#probably because i havent had my coffee yet that always helps me focus

[stanknotstark]

Astral Pt. 15 (Loki x Reader)

Honestly I’m not sure where the fun bit came from, it kind of just naturally happened so enjoy yourself and Loki just being kids since yall didn’t have the most unrestricted childhoods and i think you both deserve some fun XD this probably should have been a .1 chapter but fuck it i reasoned that you relearning magic could be plot pushing considering you’re gonna have to use it in 2 days for something drastic >:)

It’s two days before your departure to find Madonna and you haven’t even began working on your magic. So when you wake up with Loki you ask if you can practice your magic for a few hours. Loki agrees but says you need a full breakfast before anything. 

You both enjoy practically a feast because Steve is teaching Thor how to cook and they made enough to fill the entire team ten times over. 

After breakfast you change into some leggings and a t-shirt while Loki sports some black sweats and a dark green hoodie. You’re both standing apart from each other in the training room that is devoid of any equipment. It’s basically a padded room that has a single terminal in it to start up the holographic enemies. Instead of using the A.I. though Loki says it’ll work fine for what you’re about to attempt. 

For your first attempt at magic Loki has you make a ball of contained fire in your hand. Loki himself makes a ball of fire in his hand to show you. It sounds easy enough but when you do it the fire flares high enough to nearly touch the ceiling, which isn’t that low, causing you to yelp and shake your hand. 

When you look at Loki he is smiling sympathetically. 

“This shall be fun.” Is all he remarks before telling you to try again. 

You take a deep breath and hold your hand out. As you breath you can feel the power of your magic flowing through your blood. It’s almost invigorating to feel that much power flow through you. 

“Focus on your magic and make it feel balanced. Don’t let it overwhelm you.” You hear Loki say.

So, you focus. The magic that made you feel powerful resides and you feel at peace. At this feeling you open your eyes and see a small ball of fire in your hand. You smile at Loki. 

“Maybe this won’t be too bad.” 

“We’ve yet to try any attacks while under stress. You won’t always be able to calm yourself like this.” Loki says. “However, I believe you’ll get it down in no time. You’re smart and adapt to situations without hesitation.” 

Next Loki commands you to practically play catch with him with the ball of fire you’ve produced. 

You’re a little hesitant because you don’t want to hurt Loki but he insists. So you try tossing the ball and watch as it flies into the air fine before expanding and exploding into sparks causing you to wince. 

“Sorry.” You say. You make another ball and focus on your magic. When you toss the ball up into the air this time you feel like a string is pulled taught to your gut. When the string starts to loosen you focus and try your best to keep it taught. The ball of fire lands in Loki’s hands, while it’s a little bigger than you originally made it, it is safe.

“Good girl.” Loki says throwing the ball from hand to hand. 

At those words your ball of fire turns purple but before it can combust Loki throws it across the room. 

You wince when it explodes midair and look at Loki. 

“That was your fault.” You say with crossed arms.

Loki chuckles and comes to you. He lifts your chin and kisses your pout. 

“You like when I call you a good girl?” Loki asks, looking into your eyes.

You feel your cheeks heat up but answer, “Maybe, just a little bit, caught me off guard.” 

Loki smiles, kisses you again, then backs off again. 

You both practice tossing a ball of fire between each other for a bit more, introducing moving while doing it. Loki then makes the ball disappear and orders you to stand in front of him. You do as he commands and he tells you to get into a fighting stance. 

“We’re going to try a simple attack. You can do concussive blasts, correct?” Loki asks, looking over your fighting form as he talks, pushing and pulling at your position. 

“Yes.” 

“Ok, don’t try anything too powerful right now, just a small blast that would knock the enemy a foot or two.” 

You nod then prepare yourself. You bring your right foot forwards and as you step punch out your right arm and push out a concussive blast. What you don’t expect is to be thrown back into Loki’s arms. 

You thank Loki for catching you and stand up right. With a sigh you rub a hand over your face, frustrated. 

“Magic wasn’t this hard the first time I learned.” You say looking at Loki.

“A simple learning curve I’m sure you can handle. Don’t give up.” Loki says, his hands coming up to rub at your shoulders then lets go and stands back. “Again.” 

You both spend a few hours practicing simple attacks. Much to your dismay you never get a spell down correctly the first time but feel ok about it because Loki is nothing but supportive and patient with you. 

By the time you’re finished with today’s lesson you’re exhausted and starving. You thank Steve for teaching Thor to cook today because you have a wide variety of leftovers to pick from and scarf down like you haven’t seen food in a week. 

“Slow down sweetheart, you’re going to get a stomach ache if you keep eating that fast.” Loki says holding your hand that holds your fork of food, his face concerned. 

You sulk but listen to Loki and slow down. When you glance up at Loki from your food you see him smirking.

“Good girl.” 

You blush and throw a piece of food at Loki’s face. When it slops onto his cheek you giggle. Loki glares at you but what you don’t expect is him to throw food at you. You gasp as his food slides down your face. Loki is now outright laughing at you. 

You growl and say fuck it, you can magic the mess away. Completely forgetting your exhaustion and filling with excitement you stand and walk over to the refrigerator and grab a big bowl of Thor’s dressing. You turn to look at Loki who is still lightly laughing at you enough to not realize what you’re about to do. You stick a hand in, relishing in the goopy sound it makes, and throw a handful of dressing at the god. 

Loki yelps indignantly as the dressing coats his nice hair and quickly stands to grab a pan of green beans laying on the counter nearby. You both start throwing food at each other with small shouts and lots of laughing. 

By the end of your food war the entire kitchen and dining room are covering in various foods. All of Thor and Steve’s hard work slides down the walls and your bodies. Empty pans and bowls litter the kitchen floor.

Loki is holding you and kissing you in intervals as you both laugh with each other, slowly turning in circles in place as you do, in the free space between the kitchen and dining room.

That’s when Tony walks into the doorway. You gasp and look at him with Loki and watch his reaction. 

