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enmi-land · 28 days

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✶ৎ OUR UNIVERSE

──── 𝗐𝖾’𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗍𝗈𝗀𝖾𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗇 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗎𝗇𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗌𝖾

AU pairing. poly!ot7엔하 x fem!member oc cw. kms jokes, mentions of murder and violence, not completely lorea accurate (some changes made to og universes - don’t kill me) note. happy birthday to mila! 🎂 this chapter was inspired by ree’s connect, and the universes used in this fic belong to their creators respectively! 🤍 ❨ go back to LIBRARY ?! ❩

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY OUR MILA, happy birthday to you...”

Mila smiled as a cake was set before her, the flames of the candles flickering slightly with the movement of her members around the table, all watching her with adoration in their eyes. The sounds of their voice in harmony as they sang the birthday song slowly came to silence as they reached the end, and a hand found itself on the back of her head, patting it softly.

“Make a wish,” Kiara said gently, her hand on the phone to record the moment her dongsaeng would become another year older, another year away from the young girl she was when they first met.

Mila looked around the room, taking in the sight of her boyfriend's and their love-filled gazes. Just what did one wish for, when they already had everything they could possible want or need? She felt like there was nothing that could possibly make her happier.

Well, except for one.

Mila shut her eyes, her hands linked in front of her, as she wordlessly recited her wish inside her head.

I wish that— no matter where we are—we'll always find a way to be together.

#01. XO KITTY

“THERE’S NO SUN IN THE BUILDING, what’s with these?” Mila swiped the pair of Louis Vuitton sunglasses from Minho’s face using her superior height. She inspected them under the light of the corridor, raising an eyebrow with an impressed hum. “These are pretty cute.”

“Naturally,” Minho replied, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the lockers next to Mila’s. He watched with a smile as she tried the glasses on, looking in the mirror on the inside of her locker door, which was surrounded by Polaroids and cute stickers.

Sharpay Evans, much? were the first words he said about her. He saw her on the first day of KISS Academy, bedazzling her locker with an excessive amount of pink and whispered it under his breath in Korean as he passed by her, not expecting her reaction.

Mila simply turned to him, flipping her long (and enviably silky, though Minho would never admit to out loud) black hair over her shoulder, before giving him a distasteful look from head to toe. And in flawless Korean, she had retorted, Last season Vogue magazine cover, much?

Yeah, Minho had decided, right then and there, despite being stunned into shock. I like this girl.

He had even forgone his usual tradition of pretending not to speak English on the first meeting. (Although, that was because she had an unusual talent for his mother language, despite being from China and supposedly never setting foot on South Korean soil before. To this day, Minho considered her excellency at languages to be an eighth wonder of the world.)

Mila suddenly gasped before hiding behind her locker door, shoving her face so far into the locker one would think she was an ostrich trying to bury her head in sand. Minho raised an eyebrow at her sudden movement. “The police finally caught up to you, have they?” he drawled, ready to list all the felonies she had committed since moving to Korea.

This included, but was not limited to: being way too pretty, way too cute, and way too lovable for her own damn good– not that Minho was keeping track, or anything. That would be ridiculous. He was simply tired of hearing it all the time from his peers.

Mila looked at him with those same wide, doe eyes that had wrapped so many boys and girls around her finger without knowing it. “Worse,” Mila hissed. “It’s them.”

Minho looked up at the end of the hallway, his mouth parting in understanding when he spotted a group of seven familiar boys gathered in a group around the locker of his (self-proclaimed) rival. Minho eyed the Korean-American’s outfit, disdained when he noticed the boy wearing a new pair of shoes that were only just released recently in the new fall collection for Prada. “There’s no way Park Jeongseong is wearing the new shoes I’ve been waiting weeks to order! Oh my god, I’m going to lose it– I’m going to throw up– where’s the bin?”

Mila slapped the boy on the shoulder. “Now’s not the time, Minho! This is a matter of my pride at stake here– I can’t let them see me!”

Minho rubbed his arm, marvelling internally at the amount of strength the girl in front of him held in her body. “Why can’t they see you again?”

“Because they made a total fool of me? And I look like a mess right now– I can’t let them think they’re the reason I’ve been lacking beauty sleep these days.” Mila suddenly got right up to Minho’s face, pulling down his sunglasses from the bridge of her nose. “Have you seen my eyebags recently? They’re horrendous!”

Minho blinked, his face calm as he stared into the abyss known as Mila’s eyes. If he were completely honest, there was nothing in this world that would possibly make Mila unattractive– least of all towards the seven boys she was so scared of making eye contact with. But he didn’t blame her for being insecure. It wasn’t as if they gave her reason to believe that they could feel anything for her… Not when the reason they approached her in the first place and acted so sweetly toward her was because of a bet.

“Why did Kiara and Kitty have to be away today of all days?” Mila whispered under her breath with a pout. “I need girl power, I need validation, I need support– all the things you’re not giving me!”

Minho was affronted when Mila suddenly pointed a manicured finger (My Melody themed acrylics? Really?) at his face. “Hey, it’s not my fault you don’t know how to apply concealer over your dark circles properly.”

Mila shot him a watery glare. “Jerk.”

She aggressively grabbed a bunch of books from her locker, and– Wait, Is that Russian? Minho squinted at one of the titles of the ridiculously thick books in her arms, wondering when Mila had even learnt that language. The eighth wonder, this girl and her brain. I swear.

“If I don’t show up to economics later today, it’s because I buried myself out of humiliation and no longer wish to be on the face of the earth.”

Without another word, Mila scurried her way down the hall like a mouse fleeing before a cat. But she neglected to notice the seven pairs of remorseful eyes following her.

“She’s still avoiding us,” Jungwon noted with a frown, dimples all too prominent in his disappointment. A disappointment reflected across the faces of all seven members of his friend group.

There was an unspoken, lingering regret hanging over them like a guillotine. It had been a week since they were last able to see her smile directed at them, the way her eyes lit up like Seoul at night, galaxies and city lights reflected in the dark depths of her irises. But this was what they deserved. After the way they betrayed her trust, they knew better than to hope that they would be able to be with her like they did before.

To think all of this was because of a stupid bet they made to satisfy their own egos.

Did you hear? Sunoo looked up from his phone to look at the rest of his friends on that fateful night before the beginning of the new school year. They were gathered around a campfire lit in the backyard of Heeseung’s family’s holiday estate, which they spent their summer break in together. Apparently we’re getting a new transfer student this year.

I heard that, Jake said, bringing a bottle of beer to his lips. The daughter of some supermodel from China. My mum keeps talking about how she wished she would model for our agency.

Won’t know until I see her face, Sunghoon replied. It was just like him: Jay always did give him grievances for his lack of awareness when it come to the fashion industry, despite his own stepmother being a designer herself.

To this, Jay turned his phone on before typing something into search. When he was done he held his phone out for his childhood best friend to see the images that appeared. Riki, who was beside Sunghoon, also leaned in to take a closer look. She’s been going viral ever since she went to the Versace anniversary event with her mum.

Riki smiled as he looked at the photo of the young girl, not much older than him. It was a candid shot that captured her delicate features in a soft smile as she observed the models on the runway with her mother whispering something into her ear. He couldn’t help but think she was the one who was most suited to be modelling the clothes, and yet she was simply a spectator.

Pretty, Riki said, before leaning back in his seat. And he wasn’t the only one to think it. I should get her number.

Too bad for you, she doesn’t go for younger guys, Heeseung said with a smirk. She did a Vogue interview, and she said she prefers older guys… So if you think about it, I’m the one with the highest chance of getting close.

That’s what you think, Sunghoon said, his inner competitiveness coming out to play. Wanna bet?

Looking back now, that was the single most foolish thing they’d ever done. To this girl, who treated them with nothing but kindness and genuine care since meeting them, did nothing to deserve being treated like a prize to be won. And yet, that was exactly what they did.

You’re real pieces of work, Mila said, as she stormed into Heeseung’s dorm rooms— the one he had given her access to for less than pure intentions. She didn’t even look angry, nor was she sad: her face was stone cold, nothing at all like the warm girl they came to know her as. I hope you had fun playing me, but too bad for you, none of you are going to win the bet. I won’t be seeing any of you again.

And with that, Mila had thrown the necklace from her neck — the one the seven of them had bought together for her birthday — onto the floor before Sunghoon’s feet, before storming out before any of the boys could make a move to stop her.

“We should have told her sooner,” Riki said, his fist clenching by his side.

Sunoo shook his head. “No. We just shouldn’t have made that stupid bet in the first place.”

They had made the bet to win her heart, thinking it would be all fun and games. But little did they know that like the way, they would be the ones losing their hearts to her — and by the time they realised it, she had already gotten to far for them to reach, leaving them defeated and yearning for something out of reach.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive us?” Jake asked quietly.

The group fell silent.

“Well don’t you guys look positively miserable.”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes at the familiar voice fork behind him. Minho always did annoy him— but he had to admit, he couldn’t help but be jealous of how close the other boy was to Mila. The fact that he could still tease the girl and see her cute reactions, the same way he used to before everything went south.

“What do you want?” Heeseung asked diplomatically. (He wasn’t fooling anyone, though— everyone could see the way his fist clenched at his side.) “It’s not as if we’re friends.”

Minho smirked. “You’re right. We’re not. But you know who is? Mila and I.”

Jay clenched his jaw, resisting the urge to walk past the cocky male and bump his shoulder, he couldn’t give the other satisfaction at knowing he got on his nerves.

“I can see you still haven’t changed,” Jungwon said, jumping to his friend’s defence.

He narrowed his feline-like eyes, trying to read Minho’s body language. But he genuinely seemed unintimidated by the seven of them, not caring for a second that he was outnumbered. (Because he knew there was nothing the seven of them could do to him, Jungwon’s inner voice reasoned, though he desperately tried to ignore it. Because he knew if they raised a hand against him, Mila would only hate them more.)

“You always did try to one up Jay-hyung at everything,” Jungwon continued. “Too bad you never could.”

“Except when it comes to treating your girl right, you mean?” Minho taunted. At this, Riki lunged towards the male, all too ready to talk with his fists instead. But Sunoo was quick to intervene, holding the younger by the shoulder.

Minho put his hands up in surrender seeing the deadly look in the Japanese male’s eyes. “Hey. No need to get angry. I didn’t come to start a fight, believe it or not.” He fixed his blazer jacket before looking at the eldest of the boys. “Listen… I don’t like you guys, and frankly I don’t think I ever will— especially with that shit you pulled with Mila.”

Minho got closer to Heeseung, causing the latter to cross his arms and raise his chin in defiance. Minho narrowed his eyes.

“But here’s the thing… If you feel sorry at all for breaking her heart, you’re going to make it up to her properly like men instead of hiding like a bunch of cowards. She deserves that much.”

The group was silent as they witnessed the uncharacteristic seriousness of the usually nonchalant boy, and even more so at his words. But before they could say anything, Minho was already stepping away from Heeseung, before getting ready to leave.

“There’s gonna be a party at Kiara’s place later this week for Mila before she flies back home—“

“Mila’s flying back home?!” Sunghoon said in shock, his cold facade melted in place of his heated desperation.

Minho hummed. “She’s going to be leaving for the summer break… But who knows if she’ll be back?” He shrugged. "Anyway, I've done my bit. Whatever you do with that information... Well, that's none of my business."

Minho turned to leave, but was stopped by a hand on his wrist.

“How do we get into the party?” Jake asked desperately. This would be their only chance to meet with Mila if they could pull it off— their last chance to make things right before she left on the plane to China. They couldn't leave things as they were. Not when there were so many thing they had to say.

At that moment, all seven boys were thinking the same thing: They needed to show her that despite the fraudulent circumstances that brought them together, the boys’ feelings for her were true.

#02. JUJUTSU KAISEN

THERE WAS NOTHING NORMAL about two teenagers swinging weapons at each other in the lawn of a high school. But Seoul Jujutsu Technical College was no ordinary institution; nor were their students any ordinary teenagers. For this was the trianing grounds for a generation of future Jujutsu Sorcerers – protectors of society against sentient manifestations of negative emotions known as Curses.

The sound of steel clashing with steel rang throughout the air as Riki and Sunghoon continued to swing at each other, the former wielding dual blades and the latter wielding one. They sparred like they were mirror reflections of a choreographed dance: attacking in time for one of them to deflect, and lunging when the other withdrew. Each blow came in the span of seconds — barely enough time for the average human to register.

But their spectators were anything but average.

“Did your parents mention it already?” Kiara asked her childhood best friend — and only other fourth year at the school — beside her, not once taking her eyes of her sparring juniors. Heeseung wordlessly quirked a brow in response to her question, prompting her to continue. “The main clans in China have been in a mess recently.”

“Ah, that,” Heeseung said, resting his chin on his palm. “The thing about the Bai Clan, right?”

It was a hot topic amongst Jujutsu Sorcerers in South-East Asia, where news between the different countries — especially Japan, China and South Korea, the so-called Big Three of the East for their production of top tier sorcerers — often travelled fast due to their close connections with one another, dating back to ancient wars fought between allied forces of Jujutsu Sorcerers from the respective countries against legendary Curses.

One of the strongest clans in China, the Bai Clan from Shanghai, had a history of powerful sorcerers since the Ming Dynasty. But lately, the Bai clan has been at the centre of controversy: their most dangerous and treasured artefact, the Emperor Jade, had recently gone missing — stolen right beneath their noses.

“Apparently they suspect the Zenin clan… but it seems pretty far-fetched to me.”

Kiara couldn’t care less about the matters of the Bai or Zenin clan. She hated them almost as much they hated each other, as the both of them harboured a tradition of misogynistic treatment of women born in their clans. But this was a matter of safety of innocent lives that could be harmed in the crossfire of their feud if the rumours were true, so she had no choice but to feel concerned.

“It is far-fetched.” Jake leaned forward from his seat on the stair above Heeseung and Kiara, intrigue laced in his voice. “Because I did some sneaking around and overheard my dad talking to someone yesterday… Apparently, it’s here in Korea right now.”

The two eldest students looked up to Jake with curious expressions. “Here?”

They knew they could trust any intel gathered from Jake and his family. Despite being based in Korea, they were also known for having roots planted all over the globe through intermarriage with foreign clans, making them a spider web catching all sorts of information.

Jay, who tuned into their conversation, nodded in agreement. “It makes sense. The Bai clan requested to send out some of their Sorcerers here for a ‘diplomatic’ event — but it seems a little suspicious, especially given the timing. Why would they send their best sorcerers away from their home, when they should be focusing on finding their lost Object first?”

“At any rate, I doubt the thief is gonna get far with it,” Sunoo chimed in from where he sat, on the stair closest to the lawn where Sunghoon and Riki were starting to reach the end of their battle — the younger being backed into a corner.

Heeseung hummed. “I’m more interested in how they stole it— and for what reason.”

“Everyone, gather around.”

The students all stood at attention hearing the sound of their teacher, Rain, who stood at the top of the staircase, overlooking the eight of them below. But what caught their attention wasn’t necessarily the man himself. It was the girl who stood beside him, one they’ve never met before, and who was wearing their uniform: a black military blazer with a pleated skirt and knee high stockings.

“Teach,” Riki greeted. He and the students gathered around the teacher, all curious about the sudden appearance of this stranger.

“Who’s this?” Sunoo asked, eyes scanning the girl up and down.

She was pretty, was the first observation he made. She had long blonde hair (dyed, he concluded) and looked like a princess out of a fairytale, with the way she stood with her hands folded neatly in front of her. The way she carried herself was too poised, too proper to match the average teenager. Sunoo couldn’t put his finger on it, but something about her just seemed… other.

“This is Mila,” Rain introduced, “your new classmate.”

“New classmate?” Jay asked with a quirked brow.

It wasn’t as if he was opposed to the idea, but it was rather sudden. Still, he couldn’t say anything to question the choice before the girl bowed, as if on cue, smiling in a way that had her eyes crinkling endearingly. “Nice to meet you all,” she said. “Please take care of me.”

For as long as Mila survived, anyway.

