#pretty sure men have also complained about losing their jobs on the internet. but it’s just blowing off steam when dudes do it ig

[snarltoothed]

ohhh my god. women talking about their lives on tiktok is not a “trauma dumping epidemic” what do you MEAN “lately there’s this trend of women sharing aspects of their lives knowing they’ll be praised for their vulnerability” what the fuck are you talking about??? i’m losing my MIND. we live in the digital age. so many people share every aspect of their lives online, but god forbid women post anything about any personal lived experience they’ve had now, i guess

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt. 46

Keith hadn’t expected to be moving in to his apartment on the following Wednesday. He also didn’t expect said apartment to be three blocks away from work. The hunter had a feeling Shiro was behind that. His brother cautious over any potential dangers Platt had to offer.

He’d seen Miriam on Monday, not that he’d admit it but he’d waited in the car for Lance to message, never leaving the parking lot. Miriam seemed in good spirits as she talked about Lance and how happy she was that he’d found someone like him. Lance was a lot like his Mami. They both had this way of talking that drew you in. She also had a razor sharp sense of humour, and the way their faces scrunched up as they laughed was obviously a family trait. A family trait that left him feeling both grateful and anxious as his own thoughts kept coming back to his mother. He hadn’t said goodbye to her. He’d up and moved country, leaving her behind and it felt weird. Almost as weird as it was to be working for Coran now.

Coran seemed to like him too much. He’d asked all about how Lance was getting on. Keith felt kind of like he was betraying his boyfriend by explaining everything that had happened, which the fae seemed to pick up on as he smoothly changed the topic to how Lance was getting on with Matt. Lance seemed to be getting on better with Matt now. Matt was a tech geek like his little sister, he’d set himself up in the living room with his laptop, he and Pidge dissolving into techno-babble that only Hunk could keep up with. Now he was in Platt, all Keith wanted to do was go back to Garrison. Their apartment was already furnished, owned by Voltron, and had three bedrooms. The windows showed views of the city streets, where far too many noises drifted up to reach them on the fifth floor. Shiro said he wanted to find them apartment, yet somehow they’d ended up going with the flow. Coran meant well, but it kind of felt like they were being kept under his thumb. Keith wouldn’t have been surprised to find hidden cameras in all the light fittings like some dumb movie.

Their stuff had been delayed in delivery, so wouldn’t be there for anything from two more weeks up to a month, making things feel even more sparse and unhomely. Like he was a stranger in someone else’s life. Pidge already blown up the chat that morning complaining that he hadn’t said anything about his sudden moving and he owed her big time for leaving. Sure, he’d left, but Pidge was where he wanted to be. She wasn’t lost. She hadn’t left Lance’s house since Matt’s return. Neither of them would be there tonight when Pidge’s parents came to dinner at Lance’s. Lance was stressed over it that morning when they’d cuddled in bed. This “move” couldn’t have been on a worse day, nor did it make much sense to Keith. Sure, Coran wanted to do skill assessments on both on them first thing the following morning, but he could have dragged his arse out of bed at ungodly o’clock if it meant not seeing Lance trying to be happy for him.

That wasn’t to say Lance wasn’t happy that he’d be working through things with Shiro. He was and he’d told him that so many times Keith had to kiss him to shut up. It was more... more... like Lance had given him a taste of what it felt like to be in a real home where hunting was secondary to living. Throwing himself down on the red pleather sofa, Keith pulled out his new phone. Blue and Lance were his Home Screen, his Lock Screen a random photo of the desert he’d found on the internet. Sure, he was being sappy and stupid, but he could really use a cuddle from Blue right about now. With his leg slung over the sofa, he hated the piece of furniture. The only thing going for it was the fact it was red

“Well, this is it. Coran said we can find our own place once things settle down. We need to go shopping for the essentials. You’ll probably want more clothes”

Lance had packed him a backpack filled with the few things he’d bought him in their time together, plus a few shirts and pairs of jeans that he’d been borrowing

“Keith, did you hear me?”

Keith kept tapping on his phone, opening his chat with Lance up. Lance had messaged him, because his boyfriend was far too damn nice. His message along the lines of guessing Keith was frowning right about now, but he needed to remember that it wasn’t forever and Garrison really wasn’t that far away. Keith couldn’t help smiling slightly. Even apart, his boyfriend still cared

“Yeah. You want to go shopping”

“Unless you’re intending on sitting there sulking”

Keith frowned, his tone huffy

“I’m not sulking”

“Right. You do know Garrison is down the road”

“I’ve been told”

“Look, Lance will be fine with Curtis. Matt and Rieva have started settling in, and he’s got Pidge”

“I didn’t say he didn’t”

Keith’s thumb paused over his phone. He wanted to tell Lance how much the apartment sucked... yet... if he did that than Lance would worry. The apartment didn’t really suck. It was clean, styled around the primary colours, plus green and black. Not his colour theme, but not hideous and not Lance’s house

“Am I allowed to send him photos?”

Photos would say what he couldn’t

“Not of the outside, or from the windows. It’s for our safety and his. You’ve got your private phone, but if you lose it, it’s safer it doesn’t trace back to this place”

Keith nearly rolled his eyes, feeling like he was channeling a little Pidge as nearly corrected Shiro over “GPS” being a thing. Pointing that out would mean Shiro would probably say no to him sending photos

“I’m going send him photos first. He’ll be worried”

Shiro sighed at him. They’d picked up the keys from Coran, so it’d been like 2 hours since he last saw Lance. Talk about being pathetic

“Keith, you only saw him this morning”

“So? It’s not my fault it feels weird being here without our things. We were supposed to take this move thing slow”

“Coran wanted us...”

“I know. Let me message Lance, then we’ll go shopping”

“Okay, kiddo. You want to pick a room?”

He kind of had to. Keith knew Shiro knew he was in a flunk over moving. When they’d come back after meeting with Coran, the first thing Lance had done was wrap his arms around him and welcome him home. Was it stupid he wanted that for here to. He wanted Shiro to wrap his arms around him and welcome him back? They’d kind of moved on from doing that and Keith had forgotten how nice it felt.

Out of the three bedroom, Keith picked the one with the least amount of light. His sleep schedule had been pretty messed up before Lance came into his life. Insomnia had come with the job, long nights of tossing and turning unable to switch off after work. Lance soothed that. He didn’t question Keith’s nightmares. He didn’t make a scene or a fuss. And Keith was grateful for that. Coran had tried to make the bedrooms more homely. The beds were all queen sized, each with a flowery duvet cover and small crappy trinkety things on the bedside table. His new room was okay in it’s own way, if you liked something that looked like it’d been put together by someone who was at least several decades out of style. Taking photos, he hesitated before sending them through to Lance. He didn’t want Lance to feel he was rubbing this new distance between them in his face, so followed up with “I wish you were here”. He hoped that didn’t sound too lame. He already knew he was being stupid and lame over the move. He’d lived for his job for so long, that he really should be used to it.

“Why am I not surprised you chose the room with the least amount of light?”

Keith tried to act like he hadn’t been so absorbed in waiting for his messages to be read by Lance that he hadn’t jumped at Shiro’s voice behind him

“Because mornings can go fuck themselves?”

“Keith, I know it’s hard, but this is a fresh start for both of us. I think it’s what we both needed. Adam wouldn’t want us to be stuck on his memory. He loved you, kiddo. He’d want you to be happy”

Playing the Adam card was a dirty trick, because Keith knew Shiro was right. His brother probably had a lot of bad memories in Rome, and hell knew he wouldn’t miss James and the rest of the werewolves

“I know. Do we really have to go shopping?”

“Unless you want to start our night with figuring out how to eat the sofa, then yes. We really have to go shopping”

“Fiiiiine. I’m getting a new cover for the bed”

“I don’t think Coran will mind”

“I don’t care if he does. Lance said he’d judge me on me, but he talks so much about Lance that it’s kind of weird”

“Well they have known each other longer than we’ve been alive. He’d got to be better than Iverson”

“Iverson can suck my dick”

“I didn’t know you felt that way. Better not tell Lance”

Keith rolled his eyes. Out of all his instructors Iverson had been the worse. Always going on about how he could do better. Always going on about how he should be more like Shiro and Adam. He’d punched him hard enough to detach the man’s retina in his left eye. He felt like shit for it. He’d very nearly been thrown out of it, but Shiro had stepped in. Needless to say he hated him even more after the incident

“Lance and I are taking things slow”

“That still doesn’t mean you don’t want Iverson to...”

“Say that again and I’ll punch you in the dick”

Shiro gave a laugh

“Okay. Okay. Point made. It’s not every day that you mind out your brother is into older men”

“I’m not. It’s just Lance. And stop making me talk about him. I don’t like missing him”

“You don’t want to miss him?”

“I don’t like feeling like I’m on the other side of the planet... I feel like... like something’s going to happen”

“I know it’s hard, but he’s not alone”

“That’s the problem. What if he turns into a bat?”

“Then they’ll cover it”

“What if he goes into heat and something happens?”

“Keith, he was perfectly okay on Sunday, and we’ll be back in Garrison for the weekend. If anything happens he has your number”

“I’m overreacting, aren’t I?”

Keith stared down at his phone, Lance hadn’t replied yet. He didn’t like that Lance hadn’t replied. He was probably busy with the others, but what if he was busy he forgot about him? Coming up behind him, Keith was lifted off his feet by Shiro, his brother dumping him down on his new bed, before collapsing next to him

“I forgot how big you’ve gotten”

“You’re just getting old”

Shiro snorted at him. Keith huffing as he slapped his brother’s stomach

“Geez. Thanks for that. Look, it’s a new relationship, I get it”

“I just feel like...”

“Lance isn’t about to forget you. He isn’t about to skip town. He’s probably busy making lunch for the others”

“I know. I feel stupid for missing him”

“Nah. Not stupid, only human. Now, can we please go shopping? I’m starving”

“Lance fed you this morning”

“So? All this morning has me hungry”

“What moving? It was three bags and your suitcase. You could have at least packed clothes for me”

“Let’s not dwell on my mistakes. This is going to be good for us. I can feel it”

“Yeah... maybe”

That was all the enthusiasm Keith could muster. He really was pathetic. He’d survived all those years without Lance, a few more days wouldn’t change anything.

*

Saturday took its sweet time rolling around. For an underground complex, VOLTRON wasn’t as bad as it seemed. There gym complex was kind of awesome. It had everything Keith could ever want from a gym, including a pool which he was excited to try out. Thursday had been all about testing physical strengths, once they’d been through full medicals... his heart passing with flying colours. Friday gave him flash backs to high school he could have done without as Coran tested their base knowledge with written exams. Allura had offered to show them the sights around the city, but Keith wanted to do that with Lance.

It wasn’t that he disliked Allura, she was just someone he didn’t know. Friday he’d tried out the gym, sensors stuck to him so Coran could analyse the data. The man pointing out the few jumps in his heart rate which he delighted in pointing out coincided with messages from Lance. Lance sending him stupid gym work out memes, despite Keith telling him Coran was monitoring his physical condition. He’d turned into one of “those” people in the last three days, those kind of people who waited for every message and leapt to check their phones at the first chance. He’d never been that before. He’d never worried over what to say, or cared what kind of face he was making. Shiro called it his “Lance face”. Keith called him stupid. He missed his boyfriend and when Saturday came, he couldn’t have been happier.

Having barely slept, thanks to over thinking seeing Lance again, his two coffees didn’t agree with him during the car ride. Shiro had to pull over twice because he’d gone pale, his stomach rolling the whole drive. Apparently the car came with the job, it wasn’t anything remarkable, a plain sedan designed to be like the other thousand plain white sedans in Platt. The only difference being it was teched up, and carried a small arsenal in the trunk in case of emergency situations. Shiro thought he was hilarious as he’d bought a solar dancing thing for the dash which was a vampire whose head and arms moved. Keith could only groan at him, supposing it was better than a dancing hula girl. If he’d said as much out loud, Shiro would have made it his mission to find one, so the hunter wisely kept his mouth shut.

Pulling into Lance’s drive, Keith nearly threw up as his nerves bloomed on top of everything. It felt like every time his social worker had pulled up at next foster home. He’d be there for a time, proven too much effort, then move onto the next family. By the time reached Lance’s house, Lance was out the front waiting. Blue trying to escape from his hold. They’d finally made it and the drive couldn’t have felt any longer if Shiro had actually tried

“I didn’t think my driving was that bad”

“I think I used the wrong milk”

Shiro had his own milk. Living with Lance, Lance automatically swapped to lactose free and he hadn’t given it any other though. Not all milk turned his insides into a pit of boiling lava, but apparently Shiro’d found another brand that did. Maybe it was easier to hide his butterflies under the guise of bad milk when it meant ignoring memories of the past

“I’ll swap it out when we get home. Need help getting inside?”

Keiths stomach gurgled, Keith hoping things weren’t about to get any worse than this in front of Lance. Lance could probably hear them... he didn’t want his boyfriend knowing. He was grown man. He shouldn’t be this nervous. This was Lance. He had no need to be nervous in front of Lance, plus, what would he say about Keith showing up sick?

“It’s an upset stomach, not a broken leg”

“Okay. Let me know if it gets any worse. I can pick up something from the chemist if you need?”

“Don’t blow this out of proportion”

“I forgot how moody bad milk makes you”

Shiro was lucky he was his brother. He wasn't being moody... Shiro should be grateful he hadn't brought up Curtis, like a moody anger loaf might. They might need to check on Matt, Rieva and Lance, but Keith would bet money that Shiro and Curtis were a hell of a lot closer than his brother wanted to admit. But no. He wouldn’t say that. Because he wasn’t moody.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 256: Fucking Superb You Funky Little Hero Eggs

Previously on BnHA: Aizawa and Mic’s frankensteined best friend Shirakumo, better known to us as Kurogiri, had his memories briefly restored through the Power of Friendship, and was all “YO Y’ALLS BETTER GO CHECK OUT THOSE HOSPITALS” before his head started steaming like a tea kettle and he randomly fell asleep. Aizawa and Mic were all “!!” and Aizawa was all “(ಡ ﹏ ಡ)” and Mic was all “Aizawa are you crying” and Aizawa was like “NO!!!” and then they left the prison and Nao called HPSC Lady who called Hawks and was all “eck-chay ethay ospitals-hay” because Hawks, as you recall, is still a secret agent and all that. Anyway so Hawks was all “EUREKA!!” in his head which doesn’t really add up but hey, and then the chapter ended with Dr. Ujiko dancing in sadistic glee as he watched Tomura get all mad scienced. It was pretty freaky. I could use some wholesomeness right about now so let’s see if this chapter will deliver.

Today on BnHA: Class 1-A shows off the fresh skills they learned during their assorted internships, such as “determination”, “enhanced search techniques”, and “becoming a literal blob of acid.” The Wonder Trio is a particular highlight, and All Might is all “my little baby off to destroy people :’)” as he watches Deku shred a robot to pieces using Blackwhip. We then cut to Aizawa and Mic, who may or may not be planning some rogue vigilante style investigations of the whole Noumu thing, or maybe they’re just brooding, but either way they’re interrupted by Mirio and Tamaki who come running in to get them to stop Eri’s quirk from going haywire, which, yikes. The chapter then ends with All Might handing Deku a notebook full of DETAILED, CATALOGED INFO ABOUT THE PAST SUCCESSORS AND THE FUCKING SIXQUIRKS. We just have to wait two more weeks to find out what that’s all about. 2020’s got some fucking zip to it so far huh.

so it’s about a quarter past 7 right now and it’ll be a miracle if I can have this recap up by 10pm tonight. surprisingly the wait for this chapter didn’t really bother me, but this Sunday/Monday release schedule is really doing a number on my punctuality. but anyways we’ll figure it out eventually. if memory serves, there’s about a 90% chance that this week’s jump will also be a double issue, so that gives me another extra week to get my shit together lol

(ETA: so that wasn’t too far off actually! I think a three-hour turnaround time isn’t bad for 3000 words lol. and actually it was more like two hours of reading/blogging and one hour of editing/photo cropping. anyway so in all likelihood either Sunday or Monday night releases will become the norm, depending entirely on how busy that particular Sunday is. not quite the same as getting the chapter on Friday and having the whole weekend to ruminate over it but we will adjust!)

anyway, so I’m somehow remarkably unspoiled for this chapter despite it having been out for nearly a week and a half at this point. so that’s something! let’s see what we’ve got here

yaaaay my babies

All Might was offering free cotton candy, yes? I didn’t expect we’d cut right back to this lol, but you sure won’t see me complaining. I want to see what everyone else learned during their internships, and also what with the break and the last couple chapters being Tartarus-focused, it’s been about a month since I last saw my little hero eggs, and of course I missed them I’m only human

omg

did the original dialogue really reference Skynet. Horikoshi truly gives no fucks about copyright. like one or two episodes ago the anime made some copyrighted reference which you could clearly hear in the Japanese but which the English subs hilariously glossed right over. I’m trying to remember what it was now. damn. anyways we millennials can never resist a good pop culture reference, facts

OH MY GOD AOYAMA

THEY’RE EATING THE COTTON CANDY

TOKOYAMI EATING COTTON CANDY IS THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN IN 2020 THUS FAR. LET ME TELL YOU, WE REALLY NEEDED THIS

SHOUTO EATING COTTON CANDY IS THE SECOND BEST THING TO HAPPEN IN 2020. IT WAS VERY CLOSE

I STALLED FOR TIME SO MUCH AND I STILL DON’T KNOW WTF TO SAY ABOUT AOYAMA’S NEW ATTACK OH MY GOD. JUST. I DON’T KNOW YOU GUYS. THIS BOY IS REALLY OUT HERE SLICING ROBOTS IN HALF WITH HIS BRAND NEW LASER PENIS. THE AMOUNT OF FUCKS THAT HORIKOSHI GIVES IS IN THE NEGATIVES I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY

OH ARE YOU STILL GOING

is... what’s... ldkfj okay nothing to see here guys just the naked invisible chick getting all friendly with Aoyama’s beam boner. just manhandling his sparkle shaft. there are children reading this manga. I mean, they’re already mentally scarred from all the dead dogs and child quirk wine and whatnot, but still at what point do we put our goddamn foot down

anyway so somehow she’s redirecting his laser beam?? I guess with her light refracting quirk skills?? great job Hagakure with your help Aoyama can finally shoot lasers at stuff that’s behind him. you’ve mastered the power of making it so that he doesn’t have to turn around great job truly an internship well spent

“now I can yank light and warp it!” you go girl now you can whip that thing around like it’s a fucking fire hose I guess

YOOOOO MINA!!

