#she ships them so hard and Spencer has to keep reminding her that JJ is married | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sarcasmandships · 4 years

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honey and glass ~ spencer reid

i am in love with spencer reid but he only has eyes for jennifer jareau

spencer reid x reader angst + hurt/comfort (sorta, it’s all in first person but with no names/no specific descrptions)

song fic inspired by ‘honey and glass’ by peyton cardoza

word count: 4.8k

disclaimer: i do not ship jeid or think they had any chemistry but it’s a good opportunity for angst x

you know those kinds of girls who look like they're made of honey and glass like sticky sweet ash

it’s a summers night in california and i’m on the beach at sunset.

the sand is rough under my toes and a warm, gentle breeze blows a strand of my hair across my face; he lifts his hand to brush it away. tucking it behind my ear he stares down at me and the sun hits his face at a perfect angle, illuminating his hazel eyes like pools of honey. he leans in and i-

“ow!” i yelp, as morgan launches the volleyball at my head, “what was that for?”

“come and play,” he laughs, waving me over to where he stands with emily and hotch.

i shake my head, “no, i don’t feel like it,” i mumble, massaging my left temple where the ball bounced off my skull.

morgan rolls his eyes and jogs past where i’m sitting to collect the ball, “what’s up with you then?” he teases.

i shrug, “nothing. I’m just tired,” i say feigning an unconvincing yawn, “ask one of them to play.”

i motion with my head towards spencer and jj, they’re down by the edge of the waves and she throws her head back and laughs at something he says. her sheets of blonde hair ripple through the wind and he looks at her in pure awe and amazement as she giggles at something he said.

“nah, don’t wanna interrupt the kid when he’s trying to make a move,” morgan shrugs, “come play with us, we need an extra person.”

an extra person.

right.

because what else am i but another body to fill the space?

“i don’t want to,” i say, forcing myself to tear my eyes away from jj and spencer as i stand up, “hotch said the jet is leaving first thing tomorrow, i’m gonna head back to the hotel and get some sleep.”

morgan says something, but i don’t register it as i allow myself one last glance at spencer and jj. she is trying to convince him to paddle in the waves with her, he shakes his head but when she takes his hand in hers i can tell he’s melting inside as he follows her into the water.

and i just know that he’d follow her so far out to sea that his head was underwater as long as she kept their hands intertwined.

i turn away from morgan so he doesn’t see the tears burning in my eyes.

and you can't get the taste off your tongue burnt sugar and a little bit of rum

we’re in a dimly lit bar somewhere.

hotch left hours ago, he wanted to take advantage of one of the rare nights he would be there to read jack a bedtime story.

rossi is at a table in the corner, sitting with a woman who has not-so-subtly draped her leg over him.

derek is out of my line of sight and i’m thankful for that.

emily, garcia, and jj are dancing.

i sit at the table with spencer, he’s drunk.

more tipsy than drunk i think, but he so rarely drinks anything that the sight of him swaying along to the music was an anomaly. i can’t ignore the fact that his eyes are firmly fixed on jj as she dances, and i grip my wine glass so tightly i half expect it to shatter in my hand.

he leans across to me and my heart skips a beat as i inhale the alcohol on his breath, “i’m in love with her, y’know,” he slurs.

“i know, spencer,” i smile sadly and down the rest of my wine.

he doesn’t even notice when i grab my coat from behind him and shuffle towards the door.

and she dances in the rain with her clothes on drenched to the bone never knows when she's all gone, she's the life of the party

spencer and i are watching the big bang theory.

neither of us particularly like it, but there aren’t many channels on our hotel room tv and spencer enjoys the physics references at least. i watch his face light up as a character mentions something about quantum theory that i cant understand, and spencer launches into a rant about the universe and the stars.

i don’t have the knowledge to keep up with him or the heart to tell him to stop so i sit and listen, admiring the way his eyes sparkle and his hands gesticulate when no one interrupts him with a deprecating comment.

we sit there like that for the rest of the night, in our respective twin beds with him telling me the secrets of the universe and me wondering how on earth i will ever get over him.

and deep down I know that nobody flinches when she takes off her clothes

“anything you like?” emily asks me through the dressing room curtain.

“i’m not sure…” i mumble in response, biting down on my lip as i stare at myself in the mirror, “i-i don’t think this is my colour.”

the dress looked so beautiful on the hanger, but now that it’s on my body the fabric bunches up in all the wrong places and i can’t recall a time that i’ve looked worse.

the lights are just washing you out, i tell myself.

you’re having a bad hair day, it would look better with your hair down, i tell myself.

you just need some lipstick, i tell myself.

but when jj announces she has found the perfect dress and i stick my head out of the curtain to see her, i am slapped in the face with the realisation that it isn’t the lighting or my lack of makeup it’s just me.

because jj looks beautiful as always, her dress hugs her waist and the skirt fans out around her as emily demands she gives us a spin. she isn’t wearing makeup, her hair is in a ponytail too, the lights don’t wash her out because she is radiant and flawless, and the lights aren’t the problem.

i am.

i cry in my car as i drive home from the mall, and when i get home i tear everything out of my fridge and fling it into the trashcan. i vow to go to the store and stock up on salad and chicken.

i go to the store but i don’t buy salad.

and I wonder what it's like to be one of those girls to sit in the sun and look at the world and never think, "wow, am i enough?" ‘cause life is easy when you know that you're the main character

i’m in hotch’s office as he grills me about a stupid mistake i made in the field. i can hardly focus on his words as i shrink back in the chair, counting all the reasons that i don’t deserve to be in this job.

i’m not as smart or fast or strong as the others. i don’t have an eidetic memory or hacker skills and i can’t even maintain myself as a solid average agent because i keep fucking up.

