swan mug.”

“I’m a scoundrel, I tell you.”

“Maybe even a rascal.”

“Definitely one of those. I’m sorry I did you dirty the night after we met.”

She clicks her tongue before she presses a kiss into the side of his neck, her nose heavily pressing into his skin so that his cologne wafts over her, somehow reaching all the way down to her toes. “I think you’ve more than made up for it.”

“Oh, I don’t know, I think you could likely make me grovel a bit.”

“You know not what you offer.”

“Aye, I’m making a grave mistake.”

She chuckles into him before pulling back so that she can look in his eyes, the blue light in both color and feel. She shouldn’t be able to notice things like that, but she does. He’s happy, and she knows that because she knows him.

What a wonderful feeling that is to know someone and have them know you in return.

“As long as you don’t steal my mug again, I’ll be good.”

“Well, I tend to reserve stealing from lasses as a first date activity.”

“Do you count that as our first date?”

“Really? That’s what you got out of that? Not that I’m a dirty thief?”

“Well, I knew that. I didn’t know you considered that to be our first date since it was really more of a…business transaction.”

“Swan, if you consider that a business transaction, I’m going to get a little worried that you kiss other men like that at work.”

“Gotta make sure I don’t get fired.” Killian raises both of his brows, and she feels the redness and the heat rise in her cheeks. “That was a bad joke. Like, not funny in the slightest.”

“The worst.”

“Undoubtedly.”

“But I don’t know,” he laments, looking up at the ceiling for a moment so that she can admire his jawline, “I think that counts as our first date. We simply had a three-month courtship before I was your lover.”

The way he says the words has that metaphorical fire flickering down her body, but all she can do is laugh, that word continuously coming back tonight.

“This is true. It was, like, some really slow build up. You’re very good at being a lover, though. Ten out of ten would recommend to others if I were into that kind of stuff.”

“Good to know that you don’t want to share.”

“Never.” She quickly brushes her lips over his, tasting the slightest bit of rum, the spice stinging. “I think I might just love you too damn much.”

He looks down at her then, eyes brimming with affection and smile so wide that his eyes crinkle and his teeth are on full display. She loves the soft smiles, the intimate touches, but sometimes she loves the full on joyful, gleeful even, smiles that make his entire face light up.

“And I you, my love.” He kisses her again, this one slow and lingering, before he whispers, “do you think we should go find Ruby to make sure she’s not donating everything I’m worth to charity? I love a good cause, but my girlfriend is rather fond of eating.”

“I can pay my own bills.”

“This is true. Okay, so I am rather fond of eating and having running water in my home.”

She laughs before she unwraps her arms and pats his chest. “There you go, KJ.”

They find Ruby and Dorothy at the bar, the two of them in a giggling fit, and after closing out their tabs, she and Killian make sure to put them in a car while they wait for their own. The temperature has continued to dip the longer the night has gone on, and right as they get into their car, she swears that she sees the tiniest bit of snow. It’s likely a figment of her imagination, but it wouldn’t surprise her if winter has decided to fully come into effect now that it’s the second week of December.

“Don’t forget to post those photos on the shelter’s Instagram.”

“Thanks,” she tells Killian, pulling her phone out of her bag and logging out of her personal account so that she can upload the pictures with the caption she had worked up before tonight, making sure to tag all of the right people. It almost feels wrong promoting a fancy event where people get dressed up in gowns to help children who have been abandoned and abused, but unfortunately, it’s what works to get attention from everyone.

Or maybe fortunately. At least something works. She wants to help, no matter the weird methods that it takes.

And social media isn’t really that weird. She’s only twenty-nine, so she’s definitely not old enough to be one of those people who say “back in my day.” She could, but it would be ridiculous.

“I’ll put up something tomorrow,” Killian yawns, flexing his hand out until it lands on her thigh, thumb running back and forth, and even though it’s over her dress, she can still feel the heat of it. “I’d do it tonight, but I need to do all of the links and I’m – ”

When he’s struck by another yawn, she answers for him, “ – tired. You’re tired.”

“Aye, love, that I am.”

“And here I was shaving my legs so that you wouldn’t have to deal with my winter coat since I know my dolphin legs are much nicer.”

“Nah, like I said, I’m a fan of every part of you, hairy legs and all.”

“That’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“If I recall, the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you was buying your toothbrush replacements heads, and now the most romantic thing anyone has ever said is saying they like you even when you grow your fur coat. No offense, sweetheart, but I feel like I’m doing better than that in the romance department.”

“Ah, I don’t know,” she sighs, placing her hand over his and interlocking their fingers, making sure to rest her wrist on top even if it should be the other way around for how they’re sitting, “I’m a simple girl. I like dental hygiene but not personal hygiene, so you being accepting of that is really like a dream come true for me.”

“You know, I’ve been told that I was dreamy, but a dream come true, that’s a new one.”

She digs her nail into his flesh before she brings their hands to her lips, slanting her lips over Killian’s knuckles to soothe the ache.

“Alright, Cassanova, let’s dial it down a bit. Don’t want to use up all of your romance tonight. You might want to save some for the morning.”

She has every intention of getting back to their apartment and stripping Killian out of his clothes so that she can slowly ride him into momentary oblivion, but once they get into their bedroom, the exhaustion hits her. So she says maybe in the morning as she strips out of her dress, leaving it on the floor while she pulls pajamas back on. They’re plaid and very Christmas-y, and she’s pretty sure the matching set makes her look like a little kid in a movie in the forties, but with the warmth they provide, she doesn’t care. It’s nearly painful to take all of her makeup and take her hair down as well as brushing her teeth, but she and Killian slowly get through it, grumbling side by side as they run through their routines.

They’re in a rhythm, the two of them, even when it’s slightly off course, and only a few minutes after their heads hit their pillows, they’re both out, Killian’s steady breathing matching up with the slow, calm beat of her heart.

When she wakes the next morning it’s to the softest of lips brushing against the skin of her face. She doesn’t bother opening her eyes to look. She knows the feel of Killian’s mouth and his beard almost like she’s known it for her entire life, but after she feels him kiss her nose, she decides to face the world and let the light filter in.

Only there is no light. It’s still dark outside, the moon shining through the window the slightest bit, but she can easily see Killian’s face as he smiles down at her, his lips pressed together in affection while his eyes crinkle. He’s been doing a lot of that lately, all different forms, but this one is different.

“Why are you hovering over me like that? Are you going to murder me?”

“If I wanted to murder you, love, I would have done it while you were asleep.”

“Yeah, so I’ll be sleeping in the guest room with the door locked now.”

He laughs, something deep and low, before his thumb swipes against her cheek, the soft smile turning into something a little brighter. Mostly, though, she’s focusing on the crinkles around his eyes. She loves those a lot. She can’t think it enough. “So last night you told me to save some of my romance for this morning.”

“I recall, but I’m not sure I’m ready for sex quite yet. The sun isn’t even up.”

“Darling, I really and truly appreciate all of these wonderful words that you’re spewing because they make what I’m about to say next even better.”

And somehow, without any clue other than the way that Killian is looking at her, she knows exactly what he’s about to ask her while she’s got bedhead, morning breath, and is in these matching flannel pajamas.

(They’re actually really cute pajamas.)

“Emma, my love, will you marry me?”

#betting on the bullseye #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic

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sapphicscholar · 5 years

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Pride Month Prompts Day 2: Rainbow (Grace/Frankie)

From this Pride Month Prompts post! I’m taking the opportunity to write some short fics for a variety of pairings that I haven’t written for as much, maybe at all. They won’t be going on AO3, so I’ll be sure to tag them all with #pride month prompts so you can find them later if you want.

Day 2: Rainbow

Pairing: Grace/Frankie A/N: I’ve never written for Grace and Frankie before, so hopefully I did them a bit of justice, even though I’m still trying to get their voices and figure out my style for writing them as a pairing. I might try a few more prompts with them this month...we’ll see!

“Tomorrow’s June 1st. You know what that means, don’t ya?” Frankie had asked, apropos of absolutely nothing in between the gummy bears she picked up and popped into her mouth one by one during the commercial breaks of annual Scripps Spelling Bee.

Grace tried to remember. She’d always thought of herself as a considerate partner--she’d certainly been more likely to remember important dates and moments than Robert had, that’s for sure, and she knew his secretary was the only reason she always received a timely, perfectly impersonal gift for their wedding anniversary. But with Frankie, suddenly things weren’t so clear. Grace had inscribed a careful, cursive F inside of her planner on April 17, the day that all of the feelings that she’d been pushing down further and further finally beat back the dam and demanded her attention, demanded that she lean over and kiss the infuriating, impossible woman who she’d fallen in love with at some point over the years. But Frankie recognized so many other dates as important milestones in the relationship she’d described later that same night as being “like playing fetch with that old dog we had, Ernie, remember him?” Grace mainly remembered the way he’d smelled like kibble and rain and mud. “We’d throw a ball for him, and, well, he wasn’t exactly a professional fetch player, if you know what I mean, but he’d meander over. Maybe sniff the grass. Eat a bug. Chew on a stick. Really enjoy the whole experience, one with nature and all that. Pretty enlightened if you think about it. And eventually, he’d find whatever you threw and make his way back to you.” Grace had been halfway to offended until Frankie had added: “Fetch with Ernie.” Us. She gestured between them. “Inevitable. You just have to be patient, trust that things will work out.” So instead of getting snippy with Frankie, Grace had found herself kissing Frankie, again, for the better part of an hour until her neck was stiff and her bad knee demanded something stronger than the heat and ice Frankie would suggest.

A few days later, once it was easier to be alone on the couch together without reveling in the newfound ability to lean over and hold hands or hold one another or kiss, Grace finally asked Frankie about the milestones she’d mentioned. As Frankie began listing them, Grace realized she might need a separate planner just to keep track. Because there was the first time Grace made a proper promise with a kiss. The first time they had a whole meal together uninterrupted by phone calls or fights or family members barging into the house. The first time Grace actually ate something at Del Taco. The first time Frankie had an erotic dream about Grace and Del Taco’s queso--unsurprisingly, those two shared a date. The morning on the beach when Frankie first realized she could spend the rest of her life with no one but Grace and be happy. The first time Frankie had an inkling that Grace might feel the same way.

Still, June 1st wasn’t ringing any bells. “Alright, you’ve got me. What is it? Is it the first time we got high together?”

“Don’t jest, Grace. We all know that was an early spring evening just before Mercury entered retrograde.”

“But of course.” Still, she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Just barely.

“It’s Pride month! Oh Grace, there’s glitter and rainbows and parades--you know how much I like a good parade.” The distinction between good and bad parades was still lost on Grace, though Frankie had been working to explain it, mainly by yelling, “Bad!” whenever they happened to drive past a bad parade or see a bad parade on TV or see something that reminded Frankie of a past bad parade.

“Are you...celebrating?”

“Well of course! But not with those Wall Street sellout types.”

“Obviously.” Frankie beamed at her like she’d done something right, so Grace once more resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“But remember that potluck Babe organized her last year here? Then on Facebook I got an ad for Gay Day at the Beach and a 65+ mixer. And I know it means Mark and all his little friends are listening to me.” She glared at her cell phone. “I know you can hear me, but you don’t own me!” A moment later her attention was back on Grace. “Doesn’t that sound great?”

Grace swallowed heavily, thinking of Robert’s theater friends and the big loud crowds of 20-somethings all yelling about how happy they were to be out and proud when she’d spent her 20s pushing down memories of kissing her best friend in a darkened dorm room and following instructions as everyone around her reminded her that it was time to find the right kind of man and settle down into the right kind of life. She managed some vague noise of assent before begging off with claims of exhaustion, knowing Frankie was never one to discourage napping.

Over the next few days, Grace watched as Frankie trotted out colorful outfit after colorful outfit. Not that her typical color palette was what anyone would call reserved, but now there were patches and buttons and bright swaths of primary colors that made Frankie beam every time she caught sight of herself in the mirror. And Grace tried. She pulled out the pink button up she knew Frankie liked, and tried to shy away from the blacks and grays and navys and tans she too often favored. But still, her colors always turned out more J-Crew in the Summer than Queer Grandmas at Pride. Anything more than that made her stomach clench uncomfortably, like she was trying to force herself into a mold that fit no better than motherhood and heterosexuality had.

So it was with no small amount of trepidation that Grace accepted the rainbow gift bag from Frankie, who stood in front of her, bouncing on the balls of her feet, nearly vibrating with energy as she waited for Grace to tear into the present she’d gotten her “for Pride, of course!”

The first item she pulled out was a coffee mug with Straight Outta the Closet printed on it--an homage Grace recognized only because of the weekend Frankie had come back from some protest or other and made them listen to N.W.A. again and again in her studio until the neighbors came over and asked them to keep it down or at least shut the windows. It wasn’t anything Grace would ever have picked for herself, but it reminded her of Frankie enough that she already knew she’d be using it frequently, just like she’d spent a whole month drinking her coffee out of the matching Vybrant-purple coffee mugs Frankie had made for them.

“There’s still one more thing for today’s potluck!”

“Right.” Grace forced herself to smile as she dug into the tissue paper exploding out of the bag. But she didn’t find the rainbow tutu Frankie had laughed about for a solid three minutes or even one of the t-shirts she’d browsed for hours. Instead, she found a rainbow enamel pin, about the size of her nail.

“I thought you could pin it to that big bag you carry to the beach. Just right in the corner.”

And it was small and understated, but still bright and colorful. A tiny, personal reminder of what this first Pride month being together meant. The kind of thing that could be overlooked, but wouldn’t be by those who knew to look. She didn’t realize she was getting emotional until she felt tears she refused to let fall prickling at her eyes. “It’s perfect,” Grace whispered. “How’d you know?”

“You forget that I am an intuitive witch, Grace Hanson.” Frankie grinned as she reached out a hand, tangling her fingers with Grace’s. It would probably last only until they hit the beach or the water or the first person whose reaction wasn’t already guaranteed to be fine strolling along the shore. But until then, Grace’s hand--always slightly cool to the touch, but perfectly moisturized, perfectly manicured (but nails kept shorter these days, thank you very much)--would find its home in hers, and until then, Frankie would enjoy every second of it.

#pride month prompts #grace x frankie #fanfic #grace hanson #frankie bergstein #grace and frankie #ficlet

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sirenfromthelostcity · 5 years

Text

The Best Mistake Pt. 4: A Job Left Undone

You wait nearly 20 minutes for Delsin to show up but he doesn’t. However, after the fight you two had last night, it wasn’t entirely unexpected. You were prepared for his upset behavior or perhaps even another argument to ensue but not for the hurt of being stood up. Him not coming was definitely on the list of scenarios you had played out in your head but at the time it had seemed like such an unlikely possibility to you. Apparently the thought wasn’t too far off to him.

“Sweater Weather,” by The Neighbourhood, was currently playing on your phone but you pause it towards the end and take off your headphones as you make a decision. With a heavy heart, you lift your body from the brick wall you were previously leaning on and pick up the stencil and tape to lay out your design. Once that’s done you commence spray painting the wall in the according fashion of your design.

All is going as good as it can be until you hear footsteps behind you getting louder and closer. You panic and prepare to make a quick run for it until you turn around and instantly settle down as you see a familiar and missed face.

“Hey,” he starts.

“Oh hey, D,” you cap your spray can and motion to the wall, “I thought you weren’t coming so I went and started ahead.”

“Yeah no I just kinda overslept,” Delsin impassively shrugs.

“Oh, okay,” you casually remark. “I just thought that you might’ve still been upset because of last night and I was actually gonna talk to you about it and-”

“It’s fine, (Name).” He quickly interrupts. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he walks past you to pick up a spray can.

Unconvinced, you tilt your head and turn your body around to face him, “Mmmmm-yeah, no, I’m getting a totally different feeling there might be some stuff we have to discuss. Look I know I-”

“C’mon (Name),” he tilts his head back in irritation at your persistence, “Let’s just do this tag.”

“I’m sorry, ‘just do this?’ “ you repeat, feeling a little offended. “Okay first, please stop interrupting me and second, I know you’ve done this like a million times before but this is my first original piece. So no, I don’t want to ‘just do this’. But how about you, do you even wanna be here right now?”

