#saw this copypasta and just had to edit it for this Man

[elusivetranscendent]

"he killed people"

but have you seen his itty-bitty waist, his grabbable ample chest, the alluring curve of his mandibles, his lovely eyeridges fanning over beautiful eyes, his windswept rough scales, his strong slender fingers wrapped around a weapon?

[doberbutts]

In relation to kind of old posts, but would you mind explaining what actually happened with John Green? I keep seeing people saying wildly different things and I wasn't around Tumblr when it actually happened.

He's an author that was mildly irritating with a lot of How Do You Do Fellow Nerd Kids as a grown man, who had some controversial takes and some controversial plot points within his books. There were some legitimate criticisms that I think get lost in the high-fiving that happens now regarding the way he was chased off tumblr. Back in the wild west of tumblr, we could edit posts and someone edited one of his posts with text describing in detail how much he loved to suck cock and the taste and smell of cum from first person perspective, making it seem like John Green himself said it. After several days of not being particularly happy about it, and after several other young adult authors cast their opinion on specific people high-fiving each other about it (some being minors), he left tumblr presumably for good. At times he references this moment on social media and recently has again on TikTok regarding cyber bullying. It seems like it still really bothers him that people did that.

I have never read a single John Green book. He doesn't write fiction that I find myself particularly interested in, so I only know the controversy and am not speaking from the viewpoint as a fan. I also didn't follow him- in fact my following list is reserved for people I specifically want to see more of and I personally don't give a shit about the opinions of Some Guy Who Writes Books I Don't Read. I am aware that there are some... problematic... elements within his books however I think proper criticism would have been better than what actually happened. And, also, I don't think content creators at all are required to cater to the demands of any fan, regardless of who is "right" in this situation. Vote with your wallet, people. If you don't like someone's books, don't buy them and recommend that those interested in their books read something else rather than harass the author to try and force them to change.

At some point in time there were accusations of pedophilia that I don't believe actually came to any sort of proof. Some minors felt he was being predatory with the way he was interacting with the fandom, but from what I saw he was not actively performing anything more predatory than being a little too casual with fans he knew were minors. The man is neurodivergent and social boundaries and tone over the internet are difficult even for neurotypical people, and to my knowledge he never actively did anything malicious in that regard. He also weighed in on the Great Ace Debate in favor of asexual people at roughly the same time, and a tactic of people who do not like this opinion was that they often would retaliate with rumors of pedophilia (this also happened to a few other tumblr funnymen at about this time). Again I found his How Do You Do Fellow Nerds schtick a bit annoying but like. I'm not gunna tell people how to interact with their fans. I just don't follow them and if I'm really annoyed I block/blacklist. Easy.

Honestly I've seen other creatives trying to be popular on social media/in public view be treated the same way. They are beloved when they're first popularized and then someone decides that actually no These Are Bad People and whether that person actually did anything or not it totally refutes any and all good that person has done in the past, present, and future. This sort of mob mentality is dangerous, which is why I've reblogged some posts about it. Critical thinking and nuance and good faith flies out the window in favor of trying to ensure one's media experience is as pure as possible. I don't love it.

And I don't love that the copypasta that began the end is uh. Sexual harassment and also really homophobic? The joke is that this otherwise straight man had a blog post going into graphic detail about how he sucks dick and gets off to it and loves having cum all over his face etc. The punchline is homophobia. Haha, look at this straight guy's blog post that says he likes dick, isn't it hilarious that it would be utterly mortifying and humiliating for a man to be this interested in penis where everyone can see, isn't it so funny that any self respecting straight man would protest this but you'd never really know if that was his true inner thoughts? That's really awful, you shouldn't do that to people. I don't know why I need to explain how hurtful that is. That is sexual harassment- making sexual comments to or about someone unsolicited and uninvited especially when you're doing it deliberately to get a rise out of them is like the definition of sexual harassment. And it's also really degrading to any man who does, in fact, like to have penis in their mouths and cum on their faces. Giving oral sex is not shameful and society's obsession with degrading and shaming those who prefer to give rather than receive (or those who are pressured out of asking for reciprocation but always expected to perform) is both homophobic and misogynistic.

[ghostchilismoothie]

the John Green Copypasta was never funny, and you need to stop sharing it.

I know you may blame john for getting rid of post editing, a feature that while it did have a few funny moments, was never going to stay around for long. The ability for abuse was always going to be overwhelming. And it was.

