#she hates how makeup feels and either way beau is probably the only member who does wear makeup anyways

[dyketubbo]

i do think oranboo would wear dresses and skirts but i also think that she would still be really pathetic. shes not your sassy but supportive sister figure who magically knows makeup now and does yours for you shes not human and her species doesnt have gender (at MOST if you connect enderians to the ender dragon then she would be. a dragon) so tits would probably be more annoying to her than anything ("why would i choose to have back pain. why shouldnt i just tailor dresses to fit me without weird lumps on my chest") shes probably not going to be very nice at all really

no in my mind oranboo has just decided that now that shes a girl shes TWICE as better than everyone. shes still a weirdo who lives in a cave and cant go out in the rain not because it would ruin her makeup but because itll literally kill her. ranboo not being on the server is actually just oranboo going mining to try and get rich again. shes still a spoiled brat but now shes a spoiled brat of a PRINCESS and really her connection to the ender dragon makes her THRICE as cool and better than everyone else, actually. she mutters to herself and probably always has dirty hands because ender but she doesnt have silk touch.

transitioning didnt make oranboo go from a manloser to a #girlboss #slay #baddie who pinches your cheeks and teases you but means well. shes just a womanloser now who does wear dresses and heels but the heels are so it hurts more when she steps on your foot to get you to drop something and then pretends it wasnt her and even if it was you deserved it actually because that was hers? its in her hands so its hers now. she probably stole the gender too

[htptherapyjournal]

When the Dr Hands Over a Stapled Information Packet-- on Trauma

It’s been a while since I’ve made a post. I have to say that I am now doing so much better than I was two years ago. I’ve gotten over my scumbag ex boyfriend and realize his behavior and methods of dealing with stress aren’t healthy and were emotionally abusive at times. He still continues to talk about how “crazy” I am while he is literally wasting away playing video games non-stop on prescribed amphetamines. I have heard he looks so thin that his hair is starting to fall out or thin. I almost had the urge to text and ask him if he was really okay or not. Looking back, I am mortified that I continued seeing him. That relationship really did teach me a lot about who I decide to emotionally invest in, how to address a conflict without hurting the person you care about, boundaries... everything. I guess this is what they mean when people come into your life for a reason. I spent a year being single and just dating. Just little dates. Now after six months I am dating a great guy I don’t need, but want around. He makes me feel sound when I am with him.  Of course I told my new therapist everything that had been happening in my life. In addition to finding a healthy relationship, I also applied at a chain drug store for my Pharmacy Technician Certification and I think I have a good shot at the job. The same day I applied, my dad had his prostate removed and is now 100% cancer free according to the pathology report. We had also won a car and my new beau wanted me to meet his family. Most would consider the good news and steps forward as positive changes, right? It was definitely stress, but it was good stress. Right? That night, when I wanted to study further for my certification exam, I had the most tense drive to get rid of all the ingrown hairs on my body, make sure my face was blackhead/pimple free, and scratch out the dry skin (dandruff) around the areas that felt grainy or brittle. From 11:00pm to almost 6:00AM, I spent in my bed hunched over picking out each individual public hair with a pair of bloody tweezers and a safety pin to help dig out the ingrown hairs. My nose is still healing from trying to dig out the tiniest blackhead most would just treat with toner. I could have done my regular makeup routine, and even I would forget it’s there. I was so tense I couldn’t stop. I would take breaks, but it only lead me going back and forth to the same hunched position either over by the mirror or on the bed. The worst part was that I didn’t know why it had happened. I couldn’t pinpoint what triggered the event. I was shocked because it just happened and I hadn’t had an episode this extreme in such a long time. It was definitely not like the mini episodes that I usually encounter usually when I’m tired driving home or watching TV. So I brought it up to my new therapist (who is amazing, btw). She asked me how I feel when the episodes take place. I couldn’t tell her. I remember not feeling anything. Like, if you looked down my throat, you would find me daydreaming at the bottom of my torso. It felt like my body being flown by the rookie copilot while the pilot took the biggest shit of his life. Sure, the copilot passed with flying colors, but that straight face doesn’t stop his palms from sweating. Even thinking now, that’s not entirely the correct emotion either. When I experienced the episode or a episode, it starts off as anxiety, but it goes away so quickly. Something shocking happens and I shut down temporarily. Kind of like when I put the computer to sleep instead of shutting it down or when my eyes get fixated on staring at a particular object or direction. All of me is still there, my mind just goes into a blank meditative state. My therapist then asked me if I could remember any other times where I experienced feeling numb/blank. Boy, could I list so many events, and I did. But I remember the first time I ever shut down.  I told her events that happened to me in my old neighborhood from when I was in preschool up until 1st grade. My parents are hardworking people. They did everything in their power to make sure I had what I needed while still moving forward for a better life. This also meant leaving me in the care of others while she went to work, school, or both, usually early in the morning. My dad was also a truck driver who drove across the country. He’s been to every state at least twice (except Alaska Hawaii), so sometimes he would be gone for a couple of months at a time. During the summer I mostly stayed at my grandparents house. I consider them my second parents. I’m not upset about being passed around. I had fun by myself and with my grandparents and other family members. 

That’s the funny thing about ‘trauma.’ Hearing the word makes me and probably most think about physical abuse, rape and sexual assault, assault in any form, witnessing tragic events, and especially those who have come back from war. But what about experiencing endangerment, neglect, and abuse from the caregiver chosen by the parent? What if the caregiver allows their or other children (the victims peers) to cause distress to the target/victim? I have constant flashbacks of being teased, tortured, and exposed to content that should be talked about with a parent or explained by a fifth grade teacher via the most awkward video you will ever watch with your class. When my mother would drop me off to the neighbors house early in the morning, she would let me watch tv downstairs by myself while she went back up to bed and didn’t come back down until she was ready to leave. In between that time, her two children would come down and at first it started as her son (who was my age) teasing me which evolved into constant bullying, that turned into stealing and isolation. There was nothing I could do. I called for help so often, the mother eventually told me to, “stop being such a tattle-tale.” Well, it eventually got to the point where her youngest child didn’t understand that her older brother didn’t really hate me as much as she thought he did. She took matters into her own hands (literally) and chased me around the room with a yellow baseball bat until she cornered me between a wall and a fake potted plant. The daughter looked genuinely furious. Her eyes were so wide and her teeth where clenched together. I knew right then that this wasn’t bullying anymore; she ACTUALLY wanted to hurt me. I was pretty much in the potted plant when her brother screamed, “NOOOO!DON’T!” right as she brought the bat down and hit me.  Before the big event, I was five or six when I had cried to my parents about the bullying while eating breakfast before being dropped off at their house. I told my parents I couldn’t do it anymore and cried about how miserable I was, but it didn’t matter. The neighbors I got dropped off to in the morning were my parents only way of getting me to school while they worked. The last thing I remember about that day was the son giving me a big hug and holding me as I cried as his mom yelled at his sister and tried to figure out what was going on in her house. I realized what was happening to me was not okay or my fault, but there was nothing I could do about it and that’s when I shut down.  My therapist verified that what happened to me in my old neighborhood was traumatic. She said were I used to live and who used to care for me was not a safe place or safe people. It also made a lot of sense when she suggested that how I cope with stress and how I interact with others comes from how I learned to cope with stress and interact with others as a child in my old neighborhood. It kinda shocked me when she actually handed me a packet to read for our next visit. She advised that I begin practicing grounding techniques when I experience anxiety. I get to work on dealing with what happened to me once and for all and correct the way I handle stress.  I can’t wait to tackle it. <3