Mila already knew she wouldn’t be able to last long before her clan finally found her. Running from them was the most reckless choice she could have made. But just once in her life, she wanted to rebel against them — to pay them back for all the times they belittled her, casted her aside simply for the fact that they couldn’t accept the sole heir to their clan after the passing of the previous head was a girl.

Just like the clan took away everything that was precious to her — her freedom, her autonomy, and most of all, her mother — she too had stolen the one thing most precious to them. The green jade ornament that hung from her neck like the yoke of an ox. The Emperor Jade.

She hadn’t expected to be spared by the Korean sorcerers who found her. Instead of releasing her from this mortal life which was both woeful and wonderful, they integrated her in their society and promised to hide her as best as they could from her clan. But she supposed it was only natural: She had a weapon that could be of great use to them, especially with their growing rates of suicide and declining mental health that attributed to their abnormally high levels of Curses on a global scale. It was better to keep her close than to give her away.

Whatever the reason, though, she fully intended on embracing this new chance at life she was given.

“So…”

Jungwon glanced awkwardly at Mila. He was just absolutely adorable, his round face and dimpled cheeks making it nearly impossible for Mila not to reach over and pinch his cheek. His shyer personality only made him all the more endearing to her. And for once, she thought she might be smitten for a boy she just met.

“You’re Rain-seonsangnim’s niece?” the redhead asked.

Mila resisted the urge to frown. It was true in a sense: her aunty, who had left the clan years ago with her older cousin, ended up remarrying, with Jung ‘Rain’ Jihoon as her husband. Still, the man was a stranger to Mila until yesterday. Calling him ‘uncle’ was more difficult than she would like to admit. But she had to, since it was part of her cover story on why she suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

“Yeah,” she said with a small smile. She changed the subject in case anyone asked any questions of why she didn’t go to their school until now. “Uncle Jihoon told me about how you were the new student before I joined… So I guess that makes you my senior.”

“Eyyyy, that can’t be right!” Sunoo denied with a laugh. Mila really liked the sound of it, and the way it wrapped her in a similar warmth to the sun that shone above them. “We’re the same age, so you can’t let the younger ones be casual with you, otherwise they might do the same to me.”

Mila giggled. “Really? Okay. But since I’m not really your senior…” Mila hummed before smiling at Jungwon. “Instead of ‘sunbaenim’, you can call me ‘noona,’ instead.”

Jungwon’s face burned, his face now the same shade of red as his strawberry-coloured hair. “O-okay.”

So cute! Mila internallly cooed.

“How good are you with weapons?” Riki, the youngest student at the school, asked curiously.

He was a cutie too, even if he towered over Mila with his insane height. One would usually use the word ‘cool’ to describe someone like him, but for some reason, Mila had the urge to pat his head — a very odd feeling for her, considering she wasn’t the affectionate type.

“I’m decent,” she said vaguely, not giving the younger the satisfaction of a straightforward answer. “I’m better without them, though.”

Jake, who had the looks and aura of a typical Hollywood heartthrob, flashed a captivating grin. From the moment they met, Mila could tell he was a flirt — and she wouldn’t be lying if she said he was a good one, at that. “Oh, so you’re good with your hands, are you?”

Mila almost choked on her spit. Both because of the comment, and the way the only other female student, Kiara, had slapped the boy on the back of his head with a resounding echo that made the other guys cringe in second-hand pain. (Or was it embarrassment? Judging from the side eye coming from Sunoo, it was probably the latter.)

“Well,” Riki cut in once again. “If you’re that confident, you wouldn’t mind giving us a demo, right?”

Jay sighed, bringing a hand up to massage his forehead. It was amusing that he had such a macho appearance, and yet he was the most well-mannered among the boys as far as Mila could tell. It was unfair how he was just her type: not only was he drop-dead gorgeous, he was a gentleman too.

“She’s literally just started her first day, and you’re already trying to make her a training dummy.”

Mila pouted at the insinuation that she would be lose. “What makes you think he wouldn’t end being my training dummy?”

Beside Jay, Heeseung chuckled, his voice causing Mila to blush despite herself. “That’s not what Jay meant,” Heeseung assured the girl, a warm smile on his face that would melt any girl on the spot. “Riki just has a bad record of starting fights whenever he meets new people.”

Mila laughed when Riki looked affronted. “What? I’m just trying to get to know our new classmate better?” He turned to Sunghoon behind him, who had been standing a bit more distantly from them than the others. “What do you think, hyung?”

Sunghoon crossed his arms over his chest, Mila’s eyes drifting slightly to the way the black shirt he wore for training outlined his muscles perfectly. He cocked his head to the side, a glint in his eyes. “Riki’s right,” he said coolly.

“See!” Riki said with a smug smirk while Sunoo rolled his eyes. “Besides, we have the Goodwill Event coming up with the sister schools in Japan. We need to make sure everyone’s in shape, right?”

“Well you don’t need to worry about me,” Mila said, mirroring Sunghoon’s pose with his arms across his chest. “I’m perfectly in shape, thanks.”

“Definitely,” Jake muttered under his breath after giving her an appreciation once-over, earning yet another slap from Kiara.

Sunghoon smirked, sensing the challenge in Mila’s tone. The girl swallowed thickly, unable to deny his attractiveness. She almost didn’t catch the blade that was being tossed in her direction – but she had spent too much of her childhood learning to evade assassinations and attacks to have missed it.

“If that’s the case,” Sunghoon said, after tossing her the weapon with a cocky grin on his face. “Prove it.”

The air was silent as eight pairs of eyes fell on Mila. She bit back a laugh, the corners of her lips turning up in amusement.

She had a feeling she would like it here.

#03. AVENGERS

ALMOST A YEAR NOW. That was how long Mila spent wandering the globe with her head low, her guard up against any enemies who may one day attack her when she least expected it. Or so that was how she justified it.

Mila stopped before the television screens in the display window of the media store, her eyes trained on nine familiar figures being portrayed in the news. Her eyes traced over each and every one of them, blocking out the words of the news reporters. All she heard were the words: ‘Avengers,’ ‘missing,’ and the name she was given when she made her first appearance in public wrapped in the embrace of red magic. ‘Scarlet Witch.’

She missed them so much it physically hurt. But this was for them. The whole reason she ran from them in the first place, without so much as a word except a letter she wrote in a haste to get away.

It was selfish. She knew this. But she wasn’t a hero like they were – she was just a lab experiment who lost everything she ever loved, before they came into her life and gave her another chance at life. She wasn’t selfless, wasn’t humble, and she definitely wasn’t good. But if protecting the people she loved was a bad thing… then she would accept the role of a villain, if she had to.

“Long time no see.”

Mila gasped as she whipped around, long strands of hair whipping around in the wind. Her eyes widened at the familiar face staring back at her.

“Eonnie,” she breathed out in shock.

Black Widow smiled, that same maternal look in her eyes as when Mila last saw her. “It’s been a while.”

Mila gaped, her eyes blinked as she looked around the street. They were alone. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. At least it wasn’t one of the boys. Kiara, at least, could be reasoned with – but she knew she wouldn’t be so fortunate if it was anyone else who found her tonight.

“I thought we agreed to keep in contact,” Kiara said with a scolding tone as she pulled Mila into a nearby alleyway.

Mila sighed. The night she decided to run away, she coincidentally ran straight into Kiara, who immediately connected the dots seeing the bag on Mila’s shoulder and the cap covering her head. A single call to SHIELD would have had every agent on sight, ready to stop Mila from taking even one step out of their sight. But Kiara let her go. And Mila owed her for that.

“I know,” Mila said. “But I’ve been getting visions, and—!”

“Visions?” Kiara repeated incredulously. “That’s even more reason for you to keep in contact! You said the Mind Stone was fine the last time we spoke— which was a month ago.”

Mila lowered her head, looking like a wet puppy in the rain. “I know… And I’m sorry but I just— I just didn’t want to worry you…”

Kiara sighed before bringing a hand up to her head. “Well I am worried, okay? Worried because even though I agreed to let you do this, that doesn’t mean I like it. Every day I wonder if I did the right thing by letting you go that night…”

Mila gasped. A feeling of dread pooled in the pit of her stomach. “Eonnie… Please.”

Kiara shook her head. “I’m sorry Mila, but I can’t let you do this alone anymore.”

Shit.

Mila needed to get out of here. Fast.

Without letting Kiara say another word, she wrapped herself in a cocoon of crimson light, her eyes glowing the same shade of red as she took to the air, ready to flee the sight as soon as she could. But it was too late. Before she could turn — somewhere, anywhere — she was stopped by a wall of iron. A startled gasp left her lips as a familiar suit of armour rushed towards her in a flurry of red and gold.

In her shock, she didn’t even register that she had been swept right out of the air and into a pair of arms.

“Jay?!” Mila blurted. She stared wide-eyed at his mask as if she could see his face through it — his angular features, contrasted by the soft look on his eyes. She wondered what expression he was wearing now, if he hated her for what she did to keep him and the others safe.

He carried bridal style as he flew through the air at the speed of a fighter jet plane, her hair whipping around in all directions as she grasped onto him for dear life. She could push him away, if she wanted to. She could overpower him easily with her powers and fly away to a corner of a world where no one could ever find her.

But she didn’t. She missed him too much — she missed them too much — to stay away when they were near. And they took full advantage of it to corner her and bring her right back, using Kiara as bait.

“Wait, where are you going?!” Mila asked, her voice muffled as a hand pressed her head closer to his neck, where her arms had wrapped around subconsciously. “Let’s talk about this, okay?! Just stop for a second—?”

“I can’t do that, Angel.” Mila froze at the familiar pet name, a warmth filling her stomach at the sound of his tone. Even though his mask, it held so much emotion in it, amplified only by the desperation with which he held her. “I’m not giving you another chance to get away. Never again.”

Mila’s breath caught in her chest. Damn it. They really were her weakness… For better or for worse.

Mila didn’t even register when she was on solid ground again. But before she knew it, she found herself on the landing platform of SHIELD base in the middle of the Yellow Sea, held to Jay’s chest as he landed in the middle of rows of airships.

Mila bit her lip as Iron Man’s mask retreated, allowing Mila to see the face she so missed seeing when she woke up in the morning. She swallowed thickly at the intense look in his eyes as they traced her every feature, so full of love she didn’t even know if she alone was enough to hold it all.

“You can put me down now,” Mila whispered weakly.

“And if I don’t?” Jay asked, his voice low.

“Then I’ll make you.”

Mila and Jay both turned in the direction of the new voice. Mila’s lips parted as Sunoo came into view from the shadows, a quiver of bows strapped to his back and black uniform shrouding his figure like a phantom as he appeared before Mila. His hair was a new shade of wine red that she hadn’t seen on him before, making his foxy features even more harsh as he stared at her without emotion.

Mila felt cold as Jay reluctantly let her down from his hold, her legs weak as she stood on her own two feet.

“You have a lot of guts walking away with the Mind Stone like that,” Sunoo said with narrowed eyes. “If you were anyone else… I would have shot you down without a second thought.”

Mila pursed her lips. Of course. She knew as well as anyone that even if he didn’t have any powers, Sunoo was not one to be underestimated. His arrows could hit an apple from a mile away — least of all a 5’8 girl walking away without soaring a single look over her shoulder.

She deserved his coldness, she thought. She didn’t deserve the smiles he would share with her and they visited her favourite cafe, trying all the sweets to see which one was the best. She didn’t deserve his warmth, or his loving smiles. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“Cut it out, Sunoo.” Mila’s wide eyes turned to look behind her. His mechanic falcon wings were spread out behind him as he landed behind Jay. He spared a nod to the man before his eyes landed on Mila, a conflicted look on his face. He clenched his jaw, which Mila could remember tracing loving kisses along whenever he would fly up to her apartment window in the middle of the night. “So you’re back now…”

Mila swallowed the lump in her throat. “Yeah.”

Jake nodded, his eyes slowly trailing down her body, as if trying to figure out whether or not she was real. If it was actually her in front of him. “Yeah?” he asked uncertainly.

Mila nodded. And before she could say a word, she was being pulled away from Jay’s protective hand on her waist, and right into Jake’s chest, his head burying itself into her neck and his hands holding her lower back and her head to him, trying to feel her as closely as possible.

“I missed you so fucking much,” he whispered into her ear. She raised her hands to return his embrace, just in time to hear his next words, which burned themselves into her skin. “But you’re in so much trouble when we’re alone, you hear me?”

Mila didn’t even have time to register the Falcon’s words before she was pulling away by the hips. One second she was looking at Jake’s annoyed expression, and the next she was staring straight into Riki’s eyes before his lips crashed into hers.

“Brat,” Sunoo said from behind the tall boy, his foxy eyes narrowing on him.

But Mila barely heard a thing. She was shutting her eyes and letting herself fall into the familiar pattern of her lips moving against his, their chests pressed against each other. The feeling of her hands threading their way through his hair in a desperate act to keep his mouth on hers. Just like the first time they kissed, that day he thought he lost her for good when she fell from the top of the Tokyo tower.

“You better not do that ever again,” Riki said as he leaned her forehead against hers, his breath heavy as he stared into her eyes with a sense of desperation just like that day. And Mila felt guilt eat away again for making him relive that same fear again. “I’ll never forgive you.”

“And neither will I.”

There was a flash of green before Jungwon appeared before them, the Time Stone hanging around his neck and his sentient cape lifting a corner and giving a small wave at Mila’s direction. Mila smiled. It reminded her of all the times Mila would pretend to run from his kisses, only for his cape to chase her and pull her right back into his arms again.

The only time Mila escaped its grasp was the night she ran away…

“Jungwon.” Mila sighed as the younger looked down at her, his eyes firm in their disapproval.

“I have a lot to say to you,” Jungown said. “But that can wait until later. We have more important things to do.” Mila cringed internally, but didn’t disagree. “Heeseung is probably waiting for you in his office… I trust you have the Mind Stone with you?”

Mila lowered her head. “I do.”

“Good.” Jungwon turned on his heels without another word. The corner of his cape lifting to look back and forth between Jungwon’s leaving figure and Mila’s crestfallen expression, before expressing a sigh.

A flash of lighting appeared in the night sky, and Mila shivered. She looked up towards the sky. “Where’s Sunghoon?”

“Don’t know.” Sunoo shrugged. “He hasn’t been here for a while.”

Mila sighed. Riki lay a hand on Mila’s back. “Come on,” he said. “You can’t delay it any longer.”

Like that, Mila walked into Heeseung’s office to see him leaning against his desk with hands in his pockets. The space felt crowded as Mila and her men (were they still hers, though?) gathered in the room.

“It’s been a while,” Heeseung lulled, his expression not betraying a single thought. His eyes scanned her in a similar way to Jake. “You look well.”

Surely not, Mila thought. She felt anything but well.

Heeseung looked towards the others. “You guys can leave now.”

They exchanged looks. But none of them disobeyed the orders given to them, and they slowly exited the room one by one, some of them giving her pecks before they left, and others not sparing a single glance. But in the end, Heeseung was the only thing on Mila’s mind. Especially when he marched up to her the second the door closed, before lifting her like she weighed nothing and placing her on the tabling in the middle of the room, his lips devouring hers like they were her last meal on Earth.

Mila gasped as he pushed her down onto the table, her back laying on scattered paperwork as he hovered over her, his figure cocooning her like he was trying to hide his favourite doll form the world, to keep anyone from seeing or ever going near her. And really? Mila liked it. She always did. She loved the fact that she was the only one who could make him snap like this, lose all his composure.

She didn’t know how long she was lying like that before Heeseung was pulling away, his silver hair shining under the light of the full moon.

“Do you remember?” Heeseung asked all of a sudden, not even giving Mila a chance to catch her breath.

“Remember what?”

“Remember when I told you, I wouldn’t let anyone take you away from me.” Mila bit her lip, nodding at the declaration he had made when he and the others first rescued her from the scientists experimenting on ner. “If I knew you were the one that would make you leave…”

“I’m sorry,” Mila whispered.

