#she solved it completely with blue light filter glasses

[clorofolle]

Ahh also!! I'm getting new glasses tomorrow!! I have good hopes they can help with my headaches, as I have a few leads and a couple of them are eye-related!

[such-a-random-rambler]

*runs in*

I’m not late!!!

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! @lenle-g

I wrote you some fic! This morning I decided that I hated what I wrote through the week, and scrapped it, and wrote the following this afternoon.

I have no idea what this is but *shrugs* HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANYWAY

EOS is the most intelligent non-human resident of Thunderbird 5, but she isn’t the first. That honour goes to Bunny.  

She started off tiny, the size of a thumbnail, a gift from Gordon on the day John left home to go to college. Gordan had held the tiny plant forward, already named, earnestly explaining that he wanted John to have someone to talk to while he was gone. In some families that might have been a dig at John’s reluctance to talk with new people and his tendency to spend long periods of time holed up in his room studying, and therefore the start of an argument; but coming from this particular brother it was the complete opposite. Gordon was genuinely concerned that John would get lonely and pre-emptively solved the problem.

John treasured that little Opuntia microdasys, the Bunny Ear Cactus, every day while he was away. It sat with him through the long nights of research, helped locate and fix troublesome lines of code and even listened patiently when John vented about the frustrations of his human friends. Bunny was also the first one to hear John present his thesis, and didn’t laugh when he lost his place three times. (Though gave no notable feedback, which would have been helpful.)

Bunny lived on the island for a short time, before Five was built and operational, when she was part of the first load of personal affects John transferred into space. He’d had a small argument with Dad about actually getting her and a few other items on board, it not being space-standard. But one of the best things about running your own space station is that you can re-write any particular rule of your choice, and John had got his way.

She’s installed in her own special compartment in his bunk room, lighting carefully calibrated for growth and a custom irrigation system to keep atmospheric moisture within strict parameters. Most of the family had accepted the plant’s presence as one of John’s quirks, but it wasn’t that he wanted her there: he needed her.

As part of his preparation for the launch of Five John had dug up as many papers interviews as he could find concerning the effects of living in space for extended periods, and one thing that had come up time and again is the sterility of the environment. Filtered air, steel, glass and plastic surrounds. Holo-visuals and radio communication. He would be cut off from everything else alive and that thought scared him more than the dangers of depressurisation.

Bunny – green, growing, happily photosynthesising by his bed – is a much needed contrast to the void outside the window. On days that John is too distracted by the work, and the green and blue marble of the Earth is too far away for it to feel like a real place, the little life of the cactus reminds him that he’s not the only person in the universe.  

On the worst days, missions filled with close calls and near-misses, it’s been Bunny that has heard his whispered fears in the dark. She doesn’t offer any words of comfort of course, but it’s sometimes enough just to speak his failures out loud before they can weigh too deeply on his soul. He speaks to her his promises to do better next time, to not let anyone else down, and she doesn’t reprimand him like Scott would for taking that burden on himself.  

Some things change when EOS emerges – having a constant companion who can speak back is a revelation and a balm to the loneliness that creeps in from the sides after the island has gone to sleep. The midnight confessionals don’t change, however, John still imparts his secret fears to the patient plant who, as ever, accepts them without criticism.  

EOS has never questioned the quiet interactions with Bunny, has never mentioned the secrets that he shares with her. And John ignores it when the main camera housing trails to his bedroom when he’s busy and whispers to the plant in binary. EOS checks on the hydration of the soil and makes minute adjustments to temperature for optimal growth: their silent confidante now has an ever-watchful sister.

[chloefrazer]

quarter to three

title: quarter to three relationships: nines rodriguez/the fledgling words: 3.5k warnings: none  summary: Days have passed since that night when Mickey lost herself to the Beast. On a cool October night in downtown Los Angeles, Nines confronts her as to why he didn’t fulfill his promise. 

          The ambient sounds of downtown Los Angeles filled the otherwise silent office space. Sounds of traffic, low music, and muffled voices of locals and tourists alike making their way back home before the sun rose. The office was small and cluttered, with boxes of paperwork still left unorganized and unfiled. The furniture looked secondhand, the walls needed a fresh coat of paint, and the AC hadn���t been fixed in a good couple of months. 

          It was, by all accounts, a bit of a shithole, but it was home. 

          Even though the Prince had been oh, so gracious enough to give Mickey a haven in Santa Monica, most nights it remained empty. Instead, she chose to stay in her office, where she could attempt to cling to normalcy in peace. Mickey currently sat on the fire escape, unseen by the general populace below. She was always good at going unnoticed. Or, at least she was, before she found herself wrapped up in the world of Kindred politics. All the political scheming and backstabbing was enough to make her head spin, yet she landed in the middle of it all.

          Not by choice, of course. If Mickey had her way, she would have been halfway across the country by now. It’s what she did — running away was a tough habit to break. It was difficult trying to ignore the pesky voice in her ear that urged her to pick flight over fight. It was safer that way; made it less likely to be hurt. Mickey knew that if she did try and run, it wouldn’t take long for Prince Lacroix to find her and bring her back kicking and screaming. Unless he didn’t just kill her first. 

          Like he should have, if he’d had his way. Like he was going to, until Nines Rodriguez loudly objected to her premature execution. 

          Her loud — and more than a little frustrated — sigh went unheard from her current position; elbows resting on her knees as she sat on the fireplace’s steps. The thump of bass from Confession nearby was strong enough that Mickey could feel it in her chest. Mickey swore quietly out into the night air. Her posture shifted as she brought a hand up to rake through her hair, annoyance bleeding through every movement. The nightlife of Los Angeles took no notice of the increasingly frustrated Kindred above them, too lost in their own little worlds. Mickey wished, idly, for a fraction of their ignorance. 

          She didn’t have that luxury, though. 

