#quarantinereflections

[beyondthewhitecoat]

Quarantine Reflections #4: Making Studying Fun Again

The past weeks haven’t been productive when it comes to my academics. Staying at home out of a sudden is a huge shift for me especially that my normal schedule at school is 7am until 5pm and some days I stay even beyond that. When exams are near, I study at the library or at the cafe. I rarely study at home since I took care of my younger siblings. The studio condo we live at is small and I can’t concentrate studying at home. So, most days I’m out studying. So this whole quarantine situation affected my study routine and even though I changed the situation at home and I talked to my siblings that there would be hours for study and for watching TV and all other activities we do. Still despite reading, I don’t think I’m grasping or retaining information like usually could. I think a big part of it is the change in my study routine and of course the pandemic situation that we are currently facing.  I know that we’re in a survival mode or mindset that could be a reason why I can’t concentrate well in studying.  But not being able to study well is making me more anxious than I currently am. I am not pushing myself too much but I have to atleast do something about my academics. I know that a lot of doctors and healthcare workers are out there at the frontline and hearing news about how many doctors died due to this pandemic is making me sad. Somedays I feel bad that I’m not able to help but we have different roles and being medical students, we can’t do anything right now yet other than to do our duty that is to study well so that in the future we can be better physicians to our patients and ofcourse if we can contribute in our own ways in helping our frontliners - in or outside the medical field that would be a big help already. 

I couldnt read handouts anymore because I get bored or distracted easily. So I annotate using PDFelement on my laptop, I create flashcards on Quizlet and watching YouTube videos for Internal medicine and Pathology, following a Twitter account about Pharmacology and watching the videos we have for Physical Diagnosis. We’re already preparing for our 6th module exams and the finals so I’m already starting reviewing previous lessons for the finals. 

I still struggle but I’m not giving up. Our dean messaged us yesterday and informed us that maybe even the quarantine is lifted on April 30 still our campus may not be opened immediately so we’re not shifting to distance learning for our remaining activities and lessons and maybe exams, we are not sure how we will take the exams. No one’s prepared for this so our school too is having a hard time in adjusting to this pandemic. Hopefully I pass this semester despite how messed up this semester has been. One thing I know for sure, we will get through this.

Bye for now. Have these handouts waiting for me. 

[msafiyathediva]

#HappyFriday! It’s all about how you look at this thing. And I am so grateful to wake up, do my personal hygiene, have nice morning i rushes walk w/ my #furbaby and hit the living room to work. No wondering what to wear, no riding in traffic because folk don’t know how to get to where they gotta go even though they go that way everyday. #lifeisgood #quarantinereflections #WFHLife #itsallaboutperspective The only thing I don’t like is not being able to print things, I’m old school, I HATE reading from a screen. But I will take that over not having a job any day. #cheerstotheweekend 🥃 #itstheweekendbaby #reclaimingmytime https://www.instagram.com/p/B_7JsqtFQNX/?igshid=h57ncs4q2y3i

[lovinbo]

I've always hated the concrete jungle and how it's such a hassle to go to this very polluted place. But somehow, I miss it now. The weekend shenanigans was worth it. I'd do it again. 😊 #quarantinereflections #quarantineseries #windowview #Makati #Mandaluyong (at ACQUA Private Residences by Century Properties) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_a4nfRHLzO_PlxJcFkGPyDFpD_CnBz_mYVOL40/?igshid=wsc07fwim8q0

[michellepalomar]

#quarantinereflections 🙏❤️🤲🙌 (at Manila, Philippines) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_B5HjQACU4MjlKYgbzN7PmLCY0tC1sNZZQA5Y0/?igshid=1ahinjqchbkmr

[gabyglifestyle]

#quarantinereflections #why (at Carmel, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-s7YsIgnQw/?igshid=yg7rgptmdqra

[thelakesidelife]

We LOVE Mountain Laurel! It always blooms around the lake near Mother’s Day. Every year we cruise the lake searching for giant bunches of them hanging all over rock bluff walls. We’re sure missing our moms right now during quarantine. One still works in healthcare at age 74, and the other is retired in South GA in her 80s. Quarantine causes us to reflect deeply as nature unfolds totally uninhibited while we remain under orders to #shelterinplace from an invisible enemy. It’s all been quite strange...so we sure connected to this photographer’s words of wisdom at this time, read below. 📷 @madolinemarkham ・・・ “Quarantine life is a life of extremes: the stunning blooms of spring, the things that terrify us and the things that drive us crazy, how much we cling to the beliefs and people we hold most dear, and how much I want to fully live in the gifts of today and fight not to let them be tainted by the fear of tomorrow. << Some thoughts as I noticed for the first time how mountain laurel blooms flood my parents’ property for a small April window.” - @madolinemarkham #openyoureyes #mountainlaurel #quarantinereflection 〰️〰️🌸💕〰️〰️ #smithlakeflowers #smithlakebeauty #smithlaketraditions #flowers #lake #lakelife #alabama #alabamalakes #alabamalife #smithlakecommunity #smithlakesocial #lakeliving #lakeside #lewissmithlake #lifeonthelake #lifeonsmith #livinglakelife #livelifelakeside #visitsmithlake #smithlake #smithlakeal #smithlakepix #smithlakelife #smithlakemagazine #thelakesidelifemagazine #thelakesidelife (at Smith Lake, Alabama) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_d3U_Alsqy/?igshid=1rd4lz9mp1v90