Heeseung closed his eyes before leaning his chin on Mila’s shoulder. “You should be. I missed you so much, baby…” He brushed a kiss to her cheek, before nipping at her earlobe, causing Mila to whine. “Don’t ever leave me like that again. Whatever the reason for it was, we’ll figure it out.” He moved away and brushed a strand from Mila’s face. “That being said, we have to talk about—”

Before Heeseung could even finish his sentence, there was a series of shouts from the other side of the door. Neither Mila or Heeseung had time to register what was happening before the door flew open to reveal an absolutely pissed Sunghoon.

All of a sudden, Mila was reminded of the first time they got into an argument, and Mila ended up giving him the cold shoulder for a week before he blew it and dragged her back to her place where he sat her down and stared at her for five seconds straight with those piercing eyes of his before she crumbled and gave in. Those same eyes landed on Mila and Heeseung now, before narrowing on the former. Mila blushed at the fact she was caught in this position, but realised that there were more important things to worry about.

Heeseung lifted himself off of Mila to address the man. “Sunghoon.”

He didn't get a reply. Instead of greeting him back, Sunghoon was brushing past Heeseung and storming straight towards Mila before grabbing her arm and hauling her off the desk, wrapping an arm around her waist to bring him to his firm chest.

“Wait, Sunghoon,” Heeseung said placating as he realised what was happening. “Let’s talk about this.”

Mila’s eyes widened when Sunghoon began to swing his hammer in his hand. “Stay out of it,” Sunghoon said. “I need to talk to my girlfriend.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Mila protested, “I don’t want to hurt you, Oppa, so let’s talk this ou— Agh!”

Heeseung was left to stand there with a tired expression as Sunghoon’s hammer carried him out the window, breaking the glass as he escaped into the horizon with his girlfriend in his arms. Heeseung dropped his head when the rest of the boys flooded into the room, all in equal disbelief.

“We just got her back, and already she’s been kidnapped?!” Riki asked.

Heeseung sighed. They didn’t have time for this. Thanos was on his search for the infinity stones, and he wasn’t going to let his girlfriend get away alone with one of them ever again — not if it meant leaving her vulnerable. And the others agreed on the same thing. For just ws much as she wanted to keep them safe from leaving them, they wanted to keep her safe by keeping her by her side.

So it went without saying, they as soon as Kiara caught up with them, he was suiting up, ready to lead the mission to retrieve his — their — girl from Sunghoon.

“Avengers… Assemble.”

#04. HARRY POTTER

AMORTENTIA. The potion of love.

Mila didn’t think she would ever need such a thing — nor did she want it, either. It was a fact that the effects caused by Amortentia were closer to lust or obsession more than anything else, and for that, Mila wished to stay well away from it. But as it happened, today’s Potions class happened to be brewing that exact potion.

Hooray, Mila mentally noted as she stirred a pot of pink boiling liquid, being sure to stand at arm’s length, with a hand on her nose, least her yellow Hufflepuff robes would smell of a very interesting combination of mint chocolate, bungeoppang, tiramisu, ramyeon, corn and… strawberries with chocolate?

Mila tilted her head at the scent profile. What was that about? She knew that the scent of Amortentia changed according to who smelled it, and served as an indication of the person one felt attracted to… But wasn’t this combination a bit too odd?

“If you lean back any further, your hair is going to become another ingredient in my potion.” Mila whipped her head around to stare blankly at the Slytherin behind her. She gathered her hair and threw it over her shoulder with a glare. “Happy?”

Park Sunghoon rolled his eyes, before looking down at his potion again. Mila didn’t know when it started, but for as long as she could remember, she and Sunghoon had always been at each other’s throats — exchanging short and clipped remarks, bumping into each other’s shoulders when they passed each other in the hallway, and glaring whenever they made eye contact.

She really didn’t know why he disliked her so much. But well, it wasn’t as if she cared…

Sunghoon took a sniff, before his thick eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Mila didn’t bother to ask about it, before turning to face his potion again. It was none of her business what it smelt like — everyone knew what type of girl he liked, anyway. A pretty, popular girl like Jang Wonyoung, who seemed to be the only one he ever smiled at.

Not that Mila was keeping track, or anything. But Mila pouted at the thought. Because, seriously, why did he hate her so much? (But perhaps, if she didn’t turn away so quickly, she would be able to see the way Sunghoon’s eyes lingered on her back after smelling his potion.)

“How’s your potion going?” Mila snapped to attention when Jake, her seatmate, leaned over to check her cauldron. Briefly, Mila could catch the scent of grass and rain, attributed to the fact that the boy was on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team.

“It’s going okay?” Mila asked. “I mean… it does smell pretty funny, though.”

Jake tilted his head, looking like a confused puppy. “What do you mean?”

Mila laughed, shaking her head. “That the person I’m attracted to has a lot of different tastes in food.”

Jake laughed. “Yeah?” His smile softened as he watched Mila stir the cauldron, eyes holding an unbridled amount of affection that everyone except her seemed to see. “Well mine happens to really like chocolate — Lindt, specifically.”

Mila hummed pleasantly. “Really? What a coincidence! So do I!”

Internally, Mila despaired. She couldn’t tell why, but it really bothered her to know about the girl who stole his heart. It wasn’t her right to be, and yet she couldn’t control her feeling of disappointment. He had been telling her for a while now about a girl that he had his eyes set on, since the first day of school. And Mila didn’t know how to react when she found out, because she could have sworn that he seemed so much more affectionate around her than others, with the way he always had a hand around her shoulder or how he would lean closer to her when they were speaking…

But maybe she was imagining it.

Jake laughed, shaking his head in fond exasperation. It made more sense the more he knew her, the reason she wasn’t in Ravenclaw — as smart as she was, she missed some of the most obvious signs around her. And yet, it only made her more endearing to him…

“I think I need some more flasks,” Mila said, as she looked at her bench. “I’ll be right back.”

Mila skipped towards the table at the back of the room to grab a glass flask before turning to head back to her desk… only to bump straight into a firm chest. Startled, Mila jumped backwards, only for an arm to grab her by the bicep to steady her before she fell over. She looked up in bewilderment, to meet Jay’s concerned eyes.

She couldn’t say anything except, “Oh.”

Because no way the Park Jongseong was holding her by the arm right now, his face only centimetres away from her. Her face flushed a similar pink as her love potion, before she cleared her throat and stapled away from the boy’s touch, despite her body screaming not to.

She always had somewhat of a puppy crush on Jay since they first met. She was lost and couldn’t find her next class, and he, being a Prefect for Slytherin, offered to help her find her find her way.

“Sorry,” she apologised.

Jay chuckled. “It’s okay.” The boy resumed grabbing his ingredients from the table, allowing Mila to turn around and calm her beating heart. All of a sudden, it started racing again when Jay called her again. “By the way… Your potion…”

Mila blinked at the handsome boy. “Yeah?”

“Just wondering how it smelled, that’s all,” Jay said. Contrary to his usual mannerisms, he wasn’t facing her, his back instead turned as he checked the labels of several bottles on the table. Mila spotted a twinge of red on his ears, and wondered if he usually got embarrassed when talking about affairs of the heart.

Mila smiled. “Hmmm… There was quite a few distinct scents… But I do remember there being something like corn in there? Which was really random.”

Jay froze, his back rigid like stone. “Really?”

Mila hummed. “Yep! So I guess I have to give my future boyfriend some corn when I ask him out, huh?”

Jay didn’t say anything afterwards, so Mila took it as a cue to end the conversation there. She bid the boy farewell before making her way back to her desk. She was completely obvious to the crisis he had put him in with her words, as Jay stood there for the next five minutes replaying what she said to him like a broken record.

Shit, Jay cursed mentally, when he couldn’t contain the smile on his face. I’m down bad…

But to be fair, he wasn’t the only one.

When class finished and it was time to go, Mila found herself walking side by side with her best friend Sunoo who, as always, took the books from her arms and carried them in her own, looking like the textbook Ravenclaw that he was.

It was strange. When they first met, he was a library part-timer scolding her for folding the spine of her books while she looked like a child who had just been caught doing something they shouldn’t have. Who would have guessed that from that day onwards, they would form a lasting friendship?

How did your potion go?”

Mila hummed. “It was okay. Don’t know how well it would work… but it had a interesting smell.”

“Like what?” Sunoo asked, a little too eager. Since they didn’t sit at the table together (because of assigned seat mates) they didn’t know what the other was up to in class.

“Yeah, like what?”

Mila jumped in surprise when an arm flung itself over her shoulder. She looked up and groaned when she made eye contact with Riki, the resident prankster. To this day, she still hadn’t forgiven him for putting pink hair dye into her shampoo, thinking it belonged to her roommate — who also happened to be Riki’s sister.

At that moment she noticed who was beside him and smiled brightly. “Wonie! How are you?”

The younger boy smiled, his dimples poking from his cheeks. And it was so hard to believe that he — a Prefect for Gryffindoor — would be friends with a troublemaker Slytherin like Riki.

“You didn’t answer the question,” Sunoo said impatiently.

“Oh right,” Mila said. “Hmmm, well, it smelled like a lot of different things…”

Sunoo pouted at the vague answer but didn’t get to press the girl before Riki was steering her towards the Mess Hall and changing the subject. “Let’s have lunch together today.”

“We’re in different houses,” Mila pointed out. “We sit at different tables, remember?”

Riki shrugged. “So? We can just sit with you — it’s not like you have any friends.”

Jungwon discretely elbowed Riki in the ribs. He for one wouldn’t let the tall boy get away with teasing Mila too much. Riki cringed in pain, before glaring at the boy, but neither Mila nor Sunoo noticed it had happened — after all, who would expect sweet and adorable Jungwon of doing any harm. As Mila said when Riki accused the boy, “That’s funny. Your best joke yet.”

Riki pouted as he followed the girl to her seat, despite his protests, planted himself beside her. Sunoo followed his example and took the next seat over, while Jungwon sat across from the girl so that he would be able to look at her when they spoke. People around them began to stare at the combination of colours before happening along each other, causing Mila to giggle.

“I can’t believe you guys are actually sitting here,” she muttered. She then looked at Jungwon. “Are you really approving this?”

Jungwon shrugged. “There are no rules saying we can’t sit at another house’s table.”

Mila shook her head. At that moment she felt a hand on her head. She looked up in surprise, when she saw Heeseung staining above her, his handsome face smiling warmly at her. She then noticed Jay, Sunghoon, and Jake with him, and remembered that they were close friends with each other

“Then in that case, it should be alright if we join you, right?” Heeseung asked.

Riki glared. Why were there so many boys around Mila? “Actually—”

Before Riki could say anything, Mila delivered a elbow right into the same spot that Jungwon had. “Of course you can!” Mila said eagerly.

The older boy was actually one of the first that Mila got to meet here at Hogwarts. It was on the very first day of school, when she saw him charming origami paper cranes in the courtyard. She complimented him with sincere awe, and he gifted her one of them in return. Somehow, Mila always found herself smiling at him whenever they crossed paths.

Heeseung smiled, patting the girl’s head. “Thank you.”

Jungwon scrunched his nose at the adoration in the older boy’s tone because was he seriously baby-talking her? Sunoo had the same thought, and eyed him with disdain as he took a seat next to Riki, while Jay sat next to Sunoo, and Sunghoon and Jake joined Jungwon.

The eight of them became the centre of attention as whispers began to float among the Mess Hall, scandalised by the prospect of students from different houses sitting together. But Mila couldn’t care less. She found that being with them, she was more at ease than she ever was alone.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on over here?” Mila watched as Kiara, her older sister figure, appeared with a glint in her eye. “Is this a Mila’s fan club meeting or something?”

Mila didn’t know why, but she was shooting out of her chair like a rocket, her face a bright pink as she shushed the Slytherin girl. “What do you mean? We’re just hanging out.”

Riki smirked at her reaction. “Then what has you so flustered then?”

Mila looked around the table and saw the same amused looks on all the boys’ faces. She cleared her throat before slowly sitting back down again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

And yet, Mila’s heart skipped a bit when the boys laughed at her expense. The sound of their laughs overlapping each other, bouncing off the walls of the Mess Hall like a chorus in a church… It was nice. Being with them was nice.

And when Kiara found herself joking later on that Mila must have caught a few crushes during lunch that day… She didn’t deny her.

She didn’t know what it was, but something about them together felt right — and somehow, she had a feeling that they felt the same way too.

NOTE. finally the au chapter has come 😭 dark moon ended up being left out bc well we kinda already know what enha would be like in that au… ☀️ but anyway! funny story, my planni for this fic was so bad- i was supposed to write one au each day starting on Monday so I could post this first thing today…. but procrastinated so I needed to just writing around 7k words in or day 😭 it’s now 9:27pm tho so at least it’s out before mila’s bday ends 🥹 anyway! hope you liked it! yhank you guys for a wonderful year with mila and enha, and hope to continue to celebrate more milestones to come — dia 🌸🩷

#◌ 🌸 ˴ milana bai . ˚◞ ★̶̲ ꒱#enhypen 8th member #enhypen female member #enhypen fem oc #enhypen added member #enhypen extra member #enhypen eight member #enhypen female oc #enhypen x oc #enhypen female addition #enhypen addition #enhypen oc #enhypen poly

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farfromstrange · 3 months

Text

Do No Harm

CHAPTER SEVEN: Downward Spiral

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: After agreeing to go on a date with Matt, you start realizing the weight of your decision, and your thoughts begin spiraling. In a moment of need, you turn to the only close friend you have in Hell's Kitchen, hoping she can pull you away from the edge of the very steep cliff your trauma is trying to throw you into.

Warnings for this chapter: ANGST (the caps feel appropriate here), mentions of domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, allusions to a suicide attempt, allusions to sexual assault, mentions of being taken advantage of by a superior, (I guess you could say) mentions of hypersexuality, self-loathing, PTSD, some foreshadowing, mental breakdown, alcohol, Season 1 related plot (spoilers)

Word Count: 6.4k

A/n: Surprise! I'm posting early because I'm going to see my family this weekend, and after I had an epiphany at two in the morning and spent 3 days writing this, I got it done, and I'm actually quite proud of this (or maybe it's the caffeine). Anyway, heed the warnings because the topics of conversation in this are pretty dark. That's why I highlighted the angst. And if you haven't watched past episode 1 of Season 1, this might spoil some things for you. (Also, I have no idea how this turned into a beast with a word count over 6k. Sorry in advance.)

Read Chapter 7: Downward Spiral here on AO3

You don’t know what came over you.

You typed in Matt’s number in a moment of weakness, and once you heard his voice through the line, you gave up on being careful. You gave up on denying yourself what you’re so desperately craving, and you abandoned all rational thought.

For him.

You promised not to get attached to someone ever again—let alone a man. You started a new life in Hell’s Kitchen to find your way back to normalcy. You took all the necessary precautions, and even though you look back at the shreds of your old life every day, you are never going back.

Two years. That is the longest you have managed to stay in one place ever since you left California. But you still haven’t found your way back into the real world.

You have been guarding yourself, afraid of having your heart broken, afraid of losing this chance at a new life, and afraid of the man who ruined you.

Every time you close your eyes, you see his face. You hear his voice in the back of your mind. He’s everywhere, even when you don’t want him to be.

It’s easier to put a wall between yourself and everyone else. A wall no one can break through, not even yourself. You trapped your soul for the sole purpose of keeping yourself alive after you made the hardest decision of your life. When you ran, you believed your life was over, but you have always been too much of a coward to end your misery. God knows you’ve tried, but even a trained doctor can’t fully understand death, and some things just don’t work out the way we want them to.

Drunken one-night stands can’t possibly compare to a meaningful emotional connection, but they satisfy the need for physical intimacy. At least for a little while. It killed you; slowly, almost pathetically, but sleeping with strangers in dirty motel rooms did a better job than you ever could.

For the longest time, you used sex as a coping mechanism. You let strange men use you because that is the only way you know how to be with someone else. You let them hurt you to feel something, anything because pain is better than feeling nothing at all. But when you finally got settled in Hell’s Kitchen, thanks to Claire, you stopped.

You locked up your heart and threw away the key. You started to shield your body the same way you have shielded your soul. You retreated into a shell of restlessness and constant fear of every little sliver of hope you feel being taken away from you.

You have nowhere else to run, which is why keeping a low profile is so important to you, but after two years, don’t you deserve to finally live?

