#saying vaguely defensive stuff when two parts of a fandom are at each other's throats only adds fuel to the fire. it clears up fuck all

[pocketgalaxies]

hi! seeing you during all this ep95 mess has been a breath of fresh air. you seem to have a really firm grasp of canon so I wanted to ask what you think of the recent discord message from Liam where he says Orym didn't know that Laudna was under Delilah's influence when she killed Bor'dor? I watched the clip from 4SD, & it's pretty clear that Liam says Orym understood Laudna was opening the door for Delilah when he encouraged her to kill Bor'dor & even says "we'll need that." But the Discord message seems to walk that back. It's been super frustrating being accused of vilifying Orym or infantilizing Laudna for repeating what Liam himself said. I just don't really know how to reconcile these two statements from Liam & it has me a bit confused on Orym's character.

hi anon, thank you!

this turned into a much longer one than i was expecting dfksjdkfs

so last week i posted this Really Long Ask about the whole discussion, if you want to take a look. but i intentionally didn't bring up liam's discord message because you're right! it seemed contradictory to something that was stated in the past, which was confusing

honestly i think the most realistic answer is that liam probably didn't mean for what he said on 4SD to be understood as such a strong and maybe even polarizing character choice. i think a lot of us heard it as "orym sees delilah as a useful/necessary asset that outweighs what might happen to laudna afterward." particularly because he framed it as something that made the whole situation "even creepier," and during that same convo, marisha was emphasizing the psychological impact that killing bor'dor had on laudna. it's a strong stance and it reflects what orym is doing to himself (handing his endgame over to the questionably fickle nana morri to increase their chances of success against ludinus)

but i suppose liam's clarification suggests that he meant it in a softer, more practically level-headed way, like "orym knew he couldn't do a whole lot about delilah's return but he also thought it could have benefits," or something along those lines. they're obviously two hugely different interpretations with pretty big implications on how we understand orym's relationship with laudna

i'm not a connoisseur of orym's character by ANY means so i can't confidently tell you what the change might mean from a narrative perspective, but i personally still prefer the former stronger stance. because i think it raises interesting questions about how orym views his own place in this war and whether or not it's valid for him to (intentionally or subconsciously) project that placement onto the other party members. is it okay for orym to expect the same level of personal sacrifice from laudna, or imogen with predathos (a whole separate can of worms), or anyone else? is it safe? etc etc. but maybe liam doesn't want to go in that direction, or maybe he does but just not in the way we expect, i don't know! only time will tell!

also regardless of what he meant, i think it's important to acknowledge that it's really easy and completely understandable to feel like he was walking something back. that episode of 4SD was almost a whole year ago! many of us built that statement into our perception and understanding of orym's character for a long time, so it's totally valid to go "wait what the fuck???" when liam suddenly pops into the discord to say that's not what he meant. those feelings are valid and real! especially when discourse can already make you question your own intelligence and your personal interpretations of a story, having that pillar, as big or small as it might've been in your mind, knocked over can be really jarring. you are very much not alone in that, and it's okay!!

[joannalannister]

Hi I was thinking about Jon x Dany and, while I do like them in the show, they had very few scenes where romance was part of the equation. While I 100% think they’ll also get together in the books, I’m a little worried. GRRM isn’t that great with romance. I’m afraid he’ll make Jon x Dany too toxic. Given the romantic history of both characters, I’m having trouble imaging them in a healthy enough relationship. Do you have any thoughts about this? Hope you do : ) Your writing is always awesome!

Thanks for asking me, you’re very kind. As much as I would like to reassure you, I must start by saying that GRRM is never going to write a relationship that everyone is 100% happy with. 

“GRRM isn’t that great with romance.” I’m not sure what this means. This isn’t a criticism of you, I know you’re constrained by character limits, but I think we should explore this assertion before proceeding.  

What is romance? Wikipedia defines it as “an emotional feeling of love for another person and the courtship behaviors undertaken to express that overall feeling […]. Although […] widely associated with sexual attraction, romantic feelings can exist without expectation of physical consummation”. 

I think GRRM is very good at conveying his characters’ emotions, including their feelings of love. For example, when Jon Connington remembers Myles Toyne, it makes my heart ache:

Myles had been possessed of jug ears, a crooked jaw, and the biggest nose that Jon Connington had ever seen. When he smiled at you, though, none of that mattered.

And in the Dunk & Egg stories, Dunk’s innocent and sweet “not too tall for me” captures not only Dunk’s feelings but also the essence of his character. 

