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sinner-as-saint · 4 years

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Another World - 4.

Alien!Bucky x Reader.

Part 4 of the Another World series.

Run-through: In a futuristic world, you and your family rescue and care for stranded and hurt otherworldly beings. You save them from the bad guys who exploit them. You help them adjust to your planet’s life, and give them their freedom back. Then one day, while on a rescue mission, you come across a human-like extraterrestrial being with a missing arm. And nothing is ever the same again…

Themes throughout the series: alien!bucky, fluff, smut, angst

a/n: ahh!! This will be the last part of the alien!bucky series! Thank you to everyone who loves alien!bucky as much as I do!

As time went on, things just kept on improving.

You encouraged Bucky to have meals with the team. And again, he was a little hesitant. But after that first breakfast he had in their company – which he liked a lot, he didn’t need any more convincing to join the team for meals. He said he found the team entertaining; given they playfully argued with one another and roasted each other all the time.

Bucky quickly grew much more comfortable around a lot of the team members mainly; Nat, Sam and Steve – surprisingly.

And as the days went on, it was lovely to watch him open up to more people. Your people; now his too. And how he could carry long conversations without looking at you every few seconds for reassurance. He was growing more and more confident each day.

He would tease you often, and even use sarcasm at times – a habit he picked up rather quickly while being around the team. Bucky would even be a bit more touchy now. Instead of just innocent kisses, he’d take it one step further at times; kissing along your jaw each time he held you, or kiss down your neck when you cuddled to watch a movie.

And your skin tingled each time he touched you.

His hands would always end up under your shirt each time he held you close. And you grew accustomed to the cold of the metal arm against your skin – it was comforting now.

However, you and Bucky still hadn’t talked about the bond, or connection or imprint as the doctors called it. To both of you, it wasn’t a problem which needed to be addressed or fixed. It was just there, a blessing if anything.

As days went on, you learnt more about Bucky. The doctors had trouble drawing a line between what was Bucky’s otherworldly traits and what came with the experiment he underwent while in captivity. Either way, he was a strong addition to your team.

Bucky’s eyes were fascinating. You, along with Dr. Banner, had it figured it out by the end of the first week; Bucky’s eyes changed color according to what he felt. Ocean blue, normally. Lighter almost fluorescent blue, when he was happier. Darker for deeper emotions. It was quite a unique trait.

Bucky also spent time in Dr. Banner’s lab, sometimes your dad interrupted his occasional check-ups. He even had a one-on-one with your dad, which you begged him to tell you about but he refused politely.

“Bucky please. Did dad say anything w-,”

He turned to face you while the two of you walked away from the treadmills at the gym. Oh, and he had begun training with you and the team as well. Initially you were worried about the metal arm, but then he used the pull up bar to prove you wrong, and made your jaw drop. And since that day, he accompanied you to the gym every morning.

“I had a private conversation with your dad. And I promised to keep it that way.” He replied, and raised an eye brow at you, daring you to argue back.

You frowned and involuntarily pouted. Bucky chuckled and spoke up again, reaching down to pick up a water bottle and you had to admit that the metal arm did things to you. Just looking at it gave you ideas which made you blush.

“It’s true, you know? What they all say about you.” he teased, knowing you’d wanna know more.

You crossed your arms over your chest and quickly eyed him up and down. Tight gym clothes on Bucky? A big yes.

“What do they say about me?” you asked, as he expected.

He looked you in the eye while he swallowed almost half of the bottle at one go. You watched intently how his Adam’s apple moved up and down rapidly, how the veins on his neck were prominent and how amazing his slightly tan skin looked.

A tingle ran down your spine and pooled right at your core. You shivered under Bucky’s intense gaze.

He pulled the bottle away from his lips, closed it and placed it on the ground again. He smirked.

“That you’re a bit of a brat.” He said, and took the advantage of the empty gym to walk towards you, and trap you between him and the wall behind you. He didn’t know where all this confidence came from, it just did. And he liked it.

You smirked as he backed you against the wall. “You think?” you had never wanted a man so close to you like you wanted Bucky. He smirked and grabbed you by the waist and pressed you against his body.

And that same tingle spread all over you again. You looked up to see his eyes had darkened a shade. His grip tightened on your body and he dipped his head and kissed down your neck – making you shiver again.

“You are. But I like it.” he spoke. And you were too distracted to realize that he had in fact answered your question. All you could focus on was how he dragged his soft lips along the side of your throat, making you tremble under his touch.

His voice had deepened; now raspy. His eyes, you were sure, had darkened a few shades. And there was a shift in the air around you, a pleasant one.

Bucky kissed his way back up to your lips and gave you a gentle kiss on the side of your mouth; making you wish and pray that he gives you more than just that. Because if there’s anything you knew for sure in that moment, was that you wanted Bucky.

Bad.

“I want you.” Bucky said, stealing the words right out of your mouth. You felt his warm puffs of air on your skin; his lips hovering right above your own.

You leaned in and were about to press your lips to his and you were ready for him to take you right there if he wanted to, but then you heard a pair of footsteps approaching.

“Someone’s coming.” You carefully create a comfortable distance between you and Bucky and the doors opened to reveal Carol and Nat who came in for their training session.

Bucky almost groaned at the sight of them interrupting your moment.

You and Bucky exchanged a quick hello with the ladies and walked out. Sharing shy smiles and laughs as you made your way upstairs. And once on your floor, you left Bucky at his door and made your way to yours.

But Bucky didn’t let you go without a deep kiss. He chuckled when he pulled away. “I should definitely take a really cold shower.” He smirked and you did not dare look down. “I’ll see you at breakfast?”

You smiled, blushing already. “Yeah.”

You walked away with a thought which had you all hot and bothered by the time you reached your room and entered the shower.

Bucky was perfect. In every way, that you were sure of. But you didn’t know what he looked like… naked. You felt shy to admit it, but you had surely felt him press against you whenever you hugged. And sometimes you’d feel something poke you but you were always too shy to… initiate anything.

Oh but you wanted him. Each touch from him now just fueled your want and need to have him. But you didn’t want to just jump his bones, you wanted to take things slow.

The past couple of weeks you spent together was pure bliss. Delicate, gentle touches and stolen kisses. Walks in your secret garden and cuddling while reading or just talking about nothing under the sun. A lot of gazing into each other’s eyes and smiling. And a lot of forehead kisses before wishing each other good night, and good morning. You didn’t share the same room yet, so you two were always so dramatic before parting ways for the night.

You giggled under the shower at the thought of you and Bucky. He was perfect. He was all you wanted and more.

Recently, you had developed this habit of always knowing where the other is. You two just felt gravitated towards one another. You’d reach out for his hand at the same time he reached out for yours when you walked beside each other. And your hands always met in the middle. It was a sweet, but intimate gesture.

“Oh Bucky… what are you doing to me?” you whispered to yourself under the shower while you bathed.

Breakfast with Bucky and part of the team was as usual, chaotic. Fun and entertaining, but chaotic. Your dad joined as well, initially trying to settle them down but ended up partaking in the on-going debate between Thor and Carol – bickering over who’s the strongest of them.

For the rest of the day, Bucky was taken with his own training. He had had a talk with your dad, and told him how he wanted in with the team as well. And his forte was weapons and combat so he was learning about all the new gadgets your team worked with and decided to use his strength to do only good and rescue people alongside you from now on.

So Steve took the responsibility of getting Bucky accustomed to the work that you all did, and more training because in his opinion; Bucky was one of the bests you have on your team – combining his otherworldly traits and strengths, and all that came with the alteration done to his DNA when he was experimented on.

You remember feeling all warm and proud when Steve announced that to the team. Because Bucky deserved it, all the praise and the pats on the back and the kind and loving words.

That same night, you noticed something different in Bucky’s behavior. You were both cuddling on his bed, movie playing in the background while the two of you were busy kissing and caressing each other – and you could’ve sworn you heard him moan when he breathed in your scent.

Your back pressed against his torso and you sat in between his legs, and you felt something poking your lower back.

“Bucky.” you had a faint tone of warning in your voice, but you also sounded playful.

