#real rock'n'roll

[whitetrashsoul]

Link Wray autographing a guitar with a switchblade knife.

[sophaeros]

arctic monkeys for q magazine, june 2011 (x) (x)

ARCTIC MONKEYS: Inside Alex Turner's Head

Words Sylvia Patterson Portrait John Wright

The day Arctic Monkeys moved into their six bedroom, Spanish-style villa in the Hollywood Hills, where the first-floor balcony looked over the patio swimming pool, they knew exactly what to do.

"From the balcony, you could get on t'roof and jump in't pool," chirps the Monkeys' most gregarious member, drummer Matt Helders, in his homely Yorkshire way. "We looked at it and said, That's definitely gonna happen. So by the end, we did a couple of 'em. Somersaults in t'pool, from the roof. At night time."

In January 2011, as Sheffield and the rest of Britain endured its bitterest winter in a century, Arctic Monkeys capered among the palm trees, eschewing hotels for a millionaire's Hollywood homestead as they recorded and mixed their fourth studio album, Suck It and See.

The four Monkeys, alongside producer James Ford and engineer James Brown, lived what they called the "American man thing": watched Super Bowl on giant TVs, played ping-pong, hired two Mustangs, cooked cartoon Tom And Jerry-sized steaks on barbecues on Sundays, had girlfriends over to visit, all cooking and drinking around the colossal outdoor kitchen area featuring a fridge and two dishwashers. Living atop the Hills, they could see the Pacific Ocean beyond by day, the infinite glittering lights of downtown LA by night.

Every day, en route to Sound City Studios, they'd travel in a seven-seater four-by-four through the mountains, via bohemian 60s enclave Laurel Canyon, blaring out the tunes: The Stones Roses, The Cramps, the Misfits' Hollywood Babylon. For the sometime teenage art-punk renegades whose guitarist, Jamie Cook, was once ejected from London's Met Bar for refusing to pay €22 for two beers, the comedy rock'n'roll life still feels, however, absolutely nothing like reality.

NICK O'MALLEY: "It were really as if we were on holiday. When we came back it's the most post-holiday blues I've ever had!"

JAMIE COOK: "It's hard to comment on that. It were just really good fun."

MATT HELDERS: "We always said, As soon as things like that feel normal, we're in trouble. But it's just funny. You might think it would get more and more serious as you get older but it's getting funnier. We've done four albums now and I'm still only 24, I'm still immature to an extent. So who cares?"

Alex? Al? Are you there?

ALEX TURNER: "Yeah, it were good times. But we were in the studio most of the time. So there's no real wild Hollywood stories. Hmn. Yeah."

Wednesday, 16 March 2011, Strongroom Bar, Shoreditch, East London, 11am. Alex Turner, 25, slips entirely alone into an empty art-crowd brasserie looking like an indie girl's indie dream boy: mop-top bouffant hair which coils, in curlicues, directly into his cheekbones, army-green waist-length jacket, baggy-arsed skinny jeans, black cord zip-up cardigan, simple gold chain, supermoon sized chocolate-brown eyes.

Almost six years after I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor became the indie-punk anthem of a generation (from the first of Arctic Monkeys' three Number 1 albums), and nothing prepares you for the curious phenomenon of Alex Turner "in conversation". Unlike so many of the Monkeys frenetic early songs, he operates in slow motion, seemingly underwater, carrying a protective shell on his back, perhaps indie rock's very own diamond-backed terrapin. The most celebrated young wordsmith in rock'n roll today talks fulsomely, in fact, only in shapeless, curling sentences punctuated with "maybe... hmn.. yeah", an anecdotal wilderness sketching pictures as vague as a cloud. He is, though, simultaneously adorable: amenable, gentle, graceful, and as Northern as a 70s grandpa who literally greets you with "ey oop?".

"People think I'm a miserable bastard," he notes, cheerfully, "but it's just the way me face falls." Still profoundly private, if not as hermetically sealed as a vacuum-packed length of Frankfurter, his fante-shy reticence extends not only to his personal life (his four-year relationship with It-girl/TV presenter Alexa Chung, whom he never mentions) but to insider details generally. Take the Monkeys’ Hollywood high jinks documented above: not one word of it was described by Turner. Before Q was informed by his other Monkey bandmates, Turner’s anecdotal aversion unfolded like this:

Describe the lovely villa you were in. AT: "Well... we certainly had a... good view."

Of what? AT: "Well, we were up quite high."

The downtown LA lights going on forever? AT: "I dunno. It was definitely that thing of getting a bit of sort of sunshine. Is it vitamin D? If you can get vitamin D on your record, you've got a bit of a head start. So we'd get up and drive to the studio."

What were you driving? AT: "Nothing... spectacular. But yeah, we'd drive up the studio, spend all day there and sort of, y know, get back. To be honest... we had limited time. So we spent as much time as possible kind of getting into it, like, in the studio.

So your favourite adventures were what? AT: "Well, they were really… minimal. We were working out there!"

Any nightclubs or anything, perhaps? AT: "You really want the goss 'ere, don't you?"

Yes, please. AT: "I could make some up. Nah!"

And this was on the second time of asking. It's perhaps obvious: Alex Turner, one of the most prolific songwriters of his generation (four Monkeys albums and two EPs in five years, The Last Shadow Puppets side-project, a bewitching acoustic soundtrack for his actor/video director friend Richard Ayoade's feature-length debut Submarine), is dedicated only to the cause – of being the best he can possibly be. He simply remembers the songs much more than the somersaults.

Throughout 2009, Arctic Monkeys toured third album Humbug – the record mostly made in the Californian desert with Queens Of The Stone Age man-monolith Josh Homme – across the planet. While hardly some cranium-blistering opus, its heavier sonic meanderings considerably slowed the Arctic Monkeys' live sets and on 23 August 2009, Q watched them headline the Lowlands Festival, Holland and witnessed a hitherto unthinkable sight – swathes of perplexed Monkeys fans trudging away from the stage. With the sludge rock mood matching their cascading dude-rock hair it seemed obvious: they'd smoked way too much outrageously strong weed in the desert.

"Heheheh, yeah," responds Turner, unperturbed. "That's your theory. You probably weren't alone."

Back in the Strongroom Bar, Turner's arm is now nonchalantly draped along the back of a beaten-up brown leather sofa. He ponders his band's somewhat contrary reputation…

"I think starting the headline set at Reading with a cover of a Nick Cave tune perhaps was a bit contrary. D'youknowhat Imean?! But to be honest, that summer, at those festivals, we had a great time. And I know some fans enjoyed those sets 10 times more. And you can't just do, y’know, another Mardy Bum or whatever. Because how could you, really?"

With Humbug, notes Turner, "I went into corners I hadn't before, because I needed to see what were there," but by spring 2010 he wanted their fourth album to be "more song-based" and less lyrically "removed". He was "organised this time", studied "the good songwriters" (from Nick Cave, The Byrds and Leonard Cohen to country colossi Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline), discovered "the other three strings" on his guitar, and wrote 12 songs through the spring and summer of 2010, mostly in the fourth-floor New York flat he shared with Chung before the couple moved back to London late last summer (the New York MTV show It's On With Alexa Chung was cancelled after two seasons). The result: major-key melodies, harmonised singing and classic song structures.

At the same time he revisited the opposite extreme: bands such as Black Sabbath and The Stooges ("we wanted a few wig-outs as well"); he was also still heavily influenced by the oil-thick grinder rock of Josh Homme, who is clearly now a permanent Monkeys hero. After four months' rehearsals in London, on 8 January the Monkeys relocated to LA for five swift weeks of production and Homme came to visit, singing backing vocals on All My Own Stunts. Tequila was involved.

"Tequila is probably me favourite," manages Turner, by way of an anecdote. "But it takes a certain climate... It's not the same... in the rain. Yeah. [Looks to be contemplating a lyric] Tequila in the rain."

Vocally, he developed the caramel richness first unveiled on The Last Shadow Puppets' Scott Walker-esque The Age Of The Understatement, finding a crooner's vibrato. "Everything before was so tight,” he notes, clutching his neck. "Probably just through nerves. That's just not there any more." Suck It and See contains at least four of the most glittering, sing-along, world-class pop songs (and obvious singles) of Arctic Monkeys' career: the towering, clanging She's Thunderstorms, the summertime stunner The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala, the heavenly harmonised title track and the Echo & The Bunnymen-esque jangly pop of closer That's Where You're Wrong.

Elsewhere, in typically contrary "fashion", there's preposterous head-banger bedlam (Brick By Brick, the rollicking faux-heavy rock download they released in March "just for fun", featuring vocals by Helders; Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair, and Library Pictures). News arrives that the first single proper will be Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair. Q is perplexed. Brilliantly titled, certainly, but arriving after Brick By Brick, the new album will appear to the planet as some comedy pastiche metal album for 12-year-old boys.

You've got all these colossal, summery, indie-pop classics and you've gone for... The Chair? AT: [Laughing uproariously] "The Chair! I'm now calling it The Chair, that's cool. Well for once it weren't even our suggestion. It was Laurence's (Bell, Domino label boss). And I were, Fucking too right! He's awesome. It'd be good to get a bit of fucking rock'n'roll out there, won't it? It's riffs. It's loud. It's funny."

If you don't release The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala as a single I'm going round Domino to kick Laurence's "awesome" butt. AT: "I think it'll be the next one!"

The record's title, meanwhile, could've been more enigmatically original than the un-loved phrase Suck It and See. The band, struggling with ideas due to the opposing sonic moods, invented an inspiration-conjuring ruse: to think of new names for effects pedals in the style of Tom Wolfe, Turner being long enamoured with the American author's legendarily psychedelic books The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test and The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby, "cos that just sounds awesome".

"There's the Big Muff pedal," he elaborates, "That’s the classic. I've got the Valve Slapper. And there's the Tube Screamer. So we came up with the Thunder Suckle Fuzz Canyon. And… wait till I assemble it in me mind… em… it'll come to me… The Blonde-O-Sonic Shimmer Trap. So we were going for summat like that."

A wasted opportunity?

"Nah. Because some of those things ended up in the lyrics anyway. Suck It and See was just easier."

Alex Turner, rock'n'roll's premier descriptive art-poet, still writes his lyrics long-hand in spiral-bound notebooks. "Writing lyrics is a craft that I've practised a bit now," he avers. "In me notebook it looks like sums. Theories. There's words and arrows going everywhere. There's always a few possibilities and I write the word 'OR' in a square."

For our most celebrated colloquial sketch-writer of the everyday observation (all betting pencils, boy slags and ice-cream van aggravations) the more successful he becomes, the less he orbits the ordinary. "I'm not struggling with that, to be honest," he decides. "In fact I'm enjoying writing lyrics much more than I did. Stories. Describing a picture. Um. There's quite a bit of weather and time in this one. Which is probably not reassuring. 'Oh God, he's writing about the weather.' Maybe leave that out!"

There are also some direct, funny, romantic observations: "That's not a skirt, girl, that's a sawn-off shotgun/And I only hope you've got it aimed at me..." (from the title track).

Some of your romantic quips, now, must be about Alexa. AT: "Right. Yeah. Definitely. Well... there's always been that side to our songs, when we weren't writing about... the fucking taxi rank. It's kind of inevitably... people you're with." [At the mention of Chung's name, Turner is visibly aggrieved, head sliding into his neck, terrapin-esque indeed.]

It must have been very grounding being in a proper relationship through all this madness. Because if you weren't, girls would be jumping all over your head. AT: "Em. Hmn. Well, of course that helps you to... I don't really know.. what the other way would be."

Does Alexa wonder if the lyrics are about her? AT: "Oh there's none of that. Yeah, no, there's no looking over the shoulder."

She must be curious, at least. "Maybe."

Did you ever watch Popworld? AT: [Nervous laughter] "Em! Now and again."

Did you ever see the episode where she helps Paul McCartney write a song about shoes? AT: "Ah, yeah I think so, maybe I did see that."

Well, if I was you, I'd have been thinking, "She's the one for me." AT: "Well. Yeah... maybe that would've... sealed the deal! Hmn. But maybe that wasn't when i got the ray of light. When was? Nah [buries head in hands]. I might have to go for a cigarette..."

Q can't torture him any more and joins him for a snout. Turner smokes Camels from a crumpled, sad, soft-pack and resembles a teenager again. As early song You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But You Were Staring Straight At Me says, "Never tenser/Could all go a bit Frank Spencer…”

In January 2006, when Arctic Monkeys' Number 1 album Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not became the fastest-selling debut in UK history, inadvertently redefining the concept of autonomy and further imploding the decimated music industry (& wasn't their idea to be "the MySpace band", it was their fans': the Monkeys merely kick-started viral marketing by giving away demos at gigs), the 19- and 20-year-old Monkeys were terrible at fame. They weren't so much insurrectionary teenage upstarts as teenage innocents culturally traumatised by the peak-era fame democracy.