“No, I do, of course I do,” he sighs and pensively rubs the back of his neck. “I know how long you’ve been working on this.”

“Okay then so, what is it?” You cross your arms.

He dubiously looks down at the ground for a few seconds before shaking his spray can at hand in preparation for the project, “Nothing.”

“Nothing, really?” you give him an incredulous look.

“Yeah, nothing.”

“Listen, if you’re mad then let’s talk, we can’t just ignore the problem.”

“I don’t know it was working pretty well for me up until now, but why not give it another shot?” He snaps.

“So what, just pretend like nothing happened?” You ask, giving him a vexed look.

Delsin says nothing and you scoff, “Fine.”

The two of you just remain spraying the tag in absolute quietude with the exception of the spray can sounds, nothing like your normal tagging adventures.You hate it when he gets all stubborn like this. You did something to hurt him and you acknowledge that. Why he won’t let you two resolve the issue has you both confused and crossed.

Not once does Delsin make any eye contact with you, nor does he make a single retort about anything that you do but the foreign silence has finally reached it’s peak.

“You know what, no, fuck you!” you suddenly burst out.

“What?” Delsin side glances at you, completely perplexed by your sudden outburst.

“Yeah, fuck you Delsin,” you repeat.

He turns his whole body to face you, “I don’t follow….”

“After our argument from yesterday I spent the whole night feeling crappy about myself and I know I deserve it for keeping you in the dark from everyone and I’ve been trying to figure out how to apologize to you for it but it’s a lot harder to do so when you don’t let me!”

“(Name)-”

“No seriously Delsin, I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry for hiding you from everyone else. It was totally inconsiderate of me to do so, to not give you a chance, but I honestly didn’t think you’d mind or care for that matter. Especially considering how that’s your attitude for just about everything. Like who cares if you don’t know my parents and they don’t know about you and-

“Well I do, okay?” He indignantly cuts in. “ Yeah normally I don’t but- I don’t know this is just different.”

“How?”

“It just is!”

Neither one of you notice just how loud your voices are getting or how much of a basic arguing couple you two sound like. Surely any passerby could hear the feud without any intention of eavesdropping. Not that you’d care anyways, at least not at the moment.

“See this is the type of stuff I was saying we should talk about!” You walk closer to him. “We tell each other everything why can’t you just talk to me about this?!”

At this Delsin just silently gives you a sad look that does all the talking for him. He’s never given you a look filled with so much doubt and hesitance. You stay silent as well in return, patiently waiting for him say something, anything. But he doesn’t. Instead he walks closer to you and opens his mouth but what you hear instead startles the both of you.

“Hey, hold it right there you two!” Shouts a tall man decked in a blue and black uniform...with a badge and gun.

“Crap,” you whisper.

“Drop the cans and hold your hands up, both of you!” he says as he reaches for his handcuffs and approaches the two of you.

Delsin instantly grabs your hand and you both simultaneously look in the other direction, in hopes of running away from this mess, but another officer is already there blocking your only other exit.

“Oh, shit” you mutter as you comply with the officer’s command. “This is not good.”

“Calm down, (Name),” Delsin tries to soothe you. “It’ll be alright…. I think…..shit.”

Delsin tries to smooth talk the officers into just letting you both off with a warning but you already know this one isn’t gonna be one of those situations.The officers handcuff you both and escort you to their car. The whole thing is happening in slow motion for you, as if time is slowing down with you to process the whole scene and your emotions. You’re not surprised to be feeling a little bit of deja vu but the lack of fear is relatively shocking. It’s not like it’s entirely gone but it’s not overpowering you as you would’ve expected it to in this situation.

Perhaps some part of you knew this day would come and the feeling of regret is there but not for your actions or anything that led to this event. As the officers drive to the station, you begin to reflect and realize that your only real regret is actually hiding Delsin from your parents. Once they pick you up from the station and they see him this is the only thing they’re going to associate him with. Forget that he’s an actual intelligent, charming, fun and kind person; all they’re going to see is the man who got their daughter arrested.

‘It’s not fair,’ you say in your head, ‘but it is my fault.’

“I’m sorry,” you hear Delsin speak up.

You give him a sad half smile as you then rest your head on his shoulder, “Me too.”

The police officers slow their vehicle as they near the station and park on their designated area. They exit their car and open the door to escort both you and Delsin into the station. You almost make it through without tripping but unfortunately you don’t see the small step curb before the door that every other person walked over. Thus, by the laws of gravity, you fall to the ground at the misstep and consequently hurt your ankle. The officers didn’t laugh on the outside but who knows what was going on in the inside, yet they still helped you up like the good samaritans they are paid to be.

As they continue to escort you through the station, they stop by a desk to commence the report, collect both of your effects, and have you and Delsin seated nearby. For this being the first time that you actually got arrested it’s beginning to feel pretty boring. Apparently there’s a lot of paperwork to be filed before you’re thrown in the slammer or wherever you’re supposed to go. You’re not exactly complaining about the delay but you certainly thought more stuff would be happening within the Seattle PD .

‘Woah, well this is a lot more uneventful than I imagined this place to be’ or so you thought…..

“(Name)?” A neatly dressed man with a half filled coffee mug approaches you.

“Oh no,” you whisper.

“What, what happened- who’s that?” Delsin asks, quizzically switching glances between you and the man.

“That’s my uncle,” you sigh. “Hey Uncle Sully… thought you were at that precinct in California...what are you doing here?” you awkwardly ask.

“Well, I was in California but they transferred me here. I was actually going to surprise you and your parents this weekend. But I think I’m the one who should be asking questions here,” he crosses his arms, delivering you a heartbreaking look. “(Name) what are you doing here?”

You look down at your feet in attempt to avoid his stare. You know you can’t avoid his question forever but for a very brief time, the ignorance is bliss. Slowly you raise your head to look at him and open your mouth to speak but before you can audibly pronounce a syllable, Delsin speaks up.

“--She’s here because of me,” he starts. “She caught me vandalizing a wall and threatened to call the cops on me. I tried to convince her not to but, like the good samaritan that your niece is, she wouldn’t give up. We started arguing very loudly and the cops totally misread the situation and-”

“What? No!” You protest. “That’s not what happened!”

“Miss please don’t interrupt me,” Delsin gives you an offended side glance and continues, “anyways that’s when your boys came in and arrested us.”

“No that’s a lie! Uncle Sully it was me, it was my- “

“Yes your intervenience that confused the cops I already said that,” he nods his head.

“Delsin!”

“Enough, both of you!” Your uncle admonishes the both of you. “Chris, what happened here?”

“We were doing our usual patrol over by Baker’s street and Willingham when we heard loud arguing. We followed the sound and while coming into the scene, both of them were holding a spray can in hand which lead us to believe they were both vandalizing a wall,” says one of the officers.

“Yeah your buddy here walked right in when she took one spray can from my hands and they didn’t even give me a chance to explain-”

“Uncle Sully listen to me-” you cut in.

“Yeah that’s enough. I think I get the picture here,” Sully silences the both of you with a wave of his hand before rubbing at his temples. “Thank you, officers. Chris, please have you and your partner escort this young lady to her home, discreetly as possible if you please and I’ll handle the rest from here.”

“Yes sir,” says one policeman while the other simply nods their head. As they approach and unlock your handcuffs you give Delsin a worried and muddled look.

‘What the hell is he doing?’ You say in your head.

Delsin merely sends you a small reassuring smile before the cops escort your limping form out the station and into their patrol car.

“Why is she limping?” asks your uncle.

“Oh, yeah she tripped earlier at the entrance when we were walking in here,” Delsin simply replies

“Step curb by the door?”

“Yup,” he nods.

Sully laughs, “She’s such a clutz that kid. Alright then, Delsin was it?” he asks and Delsin nods again.

“Stand up and turn around for me Delsin,” he says as he reaches into his pocket and takes out a key, “got a last name?”

“Uh, Rowe. Delsin Rowe,” he answers as he hears the satisfying click of the handcuffs unlocking.

“Okay Mr. Rowe, this way to my office,” Sully motions to the right with his hand. Delsin starts to walk in said direction and Sully follows but not before discreetly nodding at his nearby intern and at that the intern nods back and begins away at typing.

Upon entering his office Delsin casually takes a seat in front of the desk, Sully following suit and taking his seat behind the desk.

“Okay,” he starts, “explain to me exactly what happened.”

“Uh-well there's not really much to it. I was spray painting a wall when your niece- (Name) was it? She caught me and threatened to call the cops but I tried to convince her not to do that but we got into a pretty heated argument instead and you know the rest.”

“Really?” Sully asks with an intimidatingly blank expression. “So this was your first ever encounter with (Name)?”

“Yeah…”

“And judging by your calm composure this isn’t your first ever encounter with the law?”

“Mmm no, it’s not….”

Sully merely hums in thought as he lays back more comfortably in his chair and continues to stare down Delsin.

“Well,” Delsin claps his hands on his legs, “correct me if I’m wrong but, speaking from experience, isn’t now about the time that I can get my one phone call?”

“You can if you are under arrest, which you’re not.”

“I’m not?”

“You’re not.”

“Then what are we doing here- what am I still doing here?”

“We’re waiting.”

“For what?”

A knock at the door is suddenly heard by the two.

“For that,” answers Sully. “Come in, Mr. Sharp.”

To his cue, a tall man, probably younger than Delsin by a year or two, in a sweater vest enters the room with a folder in his hands, “I’ve got the records you asked for, Detective Sullivan.”

Sully, or Detective Sullivan, thanks the man upon receiving the file and immediately begins skimming through it.

It doesn’t take much longer for Delsin to realize exactly what is happening now. It all begins to add up.

“You wouldn’t be happening to be reading my file there would you?”

“You catch on pretty quick, Mr. Rowe I’ll give you that,” he complacently remarks. “Delsin Rowe, currently resides in the Akomish reservation on Salmon Bay, boy aren’t you a hair off course from home, arrested by his very own brother Reginald Rowe for misdemeanor vandalism more than a few times and no known occupation,” he closes the file and drops it on his desk.

“I think if you kept on reading further in there you would’ve seen the ‘He’s still seems like a pretty decent guy,’ passage written in very small italicized letters..”

“Doesn’t my niece know how to pick ‘em?” He asks with an unamused expression.

“What?...”

“I know this this isn’t your first encounter with (Name) Delsin, I know who you are and not because of the file. I know you’re the guy (Name)’s been sneaking off seeing,” Delsin’s eyes slightly widen. “So you can comfortably sit back and try to finesse me all you want but let’s not waste anymore time than we already have.”

“... How do you know that?”

“You know that cousin you almost always see her running around with? That’s my kid. Now don’t blame them, they didn’t intentionally rat you both out I just happened to be behind the right door at the right time. Also they don’t call me Detective Sullivan just because it has a nice ring to it, which is does.”

“Wow,” Delsin crosses his arms and sighs as he leans back, “that’s pretty ironic considering the efforts we went to to make this all a ‘secret’. Do her parents know?”

“No, not yet at least.”

“Well then why didn’t you just tell them when you found out?”

“When I found out this information I only found out that she was sneaking around seeing someone. My kid and her are really close so they never really gave me a name and I didn’t press any further on the issue because I trust (Name). Although sneaking around isn’t something I was okay with her doing, I figured that it’s not my secret to tell and so long as it’s nothing illegal, which at the time I highly doubted that it was, that it’d be fine and she’d tell us all when she’s ready. However, when I saw her today with you and those two cops it all just clicked together and I was ready to call her parents. But then you did something… unexpected. You tried to play it off like you didn’t even know her and take all the blame.”

“Well yeah,” he shrugs with his arms still crossed, “I’m the one who showed her all this stuff. I promised her that we were gonna be alright, that nothing was gonna happen to her. I already have a record, she doesn’t need one. I was just thinking on my feet and I don’t regret a single thing.”

“Well you’re right about the record thing. If it weren’t for her little counter backs it would’ve easily sold anyone. Now how’s that? Neither one of you were willing to let the other take the fall.”

Delsin rubs the back of his neck and stays silent as he processes this.

“(Name) is like another kid of my own to me, Delsin. As a person who cares for her, I can see when others do and I can see that you do.”

“I do,” he mutters, “I really do care about her.”

“So how long have you two been together?”

“We’re not actually together-together, I met her a few months back when she visited the reservation. She saw me spray paint- allegedly saw me-”

“It’s okay kid I don’t care for past spray painting jobs just go on with the story.”

Delsin smirks, “She saw me spray painting this owl and I didn’t even know she was there until I turned around to step back a bit. I was actually really impressed by her just sneaking past me but anyways she liked the painting and so we started talking and we probably would’ve stayed talking longer if my brother wasn’t doing his patrol and hadn’t tried to arrest us but luckily I managed to convince him to just let us off with a warning. We offered her a ride home in which she said yes to and once we brought her home I asked for her number, had coffee with her the next day and we just... became really close friends.”

“That’s one hell of a bullet you took for a ‘friend’ today,” Sully complacently replies. “But when the officers picked you both up today I recall they mentioned something about an argument?”

Delsin looks at his feet before replying, “Yeah that was actually part two of an argument that started last night.”

“And what was argument part one about?”

“From the beginning she said that us hanging out and stuff had to be a secret because her dad is super strict and at first I was cool with that. But over time I didn’t want to hide anymore. I’m just naturally not a person to hide who I am because I’m not ashamed of who I am and what I do. It just started to bother me that no one really knew about us and that her parents probably wouldn’t approve of me and usually the approval from others doesn’t matter to me but when it came to them it just did. It just feels different now…” as the words leave Delsin’s mouth a realization hits him.

“..You care what they think now because… oh...I’m assuming (Name) doesn’t know that this is how you feel?” Sully replies as he catches on to what Delsin is inferring.

“No,” he sighs. “She doesn’t. Honestly even I didn’t entirely know that’s how I felt. Which is actually what argument part two was about. She wanted to resolve things but I kept trying to stop her… I’m such an idiot,” he rubs at his temples.

Sully eyes Delsin but for once it isn’t to intimidate him or to figure out his plot, especially considering how Delsin is practically saying everything that he should’ve originally said to you. “You are an idiot.”

“Yeah, thanks for the reminder, Detective,” he says as he rests his chin on his hand and his elbows on his knees.

“I say that with hope, Delsin. You’re an idiot with time,” he clarifies. “Just tell her how you feel already. As for me, (Name) cares for you and you care for her. That’s all I needed to see and hear for myself.”

Delsin lifts up his head, “Are you implying that I have your approval?”

“You have my acknowledgment. (Name) is her own person and can therefore decide for herself who she wants to be with or associate herself with. But you seem like a pretty decent guy, guess she could’ve picked a worse person to be with.”

“I told you it said that in the small italicized print,” he grins.

Sully light heartedly scoffs and shakes his head, “Alright I think we’re finished here. Don’t let me or any of my officers catch either one of you vandalizing anything in my city ever again,” he points a stern finger at Delsin. “If you stop by my intern’s desk he will direct you to where you can get your effects and if you need to call someone for a ride he can do that for you too.”

“Thanks, Detective Sullivan,” he says as he rises from his seat but before he takes off he remembers something and pauses.

“Is there something you need?” Sully asks with raised eyebrows.

“Uh-no I just dozed off for a second there. But don’t worry you won’t catch us doing anything that defies those precious laws that were written and remodified oh so many years ago. But really, thanks for everything,” Delsin says as he actually reaches forward to shake Detective Sullivan’s hand.

Sully complies with the handshake and Delsin genuinely smiles at him one last time before exiting his office and approaching the intern's desk.

“Hey there, I’m Delsin Rowe, Detective Sullivan told me you could help me retrieve my effects? Oh and also I’m gonna need the stencils that were retrieved from the ‘crime scene’, those are mine that I need for a commision based project.”

#infamous second son #delsin rowe x reader #delsin rowe #i dont own the characters #i think maybe just you

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radical-rad1986 · 5 years

Text

ESS sign-ups

Mmm... maybe sideblogs don’t show up in tag searches?? Because my key chain post does?

So the Escaflowne Secret Santa (ESS) is a gift exchange that’s going into its fifth year. If you love Escaflowne you should join! We love new blood people. Please follow the @esca-ss blog for information and updates!

