#saw like a bunch of frog hats and i wanted to draw him with frog hats

[nothingbizzare]

Froggy boy 🐸

[sunnyoldbear]

Luca Headcanons Part 3!

I can’t fucking stop please someone help me

Luca:

All seamonsters have a lot of fish qualities and different sea monsters take on different fish qualities, even within a family.

While Luca isn’t as equipped to handle the deep as his uncle is, his father does have some traits that would help him out. Luca doesn’t know this, but he can survive deeper pressure than most others can. Like, significantly deeper, but not to the point of the Deep. He’s have to get accustomed to it and he might not have even survived.

His species can also echolocate! He also doesn’t know he can do this even though it’s from his mom’s side. He just thinks he clicks and squeaks when he’s happy, he doesn’t know he can also echolocate. Since, again, he hasn’t been to the Deep, the ability is very diluted and he can’t locate things very far but… he can, if he tries hard enough. He won’t, though, cause he just thinks his clicks and squeaks are just that.

He loses his shit when he finds out about dinosaurs. He loves them.

If you even mention a museum he will practically beg to go and he will be in there from opening to closing and still come back for more. He takes in every bit of information he possibly can

He doesn’t flip people off, he just sticks his tongue out

Cloud watches! He thinks it’s cute :)

Is cold blooded. They found this out when he passed out in the middle of class one day during the winter. Winter months are very hard for him at school because of it, so he treasures the break and stays under a bunch of warm blankets.

Talks with his hands a lot

One day when he was swimming to the surface after seeing his family, a fisherman who wasn’t too approving of sea monsters tossed their harpoon at him. It grazed his arm and it hurt like hell, but he still tried to hide it. Of course, since he was clutching his arm and there was blood between his fingers, the Marcovaldos panicked and healed him tot he best of their ability, but Luca simply smiled, turned to Alberto, and said “look, we match now!” (If you see Alberto standing beside Luca so that their scarred arms touch since they’re on opposite arms, no you didn’t)

He finds out about bubble wands and thinks they’re the coolest thing!

Avoids every kid named “Bruno” at school like the plague because he doesn’t want them to think he hates them

Whenever something cool happens he instinctively turns to tell Alberto and his face drops when he doesn’t see him

Definitely the kid to accidentally say “mom” (and)or “I love you” to a teacher and then stare in horror

Grabs Alberto’s arm, wrist, or hand when they’re doing something together if he’s not grabbed first just so they don’t lose each other. It’s just instinct.

Once sobbed for an hour because he saw a dead frog in a pool

Falls asleep if his hair is played with

Still gets made fun of for smelling like fish but due to being a fish he can’t really bathe so Giulia and her mom just spray him with perfume. It makes him feel better.

Forgives Guido and Ciccio with no hesitation, will never forgive Ercole. In fact, he’s terrified of Ercole.

Technically canon, but he is the biggest mama’s boy. She learns from her mistakes and fixes her relationship with him and he becomes super close to her

Only lets those close to him call him “Bubble” like his grandma does

Loses his mind when he sees fireflies

He keeps his hair pretty short

Refuses to eat fish

Is more of a prey fish

That being said, he develops a few survival markings, such as a spot on one of his fins to look like eyes

For some reason I feel like he’d be like clownfish and be able to swim through anemone without getting zapped

Was never good at making friends. The Branzino kid often tried to befriend him but he was too scared of disappointing his parents since Daniela and Mrs. Branzino don’t get along

Wears a seashell anklet

His grandma taught him to read secretly when he was little

Never stops talking. Never.

In class, he’s always the kid raising his hand, even if he doesn’t know the answers, just because of his eagerness

Calls Alberto all the time, more than he calls his family

Carries Alberto’s drawing with him everywhere. Used to be in his pockets and then transferred to his wallet.

Is definitely more of a writer than an artist! With his vivid imagination he can write for days, and Alberto is more than happy to draw them out for him

Lets his hair grow out a bit towards the end of his final school year. The stress of school means he doesn’t quite care for his appearance

Can’t sit still. When he’s at school he’s always fiddling with something but when he’s in Portorosso he just grabs Alberto’s hand and plays with his fingers

Definitely a teacher’s pet

Gets bullied a lot. You can’t expect the world to just be okay with sea monsters overnight. A lot of the world will never accept him. There are kids that make his life a living hell at school.

As much as he loves school, he aches to be free sometimes

Gets super flustered super fast

Sits at Alberto’s side and talks about anything and everything and Alberto will sketch it

His scales are more like a duck’s water-resistant feathers. Water rolls right off.

Loves taking Nerone for walks

Definitely wears skirts and dresses in secret! He just thinks they’re neat :)

Loves romance movies but will never admit it

Literally bites his tongue to hold back from rambling. Giulia and Alberto constantly have to tell him it’s okay and he can talk all he wants, but he’s bullied so often for talking too much that he still holds back if he catches himself

Alberto:

Similar to a Betta Fish! His kind of sea monster aren’t known for bonding well and tend to fight.

When healthy, his scales are long and gorgeous just like a Betta’s! (Giulia is mesmerized by them)

You know how dolphins get high with puffer fish? It’s not just dolphins.

His teeth are a little sharper than most other sea monsters. Yes, he bares them at Ercole every time they see each other. No, he won’t stop

Definitely the “he ask for no pickles” friend

No one knows what he’s talking about half the time except for Luca, Giulia, and (sometimes) Massimo. They just kinda go with it.

Has his own words for everything. Only Luca and Giulia know what he means.

He’s actually super, duper close to Giulia, but they do fight pretty often. They’re siblings.

Likes to put his hat on Luca

Everyone thinks he’d be a bad flirt/get flustered super easily but the opposite is true! He’s a big flirt! He just knows what to say to make others fluster around him! Even if he’s not into you, if your his age or he’s trying to charm you, he’ll flirt up a storm. Living on your own from such a young age means you need to pick up survival tactics, and charm and streetsmarts were the ones he picked up.

Sometimes he faces small boats he sees just for the fun of it

He also sometimes grabs a rope or a net from Massimo’s boat when they’re fishing and just zooms to land to get them there quicker

Loves playing games with the kids when he’s on lifeguard duty, even if it can get him in trouble with his boss

You better bet he makes fun of those school uniforms. He laughs his ass off. He thinks they’re the funniest things.

If he sees or hears even a hint of danger, he is shoving his loved ones behind him and will protect them with his life.

Prefers to be barefoot

Heals surprisingly fast. Something about them fish genes.

When he’s fifteen he jokingly tells Luca he should become a teacher and then Luca’s eyes get all big and excited and Alberto regrets opening his mouth. But he still supports him every step of the way.

Whenever he hears Luca click or chirp, he calls out for him if he’s a distance away or grabs his hand since he recognizes it as echolocation before Luca does

More of a predator fish

Keeps his hair long and growing

I think he’d probably grow a mustache. Giulia hates it so much which is why he keeps it. Okay, he kept it to annoy her, but then he actually started to like it. But when Luca said he liked it, that solidified it

He’s so strong it’s kinda scary. Definitely stronger than the average fisherman, but was stronger even beforehand.

Sometimes just eats fish live and terrifies those around him

He’s super fast! Since he’s based on a tuna or swordfish, he’s pretty quick

Unlike Luca, he’s warm blooded. So when he heard Luca has to keep really warm during winters, he offers most of his clothes

His father abandoning him may seem cruel, but for his kind of sea monsters, it was what had to happen. Still, Alberto is a child and it shouldn’t happen.

Mainly a night eater

Can see further than most of his fishy friends

Good night vision too!

Was taught to read and write as a kid by his father but it’s not perfect so he asks Massimo to do it

Loves playing cards

Fins are sharper than average

Squishes Luca’s cheeks

Sword fights with Giulia except they’re sticks

Whenever Luca falls asleep on him (often), he just stays still and refuses to move

Scoops Luca up sometimes

Grabs Luca’s face and blows raspberries instead of kissing it. (Can be interpreted as platonic or romantic!! Italians kiss on cheeks as greetings)

Protectively wraps his tail around those he loves

Water clings to him a bit more since his built-for-speed scales are less water repellent

Every year he gets scared Luca won’t return

Paints the Hideout to look like Luca’s dream fish-stars after he’s told about it. The ceiling, anyway. Don’t ask how he did it, no one knows.

Changes his last name to Marcovaldo

Thinks pet fish and aquariums are hilarious and will poke fun at the fish (“haha, losers! No freedom!” “Alberto!” “What?!”)

LOVES DINOSAURS

He and Luca share a bed when Luca comes over!

The Vespa poster hangs in his room on his door

Calls Luca’s nightlights “light fish” as a nod to stars

Has Giulia and Luca’s names tattooed onto him because they’re his best friends

Tried to take Caligola and Machiavelli on walks… yeah that goes as well as you think

Giulia:

Is a fast reader

Isn’t a massive poetry fan but does have a few favorites

Also keeps a few drawings from Alberto in her folders

Also scoops Luca up randomly

Can and will bite you

Wears dresses as much as she does shorts

Ties her hair up when serious

Rubs her nose against her family’s as a sign of love. It’s just something she did as a kid, so sometimes she’ll just rub her nose against Alberto’s and he gets really confused

Is low key a little jealous of her brother and best friend being sea monsters

Is a bit of a builder! She makes a bridge from her room to the treehouse

Rarely starts fights with Alberto, but she’ll sure finish them

Half regrets teaching Alberto to swear

Though she seems pretty calm, she’s gotten into her fair share of fights at school. Mainly punches kids who bully her and/or Luca. Also sexists.

Although this is 1950/60s Italy, I imagine she’d be very accepting of homosexuality and not hide it, even if rumors of her being one start spreading and she gets hurt. She has a strong sense of justice and she doesn’t care about consequences.

She’s the only person allowed to make fun of Alberto. No one else is. She’ll quite literally attack anyone who dares.

