#random aside but i found out the other day that my dad just mentally blocks bad episodes of tv shows

[talkativelock]

Sometimes I think about the fact that the SGA writers genuinely thought that an episode where the main emotional core is "Rodney gets sick and starts losing his memory and the only thing he remembers is John while John rushes to prepare for Rodney's death, find some way to save him, and keep him calm and comforted all at the same time" was a whole ass heterosexual episode leading into a heterosexual romance with a character whose screen time in the episode is very limited in favor of the above emotional roller coaster with John and I wonder like..... how they thought that???

[marmolady]

New Horizons

Main Pairings: Estela x (f)MC, Graleister

Summary: Endless Ending. Liv and Reggie are starting school in San Trobida. Notes at the end!

Word Count: 9695

Chronology: After 'Growing Pains', before 'How the time escapes me...'

Tagging: @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @greengroove @mauvecatfic​

Thanks for reading!

San Trobida, July 2035

“Hey, Auntie Grace!”

Reggie looked up from his book at the sound of his cousin’s voice, and hastily placed aside his shiny new copy of ‘A Guide to San Trobidan History’ so he could rush out into the hallway.

Grace was already wrapping Liv in a hug. “Hello, sweetheart.” She kissed the side of her niece’s head, before her eyes wandered down to a bloodied knee. “Did you have a mishap on your bike on the way here?”

“Yeah… I clipped the kerb and crashed,” Liv said, offering her aunt a better view of her wound. As she heard Reggie’s footsteps, she looked up to meet his eye and smiled.

“Youch!” Reggie offered sympathetically as he came close enough to peer over Liv’s grazed knee.

Liv shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Grace, though, was more concerned. “Are you sure you didn’t hit your head when you fell?”

“No, just scraped my knee. It does actually sting a bit.”

“Hmm. Well, I think we’d better put some anti-septic that knee just to be safe.”

The new house was a mess. Boxes and misplaced furniture filled every room, and the twins-- six years old-- had been making forts with the packing boxes that had been emptied so far. The family had been in the house for just over a day, and some good progress had already been made. There had been a lot that had been left behind. Neither Aleister nor Grace put too much value on material possessions, so most of what had come with them and the children to their new home in San Trobida had been essential furniture, and the mountains of photo albums and memorabilia from a life with the kids.

Grace sat Liv down on a wooden ottoman, and, after a little bit of rummaging, found the first aid kit.

“Okay, this might hurt just a little,” she said gently, and she carefully dabbed Liv’s graze.

Liv yelped, “Fuck!”, causing Reggie to gasp, looking to his mother for a reaction, and Erin and Immy to burst out giggling from inside their box-fort.

Grace raised an eyebrow, but her warm smile didn’t shift. “It stings that much?”

“Yeah…,” Liv said, flushing a little. “Sorry about the language.”

“I’m sure I didn’t hear a thing.”

There was the usual bustling around as Aleister got the girls into their shoes; Immy and Erin had decided that swapping one shoe with one another was the peak of humour, but eventually, their father managed to get them each into a left and a right-- even if they didn’t match. Six-and-a-half-year-old sisters, Reggie had come to realise, made just about everything more of a headache than necessary.

Eventually, though, they were on their way. His mom and dad, walking beside the twins as they pootled along on their bicycles, had the address, but Reggie rode ahead with Liv, taking her lead as she zig-zagged through the streets of Valle Brava. Having only set foot on San Trobidan soil as a new resident some twenty-four hours ago, everything aspect of his environment set his senses alight. This wasn’t like being back in America. Perhaps it was the tropical climate, but he was reminded much more of La Huerta-- of home. Liv certainly seemed right at home here. She and her mothers had settled a few weeks before, and Liv had been coming here pretty much all her life. There were just a few blocks between their respective houses, and the wide cycle paths along the bitumen roads made for an easy journey. This, Reggie had been told, was a newly developed area; much had been re-built since the war he knew his Tia Estela had been involved in. The cycle paths ended as they came nearer to Liv’s place, a little way out of the main township. The foliage on either side of the road became thicker, and there was less street noise, more birdsong.

“Beat you!” Liv announced as she planted her feet into the ground, forcing her bicycle to a stop.

Reggie grumbled, pulling up beside his cousin in front of a humble bungalow-style house with outer walls a vibrant azure blue against yellow accents. The sound of a dog barking-- unmistakably Liv’s Robin, was further confirmation they’d arrived. “You didn’t beat me, Livia. I was following you. I didn’t even know where we were going.”

“Jeez, dude. No one likes a sore loser….”

“I am not a--!”

The door swung open.

“Reggie!” Taylor wasted no time in sweeping her nephew into a hug. “It’s so good to see you! I can’t believe you still have the energy for cycling over here-- didn’t you move house, like, yesterday?”

Reggie laughed. “Hi, Auntie Taylor!” There was something about seeing a familiar face in this new environment that made the pieces seem to click into place. Family made it home. “I’m a little bit tired but mostly just excited. I did sleep in today, so I guess I won’t crash until later.” His sisters on the other hand… there was no way they’d last the evening without overtiredness rearing its ugly head.

“I’m guessing your mom and dad are on their way with the girls?”

“Yeah,” said Liv, “but they’re pretty slow. I don’t have to wait to give Reggie the grand tour, do I?”

“Knock yourself out, kid. Hang on, Liv? Walk your bike through the house, please.”

“I was gonna!”

Reggie could only smirk. Like hell you were….

“Aaaand,” Liv finished off with a flourish, “this is my room!” She opened the door to a good-sized bedroom. It seemed to Reggie that what floor-space wasn’t taken up by the bed was piled up with boxes.

“I mean, I can’t say the mess wasn’t a clue.”

Liv gave her cousin a look as she flopped into her bed. “Hey-- moving house is hard. You’ll see soon enough. You get started all excited, but once you start living your life, you kinda get… stuck. Mama Taylor says we’re going to just blitz it all next weekend, and throw ourselves a pizza party as a reward.”

Reggie got up onto the bed and crossed his legs. “Do you like it here?”

“I love it here! I always liked coming here when I was little, so I guess it doesn’t feel like something completely different. I reckon my tio abuelo is over the moon that we’re here for good; it’s like I’ve got a grandparent now.” Liv’s cheeks flushed pink, and she glanced away.

Understanding, Reggie nodded. Together, they’d grown up in a family that didn’t take the traditional shape. There were some things that simply couldn’t be explained to other friends; like why Reggie’s grandma could help him with his homework, but could never come in for grandparents’ day, and why Liv had a whole side of the family with no grandparents at all-- not even dead ones.

“And,” Liv continued, “people don’t really look at my Mama Estela funny. I noticed that years ago. I guess ‘cause of the war, people don’t look twice at someone who’s maybe a little bit banged-up. I got so sick of it back in America. Every time we met someone new, they’d put on that ‘God, what happened?’ face. Maybe Mom doesn’t want to explain the whole ‘revolutionary in a civil war’ thing to every random person who can’t mind their own business. Some people have scars-- big freaking deal. It’s better here.”

“Yeah, that would be a nice change. The amount of times I’ve seen you and Auntie Taylor look at a nosy idiot like you want to deck ‘em--”

Liv burst out laughing. “True, that.”

The sound of excited barking rang out from the backyard. It seemed pretty likely to Reggie that his parents and sisters had just arrived. When he and Liv arrived in the backyard, Erin had already joined Estela at the barbecue, desperate to be involved, while Immy was passionately talking to Nicolas about goodness-knows-what. Reggie made a mental note to rescue him in a few minutes; that kid could be intense, and the poor old guy had come out here for a relaxing lunch with his niece.

Nicely, but firmly, Reggie nudged the wriggling, writhing form of Robin the dog to the side so he could join his mother and Auntie Taylor at the large alfresco table under the porch. And Robin returned to his favoured position at the feet of the barbecue-- Erin was just a kid, surely, she’d drop something….

“Do you need a hand with the salads?” Reggie asked as he greeted his mother with a hug. He’d been seeking a lot of those. With so much changing, familial comfort meant a lot, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

Perhaps more than anything, though, he was grateful to have Liv by his side. It was the way it had always been; from their toddler days on La Huerta, through elementary school, to their adventures in home-schooling. Some things might change-- some things might change immeasurably-- but he always had his cousin.

___________________________

La Huerta, 2028

Liv yelled out as she splashed down into the shallow surf. “Reggie!”

“I got her, Xiraana!” Reggie cried, and soon he was joined by a young Vaanti girl, who helped restrain their victim.

“No, no!” Liv squealed as she struggled. Vaanti kids, she’d long ago realised, were strong. “You’ll never take me alive!”

“Five-- four--- three….” Xiraana counted down, not letting Liv out of her grasp.

“Two-- one!” Reggie finished triumphantly, and he let his cousin fall unceremoniously back into the water. “The klaawyi ate all the meat off your bones. You’re one of us now!”

Liv pouted, but admitted defeat. It wasn’t the worst thing that could happen; she was pretty good on Team Klaawyi anyway. Or, she would have been… had she not seen the figure of her favourite uncle descending onto the beach from the great tree of Elyys’tel.

“Tio Diegoooooo! Hiiiii!” Liv ran across the sand, almost tripping in her desperation to reach him.

“Hey, Livia!” Reggie cried out, indignant at being suddenly abandoned. “You’re meant to help us catch them!”

But Diego had crouched down to wrap Liv in a hug, and Reggie might as well be talking to a pile of rocks for all that was being absorbed.

“Tio, they got me! Reggie and Xiraana got me, and now I’m a klaawyi!”

“You?” Diego laughed. “You’re no klaawyi-- I’ve never seen a klaawyi that was ticklish!”

“Wha--?” Oh no. Once again, Liv was shrieking with mirth, this time dodging the tickling hands of her tio.

Still standing in the shallows, Reggie stomped his foot, which achieved little but splashing himself in the face. The game went on without them; games of Klaawyi Chase didn’t stop for anyone. The usual fun on the beaches outside Elyys’tel would go on like this every day… whether Reggie and Liv were there to join in or not. And Reggie didn’t want to miss out now.

“Come on, Livia!”

She just shook her head, not letting her adoring gaze up at Diego slip for so much as a heartbeat. “Nah,” she said. “I’m done.”

Torn, knowing that whichever direction he ran in, he’d lose out on precious time with friends, Reggie admitted defeat and rushed back to Liv’s side on the shore. He looked back over his shoulder and waved goodbye-- for what he’d been told would likely be a long, long time. Engrossed in their game, his friends gave just the most fleeting of farewells before continuing to race through the small waves that lapped the beach.

Liv, in contrast, had eyes only for her tio. She clasped his hand tightly; if she held on tight enough, perhaps he’d have no choice but to come with her to wherever her mothers were taking her in the big aeroplane.

Where exactly she was going, Liv didn’t quite understand. It was away from La Huerta, but they weren’t going back to live with Tio Nicolas, they were going… someplace else. Someplace with no Tio Diego and Varyyn, where all the other kids would be boring shades of pink and brown rather than blue and green, and where no one knew about the yeti-bear, or the magic crystal alien that made her mom, or about The Story of the Year the World Stopped.

“I want you to come, Tio Diego…,” Liv softly beseeched.

Diego’s eyes grew misty, her earnest words having tipped him over the edge after what had been a long period of emotional build-up. Goodbyes were never easy, and Liv’s family was his family. He squeezed her little hand gently.

“I’ll visit you, Livi-- I promise. Cross my heart. And your mommies will bring you over to visit us here too; you are going to learn so many new games at school that you can teach Xiraana and the other kids.”

“But I’ll miss you…”

Having rejoined Liv, Reggie peered up at Diego’s teary face with concern. “Diego, you’re making your glasses all foggy.”

“Ha. I know, I know!” Diego wiped his eyes. “You might have a point there, Reggie; I want to spend this last night with you guys actually being able to see you!”

Liv giggled and wrapped her arms around her uncle’s legs, only to be peeled off and hoisted into the air. “We can still have fun until bedtime, can’t we? Will you tell us a story?”

On the ground, Reggie danced around, his arms waving. Diego-time was the best story-time.

In the arms of her tio, her playmate since she was a baby bouncing on his knee, Liv was a mess of emotions; of fear and excitement, of merriment that competed with the looming sorrow. It was more than her little self had a clue what to do with. She was only five.

Sensing his cousin’s turmoil, Reggie reached up a hand and took hold of Liv’s, hanging down by Diego’s side. “Don’t worry, Livia! If you worry, you won’t enjoy story-time.”

Liv stuck out her bottom lip. That little nerd-face could be pretty smart sometimes. Tomorrow night, there would be no goodnight story from Tio Diego, but tomorrow night was not now-- now, everything was as it should be. Her wavering grin returned, and to her delight, it brought matching smiles to the faces of her companions.

“Do you think Varyyn, and my mommies, and Auntie Grace and Uncle Alli, and Auntie Grace’s tummy babies want to listen to the story too?”

“Yeah,” Diego said, letting Liv back down to the ground, where she immediately found another hug in Reggie’s arms, “I think everyone would really like that.”

_____________________________

San Trobida, August 2035

“I don’t get it,” Liv said thoughtfully, as the car rolled right on past the turn for her Auntie Grace and Uncle Al’s place. “It’s right on the way; wouldn’t it have been easier for us to pick up Reggie?”

“Hon,” Taylor replied, “I think Reggie wanted his mom and dad to take him to orientation. They’ll probably be better at helping with his jitters than we would be.”

“I guess.” Liv looked out the window, watching the surrounding vegetation thicken once more as the car followed the road up out of the valley. “Orientation Day shouldn’t be too bad, right? Just, like, meeting our teachers, learning where stuff is, that kinda thing?” And you’ll have to try and make friends. That would be a laugh.

By the time they pulled up at the Las Selvas Secondary School, however, Liv fully understood her cousin’s nerves, and realised that was probably why she’d been so disappointed that he didn’t share a car with her. Through every big change in their young lives, his presence had been a reassuring constant.