I don’t know if you remember being a teen in 2014, probably what most consider the heyday of tumblr as we knew it. I do. John and Hank were incredibly prolific on here as some of the “fandom dads” like how we used to idolize david karp. (I know. remember that?) the fault in our stars had just come out. dashcon would happen soon.

And then people got older. and as they do, began to think of all their phases and interests of the past as cringy and something to be derided and made fun of. And someone decided to do that to John. I’m not going to say he’s done absolutely nothing wrong, but he didnt do anything bad enough to deserve this. It’s one thing to make fun of a dirtbag celebrity or politician, here where they may never see it. But for john, his social experience on tumblr will forever be tarnished by something that someone did to him. A disgusting, profane, sexual copypasta, that he would never in one million years write and put on the internet. He saw that. not many celebrities see the absolute heinous garbage that gets shoveled on their name. John said in a recent episode of his podcast that he thought that tumblr was the best place for him as a creator, like how tik tok is a good platform for hank now. Tumblr was a home for nerdfighteria for a long time. And now John will never consider coming back here.

You all did this. you all hurt this man who never laid a hand against you.

Be Ashamed.

[boygirldykefag]

The Emotional Spore Copypasta

Let me tell you all a story. The story of a young boy who was in love with a series of games. He spent hours playing SimAnt, SimCity, SimTower, SimCopter, SimEarth, SimIsle, SimLife, Zoo Tycoon... Growing up with no friends his world become one that he created for himself.

One day, this boy was reading TIME magazine because Will Wright was interviewed in it. They boy's hero, the greatest genius on Earth, told of a game he was working on called Spore, where you could create a bacteria and guide its evolution into galactic domination. He spoke of a PAC-MAN-like cell stage, creature stage, tribal and civilization stages, and a space stage. SPORE, he called it.

The boy was overjoyed and his imagination ran wild. He started saving all the money he could, and spent his free time sketching out bizarre creatures and even planning their evolutionary paths, building plans for Jurassic Park-esque worlds populated only with the most ferocious of beasts, or docile livestock.

When the time came and SPORE was released, he held back. He knew his Windows 95 laptop wouldn't handle such an amazing game, and his parents' old Windows XP Compaq could barely run Jedi Academy, let alone the magnificence of SPORE!!

No, the boy held off for a few more years until he'd saved enough money to build a PC of his own. One worthy of such a tremendous game. An AMD Phenom II X4 965 Black Edition, dual ATI Radeon 5770's with VaporChamber cooling technology, a whopping 4GB of RAM and an unbelievable 1TB HDD. Surely this was a worthy PC. He named it Epsilon. His beloved Epsilon, a friend for when he had none.

In triumph, the boy spent the last of his savings at GameStop and brought home that lovely blue box, emblazoned with fanciful creatures and the stylized SPORE logo.

The next morning, a Saturday, the boy had planned to spend the whole day playing only this game. It was indeed glorious, and with deft skill he guided a creature from cell to creature to tribe to civilization to space... in a few hours.

What's this? That was much less of a journey than he'd expected. Oh well, surely the much-anticipated Space Stage will make up for it.

As he played hour after hour, the boy felt a growing feeling deep down. He'd been betrayed. This wasn't what he'd been promised, or that he'd imagined he'd been promised. This was an endlessly complex simulation of a whole universe. It was... shallow.

After a few hours, the Space Stage grew dull with the constant fetch quests and emergencies, and the boy started over. He eventually returned to Zoo Tycoon and Jedi Academy, but the disappointment stayed with him. As he grew up, he'd return to SPORE now and then. He rebuilt his PC a couple times and was hurt even further to discover the SPORE license key he'd paid all that money for was no longer valid, he'd reinstalled SPORE one time too many. Even then, he continued to play cracked copies, hoping to find somewhere the Space Stage he'd dreamed of, but never found it.

Years went on and the boy grew up. He finished grad school and became a professional engineer. He regularly returned to the games of his childhood, include SPORE. SPORE had become the crush who'd broken his young heart, leaving an emotional scar that puckered and oozed bitter pus over the years. The enthusiastic boy had become a bitter, cynical, jaded adult who constantly reminded himself to keep expectations low to avoid another petty tragedy. But, he was a grown man now. That was just a life lesson and he'd gotten past it, surely. Who'd hold onto disappointment about a silly game after so many years?