THIS GIRL LITERALLY COATED HERSELF IN ACID AND DID A FUCKING BARREL ROLL AHHHHHHHHH. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT, NO OFFENSE TO CAPTAIN DISCO DONG AND COMMODORE “I CAN DO EVERYTHING A MIRROR CAN DO” BUT THERE ARE UPGRADES AND THERE ARE UPGRADES, AND LET’S FACE IT, THIS IS THE REAL DEAL HERE

AHAHAHA I LOVE ITTTTT

is it too late for Mina to actually change her name to Acidman. what is she calling herself now again?? Pinky?? come on Mina strike some fear into the hearts of your enemies

and now All Might and the others are applauding. I don’t see Shouto’s cotton candy anymore. boy fucking inhaled that shit

oh wow, they interned under Yoroi Musha? if memory serves me, and I’m honestly not going to bother to check right now, isn’t that the samurai dude who somehow beat Ryuukyuu in the billboard charts? not that I’m still salty about that, oh wait I absolutely am but anyways

OH MY

IS THAT SOME KIRIMINA CONTENT UP IN MY PANELS. hot damn that is some cute fucking shit. Mina better not get any undue hate for this. everyone please remain calm this cute interaction does not threaten your ship in any way (unless you want it to in which case have at!!) and we can all have fun if we just play nice you guys

lmao All Might

“WE’RE ALREADY ON PAGE FOUR AND THERE ARE TWENTY OF YOU, WE DON’T HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY CHILDREN”

so Satou and Ojiro learned how to punch harder and stuff. again, it’s fine, we can’t all be Acid Men. but meanwhile they interned with some lion guy named Shishido whom I INSTANTLY LOVE so that’s badass. only one character away from Shishida though, but that’s Horikoshi for you

OH MY GOD

BLAH BLAH YES ENHANCED SEARCH TECHNIQUES ZZZZZ BUT FUCKING LOOK THOUGH AT THE FLASHBACK OF HIM YEETING THEM, YESSSSSS. THE OLD WAYS HAVE NOT YET BEEN FORGOTTEN, GANG ORCA YOU ARE THE HERO WE DESERVE

meanwhile Sero, Kami, and Mineta learned how to literally kill people with their quirks flkdjsflk

(ETA: btw I really love that Mt. Lady’s internship emphasized teamwork. now there’s someone who’s come a really long way her own self. anyway I stan and she had better join the other two in the the top 10 real soon. come on BnHA society get with it.)

damn Mt. Lady what the fuck. “if you guys work together you can suffocate and electrocute villains to death with ease!” the government’s plan really is working huh; these children have become bloodthirsty, ruthless killers in a shockingly short period of time

anyways so Iida as we all recall learned how to be more footloose and fancy free, and meanwhile Kouda learned “smooth communication” from Wash, the literal washing machine man whom I also don’t still harbor a grudge against for inexplicably beating my dragon queen in the hero polls, and once again that is a lie because fuck you Wash! you’re adorable but fuck you!!

man this is taking forever why are there so many kids in this class. for anyone wondering why Horikoshi doesn’t focus on class 1-A as a whole more often and leaves them as supporting characters, this right here is why. I love these children to death but we would still be stuck in the basement arc. oh my god I just shuddered

Tokoyami mastered “improvement on all fronts” because I guess he kind of peaked at flying when it came to new moves huh. that’s fine for now

and Kiri mastered “making baddies lose the will to fight real quick” which sounds like some bullshit you’d write while desperately trying to pad your hero resume, except that it’s accompanied by this convincing panel of him chomping a steel bar in two or some shit which YIKES

can confirm, if some demonic rock man came trotting up to me and snapped off some railing from some stairs and fucking snapped it like a twig with his GIANT FOSSILIZED DINOSAUR TEETH, I’d lose my will to fight pretty quickly too

and Ochako and Tsuyu learned “determination” smdh. Horikoshi did you fucking fall asleep towards the end of this segment or what

WHO IS MAJESTIC OMG

excuse me did she just create a bunch of fucking dynamites. is that what those are. is my girl encroaching on my young son’s turf. because if she is, ENCROACH, MOMO, ENCROACH! FEEL FREE TO FUCKING IMPINGE, EVEN!! god, and I know I was bitching just a moment ago about these “lessons” becoming increasingly vague and intangible and motivational poster-y, but I read Momo and “predicting and acting efficiently”, and my thoughts immediately ran to Nighteye and Mirio’s fighting styles, and I was like “YESSSSSSSSS” because, I mean. YES, though

meanwhile Kacchan has learned...

this fucking -- I swear -- YOU LEARNED WHAT YOUR FUCKING HERO NAME IS GOING TO BE YOU TROLLING PIECE OF SHIT. oh my god. Katsuki I swear to god I will take your internet privileges. NO SRIRACHA FOR A WEEK UNLESS YOU TELL ME WHAT IT IS

oh for fuck’s sakes

don’t mind him he learned boom with five b’s and three oo’s what did you all do this week. and somehow Todoroki learned how to be even more fabulous

so All Might’s looking on in pride and giving Endeavor some mental props, and waiting for Deku to go do his thing too

sdfkj he’s thinking about the day he gave Deku THE HAIR and that “[it] feels like ancient history now.” DOESN’T IT THOUGH?

OH MY FEELS

“you don’t look back at me anymore... and you don’t need to.” oh Aizawa’s dry eye has spread to me now huh. must be those January allergies. and that’s some nice bloop there kid. great jorb

someone tell All Might he’s not allowed to look on at Deku with this much fatherly love without giving me at least a week’s notice in advance

sigh. now you’ve done it you two I’m going to become a big cat blob of feels right here and it’s all on you. you did this

oh my god a whole big panel of reactions from the other kids and I’m ( ˊᵕˋ )

lol Kacchan can’t agree with anything even if it’s a compliment. and lmao, who the fuck was that who was all “TODOROKI FINALLY YOU’RE A FAST FUCKING HIMBO HUH!” like they really went and put that “finally” in there, like they were so fucking tired of Todoroki Shouto and his LANGUID FUCKING PACE all the fucking time, GOD, FINALLY SOME SPEED BOY WE WERE DYING OUT HERE

Mineta being happy for Deku also warms my heart, ngl. we’ve gone almost an entire chapter with Mineta not doing anything even remotely perverted, can it be, has Horikoshi finally chilled the fuck out. or did I just jinx it we shall see

also love how Deku is just reduced to an inkblot here and it still is him beyond any shadow of a doubt. and poor Sero, you are also being impinged on huh

lmao Mineta’s just socking Deku in the solar plexus out of comradery and Deku’s fucking vomiting on reflex and not even paying the slightest attention wtf

I love this panel there I said it

so he’s going over and thanking Ochako for “that time” and says he’s using Blackwhip a lot better now. I assume he’s referring to when he first unlocked it and went hog wild and she was all “smh” and went and hugged him to put an end to that nonsense

oh, right!!!!

I forgot about those!! looool Horikoshi’s 2020 resolution is to make everyone Spider-Man now huh. hey everyone guess what I LOVE THIS

oh my god this wholesomeness

I fucking can’t?? yo I’m seriously living for this? I don’t get why some people think Deku inhibits Ochako’s character growth tbh. or that her story is becoming all about him. if it is, then it’s in the same way that Bakugou’s is. Deku keeps inspiring her to be better, ain’t nothing wrong with that. yes she has the crush, and she’s honest with herself and in tune with her emotions enough to be aware of it and to acknowledge it, but she refuses to be distracted by it. I actually really like that, because it shows that romantic feelings can actually exist and not be the central focus of a character’s story or their development. and I think the fear is that it somehow will become the focus, but so far I haven’t seen that happening, so it seems unwarranted to me

anyway

shit’s cute

oh no Mineta’s doing something weird I fucking did jinx it I’m sorry guys. it’s a fucking fistbump dude relax

so All Might seems to be dismissing them now, and he’s saying something about how he reordered (?? rescheduled, maybe??) class so that Aizawa can watch later. that’s nice. he’ll need something to cheer him up, and if Acidman can’t do the trick I don’t know what can

and now we’re cutting back to the dorms!! dorm shenanigans yessssss

oh no shit wait

these are not playful dorm shenanigans these are depressed Miczawa shenanigans to bring me down. nnnn

but Aizawa fucking knows something is up now, shit. that’s right son your babies are in danger

KLJKLGLKSH

okay (1) HOW HOT IS AIZAWA THOUGH HOW DOES HE ALWAYS DO THIS

and (2) is “have a karaoke contest” code for “fuck shit up” or what. son of a bitch, having these two so personally invested in the Noumu arc now is such an unexpected and wonderful gift

MIRIO NO

(ETA: but you all know Aizawa was about to say “I’d go and fuck shit up” though.)

I LOVE YOU BOTH BUT THEY WERE HAVING A SEXY ANGSTING MOMENT, MIRIO CAN YOU NOT READ THE ROOM!! DO YOU NOT SEE THEM BEING ALL ANGSTY AND DARKLY CONTEMPLATIVE!! YOU TWO OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHEN LOVERS ARE BONDING OVER THEIR ANGST WHICH ONLY THE TWO OF THEM UNDERSTAND! FUCKING GODDAMN

NO!!!!!

[SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU LAY ONE FINGER ON HER PRECIOUS HEAD

NOOOO MY SWEET BABY GIRL

oh my fuck that sweater is the cutest fucking thing and this girl has had no shortage of cute outfits let me tell you. BUT ANYWAY SHE’S SCARED AND CRYING NOOOO. holy shit her horn is fucking huge now I don’t feel comfortable with this at all, and Nejire is Best Mom for not giving a single fuck and holding and comforting her regardless of the risk, I love her so much

OH THANK GOD

PALPABLE RELIEF. boys I’m sorry it was wrong of me to yell, you did the right thing interrupting their sexy brooding

BREAK ROOM AHHHHH THE SCOOBY SQUAD LIVES AGAINNNN

it means you constantly amaze him!! you have so much potential he doesn’t even know what the limit might possibly be! don’t act like you don’t love it. or stop being so suspicious and trying to look for the hidden meaning and just accept the praise for what it is. you did good. now ask him if he’s heard any news about Best Jeanist :/

!!

that’s right, he was researching and making faces a while back, are we finally gonna find out what all that was about??

DSLFKAJSLDKFH

HE MADE A NOTEBOOK FOR HIM AHHHHHHHH HE KNOWS WHAT HE LIKES THIS IS AMAZING

DOES HIM GIVING HIM THE INFO IN NOTEBOOK FORM MEAN IT’S UP TO DEKU WHETHER OR NOT HE WANTS TO SHARE THIS INFO WITH KACCHAN. HMMM. OBVIOUSLY HE WILL, BUT THAT’S A REAL POWER MOVE THOUGH, DAMN

“PAST SUCCESSORS / QUIRKS” EVERYONE, THIS BOOK CONTAINS THE SECRETS OF THE SIXQUIRKS. AND THE PREVIOUS OFA AVATARS. THAT’S FINE I’M JUST GONNA. ...I’LL BE FINE. FOR TWO WEEKS. FUCK

shit. well I know it was coming, that’s another reason why I didn’t feel particularly rushed to read this chapter lol. I kinda wish I’d had the foresight to save the Korean scanlation though, just to compare. ah well it’s probably still lying around somewhere

and lol and here’s the bonus page, and this one I did see floating around tumblr haha

I’m not sure how the three smartest kids in class are all present and yet not one of them had the foresight to consider that maybe, just maybe, this could be a bad idea. let’s let the kid with the combustible sweat handle the mochi I’m sure it’ll be -- [everyone immediately dies]. anyway so that’s some good friendly advice from Horikoshi there. happy new year friends!

[the-canary]

Wednesdays - L.T (9/10)

Summary: Only you had the balls to deal with his outrageous order on that day. You just didn’t know how bad it would get. (Barista!Reader/Lance Tucker).

Feedback is always appreciated.

@Tucker Gym: Still coming off of out most recent win! Who wants a Q&A will these lovely girls?

“When are they gonna start asking questions?”

Katherine can’t help but question, as you show her and the rest of the girls that there are some people who already are, though there are also those that have their questions directed at Lance and some aren’t for young eyes. You scroll past them anyways before showing them that the Q&A is planned for the end of the month on Sunday -- it was going to be your biggest project thus far.

And while Lance hadn’t been the keenest person on the idea you and the girls were able to get him to agree as long as he decided what questions got to get answered. It was annoying for the girls, but you understood why since there were still aspects of his less than stellar past that could hurt them, especially in the dark recess of the internet and they didn’t need that kind of pressure on them for now. So you kept on going on about how this was going to go, clearly not paying attention --like the girls-- on how a certain man kept glancing at you.

For all that they had heard of the legendary Lance Tucker, it was surprising to see him so meek and far away from his prey. They decide to ask you a few questions to test the playing field out instead.

Miss, what do you plan on doing this weekend?

We’re having a celebration for our wins. You should join us.

Miss, miss, do you have a boyfriend?

Blue eyes end up watching you like a hawk during your own Q&A as the girls look back and try to hold back their own giggles, though you surprise everyone with your own response.

“I don’t think I can make it,” you state without a care in the world, “But, I’m being set up with one of my student’s uncles, so we'll see where that goes.”

You shrug it off as some of the girls gasp at your announcement before some others go on about asking if you know anything about him. However, before you can say anything  -- Lance’s voice booms throughout the gym as he yells at everyone to get back to practicing before huffing angrily into his office, not to be seen again until later in the day when you are finally gone.

For now, you end up looking at him in annoyance and confusion as Katherine shakes her head.  

“Sure, Claire. I would be delighted to have dinner you.”

You really aren’t sure why you agree to it the first week after Claire asks you if you want to have dinner with her, while subtly adding that her favorite (nameless because you didn’t bother asking anything else) uncle is going to be there as well.  She’s a sweet girl with obviously a big imagination to think of you so fondly and “that you would be so perfect ” for the man. However, your thoughts had been claimed by someone else since you had come back home, though filled mostly with confusion and anger.

Why did he do what he did? Was he playing with you?

Lance had to be playing with you, was all you could agree on when thinking of it over and over again. He had never shown the least bit of interest of you aside from fighting you and making sure everything went his way. There’s wasn’t anything else to your relationship with Lance Tucker besides that. Then, why--

“Always running around, talking to me like you own the place,” Lance keeps going. His own lips lose from the alcohol now, “But, you’ve been in my head for days, maybe since the first time you glared at me.”

“Just once.”

“Orange Mango Smoothie,” Micah calls out, dragging you out of your internal turmoil, “Orange Mango Smoothie for Lance.”

You pause and turn to glance at the store --slightly empty after the lunch rush-- to see a familiar back sitting near the back of the store. Micah gives you a curious look as she watches you shake your head before working on the drink. She notices that you are working a bit slower than before, as you keep your eyes on the ground when calling his order.

“Thanks,” is all he says as he takes his drink and goes -- no fight or teasing between the two of you as Micah’s eyes widen even more in confusion.

“What the hell was that?”

Micah frowns as you shake your head, unsure of what could be going on with man though completely understanding that he really didn’t want anything to do with you if you weren't drunk and willing. You feel the urge to cry for a brief moment before the door chimes once more and a new customer comes in.

Goodness, did you hate Wednesdays.

“Uncle, can you come spend dinner with us?”

Lance knows that his adorable niece is up to no-good when she looks at him with those bright blue eyes sparkling, much like he used to do when he wanted to pull a prank or do something meaningful in his younger days. However, he knew Claire wasn’t exactly like him -- this was about something else though he didn’t know exactly what.

“Her ballet teacher is going to be here,” the older Tucker sibling finally admits as she stirs the pot filled with pasta, as Lance leans into the entrance of the kitchen not too far away. A frown on his face as he crosses his arms over his chest in annoyance, “Claire just wants you to meet her.”

He tries to ignore the fact that you’re a ballet teacher too, before remarking: “She’s a little die-hard with her matchmaking, huh?”

“A Tucker trait through and through,” Norma laughs at her daughter’s ambitious streak before taking the rest of the meal out of the oven. Richard comes in with a laughing Claire and greets Lance before kissing his wife on the cheek and while the two men didn’t get along very often --Richard was high end and stuffy-- Lance could tell he cared about his little family.

Family.

It was too much of an odd thought, even with everything that had happened once before, for Lance Tucker.  

It’s a quarter to seven when Norma tells Lance to run and get some last minute details that she had “forgotten” to pick up. It was a few minutes after that when you park your vehicle two houses down from Claire’s home. You’re dressed in fancy slacks, a shirt, and cardigan since the weather was giving a light breeze.

You had made a quick dessert, which was a big lie, as you took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, You hear Claire shouting before a stronger voice tells her to calm down, but it’s Norma that opens the door. Her hazel colored eyes sparkle as she greets you before bringing you inside. You hear Claire scream in the back that she’s so happy you’re here before she launches herself at you.

“Claire,” her mother explains, as she grabs your leg with a giggle escaping her mouth. You can’t help but notice that she is wearing a grey tutu-like skirt with a pretty blue blouse. You smile and pat the top of her head.

There are so many things that Norma wants to tell you -- warn you that her brother isn’t the best man, that he has a reputation that follows him due to the past but he tries his best. Though she isn’t too sure how this might all go because Norma is aware of the fact that all evening Lance’s head had been somewhere else, possibly someone else and you didn’t need that, even if Claire would pout and complain later on.

However, she doesn't get time for any of that as Claire pulls you into the living room to show you how she has been practicing her ballet moves, as she moves back into the dining room area to finish setting up.

Norma doesn’t get to see you laughing and congratulating her on a job well done in her practice, as she keeps dancing to her own beat. Neither of the two of you notices a certain man open the door and walk with some bags and his heart fluttering --surely he must be hallucinating-- at the sound of a certain voice until he turns the corner and into the living room area.

Neither of the two of you notices Claire stopping and giving you a curious look as you finally see the other as if fate is playing a cruel joke on you.

“You.”

The both of you echo, not trusting you own voice, as Richard comes in and states that dinner is ready. And it certainly had been, but not in the way either of you were expecting.

[batmanandguano]

i could suffice for him, i knew

bruce wayne, jason todd, gen aka: bruce takes jason to a play. title taken from one of emily dickinson’s poems.

There’s something that’s bothering Jason. Bruce can sense it the moment the boy walked into the Manor.

Normally, the boy’s return from school is the highlight of Bruce’s day. While it is Alfred who picks him up, Jason has never failed to materialize before Bruce’s study to toss him a quick smile which already has the billionaire wrapped around the boy’s finger. Bruce loves having Jason around, loves his easygoing smiles and the way he dives into cakes — already the Manor is so much brighter. It’s a wonder that this child that he’s only known for a scant few weeks has this effect on him but truthfully, he thinks he’s never been happier —

And during Jason’s daily pilgrimage to see him, the boy’s shoulders are drooping although the smile that he gives is genuine.

Bruce’s always been perceptive and perhaps even more-so with Jason, if only because he feels no peace if Jason has none and when Jason’s happy, that happiness returns to him a thousandfold. Because the truth of the matter is that soft-hearted, sweet, generous Jason is his child and though Jason vehemently denies wanting a parent, his denials have grown a lot softer the longer he’s spent in the Manor and any mention of the boy’s name brings a smile to Bruce Wayne’s lips, his chest puffed prouder than any other parent.

“Is everything alright?” He turns to face him because sometimes Jason has trouble at school. While the boy is academically brilliant, Bruce also knows that in an environment where the only thing that matters is the size of your family’s bank account, Jason has a tendency to get into fights. There’s been more than one incident where both he and Alfred has been called into the principal’s office to witness Jason sitting there, smirking with a busted lip and an ice pack telling him that ‘B — you shoulda seen th’ other guy.’ And more often than not, it’s in defense of someone else because at least, and oh how he has worked to make it so, Jason bears the Wayne name now —

Jason doesn’t look any worse for wear this time. His tie’s askew and the upper button of his shirt’s unbuttoned. He nods his head and grins. “Yeah,” he says before dropping his backpack onto the ground and props his feet onto the coffee table. It’s a little ritual which used to be a little fight between them but Bruce’s absolutely lost the will to tell Jason to take his feet off the table. “You don’t have any meetings, do ya?” he asks and when Bruce shakes his head, Jason pulls out a book from his backpack and starts to read. Two days a week Jason comes over and reads until Bruce’s finished with work and they go out to dinner. There’s a slip of pink paper being used as a bookmark and Bruce turns his head to look at the piece of paper —

Right as it’s snatched back by Jason. “Sheesh, privacy B!” he says before quickly stuffing the page back into his backpack. There’s something uncharacteristic here because Jason’s always been careful with his things, especially papers from school. It draws his curiosity though for now, he’ll let the boy keep this secret. Bruce logs off his computer, tells his secretary to go home early for the day, and grabs his coat and Jason’s backpack.

-

They don’t call his alter ego the Greatest Detective In The World for nothing and after making a few discreet inquiries to the trophy moms who make up the PTA of Jason’s school, Bruce’s learned that auditions are being held for the school play. Auditions are held the week following the next and practice, in order to placate the academic rigor of the preparatory school (or to keep the kids busy while their parents are closing billion dollar deals or gallivanting off to the Maldives), is held from six to nine in the evenings.