“Uggghh,” she groaned. “Can I change my mind? Home-schooling was all right; more of that, please.”

Estela leaned from the front seat and gave Liv’s knee a squeeze. “You know, I don’t think he’d ever say it, but I’m pretty sure Reggie would be really scared if he had to walk into this without you. Besides, you were so excited about starting here; you owe it to yourself to at least giving it a shot.”

Again, Liv groaned, this time even louder. “It’s so annoying when you’re right.”

“Story of my life,” Taylor laughed, while Estela smirked.

When they pulled up at the school, Reggie was already waiting, standing beside the car-park while his parents fussed over him.

“You have your phone?” Grace quizzed, checking for the fourth time since they’d set off.

“I told you, yes!” Reggie replied, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket to wave around for good measure. “I’ll send you a message when I’m ready to be picked up, I promise.”

“In that case, you just have a wonderful time, darling.” She wrapped him in a hug-- already Reggie was easily as tall as her. “Go well, and have fun.”

Liv rushed over, all smiles. Her own nerves were a whole lot less bothersome when she had the distraction of friendly faces.

There were a few more rounds of hugs exchanged-- and then, suddenly, Liv and Reggie were on their own.

“You wanna head over? Looks like people are already crowding around-- it’s probably gonna start soon.”

Reggie’s expression brightened, as if he’d been just waiting for a little push for his confidence to surge back forth. “Well, it will hardly be an auspicious start here if we miss the principal’s address. Get a move on, Livia!”

The morning passed relatively quickly. Liv placed herself next to Reggie at all times-- they’d been put in the same Grade Seven home room as requested, making him one of the eldest in the class, and her one of the youngest. The whole set-up wasn’t entirely different to the school they were accustomed to, other than the bilingual approach. They were given a small pile of boring paperwork, and outlines of what to expect in their new classes; as English was their first language, they’d be taking ‘Spanish as a Second Language’, and Liv was also excited about ‘Nature Studies’, a subject she’d never been offered in America.

As far as Liv was concerned, the most traumatic part of the session was being expected to stand up in front of a room of strangers and give a short spiel about themselves. The perfect opportunity to officially balls-up any chance they might have of making new friends, or at least that was how she saw it. She mumbled down into her chest; something about enjoying hiking and gymnastics, something about liking Batman, and animals, and then she hurriedly sat right back down with flaming cheeks. Reggie, she observed, handled the brief foray into public speaking with rather more poise. Even though he was shy-- perhaps even more than she was-- he seemed able to go into ‘school presentation’ mode, and breeze through. When he sat back down, though, his hands were shaking-- but that was for the eyes of his trusted friend only.

When the lunch break came along, Liv was ravenous; a new and challenging social situation could do that to a person. While Reggie sloped off to the bathrooms, she tested out the school canteen, emerging a little while later with a hot empanada. It wasn’t quite as good as her Mama Estela’s, but it was definitely a step up from what was on offer at her old school. Maybe she could get used to this place….

Liv watched this new world go by all around her as she ate, cross-legged beneath the tree she’d told her cousin to meet her by. Kids moved in their little circles, talking loudly, laughing. Most of them coming into Grade Seven had come from the local primary school, and many knew each-other. Liv and Reggie would be starting out on the outside… and that was daunting. She could not be more grateful that she wasn’t taking this on alone.

Or… at least, she shouldn’t be. The lunchtime queue moved on, the gaggles of kids spread out, and still Reggie hadn’t returned.

Damn, constipated on your first day. Sucks to be you, Reggie.

Tentatively, Liv approached the boys’ bathroom and, having ascertained that no one was watching, slipped in. Her footsteps were unheard, drowned out by the loud, frantic breathing of young Reggie, slumped over the sink. Alarmed, Liv rushed over. Tears were spilling down his cheeks.

“Reggie… it’s okay,” she said gently. A little unsure, she reached out a hand to rub his back, and to her surprise, he didn’t flinch away. Slowly, he seemed to regain control of himself.

“Liv…,” Reggie panted. “You know you’re not meant to be in here; this is the guys’ room.”

“Hey! Like it’s my fault you didn’t take your anxiety attack into the unisex bathroom. That’s on you.” Hmph. Ungrateful, much?

Reggie scowled, and dragged his cousin out of the toilet block by her arm. He slumped down by the wall, and scooched over to encourage her to join him.

“You’re a pain in the arse.” He was still shaking.

“It’s been said, yeah.” Liv huddled a little closer. “You don’t need to worry, okay? You’re not going to have any trouble making friends. Did you see they’ve got a chess club, and a photography club as well? At least that’ll get you talking to people.”

“That’s,” Reggie said quietly, “not exactly what I’m worried about.” When Liv looked at him expectantly, he continued. “When I was in a room with all those kids, my head just went back to being at our old school… and what happened. I know this place is meant to be progressive and all that, but that doesn’t mean that everyone’s okay. What if I think I’ve made friends with someone, and they find out about Erin, and they make it a big thing, and then some arsehole finds out….”

“Man, you’re really spiraling,” Liv observed, not especially helpfully. She wasn’t exactly surprised by what was troubling her cousin; getting into a fight in defense of his young transgender sister had completely unseated Reggie from the comfortable life he’d had at the last school. It had changed everything.

“You would too, if she was your sister!”

“Probably. But I think you should at least give people a go. It sounds like they’re really strict on any kind of bullying against minorities. Swinging back hard in the opposite direction after that fascist dictatorship.”

“Those are some awfully big words for you to be throwing around there, Livia; watch you don’t hurt yourself….”

“Hey! I know my stuff!” Liv demanded. “Do you think my tio abuelo would have it any other way? But anyway, I’m right. All the people who didn’t fit in before have come to this part of the country. Probably a lot of the kids have parents who saw really horrible things in the war; they wouldn’t want to send them somewhere that was bad like before. My Mama ‘Stel gave the principal the grilling of her life, and I bet she hasn’t been the only one. People are gonna want to make sure their kids are being looked after.”

A smile quirked on Reggie’s face as he imagined his aunt on a school tour. “I bet Tia Estela left Principal Sanchez quivering under the desk.”

“Yeah… after what happened in the last school, there’s no way they’d let us go anywhere unless they were sure it was a place that treated people right.”

Reggie knew that much. But his parents, and even his fierce aunt, could not shield himself, his sisters and his cousin, from everything. He contemplated silently, grateful for the patient companionship.

“I guess,” he said at last, “if no one gave anyone else a chance to be anything but the worst, then we’d be pretty lonely.”

“Yup. We should at least give it a shot. And if it all goes in the crapper, I’ll sic my moms on the fools that mess with us. And the freaking yeti.”

Reggie couldn’t help but roll his eyes. That had always been Liv’s answer to everything. “Livia, I hate to break it to you, but if you go around threatening people with yetis, everyone’s gonna think you’ve got a screw loose. Except me; I know you’ve got a screw loose.”

“So damn rude,” Liv growled. “Anyway, you really should eat something. It probably won’t help you feeling crap and light-headed if you’ve got an empty stomach. They’ve got arepas!”

“...I could eat an arepa,” Reggie admitted. There was only so much a young boy of thirteen could control; he couldn’t wave a magic wand and guarantee that his little sister would never be hurt by cruel, ignorant words, but he could look after himself, so that he was the best him he could be-- and the best brother.

_____________________________

USA, 2028

“You did a great job, sweetheart,” Taylor said kindly as Reggie delicately placed his knife and fork atop his small plastic plate, signaling that he’d finished. Immediately afterwards, the little boy’s small hand had dropped to his side to get a reassuring touch of his teddy’s scruffy fur. “It was nice of Big Bear to join us for dinner. Does he like lasagna as much as you do?”

Reggie yawned widely as he nodded to his aunt. He hadn’t known it was possible for a kid to be so full of yawns, but living with newborn twins had shown him just how big a tired feeling could be. “Big Bear likes to watch from the floor.”

“That’s nice of him to let you have the whole plate for yourself. We’re gonna have plenty to bring over to your mommy and daddy for them to eat tomorrow.”

Lasagna had been Reggie’s choice. This whole sleepover was to be all about him; giving him a welcome break from the stresses of being a new big brother to two babies at once. He’d been on many, many sleepovers at Tia Estela and Auntie Taylor’s place before, but this time felt different. Reggie knew that at home, his parents were busy with their other children… and in his sensitive state, it took no time at all for him to miss them.

Twins, Reggie had come to realise, were very hard work. They cried a lot… and his mommy cried a lot, and his daddy cried a lot, and he cried a lot. All crying and no sleeping was not a whole lot of fun. Reggie wanted so badly to get away from the babies, but at the same time he longed to be with his parents. However much fun it was to take a break at his aunts’ place, the worry in him just wouldn’t go away.

Side-by-side, he and Liv changed into their pyjamas. Five-year-old Liv, true to form, nattered away to him the whole time. Babies, of course, were the subject of choice.

“My moms say we’re probably not gonna get another baby. Maybe ‘cos you have two I can borrow one if I get lonely. Do you have one that you like best?”

Reggie shrugged.

“Maybe next time your mom and dad will have three. You could have all these babies like a baby army, and if someone’s ever mean to you, you will have like a hundred poopy diapers you can throw at them. No one likes poop.”

“I don’t want lots more babies,” Reggie said softly. I want no more.

“If you don’t like babies, you can come and live with us forever!” Liv suggested brightly, oblivious the the wobble of her cousin’s bottom lip.

When Estela popped her head around the corner to check on the kids, Reggie was in tears and Liv looked totally bewildered.

“Mommy, Reggie’s crying…,” she pointed out, rather unnecessarily, for her mother had already scooped the little boy into a cuddle.

“It’s okay, mijo,” Estela soothed as she gently rocked her nephew in her arms. “It’s okay to cry. This has been really hard. You know what? You have been such a good boy for Mommy and Daddy.”

Liv, not quite sure what to do, but nothing if not well-meaning, draped herself over Reggie and patted him on the back. “There, there. It’s okay.”

Estela took Reggie into the lounge room for some cheer-up time, and Liv took Big Bear. Taylor quickly joined them, and pulled Reggie into her lap for a cuddle.

“Are you feeling a bit sad, sweetpea?”

Reggie nodded. “Uh-huh. I liked it better how things were before. Everything’s different.”

Taylor gently rubbed the little boy’s arms. “Change can be really tough. It’s like you’ve got to figure out how life works all over again!”

“Yeah, it’s not nice.”

“So, it’s okay to have a good cry. We will give you as many hugs and cuddles as you need.”

“Reggie,” Liv piped up, “do you wanna play a game? That could make you feel happy?”

Reggie sniffed and nodded again. Pleased-- she had this cheering-up business down-- Liv plonked herself in Estela’s lap and leaned forward to her cousin.

“Do you wanna play… ‘Klaawyi Chase’?”

Estela intervened quickly. “Maybe something with a little less running around. It’s nearly bedtime, Livi.”

“Okay. Ummmm…. ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’?”

“Livita.”

Well, you’re no fun. Liv gave a soft huff and pondered. By her best guess, ‘Hide and Seek’ would be a ‘no’ too… especially as last time she’d hid, no one managed to find her for a full hour.

“How about,” Taylor suggested, “we have a game of ‘Fortunately-Unfortunately’?”

“I wanna play that one!” Reggie said enthusiastically. “Can I start? Fortunately, we all had ice cream for dessert.”

Liv bounced in her mother’s lap. “Unfortunately, the ice cream was smelly-feet flavour!”

“Livi!” Taylor exclaimed, rolling her eyes. Why was everything smelly-feet with that kid? “Okay, then-- fortunately, Robin Dog likes smelly-feet, so he ate all the ice cream for us.”

“Oh!” Liv cried. “I’ve got a really good one!” Hehe, Robin with smelly-feet farts….

“Unfortunately,” said Estela. “It was Mama Estela’s turn, and Miss Livita just had to wait.”

Liv turned and poked her tongue out at her mom, making Reggie giggle. He snuggled in against his Auntie Taylor’s chest, his mind far away from worries about his new role as big brother to a pair of very needy twins.

“Fortunately,” he said, smiling, “Furball was visiting, and he made us some new ice cream with no yucky flavours in it.”

“Unfortunately….”

_________________________

San Trobida, September 2035

It was the last weekend before school started, and a lazy warm day at the Montoya house. Estela was up a tree, hammering boards into what would soon be a playhouse for the kids. She’d already finished up a two-storey-high climbing wall on the other side of the yard, which, at Liv’s request, would eventually be connected to the new tree-house by a zipline. Then, there’d be a slide, and monkey bars, and a tyre swing, and a fire pole. Basically, Estela had made it her mission to put together the best backyard playground on the Costa Libertad. Taylor, meanwhile, had been busying herself with a vegetable garden, with the help of a fascinated Erin and her parents, who turned out to be quite clever when it came to soil chemistry.

Liv had been up and down her new climbing wall like a yo-yo, leaving her dog, Robin, running rings around the base and all but tripping Reggie up as he tentatively took his first steps towards ascending.

“Are you coming?”

“I’m trying! Your dog’s getting in the way.”

Eventually, Reggie managed to clamber his way up, with a little help from Liv who hauled him over the top.

“See; piece of cake.”

Reggie couldn’t quite agree, and now that he was up twenty feet, he was already dreading his descent back to solid ground. Keen to distract himself from the dizzying height, he passed Liv the rope that he’d carried slung across his shoulders.

“What do you want me to do with it?” she demanded. “You’re meant to drop one end back down….”

“I’m not going near the edge!”

“Fine. Immy! You down there still?”

On the ground, and trying to wrestle a squeaky toy giraffe from Robin’s mouth, Immy craned her neck up.

“Yeah-- but you’re lucky I am, Reggie was so slow.”

“Careful. I was careful. You should bloody well try it sometime.”