To their generation (born in the mid-'80s) fame was now synonymous with some-twat-off-the-telly a world of foaming tabloid hysteria where renown and celebrity meant, in fact, you were talentless. Hence their interview diffidence and receiving awards via videos dressed up as the Wizard OfOz and the Village People. Which only, ironically, made them even more celebrated and famous. (“That were a product of us just trying to hold onto the reins," thinks Turner today. "Being uncooperative.")

Q meets The Other Three one morning at 11am, in the well-appointed, empty bar of the Bethnal Green, Bast London hotel they're staying in (all three live in Sheffield, with their girlfriends, in their own homes). First to arrive is the industrious, sensible and cheerful Helders, crunching into a hangover-curing green apple. He has recovered from last year's boxing accident at the gym, which left his broken arm requiring a fitted plate. Now impressively purple-scarred, the break felt "interesting" and the doctor couldn't resist the one-armed drummer jest: "D'you like Def Leppard?"

Currently enjoying an enduring bromance with Diddy, he still doesn't feel famous, "it just doesn't feel that real, there's no paparazzi waiting for me to trip up." He and Turner, during the four-month rehearsals last year, became an accomplished roast dinner cooking duo for the band. "I reckon we could have us our own cookbook," he beams. "Pictures of us stirring, with a whisk."

O'Malley, an agreeable, twinkly-eyed 25-year-old with a strikingly deep voice and a winningly huge smile, is still coyly embarrassed by the interview process. A replacement for the departed original bass player Andy Nicholson in May 2006, he went from Asda shelf-filler to Glastonbury headliner in 13 months and still finds the Monkeys "a massive adventure". His life in Sheffield is profoundly normal – he's delighted that his new home since last October has an open-hearth fireplace: "Me parents had electric bars." He has also discovered cooking. “I’m just a pretty shit-hot housewife, most of the time," he smiles. "I cook stews, fish combinations, curries, chillies. I made a beef pho noodle soup the other day, Vietnamese, I surprised meself, had some mates round for that."

Recently, at his dad's 50th birthday bash, the party band, made up of family and friends, insisted he join them onstage "for ...The Dancefloor. So I were up there [mimes playing bass, all sheepish] and it were the wrong pitch, they didn't know the words or 'owt, going, Makin eyes... er..." He has no extra-curricular musical ambitions. "I'm happy just playing bass," he smiles. "I've never had the skill of doing songs meself. It'd be shit!"

Cook, 25, is still spectacularly embarrassed by the interview process. He perches upright, with a fixed nervous smile, newly shorn of the beard and ponytail he sported in LA: "Rockin' a pone, yeah, because I could get away with it." With his classic preppy haircut and dapper green military coat (from London's swish department store, Liberty), he looks like a handsome '40s film star. (Turner deems Cook "the band heartbreaker" and had a word with him post-LA: "I said to him, Come on, mate, you've got to get that beard shaved off. Get the girls back into us. Shift some posters.")

His life in Sheffield is also profoundly normal. He still plays Sunday League football with his local pub team, The Pack Horse FC (position, left back), remains in his long-term relationship with page-three-model-turned-make-up-artist Katie Downes and "potters about" at home, refusing to describe said home, "cos I'll get burgled".

A tiler by trade, he always vowed, should the Monkeys sign a deal, that he'd throw his trowel in a Sheffield river on his last day of work. "I never did fling me trowel," he confirms. "Probably still in me shed." He's never considered what his band represents to his generation. "I'd go insane thinking about it, I'm pretty good at not thinking about it… Oh God. I'm terrible at this!"

Back in the Strongroom Bar, Alex Turner is cloudily describing his everyday life. "I just keep meself to meself," he confounds. He mostly stays indoors and his perfect night in with Alexa is "watching loads of Sopranos. And doing roast dinners".

No longer spindle-limbed, he attends a gym and has handsomely well-defined arms – "You have to look after yourself."

Suddenly, Crying Lightning from Humbug rumbles over the bar stereo. "Wow. How about that? I was quite happy the other morning cos Brick By Brick were on the round-up goals on Soccer AM. It's still exciting when that happens. It was like Brick By Brick is real."

He spends his days writing music, "listening to records", and recommends Blues Run The Game by doomed '60s minstrel Jackson C Frank ("who's that lass?... Laura Marling, she did a cover recently), a simple, acoustic, deep and regretful stunner about missing someone on the road.

Lyrically, he cites as an example of greatness the Nick Cave B-side Little Empty Boat [from ‘97 single Into My Arms ], a comically sinister paean to a sexual power struggle: "Your knowledge is impressive and your argument is good/But I am the resurrection babe and you're standing on my foot."

"I need a hobby," he suddenly decides. "I'd like to learn another language." Since his mum is a German teacher (his dad teaches music), surely he can speak some German? "I know how to ask somebody if they've had fun at Christmas." Go on, then. "Nah!"

Where Turner's creative gifts stem from remains a contemporary rock'n'roll mystery; he became a fledgling songwriter at 16, after the gift of a guitar at Christmas from his parents. An only child, did his folks, perhaps, foresee artistic greatness? "I doubt it!" he balks. "Cos I didn't. I wasn't... a show kid." Like the others, he doesn't analyse the past, or the future.

"You can't constantly be thinking about what's happened," he reasons, "it's just about getting on with it." The elaborate pinky ring he now constantly wears, however, a silver, gold and ruby metal-goth corker featuring the words DEATH RAMPS is a permanent reminder of he and his best friends’ past. The Death Ramps is not only a Monkeys pseudonym and B-side to Teddy Picker, but a place they used to ride their bikes in Sheffield as kids.

"Up in the woods near where we lived," he nods. "Just little hills. But when you're eight years old they're death ramps." The ring was custom made by a friend of his, who runs top-end rock'n'roll jewellery emporium The Great Frog near London's Carnaby Street. Ask Turner why he thinks the chase between his writing and speaking eloquence is quite so mesmerisingly vast and he attempts a theory.

"Well, writing isn't the same as speaking," he muses. "Not for me. I seem to struggle more and more with... conversation. Talking onstage... I can't do it any more. Hmn. I'll have to work on that."

The ever-helpful Helders has a better theory.

"Since he's been writing songs," he ponders, “It seems like he’s always thinking about that. So even when he’s talking to you now, he’s thinking about the next thing that rhymes with a word. Even when he’s driving. We joke he’s a bad driver, his focus is never 100 per cent on what he’s doing. Which is good for us cos it means he’s got another 12 songs up his sleeve. I think music must be the easiest way for him to be concise and get everything out. Otherwise his head would explode.”

The Shoreditch.com photo studios, 18 March. Alex Turner, today, is more ethereally distracted than ever, transfixed by the studio iPod, playing Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, a version of I’d Rather Go Blind. Occasionally, he’ll completely lose his conversational thread, “Um. I’ve dropped a stitch.”

The first to arrive for Q’s photoshoot, he greets his incoming bandmates with enormous hugs (and also hugs them goodbye). Today, Q feels it’s pointless poking its pickaxe of serious enquiry further into Turner’s vacuum-packed soul and wonders if he’ll play, instead, a daft game. It’s called Popworld Questions, as first posed by someone he knows rather well.

“Oh, OK. Let’s do it,” he blinks, now perched in an empty dressing room. He then vigorously shakes his head, “Um…I’ve gotta snap back into it.”

Here, then, are some genuine “Alexa Chung on Popworld” questions (2006-2007), as originally posed to Matt Willis, Amy Winehouse, Robbie Williams, Pussycat Dolls, Kaiser Chiefs and Diddy.

Why do indie bands wear such tight jeans? AT: “Um. I supposed they do. They haven’t always. When we first were playing I was definitely in flares. You need to be quite tall to get the full effect, though. So, that's why this indie band wears such tight jeans, cos we've not got the legs for flares."

What makes you tick in the sexy department? AT: "Wow. Pass. What do I find most attractive in a woman? Something in the head? That's definitely a requirement. Well... Hmn. I'm struggling."

Tell us about all the lovely groupies. AT: "No!"

If dogs had human hands instead of paws, would you consider trying to teach them to play the piano? AT: "Absolutely. I'd teach Hey Jude."

How many plums d'you think you can comfortably fit in one hand? AT: "They're not very big. [Holds small, pale, girly hand up for inspection] It's a shame. Probably three. Diddy only managed two? Maybe not then. I can carry a lot of glasses at once, though. If they're small ones I can do four."

Are you cool? AT: "Not as much as I'd like to be. There's this clip where Clint Eastwood is on a talkshow and he gets asked, Everybody thinks of you as defining cool, what d'you think about that? And he gets his cigs out, takes one out, flicks it into his mouth, lights it and says, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Here, Turner locates his Camels soft-pack and attempts to do a Clint Eastwood. He flicks one upwards towards his mouth. And misses. Flicks another. And misses. "Third time lucky?" He misses. "I'll get it the next time." And succeeds. "Hey. Fourth time. Don't put that in! So there you go. I'm four steps away from where I wanna be."

Thank you very much for joining me here on Popworld, here's my clammy hand again. There it is, let it slip, hmmn. You can let go now. AT: "OK! Were you a Popworld fan, then? It was funny. Cool. What were we talking about, before?"

Blimey, Alex. What must you be like when you're completely stoned out of your head? AT: "Stoned? What d'you mean, cos I seem like that anyway? Yeah. A lot of people... tell me I'm a bit... dreamy. But I like the idea of that. Of being somewhere else."

Two days earlier, Turner had contemplated what he wanted from all this, in the end. Many seconds later he gave his deceptively ambitious answer.

"I just wanna write better songs," he decided. "And better lyrics. I just definitely wanna be good at it. Hmn. Yeah.”

—

RUFUS BLACK: AKA Matt Helders, on his ongoing bromance with Diddy

Matt Helders has known preposterous rap titan Diddy since they met in Miami in 2008. “He goes, Arctic Monkeys! Then he said summat about a B-side and I was like, He's not lying! I just thought, This is funny, I'm gonna go with this for a while." Last October Diddy texted Helders, suggesting he play drums with his Diddy Dirty Money band on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross, to give his own drummer a day off. “I were bowling with me girifriend at the time. In Sheffield, on a Sunday." On the day of recording, says Helder, "We had a musical director. That were one of the maddest times of my life. Next day Diddy said, Why don't you just stay? Come along with me. So I went everywhere with him." Diddy had "a convoy of cars" and made sure Helders was always in his. "He'd stop his car and go, Where's Matt? You're coming with me! So I'd get in his car. Just me, him, his security, driver." Diddy, by now, had given him a pseudonym - Rufus Black. "He kept saying, I don't wanna fuck up your image. And I'm, I don't think it's gonna do me any harm!" He stayed in Diddy's spectacularly expensive hotel. Some weeks later, Helders almost returned to the Dirty Money drumstool for a gig in Glasgow. "But we were rehearsing in London. I were like, I might come, how are you getting there? And he were like, Jet. Jump on t’jet with me. But I had to stay in Bethnal Green instead.”

Love’s young dream: Diddy (left) with Helders

[neverwanttofallasleep]

I Never Want To Fall Asleep - Masterpost

It's December 2022. You're the tour wardrobe coordinator for rock'n'roll band Greta Van Fleet. You find yourself inexplicably pulled toward a certain guitarist, and he you, as much as you try not to be.

Pairings: Jake x Female OC, f!reader x Female OC (mentioned), Jake x f!reader, Sam x Female OC, Josh x Male OC, Danny x Female OC

Warnings: +18 content, angst x1000 (crying, arguing, swearing, depictions of depression/panic attacks, mentions of cheating and open relationships, miscommunication), marijuana and alcohol use, cigarettes, mentions of alcoholism, mentions of religion/anti-religion, mention of divorce, eventual smut (kissing, masturbation, sex, very vanilla and fluffy), Christmas

Real people used as fictional characters: Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, Sam Kiszka, Danny Wagner, Karen Kiszka, Kelly Kiszka, Ronnie Kiszka, (Josie, Daniel Sr and Lori Wagner are all mentioned)

Disclaimer: it took me a while to come to terms with writing real people as characters in this story. As an avid fic enjoyer, sometimes I struggle not to get the ick when real people are written about because I don’t want to be invasive into their personal lives, especially when it comes to the family and friends of celebrities because they didn’t choose this. Please take everything written on this wild and wonderful internet with a grain of salt and know that the characters in this story ARE NOT REAL. They are fictionalized versions of rlly hot celebs and are completely original characters other than their names and looks. I have chosen to use the real names of their siblings and parents to keep the world feeling authentic, but I have literally nothing to base these characters on so I am fully making them up. I do not know any of these people personally (and I’m gonna assume you don’t either) so let's just stay weird over here babes and respect their privacy and leave them alone xx

I Never Want To Fall Asleep - Character Gallery

Playlist

Word count: 52k completed

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8 - Part 1 | Chapter 8 - Part 2

[obscurecharactershowdown]

The Contestants Are Here!

Thank you for your patience, I'm now ready to announce our contestants for the Obscure Character Showdown! There are 300 characters, split up into 6 groups of 50.

