#self-supportingly

[marleyybluu]

Four and Counting

husband!Oscar Diaz x fem!black!reader

Word count: 4.4k (oops)

Warnings: everything is fluff, the cutest couple alive, another pregnancy, hints at abortion (but supportingly?), Oscar being the cutest fucking husband, self-indulgent asf cant lie like I want be in love like this

if i missed any lmk

AN: yall do not know how long this mf has been in my drafts omg I finally finished. This fic is just drowning in love. No smut 🤷🏾‍♀️. A bit rushed in certain places but it all fits pretty well in my opinion. this is not the end of the series but its like the end of the main chapters. there will be lore on the couple obvi, updates on the kids and the family as a whole bcus i am obsessed. hope yall enjoy.

You didn't know how it happened, you blinked and soon there were four. You had four kids running around your home filling it with innocent joy and laughter, and the occasional attitude. It was a full house and a busy life, but it could be enjoyable. You'd become a stay-at-home mom. At first, you weren't sure if you'd be able to manage, you loved your job a lot and worked extremely hard for it but with your growing family, your kids needed you more.

With Oscar opening a second restaurant you thought it'd be a good idea to bring up what's been gnawing away at you and he tells you that he's behind you no matter what path you choose. You put in your letter of resignation and bid your co-workers a teary-eyed farewell with promises to visit as much as they can. You had to admit it was a nice break, you didn't have to wake up as early, you weren't on your feet as much and the house was nice and quiet for a few hours when your children were either in school or at daycare. But then you had baby Rosie and your house had returned to a screaming, hollering mess.

She was a loud one and very expressive, babbled and cooed to anyone who would listen. "And then what happens after that?" You say laying next to her gently stroking her hair. She kicks her feet with excitement and responds in her usual baby language. "Oh my goodness." You respond. You could do this all day. You hated to admit it but you missed the baby stage so much and you were grateful for your little one. You'd been lounging around all day, only getting up to shower when she had fallen asleep and the occasional time when you needed to grab her bottle.

You pepper her chunky face in kisses and she squeals with happiness. "Que hermosa." You giggle. You two are so wrapped up in your world you don't even hear when the door unlocks and Oscar strolls in, he decides to check in on you since everything at the restaurant was going fine today. He notices the obvious vacancy of your presence downstairs and stumbles into the kitchen thinking you were feeding Rosie but he was wrong. He hears his baby's infamous noises from upstairs and smiles following the sweet noises. He creeps in on you two.

His head lolls to the side and rests on the door frame. He'd seen you like this many times (clearly) and it never got old. The way you lovingly interact with each child at any stage in their life, it was sweet to witness you give the same sweet eyes to Rafa at his big age as you did when he was a baby. Just a gentle reminder that he chose the right woman to marry, the best one to make a mother.

Rosie turns her little head and screams when her eyes land on her father. "Hola, mi corazoncito." He coos entering the room matching the same excitement as his baby which causes her to become even more riled up. He scoops her up and holds her in the air and all you can do is watch and grin like the Cheshire Cat. He brings her down and kisses her cheeks. "Cómo estás, mi mariposa?" He asks Rosie and she nuzzles her forehead in his cheek. Her nonverbal way of saying she missed him. Oscar takes his place next to you on the bed. "How are you, mama?"

You pucker your lips and he smiles dropping a kiss. You pout at how quick it was but quickly subsides when he gives you a forehead kiss. "I'm good. Sleepy. Hungry. Missing you."

"Missed you too, that's why I came home. And I brought some food from work."

You squinted. "Who cooked it?"

He chuckled. "Jason."

"Yes!" You fist pump. "Jason makes the best fucking food I swear."

Oscar's head seems to tilt even more, he's insulted by your statement but you smile sheepishly placing an encouraging hand on his shoulder. "Not as amazing as you do." He rolls his eyes and kisses your temple. Rosie babbles as her little reminder that she's still in the room. "No one forgot you chica" He affirms giving her some more smooches. "Let's go get mommy her food."

You sit up and stretch; some much-needed cracks are heard via your aching bones, and when your arms come down, you feel much looser and less tense than before. "It's okay, iré contigo." (I'll come with you.)

The three of you plop down the stairs and you part ways as Oscar heads to the kitchen while you shuffle to the living room and drop onto the couch, your lounging was short-lived when the doorbell rang. You huff getting back up on your feet. You swing the door open with a mean mug on your face until your eyes land on your mom and your features immediately soften.

"Hi, Mommy." You smile reaching out for her. "Hi sweetie, how are you?"

"I'm great," You pull her inside and close the door behind her. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugs off her jacket and hangs it up on the rack nearby, her shoes slip off her feet and she places those next to Spooky's on the mat. "Came to visit, figured you'd need some... company..." She trails off and— not so subtly— stretches out her neck to see if she can spot the baby. "Mhm." You say crossing your arms, you call bullshit.

"She's in the kitchen with Spooky."

And just like that, your mother leaves you in her dust. You hear her high-pitched, "Hiiiii GG's babyyyyy, helloooo." And you can't help but smile. Your mom always seemed to become happier with each grandchild you produced.

You begin to feel left out when you hear all the commotion in the kitchen so you decide to join them. Your daughter has your mom's nose in her small fist while your mom blows raspberries in her little tummy, she erupts with laughter and you catch a glimpse of Oscar with nothing but heart eyes for his baby girl. You sneak over to him and slide your arms around his abdomen, he drops his arm over your shoulder and draws you close. He plants a kiss on your head. The microwave beeps behind you signalling that whatever was in there had finished heating up. Your eyes widen when the aroma of cheese hit your senses. "Is that lasagna?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He made a little dish for you, told him you've been craving it lately."

You squeal with excitement as you take the hot dish out of the microwave, you set it on the counter and danced over to the drawers in hot search for a fork, your successful in finding one and greedily stick it inside the soft noodles that were jam packed with delicious ingredients. You take one bite and practically faint at the taste.

"Just needs one more thing." You think out loud, you hustle over to the pantry and grab a bag of barbecue chips, you snag a handful and crack them in your hand, sprinkling them on top. Oscar stands there... confused.

"Girl, what the hell is that?" Your mom asks equally appalled.

You shrug and take another bite. "It's good though." You muffle with a full mouth.

"I love you." Oscar sighs and you laugh at his adoration for anything you do, you blow him a kiss before taking another bite. You don't see it but your mom has her eye on you with a very interesting theory brewing in her head. Your husband's phone rings and he excuses himself to answer it leaving you alone with your mom and Rosie, who is quiet and happy on her grandmother's chest, her little eyes slowly closing with sleep.

You try your best not to make too much noise while you reach for more-

"Are you pregnant again?"

You nearly choke on your saliva at the ridiculous question. You quickly shake your head. "No!? Are you nuts? I just had her and she is the last one." You assure but your mom isn't believing it. "This little concoction says otherwise."

You roll your eyes. "I just... like pasta and chips... together."

It did sound ridiculous.

"Since when?"

"Like... a month ago..."

She sucks her teeth. "Mi amor, I'm telling you, I think you're pregnant."

This was insane, this was an insane conversation to be having. You were one hundred percent sure there was nothing and no one in your belly-- just the mere thought of having two under two was giving you the heebie-jeebies. "I'm just saying-"

You groan like the irritated teenager you once were, "Ay Mama, no más charlas de bebé, por favor." (No more baby talk, please.)

She agrees to ease off the topic but it remains in the back of her mind.

-- --

Later that day after Oscar's gathered the others from school, you sneak out of the house to do some grocery shopping. It was a bit of time for yourself, a time when you didn't have to keep your eye on your tiny little humans. You go through the aisles for the essentials and when that's done you browse for treats and snacks for your kids (that you and Oscar will eventually munch on as well.)

You cautiously approach the next aisle that is stacked with condoms, contraceptives and pregnancy tests. You meant to move, your hands ready to push the cart forward but your feet are firmly planted on the floor. You sigh and turn in, quickly grabbing a box and dumping it in the cart as though it's not for you. "She better be fucking wrong." You mutter to yourself.

-- --

With all kids fed, bathed and in bed before twelve it allows you to have the bathroom to yourself for a while. You wedge the knuckle of your index finger between your two rows of teeth, you stare at the box and sigh. "Please prove her wrong." You whisper to no one in particular. You pop open the box and rip open the wrapping of the test. One original and one digital. You sit on the toilet and do what you've done a hundred times, you pee on the sticks and set them aside until the timer goes off.

You clean yourself up and wash your hands, you know better than to just stand there and watch the sticks waiting for that fate-sealing answer but you go against yourself and stare. You're in a trance until there's a knock at the door, it startled you and you clutch your non-existent pearls for dear life. "Que?"

Oscar asks, "You good? Didn't need company tonight?" He's referring to your commonly shared showers which, now that you think about it, is probably one of the reasons you're in this predicament again!

"No, it's not that. I'm just..."

You huff and unlock the door swinging it open with displeasure on your face, your arms crossed as you nod over to the tests on the counter. His eyes follow your actions and pop out when he sees them. "How-"

"Mom said it was weird that I ate the lasagna like that."

He chuckled. "Didn't want to say anything." 

You whine saying, "It's not funny, I just thought it was a change in my palette or something, I mix random foods all the time. I-" You searched for every excuse you could find. Oscar's face softens at the worry in your voice. "I just had Rosie." You sigh sounding depleted. You turn your back to the tests when you hear that all too familiar sound. You squeeze your eyes shut, if you don't look you won't know the answer and you can go about your merry way. Your husband offers to look for you and leans over. You hear the quietest gasp he's ever uttered and you know. You spin around to look at them yourself.

Positive. Both of them show positive.

You look up at Spooky and he's already looking at you waiting for your reaction so he can curate his own. "How do you feel about it?"

You shrug. You truly didn't know, you didn't even have words. Your throat was dry. You pick up one of them and look at it. And you feel nothing. Empty. Just waiting for a sense of gratitude to come across and for some reason, you can't seem to produce it. You put the test down and leave.

Spooky's still standing there with his heart in the pit of his stomach. Maybe he should've listened to you, that two was enough, and then three and four. He's after you, right on your heels as you enter your bedroom. You sit on the bed and fall back onto the sheets, you cover your eyes and shake your head at yourself and him. "I just had Rosie." You repeat to yourself. And then it happens. A tear slips and as quick as you are to wipe it, he knows you like the back of his hand— your breathing gets choppy and choked, you sniffle. The bed dips beside you and the sound of the sheets ruffling as he lays down.

"Háblame." (Talk to me)

You take a deep breath. You can be honest. "I don't know how I feel. I'm not sad but I'm not happy. I just hoped Rosie would be a little older. They all have good age gaps and- Oh god, what if they don't want another sibling? And Rosie and I spend so much time together, they just got used to her-- Emilia was so clingy when I had her, she felt so left out and-and-"

Oscar presses his hand over your thigh. "Cariño. Respirar. Por favor.

You breathe shakily. "It's okay not to know how to feel. If this is not what you want... I'm here for you, your moms here... the kids are here. We have more than enough, Sí?"

You nod. He reaches over and pulls you into him, you rest your forehead on his chest while he rubs smooth circles on your back. "We have some time for you to think about it right? It's your world mi amor, we're just living in it. I got you no matter what."

"Spooky."

"Mhm."

"Thank you."

He smiles and kisses your head. "It's my job baby."

— — You'd been hiding your belly from everyone, even the kids. It was easy for the most part because you only wore baggy clothes and they made you look a little large anyway but then there were not so subtle signs— like the heavy breathing from doing just about anything, and your walk? Oh, your walk was not normal no matter how hard you tried. So you decide to come clean to your kids and other close family during a little gathering that Spooky's brother, Cesar, was hosting. Cesar was the only person who knew and you two asked if it'd be okay to announce it tonight.

He was fine with it, excited actually.