And this romantic moment is one of my favorites:

And there was one woman, sitting almost at the foot of the third table on the left … the wife of one of the Fossoways, he thought, and heavy with his child. Her delicate beauty was in no way diminished by her belly, nor was her pleasure in the food and frolics. Tyrion watched as her husband fed her morsels off his plate. They drank from the same cup, and would kiss often and unpredictably. Whenever they did, his hand would gently rest upon her stomach, a tender and protective gesture.

And if you want one of the main characters, well, this passage rips my heart in two, knowing what monstrous things Tywin has in store for these two innocent teenagers:

He dreamed of a better place, a snug little cottage by the sunset sea. The walls were lopsided and cracked and the floor had been made of packed earth, but he had always been warm there, even when they let the fire go out. She used to tease me about that, he remembered. I never thought to feed the fire, that had always been a servant’s task. “We have no servants,” she would remind me, and I would say, “You have me, I’m your servant,” [that’s some Princess Bride shit right there with Tyrion Lannister as Westley] and she would say, “A lazy servant. What do they do with lazy servants in Casterly Rock, my lord?” and he would tell her, “They kiss them.” That would always make her giggle. “They do not neither. They beat them, I bet,” she would say, but he would insist, “No, they kiss them, just like this.” He would show her how. “They kiss their fingers first, every one, and they kiss their wrists, yes, and inside their elbows. Then they kiss their funny ears, all our servants have funny ears. Stop laughing! And they kiss their cheeks and they kiss their noses with the little bump in them, there, so, like that, and they kiss their sweet brows and their hair and their lips, their … mmmm … mouths … so …”

They would kiss for hours, and spend whole days doing no more than lolling in bed, listening to the waves, and touching each other. Her body was a wonder to him, and she seemed to find delight in his. Sometimes she would sing to him. I loved a maid as fair as summer, with sunlight in her hair. “I love you, Tyrion,” she would whisper before they went to sleep at night. “I love your lips. I love your voice, and the words you say to me, and how you treat me gentle. I love your face.”

So I don’t think I can agree with you that GRRM isn’t great with romance. Maybe these particular examples didn’t resonate with you, but was there really nothing in the books that tugged at your heart romantically? Not even Renly and Loras’s relationship, from your URL?

But when you say GRRM isn’t great with romance, maybe it’s the romanticized moments you really mean? 

For example, in ACOK, during the Battle of the Blackwater, Sandor waits for Sansa in her room, and he holds her at knifepoint until she sings him a song. I think this scene is about trauma more than it’s about romance. Sandor has been dehumanized by the Lannisters for so long, treated as one of their dogs of war, that he’s forgotten what it means to be human and he’s forgotten how to connect with people. So when Sandor tries to form a connection with Sansa, he does so through violence, because that’s the only way he remembers how. 

But GRRM doesn’t write that scene romantically in my opinion:

Her throat was dry and tight with fear, and every song she had ever known had fled from her mind. Please don’t kill me, she wanted to scream, please don’t. She could feel him twisting the point, pushing it into her throat, and she almost closed her eyes again, but then she remembered. It was not the song of Florian and Jonquil, but it was a song. Her voice sounded small and thin and tremulous in her ears.

Gentle Mother, font of mercy, save our sons from war, we pray, stay the swords and stay the arrows, let them know a better day.Gentle Mother, strength of women, help our daughters through this fray, soothe the wrath and tame the fury, teach us all a kinder way.

It’s Sansa singing about kindness and gentleness and mercy that reminds Sandor of his humanity. 

And of course, later, Sansa romanticizes this event, imagining that Sandor kissed her:

As the boy’s lips touched her own she found herself thinking of another kiss. She could still remember how it felt, when his cruel mouth pressed down on her own. He had come to Sansa in the darkness as green fire filled the sky. He took a song and a kiss, and left me nothing but a bloody cloak.

But that’s how Sansa deals with her trauma, by romanticizing it, by rewriting it as a fairy tale. 

Perhaps you would have preferred a stronger condemnation of this event (or similar events) by the text? But I think GRRM knows he has very smart, engaged readers. He doesn’t have to spell it out for us; we know this is a fucked up situation. 

Personally it isn’t the romance I consider to be one of GRRM’s problem areas, it’s the physical consummation. 

For example, GRRM doesn’t seem to be aware that most of the rapes he wrote didn’t occur during war, so does he even realize that some of the stuff he wrote was rape? I can’t find the interview right now, but I believe GRRM commented on how the show changed Drogo and Dany’s wedding night to a rape scene, and GRRM kind of … distances … himself from that decision … as if GRRM didn’t write Dany being raped repeatedly by Drogo during the early days of her marriage. 