Immy rolled her eyes dramatically, but nonetheless took the rope end that Liv had lowered to her, and ran it over to Estela so the distance could be measured.

“There we go,” Liv said, after having marked the rope at the edge of the platform. “Done. Reggie, if you’re just going to look down, you might as well be on the ground. Come on-- check out the view!”

Begrudgingly, Reggie sat up properly and looked around.

“Woah.” Maybe he could see the appeal of being up so high, even if he was immensely grateful for the safety rails around the platform. “You really can see everything up here.”

“Isn’t it cool?” Liv beamed as she pointed her cousin towards the paddock behind the yard. “You wanted to see our horse? Right in there at the side of the sheltery-shed thing….”

“Oh, wow! Okay, fine, I believe you now. I guess she was just hiding earlier.”

“That’s Miel. She’s like, older than dirt; Mama Estela used to ride her when she was a teenager.”

“And she’s still alive?”

“Just about. I think she’s uh… nearly thirty? Pretty ancient. Mom found out she was all on her own after her friend died, and she bought her so she could retire here with us. She’s kind of a bitey asshole. Uh, the horse-- not Mom.” Liv quickly amended, glancing to the in-progress tree-house. “So, we’re keeping her, and if she wants to make friends with the new horses we’re getting, she can, otherwise at least she can, like, neigh rude horse words at them from over the fence.”

Reggie snorted. Weirdo.

“I’m super excited. I know Mama ‘Stel was kind of nervous about us moving over here because of how things were when she was a kid-- but it actually… feels nice. I love our new house. I love cranky Miel. I love that we’re gonna get chickens, and maybe a new friend for Robin. Even the school seems pretty good.”

Swallowing his fear, Reggie joined Liv at the railing, dangling his legs over the side of the platform.

“Yeah, I think I like it here, too. Mom and Dad seem really happy; Dad says he can make more of a good difference in the world here than in America. So, I guess that’s got to be good. Did I tell you we’re going to put a pool in?”

“You might have mentioned it. When you’ve been whining about the heat, for the hundredth time.”

“It’s so humid!”

Liv giggled. It was like being back in the tropics of La Huerta, and to her, that felt right. Granted, it might have been nicer if they could just pop on over into a neighbouring alpine region that was inexplicably right next to the hot, sticky jungle, but she really loved it.

“Well,” Reggie said, “it’s going to be great. And it should be done by the time Quinn and Michelle come to visit.”

“Do we even know whose house they’re staying at yet?”

“It should be my place.” Reggie puffed out his chest, as if to emphasise the rightness of his point. “You’re definitely getting Jake and Sean and Mikey. You can’t take all the visitors. And besides… we’ll have a pool.”

That was hard to argue with. “It’s up to the adults anyway,” Liv conceded. In the end, it didn’t matter; she was going to make the most of having her La Huerta family around even if it meant camping out in Reggie’s back yard. “But, I will be a much better San Trobida tour guide than you. I’m still showing you around.”

Reggie hmphed, and Liv laughed.

“Come on, Reggie,” she said, dropping gracefully down the side of the wall and taking up hand-holds. “I’m getting hungry.”

It was at that point that Reggie made the sobering discovery that going down, was rather more intimidating than going up a sheer vertical surface.

“Um, Liv…,” he said quietly. “I, uh, don’t think I can do that.”

“Oh!” Liv responded. “Sorry, I forgot you’re new to this. Maybe you should’ve started smaller. But don’t worry, I’ll get you down….”

“Okay…,” he murmured, clearly not remotely convinced.

“Mom!” Liv hollered, all but making her poor cousin topple over the edge in surprise. “Reggie’s stuck!”

Reggie felt heat rise in his cheeks as his sisters, hanging out on the grass below the wall at the worst possible time, burst out laughing. Like they could even get up this high to begin with.

Up in the tree-house, Estela looked up and wiped off the paint from her hands. Rescuing kids from scrapes had pretty much become her specialty at this point; twelve years with Liv had seen to that. “I’m coming,” she called back.

“I’m not exactly stuck,” Reggie muttered defensively, as his Tia Estela easily scaled the climbing wall to join him and Liv, who’d already rejoined him to offer moral support. “If I really wanted to, I could climb down; I just feel I should practice climbing up a few more times before I try that.”

“You’ll get there,” Estela said kindly. As far as she was concerned, the fact that her nephew had a realistic view of his own capabilities was only a good thing. “I’ll have that zipline going in no time anyway, so you’ll have no hurry to work it out.”

With his aunt’s back offered to him, Reggie took the cue and wrapped his long arms around her neck, and his legs around her middle. Getting rescued by one of the team of protective grown-ups? Basically, the story of both his and Liv’s lives.

“Hang on, Regito,” Estela laughed.

____________________________

La Huerta, 2034

The frigid wind howled against the cabin door, and it took all of Liv and Reggie’s combined might to wrestle it closed. Both kids were panting heavily-- and shaking like leaves-- as they nervously stepped away.

“Thank god this little hut was here, really,” Liv heaved. “I dunno about you, but I’d rather be stranded in a snowstorm with walls around me.”

Reggie said nothing, and just shivered, wrapping his arms around his own torso. He’d wrapped up-- as if his parents would let him go wandering into the colder pockets of the island without a heap of layers-- but the snow had wet his gloves through, and a chill was now spreading through his body.

“Hey,” Liv said, “we should… we should get a fire going. You look like you’re halfway turned into a popsicle right now.”

As his cousin busied herself at the fireplace-- thank goodness there was some firewood left-- Reggie fiddled with his emergency phone. His heart sank. No signal. His mom and dad were going to be so worried when he and Liv never came home….

“Uh, Liv… I think the storm’s screwed up the reception here. It won’t let me phone Mom and Dad.”

Liv looked up, and for the first time, she looked truly fearful, her usual intrepid spirit extinguished in a flash. “They’re really gonna panic,” she said softly. She shuddered. If their parents came out looking for them, it meant walking out into a blizzard, and all the danger that came with it. If she could just tell her mothers that she was safe, that she and Reggie had shelter… they could wait out the storm. Anything could happen, anything….

“Are you okay, Livia?” Reggie asked, and he handed her a heavy blanket as he sat down cross-legged in front of her feebly burning fire. “You look kind of spaced-out.”

“Hng?”

“They’ll find us; it’ll be okay.”

“I don’t want them to come and find us,” Liv snapped. “I want them to stay where it’s safe. They could get hurt or, or worse because we were stupid enough not to turn around when the weather changed.” She placed a stick too roughly, and her firewood tower collapsed, extinguishing the flame. “For fuck’s sake!”

Reggie, wisely, stayed quiet, letting his cousin fix up the mess and get a new fire started without interference. He watched her with concern as her eyes welled. “Livia…?”

She huddled close to him, but for a long while, didn’t speak.

“Reggie,” she murmured at last, “something really horrible happened a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t want to talk about it with you, ‘cause… ‘cause I didn’t even want to think about it…. It just made me feel too bad. But, uh.... I was… I was playing in the sea with Mama Estela. Just like we always do. We were just goofing off. Then, um, I got all tangled up in those freaking weeds. They grabbed me and held me under.”

“That must have been so scary….”

“Of course, Mom got me out of there. B-but there was a sea-snake in there. It bit her. It happened so fast… I hardly even saw what happened, but she suddenly just... could hardly even get out of the water. I somehow managed to haul her up out the water, but she was all limp and… and I gave her the anti-venom, and she just started having some kind of fit.. Like her body was jerking around, and her mouth was all frothy.” She gasped through a sob. “Then she… she stopped breathing, completely.” Liv shuddered as the memory filled her mind, vivid as if it were yesterday. She could feel Reggie’s wide, horrified eyes upon her. “I screamed. I screamed for help. Mama Taylor was up the beach, she couldn’t hear me. S-so I did CPR. My hands were shaking so-- so bad. And all I could think was ‘I’m gonna screw this up. I’m gonna screw this up and my mom’s gonna die’.” Her voice cracked and she sputtered through hot tears that she wiped away with her arm. Before she knew it, Reggie had his arms around her and was holding her tight. “I don’t know how long it was,” she said. “It felt like forever, but it was probably only a few minutes. Then she started breathing and I just… I cried, and cried, and cried.”

Reggie gently rubbed Liv’s back, and it soothed her.

“I, uh, I guess I always thought Mama Estela was invincible. To me, she always was. There was nothing I couldn't do either, because she would always be there to protect me. It was so close, Reggie… it looked like she was gone.”

“I… didn’t know it was as bad as that. My dad told me she’d been bitten but…,” Reggie mumbled. “You must have been so scared. Have you… have you talked to your moms about it much?”

Liv sniffed, and wiped her face again. “Yeah. You know what my Mama Taylor is like; we’ve talked it through lots, I’ve told them how I’m feeling. But I haven’t… like… had a big cry since it happened.” Until now. Now, she just couldn’t seem to stop the tears from coming. Reggie didn’t seem to mind; he just sat with her, and rubbed her back, and told her it was okay.

After what seemed like an age, her tears slowed.

“It is going to be okay, you know?” Reggie said gently. “Obviously, they’re going to come out looking for us, but they’re smart. They’ll be prepared; just like your Mama Estela was with the anti-venom.”

“Yeah…,” Liv said, her voice small. You could be as prepared as you wanted, but sometimes the world managed to stay one step ahead. The storm outside was wild and furious, battering on the roof and walls… and it was frightening. Liv could only snuggle under her cousin’s arm, and trust that whatever search and rescue party was out there would come through.

The two kids huddled together beneath their blanket, speaking little, but making their mutual support known without words. Just the squeeze of a hand through the most blood-curdling howls of the wind, and the simple offer of presence.

Somehow, the creak of the door shoved open cut through the dull roar.

“Oh, thank goodness!”

“Dad!” Reggie leapt forward and flung his arms around his father, his face lighting up further when Grace followed in behind. “Mom!”

Grace put her shaking hands to her son’s face, gently sweeping hair from his eyes. “Darling, are you all right?” Then she pulled Liv into a fierce hug, and in a moment Aleister had his arms around all three of them. “We were so worried!”

Liv whimpered against Grace’s shoulder. “Are my moms out in the storm?” She knew the answer already.

“Yes, honey. They’re out searching for you. Don’t you stress, okay? We’ve got a flare to set off so they’ll know we found you here-- and Varyyn and Diego too.”

“Woah,” Liv murmured, “you got a whole search party out.”

There was a buzzing, and the flickering of blue light, then Iris materialised.

Reggie beamed. “Hey, Grandma! So, a ‘whole search party’ is pretty much correct.”

“I will say, being able to scan for nearby lifeforms is quite handy in situations like these.”

So, find my moms and Tio Diego. Liv hugged tighter to her Auntie Grace, with no words pleading for help.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Grace said gently, stroking Liv’s face, while Aleister saw to setting off the flare. “It’s going to be just fine. We’re not far from Elyys’tel; we all fanned out from there, so no one is going to be too deep into the mountains.”

That… actually made sense. It was enough, just enough to keep Liv a step above panic-mode. She headed back to the fireplace, but as her backside hit the floor, a guttural roar rocked the cabin, and she leapt back to her feet.

“What the--?”

“You two stay back!” Aleister ordered, his voice shaking. Why, oh why, did the children want to go gallivanting out in the frozen wilderness when there was a perfectly serviceable tropical paradise right outside their front door? He was going to be old before his time at this rate….

Grace, though, was already hauling open the door, to reveal the hulking figure of the Mountain Guardian.

A growl rumbling in her throat, Arktos loomed in the doorway, looking down at Grace with a questioning gaze.

“Hello…?” she said cautiously. The gigantic bear-like creature was generally reasonably friendly…. “Did we… did we disturb you with the flare?”

Arktos grumbled, her furry ears flicking with curiosity.

“Our friends are out there in the storm,” Grace continued, certain that the yeti would understand; her past experiences had only supported the fact that this creature was incredibly intelligent-- and benevolent. “The flare was to bring them to this cabin.”

With a soft huff, Arktos shuffled backwards, and all of a sudden, it seemed as though she was surrounded by a force-field… a bubble that the wind and blinding snow couldn’t penetrate.

Understanding, Grace turned to Iris. “I think we’re going hiking again-- with a little extra help this time. Al, you’ll stay and watch the kids?”

“I--I--” Aleister stuttered. “Well, of course. Stay close to the… the bear thing.” Scrambling a little, he pulled off his outer layer and offered it to her. “I won’t have you catching hypothermia.”

And Grace stepped into the snow, Iris hovering behind her, and found shelter in the yeti’s protective shield. She looked up at the beast, now rearing up onto colossal hind legs to scout for signs of nearby human activity. “Thank you, Arktos. I guess… I guess, you choose the direction, and we’ll start the search.”

The unusual trio headed out into the storm, and within moments, they were invisible for the wind thick with snow. Aleister, a look of dumbfoundment upon his face, closed the door, and again, the cabin was quiet.

“Damn. Auntie Grace is a fricking badass,” Liv breathed, face alight in awe.

Aleister, recovering from his wife’s shock exit quickly-- he’d seen her steely courage in action enough times to just about take it in his stride, nodded. “Indeed.” He brushed the last flakes of snow from his coat, and looked around the room. “Well, I don’t suppose the wait will pass any faster with us standing around here. Reggie, did we leave any board-games here last time?”

“Uh, looks like we’ve got ‘Scrabble’?”

Well, Liv thought, I don’t have a hope in hell against these people. Should’ve left ‘Twister’ here….

Reggie sat himself down in front of the crackling fire and started unpacking the box. “Hey, Livia-- team up with me?”

He was clearly still a little worried about her. If there was an opportunity to thrash her at something, Mr Pedantic-Always-Right would take it without fail. Or so Liv had believed.

She plonked down cross-legged beside him. “Yeah? Yeah, all right.”

The two kids exchanged a high five, and Liv couldn’t help but grin. You are going down, Uncle Al.