          Why the hell did he save me? The question had been at the forefront of Mickey’s mind for a while now. Ever since that night in the theatre. Then he saved her again from that pack of Sabbat. She asked Jack what he thought when she first came stumbling into the Last Round, disheveled and bruised, but alive. His explanation didn’t solve fuckall, but Mickey had been too chickenshit to ask Nines directly. 

          She swore again. 

          Then there was the night Mickey had investigated the Brotherhood of the Ninth Circle; the night she lost herself to the Beast. When she left the building, broken and bloody, she felt Nines’ eyes drilling holes into her back, and the shame of her actions still curled in her gut. The building was a map of her carnage and destruction, not to mention the mess she made of the Bishop himself. Mickey didn’t come out unscathed, either. Her shoulder still ached, but it was healing, and her Hunger was under control, but the emotional scars persisted. She could still feel Vick’s Vitae under her fingernails no matter how hard she scrubbed them clean. 

          She lost control, but she was still alive, and she knew she’d have to deal with the consequences sooner or later. Mickey, of course, preferred dealing with those consequences later, hence why she’d been avoiding Nines and the rest of the Anarchs lately. She’d been avoiding Prince Lacroix, too, and he knew it. He sent her a rather scathing email, demanding her presence back at Venture Tower at her utmost convenience. 

          Which, translated from corporate stooge language, meant: “Get your ass back here, now.”

          Mickey knew that the longer she made him wait, the angrier he’d get, which is exactly why she hadn’t come crawling back yet. He probably had eyes and ears everywhere downtown, so it was a safe assumption that he knew about her frequent visits to the Last Round. The Prince just couldn’t take the fucking hint. 

          Let him wait a little longer, lest he think she was some dutiful, Camarilla bootlicker. 

          Among the shadows, Mickey reached into her pocket, pulling free her lighter and a cigarette. A nasty habit left over from her days when she was still living. A reminder of normalcy, an anchor to the world she was too stubborn to leave behind; like her office. A flame sparked in the shadows, illuminating her face in the darkness, and a sliver of fear also sparked at the small source of heat. She remained in control, lighting the end of the cigarette and snapping the lighter shut. Her lips wrapped around the filter and she inhaled deep, the smoke filling her dead lungs. Her body felt no rush from the nicotine, no spike in adrenaline, no release of dopamine. She sat there, a walking corpse surrounded by shadow and smoke, the bass from Confession reverberating deep in her chest. If Mickey closed her eyes, she could pretend it was her heartbeat.

          Her reverie was broken as Mickey felt her phone buzz in her pocket and she groaned, stamping the cigarette out on the railing before grabbing the device. As she read the contact, her heart sank into her gut. Mickey briefly debated throwing the phone over the railing, an odd feeling fluttering in her chest. She hadn’t spoken to Nines since that night she investigated the Brotherhood and she beat Bishop Vick into a bloody pulp. Mickey struggled to forget the look in his eyes that night, the icy intensity of his gaze making her stomach flip.

          Where she expected to see anger, disgust, and hate, she saw something that dangerously looked like sympathy. Maybe even a little sadness. She refused to acknowledge what else it could have been. 

         As she flipped the phone open, that fluttering feeling in her chest turned to dread as she read: 

         Need to talk. You around tonight? 

         Mickey’s fingers twitched for another cigarette. She could ignore the text easily enough, get in a cab and be on her way to Santa Monica before the sun came up. That’s what the nagging, persistent voice in her head told her to do. Flight before fight. Run away while you still can. 

         Instead, though, she typed a quick confirmation — as well as the address to her office — to the rather foreboding text. Mickey hoped her response conveyed a sense of cool nonchalance, because all she felt was an impending sense of doom that sat in the pit of her stomach like lead. As Mickey made her way back inside, closing the window behind her, those walls she carefully constructed over the years built themselves over her mind brick by brick. A defense mechanism from years of aimlessness, from moving from place to place and keeping people at an arm’s length; because they can’t hurt what they can’t touch. 

          The clock on her wall read a quarter to three and her mask of cool detachment was in place. 

          That mask threatened to slip, though, once Mickey fully realized that she invited Nines to her home; the one place she felt totally safe, the one place she allowed herself to be completely vulnerable. 

          This time, she did light another cigarette, the taste of smoke anchoring her to the here and now. This was her domain, she reminded herself; she was in control here. What was wrong with her, anyway? A storm of emotions raged through Mickey at the thought of the stoic Anarch leader. She’d been thrust into this world of darkness suddenly and violently. Everything she learned about how Kindred society worked was through firsthand experience. She knew that almost everyone had some hidden agenda; either they were vying for power, influence, or profit, and they needed someone to do their dirty work for them. 

          That’s how it happened in Santa Monica; Mickey had been bossed around by any Kindred with a week’s worth of seniority over her. 

          She was a pawn in Lacroix’s game, she knew that, too. Mickey knew that she was on borrowed time, though. She was a calculated risk, a liability. Lacroix would have preferred her to die that night in the Nocturne Theatre, but now he had to figure out how to use her to his advantage. Mickey had no desire to be cannon fodder for some two-bit, prissy Ventrue prince, but every time she tried to weasel her way out of his machinations, he found a way to keep her there. 

          Nines, though. Mickey didn’t have a guess at what his angle was. Why did he care so much? Why did he rush in, time and time again, to save her life? Why didn’t he fulfill his promise and kill her the other night when the Beast took over and she was more wolf than woman? Perhaps he just wanted her for the cause; she’d been helping out the Anarchs a lot lately, and she was fairly close with Smiling Jack — he was one of the only people Mickey could actually talk to about all this stuff. 

          Her thoughts were interrupted at the sound of a knock at her door. She moved to stamp out the cigarette in the ashtray on her desk, fingers raking through her hair. His silhouette was outlined on the other side of the door, visible through the opaque glass. As Mickey opened the door, the sarcastic greeting she was prepared to give him died before it could escape past her lips, lodged somewhere in her throat as her steel gray eyes met his icy blue ones. 