Also, the altar sex scene between Jaime and Cersei is still very controversial. (I have a lot of thoughts about Jaime and Cersei’s sex scenes and what they mean for their relationship, but I can’t deal with tumblr’s wank culture right now.) 

Also, it’s been over a year and I still haven’t recovered from this:

she walked toward him, her hips shifting forward with each step, as if her pussy were coming to him, the rest of her trailing behind reluctantly.

“as if her pussy were coming to him, the rest of her trailing behind reluctantly”

Someone really should draw this vagina monster because i can’t get it out of my mind. 

Anyways.

While I disagree with you about the romance, I will say that GRRM’s sex scenes aren’t always the best. But in GRRM’s defense, some of his sex scenes are quite lovely imo:

Not a happy conversation, maybe, but a human one. Both of us needed someone, and we reached out. Afterwards, I took her back to my cabin, and made love to her as fiercely as I could. Then, the darkness softened, we held each other and talked away the night.

So I would say it’s a mixed bag in terms of the sex scenes. 

What will a sex scene between Jon and Dany look like in the books? 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Dunno. Will there even be a sex scene between Jon and Dany in the books? I think so, but it’s not a given. We’ll just have to wait and see. 

Will Jon x Dany be too toxic in the books? 

I don’t find “toxic” to be terribly useful when it comes to evaluating fiction. Again, this isn’t a criticism, so I hope you aren’t offended, but this word for me is too vague, too lacking in complexity, and worst of all, too dichotomizing. Labeling something “toxic” tends to sort ships into easily-defined categories, with the “toxic” ones to be discarded on the midden heap in search of something ~pure~, as if such purity existed outside the blandest coffee shop AU. 

The “toxic” label tempts us into a mindset where certain literary relationships are perceived to have no value. “toxic” becomes the end of the conversation for tumblr, when it should be just the beginning. The relationship in Oedipus Rex is certainly “toxic” by any definition of the word, so what is it about this story that has endured for centuries? The fandom police on tumblr wouldn’t be asking that question; they would just ban the story for its lack of moral purity, and we would be all the poorer for it. 

(See also: fandom’s discussion of Renly. It’s the end of a conversation, when it should be the beginning.) 

So let’s set “toxic” aside. 

“Given the romantic history of both characters“ Again, I’m not entirely sure what this means. 

Dany was sold to Drogo and raped. Jorah pines for Dany. Daario is … Daario. Hizdahr was a marriage of convenience. But what do these relationships have to do with Jon Snow? 

And what does Ygritte have to do with Dany? 

I mean, I suppose there is some commonality here. Jon fell in love with Ygritte while he was little more than a captive, and Dany fell in love with Drogo while she basically was Drogo’s captive. So, like … yeah, these weren’t the best situations … but … I don’t think GRRM is trying to write “Guidelines for Relationships and Consent for the College Freshman”. 

Like, Jon’s relationship with Ygritte certainly has some consent issues, and these issues are definitely worth talking about, but tumblr uses these issues to shut down the conversation, as if we need to throw this fictional relationship in the garbage and wash our hands of it. As if there’s no value to it. As if GRRM isn’t trying to say something profound about Jon falling in love with a people he was raised to believe were his enemy. 

In real life, I hope nobody is in a relationship with consent issues. But in fiction … human beings are flawed, and our relationships are flawed too. Its these flaws that breathe life onto the page. 

For me, Jon and Dany’s romantic history is thematically important to ASOIAF as a whole. Each of them have loved and lost, but they haven’t become hardened by it. They remain in the world, and a part of it. Our heroes’ hearts remain open. There is room for many loves in their lives. Contrast this against villainous Tywin, who had room for one love, and one love only, and once it was gone, he denied love. One of the questions I think ASOIAF asks is, how much love do you have to give? And what would you do, for love? Because that isn’t just Jaime’s self-loathing line, it’s a question central to the series. 

So, for me, Jon and Dany’s romantic history isn’t an impediment. It’s proof to me that they love, and that they can keep opening themselves to love, even in the worst circumstances. (Because let me tell you, circumstances are about to get much worse.)

“I’m having trouble imaging them in a healthy enough relationship.“

What is a healthy relationship with an Undead Zombie? (Coming into contact with Jon’s rotting flesh can’t be that healthy imo.) 

What is a healthy relationship with a messianic girl who made miracles? 

What is a healthy relationship, at the end of the world? 

I’m sorry, I truly, sincerely hope I am not hurting your feelings, and I am terribly sorry if I have hurt your feelings, but you asked for my thoughts: 

For me the question of whether Jon and Dany will have a healthy relationship seems … absurd. Not because “healthy” seems obvious**, but because “healthy” seems irrelevant at the end of the world. 