Combine that with Jason’s tendency to sing show-tunes when he thinks nobody is listening and the mysterious piece of paper that’s set him on edge — it’s not hard to deduce that the boy wants to audition. And because Bruce Wayne has no subtly, he brings it up at breakfast. “I hear that they’re holding auditions for Les Miserables,” he says, casually.

Jason sets down the cereal in his hand. “Has anyone told you that your tendency to figure everything out is actually really creepy?” he asks, before picking up the milk.

“Creepier than going out at night dressed like a Bat?” Bruce teases back, before his tone turns pensive. “Do you want to audition?”

Jason waits for a moment before replying, hand twirling the bowl of cereal. “I think it’d be kinda cool,” he admits. “You know — the Jean val Jean’s a complicated character and requires a big vocal range. Though I’m pretty sure that Jeremy’s going to bribe the Drama Head since he’s applyin’ to Tisch this year and need it for his portfolio. I’d like to play Enjolras though,” He’s grinning, despite himself. ”I think he’s got some wonderful ideas B, like overthrowing the bougerois — and the fact that he looks out for everyone there. He’s also got the best song, “Do You Hear The People Sing” is an absolute masterpiece — though I dunno if you like the part about angry men, an’ ”

But then Jason shrugs again, “It conflicts with our other job, an’ it’d probably be awkward telling Miss Brown that I can’t come to practice because the Joker’s escaped Arkham again or that the Penguin’s planning on turnin’ Gotham Park into his personal ice rink. Plus I don’t need to play hero when I actually get to be one,” He offers Bruce a lopsided grin before digging into his breakfast with gusto.

But Bruce doesn’t miss the way Jason’s breath quickens when he speaks about Enjolras and the play. He doesn’t miss the fact that Robin’s prone to theatrics and that there’s a ten page, single-spaced essay that Jason’s wrote last year on classism in Les Miserables which had earned the highest grade in the year. The want in the boy’s eyes as he speaks about plays and musicals and books during the early mornings — the fact that at the very least, Jason deserves to be a child.

In a sense, Bruce knows that bringing a child into his battle against the darkest corners of the night is folly; he’s witnessed that after seeing Dick nearly get shot by one of the Joker’s henchmen. He should not have brought another child into this life and some nights Bruce could not help but worry, even though he knows that Jason loves being Robin. Knows that Jason’s no less capable than Dick Grayson despite the differences in their fighting styles, the way that Jason’s laughter and quips are always tinged with vengeance and pride, different from Dick Grayson’s youthful insouciance.

There’s always a part of Bruce who thinks that perhaps he should tell Jason (and Dick before him) to focus on his studies. That the boy’s seen enough of the rougher side of Gotham and that Batman doesn’t need a sidekick in his war — but he knows how Jason would take it. Jason, despite everything, still feels a need to prove himself — Bruce’s seen the gleam in his eyes, the words made in jest said too sharply, he knows Jason’s fears, of blood trumping nurture, the way he stares down criminals with eyes too old for his age. He knows that Jason wrestles with fears of inadequacy and perhaps it’s Bruce’s own fear after dealing with Dick’s anger, but he knows that he cannot lose Jason, that he cannot let Jason go —

What he wants for this boy is to give him the world.  

What he can do is this.

It’s a small sacrifice that Batman’ll have to make but Bruce Wayne’s a father.

“Hey, Jay — have you ever been to a theater?”

-

They take a trip to Metropolis’ Broadway District where Les Miserables is playing. It’s a new showing, the lead’s quite a famous musical actor and while tickets have already been sold out, there are certain advantages in being Bruce Wayne. Namely the fact that he ends up with the best seats in the theater with complimentary champagne and a meeting with the cast during intermission, plus one.

Jason’s been growing so they take him for his suit fitting and it’s a testament to his excitement that he doesn’t complain even once during the entire process even though Bruce knows that he hates wearing suits. He says that they’re constricting and uncomfortable. Jason does get to pick the tie though and when Bruce sees his choice — a red, silk tie with diminutive little birds — he can’t help but smile. They’ve slicked back his hair and to anyone else in the world, this is Jason Wayne — the second and much loved son of the scion of Wayne Industries and he feels a rush of pride. Bruce wants nothing more to proclaim to the world that this is his son and isn’t his boy wonderful? He swallows down his pride instead because he knows that any mention of father and parent still sometimes sets the boy on edge and claps him on the back instead.

He expects Jason to immediately start chattering and is not disappointed when Jason turns towards him, eyes wide and smile huge as he starts telling Bruce about the various facts he’s learned from the internet and from reading the brochure. “Did you know that the musical requires over five thousand individual pieces of clothing, B? Imagine how hard it would take to wash everything,”

“I assume they send it out to a subcontractor,”

“Yeah but B — it’ll probably have a ton of chemicals. I hope the actors are okay. Oh, and this takes place in 19th centuryParis — you’ve read the book, right? A lot of people think that it takes place after the French Revolution, in English Lit, Conner wrote his report about how the revolution impacted the attitudes towards the French aristocracy during that time but he was wrong. This June Rebellion was before they started chopping off all the heads,”

“The heads of the aristocracy, hm?” That’s one way of putting it.

Jason tries to roll his eyes, but the effect was ruined by how widely he’s beaming. “Don’t worry B — I’ll protect ya,” he grins, magnanimous. “If we were around during that time, I’ll figure out plans to sneak us out even though I’m pretty sure you’d have been on the Marat’s Most Wanted List. Though,” he pats Bruce on the cheek. “I think they’ll take a bit more kindly to Batman, he seems more of a man of the people type — “

He’ll play along. “And how would you orchestrate your escape now that you’re also a part of the ‘One Percent’ as you so like to call it?”

Jason scrunches up his nose. “I have friends, B — plus, I wouldn’t be a useless aristocrat. And neither would you, I feel. You’d be like the Marquis de Lafayette or a Revolutionary version of a Musketeer except far less corrupt. And I could teach you argot probably, that’s the Paris dialect that Eponine speaks in the books. I think I’d like to learn — do you think Mademoiselle Dufarge knows?”

“Didn’t Victor Hugo call argot ‘the language of the dark night’?”

“Yeah and I’m pretty sure — “ Jason leans in close, his eyes shining clandestinely before wagging his eyebrows. “If anything our friend, the Dark Knight, should know how to speak it and should teach it to his brilliant, precocious, and clever ward with a affinity for languages,”

“You mean Dick Grayson?” he teases.

“Bruce! That’s it! I’m not saving you and your batty friend’s ass again — ”

-

There’s a few people that Bruce had to meet, business associates and the director of the theater who’s here to personally thank Bruce Wayne for his generous donation — it’s tedious work, smiling until his cheeks hurt but Bruce’s played the vapid, doting billionaire patron of the arts for long enough that it’s second nature. He laughs at all the right times and tells a few jokes which sends the gaggle of society matrons and academics into peals of laughter. But the thing with Brucie Wayne is that he never says anything of substance. Bruce’s always been intelligent but Brucie isn’t — a few superficial remarks and some razzle dazzle normally holds enough for him. They’ve been talking about adding him to their board and he’s already running out of things to say when he sees a flash of red tie and curls.

“Hey Bruce,” Jason strides towards them with a glass of — oh, is that champagne? The boy’s much too young to be drinking; they’ll be having this conversation later —

As if Jason could sense Bruce’s thoughts, he holds up the glass and thrusts it in front of Bruce’s nose. “Grape juice. Sparkling,” he says. “There were blueberries in there, but oh — “ His eyes widens comically. “Miss Simone,” he says, turning towards one of the women Bruce’s been speaking to. “I’ve loved your collection of essays on Euripides’ Orestes — and I think you totally deserved that Guggenheim Fellowship more than that bastard Lobdell, honestly — I think we could do with less works analyzing manpain,“

“Oh, I completely agree,” The lady smiles, indulgent. “And who are you, young man?”

Jason holds out his hand before flashing her a toothy grin. “I’m Jason. That guy’s basically my dad,” He says, poking Bruce on the shoulder. That mention of ‘dad’ brings a fierce wave of joy to his chest and he turns and ruffles Jason’s hair free from its gel. Jason, predictably, makes a face. “There’s a business guy looking for you, his name’s Judd or something and it’s regarding Wayne business,”

Bruce nods but not before shrugging helplessly, and dashes away like a — ha! — bat out of hell. “Sorry guys — business calls. I’ll give you the number of my secretary and maybe we can set something up,”

The last thing that he hears is Jason’s voice. “Miss Simone — I hear that you’re writing a criticism on curricular constraints in high school academia? If you need a case study, I’ve been taking this one Milton class but it’s honestly academic censorship at its worst — “

-

They’re finally seated.

This time Jason’s actually holding a glass of champagne. He’s allowed one glass, it’s high society tradition after all — any more and Bruce’ll actually have words with him but he seems to be enjoying himself, holding onto his pair of tiny opera glasses with the other. Bruce’s not sure what — or who he’s watching but it’s a traditional part of attending a theater production and so Bruce instead leans back and steals a green macaron from Jason’s package of sweets and waits for the curtains to rise. All the people below them look tiny, insignificant from their vantage point and instead he watches Jason, watches as his expression changes to one of awe as the lights dim and the curtains rise.

They launch into a song about the drudgery of the 19th century and he catches Jason mouthing the words, sitting up close in their box. The boy’s practically vibrating with excitement and Bruce knows that he’s made the right decision. He picks up his own glass of champagne and turns towards Jason, clinks their glasses together and goes to enjoy the show.

-

After Jean valJean ascends to heaven in Fantine’s arms and the final chorale sings of a world freed, Bruce finds himself clapping as loudly as the rest of them but perhaps still a bit quieter than Jason. There’s nearly tears in his eyes and Bruce feels a rush of fondness for this boy because Jason who’s never cried even after nearly getting shot, cries after musicals and after particularly moving books. Bruce, normally not one for musicals or plays or ballet, has enjoyed himself immensely and turns to see Jason watching him carefully.

“Hey B — you alright?” He asks softly, looking suddenly a little bit hesitant. “Hopefully that wasn’t too boring, since I know that’s usually — ” He’s fidgeting with one of his buttons. “What Brucie does and well, I just wanted to say that I’m grateful, I’ve never done this before but it’s well, always been one my dreams growing up. So thank you, B. ”  

Bruce reaches over, runs a hand through his hair, easy and proprietary. “I had a great time with you” he says. “And I was thinking that if you wanted to try out for the school play, I think we can push back our hours a little bit. Just for this quarter,”

Jason pauses.

“B, didn’t you say that nothing’s more important than the mission, though?” Jason asks. “I mean that is why you brought me here right,” he adds; at this rate, the button’s going to come off. “With everything here, it’s just — everything’s a disguise for the mission. That’s what you’ve told me, before — ”

Oh, is that what Jason thinks, even now? There’s a sharp implication there that he’s feared. But he needs — Bruce needs to be honest.

There is a sharp awareness in Bruce’s voice. “Jason — I — I want you to be happy,” he murmurs. Words have never come easily to him, he’s always been more of a man of action. “I — “ He could not push the boy away, but he’s already committed to it. He would see this through and it’s a terrifying thought, how much Jason already means to him. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I — I think of you as my son. I want you to be happy Jason and I want to be the one to make you happy,” He’s tripping over his words now and Jason’s eyes are very wide. “I — you are happy here, right?“

But the thing about Jason is that he’s a quick study. He looks at Bruce and perhaps there’s something wet in the corner of his eyes but he reaches over and pulls Bruce into a hug because he’s always understood. There’s sticky hands wrapped around his neck and Jason smells like chocolate and fresh air and Bruce leans into the hug, pulls his arms around Jason and finds that his cheeks are hurting from smiling so much. Bruce doesn’t miss the quiver in Jason’s voice, doesn’t miss its open vulnerability.

He thinks - 

“I love you too, B —” Jason’s voice shakes. 

(He’s going to keep the boy for as long as he can.)

[cocosvtfanatic17]

If The Hip Hop Unit Were Werewolves

-for your mythology project, you were tasked with researching the phenomenon of the lycanthrope -or, more commonly known as, the werewolf -originally, you were just gonna do some good ol' research on the Internet and look for the first few articles that came up on Google -however, you then had the idea to make your project visual as well as oral -meaning you had the idea of adding some sort of moodboard to the presentation just to make it look nicer -so you went out into the local forests near your school to look for some leaves and dirt -you were planning to go to the thrift store to get come old faux fur samples to act as the 'werewolf fur' -you were minding your own business, collecting what you needed -it was only 3:30 PM - just after school finished - so it was still pretty light outside, much to your relief -so you received quite the shock of your life when you heard a howl not too far away from you -you froze, in the middle of picking a leaf off the floor -you could not move, you didn't want to until you knew what that was -had there always been wolves in your neighbourhood? -after a long silence, you, slowly and cautiously, began to resume your leaf and dirt picking -until you heard it again -the same howl -but much closer this time -you began to panic, is this when your life comes to an end? So soon? Before you've even really been anyone? -"Please show yourself if you're the one making the howl," you called out boldly, hoping and praying it was some stupid kid at school trying to be funny -you didn't get an answer, cementing your stupid schoolkid theory -until you heard a, "Sorry, that was me, actually." -turning with a gasp, you saw a young looking boy walk towards you -he was only wearing sweatpants and a tank top, showing off his muscular arms, his light hair was messy, as though he had ran his hand through it multiple times, and he had a sheepish grin on his face -he looked as though he was your age -"Are you having a laugh? You scared the shit out of me, y'know!" you grumbled irritably turning back to the pile of leaves you had collected. -"Yeah, sorry; I was just practicing my howl for the Annual Howl Contest tonight," the boy said, causing you to turn back to him in amusement -"The what, sorry?" -"Y'know, the Annual Howl Contest," the boy said as though it was obvious. "All the werewolf packs get together to see which pack has the loudest, most powerful howl." -you stopped listening past 'werewolf' -was this boy really insinuating that he was a werewolf? -deciding to entertain him, you said, "Hmm, now it's funny that you say that, because I'm doing a mythology project and my topic is supposed to be werewolves!" -"Wow! Really?" the boy exclaimed, genuinely sounding excited -"Really! And, y'know, I would love to get a picture of you in your wolf form, if you don't mind." -turning back to your leaves, you chuckled, feeling as though you had caught the boy out -so you weren't expecting him to say a casual, "Okay," and hear a bunch of ripping noises -immediately turning back around, your jaw dropped as you saw that the boy was gone and, standing in his place was a big, blonde wolf -not knowing what else to do, you screamed -and you screamed bloody murder -the wolf looked almost alarmed (if that was even possible) and bounded forwards as though to comfort you -you, however, were not having it, and you backed up, screaming out, "HELP! HELP!! WOLF!! WOOOLF!!!" -as though your prayers had been answered, you heard footsteps running, getting louder as they approached the forest -however, when the owners of the feet arrived, your hope fell -"You're not police," you stated in disappointment to the three men in front of you -they all seemed to ignore you and, instead, focused on the blonde wolf that tried to attack you -"Vernon, what are you doing out here? You missed afternoon roll call!" the man with black hair scolded, causing the wolf - apparently named 'Vernon' - to whine and his ears to droop -which was pretty cute even if it was coming from a humongous wolf -"Hyung, who's that?" another one of the men said. He was a lot younger looking and also really attractive as well -"Yeah, good question, um, who are you?" the black-haired man asked you -"Uh, I'm (y/n) and I'm currently terrified because I was talking to this boy who was making these howling noises and said they were for this howling contest that fucking werewolves go to and I think I'm losing my mind!" you blurted, feeling yourself get more and more hysterical with every passing word -the black-haired man walked forward, his hands out cautiously. "Okay, (y/n). My name's Seungcheol, and I need you to calm down. Your life isn't in any danger, I promise you." -somehow, hearing the calm in his voice calmed you down as a result, your breathing slowing as you regained your composure -"Vernon, turn back into a human; you're scaring her," the quieter, bespectacled man said. -Vernon the wolf did as told, and, before your own eyes, transformed back into the same boy that you were talking to before -"I'm sorry for scaring you, (y/n)," he said, "but why did you ask me to transform if you were gonna react like that?" -"BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU WERE GONNA TRANSFORM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!" you cried out, feeling yourself get hysterical again -"Breathe, (y/n); I need you to breathe," Seungcheol instructed, holding his hands up again -"I think (y/n) may be another non-believer," the bespectacled man remarked -"That seems to make the most sense," Seungcheol agreed, before turning back to you -"'Non-believer'? What do you mean by that?" you asked after you had calmed down for the second time -"It's kinda in the name," Vernon said, "By 'non-believer', we mean someone who doesn't believe in the existence of 'mythological' beings such as vampires, sirens, zombies and werewolves." -"Wait . . ." you began, "does that mean that all that you listed--" -"Are real? Absolutely," Seungcheol finished for you. You inhaled deeply, before bursting out into laughter -"This is just a dream, isn't it?" you said through your laughter. "I'm gonna wake up, and I'll still be picking leaves for my project, and everything will be as it should be." -you closed you eyes for a good five seconds, before slowly opening them and groaning out loud when you saw the four men still standing, staring at you blankly -"Oh, I knew it wasn't a dream!" you complained, before exhaling again and looking back up at the men. "So, I'm assuming all of you are werewolves, then?" -"That's correct," Seungcheol responded. "My name's Seungcheol, as you know. This is Mingyu *gestures to the attractive guy*, that's Wonwoo *gestures to the bespectacled man*, and, well, I think you're already well-acquainted with Vernon." -"Uh, nice to meet you guys, I guess," you said, forcing a smile as you waved. -"Hey, I just had an idea!" Vernon said excitedly. "You said that your project is about werewolves, right?" -"Uh, yes?" you answered, not entirely sure where he was going with this -"How about we bring you back to our base and you can hang out there until you've gathered all the information you need to know!" -"WHAT?!" that 'what' came from two parties: you and Mingyu, Wonwoo and Seungcheol -"Vernon, are you crazy?! (y/n) can't do that!" Mingyu protested. -"Yeah! I don't wanna get eaten alive!" you cried out, before covering you mouth. "I'm sorry, was that offensive?" -"Little bit," Wonwoo replied -"Yeah, just a bit," Mingyu added. -"I have never, for the life of me, understood this stereotype: werewolves don't eat humans because normal wolves don't eat humans; it’s as simple as that," Seungcheol explained, sounding slightly annoyed. -"Right, right. Sorry," you mumbled awkwardly -"Now about Vernon's idea," Seungcheol continued on, "as insane as it may sound on paper, I can see where Vernon's coming from." -"You can???" You, Mingyu and Wonwoo all said at the same time. -"Yeah; I mean, it may go completely wrong," Seungcheol admitted, "but I think it would be the best way for (y/n) to get the best grade for (his/her) project, because the real thing is better than some Wikipedia article, isn't it?" -". . . I cannot believe you're actually willing to go through with this," Wonwoo said. -"I can't either!" you agreed, before turning to Seungcheol. "If we are to do this, will you guarantee that I would be completely safe?" -"(y/n), I'm the Alpha of our pack," Seungcheol bragged. "Managing others' safety is practically in my job description." -you couldn't help but laugh at that, before weighing up your options -you could accept and possibly put your life on the line for some project which didn't even go to your final grade anyway -or you could decline and try to go on living a normal existence, and simultaneously forgetting that this ever happened -of course you went with the logical option -"Eh, what have I got to lose? I'm in!" you cheered, causing Vernon to cheer with you -"Well, here's hoping this doesn't completely fail," Mingyu said, causing you to laugh nervously -you really hoped that this didn't end up being a huge mistake -in some instances, your life was depending on it

[knightofbalance-13]

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/166306713456/maggyfall-dudeblade-maggyfall-dudeblade

Heh, even you try apologizing, you still look fucking obnoxious.

