#seasonal depression is already kicking my ass

[doggybr3ath]

Not even kidding. I am so stressed, crunching for money and attempting to figure out how I’m going to manage Christmas this year.

[canadian-girl-hates-winter]

proof of life picture

[ss-trashboat]

hope you guys are prepared for the depression ill have if aussie open don't make the tag league finals

[centralpark1981]

driving home from work in the dark now bc of fucking daylight saving and i was listening to the sunset tree and had a complete sobbing dry heave breakdown while listening to pale green things to the point where i almost had to pull over

[lovaboy]

whyyy ants in the house again….. there’s nothing for you here…..

[ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse]

oh god oh fuck oh no

[chloecorvid]

I would like a calm peaceful morning, please. I have had enough sudden unexpected stress in 2 hours than I need in a week. Ughhhhhh

[me-loving-woso]

The Aftermath

Hello Tumblr and Hello readers.

This is Part 3 of Monthly visits. I really hope you enjoy it. I’m already working on Part 4, so hopefully you won’t have to wait that much. Does this part end in a cliffhanger? Yes. Am I sorry about it? No.

Let me know if I should continue this series. Hope you enjoy this!

The past few days have been incredibly challenging for you. Ava's room was finally finished, so you had to help her move to the room and Lucia finally decided to join La Masia, so you went with her to sign the contract.

Things with Alexia have been really in a weird place. You still remember vividly your conversation with her that day after she called for a break.

"So you want a break from me or the kids?" You ask, nearly crying, changing your position on the bed to sitting, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know, okay! These past few weeks have been overwhelming; I thought I could handle it. Then, Mom began talking about holidays and Christmas, and I guess I didn't think about it before? I don't know, it feels like my life has been changing so much, and I can't keep up anymore." She says clearly, in a very anxious state. "And above all of this, there is the World Cup, and I have all this pressure put on me, and I just want to disappear." She gets out sobbing, making your heartbreak. 

"Hey, hey, look at me." You gently take her face, turning it to you, wiping away her tears. "Since when has this been going on?"

"Since I got called up for the World Cup."

"So two months ago." You say more to yourself. "Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"You had already been dealing with your problems; I didn't want to add to anything."

"You are not a problem to me, okay? If you are happy, I am happy. If you are sad, I am sad. Whatever you need, I'll always be with you. I love you. And I know I don't say it much, but I probably should have. I love you." You began leaving small kisses on her face, trying to kiss away the tears, "What do you need?"

"I need not feel so broken and out of control of my feelings." She says, keeping her gaze down.

"It's alright to feel broken every once in a while, and it's alright to feel out of control. If you need time, I can give it to you. I'd rather lose you for a while than for the rest of my life. I'd wait a thousand lifetimes for you because you are worth waiting for. So when you are ready. I'll be right here." Your eyes start to water, too, as you understand what this entails. You shift on your bed, hugging her. 

"I love you so much, Alexia. I don't know what I would do without you. You really changed my life for the better. You are the love of my life. The only person I imagine spending my life with. And I swear to God, or whatever is up there, that one day I'm going to marry you, and I'll finally feel like I deserve your love."

"You know, you never said that."

"What?"

"That you wanted to marry me." She smiles shyly, keeping her head on your shoulder, hiding in the crook of your neck.

"Of course I do. I can't wait to be your wife and call you that." You pause, taking a deep breath, making her move her head to look at you. "But before that, you must focus on yourself and be good and happy. I want a happy wife, okay? Not the depressed ones you see in the movies that drink an absurd amount of wine and pass out. I want you to be happy. And if, eventually, I am not part of that happiness, I still want to see you happy." She nods, giving you a light kiss on your hand. "I want you to have fun at the World Cup and kick ass, okay? If you ever need me, I'm a phone call away."

That night was the last time you saw her. You told yourself you wouldn't call or look at her Instagram; it would be too painful. So you decided to distract yourself, of course, still having as first priority the kids. 

-

The first thing you did was go to the pitch. You decided to take Lucia and Ava with you, the older girl was about to start the season in Barcelona B, and you couldn't be happier for her. 

You were practicing free kicks and penalties. You and Lucia were in a clear competition while Ava was just there having fun with the ball. After a while, Ava got bored, so she decided to stay on the sidelines in the shadow playing some games on your phone, which left you and Lucia on the pitch.

"Where is Alexia, by the way? I haven't seen her all morning." She asks out of the blue, catching you off guard.

"She left for the World Cup." You reply coldly, quickly passing the ball from one foot to the other, then shooting hard to the goal post, scoring a top bin.

"Aren't they leaving in like two days?" She replies, clearly not getting the point.

"Aren't you asking a lot of questions?" You glare at her, then realize that your tone slightly hurt Lucia. "I'm really sorry, Lucia. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

"No problem, I'm used to it anyways." She rolls her eyes, closing off, then walks away.

You were feeling guilty; you really didn't want to hurt her feeling, so you told her the truth, "She left."

"What?" She turns around, looking at you. 

You take a deep breath, "She left me."

"Wait, what? You broke up?" She says, shocked at the revelation, fully turning her body to you, taking a step towards you.

"I don't know. I'm sorry I snapped at you; you took me off guard with the question, and I still haven't fully processed it."

"It's okay. I just overreacted." She pauses. "I'm really sorry about Alexia. Do you need a hug?" She asks awkwardly.

You chuckle. "No. It's better not. If you will, I'll start crying. And I am an ugly crier, especially when it comes to Alexia. And I don't think none of us want to experience that."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I will be." You release a shaky exhale. "Now, let's go back home. Ava here is getting too bored." You wrap your arm around Lucia's shoulder and take her to her sister.

-

As you get back home, you decide to go and take a shower, and there you silently cry until no tears are left. You then change into something comfy and go outside to your garden, trying to get some fresh air, and for the first time during the day, you check your phone. There were multiple missed calls from Alba and one from one of your best friends, Mapi. You knew that you had to call back both women, so you opted to go first with Alba. You knew it would be a sad call and hoped that calling Mapi after would cheer you up.

Spoiler Alert: It didn’t.

You take a deep breath and call Alba; she almost immediately picks up.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Alba asks almost immediately, quite sadly. You really didn't want her to pity you.

"You already know the answer, Alba." You smile sadly, "How is she?" You couldn't not ask about her; even though you tried to keep some distance, you still wanted to know how she was doing.

"She is miserable and guilty but knows she must focus on herself now."

"Did you tell her she doesn't have to feel guilty?"

“Y/n.” She replies sternly. "She might be my sister, but that doesn't mean I must agree with everything she does."

"Alba, we know how your sister deals with the pressure and anxiety. Alexia has always been very sensitive. She doesn't deal well with that kind of thing; when she was younger, she had her father and football that kept her going on and deal with the pressure. Now she only has football. You can't take that away from her."

"But she can take you out of her life?"

"That is an unfair question." You clench your jaw, trying to keep at bay your own feelings.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry."

"Just know that I only want what is best for your sister, and if she really wants to, she will return; I really hope she will."

"She will." She says a little too sternly. "Or else she won't hear the end of it from me and Mom."

"Just please, stay with her, support her, and care for her. She needs it now more than ever for this World Cup."

You soon end the call after that, and after taking a minute to ground yourself, you call your best friend. She, too, picks up very quickly.

“Y/N!” She screams in your ear excitedly, .

"How was Norway? Did you already come back? Are you already in Barcelona?" You reply as excited as you can, given the circumstances.

"Norway isn't that bad; I missed Barcelona though; Ingrid made it worth it. How are you? How's Alexia?" You could feel her smile through the phone. 

"Mapi, you have been away for a month; I have some news to share, big news, actually."

"Oh my God, did you get engaged?" She replies excitedly; without making your reply, she continues, "Oh my God, I'm so happy for you guys! And yes, of course, I will be your maid of honor, and yes, of course, I already planned your bachelorette par-"

"Maria calmate, I didn't get engaged." You reply sadly while feeling utterly sick to your stomach from the sadness of the situation.

"Then what is the big news to share?"

"I think I need to tell you in person about it."

"Oh, you can't leave me hanging like that!"

"Come over, and I'll tell you." You say, nearly reaching your point of total exasperation, you knew she wouldn't budge, but you also knew it was best to tell her in person that you have children now.

"A small hint?"

Losing your patience from your long day, you went straight to the point, "I adopted two children, and Alexia and I are on a break." You say, feeling a knot closing your throat.

"Ha ha, a good joke; tell me the truth."

"Mapi, I'm not joking." You say while your voice is wavering. She never heard you cry.

"I'm coming over." With that, she closes the call leaving you with a small tear running down your cheek.

You go inside and find the two girls watching something on TV.

"So girls, change of plans; a friend of mine is coming over, so you will meet them."

"Is it someone from the team?" Lucia asks.

You nod, "Guess."

"I know you are friends with Mapi; is it her?" Ava says excitedly.

"Yes, it is her, but that doesn't change anything. Bedtime is always at the same time." 

"But-"She tries to find an excuse, but you interrupt her, "No buts, you will definitely see more of her, so don't worry." She lightly pouts, reminding you of Alexia and how she uses the same facial expression. 

When you hear the doorbell ring, you open the door, finding your best friend in front of you for the first time in a month. You share a hug, then she asks, "So what happened? What is all this about?" Trying to make sense of what you said in the phone call. "Or was this a way to make me come over?" She gives you a mischievous smirk.

"Even though I missed you, it's not. I'll let you meet the kids, and we can talk later, okay?"

"So it wasn't a joke?" You shake your head, annoyed, "Then this 'talk' will take a while.”

She enters your home and makes her meet the girls. In the beginning, Ava was very shy, hiding a little behind you. But, as soon as Mapi began asking for her attention, she gladly gave it to her. Whereas Lucia was trying to keep it cool. 

Your teammate, in the meantime, was giving the older girl a weird look as if she was trying to remember something. 

"Do I know you from somewhere?" She asks, mostly rhetorically. Your friend had a memory of steel. "Wait, you were the girl that won the meet and greet."

Lucia shyly nods.

"I remember you because you were the first kid I met after joining Barcelona. You were so excited to meet your favorite players. But then, when you found out that Alexia and Y/n weren't there, you were so sad." She chuckled. "You must be happy living with your favorite player now." She says while looking at her smirking and then glancing at you.

"Oh yeah, they never shut up about Alexia. It's so annoying." You chuckle, crossing your arms, looking at both girls as if you unveiled one of their secrets.

"Oh no, if I'm not wrong, Alexia wasn't your favorite player," You could see Lucia changing expression in one instance, trying to communicate with Mapi to stop talking, she was shaking her head, widening her eyes. She was embarrassed, and you could see it from miles away. "Your favorite player was Y/n Y/ln." She chuckles. 

You turn around facing her, utterly shocked, wearing a proud smirk.

"She couldn't stop talking about how much she loved to see you play and how she couldn't wait for you to win the Champions League. It was quite cute, actually."

 "Now. Now. Lucia. Now that I have this information, you know you'll never hear the end of it, right?" You chuckle a little, making the girl slightly blush from the embarrassment but quickly recovering.

"You really had to say it?" Lucia asks Mapi, shaking her head. 

"Of course she did! Do you want an autograph?" You joke.

"Oh my God! Stop it!" She says, smiling, clearly not enjoying your teasing.

"Lucia, pay some respect to your favorite player!" Mapi retorts, then she bursts out laughing.

"Yeah, Lucia! Pay some respect. In this household, we don't condone this disrespect, especially when talking about your idols." You finish the teasing while she rolls her eyes, "Moving on, who's up for some food?" You ask, turning to the three girls around you. 

You decided to order pizza again; you really had to begin doing some serious grocery shopping. 

You were so happy that your best friend met the two girls that you loved so much, and you were even more delighted when you saw that they got along great; it was nearly perfect. Only a person missed for it to be perfect. 

That night you played games together, and when it was time to go to bed, Ava apprehensively went to bed after some convincing.

"I think I'm going to bed, too," Lucia said soon after her sister left for her room.

"You know you don't have to; if you want, you can stay with us." You offer.

"Nah, don't worry. I'm tired, and I have some episodes that I have to catch up with." She says, heading to her room. "Goodnight!" She says, while you and Mapi reply in the same way. 

-

After a month of not seeing each other, you were left alone with your best friend.

"So, the girls are great!" She says, clearly trying to begin all the explanations you had to give her.

"Before I begin explaining everything, I need a drink." You go to your kitchen, open the first bottle of wine, and then go outside with your friend.