[russellembruncan]

Posted @withregram • @reuseitqueen Give Me Time. . Time for patience for understanding, too. . Time to remember thoughtful deeds to do. . Time to believe in all fellow men. . Time to perceive the value of a friend. . . . #vintageneedlepoint #antiquesampler #farmhousedecor #givemetime #reflection #quarantinereflection #takethetime #antiquedecor #thriftstorelover #mythriftstoredecor #reuseitqueen #crossstitch #vintagedecor #vintagecrossstitch #ihavetime #thrifteddecor #budgetdecor #thriftstoredecor #everydaythoughts #positivevibes #mindset #iloveoldcrap #junkdecor #ourthriftstoredecor https://www.instagram.com/p/B_IWIPKD4Aj/?igshid=1cnqyi1u6pcl6

[sageofaquarius]

I’ve always been introverted. Quarantine is helping me to further explore myself and this human experience. Personally, my little Maltese has been having some issues with accidents and it’s been a lot to deal with on top of my own health. These two bunnies have been joining us every morning while walking my dog and it honestly is so beautiful☺️They wait on us every morning. Even though we are sometimes off by the time, the bunnies are always there! Growing up, there would often be bunnies in my backyard in Michigan, so this is just a little daily reminder from the spirit realm, connecting Pharaoh and I back to nature. Symbolically, the rabbits are here to lead me down the rabbit’s hole on the quest of knowledge and discovery 🕳 🐇 This world is a magical place if you open your eye 👁 ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ #rabbithole #rabbitsofig #naturevibes #selfhealing #quarantinereflections #quarantinetips #selfreflection #selfreflections #childhoodmemories #humanexperience #spiritualawakening #ageofaquarius #thirdeye #thirdeyeopen #thirdeyechakra #thirdeyethoughts #thirdeyevision #thirdeyeopening #pineal #pinealglandactivation #pinealgland #pinealglanddetox #spiritualguides #spiritrealm #spiritualgrowth #introvertlife #introverts #animalsarefriends #animalsareawesome #animalsarelove (at Orlando, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAvJYsfn6Hv/?igshid=1qhwrtbfklhbz

[smafirm]

quar·an·tine /ˈkwôrənˌtēn/

noun: a state, period, or place of isolation in which people or animals that have arrived from elsewhere or been exposed to infectious or contagious disease are placed.

During this period of quarantine, is it possible that The Grand Architect of the Universe allowed it to happen because we needed to be quarantined from the ways of this world?🤔

Truthfully speaking, we're all contaminated by sin. Perhaps many of our thoughts, decisions & actions needed to be quarantined because our sin sick souls needed this time to be disinfected?

Perhaps our lives & our daily routines needed to be disrupted, because they we were too distracted by them? Perhaps we didn't realize just how sick our souls had become? Perhaps we've become so blinded by looking at the imperfections of others that we failed to see our own?

Perhaps we spent way too much time supporting liars, deceivers, promise breakers, etc. who directly & indirectly benefit from this decades ongoing division in The Separated States of America?

Perhaps we had become so self-centered that we fooled ourselves into actually believing we're self-made? Perhaps we're too arrogant, too boastful, too negative, too selfish, too greedy, too hateful, too disrespectful, too spiteful, etc.?

Perhaps we stopped caring about the world that we all collectively share together & excessively mistreated & abused it while simultaneously doing the same to each other?

Brothers & sisters, please don't come out of this quarantine with infected thoughts, decisions & actions which are directly connected to your heart, mind, body & soul.🤲🏾 #QuarantineReflections

[beyondthewhitecoat]

Quarantine Reflections #1: About blog hiatus, and losing my mom

I’ve been idle for a couple of years. I used to enjoy blogging until sharing my thoughts no longer comfort me. I turned out to be someone who prefers to keep everything by herself just because I lost the time to speak, to do the things I enjoy and to even take care of myself. My past years were kind of toxic that is why I preferred to remain silent so not to spread toxicity to my friends or people I speak to. I was struggling over the few years fixing my personal life and health, reviving my faith, protecting my family, running my business and surviving med school. I had to keep everything running despite the difficulty and lack of capability to do all excellently at the same time. I had to be a student, a sister, a daughter, a provider that I end up putting myself at the end of the priority lane. 