Your hands shake. You were cautious in deciding on having this baby, it took you a while to feel anything. At first, it was uncertainty, did you want another? Would you be crushed if you didn't have it?

But as the weeks passed you couldn't help but fall in love with the growth, the bigger you got the giddier you became. Modelling in front of the mirror any chance you got, and when all the kids were asleep you'd talk to your belly and giggle with every shift they made.

"Listo?"  He asks and you nod confidently. Oscar whistles over to Cesar giving him a thumbs up. Cesar turns down the music to gather everyone's attention. "I just want to thank everyone for coming out, it's been a while since we've all been in one place, right?"

The crowd mumbles in agreement. "But it's great to see everyone in good health and good spirits—" He raises his Corona bottle and the crowd follows with their drinks (including the kids and their juice boxes) "Salud." He smiles.

"Salud." The crowd repeats. You clear your throat and enthusiastically say, "Oh let me see if I can get a picture. Everyone gets in."

They shuffle into one pile as best they can, you grab your phone and hold it landscape, you press record and say, "Alright everybody in... great, now saaaay... Y/n and Spooky are having another babyyyy!"

There were collective gasps, the word "what!?" Being thrown around in every language. "Excuse me!?" Your mom hollers. You unbutton your cardigan and turn to the side having worn a tight dress on purpose. "Surpriiiiiise." You sing out.

"I FUCKING KNEW IT!" Jasmine screams stretching her arms out for you, you gasp and playfully smack her hand. "Not in front of my kids, puta!"

She tells you to shut up and hug her, your mom joins in and soon the children and in that moment it hits how loved and supported you are by everyone around you. This was your village and it was a damn good one too.

Oscar's friends dap him up and congratulate him. They hug you as well and whisper that they hope it's another girl. They loved spoiling your daughters. Anything they asked for the boys were sure to buy it no problema.

"Well, actually," You begin to say. "We know what we're having."

Rafa, your oldest comes up to you. "Is it a boy?" His eyes gloss over with the hope that you would say yes, he'd been hoping that Emilia (your third) was going to be a boy but he lucked out. You had an idea. You hunch over to match his eye level. "You see that cake over there." You whisper and he nods. "Papi and I were going to cut it, but I think you should get the first slice."

He shrugs and you walk him over to the white cream frosted cake. You and Oscar help him hold the knife and carefully slide the blade into the spongey treat making one incision and you help him make another. He pushes the knife under to take the slice out and plops it on his plate, he reaches for a fork when he looks down to see the inside was blue.

Nobody spoke. Nobody moved with the understanding this was his moment. He looks up at you. "You're having a boy!?"

You nod with tears spilling over and ruining your makeup. "I am."

He puts the plate down and hugs you tightly and that's when the crowd goes wild. "Thank you, Mommy." He sobs which makes you cry even more. "Oh, you're welcome sweetie."

— — Nine months had sped past you and it seemed as if it was just yesterday that you found out you were pregnant. Now, you lay on a hospital bed, covered over by a few blankets to help with post-partum shivers, your jaw rattling and fingers dancing involuntarily. But that wasn't your main focus.

Oscar hovered over you staring at the sleeping newborn in your arms. He made the cutest noises while he nuzzled against your chest. Your finger ghosts over his nose and he reacts by moving his head and sighing. "Are you sick of me already, mi hijo?(my son)" You joke nudging him with your nose. "You get used to her." Oscar chimes in and you suck your teeth hitting him as hard as you could. "Cállate culo."(Shut up, ass)

"Hitting me in front of my son?"

"And I'll do it again."

He smiles and leans down to kiss you. "You know I like you a little feisty, mami."

You sigh, so in love with your new baby, in love with your husband— just filled with overpouring affection. You can't stop staring at your new son and your husband couldn't stop gazing at either of you. He'd been in this room over and over and he swore up and down you made it look so easy, that you looked like a goddess bringing new air and life into this world. Even though you thought you looked like a monster from the swamp.

Oscar tells you in a loving tone. "You're doing an amazing job, seriously, you... you're just amazing."

You blink rapidly to keep tears from spilling over. When you met this man he was so rough and tough, such a brute that it seemed impossible to get him to even admit that he liked you, but under all that fake-cold persona, was the gentlest giant and the biggest sweetheart you'd ever met—a man who spreads nothing but positivity around you and your children.

"I'm so happy, I met you." He mutters. You were his wife, the mother of his children and his best friend rolled into one and that's all he wanted out of this life. You look up at him with glossy eyes. "I'm happy I met you too."

You share a kiss as a tear slips out, you just can't hold them back any longer. He kisses your forehead as his thumb swipes over your cheek. Your attention is drawn back to your son when he begins wiggling in your hold, you press your nose against his hair taking a whiff of that fresh baby smell. As you soak in the presence of your child, your husband's phone buzzes against the fabric of the diaper bag, he looks over and your mom's name catches his attention. He looks to you for some sort of permission and your brows furrow together. "It's okay."

He rushes over to answer, and just then your nurse walks in with a smile on her face. "Just came to check on mommy and baby." She announces.

"Ok... yeah, I'll meet you guys downstairs... bye." Oscar hangs up and looks over at you. "Your parents are here, with the kids. I'll just be back okay?"

"Mhm." You hum. He gives you a quick kiss before he speeds out of the room. The nurse smirks as she helps you adjust yourself into a somewhat comfortable sitting position, asking you if you'd like your son to be put back in the bassinet to which you respond yes and she gently takes him. "I apologize if this is forward but... I've seen a lot of couples in here and let me tell you, I've never seen anything like you two. He is so attentive."

You giggle. "Thank you. I just got really lucky with him."

A few minutes had passed and she had finished her check-up letting you know that she'd be back in a bit for another check-in. Once she left that's when your family, quietly, barged in. Oscar approaches you first with a sleeping Rosie in his arms and you happily reach for her and coddle her in your arms. Rafael, Elliana and Emilia gently charged over to you, shuffling off their shoes and finding their places on the bed with you. You greeted them as best as you could, with restricted movement all you could do was reach for their faces. Your parents and Oscar stand in the background of it all observing you in your motherly nature and Oscar can't fight the grin that has been plastered on his face since the day he met you.

"Baby." Emilia chimes in drawing everyone's attention to her now. "Yeah, mira, mommy had the baby."

Rafael seemed enamoured by the presence of his new sibling. He loved his sisters, you knew that, but by the looks of it-- this would be a special bond. "Rafa, would you like to hold him first?" Oscar asks.

He nodded eagerly and readied himself by sitting up straight and folding his arms. Oscar removes your son from his bassinet and carefully places him in Rafa's arms. The baby was a bit squirmy, upset that he'd been disturbed but with the soothing 'shhhh' from his mother's lips he settled down. Your two girls surround their brothers with curiosity.

Emilia giggles. "Hi, cutie."

"He's so tiny," Eliana mutters. Your parents finally make their way over to you after letting you have your moment with the kids. They congratulate you and your dad holds up a Chipotle bag and you beamed. "Thank you, this hospital food sucks." You whisper.

They attempted to take Rosie from you but you assured them it was fine, having missed her snuggles anyway. "Want me to feed you?" Your husband asks and you snicker shaking your head. "Está bien papito, I'll eat when I'm ready. But thank you."

— — After all the kids had their turn holding the baby their attention spans had turned to you and their father, telling you everything that had happened since you left the house.

"And then Ellie licked the cookie and put it back in my bowl," Rafa whines and you hold back a laugh. "Eliana you do not do that, that's gross."

She shrugs and nuzzles closer to her grandfather on the couch who is causing a ruckus with all his snoring. Your mom nudges him awake and he hits his famous line, "I'm not sleeping, I just closed my eyes."

"Think it's time for us to go." Your mom says. "Um.." Rafa chimes. "Is it okay if I stay?"

"I- yeah, I guess so." You answer. Oscar says that you'll keep Rosie since she has now found a new sleep space in his arms. Your mom carries a sleeping Emilia and your dad carries Eliana on his back. They say their goodbyes and are out the door.

— —

The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Rafael had fallen asleep on the couch while Rosie, who'd only woken up to ear and fell back into slumber, lay under her older brother's arm. You sigh contently as you gaze at them.

"Did you ever think when we met at that laundromat, that we'd be here?" Oscar mumbled as he held your baby boy, tracing his finger along his little nose. You turn to him. You shrug.

"Maybe with one kid... two.... But not five." You joked. He chuckled.

"Did you?"

He nods. "I knew you were gonna be my girl from the moment I picked up that sexy red bra you dropped-"

"Spookyyyy." You gasped gently hitting his arm.

He laughs. "Que? Man, once I saw those cups I started barking."

"You are so fucking stupid."

He shrugs. "I know. But I'm stupid in love with you."

You playfully rolled your eyes at his corny, yet sweet, line.

"I'm stupid in love with you too."

if you liked this fic feel free to like this fic. comments and reblogs are appreciated. hopefully, I'll be back a whole lot sooner. peace and love

tags: @darqchilddaydreamz @realhotgurlshit @skyesthebomb @librarian1002

Who might be interested: @miyahmaraj @bigenergy777 @educatorsareslutstoo @missdforever

[dailyjamm6]

More Maid Class Stuff - III (MMCS)

<This time, a more indepth exploration on the classpect itself outside of a strictly in-source material analysis.>

To begin, the Maid Class is one that can be approached as One who redefines [Aspect] and One who is redefined through [Aspect].

As such, as much as for many cases at first glance it may seem that a Maid is diametrically opposed to, or at least displeased with, their aspect, they in truth are more opposed against the pre-existing ideas and notions they carry in relation to, or ascribe to them.

Truly, they only become satisfied with their aspect once they've recontextualized their idea of what their aspect means and what their relationship with it should be. And thus, until they finally reach that point, the relationship can only be described as rebellious.

More than anyone Maids are deeply tied to the idea of their aspect, and in fact, their aspect itself. Which is made clear as their complex, or rather, tumultuous relationship tends to showcase how close they are to and how much they are affected by it in their lives.

A Maid's rejection and rebellion against their Aspect and what it means, until finally coming to terms with and redefining their relationship, is a partial rejection of theirselves, of the aspects of their own selves that reflect it as a reaction to the connotations they themselves ascribe to their aspects.

Sometimes it is subconscious and abstract, such as one's feeling of futility being reflected in and through fatalism; Other times it is literal, such as the rejection of a label or everything the idea or a tangible form of one's aspect represents.

However, at times said rejection, although potentially and often self-destructive, tends to counter-act the Aspect in absolute detriment, since the Maid may be completely absorbed by their Aspect.

A Maid of Light can become completely lost within myths and stories, even religious beginning to think of their whole world in relation to them and even redefining their own self to approximate those; Whilst a Maid of Life could accept the expectations put upon them by her familial history, culture and tradition and see the world completely in that lens to their own detriment and the detriment of others.

In regards to wielding their aspect, the Maid at face value more closely resembles the Witch, and in fact, if it were not for the special relationship Maids have with their aspect, would be nearly identitcal, since the Maid manipulates through, although also brings upon, their Aspect; However they are less likely to directly manipulate their Aspect.

Maids prefer acting from the sidelines, or at a glance, supportingly, albeit not as an absolute, as they use the position to enact more direct and meaningful impact on a situation.

The main point of the Maid is said impact, whilst the sidelines are simply where they feel most comfortable acting from.

This could make they seem comparable to the archetype of a guerilla fighter, less so to a sniper, because the later acts with premeditation and precision, and whilst Maids are absolutely capable and do use either, even and often both, they prefer the execution over the planning.

This draws parallels with the Thief, for as much both prefer the latter half, the Thief rejects the idea of a plan as inherently curbsome, whilst the Maid is willing to strategise ahead if it'd make sure their actions bring fruits.

The Maid ultimately, like the Heir, holds their Aspect as second nature, at times even more so than the latter, however their tumultuous and complex relationship to it tends to render them unable to use their talents to their fullest until they make ammends with it.

