#redwall hell

[sailforvalinor]

Trusted mutuals and friends, I put a question to you: my youngest brother (thirteen years old) is desperately looking for some books to read—do y’all have any recs? A few criteria: a few of his favorite series recently have been Keeper of the Lost Cities, The Unwanteds, and The Green Ember. He’s also pretty sensitive to swearing, but not so much to violence.

[starshucker]

watching the redwall cartoon and contemplating scale. you have mice and squirrels and badgers and stuff that are mostly to scale with each other, the bigger animals are just like taller people (constance is a bit small for a badger but she's bigger than anyone else so i'll let it slide) and they're all inches tall and they all live in an abbey that they built to their own scale

but then you have like the owl and the cat which are also to scale, like a foot tall presumably and the cat lives in a barn that's like. human scale? like a human built it for their own purposes and it's probably dozens of feet tall. there's also a big fish that's the size of an entire mouse that they catch. obligatory goofy/pluto problem for why this fish isn't sentient but whatever

BUT THEN ALSO THE RATS RIDE TINY HORSES?

[lostmidnightwriter]

[rodionratskolnikov]

I like to imagine that the Redwall books (ESPECIALLY “Outcast of Redwall”) exist within the Zootopia universe, but their basically the in-universe equivalent of something like “Birth of a Nation” or “the turner diaries”

[abbeykitchenmouse]

Folk always ask me, Nutmeg, how do you maintain such a wonderful kitchen? It certainly doesn't hurt to have other abbey beasts to help, am I right?

And to that I say, no. You're wrong. There are no other abbey beasts helping me. They're all too busy chasing vermin and bandits around the wood for the wee little kitchen mouse! The only reason this kitchen stays functional is because I clean, and I sweep, and I scrub, and I terrorize. Then I'm ready to cook a delicious dinner, but wait, the kitchen is destroyed again before I can even start!

It's my own personal circle of hell. Someone get Dante down here to write about it! Who just put a dirty butter knife in this pot?! Aghhhhhhh!

[the-golden-ghost]

Unlocked an Early Childhood Memory tonight, so here's a question:

Does anyone know of an animated movie or show from the mid-late 1990s that had a white bat as a character?

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: June 5

"Matches to Paper Dolls" by Dessa

[twistmygrinder]

hey remember three years ago we got an announcement saying there’s a redwall series in development for Netflix. what happened to that?

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

trying to find diplomatic but firm ways to articulate 'hey man this is really fucked up, please reconsider' about wan/derhome--or whether to make a post about it at all--because its creators seem like the types to approach it in good faith, but i have no idea how it would go over or if they'd even see it at all. but i finally decided to take a look at it after getting it in a charity bundle last year, and as a disabled mentally ill trauma survivor god that was incredibly hurtful and upsetting, holy shit. days later i'm still not super okay over it, let alone that it won awards and is considered a masterpiece in the medium

[rocaillefox]

can people please stop turning furry worlds into fantastical racism/making up furry stereotypes. i do not want to read 'all cats are troublemakers. all bears are police. all rabbits are caregivers.' like, peoples features and bodies do not signify anything about personality, morality, political stance, etc. and the bioessentialism inherent to that concept absolutely reeks. this is not a politically neutral thing jsjfbvj

[abbeyarchives]

cocks nerf gun

New episode motherfuckers

[demimonde-semigoddess]

Do you think the random ass magic echidna they invented for the Guardians of Ga'Hoole movie was a stealthy Sonic the Hedgehog reference.

Like, to be clear, I know echidnas are real, but there has to have been someone who pitched "wizened echidna prophet" to the guys and got the go ahead for the scene. How the fuck did they land on echidna?

[gatorsnot]

me: "okay, it's been like three years, time to get back to reading redwall-" also me: (discovers david fisher's paperbacks from hell series) me: "Dammit™"

[otteranha]

The kids all read to Eddie, it’s good for him to hear their voices the doctors say. And Steve wants to, he wants so badly for his usefulness not to be over already. But even with all his old tricks from school, with all the underlining and going line-by-line, he struggles with the language and tiny print in Tolkien, and Herbert might be even worse. Usually he ends up moving the bookmark ahead more than he’s really read just so Dustin won’t look at him like that.

He feels foolish, useless, like a big dumb drag on the group, not doing his part when Eddie needs this, needs to hear people, his people. And when Steve runs out of things to say he can’t even read to him like everyone else can. Hell, even Wayne comes after 12 hour shifts and reads until he can’t stay awake. Steve’s failing Eddie again and it’s making him crazy.

He’s walking past the hospital gift shop when he sees the book. It’s a kiddie book. Obviously, it’s way too childish for Eddie, there’s a mouse on the cover for crying out loud. But the title is printed in that old-timey font, like something Dustin would use to write ~spells~ for their little game and when Steve skims the first chapter it’s easy to read. He brings the book back to Eddie’s room with him. 

Later, Eddie swears that he absolutely heard the first part that Steve read, coma be damned, he just made Steve start from the beginning because he wanted Dustin and the rest of them to hear the whole thing. Later still, when they bring home their first foster kid, Eddie will pull a battered copy of Redwall off the shelf and ask if she wants to hear a bedtime story.

[bowelfly]

If i win the lottert the first thing i do would be giving all my wins to hire you to illustrate the Brother Cadfael series by Ellis Peters as animal AUs, your animal-monks drawings are so good, and make me so happy when i see them on my dashboard...

i hadn't heard of that series until some folks tagged my gharial monk drawing with it but what the hell i'd be down. i would also gladly accept a rich patron to pay me to make an adaptation of redwall minus the anti-rat and stoat propaganda. or a wind in the willows adaptation where everyone just inexplicably wears robes because they're fun to draw

[watchingtheearthrise]

I saw a tiktok of a MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER talking about how she had a whiteboard up for her students to write down their favorite books they had read that year and I am ????? SO concerned???

Middle school children.

They were writing down Icebreaker. Haunting Adeline. The Butcher and the Blackbird.

MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN.

And the comments?? The comments were full of adults going “oh I read worse when I was a kid, be happy they’re reading!”

NO!

NO!!!!

These children SHOULD NOT BE READING THIS CRAP. (For my non-American people, middle school is 11 to 13 years old.)

Just because you might have snuck online or between the shelves at the library and read smut doesn’t mean we should sit back and applaud as our children literally read HAUNTING ADELINE.

Some adults on booktok scare me. And by scare me, I mean I’m afraid to ask what they’re hiding on their computers because there’s no way in hell they’re sitting there with an innocent browser history—especially if they’re encouraging children to read degenerative smut.

And these parents need to be checked, too, to see if they’re encouraging this stuff. Get back on the parenting program! Check on your kids!

And before anyone says it: It’s not “Puritan” to say that children shouldn’t be reading about romantized abuse/romantized SA. Let them read Percy Jackson or the Warrior Cats or Redwall! Not stuff like Icebreaker!