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artificialqueens · 2 years

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In the Dark (Camgeria) - Athena2

Summary: Camden is dragged to a haunted house by Bosco and Daya. After she gets lost inside, Angeria comes to her rescue.

A/N: This is just a cute Halloween fic I wanted to post!! I really hope you like it, and please leave feedback if you like! Thank you to Writ for your help <3

It’s not that Camden doesn’t like Halloween. She loves seeing the fiery red leaves fall down and crunch under her feet. She loves looking up costume ideas and putting one together to wear to work. She loves how it gets so cold at night that it's easy to justify staying in with a blanket and some tea and relaxing Halloween movies to drown out the scream-filled horror movies her roommate Bosco loves.

She likes Halloween.

Just not the scary parts.

“This is so cool!” Bosco screams from the passenger seat as their girlfriend, Daya, pulls into the haunted house’s parking lot. It’s not really a house—it’s a giant warehouse made of faded gray stone, with broken windows inside rusted frames. It was probably condemned for health reasons at one point.

“So cool!” Daya says cheerfully.

Camden just wonders how she let Bosco talk her into this. Probably the promise of hot chocolate after. Camden is easily tempted by hot drinks.

The line to get in weaves through the parking lot, moving fast with the pace of Camden’s heart.

“You said this wouldn’t be that scary!” Camden says, shuddering at the entrance’s Beware sign written in a dark red color that she knows is just paint, but looks a little too close to blood for comfort.

“It isn’t,” Bosco says.

Camden huffs as they finally enter the warehouse. The entrance is designed like an old mansion, with fancy chairs and lace-covered tables. There are portraits on the wall, but a closer look reveals that they’re zombies. And that red design on the striped wallpaper is meant to be blood. Camden ignores the shiver down her spine as they get their tickets and prepare to start their walk through the house.

The door opens into a hallway that will take them to the first room. It’s pitch black, like walking into the mouth of a giant monster.

“Are there no lights in here?” Camden demands. “Not even a single one? It’s not like one little lightbulb somewhere would run up the electric bill.”

“Camden, it’s okay,” Daya says. “Most haunted houses are dark inside, but they have little lights and signs inside to guide you.” She points to a tiny red light blinking on the wall, pointing them to the room.

“I wish I knew that before I agreed to this,” Camden mutters under her breath, but Daya and Bosco are too busy marveling over how real the cobwebs dangling over the door look. Camden thinks it’s less an instance of realistic effects and more of a lack of dusting.

The door creaks as it opens, and Camden clenches her shoulders.

It’s styled like a dungeon, with rusty chains hanging from the ceiling and cages in the corners. The haunted house actors laugh and reach out from the cages, but there are lots of lights and it’s not as bad as Camden was expecting. Especially if she keeps her eyes on the back of Bosco’s familiar flannel shirt.

Camden manages through the next few rooms, with blood-splattered walls and more groaning actors jumping out at them. Camden’s doing okay—she thinks she is, anyway. She’s jumped and yelped and only clutched at Bosco once.

And then they reach room number four.

It’s dark inside, with only one lantern revealing a surprisingly tiny, surprisingly empty room.

There’s nothing here at all, and Camden is trying to get the hell out because she doesn’t think haunted houses would have empty rooms, and she’d like to avoid whatever trick is coming. But Daya and Bosco are too slow in front of her, and then there’s a crack like a boom of thunder somewhere.

A white face like the moon suddenly appears in the dark sky of the room. A white face with smeared clown paint and blood all over its lips, lips that are opening to release a cackling laugh through sharp teeth—

Camden screams, her vision blurry, as she finds the first door she can and runs. The clown is still laughing; she can hear heavy footsteps and the laugh that makes her hair stand on end. She keeps running, her heart like a drumbeat in her ears, until the footsteps and maniacal laughter are gone, and she can finally catch her breath.

She’s in a hallway, as dark and long as an abyss, ready to swallow her. There’s a faint red light down the hall, but it’s so dim it’s practically a mile away. Things are quiet, quiet enough for her to hear her own heartbeat, and she realizes how alone she is in this hallway. It’s like she’s drifting through outer space, and she shrinks against the wall, breaths shuddering out of her. She’ll be lost in some stupid haunted house forever.

A minute passes, and Camden pulls herself together. She’s acting like the horror movie idiots Bosco is always complaining about, and if she wants to get out of here, she has to do it herself. She slowly unpeels herself from the wall and makes a plan.

She can’t try to find her way back to the start; if she gets it right, she has to see that bloody clown and go through all the rooms again, and if she gets it wrong, she’ll be even more lost in a haunted house. She’ll just have to keep going, and she takes a breath and sets off. But before she can take a step, she hears a distant scream, and then footsteps clacking along the floor, and her heart jumps into her throat.

“Daya? Bosco?” Her voice is shaking, squeaky like an old spring. “Are–are you there? If this is a joke, I swear—”

“Is someone there? Are you lost too?” A voice suddenly asks, and Camden yelps, sure it’s some sort of creepy doll or murderous clown lying in wait to terrify her when she can’t see it coming.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice continues. It’s a nice voice, with a warm southern accent, and Camden feels her heart slow just a bit. “I was here with a friend, but we got separated after that creepy room.”

“The one with the clown,” Camden says bitterly. “It got me too.”

“Yeah.” The voice is growing closer now, gentle footsteps padding across the tile. “I can handle scary stuff. I watch lots of scary movies. Clowns always get me, though. My friend didn’t know that clowns would be here, but I should’ve figured.”

“My friends told me this wouldn’t even be scary! But they love scary things, and I…don’t.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out myself.” Camden hears a smile in the voice, and then somehow they’re both laughing in the dark. Camden’s racing heart finally calms, and she takes her first real breath in what feels like hours. “I’m Angeria, by the way,” the voice continues.

“Camden.”

The moment is cut like a knife by distant screams from somewhere in the warehouse.

“We should probably try to get out of here,” Angeria says.

“Right. Um, is it okay if I grab your hand?” Camden asks, grateful the darkness hides the warmth in her cheeks. Sure, she doesn’t know Angeria, but she’s been so kind, and her voice alone is like a port for Camden to cling to in this dark storm. “That way we can stick together, right?”

“That’s a good idea. I’ll try to find your shoulder, I guess, and then you can—wait a minute! My phone!” Camden’s confused, until she sees the glow of a phone screen and then the brighter sweep of the phone’s flashlight. “I didn’t even think to use this until now. I’m acting like an idiot in a horror movie.”

“Me too,” Camden laughs. “I was too busy panicking.” The flashlight allows her to finally take a look at the woman, and Camden’s stomach leaps at the sight.

Angeria has warm eyes to match the sweetness of her voice, with dark brown hair and a big smile. She’s beautiful, even in the harsh phone light.

“It’s nice to be able to see you,” Angeria says shyly.

“You too,” Camden says, and they share a tiny laugh.

“Let’s go.” Angeria offers her hand, and Camden takes it. Her grip is a little sweaty, but Angeria already found her cowering in the dark in a haunted house, so it’s not like Camden has a lot of dignity left. Besides, it seems like Angeria doesn’t mind, just holding her hand tight and leading her down the hall.

Maybe it’s the light, or having Angeria’s hand in hers, but Camden feels safer, somehow, as they walk down the hall. Like nothing in this warehouse can get her as long as Angeria is at her side.

They trade small talk through all the rooms. Angeria talks about being a teacher, and the stories of the crafts she does or the hilarious things her students say keep Camden grounded. Angeria is like a lighthouse light through the storm, and Camden hangs on to her voice and her stories to get through the rooms designed to look hospitals and cabins and one truly creepy kids’ bedroom with demonic stuffed animals. Camden adds in her own stories about dance, keeping her mind off the zombie cast member in the corner, or the ghostly moans coming from behind her.

“We’re doing great,” Angeria says as they exit another room. “I think we’re close to the end now.”

Camden just nods. She knows Angeria is probably only being this nice to her because she’s basically a scared little kid, but Angeria seems too kind for this to be anything but kindness. She could have just left Camden here, but she didn’t. Every time one of the cast members jumps out at them, Camden squeezes Angeria’s hand too hard, rushing out an apology a second later. And every time, Angeria brushes the apology off and tells her it’s okay.

They reach one last door, and cool air soothes over Camden’s flushed cheeks and normal voices instead of scary ones fill her ears, and Camden realizes they’re outside. The moon is like a safety net over her, and she finally lets go of Angeria’s hand as they breathe in the air.

“We made it!” Camden says. Her wobbly legs are starting to feel steady again.

Angeria laughs. “We made it.”