Bucky was quiet. And kept kissing down your neck and along your shoulder. His stubble pricked your skin but it also tickled. You giggled as you felt his hands caress your skin under your shirt, inching closer and closer to your breasts – which was new because he was usually never this… sexual.

But you wanted it. You wanted him. Your body tingled and burned under his warm and cold touch, and there was nothing you wanted more than have him buried deep in you. But you were also nervous for your first time together.

Bucky sensed your sudden hesitation and he wasn’t having it. “Hey, look at me.” He sounded gentle, but also demanding and hot and you had to pull your head out of the filth and turn around on his lap; now straddling him.

You saw the hunger in his dark blue eyes. And your hand gently traced the branding on his skin, near his shoulder. Bucky reached out with his metal arm and held your chin between his thumb and forefinger.

Nothing had to be said, you both knew what the other wanted.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, looking up at you with hunger-filled, yet soft eyes.

You nodded. Of course you did, you trusted him with your whole heart and everything in you.

He smiled. “Then let me make you mine.” his voice was soft, and his eyes quickly flicked to your lips then back to your eyes.

You didn’t answer, you simply leaned in and pressed your lips to his. His mouth moved perfectly against yours, and you felt the warmth of his skin wrapping around you like a protective cocoon and suddenly nothing else mattered in the world. He was here, with you; and all was well.

His hands gently caressed your skin under your shirt. He lifted your shirt up after a while, and he pulled away from your lips briefly to take your shirt off completely; tossing it to the side carelessly. That being the only thing you were wearing at the moment, you now sat there on his lap, in just your underwear. He gently touched you wherever he could; letting his hands linger at your breasts and taking his sweet time; caressing and fondling.

His mouth didn’t leave yours as his metal hand slipped in between your legs with ease; caressing your inner thighs as he went. The cold from the metal caused a shiver to run down your spine, or perhaps that was just his touch – either way, you shivered and moaned through the kiss.

Hearing you moan had him bothered, and the sound which left your lips only made him want to ravish you even more. His hand slipped into your underwear with no shame, his knuckles gently stroked your wet folds; making you shiver at his touch. He chuckled upon feeling just how aroused you were.

He flipped the two of you; you landed on your back on his bed. His large frame hovered over you as he pulled away just a little to give you some time to catch your breath. He ran his fingers up and down your folds, gathering and smearing your arousal around as he went.

He pushed his cold, metal fingers into you and you shivered. He messed with you for a little bit; stroking your walls with his fingers and making you whine.

You whimpered quietly under him and he nuzzled your neck as he slowly removed your underwear; trailing it down your legs until he tossed it behind him – leaving you bare under him. Bucky pulled away to admire your body for a few seconds; his hunger only growing and your body grew hot and tingly under his gaze.

“So beautiful…” he mumbled in a daze, his eyes almost dark as the night.

You didn’t feel self-conscious, or shy. All you felt was hunger – a growing need to have him. His touch was electric, and it only made you want more. You admired the man above you, as he lowered his sweatpants reached down and pulled out his cock; stroking it while he looked down into your eyes.

You didn’t want him to see that his size both startled and excited you, so in order to hide your surprised face you leaned in and kissed him. But truth is, you were both nervous and impatient to just have him in you already. Not to sound entire obscene but… he was very well hung.

Bucky pulled away from your kiss gently, and leaned in again to press his forehead against yours while he pushed his erected cock past your tight entrance. You moaned out loud as he did. He grunted once he filled you up entirely, and he gave you a couple of seconds to adjust.

You were so full of his thick cock that even forming a proper thought seemed impossible at the moment. You shuddered as you felt all of him. His lips found yours again, attempting to get you to stay quiet while he rolled his hips against yours.

He removed himself and pushed himself back into you, and watched in awe how you struggled to adjust to his size. He lowered his face again, and dipped his head into the crook of your neck. You heard him panting and swearing under his breath as he rocked into you. Your nails sank into his skin, around his shoulder and muscular arm; which you held onto for dear life as he pounded into you.

You tried matching his thrusts but were unable to; so you simply let go. Your body moved against his like a rag doll. Like a toy for him to use. All his.

He kissed you, bit your skin, kissed your open mouth while he rammed into you; and you never complained once. Given his size, he stretched you out completely. And it did hurt, but the pleasure compensated for the pain.

Your legs trembled as you lifted them up to wrap them around his waist. This allowed him to thrust deeper into you, and in the haze he was in, he managed to mumble right in your ear about how good you felt. Bucky growled and bit down on your shoulder to keep himself from making any loud noises while he fucked you. He was relentless, as though each moan, each mewl which left your lips only encouraged him to get more and more rough.

He was usually very sweet and gentle when he handled your body, but tonight he was animalistic and wild. His kisses were more passionate and deep. His touch was tantalizing, and there was nothing innocent and gentle about how he made love to you. But you loved it. And you knew you could definitely get used to it.

You saw in his eyes, the determination, the hunger and the need – matching your own.

Bucky was relentless. He didn’t know why, but he felt the burning need to claim you and let it be known that you belonged to him.

At some point, right when your walls started clenching around him and when you were just about to come undone; he removed himself from you and flipped you onto your stomach and pulled you onto your knees by your hips.

He kissed the back of your neck and pushed himself inside you again. You felt his hard body press against the curve of your ass as he filled you up again.

How was he so good in bed? Not that you were complaining, but just a thought. However, you couldn’t dwell too much on the thought as him being buried deep in you was distracting.

You moaned out loud at the new sensation of him rocking into you from behind. Bucky’s hand found its way to your front and he pressed the palm of his metal hand against your lower abdomen. He liked the wave of excitement which coursed through his veins each time he felt himself deep within you.

His hand travelled all the way to your throat and he bent down to whisper in your ear, “Can you feel me deep within you?” his voice gave away that he was holding back a moan as he fucked you. “You’re mine.” He stressed, as he very gently squeezed the sides of your throat. But hard enough to make you lose your mind.

He liked the thought of how he was the only one who would ever touch you like this, the only one who would own you like this, the only one who would ever fuck you like this. The possessiveness came to him almost naturally as he rocked his body against yours.

He pulled out to flip you around and pushed back into you again, harder this time.

You could only moan and whimper in response while he pounded into you incessantly. You had no problem with being his. Not only because he was perfect, and could make love to you like a god, but also because he made you feel things on a level superior than just physical and emotional.

Bucky touched your soul, the innermost part of your heart and you knew then; looking into his eyes, that there was nothing in this world, or another world, you wouldn’t do for him.

You moaned at how wonderfully Bucky stretched you out and rammed his thick cock in and out of you rapidly. You felt your walls clench around him, and tightening around his thick member; making him moan out loud. The sounds leaving his lips were sinful more than anything. And it sent shivers down your spine.

He panted against your cheek, kissing the side of your face and gripping your jaw with his hand.

He didn’t slow down as you felt your orgasm wash over you, he kept pounding into you as your eyes rolled back and you moaned out his name as you came; hard. You whimpered at how he kept slamming into you even after you came, and your face burned as you felt the knot forming again right at your core

Bucky fucked you relentlessly; not even stopping for a second. He panted and groaned at how good you felt and shamelessly told you about it; whispering against your skin about how perfect you felt around him.

Unable to form coherent sentences, you moaned as you felt your second release approaching while you still recovered from the first. Your legs were numb, and your body moved along with his like you were nothing but a rag doll; yet, you wanted more of what he had to give. You craved him.

A rush coursed through your veins as you felt your mind clouding with lust again. His large frame hovering above you as he tightened his grip around your throat just a little more. He growled under his breath, his lips dangerously close to yours as you whined and whimpered under him.

A series of cuss words left your lips as you came for the second time in a row, walls tightening around his length. He bit down on your lip as you lifted your hips to meet his thrust; chasing your release. Your body trembled under him as you came again; gushing out around his cock while he still pounded relentlessly into you. You noticed his irregular thrusts and the sound which left his lips – as he came right after you; filling you up.

After he was done, he fell limp into your arms, careful as to not crush you beneath his body weight.

He stayed like that for a while, and let you wrap your arms around him; with his head against your bare chest. He relished the feeling of being in your arms. Until he finally rolled over and pulled you into his side, tucking your head under his chin.

Both of you panting and unable to utter a word after all that just happened. So you just held each other and relished the body heat radiating off one another.