You sit at the table, basically downing your glass of wine. You took a deep breath then you began explaining everything to her. First, how you met the kids and what made you adopt them, then you talked about what happened with Alexia, reserving some of the most private details.

"She told me she needed a break because she was getting too overwhelmed, and of course, I let her."

"She's an idiot. She'll come to her senses, believe me. You and her work so well together; it's almost annoying. I don't think I could ever see you guys break up." You knew that she would be sad about Alexia leaving you, as she was the person that indirectly put you two together in the first place. 

"Me too. But I guess nothing good ever works out perfectly." You reply sadly, looking at your glass of wine just poured. "I even bought a ring; I would propose after the World Cup. I had everything planned. Our honeymoon, the wedding date, everything. I'm so delusional." You realize, sadly.

"Hey, hey, Y/n, you are not delusional." She reassures you, taking your hand. You look up at her with glassy eyes, looking at her skeptically. "She wants the same things as you do. It might not seem like it right now, but you'll have your happy ending in the future."

"You know what I hate about all of this? The fact I still don't know what made her decide to want to leave me. Is it me? The kids? She said she couldn't deal with the constant pressure anymore, but what made her change her mind about me? Fuck! Am I not enough? In those three years that we've been together, we've gone through so much, from dealing with my own shit to her ACL; I thought that what we had was good, great even. I thought that taking the next step would be the best thing, you know, she would give me hints too that she was waiting for the proposal. So I thought she was sure about us, but I guess I was wrong? I don't know. I really don't know." You sniff, trying to keep in tears, then you quickly backtrack. "I'm really sorry; I shouldn't be dumping you like that; I know I am talking about one of your best friends too."

"No, Y/n, you can talk to me about it. You are one of my best friends too, okay? And I'm here for you. For whatever you need. And now that you have kids. Thanks for telling me right away, by the way," She remarks ironically, earning a chuckle from you, "I'll be the best aunt they ever had."

"I know you will." You give her a faint smile.

--

--

From your talk with Mapi, you realized one thing, which is that the kids should be your first priority, and everything else would come second. 

You tried to deal with Alexia leaving after three years of relationship, in many ways. Normal people would think that you went to therapy, as this whole situation was making your abandonment issues from your parents surf up, but instead, you coped differently: watching Grey's Anatomy, the first seasons obviously. 

That show was oddly comforting for you, for many people, such as Alexia, were adamant about watching it at first. You tried to convince her to watch it for three years, but she never budged. So now that she is gone, you thought it was the best time to watch it again. You usually watch it after Ava’s bedtime. You would put it on your TV for a couple of episodes. Initially, you didn't go in order; you just watched the most painful episodes. In all of this, Lucia would be like Alexia; she would roll her eyes when you watched the show and then go and mind her own business. You often offered her to come and watch it with you, but she wouldn't; you jokingly called her a girl full of prejudice, while she replied that she wasn't as lame and soft as you. But you could definitely see her stealing some glances at the show. 

What you didn't know was that Lucia and Mapi were keeping in touch. A phone call happened, and Lucia told your best friend that you began watching the show; needless to say, Mapi was concerned because she knew that you only watched the show when you were on the verge of a mental breakdown. She told Lucia that she would be coming over soon, as she left town for a couple of days. But you still didn't know that.

That left you one night while you were watching a really intense episode. Lucia came out of the kitchen, passing through the living room, trying to get to her room, but she suddenly stopped looking at the screen. "Wait. Where is the brunette? The best friend of Meredith, I think. Wasn't she supposed to be in the show from day one?"

"She left," you replied, not taking your eyes away from the screen.

"Wait. What?" She says surprised, taking a seat next to you. You gave her a pillow.

"Yep."

"Is it okay if you put an episode from the beginning?" She asks shyly. You beam at her and switch on to the first episode.

And that is how Lucia began watching Grey's Anatomy. And what shocked you the most was that she was an emotional kid, and she got really invested really quickly, but what was funny was that she tried to hide it, but she never managed to do it properly, silently sobbing when characters died.

A week after, you were so invested that you watched it in all of your free time. You knew that it wasn't healthy. Especially for you, but it looked like she was enjoying herself, so who were you to stop her from watching something she loved. 

That day you were watching the bomb episode; Ava left with Nico to get some stuff for his shop, leaving you and Lucia with time to kill, so you put on the show, and both decided you were up for a show marathon. As you got up to get some water for the both of you, you heard a knock at the door.

"Hey Mapi, what are you doing here?" You ask happily, being surprised you were seeing your friend without her telling you beforehand.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, why?" You ask her, clearly hiding the fact that you were watching Grey's Anatomy.

"You are watching Grey's Anatomy again, right?"

"No, I am not!" You say defensively.

"Stop bullshitting me, Y/n. Do you remember after we lost the Champions League last year against Lyon? You began watching that freaking show because you thought it could bring you some comfort, but instead, it made it worst!" 

"That's not true!" You bark, even though you know it is the truth. "And you can't barge in like this, into my home unannounced, making wrongful claims." 

"Lucia told me to come."

"And since when you and Lucia talk?"

"Since the night we met, so where is she?"

"Oh, you'll love what you are about to see." You chuckle, taking her to the living room.

When she saw Lucia watching the show, her face was adorned with the most disgusted and offended look.

"Lucia?" She says, making her turn around quickly, giving her a guilty expression.

"Okay, this is not what it looks like. It's-It's Y/n's fault."

"Oh don't blame me! I didn't force you." You say, showing the palms of your hands.

"Okay, you two. We are going out. The both of you. We are going on the pitch; get ready. Where is Ava?"

"With Nico." You reply. 

"Tell him we'll be out for at least two hours."

As you get in the car with Mapi, she keeps her eyes on the road without giving you another glance. Leaving Lucia and you with an awkward silence.

As she gets to the parking lot of the training grounds, she makes you exit the car and turns to Lucia. "Have you already been here?"

"Yeah, Y/n takes me at least once a week." 

Mapi looks at you surprised while you comment proudly, "Mark my words, she's going to be the future of Barça." Lucia blushes lightly, staring at the ground.

"I'm not that good." She says, nearly whispering.

"Don't you dare underestimate yourself! At your age, I was not even near as good as you. And you didn't even start training! Imagine then." She curls her lips in a small smile, heading to the entrance of the pitch.

"Did Y/n tell you about how we got the keys to this place?"

"Oh yeah!" Lucia chuckles, "She told me that you got drunk and wanted the keys, and Alexia had to save you."

"So, are we also changing this story?" Mapi asks you accusatively, making you sigh.

"Okay, maybe I embellished it a little." You grin guiltily.

"So what happened?" 

"She was the drunk one!" Pointing the finger at you while you rest your forehead on your hand, shaking your head, not looking at Mapi. "And then, with some excuse that I don't even remember she lured us into helping her get the keys. Needless to say, she couldn't keep quiet, so her plan went to shit. She couldn't think properly because she was very drunk. She called Alexia, who was partying with the other girls because we had just won our first Champions, crying."

"I wasn't crying."

"You were sobbing because you couldn't figure out where the keys were, even though you claimed you knew where they were. And then Alexia came to the pitch, worried sick, and helped us find them. Which is something I would have never expected her to do."

"Well, she definitely told me another story." Lucia chuckles.

"Well, okay, I may have skipped some of the most lame parts of the story because it was the second time I saw you, and I wanted to not sound too lame." You reply, a little embarrassed.

She places her hand on your shoulders and smiles at you. "But you are lame."

"How dare you talk like that to your football idol?!" You say, faking being offended.

"I can, and I will!" She begins running to the pitch while you follow behind her trying to catch her. Spoiler alert: you couldn't. That girl was fast. Too fast.

After a little while, you both stop, taking a break. You put on your shoes and begin passing the ball to each other in a triangle. Then you leave Mapi and Lucia to play alone while you sit on the grass, smiling at their interactions.

-

You were more than halfway through July, meaning the World Cup was about to start. Even though you decided not to participate, you still told yourself you would watch all the Spain games. You had friends and teammates in that squad and wanted to support them. You and Mapi had the same idea, so you hosted a little get-together with other Spanish teammates who didn't attend the World Cup. Of course, you chose to tell all of your teammates about the kids and the adoption but refrained from talking about the Alexia thing. Initially, they were shocked that you had two children now, but then they were very happy for you. 

So you found yourself on the day of Costa Rica against Spain, with many people in your home, all commenting random shit on TV. You were wearing your old Spain shirt with the number 10 behind it, while Lucia and Ava wanted to wear Alexia's. You let Ava wear one of the old shirts Alexia gave you at the beginning of your relationship with her. While with Lucia, you basically forced her to wear a Spain shirt with your name on it, claiming that "You have to wear the shirt of your favorite player, and you are lucky enough that you live with her." You loved teasing Lucia about the fact that you were her favorite player, and loved even more her annoyed reactions.

The two girls looked too cute, making your heart swell. So you posted a story on your Instagram showing the two backs of the shirts and the tv behind, with no caption. You still had to wait for everybody to come when you received a text from Alexia. 

'Love the fits ;).'

You reply almost instantly, with your fingers trembling, as it was the first time you spoke to her since she left that night. 'They look so cute in it!'

‘I still don't know how you convinced Lucia to wear one of your jerseys, though…’

‘Long story’ You simply reply. This conversation confused you, as she wanted to keep talking to you. At the same time, she was the one that wanted a break, but you kept on replying to her, as you really missed talking to her. 

'You'll tell me when I get back?'

You are about to reply when you hear a knock on the door, so you leave your phone on the table in your living room and go to the door. Mapi, Sandra Paños, Patri, and Claudia quickly enter your home, clearly looking for something.

"Nice picture you put up on your insta." Mapi remarks, "People are going to ask why you have two kids on your story and why you were watching a Spain game when you were part of the 15 people that refused to participate in the selecciòn."

"Make them talk about the kids; I'll discuss everything with Lucia in the future. And for the story, I'll just say it was in support of Alexia and nothing more, which is true." You explain to your best friend. 

"So, where are the kids?" Sandra, the goalkeeper, asks you.

"They are in the living room."

After your teammates meet the two girls, you all order pizza and wait for the game to start. 

You picked up your phone and saw that Alexia sent two other texts to you.

'Wish me luck (luck-clover emoji).'

'I miss you.'

You released a shaky exhale and decided not to reply; it was hurting you too much to respond to any of it. It was unfair of her to send you that last text, and it wasn't fair to you to reply.

During the game, when Alexia did something remarkable, as always, your friends, who were clueless about your break with her, would always make little comments about her and you, which you would shrug off, but Mapi and Lucia immediately understood that they were making you a little sad.

Spain managed to win that game by a very narrow margin. 1-0. You knew that they could've won by much more. You could see that by how they played, something was missing. Alexia's performance was clearly below her average, which made you low-key very worried. You see them return to the changing room, and then you switch off the tv. All the people in the room began talking and joking with one another, mainly focusing on the two kids that you had in your home; okay, a kid and a teenager, but for you, Lucia will always be a kid.

After a while, you receive another text from Alexia, making you feel bad that you weren't replying to them. Which she wrote

'You all were right about Jorge. I should have stayed home.'

You reply to this text, saying, 'I'm sorry, Alexia. He's an asshole.'

What actually had shaken you up from the text wasn't the fact that Jorge probably verbally abused many of your friends and teammates from your national team, which still made you angry as shit, but actually was that she said that she should have stayed home. Was she saying that she regretted going to the World Cup? Or was she regretting leaving you? 

Mapi realized you were having inner turmoil and dragged you to your kitchen, asking what was happening. You showed her your phone, and she looked at you surprised.

"Since when has she been texting you?"

"Since today." You put away your phone, "I just don't get what she is doing. What she wants from me. And I know for sure that she is going through worse than me. But this is fucking torture, and the worse thing is that she doesn't even realize it."

Mapi didn't have the time to reply that a very tired Ava came to the kitchen searching for you.

"Mo-, Y/n, I'm tired."

"Do you want to get to bed?" You ask her smiling as you know the subsequent request that she will make. Over the weeks that she stayed at your home, you started giving her piggyback rides to the bed, making her fall into her bed, earning a laugh from her. Then you would tuck her bed sheets, giving her a good night.

She slowly nods, raising her arms and making grabby hands. You chuckle at her and turn around, waiting for her to jump on your back.

You put her to bed, give her goodnight with a kiss on the forehead, and return to the chaos in the living room.