Here's how the schedule will work: Day 1 is Group A Round 1 Part 1, Day 2 is Group A Round 1 Part 2, Day 3 is Group B Round 1 Part 1, Day 4 is Group B Round 1 Part 2, Day 5 is Group C Round 1 Part 1, and so on and so forth until we reach Group F Round 1 Part 2, and then the next day we'll fold back over for Group A Round 2. I'm splitting up the rounds because tumblr can interpret posting many polls at once as spamming, and each group contains 25 polls, so. 13 one day, 12 the next.

I expect to start polls by Wednesday, May 31, but I may be a little later than that. I'll keep you updated.

The polls will be tagged with 'obscurecharactershowdown,' 'obscure poll,' and their group letter and round number.

Under the cut is the groups and matchups. Thank you all for your submissions, and I'm sorry if your submission didn't get in! If it was a submission for your OC, a mythological figure, a Real Life Thing, an album character, a commercial character, etc, then you may not be out of the running yet. Be patient, I have something else I'm working out!

Please don't come into my inbox, replies, dms, etc, and tell me that a character I chose isn't actually obscure at all. No one's media experience is universal, and from my own experiences, I picked to the best of my ability.

GROUP A

Juan Salvo (El Eternauta) vs The Faceless One (Masters of the Universe)

Leila Vernon (The Magic Misfits) vs Malaya Walters (How to Be a Werewolf)

Rosalia Rossellini (Trauma Team) vs Hotwire (Transformers Universe)

The Blue Electric Angels (Matthew Swift book series) vs The Protagonist’s Mother (Milk outside a bag of milk outside a bag of milk)

Syksy (Farragone) vs Chaerin Eun (Surviving Romance)

Miyabi Hanakouji (Persona 2) vs Valier / Reinhardt (The Demon Prince Goes To The Academy)

Merim Felspar (Three of Hearts Podcast) vs Gracefeel (The Faraway Paladin)

Ragna the Bloodedge (Blazblue) vs Shigeru Watanabe (Sakana)

Tragedian (Pathologic) vs Shin Kazama (Area 88)

Morga Eirsdottir (Arcana) vs Shadow Joker (Kaitou Joker/Mysterious Joker)

Rose Red (Ghost Quartet) vs Jacopo Bearzatti (The House in Fata Morgana)

Teardrop (BFB) vs Catherine Winters (Love, Money, Rock'n'Roll)

Nin (Paranatural) vs Naarah (CatGhost)

Rose Hsu Jordan (The Joy Luck Club) vs Seijyu (Mashin Eiyuuden Wataru/Mashin Hero Wataru)

Itakura Akira (Talentless Nana) vs Daryl Zero (Zero Effect (1998))

Tarisa Manandal (Muv-Luv Alternative: Total Eclipse) vs Whisper (Golden Treasure: The Great Green)

Isaac Yaga (Thistlefoot) vs Raikou Shimizu (Nabari no Ou)

Kasane Fuchi (Kasane) vs Taïs (Aïnako)

Kozlov Leifvich Grebnev (Biomega) vs Rosa Ushiromiya (Umineko no Naku Koro ni)

Bowie (Ginga Senpuu Braiger) vs Cyber 6 (Cybersix)

Kim Boksil (How to End an Unrequited Love) vs Zolophilia (Disciple of the Lich: Or How I Was Cursed by the Gods and Dropped Into the Abyss)

Kate (Shadow’s House) vs Michael Tutori (Wii Music)

The Guardian (Hyper Light Drifter) vs Salim Condo (La quete d'Ewilan books) 

The Queen of Hearts (Fool's Run by Patricia McKillip) vs Jyu Free (Dobutsu no Kuni/Animal Land)

Tom (Deltora Quest) vs The Player Square (Adventure (Atari))

GROUP B

Elliot Hemlock (Devil's Candy) vs Sulfus (Angel's Friends)

Togou Mimori/Washio Sumi (Yuuki Yuuna is a Hero & Washio Sumi is a Hero) vs Fengxi (Legend of Luo Xiaohei)

Shinozaki Yusuke (Shinozaki-kun no Mente Jijou) vs Yellow Tempest/Yellow Storm (Ending Makers)

Hiroki Dan (Brutal: Satsujin Kansatsukan no Kokuhaku) vs Tirsiak (Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion)

Tau-indi Bosoka (Seth Dickinson's Masquerade series) vs Sugar Peace (High Card)

Anima (Why Shouldn't a Detestable Demon Lord Fall in Love?!) vs Rinzen (Avatar Legends)

Walter Walzac (The Brave of Gold Goldran) vs Hoshi or “Star” (Arakawa Under the Bridge)

Lex (Cryptid Crush) vs Marshall (U.B.Funkeys)

Pappy van Poodle (Rusty’s Real Deal Baseball) vs Cockroach Boy (Nekra Psaria)

Denzil and Cuthbert (Count Duckula) vs Mama Fireplant (Super Mario World TV series)

Isaac (Awful Hospital) vs Naki Kokuriko (Ayakashi Akashi)

Tughril Mahmut (Shoukoku no Altair) vs Mark (Galactik Football)

Mistake Bradley (Home Sweet Home (1981)) vs Oopsy Bear (Care Bears (2007 series))

Yin Yu (Heaven Official's Blessing) vs Jinwoo Shim (New Recruit)

Xuanli (Lanxi Zhen) vs Tenna (Johnny the Homicidal Maniac / I Feel Sick)

Ssrin (Exordia) vs Kondou Seiichirou (Isekai no Sata wa Shachiku Shidai)

Hikaru (Hikaru ga Shinda Natsu) vs Dr. Albert Krueger (Therapy with Dr. Albert Krueger)

Chris Wise (Anna and the Apocalypse) vs Chase Beckley (Elevator Hitch)

Cindy Caine (Halloween Horror Nights) vs Uncle Flipping Hades Terwilliger (The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death, by Daniel Manus Pinkwatee)

Juliana Valverde (The Hazards of Love) vs Red Savarin (Solatorobo)

Bennett (Hello Charlotte) vs Ruan Nanzhu (Kaleidoscope of Death (死亡万花筒))

Eve (Serina: A Natural History of the World of Birds) vs Senri (+Anima)

Nero (The Boy Who Fell) vs Yee (Outlander Fantastic Princess)

Atl (Certain Dark Things) vs Sheila (Witch’s Heart)

Josh Rumbles (Celia's Journey - a series by Melissa Gunther) vs Queenie (BACK)

GROUP C

Bolt (Crypt of the Necrodancer) vs Mila (The Quest)

Iris (Drawn: The Painted Tower) vs Pearl Forrester (MST3K)

Queen Seles (Sabrina the Teenage Witch: The Magic Within) vs Vella (Velouria Beastender Tartine) (Broken Age)

Mr Morris Lessmore (The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr Morris Lessmore) vs Garrett Miller (Extreme Ghostbusters)

Dr. Anna May (Scott the Woz) vs Ocoho (Radiant)

Bai Lang (My Tooth Your Love) vs Aleida Rosales (For All Mankind)

The Scorched Apostate (A Practical Guide to Evil) vs "Järnarmen" ("The Iron Arm") (Jönssonligan dyker upp igen (1986))

Aliya Elasra (Heaven’s Vault) vs Roc (Xenoblade 2)

Sawamura Tetsuo (Yuureitou) vs Kid Twilight (Story Thieves by James Riley)

Doris Frances Barbara (Blood & Syrup: A Vampire the Masquerade Podcast) vs Mikey McGil (The Skinjacker Trilogy) 

Psianop the Inexhaustible Stagnation (Ishura) vs Gu Nanyi (Rise of the Phoenixes)

Sawtooth Rivergrinder (Freefall) vs Katook (The Katurran Odyssey)

Kim Koizumi (Chroma Key) vs NIL (Hyperbolica video game)

Kathryn (Fixation) vs The Spider Core (The Lab - Core Slingshot) 

Satyarani (Raven: The Secret Temple) vs Alys Hunter (Prosiect Z/Itopia)

Bamba (Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger) vs Barago (From Far Away) 

Grunty (The World Well Lost by Theodore Sturgeon) vs Ink (Going Home)

Rook (Griftlands) vs Rambler (Happy Happy Clover)

Elisabet Grimurdottir (Nancy Drew: Sea of Darkness) vs Felix Iskandar Escellun (Last Legacy)

Nancy Neil (Snowboard Kids) vs THE-MEASURE-CUTS (The Blackout Club) 

Nephis (Shadow Slave) vs Rina Shioi (Magical Girl Site)

"good" Tom (El Goonish Shive) vs Tomoe Tachibana (Trauma Team) 

Enik (Land of the Lost (1978)) vs Ernő Nemecsek (A Pál Utcai Fiúk (The Paul Street Boys)) 

Dee Kennedy (Dayshift at Freddy’s) vs Eamon Bailey (The Circle by Dave Eggers)

Bob Sparker (Electricopolis) vs Kirinda (Juuni Senshi Bakuretsu Eto Ranger)

GROUP D

Todoroki Kakeru (Chō Soku Henkei Gyrozetter) vs Lelee (Cursed Ones DnD)

Engine (Gachiakuta) vs The Exsurgent Virus (Eclipse Phase)

Therese 'Tess' Dombegh (Tess of the Road) vs Heart (Moonlight Chicken)

Captain Grace (Magical Girl Raising Project: Limited) vs Gongyi Xiao (Scum Villain's Self Saving System) 

Es (Milgram) vs Fox (Mirrorworld series)

Kindersnatch (Prey and a Lamb) vs Copen Kamizono (Azure Striker Gunvolt)

Lady Bat (Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch) vs Pepper (Hello From Halo Head)

Marziale (NOISZ) vs Ulala (Space Channel 5)

Soloman (Soloman) vs Diggory Graves (Hello from the Hallowoods)

Matatagi Hayato (Inazuma Eleven GO Galaxy) vs Phon (3 Will Be Free)

Riley (Nexomon) vs Hizame (Amatsuki (Takayama Shinobu))

Brutha (Discworld) vs Colt / Coltia (Monster Rancher 2)

Raven (Gravity Rush) vs Holy Joo (Oh! Holy (Webtoon))

Kit Devlin (Kitty Corner) vs Kusuriuri (the medicine seller) (Mononoke)

Dandelion Tuft-Flores (Soil That Binds Us) vs Tin (Triage The Series)

Sparky & Whoosh / ポチ & タマ (Pochi & Tama) (Ribbit King (Kero Kero King DX)) vs The Biologist (The Southern Reach trilogy by Jeff VanderMeer)

Silver (Oneshot) vs Allumi Niumbirch (Shaman King Flowers)

Kronoculus (Costume Quest 2) vs Raven (Raven (CBBC))

Gary (Faith the Unholy Trinity) vs Appare Sorano (Appare-Ranman!)

Roxis Rosenkrantz (Mana Khemia) vs Abby and Zara (Doctor Who / Graceless)

Shijima Tsukishima/Shimeji (Shimeji simulation) vs Sym (I Was A Teenage Exocolonist)

Oona Wong (Kiki Strike Series) vs Cynthia (Incryptid)

Felix Leiter (James Bond franchise) vs Jefferson (Death's Door) 

Gerald McBoing Boing (Gerald McBoing Boing (1950 short)) vs Gruftine (Die Schule Der Kleinen Vampire / The School for Little Vampires)

Nuch (Not Me The Series) vs Sad Ghost (Shattered Pixel Dungeon)

GROUP E

Percy Blakeney (The Scarlet Pimpernel) vs Sarah Collins (Dark Shadows (1966-1971))

Grace Summers/Poppy (Blood for Poppies (An interactive novel)) vs Tangie (The Tangerine Bear)

Pleck Decksetter (Mission to Zyxx) vs Zaknafein Do'Urden (The Legend of Drizzt (Forgotten Realms))

Tusk (Shrine II) vs Richard Conway (Gunpoint)

Zinn (Monstress) vs Detective Victor Spooky (Deep Night Detective) 

Teddyco (Sanrio) vs Leonie Beaumort (Aviary Attorney)

Magda (Vapors) vs Yokoe Rei (School Zone Girls)

Mini Kapoor-Lopez (Pandava Quintet) vs Maki (Darker than Black)

Edward Manners (The Folding Star by Alan Hollinghurst) vs Reo Miyao (Bokutachi no Ikita Riyuu (Our Reason For Living))

Cian (Bear and Breakfast) vs Principal Shirley Oddwell (Oddport Academy)

Curse Bringer Angel (Baroque) vs Daniel da Silva (Think of England by KJ Charles)

S.T (Hollow Kingdom by Kira Jane Buxton) vs The Cashier (Midnight Museum)

Inien (Thrilling Intent) vs Vola ('Pax' & 'Pax Journey Home' by Sara Pennypacker)

Seaweed (Gloomverse) vs Fangus Klot (Oddworld)

Osari Hikaru (B-Project) vs Stag Malinay (Krystar First Fragment)

Randy Rosebud (Maggie's Apartment) vs The Lacewing King (Honeycomb)

Akama (The Idiot (1951)) vs No Significant Harassment (Rain World) 

