#self loveself l

[theartblockcentral]

RE; Of all the things that I know

30.08.23

Of all the things I know, there is only one question that seems to ring in my head with the same warmth you can get from drinking too much wine.

Is it really worth ____?

I had a fight recently with my ma ( which was longer enough ago that I remember but do not care enough to delve into ) after which we had a long chat after. In this, she mentioned, the key to a successful relationship, the key to things, the key to life is, Is it really worth all of this?

Not so much in a grim, is life worth living kinda way, but, yes, I suppose also like that too. I mean, that is how I used to value the question, and in which my life was an internal silence that hurt more than anything. It wasn't an internal peace. Life felt like scraping the inside of my mind with a metal dish scrubber and then filling my skull with hot sauce- that level of discomfort- but the vessel I was in, the vessel I was, has so little value, it became my own dead-weight. My therapist tells me that being depressed and baking in your bedsheets is a way of the person cocooning themselves from the outer world, and she's right. To this day, I'm not sure of what I was scared of... but I think maybe it was the question of whether my actions, whether the way my mind worked second by second, was worth keeping going. I felt like I polluted myself.

Nowadays, after six months in Italy, it's so different. Days feel like days again. Friends feel like people again rather than some kind of puzzle I had to solve. Food tasted. Noise sounded. Things came together as I slowly returned to earth.. and in all that time, I really did learn what was worth doing to keep me going.

While I was away I had a small episode on a night out. But because this wasn't a one time thing, and because it worried everyone and put myself at risk and I ran home, lost and confused, because emotionally I put myself back into survival instinct mode, they turned their back on me. It took enough gaul to apologise. At home I wouldn't have done. I just would have assumed that is what people kinda do my age. It's hard for me to see past myself sometimes when I get into the state of feeling alone, but I knew it was worth it to apologise wholeheartedly, to admit my mistakes, and to keep moving.

Some of the things that have been worth giving my time to to feeling more present have given me hope and meaning. I have friends who are worth the time: they are no effort, they are time well spent, and a part of my world. I go hiking, and get in touch with what my younger self would have loved: she is worth fighting for. Most importantly, is the seasons changing.

Back in England, the sky is so blank and white it collapses in flatly, rendering the world into a tiny white tent. It can get very depressing. The days are dark and cold, the nights are dark and colder, and it all seems to be in a small fish bowl of a place. However, what keeps me going, as a small practice that I so happened to glance upon in Wabi Sabi by Beth Kenton was how people pay attention to the changing of the seasons, and how their are more like 18 seasons than 4. However, after a long and stressful day, I ask myself;

What were the trees doing? Have they changed colour yet?

Was it cold? Did I dress for the weather? (Another thing I've learnt- life is improved the minute you dress right for the weather)

Did I see how the branches moved? Did I hear/ see birds etc?

Did I even leave the house? Sometimes I haven't. It's not such a problem when it's not such an outside kind of day, but to be honest, we are outside creatures. Sifting through my memories of all i've seen and pinpointing tiny things like that that I may have only seen out of a window once that day helps me grapple with the idea of being alive.

Ooh, here's a shocker. You can have an entire social event, day at school, meeting with friends, day at work, night out or dinner Without something bad happening. I have NO EFFING CLUE why this has taken me so long to realise, but to be honest, I never had a stable friendship group, a completely un-chaotic household (love them), day at school... everything went wrong a lot, and problems and whatsuch occured and I guess I was just used to that? The moment I realised was when I went to a birthday party of a friend in Italy, and nothing went wrong. I didn't feel bad, No arguments occured, no one got too drunk, everyone got along, no huge chunks of gossip either. Spoiler: people actually live like that. I loved it. It's helped me not be so afraid of planning my birthday, and I didn't make a scene this year. And it was perfect. It's really never worth being in a place where nothing goes right ever. You've just got to keep moving until you find it.

Conclusively, the answer to the question, Is it worth it?

The answer is yes.

I can't believe I'm finally saying it.

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

The people are worth talking to, the world is worth experiencing, even the sad and scary bits. Hey, you do learn at some point. You've just got to keep moving.

Aaaaand the arguments aren't all that. Not everything is worth being said. If you love someone, even if they don't love you, it is worth telling them, because that takes big effing balls to do, and admit you're willing to give a piece and never stop giving. But arguments, fights, all that, most of what you need to shout at someone, isn't worth it. Leave in peace physically or mentally. Vent to someone, move on from that person.

make it worth it.