You found your teammates and Lucia outside in your garden, sat down on the couches, actively talking about random stuff that you didn't even want to know about. You went out and sat down next to Lucia and took part in the conversations that were happening.

"Now Lucia, I have a really important question for you." Sandra begins, making the young girls sit up straight, a little worried. "How's living with Y/n?" Making all the people at the table chuckle apart from you. "I ask you this because when this woman here moved in with Alexia, we were really worried for Nala. And also because she has never once made a plant live for at least more than a week."

"Okay, this statement is very wrong. A, I am a great dog mom, Nala loves me, and B, I only ever owned one plant, and I hate taking care of them." You say, clearly, nobody was listening to you but were waiting for Lucia's answer.

"Honestly, she has been very good to us." She replies shyly. "She took us in when nobody asked her to, and honestly, she has been more of a mom to me this past month than my mother has ever been in sixteen years."

You look at her, eyes watering, really shocked about her statement. You give her a small smile, "Stop it, you will make me cry." You chuckle while removing with your fingers the tears forming in your eyes.

"Who would've thought that Y/n was such a softie!" Claudia teases you while you give her a deadly stare.

"Shut up, Claudia." The other girls at the table chuckle softly, then you turn to Lucia, "I'm really happy you feel that way." You hug her, and you give her a small kiss on the temple.

"If you will excuse me, I'm going to bed now; remember that tomorrow we have training." She reminds you, you slowly nod at her, and then she turns to your teammates, "It was so nice meeting you all; I hope I'll see you again sometime. Good night." All your teammates say goodnight to her, and as soon as she leaves for her bedroom, they turn to you.

"That revelation must have hit you like a ton of bricks." Mapi jokes.

"Oh, you don't even know. I wasn't expecting her to say that; she's not the kind of girl who likes to 'speak her feelings.' But it was a nice surprise."

"They are good kids, really kind and smart. You must be so proud of them." Patri speaks up.

"I am. Ava is so smart and sneaky, you don't even know. Whereas Lucia she's a really good kid, she will be playing for Barcelona B this season. I'm so proud of her; she'll surely be our team's future." 

You say proudly as if you were speaking about your own kids, which slowly you realized that as time progressed, those two kids became so much part of your life that now you couldn't see yourself without them. For you, they were your kids, but you knew that it wasn't right to both of them for you to call them that, they already had a mom, and you didn't want to make them feel like you were replacing her.

"And with Alexia? How are they getting along with her?"

"Oh great! The younger one has her wrapped around her little finger. You all know how Alexia is with kids. Ava found out how she can make her say yes to everything she wants, so that's that. Whereas with Lucia, they bonded over football and dogs."

"You all look like a happy family."

"Yeah, I guess." You chuckle sadly, trying to keep up the façade that you and Alexia were still together.

After approximately half an hour, all your guests left, leaving you alone in the house, wallowing in your pit of misery. You were so happy that Lucia told you what she had told you, and there was only one person that you wanted to tell, Alexia. But you couldn't, and that realization left you helpless.

You go to your bed, which had been half undone since Alexia left, and you lay on it, still smelling her perfume from her pillow. You really missed her. So damn much. 

You turned on your phone one last time before going to sleep. As Mapi predicted, you received many comments about the two kids and why you were watching the Spain game, but what worried you was your agent, who texted you.

'Call me as soon as possible. I don't care if it's midnight."

You decide to call him immediately, hoping he wouldn't pick up. He picked up, telling you how the story you put on Instagram makes many people ask questions, making you roll your eyes.

-

The next day you wake up after approximately two hours of  tossing and turning in your bed, and go downstairs to your kitchen; you give Nala something to eat and make her go outside. You prepare coffee for yourself and wait for the girls to wake up. 

You were scrolling through your phone when Lucia and Ava came to the kitchen for breakfast. Fortunately, after more than a month, since they moved in, you managed to get something to eat for them for breakfast, so you didn't have to go to your brother's place every day.

Lucia sat at the chair next to you while Ava tried to sit on the kitchen countertop, as she saw you many times sit there, but she couldn't because she was too short, but she wouldn't surrender. So you chuckled, then picked her up and put her where she wanted to sit.

"What are you doing?" Lucia asks, trying to peek at your phone.

"Did you open my Instagram yesterday?" You ask her.

"You might be one of my idols, but I don't stalk you on Instagram; I already live with you." She threw her hands up.

"Look at my story." You push her phone to her hands, and she picks it up and goes on Instagram.

"Wait, this is us!" She says, smiling shyly. Ava snatches her phone from her sister to see the picture, making the owner of the phone grunt from irritation, the older girl tries to physically take back the phone, making them have a small fight.

"Okay, girls, it's nearly nine a.m.; it's too early for this type of physicality. Ava, give back the phone to your sister." The little girl huffs and reluctantly gives the phone back.

"So, what is the problem with this picture?"

"People are asking who are the kids in the picture, so I thought I would post about it to get my agent off my back. Is it okay for you? I chose a picture in which you can't see your faces, so you won't have any problems." You reassure the older girl, showing the picture on the phone. 

It was one of the first pictures you took together. The first one, Alexia, took it, and it was the first time you hung out together, all four of you. Ava was very tired and fell asleep on you; Alexia took a picture and sent it to you the day after. You couldn't see the sound girl's face in it, but it was evident she was a child. 

The second one instead was a picture of you and Lucia playing football, you didn't remember who took it, but it appeared on your phone. You fell in love with the photo right away. You were possessing the ball, and Lucia was trying to take it away from you, but you were pushing her away laughing. When you saw both pictures, they became your top three favorite pictures of all time. 

The third picture being with you and Alexia you took when you won your first Champion's League together. You had just started dating and thought you couldn't be happier at that moment, but boy, you were wrong.

"I love them." Lucia simply says, nodding. 

"I don't like my picture!" Ava says, crossing her arms on her chest and pouting.

You chuckle at her antics, "What do you have against it? It's cute!"

"It's not cute! I'm sleeping." 

"Okay, why don't you decide the picture." You offer, giving you her phone, on the album where you kept all the pictures with the girls.

She casually lands on a picture you took of her and Alexia petting Nala, which you thought was beautiful and sad. Making you rethink your life choices again in the past month.

"I want to put this." She says, giving you back the phone.  

"I'll think about it." You give her a smile, then go back to preparing breakfast for them, thinking you'll finish the post that night.

That day, you had a lot of things to do. One is enrolling Ava in an elementary school and then bringing Lucia to the pitch to help her train for the season. You decided to multitask. You took Lucia to the pitch, then left for the school with Ava, and then you'd leave her with Nico and then go back to the pitch to Lucia so that you could train for preseason in Mexico.

Needless to say was that when you got home, you were exhausted. After the tough training that you and Lucia just endured, you both decided to shower then the both of you found yourself lying frozen on the couch with the AC on, waiting for Nico and Ava to come back home to dinner.

—

Fast forward to three weeks, and you still had to do the post; you opted out of it because you thought the pictures were great, but you knew something was missing: Alexia. How could you post about your family when a huge part of it was missing? So you decided not to post anything, hoping she'll return to you. 

You were all now watching the Spain game against the US. The same at your house for the Panama game was again at your home. Spain barely got out of the group stage, with all the players clearly missing the spark they usually had. Matches with the US have always been challenging games; they were 4-time world champions for a reason, but more than that, the majority of the players in the USWNT played in the US, so you weren't even used to playing with them in a club. 

Needless to say, Spain lost that game badly. Jorge was fuming. You could see it from the screen. He would scream at his team at any time, especially with Alexia, making you extremely worried. Alexia didn't deserve it; nobody did. He was acting irrationally for the world to see how bad of a manager he actually was. 

The US team was over the moon when the final whistle blew, whereas Spain was shattered. They were all on the ground with their hands covering their faces. Then Alex Morgan walked towards your ex-girlfriend, picked her up from the ground, and gave her a small pat on the back for encouragement. It really hurt seeing the love of your life this hurt and distraught. 

You see her go to get water near the bleachers, then the camera frame Aitana Bonmatì, which she was too standing up, but then you see her begin running. The camera changes the frame again, and you see where Aitana is running to. Alexia was drinking from a Gatorade bottle, and Jorge approached her. He snatched it harshly away from her and began talking angrily at her. You couldn't hear what they were saying to each other.

Still, you knew Alexia wasn't having any of it, chuckling sarcastically and shaking her head. He reacted by grabbing her by the arm. In the meantime, many of your Spanish teammates that have seen the scene unveiling, ran up to their captain, trying to make him take his hands off her. Ona even forcefully removed his hand from Alexia's arm, giving him a death stare. As she saw her teammates swarm her and their trainer, Alexia put a hand on Ona and Aitana, trying to stop them from doing something stupid. At the same time, Jorge kept screaming at all of them. 

You and your Barça teammates were watching the scene on TV and looking at each other worried. You were frozen and scared, hoping that things wouldn't go sideways than they already were. FIFA was about to intervene when Jorge just finished screaming when Alexia shook her head and left the pitch, practically stomping. The game's broadcasting went to the ads, and you all looked at each other.

"What the fuck just happened?" Map was the first to speak, all turning to her while you still stared at the screen. Many voices were talking one on top of the other, but you closed them out, trying to think about your next step. You knew that if their interaction had lasted more than it did, you would've probably already been at the airport.

What brought you away from your spiral of thoughts was Ava calling out your name. This made you snap out of your trance and realize that also Ava and Lucia probably saw the same thing as you and many other kids around the world. 

You went before her and then kneeled so she wouldn't have to raise her head too much.

"Y/n, why was the coach screaming at Alexia?" She asks worriedly with her head down.

You didn't know what to say to her; you couldn't possibly say that Jorge was an asshole who couldn't interact appropriately even on a worldwide broadcast.

"You know, when a person is sad and angry, they sometimes take it out on others even though they don't deserve it. That's what happened, even though you should never have your feelings out of control." She nods understandingly while you gently take her sides, "Now, why don't we go outside and get ice cream together?" She nods excitingly. "I have to make a phone call now. Can you stay with Mapi until I am back?" You look at your best friend; she gives you a slight nod, then turns her attention to the younger girl. 

You go to your room, and the first thing you do is call Alexia. It goes to voice mail. And even though you hate leaving voicemails, you do.

"Hi Alexia, it's me, Y/n. I think you probably know that already. I saw the game today. I'm trying to say that please call back as soon as possible, or even just text me to let me know you are okay. And I know we're on a break, so I must give you space. But just please let me know if you are okay. I love you." You say, probably holding your phone too tightly, trying your best to find the right words.

Then you text Alba, which you haven't heard from her since the day she called you.

'Hey, Alba. I know that you are in New Zealand right now. I just wanted to ask you if you had heard anything about Alexia. Is she okay?'

Then you send a text again to Alexia. 'I saw the game today. Can you call me when you get this text, please? Or if you don't want to call, just tell me you are okay.'

Then you took a big breath to ground yourself. You told yourself to put your concern for Alexia in little boxes in the back of your brain. You had to be strong for Ava and Lucia. 

You went downstairs to the girls and found your house empty, only Mapi and your kids.

You give the woman a puzzled look. "They left about two minutes ago. And the kids are outside playing with Nala. Did you manage to get a hold of Alexia?"

You shake your head. "I send her a text, and Alba too. I really hope that she's okay. That interaction looked like a lot. And for the whole team to intervene seemed like he was saying some hurtful stuff."

"I sent a text to Aitana to ask her what was going on. She told me that some hurtful personal stuff was said to Alexia. They haven't seen her since then."

"I mean, should I be worried? I know that we aren't on talking terms right now, but she is still someone I still care very much about."

"It's okay to worry about her. I know for sure that she won't be MIA for much long."

"Thank you for taking care of the kids, I'm sorry I left in such a hurry, but I had to make the phone call, ya know."

"If it were Ingrid, and I was in your place, I would've probably done worse." Her confession made you chuckle. 

"So, ice cream? You don't have to come if you don't want to." 

"Of course, I'm coming! I still have to beat Nico for top place as aunt/uncle!"

"You are an idiot." You say, laughing. 

You go outside and call the two girls; Ava goes straight past you to Mapi, whereas Lucia, Shows you the thumbs up and asks you, "You okay?". You nod, giving her a weak shoulder pat, making her enter the house.

Every ten minutes, you would check your phone in the hopes of notification of Alexia, but it was useless. Good thing that Mapi was there, keeping the kids busy. 