“i’m not going to write you up,” he says, and my heart soars a little in my chest, “but i need you to understand that if you do something like that again i won’t have any choice, you were lucky no one got hurt today.”

i nod silently and blink back the tears that threaten to spill over.

“go home, get some rest,” he says and i don’t hang around for a second longer, darting out of his office i crash headfirst into a tall frame.

“wow, slow down,” he chuckles, resting a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

“spencer,” i gasp, looking up at his sympathetic smile, “what are you still doing here? we landed hours ago….”

he shrugs, “i waited for you.”

my heart skips a beat.

“you didn’t have to do that.”

he shakes his head, “you’re my best friend, i wanted to. plus i thought you might need someone after being in there with hotch.”

i swallow and offer him a slightly forced smile.

best friend.

“thanks, spence, that means a lot.”

he looks at me quizzically.

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing, just only jj calls me spence…anyways” he holds out his arm for me, “shall we go?”

i have to restrain myself from seizing his arm, and settle for tentatively wrapping my own around it, “thanks spencer…you’re such a good friend.”

he smiles down at me and its almost enough to melt away the icy feeling in my heart as i call him a friend. the coldness in my chest in my chest is a feeling i’ve grown accustomed to but when i’m with him everything is warm and bright again.

he feels like yellow.

and i feel like maybe i am enough.

and I'm sitting here thinking this is not fair

i feel like blue.

i’m alone in my apartment flicking through tv channels, trying to find something that isn’t a medical or crime drama. because after my day at work i can’t look at any more blood or dead bodies, even if its as fake as the pep in my voice when jj calls to ask if i’m okay.

“hotch grilled you pretty bad, huh? you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah, spence – spencer – waited for me and we went to get milkshakes after.”

“aww that’s so nice, you know i think he has a soft spot for you,” she teases.

something acidic bubbles in my throat, but i can’t tell her that i know she’s wrong because he spent half the night telling me how much he loves her. i have to gather the strength to respond without the venom in my heart poisoning my voice.

“oh, i don’t think so,” i laugh, “anyways, i should go – my movie is about to start.”

jj tells me to have a good night before she hangs up, and i switch off the tv. at this time there’s noting but romcoms and i don’t want to sit through hours of pining when its on replay every day at the office.

i watch my own reflection in the blank tv screen as sobs wrack my body.

but her smile makes it hard to be mad it's not her fault that I'm so fucking sad

jj holds me in her arms as i cry into her chest, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” she coos, rubbing soft circles on my back.

i sniffle against her and i just know that my eyes are puffy and red but i can’t switch off the floods of tears that fall from them.

“do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” she asks.

i shake my head against her because how could i tell her?

how could I tell her that the man i love is in love with her?

and that i want to resent her for it but i can’t because she’s such a good fucking friend that she’s sitting here with me, unknowingly wiping the tears that i can’t stop shedding because i can’t be her.

she gives me one of those heart warming smiles that could bring peace to a dying man, and in that moment i am reminded again of why he loves her. there are worse people to love, i suppose. if spencer is going to cut out his heart and give it to someone it might as well be someone like her.

but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

and i hate myself for the part of me that hates her. she’s done nothing wrong. it’s not her fault that that spencer loves her, and its not her fault that she doesn’t realise.

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

i hate alaska.

my teeth chatter as we trudge through the snow filled field, and i pull the cuffs of my coat over my glove cladded hands. i hate the cold. i hate alaska. i hate the serial killer who dragged us all out here. i hate the impending snowstorm that was keeping the jet grounded for another night.

“should we even be out here?” i groan, “i mean if it’s not safe for the plane, then surely its not safe for us.”

“we aren’t 50,000 feet up in the sky though,” morgan says and i roll my eyes at him.

“it’s cold enough to make me feel like we are,” i huff.

spencer nods sympathetically at me, “i don’t like the cold either, not much snow in vegas.”

“i think we should have two behavioural analysis units,” i begin, “one to catch serial killers in cold climates, and the other in hot ones.”

he laughs, “i’d like that, but i think it’d just be us and garcia on the hot team.”

“we’d get by.”

he’s grinning at me, his messy brown curls are squashed down under his bobble hat but a few of them still manage to peak out. he’s wearing a multicoloured striped scarf and mismatched gloves.

a snowflake lands on his eyelash and i reach out to brush it off.

“thanks.”

“anytime.”

morgan launches a snowball at us, and it hits me in the back of the head, “hey! what is it with you and throwing things?” i snap.

morgan roars with laughter.

“not funny derek!”

he resumes his snowball fight with emily and jj and i draw my arms across my chest. i watch as they prance about in the snow, falling to avoid the snowballs launched by the others and laughing when they get hit. the sun is just starting to set, and it’s rays catch jj’s hair at the perfect angle, bouncing off the golden blonde strands as she dances around morgan. her and emily have joined forces to pelt him with snowballs.

i look up at spencer to see him starting at her in awe. his nose and cheeks are flushed from the cold, and the sun reflects against his own face, illuminating his eyes. they’re beautiful. like honey and glass.

“guys! come join us!” jj calls.

i shake my head, “there’s not enough money in the world.”

she pouts at me, “spence, please,” she says sweetly and before i know it he’s by her side and scooping up snow.

i watch from the side-lines.

spencer roars with laughter when emily hits morgan square in the face with a snowball, he wraps an arm around jj as she nearly collapses from laughter, something twinges in my stomach.

but he looks so happy, and that melts my glacier heart slightly.

maybe alaska wasn’t so bad after all.

and maybe one day, i can forget the past and be one of those girls of honey and glass

“nice to meet you, agent,” agent fitz says, holding out his hand, “we’ve heard good things about you up in the new york office.”

“really?” i say, shaking his hand and i can’t fight the smile that creeps across my face.

