#rrr ramsita

[ronaldofandom]

A Love Eternal / Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Chapter 10 is here.

You have seen the sugary sweet love of BheemJenny so far. But what happens when the reality of life, their fears, their insecurities, and the clash of their worlds catch up with them? Is their love strong enough to tide them over that? That's what this chapter is about.

No warnings.

The mood board below is from the amazing @meastradeur - can't thank you enough for this gorgeous piece :))

.............................................

Chapter 10

(Links to Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 11)

Sunset and riverside - a classic combo for Bheem. His happy place. Which had fast become their happy place. They were sitting on the edge, feet submerged in the gurgling water, as they watched the dipping sunlight dance along the waves. Her head resting on his shoulder. Her slender arms wrapped around his left elbow as her hands traced his muscles. His hand lying lazily in her lap, playing with the fabric of her skirt. The universe allowing them a few moments of peace and serenity. Enveloping them in it’s warmth.

A loud noise broke them out of their reverie. The soothing sunlight was replaced with a fog of dust and smoke. A bomb had exploded close to where they were sitting. Bheem gathered his wits in a few seconds and reached for Jenny - his first thought was to get her to safety. But…where was she? She wasn’t next to him anymore. The cloud of smoke made it tough to see so he reached out for her blindly. She was just here. Where did she go? He heard footsteps in the distance but the damned fog clouded his vision. He screamed for her desperately, running around, trying to trace her steps in the riverside sand. That’s when he saw the drag marks. Which disappeared shortly. His heart sank to his stomach. Someone had carried her away forcefully. Her torn scarf and her broken shell necklace the only evidence of her presence, and of her protests. He screamed and ran and searched blindly, tears streaming down his face, but to no avail. She was gone. Lost to him, maybe forever. He couldn’t keep her safe. The thought of what could be happening to her right now…..

Bheem woke with a start, and a scream, sitting up and holding his head in his hands. His mind had realized it was a dream the second he woke up, but his heart was still palpitating at a thousand beats per minute. The commotion awakened Jenny too, and her eyes landed on a very distressed Bheem. She sat up and tried to get him to face her, but he refused to move. Steadfastly hiding behind his hands. 

Wanting to face him, she moved herself to sit in his lap. She rubbed his sweaty neck and shoulders softly, feeling the tension ease a bit from his straining muscles. She kissed the back of his hands covering his face, coaxing him to look at her. He relented under her persistent care and finally dropped his hands. 

Jenny cupped his cheeks and kissed away the sweat from his brows. His hands fell around her waist, adjusting her subconsciously in his lap.

‘Oh sweetheart, was it another nightmare?’

She asked in between peppering gentle kisses on his face. His nightmares were not uncommon. They were mostly about his time in Delhi - sometimes about his helplessness to get to Malli and sometimes about his capture, and subsequent lashing. He hadn’t said the last bit to her explicitly but she had understood long back. He had tried to hide away the trauma and the lasting mental impact from that torture, from everyone, but she had seen through the wall he had built for himself. The nightmares had started to ease though. She was startled, therefore, about the impact of this one.

‘Shhhh. You are safe now. You are home. Malli is home. No one will hurt you here. Shhhh.’

She whispered gently, while trying to rub his arms. To make him see that the nightmarish reality was past him now.

He responded by holding on to her tightly, almost in a death grip, crushing her to himself. Wanting to feel her safe and warm, close to him. Wanting to wipe away the desperation and desolation he had felt a few moments back. 

Sensing his troubled heart, she went along with it and wrapped her arms around his neck, letting him draw comfort and assurance from their proximity.

‘Did the informants bring some bad news? Did someone get…hurt? What has happened, my love? Please tell me, please?’

He breathed a sigh of relief as her lips touched his neck. But how was he supposed to tell her what he was worried about? It wasn’t about anybody else this time, it was about her. It was the first time he had had a nightmare about her. Ofcourse these thoughts had been playing on his mind for a long time but nothing could have prepared him for the sheer horror those few seconds unleashed.

She persisted, kissing the top of his eyes, nudging him to look at herself. When he finally did, she was started by the depth of emotion swimming in those otherwise gentle orbs. They were a concoction of fear, helplessness and distraughtness. Her heart broke for him. 

She was desperate to make him feel better. When she tried to fetch some water for him, he didn’t let her move away. She tried to explain what she wanted to do but he didn’t budge, shaking his head vigorously at her attempts.

She resigned and settled in his lap again. Kissing the top of his sweaty head. Something had really spooked him out of his wits. She wished he would talk to him about it. He never spoke to her about the serious, troubling, everyday reality of his life, despite her multiple efforts. She wished for that to change soon. So she could share his pain and fears, not just his love and warmth.

‘Oh my love. What’s happened? Are you all right?’

She cradled his head in her chest.

‘Love you.’

That’s all he could say. And she hugged him tighter. He kept repeating the words over and over again, pouring out his love for her, but the pain in his voice tugged at her heart throughout.

She sensed the change in his touch, his breathing, his voice a few moments later. Before she could say anything, he had flipped her from his lap on to the cot, settling on top of her. 

In the next instant, his lips engulfed hers. She reciprocated with all her might, wanting to make him forget all his troubles.

But when he slid down the straps of her nightgown, she grabbed his wrists softly, making him look away from her neck and into her eyes.

‘Kya hua, jaan? Kuch galat kiya maine?’

(What happened, love? Did I do something wrong?)

He wondered if it was too soon for her. They had been together for the first time only two nights ago. But that wasn’t it.

‘Subah ho gayi hain. Sab log bahar honge.’

(It’s early morning now. Everyone would be outside.)

Most people were early risers here, and their day began with the daybreak. She was worried someone might hear them.

His expression turned soft, almost akin to a smile. Almost.

‘Toh hone do. Koi farak nahi padhta.’

(Let them be. It doesn’t matter.)

She didn’t look too convinced but let the matter slide. There was another issue at hand though.

‘Aaj hume bahar jana tha na?’

(We had to spend the day outside, right?)

‘Aaj ka din humara hain. Thodi der baad chale jayenge.’

(Today is for us. We can go after some time also.)

‘Hmmm’

‘Aur kuch? (Anything else?)

Yes. I want you to tell me what’s eating away at you. I want you to talk to me before we…

She didn’t say the words out loud since she knew it was futile. She wouldn’t get anything out of him, not now, at least. So she just let go of his wrists in response.

The lovemaking that ensued was as intense as their first time. While they both better understood the mechanics of it now, the feeling of their union still hit them equally hard. The tentativeness was replaced by anticipation. 

The familiarity, rightfulness and possessiveness of his touch consumed all her senses, filling her completely. She tried to keep up with his near-frenzied moves & pace but when she couldn’t, Jenny just submitted to his will. Taking in the surreal feeling of being the object of his infinite love, and his burning desire. Desperately wanting to wipe away that forlorn, melancholic expression from his face, and replace it with his usual cheerful serenity.

Bheem wanted to forget too, by losing himself in her. By being enveloped in her warmth and comfort. By feeling every inch of her, to constantly reassure himself that it had all been a bad dream. That she was here in his arms, safe & sound. Her breathless moans overshadowing the sound of the distant footsteps still fresh in his head. The blissful sensation building in the pit of his stomach overpowering the dread he had felt a few moments back.

He held on to her long after, just breathing in her scent. She stroked his face, upper arms, and back, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, as they both recovered from the emotionally draining experience, falling asleep in each other's arms.

When she woke up a few hours later, she was pleased to see him back to his usual chirpy self. He was gliding around the hut, whistling to himself as he prepared their meals for the day. He had insisted on cooking for her today. She had protested - he already did so much, she didn’t want him to take on more, definitely not for her sake, and certainly not on a rare day off. But then he looked crestfallen, so of course, she had agreed.

The day’s itinerary was filled with Bheem’s favorite places around the mountain. The little caves he used to play hide & seek in, the mud pits he was thrown into many times while jostling with his friends, and the bushy shrubbery they used to nap over. She was entranced - by the places but more by his memories associated with them. Despite all his troubles, his childhood seemed to have been a somewhat happy one. The thought brought her immense joy.

They stuck to places decently close to the village. Her stamina was limited, and he didn’t want to risk venturing too far either, still unnerved by his previous thoughts. She wanted to go to the river, but he couldn’t get himself to take her there, not yet, at least. So he took her to a secluded mountain lake uphill. The hike was a bit strenuous for her & he insisted on carrying her for parts of it. When they reached the lake, though, the sheer delight on her face told him it was well worth the effort. Jenny half-danced around the place, taking in the landscape, and relishing the vibrant colors. Her giddiness was infectious, and he ended up joining in her merry frolicking. 

The water was too enticing, and the afternoon weather was perfect for a quick swim. But she was too tired from the exertion so far and had to grudgingly refuse his offer. Sensing her disappointment, he promised to bring her back there soon. 

They sat under a tree and had their lunch. She showered him with compliments on the food, and he preened under her praise. Once done, she rested her back against the tree while Bheem laid his head in her lap. Wrapping her arm around his neck, he nuzzled his beard against it, tickling her sensitive skin and making her burst into a fit of giggles. While her other hand carded through his unruly curls.

He shut his eyes, enjoying the sound of her pearly laughter. They started working on his English practice at some point in the next hour. Jenny had taught him ABCD in a different way.

‘A for?’ 

‘Akhtar.’ He remembered this one easily. The name was special for both of them. This is how she had first known him.

‘Good. And B for?’

‘BHEEM.’ Pat came the reply and she smiled fondly.

‘Yes, B for Bheem. Beautiful. Brave. Bheem. Now, C for?’

He thought for a few seconds.

‘Chandni Chowk?’

‘Correct. And D?’

‘Delhi.’ 

All of these being special places in their life. Delhi had changed her world, and how. Delhi also made Bheem meet the two people who he loved with all his heart. Who he couldn’t imagine his life without.

‘Wonderful. And E for?’

‘Earth.’ 

He touched the ground below him.

‘Excellent. And F for?’

When he was stumped, she motioned to the place around herself.

‘Forest. F for forest.’

‘Fabulous. Now, what about G?’

He turned his face to kiss her arm.

‘G for Jenny. My Jenny.’

He said happily, looking up at her with immense adoration. Her heart melted, and she blamed the English language for that to be not true.

In moments like these, Jenny was convinced that God was a woman. Only a woman could conjure a man this perfect. A man of every woman’s dreams.

They went about it for another hour. She was very proud of how quickly he had picked up this stuff, and how sharp he actually was. 

When a half-rotten mango fell on her out of nowhere, staining her skirt, that’s when they realised they had been sitting under a mango tree all this while.

‘Ooooh look at that. They look amazing.’ 

She clapped happily, pointing at the ripe mangoes, and he smiled at her excitement.

‘Do minute ruko. Main tod dunga.’

(Wait for 2 mins. I will pluck some for you.)

‘But, can I do it mysel…’

He cut her off.

‘Nahi. Chot lag jaegi tumhe. Main is daag ke liye pani le ke aa raha hun, phir tod dunga.’

(No. You will get hurt. I will just get some water for this stain, then I will pluck some for you.)

He turned around and walked to the lake.

Jenny couldn’t stop looking at the enticing mangoes. They were not that far up, not really. She would have to climb just one branch and she could catch hold of a few juicy ones. All her life, she had been fascinated with the idea of climbing trees but her maids & nannies never allowed it, calling it unladylike & filthy. Surely, Bheem wouldn’t have any such notions, right? He wouldn’t consider it improper. Making up her mind, she decided to go for it.

When Bheem turned around from the lake, déjà vu hit him. Jenny was nowhere in sight. She seemed to have vanished in thin air, again. He pinched himself, trying to wake up from another nightmare, but it didn’t work. He froze for a few seconds, unable to scream for her, unable to move, as his eyes scanned all the exit points from this secluded location. How could this be happening? His heart pounded in his chest, his arms & legs started to tingle with numbness, and he felt a bout of nausea take over.

In a normal situation, his trained eyes would have immediately caught the movement slightly higher up the tree, even if the leaves were blocking his line of sight. If fear & paranoia hadn’t clouded his senses, he would have also spotted her sandals under the tree. 

When he realised what had happened, he was equal parts relieved and livid. Did she have any idea what she just put him through? How immature was this behaviour? He walked to the tree angrily, crushing the bottle of water in his hand to give an outlet to his rage.

She called out to him excitedly when she saw him approach.

‘Bheem, look, I got here all by mys….’

He had no patience for her chirpiness right now.

‘Jenny, neeche utro.’ (Jenny, get down.)

‘But, I am almost there. It’s so close. I just need to go a little higher and..’

‘Maine kaha na. Neeche utro. Abhi.’

(I told you. Get down. Now.). 

He tried his best to hide the irritation in his voice. But she sensed the tension and was taken aback by his tone. Disheartened, she started making her way down. When she got closer, Bheem reached up, put his hands on her waist and brought her down.

‘Ye kya bachkani harkat thi? Tum 2 minute ruk nahi sakti thi? Maine kaha tha na main le aaunga.)

(What was this childish behaviour? Could you not wait for 2 mins? I told you I would pluck those for you.)

He said curtly, while looking her over for any injuries.

Jenny felt like she was back in her old life, being admonished for improper, ‘childish’ behaviour. For disobeying a direct command from those in charge of looking after her, because they always knew better somehow. Her heart nearly refused to process that it was Bheem who was talking to her like this. He was supposed to be different. She thought she had left that world behind when she followed him here.

‘I…I just wanted to try myself. I always wanted to try this once. It looked close, and simple.’

She looked down and played with her hands nervously.

And I didn’t want to bother you for something simple. I wanted to at least do this myself.

She decided to not say this bit out loud, not wanting to escalate the situation.

‘Achcha, toh fir ye kya hain?’

(Is that so? Then what is this?)

He pointed, disapprovingly, to a tiny cut on her arm. It started to get to her now - she didn’t deserve this kind of dressing down for acting on a simple, innocuous wish.

‘Bheem, choti si toh kharoch hain. Itna gussa kyu ho rahe ho? Aisa kya kar diya maine?’

(Bheem, it’s just a tiny scratch. Why are you getting this angry? What have I done so wrong?)

He felt like punching the nearby tree in frustration.

His mind tried to remind him that she didn’t know about his nightmare or the horrific scenarios that went through this head just now. But his heart was still racing and his body had still not recovered from the paralysing shock.

‘AISA KYA kar diya tumne? Sach me, Jenny? Tumhe andaaza bhi hain mujh pe abhi kya guzri?’

(WHAT DID you do wrong? Seriously, Jenny? Do you have any idea what I just went through?)

He stood toe to toe with her, grabbing her upper arms, shaking her lightly.

‘Mujhe laga ki tum….ki tumhe koi…urghhh. Kya zaroorat thi mujhe bine bataye aisi harkat karne ki? Jab maine saaf saaf mana kiya tha? Agar aise hi karogi toh tumhe yaha chod kar bahar kaam se kaise ja paunga main?’

(I thought that you..that someone took…urghhh. What was the point of doing this stupidity without telling me? Especially when I told you not to? If you act like this, how will I ever be able to go away for days for any important work?)

She was shaking at his words now - both with hurt and disbelief. This was grossly unfair, and utterly uncalled for. She had followed his every instruction to the T, like a gospel, without a single complaint. Even when she didn’t understand the logic, she never questioned him. She had made every effort to not add to his troubles. Yet, he was throwing this in her face. For climbing a GODDAMN tree.

All her young and adult life, Jenny had craved some degree of freedom. She fought for it, rebelled for it, in the limited fashion she could. Whether it was taking long walks in London or countryside without a chaperone, or travelling on her own in Delhi without a slew of bodyguards. She had a mind of her own. She had fought to protect her free, independent spirit. But she had to put all that away when she chose to follow him here, letting herself be entirely dependent on him. She chose love over her own self, her way of life. All for this man, who was more important to her than anyone else. Who she had put on a pedestal. Who was yelling at her right now that his word was final.

‘Tumhe bina bataye? Ab kya saans lene ke liye bhi tumhari ijazat leni padegi? Tumhari har baat maani hain maine, bina kuch kahe, bina kuch pooche. Itni bhi bevakoof nahi hun main ki tumhara darr na samjhoon.’

(Without telling you? Do I now have to ask for your permission for everything, for breathing as well? I have followed everything you have said, without saying anything, without questioning anything. I am not THAT stupid to not understand the reason for your fears.)

Bheem laughed a strange laugh. A cruel, bitter, distant, mocking laugh. It sent chills down her spine.

He backed her against the tree. When she put her hands on his chest to get some distance, he grabbed her wrists and held them behind her, caging her completely in his hold.

Of the zillion ways she had fantasised about him using his strength on her, this was not it. She couldn’t recognise the man in front of her. His eyes, his face, his demeanour was nothing like her Bheem.

‘Darr? Kya jaanti ho tum darr ke baare me? Kya samajhti ho tum ki bebasi kya hoti hain? Darr wo hain jo Loki ne har pal mehsoos kiya pichle saal, ki uski beti ke saath kya ho raha hoga. Darr wo hain jo yaha ki sab ladkiyaan mehsoos karti hain jab bhi koi bahar wala aadmi kareeb ho. Bebasi wo hain jo mujhe har pal us shehar me khati rahi, jab main ye bhi nahi jaanta tha ki Malli zinda bhi hain ya nahi. Bebasi wo hain jo Malli ne us pinjare me mehsoos ki, jaha use ek khilone ki tarah khareed kar daal diya gaya. Bebasi wo hain Jenny, jo har Hindustani mehsoos karta hain, apne hi desh me gulaamo ki tarah jeete hue. Ise kehte hain darr aur bebasi.’

‘Fear? What do you know about fear? What do you understand about helplessness? Fear is what Loki felt all of last year, when she had no clue what horrors her daughter was facing. Fear is what every woman feels here, when any outsider man comes nearby. Helplessness is what ate away at me in Delhi, when I didn’t even know whether Malli was alive or not. Helplessness is what Malli felt in that cage, where she was kept like a bought toy. Helplessness, Jenny, is what every Indian feels, when we have to live as servants in our own country. That is fear and helplessness.’

She was frozen in her spot while he continued to shove her privilege in her face.

‘Tumhe ab bhi yahi lagta hain ki agar kisi ne tumhe pakad bhi liya, toh zyada se zyada tumhe wapas bhej denge. Nahi, Jenny. Zaroori nahi ki wo jaante ho tum kaun ho. Tumhara parivar, tumhari daulat tumhe har jagah nahi bacha sakti. Aur yahaan toh bilkul bhi nahi. Wo log toh kuch aadmiyon ko bhi nahi bakshte - fir tumhare jaisi haseen, anokhi ladki ka wo kya hashr karenge.’

(You still think that even if someone catches you, the worst possible scenario is that they will send you back. No, Jenny. They may not know who you are. Your family connections, all your wealth may not save you everywhere. Definitely not here. Those people - they don’t even spare some men. Imagine what they would do to a stunning, exotic girl like you.)

Their faces were an inch apart. And he continued to pierce through her soul out of desperation and frustration. She was still too stunned to react.

‘Aur mera kya? Huh? Tumhe choona toh bohot door ki baat hain, agar koi tumhe us nazar se dekhega bhi toh main kaise sehen kar paunga? Zindagi me bohot kuch bardaasht kiya hain, par itni himmat nahi hain mujhme. Isliye darta hoon. Aur tumhe bhi darna chahiye. Kyunki kabhi kabhi ye darr hi hume zinda rakhta hain.’

(And what about me, huh? Let alone anyone touching you; if anyone even looks at you that way, how will I bear that? I have borne a lot of things in my life but this..I don’t have the strength for this. That’s why I am scared. And you should be scared too. Because sometimes, this fear is what keeps us alive.)

He was almost in a trance. Projecting his fears and worries onto her. The horror from the nightmare, what he experienced a few minutes ago, his restless thoughts when he had to leave her behind for days - all of it came pouring out. And she bore the brunt of it. 

It took him a few moments to register her quivering lips and moist eyes. When he did, he immediately let go of her wrists, taking a few steps back, shocked at his actions. She rubbed her wrists, and he noticed the bruise he had left behind. Feeling like the scum of the earth, Bheem resisted the urge to punch himself in the face.

His heart yearned to reach out and gather her in his arms, to comfort her, but he held back, sensing that he won’t be welcomed right now. She wrapped her arms around herself, holding on tightly, which felt like a further kick to his gut.

While he still stood by the essence of what he said, he also knew it could have been communicated far less accusingly. He had fucked up there, and how.

Jenny felt the illusion of her fairy tale crash and burn around her. Reality had smacked her in the face. Hard.

She was deeply shaken, for various reasons. She had never seen this side of Bheem before - he had never even raised his voice at her previously. But she couldn’t deny the harsh truth in some of his words. 

It would be preposterous for her to claim that she knew fear or helplessness like him or his people. Her helplessness had always been around lack of control over her life. She feared being married off to a selfish, controlling, mean & heartless man like her uncle. But these were all first world issues compared to the people here. She never had to fear for her life, her survival or her honour. She never lacked anything material she ever set her eyes on. The closest she had ever come to crippling helplessness was when she saw him getting tortured, or when he was sentenced to death.

He was also right in his observation of what she thought would happen if she ever gets captured. She had no idea how he surmised that, since they had never discussed it before. The man was even more perceptive than she thought.

But what got on her nerves the most was that she didn’t see her fault in any of this. She hadn’t done anything remotely close to deserve such lashing. Other than her upbringing or the colour of her skin or where she was born maybe. Was that it then? His implication wasn’t lost on her. He had created a clear, distinct chasm - with her on one side and him/his people on the other. Was that his way of saying that the two ends could never meet? All the efforts she had been making to blend in, to assimilate with the people here - was it nothing but a fool’s errand? A wild-goose chase? 

Her eyes burnt with unshed tears but she willed them away. She wouldn’t crumble before him like a hapless little girl. She won’t give him that satisfaction. 

But he never implied that. He wasn’t being mean on purpose. Her heart tried to intervene but she was past the point of reason.

When she spoke again, her voice was eerily calm, and it cut through him.

‘Mana ki main us tarah se nahi samajh sakti, jaise tum samajhte ho. Par itna jaanti hun ki kya zaroori hain or kya nahi. Kya main aaj tak ek baar bhi yaha se bahar nikli hun tumhare bina, ya kabhi tumse zid ki hain? Is zindagi ko maine chuna hain, aur main ise nibhane ke liye tayyar hoon.’

(I may not understand these things like you do, but I do understand what’s critical and what’s not. Have I ever stepped outside of here, even once, without you? Or cribbed about these restrictions to you? I have chosen this life and I am prepared to live with the realities that come with it.)

‘Par sab kuch jaan leva toh nahi hota na? Har cheez me pabandi ki kya zaroorat hain? Agar main is ped pe chad gayi toh isme itni badi baat kya thi? Iske liye kyu mana kiya mujhe?’

(But not everything is life-critical, right? Why do you put restrictions on other things, then? What was the big deal in me climbing this damn tree? Why did you say no to that when I asked you?)

Bheem quietly pointed to her hand, making his point. She nearly screamed in frustration and crossed the distance between them, waving her arm in front of his face.

‘Ye? Itni si kharoch, ye wajah hain tumhari? Isi liye tum mujhe kuch bhi kaam nahi karne dete? Main khana nahi bana sakti, paani tak garam nahi kar sakti kyunki ek baar mera haath jal gaya tha? In choti choti cheezon ke liye bhi mujhe Loki ko pareshaan karna padta hain. Ye kaise chalega Bheem, aur kab tak? Baki log kya sochte honge mere baare me?’

(This? This tiny scratch, this is your reason? This is why you don’t let me do anything? I am not allowed to cook or even boil water. Only because I burnt my hand one time? I have to bother Loki for these small things, also. How is this okay, Bheem? How is this sustainable? What must they be thinking of me?)

Bheem was taken aback by her outburst. It was true he had forbidden her from these chores, but she was very likely to get hurt doing these things. He was just trying to protect her. How the hell was that a crime?

He tried to muster some calmness in his voice when he responded. But they both saw through it.

‘Yaha ke log aise nahi hain. Wo apne dil se, apni khushi se tumhare liye ye sab karte hain. Kyunki tum unki….’

(My people are not like that. They do these things for you out of their own will and heart, because you are their…)

He paused, as realization struck of the word he was going to use next. It was her turn to have that distant, melancholy smile. Bheem didn’t like it one bit, and he wanted to wipe it away immediately.

‘Mehmaan? Yahi kehna chahate the na? Ki main yaha ek mehmaan hoon. Kya yahi sochte ho tum mere baare me? Kya yahi chahate ho tum? Isliye mujhe kabhi mehmaan se yaha ka ban ne nahi dete?’

(Guest? That’s what you wanted to say right? That I am a guest here. Is that what you think of me? Rather, is that what you want? Is that the reason why you don’t let me graduate from a guest to become one of you?)

Her words were driving a knife through his heart. He couldn’t fathom how she could say such cutting things so easily. Everything that he had done to make his people accept her - from talking to everyone before she arrived to figuring out some daily community activities for her, to looking out for her every need, to even talking to the village council about their relationship. Did all of that mean nothing to her?

‘Kya apne zazbaaton ka saboot dena padega mujhe ab? Kya gunaah hain mera - ki main tumse bohot pyaar karta hoon? Tumhara bohot khayal rakhta hoon? Tumhe kisi bhi dukh dard se bachana chahata hoon? Ye galti hain meri?’

(Do I have to prove my feelings to you now? What’s my crime really - that I love you too much? That I care for you too much? That I want to keep you away from any hardships? Is THAT my fault?)

Jenny felt like laughing and crying at the same time. 

‘Pyaar karna gunaah nahi hota Bheem. Pyaar toh main bhi karti hun na tumse? Lekin main tumhe zaroori cheezon se rokti toh nahi na? Tum mujhe har dukh se, har buri cheez se nahi bacha sakte. Ye namunkin hain, aur ye humaare beech ek ghutan paida kar dega. Tum kabhi apni takleef, ya koi buri khabar mujhe nahi batate. Jabki Ram Sita ko sab kuch batata hain. Aisa kyun, Bheem? Kya bharosa nahi hain mujh par? Ya itna beakal samajhte ho mujhe?’

(Loving someone is not a crime, Bheem. I love you too, but I don’t keep you away from all dangerous things because I know they are important. You can’t shield me from every pain, every bad thing. It’s impossible, and it will create a suffocation between us. You never share your troubles or any bad news with me. While Ram shares everything with Sita. Why, Bheem? Don’t you trust me? Or do you think I am a stupid, naive girl?)

Bheem wanted to run. To hide. To cry. To jump from a cliff. To beg her to stop. He couldn’t believe they were hurting each other so deeply. But then, one hurts those who one loves the most, isn’t it? 

Jenny was too embroiled in her emotions now. She wanted to complete her thought. Don’t say it, her heart chided her. It’s too harsh, he doesn’t deserve it, it will break him. But she couldn’t help herself from feeling this way. She needed to say it out loud.

‘Kya main sirf tumhara pyaar baatne ke liye hoon, tumhara dard nahi? Kabhi kabhi aisa lagta hain ki tum mere paas tabhi aate ho jab tumhe…..mujhse pyaar karne ka man karta hain. Kya yahi hain humara rishta? Phir ye un ladko se kaise alag hua jinme se kisi ke saath meri shadi kar di jati?’

(Am I only here to share your love, and not your pain? Sometimes, it feels like you only come to me when…..you want to touch me, to make love to me. Is that all we are then? How is that different from any other man I was supposed to end up with?)

Bheem fell to his knees. The whiplashes hadn’t hurt as much. The betrayal from Ram hadn’t hurt as much. The tiger claws hadn’t hurt as much. This…he had never felt heartbreak like this before.

His pure, infinite love had just been reduced to lust and physical pleasures. To something…cheap and crass. Their lovemaking - which was almost a divine experience for him - did she look at it as him taking advantage of her? Because he was in a position of power here, and she was entirely dependent on him? Is that why she thought he wanted to keep her reliant on himself, so he could continue to… have her like this?

He was ashen-faced. Numb. Even his tear glands refused to work. He forgot how to function anymore. How to get through the next second. Love hurts. He knew that. But this wasn’t just hurt. She had ripped his heart straight out of his chest with her words.

When she heard the loud thud, she realized what had happened. Jenny came to her senses when she saw the magnitude of her words' impact on him.

She knelt before him slowly, trying to reach for his face, but he pulled away, not wanting to accept any comfort from her. And definitely not her touch.

His spirit was broken. He wanted to say so much yet nothing at all. But one thing came out almost involuntarily, in a choked voice. 

‘Agar itni takleef thi mere paas aane se, toh keh deti na? Aur kya yahi wajah hain ki tum humari kareebi ki nishani mita deti ho?’

(If my proximity bothered you so much, why didn’t you say anything? And, is that the reason why you destroy the result of our togetherness?)

It took Jenny a few moments to understand that he was talking about the herbs she was taking after sex to not conceive. Bheem waited for her to get to the realization. He had seen the herbs in Sita’s hands that day and immediately knew what it was. It had hurt him immensely that she never discussed this with him.

When she understood, her face twisted in pain - she could see why he would interpret it the wrong way. In fact, he now interpreted it exactly how she had feared, as a sign of her hesitation in this new life. The misunderstanding from the unsaid words had come back to bite her. This is what Sita had warned her against. This is why she wanted her to tell him. Jenny was just waiting for the right moment, and then this….

He took her lack of response as an affirmation. And his heart broke for a zillionth time this evening. 

‘Toh tum bhi chali jaogi ek din, jaise wo chali gayi thi.’

(Oh, so you would also leave one day, like she did.)

She covered her face with her hands, unable to look at his torn state anymore. Unable to handle the situation. She wanted to scream and say a lot.

What else do I need to do to tell you that this is not an exotic adventure for me? That I am not here on a whim? That I desperately want to be a part of your life? That I have never wanted anything else as much, ever? I have given up everything I knew to be with you. To be here. I have given you my heart, my soul, my honour. What more do I do to prove to you that this isn’t a frivolous thing, which I will just give up on and leave one day?

But she didn’t have the strength to say it out loud. They both sat there, too emotionally drained to say anything anymore. Both wondered how all hell broke loose like this, when just an hour back they were enjoying the day of their dreams. The honeymoon period had gotten over, and how. Neither knew if they could come back from this.

Bheem recovered first after a few minutes.

‘Shaam ho gayi hain. Wapas chalna chahiye.’

(It’s evening. We should head back.)

She nodded wordlessly. And they came back in silence. He walked close to her, keeping an eye on how she navigated the treacherous path, but she noticed how he maintained a safe distance.

Bheem walked her to the hut and left immediately, saying that he had some urgent business to attend to. She knew he had kept the full day free but didn’t say anything.

Her thoughts haunted her for the next few hours, in the eerie silence. He didn’t come at the time of dinner, and she couldn’t swallow down a bite either. 

She looked at the garments they had laid out for the evening - her dress and his shirt. The same shirt he had worn to the party that day. She was so happy when she saw it this morning. It amazed her how the day had turned on its head. 

Few more hours passed. He still hadn’t come back. Jenny was lying down in a foetal position, holding on to his shirt, trying to remember his eyes, his smile, his dance from that day. That was the only thing keeping her from going insane.

He came at midnight, thinking she would have slept by now. And was disappointed to find her wide awake. He changed in silence in the adjoining chamber, and she patiently waited for him to look at her once.

He came out and announced curtly that he would be leaving tomorrow morning for a few days. Jenny knew he was due to go on a supply run, but that was the day after tomorrow. She read between the lines - he wanted distance from her to clear his head. She resigned to his decision and acknowledged it with a brief ok.

But when he spread his mat on the floor and picked up his pillow from the cot, she grabbed the other end of it. Not daring to touch his hand yet.

‘Kya…kya ye zaroori hain?)

(Is that….really necessary?)

‘Mujhe zameen pe sone ki aadat hain.’

(I am used to sleeping on the floor.)

That’s all she got from him. And he lay down, facing away from her. She bit down her sob and lay back on the cot, hugging his shirt, burying her face in it, desperately trying to find his scent there.

After a few hours, when she was convinced he was at least in a light sleep, she sneaked out and made her way to Ram’s hut. She knew very well Bheem would throw a fit at her for leaving alone at this time of the night, but she didn’t have a choice. 

Ram opened the door, with Sita close behind, both looking at her worriedly. When they both started speaking, she cut them off.

‘I don’t have much time. I need to get back before he wakes up.’

She turned to Ram and grabbed his hands. Ram was shocked - Jenny had never even come close to him before, not after the lashing.

‘Ram, you are going with Bheem tomorrow, right? I need you to look after him. More than you usually would. He is not himself right now. Don’t let him out of your sight. Promise me you will bring him back safely.’

‘Yes. Yes ofcourse, Jenny. But what’s wrong? What has happened?’

Both Ram and Sita sensed her distress which made their worry intensify.

She refused to answer. She refused the milk Sita had warmed for her in the meanwhile. She started to make her way back when Ram interrupted her.

‘Jenny, I..I need to…’

‘Yes, I know. You want to escort me back because he would want you to. Fine. Let’s go.’

She didn’t have the energy to argue. Ram accompanied her to the hut, waited till she locked the door, and silently made his way back. Shocked by the proceedings of the last few minutes. 

When Jenny woke up the next day, he was gone. She knew he would be gone, but he had left a flower on her pillow the last time. This time, the empty pillow was mocking her.

She spent the next few days mostly inside, unable to function properly. She knew the trip was for him to make up his mind. This could be it. She may have already spent her last few happy moments with him. Her dream may be over already.

Sita hovered around her these few days, asking her multiple times what had happened. But she didn’t have the energy to relive all of it. She didn’t have the stamina to break down. Which she would if she got talking. 

Malli was the only person who could make her smile somewhat for the next two days. She stayed with her for hours, refusing to leave her side, only letting go of her when Loki practically dragged her away to give Jenny some space.

Malli, in all her childhood innocence, offered to speak to her Anna and make it all better. 