          The intensity of his gaze always seemed to knock the wind out of her, no matter how many times she saw him. She cleared her throat, searching for the words that got lost, before greeting him, “Hey.” 

          “Hey, yourself,” Nines said, jutting his chin toward her office, “Can I come in?”

          Mickey nodded, moving aside to let him pass. He did so, shoulder nearly brushing against hers in the process. As he moved further inside the office space, the walls felt even smaller with just the two of them inside. It was quiet, the ambient sounds of downtown LA muffled even more with the windows shut. Her small office was a vastly different environment from the Last Round — no blaring music, no rowdy bar patrons, no Skelter or Damsel to give her any snarky remarks about her assumed Kindred political alliances. 

          It was just the two of them in Mickey’s dingy little office space that hadn’t seen any proper clientele in weeks. 

          “‘Sundown Investigations’, huh?”

          Mickey blinked at the sudden question, “Excuse me?”

          A ghost of a smirk tugged at the corner of Nines’ mouth as he gestured to the door again, where the name of Mickey’s private investigation firm was painted onto the glass. She snorted, her hand moving to rub the back of her neck in a sheepish motion. 

          “Yeah, uh, kinda ironic now, I guess,” she said, inwardly cringing at just how awkward she sounded. Get a fucking grip, Mickey. “I’ve just always worked at night, so it seemed fitting at the time.” 

          Nines nodded, humming quietly in response. Mickey resisted the urge to light another cigarette and instead shoved her hands in her pockets, leaning back against the edge of her desk, her mask of detached coolness making her the perfect picture of bored nonchalance. 

          “So,” she said, drawing out the word slightly, “you said you wanted to talk? 

          “I do,” he confirmed. He stood with his back slightly to her, arms crossed over his chest, his face slightly obscured by shadow. Mickey’s calculating eyes struggled to get a read on him; he seemed casual, eerily calm in a way. There was no hint of hostility or anger, but the longer he waited to elaborate, the more the seed of paranoia in the back of her mind began to grow. 

          He opened his mouth to continue, but Mickey beat him to it. 

          “How come you didn’t kill me?”

          The question caught them both off guard. Nines’ expression shifted to that of slight surprise, one eyebrow raised. Mickey begged her face to remain neutral and hoped to God her walls stood solid. The noise outside seemed to cease and the quiet turned nearly suffocating as Mickey waited for his response. Not even the Beast had anything smart to say, probably enjoying the thick tension too much to break it. 

          “That’s a tough question,” he admitted, finally breaking the silence as he turned to face Mickey fully. His face no longer obscured by shadow, Mickey tried not to shrink from his gaze, defiantly meeting him head on. She was in control here, she reminded herself once again. 

          “Truth is: I don’t know,” Nines said, moving to take half a step closer, “I don’t know why I didn’t kill you that night. Don’t think I could’ve, not when you looked like —” he stopped, as though trying to spare Mickey the truth. 

          “Like what?” Mickey pressed, inviting the onslaught of brutal honesty. She needed to hear it, she needed to know what he thought, because he was so unreadable that she could never get a read on what he could possibly be thinking. 

          “Like a goddamn wounded animal,” he finished, hand roughly dragging down his face. Another step closer this time, the walls seemingly closing in along with him, “you snapped out of it, anyway. You didn’t give me a reason to shoot.”

          When the Beast locked eyes with Nines that night, she cowered in the corner, well aware of the threat he posed. When he called out to her, urging her to take back control, the Beast complied; releasing her claws from Mickey and retreating to the dark corners of her mind. Nines’ voice, a guide to bring her back to herself. Mickey didn’t want to think about the implications of that. 

          “Yeah,” was all Mickey said, her gaze breaking from his momentarily, flashing to the bit of floor that lay under her shoes. The tempest of emotion continued to rage on, thousands of thoughts flashing through her mind like lightning. When she brought her eyes back up to meet Nines’, he could see the storm raging behind her eyes, that familiar sharp steel now dark as storm clouds. 

          Another step, dangerously close now, close enough to touch if either one of them dared to reach out. “Somethin’ wrong?”

          A noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl rumbled in her throat like thunder, but Nines didn’t budge, didn’t shrink away. 

          “Why do you keep doing that?” Mickey bit out the question through clenched teeth, hands clenching and unclenching. Her senses were overloaded, her mind buzzing with questions and frustrations and feelings she really, really, didn’t want to acknowledge, couldn’t acknowledge, because she didn’t understand. 

          “Doin’ what, kid?” 

          A disgruntled noise, followed by a rude gesture as she motioned between the two of them. Christ, she was bad at this. Letters and syllables bunched her throat, all of them threatening to pour out of her mouth all at once. 

          “Saving me! Looking out for me, I don’t fuckin’ know! You stood up for me that night at the theatre, stopping that piece of shit French asshole from killing me. Then, you show up just in time to stop those Sabbat from staking and leaving me for the sunrise. And now, I lost control, and you don’t kill me. So, why, Nines? Huh?” 

          By the time her stream of consciousness was finished, Mickey was damned near breathless. If her heart could still beat, she was sure it’d be racing. Her walls were starting to slip, cracks appearing in the foundations. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, she was supposed to stay in control. Keep people at arm’s length, that’s what she did. 

          Except, now, he was closer than an arm’s length away. She didn’t realize he’d gotten so close. She had to look up toward him now, in order to meet his gaze headon. Mickey nearly startled when she caught him smirking at her. 

          “Why are you looking at me like that?” 

          A beat of silence, followed by a low chuckle in the back of his throat. “Why do you think I keep lookin’ out for you?”

          Mickey blinked. She opened her mouth to respond, then closed it. This wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go. 

          “Because — because I’m useful?” She didn’t mean for it to come out as a question. 