[sophierequests]

Can you write a Kaz Brekker x m!reader (or female, whichever you prefer that's easier to write haha) where the reader and Kaz are stuck together in a room until the rest of the crows free them? They confess to each other that they're into each other but it isn't until the end that the reader realizes that they could've escaped a long time ago because Kaz could've just broken the locks.

the secrets that you keep

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x gn!Reader

A/N: Omg, I loved writing this request so much. It was so fun to write. I (hopefully) didn't use any gendered pronouns for the reader, so that we all can enjoy it. If I dropped a she or a he for the reader, please let me know in the comments, and I'll fix it! I hope you like this, and thank you so much for requesting this. <3

Summary: Kaz and the reader are acting as a pretend couple to get into a vault at a party. After getting locked in said vault, things get awkward and confessions ensue.

Genre: Angst, Comfort, Fluff (as far as it's possible with Kaz)

Word Count: 2.7K (I had so many ideas to fit in, lawd have merthy)

Warnings: Slight description of claustrophobia, but nothing too intense

"Ugh, I can’t believe this man is being serious!” you complained, as you threw yourself on the leather sofa in defeat.

Jesper and Inej settled down in the space beside you, looking at you with a playful pity in their eyes.

“He can’t be serious. At this point, he’s doing it on purpose.” you groaned, running a hand through your hair.

The three of you just got out of a group meeting with Kaz about the upcoming heist tomorrow, and you were not having it. It was supposed to be a quite easy mission. There was a banquet at one of the mansions in the financial district. A mansion owned by one of Pekka’s most trusted business partners. Through a trusted source, Kaz got information about the collection of blueprints hidden in a vault located in the basement of the mansion. So, of course, he concocted a plan to get to them.

And that plan was going to be the death of you.

Inej and Jesper went in first, dressed up as guards, to check out the property without riling up any suspicion. Meanwhile, you and Kaz were supposed to be a pretend couple, blending in with the wealthy merchants, successively making your way to the vault and securing the blueprints.

This shouldn’t have been as big of a problem as it currently was. You were friends and colleagues, so an utterly normal spy mission was not supposed to be a bid deal. The fact that you had been crushing on Kaz since the day you met made things a bit more complicated.

“I think you’d make a great couple.” Jesper commented with a wink, earning a death stare from you.

“This has to be on purpose. Does he know about my crush on him? Oh, Saints, that would be so embarrassing.” you spiralled, “Do you think he would notice if I’d just disappear overnight? I don’t want to do this.”

“If you keep on talking that loudly, he’ll definitely know.” Inej laughed, twirling one of her daggers around in her hand.

“Not helpful.” you retorted.

“Why don’t you just tell him about it? It’s not going to get any better, the longer you try to hide it from him.” Jesper suggested.

“Have you lost your mind, Jes?” you blurted out, sitting up straight, in shock by this piece of advice, “What am I supposed to say? Hey Kaz, I’ve had a crush on you for years now and after every tiniest bit of attention you give me, I feel like exploding?”

The sharpshooter let out a snort, shaking his head incredulously.

“What do you have to lose?” he chuckled.

“My dignity, self-worth, will to live and, worst of all, my job maybe?”

“Y/N, it will be okay. Kaz knows what he’s doing. You won’t embarrass yourself.” Inej tried to reassure you, only mildly succeeding.

“And if you do, we’re there too. And I promise you that we’ll remind you of this day until you drop dead.” Jesper added. Definitely less supportingly.

The entirety of the next morning and noon was spent planning the rest of the heist together, going over details, smoothing out the barely existing plot holes.

Kaz took his role as a wealthy merchant pretty seriously. He wore a tailored elegant suit, completely in black of course. His hair was slicked back neatly, making him look way older than he actually was. After a closer look at him, you noticed that his cane was slightly altered, the crow’s head hidden from view in order to not draw too much attention to him.

You were dressed to match him, completely in black, wearing the finest looking clothes you owned.

“Alright. Does everybody know what they are supposed to do?” he asked sternly before the four of you reached the mansion.

Jesper and Inej nodded firmly, clutching the bags with their disguises still inside.

“If we should not be at the meeting point after the set time, you come and look for us. We might be in trouble.”

They nodded again, Kaz now focusing on you.

“Everything clear, Y/N?” he asked lowly, goosebumps crawling over your arms.

After giving him a brief nod, he closed his eyes in an attempt to prepare himself for the following hours.

“Alright then. No mourners.” he began.

“No funerals.” the three of you concluded.

With that, you split up, Kaz and you entering the estate carefully. The main hall was filled with massive groups of rich-looking people, dressed up in velvet suits and tight dresses.

Mentally, you went over your alibi again. Your name was Y/N Rietveld, the spouse of Kaz Rietveld, a rather unknown merchant with connections to the Ravkan court. You’ve been married for three years and met through your uncle, who owned one of the clubs in Ketterdam.

“Don’t overthink it. You’ll only sabotage yourself.” Kaz whispered when he noticed your cloudy expression.

“Okay.” was the only thing you could croak out, your anxiety settling slightly, knowing that Kaz was aware of it.

You hated to admit it, but you did enjoy the festivities. He had chatted up a few of the other guests, talking about the market, sea travel and other important-sounding topics, while you just smiled and nodded, occasionally being asked about your relationship with Kaz.

After almost an hour of conversation, he had decided that it was time to slip away from the crowd and finally go down to the basement.

Even with a bad leg, he was moving way quicker - and swifter - through the dark corridors, than you could imagine. You almost had to break out into a jog at certain times to keep up with him.

“Kaz, slow down, there’s nobody down here, and we’re not in a rush.” you hissed, getting more and more frustrated by his hasty manner.

“Not yet at least. I’d like to get this over with as soon as possible.” he muttered.

“Am I such bad company?” you asked playfully, a futile attempt to lighten his sudden sour mood.

Instead of a witty comeback, he just turned to look at you in confusion, contemplating what he had said previously.

“No, I-” he started, an almost unnoticeable blush flushing his cheeks, “That’s not what I meant. But it shouldn’t matter anyway.”

When you finally reached the heavy vault door, Kaz pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper from his breast pocket. With a few swift hand movements, he typed in the correct code, opening the sturdy door successfully. You had no idea where he had got the paper from, but you weren’t going to question it.

You stepped in after him, taking in the cramped room. It looked more like a storage unit than one of the high-security vaults of a manor. Shelves, clutter and boxes were sprawled around the entire room.

Kaz sighed. He had obviously not thought about this being an issue.

“Let’s get to work then.” he huffed, strategically scanning the possible whereabouts, with you following him like a lost puppy.

Surprisingly, you were faster than you thought. Or maybe the extreme stress of being alone in a room with Kaz Brekker just made you think harder. You found the six original blueprints in not even fifteen minutes, triumphantly presenting Kaz the last one.

Before he could give you any further instructions, a loud thud was heard and the dim overhead lightbulbs turned on.

“Shit.” you cursed, now getting slightly panicked, after seeing that you had been locked in the vault, with no possible way out in sight, “Shit, shit, shit! This can’t be happening.”

His expression did not help ease your stress. His brows were furrowed, and his eyes constantly flew from the now-closed door to your panic-stricken face.

“Y/N, calm down. We’re not in danger.” he tried to assure you, causing you to only stress more, sitting down against the cold steel of the door.

Much to your surprise, he also lowered himself down to sit on the floor opposite you, leaning against a wooden box. Even though he never really showed any sort of discomfort, or weakness as he called it, you could see that his bad leg was giving him trouble. A slight hint of pain in his expression as he massaged it.

You felt like sobbing, your whole body tensing, as the anxiety of being locked in a rather small space came buzzing through your head. Everything around you felt like it was closing in on you, the pressing silence not helping the nausea building up in your throat.

In comparison to you, Kaz only let out a stifled breath, scanning your features intently.

“Do you remember that one time, when we broke into Van Eck’s mansion?” he broke the silence, his voice calm and collected.

Seemingly, he found a certain humour in this situation, which you could not reciprocate.

“You need to be a bit more specific than that. We didn’t only break in once.” you answered, the conversation calming your heartbeat scarcely.

“The one last year. Where we tried to steal back Wylan’s book collection?” he offered the added information.

Realization set in and you remembered the mission clearly. Almost everything went surprisingly wrong, reminding you of your current debacle.

“The one where you were gone for over two hours because you got caught by guards? That was seriously scary, Kaz.” you began, reliving the fear you felt after Kaz didn’t show up at the meetup spot, “I was really worried about you not being there on time.”

You felt a sudden pang of embarrassment, the last sentence was true, but Kaz was not supposed to know that. He never openly showed any sort of concern or affection for anyone, and he didn’t really do well when receiving any himself. As far as you could imagine, he might not even feel any sort of these emotions towards anyone, even though this thought pained you, implying that he’d never be able to return your feelings.

Kaz cocked his head, staring daggers at you. He didn’t seem to feel any uneasiness at your comment.

“There were no guards.” he said, causing you to stare at him.

“I beg your pardon?” you blurted.

“There were no guards. I got locked in that one storage room, where I specifically told you not to go into, because of the faulty door. Turns out Wylan didn’t know this part of the house that well, since he didn’t tell me about the additional bolt preventing unauthorized people to leave. It took me an hour to get out of there.” he recounted calmly, surprisingly vulnerable.

“What?” you exclaimed, not comprehending where he was going with that.

“Are you starting to go deaf?” Kaz asked, sarcasm laced his voice.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” you asked incredulously, feeling like he was playing some weird prank on you.

“What would the team have thought of me, if I couldn’t get out of a simple locked room? After years and years of perfecting my lock picking, it didn’t feel right. It felt humiliating.” he said, venom present in his last sentence.

He wasn’t the kind of person to talk about these things freely, so it caught you off guard. Even though he presented himself as the confident, cold character he made himself out to be, there was a lot more going on inside his mind, which you didn’t have access to.

“Why are you telling me about this?”

“You’re claustrophobic.” he commented, a stern look painted on his face, “I know the start of a panic attack when I see one. Distraction helps.”

You only realized now that your heart had calmed down a great bit. It was as if a heartrender had slowed it down for you. It almost felt like Kaz genuinely cared about your wellbeing, but you didn’t let these thoughts cloud your sanity.

“Why does it matter to you?” you retorted bluntly, a sudden surge of confidence rushing through you.

He sighed, rubbing his eyes with one of his gloved hands.

“I’m not a monster, Y/N, if that is what you think of me. I do care about you. And the Crows.” he added.

“I don’t think you’re a monster. I never did. I just never thought that…”

“That I have feelings other than greed?” he finished.

“No! That’s not what I meant. You just never really seemed to care about these things.”

Kaz closed his eyes, fidgeting with his hands.

“Why did you care?” he asked suddenly, after a few minutes of silence.

“What?” you tried to inquire further, not understanding what he was referring to now.

“Why were you worried that I didn’t show up after the heist.”

“Oh, I uhm, I don’t feel like talking about it.” you stammered.

You knew that if you’d start that conversation now, there would be no turning back.

But seeing his questioning expression made you contemplate that decision.

“You’re my friend, Kaz. I do care about you too. Even though you can be an asshole sometimes.” you explained, as put together as possible.

“Is that all I am to you? A friend?” he shot back, no malice but genuine curiosity in his voice.

“No.” you spoke meekly, not sure how to save this situation anymore.

The following silence was deafening. His eyes never left, making you feel like the hurt prey of a merciless hunter. You hated him for not having any reaction to your implied love confession, and you hated the look of pity his eyes held. A different kind of panic built up in your chest, and you wanted to break the stillness more than ever.

“Listen, Kaz, I’m sorry. That’s why I didn’t feel like talking about it. I’m aware you don’t feel the same way, and I understand that completely. But I don’t want this to change the relationship we had, and I certainly don’t want you looking at me like you are now.” you tried to calm yourself, but Kaz just put up a hand to silence you.