One day, the man saw a game on sale for $10 on Humble Bundle. No Man's Sky. It sounded cool, but there'd been a ton of hyperbole before it came out and everyone hated it. He could relate to the feeling of a much-anticipated game not living up to your dreams. But for $10, it seemed like it might be worth giving it a shot. He bought it, downloaded it, and installed it on Epsilon. Yes, the same PC he'd built so many years ago. The CPU was now an 8-core 200W beast, the GPUs had been sold during college and were now replaced by a GTX 1080. Those 4GB of RAM still sit in a drawer, but have been replaced by 16GB that still aren't enough, and even the case was different. Still the same ol' Epsilon, though.

The man fired up No Man's Sky and started playing. The controls seemed a little funky and took some getting used to, but the exploration and flying and questing had made hours vanish. Something was wrong. He'd never played this game, not even seen a video of gameplay, and yet it felt very familiar. Just... right. He played for hours and couldn't put his finger on what this game reminded him of, or why he loved it so much.

He was describing it to a friend on Discord when he realized what it was. No Man's Sky was everything he'd expected from SPORE's Space Stage. The realization made the ugly, oozing scar across his heart start to un-pucker, and the grown man cried over a videogame, the most emotional he'd been in years. He'd never gotten over SPORE. A part of him was left behind, still staring at that screen wondering why he should bother fighting the Grox and why the Tribal and Civilization Stages were so incredibly short.

That man is much happier today. He plays SPORE regularly, but every time he gets to the Space Stage he closes it and fires up No Man's Sky. Sometimes, he even skips the Tribal and Civilization stages and plays Age of Empires II or Civilization V. He's learned that things don't need to be perfect, and that when things aren't what you hoped for you can seek out something that is. He knows it's silly, being so emotional over an old game, but those old Sim games set the course of his life in so many ways, starting him on the course to being the engineer he is today, that he feels like ignoring them would be a betrayal to himself.

No, SPORE wasn't what that boy had dreamed, but it wasn't bad either, and no game, prior or since, has had such a deep impact on his emotional health and personal philosophies.

[the-mercurial-star-o-vesper]