Eventually, Bucky broke the silence first.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked softly as he gently ran his hands through your hair which sprawled all over his chest. And just like that, he was back to being the gentle boyfriend you were used to; not the beast he had just been in bed some minutes ago.

You giggled. “Nope.”

He grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips; kissing your knuckles gently.

You turned to face him better, and reached out to gently caress his rough cheek. “Your kind muct be so beautiful.” You said as you admired the man. Simply breathtaking.

Your words made him smile. “You think I’m beautiful?” he asked, looking at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

You laughed. “So beautiful.”

He laughed along and reached out to hold your hand in his large, warms one and laced your fingers together.

“What if I happened to have fangs and green or red, scaly skin and say, a tail?” he asked, teasing you. He always felt a boost of confidence surge through him whenever he received a compliment from you.

You giggled and leaned in to kiss him on the tip of his nose.

“I would love you regardless.”

He could’ve sworn his heart grew in size when you said that. He had never had anyone say that to him before. Hell, before you he didn’t even know what love was. And how much better life could be with love and warmth around him. And now that he did, he didn’t want to be without you for even a single day. He knew he wouldn’t survive without you.

And neither would you without him.

Bucky took a while to reply to you. “You know, Dr. Banner told me about the bond thing. The connection you and I formed, or the imprint.” This was the first time one of you ever brought up this topic.

You listened intently.

“He told me all about it, and tried explaining as much as he could. He asked me how I felt about it, and I didn’t know what to tell him then.” Bucky told you the truth.

That day, in Dr. Banner’s lab, he truly didn’t know what to say. Not because he didn’t feel anything for you, oh no. He felt so much that he didn’t know where to begin with. He had difficulty putting what he felt into words so he remained quiet.

“Do you now?” you asked, after a few seconds. You were eager and curious to know his side of it.

He smiled and ran his knuckles against your cheek, gently caressing your face. “I do.” he answered.

And you waited for him to elaborate.

“Imprint or not, I would fall in love with you regardless, no matter where or when we met. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. You got me out of a dark place and showed me that this life was worth living. I like who I am when I’m with you, and I know that it’s not just a connection, it’s much more than that.” He paused. “I love you, and I never want to be without you.”

He voiced out his feelings sincerely, and you were almost on the verge of tears.

“I love you.” you whispered and leaned in for a kiss.

Hydra.

That was the name of the nightmare Bucky had to live through for many years before you found him, and managed to get him out of there.

Your dad and Steve had done some research and within a few weeks, they were able to track down Hydra.

During a meeting with the entire team recently, your dad and Steve explained all about them and your potential new mission.

Hydra, you learnt, was a secret organization who did everything you and your team fought against. Trafficking, holding life from other planets captive, and experimenting on them, selling them, turning them into weapons and handed them over to slavery. Somehow they managed to stay hidden from you. But Tony figured it out the moment you found Bucky, because who else would shoot their hostages and rub it in your faces other than a malicious organization who, driven by human arrogance, thought that they were better than anyone else.

And eventually you, Bucky and the entire team set out on your biggest mission yet – to take down Hydra.

And you succeeded. Initially Bucky was against the idea of you going there, because he knew it would be a dangerous fight.

You two even argued over it.

“I can’t lose you.” he said, in all seriousness as he sat you down on the edge of your bed once you finally made it to your room after the meeting.

You sighed as you looked around, avoiding his eyes at all cost. Your eyes fell on his sweater carelessly thrown on your couch. Then you found his book, lying on your dresser – the book he had been reading whenever he had free time lately. Then your eyes found his shoes somewhere on the floor.

You and Bucky had been sharing you room recently. And he had become such a huge part of your life; a habit. Your favorite habit.

“I can’t lose you either.” You were on the verge of tears. “Buck, those people treated you horribly for so long. I finally get to help put an end to it. Just let me go.” You begged again, calmer this time.

Bucky knelt in front of you, placing both his hands on your knees as you sat on the bed – angry at everything.

“Okay. What if you go, and then they get to you? And they take you prisoner.” His sounded cold. “Worse, what if they take you and not me? Do you think I could live with that?” he asked, shivering at the mere thought of it.

You scoffed.

“And what if they get to you and take you back? How am I supposed to live then?” you argued and Bucky stood up.

You did too. He turned to look away, frowning at the memories of that dark place. “You have no idea.” He spoke while looking down at the floor, then to look back at you. “You have no idea what it’s like in there.” He stated.

Your eyes watered at a certain memory. “I think I do, Buck. I’m the one who found you.” You felt your heart ache at the image of him in that cryo. “You’re the one with no idea of what it was like to see you like that.” You let the tear fall finally.

And Bucky still couldn’t look at you. He was hurting too. “No. You won’t go.”

“That’s selfish.” You sounded calm, but bitter.

Bucky looked at you finally. His eyes were deep blue, and glossy – much more than before.

“Maybe I am.” He caught your attention. “I would rather risk going through Hydra’s torture a hundred more times if it meant that you stay here, safe, and away from the fight.” He stressed on the fact that by staying here, and by not joining the fight, you would be safe.

“Bucky… please.” You walked over to him and held his hands in yours. “We can do this, we can put an end to this. Together.” You tried to persuade him.

In the end, he agreed. And the mission was a big success. You terminated Hydra, and came home. Some of you were injured, but that was expected. You managed to rescue many who were being held captive, and just like Bucky, they were all offered a place at the compound.

And just like that, life was perfect.

Although there was one question which was left unanswered through all of this, and it was eating you alive. But one day, while you and Bucky were outside in the garden enjoying the sun – you asked him.

“Buck?”

“Hmm?”

“If the doctors eventually find out where you’re from, would you want to go back? To your world?” you asked, your voice heavy with sadness. The mere thought of him leaving broke your heart.

He chuckled and reached out to grab you by your arm and pulled you into his chest. You placed your head over his heart, and you could hear his heartbeats loud and clear. The sun was warm, and this little garden felt like paradise with him by your side.

“Even if they do figure it out, I don’t remember anything from there. If I go, I’ll just be a stranger. I’d rather be here with you.” he looked down at you. “I like it better here.” He answered and your heart fluttered.

You had heard of enough love stories. Each different from each other; each one unique in its own way. It surprised you, in the best way, how something as delicate and beautiful as love had managed to transcend through centuries and traveled between galaxies, and between worlds. Until now, it found its way to you.

You knew since a long time ago that one day, if you managed to find your one true love, he’d be one of a kind. Little did you know that he’d be, in fact, from another world.

---

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blindtaleteller · 3 years

Text

PROMPT: OOC Interview with [X] Clint ‘Cuyler’ Barton

" Been a while since we did one of these.. but. You know the drill man! This is your first interview, yeah? Want to explain why and where you’re from? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Besides trolling the hell out of tags with Viedimadr? *grins* Ah, mostly that’s keeping the core element I guess. Most Bartons are the quintessential superhero, at least in the range of having that alter-ego. Might not wear a mask ‘til Ronin in the MCU? But --and especially with how my character works pre-Avengers; sharing past the job isn’t exactly any of our fortes? We have a family to protect, and if you do the math of how old the kids are even in Ultron: that family has been a thing since before we take the higher ground up out of the paid-SHIELD-killer status I’m in that Nat does mention in the original Avengers. Also usually save it up between the pages and occasional poke into tags and skits here on the dash.

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) As for where I’m from! *he leans back and hooks his hands behind his head* We’re Universe Fourteen; two doors on the left down the connecting Vestibule from Lisan’s Universe, and one to right of the Ego-centrics with Grey Knight and Leadsprite. Ours starts out different in the respect that, Fury ends up getting the Scepter tap instead of me; and the resulting conflict goes very differently.

“ Such as? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) We never even hit New York; Fury tries to snag me in, and under the Stone’s influence that means trying to at best grab my kids since he’s one of the only two people attached who know about them. Loki ends up breaking form and getting in the middle of that. Yanks us off world and out of Fury’s sight, with the goods. That’s where we picked up with our first published bit ‘The Warming Stone’ anyways.