___________________________

San Trobida, September 2035

As the car pulled up the neatly paved pathway to Aleister and Grace’s house, Liv excitedly rolled down the window.

“Reginaaaaald!!!” she hollered.

“How,” Aleister wondered aloud, “can such a small person-- and the offspring of Estela and Diego of all people-- sound so eerily like a bloody foghorn?”

A beaming Reggie followed his father out the front door. He exchanged hugs with both his parents-- and his two little sisters-- and then rushed to join his cousin on the back seat.

“Are you ready to go, mijo?” Estela checked in, suppressing a laugh as Taylor all but did a contortion act to give her nephew a hug from the front seat.

He had Liv, didn’t he? So, basically, he was ready for anything.

The short drive to the school saw the return of those pesky jitters, and Reggie knew from the way his cousin jiggled her leg the whole way there that he was definitely not alone in that. The school ground, filled only with kids their own age when they’d been there for orientation, was swarming with adolescents of all sizes-- and just about all of them were bigger than Reggie and Liv.

With an awkward hug and a kiss to her mothers in the front of the car, Liv bit the bullet and, bulging backpack in hand, stepped out into a brave new world. There was only one thing for it; Reggie would just have to take the plunge. He swung his backpack over his shoulder, and followed after his cousin.

“Welp,” said Liv, “here goes nothing!”

Reggie gave a nervous laugh and playfully bashed Liv with his backpack, putting a reassuringly silly grin on her face.

We’ve got this.

_______________________

NOTES

Little Xiraana is @mauvecatfic's baby. Check out her stories; you won't regret it!

If you read 'A Ride to Remember', you might remember Miel. She's the very same horse.

Aaaaand, the incident Liv is recounting during the snowstorm is the one you can read from Estela's perspective in 'Teething Problems: Part Two'.

[brelione]

Endgame(Kiara Carrera X Reader)

Request:with kie with a like super rich kook SO and bringing them to meet the rest of the pogues and they all expect to hate them but then not

Kiara had never liked you.Well, she had never reallly met you.She kind of just assumed you were a bitch.You were what Sarah Cameron thought she was, you came from a ridiculously rich family.

Your mother was a brain surgeon and your father was a famous actor so that obviously meant that you were ridiculously rich.Kie had done a lot of research on you, finding your name on your fathers wikipedia page and from there finding your blog where you posted videos of him behind the scenes and personal interviews with him on your youtube channel.

She was up for 16 hours straight watching all of your videos, memorising your intro song.You had a good one million subscribers, posting a lot of blogs and videos showing things that you had found on the beach.She would blush and giggle at your little comments.

 “Hey, beautiful people!Its your bitch and today im gonna show you guys my new surf board because my old one got broke on an accident.I mean, my wrist also broke so if you were gonna comment on it, trust me.I definitely noticed.So before I get into this video I just want to talk about mental health really quickly.”You paused to take in a quick breath, speaking a bit too fast.

Theres a new suicide game and its getting across social media really quick so please do me a favor and stay safe.It doesnt matter what the problem is now, its only temporary and suicide is a permanent solution.I linked some suicide hotlines and free therapy sources in the description so please just keep yourselves healthy and happy for me, okay?Okay, cool.”You licked your lips, calming down from the quick rant.

“Also drink some fucking water!Its hot out and I almost passed out the other day and make sure you get a snack because this video is already fifteen minutes long and im probably gonna be ranting for another hour.”You grinned at the camera.

Kiara bit into a carrot stick, her knees on her chest as she sat in the recliner of her living room. “Watching another documentary?”Her mother asked, noticing that her daughter hadnt moved in hours.Kie shrugged, focusing on you as you dropped your surfboard. “This is exactly how I broke the first one-fuck!”You laughed, picking it back up.

Eventually the boys started to spam her phone, interrupting her binge watching.She left her house with a sigh, walking out to the dock and waiting for the pogues.Thats when she heard your voice.It was quiet as you walked, wearing white jeans and a light blue button up shirt.

 “So you guys always ask me to show you the beach that I find all of my seashells at so thats what we’re-”You paused, looking over to Kiara.She quickly looked away, pretending to be busy on your phone. “Sorry guys, I just saw a really pretty girl.”You whispered to your phone, continuing your walk.

From there she finally worked up the courage to talk to you.She couldnt simply message you on instagram, you had hundreds of thousands of followers so her dm would get lost with all the others.

So she found her prettiest outfit and walked to your house, knocking on the door.You looked at her through the camera of your doorbell, knowing that you had seen her before.You set down your lap top as you were editing, going to answer the door. 

“Hi...um...hi.”She laughed, not planning on getting this far. “Hi, um...what’s up?”You cringed at your words. “Nothing much.I just live a block away and I just thought id say hi...im sorry.”She laughed again, becoming more anxious.

 “Its fine!So um...I dont know, do you wanna maybe hang out sometime?”You asked, leaning against your doorway.She licked her lips, trying her best not to blush. “Yeah, yeah ok.Um...could I get your number?”She asked, holding her phone.

You nodded, giving her your phone number and telling her to text you whenever.Once the door was closed and she had left you were a squealing mess on your couch, recording. 

“So you guys know that pretty girl I was talking about that I saw?Yeah so I just got her number and im low key freaking out-oh god lets just hope she doesnt watch my channel!”You laughed before finishing the editing process, uploading it to youtube.

Kiara got the notification while she was washing her face, watching the video and absolutely losing her mind.She buried her face in her pillow, squealing before deciding to text you.

Unknown number:hey!Its Kiara.Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?

You smiled, letting out a sigh.You screenshotted it, knowing that it would be fun to look back at in the future.

You:Sounds good!Do you want to come over and we can get coffee or lunch or something?

Kie:Okay!!12?

You:Works for me :)

Kie:Okay!

You were anxious the whole night, trying to figure out what to wear.You couldnt decide, posting a poll on your instagram.They decided that you’d be wearing a dark green romper and sandals.You went to bed early since you’d have to wake up before afternoon, heart pounding.

When you woke up it was eleven and you were already behind, hopping in the shower quickly, drying your hair and brushing it, trying to get it to a soft texture.You didnt want to look like you were trying too hard, deciding not to use all of the hair products you’d usually put in your hair before a meeting or a date.

You got into your outfit quickly, pinning your pin back with bobby pins so you could moisturize your face, grabbing your box of beads and parting your hair.You braided the two groups of hair that framed your face, intertwining the beads along the way, securing it with an elastic.

You sighed, twisting a golden flower ring onto your pinkie before going down stairs to sit in your large living room, waiting for Kiara.Your doorbell alerted you to motion outside, getting excited when you saw Kiara walking up to your front door.

She was wearing a pink tube top, light washed jeans with her hair half up and half down, bracelets hugging her wrists.You got up, answering the door the second she rung the bell. “Hi.”You smiled, phone in your pocket.

 “Hi.”She smiled back, looking up and down at you.The two of you got into your car, you driving as you started your drive to a cafe. “So how are you?”You asked, realising you knew nothing about her. “Im good, what about you?”She asked, hands in her lap. “I was up all night editing which obviously sucked but you know, it is what it is.”You replied, biting your lip.

She smiled, knowing she’d end up watching the video. “Editing what?Like an edits account on instagram?”She asked, cringing at how stupid it sounded.You shook your head, slowing down once you got to the main road, searching for a parking spot.

 “No, I have a youtube channel.I kind of just post random shit and hope for the best.”You answered, pulling up next to the cafe.She nodded, turning to look at you. “That’s cool, what kind of stuff do you post?”She asked, resting her chain against her palm.

You bit your lip, glancing over at the cafe. “I post a lot of interviews and random videos of my dad and sometimes he’ll take me to a set with him and i’ll take videos with the cast.I got to meet Scarlet Johannson so thats cool.”You replied, unbuckling your seatbelt.She grinned.

 “Thats fucking awesome-were they in a movie together?”She asked, wanting to hear you talk more. “A show thats coming to Netflix soon, its kind of like a murder mystery meets greek mythology and my dad plays Zeus.We should watch it together.”You answered.

The car was cool but you felt hot, probably because her eyes were focused on you.She nodded, liking the idea of hanging out with you more. “That’d be awesome.”The two of you went inside, the barista grinning at you.

She had always liked you and liked showing up in your vlogs when you came in to get your coffee with boba.She looked to the unknown girl beside you, a small pout on her face. “What can I get for you ladies?”She asked, already preparing your coffee. 

“What do you want, Kie?”You asked, moving aside so she could see the menu. “Uhhh….whats a green frappe?”She asked, squinting at the menu. “Oh-its like a blended matcha latte with like mint and vanilla.It's really good.”You explained.

The two of you sat with your drinks, Kiara laughing as you stabbed the boba bubbles at the bottom of your cup. “You know whats cool?These straws are made of hemp plastic so its-”She cut you off before you could finish.

 “Biodegradable?”She asked.You nodded, glad someone finally knew what you were talking about. “Yeah!And the company is awesome, they have like 10% of sales going to help the Amazon rain forests and another 10% going to help clean the ocean.”You smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

The afternoon had ended with the two of you on the beach, taking photos of eachother discretely while you finished your drinks, searching for sea glass and watching the sun set.Kiara was freaking out on the inside, knowing that she was pretty much dating a celebrity.

It didnt take long after that first day for her to start showing up in your videos.You held your camera as you two walked down the beach, her hand holding yours and twirling you every once in a while, flashing a smile to the camera. 

“So we’re currently on our way to a place that Kie will not tell me about because shes rude.”You spoke, turning the camera to face you.Kiara simply laughed, placing her chin on your shoulder. “Uh...no its because im good at planning surprises.”She answered, grinning when you gasped.

Two surfboards were on the sand along with a blanket and a basket full of fruits, veggies and sandwiches.You cut the camera, giggling and pulling her into a kiss. “Love you.”She grinned, giggling.

 “Love you too.”You replied, looking down at the boards.It didnt take long for the two of you to be in only your swimsuits, grabbing the boards and heading towards the water.You clipped the camera to your board, making sure it was secure before stating to film, catching a few good waves on camera before focusing more on Kie.

 “There she is, showing off for you guys.”You zoomed in on Kiara as she rode the wave, twisting her body to get a beautiful spin on the dark blue wave.She disappeared under the water, resurfacing with a smile and hair on her face, swimming towards you.

 “Did you see that?”She asked, a proud smirk tugging at her lips.You nodded. “How could I miss it?”You asked, earning an eye roll from your girlfriend. “Shut up.”She splashed you, letting out a loud laugh when you splashed back at her.

Turning off the camera, laying on your stomachs against your boards, holding hands so you wouldnt drift away from eachother.It was heaven. “So...ive been thinking lately.”She started, a nervous look on her face.

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. “And I think I want you to meet my friends.”She tapped her fingernails against your surfboard, waiting anxiously for your answer.She had told the boys all about you.

About how you had a huge following on youtube, how your dad was an actor and how you lived in the biggest house on figure eight.She had tried her best to tell them that you werent like the others, that you were fantastic and humble.

But of course they didnt believer her and ‘would believe it when they saw it’.She knew that if she didnt end up introducing you to them sooner or later that she’d lost the chance to introduce you at all.

You nodded, considering it. “Yeah, okay.When?”You asked, hoping you’d at least have time to think about this. “Tomorrow.”She replied, wincing when you let out a small shout. “Tomorrow?Shit-Kie, im not ready!”You exclaimed, covering your mouth when you realised how loud you had been. 

“Babe, chill.Let me pick out your outfit and it’ll be fine.”She insisted.You gave in, the two of you paddling back to the sand, wrapping up in your towels and sitting on the blanket, eating some cutie oranges.

She spent the night at your house, holding on tight to you even though the two of you were in a king sized bed and she had more than enough space to spread out like a starfish.

The morning came too fast, Kiara raiding your closet for something appropriate for the occasion, pleased when she came across a black bathing suit and a yellow shirt along with some jeans, tossing them at you. 

“Babe, you gotta get up.”She told you, already dressed and ready to go.You groaned, finally getting up a few minutes later, slowly changing and not even bothering to pick up your pajamas.You were still sore from last night, stretching your limbs as you pulled the jeans up your body.The boys were spamming her phone, making her annoyed.

Dumb Blonde:Where are you guys

God:Are you bringing them with you

Trash Rat:Dont bring them with you 

Trash Rat:The place is a mess

Trash Rat:Kie

Trash Rat:Kiara

Trash Rat:Kiara Madelyn Klark Carrera

God:Where are you guys

Dumb Blonde:Wait are they the one with the dad that was in that one movie

She ignored their texts, turning off her notifications and sending you a quick smile, promising to get you an iced coffee on the way.You were half asleep in the passengers seat until she handed you a french vanilla iced coffee, slowly becoming awake.

By the time you had finished your coffee she had pulled into John.B’s drive way, hand on your thigh in attempts to calm you down. “You’re gonna be fine, babe.Everyone likes you, they just havent met you yet.”She grinned, getting out of the car.

You squeezed her hand, following her into the house.The boys were all sitting on the couch, looking up once the two of you had entered.JJ immediately looked you up and down, raising an eyebrow.You felt a bit insecure, trying to figure out what he thought of you.

 “This is (Y/N).(Y/N), these are the boys.Thats John.B, thats JJ and thats Pope.”She pointed to each of the boys.The tension in the room was ridiculous until Kiara pulled you into her lap, the boys looking between eachother. “So whats it like having a movie star as a dad?”JJ asked, the first one to speak up.

You bit your bottom lip, pulling at the skin on your hands. “umm...its really cool sometimes.Chris Hemsworth is a family friend so thats cool but like...I cant go anywhere with him when he’s home without getting followed around and there was this one teenage girl stalking him once and she was climbing our house and was watching me sleep.”You answered, relieved when you heard Pope chuckle. 