ITS EYE AGAINST I

... And me against You. Hello random people of the internet, and the select RvB audience I’m intending to talk to. Time for millions to ignore my existence, while a select few look at my fancy garbage. Now, with no sense of decorum, or tact... I present to you. That Red vs Blue seasons 15 through 17 are continuity breaking and noncanon. To be honest, I’m not overly fond of the over all plotlines and more than a few handfuls of episodes were just... dull. And that’s saying something for a series I’ve been attached to for the last decade. That isn’t to say there weren’t parts I didn’t like. There were plenty of things that were just fantastic and launched perfectly. But let’s get to the whys and hows. Let’s set out the point system: First point. The Blues and Reds, our blue visor assmonkeys... were unnecessarily stupid. They were a copypasta team, with a poor excuse to be there, that not only doesn’t fit what is already established but breaks continuity by being there. If we were to take the rest of the 15-17 series, it’d be easier to make them into alternative universe counter parts or what-ifs, from different timelines caused by the series later use of Time travel. Rather than this blessed mess. They spit in the face of Agent Florida’s workhistory. And while you can see where the idea came from, the execution and establishment was lacking. The very fact that it includes Doc already tells you that we’re not with Agent Kansas anymore, and that it utterly destroyed Doc’s history prior to coming to Blood Gulch. Second Point. The Time Travel. [frustrated exhausted ugh-ing] The best I can say is that the series analysis of Time Travel was fantastic. It acknowledged that the inclusion of Time Travel is meant to break continuity and reshape it. The difference here, is that it only broke continuity. In fact it shattered it so badly that we’d have to ask the Homestuck Fandom to pick the remaining pieces back up, and classpect it for good measure. The fact that Human History was so severely fusterclucked by our Teams already shows you how much respect Continuity got in these last seasons, as well as how much respect to Canon. And then there were the “Gods”. Just... Introducing someone for the funny designs and the fantastic graphic and digital movements is nice, but it doesn’t do anything. See every pitfall CGI and 3D ran into for the last few decades. See, RvB is meant to run along side Halo without destroying one another in an “Upstoppable Force meets Immovable Object” sort of way. And if nothing else, its already established that RvB also has ties to Marathon too (which, while muddled up, still works). And while plenty of the shenanigans were fantastic (Loved that Cyclops scene), the reason they got there was Weak, and it just utterly detonates itself like Church and his stomach bomb... Surrounded by people you hate, and being hunted down by the world’s worst player at a knock-knock jokes. The Third Point I despise Jax. ... I kid, that isn’t the third point. But I still don’t like the Jax. His growth into a terrible director was funny, but it doesn’t really save him or his purpose in the series. I digress. Its what I dub the “Super Hero Ex Machina”. In a “Super Hero Ex Machina” situation, reality crashes in, breaks both Narrative flow and rules, for drama. And example is with Spiderman and his web shooting. In his narrative, he can save someone easily from falling with his web shot. But if the Drama Machina Maker is introduced, then the reality of the situation crashes down as the force of the fall would completely shatter the victim’s skeleton if Spiderman caught them. As this is not already established as happening before, its only there to cause drama and not meant for any serious development or character arc. Or if a show adheres to keeping the status quo at all costs. Things that would realistically and permanently mess up the status quo are solved in 1 or 2 episodes. But if Reality crashes because Plot said so, it breaks the established rules of the Narrative (and pacing). Especially if said plotpoint could have already been solved in prior episodes easily. And that’s what they pulled on Agent Washington and his throat injury. Washington is an established survivor. He has survived some pretty messed up stuff, both mentally and physically, and he’s come so far as a character. To a point where he’s almost unrecognizable from when he was first established as the “Noir Detective Soldier Mercenary Man who plays by corrupt rules but still shines that hurting heart of gold once in a while”. Some of the stuff he’s had to survive, and potentially had to survive would’ve killed normal people. Even his writers had to take a step back and say, “No he can’t survive getting cut in half by a car”. RvB is good about changing status quo, and keeping to a rule of “actions have consequences” in order to both forward character and story. So it isn’t like they’re above permanently messing someone up (... Church.) But there are Rules on how its Handled. Story will establish and evolve said rules over time, this is true, but its a “more things change, more they stay the same” situation. And Washington’s injury... breaks that. For easy reason; For one thing, we already have a Freelancer with throat injuries, and he got them in a far worse scenario. Agent Maine was bloody machine gunned in the throat, then tossed off a freeway stories up from a ground we never even saw. And all he got was a messed up voice. There isn’t a good reason to give Wash that injury, realistic as it may be, besides playing it for Drama. And while such a circumstance should be given both the realism and seriousness it deserves, this only works if, you know, don’t play it to make a person or people suffer for Drama. Does this forward Character? No. No it doesn’t. The seasons retreat everyone’s character arcs. What little it does show is how far everyone has come... By making them take 20 steps back, and 5 steps forward. An ultimately useless gesture that neither show cases the human condition of “repeat until you finally get the lesson” or “sometimes shit happens”. Does it move the story? Only for drama. Which is a very weak reason. Even worse, as the series has already established that it can think deeply and use drama as a tool and not a plot point. If not for character or story, is it meant to be a metaphor? Metaphor for what. RvB doesn’t do metaphors. If not metaphor, is it supposed to be informative of the condition itself? RvB has bloody PSAs. No. A story is decent enough if it can mix those questions up without one consuming the other. But there wasn’t a point to do it. Just to see Wash or Carolina or the guys to suffer? To show that sometimes people get injuries they don’t bounce back from? Are you Kidding? We just permanently lost Church, and they set out to find the possibility of his existence again! That right there already Tells you that sometimes folks don’t Bounce Back. There was an entire Arc for Caboose, fer the gods’ sake, talking about it. CABOOSE. What the flyin Fu-- Ahem. There was already a ruling about Actions have Consequences. It was apart of the status quo that went as far back as the Blood Gulch Chronicles. Its filed under “The More things change, the more they stay the same”, and even throughout the Reconstruction series, there were plenty of characters pulling permanently changing stunts that affected them through the rest of their lives, or caused their death for it. [deep breath, lets it out] So. Inspite of my many problems with S15-17, there are things I adored about it. - Donut and Caboose’s arcs. Fantastically done. Caboose getting to the understanding he got in S14 about losing friends was heart breaking and beautiful. Donut’s may seem like retread and flanderization, but that is actually easily explained. When you’re under sufficient stress, your coping mechanisms will boost out from 10 to 100, and just because you’re now fully aware of it doesn’t mean you have the power or development yet to stop. It was a fantastic look into his character. - Sister. They made her into more than just a gimick and Grif’s Sister, which was a problem I had with her in Blood Gulch. Good patch up there. - The Background info and the details in Background Info with our main characters. Ye Gods, we got some backstory! The humor works, the seriousness works, its a beautiful set of puzzle pieces that fit snuggly into both canon and continuity. - Chrovos. Inspite of the time travel plot pitfalls, I actually really liked Chrovos. Wish they did more with them (Him? Her? I don’t remember if they established their pronouns). Did not like Jenkins, inspite of him being created out of a cut character. The Gods didn’t work very much either, and would’ve been better suited as characters that weren’t “gods”. It doesn’t help that they just... had inconsistant rules. - The Freelancers. I love the introduction to the Freelancers and all their nice armor designs. Too bad they’re all feckin’ dead. - Temple. I actually really liked Temple and the idea behind him. However, instead of the malakey we got, and the Time Travel Nonsense that could be theorized afterwards. It would’ve worked better if he had been the leader of a Cult of Personality or sorts, purposely and badly mimicking the hype of the RvB teams’ fame and gathering surviving former stim troopers. The terrorist thing could work, and so could the Church plot. Everything else was stupid. Remove the Time Travel, this isn’t Homestuck Hour. Thanks for you for your continued reading. ... oh Right, I forgot. As awesome as it was to see Locus again, the uselessness of Wash’s throat injury and how he was reintroduced makes him more into a Deus ex Machina (and not that Halo 3 Machinima from way back). Its like fitting a circle peg into a square hole... But getting it stuck halfway and ruining the children’s puzzle toy. ADDENDUM (edited) I hate Hate HATED how Vic parodied Church’s epilogue speech, and I just about wish Church would come back just to beat the shiznet out of him for it.