” Speaking of.. what do you think about the split from the original timeline? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) I’m having a lot of fun with it myself. And I’m pretty sure Laura is somewhere outside the room clapping in agreement; she’s quieter than most but a constant presence and; she and Lo get along real well. Anyway. End up dealing with that whole ‘the city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots; and I have a bow and arrow’ overwhelmed mentality a lot sooner because of it? I like the existential twists that come with the Dark Fairy Tale elements and whatnot that get thrown out there and right into our faces pretty much immediately, what with running face-first, on foot, into Jotunheim of all places through that doorway in Illinois. We did some collabs with the other guys that run through there, on top of the research and expanded on some of the wildlife ourselves to manage that? So that was some actual fun. This side of the pool I can absolutely admit us Bartons are a bit masochistic? *laughs* I am pretty sure we enjoy exploring those bits and how we’d react to them. I’m no different in that respect. I mean.. how would you react to being a dinner sized meal for labrador-to-great-dane sized snow-caterpillars with the elongated teeth of freakin shark? Or finding out the hard way there’s giant predator owls flying around about the size of a plane that eat those, just as an example? Never mind trolls, or frost giants, or anything else that manages to survive in that kind of insane climate and might decide to try and eat you just to see if you taste good.

” Probably stay inside forever if I was going to be honest? XD Anyway, Is there anything you’d change about your current story? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Considering we’re still building back there? Not yet. I mean, too much fun so far. I mean we’ve done what.. four parts at this point? All during what we’re currently calling the Traveler Phase from Earth to Asgard through the doors between Illinois, Jotunheim, and Vanaheim. Which is interesting in itself. I mean whole other world, and things are shaken up before we even get there and (in part because of the fact that) we end up dependent on our Loki pretty fast. I think maybe my only change there would be in maybe doing another part for Extras that includes ‘Ogre’ .. who hasn’t even shown yet at that point in the story. He’s our Bruce Banner; or more specifically our Hulk? Thing is finding a space that won’t interfere too heavily with the book when we do it though. We could excuse the bits in the Traveler Phase because we intended to shorten it when we got there anyway; maybe cut straight to Asgard with that as a supplemental extra; a lot like the GROUNDED kids did with their out-takes featured in the same platovember series.

“ I imagine messing with Universe Three’s next installment’s been helping that along? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Oh yeah, definitely. That mirror of Bruce’s is pretty similar in mindset and approach.

” That said, do I have to ask if there’s anyone in particular you like to watch or get into reading over their shoulder when they’re at it? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Oh definitely The Bean right now, for sure? But there’s a list.. *grins* GROUNDED and DREAMS being woven together finally, especially with some of the inter-universal roles being brought up is a big one. Looking forward to whipping out that sword.. heh. Though, watching the ESCAPE kids from the other forming Vestibule has been an interesting ride now that they’re not entirely cloistered in Tuscon, or their hotel room. I know what’s up there outside of Traverse too, which helps. And there’s Josh. I think everyone’s been waiting for that fireball to explode across the page? The fact Tony, Lo and Fury managed to somehow make that nutcase all on their own with just a few lines still makes me laugh. Walsh is a character and a half. I’m looking forward to getting my chance at screwing with his mirror in our Door. Leigh is a weird bit of fun too, but Josh is definitely one of those at the top of the list, and who you chose for a face in close rep, is interesting. Maybe Vix too as far as characters go? But he’d a little lower down for me at the moment.

“ Stab, stab pull..? Heh. Which is your favorite upcoming group from the books/portions of Mixology aka the Lokiverse at large? And which are you most curious about? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Ha! yeah; stab-stab, pull. Loxley’s got an interesting bunch next door. *rubs his hands up over the top of his head and back down* Honestly, MONSTERS and ASHES. Ah, that’s Door and or Universes Three and Twelve for those that don’t know. Three has a similar bonding mechanic between Bruce and Lo I’ve been interested in, while ASHES hits on other things, including a rockier relationship and overall dynamic between his Bartons and Redbird (that’s his Quill) that tends to go dark in the personal aspects a lot. I guess I like that struggle between them, personally. Loxley brushes something similar going on post-Ronin with his family dynamic with his internals and his Lo’s concerns for that; but I think Lili and his crew hit that at a whole other angle from around five years prior on? With, a whole other take on the family dynamic that Laura and I have with Lo by the time we leave Asgard. And that’s curious to me.

” I put you guys through a lot of shit in the name of storytelling. Any parts you have complaints about? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) None, planned or otherwise.

“ ..that was fast. “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) What can I say? I enjoy the twisty shit, at least on this end of the pool. Ignoring the reservations, and dealing with the danger-fear of getting hurt in ways that can’t be fixed with stitches or band-aids, of accepting that kind of bond knowing how it started and risking the idea that finding out why might not make that danger less or that person better or more relatable than perceived to be able to accept them farther even after that investment?

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) The contradiction of pride and ego versus conscience and the guilt when it belongs there getting in the way -and even dealing with when it should be toned down that results in having one, even if it’s just a sliver in places and playing that out along with dipping into places mostly ignored or washed over in the Universes; is interesting and fun to me. Danger included. I have a little less guilt than my mirrors in a lot of directions that gets placed elsewhere after we come back to Earth; and I enjoy that dynamic and what we’re trying to explore there. That whole; ‘what if he was loyal, without he stone’s influence’ aspect, in our own flavor is a LOT of fun to play with. It’s a very different Universe, but holds hints and background pieces, and similarities enough, as well as the core; that it’s a feasable alternative to the canon line. Which is extra fun, for the personal aspects or ‘humanity’ we manage in the process? So no.. no complaints. Not yet anyways.. heh. We’ll see how I feel when you start actually touching actual, hands-on Gagnarok fixes and alternates though. Outside of that Cosmic-FrostIron bitty from a few doors down anyway. That’s gonna be a mess.

“ Whee.. yeah. MONSTERS gets that honor first, most likely.. “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Good. Bean can handle that best, I think... or maybe worst. Either way it’s gonna be entertaining for me..

For those interested, Cuyler’s published stories are found below in chronological order (they were posted out of order in part because of the prompts themselves and some parts were planned ahead to take certain slots.) The title names are the links to each part.

The Warming Stone (part 1)

Fathers (part 4)

The Hart (part 2)

Between the Reds (part 3)

#Lokiverse #Lokiverse muses #muse interview #Cuyler/Clint Barton D14 #Clint Barton #Dark Fairy Tale Elements #Door/Universe 14 #Hawkeye #OOC interview #Lokiverse (Mixology)#alternate universes #multiverse #conjoined AUs #Alternate Reality #fanfiction #FrostHawk #aka #LoHawk

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simplyoriginalcharacters · 7 years

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Making Characters for Relationships

Hi there!

Shields here to talk about writing characters to be inside relationships. Let’s start with what that means. Have you ever read a story where two characters fall deeply in love and all you can think is, why would those two ever get together? That’s because the author created two characters, detailed out their thoughts, hopes, and dreams, then randomly paired them with each other. This doesn’t make for a good read. If a relationship is going to be central to your story, you have to create the characters together so that they make sense together. There are a number of different types of relationships, and I’ll try to touch on most of them as we talk about this.

I’m going to separate into two categories, short term relationships and long term.

Short Term: These relationships don’t last long, even when people want them to. They come about in two main ways.

1. Attraction

Attraction is the number one way we see characters come together. Now when I say attraction people tend to think of sexual or physical attraction, because we read about these the most. This happens in real life all the time. People think they want a relationship with someone based off of appearances only. This is easy to put in a story because the characters don’t have to complement each other in any way.

When platonic attraction happens it’s usually because one party covets something about the other person. Think about how many people want to be best friends with celebrities. They don’t actually know the person, but the fame and glamour keeps people coming back. Also, platonic attraction is often mistaken for romantic attraction, which is why phrases like “Man Crush” have been invented.

Strange attractions make for compelling stories, but they don’t tend to last long. Attraction only goes so far.

2. Situational

Put into the correct situation, any two people will form a connection. Take two sworn enemies who have hated each other since birth. Now have them kidnapped by aliens and taken to a home world where they are the only two humans. They will find a way to work together real quick. Situational romances have given us the term ‘showmances’. The moment the movie, show, or play ends, the relationship dissolves. A situation can be people being in the same physical locations, being in events together, or sharing emotions. When writing these relationships it’s important to consider how the situation affects the characters and how that draws them together. A common theme in movies is the hero and heroine falling in love because they survived the ordeal together. Again, this is not the basis for a long term commitment.