“really. give me a call if you ever fancy a change of scenery.”

“i’ll keep that in mind, agent fitz,” i give him a nod and a smile as he walks away.

new york was cold in the winter, but it didn’t seem like the worst place in the world.

but I think that it's hard for people to see that I love all these girls, and honestly it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh

i wondered once how i’d ever get over my love for spencer reid, and now as he sits and sobs on my couch i realise that i don’t want to. it hurts me to love him, and something stabs my heart every time i catch him staring at her, but he deserves someone to love him like he loves her.

“i guess i’m just starting to realise that she’ll never love me back, and i don’t know why or what’s wrong with me,” he says and looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears and his face blotchy and red.

“there’s nothing wrong with you,” i say, wrapping an arm around him and wiping his tears, “sometimes the people you love just don’t love you back, but that’s not a reflection of you or your self-worth,” i reiterate to him the mantra i say in my mirror every morning.

he whimpers and my heart breaks for him.

“it doesn’t feel that way, it feels like i’m dying inside every time she talks about him or tells me about their dates, and i try to be a good friend but-”

his voice cracks and another sob escapes his chest and i tighten my grip around him; heartbreak doesn’t seem to get easier with age, because here we are, two fbi agents in our late twenties crying over our crushes like we are in junior high.

because before i know it the tears are flowing down my face faster than his and when he breaks away from our embrace to ask me why i’m crying, i can’t tell him it’s because i am feeling everything he is.

“i just don’t like seeing you like this,” is all i can muster up.

it's just that these girls know they're okay there's a beauty in knowing your place in the world in loving yourself and knowing your worth

“hey!” spencer greets me as he steps into the elevator with me.

“hi,” i mumble back, taking another sip of coffee from my travel cup.

we’ve been called in on a case, but i’ve barely had any sleep and i’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

“you look tired, are you okay?”

you look tired.

so the bags under my eyes were obvious then.

“yeah,” i say, swallowing the lump in my throat, “just a late night, y’know.”

“oh…oh! is that your way of saying your date went well?” he says with a coy grin.

“what?”

oh! something clicks in my brain and i understand what he means.

“no! not like that no…actually it didn’t go well at all, he turned out to be a total misogynistic creep,” i say with a bitter laugh.

“oh, i’m sorry….”

i shrug and take another swig of coffee, “it’s okay, you didn’t know. to be honest i’ll probably end up calling him again anyways.”

spencer stares at me, confused, “why would you do that?”

“well, i don’t exactly have guys falling over themselves for me, do i?”

spencer frowns and i can see his brain working overtime behind his eyes, “so you’re just going to settle for less than you deserve?”

“i don’t have many other options do i?”

he reaches out an arm to place a comforting hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy for you soon. it’s only a matter of time, you’re worth more than a misogynistic creep,” he squeezes my shoulder and before i know it we’ve already reached our floor and he’s gone.

you’ll meet the right guy for you soon.

what if i already have?

you don't have to be perfect or never get sad that's not what it means to be honey and glass

it’s late and i sit at my desk, sorting through piles of paperwork.

my eyes blur as i enter the gruesome details of our latest case, from fatigue or tears i can’t tell. i think emily and hotch are still hanging around the office somewhere, but the others had gone to dinner as soon as we landed, promising that they would do their paperwork tomorrow.

i knew i would have no appetite sitting across a table from spencer and jj so i had sat silently in the back of the suv as hotch drove us back to the office.

a singular tear rolls down my cheek and splatters on my page, smudging the not-quite-dry-yet ink. i let out a shaky breath and wipe my eyes, i don’t know why i’m crying really.

no one had necessarily done anything wrong. only when we were in the field and the unsub had detonated the bomb, spencer chose to push jj out of the way instead of me. i was lucky that one of the s.w.a.t agents had grabbed my arm in time and pulled me back to safety.

it had been hours and my ears were still ringing from the explosion.

maybe spencer thought he was closer to jj, that he had a better chance of saving her, we are trained to make difficult choices based on survival odds, i told myself.

only spencer hadn’t been closer to jj, and she was surrounded by three s.w.a.t agents whilst i only had one next to me. but no one had really done anything wrong, no one died, no one even broke a bone. and it pains me to admit to myself but had i been in spencer’s position and had to chose between saving him or morgan, i know that would pull spencer out of the way every single time.

i jump as emily creeps up behind me, “hey, you okay?”

i don’t even try and disguise my puffy, red eyes or tear tracks as i look up at her, “no. but i think that’s okay.”

and everyone has their highs and their lows the nights you spend crying, believe me, I know

it’s roslyn’s birthday.

i don’t think anyone else in the team knows because they keep exchanging looks whenever jj snaps at one of them and i can see the annoyance in their eyes.

when jj barks at spencer and snaps her pencil within the space of five minutes i drag her into a storage closet and wrap my arms around her.

“shhh,” i say soothingly, “it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

jj shakes her head, “i don’t think so, i thought this day would get easier with time but it’s just getting worse,” she sniffles.

i stroke her hair, “i know, i know its horrible and you deserve to cry as much as you want to. but you are so strong, and i know you can get through this-”

“i’m not,” jj shakes her head, “i’m not strong or brave or anything that you all think i am, i’m not like you I-”

“like me?” i question.

“you always hold yourself together, whenever there’s a case with a kid i’m falling to pieces but you keep it together. i mean i’m the one crying in a storage closet….”

i stare at her in disbelief, because jj is the strongest woman i know and i don’t understand how she can’t see that.