You were taking a walk when Alba called you. 

"I'm sorry I have to take this." Your mouth to the defender that it was Alba and move away from the three girls.

"Hi Alba, how are you?"

"I'm good; we are about to go back to Spain. Tomorrow we have the flight."

"Say hi to Eli from me, okay?"

"Oh no, she told me to pass you the phone when we are done talking. What are you doing?" Even though you have known Alexia's mom, she has always been scary to you, especially when Alexia was on the line.. 

"I took the kids for some ice cream with Mapi. Right now, they wandered off, probably looking at some squirrel." You chuckle, smiling at the thought. "Have you heard from Alexia?"

"Nope, she didn't even call mamá. But strangely, she is not that worried. I think she knows where she went."

"At least one of us knows." You say hopefully.

"Mamá wants to talk to you," Alba says, passing the phone to her mom. 

"Y/n, how are you?"

"I'm good, Eli. How's New Zealand?"

"New Zealand is nice, but Barcelona is better."

"No doubts about that." You chuckle, agreeing.

"How are the kids? Are they behaving well?"

"They are wonderful; you should come to dinner as soon as you get back." You say politely.

"Now, I know you love my daughter very much, right?" She asks you authoritatively, making you subconsciously make your back straighter.

"Yes, I do very much."

"When she'll come back to you because she will. Make her work for it." Your face turns into a weird and confused expression. "You two are perfect for each other and complement each other perfectly. That is why I gave you my blessing to propose to her a year ago. But when my child comes to her senses and apologizes to you, if you want her back, which I really hope you do, make her earn it."

"I will." You say, chuckling. "I'll make her sweat a little."

"Good. Now I'll let you get back at it with the kids. Give them a hug from me. And take care of yourself, with ya?"

"I will. Have a safe flight."

-

The rest of the day and the next day passed on rather quickly. You were still worried, but somehow, after the call with Alexia's mom, you were worried less. You knew she was a nearly 30-year-old independent woman; she could care for herself. 

It was approximately 11 pm. You had just put Ava to bed, and Lucia was already to bed, ‘Claiming’ that she was tired. You thought she was hiding something from you, but you weren't worried about that. When she is ready, she will tell you. At least, you hoped. 

Alone in your house, you wondered if this was like rich housewives felt when they waited for their husbands to come home, except that you didn't have a man, nor a woman, for that matter. 

So, willing to get the whole desperate housewife experience, you decided to do the most typical thing they could do. Which was pouring yourself a glass of wine or two and hoping for the best. 

You tried to find the cheapest bottle in your kitchen and opened it immediately; as you were about to put the wine in the glass, you heard an insistent knock on the door. You checked your time and wondered who in their right mind would knock at someone's door at past 11 pm.

You go to the door and open it.

"Alexia?"

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Good Omens incorrect quotes:

Aziraphale: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.

Crowley, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

~

Aziraphale: Violence isn't the answer.

Crowley: You’re right.

Aziraphale: *sighs in relief*

Crowley: Violence is the question.

Aziraphale: What?

Crowley, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Aziraphale, running after them: NO-

~

Aziraphale: Do you take constructive criticism?

Crowley: I only take cash or credit.

~

Aziraphale: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Crowley: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

~

Aziraphale: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Crowley: What did you do?

Aziraphale: Nobody died.

Crowley: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

~

Aziraphale: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Crowley: Killed without hesitation.

Aziraphale: No.

~

*how season 3 should start*

Aziraphale: Top 30 reasons why Aziraphale is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!

Crowley: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

~

Crowley: You're right.

Aziraphale: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

~

Beelzebub: I’m going to take you out

Gabriel: great, it’s a date!

Beelzebub: I meant that as a threat.

Gabriel: See you at five!

~

Crowley: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.

*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*

Gabriel: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.

~

Beelzebub: I made tea.

Crowley: I don’t want tea.

Beelzebub: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Crowley: Then why are you telling me?

Beelzebub: It is a conversation starter.

Crowley: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Beelzebub: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

~

Aziraphale: This is bothering me.

Crowley: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Aziraphale: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.

~

Aziraphale: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?

Gabriel, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons

Aziraphale:

Aziraphale: fsh

~

Crowley: God, give me patience.

Gabriel: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Crowley: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

~

Aziraphale: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.

Crowley: That's why I carry two swords.

~

Gabriel: So what’s for dinner?

Beelzebub, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.

~

Muriel: Why are you on the floor?

Crowley: I'm depressed.

Crowley: Also I was stabbed, can you get Aziraphale, please.

~

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Fell please come to the front desk?

Aziraphale, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Crowley and Muriel

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Crowley and Muriel, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Aziraphale: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

~

Muriel: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Crowley: The cow???

Muriel: What?

Aziraphale: Crowley, W H Y?

~

Aziraphale: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Crowley?

Crowley: … No.

Muriel: I do!

Aziraphale: I know, Muriel.

Muriel: I’m sad!

Aziraphale: I know, Muriel.

~

Muriel: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Crowley: The car takes a screenshot.

Aziraphale: For the last time, get the fuck out.

~

Crowley: Aziraphale and I don’t use pet names.

Nina: I see. Hey, what are those things with the halos called again??

Crowley: Angel?

Aziraphale: Yes, dear?

Crowley:

Nina: Don't ever lie to my face again.

~

Muriel: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.

Crowley: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Aziraphale isn’t

~

Aziraphale: We need a distraction.

Crowley: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Muriel, whispering: My time has come

~

Aziraphale: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

Muriel: Okay, but in my defense, Mr. Crowley bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Aziraphale: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

~

Aziraphale: Crowley, keep an eye on Gabriel today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Crowley: Sure, I’d love to see Gabriel get punched.

Aziraphale: Try again.

Crowley, sighing: I will stop Gabriel from getting punched.

~

Maggie: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Crowley: I'm a knife.

Aziraphale, from across the room: They're the little spoon.

~

Aziraphale, driving Crowley and Muriel: So how was your day?

Muriel: We almost got surprise adopted!

Aziraphale: What?

Crowley: We almost got kidnapped.

Aziraphale: Oh, okay.

Aziraphale: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?

~

Aziraphale: You have to apologize to Gabriel

Crowley: Fine.

Crowley: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

~

Crowley: Hey angel,

Aziraphale: Yes?

Crowley: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Aziraphale:

Aziraphale: Where’s Gabriel?

~

Aziraphale: WHY. why did you give Muriel a KNIFE?!

Crowley: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.

Aziraphale: Now I feel unsafe!

Crowley: I’m sorry.

Crowley: ... would you like a knife?

~

Muriel: Hey, Mr. Crowley? Can I get some dating advice?

Crowley: Just because I’m with Aziraphale doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

~

Aziraphale: Crowley and I are having a baby.

Muriel: That's gre-

Aziraphale, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

~

Muriel: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Crowley: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Aziraphale: In that case, we're definitely lost

~

Muriel: What do you think Mr. Crowley will do for a distraction?

Aziraphale: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Aziraphale: ... or they could do that.

~

Aziraphale: I trust Crowley.

Muriel: You think they know what they're doing?

Aziraphale: I wouldn't go that far.

~

Aziraphale: While I’m gone, Muriel, you’re in charge.

Muriel: Yes!!!

Aziraphale, whispering: Crowley, you’re secretly in charge.

Crowley: Obviously.

~

Aziraphale: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Crowley: *turning to Gabriel* How tall are you?

[noones-untruly]

Your bitch is watching the second season of Blood of Zeus and lemme tell you, I don't like it. At least the very first 10 minutes. As I did previously, imma put here all of my thoughts regarding each episode as I watch, so beware of MASSIVE SPOILERS.

Also, small disclaimer: I'm not a professional writer, nor a movie critic. So everything here is my pure humble opinion so if you don't like it - don't read it.

So without further ado:

Episode 1:

Gods, it's been 10 minutes and half of the visuals (if not more) are just parts of the final episode of the first season. And also the plot didn't really moved past the point "yeah, Hades is the bbeg. Again." Although I sense some bits that it's more like "oh he's a misunderstood guy who did it all for love and whatnot" but the line of "Hera and Zeus made us fools and now we get to have our revenge" is already pissing me off. 10 minutes of almost nothing but being cliché. Not a good start, but imma give it a shot.

Another thing that irritates me is the "romantic" tension between Alexia and Heron. First of all, I don't get it how Heron is so good at fighting despite the fact that he lived with his mother and never really had to fight anyone with a sword. Like I get the arrows and such (tho hunting an animal in a forest and shooting a moving fucking warrior on a bloody battlefield seem kinda different, but aight, I'll let it slide). But how in the fuck after a few days-weeks of training with Zeus he manages to be so fucking op in the battle that it impresses an Amazonian Fucking Warrior Lady that spent at least half her life perfecting her martial skills?? This guy was not a warrior to begin with, how is he so good at killing people and demons?? He was BULLIED AND HAD NO ONE TO TEACH HIM KICK BALLS! So anyways, I don't like that it's implied that Alexia is falling in love with Heron. No, she's a powerful ass Amazonian, she's supposed to be COOL AND NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS WIBBLY WOBBLY HERON THAT HADN'T EVEN LIVED FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS!!! Like, c'mon, how old is he? 17? 18? He maybe has a body of a perfect athlete, but he's a fucking baby... And don't tell me Alexia is below 20, she's in her late 20's AT LEAST, cuz ain't no way a 20 year old is commanding an elite squad in ancient Greece. So no to Heron×Alexia. Not on my watch.

Also, what the fuck is elusinian stone and why are we supposed to care whether Hades gets it not?

What the fuck did they do to Hestia's and Athena's designs?? Like what the honest fuck is this bullshit?? Who do winged dead eating demons look more interesting that obviously very important characters?? Also, the scream Hestia lets out burning the demons away from her 💀💀💀

NO, NOT THE PROPHECY TROPE, PLEASE, NO

Why does Gaia look like she stepped out of a marvel movie...?

Episode 2:

Alexia, girl, why are you sleeping in full armour?? Also what happened to your face??

Heron, what happened to your face?? Did they ever give proper character references to the animators??

Also, why is Heron having a mental breakdown over some noname bro that killed their mother??

Bro, why are you so suddenly questioning gods?? (Ye, he should question who the fuck these gods are to rule over humanity, but it's smth he was supposed to do in the previous season, not now when he beat the shit out of his step brother in the name of gods)

Yay, my babygirl Seraphim is still here, serving cunt as usual 💖 And fuck yeah, eternal judgement >> serving gods!! Slay babe! (I am kinda ashamed for this passage, but I won't apologise for it)

Bitch what. A love interest? FOR MY MURDEROUS VENGEANCE LED BABYGIRL?? ARE Y'ALL KIDDING ME??

WHY DID YOU SPIT LIKE THIS?? PEOPLE DON'T SPIT LIKE THIS, SWEETIE. DEMONS TOO BY THE WAY

Ok, I understand the lack of colours for Hades, he is kinda gothic, but why is Persephone such a goth chick?? She's the goddess of spring and such no?? Why'd she wear black fucking lipstick and look like a depressed teen??

What in the Hades the game is this?? Listen, I didn't want to bring the game into this discussion, but you did it yourself, netflix. Y'all are not ready to be compared to the supergiants' masterpiece. Don't drag Zag and Melinoë into this, y'all are not on the same level of deepness into the greek mythology to have them here.

Seriously? The same punishment as Loki? Y'all ain't even creative. Don't tell me this bitch lover of Sera is gonna stay there with a cup to "help with the pain"

Bro, stop it already with y'all's "well I've always tried to help you, I'm not like the others" it's not gonna cut it anymore

So like, Hades was very hot and you redesigned him into edge lord? Ok.

Ah, so now you explain us about the elusinian stone and why it's so important, at the end of the 2nd episode? Thanks, cool.

Episode 3

Apollo is still serving. By now you should see the pattern of what men I like.

Drop it with the love interest for Seraphim already. I don't believe that a murder machine like him is able to fall for a simple mortal woman. Like this fuck would even care for anything else than his revenge. Well, tbh I didn't believe that he'd care for his biological mother either, so... I just don't like how they portrait him as a weak for love bud. Isn't that a bit unrealistic for a mass murderer with no empathy? Like ain't one supposed to be empathetic to love? Ain't one supposed to feel nothing when killing a shit load of people with no remorse whatsoever? Isn't there some psychological repercussions? No? Ok.

Lmao, suicidal Hades is something new.

Yeah, ofc, let's make Hades seem like a creep again...