Tony’s face starts as a frown then turns to unadulterated horror as he looks over the two rooms. His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open which causes you to let slip a giggle. Your body shakes as you try to hold in your laughter. Snorts escape you though. Loki snickers and tries to shush you in between his little laughs but it doesn’t work, it just makes you start laughing harder. 

“I’m not paid enough for this shit.” Tony says lowly, looking at you two disappointed then leaves. 

Pt. 14.1/Pt. 15/?

Tag list: @justfangirlthingies​ @emelieh99​ @high-functioning-lokipath​ @loveableasshole​ @mp0625​ 

[yongtxt]

hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

-

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

-

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

-

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?

[jackandmarksavedme88]

@ashphoenix06 @weirdmixofweirdness @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote

TW: Violence anxd Blood

(I dont have a title for it lmao)

I could hear Jack in the next room recording his let's play; I heard him laugh and giggled. "My best friend is an idiot." I checked my phone, waiting for him to be done. I looked around and wondered how the hell i got here. Four years ago i was just someone just watching his videoes. Now? He's one of my best friends....something i would've laughed in your face for even suggesting it could happen. And yet here i am.

Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck stand up...something's wrong. I realized its too quiet. I look toward Jack's game room and realize its silent.... except for a faint static sound.

"Jack?? You ok in there dude?"

My question was met with silence.

"Jack?" I get up and walk towards the door to the room hes in. The sound makes me shiver. 'What the hell is that?' I wonder.

"Hey... You ok?" I say as i knock on the door

"Ye-yeah...Im good...hey listen i dont think i can go tonight."

I frown "Huh? The whole reason anyone is coming is because youre here in LA for a while and they havent seen you in forever"

I hear him breathing hard "Just...go and tell them im sick"

I turn the knob slightly to open the door "Jack, are you sure youre ok?

"YES! ITS JUST A DAMN HEADACHE. GO"

I jump back, startled at the rage and pain mixed in his voice.

"Uh..o-ok...... If you need something let me know" I turn and walk out of the apartment hes renting and frown as i step onto the street

'What the hell was that?' I wonder.

I see a text from Amy asking if we are on the way. I dial her

'Hellllooooo?' I hear her boyfriend Mark's goofy voice

'Hey guys...jack is sick. He's not coming tonight'

Theres a pause as they take in the confusion and hurt in my voice

'What happened?' Asked Amy

'Fuckin beats me. But if he was a girl id guess PMS. He yelled at me! But its whatever. I'll just go hang out at home. I dont feel much like going anywhere anymore"

"No. Im going to come get you." Amy said. "Ill invite Katherine and Tyler and Ethan and we will all hang out at our house.... I dont want you alone right now"

I knew why. Mark and Amy knew all about the nightmares, the panic attacks. All of it started ten months ago and whenever they could, they kept me company

I was quiet...thinking back. To that night that everything came crashing down. The facade i built up was torn away.

*************

"Ugh. Youre talking to them AGAIN? Why do you feel the need to be up their asses"

I jumped, startled by Brandon speaking from the doorway

"Jesus babe. You scared me! Im watching Jack's video and talking to him and Mark."

'Yeah. Like you do every freakin day. You ever think they get tired of you?" His words dripped coldly, stabbing at a well known insecurity and finding their mark

I took a deep breath "No. Because they would say so. They would tell me 'hey. I dont feel like talking' and that would be that"

Brandon rolled his eyes "Yeah. Whatever. I dont see why youre friends with them anyway. They take too much priority. You should be focused on other things...like me"

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes "I focus on you enough. Come watch with me! Its funny!"

"No. Thanks. I have better things to do. You should too" his voice getting that edge to it...the one I knew too well, it made me cringe but at the same time pissed me off

"I really dont get what your deal is." I said

"My deal is they stick their nose where it doesnt belong and they dont know when to walk away....especially that little Irish asshole" he sneered.

That struck me for some reason "Hey! Jack has never done anything to you Brandon. Neither has Mark for that matter. Back the hell off" I said, standing up and facing him

His green eyes flashed darkly "You need to watch how you talk to me. Thats another thing, you get mouthy when you talk to them. You forget where you belong"

I stared at him...wondering how the hell it had come to this. He wasnt always this way...and i wasnt always afraid of what would happen...

Mouthy?! If standing up for myself and people i care about makes me mouthy then i guess so! And what do you mean they dont know how to walk away? What the hell are you talking about? Whatd Jack do that was so bad?"

He barked a laugh out "When we went out to LA for you to see them, he didnt like how he perceived i was treating you. He threatened me. Him and Mark. Threating me! Not that you care"

I thought about that trip. About the bruise on my face i got the first night for a hug that lasted too long. The bruise on my arm when i wanted to go dance but not with Brandon... Thats when Jack, Mark and Amy had begged me to stay there.

To leave Brandon... Thats when they peeked behind the curtain i had kept up for the last two years.

"What do you mean by threatened?" I asked warily. Not sure what happened

" He waited till you went to the bathroom with the girls and slammed me up against the wall and said if i knew what was good for me Id 'treat you better' and he better not hear of it again" Mark just stood there and watched it and when i went to say something to him he said it was better that Jack did it because he wouldve done worse! Thats what your precious friends did." He spat. Words dripping with disdain.

I stood speechless.... I didn't think anyone gave a crap. Sure they said they did and wanted me to leave...but i didnt think i was a friend worth threatening someone over

"Well. Thats what happens when you care about someone. You protect them" i said quietly...before i realized what that would set off, then steeled myself for it

The atmosphere of the room changed. It went from normal to almost foggy. The tension grew thick. Brandon stepped up close to me, his 6ft frame dwarfing my 5'3" one.