“Wait, actually?Thats so scary.”He replied, the two of you beginning to calm down a bit.You, John.B and JJ were all conversating about Chris Hemsworth, all of them asking a lot of questions.

 “Wait-who else have you met from the Avengers?”John.B asked. “I met Scarlet Johanson and Chris Evans.”You replied.Kiara smacked your leg. “You met Christ Evans and never told me?”She asked, outraged.

You rolled your eyes, pulling out your phone to show them the vlog that Chris had made an appearance in.Kiara was just confused as to why she had never seen it before you informed her that it was private. 

“Ew-ignore my face.Just wait a few seconds.”You told them, the phone between the circle that had ended up forming. “Oh my god!Its Chris Evans!”JJ shouted, staring at the phone.Chris had leaned over your shoulder, saying a quick ‘hello’ to the camera before Scarlet stole it from you. 

“This is Scarlet Johannson and I have decided to take over my new role as (Y/N)’s mom.Im sorry (Y/M/N) but they’re mine now.”She smiled.Her hair had been dyed a light blonde, red lipstick and light eyeshadow.

You had been freaking out the whole time. “Wait-will you ever see her again?”JJ asked.You hummed, sure that she’d be making an appearance for a Christmas Party. “Can you tell her I love her, please?”He asked, face red. “She reaches my vlogs-do you guys want to be in one?”You offered, remembering that you had your camera in your bag.

They all agreed, excited as you took out your camera, Kiara holding onto you. “So Kiara introduced me to her friends today and JJ has a special message for Scarlet.”You grinned, pointing the camera towards him. “Marry me, please.”He winked, giggling.

Pope flashed a peace sign at the camera, John.B sticking out his tongue and doing finger guns. “This is John.B and this is Pope, and then we have Kie as always.”You pointed the camera at her.She bit her lip, winking at the camera and making you laugh.

 “Oh my god- what is this vlog.”You shook your head, turning off the camera.When you had posted the vlog that night you were spammed with comments demanding JJ’s instagram and of course you had to give the people what they wanted.

JJ was more than happy to have a ton of pretty girls hyping him up in his comments, Pope getting a lot of attention as well.Scarlet had made sure to let you know that she had watched it and to tell JJ that he was too young for her but she was flattered by the offer.But then your instagram was being spammed.You were being tagged in dozens of edits of you and Kie along with one of you and JJ.But the comments on that one were so funny.

Kieand(Y/N)4life:bruh no

(Y/N)officialfanpage:no <3

(Y/N)officialfanpage:Kiara and them are meant to be bb

Kiara(Y/L/N):Kiara and them are meant to be buddy

KIEANDYNAREENDGAME:uhhh isnt it confirmed that Kiara and (Y/N) are dating?

“They’re catching on.”You told Kie, sitting down on the bed and showing her all the things you were tagged in.She grinned, telling you to post and make it official. “You sure?”You asked.She nodded, fixing her hair as you got ready to take a photo, kissing her cheek. She bit her lip, watching you type.

We are endgame.

@poguestyleskye  @jjtheangel @lovelyelinor @messuhp  @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off  @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @i-love-scott-mccall​

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever - Chapter Six

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!reader

Warnings: mentions of cancer and depression

Masterlist

Two months later, I sat in my doctors office and impatiently bounced my leg. I reflected on my past two months in New York. It was June now. Venom and I had fallen into a routine. We’d work on the Cletus Kasady start by day and go patrolling at night. Of course, being Venoms wasn’t a nightly occurrence. We’d only go out eating once or twice a week. Still, we managed to have 11 run ins with Spider-Man.

Peter and I had become significantly closer in that past two months as well. I’d help him with his homework, though I secretly thought he was smarter than me, and he helped me with my story. Some nights, he’d visit me on my fire escape and we’d watch the sun go down. I had no idea how he got there, but I didn’t care. I felt like Juliet and he was my Romeo. I’d send him science puns while he was at school and he’d bring me food and keep me company when I had writers block. My favorite was our long talks on the roof. We would I sit there for hours and tell each other everything. I knew all his secrets and he knew mine. Well, not all. He didn’t know about Venom. I didn’t want to tell him about her just yet in fear of his reaction.

And every now and then, we’d catch the other staring. Then, the other would I stare back until someone, usually Peter, started to lean in. Every time I thought we were finally going to take the next step, something would interrupt us. Whether it was May knocking or Ned barging in or Peters phone ringing. That was another thing about Peter. His damn phone was always ringing and then he’d have to dash off somewhere, leaving me with a random excuse or something about an internship. Sometimes, I wish he’d just throw his phone aside and kiss me.

“I’m okay?” I asked.

“Your scans were all clean. I know the tumor was genetic, but it seemed to skip you. You’re very lucky, Miss L/N.” The doctor informed me.

I knew this day would come eventually. Mary was my age when she was diagnosed with cancer. I just thought the results would be different. Considering my track record, I was a very unlucky person. But somehow, I was cancer free when my beautiful sister wasn’t. I felt my eyes well up with tears. This should’ve been how her doctors appointment went. I shouldn’t have had to hold her hand as she broke down on the floor and cried. We were teenagers. She deserved to live. I got in my car and wiped my tears on the back of my sleeves. I hastily turned on the radio. I needed a distraction.

“But what scares me the most is what if when he sees me, what if he doesn't like it? What if he runs the other way and I can't hide from it?” A sweet sounding country accent sang on the radio sang. I looked at my radio and read the title of the song. It was from the musical Waitress. I was never big on theater but the lyrics sounded as if I could’ve written them myself. The song was right. What if I told Peter who I really was and he ran away? He was sweet and understanding, but how understanding could he possibly be when I tell him I can turn into a flesh eating monster? I turned my radio up and listened to the song.

“What happens then if when he knows me, he's only disappointed? What if I give myself away, to only get it given back? I couldn't live with that.” The song sang. It was true again. What if Peter got to know me and was disappointed? What if he ran away before I even told him about Venom?

“He could be less than kind. Or even worse he could be very nice, have lovely eyes, and make me laugh, come out of hiding. What do I do with that?” The song continued. All those things described Peter. I felt another tear run down my cheek. Not because of what had happened with the doctors visit, but because of the loss of what could’ve been but now can never be.

“Oh, God what if when he sees me, I like him and he knows it? What if he opens up a door and I can't close it?” Peter had opened up a door. I thought Andy was the love of my life. I used to think that if he asked, I’d be his in a second. But I didn’t feel that way anymore. I had finally moved on. I didn’t want to be with Andy anymore. I wanted to be with Peter.

“What happens then if when he holds me, my heart is set in motion? I'm not prepared for that, I'm scared of breaking open.” I silently cried as the song played. I was scared too. I was scared of letting Peter in and him letting himself right out. I was scared of repeating the mistakes I made with Andy. No. I wasn’t scared. I was petrified. I pulled my car over and began to shake with violent sobs.

I swallowed thickly. The song was bringing out new fears in me that I didn’t know I had. It was right. What if Peter didn’t like what he saw? What if he realized I was too messy to be with? Or had too much baggage? Peter deserved a nice girl. One with a normal family and friends. One without depression. One without a flesh eating symbiote attached to their immune system. My friends were my ex-fiancé and his new girlfriend, all my family was dead, Venom was coursing through my veins, and my mental health was ultimately lacking. Was I even good enough for Peter? Was I actually dumb enough to think that I was?

“What’s wrong baby?” Venom asked with concern. She cuddled around my neck and nuzzled into my cheek. I felt her tendrils wiping my tears.

“I can never be with Peter.” I cried. Admitting it felt like a fatal blow to the stomach. Venom tied my hair up with one of her arms and continued to dry my face.

“Why do you say that?”

I thought about it for a moment. I didn’t want to tell Venom that I was feeling insecure. She freaked out on me whenever I said something negative about myself. I didn’t wanna another 100 slide PowerPoint titled “why Y/N L/N is the baddest bitch in the galaxy”. Especially since forty of those slides were just pictures of my butt. I appreciated Venom with all my heart, but I was feeling the kind of insecure that a pep talk couldn’t fix. I needed to figure it out on my own. Instead, I told her a different fear I had.

“Because. Look at us. We’re the only thing keeping each other alive. What if we get separated and die? I can’t become one of those people in Peters life who loved him and then left him. His mom, his dad, his Uncle Ben. I don’t want to die and leave Peter behind. He’s been through enough. He’d be so much better off without me.” I said. I had calmed down enough to talk to Venom. She listened patiently.

“We’re not gonna die. You protect me and I protect you. Nothing will hurt us as long as we have each other.” Venom assured me.

“I can’t protect you like you protect me. I’m just a human. What if something happens to me and you die because of it?” I whimpered. Venom and I both knew I was nothing without her. She could move on and find another host, obviously not a perfect match like we were, but good enough to keep going and be fine. I, on the other hand, was just a reporter. I couldn’t defend myself if I needed to. I was her puppet. She did all the work in battles. I was just the vessel. I knew I was spiraling but I couldn’t get myself to stop.

“Nothing will happen to you, Y/N. I promise. I won’t let it.” Venom swore. I looked up at her and gave her a sad smile.

“I won’t let anything happen to you either.” I said. But I didn’t promise it. I knew I couldn’t promise it. Venom didn’t mind. She nuzzled my cheek again.

“And you can be with Peter. On Klyntar, we mate for life. And I think you’ve found your mate in Peter.” Venom told me.

“What does that mean?”

“It means we’ve become attached to him and will never be happy with anyone else.” Venom said. I let out a shaky breath. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I needed a reason to shut my feelings for Peter down.

“Like soulmates?” I asked.

“Exactly like soulmates.”

I thought about what she said. “What happens on Klyntar if someone is your soulmate but you’re not theirs?”

“Then we go into a cave and mourn until we die alone of heartbreak.” Venom said simply.

“That sounds about right.” I laughed sadly. I took a second to think

“I’m gonna call that guy back.” I decided.

“What guy?” She asked.

“They guy who asked me out at the coffee shop this morning.” I reminded her.

“The one with the stupid hair? Why would you call him?” Venom asked angrily.

“What was wrong with his hair?” I laughed.

“It was blonde. We like brunette.” Venom said with a devilish grin.

“His hair was fine. And I’m gonna call him to say yes to the date.” I said.

���Why would we do that when we love Peter?”

“Because if Peter doenst love us, I don’t want to die of heartbreak alone in a cave.” I admitted.

“He does love you.” Venom protested.

“We don’t know that. It’s just one date. I need to get back out there anyway. I haven’t gone on a date since the night before Andy and I broke up.” I reasoned.

“Fine. But this is a terrible idea and I’m going to complain the whole time and sing the Les Mis soundtrack in your head.” Venom grumbled. This was one of those moments where she felt more like my toddler than my symbiote.

I ran into Peter in the hallway on my way to my room. I hoped he couldn’t tell I had been crying. I gave my face a quick wipe down before I looked at him.

“Hey Y/n! You want to come over later and help me with spanish? I’ll amo you mucho.” Peter asked. I wanted so badly to say yes. But I had to stick my guns.

“Aw I’m sorry Pete. I wish I could but I have a date tonight.” I said. I instantly regretted telling him about the date when I saw the look on his face.

Peter stopped dead in his tracks. His heart sank to the floor. He went from feeling devastated to feeling white hot anger in a matter of seconds

“A date? With who?” He snapped.

“Some boy I met at the coffee shop.” I said weakly.

“Oh.” He said dully. Some boy. Some freaking dirty bitch ass sissy coffee boy asked his girl out. Peter felt like hunting the man down and smacking the shit out of him. Or at the very least, webbing him to a wall leaving him there until he missed the date. Who did he think he was asking Y/n out? Didn’t he know you guys were meant to be? Peter should’ve known though. Y/n was beautiful and it was only a matter of time before someone else asked her out.

“What’s his name?” Peter asked. He wanted to put a name to his new mortal enemy.

“Matt.” I answered.

Freaking Matt. Freaking dirty ass bitch ass thot ass Matt. Was Matt Spider-Man? No. Could Matt treat Y/n as well as he could? Mayhaps. But did he love her as much? No. Did he have inside jokes with her? Could he make her laugh her beautiful laugh just by doing a Captain America impression? No. He wasn’t good enough for her. He couldn’t do the things Peter could do. He was trash. He was a trashy dirty ass rat boy Peter thought.

“Interesting.” Peter deadpanned. Freaking Matt.

“I’ll text you when it’s over and maybe I can help you then. That sound okay, guapo?” I offered. He nodded sadly, not even acknowledging that I called him handsome. Actually, he probably had no idea that I did. He was smart, but only in English.

“That’s fine. I’ll see you later.” He mumbled.

I watched Peter trudge into his apartment and felt a pain in my heart. He seemed so upset all the sudden. It couldn’t be from my date, could it? It’s not like I told him I got engaged or something. It was one little date. Peter has never even made a move. He had no reason to be upset. I brushed it off and went into my apartment to get ready.

Just as Venom said, the date went horribly. We drove back to the apartment in silence afterwards, leaving Matt to clean himself off.

“Why did that happen?” I asked her. I was so mortified from the events of the night but I needed to know why they happened.

“Because he wasn’t your soulmate.” Venom said simply.

“We defiled that boy.” I nearly shouted.

“It happens.” Venom stated.

“It shouldn’t.” I said, shocked at how nonchalantly she was being.

“But it does.”

We rode the rest of the way in silence. I shot Peter a text when I got back to my apartment but fell asleep before he could answer. I woke up a few hours later in a cold sweat and in tears. I didn’t know Peter was listening to my breathing picking up and the small cries of his his name in my sleep with his superhearing.