Thanks @drkstars-art for reminding me! Omg it is almost the end of October isn’t it? :/

Yes I’mma still use this sideblog for sign-ups bc it functions. Sign-ups end 11/16, partners will go out 11/20. Please post gifts by 1/11/2020. (Cannot type ‘2019′ for that ha.)

Sign-up form is here, send your info to icm.9302014 [@] gmail.com to sign up. FAQ is here, if you can’t find the answer holla at me.

Remember that I ignore time zones; if your time zone is right then you’re good!!

Anyone who loves Esca and wants to participate is welcome!!! Reblog and tag!!

-----

If the blog doesn’t work, here’s the FAQ/Information and the Sign-up form:

Don’t see your question here? Just contact Rad via any method (email: icm.9302014 [@] gmail.com). [Heeeey, that’s a different email…. Yeah I don’t mind that the internet can see it. Responses will come from my primary email.]

What is the ESS?

The Escaflowne Secret Santa (ESS for short) is a fan-created holiday gift exchange to promote friendship between those who enjoy Escaflowne and to create new works for the fandom.

Who runs the ESS?

radicalrad-1986, call her Rad, hosts the ESS exchange. So far we’ve got four! wonderful years under the belt!

Do you need help organizing/running the ESS or working the Tumblr site?

At this time, no. If help is needed there’s already a list going. If there arises a situation in the future where Rad needs help she’ll ask. Thank you!

Who can join/participate?

Anyone and everyone who loves Escaflowne! You don’t need to be a part of the location we hang at or our little usual group on Tumblr. If you love Esca then come have fun, meet new people, make stuff for the fandom! It does not matter how old you are* or how old a fan you are; come join! (* = Please be 18+/local age of consent to participate in the NSFW exchange.)

How does this work?

1) Sign up by filling out this form and emailing it to icm.9302014 [@] gmail.com.

2) Receive your recipient’s name. 3) Create! (Keep it a secret!) 4) Check in at the requested times. 5) Post! 6) Have fun!! – Each year there will be someone helping Rad give out a set of names - including hers! Please check in with Rad, not the secondary person. Generic questions about the ESS should be directed at Rad. If you receive Rad’s name and have a question about her gift please contact the secondary person OR if you directly ask Rad be sure you’re anonymous.

When are the sign-up dates / posting dates?

These dates will change as the years go by so they’re not set in stone. If Rad is on top of things (haha) sign-ups will begin early October and posting week is mid/late December or early January. For the posting week you have the entire week, you’re not late if you post on Wednesday or Saturday instead of Sunday! :)

What can I do as a gift for my recipient? What quality does it have to be? How much time should I spend on it?

Whatever you want! If you’re a writer, write! If you’re an artist, draw! If you like making animated images, animate away! Music videos, fan soundtracks, manips, whatever your talent is. Please make something for your recipient to enjoy; if they don’t like Dornkirk don’t draw or write something elaborate based on him. Quality and time spent are hard to quantify. No one expects you to spend years on it or break yourself over it. “Please spend more than five minutes and don’t gift a rush job,” goes without saying. Surely no one will give a rushed gift but so it’s been said. Don’t compare yourself to another gifter and feel bad; know that your gift will be loved by the recipient and the fandom for the care and time you put into it.

Can I gift something NSFW or state that I’m fine with receiving it?

Yes! There is a secondary swap for those who are alright with NSFW. If you’re not into NSFW no worries! Must I gift something NSFW if I’m in that group? No; if your inspiration does not lead down that road that’s alright. It’s a way for people who are comfortable in the area to give/receive NSFW while those who are uncomfortable don’t have to worry.

Can I do BOTH swaps if there are two swaps?

Sure! The point is to have fun, so why not double it?

How/where should I post my gift?

Wherever you want; Rad is primarily linking to things on AO3 due to Tumblr’s 12/2018 stupidity.

– NSFW entries that are SFW: Please comment in the post that they are SFW as Rad will tag them that way for the filtering/block systems.

– NSFW entries that are NSFW MUST be under a cut!

– Tagging: Please @-tag this blog, esca-ss. In the tags section please tag it “ESS(space)[year]”. For example, “ESS 2017.” For the NSFW please tag it “NSFW(space)ESS(space)[year]”. Example, “NSFW ESS 2017”. Rad uses the Tumblr Search function to make sure she doesn’t miss postings. If this blog, esca-ss, doesn’t reglog your post within 48 hours please contact either this blog or RadicalRad1986 and nudge me.

Where do I sign up?? How much information should I provide? May I ask for an extra personalized gift?

Please email your form toicm.9302014 [@] gmail.com.

You can provide as much information as you want! Don’t write a book but don’t submit a single sentence either. :) — An ‘extra personalized gift’ means you’d like something based on fic you’ve written or art you’ve drawn or if you really like someone’s headcanon and you want your gift based on that. A generic request is alright but not specific (example of specific: fic A, chapter 2, lines 12-54). You must also include at least three generic likes as well. [If its longfic you can point to a chapter or two because yeah we may not have time to read 500,000 words.] Etc; it is not limited to fic, art, or headcanon. —— Example: “So I’d really like art based on this fic (URL link) that I/someone else wrote.” Or “I’d love to see a story based on this art (URL link) that I/someone else drew.” Or “Xyz posted this headcanon and I’d love to see this explored.“ As well as “I enjoy the VH dynamic, Folken intrigues me, and what the heck was Dryden doing for his five years abroad I mean how did he build his merchant empire-ish thing?” — URLs MUST be included, not just links. Links disappear as things are copied/pasted.

Can/should I message my recipient before the posting date? Can I post a teaser of some sort?

If you want, certainly! Remember though, it’s a secret! Don’t let your recipient know who you are or exactly what you’re making! If you’re having fun that’s the goal! (Example: Message your recipient as anonymous or Submit/send Rad or the ESS a teaser and she’ll post it, that way the original creator is temporarily disconnected from the teaser.)

What if I can’t post my gift on time or I have to duck out due to real life?

This is alright and totally understandable. There is a week’s time in which you can post your gift so don’t feel rushed. No one will look down on you because life happened. You have to take care of yourself first. Being a little late is obviously undesirable but understandable. If you’re going to be late or sadly must duck out please let Rad know asap. There are back-up gifters in place for this reason.

Deadlines and time zones

I try very hard to ignore timezone s. I live in Michigan, USA, so when I say a date/deadline I’m referring to my time zone of Eastern Standard. However, I try to allow twenty-four hours to go by before no longer accepting sign-ups or calling deadlines. If it’s the stated date in your timezone, you’re on time. :)

You sure link to your personal blog a lot… Just sayin’.

While I have notifications turned on for the ESS blog, Tumblr conspires against me and I don’t get the notifications. Notifications usually DO work for my personal blog. Therefore you’re more likely to get a faster response if you contact my personal blog. (Blame Tumblr.)

The form must be emailed to icm.9302014 [@] gmail.com. This form is to indicate what you want to receive as a gift; NOT what you don’t want to gift to someone else.

1) Screenname: 2) Places on the internet with URLs**: 3) Likes: – Esca universe: – Genre/topics/etc: 4) Dislikes: – Esca universe: – Genre/topics/etc: 5) SFW, NSFW, or both? 6) Does #3 and/or #4 change in SFW vs NSFW exchange? Is something alright with you in one exchange but not alright with you in the other? 7) If needed, are you available as a back-up gifter?

**: Please copy/paste or type out the URL on the form. For example: (radicalrad-1986.tumblr.com). When Rad receives sign-ups and their information she copies and pastes them into a Word/GDrive document. Text links usually don’t/sometimes carry over and thus your locations are lost! (This is an example of a text link.)

——

EXAMPLE:

1) Screenname: Rad (variations apply) 2) Places on the internet with URLs: http://www.radical-rad1986.tumblr.com https://archiveofourown.org/users/rad http://www.deviantart.com/rad1986 http://www.deviantart.com/rad-destiny-arcs http://www.fanfiction.net/~rad

3) Likes: – Esca universe: If you know me at all you know that the Series is my only focus and Eries and the Astons and Dryden are my peeps. I’d LOVE to see more Marlene/Mahad! Love the girls x their men too. ^.^ I do love the Movie and if you want to do my gift in another universe, any universe, that’s totally fine. The usual/standard is also enjoyed but it’s nice to have a larger variety. I’d love to see more of minor characters or pairings. I can be tempted with rairpares if they’re not terribly OOC. :D I would super enjoy fanart of anything I’ve written too, iffn you feel like it. Fanart of anything I’ve written would be wonderful! (My Aston girls fic is in the reworks but the gist is the same.) – Genre/topic/etc: I don’t follow really in-depth things well (like murder/mystery or politics) but pretty much anything. While clearly there won’t be any long-haul in a Christmas gift I am all for the in-depth, long journey instead of the immediate dessert. 4) Dislikes: – Esca universe: Not a fan of Dornkirk. That’s pretty much it! – Genre/topics/etc: Whump, infidelity, gore/extreme violence, unnecessary/extreme ragging on a character/topic. 5) SFW, NSFW, or both? SFW 6) Does #4 and/or #5 change in SFW vs NSFW exchange? Is something alright with you in one exchange but not alright with you in the other? I’m not a fan of Dornkirk but in a NSFW gift his thought process could be explored and while I dislike detailed violence, test subjects could be shown with minor details. 7) If needed, are you available as a back-up gifter? Yup!

#Escaflowne #The Vision of Escaflowne #Tenkuu no Escaflowne #Tumblr I hate you

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boyswanna-be-her · 5 years

Note

I have a crush on you but also LEAK THE SKIN CARE ROUTINE

I really hope you were serious, because this is something I’ve thought a lot about and I am absolutely going to use this ask as an excuse to go into a skin care deep dive.

Here’s a big-ol high-res picture of my mug for you to inspect.

I pay less than $15 for products that must last at least 3-4 months because I just… don’t have more money than that to throw at this hobby. I’ll link to everything I use and show you the price under the cut.

I only use four of these things below every day–but when I have time, I use as many of them as my skin calls for. I just wanted to show you the whole of my skincare arsenal so as not to be coy about it taking up space and time in my life and routine. It does, and I do work on it.

I’m 33, white with combination skin, lots of prior scarring from picking, lots of sun exposure (Florida!), and several minor autoimmune issues that impact my skin when my health is poor or stress is high. I am prone to whiteheads and inflamed pimples the week of my period.

You cannot buy, wash, treat, or hide your way to “perfect” skin. Airbrushed, poreless, whitewashed, glowing, moist, unwrinkled skin is a lie sold to us by makeup and skincare companies. There is no perfect skin–there is only skin.

But if you personally are unhappy with some aspect of your skin, you can develop habits that make you more comfortable with/proud of/happy with your skin, and that’s what I want to focus on here.

Though good health =/= clear and smooth skin in all cases, I am lucky to report that my skin looks clearer, smoother, and younger now that I’m not just generally near death all the time. The story would be very different if I struggled with, say, lifelong acne, or if I had a chronic health problem that I was not able to manage.

Skincare is a luxury of time, money, physical storage space, and mental space.

“Good” skin is a myth. Everyone’s skin is good skin. I started doing all of this stuff to my skin because I was dissatisfied with how much it HURT all of the time, and how flaky it was. Acne, scars, “discoloration,” different coloration, birthmarks, big pores, “craters,” uneven textures, dark hairs, thick hairs, skin tags, milia, blackheads, wrinkles, keratosis pilaris, freckles, and moles are all NORMAL skin types/features and don’t need to be “solved” if the possessor is unbothered by them. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO LOOK HOWEVER YOU WANT.

I do this stuff because I like it, it helps my mental health to take care of myself with a routine, and it improves my physical quality of life. It helps me with some insecurities, but if that was the only thing it did for me, I don’t think I’d mess with it this much. When I’m not healthy, my skin is prone to deep cracking and flaking. I have always been self-conscious about redness in my T-zone and yellowness around my eyes (dear god, my poor, poor liver).

My skin has objectively cleared and smoothed and plumped up a lot because I smoke less, drink less, stay in mostly humid environments (because, again, Florida!), and have been managing my stress and autoimmune issues. These are all changes made in the last six months.

On top of those changes, on an average day when I’m actually taking care of myself, I use the following four steps in the order listed, once a day in the morning. I’m realistic that I’ll only do this once a day in the morning and anything more than that is just a boring time suck for me as a person.

1. COSRX Low pH Good Morning Gel Cleanser - 5 oz for $10.70 - one tube lasts me about 6 months. I use this in the morning and just thoroughly wash my face. It’s very mild and has a fresh citrus scent that doesn’t linger.

2. Kikumasamune Skincare Lotion - 17 oz $12.10 - one bottle lasts me 8-10 months. This is a fermented, watery product unlike anything I’d used before. It smells faintly like sake, bananas, and bubblegum (seriously). I decant it out of the big pump bottle into a little travel bottle. I shake a little in my hand and rub it gently over my whole face and eye area. Probably not supposed to do that, but I’m a rebel. It leaves my skin a little tacky.

3. Hada Labo Rohto Hadalabo Gokujun Hyaluronic Lotion Moist - 5.7 oz for $12.99 bottle, then 6.4 oz for $10.90 refill packages - 5 oz lasts me 3-4 months. I’ve honestly forgotten what this even does but it’s a nice, thick liquid, colorless and scentless, and I put it all over my face. Leaves my skin a little less tacky but still not slick/neutral.

4. Ladykin Fresh Strawberry Icing Gel Bar - 6.7 oz for $7.99 - one bottle lasts me about 5-6 months. Someone literally bought this for me as a gag gift because they knew I liked skincare and the bottle is… weirdly obscene. But it turns out that it makes a great moisturizer for me and it’s cheap as hell and smells like fresh strawberries so what’s the down side?

When I have time or when my skin really needs it, I also use the following products:

SHEETMASKS - Stop buying overpriced sheetmasks one at a time!!!! Leave that aisle at Target alone!!! I know they’re at the dollar store too–leave them alone!!! Those are cool if you’re treating yourself for special occasions, but I try to think of sheet masks as a normal part of my week. That means I’m not going to shell out $3-4 PER MASK if I’m using one or two every week!

The thing with sheetmasks is, in my totally nonscientific opinion, it doesn’t really matter what kind you use. The value is in plopping a bunch of moisture on your face along with cloth that simply forces that product into your skin. It’s the skin force-feeding concept that works more than the product itself. I think. I have no proof. I have made really moronic assumptions before.

That said, you’ll find ones that you prefer over others. Snail mucin ones don’t absorb nicely for me. Exotic animal-sourced ingredients (bee pollen, royal jelly, donkey milk, goat milk, snake venom, bee venom….) sometimes irritate my skin. Other people LOVE them.

I get sheetmasks in packages online, at TJ Maxx, and at Marshalls. I try to pay under 75 cents per mask, but lean more towards the 50 cent mark. TJ Maxx and Marshalls are great places to try out new masks–just look at the prices and the mask count and do a little mental math to make sure you’re not getting gouged.

A good place to start if you want to try sheetmasking is with the Dermal brand of sheetmasks (16 masks for $11 (68c/per), 24 masks for $14 (58c/per), 39 masks for $21 (54c/per). They’re basic and generally non-irritating with no scent and a thin formula that feels nice and leaves skin smooth and untacky. This is what I generally keep on hand.

I have a weird sense-memory thing with ginseng, so I also look out for Esfolio Pure Skin Red Ginseng Essence Mask Sheets. I don’t recommend buying from Amazon, as I am able to find these 10-pack boxes cheaper in person.

If I’m going to use a sheetmask, I put it on after I brush my teeth, wash my face, and put in contact lenses (doing them with glasses isn’t impossible–just messier). Then I make tea and just… do stuff with the dumb sheet mask on until it’s pretty dry (20-30 minutes). Then I take it off and rub the leftover mask on my arms and legs and chest like a weirdo, because it’s still full of product, and then I squeeze the leftover product out of the package and apply it to my face. Because I have the luxury of time but not money, I do NOT waste product.