“Camden!” She hears Daya’s relieved voice, and then she and Bosco come running. “Thank God, I thought we were gonna have to send a rescue party.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Bosco says nonchalantly. “But I’m glad you’re okay.” They squeeze Camden’s arm in comfort.

“I’m fine. Angeria helped me.” Camden says, nodding at her. It’s still dark outside, but with the bright lights from the building and the parking lot, surrounded by her friends and the other people lingering around, her earlier fear seems ridiculous. But it has been real, and she might still be inside, hiding in the dark, if not for Angeria.

“Well, thanks for helping this chicken,” Bosco says to Angeria.

She laughs. “It was nothing. We helped each other. I think you were pretty brave for someone who doesn’t like scary things,” she says softly, brown eyes peering into Camden’s. She rocks on her heels for a few seconds, biting her lip. “I'm gonna go find my friend. Maybe I’ll see you around, Camden.”

“Maybe,” Camden says, and then she’s gone, like a ghost into the crowd.

“Camden!” Daya yells.

“What?”

Daya and Bosco stare at her with wide eyes. “You should ask her out!” They say simultaneously.

“Why would I—no, I shouldn’t. I’m just some person she met in the dark.”

“I think she likes you,” Daya says.

“And you obviously like her, you’re all red,” Bosco adds.

“Well, I was fleeing for my life not long ago,” Camden says defensively, but she can’t even pretend her eyes aren’t searching the parking lot, trying to find Angeria.

“Oh, just ask her out! And you might want to make it fast because she’s coming back over here right now.”

Camden doesn’t even have time to panic before she spins around and Angeria is back, giving her a hesitant smile. “Would it be okay if I give you my phone number?” Angeria asks.

Camden’s heart skips a beat, but it’s not out of fear this time. “It would be okay, but I actually wanted to ask…um, do you want to get hot chocolate? It’s okay if you’re busy or—“

“I’d love to get hot chocolate with you,” Angeria says, smiling eagerly.

Camden grins. “Do you…want to go right now?”

“Let’s go.” Angeria offers her hand like she did in the haunted house, and Camden takes it.

Something tells her it won’t be the last time she does.

#rpdr fanfiction #lady camden #angeria paris vanmicheals #angeria x camden #bosco #daya betty #s14 #lesbian au #fluff #athena2 #concrit welcome

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slasher-sweetie · 2 years

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Hi, may I request a match up?

My appearance: I’m 5’5 and plus size (I carry a lot of my weight in my thighs and stomach). I have tan skin. I have curly, black hair that’s cut into an undercut. I wear black square glasses. I also have brown eyes and a few freckles scattered around my nose and eyelids.

My personality: I’m an ambivert. I’m extremely shy around new people and I’ve very closeted in. However, in places where I’m comfortable I can be quite outgoing and loud. Once I get warmed up to somebody new, I can talk to them for hours.

I’m a very calm person. Even when I’m anxious or stressed I don’t really ever crack under pressure. It takes a lot to upset me and it takes a lot more to make me angry. Also, when I do get angry, I cry.

My hobbies: My main two hobbies are cosplaying and art. I draw, paint, etc. and I have been since a really young age. Cosplay actually made me realize that I’m really passionate about FX makeup and that’s what I go to school for now. I also love listening to music. I listen to pretty much every genre. I also love to write a LOT.

And here’s some random facts: I was in theatre throughout high school and I was in choir for half of high school. My favorite singers are David Bowie, Prince, and Lady Gaga. Horror is my favorite genre. I’m a scare actor and my local haunt usually cast me as a clown. My favorite colors are red and black.

Thank you so much and I love your account! 🖤🖤🖤

You're so sweet! I love YOU, anon. 🖤

Okay, so, out of your information, the fact that you work at a haunt really jumped out at me. The intricacies of a haunt, and the different levels of a scare really reminded me of someone. That someone is Amanda Young, Jigsaw's accomplice in the first three Saw movies. She knows a thing or two about coming up with horrifying scenarios to test the lost souls of the world. She could relate with you artistically, except I hope your haunt doesn't put people through a harrowing trial that ends in life or death. 👀

The autumn air had a refreshing chill as it whipped Amanda's hair around her face. The two of you were currently outside, taking spray paint to one of the backdrop walls that would be featured at your local haunt. You had been tasked to create something that the patrons could take selfies in front of, a bid at some free advertising on people's social media pages.

The haunt had chosen something a little different this year, not exactly scary, but an homage to the Universal Classic Horror Films; Dracula, The Wolf Man, Frankenstein, The Mummy, they were all being honored this year.

Amanda was especially excited to help you out, as she and John had spent hours bonding over the Universal Classics before he passed. Having this time with you was beyond special, and as the two of you worked together on making life-size copies of the Universal Monsters, she couldn't help but wish John was here to see it.

You noticed her sadness, it was as if the two of you were tethered to eachother, so neither of you could hide what you were feeling. You put down your paint brush, the chalky green/gray of Frankenstein's skin had dripped onto your hands and dried, making it seem as if you were slowly turning into the scientist's next wayward creation.

You approached Amanda, nudging her softly with your shoulder, "You alright, Mandy?"

She nodded, giving you a soft smile, "Yes... I just... I just wish he could see all this, and that he could have met you. He'd be so happy for me, and he would have had a blast here."

You wrapped her in a hug, pulling her close, "He knows, Mandy. He's always with you."

Your words provided a comfort that Amanda didn't know she needed. Leaning forward she pressed a soft kiss to your lips, "You're right. Thank you. I have no idea what I'd do without you."

"I don't know either," you confessed, shooting her a teasing grin, "But I do know what you're going to do with me. We're going to design the coolest backdrop you've ever seen, and then later, we can go to the warehouse."

Amanda immediately lit up at the prospect of going to the place where John's legacy lived on. You never shied away from helping her come up with inventive ways to set up tests. Your support meant everything to her.

"You know what? You're perfect," she declared, getting back to her painting.

You could feel a faint blush tinge your cheeks, "Well, not as perfect as you."

The two of you went back and forth for a while, until you decided to call a truce and really focus on getting to work.

On Halloween night, when people lined up to take pictures with your work, you both had to admit that it really was the coolest backdrop the two of you had ever seen.

#slashers #horror #horror movies #slasher x reader #slasher x you #amanda young #jigsaw #asks are always appreciated #matchups

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j-o-e-y-22 · 2 years

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patchy notes i used to plan my essay

Halloween 1978 & 2007

Halloween 78 is a classic slasher movie; some argue that it’s the film that catapulted the genre into the mainstream. The way this film works is simple, we don’t understand why Michael Myers is how he is. Once he’s caught after the murder of his sister, the six-year-old has the clown mask taken off of him. His home is a picture of middle-class suburbia, his family dressed quite well. There’s never any explanation for his behaviour, and the entire introduction to him from the beginning first person scenes to his unmasking leaves him ambiguous. You never hear him speak and once he’s an adult you never see his face, Michael’s character is kind of blank, that’s what makes him so scary to people. The William Shatner mask painted white became iconic because of the fact you would never be able to tell what Michael’s thinking. Halloween 2007 however, shows us an awful lot about a family we didn’t necessarily need to find out about. There’s always going to be a challenge in giving a character lore that wasn’t there in the source material. Rob Zombie’s Halloween we meet Michael’s mother, his sister and his abusive stepfather. Their home is falling apart, a broken picket fence outside the front. Zombie’s Michael is given way more backstory in the first hour of this film than most of the original series and almost makes Michael feel more like a Leatherface type, giving us a young boy, who’s abusive upbringing made him resort to murder. His first kill isn’t even Judith anymore, but a guy from a Nickelodeon show being bludgeoned in the woods. The entire film stinks of someone who just wanted to remake The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which Zombie has paid homage to in his own work, and it almost makes you forget what the film is originally meant to be. It fits in with Zombie’s self-coined “Hellbilly”aesthetic and to his credit, he has said it is a reimagining, we just apparently were not ready for it. With the lack of loyalty to character and strange changes to the story put to the side for a moment, the kills are alright. In typical Rob Zombie fashion, there’s plenty of gore and gross out moments, but you can have a fun gory film without gratuitous sexual assault and the overdramatization of Michael’s childhood. Changing it to be a result of Michael’s childhood feels like a lazy way of trying to make him scary and removes any mystery from a character that has scared people for decades.