“i don’t have a sister who killed herself jj,” i say slowly, “you have survived 100% of the bad things that have happened to you because you’re a fighter, that makes you strong.”

she shakes her head and clings to me, “but i’ve lost pieces of myself, i’m not the same person i could’ve been if life had been kinder to me and that makes me sad. my sister is dead and that makes me sad, everyone thinks i’m this strong and perfect person and that makes me feel guilty because i can’t be that person.”

in a turn of events, she is crying into my chest, her hair is greasy, and her mascara runs and i realise that my best friend was never truly on the pedestal i placed her on. and i realise i am part of the problem, treating jj like she is the be all and all of perfection and unattainablity when i should just be treating her like a friend.

spencer loves her and that kills me but it’s not what’s important right now. i’ve spent too long inside my own head, struggling to view her as my best friend or the other woman but now i see that she is someone that needs my help.

i know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep so i don’t want jj to go through something like that alone. so i vow there and then, to push my own feelings aside and be whatever she needs me to be.

i don't want to be these girls for beauty or fame but for the confidence they have in their own damn name

“smile!” garcia says as she appears with a camera.

emily, jj, and morgan turn to face her and pose but i duck out of the frame. garcia pouts and morgan grabs onto my forearm to pull me back into shot. i wish that i had the self-confidence to let him, to fall in next to him and make a silly pose at the camera and not worry if my hair was sitting nicely or if i was breathing in enough.

“come on! i need pictures for my scrapbook and you’ve been dodging me all night!” she whines.

i stare down at my feet, “garcia i’m not photoshoot ready like these guys,” i say, trying to make my voice light and floaty but it just sounds like im choking back tears.

“come on, just one picture,” jj says kindly, waving for me to come and stand next to her.

i shake my head again and wring my hands. the last thing i need is another photograph of jj and i to compare myself to every time i’m feeling extra low and self-destructive.

i try and remember the vow i made, to be there for my friend despite my own feelings. but she isn’t sad anymore, she’s happy and smiling and drinking wine, me squeezing in between her and emily for a stupid photograph isn’t going to make or break her.

it’s just a stupid photograph.

“no thanks,” i choke, “i’m going to get another drink,” i scurry away to the kitchen before anyone can object.

i shut the door quickly behind me and press my back up against it, taking a deep breath. i can’t quite believe i was successful in escaping garcia again.

“are you avoid garcia and her camera too?”

“spencer!” i laugh shrilly, “i didn’t even see you there.”

“yeah, i’ve been hiding in here for a half hour,” he smiles sadly, “i hate having my picture taken, especially next to morgan. he makes me look even lankier if possible.”

i frown, spencer had no reason to feel insecure.

“why don’t we get garcia to take a picture of just us two?” i suggest nervously, “you won’t have any reason to feel insecure next to me….”

he looks at me quizzically, “what do you mean?”

i wring my hands again, “just that you’ll automatically look even better if i’m next to you…cos’ i’m…well y’know,” i say awkwardly motioning to my face and body.

he cocks his head to the side, “are you trying to tell me you think you’re ugly, so i’ll look better by comparison?”

i shrug.

“well, i think you look beautiful.”

so I'll sit here and look at these girls in the sun dancing in the rain and just having their fun

we’re on the plane journey home.

spencer and jj sit next to each other, their arms pressed together as they share the arm rest. spencer is reading a book; his eyes scan down the pages at lightening speed and i know he’ll be finished soon.

i am on the opposite side of the plane, i sit by myself, i like the space.

i keep my eye on them throughout the flight; just as i predicted, it doesn’t take long for spencer to finish his book and he places it down on the table in front of him. jj picks it up and teases him for the long-winded title, i don’t catch what she says, something about astrophysics.

he starts to ramble, and she interrupts him with another teasing remark, he flushes when she gently nudges his chest. i turn my head to stare out of the window, biting my lip.

they aren’t even doing anything, jj is just being friendly. and i still can’t handle it. i lie my head back against the headrest as i gaze out of the window, admiring the new york skyline as it fades into the distance.

a nervous chuckle from spencer snaps me out of my trance, and i look back over to see him and jj giggling secretively as she whispers something into his ear.

“where are you going?” emily grumbles, she’s half asleep with her legs splayed out across two chairs when i accidently bump her foot.

“bathroom,” i say quietly with a forced smile as i shuffle past jj and spencer, my heart seizing in my chest as she teases him about how long his hair is getting, brushing her hand through the curls.

i’m already silently sobbing in the bathroom so i miss the pitiful look that emily and morgan exchange.

and I know it doesn't make sense to forget the past but I promise, one day, you'll be honey and glass

“agent fitz?” i say, clutching my phone tight in my hand.

“ahh, i’ve been wondering when i’d be hearing from you.”

i laugh quietly, “yes, well i’ve been thinking about what you said, and i think i could do with that change of scenery now.”

i wrote this in a couple hours and didnt proof read so apologies for an errors :))

part 2

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #jennifer jareau #jj #emily prentiss #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #David Rossi #Penelope garcia #the bau #angst #hurt and comfort #spencer reid imagine hurt

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mystic-scripture · 4 years

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About wendy, I love emily/felicity so I'm instantly interested. And I'm actually bringing criminal minds right now, which is kind of funny. Anyway, how is her relationship with he rest of the team? Did anyone took her in as kind of a mentor or something? (I'm still feeling the reid/prentiss scenes from the storyline where he is arrested, so that's where the question is coming from)

Hi there!

First off thank you so much for showing interest in my newest baby! My current hyperfixation right now is Criminal Minds (I’ve watched 4 seasons in two weeks lol, I’m now on season 5) and I was thinking to myself how similar Felicity’s character is to Garcia to begin with, and I really wanted to explore that. Thus Wendy was born!

So as far as Dynamics go.... This is gonna be a long one....so I’ll put the read more below, but here’s the basic breakdown.

Penelope/Wendy= close family and best friends, they keep each other sane.

Emily/ Wendy = close work friends, and two ends of the scale, they balance each other out, as well as help each other reconcile with their job.

