#probably not but that's okay

[symbioticsimplicity]

Okay but real talk the slowed and reverbed version of Unholy is finna turn me into a different person

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The math just adds up!

[wu-does-art]

[felsicveins]

The road to forgiveness is paved with miles of bullying

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

[damiel-of-real]

saw a guy at uni today wearing this hoodie. i couldnt see the text on the back but i could see there was definitely text and images THERE. i can only conclude that this guy was genuinely walking around campus wearing meth instructions

[stealingpotatoes]

I know you have several time travel AUs already but consider: the last (4) Jedi wind up in the Clone Wars era.

Only one of them is an actual Jedi, half of them are romantically involved with someone (maybe even with each other if you ship skybridger), another half are extremely close with one or more Mandalorians, and none of them have had more than two years of training. And somehow THEYRE the only ones left.

The council would have a conniption.

i have a LOT of thoughts about this au but as always, gotta start with the silly

(commission info // kofi support!)

[ilumin]

I'm crying, they're so silly

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 271

“Grandmother is visiting,” Damian suddenly said with no warning and with his usual not-quite demanding tone. 

“Who?” Tim wasn’t the only one to startle, seeing as Bruce had practically froze, a downturn to his lips in a silent show of confusion. 

Damian scowled. “Are you deaf Drake? Grandmother is coming to Gotham to, quote, make sure I am being properly cared for.” None of them had known that Ras was with anyone actually. At least Tim was pretty sure that would have been in the files. 

“Oh?” Dick didn’t quite crouch to Damian’s height but it was a near thing. “She-” “He,” Damian corrected, interrupting him. They all exchanged a glance before Dick continued. 

“Is he coming to the Manor or…” 

Damian scoffed again, a tiny bit of a flush against his face. “No, Grandmother will most likely be staying with Akhi-”

Now wait one moment-

“YOU HAVE ANOTHER BROTHER?!” 

[laddertek]

Etho immediately choosing Decked Out 2 (+Tango's reaction) xBCrafted's Season 10 Episode 17 Hermit Q&A

xB: So, question number three. What has been your favourite project, build, and/or event since joining HermitCraft? Etho: That I did? Or that other people did? xB: Uh, just, whatever. Whatever you...y'know, your favourite. Just, whatever. Etho: Oh, that's gotta be Decked Out 2, then. xB: Okay. (laughs) Etho: (laughs) Easy answer! xB: I mean, you only played it a little, though... Etho: Ahh, it was a few months. A few months of my life, there. Got a little bit involved. xB: (laughs) A couple minutes, here and there, you know. Etho: Yeah. xB: I know how you are. No. (laughs) ---- xB: I feel like your answer is gonna be the same as Etho's. Tango: Oh, did he say Decked Out? xB: Yes he did. (laughs) Tango: Ohhhh, my hero! Yeah, Decked Out is definitely my answer. Slam dunk. xB: I was like, 'Yeah, what do you mean? You only played, like, a little bit...' (both laugh) Tango: Well, that -- Honestly, the fact that he said that, means -- means everything to me. That's great, that he values it that high. That's great. That's great. xB: Oh, yeah, yeah. He was like, he was like, 'That's easy. Decked Out 2.' I was like, 'Okay!' (laughs) Tango: (laughs) Fantastic. Good! Good!

[radioroxx]

this post but its the deltabunes

(versions w/out text)

[theminecraftbee]

I think it’d be really funny if the two new hermits are two guys basically none of us guessed btw. like that would also be rad as hell but more importantly it would be really goddamn funny,

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Personally I think percabeth is at its best when Grover is in it. I don’t necessarily mean in a polycule way I just think it’s great when he’s around

[marbobar]

Can i get a yeehaw in chat

[potassiumprincess]

i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes