#she might just say to hawkeye 'hey it's your funeral'

[majorbaby]

that bakery gifset of mine is circulating again and a lot of people are taking note of how genuinely happy frank is about the prospect of baked goods. is that the one time we see frank genuinely want something frivolous or want something for himself that doesn't bring harm or misfortune to another person?

most of the time he's after money, prestige or validation from other people and he's willing to lie, cheat and steal to get it. and even when he does get it, he doesn't seem happy. he's of a higher rank than hawkeye and trapper and he lords that over them but it doesn't bring him lasting happiness, he still wants their companionship and approval.

maybe i've been too sympathetic about his whole 'liking to be liked' it's human nature to want to be liked but no one can reciprocate genuine affection towards frank because he's not putting any of that out there to begin with.

there's margaret but she constantly doubts whether or not frank really likes her several times, and with good reason. he's critical of her looks, he's unwilling to leave his wife for her, "surely i'm worth $240 dollars" sure you are margaret as long as you pay it back with interest. i do think he probably likes her as a person or at the very least is sexually attracted to her, but that's probably less important to him than the external validation he gets from her attentions.

the best thing you can say about most of his desires is that he's far from the only guy who wants all of those things, and he was probably socialized that way. that does not absolve him of his actions.

but he wants pie! and in another episode (quo vadis captain chandler, i believe) he says a prayer for chocolate pudding which, alas, god answers "no" to. the former is a pretty innocent moment for frank, i think that's why i like it.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: A Fight in the Shadows (2/16)

Summary: After her grandfather Grumman’s death in mysterious circumstances, private detective Riza Hawkeye receives a letter from him, instructed to be delivered to her after his demise. She is floored to discover he was the head of the Amestrian Intelligence Network, and the secrets he’s found out are deep and dangerous. He mentions a conspiracy within the military, and instructs her to gather together a group of individuals he trusts to assist her in continuing his work.

To say that they’re a rag-tag bunch is putting it kindly, but when they finally get their act together and delve into the mystery, they uncover something that will shake the very foundations of Amestris…

An espionage AU with some core canon elements.

Rated: T

==

A Fight in the Shadows

[One] [AO3]

Two

Roy’s Network

“It’s official. You are honestly the worst secret agent in the world. This is your safe house?”

Three days had passed since the funeral and her reunion with Roy, and Riza was beginning to think that Grumman had made a terrible mistake in his choice of investigative partner for her. 

Roy shrugged at her incredulity; Riza really didn’t like the amused little smile that was spreading over his face. When he’d asked her to meet him outside Madam Christmas’s bar in the middle of Central City, she had assumed that he was just picking a recognisable place at random and that they would then move on to somewhere far more secure. When he had turned to go into the bar, she’d had to double take. 

“It’s as safe a place as any I know,” he said. “And there’s nothing saying that safe houses have to be houses.”

“It’s a public bar, Roy! How on earth is it safe?”

“Just trust me on this one. I’ve been at this for ten years; despite what you might think I do actually know what I’m doing.”

Riza raised an eyebrow, but she followed him into the bar nonetheless. The trouble was that she did trust him. She’d always trusted him back when they’d known each other in their teens, and despite the long separation, she had instantly returned to trusting him now, even though she knew that his chosen profession made him, by its very nature, a duplicitous person. She still had that instinctive feeling that he wanted what was best for her, and that he would always have her back just as she’d always had his. 

The main thing that made her trust him, though, was that his hands were still warm. As they had been parting ways after the funeral, he had taken off his gloves (still the same white spark cloth with the same simple array dyed in red) and shaken her hand, and his was still warm and dry the way she’d always remembered it. Riza had met many people in her career, and the ones with cold and clammy hands were always the ones to watch out for, in her experience. 

The bar looked like any other ordinary bar in Amestris did, but when she looked a little bit closer, Riza could tell that things weren’t exactly as they seemed. The few patrons tucked away in the corners all seemed to be waiting for something, and she had been privy to enough criminal investigations to be able to tell that the mirror behind the bar was two-way. Maybe she had initially misjudged Roy’s choice of safe location. She stepped in a little closer to him as they made their way through the dimly lit room. 

“Is everyone in here a spy?” she hissed. 

Roy just laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Riza rolled her eyes, jumping out of her skin when someone shouted to them.

“Hey, Roy, long time no see. Are you actually going to manage to keep this one for longer than a week?”

“Very funny, Vanessa. This is strictly professional.”

The woman behind the bar who’d hailed them raised an eyebrow as if in incredulous disbelief, but Riza could tell that it was all an act, or at least partially one. There was definitely something sharp and watchful in her eyes, and whilst not everyone in the bar might have been a spy, Riza was sure that Vanessa was definitely involved in the network somewhere along the line. 

“Don’t make trouble, Vanessa.” An older woman had come out of a back room and stepped behind the bar. “We’ll never get Roy-Boy to settle down if you keep on at him like this.” 

Riza had to glance at Roy on hearing the nickname, but he wasn’t paying her any mind, and he certainly didn’t seem to be discomfited by it. There was an entire conversation going on between him and the older woman with their eyes alone, and then Roy started to move with an almost imperceptible increase in purpose, guiding Riza through the bar to the back rooms with a gentle hand on her elbow. When he spoke again, Riza wasn’t expecting the first words out of his mouth. 

“I honestly don’t have a new girlfriend every week,” he said. “That’s just Vanessa teasing. They’re mostly informants. It’s just work, honestly. I have a lot of contacts.”

“Roy, it’s hardly any of my business how many girlfriends you have. You could change them as often as you change your socks for all the difference it makes to me. Like you said, this is strictly professional.”

Even as she said it, there was a small and cynical voice in the back of Riza’s mind asking her if it really was strictly professional, and if the teenage crush that she’d harboured back in the day had truly gone away. 

“I know, I know.” For all his calm demeanour for the entire time of their recent reacquaintance, Roy seemed remarkably flustered now. “It’s just important to me for you to know the truth.”

“Oh. Well. Thank you for telling me.”

There was an awkward moment of silence then, both of them staring at each other with an intensity that seemed far too much the for the situation, until Roy gave a little cough and turned away, sparking a tiny, delicate flame off the tip of one finger and sending it into a knothole in the door that they had stopped in front of. Riza supposed that alchemy was definitely one way of making things secure, but it brought up another thought in her mind. She was about to give voice to it when whatever internal workings secured the door were released and Roy ushered her into the room. 

If she’d still had any doubts about the safety of Roy’s safehouse, they were dispelled once she was inside. Riza was more than familiar with surveillance equipment from her own line of work, and even though she was not as comfortable with anti-surveillance measures, she could recognise them for what they were. Short of drowning the room in six inches of concrete, there probably wasn’t anything that could be done to make the place less buggable. 

There were five people sitting around the table in the middle of the room, or rather, there were four people sitting around the table and one person standing on the table fiddling with a circuit box fitting in the ceiling. Roy just watched him with amusement for a few moments before clearing his throat; the young man waved distractedly from the ceiling without looking down and continued with whatever was holding his attention up there. 

“Fuery, could you get down off the table for a minute? This is important.”

Fuery looked over at them then, and startled to see Riza with Roy. He scrambled down off the table and took an empty seat, trying and failing to look like he had not been doing anything. The others didn’t even attempt to mask their laughter. 

“Everyone, this is Hawkeye. Hawkeye, this is everyone. I think you five all know each other even if you’ve never all been in the same room and able to talk to each other freely before.”

Riza again wondered if perhaps Roy was the world’s worst secret agent after all. Introducing all your spies to each other probably wasn’t a good idea. Although, that said, they’d probably function a lot better as an independent network if Roy wasn’t the single point of failure between them all. Even so, having them all together at the same time in the same place couldn’t have been wise. 

Then again, they were probably working to a deadline here. If someone had figured out how much Grumman had figured out and killed him for it, then they’d probably figured out that Riza was his next of kin and might know something. 

It was only once she was sitting at the table and she’d had the chance to take a look around and memorise the faces that Riza came to the troubling conclusion that Roy was definitely not the world’s worst secret agent after all, and his words on the day of the funeral came back to her. 

The first way, they never see you. The second way, they only see you.

Every single one of the people around the table had been at Grumman’s graveside. When Roy said he’d activated the network, he hadn’t hung about. 

“Some of you may know Hawkeye by reputation as a PI, some of you may not. In any case, we’ve been tasked to help her out by the top man.” 

Roy proceeded to go around the table and introduce everyone. 

“Fuery works at Central City radio, he’s the go-to for anything electronic, any radio equipment, anything you might want to use to bug things, to prevent things being bugged, or to prevent your bugs from being affected by the things everyone else uses to find bugs. He did up this place, actually.”

Riza gave a nod of acknowledgement; she had to admit that she was impressed with the young man’s ingenuity when it came to the safehouse. 

“Havoc and Breda are good to have around to get you out of tight spots. If you need to get out of the country altogether, Breda’s your man.” 

The two in question waved from the other end of the table. Riza immediately knew the type – ex-military, now for hire to whoever needed them. She wondered if they’d left the army in the mass exodus that had occurred after the Ishval debacle. The annexation had not been a good time for the Amestrian military. No one had been expecting the Ishvalans to fight back quite as much as they had done. Having now read Grumman’s letter pretty much to the point of memorisation, Riza thought she knew how they’d put up such a strong resistance front. 

There had been rumours flying around for a long time that the Fuhrer was planning an executive order to wipe out the Ishvalans altogether; so far nothing had materialised but it had not stopped a wave of resignations and desertions. Havoc and Breda seemed like the sort to have been involved. 

“Finally, Falman and Sheska. They work at Central library.”

Riza opened her mouth to say something, realised she had no idea what to say to that, and closed it again. A tech-wizard and a couple of mercs she could understand, but at face value she could not see what two librarians could bring to the table. 

“Falman can get into all of the military’s archive records going back to the founding of Amestris and has access to archiving and preservation tools that are excellent at unredacting all the black out. Sheska’s got a photographic memory, so what Falman nicks, she looks at, and he can put back before anyone realises it’s gone.”

Riza reappraised her list of ‘useful people to have around whilst investigating potential military corruption’ to include librarians at the top. 

“So, what do you need us to do?” Falman asked. 

Everyone was looking at her expectantly, and Riza sighed. 

“I don’t really know, that’s the problem. Grumman was investigating something inside the military, some kind of corruption or possibly worse.” She didn’t know what was worse, but she was sure that there was something. “He’d found out more than he should and someone killed him for it. I don’t think that he wants me to find his killer so much as follow in his footsteps and take up where he left off. The only trouble is that he hasn’t given me any clues as to what he’s found out already. Or where I can find his notes, if he even made any. I’ve been over his house with a fine tooth comb, all the nooks and crannies, all the secret hiding places that no-one knows about, all the secret hiding places that I don’t think even he knew about. There’s nothing there.” Riza sighed. “Part of me thinks that perhaps someone already got to it, but I don’t think they’d have left everything exactly as it was before if they were desperate enough to kill him in the first place. There would be evidence of a burglary. Or at least there would be evidence of someone trying to cover up a burglary. I’m not a spy, but I’m sharp, and nothing was out of place at all. All I know is that it’s big, it involves the military top brass, and it’s got to do with alchemy.”

At this, all eyes in the room turned to Roy, and Havoc chuckled.

“Sounds like your wheelhouse, Flame.”

Roy gave a snort. “Maybe. I never got state-licensed though. For all I’m the Flame Alchemist, that’s never been official. There’s just so few alchemists with a fire-based speciality that the nickname stuck. If you’re talking about military and alchemy mixed up together, then the people you need to look at are the state alchemists.”

That was something that Riza had been afraid of. There was something practically mythical about the state alchemists. Licensed by the military and receiving massive research grants and access to government labs in exchange for being called up to use their abilities at the frontlines at a moment’s notice (and in a place like Amestris, there was never a time when there were no frontlines), there was always a shadowy, secretive air about them. She’d hoped not to have to get involved with them, but Grumman’s letter had put paid to that desperate hope in short order, and Roy was right – anything involving secrets and the military would have to involve the alchemists. 

“Well, the state alchemy programme only really ramped up after Bradley took the Fuhrership,” Falman said. “There had always been state alchemists before then, but they really started pushing to recruit after he took charge. Just as all of our border wars suddenly went on the offensive again instead of just rolling along in a stalemate like they’d been doing for the previous few years. And, of course, annexing Ishval. That’s all happened since Bradley.”

“I don’t trust that man,” Sheska muttered. “There’s something about him that’s disorientating. I think it’s probably to do with the fact that he can look so mild and family man one minute and then the next thing you know, he’s randomly annexing border countries and casually talking about genocide.”

Breda laughed at her indignation. “You can’t deny he’s got good publicity though.”

“All the best villains do. I’ve read more than enough books to know that PR is half the battle. He’s got a sweet wife and a cute kid and he has an obsession with giving folks melons; there’s no way someone like that could order the extermination of an entire people. And yet, he’s our most violent and bloodthirsty Fuhrer in history.”

Truth be told, Riza had never trusted Bradley either, and since he was head of the military and the military were the ones responsible for Grumman’s murder and getting her mixed up in all this in the first place, she couldn’t help but wonder if Bradley had orchestrated the entire thing. If it involved the top brass, then it might go all the way to the top. 

“We’ve still got a few people to find and somehow coerce into helping us,” she said eventually. “Well, according to the letter, at least. Maybe once we’ve got everyone else on board, there’ll be a clearer picture.”

Roy nodded his agreement. “Say what you will about Grumman, he knew practically everyone.”

“In the meantime… Just go about your day jobs, I guess.”

“We’ll start digging into all the records that have been sealed since Bradley became Fuhrer,” Falman said. “I’m sure we can find some interesting bits about the state alchemy programme as well.”

“Thanks.” Riza looked around at everyone, the little hodge-podge mix of people to whom she was trusting her life and her secrets and possibly the fate of the entire country. She trusted them in as far as Roy trusted them, but she still couldn’t help but wonder whether this was all a terrible mistake and they were all going to end up six feet under like Grumman as a result of it. “Sorry that you all got dragged out here only for me to give you no new information.”

“It’s fine. Gets us out of the house.” Havoc grinned. “So… Can we ask how someone like you knows someone like this guy?”

Riza laughed; Roy looked like he couldn’t decide whether or not to be offended. 

“You know, I think that maybe we ought to disperse this meeting,” he muttered. “I’ll walk you home, Riza.”

Riza let herself be ushered out of the room, the others promising to regroup once they had any information. She was still smiling to herself after they left the bar and began the journey through Central’s dark streets towards her apartment. 

For a long time, neither of them said anything, just walking along in silence at a respectful distance, not touching like lovers, not close enough to be friends, but closer than strangers would be. Casual acquaintances maybe, colleagues. A professional relationship. Riza thought back to everything that had gone through her mind in the bar. 

“So, the flame alchemist, huh.”

Roy nodded. “Like I said, the name stuck. Flame alchemy’s distinctive; as far as I know there aren’t any state alchemists licensed to use it. Your father guarded his secrets jealously and we both know his opinion of the military.” 

Riza shifted her shoulders, remembering the sting of the needle as her father had immortalised his research on her skin. She knew just how jealously the secrets of flame alchemy had been guarded. 

“I wanted to ask you about that,” she said. “Another point in favour of you actually being the world’s worst secret agent. If you’ve got something as distinctive as flame alchemy and everyone knows you use it to the point of calling you the flame alchemist when you’re not even attached to the state, surely that’s not exactly inconspicuous for doing undercover espionage work.”

“Perhaps not,” Roy agreed. “But at the same time, sometimes having a reputation can help. It throws people off the scent. Look at Vanessa and the girlfriends comment. Build up enough of a reputation for being a playboy and no one suspects that the ladies you’re constantly meeting are actually working for you and the playful whispers in your ear are actually passing on vital intel. No one pays it any mind. Soon people come to associate you with just one thing and a mythos builds up. Plus, a reputation can help you get into places you wouldn’t normally be able to. It can open doors, it can smoke people out and make them overconfident. You just have to know how to use it correctly.”

“I suppose there’s a lot of weight to that…” Riza tailed off, stopping in her tracks and holding out a hand to stop Roy too, but he had already broken off step. 

“Did you see that?” he hissed under his breath. Riza nodded. She’d only caught the movement out of the corner of her eye, but there had definitely been movement, and as she looked to the side without turning her head, she could see that there was nothing there now. They were walking through the park in the centre of the city; wide and neat avenues and fairly well-lit, but with more than enough trees and blind spots. 

Slowly, Riza reached around behind her to her holster and held onto her gun, turning her head just slightly to be able to see into the trees better. 

There was a rustle and she caught a glimpse of glowing points, like a cat’s eyes in the darkness but red. Someone – or something – was definitely watching them.

Riza drew her weapon out and aimed at where the points had been; immediately there was another frantic rustle, the sound of someone moving further and further away. Whatever it was that was following them, she’d scared it off.

A few seconds later she got the shock of her life when someone came out of the trees beside them and she whirled around, finding herself pointing the pistol at Havoc. He dutifully held his hands up. 

“Just me, but there was definitely something there, something that didn’t want to be seen.”

Riza was glad that they both thought of it as a something rather than a someone. There had been something about those red reflective points that had seemed inhuman, and the speed at which it had moved away had been uncanny. She shivered as she flicked the safety back on her gun and holstered it. Roy was looking at her half-impressed and half-terrified. 

“I’m not even going to ask,” he said. 

“I’m a PI. I get into a lot of situations that sometimes need a little assistance to get out of.” She turned to Havoc. “Were you following us?”

Havoc shrugged. “Like Roy said. I’m good to have around in tight situations, although it looks like you could have handled this one perfectly well.”

“No, no. It’s fine, I’m glad we’re not the only ones who saw something weird, otherwise I’d say it was the paranoia creeping up on me.”

Havoc shook his head. “Definitely not the paranoia. Want me to try and  go after it?”

“No. It moved off at a hell of a lick, you’d never catch it, and there’s no point in poking a sleeping lion. It ran away, let’s not go looking for trouble. We’re already in it up to our necks as it is; we might as well try to stay alive a bit longer.”

Roy gave a snort of cynical laughter, but he nodded his agreement nonetheless. “Thanks for the backup, Havoc.”

“Any time. Look after yourselves, all right? Who knows what might be out there.”

The rest of the walk back to Riza’s apartment was made in silence, both of them completely lost in their own thoughts as a horrible trickle of icy fear made its way down Riza’s spine. 

Something to do with the military top brass. Something to do with alchemy. And now… something to do with something not entirely human?

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #231: Up From the Depths!

May, 1983

So back to where we were before a detour in Annualsylvania.

Time for Roger Stern’s first issue where he can do his own thing and not have to tie up someone else’s story. Although he did a really good job tying up someone else’s story so I’m hype to see his other ideas.

And the cover is. Uh. Thor, She-Hulk, and Captain Marvel trying to beat up a tree? Yeah, take that, the Lorax.

More seriously, its just good that cover artists have gotten the note about her outfit.

We start this story when some uh swamp thing looking things march out of Chesapeake Bay just before dawn.

“They are not men... not yet.”

Huh.

The narration informs us that in addition to not being men... not yet, these figures don’t even have bones.

Then one of the things just squishes through a chain link fence.

Ah, the ol’ T2 maneuver. Good show.