"Im the ONLY person that gives a shit about you. They keep you around for entertainment. You think they care? You could disappear and in a month they wouldnt even remember your name. Im the one that takes care of you. Im the one that made you who you are. You would still be in your moms house in that backwoods town if it wasnt for me! You keep forgetting just where you stand in this relationship Alison. Keep pushing and im going to have to reteach you some things" his words were almost a whisper

"Now. Unless you want me to wait and kick his ass myself to make him leave you be, i suggest you not talk to him as much." He said smiling...it didnt quiet reach his eyes though. Those were cold and hateful

The thought of him putting hands on jack was too much. I stepped up right in his face

"You can do whatever you want to me. Say what ever you want to me....but dont you EVER threaten one of them again!" I spit out the words, my emotions and courage suprising me

I shouldve prepared myself, but the smack caught me off guard and i fell against the wall. He grabbed me and turned me to face him, pressing my back to it

"I told you. Dont. Speak.To.Me.That.Way" he spit out as he painfully grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Brandon.. Let go!" I cried. He just laughed and hit me in the ribs on each side. I went down to my knees

"Get up you pathetic bitch. You want to stand up for your man, then do it"

"Brandon. Hes my friend. Why do you have to be this way. Hes a friend!" I yelled through my tears

"Oh. I know. Because why would he want something like you? But you seem to forget how to talk to me" his words dripped in hatred and anger. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and drug me to my feet. "Now. Are you going to do as told? Or do i need to convince you further?"

I breathed in sharply, pretty sure a rib was at the least bruised if not broken. But then i thought back to what he said. Thought of what hed do to Jack....because he really was that possesive.

"Im waiiiiting Ali. Or do you need a visual of what ill do to him? Id probably start at his kneecaps. Break those and hes at my mercy. Then ill work over his ribs and his face...if im feeling generous i might stop before theres a need for ICU...."

That did it. I went numb and saw red. I couldnt feel the pain in my face or ribcage anymore. The thought of it sent me flying into his face

I think it suprised him because i had never fought back before. Id always bowed down to whatever he wanted. Because i thought i loved him. Because i thought he was all i had.

I screamed as i drove myself into him and out into the living room. He tripped on his own feet and i landed on him, throwing fists anywhere theyd land. I heard a crack as i landed one on the bridge of his nose and blood started to flow. He yelled and grabbed me and flipped me over. He smacked me in the face and his body weight pinned me to the floor

"You dumb cunt. You really thought that would work? Did you really think you could make me do what you wanted by fighting back????? Youre mine and you will obey me!!" He punched me in the face and i almost blacked out. He looked up to the coffee table and saw his pocket knife and got a look of pure evil in his eyes. "And apparently you need a reminder of the fact that whats mine is MINE" With one hand he held my wrists as i struggle to break free, with the other he grabbed the knife and popped it open, the blade sharp and gleaming.... This was it... I knew i was going to die. Hed threatened so many times and hes finally going to do it.

He lifted the bottom of my shirt up, exposing my stomach. "Now. Hold still sweetheart" he purred coldly.

I started to kick and scream as i felt the knife drag across and slice my skin open....and the world went black..

..........

I slowly came to, blinking against the fluorescent lights. I opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust. Feeling dizzy, worn out... What the hell was going on?

"No. Shes been out of it since she came up here. Theyve given her medicine to help her rest and keep her calm. No, i dont know what they think yet...... Yes i know you want to kill him but the fact is, youre in England and hes here in Texas... Jack. Dude ill let you know, i promise...alright. Bye'.... I knew that voice..

I was confused. What is Mark talking about and why the hell does he sound so close? My eyes finally cleared and i could see Amy on the couch against the windows... Mark was pacing back and forth. His hair messed up like it is when he constantly runs his hands through it....i knew that was a nervous tic of his... I realized I was in a hospital bed

"M-Mark? I croaked out. Throat dry

He turned sharply "Alison!" Rushing to the bed side he grabbed my hand "Hey...welcome back" I looked to the other side where Amy had perched on the bed next to me, a worried look

"What.....what the hell happened?" I murmured, thoughts jumbled. I looked in Marks eyes, they were wet with tears that he blinked away quickly. "That bastard almost killed you.... The neighbor heard you screaming and called the cops....when they got there they could hear it so they busted in... He broke four of your ribs, gave you a concussion and cut you all up....you had me and Amy on emergency numbers so we got here this morning....youve been here about 24 hours." Tears streamed down his face as he squeezed my hand. I felt Amy rub my arm and looked over to her.

"You guys didnt have to come all the way here for me. Really.... Thats crazy. Amazing. But crazy"

"Heh" mark laughed "jack wanted to jump a flight from England... Oh i better call him"

He walked outside the room and shut the door

"Alison....I want you to come home with us when you get out of here. Im not leaving you in that apartment." Amy said, determination on her face. I knew there was no arguing.

"Ok...maybe for a little while..." I trailed off. We sat in silence for a moment

"By the way....cops said you broke that assholes nose and an orbital bone. Also busted his ribs when you were kicking him when he cut you...nice job" she laughed bitterly

**********

Ali??" Amy said over the phone. I snapped out of my daydream. "Yeah Amy...Im here. Um...Im just not up to people tonight... I promise im ok. If im not, I'll call you." I said

It was quiet for a moment and then Mark spoke up "Are you sure? We can be to your place in no time." I smiled "Yeah guys. Im sure. Ill talk to ya'll tomorrow" i hung up the phone after saying goodbye and walked to my car. Pondering what my life had become in just a few years..... 'Screw this. Im going for a drink' i said aloud.

I went back to my apartment and picked out my black dress from the back of the closet. I felt like wearing it for the first time since i bought it. I held it up to my body and studied my reflection and laughed, remembering the day i bought it

*********************

"Amy..... I really dont think i can come out in this" i said from inside the dressing room

"Alison Jaymes if you dont step out here right this minute im crawling under the door!' She said laughing

I grimaced...embarrassed to be in something cut so low.....sure my legs looked great and it gave me great cleavage but..... id be a laughing stock if i walked in anywhere in this...but i knew shed do what she said. i cracked the door and peeked out, making sure no one was around and stepped out.

Amy's eyes widened "holy crap! Girl. You have to get that. You look amazing!!!!"