Nightmare on Elm Street 84 and 2010

Intro to original and what it does well

What this film adds is a different take on Freddy. Rather than being a child murderer, New Line thought it to be a great idea to change this into being a child molester alongside his murders. While this had potential and would have been true to Craven’s original ideas for the character, it comes across as shock material to try and make a usually camp series into something darker. There of course is no problem with trying to update a franchise for the modern age and offer new ideas, but when you borrow the most interesting shots from an original film, what new are you bringing to the table? Freddy’s language goes from quippy one liners to overtly sexual dialogue that almost breaks what little immersion the film has to offer. Stylistically, it’s beautiful. The dream sequences are what they should be, the design reminiscent of the town in Silent Hill, but a film should not remind you of a much better and well-structured series and make you wish you were playing that instead. Jackie Earle Hayley’s Freddy feels more like Rorschach from Watchmen, possessing none of the flair of Robert Englund’s Freddy. Even the kills leave a lot to be desired, Tina’s kill from the original is replayed and given to the character Chris in 2010. There is nothing new added to the kill, and there’s something almost comical in the way it’s played off. The effects are jarring and the kill doesn’t hold the same weight as the original. Original director and creator Wes Craven was not consulted for the film, and in 2009 expressed his disappointment, saying he wouldn’t be seeing it. "Nobody's called me or anything - I don't know what the script's like, I don't know who's in it. Frankly, that's painful. It was one of my better ideas and better films, but the fact is that, because I was completely broke [when I sold the script], I completely sold the rights to it."

although the evil dead remake does do the typical horror remake thing of upping the gore, it doesnt feel far from normal when the rest of the franchise is eccentric and has this almost slapstick tone. if you heard a girl say "don't worry, it's all better now" after cutting off her own arm in a Halloween movie, youd be taken aback. but for the evil dead franchise its commonplace to see self-dismemberment and have quippy one liners for comedic effect. The Evil Dead, while it does have scary moments and is in all ways a horror film, has comedy right at its heart. Rather than trying to stay away from its origins as a schlocky 80s movie, it embraces it for a new age of film making. The main thing that let's this film down is the continued inclusion of the infamous tree scene, a scene director Fede Alvarez wanted to keep away from his film, but was encouraged my studio executives to keep it in. In contrast to the rest of the film being almost perfect as it's own instalment into the series, this scene drags it down tremendously. Sam Raimi himself felt ashamed having the tree assault in the original film, so much so that in the sequel (and remake of the original film) Evil Dead 2 he removed it completely. When talking about the Evil Dead films and the tv show, they are all incredibly unique in their own ways. Evil Dead being the typical low budget indie horror that was one of 72 titles in the 'Video Nasties' moral panic of the early 1980s for its obscenity. Evil Dead 2 coming back with a bigger budget, less characters (keeping everyone's favourite Bruce Campbell as Ashley Williams) and a more slapstick tone reminiscent of the three stooges. The only thing you can really describe the third instalment, Army of Darkness is Monty Python's Holy Grail meets Evil Dead, set in the middle ages is definitely the most absurd and underappreciated entry. Finally Ash Vs Evil Dead, So it makes sense that a series that's undergone quite a lot of tonal and stylistic changes would go down the route of a high budget film with the advancements in practical effects

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wallpaperpaintings · 4 years

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wallpaperpainter · 4 years

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Five Things You Most Likely Didn’t Know About Scary Clown Face Paint | scary clown face paint

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#face painting #crazy clown face paint #scary clown face paint #scary clown face paint designs #scary

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handsome-clown · 3 years

Text

To Make Him Flustered

I have been searching my brain for a way that would possibly make this man flustered and it finally came to me after watching a video from the awesome channel Art Unleashed. I encourage you to check them out. Hisoka is an overgrown child (with lethal combat skills) so I think the most effective way to make him flustered is ultimately to give him a "toy" he has no idea how to play with. Enjoy!

WARNING: Mention of oral

"And...we're done. I think it came out great!" Your friend said as she finished up spraying you down with setting spray.

You walked over to the mirror in your room and looked at yourself. Even you had a hard time believing you were naked with how much of a convincing job she did. She had effectively given the illusion of a complete (though very well fitting) outfit with just body paint, and here you stood completely exposed yet armed with your own illusion. One you couldn't wait to try on your sly magician. He had a match at Heaven's Arena tonight and you couldn't wait to see his reaction to your change in apparel.

You treated your friend to lunch and parted ways soon after. As well as thanking her for her hard work this was also a test to see how convincing the work was to the public. You were shocked at how no one noticed, at least to your knowledge. Still, you had to face Hisoka who had the perceptive abilities of at least 10x the average person if not more. After stopping at your house to touch up your makeup one last time, you made your way over to Heaven's Arena. You opted for a light cardigan to cover up with just for the match. He was expecting you in the front row as always so if you sat anywhere else he would immediately become suspicious. But you didn't want him noticing your surprise too quickly and throw his match.

As excited as you were for this you were also extremely nervous. Hisoka was anything if not unpredictable and there was the almost certain chance that no matter what his reaction would be you were likely to not be able to walk right for a week after this. Then again, that's part of the reason you loved your killer clown. Always keeping you on your toes.

As you made your way to the crowd and sat in your designated seat you could feel your heart racing faster. When he made in entrance to the ring, he looked to you and flashed a smile which you returned. You hoped the look on your face wouldn't give anything away.

His match went like it always did, him toying with his opponent a little before ultimately finishing them off in a rather brutal way. As scary as it was seeing how ruthless he was, you still loved to watch him fight. You really were twisted that way, you thought. After the match was over and the crowd started emptying, you made your way to the lobby to face your eccentric lover.

He spotted you immediately and walked over to you once he saw you. He looked you up and down and smiled as your heart went to your throat. Did he notice that easily?

"Enjoy the match, lovebug~?" He asked as he took your hand and began leading you back to his apartment.

Your anxiety vanished and was replaced by excitement. So he didn't notice yet?

"Actually my love, I was wondering if we could go to dinner tonight?" You asked sweetly as you took off your cover up.

It was now or never.

He chuckled and looked down at you before pulling his hand out of yours and wrapping it around your shoulders.

"Is that why you got so dressed up for m-"

He stopped mid sentence as soon as his arm felt bare skin. You looked up to see his expression and it was one that could only be described as shock and confusion.

"Is there something wrong, my love?" You asked trying so hard to keep your charade of innocence.

He stared at you for another moment before roughly grabbing your wrist and roughly dragging you to the elevator to his room, the whole time completely silent and you began having second thought about this whole adventure.

The second you were in the door he locked it and stood in front of you, his eyes focused on your body but lacking it's normal lust. You were about to say something to him when you felt both of your arms being lifted up and were suddenly spun around. Silently he began roughly inspecting each part of your body, pulling you and spinning you in different directions so he could examine every angle. But just when you thought his inspection was complete, he simply started over again.

"Hisoka!" You laughed as he continued his antics trying to figure out what he wanted to do with you.

You could almost hear the cogs turning in his brain. Here you were naked in front of him after a match but you were covered in art that he was obviously hesitant to ruin. If he wasn't, you knew you would be face down in his mattress by now.

"I don't...get it!" he finally said with a growl of frustration causing you to laugh at his flustered state. You may never get the opportunity to bask in this beautiful moment again and you wanted to relish in it.

"How can I play with my toy when I can't disturb such beautiful work~?" he whined causing you to laugh again. Hisoka never whined unless he was trying to tease you, but now your poor baby was genuinely at a loss.

"Art is meant to be viewed, not played with my sweet magician." You told him before reaching up to give a light tap to his nose.

"It's not fair~!" He declared with the same whine to his voice while you basked in amusement. Here was the floormaster, the great Hisoka Morow, on the verge of a flustered tantrum like he was a a small child. Still, you decided to take a little pity on your lover and wrapped your arms around his waist.

"Well, this is body paint so it will take some effort to come off. Perhaps that's something you can help me with in the shower when we get back?" You offered as you ran a hand over his chest.

Suddenly the normal mischievous look in his eyes came back and you felt yourself getting nervous again. Even more so when you felt his tight embrace wrap around you and squish you against him.

"Oh my dear~ While that gorgeous display is something to be preserved, your makeup is much more easily fixable, hm~?"

Your eyes widened once you realized what he meant. Now it was your turn to whine.

"B-But...my eyeliner came out perfect today!" You protested only for him to loudly laugh.

"I'll clean you up and do your makeup before we leave. Until then...I believe you have a job to do. You did pull this little stunt right after a match after all. You must have been aware of the consequences~" he lectured as he pushed you down to your knees.

You pouted at him playfully

"Fine..."

He chuckled again and took your chin in his hand.

"Oh don't look so disappointed, pet. I do love it when you give me little surprises like this~" he assured you while petting your hair.