Long Term: These are hard to write and it is absolutely imperative that if you want a relationship to feel authentic and sustainable that characters in these relationships be written with each other in mind. These are your family relationships, life long best friends, marriages, business partners, band members, anything that spans the decades relies on some dynamics.

1. Complimentary Qualities

The Peanut Butter to your Jelly. Some people simply work better together. The forgetful partner owes a debt of gratitude to the person who always remembers to bring the correct books home from school. The extrovert relies on their introvert to remind them to take a step back from the noise and breathe. The push and pull is standard in relationships and should be believable without being too far apart. Having little idiosyncrasies that your partner helps you with is not the same thing as being polar opposites.

2. Common Core Values

Look at any couple who has been together for 50 years. They will tell you they worked at their relationship but also that they wanted the same things out of life. Happy long term relationships require that people examine not just what is right and wrong, but how you get to those places. If the western wind is a call leading you to adventure you need partners who will pack up with you. If one of your characters wants a brood of children while the other wants to live a free life untethered, someone is going to be unhappy. Don’t mistake core values for things that don’t affect lifestyle. “My best friend believes in God and I don’t” is not a reason to dissolve a friendship unless it affects your ability to interact. If both people believe in true respect, love, and tolerance things can work out but you have to purposely write that into your story. Values do not happen by accident in writing.

3. What Do We Do Together?

This is a huge portion of life that gets overlooked in so much literature. The chosen one has saved the world and she’s run off with the love of her life. What do they have to talk about? This is why situational relationships collapse. High school has ended, does your friend group have anything to talk about? Welcome to ‘I feel like I don’t even know them anymore’. In an epic romance novel the love will die out and the marriage will end once they realize they have nothing in common. Characters who have been married for twenty years should have things they do together. They camp, they cook, they talk about cars, football, flowers, birds, hunting, writing, reading. Once you know someone’s stories you need something else to go on. This is one of the reasons why it’s so hard to write age-gap relationships. These people come from different generations. They don’t have any common cultural stuff to fall back on, and they usually are in two different life phases. If it’s not a power imbalance, there have to be a lot of commonalities pulling them together.

Take a look at any two characters you’re writing who are in a relationship. What do they do when your story ends? If they sat down to a meal together, what would they talk about if your plot wasn’t happening? Now ask yourself, would they continue to talk if the book didn’t force them to? It’s perfectly fine if you say no, but not if you want them to be long term. Choose activities and interests they can share forever. Children do not count.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing flash-in-the-pan relationships. People love to read about them, and they’re easy to write about. If you want two or more characters to be bound for life, it just takes more digging and foresight. Building your characters with enough similarities to bond them and enough differences to enrich them can be difficult, but it’s rewarding.

Happy Writing!

-Shields

#SOC Original

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clevercreature13 · 5 years

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Today, I am featuring author Carl D Jenkins, whose story "In the Valence" is included in the anthology "A Bond of Words," alongside my own brand-new story, "Don't Mess with It."

Q. What is the hardest part of writing for you? What is the easiest?

A. The hardest part of the writing is just making the time to sit down. I’m an introvert who works in mental health. I absolutely love it, but it naturally leaves me drained and it takes a while to recharge my batteries enough to give the story the attention I think it deserves.The easiest is easy. Character development. Most of the time, the characters just are. They are not really any different from anyone else you might meet. Treating them that way saves me so much effort trying to remember how they would react, what their motives are, and when they first accessed plot point whatever. I cannot say they are friends, because sometimes they are begging for consequences right out of the gate. But I can give them dignity and respect, so the primary means of motivating them when they get stuck is to write a future scene. Since they know what’s coming, it gets easier for them to work their way through the obstacle course in between; it’s a lot like weekend for the workaholic.But, what I truly enjoy – I know you didn’t ask – is the research. Observing and knowing things is what gives a writer his stripes, and I’ve always enjoyed the “5-minute research” option for anything that catches my attention. And not YouTube or Bubba Joe’s non-professional blog, but some reliable source that has put in the work needed to actually be adept. Sure, Bubba Joe may help you identify the questions you want to ask, but his Uncle Cecil and Aunt Melba’s recollections of their drunken neighbor’s life in the exotic military is basically still just opinion. The internet has made that easier, but sometimes you just need a library. The best part, you only have to know enough to make your character plausible, and you only have to remember it long enough to write the story, but writing a character smarter than yourself about something lets you explore so many rabbit holes you might never see as a reader.

Q. What is your ideal writing snack?

A. Nope. I’m writing or eating. I was a cook for fifteen years, and you don’t get to sit and enjoy meals when you’re working. All this time later, and if it is on my plate, order one is to get it gone so that I can get back to the task at hand with a clear and focused mind. And clean hands. So, if I need to pause to eat, it’s hydration and carbs.Snacking when not on a task is different. Dried fruits, nuts, or dark chocolate will serve the purpose. True junk food is always in single serving packaging, no matter the size, so I stick with things that can just be a handful on the run.

Q. What self-editing tools do you use before you send your work to a professional editor?

A. Most of the time when I first reach “The End” I immediately read back through the whole piece. This will be when rewrites are done, and I always change things. I know I said the characters are just there, but I don’t outline and things show up in a world that you weren’t expecting. They do in life, too, but you can’t go back and foreshadow in life. In a story, you can go back and plant the knowledge that Jake’s hair is red, that Alex is a girl, that Pennywise loved balloons as a child. You can elaborate the layout of a garden where it was introduced so that the reader knows where to turn during the chase scene without accidentally ending up in the front yard when the stable is out back.Then I find time is my best friend. I’m pretty good with structural editing and big concepts, but I have to let the story lay fallow while it drains out of my head to edit. When you live in a forest, you stop seeing the trees. Then I’ll focus on one character at a time. Scrivener can help with that, but several softwares let you write in scenes to start with. You can jump from Joe to Joe to Joe and make sure his voice does not sound too much like Sally. You can make sure you didn’t leave too large a clue that this character was not human before your reveal, and make sure you didn’t insinuate otherwise with word choices.Beta readers are integral. And you need to make sure you have ones that aren’t just going to say “good job” or “I loved the part about Suzy and Brad” or “This is not in line with my spiritual beliefs, so I left in the closet for three months while you waited on me to tell you I didn’t read it.” You want Betas who will tell you what sucked, what they had to read three times to understand, what happened so fast they missed everything important. That’s not self-editing, but it is very helpful to the last stages. You need to clean up most messes before you give a WIP to a Beta or you just turn them into proof-readers. Anyone can spot your typos and correct them, but if it’s all typos, they stop seeing the plot, and the plot is why you wanted a reader to start with.After I have weighed and changed things the readers pointed out, I run it through an editing software. There are dozens of choices. I currently use Style Writer. It lets me chose the type of story, the target audience, and which version of English I’m writing in. Most importantly, it doesn’t just do; I have to select all changes and it points out bad, possibly bad, and probably to smart/dumb choices. One of my common trends is passive voice, which sometimes I want, but usually I don’t. It points that out.The other trend I’m trying to shake is tense agreement. I seem to love to switch from past to present and back. Editing software will not catch this. It is probably the thing that gives my editor the most grey hair at this point. And my editor is the only reason that using a writing software is functional. The first piece I sent off was so red I had to take note and improve. Had I sent that one through the software first, I never would have submitted it anywhere because I’d still be trying to sort through the software’s suggestions.

Q. What is it that you want a reader to take away from it, be it one emotion or a thought or a memory?

A. Life is full of moments. We let so many of them pass us by. This story drew from several trips I had the fortune of being able to take. Several of the characters are essentially real – I took large liberties. I am always very present when I get to travel, and those moments we are present keep us young. Time does not pass faster and faster as we age for any other reason than we stop being present in as many moments as we can. Many of the moments we do stay aware of are repetitious. (E.g. the time with a grandbaby.) Be present in all of it. You only get one life. A hundred things a day will interest you if you are paying attention, but weeks will go by in a blink if you are not. Fill the moments with joy. Let those around you be comfortable being themselves so that you can be aware together. What was the line from Before Sunrise? “Spirit is alive in the space between us”? or something to that effect. Let your spirit be alive.