**It’s not obvious, because I don’t even know what “healthy” means in the apocalypse. What is a healthy relationship, at the end of the world? That was not a rhetorical question, because I really, truly don’t know what “healthy” means at the end of the world. 

If the world is coming to an end, there are so many things that I would ask that are so much more important to me than “are they healthy?”

Like. Put the show out of your mind. Completely. Pretend you never saw it, because I don’t think Jon and Dany look like that. I don’t think Jon and Dany look like that at all in the books. 

I don’t think it’s about Jon and Dany vying for a throne, I don’t even think the Iron Throne is going to exist anymore. I don’t think it’s about stupid wight hunts, I don’t think it’s about fighting over dragonglass, I don’t think it’s about having sex on a boat. I don’t think it’s about fighting the evil Other King, because he doesn’t exist in the books, because in the books, the true enemy is a force of dehumanization. It’s an enemy we’re all capable of becoming, and something we all have to fight. 

I don’t think King’s Landing is even going to be there. I think Cersei’s going to be dead. I think the southern half of the continent is largely going to be dead or dying, while the northern half wishes they were. I think GRRM can write a sense of desperation that will have you clawing at your face with one hand while you can’t stop turning the pages with the other. 

And I don’t think Jon and Dany get “together” until this desperation grabs us in its lizard-lion jaws and refuses to let us go. I don’t think Jon and Dany really get “together” until they’re beyond the curtain of light, in another world, an Other world, a fairy realm that is grotesquely beautiful and strange and cold. A place of impossible angles that hurt you to think about them, and strange labyrinths where you lose yourself in more ways than one, and terrible, terrible cruelty. 

The heroes are alone (possibly with Tyrion) in a place that’s the opposite of the Garden of Eden.

And in this place, I think they’re all struggling to remember their humanity, struggling to remember why they ever came there in the first place, struggling to remember why they should even care. Why should Jon try to save a world that would murder him for helping? Why should Tyrion try to save a world that branded him a monster from birth? Why should a queen try to protect her people, when (I think, speculating wildly from scraps of the show) they reject her as their queen?

”Remember who you are“

When they’ve lost even themselves in this strange place beyond the end of the world … there are so many important questions to ask. 

To me, the most important question is, will there be love? Love is our greatest glory, the greatest expression of our humanity, our greatest strength in the face of an alien species that wants to eradicate humanity. Without love, I think Jon and Dany (and Tyrion) are doomed to failure, and the world along with them. Saving the world has to be an act of love. Self-love, and altruistic love, and romantic love, and all sorts. 

My next question is, will there be kindness?  In Westeros, as in our world, kindness is a rare gem. We each have only so much time, and I hope everyone spreads as much kindness as possible in the time they have, even if that time is only fictional. I hope Jon and Dany will be kind to each other. 

Will there be trust? Together, humanity is so much greater than the sum of its parts. I hope Jon and Dany realize this. I hope they find a way to work together. I hope they can rely on each other. 

Will they have given it their all? Will they realize their full potential? I hope Jon and Dany get the chance to do everything in their power, and I hope they leave this world without regrets. I hope they rage against the dying of the light. 

Will they find comfort in each other, at the end? I don’t think Jon and Dany are making it out of this alive, but I hope they hold each other, and soften the darkness, and talk away the night. 

I don’t know what Jon and Dany will be like, but I can hope.

I personally wouldn’t worry about Jon and Dany’s relationship in the books yet, because it hasn’t even been written yet. I have faith in GRRM, and I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. If I’m wrong, there will be plenty of time to critique this relationship after it’s published. 

***

I’m sorry if this doesn’t answer your question. I’m also really sorry if I made you feel bad, I hope I didn’t, but I’m sorry if I did. (Please tell me that I didn’t, or else I will fret.)

I have a tag for discussions of Jon and Dany’s relationship, if you want to read more of my thoughts: #jdmeta

[skaylanphear]

Running Flat

*kicks down fandom door* I’M COMIN’ IN! 

Lance, like all the other paladins, is finally getting used to the “mind meld” they all have to indulge in when controlling their lions. Until someone’s uncontrollable crush comes in and knocks them all back in surprise. It’s a crush that circles persistently through their thoughts and only gets stronger as time goes on, until they begin to realize this might be a bit more serious than the term “crush” implies. 

Meanwhile, the unfortunate paladin behind it all is trying desperately to bury the feelings away, yet failing at every turn. 

Klance.

Part 2

Part 1

The mind meld, as Lance (because he was a genius) had deemed it, that the five paladins were quite forced into when they were in their lions was something they'd all been initially uncomfortable with. But as their battles with the Galra and practice days had worn on, they'd grown quite accustomed to the whole thing. The mental connection wasn't overly invasive, after all. More or less, it was about intention.