Is that weird that I'm more attracted to the demon Seraphim more than to his human form?

Honestly, I'm so tired of media portraying Hera and Demeter as hysterical bitches that know no boundaries. Like come up with something new.

Lol, Hades just made my man enter into an invisible wall to make the wall disappear a second after.

Aren't you supposed to win over his trust? For now you're just venting about your shit ass family to a man that has no family at all. Not very kind tbh

"Look at her! Look at how she suffers!" Meanwhile the girl is just sitting on the ground bumboozeled that the god of the dead and some hot demon guy are looking at her talking some nonsense.

Why, of course she's not gonna suffer ugly like the other wraiths, she's the main hero's love interest, so that's why she looks like she's on some heavy tranquilizers

Yes, of course the prideful demon Seraphim, the murderer of guilty and innocent, the vengeful spirit will succumb to be a pawn in god's hands once again, only to alleviate the suffering of the soul of his beloved! What a bunch of horseshit, guys... I may be delusional enough to be attracted to that man and call him babygirl, but even I understand that this fuck is incapable of love. This isn't his character, it was done to just make him into the "good guy that was just too miserable so he caused a lot of pain to the others". Let's be fair for a sec here, he's a mass murderer, he deserves no forgiveness. Yes, he can be redeemed, but it's a long fucking process, that doesn't always include forgiveness, but a shit load of work and reflection. And therapy. Hades could've "tempt" him to join forces by manipulating his pride and desire to be free, to be above gods. Not love. Love can be ugly, love can be beautiful, love can be an instrument to redeem someone, but by gods, stop using it on every Joe to make him into hero, it's just stupid.

Sera, why are you so easy to manipulate??

Episode 4:

NOOOO, WHY DID YOU TURN HIM HUMAN AGAIN?? BRING BACK THE DEMON LOOK, IT WAS SO GOOOOD!!!

Off topic, but wasn't heron impaled in the middle of his chest? Why's the scar on his tit?

I can't, Aphrodite clinging to Ares's arm 😭😭😭 Stop with itttt!

Okok, one good thing: I like how in the games Heron is drawn to always be in Ares's shadow. A bit on the nose, but I appreciate the symbolism.

Apollo's refusing to compete with Ares?? Apollo?! You're making me laugh.

There's this background god with blueish skin and black wings and I cannot, who are they?? I have to know whom I'm falling for. Is that Thanatos??

Hm, so half the season is wasted on some weird intro to the story itself? Cool. Wow. Never seen that happen.

Episode 5:

You serious? The mighty Zeus, the king of gods, is judged by mere mortals? The pure-blood god, not a bastard child ascended to godhood, but the child of Rhea and Kronos, is judged by some mortal and has to go through the same path as any other human?? Y'all aren't serious. I can't. This is idiotic.

Hera, I don't believe you, that now, all of the sudden you're changing your mind and vouching for Zeus, that he's not that bad. Girl, you unleashed a whole ass box of giants to kill that man just a few weeks ago, why such sudden change of mind??

Zeus, how in the fuck you managed to build a whole ass knowledge bunker under that shabby house of your son without anyone noticing?? Please, share the secret, I also want to be capable of that

Greatest quote of the greatest man in these series, Evios: "Look, I'm alive for two reasons: I was born and I hadn't died yet."

Oke, I can understand why Sera might've fallen for the priestess in a normal situation (if he hadn't been fucked up beyond repair, that is). She's smart, she's beautiful, she's compassionate. A perfect woman, if she had any character to her. But my man is, unfortunately, beyond salvation of any kind, when he met her, he wasn't recovering from the hatred, he was driven by it. How can one love another, when one is fueled by hatred and anger? How can one love, when one had long forgotten what is it to be loved? How can one love, when one is no longer feeling?

Episode 6:

I suddenly like the Heron's arc. Is he gaining some depth to his character? Wow.

Lmao, Sera, you fell from gods know what height and you're still in one piece and not smushed into the ground and around? You are a solid rock of a man.

Ok, maybe Sera is slay in his human form. It's just that he needs to be dressed appropriately. Stop walking around with tits out in and wearing this stupid furry mini skirt and he's looking like a decent man.

Icarus?? Sera, choose another pseudonym, this ain't a good one.

Honestly, I'm kinda digging all that "Demeter, the great mastermind " vibe. Slay queen! Love it for her. She's a bitch in this scenario, but damn she's good at it.

Episode 7:

Y'all, I'm in love with Demeter. This bitch? The bitchiest of them all. Slay 💅

Alexia, girl, how did you survive Talos exploding?? You demigod too? And that big fella who's name wasn't mentioned once this season is he also the same or just explosion-proof?

Ah, yes, his name is Kofi. Could've guessed.

Bruh, you've already done Alexia wrong in this season, why open her character like that in under a minute?? 😭 Opened and immediately closed. Feels like "That's rough, buddy" from Zuko but make it lvl 99 of idgf

And now you're Nobody?? Babe, you decided to fuck with mythology, didn't you? Bad idea.

Also, hadn't Kronos had another design in the beginning, no? Then who was that cosmos looking titan in the beginning?

Wait a moment. Does Sera classify as a demigod? Like, he is partially giant, cuz he ate flesh of one. And he possesses a ton of demigod-like qualities. Could it be that he's the prophecy demigod? Meh, I'm too lazy to look for the prophecy to compare it and actually find out. Will see in a moment what happens.

Episode 8 (finally):

Sera is getting sexier with each challenge.

Heron, surprisingly, is too, getting more attractive.

I absolutely hate Gaia's design. Disgusting.

Lmao, I was right, there's a possibility for Sera to be the prophecy child.

Oh my, are you serious, Hera is a pacifist now?? Y'all are crazy.

This is just a massive slaughter house at this point, gods, what the fuck.

Aw, the brothers are helping eachother in this butchery, how cute.

Heron, chill your ass, you're about to explode.

Btw, where's Evios? And that interesting associate of his.

So, what's that terrible horrible monster whose name we do not say?

Oops, someone pissed off the primordial Gaia. Y'all are fucked. Btw his name's Typhoon. Meh.

In conclusion:

The majority of the script is shite. Some (almost all) of the arcs can be done so much better. Designs suck an ass too. But did I enjoy watching it? Yes. Is it because of Seraphim? Primarily so. But will I wait for the 3rd season? Absolutely yes.

So I loved and hated the show at the same time. The main line is quite interesting nevertheless, so see y'all when the 3rd season is out.

I have a shit load of stuff to say on addition, but this post is long enough in it self, so maybe later.

[notoriousbeb]

Lighthouse Keeper Tweets

Part Two: November 2023 - January 2024

Back to Part One

Nov. 3, 2023 8:30 a.m. GMT

“And everything I love about you I shelve and store in my museum of the home.”

This is sweet. Same day, H is pictured in Vancouver with TR.

Nov. 9, 2023 4:40 p.m. GMT

“We will be reborn.”

TS plays TVFN and Labyrinth and wears Satellite stompers. Harry and TR in Vegas at Sphere for U2.

Nov. 14, 2023 4:15 p.m. BST

“Saint Venerius guide me true from heaven above to tidal blue”

Nov. 20, 2023 12:30 a.m.

“Seasons don't fear the reaper, nor do the wind, the sun or the rain”

These are lyrics from “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult. Now, I know the lyrics to this one are about joint suicide and they’re depressing as hell, but I dig it because this song is my jam. Baby, I’m your maaaaannnn. La, la la la la. Anyways…suffice it to say. LK is up late and not doing great. On this date, Tay played “So It Goes…” And someone leaked “I’m Not Happy” (gee, whoever could it have been?!) on 11/21, “Pop Tart” on 11/22 and “Super Pretty” on 11/26.

Nov. 25, 2023 9 p.m. BST

“Singing if it’s meant to be then it’ll be I forgive it all as it comes back to me”

These are lyrics from Ethel Cain’s “Sun Bleached Flies.” In his replies, LK also makes it known that he loves “A House in Nebraska” by Ethel Cain, which has similar vibes. I love the line “I’ll forgive it all.” I hope that’s true for both of them. Another key lyric, the last in the song, is “it’s all I know and it’s all I want now.” Also, someone asked LK what he dreamed about and he said, “I was front row at a very empty concert, and then was running around the back of an empty stadium! Was very bizarre.” Not that I can make heads or tails of this, I just thought it was interesting and something a pop star would dream about versus a normie.

Nov. 28, 2023 12:45 a.m. BST

“To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.”

I've already posted about this one. Also, this is a Pride and Prejudice quote. Do I think H has read it? Maybe probably. Do I think he’s seen the Keira Knightly movie adaptation? 100%.

Dec. 3, 2023 6:15 p.m. BST

“What a sight for sore eyes”

Home for the holidays early? Maybe in Italy already?

Dec. 13, 2023 9:30 p.m. BST

“You can arm yourself with stolen lines, pretty chains and fancy wines, you can flick through magazines, and get your hair cut from the movie scenes, happy so it seems, but we both know.”

These are lyrics from “Juice” by Mount Zooka a band from Bristol. Obviously, this was Taylor’s birthday. Imma go out on a limb here and say mans was feeling some kind of way. Also, on this day, “Jesus Christ, Happy New Year” leaks. So.

Dec. 19, 2023 2 a.m. BST

“I’ve bitten my tongue until I’ve learned to like the taste of my own blood.”

This is after rumors were roiling post 12/13 that Taylor was engaged because of the ring from Keleigh Teller (before Keleigh shut them down on 12/21). Dude. Stop biting your tongue then and just say something.

Jan. 1, 2024 3 p.m. BST

“Let me lay dormant in the haze…”

That’s one way to ring in the new year.

Jan. 9, 2023 5:30 p.m. BST

“I'm not afraid of being the one with the ace card 'cause I'm just like everybody else. I leave my door closed shut in case you come trying to kick it down.”

These are lyrics from “Freight Yard” by The Garden This is either the day or the day before he leaves for the Caribbean with TR and others (Jeff, I believe). This is an angry-ass song. Interestingly, there are zero loved-up pics captured on this trip. And there are a whopping 17 HS leaks this day. Then more leaks on 1/6. Are the leaks the ace card? Did he not want to go on this trip? Afterwards, Harry is in LA from 1/6-16.

Jan. 14, 2023 7:45 p.m. BST

“I met you in my dream and I didn’t say a word, but we know who we were, and that was enough.”

This is so bittersweet. Also, it reminds of that line from "Sad, Beautiful, Tragic:" "In dreams, I meet you in warm conversation. We both wake in lonely beds, different cities."

Jan. 19, 2023 - 11:45 p.m. BST

"Red crosses on wooden doors. And if you float you burn. Loose talk around tables. Abandon all reason."

These are lyrics from Radiohead’s “Burn the Witches.” On this day, a photo of TR with Jeff Azoff at HS’s 6/13 Wembley show surfaced.

Jan. 23, 2023 11:45 p.m. BST

“Oh you’ve got some stitches and babe I need some fixing.”

At this time, both TS and HS were dealing with their respective stalkers.

Jan. 29, 2023 11:15 p.m. BST

“But she can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool. And she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree. And the most she will do is throw shadows at you. But she's always a woman to me.”

These are lyrics from Billy Joel’s “She’s Always a Woman.” On this day, deepfake images of a nude Taylor Swift went viral on Twitter.

Ahead to Part Three

[bisexualcoltseavers]

i love you, i hate you

TW: Homophobia/biphobia, homophobic slurs, past child abuse, religious trauma, alcoholism, allusions to PTSD, mentions of depression

--

Colt hates December.

The Decembers of adulthood are a far cry from those of the latter half of his childhood and his teenage years. The harsh, biting Seattle winters meant being handcuffed to intense seasonal depression and anxiety, a toxic current that threatened to sweep him under as the months dragged.

Even living in sunny Los Angeles, depression sometimes wraps its tendrils around him. It's bearable now, but it's a small solace. December still brings horrors he'd rather forget. The phone feels heavy in his hands, and he uses his other hand to brace himself against the counter.

It's almost Christmas, but it's never been the most wonderful time of the year for the Seavers family.

Other families get to sit around a tree, opening presents and laughing together. His father's house looks like any other. It's decked to the nines in garland and wreathes, an extravagant tree and a nativity scene. Colt clenches his fist at the thought. His father, the God-fearing Christian, the preacher, so devoted to his parishioners and their families, the fakest fucking human being that Colt knows. His parishioners don't see the real Benjamin Seavers, the violent alcoholic, the abusive father and useless husband. Christmas doesn't change anything. It's an excuse for him to get sloshed, grumble about Colt never visiting, and inevitably stumble to bed, blacked out in a drunken stupor.