Baseless statements. Right. Like the fact that Jaune had more lines that Yang or Weiss was nothing more than a lie. The fact that there are people who are still upset over Pyrrha’s death has no base.

A. OP outright says “This, of course, isn’t a perfect way to measure how much dialogue a  character has. Shorter lines such as Weiss saying “Hey!” end up counting the same as a longer lines from Ruby.” So your point there is in fact a lie by omission.

B. Yeah...said person si also a manipulator and tried silencing me whne I speak out against him then faked being suicidal then tried to use it to enforce an echo chamber. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t count. Meanwhile, said reviews of Volume 3 have shown that people agree it was the best so far and most people enjoyed Volume 4 (https://fullmetalnarcissist.com/2017/06/24/my-review-of-rwby-volume-4/)

So you still have no base in saying your universal statements as fact when you are just a very loud minority

Let me break it down for you: Nobody is asking Miles to kill himself. They’re just asking when he’s going to die or leave.

I’ll address this all later. I will say that telling someone to kill themselves and asking when they are gonna die are two different things. One is more frontal and direct while the other is more passive aggressive. It really depends on the person which is worse.

Next up, “Properly write minorities.” Look, Miles is the HEAD WRITER. He has more power than Kerry. If someone has that link to the Buzzfeed interview where it was stated that Miles overstepped Kerry about the whole “Silver Eyes” thing, I’d appreciate it.

Which means you have no proof and considering your shown bias against Miles here: No one is gonna believe you. Next!

Also, can you re-word that whole “Trying desperately to get her not to fight Phyrrah” thing? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you talking about how he failed to even TRY to help Ruby when she was about to be attacked by Tyrian when she was cornered? Y’know, after he had just complained about “Being tired of losing people.”? Look, Jaune is allowed to mourn Pyrrha, but the fact that he’s the ONLY one mourning her is just annoying.

A. Help Ruby. Against the Scorpion Fanaus. One of Salem’s Elite. That through thrashed RNJR not ten minutes ago. While beig several feet away. Here’s a simulation of such an event: https://youtu.be/Up6o9r92PPk?t=10m37s

B. Ah yes because Jaune is never allowed to complain about losing the one person who believed in him after seeing some hope that they’ll make it to mistral while watching a live operson die in front of them. Because Jaune must be a sociopath.

C. Um...Volume 4, Episode 2. Volume 4 episode 11. Also: Ruby barely knew Pyrrha, Renand Nora were far off from her when she died and had bigger problems and Pyrrha just kind of denied him any chance of not getting suvivor’s guilt.

Yeah, wanna explain to me how your argument is valid again?

- Up until we only saw just Jaune mourning Pyrrha, Pyrrha’s death was like Schrodinger’s Cat. She wasn’t killed for manpain until we only saw Jaune bemoaning he loss of life. And remember how Ozpin said to Call Glynda? Why did Jaune call Weiss instead? If he really wanted to help, he should’ve followed his teacher’s instructions.

Except Ruby showed Trama at Pyrrha’s death first in Episode 2 so Pyrrha would be “woman-pain.” Also: Thanks for showing that you think no male characters should be allowed to mourn detah at all lest it be “man pain”: Guess if Qrow or Taiyang, the two teammates of SUmmer who actually cared about her, mourned it’d be man pain but if sociopathic bitch Raven did its suddenly fine huh? Get your msiandric ass out of here.

Yeah I do...I also remember he told PYRRHA that, not Jaune. In fact, Jaune was recovering from Cinder whooping his ass. (https://youtu.be/pT1XiUbJu_Y?t=15m28s) So...How you gonna twist that about being Jaune’s fault?

Look, Jaune acts as if Qrow was the entire reason why Pyrrha got into that pod. The narrative is set up as if we were supposed to side with Jaune, but it gets muddled when we, the audience, are more aware that it was Ozpin that had a bigger influence of pushing Pyrrha into the pod than Qrow. So no. Our criticism of Jaune isn’t baseless. Unlike your baseless claims that that one asshole is the voice of the entire rwde tag.

And Qrow was one of the people who gave Pyrrha, a person who is selfless to a fault (literally, its a character flaw of hers), a decision that could destroy the world. Playing on one’s psychological flaws is basically the same as holding a gun to their head: You don’t really have a choice at that point.

And if you were to pay attention to the narrative you’d notice two things: A. Jaune didn’t know that. he was onbly around for the parts where a girl died and Pyrrha screaming and Pyrrha rocketing to her death. And B. JAUNE WAS ALSO WRONG! Just because Qrow was getting called out doesn’t mean Jaune was right. The narrative portrayed him as going too far and being overly hostile as no one backed him up. That’s just the narrative you call canon in your head.

Not that any of this matters: You’re a sexist towards and a racist towards white people Dudeblade with an admitted bias against Jaune also: Your opinion is worthless here.

I’m ware I fucked up in that regard. I know that I shouldn’t have typed it. But in my honest opinion, I want Miles fired. He writes so shittily, that I have ZERO faith in his ability to write anything that doesn’t revolve around his precious pet Jaune at all well.

Also, I wasn’t thinking straight. All I saw was someone basically claiming that the RWDE tag is a hivemind and I retaliated

Wanna know what’s missing here?

A fucking apology. 

Dudeblade admitted he was wrong but then completely missed the important part of actually saying “I’m sorry miles for defending your sucide baiting” to instead JUSTIFY his opinion without any more admission on being wrong to show he still knows what he was doing is wrong.

So considering your bias against Jaune, against Miles, against men and against white people: no dice here Dudeblade.

I don’t. That’s why I call out Knight-of-I-defend-nazis-and-am-a-pedophile-apologist all the time. I’m not deleting it though, I’m aware that it will stay up forever in the internet archives and that I’ll have to deal with it at every turn until I do something equally fucked up that will draw attention from it. I’ll live with what I said.

A. that's a lie and your own link proves that.

And more importantly, B. STILL NO APOLOGY. You talk about how you take responsibility for your actions and lord over my so-called “suicide baiting” and yet you don’t say a single word of apology and immediately, as in: in the same fucking breath, go back to your previous attitude.

So good fucking job: You just proved that you should be ejected as far away from RWBY as possible.

[sending-the-message]

One Will Live, One Will Die, Nosleep Will Decide by Dr_Marglim

Hello there, readers of the Nosleep subreddit.

I’d like all of you to take part in my social experiment, I might not be a psychologist, but I do enjoy human psychology and I really like experimenting with things. Now, you don’t have to take part, but I’m guessing you will be willing after you finish reading this threat post. My experiment is going to deal with morality. Now here’s a question for every single one of you other there. Do you believe yourself to be a moral person?

Personally, I don’t see myself as a moral person, I don’t see the value of morals, or any other anthropocentric idea, including that of the value of life.

In order to make sense of what you’ve just read without getting myself labeled as a fraud or a complete psychopath, I’d like to present to you, my readers, a little back-story.

I was born a little over thirty years ago, to a normal suburban middle classed family. My parents loved me (and still do), I had friends, and I had pretty much a typical modern day good life. I was just like every other kid until my late teens; at that point, I’ve come to realize I don’t really feel anything towards people. The best way to describe the situation is to say that I have come to notice a complete apathy towards people. I didn’t feel “connected” to any of my friends or family members anymore, romantic relationships became more a force of habit rather than a force driven by passion. I had simply stopped caring. People came and went, it didn’t bother me, relationships ended and started anew, and while there was a brief spark of pleasure, it was quickly gone. Now, some of you might think people caught onto that and tried to help or something of the sorts, however that was not the case as I’ve kept acting as if nothing changed. Honestly, I do think I’m that great of an actor, because to this day, everyone who knows me thinks I’m the same person I was in my early teens in terms of empathy and the such.

On top of that, during my late teenager years I’ve discovered the truth behind Atheism, and since there was no God or higher purpose, life became just another process in our ever expanding universe. To me life became another stepping-stone in the course of our universe towards complete entropy. I’ve come to figuring out that death is just the natural process with which nature keeps things going smoothly by driving foreword the survival of the fittest, thus driving evolution onward and preventing overpopulation and the disruption of the ecosystem. I’ve become fascinated with death, almost in love with the idea of it. This drove me to working at jobs such as crematories and slaughterhouses, every moment around a corpse made me feel somewhat happy, not like it was a physical happiness or pleasure, but something more spiritual.

Things escalated a bit from there on; a few months ago, I’ve gotten into a drunken fight at a bar I was visiting. The incident resulted in the death of some guy, you see, I hit him a little too hard at the back of his head. sometime after we were broken apart, he complained about his head banging like crazy before getting up out of his seat to leave the bar, he just collapsed there. He died pretty much on the spot as when the medics showed up to the scene, all they could do was conclude that he had most likely died from a brain hemorrage.

When he collapsed, it sobered me immediately, the world stopped and I felt as if something had clicked inside my mind. There was a feeling of inner calm like I’ve never experienced before. Something truly amazing.

This brings me to where I am now, and this is the hard part to admit, I’ve kidnapped two men and I am about to kill one of them. One of them is a family man, a father to three children and a loving husband, he is a great man to them, to his family. Not to mention he’s a fine career man, so it’s safe to say it would be a shame if they lose him. Now the other man, he is still young, in his mid twenties, he has no family and he struggles maintaining a steady job, but nonetheless he’s a good young man, really, I mean he tries his best to make sure his terminally ill mother gets the best time she can, now that she’s running out of time. I feel like it’d be equally bad if she had lost him, especially in her condition. It would surely kill her prematurely.

Why did I kidnap them? Simple! I want to see what a so-called moral person will do when faced with the dilemma of saving just one of them while letting the other die.

I can afford to post this on the internet because I made sure nobody could figure out whom I am and where this was posted from; I also made sure that whichever of these two men comes out alive, he won’t know who I am or how he got to where he got. As of right now, neither of them knows they are not alone in their predicament. I’ve locked them up in separate locations, isolated from everything and everyone. Do not worry though, I’m not a sadist, I do provide them with food, water and a nice bed.

One of these men will surely die in 48 hours, by an apparent morpheme overdose (as I’ve said I’m not a sadist and I’d like to give whoever it is that has to die an easy death). This is where you, dear Redditors, come into play. You can save one of these men. All you have to do is decipher the following code and answer the question contained within it.

“7-0-3-9-0-9-4-3-6-0-6-4-5-0-4-7-9-4-0-9-3-2-6. 18-0-10-22-0-2-17-10-9-0-9-17-14-0-25-24-24-7-0-17-10-1-14. 4-0-22-8-0-18-10-13-14-1-0-15-3-22-9-0-25-1-22-15-3. 11-4-5-10-0-4-9-0-6-12-0-7-5-6-2?”

The numbers represent letters, figure out what they mean and answer the question hidden within them and I let one of the men go, don’t figure out the meaning what my code means, I still let one of the men go. Here’s the catch, though, the man who’s death will cause more damage will be release if you guys succeed in completing my little task.

Will you do it? Will you take the chance to be in charge of a man’s life?

I’ll make it even more interesting, you’ve a chance of saving them both, in order to do that, one of you has to tell me in the comments what should be done in order to achieve such a goal. Tell me what has to be done on your behalf. Here’s a little hint, since I’m already being generous, the answer lies within the coded question.

You’ve 48 hours to contemplate my proposal, and figure out the code. The time now is 10:30 AM Eastern, I will post again on Saturday at 10:30 AM Eastern to inform you of the results of your actions, Redditors.

May luck be on your side.

I wish us all a lovely weekend.

[blueyesandleatherjacket]

Ghost of you, 13/?

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 13/?.

Pairings: Human!Nine x Rose; Human!Ten x Jack; Clara Oswald x Olivia Baxter (OC).

Synopsis: "But for now, the question wasn’t there. They had to meet doctor Tegan Smith and learn more about this special mission they had been contacted for. Camden was very curious. About this mission, but also about the reason why Maxence Spitz wasn’t around. Especially since his name was on the door of the lab they just walked by."

A/N: I've started writing this fiction last year after I had a particularly weird dream (as usual) and after I wrote the prologue, I've put it aside to work on other stuff. I've gone back to it not so long ago and decided that it would be the fiction I would post next, after not posting anything for a while. I must have watched I am legend and Game of thrones way too much to come out with something like this but I hope you will like it. I am not a scientist, nor did I have a particular knowledge of sciences. I do my researches on the internet like everyone to make sure everything is as close to the reality as possible. I have a literature degree only. Writing is what I do and it makes me explore next fields, and learn new things.

“Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.” - Thomas J. Watson.

CHAPTER 13:

Two days had passed since Camden and Donna arrived at the CRCD. Two unproductive days would say Camden. They had been stuck in this tent that smelled like feet and old locker rooms. He was a natural grumpy guy but being locked in such a small place with a team of men and women with a limited intelligence was making him worse. Plus, they were losing time here. The doctors Smith and Harkness hadn’t wanted to speak in front of everyone for security reasons. Camden couldn’t blame them for that but he hated the situation. Donna wasn’t better. She kept pacing around and grumbling while the whole security team was relaxing and patiently waiting. Obviously, they had gone through this tent countless times before. None of them seemed to fear the presence of the virus in them. And yet, if one was infected, they all were screwed. Thankfully, when the doctor Olivia Baxter came back, she only had good news for them. No one was infected and they could all leave the tent. Everyone was up for a good decontamination shower. It was the first thing that Donna and Camden did. They were taking no risk. If even their luggage had gone through decontamination, they had to go through it too. Plus, it would take away all those awful smells that had stuck to their skin during the quarantine. If they were used to it in this lab – did the security members even know about showers? – it wasn’t the case for Camden and Donna who were very unhappy about it. However, they could be happy about the fact this complex was still supplied with food, running water and charged with electricity. It was a chance not everyone out there had. The biggest towns were ablaze, the smallest were full of ghosts. Once they were completely clean and had their skin red from rubbing it, they headed for Tegan’s office. Of course, they weren’t free of their moves in this huge building. They had a gorilla following them everywhere and they had to ask him whenever they wanted something or had to go anywhere. It was rather annoying for Camden but he didn’t have another choice but to oblige. Besides, he was convinced that he could shake off this unnecessary gorilla to wander in the building as he pleased and nose around. Maybe he would use Donna to distract him. But for now, the question wasn’t there. They had to meet doctor Tegan Smith and learn more about this special mission they had been contacted for. Camden was very curious. About this mission, but also about the reason why Maxence Spitz wasn’t around. Especially since his name was on the door of the lab they just walked by. On this door, there also was the mention ‘Molecular biologist’ – which was really reducing his fields of competences in Camden’s opinion since the man had several doctorates in several fields – and the mention ‘Head of department’. Tegan Smith had been named to replace Maxence obviously. Theories were coming to life in Camden’s mind but the most terrifying one was that Maxence could have been infected, and it surely was a big loss for this team. It explained why they were all so disorganised. They were trying to find their new rhythm with the new team they were forming. They were doing quite well with what they had, Camden had to give that to them. This new boss they had was doing his best. Speaking of him, they were now in front of his door. ‘Tegan Smith. Neurologist.’ The man was studying new scans and adding notes on them when the guard knocked on the door. He turned around and when he saw them, he turned off the light of his table and walked to the door. He turned on the lights of the office and unlocked the door. “Detectives. I’m glad to see that Liv freed you from the tent.” “So am I. It smells like feet in there.” Donna slapped his arm to make him take back his words while Tegan raised an eyebrow. She knew he wasn’t gonna apologise for his behaviour. That’s just how he was and it could be very annoying. “I’ll have to let the cleaning team know about this next time they’ll show up.” Tegan was choosing to play Camden’s game instead of being offended. He couldn’t know what it smelled like in the tent since every time he was stepping inside he was wearing a hazmat suit. No one had ever complained about the smell either. The tent was just a temporary place to live. If you were infected, you were transported to a sterile room since the cages were full. If you weren’t, you could go back to your work in the building after a decontamination shower. “Anyway, I’m doctor Tegan Smith.” “You’ve said that already.” “Isn’t that better to see my face?” “I’m not interested.” “Don’t take it for yourself,” intervened Donna. “He’s that way with everyone. I’m trying to tame him but he’s just too stubborn.” She kept for herself the fact that it indeed was better to see his face now that he wasn’t wearing a hazmat suit. The scientist was pretty awesome. Dishevelled hair, clean-shaved, three pieces suit. He definitely was classy in his own way. She wouldn’t say no to him if he was making an offer to her. But she just held her hand out to him. “Donna Noble.” “Nice to meet you, Mrs Noble.” “Donna.” “Come in and take a seat. It’s gonna be quite a talk. Doctor Harkness is gonna meet us later.” Far from doing what he was told to, Camden started walking around the office to find any information about the current situation. Donna sat down on the couch and crossed her legs. She rolled her eyes at Camden’s behaviour. She had been expected him to act like this but it still annoyed her. She gestured to Tegan to begin speaking. The neurologist sat down on his desk chair. “The matter that made me contact you is very sensitive. As you know, the world is the prey of a virus that turns human beings into nightwalkers.” “We simply call them zombies out there.” “Zombies don’t have a problem with daylight and they eat brains. Nightwalkers don’t do that.” “Do you prefer vampires?” “They don’t drain people from their blood either.” “What do they do then?” “It’s not the matter that brings you here. Only my scientists work on this question.” Camden sighed and finally decided to sit down next to Donna. He tapped the armchair impatiently. He had never been a very patient man and they had already lost two days in this tent. They couldn’t lose any more time. “Our researches have led us to the conclusion that this virus hasn’t come out of anywhere one day. It has been created.” “That is a hell of a conclusion.” “It was unexpected.” “But we all know that the human kind is the greatest threat this world has ever seen. Mother Nature can’t compete with us.” “You have a very pessimistic point of view of our kind, detective.” “Have you seen the world out of your lab, doctor?” “I haven’t,” admitted Tegan as someone knocked on the door. “But he has.” Tegan got off from his chair and unlocked the door for Jack to come in. The DNA specialist grabbed a stool and sat down. He didn’t lose any time and got to the heart of the matter while Tegan sat back down. “T has already explained you our theory?” “He mostly dismantled all of Camden’s stupid assertions.” “We can say a lot of things about Camden, but stupid isn’t one of them.” Jack chuckled and Camden’s lips twitched. After all this time, Jack still knew him well. Stupid indeed wasn’t something you could say about him because he was more than clever. “So, where were you before I came in?” “I was just telling them your latest conclusion.” “I have observed that the DNA of a nightwalker is changing. However, it takes ages for an alteration this big to appear. It can’t have been done naturally. Someone is behind this.” “You seem really sure of it, Jack.” “I’m not the only one. I’m working with other specialists that are convinced of the same thing.” “So why did you want us for?” “Humans always need a subject for their experimentations. A patient zero. If we find that patient zero, we can have the original virus.” “What tells us that this patient is still alive? And where to find that precise person?” “Isn’t that your job, detective?” Jack smirked, soon followed by Camden. The two of them were just teasing each other. It had always been that way between them. Their friendship had started long before Donna came in the picture. “Zachary will give you the necessary accreditation so you can have all access to our files and all the ones from the other labs. All the researches from all around the world will be in your hands. If you need anything, just ask me. I’ll make sure to provide whatever you want.” Camden had to admit that he was pretty impressed by Tegan Smith. The man didn’t seem like a leader at first sight but he was doing things well. He had learnt the strings of the job rather quickly. “Do you have any question?” “I’m pretty curious about the fact that doctor Spitz isn’t the one welcoming and introducing us to this case.” Straight to the point. The two doctors glanced at each other. They seemed to have a silent conversation. Tegan rubbed the back of his neck and tugged on his ear. He was nervous. What had happened to Maxence was serious. “Since we promised you a total access to our files, we owe you the truth. Doctor Spitz is unavailable at the moment. He was too involved in these projects…” “He’s gotten infected, innit?” “Yes. He’s our main object of study.” “Well, that explains a lot.” Donna nudged him so he would shut the hell up. The two men were really affected by the situation their colleague was in. Camden wasn’t the best when it came to social relationships but he could make an effort from time to time. Especially since the man could die at any time. “He doesn’t show it but he’s sorry.” “Yes, I am. Sorry for your boss.” Jack knew Camden wasn’t sorry at all. Tegan could feel that he wasn’t honest and it was infuriating him. Jack had to resist the urge of taking his hand to try and calm him down. Donna’s look on them was already suspicious. Someone knocked on the door, distracting them temporarily. Liv. Tegan went to her. “I’ve got the results you wanted. I’ve done as quick as possible.” “What do they say?” He grabbed the pile of papers Liv was holding out to him and signed the mandatory form. He glanced at it quickly but waited for Liv’s answer anyway. “It’s not good. It wasn’t the sensors in that syringe but something like a new cure. Martha swears to God she hasn’t done anything.” “Where does that cure come from?” “Probably from the only other person in this building who can mix them.” “Colin.” “Yes, and knowing he doesn’t like Maxence, there’s a chance that he might have tried to sabotage our researches.” “Let’s not lose ourselves in speculations. Thanks for your work, Liv.” Liv nodded and went back to her lab. Tegan closed the door behind him and threw the report on his desk. He wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Colin had tried to sabotage their researches and poison Maxence but as a leader, he couldn’t do anything on suppositions. He picked up his phone. “I want the doctors Martha Jones and Colin Appleton in my office. Yes, right now.” He was pretty annoyed by the situation and he wasn’t gonna be nice with those two scientists. Because of one of them, he had made a mistake and poisoned Maxence. It had almost cost him his life and that was something Tegan couldn’t forgive himself. This was on the first place in the top of his mistakes. He dismissed Jack and asked William, another security member he had had to promote to their private circle, to take Camden and Donna to the public space where they would be able to work.