Not intention as in they could control what was projected and what wasn't, but more as though their thoughts and feelings had to be intentionally severe. For example, Pidge's irritation when they were cornered by the Galra was always very obvious, or Shiro's deep desire that they all stay calm and collected. Hunk was known for, well, panic, but that usually faded pretty quickly in favor a deep thrumming determination and focus (as well as hunger when they were practicing boring formations). Keith had less constant interjections and was more inclined to shoot them up with irritation or rage (depending on the situation) for short bursts of seconds. Lance was also pretty sure that, when things were dire, the fierce desire to protect came from Keith too. He'd thought it was Shiro at first, until their head's steady kind of acute protectiveness had come to the surface.

Though everyone was flattered at these rare displays by Keith, no one said anything. Probably wouldn't have gone over too well and, honestly, making Keith feel embarrassed by the bonds he'd formed with them probably wasn't a good idea when considering how he kept to himself most of the time.

Because, yes, even Lance knew when there was potential to go a step too far. He liked to bicker and poke and prod at Keith, and be a general annoyance to everyone, but he wasn't out to hurt feelings. Not intentionally anyway. He was a people person, after all, and spent a great deal of energy feeling others out and learning their boundaries. Sure, his fellow paladins probably didn't realize as much (he knew they thought he was slightly ridiculous and maybe even a little stupid—most people did), but it was true. He was generally thoughtful and only pushed as far as he was sure someone could take.

His supposed intellect (or assumed lack) and knack for being annoying aside, he brought his own degree of Lance to the mind meld mud pile of feelings. Optimism, that was what he generally projected in battle or practice. After all, they had to have faith they were going to succeed in order to do so. Maybe optimism wasn't as important as Hunk's determination, Shiro's steady hand, Pidge's irritated analyses, or Kieth's adrenaline inducing rage, but it must have been good for something. Otherwise there'd be problems. Allura was always going on about how they had to be balanced, how it was important that their own thoughts work well with everyone else's.

And since no one had been complaining, Lance could only come to so many conclusions. Either his optimism was useful or, well, simply wasn't a hindrance, worst case scenario. Not like they really talked about each other's mental brain waves, after all. They'd all pretty much deduced who was who—it was pretty obvious—but so long as things were going smoothly, there was no need to call any of it to attention.

That was what Lance told himself anyway. Even if his fluffy, hovering over their heads optimism was as much use as a lawnmower in space, at least he wasn't causing problems. That in and of itself was enough to keep him positive.

Maybe he was a fifth wheel, but at least he wasn't running flat.

They kept up this general understanding quite well, each of them acclimating to the feeling of their minds rubbing together until it became habitual.

Which made something new cropping up that much more obvious to everyone.

At first, it was this barely noticeable thrum, so Lance didn't think too much of it. They were just practicing some formations outside the castle, safely tucked out of Zarkon's reach, and sometimes one or two of them were slightly preoccupied. It happened—they were only human after all—and couldn't be totally in sync all the time.

Generally, however, when these foreign feelings cropped up, they made a few turns through the constant loop that was their minds before the person responsible got their act together.

At worst—should someone be really off their game—Shiro would say something.

Which was what he did then, when the subtle thrumming didn't go away. It was like a vague itch and was beginning to distract them all.

"Everyone, remember to focus," he said into the coms. "I know these formations seem easy these days, but that doesn't mean practice isn't important."

Lance nodded inside his helmet, steering Blue expertly around his fellow Paladins and wondering who it was that was thinking of other things. The familiar was obvious, but unless it was a sensation that could easily be related to one of them, it was sometimes hard to tell who was guilty and who wasn't.

Despite Shiro's warning, however, the feeling persisted.

In fact, it grew stronger, blossoming between them like an unwanted flower that gave away more than was likely intended.

Pidge giggled.

"Focus, Paladins."

"How are we supposed to focus, Shiro?" Lance asked. "I feel like I'm getting filled up with warm fuzzies or bubble water."

Keith growled.

"Just because someone's feeling extra affectionate, doesn't mean we need to let it distract us," Shiro maintained.

Because that was what the itch had turned into. Someone—though it be yet a mystery—was having some very, very, uh, "friendly" feelings toward someone else among their group. And while it was likely embarrassing for whoever couldn't control it, Lance thought it was kind of nice to feel something so bubbly and innocent for once.

"Okay, seriously, I can't focus with this going on," Pidge said, laughing again and nearly running her lion into Keith's when she was supposed to have been spiraling in the other direction. "This group crush," as it'd become, "is really distracting."