“Don’t speak for me. You do not get to tell me how I’m supposed to feel.” he said, his voice untypically soft.

“What are you implying?”

“What do you think I’m implying?”

You groaned, the previous insecurity replaced by a feeling of frustration over Kaz’s behaviour.

“You’re not just a friend to me, either. That is what I’m implying. You never truly were only that.” he confessed, making your heart drop.

Before any of you could say anything more, you heard a low beeping noise, ending in a swift crack. You felt the door behind you moving open, your body almost falling backwards with it.

Jesper stood in the corridor, holding a bag of Wylan’s mini explosives. He took a moment to take in the scene, obviously amused by the view he had.

“I’d hate to disturb whatever is going on here, but we should really get going, like right now.” he exclaimed, reaching out to help you stand up.

Without any further explanation, the three of you took off running, taking one of the alternative exit routes Kaz had previously planned.

When you finally reached the main gate, Inej was already waiting for you, visibly relieved to see you alive.

“Saints, Kaz, we thought you got caught again. You should be thankful that we heard your voices through the door.” Jesper commented, making you wonder how much he heard of your conversation.

“Why didn’t you just crack the lock?” Inej asked with a puzzled expression, “You even taught me how to crack a vault from the inside, and that one back there really shouldn’t be a hard one. Especially for you.”

Kaz didn’t answer, he just continued on walking, giving her a dismissive hand gesture, speeding up to walk in front of the group.

The realization hit you like a coach. He could’ve opened the door all along, and he didn’t. He didn’t because he saw his chance and took it. Was that part of his plan all along?

You jogged up to him hastily, wanting to be out of earshot to the others.

“You knew how to open the vault all along, didn’t you?” you whispered.

“Yes.”

“Did you mean what you said?”

“Yes.”

“You purposefully didn’t crack open the door, because you wanted to tell me?”

“Don’t test your limits. We both have a few things to talk about, once we’re back at the Slat.” he answered smugly, looking into your eyes deeply.

“I think we do.”

[dutchforstrangers]

A post with the moments Taichi and Sora were soft for/to/with each other in DA:2020 + Agumon and Piyomon being their mirrors

DIGIMON ADVENTURE:2020 SPOILERS!!!!

Hi and welcome to my 'Vote Taiora soulmates 2k21' series. This post is basically part 3 of that. I'm a mess, I know...

Part 1: Taiora being starstruck babies | Part 2: The platonic!Taiora connection in Kizuna

PERSONAL NOTE: Once again me here saying that yes this is Taiora and no that doesn't mean I'm trying to sell romantic!Taiora like it's some kind of truth. I just highly believe they are soulmates and soulmates don't have to be romantic AT ALL. Even better, your soulmate can be your platonic best friend while you're in a romantic relationship with someone completely else. Just saying.

And yes, I am a Taiora shipper and I do see and adore the romantic potential of these two. But that doesn't mean everyone has to see it. Platonic!Taiora is beautiful and precious and that's something I vouch for!

There has been floating so much negativity on the internet regarding the Digimon Adventure reboot and even though I'm not loving it either, there are some things I enjoy. I already once pointed out I really like the soundtrack, hell, I even made this little choreography on the theme song for @digiweek 2021 day 3 (prompt music). But that aside, in this post I want to spread some love for the Taiora portrayal in the series, because let's face it, they are super soft (and pretty much ride or die) for each other!

I could ramble and talk about things... OR I could just bomb you guys with the screencaps I gathered! I mean, those reboot 2020 kids don't talk and bicker as much as their original 1999 counterparts do, so why should I?

And you know what 2020!Taichi and 2020!Sora are really good at? Having the same (s o f t) facial expressions to each other, radiating the same energy, touching and physically supporting each other because they are soulmates~. See it for yourself :D

It starts with Taichi looking at his bestie Sora to check if she's safe on the DIY raft while listening to the sweet conversation about fighting together she just had with her newfound Digimon partner in episode 4.

Look at that proud bestie grin. Such a cutie.

Then fast forward to how they are supportingly touchy together..! Two times, in episode 32 and 36. I mean, what's up with that??! Go hug each other already like true childhood bffs do nowadays.

I sense proud mom and dad vibes, what about you? (Also note Piyomon and Agumon in the left one, such cuties <3)

Next up, in episode 37, is Sora being SUPER ride or die for Taichi literally jumping into the water true superhero style to safe the day.! And safe Taichi and Agumon from their stupidity (which is like super low key stupidity compared to OG!Taichi)

This is my personal favorite, episode 40, Sora talking all fast and excited about the passion they share, football/soccer (<- this depends on where you live, I prefer to say football because you play that ball with your damn foot!!!), and how she just LOVES playing it with HIM.

And Taichi is all like "Hell yeah girl, of course I can tell! Preach"

Then in the same episode we find these two pearls (among many other pearls, just go watch that episode yourself already)! Sora looking all soft and concerningly happy to have found her berry-fied bestie. And Sora being glinstering-eyes-happy (like, is she crying??) to see that said bestie back to his human self again!

Okay. There is episode 50, the one with the music I liked and where Taichi resurrects/just resurrected for the big fight and the kiddos trapped in the black ball in the mouth of Milleniummon all scream his name for Taichi to resurrect ONCE AGAIN talking about suffering from portagonist-trope-disease huh?. There are three people Taichi hears screaming his name seperated from the rest and it's rival lover Yamato, baby sis Hikari and CHILDHOOD BESTIE SORA. And let me tell you, when I'd heard her screaming his name in the agonizing way she did, yes, I would have resurrected too if I were Taichi.

Then we of course have that whole Hououmon 'safety first' episode 52. See me ranting and screaming about it in my 'part 1' of this series.

And THEN it's time for the most recent episode, episode 62, where Taichi and Sora reunite and Sora gives Taichi THIS SOFT FACE after she says "The Chosen Ones aren't just here to fight, you know?"

Sora, my baby!!! You can drag me away now, I'm done with this big ride or die softie <333

And you know what's the best part? After the fight with Shakkoumon, which isn't really a fight with Sora following her own words and instead of fighting the Mon talking herself into the heart of the Mon, Taichi REPEATS Sora's words by saying "The role of the Chosen Ones isn't just to fight, huh..." followed by Taichi giving Sora HIS SOFT FACE!!

I'mma repeat myself, but find yourself a guy that looks at you the way Taichi looks at Sora. SO SOFT. OH MY GOD, TAICHI MARRY ME PLEASE. (No please don't, that's weird x'D) I swear, they even tilt their head in the same freaking angle!! This could be cheap animation suffering from 'same face syndrom', but I like to believe that Taichi has watched her, seen the expression she gave him and literally M I R R O R E D I T. This was the whole episode for me, best thing ever.

Also, in that same episode we see THIS:

Even their digimon partners are super ride or die for each other..!! If I had to ship digimon with each other, it would definitely be Agumon and Piyomon (and Gomamon, I'll get to that in a bit). And yes, I know it's a big stretch to let Garudamon, a perfect level digimon, intercept the freaking attack from Wargreymon, an ultimate level digimon, that destroyed Milleniummon 12 episodes ago... It's a bit unbelievable, BUT a) Garudmon is a freaking badass, b) THAT'S WHAT BESTIES DO! And the fact Sora is pretty much ride or die for Taichi, means Piyomon/Garudamon is pretty much ride or die for Agumon/Wargreymon too, no matter the evolution level.

Also, let me point out this little scene under water in episode 35 where Piyomon teases Agumon. Really, I think that's so cute and vouches for the friendship they mirror from the friendship their human partners have!

Actually, isn't it funny that the humans in the reboot hardly tease each other and bicker compared to the original cast and it's the digimon who took over the teasing?

Last but not least, there's one picture left, the end of episode 43. Piyomon and Agumon asleep leaning into each other for support (and Gomamon being cute joining this weird-ass digimon-OT3 I just love!) while on the very right of the frame we see Taichi and Sora laughing/talking together in a super cute way, probably talking about their profound friendship and how they will be football buddies and besties for life :') Also important: they are the only humans in this scene (and then I'm talking about the others not present in this frame too) that are 'seperated' from and not focusing on their digimon, instead they are focusing on each other.

So there you have it. Okay, there might be more moments, but hey, I only get 10 pics per post. If you still don't believe in these two being soulmates in some kind of way... I have no idea how to convince you otherwise.

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 30

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: At Waystation, pt 3/?

A/N: Chapter 30 already! This chapter was not an easy one to edit as I was insecure about a lot of things, but hey, it's out now and that's what matters, right? I am so aware things are progressing a bit slowly right now but I feel it's kind of 'necessary' to have a bit of down time before things start going down. (Not that I'm capable of writing actual drama.) Well, at least we'll find out a bit more about Leo's past in this chapter.

Without a further ado, please enjoy and let me know what you think (those comments really help me!!!)

Words: exactly 3000 apparently :O

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

After breakfast Leo asked Calypso if she would like him to give her a tour around Waystation. She agreed, but Leo couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow at his family members when Georgina asked if she could go with the flatmates and Leo’s mothers told her that they needed Georgie’s help in some Christmas chores.

“What?” Josephine asked innocently when she noticed Leo staring.

“I dunno, tía Jo. It just kinda seems like you don’t want Georgie to hang out with us,” he stated bluntly.

“That’s not accurate at all, Leo,” she denied. “I’d gladly let Georgina go with you but we really do need her help around here. Christmas isn’t coming if we all just slack off, right, Emmie?”

“I agree, dear. I haven’t even…” Emmie’s hesitance only deepened Leo’s suspicions. “...hmmm, taken care of our mistletoes yet.”

“Mistletoes?” Leo crossed his arms over his chest, briefly daring to wonder what would happen if he and Calypso were under one of those plants at the same time. He shook his head to dispel such an idea.

“Didn’t we agree that we don’t need stuff like that? You don’t even like Christmas!”

“I may agree that this holiday is way too commercial these days, but since Emmie has some mistletoes growing in her greenhouse anyway, I don’t see why we wouldn’t use them,” Jo commented. “It’s nice that Georgie gets to experience some of the old traditions even if we grownups don’t care about them.”

“Whatever,” Leo rolled his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t win that battle.

“Um, if you need extra hands,” Calypso joined the conversation, addressing Jo and Emmie, “I don’t have to go with Leo. I’d love to help too.”

Leo felt a twinge of disappointment because of Calypso’s suggestion. His insecure side yelled that maybe he had misread Calypso’s intentions all along.

“Oh, no, no!” Emmie denied immediately. “You are our guest; we want you to take it easy and enjoy your stay here. I bet Leo’s tour is a lot more fun than us peeling way too many potatoes and carrots for the casserole.”

“I wouldn’t mind peeling potatoes,” Calypso mumbled but Leo’s mothers pretended they didn’t even hear that. The flatmates simply had to accept that they wouldn’t have a chaperone - except maybe Festus - on their tour.

Once the two of them were outside, Leo’s thoughts went back to the time when he had first arrived at Waystation. Back then, he had been only 15, having just escaped from his latest foster home, which had been located far away in New Mexico. His foster family there had hidden their opinion on him very badly, giving him sly remarks about his looks and telling him to speak clearer English even though Leo’s English had always been fine, thanks to his real mother allowing him to learn both Spanish and English as a small kid. They had also made him do the hard work such as carrying heavy loads while the other foster kid of the family got the easy tasks. And when he had come home from school with bad grades, the foster parents had commented: “why do we even bother with you?”

At some point Leo had simply had enough, and by selling some of the few belongings he had he had managed to gather just enough money for one plane ticket and so he flew to Indianapolis without telling anything to his foster family.

