#rant under the cut

[sniffanimal]

I should have given Adolin gloryspren with how proud he is of these shirts. bonus under the cut:

Sylphrena: does this make me diamond horse armor? OR maybe I'm more of a netherite sword and your armorspren are the diamond horse armor! Is the nahel bond the saddle then? Or the oaths are like right clicking with an empty hand?

[arnold-layne]

a post goes like “did you know there are asian russians?” and the replies are like “russia is an empire so it obscures the existence of minority groups in its population to deprive them of international recognition”. idk guys, maybe it’s not russia’s bloody oppressive plot for once. maybe you just don’t know jackshit about the rest of the world. maybe the information that the biggest country in the world is home to more than 100 nationalities is the kind of thing that you’re not supposed to be spoon-fed online. did you really think all that land is populated exclusively by white slavs. mexico has cities situation

[majorstumbles]

Toothache

Mirror mirror why do you show

The train that can’t be coming that slow

I feel the rumbling under my feet, in my bones and in my teeth

Mirror mirror why do you lie

Showing me a girl when I can’t fly

I feel the ache, the tears and all I’ve ate

Mirror mirror why have you forsaken me

Why don’t you show me what I could see

I see your cracks and blood and flack

Mirror mirror what have you done

What can I do to make us one

I see them here, dead and free

Why do I see them in your face, but only death stares in my place

Hi! Op Loki here in the explain-inator! Welcome those who are curious enough to step foot into the ‘keep reading’ box! I suffer from insomnia and occasional hallucinations during said insomnia episodes, which often can be somewhat useful in helping me pinpoint which part of my mental state caused this little bout of insomnia. Recently (for when I wrote this) I’ve been suffering from bodily autonomy issues due to my education’s strict policies and many people demanding my time and effort for their own conveniences. I usually have a hard time saying no to these people because they’re usually closer to me, and it got to the point where it was like ‘hold on a minute, this is *deadname*, not Legion/Loki’. When I thought about myself. And, well, the hallucination wanted to highlight the unstoppable passage of time, my autonomy issues, and the inherent dysphoria that comes with being LGBT in general. And, to do that, it chose time, mirrors, and vampires. But who am I to question- would this be Apollo? Thanks, Apollo, ik I’m still new to worship, but this helped. A lot. And Ares, for giving me the strength to fight.

[opalsiren]

i met some of my bf's work colleagues for dinner last night, and to say it was a disaster would be an understatement. these should my peers, yet they're all so accomplished and successful, lightyears ahead of me in terms of travel, work, and overall life experience. it's just so hard to be asked what i do for work, and have to tell them i've been a full-time disabled person for years and crack some half-hearted joke about how it leaves me a lot of time to binge-watch crappy tv shows. it makes everything feel so awkward and stitled, and completely closes the conversation off.

the worst part is, one of bf's colleagues introduced his girlfriend to the group, and she is basically everything i'm not: accomplished, well-travelled, well-read, successful, funny, beautiful. i thought, 'if i can't talk about my cool job or the interesting degree i'm pursuing, at least i can crack a funny joke or wear a cute outfit and be The Funny One or The Pretty one.' but no, this girl gets to be intelligent and witty, and funny, and beautiful. and completely able-bodied! it's so unfair, you should get one or two of those qualities only and leave some for the rest of us.

anyway, she spent most of the night regaling the group with stories from her travels, the dozen or so degrees she has, her wildly interesting work, and the crafts she spends all her spare time on. truly, this girl is who i want to be when i grow up, and she's practically my age. she was telling a story about her dissertation research, this complex legal dispute that basically endured centuries. everyone is on the edge of their seat to hear the conclusion, occasionally interjecting with salient questions. at this point i'm suddenly overcome with excruciating pain and fatigue, my brain just goes dead and completely peaces out of the conversation. i could not tell you how her story ended for all the money in the world.