Her parents were surprised she didn’t take after them in fishing or painting

Honestly I can see her mentoring the kids for the race every summer! Once she hits 18 and is no longer able to compete, she holds practice sessions and loves seeing the kids have fun

She definitely runs the race when she’s older. She moves to Portorosso since her marine biology career is helped by her sea monster brother and the town’s closeness to water

Teaches the boys to make sandcastles

Holds such strong resentment for Alberto’s father and Daniela. Lorenzo and Luca’s grandmother she’s fine with, but Alberto’s biological father abandoning him pisses her off more than she can put into words, and Daniela manipulating her son and sending him away makes her want to break something.

Her “santa (cheese)!” comments slowly change into “Santa (fish)!” exclamations. Like, “Santa Goby!” for example. 

Is more close to Alberto than he wants to let people know. She can read him like a book. He’s honestly her best friend. She tells him everything, they go to each other after nightmares, they share everything, all the fun cute stuff that Alberto would rather die than admit.

Still has no idea what “Silenzio Bruno” and “Piacere, girolamo trombetta” mean and at this point she’s too afraid to ask

Though she loves the Portorosso kids, she’d rather die than be a mother. Her parents understand, but secretly hope she changes her mind so they can spoil a grandbaby. 

Begs Massimo to coverup his sea monster tattoo, which he does

Also a “he ask no pickles” friend!

Is super patient with Luca and Alberto’s adaption to the human world (though she doesn’t like it when Alberto shoves his feet on her-which he loves to do because it pisses her off)

Secretly saves money up for the boys to get a Vespa

While she isn’t the best cook, her pasta meals are pretty damn good! 

Has the trophy from the Cup in her room next to a picture of the three of them on the Vespa

[idjitlili]

Gonna need a wheel chair

Bard x reader

A request from @ifitaketwomoresteps​ 

“I noticed you haven’t wrote for bard *shocked emoji*can you write something fluffy and sweet for him?” I cant tell if this what you wanted ,i kinda went mental when i thought of a title...

summary:renting a room from bard only to come home ,to find a bunch of dwarves there,lets just say he doesnt like the looks the dwarves were giving you.

word count:1551 a/n sorry if this isnt great a request from tumblr ,it was my greatnans funeral ,and at the wake I ended up injuring my second biggest toe on a door. po tat TOE.  

Okay times were tuff in laketown,people could barely avoid to feed themselves,oh and you were worse you couldn't avoid to home yourself. You had been friends with Bard for many years,well your older brother was that how you knew him. Yeah brothers bestfriend you had developed a crush on him,but in the end he got married and had two children. You were beyond heartbroken,you bottled it all up to hide it from your brother,getting a job in laketowns only pub as a waitress.

At this point you were only a teenager ,you shoud not have fell in love with an older man,yeah. The reason you needed to work was simply you wanted your own freedom to go on adventures,and not live with your parents. Fast forward still saving ,when you hear news of Bards wife dying in childbirth ,he was a widow now. Is that what you call a guy with a dead spouse you werent sure.

In a couple of years later he comes into the pub ,starts talking to you,informs you of how he needs a babysitter for most hours in the day,due to his job. Yeah you were confused why he was telling you this,but it turns out he had spoken to your brother about it ,and he had informed Bard that you were saving to get out of the house. In which you would be happy with just a room,and this caused Bard to offer you a job as his childrens babysitter,and get payed and live with him for free.

You still on weekends worked at the pub,as those were Bards'  two days off in the week. This babysitting gig meant free home away from your parents, free food ,money ,only disadvantage was being so close to the man that didnt love you back.This carried on for a couple of years,in which you might aswell be their mother ,being the only motherly figure Tilda had ever known,the other too seem to like you but didnt warm up to you as quickly. Unknowingly to you Bard grew deep feelings for you too,but thought you would never return them as he was father to three children,what could he offer you but barrels from the elven king,Thranduil.

Your parents nagged you everytime they saw you ,asking when you would court someone,as they were scared not ever seeing you in a proper relationship. Your mother would ask if you liked Bard or how was bard oh how are your legs,can you still walk.It was horrific;in honesty.

However on this particular day you had cooked dinner when you had realised there was no more bread, so you would have to run out,telling the children not answer the door to anyone but you and Bard,as he was due back any minute. Only to your luck you had brought the bread ,heading back onlyto run into Alfrid who shamelessly tried flirting with you ,in which you told him "go brush your bloody teeth maggot" in which he did not like that ,and it ended up with you being pushed in the lake ,dropping the bread on the wood before hand.

Your outer dresses and corset pulling you done, making it hard for you swim up. The cold water over taking you ,only choice you had was to cut off the corset and outer dress with the knife located in your sock.

Alfrid laughing at you from the decking ,only to gasp when you come rushing up in just your now very see through dress thing,with shorts on underneath of course. Alfrid had began to walk away when you had pulled yourself up onto the decking grabbing a hold of him ,throwing his bloody hat in the water before punching him square in the nose. Him being a coward had almost fell over ,gasping ,kinda of crying before sprinting off like sonic in embarrassment. YOu had frowned in annoyance about your now ruined new dresses,before picking up the loaf of bread ,heading home.

You had tried to rush back without drawing to much attention the the dress ,and how awful you must look right now,you didnt want these people seeing your breasts.You had swung the door open ,loaf in one arm ,you sorta looked like the terminator,when he holds the present.

This caused a whole bunch of dwarves ,Bard and the childrens eyes to be covered to look at you wide eyed-wait why were there dwarves here. Bard had looked you up and down in shock before taking a blanket from sigrid's arms ,walking to you fast paced wrapping it around you covering you up.

"what in bloody middle earth ,caused you to run around naked?" Bard had whisper shouted at you making you flinch ever so slightly. " I went to go get bread for dinner then after Alfrid." you had whispered to Bard looking down in embarrassment ,you had hoped that he wouldnt have been home and seen so much of you. It was worse that so did a bunch of dwarves that you didnt know did too. "what did he do?OH MY-I'll kill him" he had turned literal red in anger,you had gripped his arm stopping him going past the door. "he only pushed me in the water , the dresses were pulling  me down, I had to cut them off. If anything he will leave me alone." you had smirked up proudly at Bard ,who looked at you confused.

"what did you do hm,y/n?" at this point he had pulled you into your room away from the eyes of the dwarves,some more pervy than others. "well first off so you aren't angry with me he was making a move on me again.  So I told him to brush his teeth ,and then boom im in the water so then I had to cut my NEW dresses to avoid death,then jumped out like a bloody frog and boom punch him in the face.I swear to god he started crying and ran away." he had chuckled at your emphasising gestures at the words new ,frog and boom,well those were only hand movements but he liked your description.

"he has done this before?why have you never said,I would have sorted him for you." he spoke brushing a stray strand of wet hair from your face with his rough fingers,making you lightly redden.

"yes multiple times, i'm a waitress it happens. Plus I didn't tell you because I dont expect you to protect me,its not your problem." you spoke slightly embarrassed walking to your draws pulling out a pair of trousers and shirt out,before sitting on your bed pulling the shorts off,bard would see anything because your dress was covering,pulling the trousers on. You had shrugged the blanket off standing up,going to pull the dress off,making Bard turn away.

"Its not like you havent seen me nude before. Remember when I tripped with stew and went to change and you burst in to see if I was okay or about the time when-""yeah I get it,its just not very polite to watch a women undress and not give her privacy." he spoke quietly,still facing away as you now pulled your tunic on.  In which you had turned him around ,pressing a peck of your lips to his ,before speaking "yeah ,unfortunately for me most of lake town and  a bunch of dwarves have seen pretty much everything." you began to walk away to open the door but Bard turns you to face him like you had done to him.

"I really cant tell was that kiss signifying you like me back or?" he had questioned you with his big green eyes,searching for any emotion. You had smirked up nodding ,you dont know what had given you that push to kiss him but it happened.  He had grinned widely ,following you . And with that you had walked out your room with the loaf still with you. Only for Tilda to running and jump into your  arms once you had reached the kitchen.

"DArn the bread is really squashed now." you had thought but you were happy ,you could already hear your nosy mouth asking "do you need a wheelchair,what kind of sausage is it german or- yeah lets not continue thinking about that. Anyways you end up travelling just not how you expecting ,uhh smuag the terrible. But after that you did go travelling to different kingdoms ,well you had to due to Bard being king of dale,but never less you got to see everything you wanted and you got a family with it.

[pinkysfaultorbrainsfault]

pinky and the brain - s1e1: das mouse

dejavu! have we been here before?

episode summary: brain concocts a hypnotic pancake recipe in order to hypnotise the surrounding population into being his loyal minions. however, one of the crucial ingredients is the meat of a specific type of crab, which can only be found in the reckage of the titanic.

the rundown:

we open with the mice attempting to blow their cage open.

SENIOR PRODUCER: TOM RUEGGER. sorry about that, y’all, but the opening credits are in the actual show, now, so nothing i can really do about it. at least they seem to have a water bottle in their cage, this time, which is good.

NEVER MIND I GUESS. IT EXPLODED. literally every frame there is a smear frame - again, nothing i can do.

poor mousie go bomp. ):

apparently, the plan was less regarding explosive force, and more to set off a rube goldberg chain of events that completely disobey the laws of physics to end up picking the lock.

PRODUCED BY RUSTY MILLS

it’s hard to convey without animation, but this spoon flies through the air and just straight up lands in the lock. it’s wild.

“ooo!” says pinky, watching this all impossibly unfold. “good one, brain!”

“they’re all good ones, pinky.” we will never be free of brain’s face, it seems.

as the mice wander along, brain tells pinky that tonight’s plan will "recieve the aid of legions of unassuming humans”, because he intends to hypnotise them all with the secretions of!

“what, a frog?”

yes, a frog. apparently the frog sweats out hypnotic fluid. it is Filled With Peptides. (pinky’s response to this is “naaaaaarf”, which is very helpful.) after they collect this fluid, brain just needs to work out how to get thousands of people to ingest it.

“like a giant pancake jambouree?”

“please, pinky, i--”

“yes.”

so pancake jambouree it is. brain cooks pinky an experimental batch before he decides to release them to the masses.

look at brain’s lil dress! and pinky has his tongue stuck out. everyone here is having a good time and it’s very cute. this is exactly what lori alexander wants marriage to be.

pinky does briefly express his concerns that he might, yknow, be hypnotised, but apparently the concoction doesn’t attain Full Potency until he adds the meat of a fancy crab, and these are just test batches so he can work out how to hide the taste of the Frog Juice.

it goes about as well as one would hope.

but never mind, eh? time for crab.

turns out all the crab is stored in the titanic.

still, brain is pretty convinced that they can just.... go down there and get it. look at his lil scheming face. pinky argues during today’s pondering segment that “there’s still a bug stuck in there from last time” (okay?) and brain cuts him off to insist that they GO DOWN TO THE DEPTHS OF THE OCEAN AND RAISE THE HULL OF THAT SORROWFUL SHIP.

he does a gay little point and everything.

so obviously, they have to steal a boat.

brain got one taste of crime from stealing that minivan, and it just never went away.

“behold the alvin, pinky. our ticket to the ocean depths.”

“look, brain! a baby sub on the front!”

“that’s the jason junior, pinky. an additional sub carried by the alvin for remote exploring.”

it’s an additional sub because there’s already one on this mission. (i sweat, watching the fbi draw their guns on me, and insist that i definitely meant submarine. what else could that be, right, guys?)

(the fbi put their guns down.)

anyway the mice steal the boat.

in they go.

the first thing brain does is swap out his hat for one that he brought with him, and demand to be referred to as “captain brain”, so he is definitely someone everyone should take seriously.

he just packed that specifically.

the second thing he does is pull out his big map of the ocean and give pinky a whole bunch of co-ordinates to follow. “bowplans at 2-2-9, on my mark!”

“um, brain?”

well that’s a bastard. brain blames “the sub club”, which i’m sure he knows a lot about BECAUSE HE’S REALLY INTO SUBMARINES, MR PRESIDENT, PLEASE WITHDRAW YOUR MEN

and pinky works out that he can dislodge the wrench-- the submarine clamp??? the county council clamped their submarine for overstaying their welcome in the library submarine park???? - enough for them to make right turns, but not left. inconvenient, but doable.

but before they can set off, brain directs pinky to the radar console.

this apparently stands for Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, and is their special signal that they would use to trace their submarines for oceanographic purposes. brain requests that pinky randomise the signal so they’re not followed.

a difficult job? sure. good thing pinky is a trained sub operator with a good few years of experience.

.....you can literally see him operating the submarine a few pictures up. stop looking at me like that.

with a few minutes of careful handiwork, pinky successfully scrambles the sub’s internal computation, and leaves it probably a little dazed and confused.

good thing ‘narf’ doesn’t actually mean anything, in this universe, apart from being one of pinky’s verbal tics?

oh dear.

turns out that the CIA have found the submarine, and have realised that it is, for the most part, unidentified, apart from the letters NARF.

“have you ever heard of jack mcguire?”

“captain, north atlantic. cold war nut. he was discharged-- always saying that when the enemy arrived, it would be with some mythical--”

“nuclear attack readiness formation.”

“narf.”

“the old man is concerned.”

“the president?”

“no, just some... random old man.”

so dearest “jonesy” (blonde) is instructed to track down jack mcguire in hopes to get rid of the submarine. because nobody can track down a sub like jack mcguire (hm) and “the boys want that thing terminated.”

“you mean the pentagon?”

“no, my two boys, josh and aaron.”

meanwhile, at the sub club, brain plots their course for the titanic.

see they’re here,

and the titanic is there,

but they can only make right turns, so what should be a two hour journey will take, by brain’s calculation,

“seven months.”

“well. that’s a bit longer, then. isn’t it.”

“are you jack mcguire?”

“who wants to know?”

“the cia. got a job for you. there’s a sub in the water, and they want it terminated.”

“ha.”

“so the boys finally saw it my way, huh?”

“the pentagon?”

“no. josh and aaron.”

“hold onto your newtons, desk jockey. we’re going sub hunting.”

“how long have we been at sea, brain?”

“seventeen minutes.”

it turns out that pinky is so bored that if he doesn’t do something soon, he’ll die. please, brain. this is also me whenever i have to spend more than half an hour in the car.

brain suggests that he tries to improve his pancake recipe, and pinky can try it out for him.

pinky decides that actually, he’s busy, thank you very much.

no dice.

“i’ve got another reading”, says jonesy, in the meantime.

“go.”

“4-6-0-0-5, bearing 2-2-7.”

“they’re running the nautilus.”

“the what?”

“1943. german boat captain heinz grindelwald evaded destruction by running a circular course, based on--”

“a nautilus shell.”

“so we cut them off.”

“whoever these guys are, they’re good. they’re probably plotting a missile trajectory at the oval office as we speak.”

meanwhile, pinky throws up.

“well? any better?”

i hope that answers your question, brain.

“pinky! are you alright?”

cute!

he does drop him immediately after pinky confirms that he is, indeed, still alive, but it was cute while it lasted.

“why don’t you let me try making the pancakes yummy, brain? my mother fed us very well.”

“please, pinky. you’re practically the poster child for cheese whiz.”

“pleaaaaaaaaaase.”

(he gets to make the pancakes.)

because they have bigger problems now, presumably!

that can’t be good.

it wasn’t!

and neither is that. brain laments that “someone is dropping death charges,” while pinky goes and shuts down the engine.

the sub operator saves the day once again.

“THIS IS CAPTAIN JACK MCGUIRE. IDENTIFY YOURSELVES OR BE DESTROYED.”

“this is..... jacques cousteau.”

“really. can you prove that?”

“here, ze ocean is teeming with life. but everywhere, there are signs of man’s encroachment.”

“darn! it is jacques cousteau!”

unfortunately pinky decides now is a good time to chime in with a “haha, nice cousteau, brain” so jack declares that his “little ruse will cost him.”

“i must admit. i admire your skill. perhaps in another time, maybe we could have been friends. we are very much alike, you and i.”

“i doubt that.”

so mcguire fires another charge, and the mice go down. ocean mice! sink.

):

“haha! yeah! we did it!”

“i get no joy from the demise of another man.”

“....usually.”

“HAHA YEAH WE DID IT YES YES YES WE GOTTEM WE GOTTEM WE GOTTEM”

(”take the jason hr on ahead full, mr pinky.”

“aye aye, captain brain.”)

conclusion:

this is a long episode.

still, now that they have a vehicle that steers properly, the boys seem to make it okay.

“we should be approaching the hull of the titanic at any--”

DONK.

“naaaaaaarf.”

“yes, pinky. soon we will have the white crabs of the titanic, and then,”

WE SHALL HAVE THE WORLD

“about that recipe, brain, and, um, getting rid of that bad taste--”

“not now, pinky.”

“but brain?”

“just cut it out.”

“oh! aye aye.”

hm.

so the mice bodge an air pressure mechanism to yeet the titanic to the surface. as you do.

“but brain, the icky stuff--”

“i said cut it out, pinky.”

hmmmm.

the balloon expands, as balloons do, and the titanic wobbles a bit.

RISE, LITTLE ONE, AND BE FREE

neat!

“our journey is almost at at end, my friend! we release the air and propel the ship!”

that’s a very cute happy face!

so brain does exactly that, and the titanic farts itself over to california.

i’m not exaggerating.

perhaps brain feels vaguely at home on the titanic. he has vague memories of being drunk out of his mind, and bathing in a sink. best not to unpack that.

instead, he decides to crash it into acme labs. for the lols.

“yes!”

(:

the pancakes are jamboureeing. it’s very cute.

jonesey and mcguire are here too! “nothing like a pancake jambouree after blowing up a sub, huh.”

they’re dating now, i guess. i mean, i hope they’re dating. they should be.

“as the hypnotic fluid winds itself through the minds of our friends, they shall return, happy and content to have us rule over them.”

“well isn’t that nice,” says pinky, in a very condescending manner. “narf.”

“but tell me, pinky, about your pancake batter. how did you manage to hide the taste of the hypnotic sapo?”

“well, the hypnotic stuff tasted terrible, brain. so like you said. i cut it out.”

bonk.

anyway this one goes to pinky because he is emotionally intelligent enough to A, understand sarcasm, and B, to know and/or remember what the plan was in the first place. perhaps he deliberately threw it out to make sure nobody had to eat bad pancakes? honestly, i don’t blame him. pinky, defender of the earth.

brain: 4 ½ pinky: 6 ½ outside influence: 10

“here’s our course. heading 3-2-9, depth 100 metres, bowplanes at 15 degrees. any questions?”

“um. if you could be any animal, what would it be.”

“oh, i’d have to say a hawk, pinky,”

“so i could soar through the sky,”

“and grab tiny white mice in my claws,”

“and feed them to my young.”

“that’s just... weird, brain.”

[imaginapalminthemorning]

Study Me How to Please the Eye Indeed, Ch. 2

Ch. 1 here

Warnings: cursing

Introductions Pt. 2

Jesus, that kid is a lot, Janus grumbled as he readjusted himself on the tiny bed. Five minutes and he’s trying to get me to spill my whole life story.

It wasn’t even that great a story. Just your typical troubled child— bullied, outcast, problems with authority— the usual. Why did he care? And what’s so wrong with using a nickname? Lots of people go by nicknames. Why’d he have to call him out on that of all things?

Janus wondered if Remus’s story was much different. He certainly looked like a troubled kid. Leather jacket, ripped jeans, piercings everywhere. And that stupid mustache. He looked like he belonged in a strip club. Or a porno. What the hell was he doing here?

Oh, who am I to judge someone based on their appearance? Janus groaned and shoved his face into his pillow. I certainly wouldn’t know anything about that.

Don’t fall into old habits, Dee. You’re here to make a new start, remember? Clean slate. No mistakes. No judgment.

No lying.