[llawlietofficial]

my stream of consciousness during death note (2017)

So I finally watched this shit show last night, and kept a running document of every thought I had in order. Here are some of the top ones: (under the cut because....it gets a little long. it’s worth it though!) 

okay so first of all what the fuck is this opening song. 

LOSER LIGHT GETS PAID TO DO PEOPLES HOMEWOEK. 

Wow I wish I was as cool as goth head cheerleader Misa Mia

Ooh look at that chemistry

Light looks like a failed wannabe white guy kpop star

Someone gif those opening "death note" letters please

What's with the fucking illuminati symbols on the book ??

Rain makes everything more symbolic I can't believe the creativity of their choices

Aw he's seeing a girl get bullied OF COURSE that's motivation enough to kill

I can't believe Light is a feminist icon stepping in to save Misa Mia like that.

Oh god his whole speech about “technically you bullying me is child abuse” needs to be a copypasta. Someone needs to slap that kid.

SOMEONE JUST SLAPPED THAT KID.

Why does his voice sound like that

Why does his face look like that

Why does he have frosted tips

I can't believe Light is the loser loner pining after the head cheerleader with a girlfriend.

Light is ?? A troublemaker ???

Why is the death note so crusty looking

Marbles.

LIGHT'S SCREAMS MAKE ME SCREAM I want that as my ringtone

"Shall we begin." Wow I love Star Trek Into Darkness.

"Some 8 foot tall demon looking motherfucker" is honestly the best possible description of Ryuk so at least they got that one right.

RIP Light's first victim, Kenny Doyle. You will be missed. 

This Bitch chooses one of the most violent possible deaths for his first victim ???? But canon light didn't like. Start out wanting to cause his victims physical pain. He's not a sadist he's a moral janitor. 

CANON LIGHT WOULD HAVE THOUGHT CHEATING WAS A BIG DEAL !! HE WOULD HAVE KILLED PEOPLE LIKE HIMSELF !!

Oh my god he's so angsty just get a fucking diary.....wait...

Wow I love blatant exposition dropping. I wonder how many times him and his dad have had that exact same conversation over dinner conveniently explained Light's tragic backstory. 

Because this is America. You can't kill people without a tragic backstory (if you're white)

Is he going to scream like that every time Ryuk shows up?

"Your fingers are huge." Hmm? Why do you care about that, Light? Unless you have something you want to share with the class? 

I can't believe they changed Ryuk's motivation that's like everything about him as a character. He didn’t say he was bored like, a single time in this whole series what’s the point. 

He has a whole file on his tragic backstory that he keeps laying around in his room this is next level bullshit.

JESUS FUCKINF CHRIST LIGHT WHAT HAPPENED TO SIMPLE HEART ATTACKS

He. Impaled himself. On a steak knife.

Light's mom was a hippie !!!!!

I can't believe Light's motivation is "karma's a bitch" what an icon. 

I can't believe Misa Mia’s turned on by murder.

Actually. I can believe that.

Light's just. Carrying around the death note right in the open.

"I can't tell you” *brief pause* “so you really want to know?" BITCH YOU EIDN'T EVEN LET HER ANSWER. SHE SEEMED SO UNINTERESTED ANYWAY. WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS COMPULSIVE NEED TO CONFESS THAT YOU’RE A MURDERER! 