The things sneak up on a hilariously yellow-suited SHIELD agent, hold him down and knock him out.

One of the things turns into the guy they just grabbed.

Whoever: “No help is needed, Agent Farber. Farber... yes, that’s your name... my name now. The master was right. Farber’s surface memories are mine.”

Then New Farber sets off on Farber’s patrol route.

What a perplexing happening.

Several hours later, now for something completely different.

The Avengers, plus former members Vision, Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, and Beast have gathered together at Meadowglen Memorial Gardens to... well...

Vision: “We have gathered here this day to pay our final respects to a former ally... a friend who gave her life trying to end the threat of Ultron. The robot Jocasta was never officially an Avenger. In truth, we barely knew her. What joys she held, what pain she felt, we can but guess. That is our failure... that is our loss. Now, we can only remember her gallantry, and mourn.”

=(

She was too beautiful for this world.

Also, I know you already did the mea culpa on it, Vizh, but you personally barely knew her because you blew her off whenever she tried to socialize with you.

And the Avengers barely knew her because they constantly forgot that she was there.

Yeah, you admitted its your failure but I really want to make it clear what a big failure it was. You goons.

So what happened? Well, in Marvel Two-in-One #92-93... Jocasta pays a visit to the Fantastic Four and complains that the Avengers used and discarded her (which is half right but she actually ran away before they could reveal they wanted her to officially stay on as a substitute Avenger because they didn’t bother to mention it to her ahead of time).

She started living in alleys because society didn’t accept her. But she started having malfunctions that caused her a lot of pain so she came to seek Mr. Fantastic’s aid.

Overnight, Jocasta starts having nightmares about Ultron.

The following morning, Insurance Worker Aaron Stack meets with the Thing and decides to follow him around when Thing mentions he has to go deal with a lady robot. Because Aaron Stack.

Jocasta goes to the factory where Ultron was trapped in adamantium and frees him because Ultron hid a program in her brain to compel her to resurrect him. He tries to make her his bride again and she’s like ‘ew no’ again.

The Thing and Aaron Stack show up and Thing ends up mind controlled by Ultron who uses him to attack Aaron Stack.

Aaron Stack manages to get away with Jocasta. While repairing his Battle Damage, Aaron asks Jocasta why she doesn’t just call in the Avengers and she basically goes ‘i had a very dramatic exit and i’m not ruining it.’

The two robots go and confront Ultron again. Jocasta winds up wrestling with Ultron over a power cannon and it goes off blasting them both but specifically blasting Jocasta in half and not blasting Ultron in half.

Aaron Stack manages to defeat Ultron by reaching down his throat and ripping out his power supply.

... It feels like Aaron Stack does that kind of thing a lot.

Anyway, that’s how Jocasta died. And that’s why I’m sad.

The various Avengers and former Avengers all have their own thoughts during the heads bowed moment of silence.

Cap is just thinking about how many people he’s known have fallen in battle. Captain Marvel and She-Hulk feel the loss despite never meeting Jocasta. Thor wonders whether there might be room in Valhalla for her, despite being a robot. Hawkeye manages not to say anything disrespectful at all “for once.” Wasp is feeling like she lost a sister she’d never known. Really should have spent time with her. Granted, Jocasta felt weird about hanging out with you. Wonder Man thinks about the time that he died because everything reminds that guy of the fact that he died once. Beast feels like he’s been to too many funerals lately. Huh, did all the Defenders die already? And Vision is an inscrutable bastard even to the narration. Rude.

When the Avengers and co break up into smaller groups for chit chat, Beast asks Cap where the heck Iron Man is?

Cap(tain America, ‘natch) can only say that they left word for him about the service but that something must have come up.

Where the heck is Iron Man? His absence has been a plot point for several issues now.

LATER at 10 o’clock, Nick Fury, director of SHIELD, is in a helicopter with President Ronald Reagan on their way to inspect a SHIELD base where the agents are hilariously yellow-suited.

But when they get out of the helicopter, all the agents point their guns at the president.

Aw hey! And here I thought SHIELD sucked!

Okay, okay, okay. Its probably a gooey swamp plot, for some reason.

Also, Nick swears. I’m telling.

Five minutes later, at Avengers Mansion, the Avengers assemble for their regular meeting.

Except Iron Man hasn’t shown up.

As he hasn’t shown up for many meetings.

Cap wants to wait a couple more minutes because he’s just suuuuuure that he’ll be here any minute.

Poor, Cap.

Because right when Jan is going to start the meeting, they get a call on the priority phone.

Its Iron Man!

Wasp: “Iron Man! We’ve been trying to contact you for weeks! Where have you been?!? What happened? Are you all right?”

Iron Man: “Huh? Oh, yeah... I’m fine. But there’s been a lot of hassles here lately... at Stark International, I mean. The boss... Mr. Stark’s been going through a lot of changes, and he’ll be needing my help on more of a full-time basis for the time being. What I’m trying to say is... I have to quit the Avengers.”

This causes no small amount of consternation.

Cap even grabs the phone from Jan and tells Iron Man that they need him and that if there’s anything wrong, the Avengers can help.

Iron Man just says hey you guys are pros you can get along without me bye.

And then he hangs up as Thor is asking for his turn to talk.

Geez, what a weird call from Iron Man!

So whats the deal?

Here’s the deal.

Remember how Tony wasn’t looking so great last time he showed up in the book? Was kind of manic and unshaven?

Over in the Iron Man book, Obadiah Stane has been gaslighting Tony. Leaving bottles of whiskey out for him. Getting Indries Moomji to seduce Tony and then dump him. Hypnotizing a bunch of businessmen at a meeting to shout gibberish at Tony for some reason.

Presumably on top of all the nonsense going on in Avengers like the stress over what happened to Hank and with Jan, Tony falls off the wagon and starts drinking again.

He gets so drunk he starts flying around in the Iron Man armor, smashing every liquor billboard, which is funny if alarming. Deep in the bottle, Tony reveals to Rhodey that he’s Iron Man and then passes out.

Rhodey puts on the Iron Man armor and fights the villain de jour. Afterward, Tony refuses to take the armor back and leaves it in Rhodey’s care before going off to go be drunk some more.

So now Rhodey is Iron Man. Pretty exciting news for fans of Rhodey! It also means we’re getting closer to Secret Wars because Rhodey was the Iron Man in that story.

But, alas, for Tony Stark fans. Especially after having his identity revealed to Cap and Wasp, opening up a whole new dynamic among the Avengers.

Rhodey quits the Avengers because he doesn’t feel comfortable pretending to be the same Iron Man among them and doesn’t feel that he should reveal that the man inside the armor changed out of respect for Tony’s secrets.

Sooo. Yeah. Iron Man is off the team. Geez.

Stunned by this but doing her job as chairwoman, Wasp announces that the first order of business for their meeting is to fill the vacancy in the roster.

Who will it beeeeeeeeee?? -remembers the Starfox tease from last issue- Oh god no.

Meanwhile over at scene change, a scene changes.

10:15 AM, back to the SHIELD base.

Hilariously orange-suited Jasper Sitwell clasps his hands like a villain and announces that he’s holding the president ransom for...

ONE BILLION DOLLARS

President Reagan: “A billion dollars!! Good lord, man! Be reasonable! The federal budget can’t take that much added strain!”

They’ve already spent so much on the Iran-Contra affair.

Wait... -checks wikipedia- Oh okay, yeah it started in 1981 so this dig is historically justified.

Nick Fury, despite all the guns pointed at Reagan, decides to tackle Sitwell. All while thinking that base commandering this base was just too much pressure for poor Sitwell and clearly he snapped under the strain.

But then Sitwell grabs Fury mid-leap and slams him into the wall.

Nick Fury: “You... you’re not Sitwell!”

Not Sitwell: “No, but I’m a very good double, aren’t I? My men have replaced every single agent on this base! Now, are you ready to notify the proper authorities?”

So seconds later, Fury makes a broadcast to the White House situation room.

Nick Fury: “I... have some bad news, Pete. The boss an’ me are prisoners here.”

BUT! The person who got the message realizes that Bad News Pete is actually Agent Gyrich’s codename.

Which cracks me up.

And since Agent Gyrich is SOMEHOW still the Avengers liaison, despite the fact that they all hate him and refuse to deal with him in person, this is a code from Fury to call the Avengers.

So Henry Peter Gyrich calls the Avengers and tells them what’s going on and before you know it, the Quinjet is flying out of the mansion.

Apparently the launch bay is in the third floor now because the wall just swings open and the Quinjet flies out.

Neat.

On the flight over, Cap, She-Hulk, Thor, and Wasp try to strategize.

Try. Because they know where all the artillery emplacements are but without knowing where the President is being held, they don’t dare make a move.

Hey, Avengers, maybe you don’t have to be bad enough dudes to rescue the president from swamp monsters?

But since that’s not an option, the Avengers decide to wait until they hear from their advance scout.

Also, She-Hulk and Hawkeye are still bickering despite coming to a new understanding of each other recently. Peace was never an option?

So who is the advance scout? Captain Marvel, of course!

This is pretty rad, actually.

She can just turn to x-rays and invisibly zoom through the base going through all the walls she likes.

 Like, yeah, once its known that Captain Marvel is on the Avengers, I bet you can expect villain liars to suddenly start having radiation and energy detectors because of this precise sort of thing, but its neat that this is one of the things Captain Marvel brings to the table.

While zooming around, Captain Marvel also finds a sealed chamber full of gas where all the real SHIELD agents are conked out.

And the most heavily guarded room where she finds Nick Fury and a snoozing president.

Moments later, Captain Marvel nyooms back to the Quinjet as it passes Wilmington, Delaware to deliver her report.

Hawkeye: “Whew! She flew there, searched the place, and got back here before we’d flown much more’n a hundred miles! That’s some kinda fast!”

Drinking some respect Monica juice, Hawkeye?

Captain Marvel reports that Fury and the president are being held in the base commander’s quarters, behind a six inch steel door and four armed men and that the real SHIELD agents are all unconscious in a chamber on the other side of the complex.

This information is enough for Cap(tain America) to start formulating a strategy.

But meanwhile, in a submarine in the bottom of the bay. Its a mysterious figure in a silly outfit who is the one who is behind the doppleganging swamp men.

He receives a report from Simuloid-One aka Not Sitwell who reports that the ultimatum was delivered to the White House and that if they don’t receive a reply in an hour, the president will be killed.

Mysterious Mastermind: “Excellent! If the ransom is delivered, I will have riches enough to work miracles! And if not -- America will be placed in a state of chaos which I will easily turn to my advantage! Either way, I win!”

Simuloid-One agrees that things couldn’t look brighter.

-ominous thunder-

Hee.

Thor is great for irony.

Outside the SHIELD base, Thor stands atop the Quinjet, looking not at all to scale, and destroys radar towers and gun emplacements.

Good thing Tony is missing so he doesn’t have to pay for any of this later.

Actually, is this going to wind up being much cheaper than paying the one billion ransom?

Because when the Quinjet lands, She-Hulk just tears open the ground at Cap’s insistence to reveal the central underground corridor. That’s gonna cost a pretty penny.

Thor stays above ground to finish beating up people and also tanks (although he’s already knocked out half of the fake SHIELD agents on the surface) and the rest of the Avengers slip into the base.

The Avengers split up per Cap’s strategy. She-Hulk and Cap go one direction, Hawkeye and Wasp in the other.

No sooner than they split the party, Cap and She-Hulk are bogged down in a group of the fake SHIELD agents in hilarious yellow suits.

Cap: “Heads up, She-Hulk -- we have company!”

She-Hulk: “Like I said before, no problem! I just wish we weren’t in such a hurry -- so I could take the time to enjoy this more! This is the best workout I’ve had in weeks!”

She-Hulk is fun.

Over with Team Wasp and also Hawkeye, Hawkeye holds off a different gang of swampmenfakeagents as Wasp slips out through a vent to get reinforcements.

Meanwhile, on Team Monica, Monica shows up where Nick Fury is taking off his belt and Reagan is taking a nap. Her part in Cap’s plan is to help Fury guard the president.

Meanwhile but back in New York, a rocket lands at Avengers Mansion.

Since the Avengers have a security at least good enough to detect that, an alarm goes off and Jarvis runs outside with a frying pan to bludgeon whoever it is.

Good hustle, Jarvis.

But its Starfox.

Hit him anyway, Jarvis.

Starfox: “I beg your pardon. I suppose I should have radioed ahead, but I wanted to surprise my old comrades. You must be Jarvis... Thor spoke of you. I am Eros of Titan. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?”

Jarvis: “Eros? Why... yes. You were allied with the Avengers against Thanos!”

Starfox: “Ah, I thought my fame might have preceded me. Are the Avengers about?”

Jarvis: “I... I’m afraid not, sir. They’re engaged in a most important mission.”

Starfox: “Really? Where?”

Jarvis: “I��m not at liberty to discuss -- !”

Starfox: “Oh, come on! You can tell me!”

Jarvis: “W-well...”

Starfox! You’d better not be using your space charisma on Jarvis! He is an angel!

Back at the plot in Maryland, Thor, Cap(tain America), She-Hulk- and Hawkeye have somehow managed to end up broadly in the same place fighting the combined two groups of fake agents.

And considering its the Avengers hitting them, they’re not going down.

She-Hulk is hitting them and they keep getting up for more!

That’s alarming and impressive.

But... Hawkeye shoots a blast arrow too close to some of the fake agents and one of them loses an arm.

But this isn’t the modern age. That’d be too graphic.

Its only wood.

Its described as brittle wood but again: they were taking hits from She-Hulk.

And based on one of the wood agents getting stuck in a loop, Captain America decides that they’re not only not men, they’re also not even sentient.

I don’t know that matches with what we’ve seen from these simuloids in terms of holding conversation and apparently having personalities. But I guess its only virtual.

But now that the Avengers know their enemies aren’t human and aren’t people, they don’t have to hold back.

They just sort of. Start dismantling the wood men and breaking them to bits so they can’t get back up.

If it weren’t wood, it would be pretty brutal!

Back at the submarine and the secret mastermind, the secret mastermind isn’t pleased that the Avengers are overrunning the base when there’s only six of them and nearly a thousand wood men.

Not Sitwell: “The odds would seem to be in our favor by your calculations, master, but their power is such that -- !”

Secret Mastermind: “Silence! Do not speak to the Plant-Man of power! Mine was the genius that gave the semblance of life to unthinking plant tissue! There can be no greater power than that! Avengers or no Avengers, I will not be thwarted!”

He tells Not Sitwell to dispatch all other simuloids and for Not Sitwell to see to the president and Nick Fury himself.

And since Plant-Man is fairly fed up being made to look the fool by people like the Avengers, he’s not going to take the loss gracefully. And he has a special weapon to crush all opposition and he’s gonna use it!

So! Plantman!

A Mega Man robot master?

No, no. Its Samuel Smithers. Also that wood man we saw in jail last issue. But that was clearly a decoy. How sneaky.

Plantman was originally a Human Torch villain who was a botanist who invented a ray gun that controls and animates plant life.

Much like every other Human Torch Strange Tales villain, I can’t take this man too seriously. He was a grown man who devoted his life trying to bully a teenager.

Also, he joined Nebulon’s cult for a while. So. Even less respect.

His costume also doesn’t scream ‘i control plants.’ He just looks like a doofus.

Anyway, in section C, Hawkeye and Wasp have found the chamber where the real agents of SHIELD are being kept sedated. Wasp finds the air circulation controls and vents the gas.

She sends Hawkeye to go back up Cap and sees to the rousing agents herself.

First things first, she tells them to get undressed.

Dammit, Jan! Time and place!

Jokes aside, I feel like this is a shirts vs skins thing.

What with all the identical people in yellow suits and face obscuring helmets and goggles.

In section B, Not Sitwell is following Plantman’s orders. He takes the elevator from the base communications center to the CO’s office.

Which opens right in front of the CO’s office for some reason.

That just seems like its asking for trouble. Like the CO falling down an open elevator shaft because the elevator just opens right in the floor!

Who designed this base!

What happens if you take the elevator up right when someone is leaving the office and they trod on your head! This is why elevators aren’t located in the middle of the floor!

Anyway, Not Sitwell tells the door guards to cover him while he eliminates the prisoners.

Inside the CO office, Nick Fury has finished taking off his belt.

So much undressing in this issue!

Okay, but seriously. Apparently, just in case of a situation exactly like this where he’s disarmed, Nick wears a belt that he can convert into a slingshot. Including an explosive pellet that could blow down a steel door.

That’s thinking ahead!

To a weird degree. Hopefully its a stable explosive and won’t go off in case anyone ever kicks him in the dick.

Anyway, he never ever gets a chance to use it because Cap(tain America) and She-Hulk beat up the guards and Not Sitwell and came in to help rescue Fury and the president. And they give him Not Sitwell’s gun so there’s no reason for Nick to ever use his belt explosive.

It be like that sometimes.

Then there’s a K-BAM that shakes the base so Cap(tain America) sends Cap(tain Marvel) and She(-Hulk) to investigate while he stays with Fury to protect the president.

Meanwhile, the president the Reagan wakes up from his nap. This isn’t important but this is the characterization the comic is going with. Sleepy Reagan.

Captain Marvel zooms off at literal light speed with She-Hulk telling her not to hog all of the action.

But then She-Hulk finds Hawkeye who has been pinned under some collapsed ceiling after that K-BAM. She(-Hulk) helps him out but his leg has been broken.

Then a bunch of shirtless people run in to She-Hulk’s alarm.

But its okay! Its the people Jan had get shirtless! And it was, probably, for shirt vs skins reasons!

Wasp tells She-Hulk that they’ve cleared out most of the fake agents and that they’ll keep an eye on Hawkeye, so She-Hulk should find out whats going on topside.

She-Hulk: “Holee -- ! What the devil is that?!”

Turns out that whats going on topside iiiiiiiiis

A giant-sized man-thing?

No, no. But definitely some kind of large... swamp... thing.

It apparently stomped out of the bay, according to a bolt of electricity. Who is Captain Marvel. Who also reports that the giant-sized swamp thing is pretty resistant to electricity.

Which makes sense. Vegetation isn’t a great conductor, is it?

She-Hulk: “The only thing a monster that big understands is strength!”

Then she runs at it Leeroy Jenkins style and gets stomped.

So thaaaaaaaat explains that cover. Good to know, good to know.

She-Hulk is strong enough to start lifting the foot off of her and Thor makes it even easier by smashing the monster in the leg, making ti topple to the ground.

Then Captain Marvel basically turns into a laser and bounces all over the monster, carving bits off.

Problem: This thing works under Sorcerer’s Apprentice rules.

Every piece chopped off becomes an angry tree man.

Those are some angry Ents.

Which unfortunately puts the Avengers right back where they started vis having a small army of angry wood men they have to beat up.

... Son of a damn is the giant-sized swamp thing an asteroids monster? You beat him into smaller monsters and have to beat those into monsters too small to be a threat anymore?

Dammit, Plantman!

She-Hulk points out the obvious that Captain Marvel can just set all the wood men on fire.

Which she does. She just starts emitting infrared radiation until a miniature, ambulatory forest fire starts.

Plantman: “This can’t be! They’re destroying my mightiest creation! What next?”

What next is that a rocket hits the giant-sized swamp thing in the face, destroying it.