Hell, that’s probably why he’s here too. A new start. Rude and annoying huh? Does he get that a lot? Hah. I fucking wonder why. Well, he won’t get that from me. We’ll keep each other in check. He’s sure to call me out on my bullshit; I’ll make sure to let him. Together we can start fresh.

But for now, I need to fucking sleep.

                                   *            *            *            *            *

It was well past dark when Janus heard the door open. Remus sauntered in and slammed the door behind him, causing Janus to flinch slightly. His head was still pounding, but he tried not to look too irritated.

“You were out late,” Janus said in as calm a tone as he could muster.

“Sorry, mom,” Remus mocked. He flopped down on his bed and let out a long sigh. He didn’t seem to be in the best of moods either. Janus decided not to push the issue, and went back to the book he was reading.

Remus watched Janus read for a while. “Did you get some sleep?” He finally asked.

“Some,” Janus replied.

“That’s good.” Remus turned his gaze back to the ceiling. Funny, he’d been so talkative earlier. What happened out there?

“What have you been up to?” Janus tried casually.

“Wandering the campus. Found the science building. It’s big.”

“Is that where your classes are gonna be?”

“Yep. Chem major,” Remus continued to speak to the ceiling. Janus wondered if this was payback for being so defensive earlier.

“What about you? What are you majoring in?”

“Philosophy.”

“Oh dope. That’s tough shit. You must be pretty smart.”

“I could say the same thing about a chemistry major.”

“Yeah well, I really just wanna learn how to make a bomb,” he paused a moment, but then turned and smiled at Janus. “Kidding.”

“Funny,” Janus said flatly. This guy is so weird.

“Hey, have you had dinner yet?” Remus suddenly popped up and sat cross-legged on the bed. He bounced slightly, causing the old wire frame to creak underneath him.

Janus was caught a bit off-guard by the sudden change in demeanor. “N-No, not yet.”

“Catch.”

Remus reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a small package, and tossed it to Janus. Janus turned it over in his hands, and found it to be a package of pop tarts— strawberry flavored.

“They have a whole stand of free snacks in the cafeteria. I took a bunch of ‘em,” Remus stated as he began unwrapping his own morsel.

“Healthy,” Janus said snidely, eyeing the sugar content.

“If you don’t want it, give it back,” Remus mumbled, half of the pop tart already in his mouth.

Janus very much would have given it back, if it weren’t for his growling stomach. As well as not sleeping, he also hadn’t eaten anything since that morning. And considering how late it was, the pop tart was probably his best option.

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he unwrapped the frosted pastry.

“Welcome,” Remus smiled, “figured you probably hadn’t eaten much. I’ll make sure to get something ‘healthier’ next time.”

“You got this specifically for me?”

“Of course not. I got it for me. But then I thought you might want some too, so I went back,” having practically inhaled his pastry, Remus tossed the wrapper and began work on a second one.

“That was... very thoughtful. Thank you,” Janus repeated.

“What can I say, I’m just a thoughtful guy,” Remus finished his second pack and laid back down on the bed, satisfied.

“And here I thought you were just another guy with dicks for brains.”

Remus shot a glance at Janus, surprised, but Janus just gave him an impish smile.

“Kidding.”

Remus’s face broke into a wide grin. He looked almost proud.

“I like you, Dee. I think we’re gonna get along just fine.”

Janus smiled as he took a bite out of his pop tart.

“Me too.”

******

“Hey Pat, you dropped this.”

“Oh, Lollihops!” Patton plucked the stuffed frog from Roman’s hands, and carefully set it down on his pillow next to the other two.

“So you like frogs, huh?” Roman commented.

“Yeah! I know it’s weird, a grown man with stuffed animals, but I just couldn’t leave home without em! They’re like my babies!” Patton smiled at the little trio. Lollihops, Croakington and Sir Hopsalot had stuck by Patton his whole life, even when everything around him was constantly changing. He wasn’t about to let them go anytime soon.

“They’re cute,” Roman said encouragingly, and gave Lollihops a little pat on the head. “Nothing wrong with a few little cuddly companions. As long as they make you happy right?”

“Yes, yes, exactly! Thank you!” Patton beamed with excitement. It felt so good to be validated, especially by someone like Roman. He figured Roman would think he was weird, or childish; after all, he seemed so strong, and mature, and confident,

and pretty,

but he also seemed really nice and compassionate. It was clear Roman was way out of Patton’s league, but he didn’t seem to mind. Patton counted his lucky stars that he got such a good roommate.

As he did, Patton noticed a ringed notebook sitting on the desk next to his bed. It wasn’t one of his; it was red and sparkly, and had a small drawing in the lower corner— a dragon wearing a little witches hat, etched in black ink.

“Hey Roman, is this yours?” Patton asked as he picked up the small notebook off the desk. Not thinking, he opened it up and started reading a page.

Roman turned and jumped when he saw Patton reading. “Oh, that’s nothing,” he said as he snatched the book out of Patton’s hands. “Just a journal.”

“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” Patton said sheepishly. Come on, Pat, you should know better. That’s private!

But what he had seen had made him curious. He had to ask, “Do you write poems?”

Roman eyed Patton cautiously, still clutching the journal. He seemed to be deciding what to tell him.

“They’re... song lyrics, actually.”

“Really?” Patton’s jaw dropped, “That’s so cool! Do you sing?”

“Sort of,” Roman shifted in place, looking both flattered and embarrassed. “I’m better at guitar, though.”

“You play guitar?!” Patton’s eyes shone in excitement. “Wow! I wish I was talented like that. I can play Chopsticks on the piano but that’s about it. And you write your own songs?”

“Well...” Roman’s lack of enthusiasm was quite perplexing. What was he so embarrassed about? Patton wondered.

“I try to write songs,” Roman explained, “I haven’t finished any of them. None of them are very good anyway.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, they’re just... I don’t know, I just...”

Patton watched Roman fumble with the notebook as he fumbled over his words. Perhaps he wasn’t as confident as he looked. He needed some encouragement.

“Do you mind if I read some? I don’t want to overstep my boundaries, I get that it’s private, but...” Patton trailed off and waited for an answer.

Roman thought about it another moment, but finally relented and handed over the journal.

Patton opened it back up to the page he had seen, and read quietly. He read another page. And another. Each one was covered in beautiful phrases about love and loss, happiness and anger, risk and regret. Patton read and read, amazed at the talent and heart that was being poured out onto every page.

“These... are really good, Roman,” Patton spoke softly with wonder, “Why did you think they weren’t good?”

“I don’t know. They all sound so... cliché. Everybody writes love songs, you know? I wanna write something new, y’know, something nobody’s done before. I just always start out with an idea, but then... I start hating it halfway through. That’s why I never finish anything.”

Patton finally closed the notebook and handed it back to Roman. “Well, I think people write about love so much because there’s so many ways to talk about it. It’s not so much what you write about, it’s how you write it, right?” He gave Roman the warmest smile he could possibly manage, “And I think you write beautifully.”

Roman’s cheeks burned red, and he looked down at the little notebook. “You’re not just saying that?”

“Of course not!” Patton dared to place a hand on Roman’s shoulder. He didn’t shy away. “I think you’re a very talented individual, Roman, and I look forward to getting to know what you’re all about!”

Roman smiled, “Thanks Pat. I... I can call you Pat, right?”

Patton smiled back, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

******

The diner was small and cramped, but in a cozy kind of way. Logan and Virgil had settled on it after assessing the state of their wallets, and were now sat at the counter, watching the chefs bustle about in the kitchen. The smell of eggs, bacon, pies, pancakes, and maple syrup hung in the air. Oldies crackled over the speakers, almost drowned out by the mumble and bumble of conversation from the other patrons. Logan’s deep voice added to the sound, as he continued to ramble about this and that. He wasn’t paying much attention to what he was saying; he was focused more on Virgil’s reaction. The boy next to him sat hunched over, eyes averted, fidgeting with his fork. He looked like he was trying very hard not to look too uncomfortable.

Logan’s heart sank. He had been so excited when Virgil agreed to accompany him; the prospects of making a new friend were slim for Logan. It was his own fault, he knew. He just couldn’t seem to relate to others— his interests never matched those around him. Even now, the boy in the dark sweatshirt and shaggy black haircut couldn’t be less interested in what he had to say. However, Logan would have to share a room with him for the next four months at least, so this was not a relationship he could afford to lose. He decided to accept defeat before the situation got any worse.

“I’m talking your ear off, aren’t I?” Logan tried to sound pleasant and positive, and not disappointed at all.

Virgil perked up immediately. “No no, you’re fine. Sorry,” he said, almost instinctively.

Logan cocked his head, confused. “Why are you apologizing?”

“Oh, I just,” Virgil stuttered, “Sorry, I’m not— you know, sorry for not, contributing to the... the conversation... much...” his voice trailed off to a whisper as a soft pink spread across his pale cheeks.

Logan was taken aback. He had not expected an apology. What’s more, Virgil seemed embarrassed. Why would he be embarrassed?

“That’s nothing to apologize for,” Logan said earnestly, “I should be the one apologizing, I’m yammering away and not letting you get a word in.”

“Oh, that’s ok. I’m... not really a big talker,” Virgil dared a glance over at Logan, “If you couldn’t tell already.”

“Well, I tend to talk a little too much,” Logan smiled back, “If you couldn’t tell already. Just let me know if I start to annoy you. I won’t be offended at all.”

“Do people say that a lot?”

“What?”

“That you annoy them?”

Yes, thought Logan. All the time. Not in so many words, but in their actions, their reactions, and their subtle body language. A quiet sigh, a resigned look, a shallow excuse to end the conversation; no one ever mentioned it, but it was oh so clear to Logan— nobody seemed to care. No one had ever really listened. No one had tried to understand. No one had ever, ever said the words—

“You don’t annoy me,” Virgil’s voice cut through Logan’s thoughts and struck him at his core. He had set down his fork, and was staring intently at Logan with his dark eyes.