Q. Did your story play out as you planned it?

A. Absolutely. I had already written a draft of this story years ago, with a focus on one particular holiday. When the call for this anthology came out, it was in contention from the start, although I wrote several other things as contemplative pieces first. In the end, I decided that this story could fit quite nicely if I added in a bigger bond between the two MCs and highlighted all of the other connections. I stitched in other moments to make it a more complete story, but what I wanted from the start was for you to be able to connect with the thrill of a journey, the power of the stones, and the simple love one can enjoy within a circle of complete strangers if we only let ourselves participate in life.There are only two named characters. Bina and Carl. Carl carried a lot of my spirit as I was able to travel, and the core of Bina in the story is a real person, who really did write a thesis on Stonehenge. The newspaper scene was a real memory, but a lot of the feel of the scene was from other times with other people. I wanted the focus on them, so not giving names to the other characters was intentional. I think you could still feel the importance of their presence and recognize that they all had their own stories intersecting in this one place and time where everyone just got to share themselves as they were. Pretensions and expectations were always within reach and not entirely avoidable but being able to set them aside is what let the time become timeless and durable.So, go out and love one another for who you are, and let the spirit in between breath deeply of that love.

Pick up a copy of "A Bond of Words" in paperback or eBook at any book retailer worldwide, including Amazon. If you purchase the paperback directly from Scout Media, you will get another ‘Of Words’ anthology of your choosing in eBook for FREE as well as a FREE companion soundtrack download!!

facebook.com/BrokenSpines13

http://www.scoutmediabooksmusic.com/a-bond-of-words

#scoutmedia #abow #author #writer #writing #fiction #book #books

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nancygduarteus · 7 years

Text

When Kids Have to Act Like Parents, It Affects Them for Life

Laura Kiesel was only six years old when she became a parent to her infant brother. At home, his crib was placed directly next to her bed, so that when he cried at night, she was the one to pick him up and sing him back to sleep. She says she was also in charge of changing his diapers and making sure he was fed every day. For the majority of her early childhood, she remembers that she tended to his needs while her own mother was in the depths of heroin addiction.

From as early as she can remember, Kiesel says she had to take care of herself—preparing her own meals, clothing herself, and keeping herself entertained. At school, she remembers becoming a morose and withdrawn child whose hair was often dirty and unkempt.

It was a dark time made even bleaker by her mother’s violent outbursts. “During dope sickness, she would unleash a lot of fury onto me,” said Kiesel, a 38-year-old freelance writer. “I became the buffer or scapegoat of her rage to divert it [from] my younger (much more defenseless) brother.” (Kiesel’s mother is no longer living.)

At one point, she says she learned to take her small brother and kitten into their bathroom and barricade the door to keep them safe. “I felt a lot of weight on my shoulders, like my brother could die without me there,” Kiesel remembers.

She started breaking out in severe hives for months at a time, which she believes were triggered by the “burden of loneliness and responsibilities at that age.” Becoming responsible for an infant at such a young age came with a toll, she explained. “I sometimes picked on my brother or was quick to shove or slap his arm because I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to handle the shrieks of a 2-year-old when I was eight.”

Eventually, at age nine, Kiesel and and her 3-year-old brother were taken in by their grandparents, but the trauma of their former living situation stayed with the children. By the time Kiesel was 14, she says she suffered from daily panic attacks, OCD, and depression. It wasn’t until she was older, she says, that she began to understand the connection between her childhood experiences and numerous chronic illnesses.

Kiesel’s story is one of what psychologists refer to as destructive parentification—a form of emotional abuse or neglect where a child becomes the caregiver to their parent or sibling. Researchers are increasingly finding that in addition to upending a child’s development, this role reversal can leave deep emotional scars well into adulthood. Many, like Kiesel, experience severe anxiety, depression, and psychological distress. Others report succumbing to eating disorders and substance abuse.

“The symptoms look similar to some extent, from cradle to grave,” said Lisa M. Hooper, a professor at the University of Louisville and prominent parentification researcher. Some of these behaviors start out in childhood, and become exacerbated in adulthood, she explains.

“Children’s distrust of their interpersonal world is one of the most destructive consequences of such a process,” writes Gregory Jurkovic in his book Lost Childhoods: The Plight of the Parentified Child.

While there is a large body of literature that focuses on the neglect children experience from their parents, there’s less examination of how this neglect puts kids in roles of parenting each other. And there is virtually no empirical research on how this affects relationship dynamics later in life—both with siblings and others. Scholars agree that there are gaps in sibling research—primarily an incomplete understanding of how these relationships and roles are affected by abusive family environments. Hooper noted that “the literature is very scarce in this area.”

In Kiesel’s case, looking after her brother as a kid has led to a tenuous and chaotic relationship with him over the years, fraught with bouts of estrangement and codependency. Though they remain close, there were periods where she and her brother didn’t speak for months at a time. “My brother is constantly on the edge of some crisis (a health crisis from his drinking, homelessness, etc.) so it is a worry that never goes completely away,” she told me in an email.

Her brother, Matthew Martin, 32, acknowledges the role their upbringing has played in these dynamics. “She was the only protector that I had,” he recalls. “My mother was a hard-core addict from very early on.” Throughout his childhood and early teens, he says he relied on Kiesel for the emotional support his mother couldn’t provide.

“We’ve had our fair share of arguments about [my addictions] and it’s hard, because she wants me to have some longevity. She wants me to be around for her the way that she was for me.”

* * *

From the age of eight until she left home at 15, Rene, who asked to be identified by her first name only because she was concerned about upsetting her family, says she would pick up her three younger siblings from daycare, bring them home, feed and bathe them, read them stories, and put them to bed. “Basically, I played the role of mother,” said the 50-year-old Oregon resident. She remembers standing on a chair as a child and cooking dinner for her entire family. In spite of the enormous burden of responsibility, she recalls it as a role she cherished. “I have really fond memories, particularly of reading them stories in bed at night.”

But Rene’s home life was far from peaceful. She says her mother’s alcoholism prevented her from properly caring for her five children, placing the task of child-rearing on the shoulders of Rene and her older brother. (Rene’s mother is no longer living.) But just as Rene took care of her younger siblings, she and her older brother relied on each other for emotional support.

“I think that it’s important to recognize that a lot of parentification is codependent,” she said, “Perhaps one sibling is the one who does the dishes and cleans the house, and takes care of the mom who is sick or drunk.” She explains that the other sibling might be the one who provides more emotional support, either by listening to problems or comforting.

Just as Wendy assumed the role of “mother” for the Lost Boys in Peter Pan, parentified siblings often forge symbiotic relationships, where they meet each others’ needs for guardians in a lot of different ways.

“We know that siblings can buffer each other from the impacts of stressful relationships with parents,” said Amy K. Nuttall, an assistant professor in human development and family studies at Michigan State University. This may account for why some parentified siblings who come from abusive homes end up maintaining close, albeit complex, bonds into adulthood, with some “continuing to attempt to fill parental needs at the expense of their own.”

Still, Nuttall adds, others may distance themselves from their families altogether in order to escape the role.

Rene found herself homeless after she was kicked out of her mother’s house when she was 15 years old. She says her siblings still blame her for leaving them behind. “When you think about it, if you’re parentified and you leave your younger siblings, it’s like having a parent abandon them,” said Rene. For years after, she was plagued by feelings of guilt—a common experience among people who have been parentified.

Sibling relationships usually generate a lifelong bond, yet for Rene, freedom from caretaking responsibilities came at a cost: the loss of her family. “I don’t have a relationship with my siblings anymore,” she says.

* * *

Unpredictable childhood trauma has long-lasting effects on the brain. Studies have shown that people with adverse childhood experiences are more likely to suffer from mental and physical health disorders, leading people to experience a chronic state of high stress reactivity. One study found that children exposed to ongoing stress released a hormone that actually shrank the size of their hippocampus, an area of the brain that processes memory, emotion, and stress management. Individuals who have experienced emotional or physical neglect by a parent are also at a greater risk of suffering from chronic illness as adults.