Annnnd out pops Starfox.

Trading one problem for another.

Ha ha.

Ok, maybe he’s not actually so bad. We’ll see.

With the giant-sized swamp thing destroyed, Plantman flees the scene in his submarine. Luckily smart enough to not have shown his face so the Avengers don’t know he was involved.

Order is restored to the base and all the agents put their shirts back on, presumably to Jan’s chagrin.

President Reagan is grandfatherly or whatever and instead of complaining about this laughably massive security breach, just raises SHIELD’s budget so they can plug this swamp slime hole in their security.

And I’m surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre SHIELD will never have massive security breaches everrrrrrrrrrrrrr again.

Then again, he slept through most of the story so I’m sure he has no idea what happened.

And apparently Captain Marvel was moved from trainee to full, active Avenger at some point between issues.

Everyone pats her back and tells her that she did a good job, which she did do.

Starfox slides into the conversation and also adds his congratulations, slightly flirtily.

Captain Marvel is like holy shit an alien. What are you doing on Earth?

Starfox: “Why, I should think it’s obvious! I’ve come to join the Avengers!”

Everyone: “WHAT?!”

Hawkeye: -facepalm- Oh, no!

Womp, womp!

Heh. I’m amused that the Avengers have a similar reaction to me about this guy showing up to join the team.

So as Stern’s first issue not completing someone else’s story? Very good job, Stern. This was fun.

The characters were used effectively. The plot was fresh. Hawkeye’s leg got broken.

You’re doing a really good job!

Follow @essential-avengers​ because together we can make fun of Starfox much more effectively. Also like and reblog to let me do I’m doing a good job.

[hawksonfire]

aroace Nick Fury????? Please, tell me more! (honestly not a concept I would have thought of but now that I know it's out there I can't resist asking questions)

The thing is, Fury’s been targeted by honeypots more times than he can count. There was the skinny blonde back in ‘83, the tall brunette in ‘91, and once they realized women weren’t working, the redheaded swimmer in ‘93. Those weren’t the only ones, of course, but they are the ones who managed to get the closest or last the longest or leave the most impressive scars.

He’s reminiscing with Cheese one night when Barton comes tumbling out of the vents, smile on his face and sprawls across the floor like he belongs there. “So tell me, Nick,” he says, ignoring the glare he gets for using Fury’s first name, “What’s your poison? Men, women, both? I’ve got a bet running with the boys in Logistics, lots of money riding on your answer.”

“Barton, if thirty years of failed honeypot ops haven’t managed to pry that answer from me, what makes you think you can do it?”

“I’ve got something they don’t,” Barton grins. 

“Do you now.”

“Yessir,” Barton says, stealing Cheese’s whiskey. “You like me.”

“I will neither confirm nor deny that, Hawkeye,” Fury says. Unfortunately, Barton is irritatingly optimistic and takes that (incorrectly) as an admission of feelings on Fury’s part.

“I knew it!” Barton crows. “I’m gonna go cash in with the IT guys, see ya later Boss.” He’s up and out of the room before Fury or Phil can react.

“Honestly, you’d think someone would have guessed by now,” Phil says with a smile on his face. “There is a reason none of those honeypots worked, after all.”

“If you think I am going to tell that man,” Fury says flatly, “that I could be called an aroace, you are sorely mistaken.”

“You’d never hear the end of it,” Phil agrees.

“Might have to fake my death again just to get rid of him,” Fury groans. “And you know he’d say something at the funeral.”

“On the bright side, maybe the honeypot ops would stop,” Phil suggests.

“Are you kidding?” The corner of Fury’s mouth twitches up. “I don’t want them to stop, Cheese, they’re my main source of entertainment.”

“They do make for some good stories,” Phil says. “Remember the one who tried to seduce you in a vampire getup?”

Fury groans. “Fuck, how could I forget? I’ve still got the scar from her fangs. Hurts every year around Christmas.”

“And the Turkish acrobat?” Phil laughs. 

“She could do some sinful things with her legs,” Fury sighs. “Too bad I had to throw her out that window.”

“Maybe one day they’ll figure out the way to flip you is to just give you a you-sized Mars bar,” Phil snorts.

“Hey!” Fury points a finger at him. “That’s classified. Level Ten only.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that when I get your Christmas present this year,” Phil teases. Fury throws a peanut at him.

[ninthfeather]

Ninth, I am trying to watch M*A*S*H, but Hawkeye and Trapper are just... teeth-grinding... Can you recommend me some of your favorite episodes?

Ok! So, if Hawkeye and Trapper are teeth-grinding for you, first of all, that’s understandable–a lot of their jokes about women are not really that funny, and they often go way too far while making fun of the rest of the cast, especially Frank, but also Henry and Radar in earlier episodes. While Hawkeye remains a main character until the finale, Trapper’s actor left the show after three seasons and was replaced as Hawkeye’s partner-in-crime by BJ Hunnicutt, a practical joker who’s also a happily-married man with a young daughter. You might enjoy that dynamic a bit more. So, I’m gonna try to focus a bit more on some later episodes, and on ones that focus on side characters: 

S1 ep 12 “Dear Dad”: The first of M*A*S*H’s many “Character writes a letter home as a framing device for several unrelated incidents at the 4077th” episodes. I like this one less because it’s Hawkeye narrating and more because of the stories, most notably Klinger mailing a Jeep home piece by piece and Hawkeye performing surgery in a Santa outfit.

S1 ep 15 “Tuttle”: This is the one “Hawkeye and Trapper shenanigans” ep I’m gonna recommend. The two of them make up a doctor as part of scheme to get supplies to the local orphanage, and the lie balloons until this fictional man wins a commendation, at which point they kill him off and the camp has a funeral for him. The spiral of continuously escalating nonsense is wonderful.

S1 ep 19: “The Long-John Flap”: Hawkeye gets a pair of long-johns from home, and in the middle of winter in Korea, they’re the envy of the camp. Under duress, lends them to Trapper when he’s sick…and soon, the things have been traded around the entire main cast. One of the first really good ensemble episodes, and excellent in terms of characterization. Basically, it works on the same principle as the “Who broke the coffee machine?” bit from Brooklyn 99, using a petty squabble to bring out interesting facets of all the characters.

S1 ep 20: “The Army-Navy Game”: During a much-anticipated football match between the army and the navy, the 4077th comes under attack. First, they call for support from their own forces–and then for a different kind of help, when an unexploded US bomb lands in the middle of camp. This one is a “Let’s mock the US military” episode, and it balances humor, drama, and suspense really really well.

S2 ep 12: “The Incubator”: Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar get into it with some supply officers after finding out that while an incubator for cell cultures is not on the Basic Equipment List for a M*A*S*H and they can’t have it, they’re welcome to request a pizza oven. A good example of the “let’s mock military bureaucracy” subgenre of M*A*S*H episodes. 

S4 ep 25 “The Interview”: The M*A*S*H personnel are interviewed for what is basically a propaganda reel. The episode was originally aired in black and white, so try to find it in that format, if you can! This episode was part script and part improv, and it really feels authentic to how these characters would react to being interviewed.

S5 eps 1-2 “Bug Out”: The camp evacuates their current position in favor of a safer location, but one patient can’t be moved. Pierce, Margaret, and Radar stay behind, while the rest of the camp attempts to retreat in an orderly fashion. An hour-long episode that really hits that comedy vs. humor balance.

S5 ep 9 “Mulcahey’s War”: Please skip this if detailed medical stuff or discussion of self-harm are triggers or squicks for you, but it’s a good episode. Father Mulcahey’s difficulty in connecting with a patient leads him to ask Col. Potter for a chance to go to the front. This is more drama than comedy, but it’s *really good.* Mulcahey is a lovely character and this episode was really good for fleshing him out.

S5 ep 23 “Souvenirs”: During the Korean War, many locals, especially children, made money by retrieving battlefield souvenirs and selling them to US soldiers. Of course, the fact that these battlefields were often full of unexploded mines and bombs made supporting these children ethically questionable at best. As you may have guessed, this episode also leans into drama rather than comedy, but once again it’s good. Also, there’s definitely *some* humor, it’s just in the form of jerks getting their due.

S6 ep 5 “War of Nerves”: This episode focuses on another side character, psychologist Sidney Freeman, and tackles some pretty tough ethical questions in the process. Specifically, how do medical professionals justify healing people and then sending them back into a war, knowing they are very likely to get reinjured? I wouldn’t call this episode uplifting, but it’s cathartic.

S6 ep 20 “What’s Up, Doc?”: Margaret, worried that she may be pregnant, approaches Pierce about a pregnancy test. What follows involves some medical history and is perhaps best not brought up here, but suffice it to say that this episode is an excellent Radar and Margaret focus piece, with a bonus bit of good Klinger content. Not bloody enough to require a medical squick warning, but I will spoil you: no animals die during the episode. I promise.

S7, ep 11 “Point of View”: Please skip this if the medical bits of M*A*S*H squick you out, but otherwise, this episode was amazing. It was an experiment with perspective, filmed from the point of view of a soldier with a throat injury being treated at the 4077th. The unusual POV creates a sense of immersion and also allows the writers to use the limited POV in order to create suspense–whereas in a normal episode, you follow the characters around, this time you’re hearing snatches of gossip during the POV character’s brief interactions with the principals. It’s neat as all heck.

S8 ep 19 “Morale Victory”: BJ and Pierce complain about the same movie running in camp all the time; Col. Potter gets fed up and appoints the two of them as morale officers, challenging them to do better. Meanwhile, Charles deals with the case of an injured soldier who feels his nerve damage has ruined his career as a concert pianist. This episode is some of the best Charles Emerson Winchester III content the series has to offer, and also some surprisingly good (if not perfect) disability theory for when it was made.

S11 ep 1 “Hey, Look Me Over”: Nurse Kellye wants Hawkeye to take her seriously as a woman. This should not take nearly as much effort as it does. You can tell Alan Alda did the writing because it’s a little heavy-handed at times but Nurse Kellye is amazing and we should all respect her.

An additional note: People are and will probably always be divided on Klinger--some people love him, some even consider him an example of early and imperfect LGBTQ+ representation, some people just don’t find him as funny, and other people consider him a harmful portrayal of crossdressing/trans people. If you find yourself wanting to avoid Klinger wearing a dress because you aren’t as comfortable with the way the writers handled him, you should watch later episodes, since he crossdressed less as the series went on and the writers ran out of quality jokes to tell involving his wardrobe.

[catgluue]

Chapter Two: Mortal/Immortal

I’m a day late but still trucking along! 

Read on AO3

Chapter One: Coincidence

Chapter Two: Mortal/Immortal

“You’re going to be okay? Living here alone with him?”

“Of course,” Riza all but scoffed, a mannerism she had picked up from Roy - Mr. Mustang when her father was around. She didn’t know for sure that she would be okay, but at fourteen she was so different from the kid she’d been when Roy had come to study under her father. She was like a plant who had  finally gotten to spend time in the sun. She’d flourished in his presence, and she would miss him.

“You’ll write to me, right?” He looked bashful, hopeful. She couldn’t quite place when he had gone from awkward and gangly to boyishly handsome. For that matter she didn’t know when she had gone from compact and sure-footed to awkward and gangly but here she was. Suddenly the gangly one.

“Lots,” she promised, holding out her hand and hoping it wasn’t sweaty. Instead he wrapped her in a tight hug that she returned hesitantly; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been hugged.

“Oh and stay out of my room,” he joked. “I expect it to be waiting for me just as I left it when I come visit.”

He did come visit, years later, in time to help her plan a funeral, but he’d slept on the couch, as though not to venture further into her life than the sitting room. When she told him, somewhat self-consciously, that his room as ready for him he’d told her he didn’t want to intrude.

-x-

Riza entertains the idea of sleeping in her childhood bed for about five minutes, standing anxiously in the upstairs hallway by the huge window they had never gotten curtains for, before going to sleep on the couch in the sitting room. The fire she set earlier is crackling away, and shadows dance across the walls. She stops at the bottom of the stairs for a moment, breathless, feeling as though she’s been transported through time. She can almost see a scrawny fifteen-year-old Roy Mustang setting up the checkers board, alchemy textbooks piled high on the coffee table.

But she is alone. There are no alchemy textbooks, no checkers, and no Roy Mustang. Not yet, anyhow. She’s glad, not for the first time, that the General is accomplished at letting people only see the parts of him he wants to be visible. If any of their team guess at their shared past here in this house Riza knows that she personally will never hear the end of it.

She settles into the couch and stares into the fire, muscles taut with nerves. Something about being back here feels like floating in a void, in a place untouched by time, existing somehow outside the mortal coil. She remembers how living here before, sometimes she would feel like the one who was haunting the old house, too incorporeal to be real but too solid to fully float away.

Riza wakes on the couch in horror to find that it’s at least mid-morning and someone is knocking at the door. Blearily she grabs her sidearm off the coffee table, and creeps towards the front door. Halfway there she realizes it’s probably just the team but she’s been through too much not to stand on tiptoe to peer through the peephole before lowering her gun and opening the door.

“Nice place,” Breda tells her, leaning to look past her. “Sure you want to sell it? Fix it up a little and this could be a great place to retire.” Riza moves aside to let him pass, followed by Fuery whose arms are full of equipment. Havoc is nowhere to be seen, but the General walks up, hands in his pockets, with an impossible-to-read expression.

Impossible for most people, anyway.

“You slept on the couch,” he says quietly, peering around her into the sitting room. “How are you doing?”

“Fine, sir,” she says in a clipped tone, reminding him with a glance that he’s never been here before. “I’ve gotten a lot done since yesterday.” Havoc appears finally, striding around the side of the building.

“I couldn’t find much, boss,” he tells them. “There’s a few tracks around the northwest side, and some tampering with the window, but that’s about it. Hey Hawkeye,” he gives her a nod. “Really nice landscaping.” He shoulders the duffel bag he clearly left on the porch and heads inside. Riza gives her superior office another significant look, then turns and walks inside and to take stock of the chaos that had immediately befallen her house.

“Well I’m going into town,” she announces. “Just as soon as I change. I want to speak to the mayor about what he saw here.”

“I’ll go too,” the General announces. “You could use a second set of eyes and it won’t be the first time we’ve pretended to be a married couple.” she rolls her eyes but everyone seems to take this in stride.

“I’ll get a wiretap going and see what I can find out,” Fuery tells them.

“I think I should go alone,” Riza tries to give Roy a significant look but he’s carefully examining the contents of a china cabinet. “There’s no evidence of foul play apart from a tampered window. It might even just have been some kids from the town trying to get into what they thought was an abandoned house. And there’s certainly no reason to pretend to be married . This isn’t Aerugo.”

“Couldn’t hurt,” Roy says, picking up a teacup and turning it over.  

“I don’t know,” Breda says slowly, still looking around the room. “Your father was an alchemist, right? But he never worked for the state-”

“How do you know that?” she asks, probably sharper than she means to.

“We did our due diligence,” Mustang replies, finally meeting her eyes.

“Which means,” Breda continues, “either he didn’t qualify because his research wasn’t enough to impress them, or he simply wasn’t interested in working for the military. Understandable,” he shrugs. “My biggest question is why Grumman sent us here - the pattern seems to be this individual - or group - going after   state alchemists exclusively.”

“Exactly,” Fuery chimes in, busily setting up what looked to be a great deal of equipment on the dining room table. “So it looks like, for whatever reason, the state’s had their eye on your father for a while, Captain.”  

“I remember them sending scouts to try and recruit him,” Riza says, and this much is true; however the last scout was years before her father ever decided to take on an apprentice. “But as far as I know his research is all destroyed now. I made sure to see to that after his death.” Also technically true. Havoc shrugs.

“It’s weird but the whole thing is weird; what do they plan to do with incomplete research?” he wonders out loud. Riza is already heading for the staircase to go change and almost misses the General’s quiet reply.

“Maybe they’re trying to solve the equations.”

-x-

The walk into town is almost painfully familiar. She walked this way every day to school for years, occasionally with Mustang to walk her home afterwards, chattering the whole time about a new transmutation or new theory or asking her what she’d learned. He was very good at talking then, just as he is now, pointing out a particular type of tree lining the path as they approach the town and he reaches out to lace his fingers through hers in a motion so natural that she doesn’t notice at first. She just has to give a sidelong glance to get an apologetic grin back.

“We’re undercover,” he tells her.

“Which I still think is unnecessary,” she reminds him, but leaves her hand in his as they walk through town. It’s changed, as she noted on her walk from the train station. There are more buildings, more houses closer to the center of town. Further off she can see the old schoolhouse - that building looks exactly the same. “I could have done this just as well on my own. Maybe better,” she considers, “ You might get recognized and that’s bound to be awkward for everyone involved.” He shrugs at this.

“It’s not a bad story. I studied under your father, left for the military, you followed, and now we’re married and selling the old house. Hardly unbelievable.”

“No,” she says slowly. “Not unbelievable.” It could have been reality, she thinks, had a butterfly flapped its wings at the right time.

Seemig to read her mind, as usual, he lifts their joined hands and quickly presses a kiss to the back of hers as they approach what passes for a town hall in Werthem, and she ignores the blush she can feel creeping up her neck. His touch makes her feel human, solid, not like a shade haunting the manor where she grew up but a flesh-and-blood human.

The receptionist directs them to what is really the only office in the place, but the door opens as Riza is about to knock, and she finds herself face to face with Ernst. He looks vaguely familiar, as do many of the people in town.

“Are you the mayor?” she asks anyway, holding her hand. “Riza Hawkeye. I got your letter.” The man looks between her and Roy for a moment.

“Ah… which letter was this?” he asks, and she falters.

“You wrote to tell me that trespassers were spotted on the property,” she reminds him. Surely he can’t be that busy. The town is miniscule and from the bustle of the office he looks like he has plenty of help. Roy looks to be bored but she knows he’s actually taking in all the details of the office.

“See honey, I told you it wasn’t that serious. There’s nothing in the house anyone would even want to take, unless they’re into ornamental spoons.”

“I apologize, Miss Hawkeye,” Ernst says with a shrug, donning his hat. “While it’s nice to have you - and your ...husband?”

“Fiance,” Roy corrects, settling an arm around Riza’s shoulders.

“-in town,” the mayor continues, “I didn’t write you. Terribly sorry for any confusion.”

-x-

“Well that was pointless,” Riza laments as they walk back up the road to the manor, having stopped in the market to buy groceries. It was reminiscent of the many times they did so as teens, although this time instead of generally being more of a nuisance than a help, Roy seemed to enjoy himself, strolling through the sunlit streets, her arm looped through his as she filled a basket - her old shopping basket, actually - with produce.

“Not entirely,” he replies. “The mayor was clearly lying, and while I’m not sure why I think we can safely say there was money involved.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“His hat for one thing. His jacket for another. Both brand new, and the suit was tailored, which I know for a fact isn’t cheap.” She snorts at this.

“Says the man who would rather buy nice suits than furniture.”

“Priorities, Captain,” he says. “I think Ernst might just be our man.”

-x-

She’s still resentful of the intrusion, but by evening the air in the house seems lighter, the voices of her comrades chasing away the spectres that seemed to lurk in the corners of her vision. They’ve stopped working for the night, and she can hear them laughing and chatting over a bottle of wine Breda found somewhere in the kitchen. Riza stands at the end of the hallway, looking at the double doors that lead to the study.