“I’m sorry if I made it seem that way. I’m just, not very good in social situations. I have a hard time talking, making eye contact and all that. But that doesn’t mean I’m not interested.” He looked down for a brief moment, and then back up again, “The truth is, I was really nervous to do this. I mean, I don’t know you. But you seem like a nice guy, and I mean, I’m gonna have to get to know you eventually, right? And if you don’t mind me being so quiet, I don’t mind just listening to you.” His cheeks flared pink again and he muttered quietly, “I really like listening to you.”

“...Oh.” Logan was struck speechless. Who was this boy, who spoke so softly, but so sincerely? Where had he learned to be so heartfelt with such simple words? Could he really be telling the truth? Logan searched his face for some semblance of deceit, but he found none. Only concern creeping up behind his eyes.

“Uh... are you ok?” Virgil asked cautiously.

“Yes!” Logan said a little too excitedly, “Yes. I just... don’t hear that very often. Thank you.”

Virgil smiled for the first time since the two had met. “No problem,” he said quietly.

As if following a cue, the waitress arrived with their orders, and the two boys turned their attention to eggs and hash browns. However, Logan’s mind continued to play the words over and over: You don’t annoy me. I like listening to you. You don’t annoy me. I like listening to you. You don’t annoy me...

Maybe, just maybe, this would be a friendship to last.

[sugarhoneyseok]

speak your heart, not your mind [01]

Pairing: bts x slytherin!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, hogwarts!au

Notes: this was originally a tom riddle ff lol, i also wrote this in one day instead of doing my break hw haha kms

When you first came to Hogwarts, you expected to learn about charms, hexes, curses, and jinxes. What you didn’t realize you would learn was jealousy, sorrow, and love -- and nobody told you that emotions could be more destructive than magic.

After tedious amounts of searching, you found an empty compartment. Most of the other compartments were full, or the people inside seemed to already know each other. Instead of trying to force a conversation -- you decided to let it happen naturally in order to avoid the awkward small talk. The only problem was that no one had taken the initiative to befriend you, which admittedly was something you didn’t have the right to complain about. A few kids had peered into your compartment, but none had approached you.

Ten minutes after you had settled in, you heard a soft knock on your compartment door. A rather handsome boy slid the door open and leaned in slightly. His black hair was slicked back, revealing a strong pair of eyebrows. Silver-rimmed glasses adorned his youthful face. A black tie was draped around his shoulders in a carefree way. He had a messy appearance, but seemed like a nice kid.

“Do you mind if I sit here?“ he asked, pointing at the empty seat across from you. “All of the other compartments are full.“

“Not at all.“ you said, moving aside your belongings to make room for him.

“Thanks, my name’s Jungkook.“ he said, shooting you a dazzlingly bright smile that could give Lockhart a run for his money.

He slid his trunk under his seat and placed a stack of brand new textbooks on the seat before sitting. In the midst of him organizing his things, you swore you saw something squirm in the left pocket of his robe; however, you didn’t spot any movement again, so you ignored it. Instead you shifted your focus to the flower fields outside. Little patches of lavender and dandelions grew alongside the tracks.

While you were busy staring at a lake through the window, a streak of brown flashed in the corner of your eyes. A tiny hedgehog dashed out of Jungkook’s pocket and hastily climbed up his left arm. The little rodent perched itself on his shoulder and screeched at you.

You raised your eyebrows in amusement. You’ve had people curse at you openly, but to have an animal screech at you was definitely a first. The only thing stopping you from hexing the poor creature was Jungkook. Jungkook noticed your reaction and laughed. He clearly found the whole situation hilarious.

“Don’t mind her, she’s harmless, she doesn’t bite I assure you,“ he chuckled, while stroking her head. “Her name is Peanut. My older brother named her that since he thinks her brain must be the size of a pea, so it just stuck.” snickered Jungkook.

“Are hedgehogs even allowed?” 

“I’d hope so, or she’s getting the boot.” he laughed.

Peanut squeaked as though she understood him, but he shushed her and placed her on his leg. He spoke incredibly fast, but you caught on quickly. You found that he made quite the good conversationalist and enjoyed speaking with him.

Apparently you got a little too cozy with Jungkook though, since his hedgehog kept squealing at you, causing you to lose focus on what he was saying. Jungkook insisted that Peanut was harmless and just throwing a temper tantrum, but you weren’t convinced. Her squeaking was also getting quite annoying, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him that. He sensed your irritation and coaxed her into a small cage before stowing her out of sight. There was a brief period of quiet before he spoke again. 

“First year at Hogwarts too, I suppose?“ asked Jungkook.

“Is it that obvious?“

“Your robes aren’t dyed with your house colors.“ Jungkook said, gesturing to your plain grey robes.

“Oh, right,“ you said, brushing some lint off of your skirt. You decided to ask him a question you should’ve asked sooner. “What house do you think you’ll be in?“

He crossed his arms in deep thought. “Hmm...I think I’ll be in Ravenclaw. Gryffindor would suit me too though.“

“Yeah, I can see that.“ you nodded. The traditional silver and blue house colors suited him well.

You looked him up and down and honestly, he did seem very much like a Ravenclaw. Ignoring the fact that he had a stack of books next to him, he just seemed like an all-around nerd, but in a nice way if that made sense. The glasses, whether they were real or not added a nice touch too.

You found that you didn’t mind his chattiness. His enthusiasm made things less awkward for the both of you as you got to know each other. He was certainly a bit of an oddball, but he made for good company.

A faint orange glow was beginning to sink below the horizon. By now, most of the kids in the other compartments had exhausted themselves with conversation and sweets, allowing you two to have a moment of peace.

For the past few hours, Jungkook had been spouting out random facts at you, but thankfully he had tired himself out. Candy wrappers lay strewn across the floor and you pitied the elf that had to clean it later. Jungkook slumped back into the red cushioned seats and sighed.

“We should almost be there I reckon,“ said Jungkook. “I’ll lose my mind if I have to sit here any longer.“

He popped what was left of a chocolate frog into his mouth and shoved the card into his pocket. Collecting chocolate frog cards was a hobby of his. He was fascinated with how they move or something along those lines. Earlier when the trolley witch passed by, he bought way more candy than he could eat, claiming that he was saving them for later. You insisted that they would go bad, but he shrugged and stuffed them in his trunk.

The train rumbled beneath you, occasionally making a creaking sound. Just as you felt as though you could have fallen asleep, Jungkook’s squeal woke you.

“I think I can see the castle up ahead! Look -- it’s on that hill!“ said Jungkook gleefully. He was so close to the window that his breath fogged up the glass.

The sun had completely sunk now, making it nearly impossible to see anything outside. You squinted out the window and sure enough, you could see the castle lights in the distance.

The chatter and bustle died as you approached the large oak doors. Professor McGonagall’s mouth was stretched into a thin line. She seemed tired, though who could blame her really when it was her job to deal with a bunch of nervous children. Her mere presence caused everyone to go silent.

She cleared her throat, drawing everyone’s attention to the top of the staircase.

“There are four houses,“ said Professor McGonagall. “Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.“

Jungkook nudged you hard in the rib with his elbow when Ravenclaw was mentioned. You smiled weakly at him, wanting to get the Sorting Ceremony over with as fast as possible. You didn’t mind attention, but you didn’t like it either. Professor McGonagall continued rambling about some basic school rules that you couldn’t be bothered to listen to, so you directed your attention to the more exciting aspects of the school. 

You were most looking forward to Hogsmeade trips and big events like the Triwizard Tournament, which surprisingly hadn’t been cancelled yet. When you came to -- you realized that the ceremony was about to begin.

“Follow me.” said Professor McGonagall, while straightening her posture.

As if the doors had a mind of their own, they opened as soon as she turned around. McGonagall strode forward, leading all of the first-years behind her. The Great Hall was more beautiful than you had imagined on the train ride. Golden plates and goblets sparkled under the candlelight. The banners above the four long tables were dyed yellow and many candles hovered in the air. The most wonderful part was the ceiling though, which had been enchanted to reflect a starry night sky.

Jungkook clutched onto the sleeve of your robe, making sure that he wouldn’t be separated from you. You could feel him shaking a little as the other kids were called up to the front. At first you thought he was shaking from his nerves, but no, he was just clearly excited. He clapped and cheered for everyone with equal vigor, regardless of house.

Finally his name was called and he gave your hand a comforting squeeze before dashing to the front. He had the brightest smile on his face as he ran up to the stool. As soon as the Sorting Hat grazed the top of his head, without much thought, it shouted --

“Ravenclaw!“

You clapped loudly for him and watched in slight envy as he skipped over to his fellow Ravenclaws. You knew he would fit right in and make friends easily, unlike you; but envy wouldn’t get you anywhere in life, so you brushed it aside and thought happy thoughts.

Towards the end of the ceremony, your name was called. You approached the steps carefully and sat on the stool. The inside of your pockets were drenched in sweat that you had tried to wipe off your hands earlier. McGonagall placed the hat on your head and stepped aside.

As soon as the hat touched your head, it came to life.

“Well, well, well . . . I think the answer is obvious here,“ muttered the Sorting Hat. “Such ambition and cunning . . .“

“Better be . . . Slytherin!“

The Slytherins erupted in cheers and welcomed you with open arms. In the midst of the cheers, you saw Jungkook jumping up and down at the Ravenclaw table for you. People stared at him like he was a madman, but he couldn’t care less. You gave him a thumbs up and hopped off the stool.

As soon as you approached the Slytherin table, people moved aside to make room for you. Everyone jumped at the opportunity to introduce themselves to the newcomer. Many people shouted their names at you, causing you to lose track of who was who. You started to feel overwhelmed by all the attention when someone stood up next to you and spoke in a soft, yet commanding voice.

“Relax, the Sorting Ceremony is still happening. We’ll all have time to introduce ourselves later.“

You looked to your right to see who had spoken. When you saw who it was, your jaw nearly dropped.