          When Nines didn’t respond, Mickey continued, “you want me for the cause, or whatever. Which, yeah, sure, I hate Lacroix, so if you — if the Anarchs need help, I’ll help, but if that’s why, then you should just say it —”

          “Kid —” 

          “— because Jesus Christ, I get enough bullshit power play from every other Kindred in this city, so —” 

          “Mickey.”

          As he said her name, the rambling stopped. He was so close to her now. He clouded her senses, his presence a comforting haze she didn’t want to pull away from, not yet, not when he’d never been so close to her before. Mickey didn’t dare breathe (not that she needed to, anyway) so as to not break the tension. 

          “I didn’t save you because I think you’re useful,” he said, voice low, but each syllable reverberated loudly in her ears, “I saved you because — shit, I —” 

          It was uncharacteristic of Nines to fumble with his words. He was direct, brutally honest when he needed to be, and oh, so persuasive. That was why more and more Kindred flocked to his banner every night; they believed in him, believed in his cause and the convictions he would both live and die for. 

          But honesty was different than vulnerability, which Mickey and Nines both seemed to struggle with. 

          Mickey watched as his gaze flashed from her eyes down to her lips. He couldn’t place the shade of red; crushed cherries, red wine, day-old bloodstain. When his head dipped low, Mickey didn’t move as their foreheads gently met. His hands braced against the desk behind her, and she was thankful for its weight, because she’d started to feel weak at the knees. 

          He was too close to look at now. A fluttering of lashes as her eyes shut, followed by that persistent flutter in her chest. She inhaled slowly, her own hands resting on the bare skin of his forearms. 

          “Nines?” Mickey asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

          He shifted, nose brushing ever-so-slightly over hers. A hair’s breadth away now, his mouth ghosting and feather-light against her own. Something snapped in her then — her composure, most likely — like a taut wire string. Mickey rose up on her toes and closed the distance between them.

          The kiss was soft, gentle, almost hesitant. It lasted a few seconds before Mickey pulled back on instinct, as though startled by her own gentleness. She didn’t make it far though, before Nines was kissing her again, an edge of desperation and hunger to it. This kiss was not gentle; it was wild — primal, even. Mickey felt her lips bruise, her tongue tasting her own Vitae. Her hands snaked up his arms, one wrapped around his shoulder, the other resting against the back of his neck. She felt his arm grip her waist in turn, helping Mickey keep her balance as she stood on the tips of her toes. 

          When they finally parted, a low whine escaped Mickey’s throat. Nines stepped back a hair, putting more distance between the two of them. Her hands rested on his forearms again, his on her waist. It was  quiet again, but this time Mickey didn’t find the quiet as deafening. 

          “This what you had in mind when you said you wanted to talk?” Mickey asked, that familiar bite of snark making its way back into her voice. 

          Nines dared to crack a smile at that, “We are still gonna talk about this,” he paused, gesturing between the two of them, “whether you like it or not.” 

          Mickey slid up to him then, something like a challenge gleaming in her eye, flashing like lightning. “Oh, yeah? That a threat? Or a promise?” 

          “A promise,” he confirmed, that smile threatening to grow wider. 

          “Speaking of promises,” Nines continued, albeit reluctantly, “I’ve got an appointment to keep, so I better get goin’.” 

          Mickey nodded, that same snark bleeding through as she said, “Well, far be it from me to keep you from your adoring public.” 

          Nines snorted as he readjusted the collar of his shirt. He paused then, really looking at Mickey, pinning her beneath the icy intentness of his gaze. 

          “You’re probably the only person that could.” 

          Before Mickey’s brain could even work fast enough to come up with a response to that, he bid farewell with a smirk and a raise of his brow. When the door shut behind him, Mickey was left with a new storm of emotions, but her chest felt lighter than it had in weeks.

[mirage-05]

Operation Lovebirds - Stingyu

Okay people, so here is another little piece me and @eleanor-devil worked on ^^ The main topic is Stingyu, and you will see once again my OC Rin (the youngest mage of Sabertooth currently), her OC Eleanor and a dear friend’s OC, Glacé as well, although they obviously don’t have a big part in it. Metra, who is also mentioned, is a canon Sabertooth character from the manga that we decided to name. Quick notes on Rin; her full name is Trinity, she came to Magnolia after a dark mage who killed her father in front of her eyes when she was just four, she is mostly known by her nickname Rin but because she gets on his nerves a lot Rogue also calls her nitwit XD Please remember that feedback is very important and it fuels us to share more of what we have about this beautiful couple, and write more!

---

"I need to talk to you." Rin's voice startled her at first and it nearly made the girl drop the glass she was drying up at the moment, looking at her teammate with a sweatdrop on her face, Eleanor spoke up.

"W-What is it Rin? You really need to stop sneaking up on me like that..." Needless to say that it wasn't the first time the blonde did that to her, although she knew Gash was gone for good, Eleanor still held some trauma from the time she had been with him.

"Operation Lovebirds!" the young girl said while a big grin made it's way to her face.

The magnetic mage blinked her blue eyes for a moment. "Operation... Lovebirds...?"

The girl took a (supposedly) surreptitious glance around, making sure that no one was eavesdropping on them. Which didn't really seem necessary to Eleanor because the next thing she said was, "Meet me in my room in fifteen minutes? This is emergency."

Another sweatdrop... honestly it was sometimes really hard to keep up with the youngest tiger. "Rin, I can't really leave my work now-"

"Ianna-san," Rin called to the other barmaid with Eleanor, who was cleaning up one of the coffee filters. "I need to take Eleanor for a few, would that be okay with you?" 

"Yep, Rin-chan, not a problem." Ianna said with a smile, the guild hall wasn't really crowded right now anyway. Rin grinned up at the magnet mage. "See you soon then."

Eleanor sighed. As if she gave her another choice...

...

And so that was how she found herself in the girl's room in fifteen minutes. Rin was sitting cross-legged on her bed, so Eleanor sat across from her on a chair. "Okay... what's this about?"

