#sasuke the kuno servant

[sigmaufo]

The Ranma ½ cast do The Onion's List of Things to Never Say to Someone Who Just Came Out

Akane: I'm gay.

Ranma: I'm gayer.

X

Shampoo: I'm gay.

Ukyo: A little on the nose to do it during Pride Month, no?

X

Kodachi: I'm gay.

Asuka: In that outfit?

X

Genma: I'm gay.

Soun: You still owe me ¥4500.

X

Gosunkugi: I'm gay.

Tatewaki: Are you queerbaiting me?

X

Mousse: I'm gay.

Cologne: Behold! The oracle spoke the truth!

X

Nabiki: I'm gay.

Soun: Hi Gay, I'm Dad.

X

Soun: I'm gay.

Genma: I knew the second you told me you were gay.

X

Ryoga: I'm gay.

Kasumi: Oh my, so what's next for Mr. New Gay Man?

X

Tatewaki: I'm gay.

Sasuke: But milord, you must sire an heir, lest your hated sister Lady Kodachi inherit your land!

X

Ukyo: I'm gay.

Tsubasa: This has been so obvious ever since I started stalking you.

X

Ranma: I'm gay.

Ryoga: I was planning to come out this very moment, and you just stole my thunder.

[straightfacedstrangeness]

I made a joke about Cologne playing Angry Birds and of course my shit brain won’t let it go, so, “if Ranma ½ was modern day what kinds of video games would they like” headcanons

Ranma: Is really good at games based around physical motion (he’s good at reacting with his body) and terrible at games based around buttons/controllers (seeing a figure on a screen + trying to think about how the figure should move + figuring out what buttons to press to achieve that just isn’t intuitive for him, HE’LL leap up instead of pressing the button to make the character leap, etc.) It’s gotten to the point where he won’t even play button/console games with anyone because they tease him relentlessly when he loses. Mostly just prefers old-fashioned arcade games like Whack-A-Mole.

Akane: Mostly prefers games that involve physical movement, especially dancing games. Has an Animal Crossing town she started in middle school and still plays with, she won’t even upgrade to a new game/system because she loves her existing town so much. Tried playing Undertale on Gosunkugi’s recommendation (he did a No Mercy run but thought a Pacifist run would appeal to Akane and they could nerd out together), but she was really bad at the puzzles (after three hours in The Ruins, Nabiki just looked up a walkthrough for her) and during the fight with Toriel she started crying and had to shut the game off. Ranma made fun of her for getting so emotional but yelled at Gosunkugi the next day anyhow.

Gosunkugi: Loves horror games, especially jumpscare survival horror, but always has trouble sleeping afterward. Would love to play a traditional tabletop (horror-based) RPG but can’t find anyone who’ll do it with him.

Nabiki: Occasionally plays brain stimulating games on her phone (word games, logical puzzles, etc.) Just can’t get invested in fictional storylines cus the fact that the characters aren’t real makes them less interesting to her than her friends’ and family’s drama.

Kasumi: Used to play simple racing games and fighting games with Akane and Nabiki when they were kids, and is always willing to play them again when asked. Only the original versions, though, the newer editions move too fast and have too many features for her (and they wouldn’t admit it, but Akane, Nabiki and Ranma have difficulty keeping up with the latest versions too). Also likes simple rhythm-based games where you press buttons in time to a beat because they're low-stress and adorable.

Genma & Soun: Play old-school fighting games like Street Fighter together since the console's there, they hang around the house all day and they're honestly too lazy to spar with each other for real. They're both aggressively mediocre at it. The kids got Soun a video game version of Shogi once as a joke, and they've tried to play that, but it was just too hard to cheat so they stick to the board game version.

Kuno: Scoffs at video games for being “pointless” and “childish”, but if he sees someone playing one he’ll become mesmerized and stand there staring for up to several hours, getting progressively more invested and providing a running commentary / backseat driving (“TH-THAT UNCOUTH PIRATE WAS THE FAIR PRINCESS ALL ALONG?? I’m…SPEECHLESS!!!” “To the left. TO THE LEFT, I SAY! Do you dare to contradict me, plumber man???”)

Sasuke: Secretly uses the servants’ shared computer (an old model intended mainly for archiving important paperwork) to play free-to-download dating sims. Gets really into all of them and develops a huge crush on every single character.