This is ridiculous, she thinks, and pushes the door open.

The metal was cold against her skin, the blanket between her and the table barely giving her any protection. It was in contrast to the burning pain that seared her shoulder blades. She had agreed to guard her father’s research but now she was beginning to think better of it. She’d planned on guarding a notebook, maybe, or even burying research notes somewhere in a weatherproof box.

This would be, her father told her, much more secure.

There it is, the metal work table where she spent much of the fall the year after Mustang left for the military. It’s smaller now than in the nightmares she had for years afterwards. She walks forward, touches it. All that trouble, she thinks, and the tattoo was destroyed not even five years later. All that trouble to ensure the secret of flame alchemy survived and here she was, still wishing its keeping had never fallen into her hands.

-x-

Chapter Three: Flashover

[theonceoverthinker]

Endgame Thoughts!

Spoilers under the cut!

SPOILERS COMING

SPOILERS COMING

SPOILERS COMING

IN CASE YOU DIDN’T READ THE FIRST FEW WARNING, SPOILERS COMING!

...I know I already did a cut, but I wanted to protect anyone who clicked it absentmindedly.

Because I love you guys!

ANYWAY!

-TONYYYYY! He’s my favorite MCU character and I’m so sad he’s gone, but DAMN did he go out in a blaze of glory! “And I am Iron Man.” Talk about a full circle! And his death scene...JEEZ!!! I CAN’T! HIS BITS WITH PETER AND PEPPER...I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL!!! And I loved his final holographic message! It allowed for Tony to have an incredible final monologue in a really fitting character way. And it was specific to his family, but also not out of place as it played over everyone else’s reunions!

-I adored the pan through of everyone at the funeral. Tony and the team have grown so much and so close and seeing them come together to mourn and celebrate Tony was one of the film’s most beautiful moments.

-I love the five year time skip. Or rather, it broke my heart, but I love how that actually allowed there to be a real tangible impact on the world post-Thanos’ snap that can’t be taken back. The world fell into chaos, families were torn apart and had to rebuild, some people went off the deep end. And it also had a benefit that in a way, gave this aspect of the timeline emotional stakes: Morgan!

-This isn’t bad, per se, but I was kind of laughing during Clint and Natasha’s race to death. It was like a Looney Tunes cartoon! XD Don’t get me wrong, once Nat was falling, I was emotionally aligned with the scene and all, but the buildup was kind of funny in how they used every gadget possible to make it off the ledge! Even their jump faces were funny! XD I’M SORRY BUT SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT!!!

-Tony and Nebula’s friendship was something I didn’t know i needed, but now I just want an entire TV series of them becoming friends. That finger football scene was so cuuuuuteee! Both of these guys need more fun in their lives! Also, “You won.” I cosign everyone else who pointed out how amazing that was! I NEED more Nebula in my life!

-Captain Marvel had me cheering EVERY time she was on screen! First, she saved my babies Tony and Nebula. THEN, she kicks the holy crap out of Thanos! And THEN she shows up for the final battle as she draws away enemy fire and glows like a goddess! And the entire time, she’s clearly showing how she’s the best and just...everyone goes with it!

-Morgan Stark is adorable and I hope we get to see more of her! Maybe she and Pepper can show up in the next Spiderman movie. Like, they meet up so they can grieve together and since Tony cared for Peter like a son, Pepper will invite him into their family. But yeah, I love her 2000 (Because Tony will always love her more)!

-And SPEAKING of Spiderman, Peter Parker is such a sweetie! He’s so polite and kind and I’m so happy Tony hugged him because SOMEONE had to! He must be protected at all costs and I’m glad he’s got his friend to support him! But he is going to have the WORST Father’s Day ever. Poor kid!

-It doesn’t look like we’re getting a Loki resurrection, but I did appreciate how many times he appeared in this movie. Tom Hiddleston is just a really expressive actor, and I’m gonna miss him so much!

-I had a feeling Cap might decide to stay in the past. And it was a really nice send off of the character. So I didn’t see the first two Captain America films, but the full on Avengers films have done a good job establishing who he is so I more or less felt the impact of his relationship with Peggy! I also hope old Cap shows up to give wisdom to some of our modern heroes every now and then. They basically recast him so depending on the new (old) guy’s contract, we might see him again.

-I was surprised that the Falcon was chosen to yield the shield, but honestly, pretty happy! He can fly AND has a vibranium shield filled to the brim with awesome sauce! That’s gonna be so fun to see in battle!

-CAP CAN YIELD THE HAMMER! Btw, where IS the hammer? Cap had it when he left to go to the past. Is it just chilling in his house? I wanna see someone else lift it! LET’S MAKE THAT A PLOT POINT IN THE NEXT FALCON MOVIE!!!!

-I wish Okoye had more to do. Even if she wasn’t going to the past, maybe there could’ve been something more she could do on the sides to help out with.

-Scott’s reunion with his daughter off all things had me SOBBING! I think that’s partially the case because I saw Ant Man and the Wasp maybe two weeks before seeing this.

-So, is past Gamora gone? We didn’t see her fade away, but given how she wasn’t at the funeral nor on the ship, it seems like it. I feel like that’s a deleted scene, and probably shouldn’t have been. BUT it also looks like Peter’s searching for her, so you never know. This might be what happens in Guardians 3!  I’ll be honest, I was expecting the Guardians to throw the Soul Stone back into the pit and for Gamora to be able to come back up, but that doesn’t seem to be happening at all.

-Also, Thor’s a Guardian of the Galaxy (Or rather, an ASGUARDIAN of the Galaxy) now? Guardians 3 is gonna be interesting. And I love that Nebula’s now an official part of the team. I’m honestly excited to see her dynamics with Rocket (since they were basically besties for five years) and Quill (They are gonna be FUNNY as all hell!)!

-I like how Iron Man, a character often shown to be selfish, ended the series doing about the most selfless thing you can do and Captain America, whose very presence in this era is characterized by a selfless act, allowed himself to do something that was in a way, a bit selfish. That was a great end to their respective character arcs!

-I’m not sure how I feel about the Hulk at the moment. Or Thor. I’m gonna need a bit more time to search my feelings for those.

-I love how the last Avengers film barely had any Scott or Hawkeye and this film had ALL of the Scott and Hawkeye! XD

-The “Come and Get Your Love,” “America’s Ass,” and “Heil Hydra” jokes had me and my theatre in STITCHES!

-THE LADIES OF MARVEL SHOT IS ALL I NEED IN THIS WORLD!!! <3 I can die a happy lady! But seriously, I want that as my social media EVERYTHING! I may be theONCEoverthinker, but hey -- change is good, am I right?

-Small detail, but I’m pretty sure that we had an outwardly gay couple mentioned during the support group scene! I hope we see that more overtly and with a more prominent character *cough* CAROL DANVERS *cough* going forward, but it was a nice moment.

-I appreciate that the only reason why we didn’t get more Carol in this movie was because she was being a hero on other planets!

-THAT SAID, I wish we saw Carol and Fury talk! It’s been so long since they’ve seen each other! You’d think she’d at least ask how Goose has been doing, am I right?

...I feel like I’m eventually gonna have more to add to this, but for right now, that’s the bulk of my thoughts after a night’s worth of reflections. XD

[scienceoftheidiot]

So, 1 week after, here are my thoughts on Endgame. 

I liked the film, this is the thing you need to know. 

Rest of the thoughts under the cut, not in any order, and of course SPOILERS AHEAD 

Also careful as I put ALL my opinions there. Dunno if it’s unpopular or not and frankly I don’t really give a shit. 

Time travel. Didn’t expect that, rather some shenanigans with Strange, so time travel + Antman ? I’m game, thanks for surprising me. I think Antman is now my favourite Avenger. And I haven’t seen Antman and the Wasp, so uh. I was a little put off. lol. 

Since we’re on this subject : why oh why do you all go to fucking TONY’s to talk about time travel when Bruce is still around ?!???!!!!  Tony is a genius engineer. He does physics. BUT NOT THIS KIND  Bruce is the closest you can have for time travel (I would have gone to Pym but eh he’s gone).  further proof that in cinema, all scientists are interchangeable (if... you can call Tony a scientist. Mmmmmeeeehhh depends on the definition) science rant off/  Physicist = BRUCE. NOT TONY  

Tony was fucking grating all the damn movie. I understand his reactions, I understand his motivations, but really ? I have started to not like him much a few films before, and now it has culminated. So I guess now I’m team Cap. Always been team Cap anyway, except during civil war when the sole well written character is Black Panther. 

the 5 years gap ? the most stupid part of the movie. I can suspend my disbelief (not all the (russian) nuclear plants have exploded without enough supervision, for example, well I think so, we have no idea how the rest of the world has coped because USA USA USA)(the french ones are supposed to calm down and “turn off” in this case)(i said SUPPOSED) but there are things that should be addressed    It’s only used as a background and never made in perspective as a European, we know that 5 years ? Is enough to rebound. No “big empty places” unless you have decided to make a reserve of it (which they should have taken the opportunity for, given Steve’s comment about whales in the Hudson. Animals grow faste than humans). Economy is probably thriving by then, and all this. The whole infrastructure is still there, nothing to rebuild. I’m fairly sure people have started to make a lot, a lot a lot of babies.  The people returning at the end ? All their family have gone without them for 5 years ? How do they deal with that ? All the economy is going to collapse again. Families are going to be broken again. People are going to find themselves without a home, without a support, without anything.  And if you think it works, I would engage you into reading what happened to the people who survived camps after WW2. And nothing of this is addressed. It creates more problems than it solves them and all of this because of this 5 years gap to give a daughter to Tony and some (badly made fake) belly to Thor.  Spiderman ? goes back to high school ? and his friend is still there ? so his friends was snapped too, or else it’s a monumental fuck up. Unless you’re extremely dumb you don’t stay 5 years in high school you know  This gap is unneccessaty and made there just so Tony can have a kid so his death is more dramatic or whatever. It sucks. Even during the film it put me off.  oh it’s maybe also there because they want Thor to totally collapse, which brings me to 

Thor  The next time I see someone saying “Thor isn’t like this ! Thor would never collapse” has not seen the same films as I did (and probably is one of those Ragnarok haters who have not understood the movie)  Thor can collapse. In fact, it’s just as understandable or actually even more, than Tony doing so in the beginning of the movie (who is the only one who hasn’t lost a loved one ? hey, Tony ! Thor has lost his country, his brother, his parents, and he has LOST, he fought and lost, and this isn’t something he is used to).  No, the probelm with Thor isn’t that he’s collapsed and is now an alcoholic (and actually more of an alcoholic than Tony ever was shown to be when he’s supposed to be one - Tony never tries to find alcohol or else. Tony is a.... Tony c’est un putain d’alcoolique mondain. Pas franchement intéressant. Pas un poivrot. Thor est plus intéressant qu’un alcoolique mondain. Sorry for the french I can’t translate.  The problem with Thor is that it’s played for the laughs.  I don’t mind Rocket slapping him - it’s ROCKET dudes, he is a fucking arse with no social capabilities you think he’s going to help his sole partner while they’re supposed to do a mission ? No, he slaps him. Cause he’s an arsehole. It’s IN CHARACTER  No, it’s the way it’s filmed. The Russos tried to do a Waititi, but they didn’t understand Ragnarok, just like half of tumblr apparently, and played this for the laughs, without any finesse, without any of the things that made Thor in Ragnarok relatable and not the butt of a joke. Once it’s alright, the surprise of Banner finding Thor this way and all.  A few lines here and there, okay Not this constant “look Thor is fat and depressed and alcoholic haha who would have thought it’s so funny let’s have more” 

It didn’t enrage me but it’s very very meh 

I don’t know if it was the French translation but almost all the fucking humour was off. 

Time travel is full of plot holes. I don’t care about that. But time travel is slippery and they fell in all the holes. Luckily for them, I watch Doctor Who. I have learnt not to see the holes (Doctor Who does it better though eeehhhh) 

I don’t mind and actually liked all the returns to the past, I know people found it shitty, I liked it. 

Loki... eeehhh. He’s in ANOTHER timeline now. If he comes back, he better have an explanation. A GOOD ONE 

I won’t watch the Disney series anyway so I don’t really care about what happens, do your thing, I’m off 

Big battle at the end : YES 

I WANT TO BE WALKYRIE WHEN I AM A GROWN UP 

SHE IS BADASS 

SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN AND I ALREADY WANTED TO BE HER IN RAGNAROK SHE IS ME

BUT NOW SHE HAS A FLYING PONY 

IT’S AWESOME

I WANT TO BE WALKYRIE OKAY 

Now I have thoughts about identification and Hollywood stereotypes of races and the way they mix gender expression and sexuality - but if that interest someone I’ll just tell them in private. Just know that I’m white and straight, yet I almost only identify to non white and often non straight female characters. So there IS something to look into there. I don’t give a fuck in what race or sexuality the characters I identify with are - unless Tumblr decides I can’t cosplay Walkyrie because I’m white or this kind of bullshit - I just find it interesting, because I only identify with ONE type of women, and these women are always such. So there is stuff to dig up imo. ANYWAY  BACK TO YOUR REGULAR SCHEDULE 

I hate MCU Spiderman

I hate MCU Spiderman

I hate MCU Spiderman 

His presence and his talking and all ruined all the fucking scenes he was in 

ESPECIALLY TONY’S DEATH 

Dude ? you know him for barely a few months ? You are so dependant on him ? I know you’re young, but... you’re not 10yo, and you’re supposed to have been Spidey WITHOUT him before ? and what you do is just basically worship the ground Tony is on all the time ? 

TONY IS DYING AND THE ONE WHO STAYS THERE AND THAT NO ONE KICKS AWAY IS SPIDERMAN ???? 

LET PEPPER BE THERE 

HECK EVEN CAP HAD MORE HISTORY WITH HIM 

I swear I was 2 seconds away from screaming when Pepper finally pushed him away. 

You, my little arsehole baby Spidey who apparently can’t do shit alone, have robbed some of the last seconds of Tony’s life from his love. Thank you Spiderman 

Spiderman has more screentime than T’challa and I will always be salty about it. T’challa, Tchuri, are far more interesting and important to this story than Peter Parker. 

Spidey rant off/ 

Where is Captain Marvel ? Away on Plot Planet so that she doesn’t ruin the film by being too strong. She still Deus Ex Machinas her way at the end. 

I have nothing against Captain Marvel, she’s for me like Superman, too powered so uninteresting. 

Remember who my fave  superheroes are ? Daredevil and Hawkeye(s). Superpowers don’t really do it for me, eh. So that’s it. 

CAPTAIN AMERICA HOLDING MJOLNIR 

I DIED 

THIS WAS PERFECT

I MIGHT HAVE SHOUTED 

I LOVED IT 

Cap was redeemed to me by this film, after Civil War which fucked him up and Infinity War where he was... not really interesting (best char in IW ??? THOR FFS) 

Cap’s end. Is the best. I don’t care about the timeline bullshit and how it shouldn’t work and all this 

Cap comes back to Peggy and they live happily ever after and I’m so happy for them and that’s it. 

Natacha? The whole soul stone thing was dumb. But given the context there she HAD to die. 

I am not salty about her dying though. 

BUT WHY DOESNT SHE HAVE A FUCKING FUNERAL 

EVEN WITHOUT HER BODY DO SOMETHING HAVE SOME TIME TO REFLECT ABOUT HER AND REMEMBER WHY YOU LOVED HER AND MAKE A SPEECH AND ALL THIS 

TONY HAS THIS ? BUT NOT NATACHA ? SERIOUSLY ???? 

bon petite parenthèse j’ai du mal avec le prénom natacha (natasha ?) pke la seule meuf que j’eu jamais connu avec ce prénom était une grosse conne qu’on a fini par appeler natachatte et je ne peux pas penser à natacha sans que mon cerveau ne me rappelle natachatte voilà merci. Natachatte tu es surement toujours une grosse conne, mais bon. En plus je suis pas hyper fan de Scarlet Johansson mais passons 

I liked that she was eventually allowed some emotions in there btw. 

But she died. And no one mourned her for more than 5 minutes. That is the lot of people dying in the middle of movies. Bleh 

By the way if I see once more that she was fridged I’m going to kill someone

this is not fridging THIS DIDNT CAUSE MAN PAIN 

THIS DIDNT CAUSE ANY PAIN AT ALL AND THIS IS THE PROBLEM 

Smart Hulk is funny for 5 minutes then becomes really not funny and really not interesting and seriously the interesting part of Banner is his struggle with Hulk, why do this 

The “Gay mention” at the start ? Really not something to be proud about when you could have used the actual non straight characters you have around (cough Walkyrie cough Captain Marvel cough hell even Loki) BUT enough to stop Russia from showing the film in English so they could censor it. Bravooooooo. I feel for my Russian friends, as I know Russian dubbing is not exactly the best in the world. All this, boasting and all, for this seriously meh scene with an unknown character we don’t give a shit about, and it leads to that. Seriously. 

I think I’m done. 

I’m done? 

Morgan Stark was unnecessary. Also calling her Morgan is making stuff difficult. Cause there’s another character called Morgan Stark in the comics and I had trouble finding her when I didn’t remember her name. 

I hate Gwyneth Paltrow but Pepper is perfect 

Which is weird because I really don’t like Tony there but eh okay. 

Thank God for Antman. Paul Rudd is my baby and his character is the sole funny one. 

Hawkeye as Ronin is... seriously not as interesting as he should be, and there were moments when I really wondered why they bothered with such an underpowered character that did. Nothing. 

Also that phone call ? that phone call ?????? why would Ronin have kept his phone when he... is Ronin, doesn’t let people contact him, and has lost his whole family ? I almost yelled in the cinema. You need to explain me why he has this phone there. 

The “girl power” shot was way too much, unnecessary, and I really didn’t understand how and why all the girls were there suddenly at the same place when they were all scattered around the battlefield seconds before. Do your job, write good and varied female characters, this is NOT USEFUL and tacky and... dumb. Really. Don’t. 

Okay now I’m done. These were *some* of my thoughts 

I still liked the film, mind you, I’m a good public, give me action and jokes and people I like on screen and I’m good. It was a good moment and I don’t regret seeing it. 

Now I think I am done with the MCU, maybe appart from Antman and Black Panther. Guardians of the Galaxy if James Gunn comes back (but I’m kinda afraid of Thor being there, the joke about “who’s the captain” was already WAY TOO MUCH in the film, I can’t have that for a whole film - plus “new Gamora” means there’s going to be some very cringey scenes and Quill will try to make her love him again and this is going to be... boring as fuck because we’ve already seen it. Nope.) 

It was a good end to it. Now ? All I want is for people to Save Daredevil of course. I have no interest into anything else, thanks. 

[portfolio-ni-rizza]

Avengers: Endgame [Personal] Review

After 11 years and 21 films, we get the culmination to a cinematic franchise unlike anything we've ever seen before, and it is everything we expected it to be–even the bad ones.

What Avengers: Endgame does well, it does REALLY well. It's hard to imagine, at this point, any other franchise being able to churn out an output of this caliber. On the other hand, what Endgame got wrong, it got VERY wrong. And it's all the more frustrating to think they would never have gotten this right, anyway. Even with its (debatably) best release to date, the MCU still failed at the one thing it never got right: it's female heroes.