LIght wants pussy that bad.

"Your poetry sucks" okay I actually kind of like that line, Misa Mia’s a snarky bitch like she deserves to be. 

She looks bored. Light she doesn't want part of your murder fest !! you don't have to confess so often !! 

as soon as the police swat car hit that guy my friend turned to me and said "when you're a police officer but still text and drive"

Ooh blurry lights that's an edgy cinnamon topography choice.

I don’t like how everyone in this movie is all mumbling.

How many people are going to make mood boards out of the scene where Light and Misa Mia are leaning against that neon sign???

"Do you think I'm crazy?" "If anything I think you're not crazy enough" wow I love the joker and harley quinn!! normal is just a setting on the dryer~~~ rawr

TEHY'RE POST MURDER FUCKING

I said out loud "I can't believe they're going to post murder fuck" and my friend said "But you'd think that was kinky in high school" and i said "hell I think that's kinky now" why am i like this

I can't believe this whole murder fuck montage. They're so cute and in love. My friend just said “relationship goals” and i want to turn off this movie.

Is that Beastly in their school library????

"What they want is a god." 

Okay actually I can see Light getting off on talking about he's a god while fucking. I've read enough fanfiction to prepare me for that scene.

Why does he look like that??

I just love that "Kira saves" graffiti

Why did Kira kill 11 people in a nightclub what did they do ? so serial cheating for money is okay but getting drunk and having sex isn’t?? alright Light. 

L looks like a serial killer with the mask and the hoodie and the dead bodies and I’m.......not loving the look

WATARI ISN'T EVEN JAPANESE. THAT'S NOT EVEN HIS NAME. WHY IS THE ONLY JAPANESE ACTOR THE ONLY CHARACTER CANONICALLY NOT JAPANESE. 

I appreciate his continued sweets addiction though. He is. The only good thing in this movie.

Is he singing wizard of oz what the fu k is happening in this movie

Why do they all talk so quiet

the most inaccurate thing that’s happened so far is actually L taking a nap

Could Light act....a little LESS blatantly on Kira's side????

Detective James Turner.

Honestly this movie is just......boring.

I feel like the voices are at a much lower volume than the music and it’s just...bad

How does he know Kira's in Seattle ??? Is this explained or did I just miss it ???

"What would you do if some guy fucked me?" "I’d kill him." Wow I love this scene in Baby Driver.

I want that furniture. 

Oh I get it. His voice is muffled because of that fucking face mask. 

"Rest your glutes" 

All the things they could have kept and they kept L and Watari giving Light's dad ice cream?

Okay we see Light and Misa at school all the time, but are they ever ??? In class ??

OF COURSE L IMMEDIATELY GOES ON NATIONAL TV

L in a big black hoodie with the big American flag waving in the background is exactly what I expected out of this adaptation.

Light telling Ryuk to shut the fuck up is something I imagined hundreds of times in the anime but never thought I would be lucky enough to see on screen. 

"Besides I think you can tell when you're sitting across from a killer like Kira." HAHAHAHAHA WOW I LOVE THIS DRAMATIC IRONY !!

Light is smart. We know this because we keep saying how smart he is. It doesn’t matter that he’s not making any smart decisions. We said he’s smart so he is. 

I can't believe it's dark outside and they're both wearing sunglasses. You know who wears sunglasses indoors? Douche bags. And blind people.

Ooh Misa Mia doesn't want to pop popcorn and murder a few people there's gotta be trouble in Hollywood romance paradise

I hate the music choices in this movie. a lot. 

"There are no sides. Only the game.” what. 

I can believe Misa Mia’s casually watching torture porn on tv

WHY IS LIGHT'S DAD BASICALLY COMMITTING SUICIDE BY ANNOUNCINF HIS NAME AND HAVINF A PRESS CONFERENCE AND WHY DOES HIS VOICE SOUND LIKE THAT. there's a difference between not being afraid and being a fucking idiot !!! 

I can't believe Light just admitted to not being the good guys anymore.

I CAN'T BELIEVE MISA MIA IS LIGHT ???

Light needs to put his dick away. He really needs to put his dick away.

The cafe scene is really aesthetically pleasing and I hate it. 

"I don't do check, Light, only checkmate" FUUUUCK. 

IS THIS HOe FUXKING ADMITTING ?? THIS DUMB HOE IS ADMITTING TO BEING A SERIAL MURDERER AND ASKING L TO JOIN HIM THIS IS. A SHITTY FANFICTION. WHY IS HE SO DUMB. WHY DOES HE CONFESS TO WVERYONE HE TALKS TO.