‘Anna won’t refuse me.’ She reassured Jenny. ‘Did he yell at you? I will yell back at him, you just wait.’

Jenny held her in her arms as Malli sang for her. Without Jenny saying a word, even the child had understood what could have caused such a reaction in her. 

Bheem returned two days later. Jenny was exhausted from pacing in the hut for hours and was quite tired when he returned. Dread hit her immediately when she heard him outside the door. What if this was it? She took a few deep breaths, trying fruitlessly to hide the mess that she had become.

When he stepped inside, he immediately went to her and led her to the centre of the hut.

At least he is not disgusted with the idea of touching you anymore, that’s some progress, offered her heart. 

He looked straight into her eyes. Last few days had given him immense clarity. He had relived every word spoken between them in his head. Ram had helped too. 

‘Kuch kehna hain tumse.’

(I need to say something to you.)

She nodded frantically, unable to wait anymore.

He took out a knife from his bag and placed it in her hand.

‘Tum yaha ke tareeke seekhna chahti thi na. Humari zindagi ka hissa ban na chahti thi. Ye lo. Ye maine banaya hain. Abhi zyada tez nahi hain. Jab tum seekh jaogi toh ise tez kar doonga. Kal se tumhari bhi training shuru. Theek hain?’

(You wanted to learn our ways right? To become a part of our lives? Here, take this. I made it for you. It’s not very sharp right now. When you will get a better handle of it, I will make it sharper. Your training starts tomorrow. All right?)

Jenny choked with emotion. He wasn’t pushing her away. He was bringing her closer. He was making her a part of his life, in a real sense. She couldn’t do much but nod dumbly at him. He smiled at her, which made her want to burst into tears. But she resisted the urge.

‘Doosri baat - kal se Loki aur Sita tumhe khana banana sikhayengi. Aur jo bhi tum seekhna chahati ho, unhe bata dena. Maine unhe bol diya hain.’

(Another thing. From tomorrow, Loki and Sita will start teaching you how to cook. Anything else you want to learn, just tell them. I have already spoken to them about this.)

It was really hard for her to hold back her tears now. She was quite proud of her will power.

‘Aur, ek aur baat. Wo jo tumne kaha the…..humari kareebi ke baare me..)

(Also, what you said that day….about our proximity…)

She cut him off, not liking where this was going, and grabbed his shoulders in despair.

‘Bheem, Bheem please listen to me. I couldn’t clarify to you that day but that’s not how I meant it. I LOVE YOU. I wanted you the same way. Please, please don’t take it like that. I beg you. Please.’

‘Shhhh. Main jaanta hun tumhara wo matlab nahi tha. Par ek baat main phir bhi kehna chahata hoon. Jenny, mera pyaar in….jismani chahato ka mohtaaj nahi hain. Agar hum kabhi is tarah kareeb na ho paate, toh bhi main tumse utna hi pyaar karta.’

(Shhh. I know you didn’t mean it like that. But there is one thing I still want to say to you. Jenny, my love is not conditional on these…physical desires and pleasures. Even if we couldn’t be close like that, I would still love you as much.)

She felt so small, having driven him to clarify this to her. Of course, she knew that. Of course.

Unable to handle herself anymore, she threw her arms around him. And he held her waist, holding her close.

But when her lips nuzzled into his neck, the sensation hit him like lightning. It just felt….wrong.

He pulled away from her.

‘Jenny…main..’

He didn’t need to say further. His pained voice had said everything. In all honesty, she knew the moment she had said those words that it would be tough for him to get back to the status quo. To be able to touch her again.

‘Toh ye saza hain meri? Tumse ye doori?’

(Is this my punishment then, this distance from you?)

She asked, crestfallen, unable to meet his eyes. Unable to stop her tears anymore.

‘Saza tumhari hain ya meri, nahi jaanta. Ya shayad beintehaa pyaar karne ki ye saza hoti hain.’

(I don’t know whether the punishment is yours or mine. Or maybe this is the punishment of our deep, infinite love.)

She cried some more. Unable to hold herself together anymore. That caused him immense distress and he held her upper arms.

‘Tumhare aansoon nahi dekh sakhta main, tum janti ho ye. Inke saamne main haar jaunga. Aur agar is waqt haar gaya toh khud se shayad nazrein na mila paun.’

(You know I don’t have the strength to handle your tears. I will lose in front of them. And if I lose right now, my conscience will be heavy.)

She wiped her tears immediately. And led him back to the cot. When he looked torn, she pleaded to him.

‘Please Bheem. Don’t sleep on the floor. We can put a pillow between us. But please, I can’t see you sleeping there. Please.’

He relented.

‘Theek hain.’ (Ok)

They laid down at their sides, looking at each other. Sleep evaded both of them. Neither knew what this meant for their relationship. If this is how it was going to be. After a while, she reached for his palm and placed it on her pillow, resting her cheek on it.

He gave her a half-smile. Feeling guilty & heartbroken for causing her so much agony.

‘Jenny..’

He tried to offer some comfort but she cut him off with a little kiss on his palm.

‘It’s fine. We will be fine. I know it in my heart. Whatever comes next, we will face it together. I love you, you love me; that’s all that matters. Tomorrow is a new day. We will be fine. Just sleep, my love.’

And they did fall asleep like that, gazing at each other. Hopeful yet scared of what was to come next. But drawing strength from the depth of their love. 

....................................................................

Holy mother of God. This was hard. I bow down to the angst writers who revel in it. Phew!

As always, would love to know your thoughts :)

@irisesforyoureyes @rambheem-is-real @thewinchestergirl1208 @eremin0109 @eenadu-varthalu @rorapostsbl @yehsahihai @budugu @maraudersbitchesassemble @juhiiiiii @justmeand-myinsight @rambheemisgoated @rosayounan @jrntrtitties @obsessedtoafault @rambheemlove @jjwolfesworld @alikokinav @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @bromance-minus-the-b @dumdaradumdaradum @lovingperfectionwonderland @annieginny @chaanv @ssabriel @milla984 @kaagazkefool @boochhaan @mesimpleone @filesbeorganized @ladydarkey @teddybat24 @stanleykubricks @stuckyandlarrystuff @burningsheepcrown @veteran-fanperson @voidsteffy @ronika-writes-stuff @beingmes-blog @yonderghostshistories @nisreenart @chaidrivenwhore @bheemaxrama @carminavulcana @umbrulla @mizutaama @rosefulmadness @gifseafins @fangirlshrewt97

[rapunzels-stuff]

This is for @vijayasena she was the one that gave me the idea.

Forgive me the first part is short, but the others will be longer.

Part one

Ram ruffled through his things. Where was his pendant. He tore his room apart looking for the the necklace. What would he tell Sita. Just then Bheem walked into the room holding a somewhat oddly shaped necklace. Ram whipped around.

“Bheem, why the heck would you take that!” Ram screamed snatching the pendant from his hands and pressing it to his heart.

“Actually I-” Bheem was cut off

“I don’t want to hear it, I’m disappointed”. Ram replied turning his back to Bheem as he smoothed his shirt which was wrinkled from all his searching. Bheem frowned. This is what his Anna had been like these past few days. My village this, Sita that. He didn’t mean to sound selfish. But he wanted things to go back to how they were. He hated to admit it but After he had saved Ram and everything was okay. He was hopeful. That maybe things could return to normal. But now. He felt like he was a interruption in a life Ram had already planned out for himself before they had met. There was only one thing to do. Move on. His Anna didn’t have time for him anymore. And that was okay. It was okay, right. What was he talking about. Jenny had parted ways to find her own adventure and Malli was back home with the rest of his friends. Ram didn’t need him anymore. He was useless to put it lightly. He slumped down in a chair and leaned his head against the wall behind him. Ram walked over.

“What is it?” He questioned. “listen, I’m sorry I snapped at you. Okay. It’s just- I feel like I owe her so much, as if maybe I’m not… good enough for her.”

“Anna, don’t say that.” Bheem comforts moving in to hug him. Ram steps back.

“Sorry, I don’t have time for this right now, okay.” Ram says. He turns swiftly on his heels and walks out the door. Perfect Bheem thought. Just when Ram was finally warming up to him he just had to leave. Bheem slammed his fist against the wall. The breeze hit is face as someone walked in through the door. Sita.

“You shouldn’t be here. Ram’s waiting for you.” He said bitterly. Sita shot him a sympathetic look. I know Ram’s been kind of closed of recently. But could you just try to put up with him. I’ll talk to him. She also left, lightly closing the door behind her. He sat back down in his seat. His thoughts drifted to his home. The scenery. He had to go back in a few days. He wanted to spend every last moment with Ram. He also didn’t want to leave. Except. Maybe Ram did. No. He shouldn’t think so lowly of his brother. Bheem sighed. You know what he was going to do. In his head, he thought of all the things he could do for Ram’s wedding. He was going to make it the best day of his life. He deserved it.

[riverroan]

my first rrr fanfic!!!! please read here!!

[nisreensartworld]

Happy Valentine's Day🌹

Drawing by me

Pencil, paper

@ronaldofandom @carminavulcana

Finally drew Ram and Sita💌

[sandumilfshou]

headcanon: dynamics of the ram/bheem/sita/jenny polycule

ram x bheem

soulmates, loves of each others lives. can communicate without needing to speak a word, just through their eyes and the queer wavelength. have burned and killed and sacrificed and been willing to die for each other. a wildfire love that always flares high and bright and untouchable. the love that is still written about centuries later, that people go to war over.

bheem x jenny

gentle, soft, tender love. despite the language barrier they always understand one another, are two gentle people with the sun in their eyes, but with spines of steel. both the kind to step protectively in front of their loved one without question. spend all their time just holding hands and staring lovingly at each other.

jenny x sita

badass gossiping ladies who get on scarily well once they can speak each others language enough. seriously theyre like the girls that are in a corner giggling and looking at other people and probably talking shit but like not in a mean way. partners in crime who have nasty sex ngl if you cant find either of them they are hidden away somewhere kissing filthy.

sita x ram

the long history of childhood sweethearts and shared trauma. somewhere between lovers and siblings, the love that comes with being so familiar with each other that the person becomes your home instead of a physical place. would fight anyone and anything for each other but also probably get into the most annoying arguments bc they try to out-stubborn each other.

ram x jenny

they are just. such nerds. like seriously they geek out and nobody else can get a word in. but they also adore how much the other loves, like they love the way they love? they admire each others strength sm but also have strong Gal Pal energy. like they go out for brunch and look fucking hot about it as they philosophise about the book theyve just read. light academia envies them.

bheem x sita

ngl this entire relationship is just them simping for each other. bheem simps over how smart sita is, sita simps over how relentless bheem is. they both share the unspoken knowledge of how they'd go to the ends of the earth for each other and ram and jenny, and treat each other very gently. but also definitely swap sex tips.

[gemm1207]

😊😊😊

[celebrrration]

RRR Holiday Swap - Posting Instructions!

Hello, hello, hello, my dear RRR fandom!

I am sure all of us are busy with preparing for Christmas/Other holidays, the end of 2022, and the start of 2023. Before we close out the year though, we have one more event to go for this extraordinary fandom that has defined the back half of the year for me in ways I cannot sufficiently describe. 

We have 20 wonderful creators participating in this Holiday Swap, which means 20 new works (at least!) for this fandom to celebrate with. 

Moving on to how posting will work for this event.

For the sake of ease of archiving/retrieving/searching, we request all works to be posted with the following format:

Title

Creator: 

Giftee (aka who is the person you are gifting this to?): @tumblr username or AO3 handle. 