The Nigh Furies (Wen Yan, Mo Xiao, and Hai Die) (The Wolf) vs Libby Day (Dark Places)

Sally Swing (Betty Boop) vs A (Tomorrow Will Be Dying)

Puck Reverie (OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes) vs Conrad (The Castle of Otranto)

Monmouth (100 Cupboards series) vs Goo (Inanimate Insanity)

Shrimp (The Upturned) vs Suren Darga (DC Comics)

Kim Jinhyuk (Antique (2008)) vs Cecilia Sylvie (Cross-Dressing Villainess Cecilia Sylvie)

Sullen the Magic Mirror (Barbie as Rapunzel CD-ROM) vs Bea (Brawl Stars)

Zachary Ezra Rawlins (The Starless Sea) vs Dash X (Eerie, Indiana)

GROUP F

Kiyoshirou Ushimitsu (As the Gods Will 2) vs Su Moting (God Troubles Me/Hanhua Riji)

Gabrielle (Gabrielle's Ghostly Groove) vs John Dough (John Dough and The Cherub)

Michiko Hada (Helter Skelter: Fashion Unfriendly) vs Corrun Crosslight (Spell Check)

Moondance k'Treva (The Heralds of Valedmar books by Mercedes Lackey) vs Liv (Spooky Month)

Ibuki Momoi (Dai-Guard) vs Etcetera (Cats (musical)) 

Li Ching Lung (DNA Says Love You) vs Fumi-ba (Kamen Rider Ghost)

Uguisu Anko (Call of the Night) vs Corona Hoshino (Swans in Space (manga))

Frog (QuickSpot) vs Karl (All Hail King Julien)

Wolfman (Darkwood) vs Kenna De Poitiers (Reign)

Granger (NeverHome game series) vs Chopfyt (oz)

the Doctor/Doc (Boyfriend of the Dead) vs Gaap Goemon (Mairimashita! Iruma-kun)

Magnate Arabo (Stars in Shadow) vs The God of Hunting (A Herbivorous Dragon of 5000 Years Gets Unfairly Villainized)

Iroha Irohazaka (Cipher Academy) vs Mission-chan (Mission-chan no Daibouken)

Forest Friend (Gris) vs Chiitan (Astro Boy)

Simon (Ma vie de Courgette ("My Life as a Courgette")) vs Ellie (Monster Tale)

Melatonin Protagonist (Melatonin) vs Topsy (The Only Harmless Great Thing)

Harp (Star Guardians) vs Dadish (Dadish)

Turnip (Chicory: A Colorful Tale) vs Sha Sheng Shi ("Killing Stone") (Qing Ya Ji (Yin Yang Master))

Guillermo "Dixon" Alverez (Rebelde (2022)) vs Avery (Hellbound Guardian)

Agent (Penguinronpa) vs Sasana (Nekogami Yaoyorozu)

Uhh… these guys? (Rhythm Heaven Fever) vs Fernando Carvalho (Ordem Paranormal)

Mallory (Escam) vs Elle (Starcrash)

Miyauchi Rena (Blue Reflection: Second Light) vs Adelade (A A Prime by Moto Hagio)

Yamabiki (Starving Anonymous) vs Tiger of the Wind (Monster Rancher (1999))

The High Ki of Twi (the enchanted island of yew) vs Malkah (He, She, & It by Marge Piercy)

[infamous-if]

I'm so glad your demo was recommended to me, it was so good it sparked my passion for IFs AND songwriting after a years-long break! Your writing is amazing, and I love that it seems we're able to play a really messy MC, in love and life generally haha! Those days are behind me irl but at least I can live the rock'n'roll lifestyle vicariously through my MC lol.

A question: Do you think it would be possible to add a nickname option for the MC? Like, I'd love to name my MC something like Elizabeth but have her be called Lizzie by her band mates and other friends. Just an example. Sorry if this has been asked already!

oh that’s amazing! I love that lol

I definitely want to. I think that’d be a nice additional demonstration of closeness for the band but it’d have to have another variable if I want to make sure that people not close to MC use MC’s real name and then there’s already the variable to have a stage name…🤔

I’ll think about it!

[chemicallady]

Perfect Pitch

Prologue

A/N: This is just the introduction chapter. If you will be invested in this idea I'll write the entire FF!

Couple: Noah Sebastian x Reader (in which reader is a talented musician and the new member of Bad Omens. This is an Alternative Universe in which the guys decide to pick up someone to fill in for Vincent.)

Content Warning: this FF will include describing different delicate subjects like states of anxiety, depression, gender violence ( bad place, the industry, for a girl) and possible suicidal thought. Be careful if you feel exposed by one or more of this topics. Feel free to write me in PM about anything ♡ Since the main characters of this story are real people, I want to underline that this is the idea I have of them and not the reality since I don't know Bad Omens. I don't want to be disrespectful in any way because I have tons of respect for the guys and their job. I also don't want to dig in their private lives or whatsoever aside the things they reveal by themselves on interviews of post on social, present and past.

Summary:  reader has always wanted to be a musician her entire life. She pictures herself as first chair in a majestic orchestra, but thanks to her soft spot for metalcore, destiny is leading her somewhere special.

....

◇◇◇

The first time you have seen Noah Seabastian, you were in the pit. Vans Warped tour 2017, a fucking hot texan day. You had never heard about Bad Omens before, but they had such an incredible energy on stage. Good enough to surf crowding in front of the barricades to look closer. The bass guitar player smiked at you when he noticed that your shirt was lifted by the continued movement of hands all over your body. In the moment the security put your ass back to the ground you had found a pair of deep brown eyes on you. The singer was asking the crowd to sing along the main course but you had no idea about the lyrics so you simply smirked, lifting all way your tshit and unreveal the bra.

And.... thats it.

Rock'n'roll and a couple of extra beer made you brave.

Nothing less, nothing more.

No hot stories as a groupie walking her way to a bus tour or anything else. Just a glaze, one among millions.

At the end of that hot summer you started to looking for a job after you graduated at Julliard in NYC. It was the best time of your life. You have always been a talented violinist since you were 5. The prodigy from a very small town, ready to astonish New York.

But it never happened.

Always third chair.

Moving around the country as a ball in an arcade grew you tired after 6 months. The low salaries, the necessity of having a home for more than six weeks....

Settle down. Adopt a cat.

You wanted some stability.

So you started to work as a waitress. You have no idea of how you ended again in texas, but life in here is simpler compared with NYC.

Almost a year had passed when you met Shane and Zac. Summer was running out fast when the Oh Sleepers played in the small pub you were working. A couple of words after and a decent amount of good luck brought the singer to share with you an important information.

《 if you can play the bass, I know a band is looking for someone to fill in.》

You can play bass. You can actually play five instrument and sing. This is your only talent. Music. Feeling it. Being able to figure the notes in your head just listening at them once.

The ability of discover a F# when a pillow fall from the sofa on the ground. The ritmic dissonance of a A and a G in your steps while you walk home drunk.

The perfect pitch.

At least, you could work as a music engineer.

Shane was intrigued by the way you tuned a guitar whitout flicking before their show and from your musical curricula. It is far more than it should be in the industry. But he also saw something in you. How much you have work your way though the mud and sweat to end up in a pub, verbaly molested by creepy guys on daily basis.

Such a waste of rare talent.

《 try your luck. That's is his phone number. See if he still wants a replacement or if he's fine with is guitarrist as bass player. I lost track over their decisions, but their good friends of me. The singer slays on stage》

You picked up that piece of paper with a bit of concern. For this guy privacy in a first place but also for you. You were dreaming about orchestras, beautiful dresses with long sleeves to cover your tattoos.... but you have always wanted to be a rockstar.

A queen.

And you have never wanted to be that broke.

So... Why not?

《 alright. Thanks man. Just... what's the name of this guy?》

《 noah. Noah sebastian》.

***

I chose the Oh Sleeper to introduce bad omens to the reader because I've always find this video hilarious. Feel free to give me your opinion about this prologue!

[pleasantlyinsincere]

David Cassidy on John from Could it be forever? -My Story

During that time, I also got to know one of my musical heroes, John Lennon. When he split with Yoko and was with May Pang, I spent some time in LA with him at Elliot Mintz's house and spent a little time chatting with him. We subsequently had dinner together a couple of times. We'd go to the Imperial Gardens so we could be in a private room where no one would bother us. Later I flew back to New York twice and spent a little time with Yoko. She is very bright and I liked her a lot. I think she was treated unfairly by the media and the public. She provided a real grounding for John and a place to feel safe. She loved him for who she was, not because he was a Beatle. I later found the same thing with my wife, Sue. [...] During the last year of Partridge Family, 1974, John continued making the Rock'n'Roll album. I saw Elliot all the time and John and I would pass messages back and forth to each other through him. John came over to my house in Encino on New Year's eve 1974 or 1975, when I had just finished my world tour. Susan Dey was there and I had fallen asleep at around midnight on her lap. Elliot and John showed up and they had been drinking and celebrating. Susan woke me up and said, 'David, I think there is a Beatle in the house.' After slurring a few words to each other, John and I decided to play some music. So we went to my music room, where I had all my guitars, and we sat on the floor and I began playing the Beatles' song Any Time at All. It was one of my favorites. That and Mr. Moonlight. And John was like, 'Oh, I can't remember that.' He had written hundreds of songs since then. So I sort of re-taught him the chord structure. We sang it together and I did Paul's part. It was like being a Beatle for a moment. I was fulfilling a dream I'd had when I was 13, learning Beatles' songs on my first guitar after seeing them on the Ed Sullivan show. You don't forget some of the first songs you learn. We started playing rock'n'roll songs, stuff by Chuck Berry like Nadine. John loved all that Chuck Berry stuff and he knew it much better than I did. It didn't sound very good, we were drinking, laughing and just stumbling through it. I played him a song I had just written and he started playing me stuff that he was working on. [...] I had an interesting relationship with John. I related to him because of his abandonment issues and creativity. He was kind enough to give me inside into what I was about to go through. He'd been there and done that and was in the process of demystifying himself. Once we were having lunch together, he invited me to come to A&M studios where he was recording the Rock'n'Roll album. He asked me if I wanted to play with the other musicians. I did go but it was so crowded and almost every great guitar player you can think of was there. Harry Nilsson, Cher and lots of other people were there, too. At the time I didn't want to be part of the circus. I only stayed for around 15 minutes, although in hindsight I probably should have played. John had a fabulous sense of humour. He was more dedicated to the things he believed in than anyone I can think of. He wasn't seduced by greed. We only spoke briefly about Paul and his comments at the time were, 'Yeah, well, you know, that's just Paul.' I think John was deeply hurt by their differences and the fact that their partnership wasn't a partnership. He felt the competition with Paul who would come in with 15 songs and want to record them all. John told me, 'I don't want to be in, you know, "Paul & the Beatles". I don't want to be a sideman for Paul. It's not what I want to do anymore.' John Lennon had a very strong influence on me by giving me advice on how to start trying to live a normal life again. How do I find a way to walk down the street or go to a restaurant and not be paranoid? We talked a lot about that. There were certain things that I could say to him and he could say to me that no other people on earth could understand except perhaps the other Beatles and Elvis.

[storyshark2005]

I watched the '94 Glasto set in full for the first time!

Of note:

The crowd is pogoing by the second song. Definitely Maybe hadn't even been released, NO ONE HAD HEARD THE ALBUM, so this is a crowd full of people who have been following the band around the UK to attend live shows.

Tony McCarroll kills it the whole show, total machine

Guig's bass very audible, and very GOOD -- especially during 'I Am the Walrus' !

Liam smokes a cigarette during the guitar solo on 'Supersonic'. Iconic. So cool.

SUPERSONIC, though?! What a track. Definitely the biggest tune of the show.

'Bring It On Down' NASTY AMAZING CHOON

They played 'Digsy's Dinner' but not 'Rock'n'Roll Star' ??? Why??

Noel doesn't have a microphone-- so no backing vocals!! Which is a shame, 'Walrus' especially needed him.

The KIDS in the crowd look like REAL KIDS?! 90s youth culture real as fuck. Like tshirts and jeans. No dolled up 12 year old looking like college students.

Love seeing Noel and Liam walk off stage a full minute before the rest of the band finishes 'I Am the Walrus'. Tony, Guigs, and Bonehead have a little jam sesh (while Noel and Liam hopefully in my dreams have a quick snog backstage)

[weneverlearn]

Aaron Lange, Peter Laughner, and the Terminal Town of Cleveland, Ohio

Cleveland-based artist, Aaron Lange, tackles his first graphic novel, Ain't It Fun -- a deep dive into the oily depths of the Rust Belt's most influential music town, it's most mythological misfit, it's oft-forgotten artistic and political streaks, and beyond...

Aaron Lange and his book, 2023 (Photo by Jake Kelly)

--------------------------------------

There’s a recurring line in Aaron Lange’s remarkable new graphic novel, Ain’t It Fun (Stone Church Press, 2023), that states, “Say the words out loud. The River isn’t real.” The river Lange was speaking of is the Cuyahoga, that infamously flammable mass of muck that dumps out into Lake Erie.