(But, to be fair, Marvel perennially disappoints every other character who isn't played by Robert Downey Jr., so no surprise here.)

So let's start with Endgame's biggest, most disgusting, but easily solvable mistake: killing off Black Widow.

To give credit where it's due, the Marvel comics was made at a time when women were still largely seen as less than a person; when their worth only went as far as their ability to hold babies in their wombs and arms. And with the MCU being heavily based on those materials, it's not surprising that the movies carried these oppressive sentiments too.

Even so, the MCU wasn't made in the 40s. Majority of it is set today, for today's audiences. So the fact that it still chose to carry those misogynistic, outdated values is just plain ridiculous. 

And the Black Widow, in all her iteration be it in the comics or movies, is still very much a product of those values. She is very rarely, if at all, portrayed as a person on her own, without being defined by her connections to others–specifically the men around her. In the MCU, this was most obvious in her god-awful portrayal at Whedon's Age of Ultron. She was the classic damsel in distress: just another girlfriend/wife character whose express purpose was to be saved by a man, and be a platform with which to show HIS heroics. Worse, Widow explicitly called herself a "monster" during AoU when she was talking about, of all things, being sterilized.

Umm... what? She thought herself a "monster", not because she kills people in cold blood, topples world organizations, and threatens the peace of nations... but because she can't be a mom?

Yikes.

AoU was already a massive fall from grace for Black Widow, from whom we finally got to see some well-deserved badassery, and definitive lack of sexualization, with The Winter Soldier JUST ONE MOVIE AGO. But what's even worse was that this same trope was covertly exploited again in Endgame with–literally–Black Widow sacrificing herself because Hawkeye has a (dead) family.

It's like, hey girls! If you don't have a family of your own, then feel free to throw yourself off a cliff! 

The MCU and its proliferation of male directors and producers never, ever knew what to do with Black Widow, so I imagine it was with a sigh of relief that they FINALLY got rid of her, the first chance they get. And if you think I'm making this up, guess again: Endgame writers themselves (Stephen McFeely, Christopher Markus) said, and I quote, "Her journey, in our minds, had come to an end if she could get the Avengers back."

That's it. That's the sum of Black Widow's character. She was always just a supporting role. She was never a plot. She was just another plot device. If her male colleagues can do their heroics, then her purpose for existing, in the writers' minds, has been served.

Never mind that Natasha Romanoff had the most character development in the entire franchise. Never mind that she was a direct support to 4 of 5 of the other Original Six, and was literally instrumental in making THEM into the heroes they were (Iron Man's recruitment, the Hulk's pathetic and flimsy lullaby, her partnerships with Hawkeye and Cap).

Maybe it might have been easier to take if she was as discarded as Hawkeye. But Black Widow didn't simply disappear in the mainstream storyline for periods of a time with a convenient explanation: she has always been at the center stage in one form or another. Always in conjunction with another character, sure, but THERE, regardless, which is more than we can say for Hawkeye, who really only appears (extensively) in Avengers movies.

But despite how central Black Widow actually is to the entire MCU, she still gets fridged at the first opportunity. Now that Marvel can safely say it has other females on the Avengers roster, they don’t hesitate to throw Widow under the bus (or off a cliff), and still manage to over-glorify and cloyingly romanticize female martyrdom at the expense of helping her male colleagues along. And she didn’t even get the send-off she deserved (hell, even Gamora had more drama around her death). They mourn her for all of 5 minutes, then she gets a passing mention in Tony’s funeral. Now a point can be argued that Iron Man is a public figure, he deserves a funeral, etc. etc., but think about the people who actually attended. None of them were outsiders. They were all, in one form or another, people in the Avengers immediate circle. There was no press. No cameras and grieving audiences ala Superman’s send-off in BvS. So why couldn't–didn't–they acknowledge Natasha Romanoff?

But it’s not over. Knowing full well that people will be angry at chucking off the MCU’s first real, if laughably flimsy, attempt at diversity, Endgame decides to soothe our ruffled feathers with, no surprise, fan service. The MCU may have killed off one of its most important female characters (both inside and outside the context of the cinematic universe), but fans can have 2 minutes of gIrL POwEr! Watch Captain Marvel zoom across an army of aliens (Where was she the whole time, by the way? Infinity War heavily implied a much important role for her, and they certainly touted her as the “strongest Marvel character” but she was completely useleess for 3/4s of the film… and barely on the last quarter), while the other sTRoNg ladies of the MCU have got her back!

Because 2 minutes is enough to compensate for a decade’s worth of callous disregard, of course.

And while those 2 minutes were certainly awesome and easily one of the highlights of the films, there’s no denying that it was all a blatant, pathetic attempt at pandering to a group Marvel never really much cared for. And those 2 minutes show you precisely what the MCU still is: a movie about boys, made by boys, for boys, who still don’t know how to handle women as people.

As amazing and kick-ass as those 2 minutes had been, they were an aberration in a longline of blatant disregard for female characters, and they could have easily been removed from the film because they contribute very, very little to the Infinity Saga’s narrative. McFeely and Marcus are even the first to admit: they only kept that scene in because it was “too fun”.

And just in case you think I’m just an angry, man-hating femi-nazi at this point, who only cares about fighting for women’s rights insofar as it puts me above men, look how Endgame also treated its male cast. Ant Man was nothing but a fussy, whiny, worrywart who couldn’t do the ONE thing that was supposed to be HIS thing: the quantum realm (guess who made that work? Iron Man!). Captain America was a selfish jerk who potentially messed up the entire MCU as we know it because he can’t get over his first crush (guess who was a selfless, self-sacrificing kid from New York? Iron Man!). The Hulk suddenly, miraculously lost the very essence of his character–his struggle between being Bruce and being the Hulk–with just a few punchlines about how he just decided to get the best of both worlds, as if he never could have possibly thought of that before, as if his struggles and demons never overwhelmed him so much to the point where he literally tried to kill himself (but guess, AGAIN, whose struggles and demons we DID see? Iron Man, of course you silly ninny!). Iron Man was given the VERY BEST of each of these characters, because duh, he’s Iron Man. Never mind that a SHARED cinematic universe wouldn’t have worked without other people to share it. Like the past three Avengers, Endgame is just another Iron Man movie. 

Thank GOD he’s dead.

Finally, FINALLY Iron Man is gone. The overrated, over-powered Golden Boy will darken the Marvel Cinematic Universe no more, and we might finally get a film franchise that DOESN’T unflinchingly throw its characters under the bus for the chance to give its poster boy his 15 seconds of glory. Looking back at how Russos, and the production team behind Endgame, shamelessly claimed that Endgame is the story of Cap, Widow, and everyone who didn’t get their screen time on Infinity War, it is all the more irritating to watch 3 more hours of plot-armored Iron Man “saving the day”.

And that’s the tea for today.

PS: Can we talk about the fact how the ending with Cap literally ruined the entire movie (and universe) because of his messing with the timeline?

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Avengers: Storm

Summary: The avengers have just defeated Ultron, a much needed victory for the weary team, but another storm is coming their way. A new member joins the team and has some very unexpected effects on everyone, especially the Captain himself, Steve Rogers.     Secrets are revealed, scars revisited, and new wounds formed as they battle one of their toughest and most personal battles yet. All they can do is hope this wont be their breaking point…

characters: Steve Rogers/Captain America, Tony Stark/Iron Man, Widow, Hawkeye, Banner, Thor, All the Avengers, and a few original characters

Rating: Mature (just in case, still haven’t fully decided yet)

Pairing: Steve/Original character

Note: So yay, I’m finally posting this after I said I would do this a week ago… opps! And this is my first Avengers fic so be nice :)     But before you read, just a little tidbit about my writing. I love to add in new characters and it usually involves some sort of romance of some kind, so if you don’t like OC’s then this might not be the fic for you, and that’s ok! I also love making everything into series which this will probably end up being, so be prepared for that. But for those of you who do read it I hope you enjoy it!! And be sure to let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged for future updates!! :D

Masterlist!!!

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Chapter 2:

    Tony returned to the circle of friends sitting around one end of the large dining room table, looking completely exhausted as he took a seat beside Bruce.

    “So, Uncle Tony,” Natasha mocked, “what's the story with this one?”

    Covering his face with his hands he said, “Wait till Rogers comes back, I'm not explaining it twice.”

    Seconds later Steve came walking in the same way Tony had, sitting on the other side of him. Placing a hand on Tony’s shoulder as he sat saying, “She's asleep.”

    Everyone then turned to Tony, eyes fixed on him waiting for an explanation and after a lifetime of press conferences and countless speeches, Tony found himself lost for words.  “I don’t even know where to start,” Tony mumbled into his hands.

    “Well let’s start with Uncle,” Clint chimed in, “we thought you were an only child.”

    Running his hands down his face he prepared himself for a long night as he began, “As I'm sure you're all slowly figuring out, like many things you all think you know about me, that’s very obviously not true. Turns out my Dad was a bit of a playboy back in his younger days.”

    “The apple didn’t fall for from the tree then, did it?” Natasha quipped.

    Staring her down Tony replied, “Funny, Natasha.” Turning back to the rest of the group he continued, “I spent my life thinking just as you all did, that I was Howard Stark’s only child. It was later in life after my father died that I discovered that indeed was not the case. After his funeral Nick Fury handed me a file marked classified. He told me that up until now he was the only one besides my Father that knew the contents of this file and that he thought I had a right to know the truth. Inside was information on my Father’s secret second family. He had a daughter to another woman before having me with my Mother, not even she knew this information. Turned out I had a twenty-eight year old sister, Marina Stark or rather Burke her married name, and I also had a two year old niece who is currently sleeping down the hall.”

    “You mean to tell us that your father kept all this information secret? How could he do such a thing?” Thor spoke for the first time, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

    Standing in defence Tony spoke directly to Thor, “If I remember correctly your father kept a secret that in the end ruined your brother and almost destroyed several planets.”

    “Hey!” Steve placed himself between the two men, pushing them aside, “We just finished a war, the last thing we need is another one. Tony, please go on.”

    Returning to his seat he continued his story, “It took almost a year before I contacted my sister. We agreed to meet so I drove to her place, met her and her husband Richard, and Leeanna. She was this adorable, perfect little porcelain doll, almost three at the time. I was never one for children but…she was different. After that I spent as much of my time as I possibly could with her but we all agreed that with my line of work it was in their best interest for my father’s second family to remain a secret, Leeanna too, so I had to see them away from the eyes of people, press, and it’s a good thing we did. After Leeanna's seventh birthday, her and her parents showed up at Stark Tower in the middle of the night. They had to sneak her out of the state after she started a tornado in the playground at school after some kid pushed her. She was so scared the poor kid ran all the way home.

    They told me that they had to grab what they could and run, every cop in the state was looking for my little girl. I did tests on her that night, discovered that for some reason her genes had begun mutating themselves and that’s the cause of her powers but I can’t explain why, after her seventh birthday, this started happening or how. Every so often her genes mutate again and create more powers, what you saw today was just the beginning of what that girl can do. And it seems to be linked to her emotions which, once they reach a certain point, they take over and she can’t stop.

    I did what I could to help them start a new life, after what had happened that night there was no way they could return to their old home. I gave them a new name, Collins, a new home, new jobs. As she grew and her powers multiplied and became harder to control she spent more time here with me. When it became to overwhelming for her, her parents and I would sneak her into the tower and I would take care of her. This became her sort of…sanctuary, somewhere she wasn’t so trapped.”

    “Trapped?” Steve cut in.

    “Yes. Her parents tried everything they could to give her a normal life, but after several accidents that luckily were not as eventful as the playground incident, Leeanna locked herself away. Afraid that one wrong move from her would find someone hurt or worse she cut all human contact besides her parents and me. Her parents somehow managed to convince her to vacation in Washington with them this weekend and, well, now we’re here and that’s the story of my poor little girl.”

    “How old was she when she locked herself away?” Bruce asked.

    “She was nine.” Tony answered with a distance to his voice.

    “If my math is correct she would be twenty-six now and if she locked herself away at nine then…that’s seventeen years alone.” Clint sat back in his chair with a hard sigh, “that can’t be easy.”

    “I did everything I could to make her life a little more bearable, but my poor little girl…” tony stared into her past, only sorry he couldn’t do more for her.

    Steve stood from his spot beside Tony, placing his hands flat on the table leaning forwards, “It’s late. We’ve all had a rough night and so has she, but none of us are going anywhere for the next little while so I say we carry on tomorrow. I think everyone needs some rest.”

    All in agreeance the group got up from the table, slower then usual due to the days earlier events, Tony showing them all to their rooms for the night before peaking in on his sleeping niece. Tears still streaked her cheeks and her breathing remained laboured. Closing the door behind him he entered her room quietly, climbing softly into the bed beside her and pulling her close. Tucking her head under his chin he too eventually fell into a deep sleep.

[movieiwatchedtonight]

Monthly Movie Recap: May 2017

Monthly Movie Recap: May 2017 It was one of those months that it was nearly over before I realized that I hadn't seen any movies yet! I did see Guardians of the Galaxy on opening night with Amy, but then I didn't see another movie till my group of friends and I saw Everything, Everything for my birthday. Then with my parents the next night I saw Baywatch. So only three this month but between both my brother and I's birthdays,finals, graduation, and starting my new job that's not too bad. Guardians was by far my favorite, then Baywatch, and least was Everything, Everything. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2:

Now I remembered little to none of the first movie, I think I only saw it full out once but I didn’t really need to to understand what was going on here. Side story; but the only time I’ve seen the first movie was in Disneyland back in 2014 before it was officially released in this really cool 4D theater. Also let’s keep in mind that I’m a casual comic book movie fan so I’m not really basing my opinions on anything other than my enjoyment.

I was able to see it twice. I went to a preview screening that my local theater does (and brought my best friend Amy as well) on the Thursday before it came out and then again on Sunday in a old small town theater in Jacksonville. (Completely unrelated but one theater showed the Thor trailer and one did not)

The first time I really was just paying attention to the story and just enjoying it (which I did) and the second time I actually took notes. Here’s some of the general notes about the movie that I wrote down from my second viewing:

- There’s a new intro where it shows movie characters rather than flipping through comic book pages. Not sure which one I like better, though I don’t mind the new one

- I love the opening scene. Am I biased because I’m from Missouri and I love the 80s? Maybe  

- Also James Gunn is from Missouri; St.Louis more specifically so I love it. Fun fact Sean Gunn went to SLUH for high school

- An odd thing to love but I love all the colors, especially at the end (more on this later)

- Is Awesome Mixtape Vol.2 actually awesome? Yes. I personally prefers over Vol. 1

- Hey the dad from Sky High is here too

- Baby Groot needs a car seat

- Some lines were predictable but that’s every movie. One I really didn’t care for was when Ego tells Peter he’s just like everyone else and Peter says “what’s so wrong with that?”

- Also thought that sometimes jokes weren’t needed, a moment can just be a moment

- “Spacesuits for emergencies, or for fun”

- Ego’s planet was so pretty ( why does it remind me of the emerald city?) but was there really a need for a museum type show about why and how he formed the planet

- Kicking and messing with Baby Groot? Not okay

- Baby Groot dancing to basically the whole song Mr.Blue Sky while everyone else is fighting a giant space monster? Very okay (and so adorable!)

- Okay but like we kind of knew Ego was the bad guy the whole time, right?

- “You’re like Mary Poppins!” “Is he cool?” “Yeah he’s cool” “I’m Mary Poppins!!”  

- Didn’t mind that they used The Chain twice because I love that song but we could have fit Fox on The Run in there somewhere

- I agree, Baby Groot is too adorable to kill

- I don’t know what Cheers is either Gamora, but if I did I’m sure it would have been a cool reference

- “I thought Yondu was your father.” Turns out he was

- Why do I love Sean Gunn’s character so much? I’m not even really sure I know who he is or what his purpose was besides getting the ship ready but I loved him. Especially when he asks Nebula what she’s going to do with her cut of the money (units?) and she tells him about wanting to kill her sister and buy a bunch of weapons and he’s just like “I meant like a pretty necklace, or a hat, something the girls would aw at”

- “They killed all my friends"😭

- Yondu’s arrow is so cool, Hawkeye should get himself one of those.

- Baby Groot getting crushed by rocks (?) and has no idea what else to do so he just starts crying, that broke my heart   

- Cute little space family

- Screw Ego for putting the tumor in Meredith’s brain. I hate him

- Ok but Peter building Pac-Man was so cool

- “I’m going to make some weird shit!”

- I wish I knew what was so important about the batteries that the gold girl kept trying to kill them for stealing them

- The gold people’s little remote controls spaceships had arcade sounds and I loved it

- So many credit scenes that were about the movie (the Peter and Groot scene was my favorite)

- Also when Rocket, Baby Groot, Yondu and Kraglin were jumping through all the worlds (the part where Stan Lee has him cameo) I thought it would have been cool to like flash Asgard, just an idea

- I’m a sucker for friends choosing to become a family

- So did Peter lose his immortality and God qualities when they killed Ego? Or not?

- The scene where Ego and Peter are playing catch is emotionally manipulative  

- I’m also a sucker for power group shots and there’s a good amount of them, enough to make me happy

- Baby Groot trying to get the fin but he keeps coming back with different things was so cute. Brings back a desk; “we told you it was this big!”

- My favorite arrow scene was when it hit the lights out and then killed all those people and all you could see was the trail of red glow

Now back to what I said earlier about colors. I have a personal theory, that at least for me, bright colors matter. I mean I often find myself re watching movies like The Avengers or Captain America: Civil War (which isn’t overly colorful but is bright) but not movies like Captain America: The Winter Soldier or like Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice because they’re just dark. Like literally have a dark color palette. I don’t know if that makes any sense but this movie was full of colors and it was beautiful.

This may be a movie series where I prefer the second one over the first. They’re both good but I really like Vol. 2. I love the music in it so much, defiantly more than the first movie.This is definitely worth seeing in theaters and not waiting till it comes out later. Also wish I would have seen it in 3D because there’s a couple scenes that I bet look amazing in 3D! Especially the funeral scene, I bet that’s awesome in 3D! With all the colors and pretty lights.

Watch again: YES I will for sure see it again in theaters, hopefully 3D, and this will be a movie I preorder the DVD

Watch the sequel?: it’s a marvel movie, so of course, I’ll watch Vol. 3 as well as anything else remotely related to this movie

Baywatch: I thought this movie was alright. I definitely laughed and thought some parts were funny and I wouldn't go out of my way to not recommend it to someone. It's not going to be a summer favorite or anything but who doesn't love Zac Effron? I think my favorite part was definitely the High School Musical reference and just the whole name thing was funny to me and my parents. I didn't not enjoy this movie, it had me laughing a decent amount but I know it's not going to be like a classic comedy for me or anything like that. It’s a typical good summer comedy. I'll probably watch it again and most likely will get it on DVD but I don't think I'll go see it in theaters again.

Watch again: Yeah, I would watch this movie again but I don’t think I ever seek after it or get a craving to watch it again.