"Yeah. Right im sure. And where or when would i wear the damn thing.... It shows too many of...these" i said bitterly as i traced the light scar down my arm and then one on my leg...both left that night by Brandon

Amy stepped closer to me "Ali, you look amazing. Please get it. Especially since your hair is that cherry cola color. Your green eyes pop and this dress just completes it. You.look.amazing..... I bet Jack would be speechless....and thats hard to think of" she laughed, looking at me mischeviously

I threw my head back and laughed. "Yeah. Speechless as to why i would wear something like this. I could have a Playstation attached to my head and he wouldnt notice me. Not that way..and thats fine. But.....this would be good to wear out to get drinks...meet a stranger....dance. Hmmm"

********************

I finished my eyeliner was applying my red lipstick. I stepped back from the mirror and admired myself. Id lost about thirty pounds in the last few months and had to admit i didnt look half bad.....i slipped my heels on and grabbed my coat and walked to the car.

As i was putting the keys in the ignition, my phone rang. I looked down at it as the screen lit up with Jacks face

"Hello? " I answered. Not knowing what to expect

"A-alison?" Jacks voice came through the phone raspily. It made me shiver

"Yeah Jack. Whats up?" I asked, a little worried now. He didnt sound like himself

"Hey...im really sorry about that... I-I didnt mean to yell at you at all. Its just...hard to fight those headaches and....well im just sorry ok?" He said, rushing through his words. I could tell he was tired. Worriedly i said " Are you sure you dont need anything? I have medicine in my purse. I could go get you some food or something...." Losing all thought of going out. Wanting to know what was actually going on

"Yeah...maybe...maybe some soup or something?" He asked. I smiled "Sure. I can do that. Give me a little bit and I'll be there, ok?" He sighed "Ok...and Ali? Again im really sorry-"

"Ah ah" i stopped him. It doesnt matter now. We're good. " i hung up, still worried, but glad to not end on a bad note. I got back out of the car and hurried inside. Instead of changing i just grabbed some sweat pants and old tshirt to change into when i got there.

About an hour later i knocked on the door. Jack opened it and invited me in...not speaking. I was carrying some chicken soup from the diner i loved going to. Homemade and it smelled amazing

"Hey. Thanks for coming back....what is all that?" Jack chuckled as i put the food and a bag from the pharmacy on the counter

"Well, i got tylenol, ibprophen and even some icy hot and vicks..... I didnt know what was causing the headache so i just grabbed what i use for different ones" I studied him for a moment.... "You sure you're ok? You freaked me out"

He looked at me with a sad expression "Yeah...im really sorry Ali...i dont know what happened. I feel like an asshole" he stared at the ground. I stepped toward him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey. I told you not to apologize anymore. All is forgiven. I just want to make sure youre ok Jack. Thats all that matters..ok?" He looked up, his blue eyes staring into mine and nodded. "Yeah...okay" he sighed and relaxed.

The he looked me up and down "what the hell are you wearing?" He laughed

I looked down, suddenly remembering the clothes in the bag on the table and the fact that i had my dress on. Blushing i laughed "Well. I was on my way to get a drink when you called.....i brought some clothes to change into.. I look dumb i know, i just didnt want to take the time to change' He looked down at my feet "were you going to wear your converse to the bar??" He said teasingly.

I laughed "No! I had heels on, but i didnt think you needed to see all that! Shut up!" I said throwing my hands up. Uncomfortable under his gaze all of a sudden. Feeling his baby blues on me

He touched my arm lightly and chuckled "hey. Im sorry. I didnt mean anything by it. Honestly you look great Alison. Ive never seen you dressed up like this"

I stared at my feet for a moment, trying to regain composure. "Well. Let me go change. You start eating" i said. Grabbing the bag with my clothes i went into the bathroom and changed.

After eating we sat down and popped in a movie. As it played i watched Jack from the other end of the couch...studying him. He seemed normal....i guess. There was still something off...but maybe hes just getting sick.

I held out the bowl of popcorn wed made and offered it to him. When he didnt notice i took a piece and tossed it at the side of his face

"Huh?! What the hell?" He said. I laughed "dude. You were spaced the hell out!" He grabbed the bowl and then looked at me mischeviously. He got a handful of popcorn and lobbed them at my face, laughing

"Hey! I threw a single piece! Not fair!" I dove over to his side of the couch for the bowl, giggling as he transferred it to his far hand and held it out of reach. "Urghh. Why am i so..short?" I growled as i struggled to reach it.

"Because its fun to play keep away" Jack laughed. I tried to get up to steal it but he held me with one arm. "Thats not fair either!" I laughed, collapsing as he poked me in the side. I looked down at him, one arm stretched over the side of the couch with the bowl of popcorn and me pretty much just laying on him....suddenly very aware of my face's proximity to his face...i flushed crimson and sat up and adjusted myself so i was again leaning to the other side of the couch

"Rude. Im ticklish and short...whats your flaw?" I jokingly pouted. He threw his head back and laughed. "You don't have the time or mental space for all my flaws Alison" Jack got up "Ill be right back. I want to make sure the video uploaded right" he walked into his game room, leaving the door cracked open.

After about five minutes i stood up, stretching and went to the kitchen to get a drink. As i was standing there, my back to the living room, i heard...laughter? My head whipped around...that didnt sound like Jack though. It was...weird. I sat my glass on the counter and creeped up to the crack in the game room door.

"Jack....hows the video?" My question was met with silence so i pushed the door open.

Jack sat in the corner of the room, on the floor, back to me with his head in his hands. His head was moving...twitching side to side..

"J-Jack? Are you ok?" I walked slowly to him...suddenly aware of how very silent it was...i couldnt even hear outside nosies....

I reached my hand out and right as i was about to grab his shoulder he spoke...pained....like he was fighting with the words.

"Al-Alison....go back to the living room....please....please just go.....just go in there ok? Give me a little bit...Im-Im fine but i need you to go...shut the door....please ali"

I shrunk back...he sounded almost desperate. "Jack. Please...let me help you...if youd just tell me what's wrong...."