"Sting-nii and Yuki-nee!" the girl said while raising a finger in the air but Eleanor was even more confused, first still over the weird name that Rin had mentioned earlier, Operation Lovebirds was it? And second why had this little kid called her away from her job to talk about one of her friends and their guild Master?

"I don't think I'm following Rin..."

"Isn't it obvious? Yuki-nee has been avoiding Sting-nii ever since Sting-nii pretended to be your boyfriend!" Okay, yes it was true that Sting had pretended to be with her but that was all to corner Gash and make him come out of his hiding spot, they knew better than anyone that jealousy fueled the guy but about the part of Yukino avoiding Sting...

"Um... Rin, I saw them talking normally to each other this morning..."

"Look..." Rin's tone was patient and understanding... like she was trying to explain this to a five year old. Eleanor didn't know what she should feel about it. "She talks normally of course and Sting-nii is oblivious by default but... Yuki-nee is shy, and proud, she will never talk to him directly."

"I think you are reading too many novels." the magnet mage said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Come ooon, don't you want to help me El? They would make such a cute couple together!" 

Oh boy, Eleanor thought. Knowing both of the said friends, she knew they wouldn't like any kind of intervention in their personal business... and knowing Rin, she knew she wouldn't give up easily on what she thought was necessary. "Rin they are adults, they should solve this themselves."

"We will all die, they will become old walking around with wood sticks before they confess to each other!" Eleanor honestly felt like facepalming at the exaggeration of the girl but in a way it was suddenly funny to imagine her two friends, all old, white or grey hair, wrinkles all over their faces and backs bent down, supported by sticks... Okay no she needed to get that image out of her head. "Sooo? What do you say??" pressed the kid while showing her big grin.

The magnet mage sighed, exasperated. "Okay okay I will help you." Someone has to make sure you don't go overboard, was what she didn't add.

"Yaaay you are the best!" the girl was practically jumping up and down, and Eleanor couldn't help but roll her eyes although she was smiling - she would probably never understand Rin's enthusiasm in playing the matchmaker - or well, in pranking Rogue for that matter. She had once asked Sting about it... and the blond had just played it off for the kid being... well, a kid. 

"So... what do you have in mind? How are we going to pull this off?"

"I'm open for more ideas but... since Sting-nii loves eating and Yuki-nee is an amazing cook..." she couldn't deny either of her points. "I was thinking maybe persuading Yuki-nee to prepare something just for him. Maybe you can keep Sting-nii away while I help Yuki-nee make him his fav-" she backtracked. "...a memorable dinner."

"Okay, I can manage to keep Sting away..." maybe there was a mission somewhere that would be enthusiastic enough for him to accept to do with her. "But I think we have a bigger problem in hands than keeping a dragon out of the kitchen..."

"Hm? What is it?" Rin tilted her head to the side.

"We... aren't the only ones at the guild remember? We have lots of members that love to go steal food from the kitchen." She was mainly refering to Orga, whose guildmates had caught him assaulting the fridge... even in the middle of the night.

"Oh! Right! Hm..." the blonde girl put a hand under her chin while thinking really hard of a solution for that problem, then she closed her fist and bumped it into her open palm. "I think I know how to kick them out of the guild earlier!"

Kick... them out? Eleanor didn't know if she liked the sound of those words and she had the feeling that either nobody would listen... or knowing Rin she would end up dragging more people into this... Operation Lovebirds and the magnetic mage knew all too well that when the whole guild tried to get involved in something... it didn't end well. But she would wait and see. Maybe, just maybe things would turn out okay...

...

"How about this one?" Eleanor showed to the white dragon slayer what was the sixth job request but the blond continued staring at the options with an unamused expression.

"Boring..." and that was all it took for the girl to hang her head in despair.

 "Oh come ooon Sting! There has to be a job that you like!" she didn't really want to use this card but this was requesting drastic measures. "I thought we got all the coolest jobs now that..." she bit her lip while eyeing the blond that was now arching an eyebrow. "Now that Fairy Tail is gone?"

Those words apparently touched a nerve. "That's part of it!" Sting was pouting now. "It doesn't make it half as fun when I know there isn't the competition with the Fairy Tail!" Well truth to be told, this had been the reason why they weren't participating in this year's games... Their master could be impossible when it came to Fairy Tail.

"Can't you think of it as honoring Natsu and his skills?" This was really dangerous water, but she had to push it and so far (thankfully) Sting wasn't taking it half as bad as he could. "I need your help on this one, y'know." Which was also true, the job was about some gold robbery... the one metal she had no power over (it could be said that she had purposefully taken that one). 

He could have deflected her, he could have told her to pick someone else for the job... but for whatever reason, Sting decided to humor the magnet mage for this once. "Okay, okay... I will come with you."

...

Watching the backs of the master and her new partner in crime fading into the distance, Rin felt proud of herself. Phase one of the operation complete... now it was her turn.

She looked at the small, red bag in her right hand (times spent with Natsu-san in Fairy Tail were never a waste). "Alright... here it goes."

...and that was how, a few seconds later, a blur in the shape of a little girl was running wild in the guild hall, screaming bloody murder as... what looked like blood squirted everywhere from her hand. Needless to say, everyone present was alarmed.

"Rin? What happened?!" Orga asked. 

"A squirrel... this size..." the girl showed with her hands what she thought was the appropriate size of a monster squirrel. "...bit me! It should be veeery dangerous, it nearly bit my hand off!"

"I don't have any memory of squirrels being able to do that..." Rufus said with a slight frown.

"Is this one of your silly pranks?" Rogue demanded, obviously not in the mood for one - well, he was the most frequent victim after all. 

"No, it's not you-" Rin caught herself before she ruined the act. "Oh! Oh, I can see the light... go and catch that little monster before it hurts anyone else..." and with that, she ended her dramatic action crumpling to the ground.

There was an awkward silence throughout the guild as they all  created a circle around the "fainted" child... nobody even dared to go down and pick her up but Metra was the first one to break the silence.