We don’t exist to just survive; we exist to live the life we were given. You are Olivia Clarke now, not the broken girl you left behind, but every time you think about it, his voice returns and backs you into a corner that you can’t escape from.

Every time you see the scars on your body, all you want to do is rip the skin off your bones and feed it to the dogs.

The men you slept with while you were running from your past saw you as a mere object, and you are used to being seen that way, but it was isolating nonetheless. They didn’t care about your scars, they only cared about what you could give them. They treated you like he did without lifting a finger.

Even though you don’t do that anymore, it still weighs heavy on your wounded soul.

Matt treats you like a person. He can’t physically see, but he still sees you. He sees you in a way no one has ever seen you before. And he is gentle, and patient, and—

You scream into your pillow. Your nose still hurts, but it is nothing compared to how fast your heart is beating.

To you, Matt is perfect. You know that no one can be perfect, and you should be careful, but he makes you feel things you have long denied yourself. He makes you feel wanted. Desired. Like you can be yourself around him and still be worthy of his attention. Like you matter. And he has a certain way of being around you that makes you feel protected, almost.

You don’t need protection. You have made it this far without a bodyguard by your side. You know how to fight your own battles better than most, but you can’t deny that you wouldn’t mind being saved by him.

You wouldn’t mind those hands he always wraps around his cane to wrap around you instead. He can’t see your scars, but he can feel them, and as terrifying as that thought sounds, it also excites you.

You’re treading dangerous territory, but God, he won’t leave you alone, not even when you’re trying to sleep. He could offer you a sense of normal that you have long missed. He could teach you how to be a person again. And maybe, just maybe, you could let yourself be cared for by him.

You roll back onto your back when you need to breathe, one of your hairs getting stuck to your lip. You let out an annoyed huff. There won’t be much sleeping tonight, you’re sure. Not when you keep thinking about tomorrow.

“You’re not fifteen anymore,” you mutter to yourself. “What is wrong with you? God!”

It’s almost too surreal to believe that this magnetic force of a man managed to retrieve some of your long-lost hope, and he only had to call you beautiful once for you to be completely smitten.

When he allowed you to take care of his injuries on the first day you met, you didn’t think a person could be this guarded yet so vulnerable at the same time. He’s breaking under an invisible weight that must have been on his shoulders for years, maybe even decades. You’re painfully aware of other people’s feelings, and it wasn’t hard to tell that Matt carries a lot of unresolved pain with him. Always. He reminds you so much of yourself, it’s like staring into a mirror. Two broken halves of a whole.

Your thoughts won’t stand still, no matter how hard you try. You’re stuck inside an invisible hourglass. Not even heaven knows what will happen once time runs out. You don’t understand why you’re overthinking this while, at the same time, knowing exactly why. And you hate it.

There is a part of you that you can never get back. A little girl who grew up too fast. A girl who didn’t know any better. A broken teenager who wanted nothing more than to escape and live a better life than her parents could ever give her, and when she did manage to escape one hell, she found herself in a new quarter of purgatory built just for you.

You used to think that maybe you just bring the worst out in people, but after seeing the worst of humanity outside of your broken relationships, too, you’re not so sure about that anymore.

The fact that you don’t understand why you can’t stop your usually so intelligent brain from spinning out of control makes you want to claw at the walls of your apartment that threaten to cave in on you.

Part of you wants nothing more than to run and never look back, but you can’t run forever. This time, you wouldn’t be running from the Devil; you would be running from a fear of your own feelings. Human feelings. Feelings that have a high likelihood of recurring, and then you will have to run again.

You can’t run from reality forever. It’s a different reality now, but it’s a better reality. That is a rational thought, but being rational currently has no place in your mind, so you’re spiraling, and all because a nice guy asked you out for coffee.

You find yourself in a cab a few minutes later, wearing a pair of sweatpants, and an oversized shirt, with an untouched bottle of wine in your bag. Your worn-down sneakers are not the appropriate footwear for today’s weather, but you couldn’t be bothered to pick another pair.

You’re aware that it’s late and maybe you should have texted, but you’re already here, and Claire told you that you could always come to her, even if it happens to be the middle of the night. If the rule still stands after she suddenly decided to stay at your co-worker’s place without a proper explanation, you’re not quite sure though.

You knock. At first, no response. You knock again. The floorboards creak on the other side of the door.

“Claire, it’s Liv,” you call out.

You can hear the exact moment the person inside the apartment starts to panic. The floorboards creak again, more frequent this time, and it sounds almost as if Claire is turning the room upside down. You raise your eyebrows.

Before you can knock again, the lock finally clicks, and she opens the door. She’s more of a mess than you are, and that is put lightly.

“It’s the middle of the night,” Claire greets you. “What are you doing here?”

You blink a few times. “Hello to you too?”

She sighs. “I didn’t mean—I’m sorry, it’s just been a long night.”

“I can see that,” you answer. “Are you alright?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” She looks you up and down. “What happened to your nose?”

“It’s a long story.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah. Can I, uh, come in?”

She hesitates before stepping aside to let you in. “Sure.”

You take a quick look around the apartment. Nothing seems out of place. A bowl of cat food stands in the corner by the kitchen. The window in the living room is open, but it seems intentional.

The scent of antiseptic lingers in the air. You’re not sure if your nose is betraying you as you breathe in, but the smell is familiar. Bandages, disinfectant, and salve. You don’t want to question it, but you can’t help it.

“Did you hurt yourself?” you ask.

Claire blows her nose behind you. If you didn’t know better, you would think she was actually sick. She shakes her head upon hearing your question, but there is a faint blush on her cheeks.

“What makes you think that?” she retorts.

“Oh, no particular reason. It just smells very… hospital-y. That’s why I asked.”

“I, uh, I had to put a bandage on my leg earlier ‘cause this stupid cat decided to scratch me after peeing everywhere.” She sniffs. “Had to clean the wound, that thing—“ she nods toward the cat sitting in the cat tree, “and then the apartment. Maybe that’s why.”

You follow her gaze toward the little furball resting on his cat tree. You approach him, but Claire seems less pleased at the prospect.

“Be careful. He’s pissed.”

“At you,” you correct her. “Also, you’re having an allergic reaction, and—if he really, honest-to-God scratched you—very probably an infection. Why are you even staying here?”

Your voice rises in pitch when you reach the sleeping cat. “Hello, you.” You stroke his fur. He only opens one eye to sniff you, but once he recognizes you, he starts purring. For a moment, you forget the reason why you even came here.

Claire exhales loudly. She scratches her neck, her skin threatening to break out into hives. “It’s a long story,” she says.

You glare at her over your shoulder, your hand still stroking up and down the cat’s back as he settles back into a deep sleep. “I’m worried about you."

“That’s sweet of you, but I’m fine.”

“You called out of work and told Shelly you were sick.” You straighten up and turn back to face her. “You’re not sick, Claire.”

She sniffs as if to prove her point.

“Your immune system is overreacting by producing Immunoglobulin E. The antibodies are traveling to the cells responsible for releasing chemicals into your body, causing you to get a stuffy nose and break out into hives. You’re not sick. You’re allergic to cats and sharing an apartment with one. There’s a big difference,” you state. “Look, I know it’s none of my business, but you have to admit that, from where I’m standing, your behavior looks a little suspicious.”

“I’m going through some shit, alright?” she says. “And it’s a lot easier to deal with them here than back at my place. That’s why I called in sick.”

You don’t know what to make of her answer. It’s vague. You don’t like vague answers because they often indicate a bigger problem. It is one thing for you to deal with your demons on your own and refuse to talk about it with your best friend; it’s another thing entirely to keep a dangerous truth from the person you’re closest with, one that could potentially lead to worse consequences. If Claire were a naturally secretive person, maybe you would understand, but she isn’t like that. She isn’t you.

She’s the only person who knows your entire story. She saved your life. You can’t imagine her keeping secrets from you that might end up hurting her.

You dare to ask, “Are you in danger?”

She shakes her head a little too fast. “I’m fine, Liv. Really.”

“I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing that.”

“It’s…personal.”

“Personal? Oh, my. Are you sleeping with Luke again?”

Claire stammers. The look on her face suggests that she didn’t expect you to jump to that conclusion. “What? How did you even–”

“Are you?” you repeat your question.

The last time she slept with Luke Cage, she lied to you about it. She knew you would worry. It’s only natural for you to come to that conclusion now. Except that Luke is in prison, serving his sentence, and it doesn’t make sense.

“How would I sleep with an incarcerated man?” Claire deadpans.

“I’m sure you have your ways,” you say.

“You’re grasping at straws.”

“That’s… true, but it’s coming from a place of love.”

She responds with a sigh. “I don’t wanna fight.”

You join in. You exhale, slowly lowering yourself down on the couch. “I’m sorry,” you murmur. “Just tell me you’re okay, please.”

She offers you a gentle smile. “I’m okay,” she says.

“Thank you.”

You choose to believe her. For the time being, at least.

The silence tugs at your brain cells. You obsessed over Claire’s situation because you didn’t want to face your own, but now that your thoughts have regained the freedom to roam and cause irreversible destruction, you start spiraling again.

You reach into your bag.

“You brought wine,” Claire points out.

“Yep,” you say. The bottle weighs heavily in your hand.

“You need a glass?”

You unscrew the top. “No.”

She doesn’t listen. Claire makes her way into the kitchen, reaching for the wine glasses in the cupboard. “Does this have anything to do with why your nose is all blue and swollen?”

You shake your head at her question. “That was a patient I tried to sedate. No, I, uh… I have a date,” your voice falls flat.

The wine glasses move back into the cupboard. Claire turns around, her eyebrows moving up to her hairline. “Come again?”

“I have a date.”

Saying it out loud makes it real. Something so surreal cannot be real, but it is. You have a date with Matt Murdock. Your heart begins racing again, and you feel the same desperate urge to scream into the nearest pillow again.

You take a sip of wine straight from the bottle. You have a date with a nice man who, for the first time in two years, made you see some resemblance of light at the end of this endless tunnel of despair, and the thought alone is terrifying. Because how are you supposed to live after just existing for the longest time? After you dedicated your life to the act of survival?

Claire steps out of the kitchen and in front of you. “Liv, that’s… that’s amazing!” she says. She sounds like a proud mother. Maybe she is.

You want to shake your head, but you can’t find it in yourself to do anything other than put the bottle back against your lips and take another sip. The alcohol burns down your esophagus into your stomach, spreading a warm feeling through your fragile body, and into your broken soul.

“Or not,” she corrects herself upon seeing the expression you’re carrying. Your eyes are empty. “I’m confused,” She pauses, “Are we not happy about the fact that you’ve finally got a date after two years of being miserable?”

If she puts it like that, you feel even more miserable. Another sip of wine finds its way down your throat.

“Okay, maybe you should put the bottle down. I’m sorry if I said something wrong–”

“It’s not you, it’s me.” You put the bottle down.

Claire sits down next to you, but you get up before she can take your hand and look at you with that caring look she always gives you when she’s worried. You’re not even mad that she played your concerns down when you expressed them and now she is expressing concerns about you; you’re mad at yourself.

She watches you. “You have a date. That’s a good thing. It means you allowed yourself to finally say yes to someone interested in you, right?”

“No,” you shake your head.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That’s not an answer.”

You’re pacing over the creaky floorboards. “The last time I went on a date with someone was after my intern year.”

Her gaze softens. “You told me that,” she murmurs.

“He took me to a restaurant,” you tell her. Your lip quivers as you speak, and your nails dig into your palms until they draw blood. You can barely feel it. His face is right in front of you. “It was a nice restaurant. He paid for me, even offered me his jacket while we were walking home. It was the best date I ever had. And then he kissed me on the doorstep before wishing me a good night.”

“I know. You told me all of that before. But you couldn’t have known that he would turn out to be who he turned out to be. He was your boss. He had no right—”

“That is precisely the problem, Claire!” your voice breaks. “The guy I met, he’s… his name is Matthew. He’s… he is so nice to me. He cares. He treats me like a human being. He… he’s respectful. He called me beautiful. I don’t even know how he knows that. He just… he was so nice to me, and I feel so comfortable around him. I haven’t felt this comfortable around a man in so long. I… I wanted to go out with him. I flirted with him, for fuck’s sake! And when I’m with him, I finally feel wanted again.”

“But you know who else was nice to me when I first met him?” you say. “Who was respectful? Who said I was the only real thing in this world, the only important thing in his life, and that he loved me? You know who made me feel safe and wanted, and who said he cared about me? John said that I was the most beautiful woman on this planet, and I fell for it because he was nice to me. He–”

“But that guy isn’t John,” Claire cuts you off. She raises her voice only slightly—only enough to make you stop and stare at her, tears streaming down your cheeks. You’re miserable. You’re a mess. It is truly embarrassing. But she doesn’t look at you any differently.

“Don’t you think I know that?” you snap back.

“Liv–”

“Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. I’m 32, and I can’t sleep without a nightlight most nights because I wake up in a cold sweat. I can’t drop a glass without going into shock. I can’t look in the mirror without feeling his hands on me. Without feeling disgusting and worthless, and…” You can feel the shiver traveling up your spine from the thought alone. “I can’t exist without feeling like he should have killed me when he got the chance.”

“Liv, I know you’re upset, but please, don’t say that,” Claire says, her voice gentle yet assertive.

“Why? It’s true. I wish he would’ve killed me. He took four years of my life that I can never get back. At least if he’d killed me I wouldn’t have to suffer now.”

“That’s exactly why I don’t want you saying things like that.”

“You don’t get it,” you say. “Every time I look in the mirror, I want to vomit because I see what he made of me. I can’t even meet a nice guy and allow myself to like him without seeing his face and hearing his stupid voice in my ear, telling me—telling me that no one will ever love me, that he tainted me, and that I will never be free of him because I can’t exist without him.” You break into a sob.

“And he was right, you know,” you cry. “I ran from him. I made the hardest decision of my life after years of living in his shadow, and I almost died. Because of him, I can’t trust a kind and respectful man who treats me like a person to actually be kind, and I recoil at the thought of someone being gentle with me. Something is seriously broken inside of me, Claire. Very, very broken.”

Claire opens her mouth, but all she can do is bear your tirade. She knows that if she speaks now, you will find another reason to shut her down. This is your pain talking. It’s a powerful avalanche set out to cause destruction on a global scale.

“With Matt, I—” you exhale. “I was myself around him for the first time since I ran away, and he didn’t shy away. I had hope, Claire. I felt like I could finally step into normal life again after settling down here, and I thought I’d have a chance,” you say. “But I just have to close my eyes, and John is right there to ruin everything for me. He is always right there, and I can’t fucking escape him. That’s the problem. That’s why I can’t be happy about this date because I’m fucking terrified. I can’t go through this again. I—I can’t give myself to someone again because there is hardly anything left of me. He took everything, including my ability to love another man ever again, and that thought is fucking with my head.”

You fall silent. The tears continue running down your cheeks, and you bury your face in your hands. Your knees are so weak. You don’t have it in you to hold yourself up any longer. You drop to the carpet, crying into your hands, but you don’t sob. You stay silent because your pain is so great, you don’t know whether to scream or shut down, so you scream internally and shut down from the world around you because you can’t face it. You can’t face Claire.

The couch creaks. Her feet brush against the carpet. “He abused you,” her voice borders above a whisper.

She kneels beside you, her hand reaching out—but not touching you. She knows what lines to cross and which to better leave untouched.

“What he did to you wasn’t your fault. He’s a cruel man with cruel intentions.” When you don’t shy away from her proximity, she finally places her hand on your shoulder. “You did the impossible. You survived. You’re here now because you chose to save yourself, and that is so admirable,” she says. “It’s been two years. You’re safe here, you’re not alone anymore, and I know it hurts and it is terrifying, but it’s a good sign that you want to feel more of what this guy made you feel.”

“But I can’t,” you choke out.

“I know, and I wish I could help you, but I’m not a professional. The truth is, John may have made you feel like there is nothing left of you, but you’re not Olivia Clarke. You’re still you. You’re still…” Claire takes a deep breath before she utters your name. Your real name. The one you were given when you were born.

The mention of your name makes you shiver. “She’s gone,” you say. “He killed her, but he left her body alive.”