Peter Laughner (the ostensible topic of Lange’s book) was an amazing artist who probably could’ve ditched the banks of the Cuyahoga for more amenably artistic areas back in his early 1970s heyday. Aside from his frequent pilgrimages to the burgeoning NYC Lower East Side scene (where he nearly joined Television) and a quickly ditched attempt to live in California though, he mostly stuck around northeast Ohio.

While desperately trying to find his sound and a workable band, Laughner smelted a post-hippie, pre-punk amoebic folk rock, and formed the influential embryonic punk band, Rocket from the Tombs, which later morphed into Pere Ubu. All of which – lumped up with other rust-belted oddballs like electric eels, Mirrors, DEVO, the Numbers Band, Chi-Pig, Tin Huey, Rubber City Rebels, and more – essentially helped formed the “proto-punk” template.

Laughner was also a rock writer of some regional renown, and contributed numerous amphetamine-fueled articles to regional mags like The Scene and Creem -- mostly concerning where Rock'n'Roll was going, colored as he was by the Velvet Underground, the Stooges, David Bowie, and Roxy Music playing in Cleveland a bunch of times around his formative years.

Sadly, in June 1977, Laughner died of acute pancreatitis at age 24. Aside from the first two seminal Pere Ubu 7-inch singles, the rest of Laughner’s recorded output was just one very limited self-released EP and, posthumously, a great double-LP comp of demo and live tracks, Take the Guitar Player for a Ride (1993, Tim Kerr Records). A surprisingly large batch of unreleased lost demos, radio shows, and live tapes appeared on the beautiful and essential box set, Peter Laughner (Smog Veil Records, 2019), that brought Laughner’s legend just a few blocks outside of Fringeville, as it received universally great reviews….

The Dead Boys became the most well-known act of that mid-70s Cleveland scene, though that only happened once they high-tailed it to NYC. Aside from DEVO, Chrissie Hynde, and the Waitresses (all of whom did their own versions of high-tailing it), nearly every other act in that fertile Cle-Akron proto-punk vortex soon dissipated, eventually getting the cult treatment at best.

Cleveland is indeed right there with NYC and London as punk ground zero, but Americans tend to equate buyable products as proof of import, so shockingly, the Pagans and The Styrenes just aren’t the household name they should be.

Decades of tape-trading stories, sub-indie label limited releases, and fanzine debates kept the mythology of those acts barely breathing underneath the end of the milennium’s increasingly loud R'n'R death knell. And as that mythology slowly grew, the fans and even the musicians of the scene itself still wonder what it all meant.     

Which, as you dig deeper into Ain’t It Fun, becomes the theme not just about the legendary rocker ghost of Peter Laughner, but of Cleveland itself. Ala Greil Marcus’ classic “hidden history” tome, Lipstick Traces, Lange interweaves Laughner’s self-immolating attempts at Beatnik-art-punk transcendence with a very detailed history of Cleveland, with its insane anti-legends and foot-shooting civic development.

Like much of the dank, rusted, and mysterious edges of the one-time “Sixth City,” the Cuyahoga has been cleaned up since, though I still wouldn’t suggest slurping up a swallow if you’re hanging on the banks of the Flats. I grew up in Cleveland and visit as often as I can because it’s an awesome place, no matter what they tell you. Or maybe, because of what they tell you.

If you are keen to swim down through the muck and mire of Cleveland’s charms, you don’t just get used to it, you like it. As for the “Cleveland” that the City Fathers have always tried so vainly to hype, us hopelessly romantic proto-punk fanatics say to those who would erase Cleveland’s fucked-up past and replace it with that weird fake greenspace underneath the Terminal Tower: “The City isn’t real.”

-------------------------------------

Give us a quick bio.

Born in Cleveland, 1981. We moved to the west side suburbs when I was six. My parents didn’t listen to much music, and I don’t have older siblings. So I didn’t really listen to music at all until I was in high school, and I didn’t listen to any of the grunge or ‘90s stuff that was popular. I got real into the Beatles when I was in ninth grade, and at some point I got the Velvet Underground’s first album from the library because I saw Andy Warhol’s name on the cover. I didn’t know anything about them, so that was a real shock. I probably first heard Iggy Pop via the Trainspotting soundtrack, and pretty soon after I started getting into punk and generally more obscure stuff. Now I listen to more electronic stuff, ambient stuff. I also like most anything that falls under the broad “post-punk” umbrella. I really hate “rama-lama ding-dong” rock and roll.

What came first – music or drawing interest?

Drawing. I was always drawing… I’ve been a semi-regular contributor to Mineshaft for many years, which is a small zine/journal that features a lot of underground comix related stuff, but also has a beatnik vibe and includes poetry and writing. I’ve done the odd thing here and there for other zines, but I don’t really fit in anywhere.

Don’t really fit it – I feel that phrase describes a lot of the best / more influential Ohio musicians / bands. Did you feel that kind of feeling about Peter as you researched and wrote the book?

Peter was well liked, and he knew a vast array of people. If anything, he fit in in too many situations. He was spread thin.

When you lived in Philly, did you get a sense of any kind of similar proto-punk scene / era in that town? I sometimes, perhaps jingoistically, think this particular kind of music is almost exclusively confined to the Rust Belt.

I lived in Philly for nearly 11 years. As far as the old scene there, they had Pure Hell. But back then, anybody who really wanted to do something like that would just move to NYC.

So, is there a moment in time that started you on a path towards wanting to dig into Cleveland’s proto-punk past like this?

It was just something I had a vague interest in, going back to when I first heard Pere Ubu. And then later learning about the electric eels, and starting to get a feeling that Cleveland had a lot more to offer than just the Dead Boys. The Rocket from the Tombs reunion got things going, and that’s when I first started to hear Laughner’s name. A few years later, a friend sent me a burned CD of the Take the Guitar Player for a Ride collection, and I started to get more interested in Peter specifically.

Despite any first wave punk fan’s excitement about a Laughner bio, this book is moreso a history of Cleveland, and trying to connect those odd underground, counterculture, or mythological connections that the Chamber of Commerce tends to ignor as the town’s import. Was there a moment where you realized this book needed to go a little wider than only telling the tales of Laughner and the bands of that era? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)

Very early on I realized that none of this would make sense or have any true meaning without the appropriate context. The activities of the early Cle punk scene need to be viewed in relation to what was going on in the city. I think this is just as true with NYC or London – these were very specific contexts, all tangled up in politics, crime, rent, television, and also the specifics of the more hippie-ish local countercultures that preceded each region. You’ve got Bowie and Warhol and all that, but in Cleveland you’ve also got Ghoulardi and d.a. levy. Mix that up with deindustrialization and a picture starts to form.

So when did you decide on doing this book? You’ve mentioned this was your first attempt at doing a full graphic novel – and boy, you went epic on it!

I did a short version of Peter’s story back when I was living in Philadelphia. But upon completing that version – which I now think of as a sketch – it became clear that there was a lot more to say and to investigate. I spent about a year just thinking about it, forming contacts with some people, and tracking down various reference materials like records, zines, books, etc. Then my wife got a new job at Cleveland State University, so we left Philly. Once I landed back in Cleveland I started working on the book in earnest.

Page from Ain't It Fun -- all book images courtesy of the author.

By any chance was Greil Marcus’ book, Lipstick Traces (1989), an inspiration, as far as the “hidden history” factor, the trying to connect seemingly unconnected and lost historical footnotes into a path towards the culture’s future?

Yes. I read Lipstick Traces when I was around 19 or 20, and I’d never seen anything like it before. It really blew my mind, all the stuff about the Situationists and Dadaists and all that. Later on, I read Nick Tosches’ Dean Martin biography, Dino, and that was another mind blower. Another major influence is Iain Sinclair.

Ah Dino, another Ohio native. So, Laughner’s one-time partner, Charlotte Pressler’s book is mentioned, and I’ve seen it referenced and talked about for years – any inside word on if/when she might have that published?

Charlotte never wrote a book, though she did co-edit a book that collected the work of local poets. As far as her own writing, she’s done all manner of essays and poetry, and probably some academic writing that I’m not familiar with. As far as her completing “Those Were Different Times”— which was intended as a total of three essays— I’ve got some thoughts on that, but it’s not really my place to comment on it.

Pressler sounds like a very serious person in your book, as you say, she was kind of older than her years. But how was she to talk to?

Charlotte is serious, but she’s not dour. She’s got a sense of humor and she’s very curious about the world, always looking to learn new things. She’s an intellectual, and has a wide array of interests. We get along, we’re friends.

The fact that the town’s namesake, Moses Cleveland, left soon after his “discovery” and never came back – that’s like a template for how people envision a town like Cleveland: nice place to grow up, but you want to get out as soon as you’re legal. Even the musicians of the area might’ve agreed with that sentiment, even if many never left.  Do you think that has changed?

I’m glad I left Cleveland, but I’m also glad I came back. First off, my family is here. Second, the cost of living is still reasonable. I don’t know how people live in New York. I never have any money. I’d make more money if I had a full-time job at McDonald’s. That’s not a joke, or me being self-deprecating. How do artists live in New York? How do they afford rent and 20 dollar packs of cigarettes? I’m just totally confused by the basic mechanics of this. So yeah, I’m in Cleveland. It’s not great, but what are my options? I can’t just go to Paris and fuck around like a bohemian. I would if I could.

In Ain't It Fun, you reveal that one of the seminal Cleveland scene dives, Pirate's Cove, was once a Rockerfeller warehouse  – these kind of enlightening, almost comically perfect metaphors pop up every few pages. Not unlike the mythology that can sometimes arise in musician fandom, I wonder if these are metaphors we can mine, or just an obvious facts that the town drifted down from a center of industry to relative poverty.

“Metaphor” might be at too much of a remove. These facts, these landmarks — they create a complex of semiotics, a map, a framework. The city talks through its symbols and its landscape. If you submit to it and listen, it will tell you secrets. There is nothing metaphorical about this.

Is it a sign of privilege to look on destitution as inspiration? I’m guessing the sick drunks at Pirate’s Cove in 1975 weren’t thinking they were living in a rusty Paris of the ‘30s. Though I will say a thing I really loved about your book was that, for all its yearning and historical weaving, you still stick to facts and don’t seem to over-mythologize or put any gauze on the smog, like “Isn’t that so cool, man.” You capture the quiet and damp desperation of that era and Laughner’s milieu.

Poverty, decline, decay, entropy – these things are real. By aestheticizing them we are able to gain some control over them. And once you have control, you have the power to change things. This is not “slumming.” “Privilege” has nothing to do with it.

Page from Ain't It Fun

Do you know why the Terminal Tower (once the second tallest building in the world when it opened in 1928) was named that? It seems somewhat fatalistic, given the usual futurist positivism of the deco design era.

Terminal as in train terminal. It really pisses me off that there was once a time where you could go there and catch a train to Chicago or New York. It’s infuriating how this country dismantled its rail systems. And the Terminal Tower isn’t deco, but I think it is often confused with that style just by virtue of not being a gigantic rectangle. In that sense it does have more in common with a deco structure like the Chrysler building. Honestly, if you are looking for deco you might find more notable examples in Akron than you would Cleveland.

I notice a kind of – and bear with my lesser abilities to describe illustrative art – swirly style in your work that kind of aligns with art deco curves, maybe some Gustav Klimt…? In general, who were some illustrative inspirations for you early on?

That “swirly” style you describe is art nouveau. Deco came after that, and is more angular and clean. Additionally, a lot of underground comix guys were also poster artists, and there was often a nouveau influence in that psychedelic work – so there’s a bit of a thread there. As far as Klimt, I came to him kinda late, but I love him now.

The music of many northeast Ohio bands of that era has been generally tagged as “industrial” (the pre-dance industrial style, of course), cranky like the machinery of the sputtering factories in the Flats, etc… My guess is maybe the musicians were already finding used R'n'R instruments in thrift stores by that time, which would add a kind of layer of revision, turning old things into new sounds. Did you hear about of any of that? Or were there enough music stores around town? I know DEVO was already taking used instruments and refitting them; or electric eels using sheet metal and such to bang on…

I’m not a musician, so I don’t know anything about gear or stuff like that. I do know that Allen Ravenstine made field recordings in the Flats, and utilized them via his synthesizer. Frankly, I wish more of the Northeast Ohio bands had taken cues from Ubu and early Devo, because an “industrial” subculture definitely could have formed, like it did in England and San Francisco. But that never really happened here.

That kind of music was pretty popular on college radio and in a few clubs in Cleveland, though not many original bands with that sound arrived, aside from Nine Inch Nails who quickly took his act elsewhere… So in the book you mention local newsman, Dick Fealger. My memories of him are as a curmudgeon whose shtick was getting a little old by the time I was seeing him on the news, or his later opinion columns. Kinda your classic “Hey you kids, get off my lawn” style. You rightly paint him as a somewhat prescient reporter of the odd in his earlier days, though. I once had to go to a friend’s mother’s funeral, and in the next room in the funeral home was Dick Feagler’s funeral. I always regret not sneaking over and taking a peak into it to see who was there.