“Chronic, unpredictable stress is toxic when there’s no reliable adult,” said Donna Jackson Nakazawa, the author of Childhood Disrupted and a science journalist who focuses on the intersection of neuroscience and immunology.

Nakazawa has conducted extensive research on the body-brain connection, with a focus on studies initiated by physicians Vincent Felitti and Robert Anda. Their work on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) has since grown into a burgeoning field with hundreds of peer-reviewed studies. The findings show that people who experienced four categories of childhood adversity—physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, and neglect—were twice as likely to be diagnosed with cancer and depression as adults.

More links have been found between childhood stressors and adult heart disease, diabetes, migraines, and irritable bowel syndrome.

Jordan Rosenfeld, a 43-year-old author from California, attributes her own digestive issues to her childhood. When her mother was in the throes of substance abuse, she says, there were times she didn’t have food to eat. By the time she left home at 18, she began suffering from chronic pain after eating.

In adulthood, Rosenfeld noticed it was hard to regulate her emotions around hunger. “If I’m out with friends and we can’t decide on a restaurant, and I’m hungry—I can actually go into a little bit of a meltdown,” she said. “And I can trace that back to literally not having been fed as a child at various junctures.”

From an early age, Rosenfeld recalls having to remind her mother when they needed groceries and pulling her out of bed in the mornings to get to school on time. “I did a lot of that kind of parenting her, in a way, because what I was trying to do was get parented myself.” Because of this, she says she often distrusts that other people will take care of things. “That’s why I tend to step up and do it myself.”

Jordan’s mother, Florence Shields, remembers it was a depressing time in both their lives. “I had welfare for a while and I think that my diet—because of drugs and alcohol—wasn’t very good, and she probably got the brunt of that.” As a recovering alcoholic, Shields, who is now retired and lives in Petaluma, California, says she lacked the tools for parenting due to her own upbringing and history of tragedy.

When she became a mother at age 24, Shields was still grieving the loss of her older brother who died unexpectedly when she was 18. Opioids and alcohol were a way of coping with this loss, she says.“It’s like that grief is in there with you because that person is with you for the rest of your life, so when sad things come up, there he is.”

While both Rosenfeld and her mother have since attended therapy sessions together as adults, the effects of parentification continue to this day. Shields recognizes that her earlier struggles with addiction have profoundly influenced her daughter’s behavior. “Jordan is very orderly and in control,” she said by phone. When Rosenfeld’s father later remarried and had children of his own, Rosenfeld learned to project her role of caretaker onto her siblings. “I spent a lot of time babysitting them as a teenager and I think it’s been a challenge for me to separate out feeling like I’m a parent to them.”

This has often caused rifts between the siblings into adulthood, Rosenfeld says. “I’ve always been somebody who thinks it’s my job to offer help, care, and advice even when it’s not asked for.”

* * *

How does someone learn that becoming self-reliant is safer than trusting others? Nakazawa believes that in destructive parentification, “you don’t have a reliable adult to turn to.” And if a child’s early experiences at home consisted of making sure everyone else’s needs were met, then the “child doesn’t feel seen.”

This sense of responsibility and compulsive caretaking can follow them into future relationships as well. “You tend to project it onto other people in your life,” Rosenfeld says. This isn’t surprising, claims Jenny Macfie, an associate director of clinical training at the University of Tennessee and another prominent parentification researcher, as “adults who report role confusion in their childhoods may have difficulty with their identity development,” and this in turn, can affect a person’s romantic relationships.

For the first half of her marriage, Rosenfeld found herself regularly putting her partner’s needs ahead of her own—essentially mirroring her childhood role.

Others echoed this experience; Kiesel says she struggles with learning how to establish firm boundaries with partners and believes this is directly tied to caring for her brother at a young age. Similarly, Rene says finding the right balance between expectation and autonomy has been a constant problem in her relationships. She’d like to find a partner but has doubts. “It’s very easy for me to get into caretaking roles with people who basically exploit my nature.”

But these effects often go beyond the individual—studies by Nuttall and others have found that destructive parentification in a family can carry over to other generations as well. “Mothers who were overburdened by taking care of their parents during childhood have a poorer understanding of their infant’s developmental needs and limitations,” explained Nuttall. This, consequently, “leads to a parenting style that lacks warmth and sensitivity.”

* * *

As of today, there is scarce research on treatment or prevention efforts. How can a parentified sibling heal? Nakazawa believes that recognizing how these psychological puzzle pieces all fit together can be a step in the right direction. “Physically and mentally, the architecture of the brain has changed, the immune system has changed, and without that validation, you can’t begin an appropriate healing journey.”

Some people have found community through Al-Anon, a support group for the loved ones of alcoholics. “The group has a really strong focus on explaining what codependency is and offering solutions for learning new behaviors,” explained Rosenfeld. She’s attended the meetings for over a year now and says she’s noticed a tremendous change in her habits and awareness of how to set boundaries. “I’ve learned that I can’t just blame people in my life with substance abuse issues for causing me suffering; I have a choice in taking care of myself,” she says.

Despite negative outcomes associated with parentification, researchers say that going through that experience also confers some advantages that can help people later in life. Hooper believes that people who have been parentified as children possess a greater capacity for resiliency and self-efficacy. Nakazawa echoes this. “Current [American] culture thinks of resiliency as gutting it out and getting through, and one foot in front of the other,” she says. “But resiliency is learning and making meaning from what happened.”

A common thread found in people with these shared childhood experiences is a heightened sense of empathy and an ability to more closely connect to others. This is not to say that the negative impacts of their childhood are diminished, says Nakazawa, but that many are able to forge meaning out of their suffering. “People begin to see that their path to well-being must take into account the way in which trauma changed their story,” she explains, “And once they’re able to do that, they can also see how resiliency is also important in their story.”

For Kiesel, the freelance writer who cared for her brother from a young age, counseling and Al-Anon have helped her feel less personally responsible for her brother, though she laments the lack of support networks for siblings who have been parentified and have their own specific needs.

Though her relationship with her brother remains tenuous because of his addictions, she continues to look out for him by regularly calling and checking in on him every month.

Martin admits that to this day, she remains the voice of positivity and reason in his life. “I'm struggling with my own demons, but like my sister says, there is a future there for me.”

As Kiesel explains: “Our mother and grandmother died a few months apart, and our grandfather a little over a year later—so essentially, we're all we have left.”

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975/?utm_source=feed

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ionecoffman · 7 years

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When Kids Have to Act Like Parents, It Affects Them for Life

“We’ve had our fair share of arguments about [my addictions] and it’s hard, because she wants me to have some longevity. She wants me to be around for her the way that she was for me.”

* * *

Still, Nuttall adds, others may distance themselves from their families altogether in order to escape the role.

* * *

More links have been found between childhood stressors and adult heart disease, diabetes, migraines, and irritable bowel syndrome.

* * *

For the first half of her marriage, Rosenfeld found herself regularly putting her partner’s needs ahead of her own—essentially mirroring her childhood role.

* * *

Though her relationship with her brother remains tenuous because of his addictions, she continues to look out for him by regularly calling and checking in on him every month.

Martin admits that to this day, she remains the voice of positivity and reason in his life. “I'm struggling with my own demons, but like my sister says, there is a future there for me.”

As Kiesel explains: “Our mother and grandmother died a few months apart, and our grandfather a little over a year later—so essentially, we're all we have left.”

Article source here:The Atlantic

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ds4design · 8 years

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These Are the Defiant "Water Protectors" of Standing Rock

When the demonstrations against the Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL) kicked into high gear last July, Lewis (Lew) Grassrope, a 39-year-old former policeman, dropped out of his race for chairman of the Lower Brule Sioux, his tribe in South Dakota, and turned his attention to the Standing Rock Sioux tribe in Cannonball, on the Missouri River. The tribe was gathering, with many others, to stop the building of the DAPL, a project run by the Dallas-based Energy Transfer Partners that would connect the North Dakota shale oil fields with the eastern pipeline networks in Illinois. Grassrope joined thousands of people from hundreds of indigenous nations—from every state in the United States and from countries as far flung as Tibet, Sweden, Guatemala, and Brazil.