“She’s not gone, she’s just buried very fucking deep. I mean, you said it yourself. You could be yourself around this other guy, and he took you for who you are. That isn’t Olivia, that’s you. And it’s such a good sign that you want to go out with him. That you like him. John hurt you, but he didn’t break you beyond repair. Please, you have to remember that.”

Your tears slowly subside. Her words finally manage to reach your rebelling mind through your ears. Even though everything feels like it has been wrapped in cotton, she manages to get through to you like no one else. It was a subconscious decision to come to her, but perhaps your soul knew something that you didn’t, and you can’t say that opening up didn’t help.

The mess slowly subsides. Left behind is nothing but hot air, and the words Claire decided to share with you.

You look up to meet her eyes. She smiles down at you. “I just… I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” you whisper.

“That’s why I think you should go on that date,” she tells you.

“Yeah, but who wants to sign up for a mess like me?”

“Seems like he does. And if he’s a good guy, he’ll like you regardless of your mess.”

“You know it’s not that easy.”

She shrugs. “I hate to break it to you, but you can’t pretend it never happened. And you can’t give John the satisfaction of putting your life on hold because of him. That’s just giving him what he wants.”

“I don’t want to give him what he wants,” you’re quick to answer.

Claire hands you a tissue, and you take it gratefully, wiping your runny nose and the salty tears stuck to your dry skin.

Her words stir something within you; even though you don’t want her to be right, she is. Matt may not deserve a mess like you, but if he’s truly a good guy, it can’t hurt to see if it would work between you. And when your past comes out eventually, there is a chance that he won’t abandon you. A slight chance, but a chance nonetheless. That’s a positive outlook you still have to learn how to adapt.

“C’mon.” Claire helps you off the floor and onto the couch.

You reach for the bottle of wine instantly, but she takes it away from you. She screws the top back on and places it aside, far out of your desperate reach.

“This is not the answer,” she says, “talking is.”

“Can’t we talk and have wine?” you counter.

“Not when you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

You sniff, wiping the remaining tears on your cheeks with the tissue.

“We need to take care of you, and alcohol won’t fix your problems.”

Once again, she isn’t wrong. You let out a defeated sigh before dropping your head in her lap.

A long time ago, you used to be an affectionate person. The fear of being hurt again, of someone raising their hand against you, took that away from you. With Claire though, it’s different. You know she won’t hurt you. She’s not that kind of person, and you can say that with complete certainty.

Claire Temple is not a violent human being, except for when the people she loves are in danger, but only then.

She gently brushes the hair out of your face and crumbles it into a messy bun at the back of your head. She wipes at your nose and the last of your tears before they can dry out your skin more than it already is. The past couple of days have taken an emotional and physical toll on you.

You wince slightly when you notice how sore your nose is. It isn’t broken, but you still got hit. You’re not quite healed yet. A shiver rolls down your spine.

Shaking her head, Claire gently removes her hand. “You always get yourself in trouble when I’m not around,” she mutters.

You scoff softly. “Maybe that’s a sign.”

“A sign for you to be more careful, yeah,” she says.

“Now, where would be the fun in that?” You try to joke, but your voice falls flat with the weight of your exhaustion.

Claire offers you a chuckle, but it’s more of a pity laugh than anything else.

You sigh. You know that you’re not an example when it comes to the significance of making the right decisions. Not at all.

“Did I ever thank you for saving my life?” you ask her then, breaking the silence between you in two.

She leans back against the cushions. “Once or twice.”

“Not nearly enough then.”

“I don’t know about that. I mean, if you hadn’t come into Metro General with your hand in a man’s chest cavity, I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to help you. You chose to stay.”

“Well, I had my hand on his vena cava, so, letting go would have been unfortunate for the poor guy.”

“That’s true.”

“But if you hadn’t disobeyed protocol, risking your job by putting your trust in me, I wouldn’t have had a reason to stay.”

Claire looks down at you, and you meet her eyes. “That sounded a lot like a love confession,” she nudges you.

You roll your eyes playfully. “You wish.”

“Hey, I’d understand it if you were in love with me. I’m hot.”

She never fails to make you laugh, even when you feel like a truck has rolled you over and broken every bone in your body. That is one of the many qualities you value about her. She’s a good person with a good heart, and she is the kind of person you could trust with your life and she would always make sure that you come out on the other side unharmed, mentally and physically.

If she hadn’t taken you under her wing, you’re not sure where you would be, but it surely wouldn’t be where you are now.

When your laughter quiets down, you nod. “I can’t argue with that. You are hot. If you weren’t my friend,” you say, “I’d ask you out.”

“And if I were into women, I’d say yes,” she says.

“I appreciate that.”

“Speaking of dates though–” She stops when you sigh a little too loudly. Claire shoots you a stern glare before she continues, “Promise me you won’t cancel.”

It’s not a question, it’s a statement. She wants you to mean it. You won’t lie; canceling your plans with Matt did cross your mind, but after Claire worked her magic on you, you can see a little clearer. The fog that kept your mind clouded has started to lift slowly but steadily. You’re no longer spiraling as fast as you have before.

If you could wash your hands and wash him off of you, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem as it is, but you’ve tried. You have tried washing all memory of him off of your body, out of your mind, but he’s a resilient son of a bitch. John will always try to drive a wedge between you and a normal, happy life, the question is just if you will allow him to do so without even being near you, or if you will finally allow yourself to crawl out of the dark hole he tossed you into.

You can’t do it alone, and asking for help is terrifying. You have spent the past two years trying to push through. Unfortunately, your healthy coping mechanisms won’t work forever.

You sigh again, a little quieter. “I won’t cancel,” you tell her, your voice barely above a whisper, yet still so very certain. As certain as you can be, anyway.

“Thank you.” Claire reaches for the wine bottle next to the couch. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Hm,” you can only murmur.

“What?”

“What are you doing with the bottle?” you ask.

“Drinking,” she says.

“Now I feel betrayed.”

“You should celebrate the fact that you found a Matt, or whatever his name is, and not another Mike.”

You promptly sit up. “Hold up. Pause. Rewind. Mike, like your ex?”

Claire takes a sip of the bottle. A storm rages behind her hazel eyes. You have never seen her that conflicted before.

“Is he the personal reason why you’re subjecting yourself to a constant allergic reaction by staying here?” you ask.

The pieces slowly start falling into place. She nods. “Not Mike Mike, but yeah. It’s always the Mike’s.”

Your jaw drops. “I feel like you skipped some chapters there. You met a guy and you didn’t tell me? What–”

“He met me,” she corrects you. “I didn’t tell you because we’re not a thing. Let’s just say there’s a reason his name is Mike. That’s why I’m here.”

Claire takes another sip. You watch her closely, trying to catch her in a lie, but it seems like she’s telling the truth—or a version of the actual truth, but that still makes it true. She’s giving you as much as she can after you cried your eyes out to her.

You clear your throat, lowering your voice. “But you’re not in danger?” you ask to clarify.

She shakes her head. “I just have shitty taste in men, even if it's platonic, apparently. It’s like… I’m trying to exist, and then I find a stray cat in a dumpster, but the stray cat has been stabbed and needs medical attention.”

“But you’re allergic to cats and you’re not a vet?” you try to make sense of her analogy.

When she lets out a sigh and nods, you figure you came as close as possible. It still doesn’t make sense to you, but when does anything? At least when it comes to romance and people’s love lives.

You decide to push a little more, “Did you actually find an injured guy in a dumpster?”

She shakes her head. The reaction comes a little fast, but you don’t question it. “No, that–that was just an analogy,” Claire says.

“And Mike is the stray cat in that analogy? But not your Mike, another Mike?”

“Yeah.”

“Dude, you’re frying my brain cells.”

“The single one you still have, or did you buy new ones?”

You try not to laugh, trying to look like you are genuinely offended, but your lips still curl up into a smile. “Shut up,” you mutter. You reach for the bottle, against better judgment, and take a sip.

Claire shakes her head. “What I’m trying to tell you is that, if he’s a good guy, you can’t let him slip away. You can’t let a good thing slip away and possibly end up with a–a Mike kinda guy for the rest of your life.”

“I know.” You look down at your hands, your broken fingernails, and sore knuckles from the constant scrubbing. “I just wish I could understand what he’s doing to me without questioning my entire existence.”

“Some people are just that enigmatic,” and she sounds as if she knows exactly what she’s talking about.

You wonder about Mike. Not her ex-boyfriend but the one she mentioned. He sounds like he has no sense of self-preservation, and he may not even be a good influence. He reminds you of yourself, and that’s creepy—you don’t even know him.

And then there is Matt, who is also so eerily similar to you, but in different ways. It’s more of an emotional connection. His heart is in the right place. And unlike the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, he doesn’t have a savior complex.

Why did he even come to your mind? His existence should not be playing into the equation. You brush the picture of his chiseled chest in that tight shirt away, or the way he looked even more dangerous with that smirk below the the mask.

You hand the wine bottle back to Claire. If you don’t cut yourself off now, you will melt into a puddle of embarrassment.

Your focus should be on Matt and Matt alone. You have to try. Claire was right. You can’t sacrifice your happiness because you’re scared—you can’t give the man who dedicated his life to breaking you and your confidence down the satisfaction of cowering in fear every time a man shows an interest in you. A good man. A man who could make you happier than he ever had.

You won’t run this time. You will face the situation head-on. You owe that much to the little girl who dreamed of a life beyond the hell she grew up in, the same girl who was obsessed with finding her soulmate and still believed in true love. Above everyone, you owe it to yourself. No one else matters quite as much as you do.

And for the sake of seeing what could be instead of wondering what could have been, you have to try.

Tag List: @shiorimakibawrites @allllium @siampie @auroraslibrary @roseallisonparker @abucketofweird @thatonegamefish @capylore @kniselle @sumo-b98 @peachstarliight @danzer8705 @kakamixo @littlehappyperson @atemydadforbreakfast @stevenknightmarc @zheezs14 @shouldbestudying41 @kiwwia-wiwwia

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x you #matt murdock angst #matt murdock fluff #reader insert #charlie cox #doctor!reader #do no harm

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leviismybby · 2 years

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Levi Ackermann x Reader Smut Masterlist

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ONE SHOTS:

Maybe, Probably

Concept: After captain Levi caught you shamelessly making out with one of the cadets, you are put under his supervision. However, instead of severe punishment, your superior has a different idea in his mind.

There's A Crowd

Concept: A girl with big dreams, big goals and her professor, who is letting her reach those goals with all the wrong lessons.

What happened in Marley

Concept: A passionate night between you and Levi in Marley leads to Levi pushing you away, until one night where he can't control his feelings anymore.

Finders keepers

Concept: Levi steals a very important file from your desk during a meeting, furious you confront him about it which leads to interesting events.

Flashbacks

Flashbacks.pt2

Flashbacks.pt3

Concept: You and Levi spend a steamy night in his office together, the aftermath of that night doesn't leave either of your minds the next day.

Beautiful

Concept: Your husband hasn't touched you while you're pregnant and you start getting insecure, Levi shows you just how beautiful you really are.

Wishful thinking

Concept: Captian Levi starts having dirty thoughts about you and there is nothing that he can do about it.

Cruel fantasies

Concept: It was completely wrong of you to date someone else while still in love with your ex but it was even more wrong to use him as a memory of your former lover...

Stress relief

Concept: Levi notices that you are stressed due to all the paperwork, he helps you the best way he knows.

Seven days of the week

AOT veterans and random things/kinks they do during sex (Levi, Erwin and Miche)

Concept: What a week with your husband Levi looks like

Different seasons Levi and sex

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

THIRSTS (°):

How I think Levi would be if it was your first time with him °

Levi can't keep his hands off of you when you're pregnant°

Levi being clingy during sex °

Virgin!Levi first time with you °

Fiance!Levi after you tease him about a maid outfit°

How Levi eats it °

Thigh riding °

Fiance!Levi helping you put your odm gear on°

Denying Levi sex for a month or two°

Husband!Levi with a breeding kink°

The difference between fucking and making love with Levi°

Sex with postwar!Levi°

Levi breaking your bed°

Shower Sex with Levi°

Accidentally giving your fiance!Levi a boner°

Levi loves your hips°

Makeup sex with Levi°

Training with fiance!Levi°

Postwar!Levi who wants to cover your body in his cum°

Sex with Levi but he is deeply in love with you°

Bestfriend!Levi who finally kisses you on the lips during sex°

Roommate!Levi catches you moaning his name°

Levi is the type of guy to spit on your pussy before eating you out°

Husband!Levi can't get enough of you after you're married°

Levi pressing kisses down your back during doggy°

Fiance!Levi seeing you in your new uniform for the first time°

Dirty talk with Levi°

Possessive and angry sex with your fiance!Levi°

Fiance!Levi did need the tie....°

Levi has a thing for you when you wear his clothes°

Levi and his high sex drive°

Captain Levi is cocky during punishments°

Husband!Levi with baby fever°

Sex on the of the walls with Levi°

Don't beg too much, Levi doesn't like it°

Levi is a clean freak or is he?°

Postwar!Levi who takes a liking to you despite the age difference°

Season 4 Levi treats you like a princess during sex°

Fiance!Levi who gets protective the first time you wear a bikini°

Underground Levi who is in his early 20s and still unexperienced°

Levi is a body worshipper°

Make out sessions with Levi°

Levi gets 100x hotter after giving you your first child°

When Levi gets to fuck you, he gets obsessed°

Fiance!Levi has a thing for taking you in front of the mirror°

Bestfriend!Levi who notices that your bf never satisfies you so he does instead°

Postwar!Levi eating you out°

Being the hairstylist for actor!Levi°

Season 4!Levi punishes you by cockwarming°

Levi taking his sexual frustration out on you°

How dilf!Levi fucks you°

REQUESTS(•):

Levi eating you out on his desk •

Levi's cravat •

Quickie •

Levi spitting in your mouth after eating you out •

Levi putting a pillow under your hips to go deeper •

Riding Levi •

Telling Levi "I want you to ruin me."•

Levi praising you during sex•

Levi's first time coming in you•

Levi's favorite sex position•

Belly bulge pressing with Levi•

Levi getting impatient while you ride him•

Soft morning sex with husband!Levi•

Levi helps you fall asleep by eating you out•

Teaching you how to cum on command just by his voice•

SHORT DRABBELS (×):

Levi wanting to get you pregnant again ×

Sub!Levi ×

Levi is a clean freak until... ×

Levi and love bites (ft. @youre-ackermine) ×°

Levi loves giving pleasure (ft. @youre-ackermine) ×°

Mean!Levi ×

Virgin postwar!Levi×

Levi and the body parts he likes the most during sex×

"What are these straps for?"×

Single!dad Levi×

Levi with a Marley!reader×

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

#aot levi #levi #levi ackerman #captain levi #attack on titan #levi x reader #levi smut #levi x you #levi attack on titan #snk levi #levi x y/n #aot x y/n #aot smut #levi x fem!reader #levi x reader smut

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avatrice-week · 11 months

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Avatrice Week 2023 Masterpost

Day 1 - Fake Dating or Undercover

Title: Tell Me You Don't Know Me Author: quietblueriver Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: Ava and Beatrice run into Beatrice's parents.

Title: Always a pleasure Author: orphan_account Rating: General Audiences Summary: “And this is the, uhm, wife, I presume?”

Title: Serenading in the Trenches Author: spaceosshy Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: Beatrice and Ava are reunited after almost a year apart. They're immediately tasked with going undercover, posing as a married couple of prolific assassins in the hopes of putting a stop to Adriel's criminal activies.

Title: Missions and Love Author: Creativityx Rating: General Audiences Summary: Ava has been assigned to work with the OCS' top agent, Beatrice. It was a simple mission, pretend to be girlfriends, capture one of Adriel's followers and return to the OCS. What Ava wasn't planning for was her fake girlfriend being so beautiful.

Title: when dividin' up the universe (you could have mine) Author: organicdonut Rating: General Audiences Summary: “Okay, so. I have, uh, some updates,” Beatrice does not like the way Ava said updates, “About last night.” “Will the updates explain why everyone in the bar is looking at me like I’ve forbidden alcohol?”