Shiro sighed, sounding somewhat sharper in tone. "We need to be able to work through this kind of thing."

"That sounds awfully defensive, Space Dad," Lance teased. "You know what they say, the more you deny it…"

Shiro was quite obviously not amused. But everyone knew that he had feelings for Allura and this "crush" was, well, it was directed at one of the paladins, that much was also clear. They all kept Shiro's feelings safely locked up nonetheless. They could sense it a bit every time Allura came over the com, but they knew better than to so much as comment.

The realization had also spurred Lance to flirt with her a little less. But only a little.

"Can we just focus on practice?" Keith asked, sounding exasperated. "This is a waste of time."

"Now that's just mean, hot stuff," Lance replied, using the nick name he knew irritated Keith the most. "Love is not a waste of time."

A flash of annoyance passed from Keith and bounced between them all.

"I bet it's Hunk," Lance decided, though he knew perfectly well that it wasn't. He'd know what a Hunk-crush felt like—they'd known each other far too long for him not to.

"Hm? What?" Hunk's voice came abruptly over the coms. "Sorry, I was thinking about lunch and- Ohhhhh, wait, what's that?" He giggled like a little school girl. "Somebody's got a crush!"

"How long have you been daydreaming?" Pidge asked.

"Since, like, two formations ago."

Shiro sighed. Again. "Look, it doesn't matter who has a crush on who, Keith is right. We have practice to get to and something like this shouldn't be enough to stop us in our tracks." Because they'd all come to a stop, their lions floating motionlessly in space. "Sometimes things like this will happen and we need to just work through it. Now enough chatter and form ranks for drill nineteen."

Though there was a bit more good-natured snickering, they did as they were told and didn't mention the crush for the rest of practice, despite it never seeming to go away.

"Maybe one of the lions has a crush," Pidge joked as they were heading into the common room that afternoon.

"Like, on another lion?" Hunk asked.

"Pfft, yeah right." Lance popped the collar of his hood. "If there's a crush to be had, ya'll know who it's directed at." He thought his implication was pretty clear, but Pidge and Hunk still dared to pretend to be clueless. So Lance cleared his throat. "Well, whoevers lion it is, they should know I'm taken. Me and Blue, we're steady as they come." He made a leveling motion with his hand.

"Good to know your romantic considerations include a giant lion spaceship," Pidge said with a smirk.

Lance glared. "Of course they do. Blue is a beautiful, stunning woman and deserves every attention I have to give."

"Okay, this is getting weird," Hunk decided. "We don't need to know what you and your lion get up to in your cockpit."

Lance was nearly ready to be offended, but then settled for a sly grin instead. "Cockpit," he said simply.

Both Hunk and Pidge left him in their dust, walking nearly fast enough to catch up with Keith and Shiro.

Unfortunately, the infamous crush didn't clear up as they'd all thought it would. The next time they were all suited up and in their lions, it was still there and thrumming as steadily as ever. In fact, it only grew stronger with each practice, though by small amounts. For a few days, Lance and Pidge did seriously consider that maybe it was a lion, but there was something inherently human about it, specifically how… shy the sensation was. Whoever was projecting it didn't want to be and was trying desperately to hold it back. Which just wasn't a lion characteristic. If the lions needed or wanted something, well, they made sure everybody knew about it.

It quickly became something they refused to talk about, no matter how heavily it weighed over them all. Sometimes, when they first got into their lions, they could feel the owner of the crush pushing back on it desperately, a slice of frantic panic that was much more personal than Hunk's overzealous freak outs during missions.

The one behind it, however, was never successful in keeping it at bay. And so it became a bit of a norm, until, finally, whoever it belonged to stopped trying to hide it. Instead, the crush was lined with a certain degree of resignation.

It wasn't until one morning—following a night of pummeling a Garlra fleet and making a run for it—that the issue cropped up again.

It was stupid, really. They'd just pulled off a ridiculously hard practice maneuver, one they'd been working on for weeks, and everyone was thrilled to have finally gotten it right.

"About time," Pidge said into the com. "I was pretty sure Lance was going to run headlong into Shiro for the millionth time."

"Hey! That's a hard move!" Lance snapped. "I don't see you trying to do it."

Pidge pouted.

"He's right," Shiro interjected. "If you can pull that twist regularly, we'll have yet another strategy. It is a hard move, Lance, and you should be proud."

"Yeah, Lance!" Hunk agreed.

Pidge sighed. "I guess you have turned out to be a pretty good pilot," she said, though she didn't sound all that thrilled about doing so.