I had had a nightmare that shook me deeply. It was about Peter, like many of my dreams were. But in this dream, he and I laid injured on the ground. Venom and I were separated and I was bleeding out. I couldn’t do anything to save him. I couldn’t scream for help. And worse, I couldn’t protect him. It caused me great agony to not be able to reach him. I got out of my bed and made my way to the door. I needed to see him. I needed to tell him that I’d been in love with him since the day we met. I didn’t care about my insecurities anymore. I didn’t care about all the things keeping us apart. I only cared about him. I threw all my previous doubts out the window. I loved him. I loved that boy. With every ounce of my beating heart. I loved his messed up eyebrow and his baggy clothes. I loved the permanent bags under his eyes and his sweet smelling cologne. I loved his messy hair and his even more adorable bed head. I loved him in a way that consumed me. He needed to know that. I couldn’t wait another second.

I swung open my door, only to find Peter Parker outside my door in pink Hello Kitty pajama bottoms and a tight white t-shirt. His hand was raised, like he was about to knock.

“Hey.” I breathed. His hair was tousled and sticking up in random places. He looked heavenly.

“Hi.” He said shyly.

“I was just about to go to your door. I had a bad dream.” I said. I was anxious to skip the semantics and cut right to the chase. I love you and I’m yours if you’ll have me.

“Yea, I heard. That’s why I’m here.” Peter explained. That’s not what he wanted to say. I’m always here if you need me. I’d go to the ends of the earth for you. I love you. It’ll be okay. He looked at me funny.

She looked so beautiful he thought. Makeup free, hair a little messy, and nothing but an oversized sweatshirt to cover her figure. Peter recognized the sweatshirt as his own, one she had swiped from his laundry basket because she was freezing while they watched Alien. He felt so honored to know that she slept in it. Peter wondered how many times he could fall in love with her in a short span of time. In the past few seconds, he’d fallen about 15 times. Once for every breath you took. And you were breathing quite heavily.

“You heard?” I asked. How could he had possible heard from his apartment?

“My hearing is excellent. Are you alright?” Peter stuttered out. Please be alright. I’d stop anything that tried to hurt you. I’ll protect you from the storm. Don’t shut me out. Don’t turn me away. Let me love you. I was still breathing heavy and he could tell.

“Um…” I began. I looked behind me at my empty apartment. The darkness looked anything but inviting. I couldn’t go back in there just yet.

“No?” I said. Please dont go. It came out as more of a question.

“No? Do you want to talk about it-“ I rushed into Peters arm and hugged him tightly. He seemed taken aback, seeing as I nearly knocked the wind out of him. But as soon as he found his footing, he wrapped his strong arms around me and held me close. I relaxed in Peters embrace.

“I had a nightmare.” I repeated. “You died and I couldn’t save you.” I’d be dead if something happened to you. Never let me go. I need you. I felt like a little kid being comforted but their mother. Not that I knew what that felt like.

“I know. It’s okay. You’re awake now. I’m here.” Peter said soothingly. I’ve been here the whole time. I will never abandon you. You are safe in my arms. Nothing can hurt you now. I won’t let it. His voice was muffled from being buried in my hair. I pulled back slightly to look at him, still holding on tightly.

“Stay with me?” I asked. Never leave. I didn’t want him to go. Not now, not ever.

“Always.” Peter answered surly. As if I could ever leave you. My lips lit up in a smile and my eyes fell to his lips. They lingered there for too long, or maybe just long enough. Peter took the hint and slipped his hand behind my neck and began to pull me closer. As our lips were about to touch, my door slammed, causing us to jump out of each other’s embrace.

“Shit balls.” I said immediately.

“What?” Peter asked, giggling a little at my choice of profanity.

“I just locked myself out.” I sighed. Peter laughed louder this time.

“Come on. You’re sleeping over.” He said, leading me back to his apartment with the hand on the small of my back.

I entered Peters room for the first time. Sure, we’d become good friends in the time I’ve lived in the building, but bedrooms were intimate places. They were windows into the soul. Oh wait, that’s eyes. Still, most of my hangouts with Peter occurred in his living room, my fire escape, or the rooftop. Our spot. I’d never been in his room before.

I looked around with a content smile on my face. He had an academic decathlon poster on his wall, along with a few Avengers posters. Peter was pretty neat, but he was still a teenage boy. Socks and sweaters were strewn across the room. I saw him kicking a pair of boxers under his desk out of the corner of my eye. His room was so cute. It was so…Peter. I noticed a first aid kit in his desk next to his chemistry textbook and wondered what on earth he could be using it for. I looked at him and smiled.

“I like your room.” I complimented. Peter smiled in relief.

“Oh thank God. I thought you’d take one look at my nerdy ambiance and run.” He admitted. I laughed and my eyes landed in his bed.

“Star Wars bedsheets?” I asked. Peters ears reddened and he fixed his duvet to cover them up.

“Those aren’t mine.” He said quickly.

“Are they Mays? As in May the force be with you?” I played along. He gave me a defeated smile.

“That was the worst thing anyone has ever said. Ever.” Peter said. I laughed and he gave me a shy smile.

“Fine. They’re my bedsheets. Star Wars is cool, okay?” Peter defended. I took a seat on his bed and shrugged.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me Peter. I just didn’t know you were a loser, is all.” I taunted. Peter sat down on the bed next to me and rolled his eyes.

“Very funny. You’re the funniest person I know.” He said sarcastically. I nudged him with my elbow and he and hit me with a Yoda printed pillow.

“Mm. Good with the force you are.” I commented. Peter groaned loudly and told me to shut up.

“Enough playing around. How was your date?” Peter asked. I could hear the pain in his voice. He seemed really upset tonight. I regretted ever telling him about the date. It was a dumb move. It wasn’t right of me to play with his feelings like that.

“Oh, you know. Terrible.” I said slowly. I wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easy. If Peter really did like me and want to be with me, he needed to say it. He couldn’t just grumble and wallow in self pity when I was with another boy. I was testing him to see if he’d ever actually admit his feelings. But I was also protecting myself. A part of me was still scared there were no feelings to admit to.

Peters eyes lit up instantly.

“Really?” He said excitedly. He cleared his throat and grunted. “I mean, really?” He asked calmly. I bit my tongue and nodded. I gave him my best sad eyes.

“Yeah it was awful. I definitely won’t be seeing him again.” I sighed sadly. I wasn’t sad. I was putting on a show for Peter. Peter bit the inside of his cheek to stop the smile from emerging.

“That’s terrible. What went wrong?” Peter asked. His acting was equally as bad as mine. He had a shit eating grin on his face. He was pretending to be sad for me but he was clearly over the moon.

“It was going fine all night until the kiss.” I sighed dramatically, looking longingly out the window. I might as well have thrown myself onto my balcony and cried out for Romeo. Peter was buying every second of it. I saw his eyes flash with hurt.

“You guys kissed?” He asked. His voice was heavy with disappointment. I looked at Peter sadly. He looked miserable. All I wanted to do was throw my arms around his neck and tell him he was the only one for me. Instead, I kept my feelings to myself and nodded slowly.

“Almost. He leaned in and-“ I just shrugged. I could tell Peter was on the edge of his seat. I dragged it as long as I could.

“And?” Peter asked, practically begging. I let out another long, dramatic sigh. Peter took a slow sip of his water bottle.

“And I threw up on him.” I said simply. Peter spat out the water in his mouth. He burst out laughing and did his best to cover it up. I gave him a fake angry look but ended up laughing as well.

“What?” Peter laughed.

“He was such a tool. He talked down to me the entire night and then had the audacity to try and kiss me. I don’t know what happened but all the sudden he was leaning in and I was throwing up. He deserved it though. He treated me like was an idiot. I’m almost glad I threw up on him.”

Peters was overjoyed. He was about to say something when we heard a straggled cry of my name.

Peter and I rushed to his peephole and saw a familiar blonde haired boy standing in the hallway.

There he was. Matt. Outside my apartment door with his phone on full volume playing “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing.

“What the actual hell?” I wondered out loud. “I better get rid of him.”

“Y/nnnnnn. I’m sorry I was a jerk. Please talk to me. I told the doorman we were cousins. Then I told the elevator guy that I was your husband. You may need to move now. Y/nnnn.” Matt drunkenly exclaimed. I covered my mouth with my hand to conceal my laughter.

“You definitely can’t go out there. He could have a knife.” Peter said. I gave him a look. Yea, the guy was dumb. But he wasn’t dangerous.

“Or worse.” I said. Peter looked at me fearfully.

“He could have the same loser bedsheets you do.” I gasped. Peter picked up me swiftly and threw me in the couch. I laughed in shock.

“Since when are you so strong?” I asked. Peter shrugged and held out a hand.

“Let’s go to bed.” Peter said. I raised an eyebrow and he quickly added, “In a non-sexual, platonic way.” I laughed at his stupidity. He was so cautious of offending me or making me uncomfortable. I appreciated how much of a gentleman he was. I knew Aunt May had implemented those qualities in him.

“You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch. Let me know if you need anything.” Peter said as he made the bed for me. I climbed in and patted the space next to me.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Get in.” I said.

Peter looked at me with wide eyes. He looked very unsure of himself and I could see the panic behind his eyes.

He was torn. He wanted to get into the bed, but he also knew you were vulnerable right now and he didn’t want to take advantage of you. He didn’t want to do anything you’d end up regretting in the morning.

“Get in, in a non-sexual, platonic way.” I added. Peter relaxed but stayed standing. I pretended to splash Peter and twirled my hand around the bedsheets as if they were water.

“Come on in Parker. The waters warm.” I said in a low voice. Peter shuddered.

“I am…repulsed.” Peter answered. In reality, he was dying to get in the bed. He wasn’t gonna try anything, he just wanted to feel you close. He wanted to comfort you and take the pain of the night away. Finally, he got into the bed and pulled the covers up. He shut off his lamp and we fell into comfortable silence.

“Good night, Peter.” I love you. I whispered, turning my back to him and cuddling into his pillow.

“Night, Y/n.” I love you. He whispered back. I felt his eyes on the back of my neck still. He didn’t want to close them and fall asleep. He wanted to stay in this moment as long as he could.

I soon felt hesitant arms wrap around my waist. Peter was very unsure of himself and kept his hands loosely on my hips. We were barely touching. I turned my neck around and looked at him.

“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded. His hands flew off my waist and his eyes widened with fear. He looked so apologetic, I thought he might cry.

“Do you not know how to cuddle?” I asked before he could blurt out an apology. I grabbed his arms and pulled them tightly around my waist. I held his hands in my own and held them flush against my chest. Peter felt really tense at first and a bit stiff, but he soon relaxed and nestled into my hair.

“You smell really good.” He muttered. I laughed softly against his body. Peter held me even tighter.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Y/N.” He whispered. He said it so quietly, I figured he thought I had fallen asleep.

“Goodnight, Princess. Sweet dreams.”

I woke up the next morning in Peter Parker’s arms. Subsequently, I wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of my life in Peter Parker’s arms. We were a mess of tangled limbs and hair. But I found myself firmly in his embrace, inhaling his cologne.

Peters eyes fluttered open and we were nose to nose.

“Hi.” I said. A playful smile rested on my lips. He was so pretty in the morning. He didn’t even have to try.

“Hey.” He chuckled. “This is new.” He added. I nodded.

“It is new. Is it okay?” I asked him. I didn’t want to overstep his boundaries.

“Is waking up next to the actual sun okay? Uh yea, Y/n. It’s okay. You can sleep over anytime you like if it means more mornings like this.” He said. Of course he said that. He held all my strings and knew just how to tug them.

I smiled happily at Peter. He gave me a sleepy smile in return.

“Did you really not enjoy that date?” He whispered. Do you want to be with anyone else? I didn’t know why he was whispering. But the look in his eyes told me he was dead serious.

“Not in the slightest.” I answered honestly. Because it wasn’t with you. He looked me firmly in the eyes. I gave him a vague nod.

“Would you…would you want to go out with me sometime? I promise I won’t throw up on you.” He offered. He said the second part as if it was the only way I’d say yes to the date.

“Peter Parker I have waited exactly 64 days for you to ask me that question and you just had to ruin it by promising you won’t throw up on me?” I playfully scolded. Peters eyes lit up

“Is that a yes?” He asked excitedly.

“It’s a yes. It’s always been a yes.”

“Can I-“ he began.

“Don’t ask. Just do it.”

Peter leaned in slowly and I did the same. His lips had just ghosted mine when Aunt May knocked on the door. He bolted out of bed and I sat up.

“Breakfast is ready. Did you clean your room?” Aunt May called from the other side of the door.

“Yes.” Peter called back. I looked around. No he didn’t

“No you didn’t.” She said knowingly. She didn’t even have to see his room to know it wasn’t clean.

“I’ll clean it after.” He groaned.

“I’m coming in.” She said suddenly. Peter and I looked at each other in fear.

“Don’t! I’m naked.” He screamed.

“Fine. But it better be clean after breakfast. And put some clothes in. You should not be naked at 7 am.” Aunt May said. We waited to speak until we heard her footsteps walking away.

I got out of Peters bed as he got up to lock the door.

“Alright. That should buy us some ti-“

The second he turned around, he was met with my lips on his. I had my hands on the sides of his face and my head tilted to the left. I felt Peters eyes flutter shut as his eyelashes tickled my cheeks. He was frozen at first, but slowly wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. I melted into him and he melted right back into me. The kiss was short and sweet, but absolutely perfect.

I pulled away and Peter gave me the softest eyes ever. A grateful smile was on his lips.

“I am so over these interrupted moments.” I breathed. Peters eyes twinkled. The sun was coming through the window and made his brown eyes look like pots of honey. I could stare at them forever.

And then he kissed me again, with confidence this time. He wasn’t ready for the last one since I caught him off guard. I let my fingers tangle in the messy curls at the back of his neck, something I thought I’d only get to dream of doing. Peter groaned slightly into my mouth as I tugged on his hair. He put his hand under my neck and slipped his toungue in my mouth. Who knew Peter Parker knew how to kiss? He tasted like morning breath, speremint chapstick, and something I could only identify as being exclusively Peter. We pulled apart and he looked up at the sky.