Is Light going to get back with her just because she said I love you  ?? LIGHT SHE TRIED TO KILL UR DAD respect yourself !! 

Watari isn't his real name ????  Also what's the point leaving him alive? Free ice cream? Jesus light.

Why do they say Kira with the accent if it's not Japanese ?

L is.....coming slightly unhinged.....he seems.... to have a lot more anger issues that he needs to work through.

LIGHT IN A TOP HAT. I can't believe they're going to this dance. 

I just said "At a certain point it's not even entertaining anymore. It's just pathetic." and my friend, who is now drunk, said "I'm still pretty entertained but maybe it's because I'm drunk."

I can't believe L grew up in that creepy ass murder shack. 

Actually. I can believe L grew up in that creepy ass murder shack. Also I saw the illuminati symbol like five times in that house so what's the truth????

HE DOES HAVE A NORMAL PEOPLE SCARE ME STICKER IN HIS LOCKER I THOUGHT THAT WAS AN EDIT.

Lmao I can't believe Misa Mia was the real mastermind the whole time. "You don't get to feel morally superior for being a pussy." OH SHIT. Oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead.

also L needs to calm the fuck down. Do they not teach you how to drive in the orphanage?

I don't know just what happened with that store owner attacking the armed black man assaulting the teenager in an alley way but it felt racist.

Light is desperate and pathetic. Has he made....a single smart decision?

"JESUS TAKE THE FERRIS WHEEL!!! TAKE IT FROM MY HAND !!!"

Chicago's I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love? Are you fucking kidding me?

At least Misa Mia died how she lived. Aesthetically pleasing. 

What the fuck is even happening in this movie. HE CONFESSED TO HIS DAD TOO. 

"I thought I was going to kill all the bad guys and re good guys would win but it wasn't like that" OH LOOK !! CONVENIENTLY A MORAL !!

and in the end, the white loner character who develops a god complex and goes on a murderous rampage killing hundreds of people and declaring himself god.....gets away with it......but at least he learned a valuable lesson about the nature of good and evil !!!! 

anyway those are my thoughts I hope you liked them !!

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week 27

capsule reviews of the songs which debuted on the 14 July 2007 and 15 July 2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

7.14.2007

25) "Life's What You Make It," Hannah Montana 91) "G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out)," Miley Cyrus 92) "Make Some Noise," Hannah Montana 99) "True Friend," Hannah Montana

It might seem weird that I'm lumping in a Miley Cyrus song with all these Hannah Montana tracks, but I have some theories about Hannah Montana I think you might wanna hear! These are all impeccably crafted pop songs that I should not have listened to. You have to respect the craft, at least. A cadre of pop music professionals opened up a book of things that make listenable pop songs, and they managed to find the right voice to deliver these to teens, and all those people got to live in mansions and send their kids to college in Mustangs. These songs are the biggest pile of sonic trash since 2006, but it's not like the makers just shoved out junk, nah, this is precision engineering. These songs had a job to do, and now multiple people have chandeliers in their home. I get how 11-year-olds would like this, is what I'm trying to say.

52) "Because of You," Reba McEntire & Kelly Clarkson

I don't know how to explain this one. It's a cover of a sad song (albeit one with a nice tempo!) by a legend of country music and the original artist be... cause... it's... emotional? The original dealt with the effects of abuse, and Reba McEntire she decided it could be just a tad more ham-fisted? Most things don't need to exist, but this really didn't need to exist.

77) "Potential Breakup Song," Aly & AJ

This is a fine song, a nice piece of pop sweetness I knew I'd tasted before, but not quite so quality as to make the top 20, which means, via the transitive property, that "Lip Gloss" is better than every Beatles song combined. I hope that young tumblr user is still defending the virtues of this song, as there are many. Like, how do you write about a song when the definitive piece on it has already been written, y'know? What more can I add that the one tumblr user didn't already say? This song goes.

96) "Easy," Paula DeAnda ft./Bow Wow

"Just because I'm a teen, it don't mean that I'm slow" ...I just. I'm so tired. I didn't want to have to deal with a statutory rape banger. It's Independence Day. The sun's out, someone near me prolly got burgs and dogs on the grill, they're about to run some Pokemon at GDQ, I didn't want to have to deal with any of this. She was on The Voice. I wanted to talk about the single-most lopsided battle I ever saw on that show. This is unacceptable. Like, that line is out of context, I get it, Paula DeAnda is singing about how she wraps men around her fingers, that line is still a thing which exists within a song! This was awful.