JJ/ Wendy = valued friend and handy dandy babysitter! Also a walking talking encyclopedia of child development and entertainment.

Derek/ Wendy = Little sister, and the cousin of his work wife (b/c let’s be real, that’s is the garcia/morgan ship, platonic as hell, but married.) Someone who takes her at face value, and makes her feel less like a point dexter.

Rossi/ Wendy = She’s a fan and a humanizing force to him, he is humbled and learns new things from her.

Hotch/ Wendy = Teacher, mentor, friend. She helps him with Jack, and he helps her learn how to do her job to the best of her ability.

Gideon/ Wendy = He’s a bit of a mentor, but she also respects his relationship with Reid. She learns what she can from him, but also tries to teach him knew things as well.

Spencer/ Wendy = This is gonna be a freaking book below the cut...but they are precious beans that challenge each other socially and intellectually all the time, go through some mutual pining and share a lot with each other. He is probably the closest person to her outside of Penelope.

I’m going to write this as seasons 1-5 ish since I don’t know how far I plan to go with her.

PenGwen (Garcia + Wendy (full name is Gwendolyn) cousins that are more like siblings, since Garcia was eighteen when her parents passed away she decided to let her aunt and uncle raise her cousin without having to worry about her, but they still kept in touch. Wendy is a bit of an old soul at times where Penelope clings to that youthful innocence, so it’s more of a younger sister caring for the older sister kind of relationship. They are each other’s rock and when there is a hard case, they usually go have a cuddle and drink some wine. Wendy is fiercely protective of Penelope and vice versa, they both know each other’s limits as well as their own, and this helps them work together without getting at each other’s throats.

Gemily (Wendy + Prentiss) These two girls get alone really well, they tag team teasing Derek about how much of a player he is, as well as make bets every case to see if/ how many times he’ll get picked up. If Wendy sees that Emily is getting a too emotionally invested in something, she’s the one to kind of pull her back, in a way that’s different from Rossi’s fatherly tone. She helps to rationalize the raw emotion that Emily is known for. If she sees the other woman act a certain way towards an unsub, she’ll talk to her in the hotel or on the plane, trying to make sure she’s okay.

Geej (Wendy + JJ) Her, Penelope, and JJ are the team’s gossips and tightest knit group (I stan this girl power ot3) Wendy likes to try and level out JJ’s emotions by helping her to see the lines between her job and her duty as a mother. She helps to babysit Henry so that her and Will can have nights out without worry of having to profile a stranger, as well as constantly looks up different ideas on child rearing (something she and Spencer get into DEBATES about). Though she isn’t a Godparent, she treats Henry like family

Derendy (Wendy + Derek) She makes sure to stay away from Derek. She is nice to him, and she teases him without flirting. While he is a guiding force to her, he is also more informal since she’s Baby Girl’s family. There is an understood bond between her coworker and cousin that she doesn’t intrude on, and he respects when their relationship as well. They are kinda like brother and sister, where they tease each other about their social lives and such.

Gwavid ( Wendy + Rossi) She has read everything he’s written and knows a lot about how he helped to form the BAU, she idolizes him, but also realizes that he represents a different time. When he beats himself up about it no longer being about the victims for him, and how it became more about himself, she reminds him of all the little things he does, and how personalized he makes it each time. She constantly cites him when he’s doubting himself, saying something along the lines of a ‘smart man once taught me...’ and so on.

Gwaaron (Wendy + Hotch) Though she has read Rossi’s work, it’s really Hotch that she looks up to. He has a unique experience of being a prosecutor before being in the BAU that fascinates her, and she learns everything she can from him. She helps him get as much time with Jack before the WitPro arch as possible, knowing the importance of working a job like theirs and still being there for your children. Some nights she’ll stay late with him to help him finish reports faster, or learn more about the job.

Gwideon (Wendy + Gideon) She holds back from him when she first joins the BAU, instantly clocking on to his bond with Spencer. She’ll linger to learn things, and try to teach him a few things (she is a huge supporter of learning being a constant in life) that he may not have thought about with the job. She tries really hard to get him to stay at the BAU, and to help him process his doubt, but eventually she understands, and ends up getting a smaller note from him along with Spencer’s.

Spendy/ Dureid (Wendy and Spencer) Oh dear what can I say about these two. At first Wendy is terrified that he hates her and vice versa, but they soon grow close in their joined youth and intelligence. While she doesn’t have Doctorates like he does, she does have degrees in fields that differ form his. She is to Pop Culture as he is to Statistics, so she can usually provide the social background to his facts. While they are all profilers, Wendy is someone who prides herself in observational skills, and a desire to help. So she doesn’t let his torture and drug problem slip into the background (like for real, that deserves waaaay more attention than it got), and often took him to meetings. When he gets too invested in a case, she jumps right in their with him, emphatic that he is not alone.

I just love them so much, and I want to babble about them more, but I don’t wanna give spoilers!!

Thanks again for asking!

Tagging: @kcnobls, @curious-kittens-ocs, @perfectlystiles, @raging-violets (want to be added? HMU!)

#asks answered #oc asks #wendy asks #Special Agent Gwendolyn 'Wendy' Danvers #actually her last name is durant now #so #Wendy Durant #fd: criminal minds

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criminallyimaginative · 8 years

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Without A Trace Part 4

A/N: This one got away from me, both in length and in the time that it took me to write. For some reason, I was having a hard time getting it to go in the direction I had intended and to sound the way I wanted it to. Regardless I am happy with it now so here it is.

Warnings: not really anything other than a little bit of angst toward the end

Rating: T

Word count: 3.5K

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The night was mostly uneventful, the drugs in your system kept you sedated for most of the night. Aaron woke up around 9:00 when Dave came in with two cups of coffee. “Where’s the team?” he asked, graciously accepting the caffeine.