You smiled up at him, happy with the way things turned out. Even if it did mean you were about to choke on his cock until your makeup ran down your face.

"Besides...you admit yourself your eyeliner skills are sub par~"

A well placed head-butt to the crotch was the only response he got.

#hisoka x reader #hisoka morow #hunterxhunter #hisoka headcanons

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ganymedesclock · 3 years

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Clowns are great, tell us what you like about clowns!! Everyone seems scared of them to the point that a nice clown is an inverted trope...

I think that people initially get unsettled about clowns for a lot of the same reasons people get unsettled about dolls- the presumption of innocence that can be subverted, the 'that's not quite a normal face' affected by the makeup, and to a degree that circuses have become a little less common and a little more something regarded as fantastical or strange. (I attended a Cirque do Soliel performance- Cavalia- once in my life! It was extremely impressive)

I think on top of that, as you say, the trope of the monster clown, popularized by figures such as the Joker, has become so widespread that people tend to think of clowns as scary by default, a kind of monster category. Which is just kind of a shame and many people are taking that back. For me personally, I'm a bit more of a fond of old-school aesthetics/ court jester image than I am on the classic clown but I still think circus aesthetics are pretty fun.

For me, a lot of the appeal of this is twofold: I think "a performer" is an interesting psychological state to present a character in, especially someone like a clown who generally has a persona on and off and who drastically changes their face (with paint, wigs, costuming) between. The clown is designed to be funny- to affect a foolishness or otherwise harmlessness- and it is a performance taken on deliberately by others. At their core, clowns are actors, and their performance is to entertain one way or another.

This is an interesting thing to think about for me personally because I'm someone who tends to reflexively fear being not taken seriously, being found funny, harmless, ineffectual by others- but the key thing about a performance is that it is at the discretion of the performer. They are putting themselves, their art, and their control into it. At the same time, they're skillfully palming elements of themselves so the audience doesn't see who they are fully or clearly.

That can be used for horror, to be fair- the idea that someone is behaving harmless or benevolent when the actual person they are underneath is not necessarily. But at this point, the clown facade is so often associated with evil that it'll lose a bit of effectiveness before your audience unless you play it really well.

It can also be used for something interesting! I don't call myself a profound or storied batman aficionado, but I think it actually is interesting that the Joker has a "clown aesthetic" in some ways but that one of his most commonly depicted fatal flaws is pride- he dresses as he does to laugh at everybody around him but cannot stand the idea of being mocked or derided- he's not the one to take the pratfall, and any time he does, he hits the roof about it. Not someone who actually values the clown as an entertainer, but someone who wants to insinuate everybody around him belongs in the circus and he won't respect them.

But I think there's a plentiful amount of room for characters associated with clowns who are depicted as more of a clever hero; someone who performs and deflects, disarms and pleases, from the shrewd perspective of a person who knows they aren't being taken seriously. The core viewpoint character in one of my personal projects- Avery from Bevyverse- is raised by a circus and while he doesn't exactly keep up the clown makeup after leaving it behind, it still strongly affects his ideology about role, identity, performance and entertainment; to the point where, as an abandoned child with no known history, he takes the surname of the setting's equivalent of Robin Goodfellow- a role he came to thrive in at a key point in his upbringing.

I think there's not necessarily anything wrong with a scary clown, but I think that there's a trick and artifice to horror, in that fear is a very reflexive, instinctual response. There's a reason that the jump scare is the cheapest trick in the book and half the time we see it coming, but it rarely fails to get your heart rate up. As living creatures, on an instinctual level we want to keep going. We get startled by things not by any moral failing but by an assessment of risk that goes by so vanishingly fast in the depths of our brain we are left only with a sense of lingering unease- or a moment of direct terror, cued by our entire body shifting into high gear so we have the energy and resources to- hopefully- fight, fly, freeze, or fawn our way out of it.

But because this is so reflexive, and because many primal fears are intuitive- a fear of disease, a fear of injury, (and from those, a false-positive unease at anything that seems "like us, but not quite" or "us, but not moving right") a fear of predators, a fear of parasites, a fear of fire and shifting stone, asphyxiation and other natural hazards that could kill or profoundly injure us- in writing and designing horror we don't actually need to think about this stuff. So someone can think, hey, that horror movie I saw with a scary clown was really gnarly, right? I think I can capture that feeling in my own work!

I think that, if I have to cite one thing as the most important part of writing- for myself, which I'm sure many people can and ought to disagree with because there's never just one way to do art- it's interrogating the elements of your story, even to yourself. Not all of it needs to go into a story, but for me, someone who is very fond of conceptual horror, I feel like it's a good idea to not take things for granted, but challenge them to yourselves- why a clown? what's scary about a clown? If we unspool these reflexes and instincts, what do they lead us back to?

And I don't mean this as a reason you shouldn't have an evil clown! If you really want to have an evil clown, asking these questions will help you make the thing a lot scarier- it'll give you a clearer thesis of what, exactly, is the horror element here, what about this is scary- and hopefully help you avoid bigotry in horror, which can be a real problem in the genre when prejudice is to a degree rooted in fear, and fear is not objective- we can train our feelings to lead us astray, and while that isn't a mark of how we're a bad person- we often aren't given a choice in it- it's important to return to the source and ask yourself what's scary and if that is inherently so.

#writing ruminations #readmore

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friendsim-more-like-lovesim · 3 years

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Days like these

(aka “watch me use a bunch of self indulgent troll-alien-headcanons because No One Can Stop Me”)

Marvus Xoloto x reader

((reader is gn))

TW: semi-implied sexual reference but not really? It’s very soft and fluffy. some swears (what’d you expect from the clowns honestly)

It’s during days like these when it really hits you that Marvus is an alien.

You shift your gaze upon his relaxed form, slumped against his pillowy “relaxation rectangle” - or whatever silly name he used to describe his couch. You really should make an effort to remember what trolls call all these things, but in your defense; it’s hard to tell what’s a troll-thing to say and what’s simply a Marvus-thing to say. Either way, the intricacies of the matter escapes you as a grin grows on your face at the sight of him stretching.

“Aw shit buddi, yaint gotta b scared to go actin all royally flushed for a mofo. Iss p fucking cute ya know? B-sides, a brutha ain’t gonna go an deny that wicked warmness you got ther ;o)”

Ah, how you love this doof.

You chuckle at the thought of his odd speech and mannerisms; how in the hell did you even fall for this guy? You’d jokingly jab at your past self for having bad taste, but as the clown in question gives you a toothy grin and places a far too wet smooch on your cheek, you can’t find it in you to regret anything. You place your hand on his face, so small against his large form, and turn his head back to you to wipe the smug grin off of him. You kiss him with all the tenderness you can muster, and he starts purring against you. It’s such a low rumbling, you imagine it’d be almost impossible to tell he was even doing it if it weren’t for the steady vibrations coming from deep in his chest.

Instead you take to studying his face, admiring his features; a hobby you’ve gotten quite adept at doing if you may say so yourself, not that you would brag about it of course. You fixate on his dark lips, no longer hidden beneath layers of greasy face paint. For some reason you seem to forget that all trolls have black lips naturally. It’s quite striking up close, especially contrasted with the bright yellow of his many sharp fangs. Trolls who aren’t too invested in cosmetics and beauty will often just use foundation or base makeup - if anything.

You assume to conceal potential color or something? You’re not really sure, but a few of your more casual-vibe buddies often have their lips covered with some kind of semi-opaque gray makeup. You appreciate their lack of Giving A Fuck about gender or sexuality and it’s earthly stereotypes. It’s refreshing, in a way, even if you know Alternia’s got more than enough issues to make up for it.

You had just earlier that night removed Marvus’ face paint getup, a surprisingly intimate experience, and now you have the ultimate payoff that is seeing the faint purple shade of his blush dancing it’s way across his cheeks and nose. You’re not sure how someone so big and scary by design can make you coo at them as if they were a baby, but Marvus somehow does that to you. Your clingy monkey brain wants to get even closer to him, you crave his gentle touch and embrace like you crave the air you breathe. Which is currently smelling quite savory from the meal you just ate together, you note. Hm. You should probably throw away the empty boxes of formerly bug-topped flavor disks. Insect pizza really isn’t your favorite kind of pizza, so Marvus was generous enough to get you a vegetarian, bug free version, which you appreciate.

You would end up tasting bugs anyway you’d later find out, as you straddle his lap to get a comfortable enough angle to kiss him more properly. Wow, trolls really are a lot bigger than humans. As you sit on top of him, you still only barely reach up to his chest. You smile into his mouth as his long tongue mingles with yours. He’s so cold, and as he carefully angles his mouth so he doesn’t cut you up with his teeth you wonder if he’s ever uncomfortable with the temperature difference.