"Rin... what is going on?" 

The girl didn't answer and it was all it took for Rogue to roll his eyes at how melodramatic this kid was. "She isn't dying just so you know, her heartbeat is fine, she is just pretending."

Damn Dragon Slayer senses, damn Rogue... he was going to ruin everything! Seeing that nobody was falling for her trick, Rin finally opened her green eyes and sat up, bearing a big pout on her lips. "You guys suck, can't you just play along for a bit?? I need you to cooperate...!"

"Cooperate on...?"

Rin glared at Rogue but answered anyway. "In getting you all out of the guild before 7pm!"

"Nope. No. Whatever you're trying to pull off, I want no part in it." That being said, Rogue walked over to one of the chairs in the bar and sat down, with apparently no intentions whatsoever of ever leaving there. 

There was a brief flare of light, and everyone present gasped as Rin's attack hit the shadow dragon slayer in the face - obviously not doing much of an effect but enough to piss the black haired man off. In a moment the two tigers were nose to... err, nose, in a manner of speech, glaring each other down.

"You really want to go down this road, nitwit?" There was a vein popping on Rogue's forehead - it was honestly a wonder for all of the Sabertooth members how Rin could be so brave - or foolish - to keep getting on his nerves like that.

"Leave nicely and we won't have to." Rin countered, not backing down at all. For a moment she glanced at the clock hanging over the bar, announcing 5pm already but then went back to exchange glares with the shadow dragon slayer.

"Okay okay why do you want us to leave in the first place?" said Glacé as he put himself between the two tigers, trying to avoid a murder right in the middle of the guild hall.

"It's for Sting-nii's sake!"

Rogue crossed his arms. "He is out on a job with Eleanor dummy."

Another glare. "You think I don't know that? It's part of the plan dumba-" Glacé had put his hands over the kid's mouth before she even dared to finish the word, they really needed to stop saying swear words in front of her. Rin mumbled something not understandable under Glacé's hands before pulling them down so she could speak. "Yuki-nee is going to cook him dinner okay?"

"You lost me now..." Orga was stretching his head. "Yukino always cook something for us..."

"I can't believe you people!" the girl was becoming so impatient that she was actually stomping her feet - they were losing precious time here! "Don't you ever read any romance novels? I'm trying to do something nice for them if you just let me!"

"I think you're reading too many novels..." Metra said, shaking her head. "They are both-"

"...adults who won't confess to each other in a million years. Yeah, I know." and she was pouting even more now. "That's why they need a little push in the right direction. Or well, a big one if it comes to that."

"And I can't believe we're honestly all just standing here listening to you..."

"No, now that I think of it, it's actually a good idea." That was Orga, again. "But instead of getting us out why don't you let us help?"

"Stop encouraging her!" Rogue yelled.

The girl's green eyes immediately shone bright. "Really?? You would do that??" and the huge green haired man showed her a big grin before setting his fist on his chest.

"Yep! I am actually an expert in getting people together!"

"No, you're really not." mumbled Rufus, attempting to not roll his eyes but received a big glare from the lightning god slayer.

"Oh shut up!" he said. "Can we at least do this for our Master?? He has done a lot for us lately, the latest thing we can is help him back!"

"See! He understands me!" 

Rogue was honestly feeling like facepalming at this point, he really didn't have the patience for this. "And have any of you even pondered on, I don't know, ask both the involved if they want anything of the sort...?!"

"Of course they do!" the girl sounded so sure of herself but Rogue could bet on anything that if Sting was here right now... he would regret ever agreeing to accept this little monster into the guild. "There would come a time they will thank me and all those involved in it and I will make sure to mention you weren't of any help at all!"

And that was about it with his patience. "Yeah, right, works for me. I have a job to take care of anyway." He looked around for his exceed. "Frosch?"

"Fro wants to help Rin too..."

"Oh come on!!"

With a final blown raspberry from their youngest mage, Rogue pretty much stomped off to the door - only to see Yukino just entering the guild. "Hi everyone."

"Hi." it was all Rogue mumbled before he walked past her, to Yukino all he knew was that the shadow dragon slayer was in a bad mood... had he and Sting-sama fought again and "ended" their partnership? The girl could only shake her head with a soft smile on her lips as she walked towards the guild hall... and for some reason all the stares were on her... making her sweat.

"U-Um... is everything okay...?" she felt a sweatdrop roll on her cheek. "Did I miss anything?"

Silence for a while... and then suddenly the guild was back to what it was, noisy, loud and busy which only confused the celestial mage. Rin took this chance to approach the person she viewed as her hero.

"Yuki-nee, come with me!" she took her hands and dragged her towards the kitchen. "I have an idea for the dinner of tonight!"

"O-oh... um is that so?"

"Yeeep! See, I want it to be something special for Sting-nii, something I know he would love, because I never got to thank him properly for accepting me..." Yukino chose not to comment on that... for all her good intentions, Rin did try in the past, but she almost always overdid it. The celestial mage was actually kinda scared about what was going to happen now... 

"And... you know what he loves to eat?" For her it was a bit of a stretch that Rin would know about that, but the girl sounded so sure of herself.

"Oh it's nothing too complicated - although you would ace that too if it was." the girl said with a big grin. "It's actually a steak meal - but the trick is all in the dressing." Opening the refrigerator, she took out a plate of strawberries, which made the celestial mage sweat drop again.

"We... are going to make a dressing with strawberries?" That sounded more like Rin than Sting-sama.

"Nope. These are for me." The girl put the plate on the counter and returned to the fridge to take out more ingredients.

Yukino giggled at the amount of ingredients the girl was bringing just to make the dressing, she wondered if Sting-sama would even eat all that but she suddenly remembered the blond could have a ferocious appetite when he wanted to. She hadn't seen him in the guild hall when she arrived so she could only guess that the Master was either locked in his office doing paperwork or had gone on a mission (without Rogue apparently), either way she knew from experience that the light dragon slayer would be famished at the end of the day.