He laughed bitterly "No. I need to be alone on this...please just go....and....do one other thing?" he sounded serious. I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to jerk him up and find out what was going on.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"Ali.....just remember..no matter what i say when i get like this .. I love you. Ok? I dont say it enough but i do. You're always there for me " i stood there...replaying his words, my heart hammering in my chest as he suddenly bent further down, face almost touching the floor and grabbing his head. I ran out of the door and shut it, my hand lingering as i wispered "i love you too......"

I sat looking at my phone, trying to distract myself. It buzzed with a new message. It was from my cousin Jennifer.

J: Hey cousin. What're you up to??"

Me: Nothing. Over at the apartment Jack's renting while hes in LA. You

J:Nm. Ooooooo Jack huh? You ever admit to yourself, or him, what a major crush you have on him? Or still in denial?

Me:Jen! No. And im never telling him that! Its fuckin weird. He's my best friend and thats it

J: whatever. You know, you just need to grab him by the shirt and lay one on him. I bet yall would be down and dirty in two seconds

Me: omfg Jen. Im done with you lmfao. Jesus. Dirty ass mind

J: Yeah. Like you haven't daydreamed about him saying your name in that cute little accent in the bedroom. But seriously....say something. Youll never know till you do

Me: yeah ok. Thanks Dr Phil.

I put my phone down, laughing at her. Then looked up when i heard the game room door open. Jack stepped out, looking as though hed been through a war.

"Jack!" I just up and hurried to him. Wrapping an arm around his waist i led him to the couch. "Sit your ass down. And tell me whats going on" i demanded as we sat on the couch.

He looked at me, his blue eyes searching mine. "Alison. There are some things i never want you to deal with....and that is one of them" i reached my hand out, cupping his face. "Jack. Youre my best friend. And i swear to you Im here. No matter whats going on...ok?" He nodded and closed his eyes, leaning his head to the side trapping my hand to his shoulder.

He suddenly looked up. Almost....frightened.

"Jack?" I said quietly. He turned toward me.... Everything became very still, his head twitched to the side. "Damnit" he whispered, standing quickly. This time i followed him as he walked away.

"Oh no. We aint doing this shit again. What the hell is happening" i demanded. He suddenly stopped at the closed bedroom door and i ran into his back

Jack....c'mon. This isnt funny." I said, angry and little bit terrified

He began to laugh but....it was off. It sounded....higher pitched and crackling. Suddenly he shook his head "No! Leave her alone!!!" He shouted, smacking the side of his head.

"Jack! What the hell!?" His head twitched side to side. I stepped back, the hair on my arms standing up. Something is wrong here. I reached out slowly, touching his shoulder and in a whisper choked out "Ja--Jack?"

Suddenly i was being twisted and thrown backwards against the wall, his hand at my throat, head hanging to his chest. "Jack!" I screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU----"

My words died in my throat as he raised his head, his beautiful blue eyes had been replaced by emotionless black. His head cocked to the side as he grinned evily at me.. Teeth seeming longer

"Alison" the thing purred "Dont you know when someone says to leave them alone. .you should? You know the saying about the cat and curiosity dont you kitten?" All color drained from my face

"An--anti? What. How?" I stammered. Not believing this" he got rid of you....you were gone!

The demon threw his head back and laughed. "Oh Ali....you think this...weakling could kill ME? You think id be defeated by your BOY?" He spit out mockingly, his grasp tightening on my throat. "Jack and i. We are the same person. Without me, theres no him" he giggled that insane laugh again. Id only ever heard it in videos....it was so much worse in real life

"Anti. Hes NOTHING like you. Hes pure good. Strong, smart and successful. Youre just a glitched out bitch that has become a joke. Your angry turtle voice isnt going to scare me. Show me something worthwhile or get the hell out!"

His gaze locked onto mine, it felt as though he was staring deep into my soul.....then he smiled, the grin sinister.

He leaned right into my face, waving the knife that was in his other hand and running it gingerly down my arm. "Should i leave a few more scars? Im a bit more well learned in this than Brandon was though Princess.....i bet my scars will run deeper..maybe ill let Jack watch as i cut you.. I think hed enjoy it" he growled. I stiffened at his words.

"Anti. Youre nothing like him. Youre not even HALF the man Jack is' i spit out, pissed off and scared. He studied me for a moment and leaned over into my ear. His breath hot on my neck

"You think hes just so perfect? Such a good boy?" He purred into my ear "i just want to cut you....to make you feel pain. Him? He wants you to enjoy it when he hurts you" his knife traced my side as he spoke. " They say Im from hell and some of the things in his head when hes around you almost make me blush" the words came out half amused and half disgusted. He leaned back and laughed, the sound twisted and distorted. "Hes a pussy. Cant even do anything about this.....he couldnt even save you from Brandon...and he reallllly wanted to let me loose that day. Had him against the wall and everything" The glitch laughed darkly

"And now. He gets to watch while i kill you.....i might even let him back to reality after so he can feel your blood on his hands" Antisepticeye giggled again.

"Jack! I need you to wake up.....i need you to fight this! Please!" I pleaded, searching for any sign of him in the abyss that his eyes had become. "Jack!!!" I raised my hand and slapped him almost instinctively.

All of a sudden he fell to his knees. Clutching his head. "Aghhhhh!!!" His yell ripped from his throat, the sound of torture.

"Jack. Fight him! Please!!!! " i dropped to my knees in front of him and grabbed his face in ny hands. When i forced him to look at me his right eye shown that beautiful blue color...the other still black. "Jack. Come on. Please. You can do this. Please come back! I didnt tell you i love you too!! You have to come back so i can tell you!!"

I began to sob as he fell to the floor, jerking and holding his head, cries of pain eminating from deep within.

And suddenly.....he was still.

I reached for him, still on my knees. "Jack?" I said softly as i touched him. I rolled him over. His eyes were closed and he was too still for a long moment

Then he coughed. I sank to the side, butt hitting the ground and sighed. He half sat up and looked at me. Both eyes the most beautiful shade of blue id ever seen

We stood up and after a moment he looked at me. "Alison....oh my God. Your neck..." I looked at him "My neck?! Thats what youre going to comment on??!?" I half yelled incredulously. "Really?! Not the fact that Anti has been screwing with you??? You didnt think we needed to know?!"