Prompt (optional):

Relationships: 

Rating: 

Warnings/Tags: 

@celebrrration Holiday Swap 2022 (<-- Very important to include this line, this is how we will be able to reblog all the creations onto the CelebRRRation blog)

AO3 link (if applicable)

Great, now that we have that out of the way, when are we posting?? 

According to the poll I sent out, the majority voted for December 24th, so between 12:00 AM India Time on December 24th to 11:59 PM California Time. Kindly get your work uploaded here, and on AO3 between this window of time. 

In case you are not able to post in this window, email me ahead of time so I can let your giftee know their gift will be slightly delayed, but please do try to finish and post this weekend. 

It is important that we stick to this posting window, because as we are doing a swap where our giftees do not know who is receiving what from who, posting all together helps us not make anyone wait unreasonably. 

Now, in addition to this, a few of you were also interested in what other prompts might have been in play for the event, so you could perhaps create additional works. 

You can find the list at this link.

This is open to others who may not have been able to sign up for the event but would like to participate. These extra works are optional. If you decide to do one, kindly let me know which user’s prompt you are fulfilling, so I can let you know their handles. 

Because I am only sharing this link today, we are giving the deadline for these works to be January 1st, 2023. 

Now, this is my first time organizing an event such as this, so I thank you for being patient with me. If there is anything confusing or that you want more information on, feel free to message me. 

Yours truly,

Fangirlshrewt97 and @stanleykubricks

[kokoreram]

❤

[enigma-the-mysterious]

My two greatest fears if they ever make an RRR 2:

RamSita and JennyBheem confirmed canon. More afraid of JennyBheem here if I am being honest

No communist Bheem

[carminavulcana]

Hi! I was wondering if you've finished my RamSita RRR prompt yet? If you haven't finished it yet, then take your time!

A Song of Seetha

Rain will not fall on my fields of love and longing, when the memory of dancing with you in the monsoon, is the cloak I wear, on hot summer days, and cold winter nights.

When you come in my dreams, I caress you with moist hands, fingers twisted in your hair, Breathing in the whiff of wood and smoke, and the fragrance of Your sacrifice, mine too…

I have waited years for a word that you are back, Come to claim your soul, from where I have kept it safe, deep in the reaches of my heart.

I till the fields of our land, and sow the seeds of hope there. Someday, you will ride on my paper boat, to the lands of our childhood, where guns would be a word forgotten, and this battle called life, a distant myth.

Rain will not fall To remind me of reality. Your presence would be all the truth I could want.

Come home, with your head held high. Come home, not wrapped in a shroud. Come home, to your fields.

The season of harvest is here.

Taglist-

@vidhurvrika @bleedinknight @fangirlshrewt97 @rambheemlove @rambheem-is-real @burningsheepcrown

@kookiries @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @fadedscarlets @hufhkbgg @connerwrites @rorapostsbl @ronaldofandom @ronika-writes-stuff @pine-breeze

@bromance-minus-the-b @obsessedtoafault @jrntrtitties @tulodiscord @rambheemisgoated @dumdaradumdaradum @sulthaaan @stanleykubricks @mizutaama @thewinchestergirl1208 @jadebomani @sally-for-sally @waywardmorgan @annieginny @voidsteffy @stuckyandlarrystuff @meastradeur

@mesimpleone @filesbeorganized @doodlesofthelastpage @badtabbywhitecat @bitchy-bi-trash @braveheartinthedark @yonderghostshistories @veteran-fanperson @yehsahihai

@eenadu-varthalu @budugu @ssabriel @teddybat24 @ladydarkey @chaanv @jjwolfesworld @milla984 @boochhaan

Please let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist.

If you enjoyed this piece, please leave me feedback. It would mean the world to me :)

[itsfookingloosah]

Y'all can block me now

[ronaldofandom]

To Be or Not to Be

How about some angst to cut through all the fluff coming from this writer?

Plot: After 5 months in Adilabad, Jenny gets a message from her best friend inviting her to Hyderabad. Ram refuses to let Bheem go. Bheem refuses to let Jenny go alone. Leading to a heavy angsty conversation. Followed by some Bheemjenny angst.

No warnings. Mostly angst & some mild fluff. This is the first RamBheem confrontation I have ever written & I thoroughly enjoyed it!

....................................................

Jenny read and re-read the words of the letter over and over again.

It was Carol’s writing. No doubt. She had also signed it with a code name that only the two of them knew. Of a secret society that they wanted to form in their childhood.

Her best friend, her oldest friend was trying to reach out to her. Jenny held the letter close to her chest, in a bout of nostalgia.

She hadn’t had any contact with her former world in over 5 months now. That part of her life felt like a distant, yet fond memory.

Jenny had started to accept that she might never be able to revisit that world again. It was her choice to pay that price for her love. To make her new world her only reality. The girl had worked tirelessly to make that happen.

Yet, on some long days and restless nights, a few memories creeped back. Engulfing her in a strange sadness. She fought that feeling with all her might, telling herself repeatedly that she had so much to be thankful for. But her twisted heart refused to comply. A piece of her was lost, left behind, never to return. And her wretched heart reminded her of that feeling frequently.

Therefore, when Bheem first showed her the letter, she instantly cried. Then read it a few times. Then cried some more. And then held it close to her heart.

Bheem just looked from a distance, understanding every emotion dancing on her face. He had immense admiration and appreciation for her sacrifice. For leaving everything behind. Just for love. He couldn’t do it. No matter how much he loved her, he couldn’t leave his home, his people behind to join her in a strange, new world.

She never told him how much she missed her former life. She didn’t need to. He could always tell when she stopped talking mid-sentence, changing the subject, not letting even a hint slip of her reminiscing. Just so he doesn’t feel guilty.

He always tried to make up in whatever ways he could. Like celebrating her festivals. Taking her on picnics. Trying to learn her language. Baking some of the goodies with her. Listening to her stories, her beliefs. Going down on one knee when he proposed to her. Giving her the love of not just a partner but of everyone else she had left behind too.

But those were small compensations. She had given more to their relationship than he ever could. That guilt & realisation never left him.

The two minutes she took to compose herself after reading the letter were another harsh reminder. The guilt came flooding back.

He sat her down on the cot, bent in front of her, holding on to her hands.

‘It is her, then?’

‘Yes, this is unmistakably Carol. But, how did she reach us?’

‘She left it addressed to me and you at a focal point of the revolution in Hyderabad. Our people keep visiting there, they brought it back today.’

Jenny nodded in understanding. It would have taken some effort and even risk on her friend’s part to try reaching her like this. Carol was the only one who knew that Jenny had left of her own will. With Bheem. She was the only one Jenny had left a message for.

‘So, what does the letter say?’

‘Her husband is posted in Hyderabad for a few months. They are staying away from the Cantonment area, close to the city. He is in Delhi for the next two weeks. She asked if….if I could come visit her. She also promised that she would send her staff on leave that day so no one would see us. She has also offered to come pick us up from anywhere in the city. Bheem?’

She squeezed his hands tightly, her eyes brimming with hope & enthusiasm.

‘You go to Hyderabad often. You have even taken me once. Can we…can we please go visit her? Just for a few hours?’

Bheem knew this was coming. And he froze. Unable to respond either way. But he didn’t want to burden her with his inner tribulations on the matter.

‘Can I take a little time to think about this, bangaram? Let’s discuss this in the evening?’

If she was disheartened, she didn’t show it.

‘Sure. Ofcourse. I understand.’

She said all the right things, without meeting his eyes. He kissed the top of her head and left the hut, leaving her alone with her restless thoughts.

Bheem went straight to Ram, who was just returning from training, with Sita in his tow.

They stopped in their tracks, sensing the urgency on Bheem’s face, and the curious way in which he was extending the letter towards them.

Ram read it first, with a poker face, then handed it to Sita.

While she read it, Ram paced around the area, deep in thought.

‘Tell me you are not going. Tell me, now.’

Bheem just hung his head, expecting this response.

‘Ram, maybe we should talk about it?’

Sita offered, looking at Bheem’s torn face, sensing his dilemma.

‘Talk? There is nothing to talk about. This could very well be a trap. He could have a whole unit waiting for him, to ambush him. This is too big a risk, Bheem. It make NO SENSE. You are NOT GOING.’

When Bheem’s face fell even more, Sita intervened.

‘Bheem, does Jenny trust this Carol person?’

Ram turned to Sita, about to express his displeasure at them even considering this any further. But she raised her palm towards him, shushing him for good. Ram started to pace again.

‘Wholeheartedly. She says this woman is her best friend. She says this woman is like her. How could this woman be bad then, Sita? How could she be evil?’

Bheem looked up then, after a long time. Pleading eyes, looking for someaffirmation from Sita.

Sita reached out and gently grasped his fidgeting hand.

‘I believe in Jenny’s judgement. Ofcourse I do. But have you guys considered that her friend may have been coerced to write this? Maybe someone found out Jenny came with you willingly. And this is a ploy to get to her? And…to you?’

Sita spoke with as much love as she could muster, while softly squeezing his hand.

Bheem had considered that possibility. He had considered every possibility since he sensed the situation.

‘She wrote a code word in the letter which only her and Jenny knew of. No one else knew about it. If she were coerced, and someone else dictated the letter to her, she would not have written that.’

Sita nodded in agreement. Ram nearly punched a nearby tree in frustration.

‘Oh look at you two trusting fools. You might believe this Carol’s intent, Sita, but I don’t. She may be a nice person or whatever. But what if she thinks she is trying to save Jenny from your clutches by doing this, huh Bheem? Maybe she thought it was a phase for Jenny and she would grow out of it soon. But that didn’t happen, did it? Jenny decided to stay. Maybe her friend is trying to give her an out? Trying to save her from a lifetime of distress that’s destined for her if she stays here with you? Maybe this is her way of protecting her. FROM YOU. WHAT ABOUT THAT???’

Ram stared at both of them intently, waiting for them to respond.

Sita couldn’t deny the logic in Ram’s words. They were cynical, yes. But he had more than enough reasons to be cynical in life.

Bheem met Ram’s eyes for the first time.

‘Well, that’s a risk I will have to take then.’

Ram stood toe to toe with Bheem, grabbing him by the collar and shaking him profusely.

‘WHY? Why do you HAVE TO do this? Why can’t we just forget about this letter and get on with our lives? Why take the risk at all? Why can’t Jenny make her peace with it? She made a choice, now she needs to stick with it.’

Bheem gawked at Ram, indignation written all over his face.

‘Are you serious? What do you mean she needs to stick with it? She is doing more than anyone could ask from her, expect from her. What else do you want her to do? She has given up everything. EVERYTHING. Just for me. Are you saying I should crush this tiny bit of hope she has gotten now? This brief window of meeting someone familiar, rekindling her memories - you are saying I should kill that chance too? Who knows when or if this will ever be possible again? How could I be such a monster to do this to her, Anna? HOW?’

Before Ram could burst into a rant, Sita grabbed his elbow, slightly shaking her head at him. Warning him to tread carefully.

Ram realised he wouldn’t win this battle. Bheem won’t stop Jenny from going. But that didn’t mean he would just let Bheem fall into a death trap.

‘Ok. Fine. It’s your call. But - let her go alone then. You don’t have to go with her. She can go with someone else from here who can drop her somewhere in the city and pick her up. YOU don’t have to put yourself at risk. Not for this, Bheem. Please, I am begging you.’