I like Feagler in the same way that I liked Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes. These were people that my grandparents liked. So I suppose my appreciation for Feagler is half nostalgia, half irony. I like cranks, grumps, letter-writers, street prophets. I like black coffee, donuts, diners, and blue plate specials – that’s Feagler’s world, the old newspaper world. Get up at 6 am and put your pants on, that kinda thing.

Yeah, I still found Feagler kinda funny, but like Jane Scott, while respect was always there, by the later ‘80s/’90s, both were set into almost caricatures  who were kind of resting on their laurels. 

Yeah, I remember seeing Jane at some random Grog Shop show back in the ‘90s, and I was kinda impressed. But no, she was never really cool. Jane was pure Cleveland, her career couldn't have happened anywhere else.

I remember seeing her sit right next to a huge house amp at the old Variety Theater for the entire duration of a Dead Kennedys show, taking notes for her review. Pretty impressive given her age at that point.

You also make a point of carving out an important space for The Damnation of Adam Blessing, a band that seems to get forgotten when discussing Cleveland’s pre-punk band gaggle. I find that interesting because in a way, they are the template for the way many Ohio bands don’t fit into any exact genre, and so often people don’t “get” them, or they’re forgotten later.

Damnation worked as a good local example for that whole psychedelic thing. They were very ‘60s. While the James Gang on the other hand, was more ‘70s— the cracks were starting to show with the ‘70s bands, they were harder and less utopian. Damnation feels more “Woodstock,” so they were useful to me in that regard.

I must add – for years I thought it was pronounced Laugh-ner, as in to laugh, ha ha, not knowing the Gaelic roots. Once I learned I was pronouncing it wrong, I still wanted to pronounce it like laughing, as it seemed to fit so darkly correct with how his life went, and Cleveland musicians’ love of bad puns and cheap comedians and such… Of course when I learned that it was an “ethnic” name, it made it that much more Cleveland.

Yeah, everybody says his name wrong. I used to too, and had to really force myself to start saying it as Lochner. But everybody says Pere Ubu wrong as well – it’s Pear Ubu.

I hate any desecration of any artwork, but I always loved the blowing up The Thinker statue story, as it seemed such a powerful metaphor of the strength of art, and Cleveland itself – the fact that The Thinker himself still sits there, right on top of the sliced-up and sweeping shards from the blast. It’s still there, right? And isn’t it true that there are like three more “official” Thinker statues in the world?

Yeah, I don’t condone what happened, but it is kinda cool. As a kid, the mutilated Thinker had a strong effect on me — I couldn’t have put it into words at the time, but I think it gave me a sense of the weight of history. It’s almost like a post-war artifact in Europe, something that is scarred. And yes, it’s still there outside the museum. And it’s a cast. I think there might be five official ones, but I’d have to look that up. If you are ever in Philadelphia, swing by the Rodin museum and check out The Gates of Hell.

I have only become a bigger fan of Laughner’s as the years pass. But there is something to the critique that perhaps he never really found his singular sound; that he was copping bits from Lou Reed and Dylan, and couldn’t keep a band together to save his life. And there was supposedly a feeling among some in the NYC scene that he was a bit of a carpetbagger.

Everybody has their influences, so Peter wasn’t in any way unique in that sense. I know he has a reputation for doing a lot of cover songs — which is true — but he also wrote a lot of originals, and there are some damn good ones which are still unreleased. “Under the Volcano” is just one such unheard song which I mention in my book, but there are others. As far as finding his own singular sound, he probably came closest to that with Friction. That group borrowed heavily from Television and Richard Hell, but also drew upon Richard Thompson and Fairport Convention. And when you think about it, those were really unlikely influences to juxtapose, and it created something original. Frustratingly though, Friction never achieved their full potential, as Peter was already losing it.

Yeah, Friction is kind of way up there with the “What if” bands… It’s interesting that for all his legend as a proto-punk figure, perhaps Laughner’s signature songs – Sylvia Plath” and “Baudelaire” – were gorgeous acoustic numbers. Though of course those early Pere Ubu songs were proto-punk and post-punk templates, somehow...

I honestly don’t know what happened with Ubu, as it is pretty distinct from Peter’s other work. Thomas isn’t really a musician, so we can only give him so much credit with how that sound developed. I honestly don’t know. There just must have been some sort of alchemy between the various players, and Thomas understood it and was able to encourage and guide it in the projects that followed over the years.

Page from Ain't It Fun

You also didn’t really detail Pere Ubu’s initial breakup – was there just not much to say?

Yeah, I think I mentioned it, but no, I didn’t really get into it. Pere Ubu is kind of a story unto themselves. But it might be worth mentioning here that Home and Garden was an interesting project that came out of that Ubu breakup. And Thomas also did some solo albums, but I’m not as familiar with those.

Yeah, I saw Home and Garden a few times way back, good stuff. You’ve mentioned to me that there were some people that didn’t want to talk to you for the book; and that people were very protective of Peter’s legacy and/or their friendship with him. To what do you attribute that?

It has everything to do with Peter’s early death. Some people are very protective of how Peter is remembered. And I think some people weren’t exposed to Peter’s dark side, so when they hear those descriptions of him it strikes them as untrue. I think Peter showed different sides of himself to different people.

I kind of felt as I was reading that you might say more about Harvey Pekar, as not only is he an interesting figure, but the most famous graphic novelist from Ohio, and I assume an inspiration of your’s.

Pekar’s great. Especially the magazine-size issues he was doing in the late ‘70s up through the ‘80s. It was important to me to include him in the book. But Pekar was a jazz guy, and that’s a whole other story, a whole other tangled web.

So, Balloonfest! Hilarious. I almost forgot about that. But I do remember Ted Stepien owning the short-lived Cleveland professional softball team; and for a promotion, they dropped softballs off the Terminal Tower, and if you caught one you won $1,000 or something. Do you recall that? It’s one of my favorite fucked-up Cleveland stories. Balls smashed car roofs, and cops immediately told people to run away.

Yeah, I’m aware of that baseball stunt. I generally try and stay away from anything even remotely related to professional sports teams — it gets talked about more than enough elsewhere. Oddly, I am interested in athletes who work alone, like Olympic skiers. I’m attracted to that solitary focus, where the athlete isn’t competing against other teams or players, but more competing with the limits of the human body, competing with what the physical world will allow and permit, that whole Herzog trip. I’m also interested in the Olympic Village, as this artificial space that mutates and moves across time and across continents.

As far as Balloonfest, I still watch that footage all the time. I use it as a meditation device. I’ll put it on along with Metal Machine Music and go into a trance.

A few years ago, as I am sure you are well aware, noted British punk historian Jon Savage put together a Soul Jazz Records comp of Cleveland proto-punk called Extermination Nights in the Sixth City. I grew up in Cleveland, lived in Columbus for awhile, and I never heard it called “the Sixth City.” Have you? If so, what does it refer to?

Nobody calls it that anymore. It’s an old nickname back from when Cleveland was literally the sixth largest city in the country.

I’d guess Ain’t It Fun was a tiring feat to accomplish. But do you have another book in the works? And if someone wanted to option Peter’s story for a movie, would you sign on? I personally dread rock biopics. They’re almost universally bad.

Yeah, I’ve got an idea for another book, but it’s too early to talk about that. As far as biopics, they are almost always bad, rock or otherwise. Rock documentaries are often pretty lousy too. A recent and major exception would be Todd Haynes’ Velvet Underground documentary, which is just goddamn brilliant. A film about Peter in that vein would be great— but there’s just no footage to work from. He didn’t have Warhol or Factory people following him around with a camera. So unless somebody like Jim Jarmusch comes calling, I won’t be signing off on movie rights any time soon.

Unless there is more you’d like to say, thanks, and good luck with the book and future ventures!

Stone Church Press has a lot of projects planned for 2024 and beyond, and I encourage anyone reading this to support small publishers. There is a lot of very exciting stuff going on, but you have to work a little to find it. Amazon, algorithms, big corporate publishers — they’re like this endless blanket of concrete that smothers and suffocates. But flowers have a way of popping up between the cracks.

Aaron Lange, 2023 (Photo by Jake Kelly)

[oscarwetnwilde]

The Stage - Thursday 01 December 1994

In Jimmy Nail's Crocodile Shoes James Wilby plays a music business Machiavelli, but his own rock'n'roll fantasies are played out well away from the public eye. Wilby, who plays Adrian Lynn in the seven part series, says that he is a passionate piano player and loves all music "from opera to rap."

But he would never dream of imposing on a wider audience the music that he and a group of friends belt out when they get together. "I play the piano and I have a friend I met at university who plays a guitar. We get together with some others as often as we can, four or five of us," he explains.

"It's not a band, we just play for ourselves. It's one of the most enjoyable things you can do, to play music with other people. But it has never occurred to me to do anything else, and even when I was younger I never wanted to be a rock'n'roll star."

As he prepared for his role as music manager Lynn, Wilby was given even more cause to maintain music as nothing more than a hobby. He immersed himself in the real life music industry spending time with record producers and A&R talent scouts in a bid to understand Lynn's world.

"I researched A&R men. One of the problems in the music industry over the last few years has been that everything is so short lived. There is a new little phase or fad every few weeks," he says.

"It changes very quickly. I think it's a tougher industry than mine, I think we can afford the odd failure. It does seem to discard so many people. I could really sense the pressure the A&R man I met was under."

His role in Crocodile Shoes is a departure for the actor whose best known roles have been far removed from gritty realism. In 1987 he won international recognition when he starred as Maurice in the Merchant Ivory adaptation of E M Forster's story about a Cambridge homosexual.

The film also starred Hugh Grant, Denholm Elliott and Billie Whitelaw. A year later he starred in another production of an English literary classic, A Handful of Dust alongside Angelica Huston, Alec Guinness and Rupert Graves and the Oscar winning Howard's End followed in 1992.

On television too he has been associated with a number of costume dramas including A Tale of Two Cities, Adam Bede and Lady Chatterley. So Wilby sees Crocodile Shoes as a perfect opportunity to broaden his repertoire of roles and change people's perception of him as an actor permanently in period dress.

"I like what I have done but as an actor I want to have the biggest possible range. I have done quite a lot of modern, middle class men like You Me and It for the BBC, but the big hits have been period films and people remember those," he says. "You need-in this profession to be in a good high profile film or series to change your image. That's what I'm hoping this will do. The profession does not like to make risky casting too often. There's a thin line between inspired casting and bad casting. And we've got a lot of good actors in this country."

He says that he enjoyed working with Jimmy Nail, not only in terms of acting but also because Nail wrote the series. "I've never worked with someone who has actually written something. It means that you cannot start changing things left, right and centre not that I wanted to, I don't think I changed anything my character said," he says.

"I'm very choosy about what I do and one of the things that appealed to me about this was the writing. I thought Jimmy was absolutely spot on with the words that Adrian Lynn had."

Crocodile Shoes' central characters travelled to America and Nashville to pursue their dreams but Wilby has yet to fall for the temptation of heading west to Hollywood in pursuit of the bigger roles.

"I will go there when I am invited but I am not going there to sit around for three or four months," he says, adding that he will wait "with interest" to see whether Crocodile Shoes wins him any new admirers.

[whitetrashsoul]

[crplpunkklavier]

do you have any advice for writing klavier? your characterization of him is so strong and interesting and I have an idea for a fic I want to write but I can't quite figure out his like.. voice? if that makes sense?

OOOHOHOOHOHOH

putting everything under a cut because i wrote like 1.6k LOL

thank you, first of all!! im happy you like the way i write him :] and i had some trouble getting into his voice at first too! i think its because hes Not Like Other Prosecutors, within the feeling of the games, since he is immediately in your corner with no downsides and almost consistently nice to you.

one important thing about his characterization/voice i think is that "almost," though. approximately once per trial, klavier says something balls to the wall insane, rude, and tactless.

transcript from turnabout corner:

Klavier: ...How ironic that you would kill the one man capable of helping you. You're almost as careless as he was! ...Ah ha ha ha. Wocky: …… Apollo: …… Klavier: Well, now that the place is hopping… Let's get this gig started!

turnabout serenade:

Ema: You... You jerk! Just what was I in here for? Comic relief!? Trucy: Yeah! Apologize! Klavier: Ah ha ha. Oh, sorry!

turnabout succession:

Brushel: Actually, I did notice something when I visited the studio. I'd heard of poison that "takes its sweet time", see! Klavier: ...But not what I've been saying for the last few minutes, apparently.

those are just some favorites off the top of my head. my point is that it's important to not get caught up in the nice guy thing klavier has going on. i actually think he veers more toward "kind but not nice"! he absolutely is a good guy, he's there with you to find the truth and he will weather any storm his fucked up social circle brings him if that means finding the right killer, but he is also very frequently kind of a bitch.