Watch the sequel?: Yeah, again I think I would. I enjoyed the first one enough to watch the second one, should one be made. Everything, Everything: I was not a fan of this movie. I mean it's one of those movies you go into knowing it's going to be far fetched and ridiculous but I just couldn't get on board with this movie. I went with about six friends to see it, Amy and I sat next to each other and just ripped the movie apart. I mean we made fun of everything, she described us as the old guys from the muppets (Statler and Waldorf). The movie wasn't as bad as we made it out to be, but I still didn't really like it. I knew it would be out there but like it was so out there. Now I never read the book, I do own it, and it's in my personal library, but I haven't had the chance to read it yet so I can't say how accurate it was to the book. I did like something's about it, I like the little twist where Maddy discovers that she was never really sick, and I liked the actor who played Olly (Nick Robinson) I thought he was pretty good. I also really loved the scene where he taped all the pictures of the ocean on her window and said something along the lines of “Every ocean deserves to be seen by you” that was really cute and I do really love that moment from the movie. I did also like how the movie made me think differently, like how we as people put so must trust into the people we love because we love them, we just believe everything they say is the truth because so far they haven’t proven us otherwise. That’s kind of scary, like to think that we just trust the people we love so easily, and we really could have no idea what's actually true and what isn’t. So in summary, I didn’t love the movie, but I liked how it got me thinking deeper.

Watch again?: Not on my own, no. The only way I see myself watching this movie again is if I’m with a group of people who want to.

Overall: May was a bus month and I didn’t see as many movies as I would have liked to, but with it now being summer vacation, I should be able to catch up for what I missed in May in June. I love that I got to see Guardians on opening night, that was really cool and a great way to start the summer movie season.

Next Month: June is a jam packed month for movies. So excited for Wonder Woman!! Also I feel like I might be alone in this, but I’m actually really excited for Baby Driver as well! As for kids movies, I’m actually going to Disney World the week Cars 3 is released so I plan on seeing it down in Orlando and Despicable Me is one of Amy’s favorite movies so we’ll go see the third on for sure. I will 100% be skipping out on 47 Meters Down, no thank you. Book of Henry has my interest because I’m slightly confused by it. Basically June is the hot spot for summer movies and with my theater having 5$ Tuesdays and 5$ student Thursdays, I hope to see as many as I can

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Forged Through Fire (4/13)

Summary: Amestris. Once democratic, now a military dictatorship. Prohibition is strict; personal freedoms curtailed. All alchemists must be state-licensed or face imprisonment. Foreigners are met with suspicion. It’s a grim place and a grim time, but there are some people able to bring a little light to the world. Behind an innocent-looking bookshop, speakeasy proprietor Chris Mustang has formed an unlikely alliance with unlicensed alchemist Van Hohenheim to provide alcohol to those who want it and medical care to those who need it. When Riza’s newly complete tattoo becomes infected, Roy brings her into this underworld, little knowing the way it will change their lives in the future – uncovering the secrets of the mythical Philosopher’s Stone and the schemes of a Fuhrer hell-bent on achieving immortality, all whilst navigating what they mean to each other.

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Rated: T

[One] [Two] [Three] [AO3]

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Content warning for this chapter: Discussion of parent-on-child domestic abuse and parental neglect.

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Forged Through Fire

Four

Roy didn’t really know what to expect when he knocked on the Hawkeye residence’s door the next day – well, later in the same day, since he hadn’t left until after midnight. Riza looked tired and withdrawn when she answered, but she gave a weak smile when she saw him.

“Hey Roy. Come in.”

He stepped inside, hanging up his coat on the hook that had always been his when he had been coming over to learn under Berthold.

“How are you today?”

“I’m ok. Still sore, and the burned skin pulls weirdly sometimes, it’s going to take some time to get used to it. But the pain’s getting better.”

“That’s good.” It wasn’t exactly what he’d asked, and he wondered if Riza was dodging the subject intentionally. “How are you feeling today?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to vocalise it. I’m not used to this.”

“What aren’t you used to?”

He followed her into the kitchen, getting cups out of the cupboard as she put the kettle on.

“This.” She gave a long sigh. “I’m not used to having people care about me and care how I’m feeling. The last person who ever cared about my feelings was my mom. And now there’s you, and Trisha, and Hohenheim, and your aunt, and you all care, and you all know about this.” She gestured to her back. “And I trust you with it, don’t get me wrong. But it’s overwhelming. I don’t know how to be vulnerable, Roy. I don’t know how to deal with people caring about me.”

“That’s ok.” Roy chanced to reach across and touch her hand where it was resting on the counter as she waited for the kettle to come to the boil. “We’ll still be here whilst you’re figuring it out.”

No more was said as the kettle boiled and tea was made, and they sat down at the kitchen table.

Presently, Riza looked through the kitchen door to the door of her father’s study opposite.

“I should go in and sort everything out. I haven’t been in there since he died. I don’t have the energy. I can’t think of anything that I want to do less than go through all his research. Part of me says I shouldn’t bother. He loved alchemy more than he ever loved me and I don’t see why I should have to have anything to do with it now. But then there’s the other part of me that says I should continue being a dutiful daughter and go through all his stuff. It caused me so much pain and it’s all still there and I have to do something with it.”

“I don’t see any reason why you should,” Roy said “Just destroy it all. Hell, just torch the entire room, you don’t even need to take anything out of it.”

Riza raised an eyebrow. “Having a burned out husk of a room in the middle of the house might make it hard to sell. Also the risk of it bringing the entire house down is just a bit too great. Not that I don’t trust you to have excellent control over your fire, but this is a very old and flammable building. Makes me wonder how it never burned down before, actually.”

“OK. Take everything out of it and dump it in the garden and have a bonfire, then. You don’t owe him anything, Riza. I think you need the catharsis. You can’t get rid of the marks he left on you, but you can get rid of all of the other traces of his legacy. I think it would be fitting for it all to go up in smoke.”

Riza nodded. “I just want it gone,” she said quietly. “The tattoo will never be gone. But everything else can be gone. Just… erase him from the world and never have to deal with him again. Never have him cause me any pain again.”

She finished her tea and stood up suddenly, the scrape of the chair legs against the kitchen floor jerking Roy into action too.

“Let’s do it.”

She threw the study door open, as if she was trying not to second-guess herself, and Roy looked around. It looked exactly the same as it had done when he had last been in there a couple of years prior – books and papers everywhere, no rhyme or reason to anything, no order that made sense to anyone except Berthold.

“I hate this room so much,” Riza said. Her tone was almost conversational, but Roy could see the anger in her eyes, now bright and fiery instead of the haunted look she’d been wearing for the past couple of days.

It took them a while to get everything out of the study into the garden and pile it up, but it was worth it to see the look of satisfaction in Riza’s face as she stood in the empty room. They’d even ripped down the curtains and pulled out the built-in bookshelves. If they were going to do it, then they would do it properly. Everything had to go. The sun was beginning to go down by the time they were finished, and Roy looked over at Riza.

“Are you ready?”

She nodded.

“Light it up.”

Roy shook his head and handed her a lighter; always paid to have one handy in case the spark cloth got wet. “No. This is your moment; you need to do this.”

Riza took the lighter and flicked it, watching the tiny flame stuttering in the breeze for a while before she threw it onto the pile of papers and furniture. It took a few moments for it to catch properly, but soon the blaze was burning high, Berthold Hawkeye’s legacy going up in smoke in the most poetic end for his research there could be.

For a long time, they just watched the blaze together in silence, and Roy looked sideways at Riza, the shadows from the bright flame dancing in front of his eyes. Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself, like she was trying to physically hold herself together, and he startled when she suddenly crumpled down onto her knees.

He crouched beside her.

“Riza?”

Riza howled, a heartrending scream of pain, anger, frustration and grief all letting rip. Roy couldn’t say he was surprised, nor could he say she didn’t need it after everything. Tears were streaming down her face, and Roy realised he hadn’t seen her cry like this at all since her father’s death. Not at the funeral and not even the previous day when she’d been in so much pain. She had wept, but nothing like this raw outpouring of emotion. 

Riza had always been stoic, more stoic than Roy thought he could ever hope to be, and even though it was completely understandable, and he had been the one to say that she could not keep her stoicism forever, it was alarming to see her in so much distress. He hovered next to her, hand an inch from her shoulder, wanting to give a comforting touch but not sure whether or not it would be welcome.

In the end he chanced it, rubbing her arm gently. Riza gave no indication that she could even feel him, continuing to sob, and Roy settled down on the damp grass beside her.

Eventually, she cried herself out, falling silent again, the roaring flame from the bonfire still going strong beside them, the light sparkling on Riza’s wet cheeks as she kept staring at it.

“Can I get you anything?” Roy asked.

Riza shook her head.

“No. Just don’t leave, please.”

Roy would quite happily have stayed there for as long as she wanted, until the fire burned down to nothing. He shifted, putting an arm around Riza’s shoulders as she flopped against him, exhausted by the much needed emotional release.

After a few more minutes of silence, Roy ventured to speak again.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been through a washing machine. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel so I’m feeling it all at once.”

“That’s ok. Just let it all out.”

Riza didn’t respond, and Roy could see that she was crying again; silent and sorrowful.

“You’ll be ok. I promise.” He couldn’t hope to understand what she was feeling, and he was grateful that he had never been in the position where he would be able to claim he knew what she was going through, but he could understand that she was undergoing a massive upheaval, and all he could hope to do was help her through the other side.

He watched the smoke rising from the fire, sending the ashes of her childhood flying off into the night sky, away into the ether where they could never harm her again.

They stayed out in the garden until the fire began to die back - Roy would admit if asked that he had helped its intensity along at various points to keep it steady and bright - and by the time they went back inside, stiff and cold from sitting on the grass for so long, but neither of them complaining at it, Riza seemed to have found a modicum of peace again.

X

Of all the things that Riza thought she was going to have to worry about when she started working the front for the speakeasy, having someone come into the bookshop who actually wanted to use it as a bookshop wasn’t one of them. It was such an obscure and out of the way little place, hardly anyone ever came in looking for books, and most people who did come in saw the state of the shelves and everything packed in haphazard and turned straight back around again.

The woman who had just walked in and started browsing, however, had determination if nothing else. She’d been going through the shelves for a good fifteen minutes before she finally poked her head around the end of one of the stacks and looked at Riza with her brow furrowed.

“Do you have a history section?”

“Honestly? I have no idea. I’ve only been here three months. I think everything’s organised by what colour the cover is rather than anything else.”

The woman laughed. “Oh well. I’ll just keep looking. I don’t have anywhere else to be, after all.”

It was the middle of the afternoon and whilst the bar was open, Riza wasn’t expecting any patrons to come through the door any time soon, so there was no need to get the woman out of the shop lest she find out about the rather more illegal practices going on downstairs.

“I can help you look if you want.” She got up and came out from behind the counter. “Are you looking for something specific?”

“Not really, more just anything that I can get my hands on about local history. I mean, you know what it’s like trying to find out anything about the time before the current regime started up. I’ve got as much access to the governmental archives as they allow, which is…” The woman tailed off, and Riza knew exactly why. Even in a place as out of the way as the bookshop, there were eyes and ears everywhere.

“You get through the front door and they give you what they want you to see?” Riza suggested. She wasn’t sure how to let the woman know that the space here was safe, and at the same time there was always the risk that she herself was here for nefarious purposes, trying to scent out what was going on behind the scenes.

The woman nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”

They continued to work through the shelves for a while but going book by book was going to take them till next Tuesday, and their conversation turned to other things – the weather, the latest news, other neutral small talk topics. Names were exchanged, and finally Riza brought the conversation back around to their current mission; subtly trying to get more information to see how much of a threat this Rebecca Catalina might be.

“So, how come you have access to the governmental archives?”

“I’m a journalist with the Central Herald.” Rebecca sighed. “At least, I attempt to be a journalist.”

“Attempt?” Riza was intrigued now; the Central Herald was known for getting on the wrong side of the government just enough to annoy them without being enough to get itself closed down. There was no free press in Amestris and there hadn’t been for a long time, but the Herald was the closest they got to it. She was steering towards thinking that Rebecca probably wasn’t a secret police informant. Either that or she was in deep undercover.

“All the newspapers have state-sponsored overseers. I think they’d all much rather that I stuck to just reporting on weddings and funerals and what colour hat Lady Bradley’s wearing on any given day, but we do our best.”

Riza had to smile at that.

“So, what’s the latest scoop?”

“Nothing concrete yet. I’ve just got a feeling. There’s some dilapidated old buildings on the far side of town, by the Narrows. They’ve been closed off as condemned for years, but they’ve never been knocked down, and there are always cars with government plates hanging around in the vicinity.”

“Well, in this country I wouldn’t put anything past anybody.”

They continued searching for a while, pulling up a few promising old books, until the bell above the shop door jangled again and Riza immediately went into secret keeper mode, going to see who had entered her domain. The bookshop was a strange liminal space in that sense, more of a portal to another world than a place in its own right.

It was only Roy.

“Hi. I just thought I’d come by to see how you were doing.”

“I’m ok.” She nodded discreetly in Rebecca’s direction to indicate that they weren’t alone and couldn’t discuss bar business. “How are you?”

“Fine. Hughes is driving me round the bend but that’s not exactly new…” He trailed off, and Riza glanced to the side to see that Rebecca was doing a very poor job of pretending that she wasn’t watching them, surreptitiously sneaking peeks over the top of the book she absolutely wasn’t reading. Looking back at Roy, she saw that he’d gone rather pink around the edges, and the sight of him so flustered made her smile.

“Well, I, erm, I’ll see you later.”

He left the shop as suddenly as he’d entered it, and Rebecca gave a giggle from behind her book.

“Boyfriend?” she asked.

“No, no. He’s just an old friend.”

Rebecca raised an eyebrow. “Are you absolutely sure about that?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She really didn’t want to think about it.

Rebecca seemed to notice her consternation and immediately changed the subject. The two of them continued to talk about books for a while, and although Riza was as guarded as she ever was around strangers, there was something about Rebecca that was easy to get along with. Riza found herself wondering what the catch was. Her upbringing had made her cynical in a way, always wondering what it was that people wanted from her. After spending so long with Roy as the only person she could really consider to be a friend, finding new friendly people was somewhat daunting.

For a moment, Riza’s anger against her father flared again, knowing that he was at the root of her troubles and lamenting the ordinary childhood and teenage years that she’d never got to have. She tried to push it down and focus on what Rebecca was saying.

“Well, I have to go now, but I’d like to come back and take a look at the shelves I didn’t get to today.”

“Sure. We’re always open.” That was pretty much true. Operating as the front for the speakeasy meant that they did keep much longer hours than most ordinary second-hand bookshops would.

“Great! Well, it was nice to meet you Riza. I’ll see you soon.”

Riza found herself looking forward to it in spite of herself.

Roy came back into the shop a few minutes after Rebecca left, and Riza had to laugh.

“Were you literally just hiding around the corner until she went away?”

“No! Well. Maybe.”

Riza snorted. “There’s no need, I’m fairly sure she’s harmless. She’s a journalist for the Herald.”

“Journalists are in no way harmless, Riza.”

“You know what I mean. Harmless to you physically. She’s not going to bite you, and from our conversation, I’m sure she’s safe for this place as well.”

“The sixth sense wasn’t tingling then?”

“You know me, Roy. I’m naturally suspicious of everyone. But I think Rebecca could be a friend to us.”

“That’s good.” Roy looked at her. “Do you think she could be a friend to you?”

Riza didn’t reply straight away, mulling everything over in her mind. The idea of having friends who weren’t linked to the speakeasy or didn’t come through Roy was a nice one, despite the voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her that she didn’t deserve nice things like that.

“I… I think so. I don’t know. I would like that.”

“Go for it and see where it takes you. It’ll be good for you to get out of here once in a while and have some friends who aren’t here for the alcohol.”

“I know. I was thinking the same thing. The trouble is that I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“It’s still early days yet. Maybe there isn’t another shoe. We live in a world of mistrust and subterfuge and paranoia, but there are still decent people out there.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Riza leaned back in her chair. “Optimism hasn’t always been the best colour on me. It feels weird.”

“I agree that sometimes optimism can be dangerous in the circumstances we’re in. But it can be exhausting to be cynical all the time, and you deserve some normality in your life.”

“Hmm.” Riza continued to ponder his words for a while, until Roy just left her alone with her thoughts, giving her an understanding pat on the shoulder as he went past her into the bar.

Maybe it wasn’t too late to start having friends and getting some semblance of normality into her life after all.

[sage-nebula]

(if you don't mind me sending a second one) top ten fma characters?

Of course I don’t! This one is going to be hard, though, because there are so many fantastic characters that I feel it’s inevitable I’m going to end up forgetting someone.

Roy Mustang --- Roy didn’t used to be my favorite character way back in middle / high school when I was first introduced to FMA (through the 2003 series), and even then, he wasn’t my favorite character when Brotherhood first aired in 2009, or even on multiple re-watches. Instead, he is a character who has steadily grown to be my fave with each new re-watch. I swear to god, every time I revisit this series I love him more, and more, and more, and now he’s undoubtedly my favorite. I love Colonel Badass. More than that, I love how he’s Colonel Dad even as he tries to argue it and claim, without anyone suggesting otherwise, that he’s not Fullmetal’s father, ffs. (Yes you are, Roy. You’re one of his dads. Just accept it.) I love . . . so much about Roy. I love how clever and intelligent he is, that he recognizes the machinations of the government and how he plays his pieces correctly in order to advance up the ladder, but how he does that specifically so that he can a.) protect the people most important to him (and did you notice? In the Japanese version, he uses the exact same language Alan does when saying he wants to protect his most important people! Taisetsu mono!), and b.) protect everyone in Amestris by sitting at the very top as Fuhrer President (which is exactly why I think Alan would make an excellent Champion---he can protect everyone in Kalos that way, that’s literally the Champion’s job, but that’s a meta for another time). Roy also wants to atone for everything he did during the Ishbal extermination---he wants himself and all other state alchemists held accountable for their war crimes, but only after they help with Ishbal’s restoration, which I think is just incredibly admirable. Like, it’s not just that Roy feels guilty and feels he’s deserving of punishment. He knows that the lives lost can never be restored, knows that the destruction can never be undone, but he still wants to help restore Ishbal to a land of prosperity first, so it’s not just that he’s punishing himself (and others), but that he’s actively giving back to Ishbal instead of just leaving them destitute. Like, goddamn. That is the right fucking reaction to what happened.Additionally, Roy is so good about keeping his cards close to his chest, about not showing how he feels most of the time, but the truth is that he cares so fucking much. He’s obviously in love with Riza. His team means everything to him (he’s fucking crushed when Havoc is paralyzed, crushed), he cares about the Elric boys, he cares about---just about everyone. Roy keeps up an unaffected exterior most of the time because he has to, but the truth is that these things cut him pretty deeply and they do keep him up at night. There’s so much to him and so much within him and goddamn I love the fucking Flame Alchemist. He’s definitely my fave. I adore him.(Also, not for nothing, but PokéAni actually paid him a homage, using Alan, no less. Feast your eyes. There’s no way using that very specific number wasn’t intentional. None.)