x

Rose headed to the sterile room she had locked Kyle into two days ago. She was in a better mood than the moment she had had to make him stay here. She had divided her time between Maxence and Kyle. She usually didn’t spend much time with the guards but Kyle was still a child and he needed someone to stay with him a little bit to reassure him. Amy was coming too so he could talk to someone. He was afraid of course, but no symptom had showed up yet. It was reassuring him. All his confidence vanished into thin air when he saw Rose coming to him. She had her hazmat suit on but she wasn’t wearing the mandatory helmet. He dared hoping that it was good news. He cracked his knuckles nervously as she pressed on the button of the intercom. “You okay in there?” “I’d be better out of this room to be honest.” “To go back to work?” “Anything to go out of here.” Rose gave him a smile. Lately, they were very rare her smiles. She couldn’t find reasons to have a happy face when her husband was dying and they couldn’t find any clue to help him. It was infuriating her and pushing her back into a depression circle. They had to save him. That was the reason why she was overworking herself. She needed to find that cure as soon as possible. “Good news then. You’ve been lucky. No sign of infection. You’re free to go.” “You’re not joking, right?” It would be a very bad joke if she was and he wouldn’t be happy with her at all. It wasn’t her type to make such terrible jokes so his hopes rose up in his heart and relief filled him when she unlocked the door and invited him to leave the sterile room. She wasn’t joking. He couldn’t help but hug her tight to tell her how grateful he was for her help in this situation. She would have done it for anyone in the team, especially if they had sacrificed themselves for her husband. Everyone knew how much she loved him and how hard it was for her to see him in that condition. “Go to the decontamination shower, take a day off and come back to work tomorrow, alright?” “Yes, ma’am!” He saluted her and ran to the decontamination shower with a smile on his face. He was so relieved that he felt light. It was fun to see him running so happily and Rose imagined for her moment that it was her husband. She sighed. If only. “I was told I’d find you here. This is one happy colleague you had there.” “I’ve just announced him that he wasn’t infected. He’s got all reasons to be happy.” Rose turned around to face the doctor Burnley. “Maxence would have reacted the same, believe me.” “I do believe you. You know him better than I do.” “Indeed.” “Is that why you wanted me to come to you?” “Have they told you?” “That you’ve moved your lab to be closer to him?” “The news travel fast. But they tell you the other part of it?” “Is there another reason beside you wanting to be closer to him in case he’s having a relapse?” Rose grabbed the doctor Amy Burnley by the wrist and led her to the underground labs where she was now working. She had to use her authority for the therapist to be allowed in this area. Finally, they reached the cages where Maxence and Allegro were locked. Allegro was lying on his bed and Maxence was being a busy bee. His glasses on his nose, a pen behind an ear, he was juggling between the interactive wall and a normal wall on which he was writing down numbers and formulas. It was as if he had never been infected. “This is the reason why I’ve moved my lab down here.” “I don’t understand.” “Our researches have progressed a lot thanks to him. We’ve found out that if we were treating him like a lightwalker instead of a nightwalker, he was being more himself. His brain is slower than it used to be but it works just fine as you can see.” “He’s one of them and one of us.” “That’s it. He has troubles recognising us but he knows deep down who we are, who he is and what he’s supposed to do here. That’s why we’ve granted him total access on our researches as if he was still our boss. He’s also working on the cure, except he knows what going on in a nightwalker’s mind and we don’t.” “This is brilliant.” “He is brilliant. And I know what you’re gonna say: that I shouldn’t get too involved in this case, that I shouldn’t be too close to him and all of that but I was involved in this long before this virus hit the world and if there’s something you gotta know about us, it’s that we are clever separately, but we are genius when we work together. We will find the cure if him and I are united.” Amy was sincerely impressed by the conviction the woman had in her husband and in herself. That was something she had never seen in Rose before. She had never had a session with her and her husband but if Maxence was cured, she would have to do that, just to understand the bond between them. “Have you found why he’s had a heart attack?” “We’re still working on it.” “I need to know why you are showing me all of this. We weren’t even supposed to have a session today.” “I’m not doing this for myself.” “Which means?” “I’m doing this for you.” Amy raised an eyebrow. She didn’t understand why Rose was saying and showing all of this to her. There must be a reason but she couldn’t get it. What did it mean ‘I’m doing this for you’? It was making no sense. Rose grabbed her wrist again and led her to her new lab. She locked the doors behind her. She gestured to Amy to sit down on the chair and brought two cups of water. She gave one to the therapist and sat down on her desk chair. “During our last session, I’ve noticed that you were particularly upset.” “You have a tragic past, Doctor Spitz.” “You weren’t upset for me, Doctor Burnley. There was something torturing you deep down. We were speaking about Maxence and the way he came to you after a rough session and there was this little something.” “A little something?” “You’ve kept a straight face at first, and I thanked you. That’s when it broke. A memory resurfaced and you’ve been overwhelmed. That’s why you’ve left your office.” “I’m afraid this is none of your business.” “That’s true.” Amy clearly didn’t want to speak about what had happened in her office two days ago and Rose wasn’t gonna force her. She had been holding a hand out to the therapist just in case she would need a friend and she was refusing it. She couldn’t do anything else for her. “I just wanted to help you the way you’re helping me.” “There’s nothing you can do unfortunately.” “I can be your friend.” A friend? That was rather unexpected. She sure didn’t have anyone here and she was dealing with things on her own while Rose had her husband and all the team around them to speak to when she wasn’t with her therapist. She was well surrounded and that was why she wasn’t breaking down when everything was against her. Rose sipped a bit of water, put her cup down and glanced at the cage where Maxence was still working. If she had had a better sight, she would have read what he was writing on the wall. Maybe there was a solution in all of this. She needed to take a look at it and tell Maxence what she thought of it. “I admit that I’m new around here,” began Amy. “I was only coming a few days per week here and saw no reason to get attached to people other than my patients. But now that I’m living here, I can only share a room with people I don’t know and pretend I’m feeling comfortable around them.” “You don’t have any friend here?” Amy shook her head sadly and Rose had to repress the urgent need to hug her. It was in her nature to be kind to people and to make sure everyone around her was happy even if she wasn’t happy herself. Amy Burnley was a very nice woman and it was hard not to like her. She was pretty cute too. “I don’t have anyone anymore back home either.” After she lost her son, she had withdrawn herself from the world and people hadn’t even tried to reach her in the midst of her pain. They had just let her down one after another. If she had looked for help, they wouldn’t have been there. The situation would have been the same as now. “I’m sorry, this might sound weird to you but I’m gonna have to hug you.” This surprised Amy beyond words and she didn’t have the time to find a good reply because Rose was already hugging her tight against her. She had to admit that it was strange for her. She hadn’t had a hug in a long time. A friendly hug was rare in her book. However, Rose’s hug felt right. She awkwardly hugged back and resisted the need of crying the weight of her heart on the scientist’s shoulder…

To be continued...

Ghost of you © | 2017 - 2018 | Tous droits réservés.

×××

In the next chapter:

Maxence raised his head when he heard the knock and walked closer to where Rose was. She pointed to the formula she had written. He took his time to read it and checked his notes. He shook his head and pointed to another formula. He was trying to explain her how he had come to this conclusion and she was trying to tell him where she thought he was wrong. It was a silent communication, all in hand gestures and written formula on a glass wall. It was fascinating for Amy. Any other couple of scientists wouldn’t have had this alchemy between them. They were working together as if they were the same person. If there was a picture next to the soulmate definition in the dictionary, it had to be them. They were the perfect representation of this word. Even in the darkest times, they remained together, hand in hand.

×××

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[baradorable]

So I finally made a list of all my gripes with X-Men Disassembled right now. I know -1% of my followers care about comics, much less events/arcs, but I’m pretty heated and wanted to vent.

The “plot” is just a bunch of cliche X-Men mashed together. You have a mutant cure, an evil kid from the future, Four Horsemen, Age of Apocalypse, Angel becoming Archangel, and other stories you heard dozens of times before.

At least the cure plot is almost completely forgotten about just as soon as it’s brought up.

The story’s 10 issues long. Even though we’re getting this story weekly instead of monthly, this makes the event/arc really long. Longer than it has to be, if I’m being honest.

And the events of this arc will spill into the next arc, and we’ll get a billion spin-off books to tell side stories. It just won’t end.

Hey, remember the poster they made advertising this event? It had about 52 different X-Men on it, and it looked like this was going to be a massive event with a lot of characters, just like Avengers: No Surrender.

Only about 20~ X-Men have appeared. (Oya’s not in the picture, but she does briefly appear.) The characters with orange rings are ones that appear, but do jack shit or just show up once. 

Every issue is basically just Jean Grey, Psylocke, the four kids (but mostly Pixie, Armor and Glob), X-Man, and maybe Bishop. I’m being generous with some of these green rings.

Multiple Man barely counts. He was more of a red herring plot device, repeating his schtick from that horrifically bad Multiple Man solo.

(Speaking of - guess who’s taking over the flagship X-Men book after this event? But I guess it’s not fair to judge him on that book. I should also judge him on that mini-event nobody liked, or that mini-run on Astonishing nobody read.)

Angel turns evil, again. And then he becomes Archangel, again. He complains about existence, but then helps the X-Men against the Horsemen. His whole story, especially his turning into Archangel, was pointless.

Also, despite freeing him from X-Man’s control, Psylocke doesn’t try this on the other Horsemen.

I’m only giving Anole a green ring because they’re incorporating him into the cure plot for some reason.

I can’t even really count Polaris as important, since she was used all of twice, and one time was just to throw Laura.

The 8 billion spin-off books might focus on other X-Men at least? I know Dani is confirmed for one. I think Evan is in another. But the book that’s supposed to be focusing on the X-kids? It’s focused on fucking Glob.

I will say that I’m glad Trinary didn’t show up. She was a good idea, but holy shit did she become cringe-inducing once they brought in the internet stuff. 

Laura/X-23, who is normally quiet and reserved, is written as quippy, energetic and one who makes silly faces. I guess the writers confused her with Honey Badger, her annoying meme goblin sidekick.

She also indirectly talks shit about the X-kids, despite being in the same grade as them, and all of them being students longer than her. Pre-school murder training be damned, they went through a lot of shit with her.

Also, the X-Men giving the X-kids shit jobs and not respecting them. Looks like this’ll be a plot point, where they learn that they’re wrong?

Nope! The kids were in the wrong and they not only don’t know shit about being X-Men, but they’ve also never experienced true loss and hardship. 

Except the fact that they’ve been X-Men for years, on serious missions

And Pixie graduated and became a full X-Man, but I guess they retconned that out.

And we had several years’ worth of stories that contradict this lesson, including a book entirely about how the X-Men let them down, and how they had to grow up, fight like soldiers and try to survive after losing everyone and everything around them. A book that lasted 42 issues and five years, six if you count New Mutants?

Hey, remember Necrosha?

Hey, remember Nimrod?  

Hey, remember the 42 dead kids?

Hey, remember when even more kids died immediately after?

Armor even brings up Magik as an example of how X-Men suck and just kind of leave people MIA. Pixie and Rockslide met Magik while they were all trapped in Limbo, and Pixie lost a piece of her soul because of it. Yeah, I think they know the score.

But yeah, no. They’re just little shits, I guess.

Kitty is quick to abandon them in a hellscape, too. Like she doesn’t even try to save them, and it’s up to Bishop to convince her she’s being an idiot. The kids were at least right about one thing: the X-Men don’t give a shit about helping their fallen.

But I guess we know why Julian’s not in this event; it’d be hard to tell the guy who has lost several friends and his hands fighting for the X-Men that he doesn’t know about suffering.

I did like Armor shit-talking Bishop for the Hope stuff, though.

But the whole adults vs kids stuff. This is, what, the fifth hero vs hero plot in an event? Civil War, Civil War II, Secret Empire, Infinity War (sort of?) At least they’re just opposed to each other, instead of fighting each other.

Speaking of Civil War, I have reason to bring up the 42+ dead kids again. Or hell, Annihilation. (This doesn’t have anything to do with this book, I just wanted to complain about that.)

There are three writers, and it becomes really obvious when Psylocke starts inserting “bloody” into every other sentence.

This isn’t a problem with the story, just a problem in general, but why are they still pushing Glob? Because he has a unique look? Like nobody likes him anymore. I want Beak. Preferably without Angel Salvatore, since she sucks and I hate her.

The kids are seemingly transported to the Age of Apocalypse timeline, but the TWIST is that they’re actually trapped in Legion’s mind. Except the twist was accidentally spoiled in the “previously on...“ page at the beginning of the book. Whoops!

Also also also, Glob nearly chokes/suffocates Rockslide. But I thought Rockslide doesn’t need to breathe? Pretty sure he was even out in space at one point. He doesn’t even need a body, technically, since he can just reform himself. I’d say that the writers used this as a subtle plot point that the timeline they’re in is fake, but that would require the writers to actually know about Rockslide.

I’d say that quality control isn’t doing their job, but it’s clear that they don’t exist anywhere across the line. 

Either that, or the writers just have so many horrible ideas that they can only catch so much. I don’t hate the writers, I know they have quite a few good stories under their collective belt. But I’ve heard about writers going buck wild and needing to be reigned in.

EDIT: On top of everything, we’re 8 issues in and barely anything has happened. Like, stuff happened, but not much of it really mattered. 

Also, super-powerful Legion and X-Man mind-fuse and become one. Okay, sure. What the fuck ever. Who fucking cares at this point?

At least fucking Quentin Quire isn’t in this event.

Or Jason Aaron. Holy shit, a flagship X-Men book under Jason Aaron sounds like the worst timeline. Good thing that never happened, right? 

Fucking Wolverine and the X-Men though.

I know he has nothing to do with this event, but seriously, fuck Jason Aaron.

Fuck Quentin Quire, too.

Completely unrelated, but anyone else watching The Gifted? I want to know what that pop song was in the last episode.

I’m just hate-reading at this point. The hate gives me power. I have 0 hope for this X-Men relaunch, but I’m going to keep trying. There are so many characters I love and want to see again. I don’t even dislike Rosenberg, despite the shit-talking. And, like, at least it isn’t as bad as Jason Aaron’s take on Robbie Reyes.

But if I can say one thing to the three writers behind this horrible Frankenstein of bad ideas, it’s this: 42 dead kids I know it’s hard, trying to wrangle up characters with decades of history and trying to make a coherent, interesting story that also respects their characters. I know that sometimes, you have to use characters you don’t want to just because they’re popular (Jubilee) or being pushed (Glob.) On top of it all, you have three writers trying to work together, while also under management’s mandates and guidelines. I get all that, and I can sympathize. It doesn’t excuse X-Men Disassembled, but I can understand that you guys must have tried your best, given the circumstances. And I also know that, despite this little hiccup, you guys are all good writers.

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 1 Recap: Same Shit, Different Colors

It’s easy to get excited thinking this season of the Bachelorette is going to be different. Rachel is the first Blachelorette, it’s the most diverse cast in the history of the franchise, and she is really smart and down to earth and has a real, sustainable job. (Yes, I’m aware Andi was a “lawyer” too, but also, she wasn’t.) Believe me, as a black female attorney perpetually surrounded by white people I know should be excited. This is my jam. 

If anyone can relate to Rachel and her search for true love (lol), it’s me. But aside from the color of people’s skin, this season will be no different than any other. The guys will still be macho, aggressive, and pathetic. The dates will still be awkward and infuriatingly low budget. The drama will still be manufactured. And at the end of all of this, Rachel will still walk away with a fake fiancé she barely knows. Sure, there will be certain dynamics that you wouldn’t otherwise see in the standard white girl season, but ultimately, this show will remain pretty fucking stupid. 

Fresh Meat 

As we dive into the spotlight segment of the episode it’s hard not to notice that everyone we meet is a minority (except the guy with the dead mom and the guy with the brain injury). I find myself annoyed by this only because it makes me “wonder” where these guys have been and why ABC “hasn’t been able to find” anyone but the same white guy to come on this show. Anyway, the first seven guys ABC wants us to pay attention to include:

Kungfu Kenny, the cute professional wrestler from Vegas with a 10 year old daughter.

Jack, the lawyer from Dallas who has a cute dog and a dead mom.

Alex, the meathead coder from Detroit who speaks Russian and is almost certainly a deep cover agent.

Mohit, the Bollywood dancing start up guy who doesn’t stand a chance.

Lucas, an aspiring Doritos spokesman and all around idiot. 

Blake, the creep who couldn’t stop talking about his amazing penis.

Diggy, a fasion bae from Chicago who might also be gay.

Josiah, the smooth talking lawyer from Florida with a Stomp the Yard story line.

After Rachel gets some last minute advice from half of the cast of Nick’s season, it’s time for limos. Per usual, we had some awkward lines, over the top entrances, stupid props, and a lot of bowties. Here’s a quick rundown:

The first guy named Peter was boring yet charming. Adam brought a doll which was pretty alarming. Steve Urkel was cute, Dean was awkward and lame, DeMario is clearly only here for the fame.

Josiah had a weak line about reasonable doubt, While some big guy name Iggy continued to pout. The penguin looked silly, Milton looked chic, And the Tickle Monster guy is a fucking freak.

The dick guy showed up with a full marching band, The rest blurred together and were horribly bland. And just when I thought we had a full room, Some douchebag arrived and screamed out WHABOOM.

Cocktail Party

Soon after Whaboom enters the mansion and puts everyone on notice that he is a psychopath, the cocktail party starts. I can’t say I’m surprised that Josiah is the first to steal Rachel away, or that he quickly launches into his good kid then bad kid then good kid back story. Nor am I surprised that right away the other guys start talking shit about him for doing something they should have done first. It’s classic Bachelor. After Rachel shuffles through a few duds, Bryan the Colombian with too much botox whisks her away to a more isolated location. Bryan tells her exactly what she wants to hear: that he’s 37 (with the face of a 24 year old) and is ready to settle down and get married. Even though Botox Bryan looks like a total douchebag and his flirting errs on the side of fuckboi, Rachel is really into it. So into it that she overlooks the fact that he kisses her like a plunger would a toilet.