It's so fucking fake, and Colt hates them, yet he returns. Year after year he hops on a plane and spends a week in his childhood home, feeling like a terrified eight year old all over again.

Hands wrap around his waist, and Colt feels feather-light lips press a kiss on his shoulder. He lifts his hand and clings to Ken's arm, subconsciously leaning into the touch.

"You really don't have to go," Colt murmurs. "I know how it'll go. Hi, Dad. Are you drunk already? Why do you always think I'm drunk? And why did you bring your faggot ass partner? Dad, I'm gonna have to ask you not to call Ken a faggot. To quote Taylor Swift, I think I've seen this film before. You don't need to suffer with me."

"That's not even the worst thing I've ever been called," Ken reminds him nonchalantly. Colt rolls his eyes. "And I handled your mother pretty well, didn't I?"

"Yeah, and you looked hot doing it," Colt admits. "But you can't kick Dad out of his own house."

"I always look hot." Colt's shoulders shake with barely suppressed laughter and Ken grins. "And yeah, we can't kick your dad outta his house, but what's stopping us from just leaving? You're a grown man, hon. You don't have to take his bullshit anymore."

"I know. It's just really fucking complicated, and I hate that it is, and I don't want to drag you into it."

"You're not dragging me into anything. Listen, you've put up with my issues and Patrick stalking us and all that. Let me come with you so you don't have to deal with your crazy dad alone."

Colt sighs. Ken's voice leaves no room for argument, and a small part of him is happy that he won't have to be alone.

He just wishes it were different.

--

Colt grips the steering wheel so tightly that it creaks under the force. Ken looks out the window and sings under his breath. There's no place like home for the holidays. But Colt isn't home. He's returning to his personal Hell, the place he's never belonged. Colt's stomach lurches as they pass the church he grew up in. Cars fill the parking lot, and images of his father screaming his Sunday sermons, a wild look in his brown eyes, flash before his eyes.

Ken doesn't speak of his childhood much. Colt knows he and Barb grew up in foster care, and his needs and wants often went unmet. But he knows that Ken has never set foot inside any church. Anytime Colt describes his childhood, Ken looks like a deer in headlights.

It was traumatic, but it was all Colt knew until he escaped. Even now, the pounding of his fathers fists and the sound of his booming voice as he tries to cast the demons out of Colt are so visceral that he debates pulling over and making Ken drive the rest of the way.

A therapist he saw after his accident called it a flashback. He and Ken know how to ground the other one through them. But for Colt, it's easy to ignore them so long as he doesn't entertain thoughts about his parents, or his sister, or the church.

Easier said than done.

--

Colt pulls into the driveway and drums his fingers on the dashboard. He drinks in the sight of the nativity scene, the huge wreath on the front door, the Peace sign on the side of the house. Passerby wouldn't give the house a second glance. It's small and unassuming, perfect for hiding the dirty secrets inside.

Ken takes one of Colt's hands and gives it a squeeze. If his hand is sweaty, his partner doesn't comment. "It's okay, hon," Ken reassures. "I'll be here the whole time."

Colt nods. If he opens his mouth, he might throw up.

He's not sure when he gets out of the car, but suddenly he and Ken are at the front door. Someone must've knocked? Was it him? He doesn't have time to ask himself more questions before someone barrels into him, knocking his breath away.

"Uncle Colt!" Colt immediately relaxes and glances at his niece. Melanie is ten now, and with a smug smirk, thinks that she's starting to look more like him the older she gets. "Mom and Dad told me, Charlotte, and Lydia that you weren't coming!"

Colt barely refrains from rolling his eyes. Of course Natalie and her scumbag husband would have commentary. Don't they know better by now? He's too weak to stay away. But there's some solace in his nieces' eagerness to see him. "Hey, short stuff." Colt ruffles her hair and hugs her tightly. He really should see Mel, Lottie, and Lydia more often, but he'll go to jail if he's around his sister too much.

Melanie pulls back with an affronted gasp. "I'm not short! I - " She cuts herself off and fixes her eyes on something to Colt's left. His heart races. Please take it well, please take it well, please take it well. "Who's this?"

Colt swallows and slips his hand into Ken's. Ken runs his thumb over Colt's knuckles, and some of the tension in his shoulders eases. "Mel, this is Ken. Ken, this is my niece, Melanie. Ken is - "

"Ohhhhh! Lydia!" Melanie turns and eagerly races back to the living room, blonde ponytail swishing behind her. "Lottie! Uncle Colt brought his boyfriend!"

Colt winces and steals a glance at Ken. His partner's eyes dance with mirth, and he guides them into the house. "Come on. She seems excited, at least."

Yeah, but she shouldn't have - Colt quickly halts that train of thought. Melanie is ten, she doesn't know any better, and he's about to introduce Ken as his partner anyway. It doesn't matter. Colt closes the door and hears footsteps trampling down the stairway. He braces himself for the onslaught.

Lottie and Lydia slam into him, but he doesn't fall back this time. He wraps his arms around them both, looking around in amusement as they speak over each other. Lottie's thirteen now, Lydia sixteen. He's missed out on so much time with them, and it hurts.

"Hi, Uncle Colt!" Lydia pulls away first and all but yanks Lottie back. Lottie scowls and swats at her sister, but Lydia hardly pays her attention. "Where have you been?"

"Yeah," Lottie interjects. "Why don't you come visit?"

"Is it 'cause of Mom? She's, like, on one today, so watch out."

"Great," Colt says wryly. "I've been looking forward to that."

Lydia rolls her eyes. "Yeah, she's a bitch. Anyway." She grins cheekily, and Colt narrows his eyes. That's never a good sign. "Is this your boyfriend?" Lydia looks Ken up and down, and Colt swallows.

They've never met any of Colt's previous boyfriends. None of them have ever been serious enough. They know about his bisexuality (thanks, Natalie), but this feels different. "Yeah, Lydia. This is Ken. He's my boyfriend."

"Hi." Ken waves at the girls. His arms are lax at his sides. His lips quirk in amusement, but he allows the girls to size him up.

"Hi." Lottie crosses her arms and taps her feet. "How'd you meet my uncle?"

"Singing karaoke."

Lydia blinks in surprise. "That's kinda cute. Was he any good?"

"I don't know." Ken shoots Colt a smug smirk. "He didn't sing. I did and then he came up to me and talked my ear off."

"And you loved every second of it. You can't fool me."

"Yeah, sounds about right."

"How would you know?" Colt counters, jaw dropped in shock. Sassy. "You're not even old enough to get into a bar!"

Lydia shrugs. "You talk a lot."

Ken laughs and pats his back. "It's okay, babe. I think we're even there."

"I like him," Melanie says. "He seems nice."

Colt's shoulders slump in relief. His nieces mean the entire world to him. He tries so hard to counter the toxicity spewed by their parents, to mold their worldview and teach them how to be accepting. They only speak over text, and sometimes, Colt is never sure if his attempts are successful. But for Melanie to like him, and oh, Lydia and Lottie are nodding in agreement...It's a huge deal. It gives him hope that his nieces will be able to break the cycle. "He's all right," Colt says with a shrug. "I think I'm gonna keep him around."

"Girls!"

Here it comes.

Natalie is an imposing woman. She's tall and dark-haired like their mother, with the same striking green eyes. It's eerie. And somehow, she's somehow more homophobic than Mother Dearest. She locks eyes with Colt and purses her lips. Colt stiffens and keeps his eyes locked on hers, like he's preparing for battle.

"Girls, I thought I told you to get in the kitchen. Run along now." The girls grumble, but do as they're told. Colt knows that feeling all too well. Natalie spent their childhood making snide demands of him and making the consequences very apparent.

Natalie steps closer and wrinkles her nose like she's smelled something particularly unpleasant. Ken squeezes Colt's hand, and Natalie notices the action. "Who's this?"

"You're not dumb. You know who he is."

"Why'd you bring him?"

"Why'd you bring your husband?"

Natalie's lips press into a thin line, and when she speaks next, it's through gritted teeth. "That's different, Colton."

"How?" Ken asks with mock sincerity. "How is it different?"

Natalie sneers at them, and Colt suspects she'd like nothing more than to spit on them both. "Because you're breaking my father's heart - "

Colt barks out a surprised laugh. "His heart? Come on, Nat. You and I both know that Dad doesn't have one of those."

Colt all but drags Ken into the den, away from his sister. Dad's in there. Benjamin Seavers glazes blearily at them over the top of his beer bottle. Colt swallows. It's so fucking hard to be in the same room as him. He's tall and broad, all blond hair and steely blue eyes. Colt despises looking in the mirror sometimes.

"Colt." Dad stumbles over to them and clasps a large hand on Colt's shoulder. Colt doesn't even flinch. He doesn't acknowledge Ken at all. "I thought I told you not to bring that into this house."

"Too bad. He is my partner, his name is Ken, he's staying, and you'll respect him or we're getting on the next flight home."

"I have no problems getting the belt, boy - "

"Oh, you don't? Try me, old man! I'm bigger than you, and I cou -"

"Let's go see what's happening in the kitchen, Colt." Ken all but yanks him away and drags him to a secluded hallway. Colt presses his palms into his eyes so hard that he sees stars. Ken rubs his arms soothingly, and Colt leans into the touch.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he groans. "I'm sorry you had to hear me threaten to beat my dad. We shouldn't have come. He's an asshole and Nat - I don't know what the fuck to call her - "

"Hey, hey, none of that. We don't have to stay, remember? Say the word, and I'll book us a flight home."

"I know. I just don't want to hurt my nieces. They don't really get it."

Ken looks at him sadly, but he doesn't argue. He was in a situation he felt trapped in, too. There's an understanding between them that runs deep, but Colt wishes it didn't exist. For both of their sakes.

--

"And they threw you out a window?" Lottie's so enraptured by Colt's story that she doesn't notice her food sliding off her fork.

"Yeah, and then they - "

"Girls, stop it." Colt's brother-in-law pounds his fist on the table. The girls don't flinch, but Ken does. Colt grabs his hand to ground him. "I don't want you taking life advice from someone like that."

"Like what?" Colt challenges. "Come on, Rick. You got something to say, then say it to my damn face."

"It's obvious, son." Benjamin places his fork on his plate, but it's too loud in the otherwise quiet room. The tension is so thick that Colt could cut it with a knife. He jiggles his leg up and down and clenches a fist around his own fork. The moment is father speaks again, he's taken right back to his childhood, and Dad's about to beat the demons out of him. "The girls shouldn't be taking advice from a faggot who dropped out of high school."

"Don't call him that!" Ken snaps. His face flushes with barely contained rage. Colt almost forgot he was there. "He's your kid, and this is how you talk to him? What's the matter with you?"

Benjamin clenches his jaw and waves a dismissive hand. "You. Why don't you shut the fuck up? This is family business."

"How very Christian of you," Ken retorts. "I bet you're real proud of yourself. And for the record, I am his family."

Colt places a hand on Ken's knee. Is he about to get beaten? No, he can't be, he's an adult, Dad can't - but Dad's fists are raised and is this another exorcism? No, it's two days before Christmas and he doesn't live here -

He doesn't know how he ends up on the sofa in the living room. Ken kneels in front of him. He's saying something, but it's coming out gibberish. He tries to read Ken's lips, but his face crumples and he shakes his head.

"I fucking hate them," Colt whispers. "I really, really fucking hate them."

"I know." The other side of the cheap couch dips as Ken takes a seat next to him. The hand on his back grounds him, if only a little. "Look at me, honey. Watch me, and take a deep breath."

But he can't. He can hear his father and sister scream in the dining room; he thinks one of his nieces is crying. This is all his fault.

"No, it's not," Ken says softly. "It's theirs, Colt. It's not your fault they're bad people."

But it is. He's always been too much. Too hyper, too talkative, too daring, too different.

He wants to go home, but he can't.

The idea of getting off the sofa is too daunting.

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2

Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2 is a masterpiece and I kind of hate it.