Edward Elric --- Ed was always my favorite in the past, and to be honest I still relate to him a lot and still love him dearly, so he’s just #2 now. (Sorry, Ed . . . but in the Flame vs. Fullmetal battle of my heart, you lose.) Aside from also being quite short (though he inevitably surpassed me in height, damn him), I used to be sensitive about it in childhood. Whereas I’m comfortable with the fact that I’m tiny now, I used to have quite a temper about it as a kid . . . so in that sense, honestly, I found him to be quite relatable!Aside from that, though, he’s yet another Determinator. He’s a hothead sometimes, but he has a heart of gold, and he’s a very protective big brother. These are all traits I find very attractive in characters. On top of which, although I feel like in many ways Ed would nearly be a Hat Stall between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, in the end I feel like the Hat would either put him in Gryffindor, or he’d choose to be there, but Ravenclaw would be a very close secondary---and that’s something I relate to, because I am a Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw is my secondary. (Or to use the Ilvermony Houses, I’m a Gryffindor at Hogwarts and Horned Serpent at Ilvermorny---a Serpendor, if you will. I feel that Ed is very much the same way.) We have similar ways of looking at and doing things, to the point where Ed is certainly one of those characters that I point to when people want to get to know me through fictional characters. I’ll always love the Fullmetal Alchemist. Even if he’s not technically an alchemist anymore, he’ll always be the alchemist in my soul. Even if he’s #2 now, I’ll always cherish him. ♥

Izumi Curtis --- MAMA IZUMI GETS SHIT DONE. I loooove Izumi, so very much. I love her not only because she’s a badass housewife / alchemist who strikes fear into the hearts of all who meet her---who easily tosses Sloth across the room even though Sloth was giving both Olivier and Alex trouble---but also because she has a heart of gold and is allowed to have her moments of vulnerability without that diminishing how badass she is. Izumi is allowed to be a grieving mother who lost her only biological child, she’s allowed to be there for her surrogate sons Ed and Al, she’s allowed to show moments of grief and pain without at all losing how incredible she is. Every moment that she goes Mama Boy over the boys is pure gold and just---every moment she has is pure gold, including when she sends Bradley packing. Izumi is amazing. I love her.

Riza Hawkeye --- I also really, really cherish Riza! What I love most about Riza is that I feel like, in a lesser shounen manga, her love for Roy would have been her motivation for enlisting in the military and swearing to follow him “into Hell, if necessary.” But that’s not the case here. Riza is in love with Roy, but her motivation for doing what she does is because she believes in his vision for their country, not because she loves him. This is why she is capable of shooting him (killing him) if necessary, if it seems as if he’s no longer going to be able to fulfill his promise and will instead actively work against it. Yes, it would break her heart to do so. It’s very obvious how much pulling the trigger would break her, but she can and will do it because what she swore to was his vision for Amestris. She won’t let anything, even her feelings for him, blind her to that. Riza lived through having an abusive father, survived the Ishbal Extermination, and has gone through so much more. She’s so strong, not only because she stays stoic in the face of most things, but because she continues to fight even though we see on numerous instances how much all of this has gotten to her. Her relationship with Roy is by far my favorite ship in the series (for so many reasons), but overall the reason why I love Riza so much is because of who she is shown to be outside of him. She’s compassionate, brave, wonderful with children, a very good dog mom, and overall just a believable and wonderful character. I love Riza. Riza is so good.

Ling Yao --- THE PRINCE OF MY HEART!! What I love most about Ling is how easily he flips between comedic relief and an actually serious character that shouldn’t be brushed aside. So many of his early scenes are full of shenanigans, but even those that are rife with shenanigans are peppered with moments of seriousness because of how serious Ling is about his duty to Xing. He wants immortality---and he doesn’t want it for himself, but for his people, and that’s not just limited to the Yao clan. Ling is willing to do anything for his people, because he believes that’s what a king should do, even if it means sacrificing his own autonomy to do it. I do think that was a reckless, irresponsible choice, but it is one that paid off in his favor, big time, so hey. Ling is great, though, and his relationship with Ed is amazing, a+++. I definitely love him.

Maes Hughes --- MAAAAES, RIP. I’m pretty sure Maes Hughes is one death that anime fans as a collective will never be over (however much we may make jokes about it sometimes). Particularly since Brotherhood made the mistake of rushing through to the point of divergence in the beginning, it always feels like Hughes died too soon. But the truth is that, no matter what, he did. He was an excellent husband and father, and he was a father not only to Gracia, but also to Winry and the Elrics. He was always, always there to support Roy, and however much Roy might have felt annoyed by the constant long phone calls at times, the fact that Roy is so severely affected by Hughes’ loss so late into the series . . . I mean, he doesn’t get his revenge on Envy until the very end, and when he does? Holy hot fucking damn, he’s downright terrifying. (I mean, I love it, but jesus fucking christ.) But anyway, back to Hughes himself, he was just such a sweet person and his life had such an impact and he just knew too much too soon. He was too smart, he had to be killed off so that the plot wouldn’t be solved too early. I know that, but it still hurts, and Elysia crying at his funeral will still slaughter me every single time, fuck. 

Alphonse Elric --- I feel kind of bad for having Al so low on this list, but make no mistake---I do love him! It’s just that I find his scenes / subplots a little less compelling than the characters listed above him. I do think he’s wonderful, though; he’s a complete sweetheart, and though it happens less often than it does with Ed, there are times when Al has a snarky little sassmouth on him as well, and those moments are always delightful. Also, he, too, had to deal with a lot of bullshit over the course of the series. He damn well does deserve his happy ending.

Maria Ross --- Maria is so underappreciated in the fandom, and like---I get that she spends the majority of the series off-screen because she had to go into exile in Xing (since she was framed for Hughes’ murder), but at the same time, she’s so good! She acts like a stern big sis for the Elrics (which they need at times, tbh), and she’s loyal and dedicated and hardworking and smart. I love her relationship with Denny, and I also love how she came back for the final fight, and this was a surprise to Mustang, he didn’t actually make this choice, she just did it and ajsldgjdsagda. Maria is great, I love her.

May Chang --- Honestly, this post (written by someone else) says everything about May that I could ever say and more. I love how well-developed she is, how she’s allowed to be feminine but is still focused on her goals, and how much depth there is to her character. May is absolutely fantastic. Princess of my heart, tbh.

Olivier Mira Armstrong --- And finally, the QUEEN OF THE NORTH HERSELF. While Olivier is obviously a badass who takes shit from absolutely no one, I love that she’s still allowed to be a person outside of that. She’s not vulnerable in the ways that’s expected of her, but at the same time she doesn’t abhor femininity either (and in fact, the expectation that she would is what she and Roy take advantage of in order to communicate without arousing suspicion). She cares deeply for her team at Briggs, you can tell she’s deeply affected by Buccaneer’s death, and while she’s frustrated by her brother and doesn’t really respect him, it’s clear that she also cares about him in her own way as well. Yeah, she takes command of the Armstrong family manor, but that’s because she had to in order to sneak the Briggs soldiers in, and she didn’t want to put responsibility on Alex’s shoulders that he wouldn’t be able to handle. (I mean, like, no offense to him---he obviously came through in a big way and she sees that later---but from her perspective, he left the battlefield during Ishbal, so therefore combat and combat pragmatism are not his strong suits, not in a wartime situation. She didn’t want to put him in that position, so she didn’t. She handled it herself. She did so in an abrasive way, yes, but I still think she had compassion for him at heart.) Olivier defies expectations and shatters them into pieces. It’s why the soldiers at Briggs follow her without question.  I love her, she’s great.

[akafuckyou-blog]

note (clint)

for a letter jessica left for clint in case she died:

to: the BEST goddamn avenger (hawkeye, trish, i mean hawkeye):

hey,

jokes on you. you’re the one bringing me garaffolos, okay? or at least you damn well better be. we might not be friends, but we had a deal, goddammit.

i probably shouldn’t be saying shit like that. considering... ya know. me being dead and shit. but even if there is a goddamn (there i go again) god, chances are i’m headed straight to hell anyway, so fuck it.

look, i just didnt want you to have to read about this in the obituary section. or make trish tell you -- cuz i’m pretty sure she’ll have enough to handle. god i hope she just has me cremated and forgoes the whole sappy funeral thing. but if she does goddamn bury me, i expect pizza on my gravestone at least once a month. maybe some balloon animals too. dinosaursssss!

kidding. dont waste your time.

here’s the thing clint -- we’re both full of shit. we’ve been friends since that goddamn day in garaffolos and you know what? it was a good goddamn friendship. you were the only person who never failed to make me laugh, okay, even when you were bruised and battered and goddamn tortured, you still cracked a goddamn smile. and honestly, that’s what makes you the best avenger. not because you’re the biggest or the strongest or the most well-trained, or what the fuck ever -- but because you never lose yourself. no matter what you go through. and that’s goddamn impressive. 

i couldnt do that. i lost myself a long goddamn time ago.

i dont know everything that circus did to you, but i know they didnt win. you didnt let them win. you found a way to take your shit and turn it into something good. to help people. make things right. keep doing that. keep smiling. if there is a sappy funeral, its your goddamn job to tell at least three inappropriate jokes, okay.

take care of nat, too, okay? i mean, i know she’s a strong independent woman (who’s hopelessly in love with you), but... take care of her anyway. and let her take care of you, too. don’t overthink it, okay? just be you and things will work out. (i know you don’t think so. but you also think your hair isn’t ridiculous, so clearly your judgement can’t be trusted.)

sorry.

hope they get the stickers right someday.

-- jessica jones

[doedipus]

LP D&D: Grand Magistrate Smith

For this session, Max’s brother Torix was invited to audition for the vacant spot in the party. He plays Zerander, goliath purple dragon knight. His horse is named “Frank.” Torix is a bit of a power gamer, but he doesn’t fall into the trap of expecting everyone to have perfectly min-maxed characters or whatever or going off on us for performing sub-optimally in battle, so it hasn’t really caused any problems of that sort thus far. He’s also the token straight guy, with everyone else but us ostensibly being gay dudes. Aside from the one or two times where he said some pretty crass stuff about trans folk, he’s been pretty solid, though, and we haven’t had any incidents since I stated being open about being trans with the group.

He, Max and I are kind of my current non-tabletop gaming group, though usually he’s playing mount & blade in the background while Max and I play Dark Souls or something. I spent a long time without a decent group after my previous one got fed up with me for being a caustic asshole, but I guess the estrogen has mellowed me out enough that I can socialize with people without chiding them over stupid bullshit fucking constantly.

Also, Escrima’s surname is “Smith,” hence the title.

...Anyway, content under the break

The gang rests up at the estate

Constanza learns everything about Amn

Fear of magic

Kingdom-tier

All nobility is capable of owning land

!!!

Succession is deeds-oriented; not being a cool guy gets your title revoked

Coy attempts to train the displacer beasts

She teaches it to “heel”

Lucas continues to make copies of his spellbook

He realizes that he has become ambidextrous after absorbing Eva

Graham receives a letter from the brothel

Connie has that one dream again

She looks up at her parents

There’s fire everywhere

She’s the one “touched”

Her parents pick her up and run out of the fire

A voice: MOTHER KNOWS

Zerander arrives at the gates of Waterdeep, City of splendors

He’s here on a mission from the leader of his order of knights to assist Rockseeker

His token looks like a dark souls character //Specifically, like some hybrid of Hawkeye Gough and Horace the Hushed

He asks a lady where the market is

“Oh my, you’re quite big”

Huehuehue

As a giant, he attracts stares as he wanders towards the market

Zerander goes looking for an armorer

The shop attendant is predictably taken aback

Armor’s gonna cost extra for size

Zerander sells off his old chainmail to offset the cost

Measuring the giant is the armorer’s greatest trial

We’re gonna need a bigger tape!

Zerander asks the attendant about nearby inns

He is pointed towards the “flying badger”

Hey, the inn’s right next to the market!

The building smells of cooked meat

His stomach rumbles, deafening nearby guests

The innkeeper offers him some roasted phoenix, bleu cheese, and brandy

Innkeeper asks what brought him to town. Being a barmaid, she is fairly pretty, and probably hitting on him

Through mouthfuls of flaming poultry, he explains he’s a bodyguard for Rocky

Innkeeper points him towards the office

He asks about a room

It’s gonna cost extra because he’s gonna need extra beds

He attempts to hit on the innkeeper, but she’s not having it

As he enters the room, he bumps his head on the frame

He drops his gear in the chest in the corner and heads for houseseeker

He’s got his axe and shield still

Zerander searches for houseseeker //Rocky’s house. At some point, I started referring to everything Rocky owns as XXXseeker

He gets lost at first, but finds his way eventually

The 3-INT secretary takes his name down and tells him to wait for Rocky

“Can I make an insight check on the couch?”

The couch bears him no ill will

The building is busy as always

Janice floats down the stairs to bring him to Rocky

Zerander reflexively ducks as he enters the office

Rocky and Zerander attempt to shake hands, but the size differential makes it difficult

Rockseeker tells him about his mission

Also about the party

There’s a paladin

Rocky struggles with pronouns //Graham came out to the party in some semi-cannon RP we did after the session where we crashed Lord Heir’s banquet. Supposedly, he was stealth beforehand, but a couple of NPCs apparently knew what was up as soon as they laid eyes on him, which was weird as hell. I guess that’s what happens when a cis dude GMs trans characters, though

Also a wizard

A bureaucrat

A weirdo

Draggo

WELCOME TO ROCKSEEKER!

Rocky leads Zerander towards the estate

A carriage arrives to take the party to the trial

Graham reads the letter

It’s a news letter from Mister Mister

Hey, there’s a peep show

Ooh, coupons

Rent services for a whole year for 300 gp!!!!!!!!!!!

Graham thinks. Oh no!

He remembers Lucas talking about how Esmeralda is a bad influence

Greg considers going to the trial

Lucas convinces him to come along

Connie asks for something to help her sleep better

Apparently Liza and the spirit of fire are back in town with some cargo

Graham wants to check on his retainers before going to the trial

He has Lucas send to them about the death of Osric

They’re in town already

Escrima has been shouting “mother! Mother!” for the last hour

Jeeves gives him something to subdue him

The carriage is luxury 2.1

It says Rockseeker 2 on the side

The gang heads to dockseeker

Liza went to Baldur’s gate

There’s a pair of airships there

The spirit is wanted in Baldur’s Gate. How weird.

Lucas is worth 15kgp for some reason

Liza is pissed we didn’t tell her much of anything

She returned with a shipment of rubies!

Graham goes to talk with his uncle Cedric

He tells him about the banquet incident

And the bad news about Osric’s death

Cedric is worried about succession

Graham realizes that he hasn’t had contact with the family since

Cedric tells Graham that he should’ve attended the funeral and such

Graham encounters toxic masculinity. How fun!

Verona elected to stay on the island

Lucas tries to apologise to Liza, and she forgives him

Liza “saw things”

The duke of Baldur’s gate is into some shady shit

Gnolls everywhere, walking freely

Not even working as waiters or anything

Escrima comes out of his trance

Mother wants him to take the party to Calimport

A woman was shouting in some strange language

Jeeves tells him he’s been sleeping for like a week

“Are there any garments that I should don?”

Amazingly, Escrima assumes that the trial is more important that seeing Lupe

Escrima gets some nice clothes and a hearty meal before leaving for the courthouse

Escrima gets there before the others, and Merrow is confused

They’re late?

You’re a noble, right?

You can be a judge!

What could possibly go wrong?

You’ll judge him, you’ll convict, and we’ll get to watch an execution!

Escrima does some word association to prepare

The rest of the gang heads for the trial, but there’s heavy traffic

The trial marches on

Heir is accused of high treason

Escrima gasps

A copy of Hier’s letter is passed to the judges

Judges may ask questi-

Escrima starts mumbling nonsense about wolves and mouths and meatbags

That’s a very good point, your honor!

He should seek to be more than just a meatbag

Escrima wonders where Hier learned calligraphy

The judge puts forward that the letter was forged!

Mother tells him that the letter was not a forgery

Escrima tells the crowd that it was not a forgery, and Hier is a TRAITOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Rocky and Zerander head to the trial

Hey, they get to see a paladin judge a trial. How cool!

Graham’s gonna be a very interesting judge to watch!

Very cool and collected

They hear Escrima shouting

Rockseeker becomes worried

The defense wants to continue with the forgery line

They call out a sister of the night as a defense witness

It’s sister Mary Anne, who was out getting takeout during the battle, I guess

She says that he’s innocent

Mary Anne says that the plot was all the sisters, and Hier was a patsy

Mother says that Escrima should forgive Hier

Hier is declared innocent and released

The gang arrives at the courthouse

It’s quiet. Weird.

Escrima, Merrow, Rocky, and Zerander are the only people there

Graham wonders what happened to the trial

Everyone chews him out

Lucas tells Escrima off

Coy and Lucas try to leave, but Rocky stops them

Rocky introduces Zerander to the party

Lucas takes 3 damage from the handshake

Zerander inexplicably clocks Graham //😒

Lucas asks Rocky about Baldur’s Gate

Rocky knows the sisters are there and that Lucas is wanted there

He worries that Baldur’s Gate will join the sisters

Lucas makes idle threats to Rocky about Greg’s safety

Rocky introduces Connie

PVP occurs, and Zerander completely believes that she’s what they say she is

Rocky can’t find Coy

He introduces Zerander to High Magistrate Escrima

“Your faces... why do they look so long? Have I done something wrong?”

Pls ask us first next time, dear

Watchu Doin’, Coy?

Coy goes looking for Hier

She asks about where he went

She borrows a horse

Hier’s not in the main hall of the inn

The bartender points her upstairs

She thinks she’s stealthed

Coy steals a ring of room keys from a housekeeper

She searches the private rooms

An alchemist opens the first door

“You’re not what I ordered!”

He slams the door in her face

She tries to listen in through another room

But there’s no answer

She unlocks the door, and finds Zerander’s room

There’s a locked chest! Watchu doin’?

Unlocking the chest, apparently

Dude, there’s a dungeoneer’s pack!

Coy leaves the room and locks everything up

Next room!

“Housekeeping!”

A voice answers, but she doesn’t recognize it

It’s a halfling aristocrat guy

“Sorry, wrong room”

“...could it be the right room? I have money!”

There’s a lot of rooms in here

Behind the door, she hears Hier and someone else hyucking it up

Apparently, there was some kind of setup at the trial

Hier’s paying someone 3kgp

Meanwhile, the gang wonders where Coy went

Rocky suggests she might be doing something rash

Lucas asks about fast travelling to Neverwinter

There’s some portals around, but they’re fairly expensive

The gang considers travelling by air

Connie asks Merrow about appointing a stand-in for meetings

Apparently, people do it a lot. Just leave the masks with whomever

Rocky is optimistic about Escrima’s ruling. This is slightly disconcerting

He mentions Mother by name

Lucas glares at Escrima

Escrima hears Lucas staring at him

We’re in a manga now

Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~

Lucas warns Escrima about Mother

Escrima is “Confundled”

Rockseeker gives his condolences to Connie

Coy murders Lord Hier

She draws Suzie, and leaves stealth

She opens the door to the room with Hier and the Lawyer

BANG! The door swings open wildly

The force of the door causes it to bounce off the wall and swing back in her face

She teleports into the room

Coy tells the lawyer to fuck off if he doesn’t want to die

Battle with Lord Hier the Innocent of Waterdeep

Hier draws his own sword and strikes, clipping Coy’s tail

Coy teleports behind Hier

“Nuthin’ personnel, kid...”

Suzie cuts through his body

Blood soaks the room

Hier tries to flee, but Coy teleports in front of him

She quarters him in a flurry of swings

Blood goes everywhere

Lord Hier of Waterdeep is dead

The cleaning lady she stole the keys from sees this and screams

WATCHU DOIN’, COY THEY’RE COMING!