After living on the streets and successfully dodging the authorities for a couple of weeks, the police finally found him and contacted the local social workers. Thankfully, after Leo put all his convincing skills to use, they agreed to not send him back to New Mexico, instead finding him a new foster family nearby. Leo hadn’t had high expectations because he had been in at least 6 different foster homes since his mother’s death and none of them had been a good match for him. Some had been abusive, some racist, some ignorant, some had had kids who were bullies, some had had alcohol issues… What had been common for them all was that none of them had treated him the way they should have.

That was why Leo had picked some bad habits too; he wanted to drown his feelings somehow and he ended up stealing small amounts of money from his foster family so he could buy alcohol from his older homeless ‘friends’. He had hated how it made him feel afterwards, but it had been the only way he had known how to deal with his issues. At some point he had even had suicidal thoughts because the guilt and trauma from his childhood got so bad he woke up covered in sweat after the same old fire filled nightmare almost every night. And going from foster home to foster home and feeling like none of those people cared what he really did with his life definitely didn’t help him regain his feeling of self worth. He had no future, no plans, no real friends or family and nowhere to go.

Luckily, during his worst phase in his last foster home someone from his homeless group mentioned having a relative in Indiana and that he was hoping to move there at some point in hopes of getting a new start for his life. That idea sparked something in Leo’s mind and when he started planning his big escape, Indianapolis was the first place that he thought of.

When he finally met Jo and Emmie, he was surprised. Seeing them spending time with their then 5-year-old adoptive daughter, he could tell that these women genuinely cared about the little girl and did everything for her wellbeing. Not only that, Jo was a mechanic just like Leo’s real mother and they had also other things in common. With some patience and showing that they cared, simply by making sure that Leo ate, rested and had something to do with his time other than dwelling on his sad past, they eventually won him over. And when Leo discovered thanks to Jo’s help that he himself had the skills to become a mechanic someday as well, he finally had a goal to reach and studying wasn’t quite as big a struggle for him anymore.

Soon, however, Leo became afraid that Jo and Emmie wouldn’t want to keep him around because he still had some bad days when he literally had to be dragged from his bed. He was also worried that maybe the women had heard what he had done in his past and were silently judging him. Instead, they surprised him by telling him that they wanted to officially adopt him much like Georgina because he was a part of their family now. As an added bonus they assigned him for therapy sessions, which really helped and the days when he didn’t want to do anything became less and less. Leo knew he was still a work in progress but this family had helped him so much and he had found his purpose, his home, at Waystation.

Calypso had naturally noticed Leo’s silence so eventually she asked:

“Are you OK? You’re being unusually quiet.”

“Oh, yeah, just dandy!” Leo exclaimed, trying to act more like his usual self. “I was just thinking about the times when I first moved in here.”

“Really? Do you want to tell me more about that?” Calypso asked curiously.

“I guess it won’t hurt.” Leo shrugged. “I don’t remember if I’ve told you that I was in a lot of foster homes before I got here. Well, my last foster parents were really shitty people and I was this close to… I dunno, doing something desperate. So I decided to just leave and ended up here in Indianapolis. I, um, was homeless for a bit but when the social workers got me into their hands they found me a new family, Jo and Emmie. At first they were supposed to only foster me for a time being but they ended up adopting me instead. I… haven’t told this to anyone, but they probably saved my life by doing that. The Leo from that time was far from the Super-Sized McSizzle that I am now,” he attempted to joke, but Calypso ignored that. Instead, she said:

“I’m sorry you had to go through that… but I’m glad you opened up about it to me.” Leo’s heart did an extra jump when he saw Calypso smiling at him supportingly. He would never get used to that. “And I’m glad Jo and Emmie adopted you.”

“Yeah, me too… When I first saw the place I was like, ‘wow, I wish I could stay here’. Obviously the people here are awesome - they are my family - but that wasn’t the only thing the 15-year-old me cared about. The cars and other machines Jo was fixing? So cool. I had only seen something like that at my childhood home and the nostalgia hit me like ‘boom’ right away.”

��I should have known it was the machines that convinced you to stay here,” Calypso teased, but Leo knew her already too well to get provoked by that.

“Nah. I mean, they’re neat and all, but Jo and Emmie did the actual convincing.”

“Okay, I believe you. So, was Jo’s garage what made you want to become a mechanical engineer?” Calypso asked.

“I guess the spark was always there but it took me a while to convince myself that I should try to pursue that goal. But when I started going to school again regularly – long story, don’t ask – I noticed that the sciences were easy for me, I was also decent enough at drawing – which of course helps with the blueprints and stuff – and Jo let me try fixing some of the simpler machines she had and turned out I wasn’t half bad. It was Jo and Emmie who kept pushing me to apply for the uni, though, because they believed in me more than I did. I’m thankful that they did it but… sometimes I still doubt...” Leo hadn’t talked about his insecurities even to his adoptive mothers so he felt that the fact that he was able to open up about it to Calypso was a big deal.

“I’ve seen you fix countless items,” Calypso said slowly. “I’ve noticed that you’re always… so different when you’re fiddling with your machines. More relaxed. Calmer. Surer of what you do. And your eyes sparkle and you hum some old school rock song while you work and I can just tell that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

Leo had to avert his eyes from her because he was afraid he would do something stupid like cry if he looked at her too long in that moment. No matter how encouraging his family, friends and the therapist were… it was still hard to get used to the compliments. And if he was honest to himself, he probably valued Calypso’s opinion more than anyone else’s at that point.

“Wow… umm… I don’t know how to answer that…” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“A simple thank you would probably do,” Calypso replied. “But know that I mean what I say. Now, how about you show me that famous garage?”

Leo did as he was told. He introduced Calypso to all the tools and machinery they used to fix whatever item the customer happened to bring in. He had a feeling that Calypso probably didn’t have any idea what he was talking about half the time because he tended to get very technical with the terms when he got excited, but she still seemed content listening to him. At least she wasn’t telling him to stop, which was definitely a plus.

To Leo’s surprise, Calypso went to the table where he and Jo used to draw their blueprints and asked him if she could see how he did it because she hadn’t seen his blueprints before. He complied, taking a pencil and a piece of blank paper from the stack and looking at Calypso questioningly.

“What do you want me to draw, then? I may have some experience on this but even I need some ideas first…”

“You can draw whatever you like. How about Festus?” Calypso requested.

“Festus?” Leo tapped the pencil against his chin for a moment, considering Calypso’s request. “Hmm, as you wish, Sunshine.”

He started making fast, swift motions on the paper and it didn’t take him very long to finish the sketch. Sure, the lines were a bit rough, but Calypso told him she was very impressed by how accurately he remembered even the little details, such as a dark spot on Festus’ back, how the tail curved when he was happy, and how he was missing a tiny piece of the tip of his left ear.

Leo felt a bit embarrassed by the praise. “It just comes with me hanging out with him so much. Nothing more to it, really.” He looked at the sketch for a moment. “Hold on, I feel like this is missing something. Can you look towards that window for a moment?”

“What, why?” Calypso asked, but turned anyway.

“Just adding something real quick,” Leo replied and started sketching again. He wondered if it was the lighting of the room but he thought Calypso’s cheeks seemed a bit darker than usual and she kept looking at the floor shyly. When he realized that he’d probably feel the same way if she was drawing him, he himself got flustered and decided to try to finish the drawing as quickly as possible. Within minutes he had drawn her next to Festus, playing with him, wearing the same holiday sweater and jeans she currently was.

“Can I see?” Calypso asked.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Leo gave the picture to her. “It’s not detailed or anything but I tried.”

Calypso kept staring at it for a moment. “Leo… this looks great! I mean, I don’t think I am that pretty but I am quite amazed that you managed to do this that fast!”

Leo wanted to say that there was no way the picture did her justice but he knew that would be a never ending debate so instead he told her: “It’s the experience, Sunshine. When you draw hundreds of blueprints you learn to be fast.”

Calypso turned her attention to the drawing again. “Can I get it?” she asked after a while.

“Why?”

“Because Festus looks cute, you weirdo. That’s a good enough reason, right?”

“Fine, you can have it. I’m not sure where I’d put it anyway.” Leo shrugged. He wasn’t sure why Calypso possibly hanging the picture on her wall made him feel a bit weird. In a good way, though.

Once the two of them left the garage, Leo pointed at a smaller building next to the ‘main’ one. A couple of pointy ears were peeking from the upstairs windows. “That’s where our foster animals live. I think the kid me wished on some level that I could have a pet but my mom could never afford one… but Jo and Emmie have been fostering rescue cats and dogs even before I got here. One of them was Festus’ mum; she was pregnant when she arrived here. When she had her puppies, I noticed that one of them was a bit of an outsider and we instantly formed a bond. Jo and Emmie allowed him to stay here even though he sure would have had adopters.”

“That was really sweet of them,” Calypso commented. “Can we see who’s in there right now?”

“Sure but we should probably let Emmie know about it because she’s pretty strict about who can go in. She may ask us to wear ‘bunny suits’; some of the animals may be sick and we don’t wanna spread the bugs around.”

“No problem, let’s go see her then.”

When Emmie heard what Leo and Calypso were about to do, she promised to stop her Christmas chores for a while so she could show them (mainly Calypso) around in the rescue house. Currently she was fostering two young puppies who had been found on the streets without their mother, a mother cat with her 4 kittens who were getting close to their adoption age, and an older cat with some kidney issues who seemed to however adore the little kittens.

Leo was watching Calypso’s reactions closely as Emmie was introducing her to the kittens. Soon one of the braver kittens climbed on the girl’s lap, giving her a tiny ‘meow’ and then started nuzzling against her sleeve.

“Aww, look Leo! He loves me,” Calypso exclaimed, smiling widely as the kitten started purring loudly on her lap while she pet him. ‘He’s not the only one,’ Leo thought in his mind. Aloud he asked: “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“I guess because I’ve never really handled cats so I didn’t know how they’d react to me…” Calypso noted more seriously. But then the happiness returned to her face. “You know, this one reminds me of you! He also has long, black hair like you and fierce eyes.”

“Fierce?” Leo raised his eyebrow. “That’s what you think of me?”

Calypso seemed to want to explain but with Emmie in the room she didn’t go to details. “Um, maybe? Hey, look! Another one is coming!”

This time a small ginger kitten was approaching her and Calypso extended her arm so the kitten could sniff her. The group kept making small talk about the cats in the room and continued snuggling them, but Leo’s eyes were on Calypso the whole time. He could see how happy she was about such a simple thing as kittens and it made him feel lighter, warmer again, even though he had just remembered some very bad times a few moments earlier. Maybe all of it had been meant to happen, he wondered briefly. After all, it led him here, to his family… and Calypso.

[myrainydayloves]

Reception

Feat. @megane-shipping

“Sooooo,” Mary started. “What do we say?”

“Thank you, Mary,” the couple said in unison. Mary nodded happily, leaning into Komui’s side. 

“Now that you two have finally tied the knot, I can tell Cross all about how long you denied your feelings for him, Annaka,” Mary teased. 

“Oh do tell,” he encouraged. 

“Oh it was the same thing every night, the pinning, the wanting. The same ‘Blah blah blah, I don’t like him but he’s the most beautiful, smartest, most charming man I’ve ever met- I don’t like him though!” 

Annaka hid her face in her bouquet as Cross leered down at her. He kissed her cheek softly and proudly announced, “Well I’m glad I never had to go through that.”

The laughter from the entire department was loud enough to block out the music. Johnny was crying with laughter, leaning on Reever’s shoulder who was also having trouble standing. Komui had to take off his glasses to keep them from falling off as he doubled over. Even Froi was laughing so hard, he had to lean on his sons.

“I. Didn’t,” Cross repeated dangerously, only drawing out more laughter. 

“This fuckin’ guy,” Reever said between gulps of air. “He’d walk in totally sober, actually looking like a detective, and he would try to pretend it wasn’t because you would be stopping by later to drop off lunch.”