-

his speaking voice specifically gave me grief at first. writing miles and phoenix into scenes together is easier, because phoenix talks like a normal guy who was born in the 90s, while miles is a lot more posh (although miles is also plenty rude, but that's a rant for another time). klavier is a prosecutor, famous, and evidently rich, but he doesn't necessarily sound like that. a lot of his Cool Rock Star Lingo however sounds stilted, too. he's kind of suspended between two worlds and doesn't seem to neatly fit into either of them. i don't think that's a problem that needs solving when writing him though! i think in essence klavier attempts to bring the cool, chill vibe of rock'n'roll into the seriousness of law to loosen things up, and he also brings the pedantic perfectionism of law into music to shape it to his will.

the german gimmick is part of that too, for me. this isn't supported by canon since we never see him off work there, but i just like to headcanon that his go-to german phrases (ie herr/fräulein, achtung, etc) are very much part of a deliberately constructed persona. if he isnt on a stage (and a courtroom counts as one) he has no need for those, so i leave them out. since i personally still write him as a native german speaker, occasionally he'll still slip into real german or struggle with translations for things, but all those little pleasantries he throws around for show fall away when it's just him alone.

-

back to his character, i know we all lament how little screentime he got and how the writers seem to have forgotten about him. and so maybe this was entirely by accident, but just from the way he is presented in aa4, i think klavier presents a very rich character with a lot of seeming contradictions, which of course just serves to make him more complex. here's some facts i just think say a lot about him.

his shoes look like biker boots, so he's wearing proper footwear to ride his literal harley davidson, but he is also wearing the suit he wears to court.

the glimpse we catch of his music sounds like classic hard rock to me, with his and daryan's looks supporting a glam rock edge to it. he says he likes poetry, which makes sense given the fact that he writes lyrics (this is also something the brothers have in common, so it's likely that they grew up with it).

when romein letouse's body goes missing and they have to go look for it, klavier says that he is having fun.

lamiroir's music is nothing like his own, yet klavier clearly appreciates her to the point where he felt it was an honor to perform with her.

when his trial against phoenix comes closer and closer to the point of no return, klavier repeatedly tries to give him an out. i guess this could be construed instead as him baiting phoenix into presenting the diary page, but i dont really know about that. klavier was cheeky with him and kept talking about the old versus the young, but that still implies a knowledge of just who phoenix wright is, who he was up against, and what phoenix stood for. klavier, assuming that phoenix knew that the evidence was forged, told him that he does not have to present it, that now is the time to give up and back out, and then he would have let him get away with it. it's only when the page was actually in the open that he fully succumbed to the belief that phoenix wright was crooked beyond repair, and that he had to be removed from the courts.

he personally comes to the wright anything agency the morning after the turnabout serenade concert, to give apollo the news that machi requests him as his counsel. why did he do this?? phoenix could have been there. klavier didn't have to deliver this message himself. he apologizes for how that evening went, while also fearlessly standing in the lion's den of the guy whose life he (ARGUABLY.) ruined

-

i think one of the most important things for writing klavier is that whatever facet of his life youre writing, he is feeling everything very deeply. he fits right into the artist trope for that. only his art goes further than music, and extends into law.

whatever klavier gavin does, he wants to do it perfectly, and he makes it his very personal responsibility if that doesn't work out. he took it upon himself to register daryan as a witness before apollo could request it. when apollo starts accusing kristoph in succession, he says he wants concrete proof, or he is "off this case." why would he stay on the case with concrete proof? that's his brother. he doesn't have to prosecute his brother. if being "off the case" is an option, then he can and should walk, but he doesn't. klavier sticks things out until the very, very bitter end, because he feels that no one else can, and that makes it his responsibility. and he does not run away from responsibility.

and he's genuine. that's one point i feel like people tend to forget when writing him. the whole rock star thing and the shiny smile can lead you into thinking that everything he does is an act, but i don't think it is. klavier cares very deeply and he shows you this openly. he doesn't fully break down while he's at work, but that only means that he is an adult with a good grasp on his self-control.

which brings me to one more point, and that is the fact that he was a professional at age 17. and not just in law, but also in music. i'm sure we've all heard music industry horror stories, now imagine you're 17 years old and deep in there through over-night fame. klavier was then already a lawyer, already had his band together, stood tall with his degree and his creativity and knew exactly where he wanted to go. but he was fucking seventeen. somewhere out there, klavier grew up really, really fast.

he evidently knows a lot about music, he is fully in charge of that concert, he writes his own songs, he potentially even mixes it himself instead of having staff to do that. he is an extremely good investigator and prosecutor, figuring out cases before anyone else does and then playing his cards so meticulously correct that he essentially puts work into his own loss. once he realizes that apollo's clients are innocent, klavier has to figure out moves to convince the entire court that he's wrong, all while keeping up appearances, and he manages.

klavier is extremely good at everything he does, because he has to be. because he was seventeen.

-

and after all that.... bro....... i think it's important to let him be happy.

i put him through a lot in exorcism. canon already puts him through a lot, and then i put him through more. i think he's complex and tragic, but he can't be only that. he plays air guitar in court! there's a still of his concert in canon where he passionately dips his microphone stand like they're dancing. he loves what he does!!! hes having fun!

he clearly has hobbies and interests and it's important to give them space between all the angst. doesn't he even say something about it being time to bury the teenage angst in the past? i think klavier actively wants to be good. he's had a turbulent life with fabulous ups and devastating downs, but he deliberately wants to come out okay.

and i think he puts in the work. because it's what he does.

so you're writing a young adult who has been a young adult for a little too long, who faces hardships with grim determination because he knows that he's strong enough to come out on top, and who makes morbid jokes and laughs about them while everybody else stares on in horror. hope this.... helps :')

[herrlindemann]

Rock Hard - December 1997

Within two years from underground act to million seller. Rammstein wherever you look and zaps. Even the teen publications have now discovered "the boy band of staged horror" (quote: TAZ) for themselves. Rammstein answer readers' letters in Bravo. The increasing level of awareness and success, however, also call critics and moral guardians on the scene. Because the hard guitar riffs with rumbling vocals and ominous lyrics from the children's room make even the most understanding parents grow gray hair.

Till Lindemann's provocative enigmatic poetry certainly does not necessarily correspond to current "political correctness" and to everyone's taste. Nevertheless: It's only Rock'n'Roll. And for as long as rock 'n' roll has existed, the standard themes of sex, drugs and violence have held an undeniable fascination for generations of youngsters. So the concerned parents and the fire brigade dutifully wait in the cold in front of the sold-out Lichtenfels town hall.

Meanwhile, inside, the dear little ones try to fight their way between bikers and goths, while KMFDM struggles on stage. As an opener, it's doubly difficult to survive in front of a hit parade audience that unites teenagers and Rammstein fans from the very beginning. But the quintet around the American exile and band founder Sascha Konietzko doesn't make it easy to find access to pounding electronic music either. True to the motto "No pity for the majority", dull techno beats with synth gimmicks are used throughout. Like the most recent CD, the performance suffers from the guitarist's lack of assertiveness. The hole that opens up here shows once again the handicap of the Elektrolurche-Industrial faction in large halls. The matter remains cold and sterile, the beat doesn't get into your blood or dance.

The rumble of thunder and hail of bombs shake the hall. Curtain up for five metal machine people. The "Tillminator" joins them from the burning underground. “Spiel mit mir” is the motto of the evening; it could also mean “Sing mit mir”. The fans are hooked — every line is cheered on from the start. Compared to the tour last May, everything is one size bigger. No song can do without a show element, the pyromaniacs Rammstein do a great job. Something is constantly hissing, sparking, crackling and cracking. If not, spotlights, stage floor, keyboards or microphone stands have to take their toll. In addition to the apocalyptic facade, the six Berliners also show a certain amount of self-irony, for example when the three amigos with sombreros and traveling guitar intervene in the action, Till empties the contents of his plastic cock into Flake's pants or Richard pulls a real metal solo from the leather. Otherwise, the musical moments of surprise are limited. The show is in the foreground — not a bad price-to-smoking ratio for 35 marks. The atmosphere in the audience is excellent, but calls for encores can hardly be heard. Isn't that the case today, when a whole hall is enthusiastically asking for more? hit audience? Sated youth? It doesn't matter, Till is still rolled across the audience to the stage in a burning steel coat on a cart. But then the vermilion ends surprisingly quickly. Parents and the fire brigade can go home relaxed.

[izzystradliniscute]

Izzy Stradlin magazine interview-Kerrang #421

IZZY STRADLIN's out on his first solo tour since quitting Guns N' Roses, and he's finding out that without his erm, unpredictable former collegues, gigging, and living, is easy. Backed by a mellow, cool and rockin' band, Izzy hits the UK this week. PAUL ELLIOTT hits Bonn, to find our hero wandering around a hotel lobby... wearing a parka!

JUST A few days after Axl Rose was found guilty of assaulting a fan at a Guns N' Roses concert which subsequently ended in a riot, former GN'R guitarist Izzy Stradlin walks freely through a hotel lobby in Bonn, Germany's capital. Nobody hassles him, snaps a photograph or picks a fight. Even GN'R fans might struggle to recognize the dreadlocked Stradlin in his new parka coat. There's just Izzy, no bodyguards or crowds. Izzy Stradlin couldn't be happier about walking out on the biggest rock'n'roll band in the world. Later that day, onstage with his new band Ju Ju Hounds in a Bonn hall a little bigger than the Marquee, Stradlin looks relaxed even though he's still getting to grips with the role of frontman. And he smiles now and then, something he didn't do too much of during the last of his six years with Guns N' Roses. At Wembley Stadium in September of 1991, Stradlin stuck close to his backline while Axl howled and buzzed around like a dog chasing its own tail. When Guns' set finished, Izzy was first out of sight. In Bonn, he talks to the crowd in their native tongue and clearly relishes playing and sharing jokes with the 'Hounds. "It's cool," he says, "real cool. These gigs have been more exciting than doing the stadiums with GN'R on the last tour. All the people are right there - it's an instant, spontaneous response, y'know? it feels real good." The gigs are of course more low-key than Guns N' Roses' controversial 'Get In The Ring' shows, which is just the way Izzy likes it. "There's less drama, which I prefer. It's kinda nice, y'know, being able to make plans. It's nice not to get phone calls like, 'This gig's cancelled, your drummer just took off'! These new guys carry on, but put it this way, we don't have any babysitters - so if you're gonna drink, you gotta get your shit together and get to the bus on time. "The first year of getting sober, I got used to watching my friends drink and snort. I haven't been around it lately."

SINCE IZZY hasn't touched alcohol for three years, Ju Ju Hounds drummer Charlie Quintana retires to his room to drink a bottle of cognac. The Ju Ju Hounds are wiser than most rock'n'roll bands. Guitarist Rick Richards plied his trade with the Georgia Satellites for many years, until they lost their record deal and split. Richards was the working the bars of his native Atlanta when he got the call from Izzy. he looks like he's seen it all, and spins a great yarn over dinner. Rick also plays a mean slide, and is in many ways the star of the show, knocking out great leads with the obligatory cigarette stuck to his bottom lip. Rock'n'roll is in Rick Richards' blood. Charlie has toured with Bob Dylan and enjoys winding up the fans waiting outside the Bonn gig by jumping behind the wheel of the tour bus and threatening to run punters over, yelling, "I don't need a licence - I'm from Texas"! Jimmy 'Two Fingers' Ashhurst (Which two fingers, you may wonder. "It depends!") used to play bass for the Broken Homes, and was the first person Izzy turned to when he was putting the band and the brilliant '...Ju Ju Hounds' album together. Jimmy seems to be laughing most of the time, although he wasn't laughing when he read Bret Easton Ellis' 'American Psycho' recently!

CURRENTLY, THE Ju Ju Hounds' live set includes several covers; The Rolling Stones' 'Jiving Sister Fanny', The Faces' 'My Fault', The Maytals' 'Pressure Drop', of course... but no Guns N' Roses songs. "No," Izzy shrugs. "In Australia, there was a guy in just about every front row yelling

for 'Dust N' Bones' or something, and I'm hitting a chord every time they shout, going, 'What?!.' "I can understand people wanting to hear that stuff - we were gonna rehearse some songs - but in GN'R, I didn't have any singles out. I wrote 'Patience' but I didn't sing it. We just figured, 'Fuck it'." "I don't miss those GN'R songs cos the stuff we've got now is better - better written, better to play. It's totally freeform; we break things down, extend them. If I come in late on a verse or miss it, we'll just look at each other and Rick'll keep going, do a solo or something. "It's real good; once the momentum's there, whatever happens, happens. Last night, I couldn't see the set-list and started two songs wrong. We can sound bad! "In Stockholm, we started with 'Bucket O' Trouble' and everyone was in a different fucking key, man! After the first few bars you could feel your stomach turning; it was bad. I was looking over thinking, I don't know who's in the right key, but when we came to the verse, somehow everybody went back to the right key, the A. It was just one of those things. Rick's going, 'Maybe we should just do that every night, start it out all fucked-up and then click into the A!'. It happens. You gotta flow with it."