She jumps out a window

Hey Coy, did you know that you’ve just committed a serious crime and will probably be hanged?

Coy jumps around the outside of the tavern

She fumbles a jump in front of the tavern, and lands on her face

Coy runs to the stable. The party is loitering there

Coy demands that Connie disguise her

She cleans the blood off, but that’s the best she could do

Lucas casts invisibility on Coy, who doesn’t stop talking

The gang heads off to the estate

Greg is discussing matters with some nobles

Hey Lucas, how’d the trial go?

Escrima failed us

Greg reminds Lucas that Escrima saved his life several times

Lords Valria and Haliam introduce themselves

They’re talking about organizing a campaign through the southeast

It’s gonna be a month or two before they can start

Greg wants to stay in Waterdeep to oversee the march on Beydale

Coy gives Connie the dagger of breakfast watching //Another magic item. When someone holds it, they see a brief vision of the future. the first couple of times the party used it, the vision included breakfast, hence the name.

She holds it by the blade

There’s a dank corridor

The casters are fighting

Graham charges at a monster

There’s some eggs benedict in the corner

The architecture is distinctly dwarven

Connie grabs the knife

She sees a city surrounded by steam

There’s a hangar being built

Lucas is there, but older

Graham is there, but different

Ooh, an omelette

Gee, that was weird.

A note from Rocky arrives, saying that Hier was murdered, and if they need horses to go looking for him.

No leads on the suspect, somehow

How convenient!

Zerander picks up his armor

Lucas copies spells, and Greg keeps him company

Connie visits the tower of magi

On the way there, the carriage stops in an alley

There’s a person there. She identifies herself as being sister Lake //The cult Connie allegedly belongs to is supposed to basically be the church of scientology. Sister Lake is her auditor.

Lake wants her to return to the monastery

Connie assures her that she’ll be back soon, and will definitely pay her dues

Connie hires a mage with sending to help with the sessions she’ll miss

Connie gives greg the mask, and instructs him to have Mario the sending mage contact her with information

“Aren’t there like, vampires around here or something?”

Lucas messages Rocky about the vampire problem

There’s a letter from Viper

...but Jake had moving stuff to do, so we’ll never know what it said

Escrima talks about how he trained Lupe during the week

She knows to attack gnolls now, which is cool

They could probably ride her now

Let’s go to Casa de Lupe

Zerander hears some screeches from the hangar

Frank freaks out, but Zerander calms him down

Connie tells Escrima to open the bay doors

Zerander sees the wyvern, and pulls out his longsword

“What is that?!?!?!?!”

“We caught her”

Lupe cautiously approaches Zerander

Zerander offers to “fix” Lupe

Oh! You know how to spay a wyvern?

River crossing puzzle! //Idk if it’s come up yet, but being a large party, we tend to have trouble figuring out how to transport people effectively using the items we have. obviously we could just use horses, but this is dungeons and fucking dragons! If we can fly, we’re going to god damn fly!

Lucas on broom //Magic item. It’s a flying broom. Its carry weight is pretty low, so only the lighter characters can really make use of it, but it’s amazing anyway.

Escrima on Lupe

Connie on Broom

Zerander on Lupe

Coy on the fly

Graham on the fly

Lupe launches out of the hangar, and the party takes to the skies with her

END

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Forged Through Fire (2/13)

Summary: Amestris. Once democratic, now a military dictatorship. Prohibition is strict; personal freedoms curtailed. All alchemists must be state-licensed or face imprisonment. Foreigners are met with suspicion. It’s a grim place and a grim time, but there are some people able to bring a little light to the world. Behind an innocent-looking bookshop, speakeasy proprietor Chris Mustang has formed an unlikely alliance with unlicensed alchemist Van Hohenheim to provide alcohol to those who want it and medical care to those who need it. When Riza’s newly complete tattoo becomes infected, Roy brings her into this underworld, little knowing the way it will change their lives in the future – uncovering the secrets of the mythical Philosopher’s Stone and the schemes of a Fuhrer hell-bent on achieving immortality, all whilst navigating what they mean to each other.

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Rated: T

[One] [AO3]

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Content warning for this chapter: Discussion of domestic abuse – parent on child; implied self-harm and discussion of self-harm.

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Forged Through Fire

Two

The phone ringing startled Roy out of the doze he hadn’t realised he’d fallen into, and he jumped up out of his chair, massaging the crick in his neck as he went over to the phone on the wall.

“Mustang.”

“Hello Roy. It’s Riza. Riza Hawkeye.”

“Riza.”

For a good long while, Roy had absolutely no idea what to say to her. He hadn’t seen her since the day that he’d finished his training under Berthold and passed his state licence exam, although they’d kept in touch with the occasional letter. It was the first time she’d ever called him since he’d moved out of barracks and got his own apartment with his own phone line, and the novelty of hearing her voice again after all the time that had passed was enough to render him speechless. Finally he regained his tongue.

“It’s good to hear your voice again,” he said.

“Yeah. It’s good to hear yours, too.” She sounded quiet, her voice low and measured as if she’d been crying.

“What’s wrong?”

“My father died.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.” There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “The funeral’s on Friday if you want to come. Please don’t feel obligated. There won’t be all that many people there. He wasn’t exactly a social man.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Thank you.” The relief in her voice was almost palpable, even over the phone. “So… How have you been?”

“All right. Not doing much, we haven’t been shipped out anywhere yet so it’s mainly just paperwork and patrols.” God, this was the inanest conversation ever. He hadn’t spoken to Riza for a year and a half, and this was what he was finding to talk about? “How are you holding up?”

“I don’t know how to feel right now if I’m honest. Everything’s so… weird. It’s not like when Mom died. Everything was easy then. I was sad because she wasn’t there anymore. This time…”

Roy knew exactly why she trailed off. Receiving letters from Riza in the time since he finished with Berthold had always been bittersweet. He knew the situation she was in, and he had no idea how to help her out of it. Now, she was out of it more by luck – if death could be considered luck – than judgement, and he still felt a stab of guilt that he had not been able to do anything for her.

“Yeah. I understand.” Did he really? “Do you need anything?” He didn’t want to think of her in that ramshackle old house all by herself. “Groceries, company, anything?”

“I’m ok. I’ve got everything sorted. I think I just need to know there’ll be a friendly face at the funeral. Thanks.”

“Any time.” He was reminded of the time he took her to the bar after her tattoo got infected. “How’s your back?”

“Sorry?”

“It was a long train of thought. How’s your back doing?”

“It’s fine.” For the first time, he thought that she might be smiling on the other end of the phone. “I’ve not had any problems at all since Trisha and Hohenheim fixed me up.” There was a pause. “Are they still there at Madam Christmas’s?”

“Yep. I don’t think they’ll ever leave.”

Riza laughed. “Well, send my regards next time you see them.”

“I will. I guess I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Till Friday. Thank you, Roy.”

They said their goodbyes, and Roy stayed staring at the phone for a long time after he hung up. It was only now that he realised just how much he had missed Riza in the intervening time. Perhaps it was because they had never completely lost touch with each other that the separation had not seemed as absolute as it did now; she had always still been on the periphery of his world, even if she wasn’t regularly in it like Aunt Chris and his new friends and colleagues within the military. Now he realised just how long it had been.

She hadn’t changed at all, and when he saw her standing in the cemetery on the grey and miserable morning of the funeral, he was almost relieved to see that she was still just the same Riza. Although, that said, not exactly the same. There was something behind her eyes, a little bit haunted. Maybe it was just grief, maybe it was something far more complicated. She gave a wan smile when she saw him, making her excuses to the scant other mourners and coming over to him.

“Hey. It’s good to see you again.”

“Likewise. Are you ok?”

She nodded. “I’m getting there. It’s still all so surreal.” She glanced over towards the grave and the drab preacher getting ready to intone the service. “Shall we go? It shouldn’t take too long, I don’t think. I mean, what is there to say about him?”

Roy would have given her the usual platitudes about Berthold being a good man and a great alchemist, but whilst the latter may have been technically true, neither really rang true to Roy’s ears in regard to Riza. Berthold might have been the one to teach him flame alchemy, but he had also been the one to permanently ink that flame alchemy on Riza’s back and shape the course of her life forever. The words she had spoken to him on that fateful day when she’d shown him the array had always echoed in his mind. What’s done is done. Nothing could change the fact that the tattoo existed, and that Berthold had been the one to put it there. Nothing would ever erase that. Nothing Roy or anyone else could do would ever be able to make that better. Did that mean he didn’t ought to try?

The service was short, just the usual empty words over a plain casket, and Roy hung back as Riza received the well wishes of the few other attendees until she was alone with the headstone again.

Riza sighed. “Is it bad that when everyone says ‘I’m so sorry’, there’s a part of me – a large part – that thinks ‘I’m not’?”

Roy shook his head. “No. I don’t think so. I think given everything, that’s natural.”

“When I looked in on him that morning and found him… I thought I’d feel sad, or that I’d panic, or maybe that I’d just feel numb. But honestly the thing I felt the most was anger. Not because he was dead, that he’d been taken from me in that respect. I wasn’t angry at the world. I wasn’t even really angry at him. I was angry with myself, because I hadn’t done anything, and now he’s dead and I don’t have the chance to call him out for everything he did.”

“It’s not your fault. What could you have done?” He paused. “It’s everyone else who should have been doing something.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself either. He had just as much of a position of power over you as he did me. In a different way, but I’ve heard cynics say that apprenticing under an alchemist is equivalent to selling your soul to them until you pass your licence.”

“Yeah. But after I passed my licence. Anyway, enough about me. Do you want to come somewhere and talk about it somewhere that’s not a very windy cemetery with rain threatening any moment?”

Riza nodded. “Yeah. I could really use a drink right now.”

Roy smiled. “All right. Come with me.”

It was a quiet and contemplative walk through the city towards the bar, and Roy couldn’t help giving the odd glance sideways over at Riza as they made their way through the damp streets. It had rained earlier, and the clouds were still hanging dark and heavy in the sky. In a way, the weather reflected the entire city – dark, oppressive, unrelenting; constantly hanging over their heads like the Sword of Damocles.

Amestris hadn’t always been like this, according to those who’d seen it in its heyday. Roy was still too young to remember a time before the Fuhrer had come to power and democracy had given way overnight to the grim dictatorship they’d now found themselves living in, but Aunt Chris and Hohenheim remembered it. They’d made the best of things in the best way they knew how – defying the law and doing what was needed anyway.

A part of him wished that they didn’t have to do it, that he could somehow come into a grand inheritance and set them up comfortably for the rest of their days, but he knew them both and he knew they’d still keep doing what they were doing even if money was no object. There were some things that were more important than staying on the right side of the law.

Still, just because they had carved out their own little niche in the new world they lived in didn’t mean that they couldn’t be nostalgic for better times. Aunt Chris wasn’t one for reminiscing, but he’d found her and Hohenheim sharing the good Drachman vodka more than once after last orders had been called.

His thoughts ended up coming full circle round to Berthold and the many arguments they’d got into over Roy’s decision to join the military. Berthold could remember the time before and held no love for the military regime he was now living under. Roy had never known different but knew enough to be well aware that he was becoming part of the problem. With a problem like this, though, with something so well-established and deeply ingrained, it was impossible to effect any sort of change except from within, and when he had first joined the academy, Roy had been naïve enough to think he could be the one to make that change.

Four years later, he was not quite as convinced, but his determination still held fast.

Vanessa was on duty in the bookshop today, and if she seemed surprised to see them coming in at four o’clock in the afternoon then she didn’t show it, simply waving him through without a word. She gave Riza a little more scrutiny, but since she was coming in with him, there wasn’t a lot of point in giving her the third degree. Of everyone who was involved with Madam Christmas’s bar, Roy was the one who was most aware of the need for secrecy. One of the advantages of joining the military and becoming part of the regular city patrols was getting inside knowledge on which premises were about to be raided as suspected liquor hideaways and being able to subtly clear the bookshop from the records. If it was an abuse of power, well, at least it wasn’t hurting anyone like most of the rest of the abuses of power that the military undertook on a regular basis.

Aunt Chris was behind the bar as usual when they got down into it, and she nodded over to a corner table, where Armstrong and Hughes were already sitting with Gracia. Roy turned back to Riza as Hughes waved him over.

“They’re friends and colleagues. We don’t have to join them if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine.” Riza smiled. “I think some happy company sounds like a good idea right now.”

“Roy!” Hughes grabbed the coats that had been holding the other chairs at the table. “Is this the girl you were telling us about?”

“This is Riza Hawkeye, yes. She’s Berthold’s daughter. Riza, this is Alex Armstrong and Maes Hughes, and Hughes’ girlfriend Gracia.”

“Actually, Gracia is no longer my girlfriend.”

Roy raised an eyebrow. Considering how giddy Hughes sounded, he highly doubted that there had just been a break-up.

“She’s my fiancée!”

Gracia gave a long-suffering sigh, but the smile in her eyes showed that she still found Hughes’ antics endearing after being with him for a year.

“Congratulations.” Riza took a seat beside Gracia and the two were soon deep in conversation as Roy went over to the bar to get the next round in.

Chris gave him a look.

“I’m glad you’ve turned up. He’s starting to be insufferable. Why did I let you persuade me to allow your friends in?”

“Because you love me.”

“Unfortunately, that’s true.” Chris peered over his shoulder at Riza. “How did it go at the funeral?”

“Much of a muchness, really. What can you say about a man who was a complete recluse dedicated to his research above all else, including his daughter?”

“Roy, you can’t keep beating yourself up about that. And for God’s sake, not now. She’s got enough on her plate; she doesn’t need to prop up your guilt as well. Don’t make her carry more than she has to. If she wants to be mad at you for not rescuing her then that’s her decision and she can do it in her own time.”

She continued to pour the drinks, and Roy leaned back against the bar, watching his friends.

“You’re not subtle,” Chris said behind him. “Who knows? Maybe now that you’re back in touch, you’ll finally ask her out.”

“Madam!”

“I call them how I see them, Roy-Boy. Remember you’ve always got the perfect date location right here.”

“Yeah, with Vanessa and Fiona teasing me every time I go in and out and you watching like a hawk.”

“Freudian slip there?”

“Shut up.”

He grabbed the drinks and brought them back over to the table, where Hughes was now expounding the current barracks rumour mill theory that Tim Marcoh had faked his own death and was now serving as personal physician to the Emperor of Xing. At least Riza was smiling, and although that tired and haunted look behind her eyes had not gone away, he could tell that the smile was genuine.

It was only later, once Armstrong, Hughes and Gracia had left them, that he could recognise the sheer exhaustion and the willpower it was taking her to hold everything together.

“Do you want me to take you home?”

Riza shook her head. “No. Not yet. I don’t think I can face that big empty house knowing that there’s no one else in it and there never will be again. And knowing that I’m going to have to sell it. It’s not the selling it that’s the problem really, I’m not so attached to it. It’s just all the paperwork involved.”

“Well, you don’t have to think about it right now. And I can always stay over if you want.” Riza gave him a sharp look. “I mean on the sofa!” He tried to backtrack. “So that it’s not so big and empty and lonely.”

She laughed. “No, I’ll be ok. I’m just not ready to face it quite yet.” There was a long pause. “Your friends are nice.”

“They can be a bit much, but they mean well.”

“I wasn’t being sarcastic; they really are nice. Although I think Alex’s goodbye hug might have broken all my ribs.”

“Yeah, he’s not good with ‘subtle’.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Riza sat back in her chair, looking up at the ceiling. “The weirdest thing is not knowing what comes next. I’ve never really had any plans. Well, I had plans but they’re not going to work out. I always just thought I’d end up keeping house for my father until… well, until he died. I just hadn’t reckoned on it being so soon. I’ve got my entire life ahead of me and I have no idea what I’m going to do with it. It’s scary, in a way.”

“What were your plans originally?”

Riza shook her head. “It’s stupid.”

“It can’t be that stupid.”

“Fine. I was going to follow in your footsteps. I wanted to join the military and help you do what you’re doing, trying to change the system from within. But then my back happened so that’s out now.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I’m not really much good for anything else. What other careers require crack shot aiming skills?” Riza snorted. “Looking back I’m honestly surprised he let me near a gun. Maybe he was cocky enough to know I’d never turn it on him.”

Roy wanted to say something, the urge to apologise again bubbling up in the back of his mind, but he squashed it down. Like Chris had said, Riza was dealing with enough conflicted feelings of her own, she didn’t need his guilt as well.

They continued to drink in silence for a while, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Back when he’d first started learning under Berthold, they’d spent quite a lot of time together like this in the kitchen of the Hawkeye home, and it was surprising how easy it was to slip back into that familiarity despite the intervening years.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the drapes along the back wall twitching and Trisha coming out of the clinic. There was a flash of red lightning as Hohenheim transmuted the door into the wall, and then he came out too.

“We’re off,” Trisha said to Chris. “We’re not expecting anyone else tonight, but you know how to get hold of us if there’s an emergency.”

They left the bar hand in hand and Roy watched them go. When he looked back at Riza, her eyes were following them too, with a kind of longing. She had never given voice to anything, at least not in Roy’s earshot, but he’d often had the thought and he knew she must have had it too. Her back meant that she could never be intimate with anyone. Well, at least not without literally trusting them with her life.

“Roy… Would you do me a favour?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t agree yet, you don’t know what it is.”

“Ok. What is it?”

“Will you burn my back?”

“What?”

“I want to get rid of this thing.” Riza wasn’t looking him in the eye, just staring at the dregs in the bottom of her wine glass. “I want it gone so that I can have a normal life and do all the normal things I should be able to do. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of him having control over me even though I just buried him. It doesn’t matter that he’s dead, he’s always going to have this piece of me, and I don’t want it anymore. I just want it to be over.”

“Riza, maybe it would be better if you think on this without three glasses of wine in you.”

The thought of doing it made him feel sick. He was a state alchemist, and he was career military; he knew that he’d be called on to use flame alchemy on people in the future. He knew he would have to use it to kill people. He’d almost made his peace with that pre-emptively, knowing he would hopefully be able to atone for it once he’d worked to make everything better.

Burning Riza though, even at her own request… Hadn’t she already suffered enough at the hands of flame alchemists?

“It’s not a new idea, Roy. I’ve been thinking about it all week.”

“I still think this isn’t the best time to be discussing it. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll come over and we’ll talk about it then. Honestly, Riza, it’s a large area of skin and the damage I’d have to do to destroy it completely, I think it would kill you.”

Riza nodded. “I understand.”

There was a long silence after that, and in the wake of Riza’s request it was an unusually tense one; the uneasiness remaining long after Riza had changed the subject and they were talking freely again. By the time he was walking her back to the Hawkeye house, though, things seemed to have lightened, and Riza seemed to be feeling a little better.

X

Roy had managed to put the conversation to the back of his mind for most of the following day. He’d taken a few days’ leave for the funeral to be there for Riza if she needed him; she had no other relatives to help her out and she’d lived an isolated enough life not to have any real friends either.

It was only when the phone in the bar rang and Chris passed it over to him that he remembered with a jolt what Riza had asked of him, and his heart was in his mouth as he heard her quiet and hitching voice on the other end of the line.

“Roy, I need your help. I’ve made a massive mistake.”