Jack stepped closer to me, fingers trailing my throat....tracing the sore spots left by anti's hand. "Im so sorry....i didnt mean to...i.... Oh God whats happening to me?! He cried out.

I stepped forward and buried my face in his chest hugging him tightly. Both of us crying.

"Jack.....i almost lost you." I whispered.

"He almost killed you Alison......that asshole almost......and i couldnt stop him! How fuckin useless am i? He cried out

I stepped back and looked at him and then held him tightly. "Jack. You didnt do anything wrong " i said

"It was MY hand around your throat Ali!!!" He yelled as he pushed away. "Dont you get it? I stay so far away so i dont end up hurting anyone." He turned his back to me, wiping his face and walked to the bedroom.

I followed him and sat beside him on his bed. Silence stretched out. Neither of us knowing what to say. Then he spoke "I cant believe i threw you into a wall and choked you..."

I laughed and before my brain could filter my words i said "Oh cmon....it wasnt that bad. I mean, if not for the whole Anti posessing you thing it wouldve been kinda hot!".... Then realizing what i said i fell backwards and just laughed, soon he was laughing his ass off right next to me. "What the ACTUAL FUCK Alison!!???" He sputtered, the fuck sounding more like FOOK in his accent, as he laughed more. "I dont fuckin know. I was almost choked out by a demon glitch Jack!" I shot back through my laughs.

Soon the laughter died and i sat up. Taking a deep breath...Suddenly he grabbed my hand and said softly.. "Did you mean it?"

I looked at him. "Did i mean what?" I asked. He looked down at the floor and then spoke as he raised his gaze to meet mine "When you said you loved me......did you mean it?

I stared at the ground a long while...then stood up fidgeting with my hands and i walked back across the room, putting my back to him as i spoke

"I-i....mean..." I sighed hard and just let the words out "Yeah. Ive always meant it when i said it Jack.... For the last three years." I heard him stand and walk up behind me. "Well alison....you couldve said something." He said softly

I laughed and turned to face him "Yeah. Let me just tell my best friend that somewhere along the way i fell for him. Let me open myself up to THAT rejection. Ha! No. Thanks im good with that." He studied my face intently, then reached up and pushed my hair behind my ear and cupping my chin

"What kinda of an idiot would reject you?" He asked softly and then said "well....ok im an idiot for not noticing.....but not that big of an idiot. I have my limits you know..' and with that leaned his face down and pressed his lips to mine. The world stopped for a minute, and then i wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back as he pulled me against him.

When he pulled back we were both breathless "Jack....." I said and then stopped. Not knowing what to say so i leaned against his chest. Wrapping my arms under his to hold him. His hands trailed up and down my back as we stood there, completely comfortable in our slience.

He sharted shaking and laughing again out of no where. I stepped back and he shook his head "Sorry. Sorry. Just what you said earlier... I cant believe that came outta your mouth!"

Putting my hands on my hips i glared at him playfully "you just haaad to go a ruin a great moment didnt ya!" Then i started laughing too.

He put his hands on my shoulders "Ali...hon. Im sorry its just hilarious hearing you say that! Dirty minded much?" Then he stopped and very slowly stepped closer and closer to me until my back hit the wall softly and he stared me down with a serious look.

"J-Jack?? Very funny. Ha ha. Stop it"

He smiled. His blue eyes twinkling. "What? I just wanted you to have a better memory of being backed into a wall by me is all" his hand softly pressed to my throat as his mouth captured mine again, more urgent this time, pressing his body to mine. Softly but in control of my every move.

[han-jumins]

Hey!! I really like your blog!! I was thinking of a request where maybe rfa and mc share a first kiss (or do it for the first time lol) and they didn't know it was mc's very first kiss until they realized how shy mc was after xxx and just their reactions to being mc's first you know... thx!! Xxxxxxxx

this is really cute haha but since i’ve been working on alot of slighty nsfw’s lately, i’d probably want to take a break lol hope you enjoy this! i added saeran bby because i love him

this doesnt follow the canon plot 

YOOSUNG:

MC was helping Yoosung out in his intership being a vet

So they were playing around with the animals

Yoosung noticed how cute MC was playing with them and was imagining how good of a mother she would be to their children

That thought brought a small blush to his face 

calm down boy you guys havent even had your kiss yet

But he really couldn’t help himself as he strode over to MC

He grabbed the kitten out of her grasp as he placed his hands on either side of her, trapping her between his body and the table

MC squeaked and her heart started racing and as Yoosung’s face leaned closer to her

She tightly closed her eyes as Yoosung gave a feather light kiss on her lips

After he pulled away, he was surprised by MC’s shy face

“M-MC? are you okay?” 

She was red all over and was gaping like a fish out of water

“Um.. MC?”

“That was… my first kiss”

How can this beautiful girl not have had her first kiss yet? 

Yoosung was surprised but laughed as he hugged her and whispered “Cute” 

ZEN:

They were cooking together when it happened

He was really hungry and thought it would be te perfect opportunity for both him and MC to bond

He loves MC to pieces but it makes him slightly upset that they haven’t shared their kiss yet

Is it because of his breath? Did he smell of cigarettes? 

He was anxious MC didn’t want him anymore and so he hoped to bond with her more to find out why

They were actually baking cupcakes and were having a good time

She looked really bright and Zen just kind of stumbled in his steps a bit

Seeing her laughing face made his heart jump out of his chest and he just couldn’t resist

When he started leaning in, MC panicked and placed frosting all over his face

Uh oh

“Why you little”

So he chased her around and finally landed some cream on her face

“Zen! now we gotta clean up”

“I’ll start with you then”

He grabbed her face and kissed her hard, making sure to lick every icing left on her lips

MC looked like her soul left her body as she knelt down and clutched her head in embarassment

Zen panicked and started apologizing, promised to clean the whole place up for her to forgive him

When he was about to leave, MC grabbed his hand and looked at him with the reddest face he’s ever seen

“S-sorry it’s j-just, that was m-my first kiss”

Zen sighed in relief and clutched her hand, kissing it and telling her how adorable she was

JUMIN

Pretend MC is staying in his apartment but the whole sarah choi situation never happened

With the hacker on the loose, there was no way Jumin’s letting MC out of his sight. 