I am grateful having closest friends who respected my reasons why I had to put walls around me while still not leaving me behind. I even made new friends in med school who I can rely to all the time. Despite missing a lot of family events, reunions, I am surprised how I never lost the people who will openly welcome me when I need them.

I was struggling with my personal life and school, when out of a sudden I found out that my mom had cancer. She was in Saudi Arabia when she was brought to the hospital and had to do an urgent surgery. I was here in the Philippines, helpless, crying. It was when I prayed, “Give us more time together.” 

She was battling cancer for almost a year when she finally arrived here in the Philippines. Finally, I was given the chance to be with her. We had this fluctuation of emotions over the past year. One day she’ll be fine, the next day she’s not. What hurt me the most was that I my capability to help her was so limited. I wanted to give up my studies so much to be with her full-time but she never wanted that to happen, she said it’djust make her more sad. I know she tried not to distract me by going out of town with her relatives, she spends time away from me during my exams for me to focus. I never wanted to spend a time without her but I had to study because it’s what she wanted me to do. The situation never made me study well but I tried.

We entered 2020 with hope and dreams together. I had to prepare and attend my exams then I went to her. She was no longer the same. She felt worse. didn’t care if I’d miss any more important academic activities, all I wanted was to be with her. The last weeks with her, she kept telling me while we’re sleeping that  “Sorry, and thankful ako sa Allah dahil naging anak kita. Wag mo pababayaan mga kapatid mo.” I would secretly cry because I knew she’s preparing me already.

Together with my brothers, we brought her in and out of the hospital. The last night with her, the doctors finally told me personally that we should prepare ourselves because we were just counting hours with her. And that was the most painful thing I’ve heard ever. I ran to her crying, talked to her privately, asked for forgiveness and assured her that everything she wanted me to do - I’ll do it for her.  February 2, I stayed beside her, carried her, reminded her of laa ilaaha ilallah and held her til her last breath. She left us.

That same night we took the flight and brought her to her hometown to do the Islamic burial. It’s been almost 9 years since the last time I went there. So I knew few people. Everything went smoothly and quickly. All I heard was how great a person my mom was and that comforted me. I spent a week there and came back in Manila with my siblings. Things went so fast. And as the capable and stronger one in the family, I had to stay strong for everyone else to feel better. I wasn’t given the time to grieve. And so when I came back to Manila, it was just when everything did sink in.

She is no longer with us. “Wala na talaga si mommy.” I now have to be the mother to my younger siblings, to be the stronger sibling to my elder brothers and to be the strong daughter to my dad. I know I had to be strong but I had to allow myself to grieve. I couldn’t attend the classes and failed some exams that month. I wanted to give up, again. But mom wouldn't be really happy for that for she knows its been what I wanted. My dad is still here and I’m staying strong for him specially. Every time I wanted to give up, all I hear are the words they keep telling me “Do it for yourself, anak. Para sa’yo yan, hindi yan para sa amin.” 

I’m still struggling but I feel stronger now because of my mom and dad. Before the quarantine (a month from my mom’s death), I was able to go to my mom’s room in Bulacan and fix her things. I procrastinated doing that because I knew I’d cry a bucket, and it happened the moment I saw her bed BUT I was already brave enough to face this new normal we have now. 

I cried while writing this because finally I’m able to talk about the passing of my mom. It’s a good start. I plan on writing more about her to keep my memories of her so that I could share it to my own children in the future. She will always be my role model, my guide and my inspiration. 

Lastly, this quarantine is making me anxious but I know we will get through this pandemic. I’m taking advantage of this time at home moving on from the painful events this 2020 surprised me with, spending time with my younger siblings, studying both for my academics and my business, bettering myself, strengthening my faith, and reviving the things I used to enjoy just like this, blogging. AND also I’m allowing myself to procrastinate, to watch Netflix and to just chill and do nothing. It’s not a normal time so I’m not pushing hard on myself. It’s okay not to complete goals like how we usually do. It’s okay to do whatever that will make us feel better, even that means doing nothing.  2020 might have a bad start to me both personally (for losing my mom) and generally (due to this pandemic) but I believe it won’t always be bad days. 

This has been the longest blog post I’ve written for 2 years. It helped me express a bit out of a bucket of stories I wanted to share. Yes, there’s a lot more.

[beyondthewhitecoat]

Quarantine Reflections #2: On Battling Obesity

It’s Day 26 of quarantine in my country. As a student, our school suspended the class a week earlier so I’m staying at home for around 32 days already! I couldn’t focus with anything during the first weeks so just a week ago when I decided that I’m ready to commit to this process.