Sita closed her eyes and sighed inwardly, bracing herself for what was to come. She knew it was a moot point. The only two people Bheem would trust Jenny with, on such a long trip, were Ram & himself. And, Ram was not a viable alternative since he was a wanted man too.

Bheem said those exact words out loud to Ram.

Ram took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and considered all potential ways to address this situation. Sita’s hand was still firmly on his elbow, beseeching him to not lose his shit.

When Ram spoke next, his voice was calm. Eerily calm. Like a cold-blooded killer. Punctuating each word with pauses. Sending a shiver down Sita’s back.

‘If you go with her and they catch you, they will skin you alive. Gleefully. All right? They will leave your corpse hanging in the city centre, for days, making an example out of you. For anyone who dares to revolt against the mighty empire. Do you agree?’

‘If they catch me, yes. Remember, it took you to catch me last time.’

Bheem responded flatly, with equal calm. Sita just looked at the two men, wondering where this was going.

Ram chose to ignore the implied jibe and continued.

‘Fantastic. Now, if she goes alone and it’s a trap, what’s the worst that can happen? Think about it. No one will harm a hair on her head. She would be admonished, sure, but do you think anyone would dare to hurt a lady of her stature? Not a chance. At max, they will send her back to England. That’s fine. She will live. And so will you.’

Sita gasped in horror. She was sure Ram didn’t realise the enormity of what he had just said. She was even more sure it won’t go down well with Bheem. She didn’t even dare to look at Bheem at this point, just shutting her eyes again.

It took Bheem a few moments to believe what Ram had said. He was shaking from disbelief. Did his Anna not know his heart at all?

Then, he took a few steps back, getting enough distance from Ram, and glared straight into his eyes.

‘She will live. And so will I. But what kind of a life would that be for either of us? By that logic, Malli would have lived in that cage too with more amenities than here for sure. So, when she was taken against her wishes, caged against her wishes, I should have just left her there? I didn’t. So how could I let Jenny walk into this alone? How could I not be there for her, every step of the way? If they try to cage her, take her away, against her wishes, how could I not do everything in my power to keep her with me? If I was there for Malli, how is this any different?’

‘BECAUSE MALLI IS ONE OF US AND JENNY IS ONE OF THE….’

‘RAM!!!!!!!’

Sita’s voice cut through the mayhem.

Ram stopped in his tracks, the weight of his words hitting him like a truck.

Bheem didn’t flinch, but something changed in his eyes. Like something had died inside.

Sita rushed towards Bheem, grasping his shoulders, rubbing his arms. Trying to get him to look at her but Bheem stared straight at Ram.

‘Bheem. Bheem - he didn’t mean it like that. You know he didn’t.’

Bheem freed himself from her hold. Stepping further away from both of them. The physical distance a proxy to their emotional distance.

‘Let it be, Sita. I know what he meant. And you know what - Ram - you are right in a way. Jenny is not from here, no one here owes anything to her. No one, other than me. So I won’t put anyone else at risk for her. But no one, NO ONE, has the right to tell me to not put myself on the line for her. I will do that every day if I have to. I love her to death, and that is my burden to bear. No one will tell me that the burden is too high.’

Sita’s heart was breaking for Bheem. He was trying hard to hide his emotion but the lack of emotion from him itself was a big tell of how broken he was feeling inside.

Ram knew it was now or never. He could live with Bheem’s hate, if that meant Bheem would survive. What he couldn’t live with is knowing he didn’t do everything in his power to keep him safe, when he was about to walk into a fatal trap. Ram was convinced that’s what it was and was utterly distraught in failing to make Bheem see so.

Ram decided to double down, seeing that as the only remaining option.

‘So, you would pick her over us then? Over all of us? Is she the only one who loves you? Does our love for you amount to nothing? Your people, your friends, your tribe, your COUNTRY - you love her more than all of us? Is that it, Bheem? Answer me.’

Bheem couldn’t recognize the man in front of him anymore. The man who was mocking & berating his love.

He laughed a distant, bitter laugh.

‘It’s funny you say that. Because my people, my tribe, my country were safe when we had escaped. But still I went back to the jaws of death for YOU. For ONE person. All because of a stupid thing called love. Guess I was always stupid. Because doing things out of love is stupid in your books. Sadly, my love is like that. I can kill for it. I can die for it.’

The emotion in Sita’s eyes had spilled by now. She felt the pain of how these two were cutting each other, and themselves, with their words. She also felt the love behind the scathing declarations.

Ram stayed rooted to the spot, feeling like he may have gone too far but not knowing what to do about it. Despite the mayhem, he had half a mind to actually go & tell Jenny about his fears. If she had any inkling of the danger, she would put an end to all this. But Ram also knew that he would be crossing a line with Bheem which he may not be able to come back from.

Bheem retreated while still looking at Ram. Before walking away, he turned back one last time.

‘The woman who is not from here is the reason you are standing here right now. She put herself at risk to get those maps. But you knew that already. She begged & pleaded with me, while handing over the maps, to not go inside. That it would be too risky. That it could be the end of me. Very similar things to what you said today. But the difference is, she could also see why I just had to do it. Despite everything she had seen you do at the time, she could see why I would still go back for you. She understood. I expected the same from you, Ram. I didn’t think you would support me in doing this, which by the way is maybe not a trap at all. It could just be our paranoia. Your fears were still warranted. I didn’t expect you to agree, I expected you to understand. Like she did.’

With those parting words, and one final nod to Sita, he walked away. Without turning back. Leaving a stunned Ram and distraught Sita behind.

.....................................................

Part 2 will be BheemJenny in Hyderabad. Do let me know what you feel about the story so far and if a second part would interest you :)

@irisesforyoureyes @rambheem-is-real @thewinchestergirl1208 @eremin0109 @eenadu-varthalu @rorapostsbl @yehsahihai @budugu @maraudersbitchesassemble @justmeand-myinsight @rambheemisgoated @rosayounan @jrntrtitties @obsessedtoafault @rambheemlove @jjwolfesworld @alikokinav @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @dumdaradumdaradum @lovingperfectionwonderland

@chaanv @ssabriel @milla984 @kaagazkefool @boochhaan @mesimpleone @filesbeorganized @ladydarkey @veteran-fanperson @ronika-writes-stuff @beingmes-blog @yonderghostshistories @nisreenart @chaidrivenwhore @bheemaxrama @mizutaama @rosefulmadness @gifseafins @voidsteffy @maooyinysparkle @amalthea9 @vijayasena @stars-in-the-distance @astrafangs

@orangey-orange @ariel-seagull-wings @atlinmerrick @carminavulcana

[rapunzels-stuff]

[maraudersbitchesassemble]

I've watched RRR one time and I'm obsessed. The person I'll become once it comes out tho-

[jadebomani]

RRR headcanon

Hi RRR community I’ve been a fan of the movie for weeks now and have read and followed most of everyone’s posts and fic ideas and wanted to put out my own. I wanted to do an AU about bheem, ram, Jenny, and sita being poly and they adopted my ocs (Jaan and Johari two young girls who were saved by the group from the British in a raid or was on the run and bumped into them and asked for help) Or the idea that just like Malli they were taken by the Scott’s and brought to India. I loved the head cannon of reader daughter to rambheem and wanted to put out my own for my characters.

- If they were with the Scotts Jenny knew them and asked bheem to help save them.

- after rescuing ram she leads them to where they are hiding since she snuck em out.

- The two have a soft spot for the girls as soon as they see how protective they were of each other. And sita soon follows suit when she meets them.

- Due to the time period they are in ram bheem sita and Jenny get married in Hetero marriages together. So only their villages know their real relationship as opposed to the rest of the world. And adopt the girls.

- Johari is ramsita’s kid and Jaan is bheemjenny’s kid.

- Johari is a soft kid and has a extroverted fun personality while Jaan is a tsundere with an introverted and reserved personality only really being more extroverted around Johari and her baba(bheem).

- Malli is their bestie and they all do cute pranks on the adults and get into chaotic mischief.

- Johari loves helping out around the clinic bheem and sita own and work at helping the rebels. She also loves learning telugu and English with their mummy(Jenny) and daddy(ram).

-Jaan loves animals more than people due to her memories of their kidnapping and how much pain and suffering they indured. Bheem was able to get her to trust them by bringing little animals to talk about and pet.

- One day she ventured out causing a panic and came back with two baby animals. A panther and a tiger. Rambheem worrying about the mothers being nearby and Jennysita worrying how she got bear them to take them. Johari shaking her head in amusement because of course Jaan would come back with two big cats as pets like it’s just a normal thing🙄.

- Jaan tells em about how they lost their parents and we’re all alone so she saved them and brought them so they wouldn’t be lonely anymore like she was. Cue family fluff and reassurances. And the fam had new additions to the family.

- Babai loves the two to bits and spoils them along with the villages. They call him grandpa and that made the man break into tears once.

- Jaan and Johari are like rambheem ice and magma and mix of their parents temperance. Ram(fire), sita(earth), Jenny(air), and bheem(water).

- the girls grow up to be freedom fighters and speak out on the injustice to black and brown people in India, uk, and USA.

- rambheemsita pass away at canon ages and Jenny raises them until her passing at age 70. She promises them they will all reunite in the next life like bheem foretold and will be born a family again in a world where they will all be free and accepted.

@rambheemisgoated @rambheemlove @rambheem-is-real @ronnoxandlumoss @percikawantstoread @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @bromance-minus-the-b

Please let me know any face claims that could go with this idea and any feedback this is my first post.😊

[ronaldofandom]

To Be or Not to Be (Part 2)

Here is the 2nd & final part.

Tons of angst, but salvaged in the end. As promised. No warnings.

Plot: Bheem & Jenny visit Jenny's friend's house. Chaos ensues there. And Jenny figures out the issue between Ram & Bheem.

................................................................................

Part 1

Part 2

Ram’s words had really rattled him.

They hurt like hell, yes. What made it worse, though, was that it raised a bigger question for Bheem.

Did everyone think what Ram thought about Jenny? His own tribe as well? Sita? Did they all still see her for the colour of her skin and not how she had been with them the last 5 months? Was she….dispensable….for them as well? Someone not worth fighting for? Was their acceptance of her just lip service, for his sake?

It made Bheem’s heart hurt. His mind went into a frenzied spin.

He went to the place that usually gave him solace during such tumultuous emotions. He went to swim, to clear his head.

The water was chilly, given the time of the year and the almost set sun. It cut through his senses, making him temporarily forget all other sensations. That worked wonders.

After an extended dive, he just floated aimlessly in the water. While his heart & mind battled with each other.

Surely, his people had taken to Jenny, right? Malli had been asking him from day 1 when she could start calling Jenny Vadhina instead of Akka. Likewise, Loki had been planning their wedding since she arrived, offering to do the rituals his Amma would have done otherwise. The village elders and tribal council were ecstatic when he told them about their courtship and proposal.

How can you be sure though? Screamed his pained heart. You didn’t know Ram’s true feelings either. How can you be sure of anything anymore?

And it was true. He couldn’t be sure of what others felt. But he knew what the two of them felt and that was enough. It would have to suffice. Because the alternative would make him want to dive into the water again & never come up.

He also knew there wasn’t much time to wallow in his tribulations. Arrangements had to me made for the trip. Escape plans needed to be handy, should they be required. A sense of purpose took over again & he slowly strutted back to the village.

When he told Jenny that they would be going day after tomorrow, the girl was on seventh heaven. She threw her arms around his neck & kissed his face profusely, thanking him with all her heart.