AQUAPHOR - ~$14 for 14 oz - one tub lasts me through 18 months of travel, winters, and tattoos. Apparently everyone who lives somewhere cold already knows that you need to smother your face in petrolatum when it starts acting up or the weather is cold and dry, but this was shocking news to someone like me who was raised in Southern mall culture skincare routines. When my skin is cracked and bad, Aquaphor legit helps more than my prescription steroid creams. I put as much of it on my face as I can tolerate (it doesn’t smell like anything, but it does make you damned greasy) and then go to bed. Waking up with post-Aquaphor skin is like a miracle sometimes.

MISSHA M Perfect Cover BB Cream SPF 42 - $7.20 for 0.2 oz - This is a new purchase for me, as my favorite sheer, tinted one-tone-fits-all BB cream has been discontinued. This only comes in six colors, and most of those look like they flatter white and yellow skin–so this option won’t be perfect for everyone. I’m still in search of the perfect replacement BB, but this one works for now. In the picture at the top of this post, I’ve just done my normal 4-step thing and applied about a pump and a half of this BB cream all over my face.

***If you have actively flakey skin, I don’t recommend the MISSHA product as it does emphasize flakes and dry patches. Try COVERGIRL Smoothers Lightweight BB Cream (1.35 oz for $6.19) It won’t discolor and emphasize your flakes, if you get dried out during the day.***

I fell into the Korean beauty rabbit hole several years ago with @shrimoishere –who has been more consistent about these things and as a result has AMAZING SKIN. If you want to learn more about why this stuff works, and how it could work for your specific skin type, I highly recommend poking around r/AsianBeauty. I spent a ton of time researching products and about two years trying different things to figure out what would work for me. This has been a passive, slow journey, so I don’t think anyone who can afford it and would like to pursue it should feel intimidated by the perceived time suck. It’s just something cool to do in the background.

#Anonymous #long post

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thehyperkraken · 5 years

Text

EDIT: yall idk why the actual fic isnt showing up in the tags but this shit is, bc thats literally the opposite of what i wanted, but for the love of god read the fic first and/or instead, that’s the thing i spent more than 20 minutes on: [link]

Hey random idea dump for that one fic i done did yeehaw... it’s almost longer than the fic itself but jesus christ i need to get these ideas out of my head and throw them into the internet ether, seriously don’t read this its a goddamn mess

So ghjkdf the actual plotty part of that fic came from that one b99 bit... the Bone one.....u kno

Arthur: Come on, Dutch. The O'Driscolls thing isn't the problem. You're in a bad mood because you've been so busy planning this heist that it's keeping you and Hosea apart. You two just need to bone. John: Oh no... Dutch: ...What did you say? John: Don't say it again! Arthur: I said you two need to bone. John: Oh my god... Dutch: (with barely contained fury) Hhhhhow Dare you Arthur Morgan, I am thIS GANG'S LEADER!!! You have NO RIGHT to comment on my sex life— (5 minutes later) Dutch, standing on top of a table screaming: BONE?!?!?! (10 minutes later) Dutch: What happens in my bedroom, son, is NONE of your business— (20 minutes later) Dutch, jumping up and down on the table: BOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!! (40 minutes later) Dutch: And don't EVER speak to me like that AGAIN! (storms off) John, sunken down in his chair in horror: Why the hell did you do that? Arthur: (shrugs) They need to bone. John: Gross, Arthur! That's our dads!

And then like a day later gfdhkg

John: Oh hey Dutch! I know you don't want to talk about Hosea, BUT, I had an idea— Dutch: No need, John, it's all good. John: So... your fight with Hosea is over? Dutch: Yep. John: Because you finally figured out a plan for the heist...? Dutch: Nope! Arthur, excitedly: Because you guys—? Dutch: Yyyyep! Arthur, looking smug: Knew it. John: Ugh... Arthur: (leans down close to him) See, what happened is, our dads had sex— John: UGH, SHUT UP!

Another inspiration I had was John Mulaney’s bit about zoning out for John with adhd,,,,, the part where he’s like “the doctor was reading me the results of a blood test, it was IMPORTANT that I LISTENED, but NO, I zoned out, I was like, I’m just gonna stare at the wall and think m’thoughts” that’s why I wrote the part where John was like “ehhh attention deficient something something disease” bc it made me laugh gjhggdjh

Dutch: so the doctor says you have ADHD John: (thinking about minecraft) what?

Also unrelated but blease consider Arthur teaching John to drive like

Arthur: are you watching the road? John: ........I am looking through the windshield Arthur: John: .......and I’m not gonna hit anyone...... Arthur: John: ....but no. I’m thinkin’ about minecraft

(Also I don’t know anything about ssb I’ve played it once and hated it, minecraft is my og video game love, but Abigail beating John at ssb is funnier, I’m a fake gamer boy :^( rip)

ONE MORE INSPIRATION THAT ONE VINE ITS MY FAVORITE VINE

Arthur: are you drinking coke for breakfast? John: yeah, what did you have for breakfast? Arthur: ........nothing John: (sipping his drink) I’m doing better than you, then

Anyway onto ACTUAL IDEA STUFF HOORAY

So when Dutch and Hosea decided to adopt, they agreed they wanted to take in kids who needed good homes the most, so they were specifically looking for older kids who would probably age out of the system and wind up on the streets

They met Arthur who was a clearly depressed and gender non conforming thirteen year old who hated everyone and everything and wasn’t getting the Love he Deserved, and Dutch was like “I want THAT ONE, with the SAD EYES”

Arthur tried to push them away at first, cuz he absolutely didn’t trust anyone, and some part of him believed they’d just give him right back up for adoption if he disappointed them in any way. But he eventually learned that they were good guys who really just wanted to help him, and they weren’t gonna abandon him if he wasn’t the perfect kid they always wanted

(he probably told them about this fear eventually and Hosea just snorted and was like “if we wanted a perfect kid we woulda got a cabbage patch doll. something that wouldn’t scream or make a mess” and Dutch was like “yeah! or like a 27 year old with a job and their own house and kids of their own. pre-made grandkids” and Hosea was like “or a cat” and Arthur was like “...okay”)

Anyway it took a loooong time but Arthur eventually trusted them enough to come out to them as trans, without really knowing the proper words for everything, just knowing that He Is A Boy And That’s That. As much as Hosea is the one the lads go to to talk about stuff and get comfort and Wise Dad Advice, he probably told Dutch first bc he was more uncertain how he’d respond and he wanted to get it over with in the worst way possible.... like, if they were gonna react badly, heap all the bullshit on in one fell swoop

I imagine he did it off the cuff too, in response to something Dutch said, like Dutch was like “u get back here right now young lady” and Arthur was like “first of all I’m not a lady, I’m a BOY, and second of all FUCK you, I do what I WANT” and Dutch was like “groovy. you’re grounded.” Arthur was like (offended) “don’t say groovy... don’t try to be hip” and Dutch was like “no it’s totally tubular that ur a boy. It’s absolutely funky. You’re fucking grounded though”

Then he went and told Hosea like “congrats! it’s a boy” and they helped him transition and they didn’t tolerate a single person misgendering him the whole time. Like before he’s even begun transitioning, they’re literally at the doctors office to discuss it w/ their doc for the first time, and a nurse is like “ms. morgan?” And Dutch is like “INCORRECT” and the doctor is like “what seems to be the problem (deadname)?” and Dutch is like “FOOL! THIS CHILD WAS LABELED INACCURATELY, WE REQUIRE A GENDER RETRACTION” and Hosea’s like “please stop yelling”

Anyway probably about a year later they got John when he was ten and Arthur was fifteen. Arthur was a little bit jealous like, wow, am I not enough kid for u, but Dutch and Hosea always planned on getting at least two bc they wanted them to have siblings, and they know John came from a pretty abusive situation, so Arthur can’t be too mad at him. At least until he met John and realized what a fucking brat he is

Since John was younger and way more desperate for affection, he immediately loved Dutch and Hosea just bc they were nice to him, he was ready to call them his dads within the month but he was nervous that it was too soon and they’d be weirded out. But I imagine he got triggered by something and had a meltdown and they got to see just a glimpse of what he’d been through, and Dutch and Hosea were falling over themselves trying to comfort him and tell him they love him and now I’m making myself cry :’^(

Anyway... from that point on John was like “these are the only dads I’ve ever had and I would kill a man for them.” He gets in trouble quite a bit bc he’s Naughty, but Dutch and Hosea always make sure to punish him fairly and never yell or be physically intimidating with him or permanently take away his stuff, like they make him do chores to earn back the right to use the xbox or something. And they always explain to him exactly what he did wrong and why he’s being punished and talk to him about how he can make it better or what he can do next time, or if there’s a root problem, like he’s acting out bc he’s overwhelmed with school work or smthn, how they can help him. Especially after he gets diagnosed with ADHD

And of course they do all this with Arthur too, but they make a special concerted effort with John bc he’s The Baby :^) and Dutch somehow maintains an attitude of “idk what ur talking about, John has never done anything wrong ever in his life” every time he gets in trouble meanwhile Hosea is like “what do you MEAN, he’s a GREMLIN” fjfjfhhf

Arthur was probably diagnosed with depression and anxiety at some point... it was probably a long process to get him to even admit he had a problem bc he didnt wanna bother anyone... Arthur also probably came from an abusive situation from the way canon Arthur talks about his dad, but Arthur is much more the type to be like “i’m gonna keep all my feelings inside, and then one day, i’ll die” whereas John is like “i will SCREAM if i get a papercut”

[EDIT: i woke up in a cold sweat at 4 AM with this in my head so now i’m putting it here

Charles: So, Arthur... Do you wanna talk about your feelings? Arthur: No. John: I do! :) Charles: ...I know, John. John: I’m sad! :) Charles: I know, John.

i’m sure it’s been done before but it’s so good. ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming]

In regards to Arthur being trans, John doesn’t really Get It, Arthur tried to explain it to him once and John couldn’t care less, all he knows is Arthur used to be a girl or something, there’s tea involved probably, and John is thinking about minecraft again... he has 2 am thoughts about it sometimes and comes to Arthur like “what IS gender” and Arthur’s just like “hm. big mood”

Dutch is “Dad” and Hosea is “Papa” or “Pa” or “Pops” or “Dad, No Not You, The Other One” or “Other Dad.” Hosea really doesn’t mind at all, he wouldn’t care if the kids called him Hosea or mom or anything else, it truly isnt important to him. But Dutch Loves being Dad. Every time they call Dutch Dad he grows three times stronger and 10 years are added to his lifespan. Dutch is an Alpha Parent, he 100% goes to every parent teacher conference and bake sale, he’d go to every game and concert too if either of his kids had a single athletic or musical bone in their dumb little bodies. I guess the school probably hosts art galleries sometimes to display art the kids make, Arthur always has a drawing in one of those, and Dutch will absolutely go just to brag about his cool son.

Dutch is the Fun Energetic Dad who embarrasses the boys in front of their friends but can always be talked into taking them out to get ice cream. Hosea is the more quietly anxious dad, he makes sure they do their homework and keep their rooms clean and shit, and he's the one the kids always go to talk to when they’re having problems... like Arthur will rant for an hour and a half about high school drama and Hosea will patiently listen to all of it and when he's done he’ll offer to kick the other kids’ asses for him, and Arthur’s like lmao but Hosea Means It.

Hosea is also the one the kids go to for help on their homework because Hosea and Dutch have five brain cells between them, and four of them belong to Hosea. Dutch is like “suddenly I don’t remember basic math, time to make shit up” and Hosea is like “I must become an expert on 1820s Chinese history in two days for my beautiful sons”

I have NO idea what either of their jobs are, I wanna say Hosea is a lawyer or smthn but idk, Dutch is probably like......................a used car salesman LMAO...... they clearly make a lot of money (or maybe STOLE SOME) bc I gave them a huge house w/ a pool gjhkdhg

Anyway more about THE KIDS

They go to a school that is a combination middle school and high school, bc that’s what my school was like

Mrs. Grimshaw is the strict and irritable principal with a secret soft spot for kids, Mr. Pearson is the cafeteria cook, Strauss works in the office, I wanna say Rev. Swanson is a weird but friendly janitor or something lmao. Uncle is Dutch & Hosea’s annoying forever-drunk neighbor who everyone barely tolerates fjfjhfh

Micah is The School Bully but like bc this is a cutesy high school au and I can do what I want, he’s not actually like a violent racist or anything he’s just a bad mad sad kid who is a huge dick

Bill is Micah’s Bully Henchman, he’s generally not as much of a dick as Micah is, but he punches whoever Micah asks him to bc they are the closest thing to friends that either of them have

Trelawny is a new student who just moved from another school and he’s that fucking Weird Magician Kid who can’t hold a conversation longer than five seconds without saying “wanna see a magic trick,” tried to do some unimpressive card tricks for the school talent show, unironically wears a cape, etc.... Arthur stood up for him when he was getting pushed around by Micah and Bill so now Arthur has +1 more weird friend

Karen is the Popular Girl who somehow knows everyone, is probably a cheerleader, everyone is either extremely intimidated by her or thinks she’s gonna be a stuck up bitch, but she’s actually just super fucking chill and nice, WILL stab a man for her friends, she won’t hesitate bitch

Tilly is Karen’s bff who was getting bullied by *shakes fist* those dang foreman brothers.... Karen stood up for her and Tilly was like “no don’t u will get hurt!!” and Karen was like “ha... fool... cheerleaders cannot die” and whooped ass with her gymnastics skills and somehow got the foreman brothers expelled. So now Tilly is like “I owe u one (1) Life Debt” but Karen is like “nah it’s chill just come to target w/ me & we’ll call it even.” Tilly is just tryna get shit done and do her damn homework but everybody else is going on adventures and being nuisances so of course Tilly has to go too bc come on....... who do you take her for, some kinda two-bit GEEK? NO WAY

Mary Beth is a quiet nerdy girl who’s always reading or writing and never talks in class or anything. Karen and Tilly became her friends thru sheer brute force, Karen just sat by her one day n was like “sup” and Mary Beth was too shy to ask her to leave. They were surprised to discover Mary Beth is actually pretty nice and funny when you get to know her and also the Biggest Lesbian Alive

Sadie is a BAD BITCH... NOBODY fucks with Sadie, not even Micah, Sadie is the girl who when some dipshit boy spreads a rumor that he had sex with her, she agrees and tells everyone she pegged him and he cried after, she hasn’t given a fuck since 2007. she climbs on the roof to get lost frisbees. one time she got the gym coach to agree to give her an automatic A in the class if she did 100 push ups in 5 minutes. Then she Did That. She might have pulled several muscles in both of her arms but She Did That. Karen, Tilly, and Mary Beth (but mostly Karen) approached her like “damn that was sick” and Sadie was like “yea i know” and then they were friends

I literally don’t know anything about Sean I’m sorry...... maybe he’s a transfer student who becomes friends with John, they play Minecraft together and Sean boobytraps the houses John builds. Sean is the only living human being who understands how redstone works and he uses his powers for evil

Molly is going to a nearby community college and is working at the high school part time as a TA and she is like 19-20 or smthn so the kids all think she’s The Hottest Shit,,,, like they think she’s just the coolest hippest person alive, but also she is Very Attractive so fuckin everybody has a crush on her, most specifically Javier and Mary Beth. She ineptly tries to flirt with Dutch every time he comes to a parent teacher conference bc she’s dummy thicc and thinks it’s friendship goals that Dutch lives with and has adopted children with his Best Bud Hosea

The teacher Molly is TA for is Charles Chatenay, an all-grades art teacher who takes his job WAY too seriously, like dude chill they’re high schoolers. His class is where Arthur met Albert, bc Arthur loves drawing and obviously Albert loves photography. They were both like “wow he’s cute” but were too shy to talk to each other for more than basic pleasantries, until one day Albert’s Big Project was ruined a day or two before he was gonna turn it in, and Arthur helped him fix it.