Title: Will you be my fake girlfriend? Author: jessnope Rating: Not Rated Summary: “Wouldn’t people think it weird?” Ava asked, looking genuinely thoughtful. Somehow, Beatrice could sense it was a trap even through the state of tiredness she found herself, Ava had a spark in her eyes.

Title: Philanthropy for the Heart Author: SharonSharpe Rating: Explicit Summary: The Areala General Hospital is hosting its annual charity gala and everyone is excited for the social event of the season. That is everyone except Dr. Beatrice Young. When she makes the mistake of saying Ava is her date for the gala the two are forced to address their flourishing feelings for the other.

Day 2 - Injured or Sick

Title: Life is About More Than Just Fighting Author: strongwomenunited Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: At the end of 2x06, you can see that Beatrice clearly had an injured side, yet in 2x07, it's magically healed. In this story, Ava finds Beatrice after Mother Superior has been brought back to life trying to get her armor off, but her side is in pain. So we will see some hurt/comfort, but you know emotions come out and their relationship changes...

Title: A Sick Day Author: strongwomenunited Rating: General Audiences Summary: During the two month period, Beatrice gets a cold after a busy night at the Bar, do they end up training or does Ava make her rest?

Title: That Lilith Voice Inside My Head Author: quietblueriver Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: AU - Lawyer!Bea tries to bring Ava soup. Lilith helps. Sort of.

Title: I'll Hold You (Blood, Bruises and All) Author: spaceosshy Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: The Halo pulses as Ava roars with rage, knocking Beatrice’s assailant backwards into the stone wall. He falls, limp and unmoving. Ava can distantly hear all the times Mother Superion has told her to check the body but she doesn't care. She's already halfway to Beatrice’s side.

Day 3 - Jealousy

Title: What Love Feels Like Author: strongwomenunited Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: In 2x02, what if Miguel didn't walk into Bar La Vasseur while that woman was flirting with Beatrice? What if Ava took things into her own hands to end that conversation...? This story explores the idea of Ava spilling some drinks on a certain woman flirting with Beatrice. How will she react?

Day 4 - Soulmates

Title: Soulmarked Author: Creativityx Rating: General Audiences Summary: That fateful day when she was seven, saw her soulmark left incomplete with only the letter 'B' on her wrist. Ava learns to wear long sleeves that day. With little hope of finding her soulmate, she puts herself to work as a mechanic fixing cars to stop anyone else from experiencing the same as her.

Her life is ordinary until one client walks through the door with a need for repairs.

Day 5 - Hear Each Other’s Thoughts

[None}

Day 6 - Smut or Creator’s Choice

Title: I Can Taste You In My Rage Author: spaceosshy Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: Lilith returns to the Cat's Cradle in the hopes of making amends. Beatrice has some things to say.

Title: The One Time She Knew Author: JetpackingPenguin Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Summary: Five times Beatrice didn't think Ava returned her feelings and the one time she did

Day 7 - Domesticity

Title: The Teddy Bea-r Author: Lapincobra Rating: Not Rated Summary: Fanart and a little draft for Day 7 Of Avatrice week - Domesticity

#avatrice #avatrice week #ava x beatrice #beatrice x ava #ava silva #sister beatrice #warrior nun #masterpost

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sun-pluto · 1 year

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PAC: What Have You Fallen In Love With Throughout the Year?

A collab with @tuliptic

Hi everyone! @tuliptic and I have worked hard on this pac collab and we hope it brings some cheer and guidance to those who need it this winter season :D This is meant to be both a self-reflection session and what to look forward to; Matz and I have done alternating parts for each pile. This is my first time doing a pick a card for the masses, and we’d appreciate feedback nonetheless!

When you’re ready, take deep breaths, hold for 3-4 seconds, then slowly breathe out. Take your time, and look at the 4 pictures given below. The piles go from left to right, top to bottom. Choose any pile with your intuition, not your eyes— you may choose more than one.

Pictures are our own, borders were taken from here.

Pile 1 — Pile 2

Pile 3 — Pile 4

Pile One

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

Seven of Coins rx, Six of Wands, Nine of Swords rx, The World, Queen of Wands (The Moon rx)

You’ve fallen in love with the ability to see through the veil and cut to the truth of things. Disillusionment. This is the pile that has found their perspective zooming out into the big picture, and has connected with their divine guidance and intuition. You’ve managed to finally get things done and feel productive, while also setting fears down to rest. You’ve achieved some goal or found victory, and that has brought your drive and inspiration back to life. You feel lighter now, your burdens have been lifted; you’re falling back in love with the world and what it has to offer. This is all because you’ve understood what needs to be done and saw the higher perspective. There's wisdom to you that you’ve earned, like you’ve climbed up to the mountain top and have seen how far you’ve come.

You have a new beginning ahead of you and you’re not going to waste it, you have this emotional relief to you because of this, yet you have a determined fiery spirit. I feel like these are my old, wise souls.

Why did this happen?

Hermit (Fool)

Six of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Three of Wands (Ace of Pentacles rx) + additional oracle cards

It’s telling you that it’s time for you to go back to your roots, to retreat and revisit your childhood, to be aware of the state of your inner child and indulge in whatever that used to put a smile on your face. There is this innocence that you’re called to return, to review how you’ve started the year, how you’ve fallen in love with whatever you’ve started, and whatever you’ve put on hold. You’ve been through so much that it’s time for you to do something that you’ve always wanted to do.

There’s a community that you’ve gotten throughout this time, and you’re also reminded of the part they have played in your life throughout 2022 – how they’ve helped you and how you’ve helped them. The small things in life and in the community that slowly built up into who you are. Giving back to the community is something I’m feeling here as well. Once you’ve reached the peak, only then you’re able to give back to what has helped you.

Why were you hesitating, why were you fighting it? Don’t you fight it, don't you hide it. Going back to something old may feel new and scary, but it’s worth stepping into it.

How did it help you during the year?

Ace of Coins, Six of Coins, Page of Swords (Eight of Swords)

需卦 - To Wait, To Replenish

Your ability to unveil helped you see past limiting beliefs, restrictions, or anything oppressing you to put it bluntly, even if you were fighting against your own beliefs and walls. There were a lot of difficulties seeing your potential or even yourself clearly this year, either because of external influence or internalising limiting beliefs. There was a sense of shame about you, maybe criticism from superiors/colleagues or even friends and family that plagued you and followed you around like a shadow. You thought you couldn’t achieve what you wanted, your fears seemed too big to overcome, you felt out of control and pitted against.

However, your ability to see past the darkness and into the horizon saved you. You built yourself a shelter that spared you from the tornado of people’s opinions and projections; from your own self-doubts and fears. You’ve endured so much while still having that belief in yourself that you’ve painstakingly built, and now, you’ve waited out the storm and replenished yourself in vengeance. You managed to see past all these doubts and put it to rest, you grabbed every opportunity that turned out advantageous, especially regarding your material wellbeing (housing, finance, career, etc.). I see a lot of abundance here, and you’re not afraid to share this with those you treasure too. You found hope and ran with it, and look where it got you! You allowed yourself to shine and be curious again, and that’s something to be proud of.

What have you learnt from this?

The High Priestess, The Hanged Man (The Fool)

Four of Swords, Eight of Pentacles, Ten of Cups, Knight of Wands (Two of Cups rx) + additional oracle cards

The entire year flew by but you’ve learnt to trust your intuition as you surf through the tides. Not to mention that there were some times that you’ve learnt to look at things through a different perspective the hard way. ‘Hard way’ as in something that happened or someone literally stepped up to shut you down with different facts and points of view. Especially when they have to remind you that you’re the victim. It’s difficult to accept that you were the fool in the situation but you’ve learnt.

You’ve also learnt about the importance of being at peace with yourself. There may have been times you did something that does not align with your values, and after doing them you felt so torn and weirded out.

You’ve felt you needed some rest with how life has been zooming past. Sure, you’ve learnt things, you’ve established amazing relationships, you’ve learnt the importance of interaction and reaching out to people, but there’s now a lack of emotional balance that you should be replenishing in yourself. Too many activities out there are making you slowly lose your sense of self; a sense of discord that has been messing within you. Probably it’s due to some worries of you getting replaced, that you’re not doing enough, but you’re reminded that there are a lot of things only you can do. Cast that fear aside, do not destroy yourself to be someone else.

How will this propel you forward?

Ten of Wands rx, Five of Coins, Nine of Coins (The High Priestess rx)

复卦 – To Return, To Revive

For this pile, self-reflecting on all the things you’ve been through this year will be your greatest asset, as I feel you’ve learnt quite a lot of lessons. Where there are endings (letting go of limiting beliefs, end of unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms), it means there are new beginnings, and this is what I see for you: although you will definitely come across more obstacles in the future, this trait you’ve built and fallen in love with is going to unveil more opportunities and prosperity in places where you think you’re done for. You’ll be able to see opportunities or new ideas in places where you felt nothing could come out of it or that it’s fruitless. This could be talking about business opportunities, education or career advancement, old friendships and relationships, etc. You will find something new by analysing the past and uncovering a new pathway that could help you progress.

When you’ve made an error, the wisest thing to do is to return to where you started, as if you move forward, you’ll only set yourself up for more mistakes and failure. That being said, returning to your past can give birth to something new and progressive in the future when you’ve learnt from it.

There may be a period of time in the future where you’ll feel blocked from your intuition/inner guidance, however this trait/ability to unveil will help you bounce back. In times of despair and loneliness, your ability to cast away lies and deception by reflecting inwards will help you find your way out of any darkness. When you feel stuck and look back, you’ll realise how much you’ve gone through, and this can motivate you to push forward as all these (future) problems/obstacles seem smaller than what you’ve faced already. Your burdens will not feel so heavy anymore.

Extra advice and messages:

Justice, Emperor, Moon (Death) + additional oracle cards

Treat yourself well, do yourself justice. Set boundaries and do not fear them. Change. A lot of people fear setting boundaries, worrying how it’ll affect your social circle, your work circle and all. Thing is, people who are good for you will respect those boundaries and you’re not necessarily stopping all connections. You’re merely filtering who and what’s good for you. Practise courage each day and understand that what pleases us most shapes us. You wanna be someone comfortable to be with? Surround yourself with people with that quality. Remember the wise words of Marie Kondo, “Does this bring you joy?” Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether or not the person you’re with is actually good. If your perception of them is negative, do you still want to attach yourself to them? (Taken from Tumblr but it’s good so I’m including it here).

Sometimes the darkness of the night is scary but with each darkness only we get to appreciate the daybreak that brings hope. Open your heart to accept the fear and move into the light slowly but steadily, allow yourself to love and to be loved. You may have the feeling of building your own home or getting one, and you’ll achieve it, no worries.

Pile Two

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

Ten of Wands, Seven of Coins rx, King of Cups rx, The Magician rx, King of Wands (Queen of Cups)

You’ve taken to treasure your emotional endurance through it all, you have the ability to hold fast and go deep into your emotions, to transmute your pain into perseverance. Emotional strength and grit. You’ve been through so much this year, either being triggered or being reminded of your hurts and trauma during the year; it was like you had fallen into this dark hole where you couldn’t get out of for a long time. This is the pile that has been doing shadow work a lot, or at least has been revisiting old wounds, fears, doubts and your darkness over the year.

However, you’ve realised and fallen in love with how strong and transformative you are. You are seeing the deeper lesson and meaning behind your struggles and you’re transmuting it into skill and wisdom. You might still feel stuck, or stagnant and burdened, but you are healing even if you don’t realise it. You’re brave enough to still trudge forward and that’s all you will need. Trust me, there’s a lot more in store for you, you got the King of Wands as your last card and Queen of Cups at the back of the deck – know that you will feel emotionally fulfilled and healed soon due to your own grit and hard work.

Why did this happen?

The Devil rx, The Sun rx (The Fool)

Ace of Pentacles, Ace of Wands, Seven of Swords (King of Pentacles rx) + additional oracle cards

This all happened for you to break away from a certain unhealthy habit or environment, to show you that over-optimism is not gonna help you from your worries, from your problems. You’ve gone through a lot and due to your circumstances, you were unable to leave. So you could only bear with it and pretend that everything is alright until everything just falls apart, which we will discuss in the other section of the reading.

Only by breaking away will you be able to have new beginnings, to be able to try new things, to invest your money and energy in new stuff that you’ve wanted to try without needing to hide or sneak around. Just make sure that your financial situation allows you to spend and invest.

For some reason, I feel that the new interest of yours may have some investigative themes? Maybe psychological related like MBTIs or enneagram, or even tarot? Where you feel drawn about how it linked with your life. Or maybe purchasing an astrology or tarot reading?

Just know whatever that has happened doesn’t stop you from receiving and accepting the joy and happiness coming your way. It’s difficult but you’re called to make changes towards a new you.

How did it help you during the year?

The Empress rx, Seven of Swords rx, Page of Cups rx (Ace of Cups rx)

革卦 – To Change, To Revolutionise

You’ve managed to direct your own life and find a strategy for yourself in spite of everything; you’re pouring your own cup. Seeing how all your cards are reversed, something is telling me you had to learn to invent yourself once again, much like upending what you thought was your life and who you were. This year was particularly painful and difficult because you felt cut off emotionally or had creative blocks. For some, there was a hidden sneaky energy around you that you had to protect yourself from, and could be the thing that triggered past memories and wounds. Either that, or being secretive and sneaky about something had uncovered something about you that triggered you. There might’ve been chaotic life situations where there were too many things going on, wounds or old hurts coming up, fluctuating relationships and friendships etc.

Self-love and healing was super important, you really had to emotionally nurture yourself and this helped you in the end. You retreated within yourself this year, there was a lot going on outside yourself that urged you to look within. Sometimes, you have to reopen and treat an old wound in order for it to finally heal properly; you have to mend and shift broken bones to set it back right. This was painful for you, but it’s over now, you did it, and there’s only healing to come. I really feel like hugging this pile because of how lonely you might’ve felt, but know that there’s light on the horizon now. You’re almost there.

What have you learnt from this?

The Devil, The Tower, The Magician rx (The Chariot)

Seven of Pentacles rx, Queen of Cups, King of Swords, Hierophant rx, Ace of Cups rx (Ace of Pentacles) + additional oracle cards

You’ve learnt that there are some things in life that are out of your control and that it’s okay. As long as you break free and make a jump, take that action to step out of your element to get yourself back. Sometimes, it’s difficult to step out of your comfort zone, but when things get desperate, you’ll be surprised by what you’re capable of doing. There’s a lot of hidden abundance that you have, may it be friendship or connections, and they’re the ones helping you out of whatever situations you were in. Provided you’ve decided to break free from those chains that were binding you down, then they’re there willing to help you.

You are probably having some flashbacks as you read this, where you’ve been more in tune with how you’ve been feeling the entirety of 2022. This is the time where you’ve felt the most… Unappreciated. Whatever you’ve done or worked for others have been looked past, and you can only regulate your emotions as it is, rationalising their actions as you try to cope with whatever you’ve been feeling throughout those times.

Still, no matter how much you’ve tried, passive aggressiveness or showing medical documents that you needed help, your cries and pleas were turned away. And you just… Lost your balance. But I believe quite a number of you saw this as an end to something oof and a new beginning to something yay.

How will this propel you forward?

The Sun, The Fool, Six of Wands (The Tower)

小过卦 – To Slowly Progress, To Lay Low (Stay Humble)

What did I tell you? All your cards here indicate a happy, curious and renewed sense of perspective and life. There’s a lot of abundance that you’ve reaped because you’ve torn everything down to its base foundations, and now it’s time to build it back up.

You’ve made changes to yourself that have enabled you to strategise and move through life with grace now. There’s advice here about navigating through this discreetly now that you have this power, you’ve literally adapted and overcame and now is the time to weave your own story. Brick by brick, keep this on the down low as the cards are saying to keep progress slow and steady, focus on your daily life and what you can do in the present. There’s something here that wants your manifestations and progress to be discreet and stay in the moment while it’s being done. Exercise self-control fully.