This happiness was worth all his tribulations. His troubles paled in front of it.

He got her to write a response to Carol, in a way that only she would understand. Once the logistics were sorted, he looked into her eyes, dead serious, and made her promise to follow all his instructions till they return back.

Jenny was quite familiar with that look by now. He was this firm with her only when it was about her safety. Ofcourse she was going to cooperate. She would never want to add to his worries.

The dinner was a happy affair. Jenny chatted away about many stories of Carol & her. Bheem just looked at her & smiled, trying to capture all these moments to memory.

However, the night turned suddenly desolate. A strange sense of finality hung in the air. As if, things were going to change forever. As if, tonight was all that he had left with her. As if, the sweet little world that he had built with her would evaporate in thin air tomorrow.

She was laying in his arms, yet it felt like she was somehow slipping away. He needed to be closer to her to believe she was here.

Jenny was half asleep when he grabbed her waist & turned her around to face him. Next instant, his lips were on hers, demanding a response. She smiled and let him in, giving in to his urgency.

They stayed glued to each other for the next few hours. Alternating between sweet caresses & frenzied lovemaking.

Such spontaneous escapades were not new for them. But this one felt different to Jenny. This wasn’t just him seeking togetherness, comfort, love or solace. This had a sense of desperation, helplessness, possessiveness and even a hint of….sadness.

She grabbed his face, trying to read the myriad of emotions swimming in those stunning orbs. Was this another one of those weak moments when she needed to reassure him of her love?

‘Stay with me.’

He whispered against her cheek. A near whimper.

‘Stay mine. Forever. P-please.’

His voice broke as his fingers dug into her skin, harder than usual.

She kissed his face fervently, trying to match his urgency, pulling him back on top of her.

‘Shhhhh. I am right here, honey. I love you.’

After another hour of clinging on to each other, she passed out in his arms. Mentally & physically exhausted.

He pulled her on top of him & held on to her. Taking in her scent. Smelling her hair. Feeling her warmth against his skin. Caressing her body gently with his fingers & palm, so as not to wake her. Willing his eyes to not spill. Fruitlessly trying to prolong the night and hold back these moments.

Next noon, when they went to the small temple in the village courtyard, before starting on their journey, they encountered Ram & Sita on the way.

Jenny started walking towards Sita to greet her, but Bheem pulled her back, firmly holding on to her wrist.

‘We should go. Else we won’t make it to the city by nightfall.’

The tension in the air was palpable. It was very strange to watch the two men not greet each other with a handshake or a side hug or beaming smiles. Instead, they looked at each other with a blank face, devoid of any emotions.

Jenny looked at Sita with concern, who just nodded at her in return, nudging her to carry on & not press the topic right now.

Sita had repeatedly urged Ram last night to make things right with Bheem before their city trip. To not let this wound fester. She was astute enough to realise that Bheem’s forgiveness won’t come readily if the affected party is Jenny. It won’t be how he had readily forgiven him in the past.

But Ram had been adamant that, while his choice of words were inappropriate, his point still stood valid. He would prioritise Bheem’s safety over their togetherness in a heartbeat. How could this love, this passion of mere 5 months take precedence over EVERYTHING else? Ram couldn’t wrap his head around this insanity. Madness. Naïveté. Ignorance. And borderline foolishness.

It’s not your call to make. It doesn’t become madness just because you can’t relate to such depths of love.

Sita had thought this inwardly but had given up trying to explain this to Ram. Both Ram & Bheem could be like stubborn mules when they wanted to be. Hence, she nodded to Jenny to let it go for now.

As they walked away, Jenny intertwined her fingers with Bheem’s, as a sign that she was always there to talk about whatever was bothering him. He squeezed her hand in response but didn’t say anything.

The journey to the city was smooth, must to Bheem’s relief. They reached the safe house on the outskirts of the city by nightfall. While Jenny slept peacefully that night, brimming with excitement for the following day, Bheem firmed up some emergency escape plans with the fellow rebels, should it come to that tomorrow. Once done, he laid next to her, and just stared at her angelic face all night. Not wanting to waste a single moment in sleeping.

Next morning, they set out to the house in the back of a mini supply truck. Carol had offered to send a car or drive it herself but Bheem didn’t think it wise to be in an open vehicle in that part of the city. Upon reaching the address, they went via the backyard, as planned.

As Jenny rushed towards the stairs leading up to the door, Bheem quickly scanned the area for any signs of trouble. It looked like Carol had delivered on her promise. There were no British soldiers or staff in sight.

Carol had been pacing near the window and before Jenny could even knock on the back door, she flung it open. The two women paused, looked at each other, trying to believe that this was moment was real. Then, they crashed into each other and just burst into tears.

Jenny didn’t think she was going to see any of her loved ones from her prior life ever again. And she had made her peace with it. But this…had been so unexpected. She hadn’t anticipated such an outburst. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure why she was bawling her eyes out. Tons of lost memories came flooding back and the women just sobbed into each others’ arms.

Bheem, who was a few steps away, just observed from a distance. Tremendously moved by the emotion on display.

His heart could feel the joy & pain of the reunion. He was so happy for her. But this was a cruel reminder that despite his best efforts to give Jenny the love of everyone she had left behind, he had clearly fallen short.

His mind also started to play games. Making analogies with how Malli had cried & held on to him when he first found her behind the palace bars. When she was in captivity and looking for a way…..out.

Of all the outcomes he was fretting over, this thought hadn’t even crossed his mind earlier. That Jenny herself may not want to come back. It was such a kick to his gut that he nearly tumbled behind. But by then, Jenny had composed herself & walked towards him.

She smiled, held his hand & led him up the stairs. Carol put on her best manners to greet him. But Bheem didn’t miss the doubt & resentment she was clearly trying to mask. Frankly, he couldn’t blame her. In fact, Bheem gave her credit for how hard she was trying, for Jenny’s sake.

Carol led them in. Jenny & Bheem followed behind, hand in hand. The two women were chattering away at a rapid pace but Jenny never let go of Bheem’s hand. Never letting an awkward moment set in. Rubbing small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

Once convinced of no imminent danger in the house, he finally let himself relax & focus on his surroundings. The house was lavish & grand. It was minuscule when compared to the Delhi palace but it still had most of the luxuries & comforts of a palatial abode.

Bheem suddenly felt….out of place here. Exactly how he had felt in Jenny’s room that day. They had settled on the dining table, where some refreshments were being served by an Indian cook. He seemed to be the only one in the house other than Carol. The food looked strange. All the little steel items looked very puzzling. The plate looked so fancy & fragile. Bheem’s appetite turned to dread at the idea of eating at this table.

Jenny’s hand in his was a steady comfort, and he squeezed it for reassurance. When she turned around, Bheem reached out to wipe the tear stains from her face. She giggled at her silliness & he managed to smile back at her.

When Bheem yelped at the first sip of his tea, that she had mixed for him, Jenny blew into the cup. Then tasted it herself for temperature before handing it back to him. Both drinking from the same cup.

Carol observed their little exchanges keenly.

‘You two must be tired after the journey. Do you want to freshen up? I have the guest room set up for you.’

‘Oh, that sounds lovely. We will be back in a jiffy.’

Jenny tugged at Bheem’s hand and walked to the room that Carol had pointed towards.

The room looked a lot like Jenny’s room from the palace. Bheem’s treacherous mind again wondered if Carol had done that on purpose, to remind Jenny of how life used to be. Before she met him.

As Jenny freshened up, Bheem walked around the room aimlessly. Unable to decide where to even sit. Everything looked so shiny and expensive and soft. And new. He didn’t want to leave stains on anything without washing himself.

‘Thank you. For everything.’

Jenny hugged him from behind, resting her head on his shoulder. He covered her hands with his and squeezed lightly.

‘Anything for you.’

He felt her lips curve into a smile, as she snuggled further into his frame.

‘Your friend must be waiting. Why don’t you catch up with her? I will get some rest in the meanwhile.’

‘Are you sure? Is everything ok, honey?’

Bheem was glad that he had his back to her, so she couldn’t see his face.

‘Yes, everything’s fine. I am just a little tired. Couldn’t get much sleep last two days.’

She knew that was true, so didn’t press the matter further.

‘Sure, get some rest. God knows you need it. I will send something for you to eat.’

With one last cuddle & a kiss to the back of his head, she untangled herself from him & walked out. Bheem immediately missed her touch. And presence.

In the next few minutes, she sent over some refreshments. He knew Jenny had handpicked these because it was different from the spread he had seen on the table. This was stuff that she knew would be palatable to him.

Bheem settled down on the floor, finding that to be the most comfortable spot. And managed to gulp down a few items.

Then, after washing himself thoroughly for any visible stains, he finally moved to the bed. The mattress was too soft. And the sheet was too silky. He almost slipped the first time he tried to settle down.

The ceiling was too high. The bed was too big - he wondered how distant two people would be on a bed like this. Together but still apart. The room was atrociously large - as big as the school in the town nearest to his village.

Jenny was brought up with all these material luxuries. She could still go back to it all, if his love wasn’t holding her back. This was her birthright. This was the life she was destined for. Not the basic sustenance & modest belongings she had been reduced to.

Bheem couldn’t shake the thought that he was being selfish. That he was the guilty party here. That Carol was right - he had wronged her friend in more ways than one. By keeping her for himself.

It wasn’t too late. Maybe this was universe���s sign for him to make things right. Should he…should he just….let her go then? Is this what fate was pointing him to? Carol’s letter, Ram’s disapproval, visiting this place - were the stars aligning to make him see the light of the day?

Bheem buried his face in the pillow, soaking the soft fabric with his tears.

Not everyone gets blessed with love in their life. A love worth dying for. A love worth killing for. A love that consumed every other feeling. For most people, it’s a fantasy. A fairly tale concocted to give hope. But Bheem had found his love. His soulmate. He was living his fairytale.

Was his time up? Were the gods demanding him to give her up, after everything he had already lost in his life?

The memories of the last 8 months would suffice him for a lifetime. Even though the separation would rip his heart out, he would never regret a moment spent with her. Never wish it to not have happened.

It would make everything simpler for others. His tribe won’t have to adjust with an outsider all their life. He could go back to being fully devoted to his duty of being the Gond protector. He could focus single-mindedly on the needs of the revolution, without any distractions. That sure would please Ram. He wouldn’t have to constantly worry about her every time he was away on a mission. He won’t have to live with the guilt of snatching her life away from her. He had caused all this by asking her to come with him. Now, maybe he was destined to end it.

And she…well…she would be distraught. He knew that. She would be as heartbroken as he would be. But maybe….with time….and familiar surroundings…she would heal. And maybe she would find someone who would treasure her almost as much as he did. Who could give her a lot more than he ever could. Above all, she would be safe & well taken care of.

Her outburst from earlier was still playing on his mind. Was she holding her feelings in for his sake? Was she hurting inside but not letting it out? That would make her resent him at some point. Wouldn’t it be the wise thing to get ahead of that situation and act on it now?

Should he just leave? There would be no way for her to trace him. She didn’t know the path to the safe house or to the village. Maybe she would think that he brought her here only to leave her behind. Maybe the betrayal would help her heal faster. Maybe that’s the only way, because no amount of reasoning with her would make her see the point right now. Maybe that’s how to save her, even though it would inflict the worst pain imaginable.

To both of them.

Without her, he would be lost. He would immerse himself in his duties and in the service of his people. And would go back to living on the portions of affection he got from his tribe. But nothing would come close to her love. He wouldn’t dream of ever replacing her with anyone else. His heart belonged to her, even if she were to go away. It was her or no one else.