“If I wake up and this is all a dream I’m going to fight you.” He said menacingly.

“Did you just threaten God?” I laughed.

“For you? Anthing. I’ll fight anyone for your honor. Jesus Christ can square up.” He promised.

“You’ve gone to far. We need to break up.” I kidded.

“Don’t even joke. I’ve waited too long for this.” Peter said as he wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m only teasing. I’ve waited my whole life for you Parker. I’m never letting you go.” I told him. He burst out in a smile and kissed me swiftly. Then he promptly got down on one knee.

“Will you please be mine, darling? Officially?” He pleaded softly. There was so much hope in his eyes. I pretended to think about it.

“Nah. I’m pretty busy with Matt.” I said. Peter stood up and gripped my hips, pulling me closer. I let out a small gasp.

“I never want to hear his name again. He had the privilege of taking my girl on a date and treated her poorly? He’s a deadman if I ever see him around here. Now, I need you to tell me you’re my girlfriend before my heart explodes. Tell me you’re mine. I won’t believe it until you say it. ” Peter begged. It wasn’t in a demanding, manipulative tone. All of his words were words of love. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his lips.

“Peter Parker, I always have, and always will be, yours.”

Tag List 🏷

@monimiin @truthdaze @honeyccoated @constellationswithapurpose @condy-wants-a-cookie @zipp0flare @vxidnik @maddie-laufeyson @bubblegumholland @the-blindwatcher @pmvelez97 @babymadz @sincereleygmg

[unkindnessofone]

Easy Love

First in the proposal series. 1/4. Please enjoy. 

It was his fault and he knew it, but that wasn't going to stop Luke from blaming everyone else. It his her mother and her from the throat Minnesota accent's fault since she wouldn't give them more than six minutes alone at a time. She had their entire visit scheduled with meeting extended family members, going to random steakhouses including an Outback, and going to Cagneys's nephews lessons which were so boring that now Luke was blaming them too. Her dad also had a stake in the situation, Luke thought. Brent Bloom in his head to toe denim made no secret how disappointed he was that his daughter had been dating a musician. Cagney had always told Luke to not take it personally as her dad had been upset when she first moved away to England at 18 and then was just as cross when she chose to give up her loyal clientele for working as a hairstylist for 5 Seconds of Summer despite the creative doors it opened for her. Luke barely heard her though. It was hard to not take things personally when even after he worked up the courage to ask Brent for his blessing to ask Cagney to marry him, he still brought up her only other boyfriend, some guy named Guy that had come out as gay around their high school graduation.

Luke sat fuming on a tattered plaid chesterfield backstage at the stadium in Pennsylvania they were in. He watched Cagney take to Michael's fried hair with both hands, but he couldn't stop picturing Minnesota and how things were supposed to have gone. He completely missed what the guitarist had said to him through the mirror because he was too busy hating Cagney's oldest brother in her mind. Griffin Bloom. Griffin Bloom and his chewing tobacco breath, his screaming baby and annoying five year old son, and his effortless penchant for taking shots at Luke's inability to do conventionally masculine tasks even though Cagney kept pointing out how dated that thinking was. He supposed her other siblings weren't that bad, twins Arden and Wagner. Arden was quiet and seemed as disinterested in Luke as she did her own family which he could respect. She looked like Cagney, but if Cagney looked perpetually bored. Wagner was nice enough as well, but he was barely around. Between having his son all weekend and working through his last year of law school, Wagner somehow managed to squeeze his way out of the Bloom's morning to midnight agenda. Luke realized that he didn't hate Wagner, he was just very jealous of the single dad.

The plan was going to be a hole in one. Cagney was always homesick for her mother's hugs and pot roast. She talked almost poetically about Edina, Minnesota and growing up there with her close knit family. Luke had carried the 3 karat princess cut ring designed and created by Simone Telford-Irwin everywhere they went, even to The Outback Steakhouse. He had every intention of asking her in front of her family, but there was never a moment good enough with their personalities gnawing on Luke's nerves. He ended up bringing the ring and Cagney back on tour after their short hiatus. He was sour now and not engaged like he told his brothers back home in Australia he would be. Luke had told himself before going to visit Cagneys's family that he could handle being related to them. It was worth it to be with the beautiful girl. Besides it wasn't like he had to see them very often. If they were to come visit in Sydney, California, London, or wherever he and Cagney chose to set up, Luke knew he would just put them all up in a hotel. The enormous bill would be worth the privacy and space.

Shaking himself out of his bitter and disappointed bubble, Luke watched as Grace entered the room with a Diet Pepsi in hand, drinking it through a straw. She waved to Luke before going over to hug Cagney and then sit right on Michael's lap. Cagney had learned how to cut and/or style Mike's hair with her view blocked whether it was because Michael and Grace were making out or in the middle of sparring. Luke wished he had Mike's situation though. He didn't have any in laws to deals with. Grace didn't speak to her mother as far as Luke knew and she didn't make it a secret that her Dad had fucked off around the time her little sister was born. Hell, Luke would have loved to switch places with Ashton. the Telford family adored him as their own. They were too busy to bother them constantly, they were loaded and connected so nothing about Ashton's life was worth teasing over to them. Luke didn't really know much about Skye's family life, but she was Canadian so he assumed her family was really nice and tapped maple trees every morning before breakfast.

"Yo, you're up." Michael smacked Luke on the shoulder from behind the couch, shaking him out of his mental tunnel. Luke had no idea it was the third time Mike had called for him. He swallowed the mindless sip of beer he had taken and nodded until he was up on his feet.

"Do whatever you want, G, but don't mess up his hair!" Cagney warned as she set aside her clippers for a sanitized pair. She trusted that Michael and Grace were going to be fondling one another until they were on stage, recently engaged themselves and constantly searching for corners to make out in. "She's totally going to mess up his hair." Cagney frowned at her boyfriend. She wanted a single show this tour to not have Michael wearing a ball cap, but she was learning that might be a pipe dream.

Luke kissed her quickly, just a peck, before settling into the chair that Michael had made warm. He ignored his view in the mirror and out his beer down between her brushes on the counter in front of them. The noise outside in the hallway drowned out the music playing in the dressing room, so Cagney cleared her throat and spoke above it all.

"I know the break wasn't what you had in mind." They hadn't had a chance to talk about it yet since they slept on their flight to Pennsylvania from Minnesota and Luke had been with friends or in sound check all morning. "Next time, I will visit on my own." She did appreciate that he had come and told him that over a dozen times.

"It's fine, Keg." They had already talked about it and it just only reminded Luke that her hadn't proposed because he had been in too miserable a mood while there. "I know you love it there and that's worth it for me." He wanted it to be true. She was still wearing her Minnesota Twins sweatshirt and that told Luke that he had done the right thing by visiting her home with her. She spent all her time in his schedule and tending to his dreams, four days with her family was the least he could do.

"They don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Cagney felt confident that her parents intentions were benevolent. She just grew up so differently than Luke had and so had they. The idea of some Australian rock star splitting a Bloomin' Onion with them and their 90 something mothers was out of the realm of possibility before Cagney brought Luke home a couple years prior.

"Cagney, it's fine." Sighing, he tried to end the conversation. "We can't choose our families." Luke did feel like he really lucked out with his, but he knew Cagney felt she did as well. "Well, we can, but you know what I mean..."

Nodding silently, Cagney agreed and then ran her fingers through his hair to find where she wanted to trim. It wasn't an unusual motion for her. Both she and Luke always found themselves using their fingers like combs on one another. He was wearing his hair long, but Cagney still liked to keep the ends from splitting like poorly kept makeup brushes.

Through the mirror, Luke noticed Ashton making faces at him. He was mouthing something aggressively, but Luke could barely make it out. Through reflex, Luke whipped his head around to see Ashton properly causing Cagney to almost chop off a whole chunk of his hair that she had just sprayed with water.

"Whoa, careful." She warned and checked behind her at Ashton who stood still as soon as Cagney began to turn and see him.

"Sorry." Luke coughed out once he sat properly for her again.

"I thought I had broken you of your squirming." She shook her head around, perfectly blown out locks bouncing above her sweatshirt covered shoulders. They chuckled lightly in unison, recalling how eyes first met when Luke was in London recording and in desperate need of a haircut. He took his friends advice and made an appointment at the Sassoon salon on Mercer, requesting the American blond his buddy swore by. Luke was constantly moving around, but since a good portion of Cagney's clients were small children, she knew how to adjust his posture and keep him still enough that he still had even lines in the end. It wasn't until his fifth appointment with her that she told him out loud to stop moving around like he had ants in his skintight jeans.

"Old habits die hard." Luke winked at her through the mirror, spotting Ashton again miming a proposal. He had been married under a year himself and highly recommended the decision to anyone who would listen. Ashton had never departed cloud number nine since meeting Simone through Cagney. He wasted no time getting down on one knee. He knew as soon as she had him over for dinner that the British jewelry designer was for him. Luke squirmed again, making Cagney laugh with a playful eye roll, but Luke didn't stop. He sat up and walked away from her, over to the couch where his satin bomber jacket was discarded. She just assumed he wanted his phone, often teasing him that he was addicted to the device.

"You know that Jay told me you'd never go out with me?" Checking his pocket, Luke folded his jacket over his arm and informed her of their mutual friend, her former client. "He said you were too good for me."

It was news to the hairstylist, Cagney frowned at the info and scratched at her face with the pick side of her comb, "That's really rude. What does that even mean?"

"No. He's right. So is your oldest brother," Fucking Griffin. "You are too good for me," Up until she finally agreed to stay the night with him, Luke had assumed she was dressed by chirping bluebirds every morning. Simone always called Cagney 'The Last Unicorn', a heart so rooted in the right place that you couldn't come by them anymore, all others had been broken. Luke knew that rumors proceeded him and plenty of people warned her that he was a player, but she never let that influence the love she gave him and he was thankful for that. "But you love me anyway."

Shaking her head, Cagney disagreed. She put down the comb and locked her hands in the pouch of her fitted sweatshirt, "You're very easy to love." She assured him as she had many times since before they even officially began to date.

"You are patient with me and forgiving even when I don't deserve it." Luke laughed, thinking about how he had called her brother 'a fucking moron' when Cagney approached him hiding behind the bed of her Dad's Chevy pick up, sneaking a smoke during a self-appointed break from her family's midnight round of charades. "You are my favorite part of the day even when you tweeze my brows." Making her laugh he came closer and then pulled his jacket on before leaning in and kissing her hard enough to pull her closer by the bottom lip, his hand sliding around to her back. "I wanted to do this in front of your family, but then your mom made a jab about my hair - "

"She thought she was - " Cagney began to defend her chatty Cathy of a mom, but Luke getting down on his knee in front of her shut her right up. "Huh?"

"Cagney June Bloom, will you marry me?" Grinning up at her, exposing all his teeth, Luke was glad he worked up the hopefulness and nerve to ask her. It was better this way. It was the two of them, the way he preferred it. In the pocket of his jacket, he pulled out the custom made ring and nearly blinded them both when it caught the glow of the vanity light she set up for her station.

Cagney just stared at Luke, tightening her neck. They both hadn't noticed Ashton right in the middle of the doorway watching with adoring eyes or the sound of the first Green Day album playing around them.

"Absolutely!" She bent down in front of him on both her knees and threw her arms around him. Her hands were shaking as she held out her left, Luke sliding it onto the designated finger as she paused from kissing him. He was lucky that Simone already knew Cagney's ring size and Luke didn't have to do any sneaky checking while Cagney was sleeping.

Both their smiles matched, stabbing through their cheeks while they laughed and kissed again. Luke was about to pull them up onto their feet when Ashton ran in and engulfed them both in a hug, his arms stretching out as wide as they could and keeping them down on the ground. It was ten minutes until they were supposed to be on stage, but none of the three cared. They didn't want to leave the dressing room and have to wait to celebrate how happy they felt.

Cagney watched the entire show from the side of the stage, clutching her heavier hand by the wrist and dancing. Usually, she went back to the hotel or hung out with crew backstage as she had seen the band perform on a daily basis, but this time she was watching her fiance. It was the first time and it felt brand new somehow. She didn't care what others thought, she knew that Luke was worth all the compromises, noise, and chaos. She knew what he wanted when the concerts were over and the music was turned off. She knew who he was outside of the designer jackets and alone in a hotel room in front of a stupid comedy movie. She was going to love both sides of him for the rest of her life because she was lucky.

[jinxedncharmed]

Back home after Thanksgiving at my sister’s place. It was fairly tolerable, but boy does Sis have issues. She throws pity parties daily and is always “poor me, I have no friends, I hate my job, my daughter doesn’t love me, woe woe woe.” She’s insufferable.

The breaking point came Thursday night when I made an ugly comment about her dog. It’s one of those tiny, nasty Chihuahua mixes, and it hates Niece. It snarls and growls whenever she comes near. Now, because my sister is a terrible mom, she not only keeps that animal but clearly favors it. Sis is one sick fuck.

So the damn dog growls and lunges at Niece, snatching a half eaten roll from her hand. Niece just laughs and keeps walking, but I am aghast, so I say something like, “Why do you keep that thing around?” I mean, if it was me, the first time that dog growled at Niece, I’d dropkick it in to oblivion.

Sis goes off on my “incredibly personal insult” and sobbingly declares, “This dog is all I have!”

And I just want to roundhouse kick her in the face, because, excuse me? Here we are to celebrate a holiday in your beautiful home, playing with your amazing daughter, eating a delicious dinner before your husband goes to work at his fulltime, secure job with benefits. And that gross rat-faced dog is “all you have?”

So Mom goes off on her and I quickly exit the scene, although later Mom also admonishes me, which I think is wrong and unfair, but hey, story of my life. I am always to blame for Sis’s dysfunctional sensitivity and insecurity.

The dog could have BIT that baby. But yeah, no, I’m the bad guy. Fucking shit.