“Oh my god, when he would get drunk, really drunk, he would just sit and stare into his glass of wine. When he asked him what was wrong, he would say ‘Wish Annaka was here’,” Johnny announced as Cross tried to both look intimidating and also disappear from sight. 

Komui was smiling evilly and whispered, “Someone forgot they called Mary drunk last night….”

His eyes widened as Mary pulled out her phone. Before he could even beg them not to play whatever was on it, his own intoxicated voice reached his ears. 

It must have happened outside the strip club because he would hear the bass over his own sobbing as he begged, “Mary, you have to stop her. I can’t let her marry whoever this guy is. You know how I feel, you can’t let her go through with this. We both-“ Cross looked up at the sky mortified as his drunken self started weeping. “We both know whatever asshole she’s marrying doesn’t have half what I have. You know I could make her the happiest woman on the planet, please Mary, you have to talk to her. She’ll listen to you. I have to go. Please. Just...please talk to her.” 

The entire department started laughing again, except Froi who was crying softly at the romance of it all, as Cross tried to beg god to strike him down. Annaka swirled the champagne in her glass and made a face. 

“She didn’t talk to me, you know,” she teased. 

“Small fucking miracle,” Cross whispered. 

“But even if she had, I would have told her that I loved the guy I was getting married to more than anyone in the world. And I could never leave him for anything.”

“Don’t turn this into a cute sign of your love,” He mumbled. “I’m an idiot.”

“No, you’re the smartest man I know -can it, Komui- and I’m madly in love with you.”

There was a soft ‘gross’ from a voice she knew to be Kanda’s before he was pinched by someone who could read the mood, probably Lenalee. One by one, the group of friends offered gifts to the smiling Annaka and the glaring betrayed Cross. From Reever, a small piece of tech that Cross lit up at and Annaka smiled supportingly of. From Johnny, a repair kit for something that only made Cross more excited and Annaka more confused. From Tiedoll, and his beloved children, a set of leather bound journals. 

And finally the Lee’s. 

“Well, Mrs. Marian, I got you my services,” Lenalee chirped happily. “I swear to make sure neither of those idiots break anything in your house or get into any trouble.”

“We couldn’t think of asking the impossible from you, Lenalee,” Annaka reassured. 

“No. No. I got this. Like here, I can see Allen getting ready to start a fight with Kanda-HEY! NOT AT THE WEDDING YOU TWO!” She cried, stomping over towards her friends. The adults laughed in good fun as she pulled the two apart by their ears. 

“Well I originally got you a juicer but Komui found it and became enchanted by it,” Mary teased, setting a letter in their hands. “It’s not everything but I raised a little hell and got some of that credit card debt erased. As well as took care of loans someone took from shadier places.”

“Cheers,” Cross said, raising his glass of wine to her. 

[blazermckinnon]

27 hours in the SNL standby line for dress rehearsal 9/30/17

Scroll down for standby tips, a list of things you might need, and places you may need to visit for standby!

Here is a description of the timing of waiting in standby:

@myloveholtzy and I have been planning for this for weeks and the time had finally come! I was lucky enough to have my Friday class cancelled so I could go back to the city early enough to guarantee a good spot in line. It’s Thursday night and we’re packing our things anxiously, even laying out cardboard that @myloveholtzy had been saving for weeks for this very day to see if it was enough room to sit and lay down. We try to get some sleep. It felt like a second later when the alarm went off and I jolted up in bed, confused but ready to go. 3:00 AM.

We leave her apartment at 3:40 to catch the train to Rockefeller plaza. We get there at 4:20 and there are only 7 people in line. Our chances look pretty good. Most of the standbyers are asleep so we lay down our cardboard, set up a pillow and blankets and try to sleep. This is going to be our home for the next 27 hours.

It’s a funny thing camping outside on the streets. Everyone wakes up about the same time, as if we were at a sleep-away camp. There’s a sense of camaraderie, we’re all braving the cold for the very same purpose.

Slowly, people start arriving and setting up camp in line. By 5:00 AM, there are a total of 12 people in line. The rest of the city starts to wake up, there are more cars whizzing by, more people speeding by with coffee in their hands. 

We fall asleep again and wake up at around 8:00 AM. There are 16 people in line. We watch movies and talk and meet new people in line and answer tourist questions, so many tourist questions. By 11:00 AM, there are almost 30 people.

We eat a lot of McDonalds and answer some more tourist questions. Then we are stricken with a genius idea (that’s what happens when you’re in the same place for so long, your mind is a wonder). We make signs to avoid the common tourist questions. It’s a huge hit! All of a sudden, people congregate around our signs and we get a laugh out of them. It’s a wonderful feeling and they ask more interesting questions besides the usual “What’s this line for?”. We get so many gasps of “Ryan Gosling!” and an SNL intern even stopped to take a picture of our sign! Our signs made it to Twitter too, this is my legacy. 

By 5:30 PM, there are about 40 people in line. The day is starting to wind down. We watch more movies and talk more about anything and everything.

More waiting and talking and movies and napping. We are moved to a different spot as the other line for Nintendo starts to wind down. At around 9, we are moved again to our final spot.

We go visit Rockefeller at around 10:30 PM and saw Beck probably going back to rehearsal! 

It’s sleep time but there’s a shit ton of jack hammering. No, not just jack hammering, full on earth shattering drilling. I wonder how I’m ever going to sleep.

By now, there are almost 100 people in line. I bundle up and try to sleep.

We start waking up at around 5 the next morning. My body is folded into a position I never thought I could achieve just to avoid the cold. At 6, we start packing up our things. We made it. We did it.

Pages come out at around 7 to give us our tickets. Finally.

We victoriously take pictures of our tickets; this little piece of blue card stock was our first place trophy. But it was not over yet. We go home, take long hot showers and collapse into deep sleep.

We run back to Rockefeller plaza and arrive at 6:50 PM where we have to wait in the NBC store. There is a crowd of people packed like sardines. The pages line us up in order of our ticket numbers. We rejoice at the sight of our fellow standbyers. The line legend lady tells us stories of how she’s kicked line cutters out of the line and how different the system used to be. What a legend.

Finally, we are moved to a staircase behind the NBC store. Through the window, we see Richard, an Australian guy and an all around nice person who was 2 spots in front of us in standby. He is on line for the live show. We line up in twos and Line Legend Lady tells us more stories. We laugh off the nervousness and her ambience makes us feel better, she’s done this for 10 years so she’s chill about the whole process.

They move us up the stairs but there is still no guarantee of getting in. We arrive at the elevators and I sneak a Fallon-style picture of the elevator floors. Finally, we’re in line near the lounge but we’re standby, we don’t get to sit in the lounge this time. We get closer to the studio, I can hear 8H commotion, a page collects our tickets and it hits me. We’re in studio 8H. Pages rush us to our balcony seats, I am in the right section, close enough to watch the show with some lights in the way. It is hard to see some skits below us but it’s ok, it was all worth it.

The rest is self explanatory but here are some highlights that weren’t in the live show:

Melissa, Cecily and Kate doing the warm ups. Kate turns to our section twice and waves at us.

Kate holding Melissa’s hands and pulling her along after the warm ups. It was Melissa’s first warm up.

Kate crawling on the ground to pop up as Jeff Sessions in the cold open.

Emma Stone showing up during Ryan’s monologue.

The elephant man sketch was cut, it was kind of weird (kate as an air flight attendee and Leslie saying ‘bitch’ were great, the rest of the sketch was funny but not as funny).

An auto line sketch was cut, it was borderline creepy (beck plays a window shield repair man who removes their window shield repeatedly to hit on Melissa who plays a 17 year old high school soccer player).

Kate as Angela Merkel waiting behind the black screens next to weekend update, watching Colin and Michael supportingly and laughing hard at their jokes.

Ryan shaking as Kate feels his butt, trying to hold in his laughter.

Kyle pretending to play piano in the bar sketch but stopping before the music ends, garnering more laughter than the actual sketch.

Kate pulling the new cast members to the front in the goodnights. Everyone hugging. The goodnights are my favorite part.

Apparently Beyonce and Ryan’s gf were at the show. And now I know Aziz was also there. Wow.

Now for some tips if you want to do standby:

The line is normally on 48th street in front of the Nintendo store. There will be an NBC guard there so you can ask if you’re unsure about whether you’re in the right place or not. Or just look for at least one person in a camping chair with huge bags and probably coffee. (I say “normally” because that day happened to be a huge Nintendo release so there was a long ass line for Nintendo and we were moved multiple times).

NO CUTTING Line Legend Lady makes this very clear seriously talk to her she’s short and has black hair and glasses and is very approachable to talk to. This goes along with NO SAVING SPOTS pretty self explanatory.

The line is self governed. You’re allowed to leave for bathroom breaks or walks as long as you’re not leaving to go sleep in a hotel bed or whatever (aka don’t leave for more than 2 hours just to be safe)

If you suspect people cutting/saving spots, tell the line legend lady and guards. They’re pretty strict about it. This might sound scary but it’s not, honestly just follow the rules and you’ll have a great time

Talk to the people around you! You’re there for HOURS plus these people are (usually) some of the nicest people around. If you happen to spot any of the line legends: Chris or the Line Legend Lady, talk to them! They have so many stories. Chris has done it ~104 episodes consecutively and Line Legend Lady has done it for 10 years. There’s another line legend lady but I didn’t get a chance to really talk to her, she has gray curly hair and smiled at me once so she seems really nice!

SNL STANDBY SURVIVAL CHECKLIST:

Camping chair

Blankets (PLURAL CUZ ITS COLD)

Pillow

Cardboard box (to put your stuff on)

Books

Laptop (for work or movies)

Snacks

Tissues/napkins

Thick socks (your feet WILL get cold at night I guarantee it)

Earbuds

Layers (again, much cold very freezing)

GOVERNMENT ISSUED ID (permit, drivers license, student ID but it must have your DOB)

Water bottle 

Gloves/hat/scarf (especially if you do it later in the season)

Playing cards

Sleeping bag/portable air mattress (like this one)

Sharpies 

PLACES YOU MIGHT NEED:

Discount & Dollar (dollar store that sells camping chairs for $15, check the quality of the chair before buying bc someone’s chair broke idk if he checked, ours were fine cuz we checked)

Food court downstairs of Rockefeller (bathroom)

Stairs next to main lobby (there’s a water fountain in Rockefeller, go down the stairs near the lobby, there’s a glowing green sign that says something like “food court/concourse”)

McDonalds on 47th street (water, food, bathroom upstairs)

Click here for my other SNL experiences. 

[attack-on-bocchan]

SNS Summer Week 2017 || Day 5 - Family || The Naruto Closet

He wasn’t very good at first-time meetings. Actually - he wasn’t very good at goodbyes either. Or anything in between. The whole “socializing” thing wasn’t his thing at all, so naturally introducing his boyfriend to his family wasn’t going to be his “thing” either. Especially a really perky, blond, idiotic, male boyfriend.

“This is ridiculous ya know? I can’t ev-” strong pale arms pulled on a very ugly orange tie, making it almost impossible to breathe​, “ack! You’re killing me here, bastard! Give me a break!” The blond complained as he shoved off slender arms. “Why am I even wearing a freaking suit? We’re going to your family’s house, not some fancy-pansy restaurant.”

“Is my family’s house not “fancy” enough for a suit?“ I questioned with a raised eyebrow, threateningly pulling on his tie. His blue eyes widened in shock and nerves, and he quickly shook his head from side to side.

"That’s not what I meant, assho-”

I yanked his tie down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, then let go, “then deal with it, you pansy.” I whispered bitterly into his tanned ear. A shiver ran down his spine.

“I just don’t get why you’re making such a big deal about this, when you met my parents you wore sweats!” Whined my blue eyed idiot, sweat ran down his shiny forehead from wearing such stuffy attire on a hot summer day. I could tell his usually infinitely long patience was running short, and it was surprising, because the blond was usually known for his gentle demeanor.