He was so beautiful that it was eerie. His snow white hair stuck out in multiple directions like he had just rolled out of bed. The contrast of his glossy pink lips and his pale skin that seemed translucent made him look even more ethereal. His eyes were a light blue with golden flecks that carried a mischievous glint to them. His entire existence seemed so unreal.

He sat back down and turned to face you.

“Jimin, second-year,“ he said, extending a hand. “Feel free to ask me for anything.“

Your cheeks flushed a light pink under his gaze. He held a strange intensity to him that scared you, but somehow attracted you at the same time.

You shook his hand and noted how cold his skin felt. After exchanging greetings with you, he focused his attention back to the front.

A few more people were sorted after you, most of them being Gryffindors. A few of the Slytherins around you clicked their tongues, but you didn’t really care. House hating was childish in your opinion, although you did believe that Slytherin was the best.

When the ceremony concluded, the Headmaster stood up and said a few words.

“Welcome to Hogwarts! I’d just like to say a few things,” said the Headmaster, with a twinkle in his eye. “I’d like to congratulate the first-years on their acceptance! I hope that you learn many things here during your stay that may, or may not pertain to magic.”  And with that, he raised his goblet to conclude his speech and was met with loud cheers. As soon as he sat down, platters of piping hot food appeared in front of you. The scent of freshly baked bread, roast chicken, and gravy, stirred up your appetite.

Before you could eat though, the other Slytherins insisted on making a toast. Some people toasted to winning the House Cup, while you heard others mumbling things about quidditch to themselves. You shrugged and raised your goblet, toasting to a successful first year at Hogwarts.

“Let’s hope nothing crazy happens.“ you muttered to yourself before taking a sip of from your goblet.

[everly-kindred]

Everly’s Diary - Entry #26

Synopsis: Eve details her first two days at Hogwarts, including the Sorting Ceremony! (Finally!)

Words: 2,670

Date: 1st of September, 2026

Dear Diary, 

So… yesterday was the Sorting Ceremony, and the first day of Hogwarts. My wrist is about to hurt from how much I have to write!

Firstly, there was the train ride. Admittedly, I cried a lot, and it all started with having to say goodbye to my family. Once I was on the train, Bonnie gave me a crate and asked me to watch it on the train ride for her. I took it and found myself a window seat in an empty compartment, and then I got to meet a lot of students.

I finally met Evan, who Aures had mentioned to me. He seemed very nice, if not quiet, though he got a lot brighter when she entered the room. I met a boy named Levi, who also seemed very nice. He and Evan both like to draw, like me! Evan was sorted into Hufflepuff, and Levi went to Gryffindor. Oh, also, Aures was sorted into Gryffindor, which… Made me sad, to be completely honest, though not as sad as Evan. I could tell he looked crushed. But, she looked very happy about it, and I think it suits her. Anyways, it’s not like we can’t be friends just because we’re in different houses! 

I also met a set of twins, two girls named Celeste and Soleil. They seemed nice, too, and got sorted into Hufflepuff as well! So that’s exciting. Finally, there was a boy named Felix, who got sorted into Ravenclaw. He was also very sweet, so I guess I got lucky with my train compartment friends! He actually helped identify what creature was in the crate Bonnie had me watch over, because he had a copy of Fantastic Beasts with him. 

It turned out, they were something called a “Jarvey.” There were two of them. They looked like ferrets, and they were wearing cones on their heads. That wasn’t the weirdest thing, though. The weirdest thing was that they could talk! And they didn’t have anything nice to say, either.

Once we got off the train, all of the first years were guided by a Professor named uh… Well, I don’t know how to spell it yet, but it sounded like Pre-Oh. She wore a really pretty gold robe, and is actually the Hufflepuff Head of House! She guided us to the boats, and me, Aures, Felix, and another first year all shared one. Aures said it was our first adventure together, and I said it would be the first of many. 

We got off the boats, and walked up to the castle. It’s honestly much, much bigger than I imagined it to be. I mean, I knew it would be big, but I guess I just wasn’t prepared for how big, you know? And I’d bet galleons that I’ll be getting lost in it very, very easily. I hope I can figure out how to make my classes in time.

Anyways, we stood outside of the Great Hall, and met the Deputy Headmistress. Her name is Professor Blightly. I won’t lie, I was a little scared of her at first. She’s a very pale, thin woman and one eye is… Well, not missing, but… I mean it doesn’t look okay. And she has very white hair although there’s a streak of black. Actually, she’s very pretty, but I was expecting her to be a lot more… Cold? Than she ended up being. She was quite nice! And gave a very comforting welcome speech to all of us. 

We all went into the Great Hall after that, and it was… Well, magnificent! It’s not called the Great Hall for nothing! The ceiling was full of stars and clouds and the moon, and there were candles floating over all of our heads. It was everything I had read about in Hogwarts: A History, and more!

While we were waiting to be sorted, a ghost flew through me, and honestly even laying in your undies in the snow couldn’t compare to how cold that felt. It was both gross, and really cool at the same time. It came over me like a sort of sadness, and made me feel incredibly lonely in that moment, but then it was over. I must say, Hogwarts has a lot of ghosts, and I’ve honestly never seen one like that aside from the one I saw at Christmas. But these ghosts were socializing, and weren’t trying to hide at all! It was bizarre but very, very interesting, and they were all quite beautiful. 

The sorting hat sang a song about all the houses, and this really weird, colourful… I mean, I guess he was a ghost, but he didn’t look like the other ones? I don’t know how to explain it. He looked like a puppet without strings, the way he flew around the Great Hall. Anyways, he kept interrupting the song, and saying mean things, which was a little irritating. 

Once that was done, it was time to be sorted. Get this - Ruby was a Ravenclaw! He was so sure he was going to be Slytherin, and he honestly looked so upset that he wasn’t. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet, but… Maybe it would be best to give him time. I’ve never seen him look as unhappy as he did, like that. 

As for me? Well, Grandpa won the bet, because I’m a Hufflepuff! So I’ll be with Evan, the twins, and Bobby! Plus Talula and another girl I met named Marigold. It seems like my house is full of a lot of good people, so I’m not unhappy about it at all.

After I was sorted, that was when things started to go downhill for me. The Headmistress spoke, and even sang a song for the Headmaster. I think they’re meant to do this every year, because most of the people in the hall knew the words already. I didn’t know the words, but I still hummed and swayed to the music. It was haunting. The Headmistress was a woman dressed in black, with a very sharp eye. She seemed a bit more stern than the Deputy Headmistress, but she wasn’t without a smile for the new students, at least. She was dressed in all black, so I think she’s still mourning Headmaster Fox.

After her speech and song, the feast began. That was also when the trouble began. A clown entered the room, though, it wasn’t really a clown. It changed into something else that I honestly don’t remember, as it walked between the tables, and then… it locked eyes with me, and turned into a skeleton. I honestly froze with fear! I couldn’t move, or breathe, and I think I screamed, before I ducked under the table.

Apparently, it was a boggart, and the Headmistress shooed it away from the hall, but now it’s running loose in the school. I was really shaken up after that, but I was able to eat some food. They had mashed potatoes, of course, which is one of my favourite foods. They had a bunch of other stuff, too, but I was honestly too frightened to really pay attention or want to eat anything more solid than that. 

After dinner, the prefects guided us to the common room, and the dorms. I went ahead of everyone else, so I got there first, and then a boy named Anton showed up. He had a very large hat that hid most of his face! He was very nice, and gave me a few tips about the common room and the dorms. The prefects came, and showed everyone how to get in. You see, the entrance to the Hufflepuff commons is a bunch of barrels, and you have to tap them the right way, or else they’ll douse you in vinegar. The smell was very, very unpleasant. Anyways, we got in, the prefects gave us a speech about being good students and how we were all family now. I honestly really like our dorms, they remind me of the Hobbit Holes in this muggle book my dad likes. After the prefects talked to us, we all got shown to our dorms. 

I took a bed in the very back, against the wall. Puck was already there, along with all of my things. I took a shower and got changed into my pajamas, and then stayed in the commons with the others for a little longer before going to bed.

You know how I was saying I cried a lot? Well… yeah. It was a good thing that I went to bed before anyone else. I’ve honestly never felt so homesick and lonely in my life. All I wanted was a hug from my mum, and I was so sad and scared that I ended up crying until I fell asleep. I feel better now, for the most part, because I think I’m making friends, but… It’s hard. I miss home.

I ended up having a nightmare about the skeleton, too. I dreamed I was in the Great Hall again, and the hall was full but everyone had their backs to me, and I was standing in the middle of the aisle with the sorting hat on my head. The skeleton was coming towards me, slowly, crawling on all fours. It started off human, but it was slowly morphing into the skeleton of a frog, which was honestly less scary. But it was a big frog! Well, frog skeleton. 

Anyways, I was still terrified, because I was in a nightmare, and everyone was facing away, not looking at me, not helping me. I couldn’t move my feet at all, because it felt like I was stuck in something sticky, like trying to walk in honey or something. The frog was getting bigger and bigger, and was about to swallow me and trap me in its bones like a big cage. Finally, I managed to say ‘stop’ and I ended up saying it out loud, which woke me up, but I experienced a little sleep paralysis first. It was the first time I’d ever had that happen to me, but I knew what it was when it did, which made it less scary. It was just like, my brain was awake but my body wasn’t yet, so I still couldn’t move, and the dream was fading before my eyes. 

I managed to go back to sleep, but I didn’t have another dream after that. Then, I woke up kinda early, and went down to breakfast. I met two more Hufflepuffs, one named Willow who told me that if you laugh at the boggart, it’ll go away, and that I should travel with someone in case I run into it. The other one was named Ronan. Him and Willow were doing sign language, I think, but I don’t know sign language, so I couldn’t really keep up. They were talking a little while they were doing it, though, so I wasn’t left out or anything. 

After that, we had to leave the Great Hall so they could prepare it for the memorial. They filled it with benches and bubbles, and there was a portrait of Fox at the front - life size. I ended up sitting next to my potions professor, Professor Green. She actually loaned me her hat, because I complimented her on it! It’s a pretty black hat with a blue ribbon and a big, glass yellow star hanging off the tip. 