“On their way up, Morgan and Emily wanted to stop by the gift shop,” Rossi replied chuckling.

“Did you bring-”

“Yes, I dropped off your bag around midnight. The two of you were out cold and still holding hands like you are now,” Rossi mentioned nonchalantly. Aaron rolled his eyes.

“Lay off,” he muttered and sipped his coffee. You stirred as a result of the talking and the fact that Morgan opened to door.

“Hey there sunshine,” Derek said holding his big bouquet of flowers.

“Hey yourself,” you muttered, slowly opening your eyes. “What are those for?”

“You silly girl,” he chuckled, as the rest of the team walked in with their purchases. Reid and JJ were caring two bags of candy, and Emily had a giant stuffed bear.

“All for the plane ride home,” she told you and set it one of the chairs. “I just hope the good doctor over there doesn’t eat it all before we get to the plane, as he has already finished two bags of mini M&M’s.”

“You know I have a sweet tooth,” Spencer said, defending himself. You chuckled as the whole team laughed.

“Oh wait, someone wants to say hello,” Morgan said and pulled Penelope up on FaceTime.

“Hello my perfect angel!” she shrieked, from the phone. You smiled at your friend.

“Hi, Penny.”

“How are you feeling? And when are you people bringing our my perfect friend home to me?”

“Knock knock,” Dr. Smith said as he walked in the room.

“Oh, is that the doctor he probably has my answer? Turn me, turn me,” she demanded. Morgan laughed and turned the camera back around to face him.

“One sec baby girl, I’ll relay the information to you when he gets done,” Derek said and muted her. Judging by the face she was making, she was not very happy.

“How are we feeling this morning?” the doctor asked you.

“Um, better I guess mainly sore. Boys little help here,” you muttered. You gripped Hotch and Rossi’s arms as they helped you sit up.

“Well, that was to be expected. Although, tomorrow will probably be worse. Now, we need to discuss who I am releasing you to,” he replied. Your face fell slightly.

“I don’t-”

“You can release her to the team for the time being. If you need a name to put on the form, use mine. We can discuss who’s care we will leave her in once we get back to Virginia,” Hotch said and effectively cutting you off.

“Great, I’ll bring a few other things in and line up the release paperwork,” Dr. Smith replied, walking out.

“Ok, please tell me that someone got my go-”

“Way ahead of you girl,” Emily replied placing your bag by your feet. You started to stretch for it, but Hotch took pity on you and moved the bag into your lap.

“Boys out, I need to get changed,” you said and pulled a long white t-shirt and a pair of black leggings.

“But Baby Girl, I could definitely help you with that,” Morgan teased. You narrowed your eyes at him and playfully swatted at his shoulder. Derek raised his hands in defeat and filed out of the room with the rest of the boys. JJ pulled the curtains shut in front of the windows, and Emily moved the bag out of your lap. You started trying to pull at the hospital gown over your head but winced at the sharp pain that shot up your back.

“Ok, this is humiliating. Will you guys help me?” you asked, hanging your head slightly. Emily and JJ just smiled at you. They both helped ease the gown over your head.

“Hey, hey. Would you stop rushing? You’re going to hurt yourself,” Emily scolded, as you yanked the shirt over your head and grimaced at the pain.

“This is embarrassing, and feel so weak and pitiful right now,” you mumbled as she guided your arm into the sleeve.

“Hey,” JJ said and sat down next to you, “It’s ok to feel like that right now and no one is going to think less of you for it. When I was kidnapped, for a solid three weeks after the team brought me home I couldn’t do anything for myself. There were somedays that Will had to carry me from the bedroom to the kitchen to make sure I ate something, and there were days where he just held me while I cried. It’s not embarrassing to lean on others. We all need people to take care of us sometimes,” she explained, smiling at you. Emily helped you slip your feet into your leggings and you pulled them up.

“There’s our girl,” Emily chuckled as you smiled at them.

“Aaron kissed me,” you said quietly, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“What?” JJ shrieked.

“No, when? What happened?” Emily demanded sitting next to you.

“There’s not much to tell,” you muttered playing with your hands.

“Bull. You don’t get to blurt that out and then brush it off. Now, spill,” JJ whined.

“Ok, ok, but you can’t tell anyone, and by anyone I mean Penelope.”

“Oh c’mon she ships you two so hardcore and she hates being out of the loop,” JJ reminded you.

“Yes, but she can’t keep a secret. She will tell Derek, who will tell Reid, and Rossi will find out somehow. Aaron and I haven’t talked about this yet, and I don’t even know what it is or if-”

“(Y/N), we get it. Mouths shut. Just tell us, we beg you,” Emily pleaded, as JJ figuratively “zipped” her lips shut. You giggled at your friends.

“Ok, so he decided to spend the night at the hospital with me, even though I told him he didn’t have to. Then we started talking about the argument we got into at the station, and thence said something about feelings clouding judgment. He quickly tried to backtrack, but I wouldn’t let it go. So I started rambling, kinda like Reid does but I didn’t sound anywhere near as smart. I’m pretty sure that it was at this point that I said something about loving him and the two of us dancing around each other at work, and then he kissed me,” you explained.

“Aw,” they both cooed smiling from ear to ear.

“That’s so sweet and so Aaron,” JJ commented.

“So what are you going to do?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know, like I said we didn’t really get a chance to talk about it. I passed out from exhaustion a few minutes later,” you muttered frustratedly.

“Well, I think-” Emily started but was cut off by a knock on the door.

“Come in,” you called. Dr. Smith opened the door and pulled back the curtain.

“Well, well, am I interrupting girl talk?” he teased.

“Eh, it’s fine as long as you’ve brought the paperwork to my freedom,” you replied.