Signs on a post at the Oceti Oyate (All Nations) camp showing different tribes and the distance to their homelands. Photograph by Erika Larsen, National Geographic

Every day during the summer, processions of people in traditional garb came to the camps around Cannonball, pledging to support a movement that had turned into something bigger than a pipeline protest. It had become an international call to protect indigenous people’s rights, and their land.

This winter's first blizzard came and went on the heels of a tentative victory: The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers denied Dakota Access’s permit to drill under the Missouri. The camp cleared out, dropping overnight from 10,000 people to fewer than a thousand, as the Standing Rock Sioux Tribal Council urged people to go home.

Grassrope and his camp stayed put, however, digging in against the winter as part of a hard-core of determined activists from across the country who saw the camps at Standing Rock as the seed of a new Native American nation, built on neo-traditional lines and fueled by spiritual revival. “What needs to be accomplished hasn't been,” he said. “We need to stop the pipeline completely, and we need to rebuild our nation and re-establish our ancestral ways.”

Executive Action

Then came January 20. Within days of his inauguration, President Donald Trump signed executive actions to advance approval of the Dakota Access pipeline as well as the Keystone XL pipeline, which would carry oil from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico.

“It's really disheartening,” Grassrope said. “We may have touched the hearts and minds of people around the world, but we knew this day would come, when someone we couldn't reach out to would do an egregious act on the environment, toward Mother Earth.”

But Grassrope, like many other protesters, vows to fight on in the campaign for native lands and tribal solidarity. When spring comes, he plans to be back home, organizing his home reservation of Lower Brule against the Keystone XL. As camps modeled on Standing Rock go up and grassroots anti-pipeline opposition spreads throughout the country, and as activists struggle to determine what Trump's action will mean, Grassrope sees in last year's rising at Standing Rock the beginning of a committed community of believers dedicated to building a new society, and mobilized to resist the expansion of America's fossil fuel economy.

Growth of the Movement

Lew Grassrope, a member of the Lower Brule Sioux tribe, kneels in front of his teepee in the Kul Wicasa camp. The traditional camp setup—known as "The Horn," because it’s erected in the shape of buffalo horns—is part of the Lakota experiment in rebuilding their traditional tribal republic. Photograph by Erika Larsen, National Geographic

Last summer, Lew Grassrope's had been the first teepee to go up on the plain beyond Cannonball.

“There was nothing but tall grass and wide-open green,” Grassrope told me. He is a large man, so solid that light seems to bend around him. In that first camp, he said, there were “spiders galore—wolf spiders and brown recluses. I'd pray with them and make them my protectors,” he said.

As the camps grew over the summer, they evolved into a complex economy, with teams of sawyers; a free medical corps, which included acupuncturists, masseuses, herbalists, and prescription-writing MDs; and a team of chimney sweeps who cleaned out the flues of the ubiquitous wood stoves installed, gratis, by volunteer construction crews. Central to all, of course, were volunteer chefs such as Rachel Wheatley, a Maidu from near Orrville, California. Wheatley was a long-haul trucker before she arrived at Standing Rock. In the summer her kitchen had served 600 a night.

In December, with its military-style barracks tents and colorful yurts, Grassrope's permanent camp, Kul Wicasa, resembled a well-stocked, if ragged, polar expedition. The camp kitchen was down to a skeleton crew, but Weeks still served two hot meals a day; we had buffalo ribs for dinner one night (we had to eat them fast before they froze). How long would she stay? She laughed: “Until it's done. Where would I go?

Eirik Larsen, a Sámi lawyer from Norway, specializes in indigenous issues. In the past he has met representatives of other tribes in formal settings such as gatherings at the United Nations. One reason he wanted to come to the All Nations camp, he says, was to get to know people from other tribes in an informal setting. Photograph by Erika Larsen, National Geographic

The youth at Kul Wicasa had come from reservations across the country. They were Ojibwes and Yanktons and Standing Rock Sioux—all in search of a sense of purpose. “We're a good collection of misfits here,” said Ken “Abe” Abrahamson, a Coloradan with a ruddy beard and piercing eyes who had ridden into Baghdad in 2003 as a gunner with the 3rd Infantry Division. After his service, he said, he moved home to Denver and, missing the close bonds of the military, fell into years of depression. On a long road trip in mid-2016 with his dog, Scout, a shepherd mix, he dropped in on his closest army friend, a Lower Brule Sioux, at Kul Wicasa. “I was all, ‘I'm gonna go hole up with my dog and not talk to anyone for the rest of my life,’ ” he said. But around the campfires he found the “real warrior society” he craved. “Back in Denver, I heard singing in the alleyways, whooping in downtown. I decided to come here instead, and the spirit took care of the rest,” Abe said.

He nodded at Grassrope. We were sitting in a hotel room at the Prairie Knights Casino: the unofficial movement headquarters as temperatures dropped below 0°F. Grassrope nodded back. “Most people who come here never had a role to play in their own lives. We saw a lot of lost people, people who don't realize they're more than Americans. Their ancestors are indigenous from somewhere, which means they were once caretakers of the Earth.” He pushed his hands into the pockets of his Carhartts. “We're sharing work, and we're sharing stories. We've learned a new way, and it's teaching us to be human beings again.”

Standing Rock has deep roots. In 2007, longtime Lakota activists, including Phyllis Young and Russel Means, veterans of Lakota sovereignty movements since the American Indian Movement occupations of the 1970s, declared the independence of Lakotah, a “matriarchal republic” in control of the territories that the U.S. had granted to the Sioux Nation of Indians under the 1851 Treaty of Forty Laramie Land. The area now includes the predominantly white cities of Bismarck, North Dakota; Rapid City, South Dakota; and Omaha and Lincoln, Nebraska.

The December evening I spent with Grassrope in the hotel at Prairie Knights Casino, Young was holding court two floors below in the Tatanka conference room. Magisterial in a long coat and mirrored shades she never took off, Young—who calls herself the “oldest malcontent on the Great Plains”—sees the movement as the Lakota's last shot at real sovereignty, at a true nation-to-nation relationship with the U.S. wherein the Lakota would have control over the traditional territories ceded to them by a long string of broken treaties.

Grassrope, like all the leaders I spoke to, imagined the Standing Rock project as explicitly multinational—the Lakota nation standing up for indigenous rights worldwide. “You felt the power of this place,” he said, “the romanticism most people came here to fulfill. A lot of people came to protect Mother Earth, to give their lives selflessly for it. And that's what will happen. Our stance is still the same.”

It's like a Second American Revolution, Grassrope told me. The revolutionary rhetoric, however, is explicitly peaceful – Grassrope dismisses as “colonized thinking” the arguments of those who believe the tribes can win with violence. But now, with the stated intention of the new President to get the pipelines built, rising temperatures could bring renewed violence along with the inevitable flooding as winter snows melt. “If they push the DAPL through, some are saying war here, some are saying whatever. But it ain't war until war actually happens. I'm trying to get my camp down, get out of here, in case they're trying to raid this place, take our stuff,” Grassrope said.

George Pletnikoff, Jr., is part of the Indigenous People's Power Project, a collective of native activists from all over the world that provided daily direct action training to Standing Rock. Photograph by Erika Larsen, National Geographic

“We're trying to go set up in Lower Brule for the Keystone XL fight,” Grassrope said. “I don't wanna be fighting DAPL, and Morton County, and Standing Rock. That was not my picture of how things are going to go. What few people I still have in here, I need to get out.

“Standing Rock reached across the world, and everyone saw the power of what took place here,” Grassrope said. “Now we have to be, for most of us who have been in this camp, we must get back to our own reservations to take what we've learned here back to them, because the fight is going to come to each nation. Each of the 300 nations who come here, the fight is going to come to them.”

Dr. Sara Jumping Eagle is an Ogala Sioux tribe member from Pine Ridge, and a pediatrician at Standing Rock. “As a mother, wife, physician, and community member, I care about what is put in the water that our children drink,” she says. “Fracking, tar sands and crude oil pipeline spills, radioactive frack waste, and the associated chemicals being spilled and dumped into our rivers and aquifers have resulted in the largest public health experiment on earth. How long will we stand by and watch?" Photograph by Erika Larsen, National Geographic

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