Throughout the night we’re treated to a number of clips featuring DeMario, this season’s Corinne. Prior to the start of the night, Whitney “warned” Rachel that DeMario may not be here for the right reasons because she knows a girl who knows a girl who knows a guy who dated a girl who says DeMario is a clown. But OF COURSE HE IS. His name is DeMario. And beyond the racial profiling, anyone that comfortable and smooth in front of a camera in a situation like this has fuckboi written all over them. But I don’t find his arrogance offensive just yet. He’s more amusing than anything, and honestly asked Rachel the right question (N*Sync or Backstreet Boys). I have a feeling he might be the guy with the girlfriend (per season previews), but I also think that’s what ABC wants me to think, so for now I remain skeptical but excited. Eventually we get to Whaboom, who sucks. Prior to his 1-on-1 time with Rachel, he spends the entire night Whabooming around the house and shouting into his megaphone. Admittedly he got a laugh out of me when he started narrating Rachel’s time with Hugh Dancy lookalike Peter, the boringass guy from Wisconsin who will probably be the next Bachelor. Pretty much everyone in the house has the same reaction to Whaboom and even encourages him to an extent,

except Blake, the “great dick” guy from the drum line. (Wow, I can’t believe that sentence is about a white guy). Signaling to everyone that he has approximately no chill, Blake takes it upon himself to “confront” Whaboom for being a tool. The problem, of course, is that Whaboom clearly does not give a fuck about what Blake or anyone else thinks because “everyone has a little Whaboom in them.” Sure, but that the part of ourselves we hate. Despite being unattractive and cognitively impaired, Whaboom gets the final rose of the night, confirming my initial hypothesis that this season won’t be any different from the rest, and ultimately, this show remains pretty fucking stupid.  

Did you notice . . .

575 pairs of sneakers seems like an incredible waste of money, Diggy

Also, we’re gonna have a Diggy and Iggy on the same season? 

Speaking of Iggy, he literally could not stop complaining about every single guy that walked through the door. Like dude, this show thrives of first night gimmicks. Stop being such a bitch.

While DeMario and Joshiah were swaggering around in the midst of a pissing match, a group of white guys were huddled across the room discussing how loud and obnoxious they were being. I’m not saying it’s a race thing, but it will be interesting to see who sticks together on this show.

“He’s not ‘look at me I’m drunk’ he’s ‘I almost just missed that step drunk.’” RIP Mohit. 

Everyone in the background watching Whaboom’s 1-on-1 time with Rachel.

Adam Jr. stole the show. I really hope he sticks around the house for awhile. Those of you who follow my snapchat know I’m a big fan of lifelike dolls. (that sounds weirder than it is, I promise)

Peter saying he “put a lot of things on hold to be here” is so fucking obnoxious. Of course you did, that’s the fucking point. Don’t try to act like you slutting yourself out on TV is some grand gesture for Rachel and that she should be grateful for you. There are literally hundreds of basic ass white men who would love to put their shitty jobs on hold and bro out with some personal trainers in California. Fuck off, guy. 

Milton crying was the highlight of the episode for me.

Minority Report .. or should it be Majority Report? It’s too difficult to track how many there are or what they’re doing (although Jeff Sessions is trying his best), so I’ll use this space to discuss those we lose each week. This week, it’s Blake K., that super cute Asian guy who DEFINITELY shouldn’t have been kicked off. Pretty much everyone on the internet agrees she made a huge mistake letting him go and keeping the TICKLE MONSTER weirdo and Whaboom, but like I said, this show is stupid. But based on the love he was getting on Twitter, I won’t be surprised if he makes it to Paradise this year. I just hope he doesn’t pair up with Caila. Gag.

[studio-elan]

25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time

Online dating can be super scary. You never know what to expect. Here are 25 tips for a first date after meeting online to keep it safe and fun. A few months ago, after deleting and downloading a dating app a handful of times, I finally decided to take a risk and go on a first date. I’ll be honest, it was scary. I needed some tips for a first date after meeting online! I was nervous, sweaty, and I half expected to be cat-fished or stood up. But, that didn’t happen. Since then I have been on quite a few first dates after meeting online. It is not as bad as you expect it to be. Sure, some dates are duds. Some are worse than duds, but with a bit of confidence, open-mindedness, you can feel pretty darn good about a first date after meeting online. [Read: Annoyingly common misconceptions about online dating] Should you have a first date after meeting online? Before I get into my tips for a first date after meeting online, figure out if you should actually have a first date. Not everyone you meet online is worthy of a first date. Dating requires a lot of time and effort, and you don’t want to whip out all that for just anyone. Whether you seek a deep connection or just a fun time, there are some questions to answer before committing to a first date. If you have dealbreakers, toss those out beforehand. I am not talking about someone chewing with their mouth open. Even if the date isn’t perfect, you can have a nice evening with someone without them being the one. But, if you have strong opinions about politics, feminism, or even your diet you may want to get that out of the way now. I have been on a date wherein the first 10 minutes the guy said something that turned me off so much I was ready to walk out. With a simple question about politics, I could have saved myself the drive to the restaurant and the nerves. So whether you can’t deal with a smoker, someone that loves electric dance music, or someone that believes climate change is a hoax, you may want to mention that upfront. [Read: Revealing questions to get to know someone you are interested in] Tips for a first date after meeting online Everyone’s dating preferences differ. Some people like a laidback first date while others prefer dirt biking or an escape room. But, from my experiences, these tips for a first date after meeting online will keep you calm, cool, and collected. They could even lead to a second date. #1 Keep it simple. I prefer coffee dates because I don’t drink, and you can stay 30 minutes or hours. But, getting drinks is good too. If that feels like too much pressure on the conversation, head to a bar that has darts or board games so you have something fun to lean on during lulls. If you go to an escape room or bowling, you are sort of stuck into an allotted amount of time. [Read: Your guide to timing a first date right] #2 Meet there. The internet is the internet after all. Go in wisely. You want to be positive, but you never know, so be safe. Drive yourself there or take a cab or Uber. Giving someone your address before you meet, probably not too smart. This way you can also leave whenever you want. #3 Have a back-up plan. I know I just said to go in with a positive frame of mind, but you also have to be prepared for anything. Sure, usually the worst that happens is that you don’t vibe and you go your separate ways. If your date is creepy, looks totally different from their photo, or anything goes wrong, have a plan. Have a friend call mid-date. Tell your waiter you’re on a first date beforehand and if you give them the signal they will bring the check out ASAP. Just think of a way to get out if you need to. [Read: How to end a date the right way without feeling awkward] #4 Pop a mint. It is shocking I have to say this, but from my experience, it needs to be said. Whether you are getting drinks, coffee, ice cream, or anything else, pop a Tic-Tac before you get out of the car. While you’re at it, spritz some perfume or at the very least rub on a fresh swipe of deodorant. Do not go overboard, but make sure you smell like you practice a decent level of hygiene. Bad breath and body odor are hard to ignore. #5 Have a story on hand. I always go into a first date with a funny anecdote. Maybe you have a date from hell to talk about. Even a work story or catfish experience. Have a lighthearted story on hand. Trust me, you will end up telling it. #6 Be no more than five minutes late. Ideally you would be on time or early, but personally, I hate being the first one to get there. That is when the nerves take over. No matter how rational you are, there will be butterflies and when I am sitting in a coffee house waiting for them to walk through the door I feel nauseous. Instead, I show up at the exact time we agreed on and wait in my car until they tell me they arrived. That way I am on my terms, can double check my lipstick, and walk in without the extra level of fear. [Read: 18 things you HAVE to avoid doing on a first date] #7 Keep your phone out of sight. Yes, you want your phone so you have an out if you need one and to show them photos of your puppy, but keep it out of sight. Even turned down at the table is a little much. Keep it in your bag or pocket. Sure, if they go to the bathroom, you can whip it out to fill in your nosy friends, but if it is on the table it will distract you. #8 Listen. Nerves can cause us to word vomit. You can go from answering a question about where you went to college into your dream job and future plans. Slow it down and remember you are getting to know each other. Instead of interrupting their work story with the fact that your brother used to work for the same company that they interned at, let them finish before replying. #9 Ask questions. I used to be so concerned with how I was coming across and answering certain questions I would forget to ask them any. But remember, this date isn’t about just you or just them, but both of you. If they tell you what they do for a living, ask if that is what they’ve always wanted to do. Ask how their major in English Lit got them to their job running a tech start-up. Asking follow up questions shows that you are listening and truly engaged in conversation. [Read: 20 ways to completely perfect your first date conversation] #10 Keep an open mind. This is one of the hardest things to do on a first date. It is nearly impossible to lose all expectations, but try to let some things go. It may be easy to let go of the fact that your coworker has differing political views or your brother-in-law still listens to Drake, but try to be open-minded. Sure, you have your limits and dealbreakers, but try to get the whole story. If your date says they live with their parents, do not write them off just yet. They could have moved home to help their parents out. Don’t assume you know everything about this person. If you do, you could miss out on something great because you were too strict. [Read: How to open up to people and welcome life in] #11 Try to be yourself.  It sounds so obvious to be yourself on a first date. Duh. You want this person to get to know you, not the “perfect” and agreeable you, or the chill you when you are more neurotic. If you really want to give this a fighting chance, be yourself from the start. But as I say that, I know how difficult it is to be vulnerable and just let everything out. If you are yourself 100% and get rejected, it hurts more than if you were a little bit more this or that. But if you do not take that risk of rejection you won’t find what you’re looking for. #12 Be respectful. This is one of those tips for a first date after meeting online that should be a given, but some people still find it acceptable to make sexist jokes or crude comments upon meeting someone new, when in fact it isn’t okay ever. So if your date wants a handshake instead of a hug, be okay with that. Respect their dietary restrictions, their allergies, their level of openness, and their choice to stay or leave. Dating is hard for everyone, not just you, so treat them how you want them to treat you. #13 Do not talk about your ex. This is a piece of dating advice that has been told for ages, and for good reason. Do not go on and on about your ex. First of all, it is disrespectful. Secondly, it is a turnoff. And finally, it proves you are not ready to be dating. With that being said, I think talking about past relationships is totally okay. You can say you learned a lot about what you want from your last relationship. Or you can say you have been more careful since you were cheated on or you take things slower now. Sharing what you have learned shows maturity, just don’t dwell or complain. #14 Give it a chance. Ignore the idea of a spark or instant connection. It is great when that happens, but more often than not that initial spark doesn’t lead to much else. A slow burn could be exactly what you need. Even if you aren’t initially attracted to your date, settle a bit. Getting into a good conversation can let you see another side of them. #15 Offer to pay. This is totally personal preference, but I always say you should offer to pay on the first date. Some men feel like it is the chivalrous thing to do and some women want to make sure their date is okay with them being independent and financially stable on their own. Even if you are fine with your date paying, making the reach is the polite thing to do. #16 Keep the drinks to a minimum. Going out for drinks can help calm first date jitters. But keep the drinks to a minimum. Order a glass of water between each refill or share some fries to fill your stomach. A drink or two can help you loosen up and be less on guard and more open, but drinking too much can lead to a handful of uh-ohs. From puking to passing out to making a fool of yourself, have a drink limit in mind beforehand. If you are worried you’ll get carried away, get there early and ask the bartender to discreetly cut you off after two or three drinks. [Read: 16 tips to make a great impression with your behavior on a date] #17 Make eye contact. I have been on dates where I felt just blah for the first hour or so. I just didn’t get that comfort I like to have with someone. But, once I stopped fidgeting and really made eye contact with them, that comfort grew. Eye contact can really spark an interest. It helps you listen better and even keeps you more in tune with the other person. #18 Make sure someone knows where you are. Here’s some more stranger danger advice. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or sibling where you are headed and give them the name and even phone number of who you are meeting just in case. #19 Don’t overdo it. I have done this and it was such a mistake. A first date should not be too long, and this is one of those important tips for a first date after meeting online that you should never ignore. I once went to get coffee with someone. We walked around for about an hour or so. Then, instead of parting ways, we went for dinner. The date went on for almost four hours. That was just too much for a first date. Because of that, he thought I was more interested than I actually was and it caused some issues later. Too long of a first date can blur your thoughts. Keep your first date under two hours. You are just getting a feel for each other. #20 Keep it PG. Again, this is totally up to you, but I like to keep things pretty basic on a first date. If you are feeling it, a kiss at the end of the night is sweet, but beyond that is not my style. If you are both into it, go all the way, good for you. It isn’t about being easy or too fast, but about what you are comfortable with. You could have great chemistry, but you do barely know this person. I always find that taking things slow keeps you thinking more clearly and things work out better in the end. [Read: The complete guide to help you decide how many dates before sex] #21 Be honest about your intentions. If you are only interested in a casual fling, make sure they know that. If you desire a committed relationship, fill them in. If you are just getting out there and aren’t sure what you want, tell them that too. You don’t want to lead someone on. Being on the same page is always smart. Also, at the end of the date, do not say you’ll call if you have no interest. Saying this was fun and it was great meeting you is all that is necessary. If you already know you aren’t interested, you can tell them in person that you just didn’t feel it, or think about it and let them know the next day. #22 Accept the outcome. This was a first date, not a marriage. So relax. It didn’t work out, too bad. Whether you didn’t like them or they didn’t like you, you have only spent an hour or so together. Try to remember this was one hour out of your life. I know with all the pressure, stress, and nerves, it seems like a lot is riding on that one cup of coffee, but it is just a date. [Read: 14 signs you’re unintentionally ruining your first dates] #23 Follow up. For crying out loud, please do not ghost. If you aren’t interested, they will be fine. Let them know you had a nice time but didn’t feel it and wish them the best of luck. If you are interested, text them the next day saying you had a great time and would love to do it again. Waiting around is no fun for anyone. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date] #24 Watch out for red flags. I know I am a big believer in being open-minded, but some things are just not good news. There are some things you need to get more information on, but other things you need to watch out for. If they won’t tell you their last name, watch out. If they have a tan line on their left ring finger, question that. If they are a bad tipper, get out of there ASAP. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early red flags] #25 Reflect. After the last date I went on I was convinced he was perfect, but after it didn’t work out I thought about it again and realized that he said quite a few things that would become a problem later. I just ignored them in the moment. Of course, I didn’t want to make a scene or fight about something, but instead of taking these small things into account at all, I overlooked them. For example, he made fun of a woman who was overweight at the restaurant with us. I knew it stung me for a second, but the conversation shifted quickly, so I let it go. But if that was a regular thing for him it would not be something I was okay with. [Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date] Hopefully, these tips for a first date after meeting online will guide you into your next meet-up with confidence, assurance, and an open mind. And who knows, you may just find the one too! The post 25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[russellthornton]

25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time

Online dating can be super scary. You never know what to expect. Here are 25 tips for a first date after meeting online to keep it safe and fun.

A few months ago, after deleting and downloading a dating app a handful of times, I finally decided to take a risk and go on a first date. I’ll be honest, it was scary. I needed some tips for a first date after meeting online!

I was nervous, sweaty, and I half expected to be cat-fished or stood up. But, that didn’t happen. Since then I have been on quite a few first dates after meeting online. It is not as bad as you expect it to be.

Sure, some dates are duds. Some are worse than duds, but with a bit of confidence, open-mindedness, you can feel pretty darn good about a first date after meeting online. [Read: Annoyingly common misconceptions about online dating]

Should you have a first date after meeting online?

Before I get into my tips for a first date after meeting online, figure out if you should actually have a first date. Not everyone you meet online is worthy of a first date.

Dating requires a lot of time and effort, and you don’t want to whip out all that for just anyone. Whether you seek a deep connection or just a fun time, there are some questions to answer before committing to a first date.

If you have dealbreakers, toss those out beforehand. I am not talking about someone chewing with their mouth open. Even if the date isn’t perfect, you can have a nice evening with someone without them being the one.

But, if you have strong opinions about politics, feminism, or even your diet you may want to get that out of the way now. I have been on a date wherein the first 10 minutes the guy said something that turned me off so much I was ready to walk out. With a simple question about politics, I could have saved myself the drive to the restaurant and the nerves.

So whether you can’t deal with a smoker, someone that loves electric dance music, or someone that believes climate change is a hoax, you may want to mention that upfront. [Read: Revealing questions to get to know someone you are interested in]

Tips for a first date after meeting online

Everyone’s dating preferences differ. Some people like a laidback first date while others prefer dirt biking or an escape room. But, from my experiences, these tips for a first date after meeting online will keep you calm, cool, and collected.

They could even lead to a second date.

#1 Keep it simple. I prefer coffee dates because I don’t drink, and you can stay 30 minutes or hours. But, getting drinks is good too.

If that feels like too much pressure on the conversation, head to a bar that has darts or board games so you have something fun to lean on during lulls. If you go to an escape room or bowling, you are sort of stuck into an allotted amount of time. [Read: Your guide to timing a first date right]

#2 Meet there. The internet is the internet after all. Go in wisely. You want to be positive, but you never know, so be safe. Drive yourself there or take a cab or Uber. Giving someone your address before you meet, probably not too smart.

This way you can also leave whenever you want.

#3 Have a back-up plan. I know I just said to go in with a positive frame of mind, but you also have to be prepared for anything. Sure, usually the worst that happens is that you don’t vibe and you go your separate ways. If your date is creepy, looks totally different from their photo, or anything goes wrong, have a plan.

Have a friend call mid-date. Tell your waiter you’re on a first date beforehand and if you give them the signal they will bring the check out ASAP. Just think of a way to get out if you need to. [Read: How to end a date the right way without feeling awkward]

#4 Pop a mint. It is shocking I have to say this, but from my experience, it needs to be said. Whether you are getting drinks, coffee, ice cream, or anything else, pop a Tic-Tac before you get out of the car.

While you’re at it, spritz some perfume or at the very least rub on a fresh swipe of deodorant. Do not go overboard, but make sure you smell like you practice a decent level of hygiene. Bad breath and body odor are hard to ignore.

#5 Have a story on hand. I always go into a first date with a funny anecdote. Maybe you have a date from hell to talk about. Even a work story or catfish experience. Have a lighthearted story on hand. Trust me, you will end up telling it.

#6 Be no more than five minutes late. Ideally you would be on time or early, but personally, I hate being the first one to get there. That is when the nerves take over. No matter how rational you are, there will be butterflies and when I am sitting in a coffee house waiting for them to walk through the door I feel nauseous.

Instead, I show up at the exact time we agreed on and wait in my car until they tell me they arrived. That way I am on my terms, can double check my lipstick, and walk in without the extra level of fear. [Read: 18 things you HAVE to avoid doing on a first date]

#7 Keep your phone out of sight. Yes, you want your phone so you have an out if you need one and to show them photos of your puppy, but keep it out of sight. Even turned down at the table is a little much. Keep it in your bag or pocket.

Sure, if they go to the bathroom, you can whip it out to fill in your nosy friends, but if it is on the table it will distract you.

#8 Listen. Nerves can cause us to word vomit. You can go from answering a question about where you went to college into your dream job and future plans. Slow it down and remember you are getting to know each other.

Instead of interrupting their work story with the fact that your brother used to work for the same company that they interned at, let them finish before replying.

#9 Ask questions. I used to be so concerned with how I was coming across and answering certain questions I would forget to ask them any. But remember, this date isn’t about just you or just them, but both of you. If they tell you what they do for a living, ask if that is what they’ve always wanted to do.