I have been gaining weight over the past years due to stress eating AND med school.  But lately, obesity is giving me a lot of discomfort and it has limited my ability to do the things I want to do. This quarantine opened doors for me to better myself first by dropping the excess fat. I’m doing this for myself, and the people who rely on me. Seeing how my siblings rely on me after my mom passed away, motivated me to be healthy. I’m also doing this to serve as a role model to others who are experiencing the same. Obesity is physically, emotionally and mentally debilitating. It’s a risk factor to many conditions. Thus, I want my journey to be an inspiration to others for them to start saving themselves from this condition. 

The Tracker

I went back to using Lose It app in monitoring my intake and calorie burn. It’s the app I was using back in 2012 (i think? lol) when I lost almost 30 kilos. I am using it to track my progress. I have a long way to go. Based on the app, the predicted date for me to achieve my weight goal for this year is around September. Of course, only if I keep on doing my workout and maintaining my calorie intake. 

The Diet

I am not picky with food now that we’re experiencing pandemic but I reduced the calories I’m consuming to 1200 calories a day. I’m just at home so this is more than enough for now. It doesn’t make me feel hungry at all. Doing this calorie restriction is easy now that I’m just staying at home with minimal activities. And during this quarantine, we have limited supply of food so can’t be really picky this time. So my diet isn’t that totally healthy for now but reducing the amount is a big advantage already.

The Workout

My daily workout is Les Mills’ Body combat workout videos. They work for me amazingly! I love its combination of kickboxing and martial arts. It’s the workout I was using before too so it’s not that hard for me. But at first, even I wanted to keep on completing the entire hour, I could only complete around 15 minutes because of my heavy weight. I wasn’t being hard on myself too so if I notice my body couldn't do more, I’ll move forward to doing some stretching and cool down exercises. I do treadmill and elliptical trainer too for at least 10 minutes.

The Motivation

Nothing motivates me more than my own self. I look back to my old photos and got inspired at how I was so eager to lose weight, and how I made it possible. I was 30 kilos overweight and dropped those with consistency. But the stresses I went through made me eat back the pounds. I’m back to that same person now  30 kg overweight woman, unhealthy, unhappy, diffident. BUT I know I can do it again to lose weight for my self, and for the people I love. For now it’s gonna be different, I’ll do it out of self-love and I’ll be kinder to myself throughout the process so that I’ll have a lasting result.

[beyondthewhitecoat]

Quarantine Reflections #3: Got My Creative Juices Flowing Again

For someone like me who’ve been in a creative rut and writer’s block for so long, having my creativity juices flowing again is a big deal. I don’t know if someone here has experienced being creatively stuck? It’s the worst phase any creative would go through. As creatives, we always want to create something but then some days we feel as if something is blocking us from expressing ourselves and we cant do anything about it even we force ourselves. I think in my situation it was caused by the stress med school brought me and series of unfortunate events that happened in our family. I kept telling my friends that med school killed my creativity. Although I’m able to use my creative skills at school, it’s very limited. And the deadlines, rules and limitations are not bringing out the best our of my creativity. I wanted to join an organization in our school where I could apply and enhance my skills but since mom was battling with cancer and I was taking care of her, I chose not to add any more commitments or responsibilities in my life. I couldn't afford to spend my extra time exercising my creativity muscles. Being creative takes time and when I was deprived of time, I lost my creativity.

Speaking of time, this quarantine gives me a lot of time and that’s why I am able to create, to practice my craft, to exercise my creative muscles and to learn more about the kind of creativity that I’m into. Aside from being a medical student, I am a content creator, and I own a digital business wherein I support businesses with their website and brand. Recently, I continued working on the templates I wanted to sell long time ago. AND... I started trying out the microphone I bought a year ago for my first ever podcast. I’m excited with all these things. It feels good that I’m regaining the things I stopped doing for a while. It will take time though because I still have a lot of lessons to read especially that right after the quarantine, surely we will be bombarded with tons of exams and paper works. AND Like I always say, If I’d be asked to choose one among my multiple passions, I’d always choose the ability to be God’s tool in healing people - that is medicine. School is always my top priority. But school gets toxic, and having the side projects help me to temporarily escape from school.  It helps me keep my sanity intact especially when school is already tearing my whole being apart. Okay, I know that exaggerated. 

By the way, I just republished my main blog - By Najmah. My last post published there was April 30, 2019. Yes that’s how inactive I’d been. 

If you are curious why relaunching my blogs again is important to me then read this one - https://bynajmah.com/how-to-keep-blogging-when-no-one-seems-to-care/