It's a weird position to be in, I admit. My opinions of the first season of JJK weren't very intense: I liked it a lot, despite my many criticisms, and that was that. Just another mega-popular shonen elevated by a top-tier smorgasboard of action scenes and some truly excellent ass-kicking action girls. It certainly didn't feel like a show that would ever be worth expending as much thought as I've been doing the past couple months over the course of the Shibuya Incident. But somewhere between the first season's release and Jujutsu Kaisen becoming the third-biggest anime on the planet behind Attack on Titan and Demon Slayer, my feelings started curdling, so subtly that I barely even noticed until the second season came out and dragged them up to the surface. I love Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2, I hate Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2, it's one of the most triumphant and one of the most existentially depressing anime I've ever watched. It is, for better and worse, the most important anime of the 2023. And it's gonna take a very long time for me to fully parse out why.

From the outside, you might be thinking, "Gee, what did this show do to shake your opinions up so violently? It must've really gone in a different direction that completely upended what it's even about." But no. Quite the opposite, in fact; the Shibuya Incident arc that dominates season 2 after a brief flashback story is about as straightforward an arc as you can imagine. It's a single, massive, sprawling brawl across the streets of Shibuya, sorcerers and curses duking it out all over the map with the fate of golden boy Satoru Gojo on the line. It's nothing but fight after fight after fight after fight with increasingly broken superpowers and collateral damage, escalating to absurd degrees and never letting off the gas. Yes, there's a lot of consequential stuff that happens in this arc, but on a moment to moment basis it's as pure an action experience as anime has ever accomplished. No complex political factions, no deep symbolism or themes, just the sheer chaos of watching a city come undone under the collective onslaught of this superhuman war.

And it fucking rules.

The first season of Jujutsu Kaisen was already a marvel in the action department, don't get me wrong. But under the new direction of Shouta Goshozono, who's been responsible for some of the absolute best-directed anime episodes in recent years, that experience has gone absolutely nuclear. Every episode is astonishing in a different way, every fight pulls out some new animation technique that completely changes the timbre of the action, every scene is directed so uniquely and specifically that it's impossible to forget. As good as season 1's action was, it favored consistency over creativity and didn't really get to flex the true insanity that these curses and cursed powers are capable of. But season 2 fully embraces every animator's individual quirks and lets them run absolutely buckwild with it. Yuji's bathroom brawl with Choso is a searing cyberpunk-tinged smackdown. Sukuna's long-awaited return is a kaleidoscopic nightmare that feels pulled straight from a particularly nihilistic episode of Mob Psycho 100. Megumi's big spoileriffic fight paint the streets in surreal chaos reminiscent of early Masaaki Yuasa. And almost every single episode has this level of hyper-specific visual panache put into it. It is, without hyperbole, one of the most jaw-dropping achievements in anime spectacle of all time

And that's just the action scenes! That's not even counting how goddamn amazing this show looks outside of combat now! If you go back and watch season 1, it tended to play things really safe visually when it wasn't kicking up a fight. Conversation scenes and down moments are mostly functional-but-boring collections of shots that get the job done without leaving much of an impression. But with Goshozono at the helm, every single moment, from the most explosive showdowns to the simplest character-building conversations, is infused with life. Off-kilter camera angles imbue every line of dialogue with infinitely more meaning. The editing constantly catches you off guard in the best ways with how it draws your focus through a scene. There's some of the loveliest loosey-goosey comedic chibi animation I've seen in a long time. Every scene is distinct, every scene pops, every scene feels like its own unique entity in this mesmerising arthouse collage of styles and talents crashing together in somehow perfect harmony. I can think of very few shows in recent years that have looked this incredible and this experimental on such a consistent basis.

Which is wild enough on its own, but there's an additional level to this: Jujutsu Kaisen is pulling out all these experimental, ecclectic techniques in a mainstream shonen anime. And that just never happens. Mainstream shonen shooting for broad appeal never play things this risky and outside-the-box with their visual presentation. Sure, most of them look good with all the money pouring into them, but they also look, well, like Jujutsu Kaisen season 1. They're polished and pretty with all the edges sanded off and nary a risk taken, content that being flashy and detailed can make up for a standard visual palette. But JJK season 2 has taken the kind of aesthetic you'd normally see in underground cult classics from offbeat animators too rebellious to fit into the industry machine and translated it to the widest audience imaginable. It's introduced genuine artistry to this playing field, marrying the mainstream and the hipster and making it look like child's play. It's pushed the visual boundaries of mainstream shonen far beyond what they used to be, expanding what the most popular genre of anime can look like on a level I don't think we're fully prepared for. Imagine how many future adaptations will take cues from the course this season has charted. Imagine how creative, how experimental, the future of shonen anime might be thanks to JJK. That's a cause for celebration no matter how you look at it.

And yet.

And yet, there's a question I've been unable to stop thinking about ever since the Shibuya Incident really got underway: if it weren't for the masterpiece production... would I even like this arc?

And unfortunately, I think I know the answer.

Let's be brutally honest for a moment: Jujutsu Kaisen's biggest problem is, has been, and always will be that this show does not know how to goddamn focus. It's constantly introducing and throwing out plot points at seemingly random intervals, changing tracks and abandoning story threads before they're fully realized, even outright contradicting itself on a whim on multiple occasions. Hey, remember those two normal friends Yuji had back in the very first episode who he seemed to have a good relationship with and liked hanging out with? Well, JJK hopes you don't, because they completely vanished after the first episode and Yuji never so much as mentions them again, as if they never existed in the first place. Then it feels like it's setting up a classic shonen power trio with Megumi and Nobara, except then Yuji dies and has to hide his resurrection for another eight episodes so they never really develop as a group dynamic. Plus there was building up Junpei as a new friend-turned-antagonist only for him to get axed right off the bat, though at least that one tried to make some kind of thematic sense so it's not as egregious. But when you take a bird's-eye view of the whole unfolding story, it really becomes apparent how many times Jujutsu Kaisen will stop dead in its tracks, say "actually nevermind," and completely change direction, leaving whatever it was in the middle of developing to wither and die.

And if that was a problem in season 1, then good fucking god does season 2 push it into absurdity. There's a genuinely excellent five-episode prequel arc that finally gives a sense of stakes and thematic weight to one of the show's most central relationships... only to reveal mere episodes later that one of those people is already dead, and all the potential story threads that could've sprung from the seeds planted by Hidden Inventory are stamped out before they've even got a chance to bloom. One of the dead characters from that flashback arc is brought back in absurdly convoluted way and set on a collision course with the character from the present they have the most connection to, setting up a confrontation with real emotional weight for both participants... except then he just dies again without it ever mattering. There's an out-of-nowhere romantic subplot that only starts mattering when one participant is already on the verge of death and only matters to the other when she's mourning his loss despite them never having shared a scene before. Not to mention a major fucking character death that comes so out of nowhere it's genuinely hard to emotionally wrap your head around it and is possibly undone literally minutes later because???

Look, being chaotic and messy doesn't have to be a death knell, especially for shonen. So much of what made Hunter x Hunter work so well is leaning into the sheer messiness of its world and characters, letting them push each other in bizarre, risky directions that a more traditional story structure might not have the guts to pull off. But this doesn't feel like intentional chaos, it feels like Gege Akutani just doesn't know what kind of story they're trying to tell, changing their mind every other episode and undoing whatever plot threads they were starting to set up because they realized they weren't interested in continuing them. And it absolutely murders the emotional throughline of this show. Every potentially interesting, meaningful idea it brings up has a 50/50 chance of being hastily written out of the plot the second the author gets bored, leaving all that investment feeling wasted and pointless. At some point, it becomes hard to emotionally engage with anything the show tries to pull; why bother taking the risk when there's no guarantee it's even going to be paid off, let alone paid off well?

And the longer I sit with that feeling, the more it pricks at a far more frustrating question: why Jujutsu Kaisen? Why was this story, out of all the potential options, the one chosen for a once-in-a-decade animator's wet dream? Why were mostly flat antagonists like Mahito and Sukuna given spectacular enough fight scenes to sell their menace in a way the writing itself barely accomplishes? Why was Miwa and Mechamaru's half-finished sketch of a romantic subplot deserving of enough evocative, wrenching filmmaking to almost manage an emotional response in spite of its utter lack of development? Why spend all this time, effort, and crushing human misery polishing a deeply flawed story to a mirror shine instead of giving an already good story the royal treatment it actually deserves? Why is this worth dragging Mappa's animators through the fires of hell for? I mean, not that any show would be worth the apocalyptically bad working conditions Mappa's corporate masters force on their employees to fatten their own bank accounts- seriously, can we figure out how to unionize the anime industry already?- but with all the horror stories coming out of this mismanaged production, it's hard not to look at the end result and wonder: Really? This is what we've decided to bleed so many people dry for?

Of course, that question's also fairly rhetorical. I know the reason Jujutsu Kaisen gets this kind of treatment when plenty of far more deserving shows have to settle for scraps: because it's a shonen. And shonen will always be favored by the moneymaking powers that be as long as the people making those decisions are traditionalist old men who don't see women and girls as a viable demographic. We're finally coming out of years-long drought for shoujo and josei anime, a stretch of time when almost no works targeted at women and girls were given anything above a shoestring budget and C-tier production schedule, and yet shonen has never once failed to be given all the tools it needs to devour the competition. Trite, treacly mush like Demon Slayer is given enough polish to become an era-defining blockbuster while the possibility of a Yona of the Dawn season 2 becomes an increasingly painful impossibility. And Mappa itself, a studio that first made a name for itself by winning the hearts and wallets of women and queer audiences with Yuri on Ice, has put the sequel film to that cultural phenomenon on indefinite hiatus as it grinds its animators into dust churning out shonen adaptation after shonen adaptation. Because even the biggest smash hit imaginable, the show that made this studio a household name in the first place, doesn't matter if it doesn't cater to the only audience that the industry really seems to care about.

It's all of this I can't help but think about as I watch Jujutsu Kaisen top itself over and over again. In every mind-blowing fight scene, in every stunning display of cinematic brilliance, in every skill and talent the animators pour on screen, I see the countless other, more deserving shows that could've been something special with just a fraction of this support. Just this season alone, we had I'm in Love With the Villainness and Shy, two female-forward anime with far more compelling ideas and stories that could've been genuine hits if they hadn't been flopped out with the most cardboard productions imaginable from studios that just didn't have the time or energy to do them justice. Imagine if just a few of the people pouring their souls into prettying up Supernatural Boys Punch Demons Version 347 were able to offer their talents to those shows instead. Imagine if a beloved shoujo, yuri, or BL manga getting slapped with a bargain-bin production inspired as much outrage as a shonen adaptation having only a small handful of animation cuts below spectacular (Yes, I still remember how stupid the Chainsaw Man anime discourse got). Imagine if this industry favored stories for women even half as much as it valued stories for men. Hell, I'd even be partly satisfied if blockbuster shonen anime just stopped treating their female casts so abysmally. And JJK used to be one of the few to manage that! What the hell happened between that first season and now, Gege? Nobara deserved better, god dammit!

This is the contradiction of Jujutsu Kaisen Season 2. It's a masterclass of artistry that raises the bar for animated action everywhere, given to a story that doesn't deserve the honor of bearing it. It's a showcase of the most talented people working in this industry today, all putting their best efforts in to the least interesting project they could be providing their talents to. It's a mediocre franchise elevated to spectacular heights at the cost of potentially reaching even higher with a more worthy source material. It's all this industry's imagination and all its laziness, all its ambition and all its cowardice, rolled into a single shining exemplar of anime's infinite possibility that doubles as a condemnation of its priorities. And I've spent this entire season laughing with glee at at the heights it's reached while I feel my enthusiasm for the overall show slowly bleed away. Never before have I been left so in awe of what this medium is able to accomplish, yet simultaneously so exhausted by its unwillingness to spread that effort evenly.

In the end, Jujutsu Kaisen is both the greatest success and the greatest failure imaginable. As a showcase of animated spectacle from the industry's most talented up-and-comers, it's a landmark achievement that will rightly go down in history. As a continuation of Jujutsu Kaisen, it's a death knell for this story ever being worth more than the sum of its parts. And as a representation of where this industry currently stands, it just leaves me sad, tired, and hollow. It will be a long time before we get a show as singular and staggering as this again. I just hope next time, all this talent and effort goes toward a story that can actually do something meaningful with it. Until then, though, I give JJK Season 2 a score of:

7.5/10

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Hello my darlings!

I apologize for being gone so long- life has been a little rough these past few weeks (between my workplace changing owners, dealing with an outbreak at work, and that bitch seasonal depression who visited early this year and kicked my ass).