You’re quite content with it yourself; it’s surprisingly relieving to feel his coolness against you when you’re all blushy and worked up like this, he’s like a breath of fresh air. Well. Fresh air that tastes like bug pizza.

He holds his strong hand against your back and pushes you closer. You giggle with him as you both fall backwards, you laying on top of him as he falls unceremoniously to the lower side of the couch. His thick hair is sticking out in all directions, and you let yourself slide your fingers through it. It’s like steel wool - tough, like the rest of him, but surprisingly smooth. Your hand glides easily along it and back onto his face. He grabs your hand and kisses your palm over and over as you beam down at him.

His horn is stabbing the cushion of his couch, but he doesn’t seem to care. He winks at you and sticks his tongue out, as if posing for a silly candid photo made for your eyes only. He makes a silly joke about you falling for him, and you’re almost dizzy with happiness.

Yeah, you love days like these.

#yes can you tell I am Yearning(tm) ?#Marvus Xoloto #friendsim #marvus x reader #marvus xoloto x reader #hiveswap #homestuck #troll headcanons #hs #hiveswap friendsim #hiveswap headcanons #marvus

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heresyourramen · 3 years

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Seo Changbin - Green Eyed Monster

Halloween was ages ago but I still wanted to post this one.

Changbin x female reader insert (Heavily tattooed y/n, she’s strong too since her job is a personnel trainer, idk whatever)

5.9 K Words

It does contain SMUT/EXPLICT CONTENT

Warnings: A horror house, a lot of angst, pretty vanilla sex some light oral, jealousy, some fluff.

"Its charming!" your voice echoed through the cold night air.

The old mansion or at least what was left of it was probably anything but, though like anything if you looked hard enough you'd find the quirks. the gothic architecture had fallen apart, the steel spires and some old grey, rotten wood all that remained its steel spires and a very creaky weather vane that's rooster shape became somewhat ominous in the darkness of the night, well that and the sounds of people screaming inside every now and again probably also didn't help.

"It's probably haunted and we're all going to die," Changbin's monotonous voice came from beside you and you saw Felix clutch onto your boyfriends arm tighter and you half wished your love for all things spooky had remained a secret so that you could be the whiny baby but alas, Changbin had met you on a day you were wearing your favourite oversized Freddie Kruger t-shirt and therefor that was an impossible feat from the start. Han was clinging to your puffer jacket sleeve, Minho stood beside you his face impassive as he also stared ahead, out of the corner of your eye you saw Hyunjin sneak up on him from behind, he breathed down the back of Minhos neck, you've never seen someone go so pale so quickly but as soon as Minho turned around Hyunjins own fear was prevelant on his face as he flinched away from Minho who nearly put him in a choke hold.

You let out a small sigh, when you thought touring the haunted house would be a fun little activity for pre-Halloween festivities but when the boys thought they'd be able to manage wandering with you they'd obviously forgotten the last time they let you pick the movie for the designated movie night. Your hope of cuddling with Changbin had been thrown out the window at the first jump scare, Felix claiming a spot on his lap instead and Han clinging onto you like a koala, his flailing had caused you to miss half of the movie itself. Chan had sat quietly enduring the movie his hand sneaking to hold Jeongins hand in his own for comfort, Hyunjin and Minho had clung onto each other desperately and Jeongin had watched with the same level of interest as you and Changbin. Chan was stuck recording with Seungmin and Jeongin on a new vocal unit track, keeping them away from tonight's little adventure and leaving and your boyfriend as the only two who might actually enjoy this horror show.

"Thanks sunshine." You rolled your eyes, you loved him but sometimes he was insufferable. You stepped forward walking through the crooked iron gate along the path lined with different carved pumpkin lanterns, Han either to scared to let go or too busy looking around for the monsters his imagination was conjuring followed after you. You were a few steps in and the other shuffled through as well, following in your wake.

The massive door lay turned in against the wall and if it wasn't for the small lights decorating the tickets table it would've looked like a big mouth of darkness waiting to swallow you whole and the entryway was deserted only some graffiti and stupid kids names carved into the ancient walls. You felt Han shiver most probably because of the breeze but you took his hand and gave it a gentle and what you hoped was a centring squeeze, not wanting the activity to induce a panic attack for him although that might be impossible because of what could be waiting around every corner. When you looked back to check that no one had tripped over some old sticks and trash that was blown onto the porch, your eyes immediately met Changbins his face was as impassive as ever but his brow had a small furrow to them as it moved from your face to your hands now hidden by Jisungs sweater paw and you turned your head back not really feeling guilty about it.

Changbin was a naturally cuddly person with his members but for some reason he had kept PDA and clinginess with you to a minimum , rarely even holding your hand and only ever giving you a hug as a greeting in front of his members. Of course as the relationship progressed the boys saw you often enough to be comfortable with you as well, they'd be affectionate in a friendly way but often the affection you received from the younger boys felt more than that, that Changbin would show you.

In private it was like his hands were glued to your body, always touching you in some way, hand resting on your thigh if he was busy otherwise he'd be cuddling you and peppering you with kisses 90 percent of the time. It hurt you that he didn't want to do the same for you in person but you'd left it alone knowing he would have good reason but it also meant in your perspective he had to accept that being affectionate was part of your nature, and babying the boys was part of your natural trait as 'the mom' friend. Han squeezed your hand as you passed under a not so stable looking archway and into a room with an old fire place following the neon arrows taped to the floor. Suddenly Minho- and Hyunjin's petrified screeches came from behind you and you saw a white hand come from underneath a table clutching onto Hyunjins ankle Minho screeching because Hyunjin nearly tackled him to the ground in his dramatics. Hans other arm wrapped around the one holding his hand as he suctioned himself onto you, Felix also practically now being carried by Changbin.

When you turned to lead the way into the new room a clown towered over all of you in the middle of the entryway, its plastic hatchet raised and a terrible grin with sharp teeth painted on the mask, your eyes widened and you couldn't help but giggle this however was inaudible thanks to the howls the boys sent up at the sudden shock. You lead Han around the clown, the actor in the suit only allowed to turn as he follows you with his scary smile as you walked passed.

This was how the rest of the evening continued a jump scare coaxing wails and terrified screams from everybody but you who simple giggled at the outrageous costumes and Changbin who's expression remained mostly passive. When you exited the massive doors Felix and Han was practically dragging you and your boyfriend out and into the cold night air again. When you all piled into your car Han having called shotgun the boys immediately started rambling loudly over the pop hits that played on the radio. When they mentioned they should do it every year you rolled your eyes at the outrageous suggestion.

"Hey Noona, why do you like scary stuff so much." Han inquired eyes wide as everyone's attention shifted towards yourself and everyone else in the car went quite as you scanned the street to park so you could get ice cream, you sighed and parked at the end of the street.

"Because it's fun." the truth is that it had become a comfort much like getting piercings or tattoo's had, the pain, the adrenaline rush, they all clouded your brain in a new way that your sadness didn't and since then each of those items had become associated with feeling better, and even though your mental state had changed since a few years back it didn't change the fact that it was important to you. Changbin new this was the real reason, dammit it was one of the first conversations you had when you started dating and that's when he noticed you awkwardly shifting around the smiley with your tongue as you smiled uncomfortably he announced that he really wanted ice cream and diverted the attention away from you successfully. You got out and made sure the car was locked as you started walking until suddenly you felt someone jump on you, you heard Felix giggle and you grinned hooking your arms under his thighs as you carried him on your back an easy feat thanks to the hard work you put in the gym on the daily the few meters to the front of the late night ice cream shops entrance, conveniently located on the same block as their apartment. You've spent many nights here, post date night, post gym, heck even post sex but it didn't matter because it was Changbin who had made this place one of those things that help you feel better, but it was probably because he made you feel better. Felix hopped off and you looked over to your boyfriend eyeing the two of you with that same look he had given Han clinging to your side, before directing everyone to the counter.