They’re so sweet on each other it’s unbearable, they’re both Soft Boys so they fuckin blush if they make eye contact...... the most bold either of them get is when Arthur is feeling insecure about his body and Albert gladly tells him how perfect and handsome he is in every way, and he wishes he was half as gorgeous as Arthur is, and Arthur is like (offended) um, excuse me, how dare u insult my beautiful boyfriend in this way?? They both wanna grow beards so while they’re still going thru Changes they excitedly bond over their facial hair......... they run up to each other at school like LOOK AT MY NEW CHIN HAIR and the other one is like WOW!!! GOOD JOB

Javier has a big lovely family who spoil him rotten and tbh love to spoil his friends when they come over too, his parents are in a constant and devastating game of dish-gifting with Dutch & Hosea, Arthur and John have eaten more of Mr. & Mrs. Escuella’s tamales than any other food, neither Dutch nor Hosea are very good cooks but luckily Javier has plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins who are happy to occasionally take one of their unimpressive lasagnas or cakes from a box mix

Lenny’s cool dad in canon is the high school au dad of Charles and Lenny, he and Charles’s mom amicably divorced and he got remarried to Lenny’s mom, who is a Cool Stepmom to Charles. Charles and Lenny go stay with Charles’s mom all the time, in fact she was around so much when they were younger that she practically helped raise them both. maybe she gets a gf and Charles and Lenny have so many moms and are so loved & cherished like they fuCKIN DESERVE

Kieran is the weird horse girl at school, he’s Lenny’s age, they become friends when they’re forced to sit next to each other and they’re both too awkward and shy to say anything until they’re paired up on a project together bc everyone else in the class already paired up and they were the only ones left gjkhfd.... John wants to dislike Kieran bc Lenny is HIS friend now, but Kieran is a sweet lad with a mean dad.... His dad is Colm O’Driscoll, Dutch & Hosea’s other neighbor and Dutch’s sworn enemy

Dutch expects Kieran to be as shitty as his dad, but he is a SWEET BOY, and as soon as they realize his situation, they tell Kieran he can come over whenever he wants and spend the night any time, he doesn’t have to ask or anything, but Kieran is super respectful and always asks permission and always tries to come over when John or Arthur are there so he can go under the pretense of hanging out with them, bc he doesn’t wanna intrude...

Once he came over when Hosea was the only one home and he was like “hi Mr. Matthews are John and Arthur home” and Hosea was like “no sorry they’re out” and Kieran was like “oh... ok sorry I’ll just go then” and Hosea was like “absolutely not” and brought Kieran in and made him snacks and wrapped him in many blankets and watched a kids movie with him until he fell asleep on the couch... when Dutch came home he was like “??? new son ???” and Hosea was like “yea I guess. oops”

When Kieran gets older they help him become an emancipated minor and get a job and his own place (even tho he knows they’d let him stay with them if he wanted) and he changes his last name to his mom’s maiden name Duffy... Colm and Dutch glare at each other over their fences and Colm is like “enjoying stealing my son?” and Dutch is like “my son now” but Colm really doesn’t care bc he’s an asshole... and even tho they don’t legally adopt him, Kieran’s like “I’m more of a Van der Linde than an O’Driscoll” and oops i’m making myself cry again :’)

And yes Abigail does eventually teach John how to play stupid super smash bros. She’s Pro Gamer level of competent at nearly all video games and John has the biggest heart eyes for her, the end thank u for listening

#the suffering of john marston. 13 #filler tag 1 #filler tag 2 #morgason #trans arthur morgan #vandermatthews #rdr2

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franeridart · 6 years

Note

Hi! Idk if you read fanfic, but would you happen to have any kiribaku fic recs? Or any bnha fic rec?

I’m pretty sure there’s stuff tagged as fic recs on this blog, yes! Nothing particularly new tho, I haven’t had the time to put down a new rec-list in a while ;-;

Anon said:How long does it take you to finish a drawing with and without color?

That honestly depends on a lot of factors - which tools I’m using, how many characters there are in the drawing/if it’s full body or not, how used to drawing the character I am, how big is the canvas, if I already have a clear idea of what I mean to draw or not, how precise I want to be with lines and stuff.

That Yuuto sketch I posted yesterday took me about 40 minutes I think, and over half of it was spent trying to figure out how I was supposed to draw him since it was the first time I drew him - the tools I used are the ones I use when I want to be fast and don’t care about being sloppy. A small random Kirishima bust properly lined and colored could take me five minutes to sketch and line and as many to color on a good day, cause I’ve drawn him so many times by now I don’t even have to think to draw him. Deku, on the other hand, can take me an hour even just to sketch, I can’t seem to grasp how I’m supposed to draw him at all.

Sorry, it really depends on a lot of things, I can’t give a proper answer to this :(

Anon said:Ive been tryin to find ur art of sero carrying baku for like 20 minutes n i cant find it :(

Are you talking about this one? Or this one? There’s also this one I guess...? And maybe this one lol

Anon said:yoooo, hey man, that cat kiribaku thing ya got going on is some 👌👌👌👌👌

HECK THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Has anyone ever considered Hadmie. Hadou x Camie before?? It just seems like it'd be a cute ship to sail with, tbh. That just might be me tho.

I dunno if anyone has before you, but I can’t say I have, sorry! If I gotta ship Nejire with someone after all it’s gonna be Yuyu haha

Anon said:Hey do you do commissions? I really love your art and I'd love to get a commission from you!! (and also I just wanna know if there's yet another thing that I have to save up for XD)

Not right now, sorry! Maybe after I’m done with the zine things!!

Anon said:*runs around like an excited puppy* DAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVE!!!!!!! :D

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Anon said:AHHH i love your ocs so much also Nico looks so cute and i love learning new things about them

AAAHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY G O D!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:KIRI + PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL = THE BEST THING EVER

I’M GLAD WE AGREE ON THAT

Anon said:your oc's literally kill me!! i already love nico, and i think i speak for everyone when i say that we definitely want more of him and luca!! i don't know if it's just me, but I love when the angry, swearing types fall for someone.

SOB thank you so so much for the kind words about my kids ;^;

Anon said:OH MY GOD LUCA IS BACK!!!! YESSSSSSSS FUCKING KILL ME THIS IS A BLESSED DAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. MORE OF YOUR OC'S!!! (only when you want to share of course, I'm just trying to convey my enthusiasm here. not demanding at all ^^)

I think that might happen soon enough, actually!!!! Thank you so much for the interest in them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Are josh and chris still not dating?

Sadly until I’ll sit down to write their story that specific part of it won’t go anywhere :( Chris gotta deal with a bunch of things before he’ll be ready to put a name to what’s between him and Josh 3 one day I’ll let him work through it !!!

Anon said:I'm so paranoid I'm going to repost one of your post by accident but the thing is is I never even repost anything at all but just because I know you don't want them to be I'm so scared that by accident I'm going to have something screenshotted and forget it's yours and like Ugh😂

Well, my name’s written on all my drawing so I doubt you’ll forget it’s my stuff lol to make sure you’re not reposting anything the author doesn’t want reposted you can always just ask before reposting it, tho~

Anon said:I was just scrolling through your OC stuff and I just. Love them so much. Thank you for the babies ❤

GOD THANK YOU ;O;

Anon said:Okay I've never seen your oc's before and Dave is the cutest green boy I love him

AAAAHHHHHH I’M GLAD!!!!!

Anon said:kamijirou getting together? :3 also if there were ever a scenario where jirou would confess first, what do you think she would be thinking?

I actually have half a thing planned for that :0 gimme a while to get around to drawing it!

Anon said:How do you feel imagine kiri’s parents???

Actually since I’m still hoping one day Hori will give us the official versions I try not to think too much about it! I don’t wanna grow attached just to have to give them up once I’ll have the canon versions haha

Anon said:hey quick innocent question ive been following for a long time and saw a lot of your art do you have a thing for feet

Are you asking because I draw a lot of people barefoot? Feet are just easier and faster to draw than shoes, anon

Anon said:I love how you answer asks all at once. It’s nice to see that you’re getting in bulk appreciation

THANKS I honestly just don’t want my blog to be more asks than art, so I let them pile up before answering - it does mean I make people wait a lot for answers tho orz sorry

Anon said:I LOVE YOUR ART

THANK YOU!!!!

Anon said:You've open a sea of possibilities with red pineapple kirishima. You're a legend :prayeremoji:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn’t call myself that but I’m glad you appreciate him too hahaha

Anon said:i cant help but notice nothings been added to your sero tag in 4 months

That might be because I rarely use single characters tags! Try looking under #bakusquad and #seromina :D

Anon said:Hahaaa hi this is probably really really awkward but I just wanted you to let you know that you're super awesome!! And the fact that your art is something that I can look forward to is absolutely amazing (no pressure tho)!!! So yea, thank you for being cool and creating beautiful art~~ :D ✧✧✧

SOB it’s not awkward at all!!!! thank you SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Would you mind adding some more Tokoyami art to your shop? More specifically the pieces where hes hanging out with Kiri, and the Tokoshoji piece :D Im desperate to bury my notebooks in stickers from your shop rn and the bird boy needs more love ❤

AHW I’m sorry anon, but those are definitely too small to be of any use on the shop ;-; if you’re okay with it I could add the last one I posted? I should seriously draw more of him..................

Anon said:That jacket that Kirishima has on...I NEED!

I drew it and that’s still a mood t b h

Anon said:I went so far back in your blog that it kicked me back to the beginning ;-; I was just getting to the D. Greyman stuff too

AW ;-; (..........it’s good tho, the further you go the least worth it my stuff is l m a o)

Anon said:Do you ever draw kiribaku or something else in paper or some kind of sketch book if you do i would love to see them❤(sorry if my english is bad)

I do have some doodles on paper posted on here somewhere? But tbh I rarely draw traditionally anymore unless it’s just random doodles :(

Anon said:Aahhh!!! I really love your kiribaku shit its so cute!!and you draw so goood too literally when i found this ship i instantly found you and you are so perfect in my eyes and your art!!!!! I looooooovvvvvvveeeeee yoooouuuuuu thank you for being here and showing us this stuff!!❤❤❤❤

HECK thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:i adore your art so much and your bakushima comics make me smile a lot! :) you’re one of my favorite artists now dldksjshskdk

tHANK YOU OH MY G OD ;^;

Anon said:Consider this: fantasy Kirishima meeting normal bakugou, thinking that's his Katsuki 😂😂

.........................you literally got no clue how long I’ve been thinkin about drawing this............ he ck

Anon said:Your drawings give me life 😍❤️

sob thank you so so so much ;-;

#fran answers #in other news ive drawn more seros carrying bakugous than i expected #HM #anonymous

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lachalaine · 6 years

Text

HOW I RUN MY BLOG

SPEED: my god i am slow. i am the slowest of the slow - the slowest slow to ever BE slow. i have threads in here from two months ago and asks from three months ago and it’s not that i don’t have the will nor the muse to answer any of it tbh. it’s more so that i just don’t have time. between juggling work, friends, family and the additional need of trying to make up my overtime hours for the dates i’ll be overseas in august and october, it’s been more than a little difficult to try to keep everything afloat. that’s one of my issues.

my second issue is that i... tend to try to write in depth threads and responses, as much as possible; and i’m a perfectionist of my work to the worst degree. to the point that if i don’t have the right idea or the right flow of words at the time - my work is not getting posted. at all. in fact, i’d likely rather delete something i spent two hours working on rather than take the risk of posting it only to hate it for the rest of my life. it feels like shame for some reason i don’t ??? get it ???

like i want to try to create variety, but also i want to try to build an actual story. something that will be fun for both me and my partner, that will be a thread that will have some possible semblance of weight to future interactions. and sometimes the ideas don’t come as quickly as i would like. or they do, and then my brain runs out of vocabulary. and throttles a pillow i hate it, i hate that my standards for myself are like this, but my god - it’s the only way i can be confident about my work and know that i’m not wasting mine or anyone else’s time and it just has to be my own standard of perfect or i run myself into the ground with my anxiety and have a minor breakdown and that’s the worst thing i can do to myself, honestly asdbhsabdha !!!

REPLIES: i write long replies, unfortunately. though i never expect people to match ( and honestly it fluctuates; sometimes it’ll be long, sometimes short, so there’s no pressure or requirement at all really ) , and all i care about at this point is i’m given something to work with and it’s not the kind of thing where it’s a reply for the sake of a reply. i also would prefer to have threads where people add stuff to the threads, and like... i don’t really have to run the show by myself to keep things interesting? that would be nice tbh. in terms of length however, i will likely do at least two or three paragraphs, because one paragraph threads don’t quite encompass everything my muse tends to feel, and sometimes it can get longer - meaning like... two word document pages long. though that type of novella is usually reserved for people i know can match it, otherwise, i try my best to keep it as succinct as possible.

my brain sorta has this.... organization thing going tbh? where its like i can only do ask replies today, or i can only do threads today, or i can only do headcannon or ooc stuff today. sometimes it even goes by verse, where it decides if it can manage pokemon threads, or main threads, or fate threads, etc. which i understand isn’t quite the... best way to go about things, and it’s weird. very, very weird. but that’s also really the only way i’m able to sort of figure out where to put my attention nowadays. so everything gets replied to in truth, it just. it takes a while. :c :c :c please be patient with me, i’m trying my best!!

STARTERS: i hold starter calls a lot. sometimes it can be every two months or it can be ( most likely ) when i get a new influx of followers and i want to interact with them. though it can tend to take a while for me to get them out, even if i have them on a list. usually its because i want to try to create starters that will be interesting enough to keep going ( which is sorta my overall theme with everything on here, if you’ll notice ) and sometimes the ideas don’t quite click. or, like with the organization thing, my brain needs to be able to conjure up starters in particular for anything to work.

more often, i will do inbox calls instead, and those i do personalize according to the muse i’m sending it to. that way if the other mun replies with a response i like, i can continue it into a thread, so that’s sorta like a reverse starter call in that way, i guess. i always clear out my starters owed though, i promise. it just takes me a good while.

INBOX: sucks in sharp breath

i’m gonna be way honest here - once upon a time, i didn’t get that many asks at all, so i thought like, if i got like 20 of them, that already was a heck ton and i had to get the number lower. and then somehow i got an influx in asks a few weeks ago and that number jumped to thirty. and then it kept going until forty. and then i thought ‘okay you know what, so long as its not 50, you can still get it down, you’re good!!’

let me tell you - i am at 76 right now and i am confused as all fuck as to how it got to this point. BUT I HONESTLY DON’T MIND. i love getting asks !! even if i take a while to answer them, because like the starters, i try to give it an actual moment and not a quick snip of an interaction that doesn’t matter in the long run. so asks? same length - two or three paragraphs and more, nothing less. and i tend to do anons first because i know whoever sent it might check back and i don’t want them scrolling through the whole blog thinking they missed it, but tbh, i try to do my older asks first overall. and sometimes there are some asks that require a lot of emotion on jackie’s part, so those get long and take a wee bit longer than most, but i always try to make the wait worth it. luckily, things appear to be going kinda well on that end tbh. i have a good pace set up so i don’t feel like i’m drowning in stuff, and if i could just have ONE DAY WHERE I CAN WORK, I CAN CUT BACK THAT NUMBER EASY, I SWEAR TO GOD.

i just. i need that day dashdhabdha

but on that note, please. feel free to send me anything you like at any time, i’ll get to it asap, even if i have six asks for you in my inbox still from past memes. and tbh, i’d rather i always have the option available to answer that particular interaction rather than leave it so it never happens no matter what. so always remember, as always -

FEEL FREE.

SELECTIVITY: severely selective. to the nth degree. i follow about less than 180 rp blogs because the rest are aesthetics at the moment, though i’m always looking for more. i try to find blogs with muns that i feel really care about their muse as a whole, and blogs that have a pretty good grasp on writing. i decide whether or not i can make jackie work with them somehow, and then i sorta check the writing itself to make sure i can jive with it, and then that’s when i decide to follow.

i have. a very particular standards with other blogs that need to be checked off tbh? because i want these interactions to actually matter. so besides the writing, honestly the thing that rings out the most for me would be their passion and their ideas. like, i want to make sure i can create something new with this mun so i just try to see if they will match what i give them with their own ideas, because coming up with a majority of the plots on my own is the most exhausting thing, and i can’t do that consistently. if i can get that sense from them that they’re willing to try to push their own ideas forth, that’s really what makes me follow them back asap !! on the other hand, i also check the mun - make sure they’re not the type i’ll likely have trouble with down the line. i check tags, i check ooc posts, i check everything. i am a self proclaimed blog stalker and tbh, its the only way i keep my dash in check. and so far its worked out very well so it’s all good on my end, even if that means less people to interact with.

quality over quantity, always.