i hate to be in competition with other women, i just feel like she won the 'girlfriend being introduced to everyone' competition. she gets to be funny and successful and beautiful and glamorous, while i get to be stuck in bed for years. everyone went on to the theatre afterwards, and i made up some bullshit about going to meet a friend for a drink who's going through a bad break-up, because i physically can't spend more than a few hours out without being bedridden after. they all get to go their cool jobs, and go to dinner, and go to a play, and then on for drinks after. i can do one (1) of those things, functioning at about 10% capacity of everyone else. i had to lie to everyone asking me why i wasn't going to the theatre, i just wasn't in the mood to further make things awkward by saying i was in crippling pain and needed to go cry on top of my heating pad.

i'm not really sure where i'm going with this, other than to say i just hate myself for being leaps and bounds behind everyone else around my age. everyone was talking about their travels and work accomplishments and sharing interesting anecdotes, whereas all my stories start with 'i was in hospital this one time' and things of that nature. i hate being so profoundly un-relatable, i hate making things awkward when asked about work, i hate that i am overwhelmed by pain and fatigue when everyone else gets to be interesting and normal, i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate myself.

[ambrosesystem]

um

sometimes people are really weird. like sure i'm really weird and i'm probably really gross but like. i also feel bad. but then sometimes i don't really know if someone is as weird as me but they say they're worse than me but can you really say that if you don't even know everything about me and all the things i like. although with some of the things i like i know it's wrong but i just don't really care enough to try and get better which makes me feel really guilty but maybe if i never talked to guys twice my age i wouldn't like those things and sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i wasn't on the internet at a young age. also i hate that i can't ever be honest with anyone i know in real life none of my friends family anything because i know they'll think i'm weird and gross. actually really the only person i'd be comfortable talking to about anything is my sister but i can't fucking talk to her at all and she lives several hours away. sometimes i don't even know if she's okay. all i know is that she's really busy and is living with a few of her friends. but then nobody tells me anything about her. i had to wait 8 years until i found out she was trans. i had to wait another year for my mom to say "oh yeah she said she has diagnosed schizophrenia and probably also autism" okay why didn't you tell me that years ago. i would've liked to know that. anyways maybe one day i'll get better and not be into weird things but i can never be completely honest with a therapist so how do i get better. i don't really know but i guess i'm just glad i'm still alive because i love all my friends and they always make me feel better

[thedarkestknights]

OOC: A bit frustrated with the RPC

(( The downside to the RPC is I've been wanting to be around more but stuff keeps happening, people being weird on my posts, or saying stuff to me that's just out of pocket.

I'm tempted to just delete my blogs, or put them on hiatus permanently and leave the RPC and rp on Discord. Now I probably won't do that, I have had more good experiences than bad, but sometimes it's too much. You know what I mean?

I've made the friends I'll make here, but honestly, someone just straight up replying to my humorous post trauma dumping about super gross stuff, with 0 tags and 0 warning

It really just... does it for me. Like I am doing everything I need to do to make my time in the RPC comfortable. I am blacklisting and blocking and giving others grace and if I can talk to people about setting boundaries I do.

I won't dictate what people should write or how they should write their characters, and you think people would respect there are spaces where they are not wanted. However when they DO breach boundaries I am immediately disrespected, and If I retaliate I am making too much of a fuss after having my stated boundaries disrespected

A lot of people complain that there isn't a wide enough pool for RP and it's the same five people, and this is why. You can't talk about issues or set boundaries you want without people being disrespectful.

"It's a public website" yes, but this is my blog and I am allowed to handle it and use it as I please. I do not tell people how to handle their blogs or what they write and I should be able to be on my blog with peace of mind someone won't trauma dump triggering shit on my posts. Then have them double down, act like a piss baby, and post about it ic how they can't trauma dump cause it's so wrong despite being fucking weird to a complete stranger in the first place.

I'm by far not a very decent person myself, I am stressed out, mentally ill and I can't afford therapy right now.

But God damn it is not hard for me to respect boundaries and also log off when I'm stressed. People need to grow up and go outside.

Also RPing a Na/zi is fucking weird. Reblogging Ne/o-Na/zi posts is weird! Reblogging posts about whit/e surpre/macy is fucking weird! Joking about child murder, in/cest, etc is fucking weird. And doing it on a complete stranger's post and being surprised they're mad is WEIRD. Go outside holy shit.