You all sat happily eating the ice cream, laughing at the boys making fun of each others expressions when they got scared. You giggled along with them your legs resting on Han's lap who had claimed the seat beside you in the booth before any one could give it a second thought, you licked at your own ice cream the metal of your tongue ring against the creaminess a sensation you'd never get used to yourself. At first you were confused when Changbin had approached in the gym at what seemed to be the end of a session with Chan, your friends who had used to train with you telling you that you often looked more than intimidating when doing your workouts, which you understood, you were the definition of the modern post break up stereotype, hair dyed nearly white except for your dark roots, tatted from your neck to your fingertips, pierced and hitting the gym nearly two hours a day with thigs big enough to crush skulls in between them, except your last break up had been two years ago and you hadn't felt the need to date again. Well, until Changbin who had nervously shifted himself from side to side and asked you to go for coffee with him, you had barely answered your eyes scanning at the veins that lined his big arms, looking bigger thanks to the pump from working out. You swore some drool had escaped your mouth as you ogled him and quickly said yes, truth be you had admired him plenty of times from across the weight section, I mean who didn't, he was beautiful. Point is you were beyond out of place with the sunshinyness of the boys, only ever somewhat looking like you could maybe fit in when you stood next to Bang Chan and Changbin with their monotonous outfits of black. But they had all warmly accepted you, with zero reservations, as if the piercings and tattoos barely even existed, something you appreciated in a culture it was so seriously frowned, them treating you not like an outsider meant the world to you.

But you thanked whatever deity existed everyday for all of them, no matter what, because for now you could say you wouldn't be getting new piercings or tattoo's soon at least not for the reasons you were used to getting them. When you were done, saying good bye to each of the boys, with soft pecks on the forehead from Felix and Jisung and a timid wave directed at them as they walked away, you released a deep breath the air foggy as it left your nose.

Changbin taking your hand, hooking his pinky with yours as he walked with you back towards the car, it wasn't unusual for him to go home with you after a day out. When you got in the car instead of your usual comfortable silences after busyness of a day there was an uneasiness to it, you shifted in your seat uncomfortably before driving to your place only a few blocks away. Changbin sat looking out the passenger side window not even trying to change the music on the radio like he usually would and you swallowed hard. It's been a long time since your previous relationships and they almost always ended in a week of this type of suffocating silence, with a goodbye and a 'I've found someone else', your knuckles turned white gripping the steering wheel hard as you nibbled your bottom lip, but you felt your body relax as his hand softly rested on your thigh. The warmth a comfort to your anxiety, his thumb rubbing slow circles easing away all the bad with each rotation.

He got out and patiently waited for you to grab your gym bag from the back of the old SUV before making your way back towards him. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and tucked you into his side as much as your thick puffer jackets would allow. Your apartment wasn't big but it had a loft that allowed a little bit of separation and when you made your way upstairs your anxiety sparked once more when Changbin didn't follow you up and immediately flop down on your queen sized bed like he usually would.

Changing out of your jeans and into some leggings and one of his old fluffy pink sweaters you slowly made your way back downstairs, despite your intense and obviously intimidating appearance you hated conflict and honestly you wished your anxiety would vanish so you wouldn't have to worry about talking about whatever it was that caused this uncomfortable silence. As you set about rinsing all your shake mixers in hot water while some water boiled so you could make coffee you felt his intense gaze on your back from where he sat at the small counter that separated your kitchen and living room area. When he cleared his throat you froze, hands still half in the soapy water as you waited.

"Y/n we can't avoid this conversation." you sighed audibly tongue poking at your smiley as you turned around again.

"Changbin I'm avoiding it because I don't even know what the conversation is going to be about." your tongue pokes at the side of your cheek irritation bubbling inside you for some reason and you fold your arms over your chest but quickly let them fall to your sides trying to stop yourself from creating a defensive wall. Changbin's jaw flexes visibly as he bites down in frustration, this wouldn't be your first argument and you had a feeling it probably wouldn't be your last but it still didn't mean it was something you wanted to do at almost midnight after a long day. Your arms automatically crossed across your chest as you leaned against the sink and Changbin stood up from his seat to stand right in front of you his hands resting on your biceps tenderly.

"I don't like seeing the guys so affectionate with you, and before you say something-", he held up a pointed finger as you prepared yourself to interrupt him mouth already open but shutting quickly at his gesture, " - I know that's something I'll have to discuss with them and not you but I wanted to tell you how I felt."

"Well Binnie it would help if you didn't give them any space to do so." Your brows furrowed as you looked up at his only slightly taller figure, his eyes scanned your face confused a silent question asking what you meant by that. You huffed eyes diverting to the ground and away from his gaze, your hands cupping your elbows instead of defensive you came across scared.

"You don't show affection towards me around them." You mumble and quickly look at him his gaze still confused but he didn't step away his hands were still softly gripping your arms.

"Binnie you cuddle them and let them cuddle you all the time when I'm around, there's no space for me to initiate any type of PDA between us and besides I wouldn't initiate it because they're your friends and I don't want you or them to feel uncomfortable. " His grip on your arms tighten for a second before his touch leaves you completely, Changbin takes a step back and crosses his arms.

"You're right I don't want them feeling uncomfortable, that's why I don't do it Y/n, you are a lot to take in and we need to give them time to get used it." You felt a pang in your chest he's never once said anything negative about your appearance, never even hinted that it bothered him and him using it as an excuse made a different kind of anger bubble inside you.

"Well I'm pretty sure they've warmed up to me by now judging by how you're getting jealous ." You didn't even try to keep your tone neutral every word dripping with sarcasm a you stared him down, hard. "Jealous?" he rolls his eyes up exasperated and chuckles and places a hand on his chest, " I'm not jealous."

"Oh? Then what are you?" you quirk a brow a smirk tugging at your lips. this was exactly why you avoided conflict, you knew yourself, and you knew you didn't fight fair.

"I'm tired of my girlfriend hanging on my members like she isn't already in a relationship and acting like she'd rather be having them fuck her into the mattress." Your gaze darkened and your face turned into an ugly snarl.

"Changbin, listen to yourself." Your tone was low and an obvious warning, he didn't know much about your previous relationships, but he knew how you felt about cheating. He ignored it, taking a step back into your personal space.

"Gee I bet that'd be nice, huh? Dating two famous stars at the same time." Your eyes that had been screwed shut as soon as he'd stepped closer shot open wide. Never once had you ever said anything about dating him because he's famous or done something to actively make his life even more difficult as an idol sure you were active in the industry you were a fucking dietician and personal trainer for a variety of stars but he knew how you felt about mixing your personal life with your work.

"What . The. Fuck. Changbin?" you two both stood glaring at each other you never thought you'd see the day that jealousy could turn the man in front of you this ugly. You were looking for something in his eyes in the form of remorse or even a little bit of guilt but nothing but anger and something you could describe as jealousy darkening his gaze and staring your figure down.

"You better give me a very good reason as to why I should still let you stay the night and not make you get a taxi right now." Your eyes lowered into a glare a hungry and angry fire in the pit of your stomach as you pointed in the direction of the door. When he crashed his lips onto yours it was hard and messy and you mumbled inaudible protests into his mouth that was still devouring your lips. Your brain went static when his one hand laced through your hair and the other your waist and in other scenarios you wouldn't have minded but now you hated it, he'd hurt you, and you were mad but his kisses had the ability to slowly melt your fury into lust a weakness he seemed to exploit.

His lips detached from yours, messy and swollen red from his harsh biting and you gasped finally breathing, as he planted open mouth kisses past your jaw and down your neck, you can't remember when your hands had gone to his chest but you didn't mind your hands sliding down and under his t shirt finger grazing over his hard abs and back to his hard pecks. The way he moaned against your neck set off a bunch of butterflies in your stomach, and you smiled dumb. His hands roamed across your body and finally found resting place under your ass that he tapped softly ordering you to jump, and you did so legs wrapping around his waist out of habit his lips back on yours furiously devouring you once again. He only did so until he reached the stairs, pulling back to make sure he wouldn't fall on your way to the bed, you took this as ample opportunity to strip, as you tugged off the sweatshirt leaving you bare and Changbin paused his ascent with a pretty whine, before placed a tender kiss in between your boobs right on top of the blackout rose tattoo on your sternum, before biting at the same space and you bit down hard on your bottom lip to suppress your own whine.

He continued making his way up, knee's almost buckling when you sucked and nibbled at the space on his neck right under his ear. When he got up the stairs he put you down softly before adjusting you roughly so your head was on the pillows and he was removing the tights and panties at the same time, he quickly took his shirt off after but before you could reach out and touch him his arms immediately went to your hips as he hooked them under your legs the only part of him in reach, his head.

He started biting and nibbling down the inside of each of your thighs soothing each new little bruise with an open mouth kiss getting teasingly close to your dripping core before suddenly pressing his tongue flat against your clit and suckling on it your moan tore through the room and replaced your pants as he continued sucking and softly nibbling on it slowly pumping two fingers in and out of your wet pussy.