The girls then began preparing all the food for dinner.

About two hours later, just as Rin had planned, Sting and Eleanor returned from their succeeded mission but before they even made it to the guild, Eleanor had excused herself saying she needed an urgent bath which left the guild master to return on his own. Not that he minded though but he had mumbled sarcastically under his breath 'Women', apparently they couldn't have a little bit of sweat in their body.

His steps came to a halt as he entered the guild. Well, that was unheard of... the guild was actually very quiet, devoid of all the hustle and bustle of the various guild members - which was unsettling to say the least. It would almost remind him of the old Sabertooth, if it wasn't for the pool and the soft glow coming from it - wait what?

Intrigued (or rather, worried) the master immediately made it to the pool side... and what he saw made his jaw drop.

The first thing that registered about the scenery - literally the first thing to see - were... hundreds and hundreds of candles... everywhere. Beside the pool, on the eaves, on a holder in the mouth of one of their tiger statues (now that was just plain rude)... and finally on a table for two right beside the pool, which was, aside from the dinnerware and candles... were also decorated with rose petals. Lots of them.

"What the...?" he was speechless - and not of the good kind. "Hey guys - you know just how many fire hazards all these pose just now?"

As if that wasn't enough (because apparently it wasn't) a slow music begin to play... altho it was so that one could almost go to sleep listening to it. 

"Sting-sama?" he then heard a voice, although it sounded a little... unsure too... accompanied with a mouth-watering smell.

Sting turned around, although he knew who the voice belonged to, there really was only one person in the whole guild that treated him with that honorific - he knew it was out of respect but it honestly made him feel... old...

"Hey Yukino." the man looked around while scratching his head. "What is this all about?" 

"Um... I'm actually not sure... I have been in the kitchen preparing dinner since I got here..." Now that she remembered, Rin was also missing, although she had told her she was just going to get something really quick... "Where is everyone?" 

'I hoped you knew that,' he thought as he took one of the seats and Yukino set the food on the table. "I have no idea nor why there are all these candlesticks around the guild."

"Umm... yeah... it seems to be a very... peculiar setting..." trying her best not to blush, hard, Yukino lowered her gaze to the table. The truth was that... no matter how hard she tried, it remains to be the fact that she still had a big crush on the master... she had been somewhat successful to curb it down a notch while she was away from Sabertooth but returning to the guild, and more than that... seeing just how far (for the good) Sting-sama had changed... it would be a lie if she said that didn't rekindle some of that old flare.

"Ugh... those idiots... as if we can't just eat dinner, the two of us, as friends. Right Yukino?" That was when Sting finally truly noticed her face. "Eh , are you okay? You're all red..."

"N-no, I mean yes, I'm fine."

"Must be these candles, seriously, there's overdoing and there's insanity. Lemme just snuff out a-"

"No, please!" the celestial mage said immediately, trying to control her blush. "W-why don't we continue with the dinner?" Suddenly, she was intrigued to hear his opinion on this one, partly because she was curious about how accurate was Rin's predictions on their master's choice of appetite.

The blond thought about it for a minute, then shrugged. "Sure, I'm ravishing anyway." 

And so they started eating, Yukino carefully watching Sting. After the few couple of bites, the master's expression started to soften and turn into one that of amazement... "Yukino... how did you... this is amazing!"

The silver haired girl blushed a bit more and looked down shyly. "R-Really? You think so?" Sting-sama wasn't one to actually lie about anything really but it's just that Yukino never had much faith in her skills, or rather she wasn't used to receive such big compliments; the only one that really used to do it was Sorano... and well after her it had only been Lucy-sama.

"Hell yes!" the blond exclaimed causing the girl to snap out of her thoughts and raise her head to face him again. "This is one of my favorite dishes and you did it amazing!" And he took another bite into the food. "Really, whoever marries you will be very lucky." 

And there she was again blushing hard. "M-Marry...??" she had never thought much... actually she had never thought about it at all! Who would want someone like her, who brings bad luck, as a wife anyway...? But she didn't dare voice that thought out loud. "U-Um... t-thank you, I'm glad you are enjoying the meal."

"So," he changed the topic so casually. "Where were you most of the day? I don't remember you telling me about a job..."

"O-Oh no um... I went to see if I could buy new celestial keys, since I got enough money from the past jobs."

"Oh?" The master seemed genuinely interested (which he somehow managed to accomplish while he continued chumping on the food). It actually kind of flattered the girl. "Did you have any luck then?"

"Yep." She was actually pretty happy with her new accomplishment. She fished out the newest silver key from her key pouch to show it to Sting. "I can definitely call it pure luck. We didn't make a contract yet but... this is Feres, from the constellation of the Pegasi."

"The Pegasi?" Sting repeated. He wasn't familiar with all of the constellations (although he had gotten pretty familiar with the wolf and the dragon, no thanks).

"It is a winged horse from mythology!" The excitement in the girl's voice was palpable. She really loved the celestial spirits, the master realized It was almost... endearing. "I hope it will give me some advantage... with the wind element."

"Hmm... that means you now have three of the four elements in your hands." he sounded amused but actually happy for her, he eyed the design of the new silver key, silver like the others with a pair of angel-like wings surrounding the entire key until they spread on top of it, he had to admit that it was a beautiful key. Sting began wondering if Yukino would ever use the key whenever she wanted a ride to somewhere else, certainly it would be better than riding a train.

Flying... it reminded him of his days with Weisslogia.

"Sting-sama?" her voice woke the master from his deep thoughts and he quickly blinked to focus on her again. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah... yeah I'm fine. Just remembering stuff from the past."

She bit her lip, daring to ask. "About... Weisslogia-sama...?" But she quickly regretted asking the question and looked down, ashamed. "I-I'm sorry...! It's such a personal question, I shouldn't ask something like that... I have no right..."