“Your family isn’t the same as my family, idiot.” I grumbled out as I straightened his black coat, soon regretting my words. He quickly pulled away from my pesky perfectionist self, and gave me a glare I didn’t know he had in him. His eyes sharpened, and dug into me, and his childish pout had become a stern frown of disapproval. I could see disappointment reflect off him.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Is your family somehow better than mine because you're​ rich or something?” The voice he used was unusually bitter and cold, almost reminding me of myself.

“Don’t be stupid, stupid.” I snatched his tie and pulled him closer to me once again, earning a cute surprised yelp. I returned his pink lips to mine, and like melting wax, they molded to each other. His grumpy attitude dissipated, and a warm smile returned to his scarred face. “I just haven’t mentioned my preference in men…yet.” I mumbled awkwardly between our mouths.

Tanned arms shoved me off in shock, and crystal wide eyes looked into my slick dark ones, “what are you talking about?! You’re always talking to them about me on the phone a-”

“I talk about a perky, blond, girl on the phone.” I explained casually. I watched as his wide eyes widened even more, if possible, and he continued his rambling a bit more panicked than before.

“And sometimes I even talk to them! I say hi and everyth-” he argued pathetically, seeming like a fish out of water. His arms flailed around, trying to find something to do before he lost it.

“You sound like an awkward girl going through puberty.” I retorted almost smugly, trying my best to suppress the smirk that tried to creep onto my face. I crossed my arms defiantly, daring my blond boyfriend to come up with some other sort of explanation.

“I. Do. Not! Take that back, you asshole!” Wailed my overemotional idiot. He pulled on his hair, looking angry, confused, upset, and overall flustered - it was kind of hot.

“Calm down.” I tried to reason, reaching out to caress his cheek. He wasn’t having it, and took a steady step back, skillfully avoiding my touch.

“How? You just told me your parents don’t know you're​ gay - and apparently ​never suspected my manliness despite our verbal conversations, because I sound like a preteen!” He shrieked unattractively. I wasn’t lying when I said he sounded like a girl during puberty - his voice was scratchier and higher than any little girl I know.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “could you just let me explain, please? Sometimes you’re such a drama queen, I can’t even tell the difference between you and Sharpay.” I watched in slight amusement as he rose a curious eyebrow toward my choice of comparison.

“A Highschool Musical reference? Interesting choice - although if I were anyone in that movie, it’d be Ryan, her equally as dramatic but still level headed brother.” Suggested the now calm blond. Sometimes I forgot about his goldfish-like attention span. I guess now’s the time to explain.

“Look - be whoever you want to be - just listen, alright?” I relented with a sigh. He nodded happily in agreement - seeming almost unaffected by the news now. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

“This whole… family business is a little stressful for me,” I paused, making sure the idiot wasn’t dozing off. He took my hand in his supportingly, and nodded for me to continue. “My family, as you should know, grew up with many religious morals, and I always felt a little guilty for not being with a woman - not that I regret being with you, I just wish I wasn’t…”

“Gay.” He finished calmly. His hand tightened around mine affectionately, an understanding smile on his innocent face. I almost felt bad for confessing something so dreadfully awful to my own boyfriend. Having to say something so weak to your partner is so shameful - and still, hearing the word come out of his mouth sounded wrong. I didn’t feel gay. I never checked out men, or shamefully displayed my arousal for the same sex, I’ve never even been with another man besides Naruto - was I still gay?

I did sometimes look at other men, I admit, but not because of their male status. I usually caught myself staring at men who’d in some way remind me of Naruto. Blond hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, they simply drew me in. They were qualities that made my mind immediately connect to the idiot, whom I’ve fallen for hopelessly. It was rather embarrassing to admit, and impossible to say aloud.

“Sort of.” I admitted sheepishly. Apparently I looked silly, since the idiot chuckled softly before poking my forehead gently. His bright grin light a fire in me, and I pulled him in for one last kiss.

I savored his plump lips, and combed my slender fingers through his golden locks of hair. My leg playfully rubbed against his as my hands moved from his head of hair to his shoulders, slowly sliding off his black jacket. He hummed in approval before suddenly pushing me away lightly, a small frown on his face, “what about your parents? And your brother? Won’t they hate it if we’re late - you’re trying to make a good impression, remember? To them you're still dating a totally hot blond girl with a great personality.”

I smirked seductively before whispering into his ear, “they’re probably gonna love you anyway, so shut up and kiss me, you overdramatic Sharpay.”

As he laughed while I sucked on his neck and clung to him, I realized something rather embarrassing. I wasn’t gay, or homosexual, or bisexual - none of those. I only wanted one person, and it was Naruto, so if anything, I’ve been in the Naruto closet.

[notgonnarememberthis]

A Better Tomorrow- Chapter 2

Hello! I'm so sorry that this update has taken so long. I absolutely intended to update it before I went back to school but things got a little bit hectic with preparing to go back and stuff. Finally after enough coaxing I am back and angsty-er than ever. Any who I hope you enjoy 

Blonde pigtails bounce with every step she makes. She runs across the store excitedly at the sight of her friend. The boy is shorter than her, but to be fair Bobbi towers over most kids her age.

“Lance!” The excitement in her voice is so uncharacteristic of her moody behavior as of late Melinda can’t help but smile.

“Bob!” ...Nobody calls Bobbi ‘Bob’ except for her. Melinda raises an eyebrow amused, watching the two from afar. The two settled into quiet chatter and infectious laughter, Melinda couldn’t help a small, self indulgent chuckle now and again.

Quickly, however, the temperature seemed to spike up, the room became crowded with ash and smoke, fires licked at the walls and the two children disappeared.

Her lungs heave in an attempt to get air. She calls out for Bobbi but no sound came from her throat. She let out a silent scream falling to her knees when she hears a tiny whimper from behind her.

“Mom?” Melinda spins around spotting the same blonde pigtails, now limp against her face. Her hand is pressed to a gushing wound in her abdomen. “Mommy?” Her voice breaks in fear and the image flashes. “Take my hand.” The sudden ticking is deafening amongst the crackle of the flames. The girl flashes in and out of focus, as if static on a television. “It hurts Mommy.” The garbled voice cries out. “Take my hand. I can take away your pain.” Melinda stumbles backwards as blonde flashes to brunette, the bloody wound flashes to a bomb. “Please… I’m scared.” Melinda lets out a cry as she feels her fingers collide with the cool metal.

“I’m sorry.” She sobs as she points her gun.

Green eyes go wide as the shots echo through the room.

The pounding of the door is what surfaces her to reality, leaving her gasping for breath. There’s no smoke, no fire. No Bobbi… She’s dead and has been for twenty years now. Melinda throws herself off of the bed moving groggily to the door. She yanks open the door finding Phil standing there with a smug look on his face.

“Your hurt.”

“And you had another nightmare.” Melinda answers him with a simple glare. “Sorry, thought we were stating the obvious.” She steps aside letting Phil in. “Another one about-”

“Still don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s been 20 years Lin.”

“And I’ll die before I do. What did you get?”

“Bottle of haig and a couple rounds of ammo.” Phil states proudly. “A couple of guys tried to mug me, luckily I had this.” He holds up her pocket knife proudly. “Training kicked in and I looted it off of them.” He smiles. Damn why was his smile so infectious?

“Looks like they got you a couple of times too.” She part growls inspecting the wound on his cheek. It wasn’t bad, likely just a lucky swipe of a knife. She moved to the island in the kitchen pulling a bottle of tequila out of the bottom cabinet.

“Why not use the Haig?”

“And waste perfectly good whiskey?” Melinda shakes her head grabbing a rag and two glasses. She pours the tequila on the rag carefully cleaning the wound while Phil pours them both a glass of whiskey.

“I’ll give you one guess as to who jumped me.” He states hitting his glass against hers. She savors the taste for a second before answering, the distaste of his name almost chasing away the whiskey on her tongue.

“Garrett?”

“Bingo.”

“How does this asshole still have men?”

“Hell if I know.” Phil says placing a hand on hers to pull it away gently. “But I know where he’s hiding.”

“You’re kidding.” She freezes at the thought of beating the asshole to a pulp. He had been their partner in the CIA before the contagion. Something had changed as soon as those… things, had started roaming the streets. He had turned on them, would’ve taken all they had weren’t it for Melinda’s fight training. He had escaped into the city, however, building an army of men. He was fucking crazy.

“Old warehouse on the west end.” He smirks. “Can’t tell you for how long though.”

“How’s now sound?”

Phil chuckles finishing off his drink. “Now that’s the Melinda I know.”

The walk to the checkpoint is fairly calm. They live under strict city rules now enforced by a dictatorship-like military. They had tried to recruit them but they ran. Melinda couldn’t look them in the eyes. Not after what they had done to…

“Hey.” Phil calls. “Get out of your mind. Talk to me.” He had become good at detecting when she was delving too deep into her own mind. After too many times nearly killing military men in revenge for her daughter, Phil learned when she was going too far. He was her anchor. She had just pushed Maria away but Phil wouldn’t leave her.

“I’m fine.” She breathes. He places a hand on her back supportingly, guiding her towards the checkpoint.

“ID please.” The man grunts. Phil hands over both when a truck on the other side of the gate suddenly explodes. Phil reacts quickly covering her body with his facing her away from the blast. Gunfire echoes in her ears as the soldiers fall into a small war.

“It’s SHIELD!” One of them shout. SHIELD was a rebellious group of men and women that had risen from old soldiers and agents who had refused to be a part of the military regiment. They were basically anarchists, even gave the military the nickname Hydra. They remained in the shadow most of the time but apparently they had picked a really inconvenient time to show their faces.

“Run!” Phil shouts. Melinda kicks the ground before her feet even manage to cooperate with her, taking off towards the buildings for safety. She pulls him into a nearby building allowing them a moment to catch their breath.

“So much for the easy route huh?” He laughs.

“I’m glad you find this amusing.”

“Reminds me of the old days.” He grins. “What can I say? I’m a nostalgic guy.”

“Right.” She chuckles. “Are you hurt?”

“No, you?” He asks, eyes tracing her figure.

“I’m good. Let’s go.” He helps her move an old television set out of the way before hopping down a hole in the walls and floor. Someone had discovered a sewer that led to the fifth district just underneath this building and basically constructed an underground tunnel of sorts. It was dirty, raided with toxins, and unsafe as hell but it was their only option. They weren’t going to let Garrett get away again.

Phil comes down after her slipping on his gas mask. Together they roam the tunnels in silence. A groan followed by heavy steps echo through the tunnels. Phil throws her a look and two nods. Two of them, standard size. After years of working together they had gotten used to silent communicating. Melinda spins out from behind the corner and throws two knives, each burying into the back of the skulls of the two figures that were previously lurching in the dim light.

“Nice work.” Phil smirks.

A quiet whimpering echoes through the tunnels followed by a small voice. “Help.” Phil doesn’t even hesitate as he rushes to their aid. Ever the hero, she regards mentally with a roll of her eyes before following. Sure enough a man is pinned beneath two giant pipes. His mask is cracked and filling with the toxic air quickly. It was the same gas that had infected the people in the first place. Ten minutes and he’d be as mindless as the rest of them.

“We need to put him out of his misery.” Phil says kneeling next to the man. His eyes were already turning glassy, his movement jerky and almost violent. Without hesitation Melinda delivers the blow halting all movement. His body goes limp under the weight and his glassy eyes are left staring at the ceiling. “Damn shame.” He mutters before taking the lead again.

It takes another hour before they’re even out of the tunnels. By then the sun is fully up and pouring into the makeshift clearing. Even after twenty years, she has to admit, the view is still pretty breathtaking. Greenery climbs up the walls intertwining with the brick. Nature is slowly taking back over and that is evident by the scene before them.