“Not quite,” those forms are at the nurse’s station. This is for your arm,” he said and handed you a sling, while he disconnected your IV.

“Oh, Dr. Smith, please don’t make me use that. My shoulder feels fine without one,” you pleaded.

“Sorry darling,” he said, helping you settle your arm into it so your shoulder was supported. “But you only have to wear it for one week and I have a bag of supplies that you’ll need to care for your back.”

“Oh right,” you sighed. The three of you listened to Dr. Smith explain how many times you were supposed to change the dressing on your back, what you were supposed to put on it, how you were supposed to clean it, and a variety of other things. As he walked out, you looked anxiously at the massive bag of medical supplies he’d left behind.

“It’s gonna be ok,” JJ reminded you and squeezed your hand.

“I know,” you muttered. “I just hard not feel like I’m-”

“Knock knock,” Derek interrupted, wheeling a wheelchair in with him. “Who’s ready to get the hell out of here and on a plane back home?” You sighed and Emily looked at you sympathetically.

“We’ll talk when we get back,” she whispered and kissed your forehead.

“What are we interrupting something?” Spencer asked, as he and Hotch joined you in the room.

“No, no, just some girl talk no worries. I’m ready to go,” you chirped plastering a tense smile on your face.

“Alright, in you go,” Aaron said pushing the wheelchair over toward the side of your bed. You rolled your eyes.

“C’mon, I can walk. I did not break my leg, so I am perfectly capable of walking to the nurse’s station,” you said, trying to stand to emphasize your point; however, you didn't realize how woozy you were still going to be. You collapsed into Aaron as soon as your feet touched the hospital floor. Hotch quickly wrapped his arms around you, trying to avoid your squeezing your back.

“Now, you have two options. You can sit in the chair, or I can carry you to the nurse's station and then to the car. Your choice,” he whispered into your ear. You swore you felt your face go ten shades of red darker and willingly let him set you in the chair. Emily and JJ were both grinning impishly, while everyone else looked slightly confused. “Wise choice,” he muttered victoriously. You rolled your eyes and turned your head to glare at him, as he pushed you to the nurse’s station. You signed all the paperwork and soon were on your way out to the jet. Hotch had set you in the Black SUV, despite your many protests. Morgan and Reid loaded the bags, as Emily JJ and Rossi walked up the stairs and onto the jet. Aaron shut the engine off and turned around to look in the back seat where you were sitting. He jogged around to your side and opened your door. “Can you walk or shall I carry you?”

“If you pick me up and throw me over your shoulder, so help me god-,” you growled.

“Alright, alright, suit yourself,” he relented as you grabbed his hand to steady yourself as you slid out of the car. You wobbled slightly and slid your hand up his arm for better support.

“Ow,” you muttered slowly taking a few steps.

“You know-”

“Ok, ok, I give. Just help me,” you muttered. Aaron chuckled and slid an arm around your waist and the other under your knees. He slowly stood and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

“Drop me and I will kill you,” you mumbled. Aaron smiled cheekily at you. He adjusted his arms and accidentally brushed against one of the cigarette burns. You immediately flinched slightly away from him.

“Sorry,” he apologized and brushed his lips against the side of your head.

“It’s fine,” you replied, as he started walking up the stairs to the jet. “Aaron?”

“Hm?”

“Are we going to talk about what happened?” you asked hesitantly. He tensed slightly.

“We will when we get back home,” he replied, as you boarded the jet. Hotch set you down on the couch, where JJ and Emily had laid out a blanket and two pillows. He helped you arrange the pillows in a way that made you the most comfortable and tucked the blanket around you. The jet ride home was pretty uneventful. You spent your time alternating between napping and talking. Emily and JJ sat with you and painted your toenails. Reid read A Tale of Two Cities, Mansfield Park, and Moby Dick. Morgan talked to Penelope, and Rossi and Hotch spent most of the time filling out the paperwork. You got back to Quantico around midnight. The team started filing off the plane, leaving you and Aaron alone.

“I’m starting to think that they plan to do this to me,” you muttered, standing. You were feeling much more steady on your feet after your nap but the pain was starting to set in. “Hey, did we decide who I was staying with until I figure out how to get a family member up here? I’m hoping that was one of the topics that was discussed while I was sleeping,” you asked scratching the back of your neck.

“Well, I was planning on staying with you tonight and then we could take it day by day from there. I thought that maybe we could you know talk,” he replied, pulling both your bags out of the overhead bins.

“Um, yeah that sounds nice,” you muttered and headed for the exit, Hotch following close behind. Morgan helped you get down the stairs without falling and then Emily walked you over to Aaron’s car.

“So, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she teased.

“Not like I could do any of those things right now, or that he would want to do them with me now,” you replied quietly.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing, sorry. Just thinking out loud,” you replied quickly, plastering a fake smile on your face. Emily narrowed her eyes and raised an eyebrow at you, but didn’t say anything. She opened the door of the car and you quickly climbed inside. Hotch tossed your bag in the trunk and got inside the car.

“Ready?”

“Mmmhmm,” you hummed smiling at him. He smiled and put the car in drive. “Hey, you don’t have to pick up Jack tonight?”

“No, I called Jessica yesterday and she’s keeping him for the rest of the night and taking him to school in the morning. He’s sleeping over at a friend’s house tomorrow,” Aaron explained as he started driving toward your apartment.

“Ha sounds like fun. I remember being that young and having those innocent sleepovers. Not that I don’t have sleepovers anymore, but I can hardly call what Penny, Emily, JJ, and I do innocent,” you giggled.

“How so?”

“Somehow I don’t think I can all drinking a pitcher of margaritas and downing tequila shots, while watching some steamy chick flicks innocent,” you clarified.