NOW YOU'RE back on the road, do you miss the drug high, or the buzz of being in GN'R? "Well, in GN'R I wasn't singing, I wasn't fronting the band, which is a little different. So now, carrying the vocals for most of the set as well as playing has pretty much replaced the buzz. "Even if you're tired, a crowd can lift you up; you feed on that energy. And when we're not touring, dirtbikes are my fix. When we went back to Indiana for a week off, it was 15 degrees outside, cold, but I rode the bikes with my dog Treader chasing me all over fields and shit! That makes me feel good again, cos when I got back from Australia, where I picked up that flu virus, I was pretty haggard. Riding bikes beats sitting around doing krell or something." 'Krell' is rocker slang for cocaine, inspired by the movie 'Heavy Metal', in which long-trunked monsters from the planet Krell descended to snort the Earth! " A lot of the time when I was using (drugs), I'd just end up with a guitar, writing or recording some pretty depressing songs. I thought they were good at the time, and a couple are not too bad, but a lot of the shit I listen back to and think, ugh, that's fucking depressing, or I think of the state I must have been in; lips all cracked, been up for five days, voice gone. Once you got doing you'd never stop. "I could stay up for four or five days straight doing krell and smack or whatever, up and down up and down, writing songs all the time and recording on my eight-track. But give me a bottle of whisky and send me to a club one night, and I'm the guy in the alley throwing up and rolling around. "It just didn't work; it just poisons me and I don't know why. I got Indian blood, and my mom says that's why I can't handle liquor, but it's still a thing I did for a long time. Everybody drinks around me now, but it doesn't bother me. I mean, I don't see these guys throwing up in alleys after gigs or falling down steps. "Most people drink, and for them it's no big deal, but it fucked me up. Now when I look at it, there's like tour life and civilian life. I try to keep two different realities. "When I stopped using, for the first few months I didn't sleep normal for a long time. Somebody told me it takes about a year for your body patterns to get back to normal. I sleep good now."

DID YOU at any point continue using drugs simply to feed the creative process? "Yeah, but there were times when I'd been up for three days working on a song and it still wasn't finished! I heard this one song back, and I'd done, God, five guitar tracks on it, and two or three of the tracks were the same melody played on just one string. And I heard this shit back and I was going, 'Garbage', y'know? "When GN'R did 'Appetite For Destruction', I hadn't really cleaned up, but I'd cleaned up enough to record during the day, then go out at night and drink and do krell and stuff, sleep in till noon, come back in and record. So during the actual recording I wasn't getting too wasted. "For the 'Use Your Illusion' albums, I was sober doing those tracks, and it was just frustrating. When you're sober and you gotta be someplace at four, and when other people come in at six or seven, and they're, like, not quite together, you find yourself thinking, why the fuck was I here at four? "For the basic tracks on 'Illusions', I was done with my stuff in about four or five weeks. That was easy. "For the new record, me and Jimmy and Rick and Charlie would be in the studio at noon, so by one o'clock the amps were warmed up and cranckin' and we were jammin', and after jammin' for a coupla hours we'd start tracking. We finished up the whole thing, including moving base three times from LA to Chicago to Copenhagen, in four or five months, and we had an album which to me rocks as good as any of the stuff I did with GN'R. "That wouldn't have happened like it did had I still been using and all that stuff, but at the same time there have been some songs that came out pretty quickly when I was using; sometimes they come out easy."

'APPETITE FOR Destruction', arguably the hard rock record of the '80s, changed Izzy Stradlin's life irrevocably. Izzy's recollections of the album and GN'R's rise to superstar status are hazy. It is, after all, five years since the album was released, and Izzy's hard drug intake at the time was pretty fucking serious! "I'm real bad at remembering songs, even ones I've done," he chuckles. " 'Paradise City', 'Sweet Child O' Mine'. That was a point where we were on tour with Aerosmith, and David Geffen (founder of GN'R's label) flew out to a gig and he says, 'You guys are rich and famous now'. And we were like, ''We are?! We're still living in a tour bus and in hotels, so what's the difference?'. "I haven't heard 'Appetite...' in years, but I was pretty happy with what it sounded like back then, and fuck, it sold millions of copies, man! "With 'Appetite', I just think of seven or eight months of absolutely no notoriety or any real popularity, and then a few Number One singles, and this explosion, and now you're a pop star. "Well, fuck this, gimme a six pack and a gram of coke and gram of smack and I'll go write some more songs! Isolation was the next point from there. It was great, but it was a load of bullshit being a pop star, so we just isolated ourselves and ignored that crap. After a few months of isolation, that didn't work either. It was time to go back to the Mid-West and hook up some old friends..."

So Izzy quit GN'R for peace of mind, and wound up forming the coolest rock'n'roll band in the world that ain't the Black Crowes.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Random Riddler Au N2 Cause I'm Still Bored (and is still winter):

Eddie was a punk when he was a teen.

Now you may think he was a theater kid and I'm not saying he wasn't. But I think he enjoyed the drama and plays but only was really a part of it after he left home because he was afraid of his father reaction of him doing something "feminine" like theater. Not only that but most punks grow up to realize they are theater kids as well and vise versa performative cultures unite.

He also could have been an emo since he regressed to it as a trauma reaction twice. But I'll go for punk. Now hear me out: he was a queer abused kid with anger issues who didn't do theater or sports. Rock'n'roll has to be his thing. (And him having behavioral issues would explain why his teachers refused to see him as a genius, he was the punk know-it-all that skipped classes all the time, smoked and hated authorite and talked about sticking to the men).

He was still a punk ass teen when he met Query and Echo (at like 19) and so for a long time they are the only people that know his past as a little troublemaker with dark green spiked clothes. Adilt Edward thinks it's embarrassing and does not fit his style.

Oswald discovers Eddie was a punk because in one of the rare occasions Eddie got drunk at the Iceberg Lounge (and in general) he got on the small stagium and played some Against Me! chords on guitar before passing out. His reaction was a series of "wtf" later replaced with Oswald reveling he was a goth kid (when Eddie woke up with one of his rare and very very moddy hangovers).

Selina heard Eddie mention it once when they were talking about high school sucking and she just looked at him and said "I could swear you were a theater kid, a real Glee type" and never mentioned it again.

Harley found a photo of teen Eddie somehow and before he could try to explain it she just looked at him and said "I also was an early 00's/90's closeted queer kid with anger issues, I get you" and showed a photo of punk high school Harley to him. Both threatened to murder each other if the photos became public. (Eddie because it was an embarrassing photo on his biased opnion and Harley because she had braces on the photo and she hates her braces and doesn't want people mentioning them ever).

[acaplaya-musings]

Not-Fully-Human Voiceplay AU (part 2)

(Yeah so I was originally planning on posting this either the same day of or the day after the original post, but turns out I had a lot more thoughts than I first realized, and typing it all became trickier than first expected, and I realised I was overthinking things just a little and this is supposed to be fun) A follow up to this post that's basically "what if Geoff wasn't actually 100% human (and neither are Layne and Eli), with me adding elements of magic/fantasy to the real-life story of Voiceplay so far (some of it anyway - I don't claim to be an expert and this is not a flawless/fully fleshed-out story or whatever, it's just a mostly-coherent collection of ideas that my brain came up with, and it's just a bit of fun really). Go look at Part 1 if you haven't already, then click the Read More to keep reading!

When 4:2:Five's original beatboxer, Scott Porter, left the quintet [to become an actor], Layne was more than happy to take over the role. He was shown the ropes of beatboxing by Geoff [true], and was a fast learner, especially when he started to have fun with it.

The lineup of the group changed a little, and 4:2:Five became Voiceplay, which brings me to...

Eli: [I don't know when exactly he joined the group but I'm guessing it was at some point after the name change.] Human who keeps getting reincarnated after death. Started out in the Norse/Viking era (that's as far as his memories go back anyway), was a travelling bard during the Middle Ages, rode on pirate ships here and there during the Golden Age of Piracy, and was in a rock'n'roll band for a while in the early 2000s [true, though I don't know the exact years he was in the band for], before finding his way to Voiceplay.

Eli is, by and large, mortal (on a physical/physiological basis at least), though he often seems to have a little less need for air while singing than the average human [no seriously go watch VP's Part Of Your World mini]. And he's of course a bit more knowledgeable about certain parts of history than most, but don't expect him to help you with any history assignments ("you probably can't remember everything that happened in your life, let alone when, but you think I can keep all my lives straight and chronological in my head? Please."

Now I can start getting into the interesting bits, like the matter of subharmonics! First of all, here are the genuine reality facts that I know: Geoff stumbled across a video talking about subharmonics and how to do them while touring with the rest of Voiceplay. I don't know exactly when this was or even what part of America they were currently in at the time, but I also know that the first video that he used subharmonics in was a Twenty One Pilots mashup video that VP did with Kurt Hugo Schneider on his channel, which was released in November 2016. Now here's how I'm explaining things, using the lack of other specifics to my creative advantage:

I really wanted to have Geoff have some sort of association with earthquakes, because well, y'know, and after doing some snooping around on Wikipedia, I discovered that a magnitude 5.8 earthquake occurred in Oklahoma in September of 2016, and it's apparently the strongest earthquake ever recorded in the state.

Maybe it was just a "regular" earthquake, maybe it wasn't, but one way or another, it unlocked something deep within Geoff (who was in Oklahoma at the time while touring with Voiceplay), and though the ground did not in fact swallow him whole, the rumbles and vibrations sent him a message; he was still no ordinary human being, and constantly trying to act like one was only wasting his potential.

(I know the common trope is "half-human half-fantasy-being comes into their abilities when they enter puberty or first reach adulthood", but that doesn't really fit with the "real" timeline here, and I've got my own explanation, though it may seem a bit contrived).

Geoff would have been 36 when this happened, his birthday being a couple weeks earlier in August, and hear me out: half of 666 (the demonic/'devil's' number) is 333, and what do you get if you add the second and third individual digits together in the number? 36! (insert It's Always Sunny meme here)

So Geoff and the guys are rehearsing in the tour bus one day, like let's say the day after the earthquake, and suddenly Geoff hits a low note that he's never hit before, without barely even trying, and it sounds... different.

Earl: "Woah, that was impressive! What did you do?" (Earl is still human, but knows The Truth, given that he went to school and college with both Geoff and Layne) Geoff: "Currently, your guess is as good as mine."

In this universe, Geoff's subharmonics (which Eli ends up nicknaming "subterraneans") are different to the human equivalent of them. Think of it like a world where magic-users (witches/wizards/warlocks/etc) exist, but there are still ordinary humans that can do "stage magic" using special props, trick items, sleight of hand, etc. So the Youtube video on subharmonics is used as a cover story/explanation, which then makes it easier for Layne to convince Geoff to start using them in their song covers. Layne reasoned that the collab with Kurt Hugo Schneider was the perfect opportunity to properly try them out in a video, because if Geoff wasn't fully content with the final result, it didn't matter as much, as it wasn't going to be on their own YouTube channel anyway, and it could just be explained as a special "gimmick" or the like.

As it was, Geoff didn't do a subharmonic/Subterranean on camera again till months later, the following year [the earliest sub I can identify in one of Geoff's vocal lines on a Voiceplay cover is Daddy Sang Bass]. And well, the rest is history!

Right, enough linear narrative stuff, time for various headcanons and stuff that inspired me to make this in the first place!

Maybe the decision to grow his hair long was in some way connected to his true nature, maybe it wasn't, but one way or another, it went neatly hand-in-hand with Geoff's shift to "insane bassmaster 3000" that lured in new fans and had pre-existing fans loving him even more.

All the stuff about Geoff calling himself "old and boring" or "a baritone with a bass range"? Yeah it's a cover; a personal attempt to make himself seem like a "normal human", kinda like Clark Kent attempting to avoid any possible suspicions of him being Superman whatsoever. (A lot of Geoff's fans think he's way too humble, if not just in a whole lot of self-denial).

Occasionally, when Layne arranges a cover for the group, Geoff will see his part and be like "there's no way I can sing this", but not because it's too difficult, but because he believes it to be pushing the limit of believability just a little too much in regards to appearing/acting human (he can occasionally be persuaded though, like with that glorious ~15 second B0 Sub in Valhalla Calling)

Alien!Layne, though, has no such qualms about showing off his full vocal abilities, and will make vocal percussion look like literal child's play (see: the These Boots Are Made For Walking mini for Layne being absolutely unhinged). Sleigh bell noises? Sure! Bubble sounds? Easy! Inhaled bass? Pretty uncommon for humans to do it, but heck, let's hit an A0 while we're at it! (Sh-Boom).

Geoff, however, would be lying if he said he didn't also get into the spirit of fun and theatrics from time to time, and well, after the massive response that Oogie Boogie's song got, there was really no turning back

Oh and finally, J None also finds out the truth, but Cesar hasn't yet. The others swear that they will sooner or later, they just "haven't found the right opportunity yet".

I could go on, but I think I've typed enough for the time being, and if literally anyone is interested in this and wants to talk to me about it, I'm down! But that's all for now! I'm out!