WISHLIST: FIGHT THREADS. POTENTIAL ROMANCE THREADS. FWB THREADS??? though i am selective on that one. SMUT THREADS FOR ROMANCE PEEPS. PLATONIC THREADS. ADVENTURE THREADS. HARD TO GET THREADS. CRIME THREADS. JACKIE FUCKING UP YOUR MUSES LIFE THREADS. ANGST. MURDER. HEARTBREAK. INJURY. ROAD TRIPS. NAPS. LATE NIGHTS IN THE CITY. JAIL. HAUNTED HOUSES. MUSIC FESTIVALS. MUSIC COLLABORATIONS. FATE VERSE THREADS. POKEMON THREADS. PERSONA THREADS. I DON’T CARE, I LOVE IT ALL, JUST GIVE IT TO ME, AND IF YOU HAVE A PARTICULAR THING YOU WANNA TRY, LEMME KNOW AND I’LL MAKE A VERSE FOR IT NO PROBLEM !!!

but also i have a wishlist here :”> and i will love you if you boop me for it, thank you !!

HONEST NOTE: i love all my mutuals. i love all my non mutuals. i love people that like my posts. i love people that reblog my posts. i love when people feel comfortable enough to plot with me. when they’re comfortable enough to send me stuff randomly. when they’re patient with my sloth like tendencies and still they find the muse to respond to my threads even if a whole month has passed. i love people that are understanding and don’t mind the wait, because i do promise that i don’t delete anything. it’s there, and its waiting, and its only taking a while because i want to provide you with something good. something that will make you smile, and make you want to pursue the interactions with my muse. i want all this to mean something, and its never because i’m bored of you or your muse or our thread.

my brain just has a filing cabinet i never asked for.

but honestly, come plot with me, just boop me randomly, send me all the things no matter what it is. i promise you i will LOVE IT and in truth, NOTHING at all makes me HAPPIER than that. and though fair warning i am exhausted a lot which impacts my response speed ooc - it’s honestly never because i don’t want to reply. my timezone as a whole is shitty and my energy levels doubly so, and i want to be sure that once we start talking or plotting, i can give you as much energy as i can spare, as much energy as you deserve. not five minutes of conversation and then i pass out. so if that means taking some time to respond, please understand that i’m trying my best.

please be patient with me, that’s all i ask. and i promise you, i will make it up to you. as best as i can. as fast as i can. no matter what.

thank you, i love you, have a amazing day xx

TAGGED BY: S T O L E N

TAGGING: anyone who actually went through and read this as a whole heckie !! I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT IN CASE ANYONE WAS CONCERNED BECAUSE I SLOW, PLEASE UNDERSTAND. I’M TRYING MY BEST I LOVE EVERYONE WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND ENERGY I PROMISE T.T

#&& did you think i wasn't real (about j)#/ look i did this today #/ its important to me i guess ?? in case anyone thinks im ignoring them ??#/ im not im just #/ very slow #/ always slow #/ i will wave a slow flag for years #/ i swear to god #/ i will catch up soon but for your information !!!

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wolf-with-a-pen · 3 years

Text

Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door Part 3

TW: Swearing, Death Mentions, Unreality

Previous, Masterpost, Next

Please tell me if I have missed a trigger, or if you would like me to tag this with something it isn't already tagged with.

Enjoy Part 3!

Word Count: 3572

ISI had woken up pretty quickly, clearly shaken enough it couldn't sleep for long at all. It had a nightmare- an extremely uncommon occurrence in heaven, so it almost surprised it. Only problem was it looked like it was in the future. It hoped that wouldn't happen. It had no clue who they were, but it could tell that they were important to them, and if the dream was right it would lose them. Something it couldn't bear to think about, so it didn't. Gradually, it sat up, bringing Vanny's head onto its lap, like she used to do to it, a long time ago. Gently it ran its fingers through her hair, watching her stir slightly then lean into its touch gently. Instantly it started screaming internally from how much it missed this. Just looking at her face, pale and round, playing with her light brown hair, currently a mess from lack of caring about it, gently teasing out the knots. "God she is adorable when she's asleep, " it thought, "she looks so peaceful."

It was half an hour later that Vanny woke up and nearly cried from relief. "So, it wasn't a dream."

"No, I'm really here."

"But how, I thought you died. I watched you die."

"And that is a long story that you probably won't enjoy. "

"I don't mind sitting for it. I have nothing better to do."

"Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you."

It was half an hour later that it finished. It took that long to overview the entire 5 years, leaving out half of it (mainly as many dangerous parts as possible that didn't matter to the story). It recounted how it had entered heaven, how it had gained its role in the hierarchy, and all of the major events that happened during that. Meeting Edward and Ansel, how it found out the place was corrupt and how they fought their way out. The entire time, Vanny was absorbed in the story, but on edge knowing that all of it happened to her partner- and that it had been in danger. When it reached the end, it could finally take a breath. “Any questions?”

"So, you're telling me that you went to heaven, gained an authority position, realised said authority was corrupt when your now-friend’s brother was killed for a small misdemeanour, so you and said friend got caught plotting to escape heaven, managed to escape and came here. And that all happened in the space of 3 months. What the fuck? I believe you ‘cause you wouldn't come up with something this big, but still, what the fuck? "

"Yeah, saying it out loud it is a bit crazy isn't it."

"A bit?! That's like saying a massive cake is just a cupcake. At least you are safe now. I'm guessing you and your friend need a place to stay."

"Yeah, just for now. Eventually we will go back to heaven, hopefully this time with an army."

"Wait, what? You're going back?"

"Not yet, but it's a case of we can't leave heaven in the state it is. From what Edward overheard, they're planning on destroying everyone."

"OK, I understand. I can't stop you from doing this, but it doesn't mean I approve. I might tag along if I'm able to, just to make sure you don't get hurt again."

"Depends on if you can see me when I take off this necklace."

"Why?"

"The necklace gives me a physical form, if I take it off you'll either see my spirit and be able to go, or not see me and have to stay behind."

"At this point I'm not surprised by anything."

"Oh, shoot, I forgot I left Edward at Dick's. I said I'd meet them back there, with you. You willing to come with me?"

"Yeah, sure, I could do with getting out of the house. Give me a chance to change first, I'm still in my pyjamas."

Isi looked down to find it was true.

"Sure."

20 minutes later and Vanny came out of her bedroom, now wearing a white long sleeve shirt, a hastily tied lilac tie (that Isi recognised as one of its) with a red short sleeved jacket. She had cuffed burgundy shorts with white boots on, half way up her calves. Her light brown hair was half tied up in a red scrunchy, and she had thrown on a red and white flower crown that Isi recognised as the one her sister gave her. "OK, I'm ready."

Isi itself had changed. Now, it was wearing a black blouse, with one of its lilac ties (the twin of the one Vanny was wearing) and black boots in the same style as Vanny's. For a change it was wearing black jeans instead of trousers-they were more practical for everyday activity. " Let's go then." Isi replied, heading towards Vanny, and gently fixing her tie. As they headed towards the door, she snaked an arm around Isi’s waist, and once they were out of the door, it did the same. Tentatively, she leaned her head on its shoulder and they ambled down the path towards the pub.

Edward meanwhile, was back at work- it was an hour after the lunch break, and thankfully there wasn't as big of a rush. Most of the people were now just sat at the bar so they could try to talk to the customers, but did not get the hang of it. The highlight was when they said "enjoy the rest of your life, however long that may be" to an unsuspecting customer, who looked scared the second they realised what they said. Edward realised what they had done a few minutes later and started panicking, but they had to pretend not to be. When they saw a familiar face walk through the door, they asked Dick for some time off. He agreed, knowing that they were going to meet up with Isi anyway, even if he didn't let them. Making their way to the back room, they speculated what Vanny would be like, planning ideas of what they would say in their head. It never worked, as shown by the entire morning of greeting customers really awkwardly, and accidentally inserting memes into the conversation. Grabbing their bags, they re-emerged from the room, to see Mast and Dick in conversation with Vanny and Isi.

Meanwhile, Isi and Vanny made their way over to the bar, Vanny remembering what the place was like and letting it sink in that she hadn't been there for at least a year. "How did I manage it?" she thought to herself. "It feels so much like home. I missed this place."

"Vanny! How are you?" Dick exclaimed upon seeing her, "I haven't seen you in at least a year!"

"I'm OK now, Isi's death hit me too hard, I rarely get out of bed anymore."

"It's good to hear that you're feeling better now."

"Well, it's all thanks to Isi's return. If it didn't come back..."

For a few moments, Dick was silent- a rare occurrence- and he nodded gently.

"I understand. But you're here now. That's all that matters."

"Thank you."

"Did I hear Vanny?" Mast shouted from out in the staff room.

"Yes, she's here."

At this Mast ran out, surprised that she was there and excited to see how she was. "Hey Vanny, how are you? Wait, Isi?!"

"Hey Mast," both of them replied in unison, surprised for a second, then bursting into laughter. "God, I missed you."

"I missed you too Vans, I missed you too."

"But aren't you dead?"

"Yes, but no. It's too long to explain again. I'm dead but here."

"Ok, I won’t ask. It's good to see you again. I think I talk for everyone when I say we missed your presence here."

"Thank you."

At this point, Mast and Dick got back to work, with Edward emerging from the staff room with all their stuff.

"Hey Isi, and this must be Vanessa, I've heard so much about you."

"Please, call me Vanny, everyone else does. And so, you must be Edward."

"Yeah, that's me."

"Cool, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

“So, I guess you’re living with us now.”

“As long as that’s fine with you, I’ll move out as soon as possible.”

“Don’t worry about it, I am fine with it. You are Isi’s friend so stay as long as you want. I am not one to refuse a friend help.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem, we’d better get going so you can set up the spare room and then maybe we could have a movie night and play a board game or do something like that to get to actually know each other, since we’ll be living together.”

“Sure, I’ll get my stuff from the back.” Edward responded, turning round and heading back into the back room.

“They aren’t how I expected them to be.”

“Why? What did you think they’d be like?”

“Honestly, I thought they’d be one of those bubbly types you seem to be a magnet for, or at least an extrovert.”

“Yeah, no, they are the opposite of that. But we get on and spent a lot of time watching Earth. After their brother died, they were lonely, so I made friends with them, hoping it would cheer them up. And it did a bit. Now we are close friends, and they aren’t as lonely as they could have been.”

“What was I expecting? I guessed it would be something like that, you enjoy spending time with them?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? They are kind and quite creative, despite coming off to most people as socially awkward, it seems to only be around people they don’t know, since they are fine with me.”

“Cool. From the sounds of it, they are an OK person, I trust you on this, I will try to get to know them.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, darling.” Vanny flirtatiously teased, eliciting a large amount of blushing from Isi, forcing it to look down at its feet, before looking up to see her eyes glinting with mischief. It was then that Edward emerged from the other room, saving Isi from more. Vanny instantly snapped her head up to look at them, turning back to Isi, before whispering in its ear “They saved you this time, next time you might not be as lucky.” Turning back to Edward, she questioned if they were ready. Once she had confirmation, they all turned and left, saying goodbye to Dick and Mast before leaving.

It was half an hour later that they arrived home, mainly due to them all getting distracted by a smart cat on the way home. A pretty little thing- burnt orange with a black tabby pattern along their back, and bright yellow eyes. Little did they know they were the only ones who saw them. For this was a special cat- one that had crossed the border between life and death. And it just so happened it was owned by a particular group of friends. One from the opposite direction to Isi and Edward- hell spawn as the Guardians called them. Most just called them “demons”.

Riley, Sprite and Salami were sat in a bar, somewhere in the centre of town, but at the same time, nowhere near the angels or their cat, Spooky, who was almost like a familiar at this point. All had a drink in hand, and were conversing. Some more than others, in particular, Riley. He had spent most of the night toying with the barman, flirting near incessantly, and succeeding, from the look on the barman’s face, obviously blushing, desperately attempting to hide it. “When were we leaving again?” Sal questioned, giving the barman a break, “Cause I’m pretty sure it was 5 minutes ago.”

At this all of them looked at the clock over the bar. “Awww, I wanted to stay with this cutie longer.” Riley protested. “I mean, were only 5 minutes late, and didn’t we allow for this?”

“Mainly, because last time we were late, we had to stay in hell for a week. If you, like him that much, get his number, then we can go.”

“Fine. So, hotstuff, am I allowed to have your number?”

“Sure,” the barman replied without thinking, writing it on a napkin and sliding it over to Riley.

“Thanks cutie. Talk to you later. That’s a promise.” He teased, strutting out the door, Sprite and Sal following.

“Why are you late?”

“We got held up.” Riley confidently replied.

“He was fliting again wasn’t he?”

“Yeah,” replied Sal.

“Of course,” Sprite answered as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

“Thought so. I’ll let you off this time, but only this once, and even then it is only because of the mission I am about to give you. However next time you are late, I will punish you harder than you could believe possible. Follow me, we’re going back to hell, Satan wants to be there when I tell you the task.”

All were puzzled, but quickly realised how big a mission it must be if Satan himself wanted to see them. Riley was not worried at all. He never really was- he was good at missions, and he knew it. As far as he was concerned, why wouldn’t Satan go to him for a big mission? And that had always been one of his downfalls, but as of yet it hadn’t really mattered or made a difference. Before they knew it, they were back in Hell. It was kind of similar to Earth, but with a slight red tint that eventually became almost unnoticeable. Most of the demons lived in small civilisations, free to do whatever they wanted with no repercussions, with a few of the worst being in the fire pits to at least get to a manageable level of chaos. Not that it was hard- as long as you didn’t go around constantly annoying the elders, you could do whatever. However, there was one place off limits, and even if it wasn’t everyone would avoid it- the tall dark red spire in the centre of hell, that could be seen from almost anywhere, also known as Satan’s castle. Everyone feared him. Generally, because he was one of the few that could vaporise everyone with one wave of his hand. However, this time, the trio were allowed in.

The inside was as intimidating as the outside, dark red, and massive, as well as full of candles for some reason, that illuminated it just enough, but left it spooky. Unfortunately, Satan’s place was never updated with a lift. Satan’s meeting room, was on the top floor. The staircase was a floating one with massive gaps between each step. It was torture for most people, trying to get all the way to the top, while at the same time avoiding all of the gaps you could fall through. It was a painful 10 minutes, but they made it eventually, to Satan’s lair. Cosy wasn’t the word you’d think of when thinking of where Satan would live, but it was just that. Spacious, cosy and pretty comfortable looking to live in. Satan was sat at the end of a long table to the right, and upon seeing the three exclaimed “Welcome, please do sit down, then we can start the meeting. It is nice to finally meet all of you, after all this time of sending you on quests. It is especially nice to meet you Sprite, considering you are only one of 10 hybrids.”

“Thank you, Sir,” they all replied. Knowing it was best to do what he said, all of them sat down, Sprite and Salami on one side, and Riley on the other.

“So, what do you know about the angels?” Satan inquired.

“Corrupt and evil?”

“Yes, but no. We call them that so you distrust all angels in case any of them are Guardians, because it is the guardians that are corrupt, mainly due to being trapped as part of a hive mind, with no soul and no choice but to do what the elder says. The rest of the citizens are just victims of their ideologies and beliefs. Most are scared into believing what they say.”

“What about god? Aren’t they in control?”

“No. God disappeared long ago, leaving an elders in charge of heaven. Unfortunately, said elder had mind control powers and managed to convince people to allow them to be in control. What they didn’t know is that when they control you, you lose your soul. This created the Guardians, who are a terror, and threaten the balance of control.”

“May I ask why we need to know this?”

“It is for your mission. Recently I have heard about 2 angels who have fled heaven to Earth. We do not know where they are. One has apparently been plotting treason, and the other is their accomplice, for escaping and their plans. The accomplice was one of the border guards, not a guardian, but in a position of power and likely brainwashed into believing it was doing good. Both have been outlawed, and will be made either guardians or fallens if the guardians find them. If they are made Guardians, it is game over. I might be able to convince the Elder to make them fallens, that way they don’t have to stay in heaven, but we need to make sure they are not found by the angels, and that we can recruit them to us. That is why I have called you here. I would like you to find and monitor them, make sure they stay safe, and convince them to come to see me. I would like to meet them and see if we can help them or they can help us. Your mission starts today. There is no time limit on this one, but the quicker you find them, the better.”