Ask how their major in English Lit got them to their job running a tech start-up. Asking follow up questions shows that you are listening and truly engaged in conversation. [Read: 20 ways to completely perfect your first date conversation]

#10 Keep an open mind. This is one of the hardest things to do on a first date. It is nearly impossible to lose all expectations, but try to let some things go. It may be easy to let go of the fact that your coworker has differing political views or your brother-in-law still listens to Drake, but try to be open-minded.

Sure, you have your limits and dealbreakers, but try to get the whole story. If your date says they live with their parents, do not write them off just yet. They could have moved home to help their parents out. Don’t assume you know everything about this person. If you do, you could miss out on something great because you were too strict. [Read: How to open up to people and welcome life in]

#11 Try to be yourself.  It sounds so obvious to be yourself on a first date. Duh. You want this person to get to know you, not the “perfect” and agreeable you, or the chill you when you are more neurotic. If you really want to give this a fighting chance, be yourself from the start.

But as I say that, I know how difficult it is to be vulnerable and just let everything out. If you are yourself 100% and get rejected, it hurts more than if you were a little bit more this or that. But if you do not take that risk of rejection you won’t find what you’re looking for.

#12 Be respectful. This is one of those tips for a first date after meeting online that should be a given, but some people still find it acceptable to make sexist jokes or crude comments upon meeting someone new, when in fact it isn’t okay ever. So if your date wants a handshake instead of a hug, be okay with that.

Respect their dietary restrictions, their allergies, their level of openness, and their choice to stay or leave. Dating is hard for everyone, not just you, so treat them how you want them to treat you.

#13 Do not talk about your ex. This is a piece of dating advice that has been told for ages, and for good reason. Do not go on and on about your ex. First of all, it is disrespectful. Secondly, it is a turnoff. And finally, it proves you are not ready to be dating.

With that being said, I think talking about past relationships is totally okay. You can say you learned a lot about what you want from your last relationship. Or you can say you have been more careful since you were cheated on or you take things slower now. Sharing what you have learned shows maturity, just don’t dwell or complain.

#14 Give it a chance. Ignore the idea of a spark or instant connection. It is great when that happens, but more often than not that initial spark doesn’t lead to much else. A slow burn could be exactly what you need.

Even if you aren’t initially attracted to your date, settle a bit. Getting into a good conversation can let you see another side of them.

#15 Offer to pay. This is totally personal preference, but I always say you should offer to pay on the first date. Some men feel like it is the chivalrous thing to do and some women want to make sure their date is okay with them being independent and financially stable on their own.

Even if you are fine with your date paying, making the reach is the polite thing to do.

#16 Keep the drinks to a minimum. Going out for drinks can help calm first date jitters. But keep the drinks to a minimum. Order a glass of water between each refill or share some fries to fill your stomach.

A drink or two can help you loosen up and be less on guard and more open, but drinking too much can lead to a handful of uh-ohs. From puking to passing out to making a fool of yourself, have a drink limit in mind beforehand.

If you are worried you’ll get carried away, get there early and ask the bartender to discreetly cut you off after two or three drinks. [Read: 16 tips to make a great impression with your behavior on a date]

#17 Make eye contact. I have been on dates where I felt just blah for the first hour or so. I just didn’t get that comfort I like to have with someone. But, once I stopped fidgeting and really made eye contact with them, that comfort grew.

Eye contact can really spark an interest. It helps you listen better and even keeps you more in tune with the other person.

#18 Make sure someone knows where you are. Here’s some more stranger danger advice. Tell a trusted friend, parent, or sibling where you are headed and give them the name and even phone number of who you are meeting just in case.

#19 Don’t overdo it. I have done this and it was such a mistake. A first date should not be too long, and this is one of those important tips for a first date after meeting online that you should never ignore. I once went to get coffee with someone. We walked around for about an hour or so. Then, instead of parting ways, we went for dinner. The date went on for almost four hours.

That was just too much for a first date. Because of that, he thought I was more interested than I actually was and it caused some issues later. Too long of a first date can blur your thoughts. Keep your first date under two hours. You are just getting a feel for each other.

#20 Keep it PG. Again, this is totally up to you, but I like to keep things pretty basic on a first date. If you are feeling it, a kiss at the end of the night is sweet, but beyond that is not my style. If you are both into it, go all the way, good for you.

It isn’t about being easy or too fast, but about what you are comfortable with. You could have great chemistry, but you do barely know this person. I always find that taking things slow keeps you thinking more clearly and things work out better in the end. [Read: The complete guide to help you decide how many dates before sex]

#21 Be honest about your intentions. If you are only interested in a casual fling, make sure they know that. If you desire a committed relationship, fill them in. If you are just getting out there and aren’t sure what you want, tell them that too. You don’t want to lead someone on. Being on the same page is always smart.

Also, at the end of the date, do not say you’ll call if you have no interest. Saying this was fun and it was great meeting you is all that is necessary. If you already know you aren’t interested, you can tell them in person that you just didn’t feel it, or think about it and let them know the next day.

#22 Accept the outcome. This was a first date, not a marriage. So relax. It didn’t work out, too bad. Whether you didn’t like them or they didn’t like you, you have only spent an hour or so together. Try to remember this was one hour out of your life.

I know with all the pressure, stress, and nerves, it seems like a lot is riding on that one cup of coffee, but it is just a date. [Read: 14 signs you’re unintentionally ruining your first dates]

#23 Follow up. For crying out loud, please do not ghost. If you aren’t interested, they will be fine. Let them know you had a nice time but didn’t feel it and wish them the best of luck.

If you are interested, text them the next day saying you had a great time and would love to do it again. Waiting around is no fun for anyone. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date]

#24 Watch out for red flags. I know I am a big believer in being open-minded, but some things are just not good news. There are some things you need to get more information on, but other things you need to watch out for.

If they won’t tell you their last name, watch out. If they have a tan line on their left ring finger, question that. If they are a bad tipper, get out of there ASAP. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early red flags]

#25 Reflect. After the last date I went on I was convinced he was perfect, but after it didn’t work out I thought about it again and realized that he said quite a few things that would become a problem later. I just ignored them in the moment.

Of course, I didn’t want to make a scene or fight about something, but instead of taking these small things into account at all, I overlooked them. For example, he made fun of a woman who was overweight at the restaurant with us. I knew it stung me for a second, but the conversation shifted quickly, so I let it go.

But if that was a regular thing for him it would not be something I was okay with.

[Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date]

Hopefully, these tips for a first date after meeting online will guide you into your next meet-up with confidence, assurance, and an open mind. And who knows, you may just find the one too!

The post 25 Tips for a First Date after Meeting Online to Have a Great Time is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[kristxff-bjxrgman]

TASK 001 — DIG A LITTLE DEEPER !

(Answering this as Kristoff because it’s more fun that way.)

BASIC INFORMATION.

What is your full name ? 

Kristoff Andersson Bjorgman

How is it pronounced ? 

Kris-tohf Ann-duhr-sohn Buh-your-g-man

Is there a meaning behind it ? 

Kristoff - basically Scandinavian for Christopher, which I’m told means carrier of Christ (okay...)

Andersson - son of Andrew (I don’t know who Andrew is)

Bjorgman - .....I absolutely have no idea about this one.

Do you have any nicknames ? 

Christopher (this was by Anna, when I first met her, in which I immediately corrected her), Ice Dude, Woodsy Guy, Tall Guy, Hey You, Weirdo (by my cousins)

When and where were you born ?

I am adopted, so I’m not exactly sure where, but my birth date is on May 3.

What’s your zodiac sign and what traits do you most relate to ?

Zodiac, schmodiac. I don’t really believe all that stuff. But if you really insist, they all say I’m a Taurus. That’s the bull one, right? Awesome.

Traits? Well, it says here on the Internet that Taurus men are down-to-earth, stubborn, reserved, and can be aggressive and competitive. Well, I guess that’s me alright. It also says here that Taurus men are supposed to be well-traveled and highly successful financially. Now, I highly doubt these though.... Who came up with this stuff, anyway?

Oh, but it does say that when we fall in love, we fall in love deeply and completely. Okay, that’s sounds good. And that, we’re also great at se-- *coughs* Okay, I think that’s enough for now.

What’s your nationality ?

American, but we’re basically ethnically Scandinavian.

What’s your occupation ?

The most stable job at the moment is helping out with the family’s lumber business. I mean, I’m still in college, and will continue with the family business in time. 

What gender do you identify yourself as ?

Unabashedly male.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

What’s your eye color ?

Brown

Do you wear glasses or contacts ?

No.

Hair color ?

Uh, light brown?

Have you ever dyed your hair or wanted to ?

What? No.

Height ?

Um...tall? I’m pretty sure I’m past the 6 feet mark..

Body build ?

Athletic? But also sorta slim? I mean, I dunno.

Do you have any birthmarks ? 

Nope. 

Do you have any piercings or tattoos ?

Also, nope.

If not, do you want to get some ?

Not at the moment no. I mean, I don’t think I’ll look good with them anyway.

Do you have a healthy life style ?

Yes, I’d like to think so. I mean, after all, I LOVE carrots.

How easy do you get sick ?

Not pretty easy. My mom usually says I’m like a rock. Not easy to break.

Any marks on your body ( injuries, … ) ?

I do have some small scars in my arms and also a bit on my legs. Mostly due to my mountain climbing, but nothing too serious.

What’s your personal style/how do you like to dress ?

Um, comfortable wear? I’m no fashion expert, ya know. I’ve heard others say that my style can be either a combination between ‘lumberjack and mountaineer’ or ‘exhausted college student and hobo’.

What is your favorite and least favorite feature about yourself ?

I like me. All of me. But then again, I think being taller than most people I know is a total bummer.

PERSONALITY.

Positive traits ?

Loyal. Hardworking. Resourceful. Protective. Frank and Intelligent. I can go on and on, ya know, but I think that’d be too selfish of me.

Negative traits ?

Stubborn. Introverted. Awkward. Sometimes bossy. Quirky. Shy. A loner. Well, so they say.

What do you consider to be the best and the worst part of your personality?

Loyal and protective, for my best traits. And my worst? Um, being stubborn and bossy, I guess.

Are you more extroverted or introverted ?

Introverted

Any talents ?

Expert at hiking, mountain climbing and camping. Also great at all things lumber. And ice. And a decent lute player.

What are your fears ?

Losing my family. Or Sven. Or anyone I love. *coughs*

Do they have any phobias ?

No, nothing that I can think of, no.

What is your soft spot ?

I have a soft spot for animals. Usually.

List 3 pet-peeves you can’t stand.

High prices at Oaken’s. Like, seriously man. I do not believe that carrots can be that EXPENSIVE.

Complaining about having to walk, instead of riding in a truck. Look, riding in a truck is great for travelling long-ish distances, but if it’s not that far, then we should just walk, right?

The thought of committing yourself to someone for the rest of your life, without getting to know each other THOROUGHLY first.

EDUCATION.

How far did you go in school ? Are you still studying ?

Currently a junior at college. Trying to see if I can graduate with a degree in business management.

Do/Did you like school ?

Eh, it’s alright, I guess.

What type of student are/were you ?

Let’s just say that I’m not the brightest, and I’m also not the dumbest in my class.

What is/was your favorite subject ?

I loved woodworking. And also Biology, I guess. Music too.

And your least favorite?

English, I guess.

What were you/would you have been voted as “most likely to…” in the yearbook ?

Most Likely to be a hermit and live in the woods for the rest of his life

FAMILY.

Who are your parents ? 

Clifford “Cliff” Stefan Bjorgman - adoptive father; current proprietor/manager of Bjorgman Lumber.

Hulda Inge Bjorgman - adoptive mother; a crystal “healer” in her spare time

How would you describe them ?

Well, dad is...dad. He’s cool, as far as dads go. Doesn’t really speak or socialize much, so I guess, we’re similar at that aspect. Loves the business as much as he loves us.

Mom...well, she’s a bit chattier than us boys in the family. And by chattier, I guess you could say that she and Anna get along very well. She can be quite meddlesome, but I think she only does that because she wants to take care of us, and that she just wants the best for us.

Do they have any siblings ?

No. I got TONS of cousins though.

Are they close with their family?

Oh, yes. Very.

ROMANCE & SEXUALITY.

What’s your romantic and sexual orientation ?

I guess you can say that I’m heteroromantic and heterosexual.

Are you seeing anyone right now ?

*coughs* Um... I mean... *coughs* Um, no? 

Have you ever been in an relationship ?

Well....no. Not really...?

Have they ever been in love ?

*shrugs* I guess. Maybe. Yeah, maybe you can that it’s a yes.

How easy do they fall for someone ?

Not easily. Really.

In their view, why didn’t any past relationships work out ?

*sighs* I dunno. Maybe because they just don’t understand or appreciate me the way I am...?

What do you look for in someone ?

Well, I’m just really on the lookout for someone who likes me for...well, me. If some girl can appreciate that, then heck yeah, maybe I can like her back too.

Do you believe in love at first sight ? or fate ?

Ugh. My mom is going to tease me sooo hard for this.

Falling in love at first sight. No. I believe that you get to know first before falling in love with them. After all, you’d never know if he or she picks his or her nose if you don’t get to know them better, right?

On fate... Well, I guess I slightly believe more on that. 

What’s your views on romance ? Do you go after it or avoid it ?

Oh, I mean, romance is great. I don’t exactly avoid it, but I also don’t actively chase it. I mean, I’m romantic, but on my own pace, ya know.

Did you have your first time already ? How was it in your point of view ?

*coughs* Uh, it was...alright, I guess. *coughs*

What is your view on sex ?

Sex is...great, um, okay? I mean... Why are you seriously asking me these questions though?

What are your turn ons and turn offs ?

What the---? *coughs* Okay, I’m not gonna say ‘turn on’ or ‘turn off’. Well, in girls, I like it when they are funny, and can also get my sense of humor. Also, it helps if they can tolerate me. 

Were you ever cheated on or have you cheated on someone ?

Never cheated on anyone, and no one has cheated on me...not that I know of.

Do you want to get married in the future ?

Yeah, sure. Someday.

Have kids ?

Not right now. Maybe someday.

QUIRKS.

Are you right or left handed ?

Right.

What’s a word that’s always on your lips?

What?

Is there a saying you keep on repeating ?

‘You almost set me on fire.’ 

I find myself constantly saying this when in the company of a certain someone. *coughs*

Do you curse ?

Sometimes. Secretly. I try as much as possible not to.

What’s your worst habit ? 

I...tend to smell sometimes...? *shrugs* I shower, I swear! But I guess that’s not really a habit, right? If we’re talking habits, I guess it’s my frequent preference to just...be outside. That’s a habit, right?

Do you drink or smoke ? How frequently ?

I drink...occasionally. But not that much anyway. And no, I don’t smoke.

Are they an early bird or a night owl ?

Definitely an early bird.

How tidy is your room ?

Eh...not really that tidy.

How long do you usually take getting ready in the morning ?

I like getting ready in a jiffy, so most probably, around 30 minutes tops?

FAVORITES.

What’s their favorite color ?

Shades of blue and green.

Favorite movie ?

Oh, the Lord of the Rings franchise. Definitely.

Music Genre ?

Folk.

Food ?

Um...all of it? But, the healthy ones of course.

Book ?

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Favorite non-alcoholic drink ?

Fruit juice.

Ice Cream Flavor ?

Rocky Road

Indoors or outdoors ?

Outdoors, definitely.

[republicstandard]

Fight For The Future: Nationalism, White Identity, and the Genocidal Left

Ever since Donald J. Trump won the election, the Left has been trying to come to grips with it all. Why did so many people reject the One True Narrative? Why is America so full of evil racist meanies?

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Beyond the standard leftist bogey of racism, they seem to be genuinely concerned with the rise of nationalism in the United States, and to some degree more broadly in the Western world.

I’m fond of joking that to the Left, anyone to the right of Elizabeth Warren is a racist, even a neo-Nazi. And to be sure, whenever the Left try to brand anyone or anything as racist, they’re using a Kafka-trap: branding someone racist generally has the effect of putting that person and their defenders on the defensive.

We should not lose sight of how very sinister this can be. If you doubt this, consider what happened to James Watson, co-discoverer of the molecular structure of DNA with Francis Crick.

Nationalism, for the Left, is integrally related to the bogey of racism—at least when practiced by Western Whites. Both constitute in-group preferences on the part of White people.

And now we come to the double standard. As I recently pointed out, black nationalism merges rather handily with far-left entitlement and theft.

On that note, I somehow managed to stumble across this fawning review of Black Panther by racial grievance-huckster Shaun King. Here, have a few paragraphs—consider it your daily dose of cancer:

“But let me close by talking about the movie. Nothing like it has ever been done before. Not just with a Black superhero, but with several Black superheroes. Black Panther had a whole cast of beautiful Black brilliance. Black scientists. Black Presidents. The style. The technology. The color.”

I enjoy a good fantasy as much as the next person (and probably more, since I actually write high fantasy), but you have to take a moment to appreciate the sheer hypocrisy of the left. Black expression of identity and in-group pride=Good. White expression of identity and in-group pride=Bad.

“But it’s even deeper than that. There is a movement we call Afro-Futurism, where we imagine a Black way of life free of White supremacy and bigotry. Black Panther, I think, is the first blockbuster film centered in the ethos of Afro-Futurism, where the writers, and directors, and makeup and wardrobe team all imagined a beautiful, thriving Black Africa without colonialism.”

And if it was historical reality instead of childish racial wish-fulfillment and piss-poor fantasy worldbuilding, a movie about Black Africa without colonialism would feature mud huts, iron-tipped spears, and malaria.

“Wakanda showed us our families in one piece. No war on drugs. No mass incarceration. No KKK. No lynching. No racial profiling. No police brutality.”

And all of those things are 110% equivocal, with no differences between them at all. War on drugs? KKK! And the modern social ills are all the fault of Whites, and in no way reflect disparities in the rates of crime, police encounters, or welfare dependence.

But if we’re being honest, the Left is not simply the side of black identitarianism and nationalism: they’re happy to shill for globalism when it’s convenient to do so, i.e. whenever it can undermine group identity and cohesion for Whites.

An example of this very phenomenon recently presented itself on my Audible:

Let’s break some of this down a bit:

“A lot of us don’t see ourselves in our bookshelves, our libraries, or our bookstores.”

It’s almost as if identity matters or something.

“Our bookshelves tend to be disproportionately White and disproportionately male and do not represent who we are in this country or who we are becoming.”

There’s so much to unpack here. Could it be that a bookshelf that is disproportionately White reflects a civilization that has also been White? And I say “has also been White,” because as he points out, “we” are becoming something else.

Disproportionately male? What is the right proportion of male authors? Should we expect a 50-50 breakdown between men and women? (Should we expect men and women to have the same priorities, statistically speaking?).

He complains about history, and then goes on to make a very interesting demand:

“Our bookshelves need to look like the future and not the past; they should be brimming with writers of color, women of color writers, indigenous writers, immigrant writers, women writers, LGBTQIA writers.”

Don’t you love the idea that Whites, and especially White men, are the past? This is nothing more than a demand for the diminution, demonization, and erasure of White racial identity, and especially of White males.

This is, again, the central leftist hypocrisy on nationalism, and the identity politics that provide the basis for nationalism: it’s perfectly okay for _everyone except for Whites, particularly White males. _

Now, if you’ve been following my work since the beginning, you’ll recognize this as our old friend, the Great War of Coalitions. More specifically, it’s the Left’s central coalition strategy: demonizing Whites, and especially White men, is how they recruit coalition partners (the Rainbow Nation brigade referenced by Junot Díaz above) and reward them through the welfare state, which actually works out pretty well for White leftists.

Of course, for this strategy to really work as intended, the target needs to not be able to fight back. And this is why leftists have to deny Whites any legitimate identitarian interests, particularly if they are to continue the globalist project of flooding Europe with migrants and fake refugees.

Now that we’ve identified the problem, what’s the solution? We have a leftist anti-White coalition that is designed to appeal to non-Whites, immigrants, women, and sexual minorities. If you are in any one of those groups, do you have to join the coalition?