[revenant-coining]

could i have 2nd and 1st person pronouns related to cuteness, boys, angels, and cupid/eros (the god of desire), and love?

themes in this order: cute, boys, angels, cupid/eros, love

1st Person: i/me/my/mine/myself

mi/mle/mly/mlem/mlemself

c(i)/cu/cute/cutine or cine/cuteself

b(i)/bo/boy/boyine ot bine/boyself

m(i)/ma/mas/masc or mine or masine/mas(c)self

v/vi/vir/vine or virine/virself

A/ae/an/ange/anself

An/ans/angel/angels/angelself

An/ge/ang/angel/angself

Ha/hal/halo/haline/haloself

se/seraph/seraphi/seraphim or seraphine/seraphi(m)self

Ha/har/harp/hine or harine/harpself

Di/div/divi/divine/divi(ne)self

Ha/have/haven/hine or havine/havenself

Sa/sai/sain/saint or saine/sain(t)self

c(I)/cu/cup/cupi or cupid or cine or cupine/cup(id)self

e/er/ero/eros or erosine or eine/eroself

de/desi/desir/desire or dine or desine/desir(e)self

he/hea/hear/heart/hear(t)self

L(i)/lo/lov/love or line or lovine/lov(e)self

Lo/ve/ly/love/loveself

Li/ve/lo/love/loveself

Lu/lo/lov/love/loveself

Si/ve/sick/love/loveself or sickself

Sick/ve/love/lover/loveself

Ve/lo/lover/lovers/loverself

Lo/ve/lov/lover/loveself

Ver/love/lover/lovers/loverself

💗/💗e/💗y/💗ine/💗yself

💕/💕e/💕y/💕ine/💕yself

💞/💞e/💞y/💞ine/💞yself

❤️/❤️e/❤️y/❤️ine/❤️yself

💖/💖e/💖y/💖ine/💖yself

2nd Person: you/you/your/yours/yourself

mlem/mlem/melmr/mlemrs/mlemrself

cute/cute/cuter/cuters/cuterself

boy/boy/boyr/boyrs/boyrself

masc/masc/mascr/mascrs/mascrself

vi/vi/vir/virs/virself

angel/angel/angeler/angelers/angelerself

halo/halo/halor/halors/halorself

seraphi/seraphi/seraphir/seraphirs/seraphirself

ha/ha/harp/harps/harpself

divine/divine/divir/divirs/divirself

haven/haven/haver/havers/haverself

saint/saint/sainter/sainters/sainterself

🕊️/🕊️/🕊️r/🕊️rs/🕊️rself

🌼/🌼/🌼r/🌼rs/🌼rself

cupid/cupid/cupidr/cupidrs/cupidrself

eros/eros/erosr/erosrs/erosrself

desire/desire/desir/desirs/desirself

heart/heart/hearter/hearters/hearterself

Lov(e)/lov(e)/lover/lovers/loverself

Love/love/lovestr/lovestrs/lovestr(uck)self

Lu/lu/love/loves/loveself

Lo/lo/love/loves/loveself

Lou/lou/love/loves/loveself

Lo/lo/lover/lovers/loverself

Love/love/lover/lovers/loverself

Lu/lu/love/lover/loveself

Lo/lo/love/lover/loveself

💗/💗/💗r/💗rs/💗rself

💕/💕/💕r/💕rs/💕rself

💞/💞/💞r/💞rs/💞rself

❤️/❤️/❤️r/❤️rs/❤️rself

💖/💖/💖r/💖rs/💖rself

@1stpp-2ndpp-list

[strawberrysonday]

♡ Pinned Post ♡

Hi, I'm Melloe, I'm a 22-year-old infinilovic artist, writer, and self-shipper. I use ♡/♡self and love/loveself pronouns, and I'm attracted mostly to men, but to any gender. ♡ (If my neopronouns are difficult to use, you can use he/him for me!)

I love all things pink, lovecore, and cutesy! ♡ I also really like cartoons, anime, and video games. My tastes vary from Sanrio to Fight Club, but most of my blog is on the cuter side. ♡

I'm a member of a DID system and don't front every day, so most of my blog runs on a queue. My queue tag is "i love queue" and my personal posts (like this) are tagged "melloe speaks" "melloe draws" or "melloe writes" for organization. ♡ Any kink/NSFW is tagged as "kinky" so block that tag if you don't want to see it. ♡

You will see CG/L posts on my blog. Right now, they're all under the "kinky" tag and the "proship cg/l selfship" tag if I write them myself, but if needed I can add another tag to block specifically for these posts! Just ask. ♡

My F/Os:

Orlando from Shall We Date? Niflheim. ♡ His tag is "♡orlando♡"

Funny Valentine from JoJo's Bizarre Adventures. ♡ His tag is "♡funny♡"

Angel Face from Fight Club. ♡ His tag is "♡angelface♡"

Junia/the Vestal from Darkest Dungeon. ♡ Her tag is "♡junia♡"

Albert Wesker from Resident Evil. ♡ His tag is "♡wesker♡"

Stocking Anarchy from Panty and Stocking. ♡ Her tag is "♡stocking♡"

♡ Feel free to send me a message if you'd like to make friends! ♡