“Ok Sir,” they all replied.

“Also, don’t make contact until you have found them and told me, unless you need to in order to confirm it is them. I have photos and equipment in the back room, I’ll go get it quickly.” At this Satan got up and left through a door somewhere off to the right.

“Well, this is intriguing, it should be easy to find them. From what I remember, they aren’t allowed to leave heaven after they have got there, so they won’t be used to being out in public and keeping their identities secret. Let’s start in Coventry and work through England, before going to other countries.” Riley announced, taking charge.

“Sure, I know the south of Coventry well, so I’ll look there.”

“I’ll check the North.”

“So, that leaves me the centre of town. I’ll look around there and all of the bars and pubs.”

All of them knew he would try to pick up everyone possible, and spend almost all of his time in the pubs.

“So that’s settled.”

At this point, Satan strode back in, carrying three backpacks. “Glad to know you have a plan. Each of you take a bag. They all contain spirit detectors and all sorts of different locators you can try. Also, there is a special collar for Spooky with a small camera that is set off when it senses any dead, I recommend you use it because they can cover a lot of ground. In the pocket on the front, there is the photos.” Satan explained, handing out the bags, and watching as they pulled out the photos. Pointing to Isi’s picture he continued, “This one is called Isi Danes, it died at 21 and has a girlfriend, called Vanessa Williams, who lives in Coventry. That’s why I chose you, I know that they were likely to go there in order to have a place to live and people they knew around them, and you know the area better than all of the other demons thanks to the large amount of time you have spent there over the years.” He moved his finger to hover over Edward’s image. “This is Edward. As far as I am aware they have no known living associates, with their brother being converted to a Guardian for crossing the border for a few seconds, and most of the rest of their family disowning them. The only one we know that they know, and could be with is Isi and Vanessa, so if you find one, you will find both.

“Isn’t it a bit cruel to punish someone for just a few seconds over the border?”

“Yes, that is due to them being corrupt. It is essentially a dictatorship- if anyone even slightly steps out of line then they lose their soul. Probably why they escaped from it. Now then, go and find them for me. Use the communicator in the pocket the photos were in to communicate with me without coming to hell every time.”

“Thank you Sir.” They all said, packing everything up and leaving the way they entered. Before they left, Riley hung back a second. “We will find them for you,” He promised, before turning and leaving. On the way downstairs, he spent ages talking constantly about how Edward didn’t look all that bad and how he would take them for himself. The others just sighed, used to it.

#Knockin' On Heaven's Door #Original Content #TW swearing #TW death mentions #TW Unreality

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asroarke · 6 years

Text

The 100 Ask

Tagged by @sly2o who I love so dearly and deserves all the lovely gift baskets in the world for being a delightful human

rules: answer as many as you want if tagged and then tag three more people OR just reblog it and treat it as a regular ask meme!! have fun xoxo

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? Pretty sure I would jokingly kick or throw something to dramatically show that I was angry with someone (because that’s the kind of diva I am) and actually break something important in the process, potentially one of the basic things that the rest of the Ark needs to survive.

2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? I’d probably resist as long as it was convenient but as soon as they started saying I had to take off my wrist band to get food, I’d give in.

3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) the corpse of Finn Collins Pauna

4. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? SHAWN MENDES

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Okay, well Bellamy can’t go or else I’ll be distracted. In that same logic, Clarke can’t go either. My bisexual heart flutters at the sight of both of them. Raven would drive the rover. Jasper would DJ. Monty would explain smart things to me and I would just awkwardly nod. I’m gonna throw Miller in there so I can try to set them up for fucks sake. And Murphy will have to be there, for commentary purposes.

6. Minty or Briller? Minty. But really, I’m totally here for the Miller x Jackson train.

7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!): Aleks?

8. Thoughts on Finn? Just casually annoyed about the fact that homie didn’t even have to try to get two of the most fascinating, smart, and beautiful women in the 100 universe. Like how fair is that? I try really hard and just last week I blew it by stuttering when a girl said something nice to me and then told her I needed to go see what the weather was like and then hid in the bathroom for five minutes as I gave myself a pep talk. I want like 10% of the confidence Finn Collins had for literally no reason.

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? It would have been soooo easy to get me to take the chip. Someone would just have to say my mental health problems would leave me alone and I would give the fuck in.

10. What character do you relate to most & What character do you like the least not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc… I relate the most to Clarke in the way that she isolates herself, her bisexuality, her communication patterns... I relate with Raven because I’m quite familiar with chronic pain. The character I like the least is Thelonious Jaha. I find him to be quite preachy and arrogant, but don’t really see why he gets to be that way considering how many bad decisions he has made.

11. Describe your delinquent outfit: Okay, I want Jasper’s earth day t-shirt, Raven’s red jacket or Clarke’s blue jacket, steal a beanie from Miller, some tight pants that don’t look practical but magically never hinder my ability to run through the forest for plot reasons, AND THEM COMBAT BOOTS.

12. Favorite type of mutant animal? does Cage Wallace count Pauna

13. What would your job be on the Ark? A really terrible mechanic that Raven roasts constantly but secretly likes because I start my day by telling her she’s a genius and she replies with “I know”

14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked it? There is no way in hell I would have been in that room when that decision took place because I would literally still be chipped and no one would bother to take the time to fix me like they did with Raven and Abby because I am a soft lazy soul not made for this survival world, but if I was there and it had to be done, probably (and I’d have a panic attack while doing it)

15. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, then who would make the best commander? Indra (season 4 Indra, not early Indra)

16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor? Oh God there are no good options here in my opinion. I’m gonna say Azgeda just so Roan could be my mentor (I love him) but like I’m not crazy about Azgeda for all the crazy plot reasons.

17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? You would find me having very intense, intellectual debates with... absolutely no one. I’m talking to someone I hallucinated, likely an ex boyfriend from years ago who still deserves to be put in his place.

18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? I mean, I don’t think there was a right way to deal with it. Rehabilitation, maybe if they lived in a world without insane war and had actual guidance from actual adults (who weren’t raised on the Ark and ingrained with the death penalty for all crimes mentality)

19. Who should be the Chancellor, if anyone? Who should be? Probably Bellamy, but I don’t want him to be because I don’t think it would be good for him. I’m actually gonna go with Monty because I think he would take counsel from Bellamy and Clarke, keep a level head, and be able to separate personal feelings from what has to be done... but not to the level that Clarke would. I think he would be a nice in between.

20. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod)What is the one thing you would snatch while there? There’s not a lot that I can think of that I would want for my own personal entertainment, but like maybe a water filtration system? Feel like that would come in clutch.

21. Do you think you’d have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like Octavia? I am the kind of person who goes to a doctor for one illness and catches another one while I’m in the waiting room. I WILL BE PATIENT ZERO, NO DOUBT.

22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? Norse symbol for where there’s a will there’s a way kind of look for my tattooes, want that Octavia ponytail (because fuck that was a good look), and no war paint. My face looks like it melted at the end of the day with my makeup, there’s no telling how messy and tragic my war paint will look after a war. If I’m gonna be a grounder, I’m gonna look damn good doing it.

23. Favorite quote? Whatever the hell we want

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy? Yes and yes.

25. If one of the characters was in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? I know Octavia is probably the right choice (but she did not win on her own, and I highly doubt she would get as lucky in the real hunger games) so I’m going to say Raven because she’ll be like those tech nerds who made the arena go boom. I think people would team up with her, not really thinking of her as a threat so they could kill her later on, and then she makes everything go boom and wins the damn thing.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite ship? NOT INCLUDING CLEXA OR BELLARKE. Uh Octavia and Illian for least favorite? Like I don’t really think about ships that I do not ship, but their little storyline really freaked me out. Favorite, princess mechanic, forever and always.

27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? Ummm, obviously it is an accoustic cover of Radioactive done by Shawn Mendes as he emerges from the bunker with everyone else (the accoustic cover he spent the last six years working on, by the way)

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? Omg we would have the snarkiest time as we try to out-asshole each other. We’d be quick buds.

29.Opinion on Emori? Roan? Emori is chill. ROAN IS MY SON AND I MISS HIM SO MUCH AND I’M SO LIVID THAT HE DIED BY BEING DROWNED IN A DAMN WELL?? THAT’S THE MOST OOC NONSENSE I’VE EVER SEEN! IT’S PRINCE ROAN KOM AZGEDA GRANDSON OF THEO SON OF NIA CARETAKER OF THE THRONE AND KEEPER OF THE FLAME FOR CHRISTS SAKE

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way? No, I want to be an extra that keeps randomly doing unimportant tasks in the background and when you look me up on IMBD you get a “random teenager who once was seen having a conversation with David Miller” next to my name.

31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? Uh, Roan. Like why was he banished? What’s going on with him and his mother? What kind of history does he have with Echo? Where was he during the first two seasons of the show? HAS HE EVER GOTTEN LAID BECAUSE THE FACT THAT HE DIDN’T GET WITH ANYONE AFTER GIVING SEX EYES TO LITERALLY EVERYONE MAKES NO DAMN SENSE JROTH?

32. A character you’d bang? Roan. Y’all know I’m Roan trash.

Tagging: @isla1975 @bellamyblakesfreckles @bellamyblake-kru (ignore if you’ve already been tagged. I’m too tired to check.)

#the 100 #tag games #the 100 season 5 #just a lot of me being extra again

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phandomsecretvalentines · 6 years

Text

Tell Me Everything Will Be Alright

This is my fic (and my first phanfic wow) for the 2018 Phandom Secret Valentines, and my valentine is @citrouillephan!

I hope you enjoy! -from your valentine, @realityfallsapart

tags: fluff, angst, 2009 AU

words: 4.7k

Summary: Dan Howell tends to get lost in his head and his thoughts have a habit of ruling him even when he doesn’t want them to. When he and his best friend finally have a chance at meeting, Dan starts to wonder if he is actually good enough for the amazing human being that is Phil Lester.

(ao3 link)

(Thank you so much to @moonbeamphan for reading this over and helping me! This wouldn’t be as good without you!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan typed his answer and sent it by hitting enter before leaning back in his chair and letting out a shaky breath that seemed to rattle his insides. His laptop chirped quietly, announcing that Phil had replied to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it right away. Finally, after a few moments, he flicked his eyes down to the white screen of the computer in his lap where Phil’s most recent message seemed to glare up at him.

Phil :) (9:47 PM)

i know!

i can’t believe it either!

For a few moment, Dan could do nothing but stare at the screen; at the black words disrupting the artificial white light. It was the only thing that gave Dan any sort of illumination in his room; everything else was dark. He bit his lip and thought about the possible pros and cons of shutting his laptop and burying his head under his duvet to pretend that everything was fine because it was. It’s all fine.

Dan shook his head and reached his hands down to the keyboard. He wouldn't—couldn’t—do that to Phil. Phil deserved so much better than that. His numb fingers typed out a small sentence, only realizing that it had several typos until after he had sent it. He mentally kicked himself for it.

Dan ^-^ (9:51 PM)

Me niether! it seems like thsi would n e v e r happen!

**neither, this

Jeez i can spell

Phil :) (9:51 PM)

idk dan are you sure you can def spell? those seem like some pretty beginner mistakes…

Dan knew Phil was kidding. He knew that it was just Phil playing around with Dan like they normally did. Like they had been doing for months at this point. But in Dan’s heightened state of anxiety and stress, he couldn’t help but berate himself further. God, Phil must think of him as a kid now, he can’t even spell right!

Dan crashed back into his mattress, groaning and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid….” he muttered, hitting his forehead with his hand with every word.

Looking back on this moment, Dan would laugh and realize how utterly idiotic his anger with himself was coming from, but right now, in bed with the lights off and by himself, he couldn’t help but magnify the issue. He had been anxious and stressed without a pause this entire week.

He looked up at his ceiling, sighing in growing frustration towards himself, but it wasn’t just because of his inability to catch his typos. In fact, it had nothing to do with them. The typos had just tipped him right over the edge and all of his insecurities crashed over him like waves, his head nearly going under the tide.

To say he wasn’t good enough was an understatement. To say that Phil deserved a much better best friend than Dan was even more of one. Phil was older, more experienced, more mature, funny, smart, kind, and extremely compassionate. He had a great time making pretty successful and entertaining videos (at least in Dan’s opinion, and he would always fight anyone who said otherwise) on the side, on top of balancing life. Dan was younger, so much more less experienced with everything, he got overwhelmed with life and spent the majority of his time curled up under his covers surfing through the waves of his latest existential crisis or playing PC video games that he would forget about within the next 24 hours. He was purgatory in the form of a human and an incredibly underwhelming one at that.

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he laid there, stewing in his self-deprecation and wishing that he was better. Better in literally every aspect, maybe then he would finally be worth Phil’s time, if only a little bit. His computer chirped again, and then twice more minutes later in rapid succession, as if angry. Dan grasped for the thing, pulling it up to his chest, lacking the energy to sit back up.

Phil :) (10:07 PM)

Dan you know im joking right?

Phil :) (10:16 PM)

Dan? you still there? i was joking i promise you can make all the typos you want

u didnt fall asleep did you?

Dan couldn’t help the watery smile that turned the corners of his mouth up, albeit it being a small one. Phil had that effect on him even if Dan was falling apart on the inside. Just a little though, he was fine.

Dan ^-^ (10:18 PM)

nooo im not sleeping

Phil :) (10:18 PM)

Dan ^-^ (10:19 PM)

why the frowny face

Dan tried to keep the fear out of his thoughts but the talons of doubt had already settled around his heart. Was Phil mad that he didn’t answer right away? Would-

His laptop signaled the arrival of Phil’s reply, and Dan really didn’t know if he wanted to slam the lid of his computer shut or jump at the opportunity to find out if he had just ruined the best friendship he had ever had. Ever will. He went for the latter.

(Dan supposed he might be overreacting, but then again, when wasn’t he, it seemed?)

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

did i insult your typing skills one too many times? is that why you disapeared?

*disappeared

Dan used the best coping mechanisms for dealing with his anxiety that he knew: humor and avoidance. Together, they were a formidable force and Dan had spent a large majority of his time perfecting their potency.

Dan ^-^ (10:20 PM)

now look who’s making the typos

Phil :) (10:20 PM)

Dan.

He gulped. Now he had done it. Fuck. He had to fix this.

Dan ignored the roar behind his ears that seemed to be screaming that he should just ignore this all, pray that things would magically fix themselves and change the topic. That was his fear talking. His self-abandonment. His anxiety. His everything. Phil was worth so much more. So Dan pushed it all away for just long enough to reply.

Dan ^-^ (10:21 PM)

sorry, joke

no, thats not why i ran away

i was just thinking, thats all

Phil :) (10:21 PM)

were you doing it again

Dan tried to pretend that he didn’t know what Phil was talking about and simultaneously cursed himself for telling Phil about his increasing habit for getting lost in his thoughts. He failed. He knew exactly what Phil was talking about.

Back, about three weeks ago in a later-than-normal conversation where all of their inhibitions seemed to dissipate, Dan had finally come clean about how sometimes thoughts got the best of him. He would crumble under them, get so completely and utterly lost in his head that he would sometimes stay there for hours on end, picking apart anything that his conscience decided to dig up. And it hindered Dan, made him hate himself just that much more, made him hate how easily his anxieties held him hostage, stuck. But he couldn’t do much about it, it seemed, for whenever he got lost in his head, he always forgot that he had to get out.

Dan gulped. He had to lie his way out of this. He knew that Phil didn’t like it when Dan got stuck. He could pull off nonchalance, right?

Dan ^-^ (10:22 PM)

Phil :) (10:22 PM)

im not convinced

you were werent you

Dan ^-^ (10:23 PM)

does my word not count for anything lol

Phil :) (10:24 PM)

maybe if we were talking and i could see your face it’d count

Dan ^-^ (10:24 PM)

what’s my face got to do with anything?