The village would start to haunt him. Every nook & cranny a cruel reminder of blissful moments spent with her. Maybe he could take up missions away from the village. Places with no familiar traces of her. Yes, he could put on a brave face. No one will know how he would be dying inside. No one ever knew. Other than her. No one read his face like she did. Quite simply because no one loved him like she did.

Bheem cried & cried into the pillow, muffling his sobs & hiccups by covering his mouth. At some point, exhaustion took over & he fell into a restless sleep, filled with nightmares.

Jenny came back a few hours later to find him twisting & turning on the bed. She snuggled into his side, wanting to find a few moments of peace in this god-awful day.

His arms wrapped around her, stroking her hair & her back.

‘What happened?’

‘Nothing. We spoke for hours and ran out of things to talk about.’

‘Jenny.’

He used a tone to clearly communicate he wasn’t buying any of that. Then, he kept her hand on his head and asked her again.

She sniffled into his chest, and his arms tightened around her.

‘I….it was a mistake. I should have never asked you to bring us here. She doesn’t get it, Bheem. She doesn’t get us. She isn’t happy for me, for us. I thought she would be the only one to understand but she doesn’t.’

This didn’t come as any surprise to Bheem.

‘What did she say? Tell me.’

‘No. It doesn’t matter what she said. I don’t want to revisit that. It’s of no consequence to me.’

‘But it matters to me. I am asking for a reason, Jenny. Please?’

She couldn’t refuse him, even if she tried. So she edited out some parts & shared the less hurtful bits.

‘She said that it’s time for this adventure to be over. That it’s not practical. I am not using my head. She thought I would stay with you for a few months & then return. After having an experience of a lifetime. After living the highs of an exotic, passionate love, I would return to my senses & to the life always destined for me. She said I am being a foolish, brainless girl by throwing away my life & my fortune. All to follow this notion of love. Which will burn out one day & I will be left with nothing.’

Jenny couldn’t tell him that Carol also doubted whether Bheem’s interest in her was purely carnal or if there was more to it. One day she will not be as pretty & he won’t fawn over her as much. She was depriving not just herself but her future kids also of everything life was meant to offer to them. How was that fair to the kids? How could she be that selfish?

She had also said that while Jenny had given up her world readily for Bheem, he would never do the same for her. If not UK, they could have settled in the US where people of colour had also gotten rights after the civil war. And Jenny had enough family in the free world. She could also access her fortune in that geography. They could be together yet live with all the comforts. Away from the clutches of the empire. However, Bheem would never do that for Jenny. He won’t follow her blindly like she had followed him. What kind of love was this, when only one side had to give up everything?

Bheem could tell she had omitted a few things, but he got the drift of what was said. And how Jenny would have reacted to the whole thing.

He lifted her arms and settled her on the pillow on her side, facing him. Jenny held his palm & kept it under her cheek, leaning into it.

‘Is love always supposed to be this hard? Have you ever wondered why it couldn’t be easier for us?’

‘We don’t value the things that we get easily in life. Maybe that’s what makes this worth fighting for.’

She said without missing a beat. Without an iota of doubt.

‘People will never get it, Jenny. They will never understand. Even the ones closest to us. The ones who know us the best. The ones who love us the most. No one will get it. Can you live with that?’

She cupped his cheek and stroked his beard.

‘This isn’t about them. This is about us. They don’t need to understand, as long as we know where we stand. It doesn’t have to make sense for them, as long as we commit to make it work. Honestly, the naysayers haven’t felt love like this. That’s why they don’t know why we do what we do to make it work. Why the alternative is not an option. They don’t have what we have, my love.’

The confidence, trust, assurance and determination in her voice chipped away at his fears.

‘Will that be enough, especially if this happens?’

He stroked her belly while saying this, and she instantly knew what he meant.

‘Not if, when. When this happens. And yes, if our love is enough for us, it would be enough for the little ones too.’

His voice broke & she kissed his forehead, knowing fully well how much having a family meant to him.

But this time, while gazing into his orbs, she didn’t miss the emphasis on the words ‘the ones closest to us’. It took her no time to connect the dots.

‘Your tiff with Ram - it’s because of this right? He said something about me, about us?’

The pain in his eyes told her all that she needed to know. Despite herself, she came to Ram’s defence.

‘He loves you, Bheem. You know that. He would have said it with your best interest in mind. To protect you, save you from something.’

Bheem looked so appalled by that statement that she paused to reconsider what she had said.

‘By that logic, your friend loves you. She said what she said to protect you from what she thinks is not in your best interest. Do you forgive her? Do you feel bouts of affection for her right now?’

He shut her up decisively with his logic. She made one last attempt, because she could see how much this was hurting him.

‘Carol & Ram are not the same. We never have to see her again but Ram is an integral part of your life. This rift…will continue to cause you pain. Would it not be wise to just let it go, just this once?’

This time, the anger on his face almost made her retreat.

‘You are right, Carol & Ram are not the same. Carol doesn’t know me. Hence she has made these assumptions about me, about us. But Ram has seen you for months. MONTHS. He has seen everything we have been through. Everything you have done to adapt to our world. Heck, he has been my confidante through it all. If after that also, he doesn’t know my heart, doesn’t understand us, then he is much worse than Carol. A zillion times worse. When he disrespected our love, he disrespected me. He insulted me. HE HURT ME. I don’t give anyone the right to speak of you this way. ANYONE.’

His teeth gritted with anger, pain and frustration. Jenny scooted closer into his side, stroking his chest.

‘Shhh. I am sorry. You are right. This is between you and him. I should not have presumed to know the context. I trust you to make the right call at the right time. And, I am always here to support you in whatever call you make.’

His breathing eased after some effort, and Jenny leaned in to kiss his cheeks. He was still very stiff, though, so she decided to change the subject.

‘Being with you in this room reminds me of when you came to my room in Delhi. Gosh, I was so excited that day. Flailing here & there. Thinking if you liked me too. Or if it was all in my head. That day, after you left, I imagined what it would be like if you…kissed my hand. Or my cheeks. Or…my lips.’

She looked up to find him gazing intently at her.

‘I thought about you too, you know.’

‘You did?’

‘Yes. A few weeks after we had escaped Delhi, we were in a small town. Everyone had gotten a good meal that night & a comfortable place to sleep. They all passed out after dinner but my fears didn’t allow me to sleep. I was exhausted, had barely rested at all in a month. I shut my eyes for a few moments, trying to find some magic wand to bring me some comfort & peace. Then I saw you. In that yellow dress from the party. You were smiling at me & then you looped your arms around my neck. I felt such bouts of warmth & coziness in that moment that my whole body started tingling. It felt like a warm blanket had wrapped around me. Like 100 puppies were nuzzling into my face. Like my Amma was singing a lullaby to me, as I rested my head into her lap. I pulled you close and my eyes dropped down from yours, to your cheeks and then to your lips. I couldn’t stop looking. I couldn’t stop tracing them with my eyes. I couldn’t stop wondering if you would ever….if I could ever….if someone like me could even dream this unreal dream of…if gods could ever smile on me that way. When I opened my eyes, something had changed in me. I knew then….how much I missed you.’

Bheem wiped the tears that had involuntarily escaped her eyes.

‘You….never told me this before.’

‘I guess I was waiting for the right moment.’

‘Bheem. Take me home. I want to go home.’

When Bheem looked at her wide-eyed, she repeated her words slowly.

‘Take. Me. To. Our. Home.’

Home. HOME. She was here yet she didn’t think of it as her home. She wanted to go with him. To his home. To their home.

Bheem leaned over her & gave her a bear hug. A crushing bear hug. She struggled underneath him, since he had forgotten to balance his weight on his elbows.

‘Gosh - move Bheem. Do you have any idea how heavy you are?’

He realised what he had done & balanced himself over her but didn’t move away just yet. Not before catching her lips in a deep kiss. She stopped struggling immediately.

‘Remember this kiss as you think of us together in your room that day.’

They left soon after, spending the rest of the day in the city & the night in the safe house. Reaching their village early evening the following day.

As they walked up the mud path, Bheem admired the way Jenny deftly navigated the terrain, barely needing any help from him anymore. His heart swelled with pride at how much she had accomplished in a short period of time. How much she had given to be one of them.

He decided to speak to the village council to not wait for 3 months for the next auspicious wedding date. He didn’t want to wait that long to marry her. She had wanted to follow all traditions and hence wait for 3 months but after the last few days, Bheem just wanted to make their commitment final. To tie them together in an unbreakable bond. To shut all the naysayers up. Once she is his wife, he would dare anyone to speak of her, of them, the way Ram had spoken.

On their wedding day, he would also take a promise from Jenny that if anything were to happen to him or if he was in imminent danger, she would consider going back. He had managed to speak to Carol before they left & figured out that Jenny was considered kidnapped / missing by the British. She wasn’t a suspect. So she could always go back later, saying she escaped. That’s why he had taken Carol’s permanent coordinates. She may think whatever of him but she would be an ally when it comes to Jenny’s safety.

Bheem walked, deep in thought, almost out of muscle memory. But Jenny stopped midway, tugging at his hand which was leading her ahead.

He followed her line of sight to see Ram waiting  there, at the edge of the forest, some distance away.

Bheem didn’t know what to feel about it. So he stayed still.

‘Bheem - C’monn. He must have been here since forever. He had no way of knowing when we were coming back.’

There was more to Ram’s fears, on whether Bheem was walking into a trap, which she didn’t know. Bheem also knew he wouldn’t have told anyone else and must be fretting over it all alone.

Jenny tugged at his hand again and he huffed in confusion. But in the end, he decided to briefly nod in Ram’s direction. Ram nodded back instantly.

And Bheem started to walk away, dragging Jenny behind him.

‘Are you serious? That’s it? Did he even see you? Shouldn’t you go over & atleast talk to…’

Bheem flipped around to give her a decisive look saying don’t push it. And that he would throw her over his shoulder & carry her back if she doesn’t keep moving.

‘Fine. Alright.’

She pretended to be irritated but smiled inwardly at his antics.

As they walked back, Bheem was convinced that his approach was right. This time, he won’t forgive Ram at the drop of a hat. Ram was not going to get away with hurting his loved ones thoughtlessly.

If Ram wanted Bheem’s forgiveness, he would have to earn it.

.......................................................................

That's it on my angst train. Hope the journey was worth it. Pls do feel free to let me know what you thought of this one

Won't be able to write in the near future - work is crazy. Hope you enjoyed what you have seen so far.

@irisesforyoureyes @rambheem-is-real @thewinchestergirl1208 @eremin0109 @eenadu-varthalu @rorapostsbl @yehsahihai @budugu @maraudersbitchesassemble @justmeand-myinsight @rambheemisgoated @rosayounan @jrntrtitties @obsessedtoafault @rambheemlove @jjwolfesworld @alikokinav @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @dumdaradumdaradum @lovingperfectionwonderland

@chaanv @ssabriel @milla984 @kaagazkefool @boochhaan @mesimpleone @filesbeorganized @ladydarkey @veteran-fanperson @ronika-writes-stuff @beingmes-blog @yonderghostshistories @nisreenart @chaidrivenwhore @bheemaxrama @mizutaama @rosefulmadness @gifseafins @voidsteffy @maooyinysparkle @amalthea9 @vijayasena @stars-in-the-distance @astrafangs

@orangey-orange @ariel-seagull-wings @atlinmerrick @carminavulcana