Then, the memorial started. And a lot of witches and wizards showed up for it.

Headmaster Fox was a man of many talents and accomplishments. He sounds as though he might’ve been one of the greatest and strongest wizards alive, when he was. And certainly one of the most beloved, as there were so many people around me, crying as the Headmistress spoke of him. It was very hard to be in that room, honestly. It broke me a little, to see the hurt everyone was feeling. 

I wish I had known him. 

Mum, Dad, my Step Dad, and Grandpa all showed up, and it was nice because I really needed a hug. Some people shared words with us about the Headmaster, including the Minister of Magic, Wilfred Bloom, who said the statue in the Ministry would be taken out and replaced with one of Fox. Talula sang a song I didn’t recognize, but it was very pretty anyways. 

I’m really grateful that Bonnie is here, and that she’s Head Girl. I feel so lost in this big school, and so alone… I’m friendly with some people but it’s not the same as being at home, with family. I hope the castle becomes home soon, and that my classmates become family. I’m really homesick, and I don’t know what I’ll do without Bonnie next year.

Hufflepuff had their first house meeting, after the memorial. Anton suggested to Professor Pre-Oh that we grow fruits and vegetables, and then someone else suggested a scavenger hunt to help the first years (like me!) learn the castle. Kites and dances were also suggested, but I was most excited about the gardening and the scavenger hunt. Especially because Pre-Oh said she could ask our herbology professors about helping grow the pumpkins! I love pumpkins so much! Eating them, using them for decoration… they’re amazing!

Eventually it was decided that Hufflepuff would organize a castle-wide scavenger hunt and that all houses were invited to participate, especially the first years so that we could get to know the castle. I’m very excited to see how it turns out, and try my hand at it! 

We also decided to have a night where we all sleep under the stars in the Astronomy tower, so that’s exciting too! Anton wanted us to transfigure our legs into tails and swim in the lake like mermaids, but the Professor said no to that idea. It got me wondering, though, if a person could be shrunk with magic and given transfigured wings? What if magic could make me into a faerie?

I also talked to Evan a little. He seems nervous about being a Hufflepuff, but hopefully we’ll both be fine. I told him we could be scared together. Also, I got to talk to Bobby, when I was writing in the courtyard. It was good to see him again, and it reminded me that I’m glad to be a Hufflepuff. I’m glad to be in a house with many good friends. 

Before dinner, I decided I wanted to explore the dungeons a little. Maybe a little stupid, especially because I was alone and there’s a boggart on the loose, but I was curious and ended up getting lucky. I was truthfully hoping I’d run into Ruby maybe. Even though he’s a Ravenclaw instead of a Slytherin, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was hanging out down there. But, I didn’t see him. 

It’s very dark down there, but I saw something white in the shadows. It turned out to be a very scared little rat! She seemed hungry, so I gave her some of the chocolate I had with me. After that, she crawled into my pocket, and didn’t want to leave, so I guess she’s mine now? I brought her with me to dinner, and she seemed very fond of the peas, cheese, and strawberries, like me! I didn’t hear anyone say anything about losing a pure-white rat, so I suppose she was wild? Or at the very least, not missed. 

Then I took her back to my dorm, and decided her name would be Venus. She seems scared of Puck, but Puck doesn’t really pay her any mind. For now, her and Cornelius share a cage. Hopefully no one notices that I’ve now got three pets…

Anyways, that’s been the past two days. Absolutely crazy, and my wrist hurts from writing it all out, just as I thought it would. Classes start tomorrow, so I’m going to go to bed. I’ll write soon!

Much love, Everly

About the Character: Everlina Rosemary Kindred is an imaginative Hufflepuff attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She keeps up with her magical journey through a series of diary entries, dream journals, and tarot readings, all documented for future reflection. Her diary is a small glimpse into her enchanted life, and her adventure into the wizarding world and all its splendors. If you’d like more information about Eve, visit her wiki page. 

About the Author: My name is Katherine! I am a 21-year-old Hufflepuff & Pukwudgie from Louisville, Kentucky. This page is my creative journey into the magical world, through the lenses of Second Life. Here I post diary entries, dream journals, and tarot readings all from my character’s perspective. If you’d like more information about me, visit my Flickr! 

[notspoondere]

February 2018 List Re-Review

As an fun little thing, let’s go over my previous analysis and talk about what I predicted and whether or not it was correct!

I can’t think of anything better, so let’s just go off of a simple metric of “correct/maybe/incorrect” and I’ll tally up the results at the end.

Apoqliphort Towers

Before you get scared, Scout is still at one.  Hit that with Cosmic Cyclone and you win the game instantly.

But yeah, Towers is back.  Thankfully, we now have Utopia and Borrelload and a bunch of other cards to deal with it, so I really don’t expect Qliphorts to ever be a problem again.  But with Genius, at least they can be played again.

Qliphorts saw zero competitive play, so I’ll say this was spot-on.  Correct.

Grinder Golem

More degenerate token spam got hit, but I feel like this just makes it a slightly worse Gofu that’s just as sacky.

It’s sort of that, but in practice, nobody plays it at 1.  I’ll say a maybe since this isn’t exactly wrong.

Performage Damage Juggler

As far as practical application goes… the verdict is still out.  I don’t know if 1 Juggler is enough to see competitive play.  Consider the following:

The typical Lightsworn combo off of Scorpio uses Trick Clown because it makes you take damage, which triggers Thousand Blades for a free Rank 4.  If you send Juggler instead, you get Clown in hand, which is neat, but you need to Normal Summon or discard him in order to get his effect.

Invoked can use this card (with Aleister the Meltdown Invoker) to turn any hand of Aleister + Brilliant Fusion into Aleister + 2x Mechaba and 3 cards in hand, but it can do that with another combo anyways.

We’ll see on this one.  I like it being back, though.

I was visibly on the fence about this, but I’ll admit I got this wrong.  Juggler is an excellent card and has seen plenty of play since it was unbanned.  It turns out that Hat Tricker is a much better card than I expected, and everyone makes Curious, the Lightsworn Dominion with EARTH monsters anyways.

Still love it being back, honestly.  Great card.

Monster Reborn

We all know what this card does, we all know how ridiculous it is.  Get ready for this card to “enhance” all of your mirror matches.  I personally cannot wait to start sacking games with this card.  Can anyone say Lonefire Reborn Lonefire?

Monster Reborn has seen play!  Who could have expected this!?  Correct.

Solemn Judgment

Another step toward TCG/OCG parity, “God says ‘NO!’” has finally been put to one copy per deck for the first time in I don’t even know how long.  This card speaks most closely to Counter Fairies (given the recent support), but it could see play in virtually any deck not running Destrudo.

I don’t really like negation or backrow, but I guess it’s neat to have this back.  Check with me in six months and I’ll want every copy of it burned, though.

This card’s great!

I fucking hate it, but it’s seen tons of play.  Correct.

Artifact Moralltach

This card was not $7 a day ago, I swear.  The hype is real.

Artifacts have strong potential for Side Deck play, and possibly in the main with Sanctum as accessible as it is, though that hasn’t been too successful since the days of Artifact Invoked Windwitch.  Keep an eye on this for sure.

Moralltach is still sitting around $5, but has seen no play.  This one was definitely wrong.

Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning

Who ever expected to see this card at 3 again?

Burning Abyss is the only competitive deck regularly playing this card, but it actually excels at two things BA can’t really do that effectively: permanent spot removal and dealing with multiple big threats.  This card deserves to be at 3, but it won’t be totally irrelevant there, either.

Still sees play, though I don’t think anyone plays three copies since it’s kind of a brick that doesn’t contribute to a board.  I’ll say this was correct, though you can feel free to correct me if BA decks have actually cut it since then.  (I sold it a few months ago for Shaddolls, sorry...)

Card Trooper

Step 1: Troop. Summon Card Trooper, it doesn’t matter how.

Step 2: Dupe.  Activate Machine Duplication, targeting Card Trooper.   Thankfully, chances are that there won’t be more than one target on the field, so it’s hard to mess this one up.

Step 3: Scoop.   Pick up your cards and leave because your opponent dropped Ash Blossom on your Machine Duplication, or because you didn’t draw your unsearchable 2-card combo, or because pushing 5700 damage isn’t enough to win the game anyways.  Whoops.

Unfortunately, I don’t expect this to make huge waves competitively, but… yeah, this combo is super fun, and I’ll probably try it with Phantom Knights or something for laughs.  I guess it doesn’t hurt to have it back.

Card Trooper DID see play!  For like a week.  It showed up in two regional lists.  I’ll admit that I was wrong, but clearly it was phased out for a reason.

Mind Control

Now THIS is actually an interesting prospect.  This card has not seen an errata of any kind, and is arguably still playable going second.  Taking control of monsters actually breaks Co-links and the card itself doesn’t prevent you from using your opponent’s monsters to summon from the Extra Deck, so this could actually be a strong counter to some strategies.  Mind Control is definitely a card you should keep in mind.

This was absolutely correct.  Mind Control has seen Side Deck play and occasional Main Deck play in strategies designed to go second like Mekk-Knight Invoked.

Bottomless Trap Hole

Another interesting unhit.  Trap cards in general were thought to be powercrept, so Konami has been taking strides in releasing a number of the most powerful ones ever, such as this.  Note: HAT did not have 3x Bottomless.  Also note that HAT will not come back because of this and Moralltach, and that Bagooska is still pretty much a better card than Rafflesia.

I feel fairly confident in saying this card isn’t good enough to be played even at 3, but I feel as though there’s a small chance I could be proven wrong.

Was absolutely 100% correct on this, it saw no play whatsoever.  I don’t think I met anyone in the few days after the banlist that wasn’t hyped about this, but even then, I felt it was pretty obvious that this card was not good enough to see play without substantial Trap Hole support.

Torrential Tribute

ahahahhHAHAHAHHHHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

This card being at 3 is complete insanity.  Full power Zoo format had a few people side decking Blind Obliteration, a card which is almost strictly worse than this, and now they won’t ever need to.