You’ve broken down self-constructs that don’t serve you, and now you’re finding brightness and happiness while exploring something new/discovering something. A lot of you are discovering a new road you haven’t walked down before (a major life shift, career change, new relationships etc.), and the cards are saying it’s something to be celebrated. There’s victory and fulfilment up ahead with Six of Wands being your last card, you’ve got this!

Extra advice and messages:

Wheel Of Fortune (Lovers)

Ten of Cups (The Star) + additional oracle cards

This is the time where the cogs turn and align cuz the Universe tells you that things are about to turn fine, hope has always been there and they’re now falling onto you. For some of you, you may find romantic love who wants to love you, who wants to bring a new fun into your life, to start something new with you. You may find it weird or what not, but open yourself to new possibilities, welcome the new beginnings that are about to come into your life. Let your heart be open to love as it manifests, especially for those who have been wanting to love and be loved romantically. Idk why but there’s a thought of pets? So maybe some of you may start to get your own pets or find comfort with your current pets.

Stand still and listen to your life, know that peace is an asset and that it’s time for you to claim it, along with prosperity and joy. Change will be prominent and you are called to embrace and adapt what is to come. There’s this constant theme of a new you, which I believe is what you’ve been called to welcome into your life. The year 2022 is ending soon and 2023 is saying hello from the other side. Isn’t it a better time to welcome a new you to walk towards? Life’s a constant journey and sometimes, just go back to the roots, go into the kitchen, make yourself a warm drink and allow peace to flow all over you.

Pile Three

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

King of Swords rx, Ten of Coins rx, The Hanged Man, The Empress, Two of Cups rx (Nine of Swords)

Discernment and judgement. You’ve fallen in love with the ability to cut away things that no longer serve you. The year has given you new priorities and shifts in perspective, and a rejuvenated sense of hope for the future and what it may bring. You may have been plagued by responsibilities and burdens that led to a lot of sleepless nights and self-doubts. Changed family dynamics, financial loss or difficulties, or relationship breakups could have occurred. However, through these events, you have discovered inner truths, found self-love and poured your own cup, which are the result of you facing these fears. And it all turned out for the better.

You’ve received abundance and creativity tagged along with rest and self-reflection; you’ve tapped into your well of inspiration and ideas. By contemplating and sorting through your own fears, you’ve nurtured and set yourself free. You’ve found prosperity in what was initially a loss. Not a lot of things chain you down anymore, you’ve aligned with yourself and the path you want to pursue, and most of all, you’ve wisened yourself in your principles and in setting boundaries.

Why did this happen?

The Empress (The Chariot)

King of Pentacles rx, Queen of Wands rx, Knight of Pentacles (Six of Pentacles) + additional oracle cards

A chance for you to be gentle to yourself. There’s a lot of mentions of joy here in this question for this pile and personally, I find it significant to let yourself be enveloped in a gentle happiness, regardless of your past.

Here, you are very much called to be gentle with yourself. You’ve probably gone through some financial mishaps due to your own actions and you’re now much more introverted, shy and probably ashamed of what you’ve done, where you’re trying to reestablish your sense of self and what you should be doing. Finding confidence and resolving those issues are your priority now, as you’re probably now more practical. But then, even though these all had happened, please be kind to yourself, maybe visit your childhood a lil. Explore something in the past, and pay attention to what you’ve seen. Small things can also bring great happiness.

Don’t underestimate your childhood. Appreciate it and you may find something fun coming along. Whatever you’ve gone through, know that it’ll be all worthwhile as life is also an exploration, where we grow as we fall.

How did it help you during the year?

Two of Swords rx, Eight of Swords rx, Page of Cups rx (Six of Cups rx)

讼卦 – To Come Into Conflict

Discerning and letting go helped you be the change you wanted to see. It helped clear your path ahead of you and lightened your worries. You got yourself out of the rut you found yourself in, took needed action to resolve problems, and poured into yourself. You focused on you instead of depending too much on others.

I sensed melancholic energy from this pile, perhaps you might have reminisced a lot of things and felt nostalgic; you’re far away from home or you just got out of a relationship. Cutting toxic energies though, is essential and sometimes leaving and letting go is necessary, and this is how your ability to resolve this helped you. When all the cards are reversed here, I take it to mean all the energy is directed inwards, meaning you connected back to your inner child and what they wanted, and sought to live out their hopes and dreams in your daily life for the better. This has helped you find your sense of wonder with the world again. There is a lot of rejuvenation in this pile because of the trait you nurtured, and this is similar to one of the previous piles, so check it out if you feel drawn to it.

What have you learnt from this?

The Chariot rx (The Moon)

The World rx, Justice rx, Six of Swords rx, The Moon rx, Seven of Cups rx (Nine of Swords) + additional oracle cards

You probably have felt that the world is against you – the universe is not doing you justice. You probably have flashbacks of different situations but they mainly yell at you about the fears you’ve felt and how you’ve constantly been feeding your delusions that everything is fine when it’s already burning. I can’t phrase myself well enough but think of the meme of the dog sitting in a burning house saying “It’s fine.” It’s that kinda situation. The feeling of unfairness and delusions, thinking it’s what you deserve and not at the same time. It’s a conflicting energy yet it makes so much sense at the same time, mainly because of the fear that’s deep seated in you.

You’ve learnt the importance of timing. You now know when to move, and when to not move. The definition of movement strongly depends on what you define. It may be financial or investment, it may be moving places, it may be moving jobs, it may be leaving a place, etc. But the main part of this is the word “move”, which you’ve learnt through the hard way. Know that no matter how terrible of a person you think you are, your intentions and heart still deserves to be known by the people you trust, by the people you’ve connected in life. Know that friendship is also a form of abundance which you’ve failed to see at times.

Let go of self criticism, know you have what it takes, and you’ve learnt to treasure what are the important things that matters to you most.

How will this propel you forward?

Two of Cups rx, Five of Wands, The Hanged Man (Queen of Swords rx)

涣卦 – To Scatter, To Be Changeable

Your pile has been getting The Hanged Man and Two of Cups reversed quite a bit, so I’m assuming there’s a lot of inner work and healing you still have to finish. Your ability to cut has been serving you well, but this point forward the cards are urging you to be emotionally open and reflective. The divination cards point to resolving conflict peacefully, and one of the tarot cards here is the Five of Wands – in your future, there may be more conflicts to follow, but your mental clarity and what you’ve learnt from past events will enable you to resolve this wisely.

You’re moving through life with strategy and a sense of efficiency now. You know what’s good for you, how to set better boundaries, and how to reflect to make decisions. You have more energy to pursue your goals with enthusiasm and drive. You’ve found a sense of purpose that you’re currently driving towards and it’s helping you move forward to achieve.

Extra advice and messages:

Judgement (The Chariot)

Strength, King of Pentacles (Nine of Wands) + additional oracle cards

Do not judge yourself. The world is already doing that, so stop judging yourself over everything you’ve done, over every mistake you’ve made. And you should be walking away from it. It’s gonna take a lot of strength to walk away from this self criticism, but it is possible. Start by being kind to yourself, allow yourself to make mistakes, give yourself a chance to learn.

Change is needed, change is coming. Take your time to go through those changes, be patient, and then you’ll reap the rewards from it. Your dreams will be inspiring you and guiding you through them as you attract the things you’ve manifested. Do not be afraid as your guides are with you. Remember to be grateful to what you’ve gotten from the universe and people around you, and always look inside you. You are worth what it is you desire.

I feel like this pile already knows what to do and how to get it done, so there isn’t much message I can get for this pile.

Pile Four

What have you fallen in love with throughout the year?

Death, Seven of Swords, King of Cups rx, Queen of Swords, The Fool rx (Three of Coins rx)

You’ve fallen in love with being independent and being self-taught. I hope I’m not being too crass, but this pile seems like you’re appreciating the fact that you’re able to cut cords and sever ties easily. This seems like a culmination of the other piles except you’re proud of this fact. This does not have to be unhealthy – knowing what’s good for you and how to align yourself is crucial, plus it allows you to plan ahead and be decisive in what you want. Remember to just keep this in moderation, this power also comes with accountability for your actions as well as its consequences.

Another transformative pile, you’ve renewed yourself after uncovering another facet of yourself through life events. You have this independent and business-like energy to you that you couldn’t see before but are appreciative of it now. You may have a sharp tongue and realised the power of your words, while also bearing a sharp mind. You’re appreciative of the fact that you can be cunning and that you’re no fool. Over this year you might have encountered difficulties especially regarding teamwork with others, communication and relationships. However, this newfound appreciation for working independently has given you self-confidence and the ability to speak for yourself.

Why did this happen?

The World, The Hierophant, The Sun rx (The Fool)

The Emperor, The Sun, Six of Pentacles, The Magician rx (Queen of Cups) + additional oracle cards

There are quite some nice things that have been happening to you and you’re called to remember where you’ve started and to not have your ego inflated, because whatever it is, it can be taken away again. There’s The World here, however I do not think of it as something positive. If anything, it serves as a warning here, to not be a fool to let your pride eat you up.

You’re also called to fix your attitude now, pronto, else you’ll lose the shine. Remember your roots, remember your childhood, remember who you wanted to be. Do not be manipulated or manipulative to others. Know that you actually have the power, especially in the field of intuition, emotions and finances. But once again, do not attempt a game where you can’t deal with the negative outcomes. You hold a lot of strength and power, do you choose dignification or nah?

How did it help you during the year?

Five of Cups rx, Two of Cups rx, Knight of Cups rx (Queen of Wands rx)

遁卦 – To Evade, To Self-Preserve

There is this stalwart energy to this pile. You’ve found an inner drive to you that you kept to yourself, you didn’t use it to demean or criticise others, but instead used it to help yourself improve and learn. There might have been problems with your relationships with others, but after all that hurt, you chose not to self-pity but instead learnt from these past transgressions to build yourself back up. This insulated feeling you have built for yourself could have stemmed from people around you backstabbing or putting too much pressure on you – you might not have received much kindness from those around you.

This sharpness of both mind and tongue has led you to pick your battles wisely, you did not start fights you could not finish; you did no harm, took no shit. You did what you could to get out of the situation you were in, you were smart enough to evade and stand strong in yourself at the same time. Most of all, you are not victimising nor putting yourself down, which is what’s helping you drive forward. This self-confidence and drive will get you far, you’ll turn the tables and attract the right people as well sooner or later.

What have you learnt from this?

Judgement, The Star, The Devil, The Empress (Temperance)

Six of Pentacles, The Hanged Man rx (Ace of Pentacles) + additional oracle cards

Flashbacks of you judging people probably will be prominent? Although whatever you’ve said is not wrong, they probably can be worded better. You actually realise and learnt your own flaws and have been slowly learning to be gentle with yourself. Cups seem really evident here so… I hope y’all don’t have any drinking problems or having drinking as a coping mechanism. Drinking as celebration is okay but not for coping. Being gentle with yourself doesn’t talk about addiction and constant drowning in ways that you “think” that “help” you. Balance is needed in everything.

Once again, you’ve been reminded to remember who you wanted to be, and to take some time for yourself for some self introspection. You’ve probably learnt to be more generous with your finances and help but most importantly, you’ve learnt to see things from people’s perspective the hard way. It feels like other people have been yelling off at you to make you understand their pain. But once you’ve amended your ways for the better, better things will come to you. Life is a cycle, a circle. What goes around comes around.

How will this propel you forward?

The Emperor rx, Ace of Cups, Queen of Cups rx (Seven of Wands rx)

蹇卦 – Incoming Trouble

Before I make my points, like what Matz said above, both of us are pulling out Cups cards a lot for this pile, hence there is this emphasis to connect more with your emotions; connect back to your heart. Find solitude and peace to work your complexity out. Mind and heart can and should work together, there is no need to separate them. Find a pathway for them to connect and flow, allow yourself to continue to forgive and let go, and you should be able to deal with what is to come.

Soon, this ability you’ve fallen in love with will help you push forward in your goals, and continue to help you in your perseverance. You will be determined and driven to action, you’ll be ambitious and grounded enough to succeed. This ability has given you street-smarts and wisdom that will help push you forward and overcome any obstacle, however you may be feeling despondent and drained right now, hence the call to connect back to your soul and what makes you soft again. The Emperor reversed and Queen of Cups reversed is paired with the Ace of Cups – there are going to be great opportunities for emotional fulfilment and relief in your future, however there needs to be balance in both your masculine and feminine sides.

In the divination card, the space above the mountain symbol has changed from air (communication problems) to water (being emotionally overwhelmed/blocked), signifying trouble ahead. For those of you who resonate with this, Matz has already said, take time to be with your emotions. Acknowledge them. Your feelings deserve to be heard and felt, because you deserve to move forward. Do not be brash or impatient, what’s to come will arrive in its own time.

Extra advice and messages:

The Emperor (The Hermit)

Knight of Pentacles rx (Two of Pentacles)

Square/semi-square/quincunx - Tension, South Node - Past (Vesta - Hearth) + additional oracle cards

First message I’m getting is to not be an authoritarian. Have your authority, but do not use it to oppress others. Be kind, be responsible with the power you hold. Balance is needed in every aspect. Tensions are not gonna help, and do not let past tensions pull you down either. Focus right now in the present, be here with willing hands and heart to help those who are in need. Remember that good partnerships are made of equal amounts of positivity and you need to focus on wholeness. Wholeness of the entire team, the entire group.

Transformation is on its way to you. Breathe in, breathe out. Know that your guides and your intuition is helping you to be better, to open up new possibilities. It’s up to you to step into new beginnings that are opened to you. Manifest whatever that you want, may it be work success or relationship success. Return back to the heart of the house, to make yourself a cup of tea and rest.

Thank you so much for reading and interacting!

#tarot #pick a card #my posts #matz #readings #m #my pacs #my pac collabs

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lanabenikosdoormat · 20 days

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JED MASTERPOST

Fast on his feet with an even sharper mind, Jed worked as a cipher agent for the Galactic Empire. Under the alias Cipher Nine - he was a prodigal secret weapon for the Empire's goals. As time passed, so did the stakes. When Imperial Intelligence disbanded, Jed found himself pursuing more independent ventures, outsourcing his work to broader horizons. He garnered quite a lofty reputation.

Through his extraordinary acts, Jed rose through the ranks, becoming a leading figure in the war that later broke out between the two superpowers. He would eventually become known as the Outlander and later, The Alliance Commander and serves as my main OC, not just for SWTOR - but my artist career as a whole.

MOST OF THIS IS PULLED DIRECTLY FROM HIS TOYHOUSE, WHICH CAN BE FOUND BELOW AND IS MORE COMPREHESIVE

BIO BELOW THE CUT!

Overview:

Full Name: Jedidiah Solaris

Alias: Cipher Nine, Commander Solaris, The Outlander, "The Ginger" (belovingly by friends)

Age: 35 around Onslaught

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay, Biromantic

Mental Conditions: OCD, PTSD

Birthday: March 20th, 11 BTC

Birthplace: Sacorria, Corellian Sector

Species/Race: Human - Augmented with cybernetics

Occupation: Alliance Commander

Status: Engaged (Theron Shan)

Design:

Height: 6'0

Weight: 168 lbs

Body Type: Athletic, inverted triangle

Eye Color: Medium Brown (right eye is a prosthetic and is red)

Cybernetics: Mostly internal but there are two peaking out from the side of his head, just above the top of his ears.

Features: High cheekbones, scar through right eyebrow, clean shaven, well groomed, handsome. Personal hygiene is a high priority.

Markings: Various scars, faint freckles in summer seasons, bruised knuckles

Relationships:

Family: Deceased. KIA on Sacorria during the skirmish.

Love Interests: Hunter ✞ (Enemies to lovers, enemies with benefits type situationship), Theron Shan (Fiancé)

Friends/Allies: Closest friend is Lana Beniko. Additionally close with various others including Vector Hyllus, Koth Vortena, Arcann Tiral and the Them Group (OC group consisting of four of my irl friends ocs and my own sith warrior as follows: Verity Dante, Exxus Gun, LIX, and Obi-Two)

Personality:

He is both practical and visionary as well as a staunch realist. He is imaginative and eloquent, able to problem solve and get himself and his team out of tight situations.

As a leader, he is disciplined and thorough, leaving no stone unturned. Jed is strongly independent and is opposed to authority that he doesn't respect.