I'm grateful for the break and I'm grateful for the patience of everyone while I was on this hiatus. I'm also happy to see that there are so many new RoR content creators now- I love seeing more fans of the same franchise we all adore as well.

Before I reopen, I just wanted to reiterate a few of my rules:

Please don't spam me with requests one right after another, one or two at a time is fine but please wait for me to post those before requesting more.

I write what requests I want to write in what order I want to write them in- I will eventually get to all requests so please be patient, I am only one person and can only do so much (between working full time and having a life outside of Tumblr).

If I don't want to write something, I will respond back usually with the reason. If you request something I've already written, I will let you know and try to include the link as well.

If you request something super specific, as in you are basically writing the full scenario of what you want me to write, please write it yourself instead. I've had many requests that were amazing like this, and it shows that you have a super creative mind, and I would love to see you posting your own work if you can create a request that is so hyper-detailed. You can still put in requests in like this, but I may not write them.

When requesting something specific and you don't give me enough details of what you specifically want, I will write what I think you are requesting.

I apologize for sounding harsh, but my mental health isn't doing the greatest and I'm trying to do small things to help manage it and I feel that some of the items I wrote above will help, at least a bit.

I'm open for requests and questions if any of your darling ones would like to ask me anything.

Stay safe, wash your hands (flu season is coming), and please be patient with me.

I'll also start baking soon (fall and winter is baking season for me) and I'll post what I bake so let me know if you want the recipe :)

[gayweedanimal]

Since I gotta be up for work in like 3 hours and can't sleep I might as well talk new years resolutions. Here's mine:

Long ass post so I'm readmore

Read every day: I've been collecting books for a while now and have a huge backlog of super interesting stuff to read. The only thing holding me back is making time to do it.

Write every day: Similarly, I have too many half baked projects/ideas that I need to actually finish. The perfectionist in me has been keeping me from finishing things for years, and for what? Fear of putting out something bad? Some of my favorite things in the world are bad. I already put out bad art all the time, and I love it. I've been struggling with this part of myself for far too long and it's time for it to die.

Organize my information better: I'm a notorious note-taker, but they're always very disjointed and arcane. So I guess that means I'm a bad note-taker. I've been using Obsidian more and more over the last few months and been building better information collection habits to use it to its full potential. Sometimes the first step is just to accept that your memory is shitty and learn to efficiently externalize things. Building off of that...

Manage my time better: I have so much shit going on at any one time it's often overwhelming. ADHD and my various neuroses certainly don't help. I've been doing various things to work on this but I need to stick to them better.

Finish Somnium: I put out a whole one (1) episode last year because I dreamt too big with my episode plans and didn't have the tools to bring them to fruition the way I wanted to - I need to push myself to actually finish more. This year's goal is manageable - 4 episodes.

Learn Japanese: I just think it's a neat language. Maybe one day I'll visit Japan; there's so much I want to see there. I know that seems like a far flung dream right now, but life happens fast.

Work out more: not much to say here, I just need to keep up this habit and push myself harder to build strength.

Get my driver's license: I've almost always lived in areas where I've just never needed to drive, but now that my sister has her's I feel like it's finally time to check this box lol.

Make more money: it's getting harder and harder to keep things afloat (as I'm sure is news to absolutely nobody) even with my pretty decent full time job. I'm assuming I won't get a raise, and also hoping I won't get laid off, but even still I need to get some sort of consistent side hustle doing web design or something similar.

God this really seems like a lot when I write them all down... I'm going to stick to them though. I probably won't kick all of these off at once just to not burn myself out, but I'm gonna do them all.

I really can't live without being able to set goals and make progress on them anymore, even if the progress is slow, even if things slide backwards or I fall off for months or years. I lived with soul crushing suicidal depression for so long and it really made it difficult to believe that my life was worth living or that it was worth investing in my skills or my future. I know a lot of people still think that way and I'm not the best at helping them, and that what worked for me doesn't work for everyone. But seasons change, wounds heal, and in the end, it's always worth it to invest your time in bettering yourself and to keep moving ahead.

Man, I don't know where the fuck I was going with all that but I'm leaving it in. Also why the hell am I writing this long ass post... I barely post here anymore. Anyway fuck it I'm gonna try to sleep AGAIN wish me luck at work in... 2 and a half hours. Happy new year ya filthy animals.

[pastelwitchling]

Hey I was wondering if you could write something where Michael runs into Forrest somewhere in town and after a conversation Michael realizes how seriously bad things were for Alex, and how close he was to losing Alex in a whole different way and Forrest pretty much saved him from that.

I just keep thinking back to how depressed Alex was during that season and his line in episode 10. I feel like hai mental health should have been focused on a lot more. Considering how serious some of the stuff going on with him has been.

***

It was one of those mornings. Michael had woken up with Alex in his arms, rarely the first of them awake. He got to watch his husband sleep, not daring to so much as kiss his closed eyes for fear of ruining the peace.

“I worship you,” he’d whispered against Alex’s cheek, and taking advantage of the opportunity, decided to slip out of bed and grab them breakfast so that Alex woke to something sweet.

He leaned his elbows on the Crashdown counter now where Liz stood behind the cash register, humming Alex’s song to himself.

“Someone’s smiley,” Liz grinned. “Where’s your better half?”

“Still sleeping,” Michael said. “Doesn’t really do that much.”

“He doesn’t?” she blinked. “Oh wow, you’re right. Now that I think about it, I don’t think he slept much through high school either. Huh.” She shook her head, sighing. “Well, that’s always been the Manes allure, you know? Alex has always been a little hard to really know.”

Michael smirked. “Not to me.”

Liz chuckled. “I’ll have your order ready in a sec.”

“Thanks,” he said, and sniffed. The bell above the diner door jingled and Michael, by instinct, threw a glance over his shoulder. He did a doubletake, any semblance of a smile gone.

Forrest Long caught his eyes as he approached the counter, and smiled. “No way. Alien Guy.”

“Nazi Guy,” Michael said, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. His journey with Forrest over the years had gone from indifference to anger to panic as he’d noticed the way Forrest and Alex looked at each other, and now his feelings towards the poet historian was a dull fear and anger that lingered in the corners of his mind and threatened to overwhelm him.

He was suddenly very glad Alex wasn’t here.

Forrest leaned on the counter next to him, eyes falling to his ring. “You really got married.”

Michael raised a brow. “You don’t sound surprised.”

He grinned in that easy way he always seemed to be able to do. “Alex told me.”

Michael nodded, eyes widening just fractionally. “Alex told you?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged a shoulder in that cool way he always seemed to be able to do. “We keep in touch.”

“Ah.”

Michael had tried to sound disinterested. Based on the way Forrest stared, he didn’t think he’d succeeded.

“We care about each other, Guerin,” he said. “But that’s all. Hey,” he patted Michael’s arm, “I’m happy for you guys, really. Alex deserves everything he wants and he’s always wanted you.”

Michael looked down, the tension in his chest loosening slowly. “And I’ve always wanted him.”

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “I know. You don’t think I ever noticed the way you looked at me whenever I was with him? You’re not exactly subtle, Guerin.”

“Not about Alex,” he conceded. “So you’re staying in town? Or just passing through?”

Forrest chuckled, shaking his head. “I know what you want me to say, but I’m actually staying for about two weeks. I have some work left with my last bosses,” he said quietly, referring to Deep Sky.

Michael nodded to show he understood. “Alex is doing pretty well over there,” he said, not without some pride in his voice. “But I guess you already know that, too.”

“Not actually shocked,” Forrest admitted. “I always knew he was a genius.”

“Again,” Michael tilted his head. “You know we’re married, right?”

Forrest laughed. “Yes, Guerin, I’m aware. Look, what do you want me to say? He’s smart, I’m not surprised that he’s kicking ass. Just . . .” he faltered. “Is he . . . doing okay?”

“What, with marriage?” Michael was unable to help but square his shoulders a little bit. “Oh he loves it. Never been happier.”

“No,” Forrest said, his smile soft. “But that’s good. I’m talking about . . . him.” He tapped his temple with two fingers. “Up here?”

Slowly, like understanding the picture of a puzzle that was only partly put together, Michael realized what he meant. Something Alex had said to him two years ago suddenly echoed in his memory now.

“I need to believe in a reason to stay.”

Michael had wanted nothing more than to hold Alex then. Tell him he was the only one. Kiss him and promise him he loved him until the tremble in his lower lip went away and he never said anything like that again. He never stopped regretting what had actually happened.

He had no idea that Forrest had seen that in him. Had Alex said the words to Forrest, too? Had he told him first?

“How’d you know about that?” he asked.

“We talked a lot,” Forrest said. “And . . . we’ve both been there. Only difference is that it got easier for me over the years that I stopped . . . it stopped getting that bad. But Alex . . . he’d never say it out loud, but it was other things, you know? Small things. How indifferent he was to getting hurt, how numb he could look. If I’m being honest, that’s the real reason I worried about Deep Sky recruiting him, and I told him that, too. It wasn’t that I was worried he’d get killed. I worried that he’d try to.”

Michael stared. And stared and stared and stared. He’d thought that incident in the bunker had been Alex’s slipup. A little dark thought thrown out in the heat of an argument. Deep down, he’d wanted to deny that it had ever held any real weight, even as he knew it had.

He just hadn’t imagined it was always this bad. Then a terrifying thought hit.

What if Michael had been too late to act? What if he’d pushed Alex just a little harder? Alex had been getting worse and worse and Michael had seen that pain in him. He’d just chosen to push it aside and ignore it.

He’d chosen to hurt Alex more.

“It’s a good thing he has you now,” he said and smiled as a waitress handed him a to-go bag. “I mean, Alex has always been a little hard to really know.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, brows knitted as Forrest left, though Michael was stuck in his thoughts. “Hard to know.”

 Michael came home to find Alex’s back turned to him in bed, the smooth expanse of skin and muscle making Michael’s fingers twitch, the blanket draped across his hips as he scrolled through his texts.

Alex looked over his shoulder as Michael stepped into the room. “You’re back,” he smiled, and his eyes fell to the tray in Michael’s hands. “And you got breakfast?”

“I wanted to make it back before you woke up,” he said, and instead of waiting for Alex to sit up to place the tray on his lap, he set the tray on the nightstand, pulled back the blanket, and lied down behind Alex, wrapping him in his arms.

Alex’s naked back pressed to Michael’s clothed chest. Michael buried his face in the crook of Alex’s neck, breathing him in. Alex covered Michael’s arms on his stomach.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

Michael hummed, and negated that instantly but hugging Alex tighter. “I love you, Manes. I’ve always loved you. I’m sorry I didn’t show it like I should’ve.”

Alex said nothing a moment. Then he turned over in Michael’s hold to face him. His fingers grazed Michael’s jaw, his thumb ran along Michael’s lower lip. Then his lips quirked, amused.

“You saw Forrest, didn’t you?”

“Saw him,” Michael said thickly and swallowed. “Talked to him.”

“I love you,” Alex promised, and Michael slung a leg over both of his.

“I know,” he said. “But I don’t know why. I didn’t take care of you when I knew you were hurting, Alex. I didn’t know if you’d want me to take care of you, but I should’ve done it anyway. You’re all I’ve ever cared about and I should’ve showed you better.”

“Guerin—”

“Long told me about all this stuff he knew about you like I should’ve known it, too, and I did, Alex, but I didn’t do anything about it.”

Alex cupped Michael cheeks, silencing him. “Michael.” He nuzzled Michael’s nose. “I’m okay. Okay? I’m okay.” He sighed. “We’re not those people anymore. It’s you and me now. I’m okay.”

Michael spread his fingers across Alex’s lower back, his other hand covering Alex’s hand on his cheek. “And if you weren’t—”

“You’d be the first to know,” he promised.

Michael held him closer. “I need you to trust me with everything.”

“I do.”

He gave a wet laugh despite himself at the words Alex had used to marry him. Alex smiled like he could read Michael’s mind and hugged him, pressing his face to Michael’s collarbone.

“I love you, too, by the way,” Alex said. “In case it wasn’t obvious.”

Michael squeezed him until they were both laughing again.

“It is,” he said. “That’s why there’s no way in hell you’re going to Deep Sky to see Long without me there. I don’t want him to forget who you chose.”

Alex chuckled, scrunching his shoulders and curling deeper into Michael’s warmth. “Sounds like you’re warming up to him.”

***

Happy malex Monday ❤️ I’m out of town this week, so I prepared this fic almost a week ago and saved it in my drafts to post today.