Kodachi: Tries to play Dance Dance Revolution (or similar games) when challenged, and she’s pretty good at it, but she emotionally cannot handle not getting a perfect score and tends to break the console in a rage

Ukyo: Someone recommended a cooking-themed game to her once, innocently, because Ukyo loves cooking and who doesn’t love games? But she misunderstood the point and thought it was a slight against her cooking skills (thinking the game was instructional, essentially a digital “how-to”) and got SUPER pissed and stress-cooked a ton of okonomiyaki

Happosai: Ranma and Akane teamed up to get him a hentai game once (Soun had to buy it and was really embarrassed the whole time) in case that provided a better outlet for his grossness than doing what he does. Unfortunately it just gave him some helpful tips for more effectively doing what he does, and Soun tearfully reminds Ranma and Akane of this every time Hap acts up

Mousse: Will watch YouTube discussions of complex fighting game mechanics (a la Tales Of Symphonia, strategies for how to program your NPC party members' behaviors to ensure effective battles, etc.) in search of IRL fighting strategies, but half the stuff is useless for real life (even in Ranma world) and the other half is useless because he can't actually see what the characters are doing. Also the videos are full of memes. Mousse hates memes

Shampoo: Plays The Sims on the computer at the Cat Café. Made Sims of everyone she knows and systematically murdered everyone except herself, Ranma, and Cologne. Then Sim Ranma married Sim Cologne instead of Sim Shampoo and she put him in the pool and deleted the ladder.

Ryoga: Was really into Pokémon as a kid, then he grew up and found himself on an endless training journey traveling the land, getting into fights, and occasionally being a cute powerful animal…and now it’s Too Real

[straightfacedstrangeness]

(for the ask meme) Akane and/or Kodachi?

*insert Why Not Both meme here*

Akane

sexuality headcanon: Demiromantic bisexual. Tries to keep her interest in girls(/Ranma’s feminine form) quiet generally because heteronormativity, but for a while the “a crowd of guys tries to fight her for her affection every morning” situation had her so soured against men that she thought she might be a lesbian.

otp: Akane/Ranma. They’re just so cute and awkward.

brotp: I love the occasional (OOC) friendshippy moments she gets with Shampoo, Ukyo and Mousse in anime filler, and her side of her relationship with Ryoga (minus his questionable role as P-chan, etc.) is cute, but like, honestly…for brotp…it’s Sasuke.  Like, here’s a guy who’s always in the company of (and actively helping) her Least Favorite Person, and she still invites him to her house cus she thought he looked sad.  And on his side, her kindness (and her family’s kindness) are probably the main reason he has any sense of self-worth outside his family ninja legacy.

notp: Pretty much any guy that pursues her besides Ranma and Ryoga

first headcanon that pops into my head: I’ve posted this before, but after a point she figured out that Ryoga was P-chan and just kept up the charade to try to boost Ryoga’s self-confidence (”He’s too shy to talk to me as a human, and it’ll just upset him if I tell him I know his secret, so maybe if I’m nice to him as a pig, he’ll feel good about himself and try harder to make friends with people!”) and to mess with Ranma.  But she’s very careful not to change clothes in front of P-chan anymore, and tries to suppress the memories of the times she did.

favorite line from this character:  *super cute, cheerful voice* “We can even play some really fun games!  Like breaking cinder blocks with our bare hands, or punching each other in the stomach!”

one way in which I relate to this character: Every scene with Akane cooking is me in the kitchen (minus the indigestion/instant nausea/etc).  Like, my usual approach to a recipe is to ignore half the ingredients cus I don’t like them / don’t have them / am lazy, then I’m confused and frustrated that the result doesn’t taste good, haha

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: How ready she is to assume the worst about Ranma even when a situation is obviously not his fault or not something he wanted to happen.

cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: Cinnamon roll, but like a weirdly spicy cinnamon roll

Kodachi

sexuality headcanon: Heteroromantic gray-a asexual with a dominatrix/bondage kink.  She reacts to the groveling, not the person doing the groveling, so the person could really be any gender, but Traditional Values means she only really pursues relationships with cis men.  She might change her mind on that later though if she met a really appealing girl/NB-spectrum-person who had a masochistic/submissive kink.

otp: I keep kinda thinking about Kodachi/Mousse?  Since they’re both pretty ruthless, morally gray, “I don’t necessarily care if That Person actually loves me so long as I get to be with them”, have similar fighting styles, and Kodachi’s bossy while Mousse seems like he’d be fine with being bossed around.

brotp: Kuno.  Not sure how much is manga-canon, but in the anime they have a fun “always fighting but secretly care about each other” sibling dynamic.

notp: Ranma.  Drugging and blackmailing are not okay ways to show affection, Kochi

first headcanon that pops into my head: While Kuno’s really elitist and feels like everyday household things are “beneath him” and “best left to the servants”, Kodachi’s such a perfectionist that in her early teens she insisted on mastering cooking, cleaning, etc. just to prove that she could.  Kuno is torn between bewilderment and admiration.

favorite line from this character: *aggressively loud ojou-sama laugh*

one way in which I relate to this character:  Wants everything to go her way and is offended when it doesn’t

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: Everything about the way she treats others

cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  Problematic sinnamon roll