“It’s almost like a date, you know.”

“Always the romantic.” Melinda scoffs jokingly.

“Can’t help myself.” He smiles at her again. Damn those eyes. He takes the lead towards the opposite side of the grass. The alleyway leads them into a makeshift little city. Dealers stood on either side of the road. Some selling guns at ridiculous prices, some dogs, some bargaining for rations. Overall disgusting.

“Let us through.” She demands to a man sitting in front of a gate. The warehouse was just on the other side. They just needed to make their way through.

“No hello? Where have your manners gone May?” The man with an eyepatch laughs gruffly. “4 rations.” Before she can even argue with the man Phil has thrusted some over. When she throws him an exasperated look he only shrugs.

“We have more than enough for ourselves.”

The man steps aside letting them through with a shit eating grin. “Come again.” He calls.

They make their way towards the building, guns clutched in their hands. Sure enough it wasn’t as easy as marching into the place, she muses when gunshots fire off around them. They duck behind cover easily, their backs pressed to cool metal.

“Ten men. Likely more in the warehouse.”

“Follow my lead.” Melinda states climbing up on top of the dumpster they were using for cover. The high ground allowed her the angle to take out the three guys on the balcony. She flips off of the metal onto the solid ground taking out another two that had shot at them from behind. Phil uses the distraction she provided to take out four more. The last man had tried to flee but Melinda landed a perfect shot between his shoulder blades.

“Let’s go get our man.” Phil smirks.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They found Garrett trying to scale a fence in a desperate attempt to flee from the two of them. His men were gone, absolutely destroyed by the two of them. Melinda grabs the back of his shirt ripping him off of the metal and throwing him into the dirt.

“You tried to send men after us huh?” Melinda smiles pointing a gun at his forehead. She delivers a kick to the abdomen. For Phil, she tells herself. But she also can’t deny how gratifying it had felt too.

“No hard feelings right?” Garrett laughs through a pained groan.

“That’s cute.” She seethes kicking him again. She definitely heard ribs crack that time.

“Where are the guns Garrett?” Phil asks reminding her of his presence

“It’s… complicated.” It was Phil’s turn to join in kicking the man so he lied flat on his stomach. He takes his right arm twisting it at a painful angle behind his back. “Stop! Stop! I’ll tell you.” Phil loosens his grip throwing Melinda a smug smirk. “I sold them.” The smile fades from the both of their faces as the reality of the situation sets in. That had been twenty four of their guns. Twenty four guns that he had stolen and apparently now sold.

“Who has our guns?” Melinda growls

“I can’t. I owed them.”

“You owed us too. And I might have given you a few more days if you hadn’t have tried to kill Coulson.” She seethes pressing the gun to his temple.

“It’s SHIELD! I owed SHIELD!”

“What?”

“We can get them back. They’re all basically dead anyways.” He laughs. “Fuck SHIELD!”

Melinda shakes her head moving to stand. “That’s a stupid idea.” She growls shooting him in the head.

“Feel better?” Phil asks raising an eyebrow.

“Now that we don’t have a psycho after us? Yes. Much.”

“What now?” He asks with a sigh.

“We get our guns back.” She shrugs.

“How?”

“I don’t know Phil. Let’s explain it to them.” She sighs. “Let’s just find a firefly.”

“You won’t need to look far.” A new voice steps into the mix. She looks up, shivers running down her back as Andrew steps into view.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She grumbles, her hand still tight on her pistol.

“I need your help Lin.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I need something smuggled into the city.”

“So you stalk me and get yourself shot in the process.” She remarks nodding to his wounded shoulder.

“It’s not bad.”

“Sure.” She scoffs.

“Look, you help me, I’ll get you your guns back and then some.” He bargains.

“Deal.” Phil cuts in quickly.

“Phil!”

“You and I both know we’re down on weaponry Lin. Those guns were all we had.”

“I want to see them first.” Melinda states. “Lead the way.”

Andrew guides them back to a camp hidden deep in a maze of greenery and destroyed buildings. They finally make it onto the base when a body suddenly leaps at her. She’s about to attack back when she is able to make sense of the screams coming from the girl.

“What did you do to him?” Her attacker cries out.

“Daisy! Easy!” Andrew calls out. “It wasn’t them.” The girl backs off of her and Melinda is able to just barely get a look at her in the dim light. It’s a young Chinese girl, likely in her mid to late teens. Her eyes are wide and panicked as she rushes to Andrew’s aid.

“Who are they?” She mutters as she helps Andrew with his shoulder.

“Daisy, this is Phil and Melinda. Phil and Melinda, this is Daisy. You’re going to be smuggling her out of the city.”

[brightbutdumb]

My-Search: The Bisexual Orientation

It took me a while to discover I was bisexual and truly accept myself for who I am. I have struggled with opening myself up to others and especially myself. Through my doubts and confusion, my mom not knowing about my sexuality as a whole, and even questioning life itself I realized that it's OKAY to accept and love myself for who I am. Though, upon my discovery I had questioned, why didn't I come to learning about myself sooner? I had concluded that there were many reasons why. The first reason was my mom not being open with me about sexuality and sexual identity. Secondly, I didn't know that identifying as bisexual was even possible. Lastly, I did not know that confusion of sexual identity is very common in adolescence in young adult years. These three reasons have always had me questioning, what could've been done to help me grow and become who I am today much sooners? As well as how can I share my belief that sexuality and sexual identity have to be discussed more? In my research I have explored more into each reason why I didn't discover and accept myself sooner and how I could help others on the matter. Sexual identity and sexuality should be discussed more as a whole, positively and supportingly with young adults.

After concluding my first reason why I did not accept myself sooner, which was my mom not being open with me about sexuality and sexual identity, I looked to the internet for answers. I asked 'why are parents not open with talking about sexuality?', or in key words, 'parents', 'adolescence' and 'sexuality'. I wanted to know if all parents are this way and if sexuality and even LGBTQ issues are talked about in the home. I found a newspaper article titled Breaking the Silence With LGBT Teens, written by Dr. Alexis Drutchas, a family medicine physician, who stated, ”Conversations regarding gender, sexuality, and mental health continue to be relatively taboo” and “what we do not have is consistent, open, supportive dialogue around these issues in our homes, schools, places of worship, or our health care settings.” Which is true. The fact is that these issues are popularized in the media and seem to be talked about more as a society yet is it really positively affecting our youth in their homes and schools? Places adolescence should feel safe and welcomed? These questions were a setback because the conversation obviously is still needed to be talked about more. Then Dr. Alexis Drutchas continued about how it may not be the parents fault completely. That it is also health care providers who should be opening the conversation. I agree with her statement because having a third party would allow less confrontation between parent and their young adult as well as have this issue discussed more regularly.

The second reason to why I didn't accept myself sooner was the unknowing that the bisexual identity had existed. Before I had accepted myself for who I am I had questioned whether or not there were more sexual orientations than being heterosexual and homosexual. I searched through many articles and vlogs, or youtube video blogs, among the LGBTQ youtube community. I learned that in fact bisexuality did exist but it was just not that common to talk about. I then started to question if as a society was the bisexual identity cared about enough to bring up for regular discussion? Why was it not as represented as much as other sexual orientations? I had looked up the keywords 'bisexual' and 'bisexuality'. I had come across a surprising amount of articles but few answering my questions. I had finally come across an article called Bisexual: A Label With Layers, written by Michael Schulman, a New York Times writer. He had discussed the difficulties people face when identified as bisexual. He stated, “The stereotypes abound: bisexuals are promiscuous, lying or in denial. They are gay men who can't yet admit that they are gay, or ''lesbians until graduation,'' sowing wild oats before they find husbands.” I had realized bisexuals had gotten a bad wrap. It seems a lot of closeted homosexuals and people experimenting had used, and are still using, bisexual as a term to 'get away' with their curiosity or being unsure. It brings up the fact that people still judge other people and/or people still don't have enough self-confidence or reassurance that they can't admit who they are. It's unfair, however, for people and myself, who identify as bisexual to have to deal with prejudice attitudes and negative stereotypes that not only come from people masking who they are but are aimed against people who have done wrongful actions and aquit it with bisexual persons. Then Schulman goes on to say, ”That bisexuality is in fact more common than exclusively same-sex attraction” and that it's “conspicuous in popular culture”. I was surprised a bit to hear him state that bisexuality was conspicuous. Though some celebrities have come out as being bisexual and some popular television shows have shown a bisexual character, I would have to agree to disagree until I see more exposure of bisexuality as much as the other sexual orientations. Also since society and as people are changing bisexuality should be more openly and positively discussed.

The last reason why I did not accept myself sooner is because I did not know that other young adults were going through the same struggles as I was going through. Up until I turned 17 I was sure that my sexual identity was of heterosexual orientation because I had subjected myself and refused to go outside the hetero-norm. But I explored and discovered who I was. Yet this problem of confusion and being lost is still a major setback to adolescence and the youth of my generation. Yes, the LGBTQ community and some of society has become more accepting, aware, and have open arms to exploration and to kids who are coming out with different sexual orientations. However, the question that needs to be addressed then is how many adolescence youth feel they can be accepted? How can they come out to others and/ or explore who they are without feeling wrong about doing so or not accepted like I had felt? So I went to search the key words 'adolescence youth' and 'sexual orientation'. I found an article that was about how conversion therapy was used and how psychotherapy was 'effective' and can 'convert' someone from being other than heterosexual. It's disgusting to have to look back on a past less accepting than the present. Though there are still changes to be made, I say this is a step closer. The article is called The Right Therapy for the LGBT Youth, written by Stewart Adelson and Kyle Knight, both writers for the Washington Post. They stated,” Childhood and adolescence are crucial times for development, including of sexual orientation and gender identity” and that “youth need information, support and safe spaces to ask questions. Mental health professionals need the latitude to help them.” The focus now should be on helping the youth feel safe and supported. Whether it is through family, friends, therapy, counseling, and support groups. Awareness of an adolescence sexual orientation is needed to be successful in gaining a positive relationship with a young adult and respectively create a communication channel through which a young adult can effectively express their thoughts, experiences, interests and many other things.

After researching  and exploring more on the reasons why I didn't accept myself sooner I came to a broader sense that more discussion and communication is key to evolving how sexual identity and sexuality is talked about to young adult adolescence. I experienced more understanding and a bit more motivation to keep pressing for more discussion of sexual identity and sexuality whether it be in the home, at school, with friends and/or anywhere. I learned that my mom was not alone in preventing me to learn about myself and I have forgiven her because  sexual identity and sexuality was not discussed with her. I also learned that I must keep fighting for bisexual representation and diminish any negative stereotypes and prejudices anyone has against bisexual persons. Bisexuality is not a phase but acceptance that people and myself can love and accept both genders/sexes. The path now is still to be worked on to pave a loving and accepting future for young adult adolescence and anyone who feels lost or not accepted. I am bisexual and confident to say that other people are as well.

Work Cited

Drutchas, Alexis. "Breaking the Silence with LGBT Teens." Boston Globe, Jul 21, 2016, National Newspapers Expanded, http://ezproxy.cyclib.nocccd.edu/docview/1805545976?accountid=41682.

Schulman, Michael. "Bisexual: A Label With Layers." New York Times, 5 Jan. 2014, p. 1(L). Opposing Viewpoints in Context, link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A354732145/OVIC? u=cypressc&xid=764b4a2c. Accessed 25 June 2017.

Adelson, Stewart, and Kyle Knight. "The Right Therapy for LGBT Youth." The Washington Post, May 03, 2015, National Newspapers Expanded, http://ezproxy.cyclib.nocccd.edu/docview/1677697902?accountid=41682.

Ps. i tried to say the bisexual orientation kind of like how freshmans get an orientation to highschool well this would be an intro to bisexuality but like that didnt happen and i just didnt change the name because i thought it was creative but the essay is shit and like yeah.