Lance, on the other hand, silently preened at the attention. It wasn't every day that focus was put on him. Which was fine—he'd grown up in a giant family and knew attention was something to be earned. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to bask in it when he was able.

And then—right after Pidge's comment—was when it happened. The "crush" expanded and swelled abruptly, hazing through them all until it was surrounding Lance in a warm sort of buzz. A buzz that was both encouraging as well as filled with…

It was filled with love.

Needless to say, the sudden change took them all aback, multiple gasps of surprise echoing over the coms. Lance was among them, his hands tight around his control sticks as he blinked stupidly and gaped into the silence of his cockpit.

It wasn't something that was easy to recover from, after all. The feeling—which in itself seemed like an understated descriptor—was all-encompassing and completely engulfing. For a few seconds, Lance could have sworn he was wrapped up tight in his mother's arms, or standing beneath the Cuban sun, or even enjoying a worry-free afternoon with Blue (which had never happened). He felt safe and valued and… and raw.

The sensation was so poignant that he thought he might tear up if it smothered him much longer.

But it didn't stick around. Frantic panic abruptly rushed past them all and like a cat clawing down curtains, the haze was ripped away, the crush more subdued than it had been when it'd first shown up. Probably because there was a new blanket of mortification to drown it out.

To Lance, however, it felt like having a nice, warm, home-filled quilt ripped violently from his hands. So violently that he even whined into the com before he could stop himself.

For a few seconds, no one said a single thing, their lions once more floating motionlessly in space.

It was Allura that finally interrupted the silence. "Is everything alright? I'm not seeing any activity from anyone…?"

"Uh, yeah, everything's fine," Shiro said quickly, that he'd stumbled some over his words hammering through all the harder how… shocking the situation had been. But with the silence sliced, they were able to take stunted direction and finish up the practice, even if none were recovered enough to be on their top game.

Lance least of all. Sitting quietly in the kitchen while Hunk cooked (a rare occurrence in itself), he contemplated what had happened with furrowed brows and an out of character frown.

They all knew with certainty at that point who the crush was directed toward, if crush was even an appropriate word. To Lance, who'd been the target of the emotional swell, it'd been made perfectly clear that this was more than a crush. One of the four other paladins were…

They were in love with him. With Lance. While Lance liked to flaunt a cocky personality and flirt with anything he found relatively attractive, he'd never actually… dated anyone before. Which meant that he'd never found someone that had actually reciprocated any of his advances. Most of the time, his flirting was viewed as a silly bother and, while sometimes considering him charming, no one had ever taken him seriously.

Which made it a little hard for Lance to even believe that someone was… was in love with him. One of his teammates really thought that highly of him? But how? And why? Of them all, he had the least to offer, was… was the most replaceable. He'd didn't have Hunk or Pidge's smarts, or Shiro's Dad-Vibes, or Keith's mad skills at everything.

Yet, somehow, he'd managed to catch someone's attention.

But who?

Well, there were only four options. Unless… Unless it was a lion.

Okay, that was weird. No. No lions.

There was no way it was Shiro—he was way too obsessed with Allura.

And Keith was out too. Lance was pretty sure that the most Keith did was tolerate him, let alone like him.

Which left Hunk and Pidge…

Leaning forward on his stool, Lance narrowed his dark blue eyes at Hunk's back. He was leaning into the oven, pulling out a batch of cookies, and Lance said nothing as the large man turned to face him.

At which point, Hunk sighed. "It's not me," he said simply, setting the cookies down on the counter before putting his full focus on the conversation.

Lance tapped his chin thoughtfully. "There's no way for me to know that for sure…"

"Dude, I'm not in love with you. No offense, but you're not exactly my type. You know, being a dude and all."

Yet Lance remained stubbornly suspicious. "I'm watching you…"

"You know it's not me," Hunk continued, slipping the cookies off the sheet with some kind of overly-long spatula. Alien Spatula.

"Well if it's not you, that only leaves Pidge!" Lance hissed out, before reaching up and gripped the sides of his face in distress. "Oh god, Pidge is in love with me! Hunk! What do I do?!"

Hunk looked doubtful. "Why would you think it's Pidge?"

"That's the only other option there is! Shiro wants to get in Allura's alien space pants, Keith hates my guts. If not you, then it's Pidge. Or…" Lance gulped. "Or one of the lions really is in love with me! Oh god, Hunk! There's a giant cat-shaped spaceship in love with me! Blue is going to kill that other lion! We'll be ripped apart!" He put the back of his hand against his forehead dramatically and leaned back. "Voltron will never rise again!"

"It's not a lion, you know that."

"Then it's Pidge!"