So Sis has serious mental issues, and she’s going to totally fuck up Niece, and I can’t do anything about it. It is so sad. But I am not responsible for Sis and her choices. Her life is her life. I am not going to carry her.

Anyway. Really, aside from that, it was an ok visit. Dad mostly behaved, and I mostly behaved. We decorated the outside of the house (Sis did not, because she’s a lazy fat fuck). We had lots of food, but I think I did ok, eating wise. Mom felt the need to point out everything BIL ate, which was a shit ton of food. Yes, Mom, I know he is also a disgusting fat slob. Yes, if he keeps eating that way, he won’t live to be 30. We can only hope!

And I had lots of fun with Niece. We played with play dough, colored, and ran laps around the house, with me sometimes chasing her, and her sometimes chasing me. She is still very interested in books and balls, and I can get her to count to five. She also really likes puzzles, and we played with her big push car outside when it was warm.

It was fun, and she is cute. But, she is a toddler, so there were some temper tantrums. She’s willful and it’s hard to get her to eat. She was obsessed with the cupcakes Mom brought for my birthday, and threw a huge tantrum on Friday night because she wanted (another) one. I was horrified, watching her roll on the floor and throw things, but Mom just laughed.

“Listen to that fake cry!” she said. “So fake.”

“I can’t tell. How do you know she hasn’t hurt herself?”

“Her cries all sound different. This one is very fake.”

And sure enough, her fit stopped, and her face wasn’t red and her eyes weren’t wet. She just looked pouty, and Mom cackled. “See? You little faker! This isn’t my first rodeo, you can’t fool me.”

So although I really had fun playing with Niece, I realized that I am absolutely, 100 percent, completely totally unabashedly certain I do not want kids, ever. I just can’t handle it. The kid absolutely consumes your life and dominates all of your attention. She rules the roost. Every doorway has a baby gate. You can’t use half the kitchen, because every cabinet and drawer within her reach must be kept empty or baby proofed. The beautiful built-in bookshelves in the den are covered in chickenwire, else she pulls everything off the shelves. She controls everything on the TV. And you just have to watch her so closely, and do everything for her. Endless laundry, endless baths, endless cleaning, endless cooking. And she supplies endless noise, endless messes, endless energy, endless drama. I watched my mom nimbly take up Thanksgiving dinner, dancing around Niece who ran under her feet the entire time. I watched Niece kick Mom in the face during a diaper change. I watched Niece throw her plate of mac and cheese against the wall and scream.

There is no way I want that. Ever. No man on this planet could convince me to have a kid. Nothing is ever going to change my mind.

Yeah, Niece gave me sweet smiles and hugs. Her giggle is incredible. Watching her intently focus on her puzzle pieces is amazing. And when she cuddles with Mom on the couch to watch a movie, Mom looks so content, so happy.

But no. No way. That is not the life choice for me. If you want kids, have them. But my uterus is not available. My tits are for show, not work. My home is exactly the way I want it, and I won’t change it for others. My life is mine and no one else’s.

So yeah. Typical holiday.

Traffic was atrocious coming home; it poured rain across the entire state for the full seven hours. But it was a relief to be home in my quiet space with my cats and my books and my bed.

Tomorrow, back to work, bleh. I have random odds and ends I need to do, bits and pieces of in progress projects that are held up by others. It will be nice, though, to see MC, and I hope M is in a better mood.

Tonorrow night, and next Monday night too, I have a ticket for an informal lecture as part of this series Profs and Pints. It’s at a bar in Dupont, so I will metro in to the city and walk a few blocks. I am trying to go out, to do things. I don’t know if I will manage to talk to people, but I am going to give it a try. Tomorrow’s subject is race and evolution.

Tuesday is my birthday. Blargh, whatever. I told M I don’t want to do anything. Secretly I hope MC remembers, although he won’t. My Idiot Boss’s birthday is the day after mine, so I am sure she will come over and blather about it. I don’t want anyone to acknowledge it, just him! Last year he was the only one who knew for some reason (a list of everyone’s birthdays is in the kitchen, but I don’t know what prompted him to look at it), and he came over to where I was sitting–I had stupidly been moved to the other quad for a few weeks so I wasn’t with my team–and he asked, quietly, “Is today your birthday?” When I said yes he said, “Happy birthday,” all softly and earnestly, and he winked, and I swooned and came a little, because I am that tightly wound.

Where was I going with this?

Anyway, Sis gave me a lovely photo collage of Niece reading. Dad gave me $500, which I will put toward Iceland debt, or Christmas, or maybe Peru. (Peru is in jeopardy but I don’t want to discuss that right now.) He also gave me an ugly Christmas sweater with a cat on it, which I found quite funny and will legit wear to work. Mom forgot her gift and was very upset about it, though I assured her it didn’t matter and she could mail it later.

32. Getting to be an old maid.

So yeah, there’s a fairly complete update of life right now. I may take a nap now, just because I can.

[jillmiz]

Home, (Bitter) Sweet, Home...

When I got divorced eight years ago, I made the decision to be the one who would move out of our home.

Not typical, right?

No, and I got a lot of hell for it from many people – friends and family – who disagreed vehemently with my decision. But I didn’t care what anyone thought or said. My life, my decision…

And I must add that I’m a huge believe in making choices and living with the circumstances.

There were very specific reasons why I wanted my ex to have the house: he put his blood, sweat and tears into practically rebuilding that house (more than once) and we were able to buy that house mainly because of him. He wanted a large piece of property, which we had, and he cared for that house better than I ever had. I was always an unruly mess since, well… birth. My ex worked like a dog, though, making this house his home and a place that we all could love. Through seven-day work weeks and broken clavicles, wrists and punctured lungs, he built decks, walls, and painted. Our house was his project of love. Aside from that very essential fact, there were other reasons why I chose to be the one who moved and I still stand by them.

Anyway…

It was a task for me to “pack” my belongings, or whatever it was that I wanted. There were two lifetimes’ worth of memories and belongings packed into that home – the one where I was still a child living with my parents and then my sister, and the other which was after I joined my life with a man with whom I had children. What do you bring and what do you leave? Everything had meaning. 

We had no list of items in our divorce agreement we each wanted to claim; it was a basic written agreement that we both decided wouldn’t (mostly) apply. There would be no “every other weekend” crap, or holiday schedule. To me, my ex was and always will be the father of my children and as such, he was certainly not going to have to abide by some legal document stating when he could be with his kids. I refused to be “that” woman who hired expensive lawyers so we could go into debt fighting over possessions and money. My ex is a stand-up man and there was no way I was going to make things harder than they had to be. Divorcing someone I spent half my life with was hard enough. We signed our divorce papers and went out to dinner and spent some final happy moments as husband and wife. 

Oddly, my ex and my dad-in-law both helped me move into my first home rental. Packing for me was basically throwing random things into boxes and bags – kitchen stuff, some towels and sheets, clothing. It was a surreal experience having the person I’d been with for what seemed like forever moving me out of his life with the help from his dad. And it’s not like they were celebrating the demise of a partnership; they were (and are) just good human beings. 

Living alone for the first time in my life (well, aside for my kids who would be mostly living with me because we decided I would be the custodial parent) was bizarre. I wasn’t really sad but also curious how I’d feel being in a home without my parents or my spouse. It was all me. I had to pay the rent and utilities and whatever else. I landed a job as a legal assistant, something I had little experience in, but my starting salary was pretty decent and with my child support, all was good. I had to learn to hang Christmas lights on the gutters for the first time, set mice traps and (sadly) empty them; pay more attention to my spending habits and make my kids feel like this was a home away from regular-home. It wasn’t easy. 

When my landlord decided he was selling the house, I was in the middle of some major health issues and work issues. I had to leave asap and it was only a little over a year after I had moved in. I found something quickly and rallied some good-hearted people to help me move this time. I felt so bad for my kids though. Adjusting to a divorce and their mom moving out and then moving again not too long after seemed like a lot to expect from them.   

The new place had its perks: it was nicer, closer to town and around the block from my sister. I was still going through a hell of a time personally, work-wise and health-wise, though, but I never really had the poor-me, victim mentality so I licked whatever wounds I had, stiffened my spine a bit and tried to make this new life we were living the best life I could.  

Unfortunately, my landlord turned out to be a less-than-stellar human being and the other tenants in the two-family house were verbally abusive and, quite honestly, miserable, selfish, obnoxious human beings. My kids witnessed a horrible excuse for a man verbally assault me. So now I had real estate agents hounding me when they wanted to do an open house when I wasn’t available and expecting me to be home during typical work hours to show the apartment. (Side note: I am currently a real estate agent and I would NEVER behave the way this “power couple” in the industry behaved.) 

After dealing with a disgusting, lying, money-hungry landlord and co-tenants who had made living there quite difficult, I decided I needed more stability. I could no longer be a “renter” – I had to be an “owner.”  I felt like I was failing my two, amazingly adjusted children by not having a proper, stable living environment. 

So the very long, difficult journey began. I needed to purchase a home where we could live and they could live without worrying about moving once again.  Thankfully, my ex and I raised two very adaptable kids who went with the flow. Of course, the divorce affected them, but overall, they were rock stars.

I knew it was because they always had a home with their dad and never had to feel displaced. My younger kid sort of thought of moving as an adventure, while my oldest was silently agreeable. He had witnessed the other tenants bawling me out when it was their behavior that sparked the discord to begin with. I will never forget the moment that I sat down on the floor of my then-bedroom and cried because I was just so tired. My son was, and still is, uncomfortable with people crying, but I was just beside myself and at that particular, selfish moment, it was too bad. I was pushing forward with every ounce of mental, physical and emotional energy I had, but I just couldn’t take another life-altering change. He sat down next to me as I cried and put his fifteen-year old arm around my shoulders but didn’t say a word. His silence equated with understanding.

My daughter was little and didn’t quite understand my exhaustion. She told me to take a nap if I was so tired. My son calmly told her that it wasn’t the same kind of sleepy-tired I was talking about. He got it and I was grateful for his suddenly-mature comfort even though it was selfish of me. 

After one mortgage snafu with one house, that I winded up losing, I found another that I felt was homey and cozy. I jumped with cautious enthusiasm through many hoops to get this house and the day I closed, five years ago today, I pulled up to my new home and started to bawl. I was overwhelmed; happy; scared; excited. This was our new home! She needed some TLC for sure and she became my work in progress.

I tried desperately to change my ways when it came to organization. I failed and continue to fail. I still have piles of stuff on the dining room table and can’t seem to “remember” to put things away. Laundry baskets remain overflowing; dishes, too. I am still an unruly mess, but I accepted that it’s part of who I am and always was. I am a dedicated mother and hard worker and that always trumps my inability to maintain a tidy home.  

But I worked on making things a little nicer: I tore off really old wallpaper and painted; I skim-coated my kitchen by myself and fixed some settlement cracks in the plaster; I got some high-hats in the living room; got a new doorbell – small things. I presented my daughter with  a light aqua bedroom I painted on a work night until 1 or 2 am, ordered new carpet and furniture for her new room that I wish I’d had. My son had the attic bedroom, which I’ve gotten him two or three different beds for him over the years, a desk I put together, a memory-foam mattress and a great dresser (even though it was used, but it still proves to be the best Craigslist purchase I’ve made to date). I started doing the unheard of – shopping at Goodwill for work clothing so that I could buy my kids the nice, cooler stuff.

I had to get new appliances, have my huge brick patio-on-patio steps demolished and replace it with standard steps, I’ve dug out bushes, learned to use a weed-whacker, mow my own tiny lawn (with a garage sale purchased lawn mower, of course) trimmed hedges, took out a sink and installed a small vanity, and lastly,  installed a floating-vinyl floor by myself.  There are many other things I’ve done to my old, 1927-built girl. Amazing how garage sales and a little you-tubing can educate someone about saving money and learning new skills. 

I have tried desperately and fervently to create a home for my kids. I have moved eight times in the span of 29 years – certainly not a lot in comparison to many - but the last several were solely based on making my children feel safe and secure in the world of divorce and by far, the most important moves of all. I thought I was successful, but, alas, I’ve not been. Not in my eyes, at least. 

I have continued to try to update my home with new paint and I’ve been getting rid of useless things and old mementos that no longer serve any purpose except to be sad reminders of old lives. 

But now my “work in progress” is no longer for my kids’ sake, sadly, but only to hopefully pass her along to another loving owner who will work as diligently as I have in to give her a bit of a facelift.  When I first got my beloved little house, I cried and cried. I was so happy and proud of this great moment in my life but I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to be my final home.  I had a flurry of emotions because I knew that as happy that I was,  life would continue happening and finances wouldn’t always be consistent. In my mind, I was on the five-year plan.

And now, it’s been five years.

My children are old enough to make certain decisions and God only knows, I will never EVER hold that against them. They are simply more comfortable in their “childhood” home and they’re living the life as 21-year-olds and almost-17-year-olds should be living.  I know there is no competition about who’s the best parent or who they love more, but a subconscious desire to be where its most familiar and comfortable. Neither child wants to make me sad or hurt my feelings and I will never be angry at them for it; I understand completely because I love them. 

But the financial and physical demands of owning a home have exhausted me and I sadly have to say goodbye to my old girl. Once again, I have to pack up my life, tossing pieces of the tangible past into black garbage bags and leave them on the curb. I will have to find an affordable place to unpack my life once again, with less actual unpacking to do than I have done each time prior. I will have to find a place, although a two or three bedroom won’t be possible anymore. I will have to find some inner strength to accept the fact that my custodial parent-hood is no longer a factor, even if the divorce decree states otherwise. My Merokian presence of nearly 49 years will dissipate into another past life of many.  I don’t know where I will wind up and I don’t know how I am going to survive, but I suppose I will find a way as I’ve always managed to do. 

Another chapter of my life has concluded, and the next chapter remains a blank page. 

Happy five year, and final, anniversary to my little Orchard Street home.