Gripping at his hair hard in an attempt to ground yourself you nearly tugged his head hard enough you thought you might've pulled out strands, when he curled his fingers inside you as you unleashed a whine, but he only groaned deep in his chest the vibrations through your clit causing a different wave of pleasure to move through you. The way your walls clenched around his fingers almost sucking the digits he was scissoring in deeper, as you came closer to your release he detached himself from your clit and pulled his fingers out abruptly.

The snarl you unleashed as your head whipped up made him smirk, you knew exactly what he was doing, Changbin was a motherfucking tease and after arguments he seemed to enjoy it even more as he wound you up till you were nearly teetering off the edge, dragging you further and further away from your orgasm until it'd suddenly crash into you , and crash over you hard. Using your hold on his hair you pulled him up so his face was hovering over yours again and you had to work hard to repress the shiver running up your spine at how absolutely breath taking he looked, swollen lips pulled in a smirk and dripping with the evidence of your arousal, his full cheeks covered in it, half lidded eyes looking down on you pleased with himself and the hard hold you had on his dark tresses. You were debating flipping him over, fucking him stupid and then leaving him high and dry like he often tries to do with you but he stopped all thoughts of doing so when you heard a belt buckle and a zip as Changbin pulled back to stand and take off his pants and boxers your grip loosened on his hair at the implication of the sounds. He made his way back over you, the same lazy smirk still on his face some part of the fuzziness started fade and you lowered your gaze into a glare.

"The silent treatment?" he said quirking a brow, as he reached over to your bedside drawer and took out a condom your eyes following his actions and your hands resting next to you on the sheets, fisted them hard in an attempt to contain your body's neediness.

"It's okay baby, you wont stay like that for long." as soon as the condom was on he was positioned between your legs and he was pushing inside you slowly, inch by inch. You bit down on your lips hard enough to draw blood as you tried to contain your whine as you clutched the bed sheets beneath you, no matter how many times Changbin's size was always almost too much to handle but the pain always became a brief memory as soon as you adjusted.

"Shhh baby," he cooed softly in your ear as he brushed sweaty strands of hair out of your neck as placed more opened mouth kisses down where his fingers had softly grazed before, his breathing heavy at the tightness around him as he waited for you to signal that he could move. When he pulled back your eyes fluttered open and you gave him a stern look and you felt him pull almost all the way out before thrusting back into you slowly.

The pace made it feel like he was never ending but eventually his hips was once again flush against yours his head poking at a specific spot inside you that had you shuddering a moan escaping through your lips your eyes screwing shut. This time he pulled out thrusting back in hard and your lips went wide open in a silent moan as his finger directed your chin so you faced him, your eyes fluttering open.

"Come on baby, I want you to say my name..." his voice is deep and raspy in your ear as his fingers gripped your jaw trapping your head so you could only look up.

"I want to make sure you know who's making you feel," he thrusts into you hard and your back arches so your chest is pressed against his.

"...this..." another hard thrust and your moaning, borderline screaming, loud enough you know your neighbours will be complaining the next day.

"...good." this thrust felt so deep you were sure if you looked down you'd see him poking through your stomach and your hands flew nails digging into his back and legs wrapping around his waist in encouragement. He starts a relentless pace his hips slapping against you harshly as he hits continuously hits the spot that has you moaning, tears welling up in your eyes that are screwed shut and your hands move to desperately clutch at his hair again, his grunts and own moans right by your ears making you keen, he shifts his arm hooking under your knee pushing it up and almost against your chest and suddenly he's deeper.

"Binnieeee!" your scream echoes of the walls off your otherwise silent apartment your back arching as stars start to enter in your peripheral and your moans become louder.

"See baby," he mumbles, panting against your exposed neck as you toss your head back in sheer pleasure as he continues his relentless pace, "that wasn't so difficult." he planted open mouth kisses on your neck, nibbling at already bruised and marked skin, purple over the blue ink that decorated your throat. His high was approaching even faster as he watched you fall apart beneath him and by the way your walls were fluttering he knew your own orgasm wasn't far away.

His arm unhooked from underneath your leg but you were to far gone too even notice, your brain had gone blank your vision white as he brushed his fingers against your clit. You came hard, shuddering and Changbin felt himself cumming as your walls squeezed him dry as he rode out both your orgasms. He pulled out of you and you whimpered at your own sensitivity, he discarded the condom and came back pecking your forehead.

"Go get ready for bed baby, I'll change the sheets." His voice was gentle and as you grabbed something to sleep in you felt a heavy weight settle on your chest, your fuzzy and tired brain not quite comprehending it as you cleaned yourself and got under the clean sheets. Even as Changbin came back from his shower his front pressed to your back arms squeezing you tightly against him, his lips kissing the back of your neck goodnight before cuddling you till you fell asleep the weight didn't go away.

You had woken up sore but not nearly as sore as you thought you'd be, when your alarm went off at 5 a.m. you had quickly switched it off, Changbin's snores the only sign he was indeed alive and not a corpse, with the way he was able to sleep through anything you often ended up checking his breathing on days he didn't even make a sound. You peeled yourself out of bed grateful that you had showered after your promiscuous activities, albeit half-assed and sleepy. You jumped up an down as you pulled up the teal coloured yoga pants and slipped a big black hoodie over the matching sports bra. You busied yourself with your usual routine, making your breakfast, blending the protein shake and then making your coffee and leaving Changbin's on the bedside table just before you left.

It wasn't unusual for you to leave him alone at your place after he stayed the night it was rare that you didn't have a client in the early mornings but you felt that nothing was resolved. In fact as you drove to the gym you felt that frustration bubble again, you were hurt and mad that Changbin had gotten his way when he had no right too. After your session with your first client you felt somewhat better, the endorphins from working out helping you feel better even if it was only a little.

The days that followed allowed for numbing routine to push your unease to the back of your head Changbin had mentioned they'd be busy the days that followed your weekend but you thought you'd at least be able to spot them in the gym, better you didn't because you wouldn't know how to act. When you got an invitation for dinner at their apartment for tomorrow you were half surprised and half relieved, it had been five days of silence and work, not completely unusual but he'd at least send an 'I love you' or an 'I miss you' text when he was super busy.

Only when you drove to his place after getting ready after work did the nervous jitters set in and you tapped away at the steering wheel before pulling into the underground parking lot. The lift ride felt like an eternity and you couldn't decide if it was unnaturally cold because of air conditioning or because it was winter and you wondered if the fluorescents were always that bright? You took a centring breath and lightly tapped the door, you heard heavy foot falls on the other side and then the door swung open and Felix was tugging you inside he'd helped you take off your jacket while you slipped off your sneakers and gave you quick side hug before having you follow him into the living room. It was dark all the curtains drawn and some red fairy lights were strung up alongside some fake cobwebs, some bat cut outs and what looked like skeletons you'd find in a biology class room, on the floor was a pile of blankets and cushions Jeongin, Minho, Hyunjin and Han sat on the floor in front of the tv different bowls of Halloween themed candy in front of them as they chatted away, Felix who had left you came back out with cookies decorated in orange and black icing and Seungmin following with two big bowls of popcorn.

You heard Changbin and Chan's familiar giggles as they made their way from their room you assumed and your shoulders dropped the tension disappearing at the fact that Changbins smile remained even when he saw you. He made his way over to you and he tugged you into a tight hug tilting his head back and pecking your lips tenderly. Your brain stopped working for a second, his lips like a pause button for your thoughts and you couldn't help but melt as all your senses became filled by Changbin, his cologne filled the air around you and his arms created a safety bubble around you, when he pulled away and you felt the red rush to your face you realised what he'd done. He took your hand pulling you to sit on the couch next to Chan and Felix, when he tugged you down you nearly fell into his lap and when you tried moving away he pouted and tucked you into his side as he looked down at you, the other boys chatting away without a care in the world.

"What's going on?" you whispered blinking confused and eyes wide.

"We're celebrating Halloween and you get to pick the scary movie." Changbin said and handed you the remote.

Your brain was still trying to focus on the fact that he was being affectionate in front of everyone else and you quickly selected Scream, not too scary and a movie you watched religiously every year for the holiday.

Seungmin sat back and handed you one of the big popcorn bowls and immediately Felix, Chan and Changbin greedily stuffed their hands into the bowl as the movie started. For the most part the boys remained in their own seats allowing you and Changbin to cuddle in peace him lying on the couch with his back on the arm rest and you draped between his legs, head resting on his chest, there was still flailing about and screaming loudly at the murders and jump scares, but seeing as Felix was seated next to Chan he got to Koala someone else and Seungmin and Jeongin acting as the calm for the others antics. It was nearing the end of the movie, the build up featuring an array of dramatics and Han turned facing the two of you his hand grabbing yours that was dangling down the side of the couch past Changbins waist and trying to hide behind it. You smiled sweetly but your eyes went wide as Changbins arms wrapped around you and he sat up slightly.