"I'm what?"

Just then, the very girl hopped up onto the stood beside Lance, peering between the two curiously.

"Uh…" Hunk was obviously uncomfortable, as was Lance, which Pidge clearly noticed. She looked puzzled, before then becoming exasperatingly irritated.

"Don't flatter yourself," she said simply, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm not in love with you. Like that's even possible."

"Hey!"

Pidge waved off Lance's shout of protest. "You seriously haven't figured out who it is?"

"Pidge, don't," Hunk warned.

"Wait, wait, wait," Lance waved his hands dramatically. "You know who it is?"

"Er, uh, well, n-not exactly…" Hunk shrugged and focused down on his cookies.

"Look, it's not Shiro, we all know that since we know what his crush feels like already. And it's not Hunk, at least not after today when we found out this thing was directed at you, of all people."

"Hey!"

"And it's not me because, one, no, and two, I'm not really into the whole love scene."

"Uh, well that means it has to be a lion then," Lance deduced, holding up a knowing finger.

Pidge looked at him like he was an idiot. "Or Keith."

Lance said nothing for a moment, before releasing a loud, short, bitter laugh. "Yeah, no. Keith hates my guts."

"I don't know that I'd say he hates you," Hunk corrected.

"Okay, well, he's definitely not in love with me."

"He's the only option. Process of elimination."

"Or," Lance said slyly, "one of you is lying."

Pidge rolled her eyes. "Well, I thought the crush at first belonged to you, so I guess I can't blame you for not believing it. The idea that Keith is in love at all, let alone with a buffoon like you, is pretty unbelievable."

"Gee, thanks." Lance was not amused.

"But," she bit into her cookie, "it's really your only option."

"Or it's a lion."

Both Pidge and Hunk spoke at the same time. "It's not a lion."

"Well! It's also not Keith!" Huffing, Lance stood, waving his arms in their direction helplessly before once again narrowing his eyes. "I'm watching you two," he said, pointing at them as he began to walk away. "Always watching," he whispered lastly, just as he was backing out of the room.

More frustrated that he would have preferred, Lance once more ran through all his options as he walked to his room. Despite her words, Pidge was still at the top of his list of most likely. She was probably just trying to throw him off her trail.

Still, even Pidge seemed inherently unlikely. It seemed unlikely that any of them could feel that way about him. Maybe… Maybe he was misinterpreting the whole thing? What if it hadn't actually been directed at him and it'd just been a mix-up in their muddle of mind waves? Or what if it wasn't love and they were just assuming it was?

He was the goof, the clown, the flirt. He couldn't imagine that any of his teammates would fall for him. He just… didn't seem their types.

But…

Reaching up, Lance laid his hand on his chest before gripping some at his t-shirt. For a moment, it'd been so welcoming and… and comforting, being loved. It'd felt… safe. And good. And pure. And it'd been painful when it'd been ripped away.

No, he couldn't think like that. No matter who it was that felt such things for him, he couldn't encourage it or go looking for it. Fact was, he didn't feel the same way about them and it wouldn't be fair to take advantage of their feelings. He did… he did like someone, but as he'd told Hunk and Pidge, they hated his guts (most likely).

There was no way the feelings belonged to Keith. The red paladin could hardly stand to be in the same room as Lance most of the time, let alone be any more than a friend. If that. They were rivals, mostly, and at each other's throats whenever they could be. Granted, Lance liked fighting with Keith. One, it was fun, and two, it was a good cover up for his own feelings. Despite what everyone probably thought (except for maybe Hunk), Lance was very good at controlling his emotions. Growing up in a big family teaches patience and restraint, and a certain degree of acceptance that things are not going to always go the way one wants. Becoming emotional wasn't acceptable when he had so many others to look out for. Not that emotions were frowned upon, but he was an older brother. He was used to putting others before himself, to hiding his own pain.

Which made it easier to accept that Keith didn't want anything to do with him. Voltron, his friends, they came first. He couldn't afford to be making a stink about his own personal issues.

Whoever it was that had feelings for him, however, seemed to be having far more trouble with the whole ordeal. Which Lance felt bad about. It was obvious they didn't want to broadcast their feelings, but just couldn't help it.

Well, it was probably better not to pursue the issue anyway. Yeah, that was best. There was no way Lance would ever tease anyone about those kinds of feelings and it was probably wise not to go snooping around about them either. Whoever it was (he was still thinking Pidge), they'd get over it soon enough. Just like he'd eventually get over Keith.

After all, he'd had plenty of crushes, even fallen a few times, and he was always able to move on.

That was what was best. Just… let it go.

Things would go back to normal soon.

Part 2