98) "Until the End of Time," Justin Timberlake

apparently there's a version of this song with beyonce, and i just, i don't understand how to solo version charted. this was fine. j. timbies and timbaland calmed the hell for a second and made a fine slow jam, and it was a nice refreshing thing to hear after "easy," but. but beyonce! i wanted for to listen to the duet, with the music hero! why would you make me listen to this. why couldn't you have waited. what a disappointment, 2007. you have all collectively failed aly & aj. this is a confirmed breakup song, now, how dare you

nothing new in the top 20, but one more time for “potential breakup song”

7.15.2017

36) "Signs," by Drake

oh thank the lord a slow-ass song where drake tunelessly murmurs about how sad his extravagant life is. it had been a few weeks, i was worried he had found happiness. Like, can I take a minute to explain to you why Hannah Montana has more artistic validity than Drake? Those four songs were all bad, but they were all bad in ways that were distinct from one another. They were about rolling with the punches and acctepting things don't go your way, going out and having a fun time with the girls, being who you are and being so loudly and proudly, and how friendship was nice. You at least got thematic differences between Hannah Montana songs, I can tell them apart from one another. How is this song any different from any other Drake song? This is a point I've made in the past, but if Drake can put out the same song and be a millionaire, I feel I should be allowed to make the same critique so I can do the things I want to do with my life.

68) "Don't Quit," by DJ Khaled & Calvin Harris ft./Travis Scott & Jeremih

I don't want to do this with my life. OK, Calvin Harris, I get it, yoiu're the king of breezy summer jams. This might be the first time Travis Scott has ever been happy, and I appreciate that, but like... Ugh, I can't believe I'm gonna complain about this after complaining about another never-ending Drake slog, it's gonna sound inconsistent, but like I feel if anyone releases the same song five times in a row then they're purveyors of bullshit and we should expect better. Not a single cut off the Lorde album dropped, y'know. It's an adventurous album by a young woman who knows where she can take her voice, and nothing off that album charted, but this shallow-ass tool-assisted pop song like "You're an attractive woman, still!" is gonna be a top ten hit. (Worth noting: one woman in the top ten this week, and it's Rihanna, and technically she's a featured artist on her song.) You gotta give me something, man.

71) "No Complaints," by Metro Boomin ft./Offset & Drake

oh cool we also get trap drake, too. we get both drakes. what a treat. he's not even doing anything on this track. like he just says things over a beat. (it's a decent beat, metro boomin's good at this, the theme for 2017 is "known commodities doing everything they said they would do.") good lord, we don't even expect these people to try nowadays. just put your name on this track and say things with your voice and that is enough.

88) "On Everything," by DJ Khaled ft./Travis Scott, Rick Ross & Big Sean

I'll say this for DJ Khaled: he's hitting that happy medium, where there's enough variety in his songs that I don't automatically cringe when I see his name appear on the chart. Like, this is a completely different song from "I'm the One," and that's different from "Wild Thoughts," and while I don't always enjoy these songs, I can appreciate that it sounds like DJ Khaled actually made every song and didn't just copypasta something that sounded good for the next three or four singles. Like, I'm OK for not dinging him for "Don't Quit," it's not his fault that's what Calvin Harris decided all songs should sound like.

94) "Crew," by GoldLink ft./Brent Faiyaz & Shy Glizzy

oh thank CHRIST it’s another kid from the south mumbling into a microphone. the charts have so far been bereft of this sort of music, i was worried it might not find representation this year, really really cool that dudes mumbling is a genre of music we’ve all decided is an acceptable thing to listen to, i just, ok, i think, just, let’s just, ok, let’s, let’s do, get to, let’s just say who won and just, just

Who won the week?

2007 and 2007 also won last week because fuck 2017.

2007: 14 2017: 13

I think I’m gonna take a break from reviewing the new pop songs next week because I’m just so tired of 2017′s shit. Also, in two weeks, 2007 only has two new entrants, and while I am sure that the tag-team dream of Three Days Grace and Soulja Boy Tell’em can take on all comers, I’m not going to make a full post about two 2007 classics and a thousand Future songs. Like, I have had this list of all the songs which debuted in 1997 waiting for a moment like this, so next week: The 1997 Catch-Up. Because cripes, I’m sick of 2017 music. 2007 had maybe the grossest song I’ve heard in this project so far (despite two Piles songs!), and I’m still completely over 2017.