"Yah, this is my girlfriend hold your boyfriends hand." he said in an aegyo like tone his chin nodding jokingly in the direction of Minho, Han giggled and turned to face the screen but didn't let go of your hand and you looked up at Changbin who sat smiling at the screen and you had to contain your giddyness, nuzzling your face back into his chest as you smiled like an idiot. When the movie ended and the boys started talking animatedly about their favourite parts and getting up to fetch more snacks for the next one you felt Changbin shift.

"Y/n?" Changbin says and hum looking up at him, he looked extremely uncomfortable and you could see how he forced himself to look you in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I know this doesn't make up for what I did or how I made you feel, I had no right too, I know I manipulated the situation. Jealousy just got the best of me, but I'll do better for you." His voice sounded pained, every word laced with regret and you adjusted so you could hold his face between your hands squishing his cheeks, almost surprised that he let you but his neediness to be babied obviously cancelled out his anxiety.

"You're right what you did wasn't fair, but lucky for you I can't stay mad at you for long." his shoulders relaxed and you pecked him softly on his lips and when you pulled back you could've sworn you saw the galaxy in his eyes.

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids changbin #seo changbin #skz fluff #halloween #skz angst #skz Felix #skz chan #skz minho #skz lee know #skz hyunjin #skz seungmin #changbin smut #binnie

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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it seems that the average survey-taker is a white american female, aged 15-19, who has a car, a cell phone, and an extensive social circle. is this true for you? I’m a white female but not from America and I’m much older, have no car nor friends, just cellphone

have you seen any silent films? I love Buster Keaton

would you rather be an actor, director, or soundtrack producer? actress and director

have you seen nbc’s ‘hannibal’? thoughts? (if you haven’t, do you want to?) no and don’t want to, yuk

on websites where you’re permitted to change your username, do you do so often, or do you keep the same one for long periods of time? I usually change after a few months

does your computer have a name? I didn’t call this annoying piece of shit anyhow but maybe if I had a better computer...

are you eager to see how far science + technology will advance, or do you prefer an older way of doing things? do you think we are better off with these advancements, or not? I wish we had choice, I would like the world to be balanced, a bit of this and a bit of that, some advancements are necessary, some are cool but some are awful

what is your favourite comic book or graphic novel? does your favourite novel come in comic-book form? (if not, would you like it to?) I don’t read comics but from those I ever tried my fav manga was Doubt, webcomic (those I saw several but I forgot most of the titles by now) - Lackadaisy and I am fan of Aldebaran and Betelgeza

Any friends who are constantly venting about their boyfriend?: it was common - me listening complains about my crush’es exes or current boyfriends/lovers/crushes

Have you ever been ice-skating?: once, in high school, didn’t like it

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep?: yeah

Did the end of Public Enemies make you sad?: I didn’t finish the movie

Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm?: ewww, not at all

Do you think you’d have what it takes to shoot someone if you had to protect yourself?: I believe

What’s your most noticeable flaw?: ugh...

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? yes and that was awful because it was full of dead bugs

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it?: often

How many other blogs do you follow on Tumblr?: more than 300

Does it ever scare you how fast time can go by?: could say so

Have you ever replied “OK” when someone confessed they liked you?: possibly :x

What does your grandma call you?: sigh...

What would you do for immortality and infinite youth?: dunno, definitely wouldn’t sell my soul or kill an innocent person but I would do some stuff for immortality

Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub?: neither

Have you ever worn a nipple tassel?: haven’t

Ever played hide and seek in the woods on horseback at night?: wow, that’s weirdly specific and now I want this somehow :o

Have you ever held a baby chick?: wild bird’s babies and I regret that because it’s not helfpul for them actually

Do you think wine tastes like rotten fruit? yep

Have you ever felt the need to hide something about yourself?: sometimes, from certain people, I should be myself most of the time tho

Do you think pearls are attractive?: umm...

Have you ever wished you had a different name? Which name would you choose? but I like male ones more or non polish

Have you ever customised an item of clothing? I designed and my mom helped me, made changes for me

Do you prefer drawing or painting? prefer to draw but look at paintings

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? if I could/had money to save then I would save for a bike, laptop, my own apartment etc.

Do you own any figurines? cats, dogs, elephants, clowns, horses and others

If you have any siblings, how much rivalry is between you all? it’s complicated

When did you last have itchy eyes? recently

Is it dark outside right now? it’s getting darker

Do you prefer framed photos or just sticking photos straight onto walls? I prefer them in an album, takes less space

What’s your favourite type of cake? used to love sękacz the most

Have you ever woken up from a dream and believed it to have been real? I was confused

If there’s a bug in your room, can you sleep or do you need to get it out? it depends on how annoying/dangerous it is

Do you prefer travelling alone or with people? I like to travel with my dad

What was the last baby animal you saw? pic or irl?

Do you give people high fives or hugs more often? hugs

How long have you known the last person you kissed? I knew her 10 years ago for awhile then we lost contact until this spring

When angry, do you get loud or quiet? depends

What do you currently hear right now? my parents talking

Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? dad

Last person you saw? parent

Did you have a nap today? nope

Are you easy to get along with? am not

When was the last time you were told you were cute? recently my gf called me cute and I’m like Catra about it

Have you ever forgotten to put on an oven mitt before you took something extremely hot out of the oven? not over, just hot pot

Do you own one of those airwick things that automatically sprays every few minutes? hell no

How many light bulbs are on in the room you are currently in? 3, one doesn’t work

Have you ever had your phone taken away at school before? almost, teacher heard it calling but before they found out who’s phone that was it stopped ringing and I was safe

Do you look better with or without glasses? I’m always ugly

What is your favorite type of bird? chicken, owl, flamingo, crow, barn swallow...

Did you go fishing a lot when you were younger? Do you now? I hate fishing, never been nor will go

Do you like more flowery scents or more clean scents? no scents, thank you Do you own a manual or electric toothbrush? manual, electric are horrible Preferred brand of toothpaste? m current is Meridol Piece of make-up you cannot live without? I can live without it

Do you prefer heels or flats? flats are more comfy but I know how to walk in heels, just don’t like to

Do you eat meat? yep Do you still watch cartoons regularly? I recently started watching She-ra with my gf but before that I didn’t watch any animated shows for a long time (just fragments/episodes maybe) Do you leave the TV on and sleep to it? never Ever considered cannibalism? r u serious?... this is scary, I’m gonna puke :x Ever licked a battery? I’m not stupid What does your name mean? lily which was also going to be my name Do animals go to Heaven? hope so Babies are… irritating

When was the last time you saw a doctor? it would be easier to say when I didn’t because I see them too often Do you know anyone who is a firefighter? used to What was the last wedding you went to? my sister’s

What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? blergh... Do you “binge-watch” tv shows? two episodes a day max What is your opinion of clowns? love Did you wear a necklace today? not today How old are your parents? about 60 What’s something odd you do when you’re anxious or nervous? personal Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? I have, more than one time Is your wardrobe big enough for all your clothes? it’s not Do you plan ahead when it comes to your outfits? nah Have you ever shaved your face? I shaved my eyebrows (not whole) What colour is your front door? silver with white paint coming off Do you take the stairs or the elevator? stairs Would you ever try herbal medicine as opposed to conventional medicine? I tried Do you wear open-toed shoes? I despise those Have you ever been to a petting zoo? yeah, I was petting a raccoon <3 and chinchillas are so surprisingly fluffy When was the last time you wore a button up shirt? weeks ago How many times have you consumed alcohol? once Do you often forget what you were just about to say? ocassionally when interrupted What’s your opinion of Australia? wouldn’t go there Do you own any striped sweaters? absolutely :) Have there ever been any forest or grass fires in your area? as every summer, also trash burn quite often

What color is the trash can in your kitchen? yellow What does the cover on the last book you read look like? it has two people sitting in front of each other Do you wear green on St. Patrick’s Day? I don’t celebrate this holiday, I dislike it Are you even Irish? not even partially Have you ever gotten a wig? What did it look like and what was it for? I have a bunch of wigs How often do you use a shower cap? What does yours look like? I don’t own any If you wanted to get a cat, would you adopt from a shelter or buy from a breeder? Why? but I don’t want a cat What’s the shortest you’d be willing to cut your hair? almost bald? What do you do when you find a spiderweb in your room? leave it be or clean it

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moldy-mold · 5 years

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Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted. At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan. My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.”  Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!  https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

#diary

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