Background (pre-imp agent campaign and expacs):

As a young child, Jedidiah came from a tiny community of modest agriculturalists. For the first seven years of his life, he lived fair off. However, war struck and their little slice of the galaxy was caught in the crossfire. Jed was struck by blaster fire, directly in his right side of his skull. The wound was lethal and desperately his mother took a final stand to carry him to the Imperial outpost stationed on the planet. Because of his late uncle's contributions to the Empire, Jed was able to be taken into Imperial custody on one condition: he was never to return home again.

For the next 12 or so years, Jed was stationed on Ziost and Dromound Kaas interchangeably as he completed his initiation and mandatory military training. His superiors noticed he had a natural affinity for sneaking around in the shadows, as well as persuasion and ruthlessness. As such, at the age of just 14, he was transferred to the Imperial Intelligence division where he would begin training as an agent of the Empire.

Other Information:

Likes:

Killing Time

Sharpshooting

Revenge

Physical Touch

Dislikes:

Sucking Up

Unwarranted violence

The Sith

Helplessness

Hobbies:

Dejarik

Target Practice

Reading

Binge watching holo-dramas

Gambling

Social Drinking

Habits: Finger flexing, Pacing

Trivia:

He is ambidextrous, and uses a variety of different weapons depending on the given scenario.

Jed is excellent with kids and animals, he gets very soft and sweet and knows just what to say to them, especially in times of distress.

His favorite color used to be navy, and he'd wear it a lot in his downtime. However, these days its the red color of Theron's jacket as seeing it always reminds Jed of him.

#star wars the old republic #swtor #imperial agent #jed solaris #oc: jed solaris #swtor art #swtor imperial agent #character template ib my mootie vexa-legacy

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aella-targaryen · 1 month

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ANALYSIS OF HOUSE OF THE DRAGON SEASON 2' NEW POSTERS.

-DRAGONSTONE

I love that the members of the Team Black are at Dragonstone, this gives more legitimacy to the fight of the members of the Team Black since as we know that Dragonstone represents the essence and quasi-divine character of the Targaryens, it is the place where Magic manifests itself in a clearer and more powerful way, where magical rituals and the extraordinary births of multiple Dragons are quotidian events. But that is also their biggest disadvantage. The divinity and superiority of the Targaryens, although it inspires fear and admiration, also often inspires rejection and resentment. If the Targaryens didn't have their dragons, all the people of Westeros would see them as simple incestuous pagans. To the people of Westeros, the Targaryens represent power, but they also represent a wild and primitive force.The occupation of the Red Keep offers greater legitimacy to the Crown in the eyes of the people, representing civility and a court faithful to the Faith of the Seven, the main religion of Westeros. That's why the Team Black is desperate to conquer King's Landing. If you want to reign over Westeros you have to establish your court in the Red Keep and that is the advantage of the Greens.

-CORLYS VELARYON.

Corlys is the member of the Team Black that is furthest from the others and that makes sense, he was the one who best evaded the ravages of the Dance and the total ruin of his House. Yes, he lost his wife, but he managed to save his heirs and kept the Velaryon house strong after the war. Corlys has always managed to find ways to get out of conflicts. I think that is why Corlys is closer to the window, remember that the Dragonstone windows directly show the sea, his transportation and his escape route.

- RHAENYS

In the poster we can see how Rhaenys is closer to the conflict than her husband, with a less cautious and more courageous look. I thought it was a great detail that the sigil of the Targaryen House is behind Rhaenys' back,like Daemon and Rhaenyra, because Corlys is only an ally, a powerful ally, but he's not a Targaryen, he's not a dragon and that is why the walls of Dragonstone are only behind the backs of Rhaenys, Daemon and Rhaenyra. The walls of Dragonstone are made of stone melted by the magical fire of the dragons, those walls demonstrate the irracible and immovable character of the Targaryens, neither a window behind them nor an escape route, only a path to the fight. For them it cannot be any other way, either they win or they will die trying.

-DAEMYRA (It wouldn't be an análisis of mine if I didn't add at least one paragraph referring to Daemyra )

I love Daemon's posture (Like everything he does) I don't think he´s in an attack position, I think he´s protecting Rhaenyra, as if he just unsheathed his sword to defending her, we can see that his eyes are fixed on Rhaenyra (Although that is not strange, we all know that Daemon almost always remains watching Rhaenyra) it is as if he is waiting for her to give him permission to attack (Which we have also seen before) it´s Rhaenyra who commands Daemon, from Rhaenyra's posture we know that she´s the one directing the situation and that it's her will that guides Daemon's sword.

The poster shows us two couples: Corlys and Rhaenys and Daemon and Rhaenyra. We see that in the case of Corlys and Rhaenys, Corlys is next to Rhaenys, shoulder to shoulder they seem to be a couple on more equal terms and that makes their relationship and interactions more harmonious.

In the case of Daemyra we see how Daemon's not at Rhaenyra's side, he is behind her and he is even leaning slightly as if for him Rhaenyra's posture was more imposing and that image is a reflection of their relationship, her being superior to Daemon in every aspect and Daemon accepts it.

He is older, stronger and more experienced than her but in Daemon's universe she's the sun and he's the earth. Without her, he has no direction, Viserys was also part of that sun but now only Rhaenyra exists for him, that's why he is more defensive regarding her, He failed to protect Viserys, he cannot allow himself to fail in his duty to protect Rhaenyra.To protect her , he is willing to submit to her , allowing her to direct his life, because he could never live without her and even her rejection would shatter him.

I know, it seems like I'm exaggerating but didn't we see how Daemon lived in an absolutely miserable way when he was separated from Rhaenyra? Daemon spent the day drinking and almost never leaving his castle doing anything but reading, even as a father he was negligent (in the show) , however, Rhaenyra fought every day to retain her political power, she raised her sons efficiently and worked to serve the realm and learn how to rule it. Although Rhaenyra was never able to truly confront her enemies without Daemon, she handled the separation much better than him. Although they are soul mates, although they have many things in common, although their life experiences are very similar, although they are family, it's a deeply unequal relationship and we all know it, which is why their conflicts are deeper and have more devastating and significant consequences.

It is a beautiful, unhealthy and sad relationship for both of them, because literally Rhaenyra's rejection will kill Daemon and Rhaenyra will be the one left alone to bear the future consequences of it.

-RHAENYRA, THE JESUS OF WESTEROS???

I like Rhaenyra's posture but I don't love it. Rhaenyra's makeup, costumes and hair have improved a lot compared to the S1, I love seeing her regal and stylized. No more tears on the queen's face, just pure determination, strength and thirst for justice, the only thing I don't like is that Rhaenyra is not looking at the throne. I have previously commented that Rhaenyra didn't want the Iron Throne or the power that comes with being the queen of the Seven Kingdoms, what guides her is the fulfillment of the prophecy, which would be extremely interesting IF THEY HAD NOT DESTROYED THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE PROPHECY IN THE LAST SEASON OF GAME OF THRONES...but, okay, let's say that despite everything the Targaryens (Rhaenyra's bloodline) helped defeat the Night King.The prophecy was fulfilled, in a shitty way, but it was fulfilled.

Now, why is it a little annoying that all Rhaenyra wants is to fulfill the prophecy? Well because Rhaenyra doesn't show any interest in the Iron Throne. So far I have never seen her really excited about becoming queen, we have only seen her determined to fulfill the duty that her father imposed on her, to be the heir to the house of the dragon and continue Aegon's bloodline. As I have already commented in other analyses, despite Rhaenyra's rebellious nature, she has a high sense of duty and for Rhaenyra the throne is just the cross she has to carry for the good of everyone, it's not something she wants to conquer.

Rhaenyra's literally fighting to save the world, just like Jesus (In case you're wondering, no, I'm not a believer 💀💀💀, I'm actually an atheist), I know it sounds ridiculous but she is exactly like him. Rhaenyra knows a prophecy that announces the destruction of humanity, she couldn´t share that prophecy because, let's face it, no one would believe her. The other Houses would only think that it is a ploy created by the Targaryens to preserve the power, therefore she can only share the prophecy with the people most loyal to her.Rhaenyra will suffer great sorrows to protect the prophecy and If she dies in the war (something she knows is very likely to happen), let her descendants fulfill that objective. Rhaenyra will die at the hands of her enemies but the power of the prophecy will be transmitted to her descendants and It will be thanks to her sacrifices and her death that they will manage to save the world from destruction Isn't coincidence that in the poster Rhaenyra is shown as an almost divine being, shining in the midst of everything. Rhaenyra literally carries the weight of the world on her shoulders.

She is literally the Jesus of Westeros.

And I don't dislike that at all, but I would have liked Rhaenyra's character to be even more complex, that her desire to fulfill the prophecy was linked by her ambition to become a queen so powerful that no one could ever order her how to live her life and let her bloodline reign over the Seven Kingdoms. After all, Rhaenyra is not an angel (although she looks like one) and despite being a Targaryen, Rhaenyra is just a woman and all women have ambitions.

Now, there are also other opinions, some say that Rhaenyra is actually seeing Aemond and that Aemond is seeing her. I don't think Rhaenyra is seeing Aemond simply because she doesn't look furious in the Poster, her look doesn't show the anger that Rhaenyra feels for Aemond. So I don't think she is looking at him, but I could be wrong, I would love to read your opinions. Do you think that Rhaenyra is looking at Aemond or not?

TEAM GREEN.

SIGNS OF USURPATION.

First we can see that Alicent is hiding the Targaryen sigil with her body, almost in its entirety, I think this is a fairly obvious allegory to the fact that the House Hightower is the one that rules Westeros, although they call themselves Targaryens, they aren't Targaryens. They reject Valyrian culture, they don´t see dragons as an extension of themselves but rather as weapons or horses that they have a certain affection , they don´t respect the Valyrian legacy and therefore they don´t respect magic either and that's dangerous, we know that magic is still very present in Westeros, the Targeryans and all the descendants of Valyria have magic in their blood and the dragonfire is also magical. For the Targaryens, rejecting the magic and traditions of Valyria means rejecting power, and few things symbolize power better than the Iron Throne.

We know that the Iron Throne is a magical throne, this is because it was forged by the fire of a dragon, it could be said that the throne has a life of its own, I believe that the throne can reject or accept different people for different reasons, in this case the throne doesn´t recognize the Hightower as its conquerors because they don´t respect the ancient magic of the world.

What rules the world of asoiaf is not kings or even gods. It's the magic. Rejecting magic It's a terrible mistake and I believe that is why the throne rejects the Hightower and shows it by tearing their sigil.

AEMOND IS CURSED.

I think we could all notice how the banner behind Aemond is waived by an unknown breeze, it's almost as if the banner is facing away from him,as if House Targaryen turned its back on him.That was done deliberately because there is no breeze in the room because all the other banners remain still.

It’s not surprising that the luck is not on Aemond's side, he has committed one of the greatest sins, he has caused the death of one of his nephew, his own blood, that is why it seems that the Gods have abandoned him.

After killing Lucerys, Aemond's days were numbered, he was out of luck and that was shown when Aemond lost the Battle Above the God's Eye. Some say that no one won that battle because both Daemon and Aemond died, but that is not true. Aemond was killed by Daemon and Deamon died after killing Aemond, his enemy, and that's why Daemon won the battle. Daemon knew perfectly well what would happen if he jumped off his dragon to kill Aemond. Daemon chose the way he would die, Aemond didn´t.

Aemond's story is much more tragic, Aemond didn't continue his bloodline, he didn´t have legitimate children, all traces of him disappeared, he died in an extremely abrupt way at a very young age. For Aemond death was a horrible surprise but Daemon welcomed death with open arms to defend his family. Aemond died without any glory fighting for a king who would die poisoned and without heirs.

CRISPIN, A FATHER FIGURE.

There’s not much to say about Crispin at the moment, he looks at Rhaenyra with fury and he is standing behind Aegon, probably whispering misogynistic shit in his ear at every opportunity.

In another analysis I have said that Crispin is the father figure of both Aemond and Aegon in a way that Viserys never was, he is truly the man who taught them everything they know and has been their role model since their childhood in a way or another and we must not forget the relationship that Crispin has with Alicent, I want to think that Alicent's sons are not totally stupid and that they have realized that Crispin is practically their stepfather in all aspects except the title.

Crispin not only taught the boys how to use a sword, he taught them to be cruel. I think Alicent's sons might not have become completely horrible men if Crispin had been a better role model. Why do you think Aemond believes it's acceptable to use excessive force to subdue rivals much weaker than him? That's what Crispin taught him. Why do you think Aegon has no consideration or mercy for children or the innocent? Because Crispin taught him that.

ALICENT, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WANT TO BE A MARTYR?

We can say what we want about Alicent but we cannot deny that women have convictions, horrible and wrong convictions, but convictions after all, Alicent deeply believes that her ideas and actions are correct according to her religion and she’s willing to sacrifice everything but feels anger when her sacrifices are not rewarded. For Alicent, the sacrifices she made will make her rewarded and recognized by the Gods but so far that hasn't happened but Alicent's sure that the only thing she must do is persevere and resist. That is why the symbol of the seven-pointed star remains above her head.

Deep in her soul, Alicent feels that she deserves to have a high status and that her son to be king because of everything she had to go through.

Imagine being in Alicent's place, imagine being a good daughter and then your father forces you to marry an old man, imagine dedicating your entire youth to a man who could be your father, satisfying his sexual desires, being used as a toy, giving children to him, giving him heirs, taking care of him in his illness... so that in the end that man never recognizes your efforts and doesn´t give you a reward for it, he never names your son King and that he decides to choose his eldest daughter who has never dedicated her life to serving him and pleasing him. I don’t support any of Alicent’s decisions but we have to admit that it's not surprising that she became furious with the Targaryens and that she now decides to take with her own hands what she believes she has earned by her submission and her sacrifice.

In religion, a martyr is someone who suffers for her religious convictions, in essence the greater the sufferings of the martyr, the greater the power of her convictions and therefore the greater her virtue and superiority, being known as a saint worthy of praise. Alicent is determined to prove to the Gods, to Rhaenyra but above all to herself that she is much better than the others, that she is the strongest warrior of the Gods and that she deserves to be recognized , because if she doesn't prove it, her entire life and all her sacrifices would be useless.

Again,I don't justify anything that Alicent has done, I still believe that she is acting in the wrong way and should accept the consequences of her actions , Why? Because Alicent wants to make the wrong people suffer when the person responsable of all her suffering is her father, that's a truth that Alicent knows but refuses to face because he is the person that she loves most in the world and she has a deep emotional dependence on him.

HAVING THE CROWN ISN'T IMPORTANT (TO AEGON)

I adore symbolism, I think they can be very important and powerful, that is why the movement of the greens to crown Aegon with the crown of the conqueror was extremely important, Alicent wasn't wrong when she mentioned that if Aegon possessed the relics of the Conqueror, his legitimacy as king would be strengthened and it’s true, Aegon possesses all the symbols that matter, the crown and sword of the Conqueror, the Iron Throne and a court in The Red Keep.

It is because of the relics that Aegon can look like a king and have an acceptable appearance before his people and his court, but Aegon doesn’t care about symbolism, he doesn't care about decorum, he doesn't care about rules or laws, this is symbolized by how Aegon doesn't wear the crown of the Conqueror on his head but rather holds it in his hand. What really matters to Aegon is having enough power to be able to do whatever he wants without anyone questioning him or giving him orders and to feel loved (not by his family but by the people of King's Landing).

I believe that at the end of S1 Aegon realized that as king he could give free rein to his debauchery and his terrible actions, he could be the most despicable man in the world and still be praised by everyone because it is the duty of the people praise him.

That is why he doesn´t make an effort to act like a good king because no matter what Aegon does, his family will do whatever it takes to keep him on the throne and profit from it, Aegon knows perfectly well that his family is using him and now he is trying to figure out how he can use his family members or even how he can get rid of them if he wants to. After all, to them, he is the king.

Thank you sooo much for reading this analysis💕💕💕💕💕🥺💞💞💞 I hope you liked it or at least found it interesting, you can leave your comments and opinions and you can also ask me anything.