She would patiently stay there wating, eager for Jumin to come back from work

He loved the idea of having someone to come back to. She felt like home and he loved her so much he can’t wait to tell her

The way she cares for the people around her, the way she cares for him. Her scent as she sits beside him is all so intoxicating

But he was stumped

Some of the departments in his company were failing and his father had yet to show him his new girlfriend

Yet coming home that day felt like air was being breathed into his lungs again

As soon as he saw her, he pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her body, letting himself bask in the comfort her touch held

“Jumin, what’s wrong?” She quietly asked

When he pulled back, MC saw the depair in his eyes that her heart twisted at the sight

“I had a rough day” He looked at the ground

MC placed her hands on his cheeks as she made him look at her

“Whatever you need, I will always be there okay? You can tell me anything because I care about you”

Jumin felt his heart swell at her words as he placed one hand at the back of her neck and kissed her

MC clutched at his shirt as he slightly pushed him away

“What’s wrong, my love?”

MC was blushing and was not able to utter any word out 

Finally, coming out of her shock she muttered

“T-that was my first kiss”

JAEHEE:

It was MC and Jaehee’s movie date night

But of course it consisted of Zen’s musicals

MC was never that much of a huge fan compared to Jaehee

But she endures it for her

They were laughing, having a good time

And were drinking coffee

Jaehee suddenly laughed and MC was confused

She explained MC had a coffee mustache and thought it was adorable

MC didn’t mind as she started talking in weird acccents 

“Aye matey this pirate’s got me a beard finally”

“MC that’s a mustache”

“Aye alas this pirate’s got no intelligence”

They kept laughing until suddenly Jaehee pecked her on the lips

“Sorry, I couldn’t reisist” She said shyly

If Jaehee was already shy then MC was alot worse

She looked like a tomato who started stuttering, burying her face in her hands

She explained how it was her first kiss and Jaehee felt really proud to be her first

SEVEN:

Seven was slaving away in his work per usual

MC was actually getting him some food because she felt bad for him to be restlessly working again

But she knows her boundaries and knows when Seven really needed to focus or not

She was his girlfriend afterall

Ah girlfriend

The word she’d always wanted to be

Being with him truly makes her happy and she’d do anything for his happiness in return

She strode over to him and gently wrapped her arms around his neck, careful as to not distract him too much

She placed her face near the sides as Seven shivered at the air being blown

His breath hitched as his typing momentarily stopped

“What are you doing?” He almost breathlessly whispered

“Nothing much”

Gathering all of her courage, she was about to place a quick peck on his cheek when his head turned and her lips landed on his 

She yelped as he jumped a few fet away from him, a blushing stuttering mess

Seven turned his chair around to face her in bewilderment

“Okay so you can kiss my cheek but when you kiss me on the mouth you’re suddenly embarassed?”

MC’s face reddened even more

“T-That’s different!”

“And how so?”

“Because t-that was my first kiss” 

Seven let out a heartfelt laugh and pulled on her hand to make her sit on his lap

Clasping his hands around her hips he gave her another kiss while MC looked like she was about to die

“I’m glad, since I plan to take all of your firsts” Seven had a knowing look as MC was bleeding through her nose

SAERAN:

MC came to pick him up after his therapy session as they went straight to the bunker

In the car though, Saeran can’t help but feel like there’s a stone in his chest

It felt so heavy everytime he sees MC 

And every time they touch, it seemed as if his skin was burning

He was staring at her driving the whole time, tempted to place his hands over her on the stickshift

What the hell

He felt so soft and he hated it

When they got to Seven’s bunker and she kept asking how he was and if he was okay

Something in Saeran snapped

His heart was racing as he realized godamn he is inlove with this girl

So he kisses her hard

And he felt so satisfied and full, that he was too distracted to realize what state MC was in

He kept kissing her until her knees buckled and Saeran had to stop her from falling

“Shit MC are you okay” Great 2 minutes coming into terms with his feelings and the girl he loves probably hates him now

“I-I’ll be fine” She was hiding her face, resting it on his chest as she was clutching fistfuls of his shirt

“It-Its just that was my first kiss and I-I never expected it to b-be like that”

“God I’m so so sorry MC” He was stroking her hair trying to calm her down when she looked like she blew a fuse

[xxsohardxcorexx-blog]

Sometimes life just feels so...overwhelming. I'm on medical leave for stress from a job I was fired from for taking the medical leave. I'm at the end of my medical leave and still don't have an appointment to see provincial mental health. I've seen a private psychologist 3 times now but I don't feel like she really gets me. She wants to treat my daily anxiety and build up my coping skills. I believe my skin picking and eating is ocd she thinks it's a manifestation of my anxiety. Who knows maybe she's right but I've done it most of my life. She also thinks it doesn't need to matter. I tried talking to her about my depression and how I feel it's getting worse. She tried giving me tips for being motivated to do my housework and various small projects I've been putting off. I wish she would question more because what I didn't say was yes I lay in bed and think about killing myself. Pretty much every day. I don't think I will. But I think about it an awful lot. She says I need to not be so overwhelmed with the prospect of when my medical leave is up. What are my options? Most unrealistic, win the lottery. Next, apply for general unemployment which would run out in June. Apply for long term benefits. She didn't exactly persuade me to go for long term benefits so maybe she thinks I wouldn't qualify. I also looked into it online and I doubt I'd get very much anyway. So when my EI runs out in June then what? I have a college diploma that's basically no use - I had been trying to apply for reception jobs and hearing nothing back before I went on medical leave. I would like to go back to school if I could qualify for a program to pay for it otherwise I can't afford it, but I don't even know what I want to take or what I want to do. I don't want to work. I hate working with the public and I have always had interpersonal issues with coworkers at any job I had. I really don't know what I would be capable of doing. I had panic attacks daily at my last job if I didn't take a Xanax. That's not how I want to live. So maybe I'd get lucky and get a data processing job where I make barely enough to scrape by. Even with my EI payments I get it's not enough to cover my bills. My husband has been helping out more thank goodness but it's left us both dealing with credit card debt. My credit card is constantly over limit and I pay it down just to under it until the next interest payment comes out. Plus with winter coming, there will be gas bills again. I just think, I don't have an option to not go back to work, financially. If I go back to work I won't be able to cope and I will be a constant mess of anxiety and for what? Not much. I doubt if I'd make more than minimum wage. If I quit smoking it would help ease my financial burdens but it's so hard. It's so so hard. I take comfort in having a cigarette and I'm trying to get back on my esmoke but it's just not the same. But I really can't afford to keep smoking.