On the other hand, we have everyone from moderate leftists and classical liberals to right-wingers such as yours truly who reject said coalition. If you are White, and particularly if you are White and male, is it necessary to go full Richard Spencer?

I submit that the answer to each of the above questions is a resounding No.

The way out of this coalitional struggle that the Left have foisted on us will not be easy, but a good start would be to offer a better-quality and more honest dialog on racial identity race relations. I see plenty of encouraging signs of this already.

A few principles for a more honest dialog might include the following:

1). Admit that many people have racial and other in-group preferences—and that’s okay.

People should not be demonized for expressing a preference to live in neighborhoods with people whom they perceive to be like them. Nor should they be demonized for expressing concern for persecuted national minorities in other countries, groups they again perceive to be like themselves, and trying to fast-track them to safety.

2). Recognize and reject racial grievance hucksterism.

The Left gets a lot of mileage out of grievances against Whites. We have to recognize this for the poisonous, contemptible strategy that it is, a tactic which in turn fosters resentment among Whites.

I’m hardly original here for pointing out that leftist anti-White rhetoric has done a fantastic job of creating the very bogey they now despise – the alt-right.

3). Be honest about real racial issues – and try to find common ground.

A significant part of my red-pilling experience on racial issues was the recognition that the left consistently fails to confront the truth about race and crime, race and welfare use, and the pernicious effects of leftist policies – usually chalked up to a supposed ‘legacy of slavery.’

We need to be honest about these and many other issues because they dynamite the entire narrative of “White privilege,” an intellectually malformed and morally perverse narrative which functions to demonize and delegitimize Whites.

4). Commit to Western and national identity.

We should unequivocally assert the validity of Western civilization, of national identity, and of nationalism over globalism.

Whatever else may be said about White, Western civilization, it has uplifted the entire world. As I recently pointed out with regard to the ongoing and accelerating White displacement and White genocide in South Africa, Whites elevated that country from mud huts and iron-tipped spears to automobiles, the internet, and pizza. Would a bit more gratitude, and a bit less resentment, really be too much to ask?

It is true that the West is the historical civilization of Whites. This in no way means it cannot include others now. What it does mean is that we need a better foundation for race relations, one which is not based on an intellectually and morally bankrupt, perverse doctrine which delegitimizes Whites.

We also need immigration control. It should not be controversial to suggest an end to the massive importation of the Third World into historically White, Western lands.

On the plus side, my own sense of this is that the backlash to the left’s crazy anti-White narratives seems to be growing. I suspect this is a good foundation for finding common ground and advancing the dialog in a more productive direction.

Other principles can and should be added as needed, along with refinements of the four principles suggested above.

It will not be easy to reform race relations and shift the conversation about identity in a manner that discredits leftist propaganda and hypocrisy. Still, it is worth doing, and my own sense of this is that the pushback against the Left seems to be growing (the Trump election being a notable example).

In this struggle, the hypocrisy, hysteria, and entitlement of the Left are working against them. They have become the embodiment of petty tyrants and bullies, hiding behind the comfort of institutions and the longstanding hegemony of their Narrative, all too often afraid to confront opposing ideas.

The only vision of race relations on offer from the Professional Left is the one promoted by the peddlers of grievances, half-truths, and the toxic racial blood libel of “White privilege.” It is a vision for hysterical, entitled children who need to lay their own grievances, inadequacies, and insecurities at the feet of the ever-present, ever-evil and oppressive forces of society.

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Isn’t it time for the adults to take back the conversation?

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[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #84: Freedom.

Written: 4/2/2017

Frank had a problem that he didn’t know how to deal with: he was an unbearable asshole. It didn’t help that he wasn’t very attractive, either, because, to him, that seemed like the easiest way to solve the problem, people would be more willing to deal with or reason away his shitty behavior, and that would be that. However, he would often complain to people about this, saying, “Its not fair that I have to be treated worse because I’m not attractive, girls should be lining up to hook up with us ugly guys, its just not fair” or “I bet those pretty boys couldn’t, they couldn’t beat me in a fight, I would show them what for, they couldn’t handle me”, and these would often turn into rants that would piss off whoever he was talking about, whether they were close friends, family members, local bar flies, homeless people, cashiers, delivery men, or girls that he had somehow been trying to hit on. When these people would inevitably walk away or tell him to fuck off, he would just accuse them of only hating him because he was ugly, then he would saunter off somewhere, thinking that he was better than all of the people who thought he was an asshole.

The confidence only appeared in public. In private, he hated himself for always seeming to say the wrong thing, for driving people away, a self loathing that would lead to him looking in the mirror and berating his reflection until it had become late enough for him to drink without any guilt about it. He always drank alone, because he was terrified that people would really hate him if they had to deal with a drunk Frank, who he thought was the biggest asshole on the planet.

One night, when Frank was drunkenly dicking around on the internet, he stumbled upon a news story about a celebrity who had recently gotten cancer, and he was surprised by all of the sympathy the man was receiving. The man had been notorious for being a gigantic asshole, the drunken kind that would get into fights, tell fans to fuck off, drive his car into gas stations, etc, and was almost like a soap opera villain, since it seemed like everybody had loved to hate the guy, hating him so much that he would always be relevant, because people  had to hear more stories about him being the worst kind of person, just so they could hate him, pat themselves on the back, and think that they were superior to the man whose bad actions they had rewarded, due to their addiction to toxic emotions. And all of the sudden people loved the now-bald-bastard for dying (even if everyone is dying, and can die at any time, it is somehow a sad thing to know a rough estimate of when you’re going to die, instead of having to wander from day to day, not knowing which will be your last), it was like they wanted to hoist him up on their shoulders, parade him through the streets, there was comment article after article, comment after comment, trying to explain why the guy was misunderstood, why he was actually misunderstood and should be treated sympathetically, why society was wrong for trying to shame a man who had been trying to get his life together. The kicker, to Frank, was that the man wasn’t attractive in any way, his face looked like somebody had stepped on it when he was an infant, it was sort of squashed inward, but people still loved him even as he still beat strippers, yelled at random dogs on the streets, pissed on the floors of public restrooms, and was a general dick to waiters, who he also didn’t tip, and Frank took it as a sign, a message from the big man in cloud city.

Frank knew that he should try to get cancer.

Before he decided to do research on his new goal, the thing that would make him likable, he decided to leave a comment one of the articles, which was: “Bald bitch”.

His first attempt at becoming terminally ill was to place his microwave on the floor, remove his pants and underwear, straddle the microwave with his legs, making sure that his scrotum was hugging the glass door that allowed you to watch your meal move around in circles, and he just kind of let it run for a while, hoping the radiation would do its job. The attempt ended with him polishing off a bottle of bum wine, and then falling asleep as he hugged the machine and cried, his tears pooling on the top, because he had to resort to such desperate measures, because the world was such a cold and unloving place for people like him. Not once did he consider changing his personality, trying to become a better and more likable person, because his parents always told him to be himself, and to never change that for nobody.

When he woke up in the morning, he saw that the microwave had become unplugged at some point, possibly during his pity party, and he figured that the plan would never work anyways, it wasn’t worth bothering with. So, after lying, pantsless, on his living room floor, watching the morning news until it was time to show up for work, he saw a very annoying ant-smoking commercial, and suddenly got his next idea, which was to smoke his way to cancer. It made him feel like a bigger asshole, just because he hadn’t thought of it before. All he had to do was spend most of his extra money on cigarettes, and try to smoke as much as he could, until one day he would cough up blood, have to lose all of his hair, and could finally find his place in society, so he could finally be loved and accepted, something that he desperately needed. ———————————————————————————————————

In his adolescence, Frank was often thought of as the golden child in his family. His parents spent most of their time doting over him, praising him for every little thing, always telling him that he was perfect, that if anyone didn’t like him it wasn’t his fault, that they were just probably jealous or it was societies fault, that he should always be true to who he was. Sure, when he got halfway through college he realized that there was something fundamentally wrong with who he was, especially after an incident where he had claimed that a rape victim was “asking for it”, right to her face, during a women’s studies class, and he was almost expelled from the school, and instead just transferred, claiming that they begged him to stay, even though the feeling of exile had stuck with him for some time. When he came home for Thanksgiving, and had to explain the situation to his loving parents, they just told him that he had done nothing wrong, and it was the way the system had been rigged against him. He was just a free spirit, society was just against that, and he shouldn’t change because he was living in a backwards country, because he might as well have been a Jew in Nazi Germany (their words). Even though he still felt like he might have been a problem, no matter what he said, he knew that he would always be loved by his parents, that they would do everything they could to keep loving him, and as long as he had that support, it was easy to keep going through life, because, to him,  the only people who mattered were the ones that loved you.

Around the time he had graduated from college, Frank had received the news that his parents had both killed themselves, and were found in their garage, spooning in the back seat of their car, with the engine running and a rubber hose had one end attached to the exhaust, and the other end had been placed in the crack of a car window, filling the inside with deadly gasses. The only note that they had left had been for Frank, and it never served any explanation to why they had chosen to end their lives, which had remained a mystery (until there was nobody to remember them, or wonder why they had done so, causing them to have become forgotten and uncared about, one of time’s favorite jokes), and their note had read:

Dear Franklyn,

This doesn’t mean that we have stopped loving you.

Love, Your Loving Parents

Frank had kept the letter in his wallet, folding it up until it was just a tiny square, and kept it as a reminder that somebody out there loved him, although after a year it started to become a reminder that the only people who could have loved him were dead, had abandoned him, and he was all alone in the world, with no chance for anyone to care about him. He made several attempts to join religions, just so that he could believe that his parents were living on in some sort of way, but every attempt would just make him angry, causing him to leaved, flustered, yelling, “This is just fucking nonsense. You fuckers wasted my time, this is a scam! I hope you become brain dead, and have to live life eating through some tube, I hope rats eat you you fuckers.” That was also his response to his first AA meeting, and the same response he had whenever he was asked to donate to charity.

His loneliness and desperation to be loved could have caused him to change his ways, but he wanted to honor his parents death, so he stuck with some of their teachings, and didn’t change for nobody. ———————————————————————————————————

After getting off of work, Frank went straight to the smoke shop, bought as many cartons as cigarettes as he could carry, brought them to his car, put them in the trunk, and then, being too exited to waste any time, he sat in the trunk, and began to chain smoke. At first he decided to only do one at a time, mainly because the smoke didn’t go down very smooth and it left him coughing, drooling, and generally uncomfortable, but after his third one he had started to get used to the feeling and decided to smoke two at once, one cigarette in each hand, taking a puff of the left one and then a puff of the right, as if he were lifting weights. As this went on, he saw people giving him dirty looks, and he started to believe that he had looked cool as he smoked in the parking lot, he wanted to believe that he had looked like the classic bad boy, so he started to believe that as he tried to fill his lungs with enough smoke to  mark him for death, out of desperation to be loved. In that moment, he wished that he had sunglasses, he considered buying a denim jacket.

As he transformed that section of the parking lot into a cloud of smoke and littered it with cigarette butts, a large man had angrily approached him, holding up a rag to his face, and started yelling, muffled, “What the hell are you doing over here?”

After trying to respond cooly, and then coughing for twenty-three seconds, Frank replied, hoarsely, “Smoking dick-head, what does it look like I’m doing? There aint’ no laws against smoking.”

“That shit will give you cancer, it will rot out your lungs, why would you do that to yourself? Don’t you know the risks you’re taking with that, are you fucking insane.”

“If being hip is insane,” tearing up from smoke in his eyes, “then you better lock me up buddy, because I’m 51/50.”

“Yeah, no shit you are, that shit is going to kill you, and any person who walks within a miles radius of this area. You’re worse than a fucking coal factory with those things, with all of the air pollution you’re giving off.” Frank tried to flick his finished cigarette away from him, to show that he didn’t give a shit about anything, but he dropped it on himself and freaked out to make sure he didn’t light on fire, leaving him with a burn hole in his button up shirt. “What if a child walks by, how about that buddy, what if you gave some child second hand smoke.”

Patting himself out, Frank thought about that, “That would be a shitty thing to do, wouldn’t it?”

“No fucking shit.”

“So what you’re saying, is, it wouldn’t be okay if I gave other people cancer? People would hate me if I did that?”

“I’m saying that you shouldn’t give anyone cancer, you fucking lunatic.”

“Fuck off, don’t tell me what to do! You don’t know what I’ve been through,” tapping his chest with the filter end of a cigarette, dropping ash onto his lap, “You don’t know the struggles I’ve been through, you fucking, who the hell are you to talk to me? You know how much trouble I have to deal with, with people like you, always calling me an asshole? I can’t get my fucking views across, because everyone thinks its alright to reject me, to not want to have a discussion with me, to not say my fill. Societies going in the toilet buddy, and you’ve got your hand right on the, what’s it called, the part where you press down and it flushes the toilet.”

“What are you talking-”

“LET ME FINISH. I have a thing that backs me up, its called the FIRST AMENDMENT. Ever heard of it, pal? You fucking swamp creature, you fucking look like if two bigfoots committed incest, had a baby, and then you came out, you fucking shit man.” This confused the large man, who was generally hairless, but for some reason the insult crossed a line, even if it didn’t apply to him. So, he let the asshole have his speech, he waited to show the guy what was what. “God damned, you look like a possum was put in a sock and then bashed against a tree. First amendment buddy. Lots of people can’t understand what that is, so they think its alright to call me an asshole, they think its alright to get at the words I say, or walk away from a discussion, when really the constitution protects everything I have to say.”

“You know how many people call me a piece of shit, just for thinking that some women should be entitled to sleep with me? And what’s wrong with thinking that? They never give me an answer, they just refuse to talk to me, and its because they can’t think of anything good to say, I just know that. They know that I have it hard, and I should be comforted, but they don’t want to accept it, because society has to be politically correct or whatever, its all a bunch of bullshit, they’re all a bunch of stuck up bitches.” He tried not to show it, but he was just happy that the stranger was still listening to him, “And with you, you see me taking advantage of my rights, trying to smoke my way to cancer, but you’re to dumb shit stupid to realize that I have a point, I have a right, and if I want to smoke my way to terminal illness, I should, and you’re whats wrong with America because you’re unhappy that I choose to live my life this way. So what,” blowing smoke into the man’s face, “So what if I get some kid cancer, why should people hate me if I did that, huh? The kid could have just walked around my smoke or whatever, its not like I’m doing it on purpose,” a family, nearby, was trying to load in their groceries, coughing from the smoke cloud, “they could just not come to this parking lot if they don’t want to risk cancer. Fucking retards.”

“So tell me, why is it so bad that I want to smoke myself to becoming terminally ill, what is it about me that makes people like you hate me? Because I know you’re going to talk about how I’m doing harm to others, or whatever, but you’re trying to take my rights away in the process. You just claim that its about the dangers of smoking, but I know that first its the cigarettes, and then they take away our right to free press, and then next thing you know we’re basically in Nazi Germany, because you fuckers want to control everything, that’s what this is all about. You can’t stand to see that people like me, real Americans, have the rights to live our lives in the bad ass and free way that we do, because you want to control everything.” Closing his eyes, trying to smile while holding back a nasty cough, “So tell me, why shouldn’t I smoke, why am I wrong? Why is it okay for you to steal my rights and give them to others? Why do you hate America?”

Hands shaking, seemingly calm, the large man asked, “Are you done?”

“Yeah”, nodding slowly, pausing to cough, “And I would love to hear whatever propaganda you have to spew, just so that I could point out how wrong you are.”

The patient man replied by punching Frank in the mouth with enough force to cause him to swallow his cigarette, and then the man walked away, without a word. After trying to make himself throw the cancer stick up, since it felt hot in his stomach, Frank had wanted to pat himself on the back for having one upped that guy, for proving how right he was and how other people can’t handle the truth. Yet, when he got home, he cried to himself and considered calling the police about the man who had assaulted him, he just couldn’t understand why somebody would be so mean to him, how society had become so barbaric. First, he considered looking up the guy online, but then he realized that he had no information on the man, and hadn’t even seen his face.

Eventually, Frank slumped around in his couch, and thought about killing himself, just like his parents did. This world just wasn’t made for him, it couldn’t handle people like him, the system was rigged against him. Yet, when he got bored and flipped through the news channels, and he finally found a speech that had caught his eye, he realized something that he had never realized before: politics could make any asshole likable. He had been looking at the situation all wrong, he wasn’t an asshole at all, society wasn’t completely rigged against him, he was just dealing with the wrong people. He thought of this as he watched the presidential debates, as he watched one opponent childishly yell over the other as they tried to talk, and then, when he had the chance, accuse his opponent of being childish, and Frank had found his hero, this was the type of person he had aspired to be. Then, while surfing around the internet, it was easy to find people who were just as like minded as him, people whose entire careers were built around being shitty people, around saying things just to make people angry, people who yelled and yelled and refused to listen to what others had to say, people who believed that when other’s were given equal rights, it was somehow unfair to them, people who believed that they could say as many racial slurs as they wanted, and it was the other people who were the real racists, and Frank saw all of this and cried for the second time that day.

Wasting no time, Frank decided to film himself with his cell phone camera, he had to do what he must have been born to do, he must follow his destiny. “Today,” looking into the camera, “I had been minding my own rights, smoking a cigarette in my car after a hard days of work, and some asshole came up to me and punched me for smoking. I tried to tell him that I was smoking peacefully, but he wouldn’t listen to me, he just kept screaming over me and told me that I shouldn’t have any freedom, that I was what’s wrong with America, but I want to say something, I’m what’s right with America. There’s this little thing called freedom, and that allows me to chose to smoke myself to death if I want to, and nobody has a say about it. I should be able to say what I have to say without people shitting down my throat every time I challenge their fragile little views. Those fucktards shouldn’t be able to call me an asshole whenever I state a fact, like how 99% of women are entitled bitches, and shouldn’t vote, or how” it just went on and one, becoming more confused and hateful, until he decided that he had said enough, and posted it on several political forums, where he would probably become an over night celebrity.

When he tried to sleep that night, he could only think about how he was finally going to have the love and adoration that had been missing for so long, how he was going to also get cancer, and would mix the two together, making himself a god damned hero, how he would go down as a legend. When he woke up in the morning, he ignored his morning piss and danced around as he tried to get his laptop up and running, desperate to see what the reactions to his video had been. As it booted up, he could only think about all of the comments that would inspire him to go tell the truth, he considered going into non-smoking areas and exercising his rights by blowing smoke into people’s faces, he thought about all of the girls that would probably want to bang him, he thought about the nods he would probably get from some of the biggest members of the movement, becoming a front page story, a cause that like minded people would rally around, a new force in the political climate, but when he finally saw the reaction, he was shattered.

Apparently nobody had even bothered to watch it, they just saw the thumbnail and talked about how ugly and fat he looked, and how he should have been punched a second time. Once again, he felt that if he was attractive, the situation wouldn’t have been different, people wouldn’t say things like “You’re the reason I believe in eugenics” or “Why didn’t your mother leave you in the woods, or is that where you crawled out from” or “Look at this whale cry about ‘muh politics’, go eat a gallon of bleach”. He had felt trapped, had felt that no matter what he would do, people would hate him no matter what, that he just couldn’t get by in this world of his. He couldn’t survive with normal people, because he wasn’t one of their kind, and he couldn’t survive with the assholes, because he was too low down on the food chain to be able to survive. For a second he considered trying to make himself more liked with the assholes on the other side of the issue, but the video of his was already out there, it was clear that he was a different kind than them, and he could never live it down.

In the end, he wasn’t upset, he was just tired of all of it. He realized that he didn’t have the right to be loved, there was nobody in the world who would ever give him that privilege, and why would they? Pulling the note out of his wallet, unfolding it, he felt that he should just be with the only people who could love him.