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he agreed, chuckling, “But I do think that you could say that we are having a sleepover of sorts.”

“Indeed, although no drinking. I don’t think I’m allowed considering all the medications that I’m currently on,” you laughed.

“Speaking of the meds, what do we need to do to your back when we get to your apartment?”

“Um, well the doctor said that I’m supposed to take the antibiotics twice a day so I need to have those, then change the bandages for my back and lovely stab wound and put some of the medicated cream stuff on it,” you listed off counting the tasks on your fingers. Aaron gripped the steering wheel a little tighter at the mention of the stab wound. You placed your hand on his arm. “Hey, c’mon please don’t beat yourself up about that.”

“Sorry,” he muttered, trying to relax the tension in his shoulders but failing miserably. “It’s just hard to think that if I had taken the shot a few seconds earlier you wouldn’t have gotten quite so hurt. I happen to care a lot about you.”

“I care about you too,” you replied as he pulled into the parking lot. Aaron grinned at you and hopped out of the car to grab your bags. You climbed out of the car and started toward the doors of you apartment building thanking god you lived on the first floor, waiting for Aaron. He followed close behind and you fished the keys out of your go bag’s front pocket. You opened the door and walked in, so happy to be home. Aaron walked in behind you and set the two bags down on the couch. “So I’m going to go and grab some pajamas out of my room. Make yourself comfortable,” you told him and hurried off toward your room. You opened your dresser and grabbed a pair of sleep shorts and an old band t-shirt. “Breathe (Y/N), just breathe,” you thought to yourself, and put the shorts on. You didn’t bother to change the shirt yet because you were going to have to change the bandages which would necessitate it coming back off. You walked back into the living room. Aaron had already changed into sweats and a fitted black t-shirt. He’d taken all the med supplies out and laid them out on the couch.

“Um, the shirt is going to have to come off,” he muttered trying to phrase that in a way that didn’t sound that overtly sexual or just wrong.

“I know,” you replied and slid your arm out of the sling. You slipped the t-shirt over your head. You sat down on the couch with your back to him. Aaron walked over and slowly started unwinding the bandages, trying to not hurt you in any way. You tensed as you realized he was coming to the last layer of bandages. Feeling them slowly fall away from your back, a few tears slid down your cheeks. The cuts on your back were an angry red and ran almost the entire length of your back from your shoulder down to near the end of your spine. The stab wound was much smaller, about a one-inch long cut that was right under your ribs on the left side. It was just much deeper than the slits on your back.

“Are you ok?” he asked, hesitantly.

“No, I feel ugly and disgusting,” you mumbled harshly. Aaron shook his head and gently started putting the medicated cream on the slits on your back. You tried not to flinch away when he touched you, still jumping slightly. Finishing with that step, he started rewrapping the bandages around your torso. He handed you one side and you held it down on your stomach. Aaron secured the bandage once he was done and you mentally sighed in relief, relishing in the fact that you were covered again. He walked over and knelt down in front of you.

“(Y/N).”

“Aaron,” you mimicked humorlessly. He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Are you done?”

“Maybe.”

“(Y/N), listen to me. This does not define you. Those scars and what he did to you do not define you. They-”

“You don’t get it!” you snapped. “You don’t get it, Aaron. You don’t understand that every time I’m alone or close my eyes I see him. I was so sedated at the hospital that I slept through the night, but on the jet I could only nap for short periods of time because I see his eyes and I remember what it felt like when he was running the scalpel up and down my back, going a little deeper every time. He told me that I was worthless and I should go home to do my job, which was apparently to be a housewife who took care of the house and sleeps with her husband like a good woman. He has scarred me in multiple ways and all I feel when I think about myself is dirty and filthy.” Aaron grimaced when he heard you talk about Owens. Wordlessly, he started pulling up his shirt. “What are you doing?” you asked trying not to stare at him. Aaron slipped the shirt over his head and tossed it behind him. He grabbed your hand placed it on his lower abdomen on one of the scars that Foyet had given him years ago.

“You know how I got this and the rest of them. I could’ve let this stop me from doing my job, but if I did that he would have won. I could’ve lost Jack and then my life would have been over. He would’ve taken everything from me, but the team wouldn’t let me give up. They helped me get back on my feet and finally put it behind me. I will never be able to forget what Foyet did to me, my family, the team, but these,” he said pressing your hand against his stomach, “are not signs of weakness. What happened to you will haunt you but the scars he gave you are signs of what you survived. They do not make you dirty or weak. It’s not going to be easy, but please don’t shut me out. Let me and the team help you get through this,” he pleaded looking into your eyes. You broke down into sobs, feeling guilty about your outburst. Aaron gathered you up into his arms and let you cry.

“I love you,” you sniffled.

“I love you too,” he replied kissing your forehead. You tilted your head up and brushed your lips against his softly. Neither of you made a move to deepen the kiss, knowing that all of the things that could come after the kissing were out of the question due to your current state. “I’m going to go get you some water so you can take your medication, then we should get some rest,” he mumbled against your lips before pulling back. You smiled at him as he walked into your kitchen and brought back a glass of water for you. You quickly took your meds and slipped Aaron’s shirt over your head. He raised an eyebrow at you again.

“What? I’m comfortable and you look damn sexy, so this is my attempt to keep you without a shirt for as long as possible,” you teased, smiling cheekily at him. He chuckled, shaking his head at you before he picked you up and carried you to your room. He set you down gently on your bed and you slid under the covers. “In,” you commanded and pointed to the other side of the bed. Aaron rolled his eyes but obeyed climbing in beside you. You snuggled into his chest and he gently wrapped his arms around you, the two of you slowly drifting off to sleep.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #dr reid #david rossi #jennifer jareau #emily prentis #derek morgan #penelope garcia

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