I tried calling my mom the other day after not talking to her in a week. She didn't answer and hadn't called me back. It's been 4 days I think. I'll try calling her tomorrow. I don't even know what to say. I can't tell her I think about killing myself it'll send her off the deep end. I don't want to talk about my money struggles because she has helped me out so much with money problems she will just bitch me out for getting to this situation again. It would just be nice for her to call me to check in and show she cares. It would be nice for my family to realise I'm not just lazy and they think I have been having a lovely relaxing summer off when every day I worry what I am going to do with my life. They don't have depression, they don't have anxiety, they don't understand.

I don't know why I feel so...entitled? I feel as though because I struggle so much with my anxiety I deserve to not work. I know this isn't an option. But I don't know why I can't seem to stop feeling that way.

My husband is what keeps me going. When I had suicidal thoughts before I'd thought he would get over me and find someone else. Maybe he would who knows. But I know he loves me more than anything in this world. And I love him, I truly do. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't leave him to deal with it and bear that pain by himself. He tries so hard to be supportive and understanding and loving. I do truly feel loved by him. And he is the number one reason I would not kill myself. The time I spend with him, I don't feel so down. Sometimes I will still have anxiety attacks and bouts of depression when we're together but by and large he is the bright spot in my day. I can try to put aside my fears about the future and focus on the present, our love, the here and now. And during those times I don't think about killing myself and wonder how I even do when I'm alone. But right now he's in bed and I haven't made it there yet. And my mind is going crazy. I took a Xanax before I started writing this but I don't think it's working yet. I thought maybe keeping a journal would help, to write all my thoughts down. I decided on this for 2 reasons- laziness to find a paper journal and I didn't want it being read. This might be read by strangers but no one knows who I am here. Maybe if someone I know finds it they could figure it out but at that point I don't really care too much.

Earlier I was scrolling Facebook trying to distract myself and there was an article of people's personal responses to the hashtag me too. I clicked but couldn't bring myself to read it. I went to the Reddit thread to type out my own story but accidentally closed the app as I was typing. It's painful to relive it. I don't know why I still think about it, almost 10 years later. I wish I could just put it from my mind. If told my psychologist about it but we never really talked about it past my first appointment when she was learning about me. One of the things she wants me to do is spend 20 minutes a day with one of my pets, most likely my golden retriever, and practice mindfulness with them, use them like a therapy animal. I want to try but the last two days I haven't found the time. My life is nothing but time though. I need to make an effort to do it tomorrow. I also want to get back to my yoga. I'd done well with it doing it a couple times a week on my own a few months ago and it did make me feel better but like everything else I just procrastinated it and found excuses. I realise I'm only hurting myself with this. It's just easier to zone out and play a video game or play on my phone. Waste time. And then bitch I don't have time. For not working I do a staggering amount of nothing. Maybe working again would get me out of my rut but I don't know. I doubt it. I'd been in a rut then too. I need to switch things up and try a different routine but...that's effort and my routine is comforting. Just in knowing I have it. Have my coffees and my smokes, play my game, maybe do dishes, nap. I havent made supper in a few days. I should tomorrow. I've just been stressed about not having money. I think I have 50$ right now and could buy a few vegetables with it. I had 3 bills take a lot of my money my last pay, I should only have 2 this pay, so maybe I'll be a little bit better off after. I have pork and hamburger in the freezer. I kind of want Asian noodles. I could make dong Po pork and pick up some vegetables and make a lo mein with it. The hamburger is huge because it didn't get sectioned before it was frozen and I'm not sure what to do with it. A giant chilli probably.

I just zoned out for a moment and thought about things I hated from a call center job I had a few years ago. I wish my thinking wasn't so black and white. And impulsive. My impulsiveness has led me into so many terrible situations I regret.

I think my Xanax is working. Or maybe this was therapeutic. I feel a little more calm. Definitely not going to kill myself, I just wish I would stop thinking about it as an option. Writing about cooking helped. Maybe I should start a cooking blog. Making money from blogging or YouTube would be great, limited interaction . But I don't think I'm talented or charismatic enough to make that happen.

Goals for tomorrow:

Clean catboxes because my cat doesn't know how to not shit on the floor. I literally cleaned them yesterday she's just a bitch. But I love her.

Get supper ingredients, make supper. This includes checking if we have noodles and defrosting pork. Maybe I could make it ahead of time so I'm not so rushed trying to do the noodles at the same time.

Take chair into pet room

20 minutes of easy yoga. I need to find a new yoga routine because day 1 of the one I'd done before was super beginner but I'm not flexible so it was challenging, day 2 was almost impossible and left me feeling hopeless about it.

Spend 20 minutes with my dog. This is no distractions like games on my phone or tv. She said no music either but I think spa sounds would be okay, not distracting.

I know I need to make changes myself to improve my life so I think if I do these things I'll feel better. I see my family doctor this week I think I might keep the suicidal thoughts to myself. Honestly seeing my psych has made me feel maybe worse than better because I'm realizing I'm anxious more than I previously thought, which is surprising and awful. And as I try to analyse the things I have to do to break it down it all seems insurmountable . But she is trying to give me the tools to better myself and I owe it to myself and to my husband to try.