I know in a week I’ll come to hate the absolute hell of playing through 3x Torrential, but for now, I can’t wait to see how people cheese their way through majors with this card in triplicate.  It’s more than powerful enough, in any case.

Once again, 100% correct.  ABC, Trickstars, Burning Abyss, and Paleo Frogs all found success with this card.  I don’t think this was a surprise to anyone though.

And that’s it.  SPYRAL is probably dead, Magicians are hurt badly, and several rogue/tier 2 archetypes got a small boost.

SPYRAL dropped off really hard, but was still played.  Magicians require a bit of thought: Technically, this list did absolutely nothing to stop them from being the best deck in the game, but it would have been much worse (like +3 or +4 on top of Vortex/Norito/Dweller) if Iris or Joker were still in the game.  I’ll give this a maybe, but I admit that’s kind of generous.

EXTRA: Card That Did Not Get Hit, Somehow

Trickstar Reincarnation

I asked our local Trickstar player what he thought of the banlist.  He reached into his deck box, pulled out Maxx “C” and Gofu, and gave me a shit eating grin.

Despite topping multiple events, this deck somehow did not get hit in the slighest.  The searchable 2-card combo that banishes your hand whenever you search or draw a card is still totally, 100% legal.  Konami says it’s cool.  This is fine.

This is NOT FINE.  Welcome to the best deck of the next format.

Okay, something you have to understand about this format: Draco vs. full power SPYRAL was by far Draco’s worst matchup, while Trickstar vs. full power SPYRAL was a fairly solid matchup for Trickstar thanks to the fact that Trickstars are practically an engine for a deck of hand traps, normal traps, and Scapegoat, all things SPYRAL are really bad against.

It turns out that Trickstar isn’t THAT great against everything else, though I hold that it is still a viable deck.

In terms of results, the deck was absolutely not the best deck of the format, though it was Tier 1/2 for a while until Draco came back.  It actually won a YCS once, I believe.

I’ll say this was wrong, but hopefully you can see it was close to being right.

Final total:

Correct: 7

Maybe: 2

Wrong: 4

Correct + Maybe = 9

Correct + Maybe / Total x 100 = 9(100)/13 = 69.23% Not Wrong™.  Nice.

Strictly speaking, I got a bunch of other stuff right by making no comment on cards I thought were totally irrelevant, but hopefully this is a reasonable/conservative metric of how good my predictions are.

[davidastbury]

August 2018 Summer 1958

A hot afternoon. Unable to decide whether to stay or go. Russell looking at me - those eyes - as biologically close to Caroline’s as it was possible to be. And she was in the next room practicing at the piano. I could actually hear the thud of her thumbs and imagined her splayed fingers - stabbing through the octaves - wrists arched, skin stretched. And the noise - it couldn’t be called music - the noise made my head spin until I had no thoughts at all - just the start of a strange, painless ache that would never get any worse - and would never go away.

Then

She had been his girlfriend for a few weeks and the boy decided to introduce her to his parents. They liked her instantly and soon she was frequently calling at the family home. More than that, they got along so well with her that the girl visited when her boyfriend was away - working in other cities and sometimes overseas.

When he was home, he invited his dad to meet up with the two of them in a nearby bar. They spent the evening talking - talking about everything. And then, this became a fairly regular thing; the three of them at a little table, drinking and endlessly talking.

Once, he said to his dad that we’ll - ‘see you later as usual’ - and his dad replied - ‘No, you don’t want me around. Let it be the two of you’.

The son replied - ‘Of course we want you to be with us!’

And so the dad did as he was told.

Something Wrong

I once saw a rabbit hit by a speeding car - it was thrown up in the air; then rolled; then settled at the side of the road. A few seconds later I saw his/her mate - ears raised, looking back, confused, aware something was wrong.

And then the realisation that he could not get up, or move - and their was world broken, as broken as the sharp bones in that scrap of warm fur.

On The Train

Nice young couple. He makes comments and she smiles - doesn’t actually laugh because that might be too much encouragement. Probably an embryonic relationship; they look at each other with affectionate curiosity and open minded interest. All nice and pleasant - before the elephantine looming of practical matters ... money, families and the seething smorgasbord of desires.

City Block Story ... #22

I had a friend who lived on the 28th floor of a block in town. I used to call on him from time to time and particularly enjoyed the views from his floor to ceiling windows. One day I shared the lift with two female students and a maintenance engineer. The students were enjoying some sort of joke - I picked up the last line - which the dark-haired one, choking with laughter, had difficulty saying - ‘ ... and I won’t have any student debt!’

I tried to figure out the bit that had gone before - the bit I’d missed - but of course couldn’t figure it. The two students, still giggling got out of the 28th and followed me along the short corridor. The dark haired one fumbled with her keys and went into the flat next-door but one, to my friend.

So there I was, sitting on my friend’s sofa, looking out of his window at the clear blue sky as if in some sort of strange aircraft. I told him about the two students and he understood who I was talking about - ‘The dark haired one is the tenant; the other is her pal. I don’t know anything about her other than that she’s studying architecture. She needed to borrow my phone once. That was our only contact. But there is something about her - she goes out quite late in night.’

‘What do you mean, “goes out”’? I asked.

‘I don’t know. She goes out most nights. A car comes for her.’

‘A taxi?’ I asked.

‘No, it isn’t a marked taxi, but she gets in the back seat as if it’s a taxi.’

‘So, she’s going somewhere?’

My friend was amused. ‘Look - I don’t know! Stop asking me questions. You know where she lives - go and ask her!’

He knew he had to be careful with sadness - you have to keep it at arms length. Sadness isn’t ever sorted out and put on the shelf; instead it hangs around in the shallows, watches you, looks forward to new additions, new griefs, new disappointments. It will leap into flame just when you aren’t expect it - when you are low over something, something in itself a bit trivial - but it is enough let loose a build up of sadness - a flood of misery.

So he was careful with sadness - always on his guard - always watchful - and never, repeat never, alone.

Britain and Europe. #1

I used to attend the biannual Oil Industry jamborees in Aberdeen. It wasn’t just European, oilmen came from all over the world, it was international - Arabs, Persians, Texans, Venezuelans, Norwegians - the lot. They looked like oilmen too - men who could cap a blazing wellhead or drill miles out at sea. Men who survive in the toughest conditions - all wearing expensive ‘outdoor’ clothes and the ubiquitous Rolex watch.

I used to attended some of the workshops - one I particularly remember was given by the sales manager of a British component manufacturer. We knew each other from previous industry exhibitions and trade shows. After he’d done his stuff the two of us went to the bar. I asked how he was getting on in his firm - I’d read that it had been ‘acquired’ by a French conglomerate - and his reply, given with sincerity, really shook me. There he stood, on the foothills of senior management within a European giant; who mixed with the best of the best....

‘Listen David - between you and me - if I could get a job on the bins, I’d leave tomorrow.’

After living in the flat for a few years we decided to make some changes. We started by smashing down an interior wall and when the dust settled we were amazed to find a secret room! It was really weird - fully furnished and very neat.

Then we remembered that we lived in a duplex.

R.

We knew each other for a few short weeks - right up to the time she left out little town forever. London was the magnet and I understood her reasons for going - I didn’t question any of it - I let the day come round and carried her bags and cases to the station - and I watched the bus take her away.

That was a long time ago. I heard nothing from her in the first few weeks and months - and then the months became years - in fact, nearly sixty years. And now others will have filled her life and they will see her as she is - but for me it is entirely different - I hold a gleaming fragment - fixed forever at that moment; how she had panicked over a last-minute confusion with her ticket - how she was cheerful and tried not to look at me - how she was heartbreakingly soulful - how she tried to smile and how hard she tried not to cry.

The Immortal Story

Once upon a time sailors were great storytellers - it was probably a way of getting through the boredom of long voyages. The stories themselves were usually fantastic and subject to the imagination and personal embellishments of the teller. One story was so popular that it was given the title ‘The Immortal Story’. It goes something like this ...

There was once a young sailor, his ship was docked for a few days in harbour somewhere in the Far East. He was alone one sticky, sweltering night - alone and getting drunk on the strong local brew - outside, he could hear the night chorus of tree frogs and monkeys. He was near a rickety bamboo screen, behind which the establishment’s girls waited for customers. He then looked up and saw a beautiful woman standing in front of him - she put a finger to his mouth and taking him by the hand led him outside and into her carriage. A servant took them to the woman’s luxurious home.

She said to the young sailor - ‘You must not speak’ - and he simply nodded his head. She gave him a night of extraordinary pleasures - leaving him weak and heavy-eyed. In the morning a set of clean clothing is laid on the bed and the woman told him that her servant had the horses ready to take him back to his ship - and that he must not speak or try to see her again.

The person telling this story must pretend that this really happened to him. He can dress it all up in anyway he likes, as long as he is convincing.

But somewhere, there would have been a sailor telling the Immortal Story, and in his case it would true.

The school bag.

The hotel allocates a space where departing guests can leave items for which they have no further use. Four or five shelves brimming with things like deluxe swimming goggles, piles of books and magazines, inflatable alligators, straw hats, sun creams, flip flops etc. Anyone can take what they want.

I saw a girls school bag; lots of pockets, pink shoulder straps - a bit knocked about - ‘well used’ is the phrase. The interior was scuffed and marked by felt-tip pens, which the owner had not capped - and traces of stickers, unsuccessfully scratched away by her thumbnail. I held it upside down to shake out the sand and the flap swung open revealing a drawing on the underside - a childish image of a kitten in a bow tie, surrounded by bunches of marijuana leaves. I had to smile.

And then, under the picture of the unfeasibly cute kitten, she had neatly stencilled her name ... Lucie Wider.

I put it back on the shelf.

‘O Master of the Universe!

God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Unfurl the canopy of Your protection

And Bless the life of Lucie Wider.

Lucie Wider

Lucie Wider.’