Phil’s bubble appeared on the screen once, twice, three times, before he apparently decided on what he was going to say and sent it. The entire time Dan was a few words away from having a breakdown. His hands were shaking. His mind was racing faster than normal. Faster than it had in what seemed like a very long time.

Phil :) (10:26 PM)

bc then i could tell if you were lying

tho rn i dont even need that

Dan ^-^ (10:26 PM)

are u seriously saying im lying

Phil :) (10:27 PM)

yeah

you did everything that you always do when you arent telling the truth

you joked

changed / focused the conversation onto smth else

and besides

ive gathered that you really dont like to talk about the things that bother you. you like to ignore them and stuff

Dan ^-^ (10:28 PM)

so how bout we not talk about them then

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

normally, maybe

but not with this

Dan ^-^ (10:29 PM)

and why not?

Phil :) (10:29 PM)

bc i dont like it when you beat yourself up in your head

Dan ^-^ (10:30 PM)

who said i was beating myself up in my head

Phil :) (10:30 PM)

… dan :/

youre avoiding again

Dan cursed himself. God, since when could Phil read him like a book?

Dan ^-^ (10:32 PM)

fine. maybe i am

what are you gonna do about it philly?

Phil :) (10:32 PM)

daaaaannnnnn

you arent allowed to beat yourself up

no ones allowed to

especially you!

Dan giggled, just a little. He couldn’t help it when Phil was being…well, Phil.

Dan ^-^ (10:33 PM)

and why not? Hmm?

Phil :) (10:34 PM)

bc youre my favorite person silly

my favorite person cant be sad. its just the rules

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

oh yeah? whose rules then, oh wise philip

Phil :) (10:35 PM)

ew dont call me philip my nan calls me that

and theyre my rules

my rules for my favorite person

Dan ^-^ (10:35 PM)

suuurrreee phil. sure its a rule

*philip

Phil’s cursor didn’t appear seconds after Dan had sent his message like usual. Insead, nothing appeared. Their good-natured banter had eased the storm raging inside of Dan and his thoughts and anxieties had died down a little, much more easier to bear with the distraction Phil was giving him, but with the sudden disappearance of his best friend, they came back full force. All of his doubts spilled into the front of his conscience. He shivered. It wasn’t from the cold.

Dan watched the little digital clock at the bottom of his laptop screen count the minutes falling away. One, two, three, four, five, god did what did he do-

Phil :) (10:41 PM)

[multimedia image: click to load]

With his heart in his throat, Dan clicked, and a small window appeared, momentarily covering their chat from Dan’s view. It was hard to make out, the quality bad and the image itself grainy and dark, but it was of a piece of paper lying atop two legs clad in bright pyjamas that Dan could immediately connect to Phil and his eccentric personality. He could make out the tip of Phil’s finger at the top of the shot, too. Squinting, he looked at the paper itself, zooming in to make out the words penned in Phil’s handwriting.

Rules:

1. Dan Howell is my favorite person

2. No one is allowed to make fun of him

3. ESPECIALLY if that “no one” is Dan himself

Dan started to laugh. Only Phil would actually make a list of “rules”. Only Phil.

Before Dan could reply, Phil was typing again.

Phil :) (10:43 PM)

there. proper rules written on proper paper. you have to follow them now

Dan ^-^ (10:44 PM)

i cant believe that you actually wrote rules you spork

but fine! i guess if i have to lol

Dan was still working heavily with avoiding the whole situation entirely, just like with what he was doing to the problem causing him so much stress to begin with, but he couldn’t help it. It’s just how he was.

Phil :) (10:46 PM)

so you admit to your crimes xD

but anyways

you were stuck in your head again

which is okay, i mean, i understand that it’s something you cant help

Dan felt like he was going to cry. Phil’s assurance that Dan’s mind running in panicked circles was perfectly okay was almost too much. Phil’s compassion was almost too much.

But it appeared that Phil wasn’t done, because his laptop dinged quietly again.

Phil :) (10:47 PM)

can i ask whats got you so sad and worried

so i can beat it up

obvs

Now Dan really wanted to cry. How could he tell Phil that the reason was him? How could he say that the root of this ball of anxiety and stress and worrying that had taken over him was Phil himself?

He couldn’t do that to Phil, not when his best friend would undoubtedly take it hard. God, if Phil knew why Dan kept getting lost in himself, he would be crushed.

Dan ^-^ (10:51 PM)

noooo

Phil :) (10:51 PM)

are you sure? i wont judge you dan, i swear it doesnt matter if you think i wont like it

i just wanna be here for you

If Dan wasn’t crying earlier, he was now, a few select tears dripping down his cheeks, brimming with the emotions that had been taking over him this past week. Phil was…too much. He was too kind, too sweet, too undeserving of someone like Dan. God, Phil deserved the whole world, he shouldn’t have to settle with Dan.

Another message appeared on Dan’s screen, as but this one didn’t seem like normal, it was a little off, a little rushed, a little…something. Dan couldn’t place it.

Phil :) (10:53 PM)

bc youre my best friend.

obvs. xD

If Dan wasn’t so out of it and was able to think clearly, he might have questioned Phil’s “clarification” of why and what sense he wanted to be there for him, but Dan was not in the best state of mind and he thought nothing of it.

Dan looked at his screen again. He still had to acknowledge Phil’s question, and he wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wanted to tell Phil he already told him everything, have Phil reassure him and tell him that everything was going to be okay again, like he normally did. But Dan couldn’t. He couldn’t lie again, once was already once too many, and something told Dan that if he tried to ignore it or change the topic, Phil would just call him out again.

Fuck.

Dan ^-^ (10:56 PM)

it doesnt matter

Phil :) (10:56 PM)

yes it does

its enough to make you get lost in that head of yours, so it matters

Dan ^-^ (10:57 PM)

phil we both know it doesnt take much for me to get lost in my thoughts

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

still

something is bothering you and i want to fix it

Dan bit his lip. God, Phil had no idea how badly he wanted to let him fix this. He couldn’t though. He just couldn’t.

Dan ^-^ (10:58 PM)

nooo phil, you cant fix this one

Phil :) (10:58 PM)

>:(

you cant even let me try?

Always, always, but just not with this. Dan couldn’t tell Phil this, not when it would hurt him.

Dan ^-^ (11:00 PM)

no phil, not with this sorry :(

Phil :) (11:01 PM)

:((((

okay

i may not like it but i can respect that

will you tell me tomorrow?

Dan looked at the screen, thinking about it. Tomorrow was what he was worried about to begin with. Could he tell Phil tomorrow? He wasn’t sure. Well, it didn’t matter if things went good or not, Dan mused, tomorrow Dan’s fears would either be affirmed or destroyed.

He could only hope.

Dan ^-^ (11:03 PM)

sure

tomorrow

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

yay!!!

Dan laughed, breathily.

Phil :) (11:03 PM)

oooh! look at the time!

its getting so late bear wow

guess we should get to sleep so we dont fall asleep on each other tomorrow huh? xD

Dan’s heart physically melted at the use of Phil’s pet name for him. He only used it occasionally, but it never failed to make Dan’s heart stutter in his chest and the butterflies in his belly to flit around faster, making him feel almost giddy. Hopeful.

God he sounded so stupid right now. Anxious and stressed out of his mind yet still acting like a little kid with their first crush.

Stupid feelings.

Dan ^-^ (11:05 PM)

yeah i guess we should!

night philly :)

Phil :) (11:05 PM)

goodnight dan!! :D

see you tomorrow!

(ps, idk whats bothering you and thats okay but i hope whatever it is it works out for you :“) )

Ah yes. That’s what it boiled down to. Tomorrow morning Dan would board a train and take it up to Manchester to spend some time with Phil. The first time that they would see each other in real life, not just behind a computer screen. They had skyped before and texted and chatted for countless hours over countless days, but the thought of tomorrow still made Dan want to throw up.

He wasn’t good enough for Phil. He was just so terrified that tomorrow Phil would see that.

Dan ^-^ (11:06 PM)

After hitting send Dan thrust the lid to his laptop down and pushed it off of his chest, letting it fall onto the bed. Dan felt sick again. He was so scared about tomorrow because there were so many things that could go wrong and so many flaws that Phil could discover about Dan and so many, so many, ways for what is supposed to be the best day of Dan’s life to turn out to be his worst.

God, he hated his anxiety for always picking things apart. Always fucking with Dan’s own head.

Dan rolled over and grabbed his duvet, pulling it up and wishing that it would just swallow him whole. Fuck. He couldn’t do it tomorrow. He couldn’t handle this stress.

Taking a deep breath, Dan clutched his duvet tighter in his grasp and tried to keep his lip from wobbling.

Right now he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget that he didn’t feel good enough, that yet again his insecurities were screwing him over, that he wanted to cry. He wanted to forget. Unfortunately for Dan the universe didn’t agree and he ended up staying awake for hours after the he had closed his laptop, the entire time doing nothing but thinking, getting lost in his head, and wishing that his thoughts would just turn off.

For once.

Please.

~~~~~~

Dan slung his bag over his shoulder. His fingers felt numb. Unlike his greatest hopes, the fitful-at-best night’s sleep did nothing to alleviate Dan’s terror. If anything, it had only magnified it because now it was today and Dan couldn’t run anymore.

He took a cab to the station, and he ended up being earlier than he needed to be, having about an extra ten minutes to wait for his train. He sat on a bench, his legs nothing but jelly at this point, his fears making it quite easy to foresee his long legs from just giving out on him. Dan didn’t want to make an embarrassment of himself on top of it all, so he tried to calm his racing heart while he sat.

With no luck.

Of course.

Dan looked down at the ticket in his hand. It would be so easy to not go. To walk right out of the station, spend the weekend at home instead of with Phil, and not risk Phil seeing how utterly underwhelming Dan was as a person. He could lie, could say that he ran late, missed his train, maybe his parents changed their minds and didn’t let Dan go.

But God, as Dan looked down at the paper in his trembling hand, he couldn’t help but know that he wouldn’t be able to actually go through with not leaving. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Phil, not about something this big—who was he kidding, he had a hard enough time lying to Phil last night over something so small!

But more than that, Dan knew that it was much more than not being able to lie to Phil. He had wanted to meet Phil ever since he had started to watch his videos, and the sentiment had only increased tenfold with their fast friendship. Phil was now much more than a hero, much more than a few minutes of distraction. He was Phil, Dan’s AmazingPhil, and he was his best friend. That lanky black-haired boy was worth so so much in Dan’s eyes, and he couldn’t, couldn’t, leave him in the dust like that. God it wouldn’t just kill Phil, but it would kill Dan too. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Dan had been thinking too hard. Before he knew it the train was pulling into the station and Dan gulped, raising on still-shaky legs and gripping the strap of his bag so hard he didn’t even have to look to know that his knuckles were blotched white.

As Dan took his seat, a new resolve washed over him. He would go. He would endure this train ride that undoubtedly would be the most anxiety-inducing thing he had done in a very long time—possibly ever—and he would do it for Phil. If Phil would reject him or not, he would try not to dwell on it on the coming trip (a losing battle, Dan knew), but he would still go.

For Phil.

~~~~~

Dan’s heart was going so fast he was sure that he was going to pass out. His hands, his arms, legs, his whole body was trembling.

Manchester’s Piccadilly Station.

Dan was here.

There was a decent amount of people on the station as far as Dan could see as the train pulled in, but none of them looked like his best friend.

The train came to a stop and Dan stood, the first to make it to the doors and there when they opened.

Strangely enough, when the doors pulled open and Dan took a step out into the station, he stopped trembling. His heart slowed—not by much, but it slowed—and this whole thing didn’t seem quite as scary. Sure, Dan’s thoughts were still screaming in his head, sure, his anxiety was still off the charts, and sure, his hands were still sweaty and his breath was still shallow but still. It was as if a calm had washed over him.

Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it. Maybe he was just going into shock.

People busied around him, walking this way and that, talking into cell phones, to other people, some silent. Dan, unsure of everything right now, followed where the general push of people were guiding him, the whole time craning his head, looking for his Phil. He tried not to panic. He tried.

But with every second the calm that had overtook him was shrinking and his anxiety steadily increased.

Did Phil forget? Did he stand me up? Oh God he’s not coming he didn’t come-

"Dan!”

Dan whirled around at the sound of his name, uttered by a voice that sounded so much better when it wasn’t distorted by their shitty computer’s speakers.

Before Dan could register really anything, he was being engulfed in a hug, two strong arms wrapping themselves around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him flush against the figure.

Against Phil.

And instantly all of the shouting in Dan’s head was gone. The slight tremble in his hands vanished, and for the first time in a week, his anxiety was gone without a trace. Dan felt like crying.

Dan gasped in surprise, his brain taking a moment to reboot because Phil didn’t forget, didn’t stand him up, didn’t change his mind, and suddenly Dan felt very, very stupid because how could he ever think that Phil would do something like that. This was Phil, the kindest person on the planet.

Phil pulled away, just a little, just enough so they could see each other’s faces, and Dan had to keep himself from pulling Phil back in.

His smile was so wide, easily the widest Dan had ever seen it. And his eyes, oh God those eyes were a thousand times clearer, a thousand times more mesmerizing than behind a screen. Dan didn’t doubt for a second that he could stand here and look into them for the rest of the day without tiring of their never-ending beauty. Fuck. Why did his eyes have to be so gorgeous.

Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s and looked over the rest of him, from his broad shoulders that Dan wanted to wrap his arms around, to the tussle of his hair that Dan craved to run his fingers through and the line of his jaw that Dan felt the need to trace. Double fuck. Why did the entirety of Phil have to be gorgeous.

“Dan! I can’t believe you’re here! I have today all planned out; I’m going to show you everything!” Phil said excitedly, a twinkle as clear as day in his eyes. Phil was practically vibrating with excitement and it made a smile spread over Dan’s features. Phil’s happiness was contagious.

Phil stopped his rambling, looking down at Dan sheepishly.

“I mean, if that’s all okay with you. If you don’t want to do something that’s okay, I totally get it. We can do anything you want, I-”

Dan tilted his head back and laughed, laughed because Phil seemed nervous. Phil was nervous and it was adorable.

“Yeah, yeah Phil it’s all fine. All of it, don’t worry. I just can’t believe you want to do it all with me.”

Phil’s smile faded a little, and the twinkle in his eye got that much smaller. He looked a little sad.

“Was this what you were so worried about? That I wouldn’t like you?”

Dan bit his lip and looked down, giving a little nod.

Phil pulled Dan right back into a hug, but this time it felt even more real, and it was impossibly tighter. It felt like Phil was pulling all of Dan’s lost pieces together. Phil’s voice was in his ear.

“Of course I like you, Dan. You’re my best friend. I like you more than anyone else. Promise.”

Dan might have just felt like crying, in that moment. Phil accepted him. He wasn’t going to leave him. Things were okay. They were okay.

He knew that this would hit him later, maybe tonight when he had a chance to process things. He’d probably cry out of relief, but it would all be okay because Phil would be there to hold him together and ease all of Dan’s worries.

Soon enough they set off, hand in hand, and Dan was smiling so wide, so, so wide. He couldn’t have been happier with how things had turned out.

Dan looked sideways at Phil, trying to not be too obvious.

This had worked out so maybe, just maybe, something else could work out for him.

~~~~~

Dan stood at the window, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was early, and he could see the technicolor dream across the sky that was that morning’s sunrise. The steam from his coffee rose from the rim of the cup and slowly diffused into nothing; tendril-like hands wisped up and around Dan’s neck.

It had been nearly nine years.

Dan’s nervousness and dark thoughts never ceased to plague him, however, he learned to deal with it better. He could confidently say that he has never been happier.

It had been nearly nine years, and they were still inseparable. Their channels had grown exponentially, and they boasted an insanely large fan community.

As the years had gone by, their strong, unbreakable friendship slowly blossomed into something remarkably beautiful. Their long Skype calls turned into late night kisses, and they had been happily in love for nearly nine years.

Dan twisted the ring on his third finger. As well as being happily in love, they were also engaged to be married within the next year. Lately, he’d been waking up in complete disbelief.

The thing Dan had wanted so desperately to work out for him did, and in the most perfectly perfect way possible.

#submission

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