It took Sting for a moment to reply, his gaze still far away. It was still a touchy subject to talk about, sure... He closed his eyes tight, not sure whether to continue or not. "It's okay... I know you didn't mean any harm by it." He sighed, letting his breath out in a long huff. "It's just... Weisslogia was the only parent I had as far as I know... and then I killed him... or well... I found out that was all fake memories... so all it left me in the end was..." a big loneliness... That was what he couldn't say out loud. Even with Rogue, his twin dragon slayer, the one who could understand him way better than anyone else because of their similar experience... he couldn't explain to anyone just how big of a void his foster father left behind.

He wasn't prepared when Yukino leaned a little forward and placed a hand, albeit hesitantly, on top of his. "You... you must be feeling lonely..." 

And the master was even more perplexed that the celestial mage could almost read his mind... or was it that much readable on his face? But in any case, that made him feel... a little better. It was almost soothing that he didn't need to put his feelings in words for someone to understand. "It's alright, really..." His fingers slightly curled on her hand. "Now I have a whole guild, so I can't really say I'm lonely all the time."

Yukino smiled so softly and kindly that Sting found himself returning the smile, he couldn't explain but it was so easy to talk with her, knowing she wouldn't judge him even if she didn't agree with something that he did or said; sure she would scold him but it was never in a judging way.

That's why that he wasn't uneasy to talk with her about Weisslogia, it would seem that he had already overcome that phase but he really hadn't and probably wouldn't for a while no matter how many years had already gone by... there were still times where Sting would dream of his time with the white dragon, when Weisslogia would tell him to climb on his back and took him on flights so high above the clouds or when he was stern in his training both physically and in dragon slayer magic, although afterwards Sting would fall asleep from exhaustion but the dragon scooted him under his feathery wings so he wouldn't be cold.

"So... I don't think I ever asked you about your family?" it was a casual, simple question but Sting knew that the expression the celestial mage made, albeit just for a split second, was one of pain...

"Um... w-well there isn't much to tell actually... I wasn't raised by a dragon so it can't be as interesting," this last part was clearly an attempt to hide the pain. "I had two parents and an older sister, whom I loved dearly... but then the children hunt came and well, we were separated and our parents killed..."

"...I'm sorry..."

Yukino shook her head. "No, no, it's alright. I've overcome it, it's been a while but..." she looked at her hands, closing them a bit tight. "Sometimes I wonder... if it's bad that... that I don't miss my parents..."

Sting found himself frowning a little, mostly out of confusion. He had known Yukino for a good while, and not once had he heard her talking this way, almost resentful to another person, let alone her parents. Granted, he never had much of a backstory from the girl after all, but still... something in her tone, in the tightening of her muscles intrigued him. Suddenly, he wanted to find out more about her. "Care to tell me why?" Then, realizing that he probably sounded pretty intrusive, he backtracked. "I-I mean... only if you want to of course..."

Yukino gave him a small smile this time, but it was one without humor. "It's okay..." she whispered, again looking down on her hands. "My parents... well, there had been times I wished I was non-existent to them... there were times where I had been just that... but mostly... whenever something bad happened, whenever things didn't go the way they want... I acted like the scapegoat. I don't know how I would've coped with it if it wasn't for... Sorano..." her voice broke at the end of it but thankfully her eyes stayed dry, she didn't think she could handle a breakdown in front of the blond now. She had never talked about her family so much in detail to anyone but Lucy-sama before... and it was almost mind-boggling of how easy it was to speak to Sting-sama right now... out of all the people. "I just wish I could see her once again, just one more time...I don't even know what happened to her..."

For some reason, Sting made it a note in his mind to maybe use the contacts he now had in the Magic Council to find the possible whereabouts of Sorano... of course if he had the same luck that he did when he tried to find out where the bastard that killed Rin's father was then he wouldn't find anything... but he would care about that later.

"She... she was so beautiful and was always there for me..." 

The Master blinked a bit confused as he repeated in his head everything Yukino told him. "Wait... your parents would... blame you for...?"

"...Anything... or everything that happened bad..." she still didn't look at him. "I shouldn't blame them though... they were right to think that way... whenever something bad happened I was around so..."

The celestial mage then jumped when she heard Sting punch the top of the table with a bit more strenght which made her finally lift her brown eyes to look at him... he didn't look happy. "No one..." he started. "No parent should ever make their child feel that way, a good parent would support their child when things go wrong, not put the blame on them!" He closed his eyes for a moment and then leaned back against the chair before re-opening them. "I'm sorry... I know they were still your parents but... quite honestly, no you shouldn't feel bad for not missing them." he didn't remember his birth parents but he knew that if they had been anything like Yukino's parents that he for sure wouldn't miss them.

His words... although they didn't yet erase her opinion completely about her bad luck... enveloped the girl's heart, and made her feel warm, happy... the smile that appeared on the young woman's lips was one of pure sincerity now. "I... thank you Sting-sama..."

...

Somewhere just a story above, two pairs of eyes were staring through the staircase banisters, one blue and one green.

"Really?" the mastermind behind the plan said, with a pout on her lips as she dangled her arms from the banisters and leant forward. "Is that all? Nothing's happening!"

"What did you want to happen? A kiss?" Eleanor asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Well duh! That would be so cute of them, just saying."

"I think Metra is right. You are reading way too many novels." Eleanor couldn't help a small giggle as she ruffled Rin's hair light-heartedly, then looked back at the scene below with a soft smile, happy for her two friends. "Things couldn't have gone any better."

[fyeahwonderbat]

In the Middle of a Broken Constellation - PT. 13

Pairing: WonderBat (Wonder Woman x Batman) Rating: T / 14A Universe: N/A - Reader’s Choice Previous Chapter: <- Chapter 12

Diana didn’t mean to slam her apartment door when she returned home that evening, but she was just too irritated to care about the strength she used to close it.

“Whoa!” came a startled yelp from the kitchen. She shot her blue-eyed glare across the hall, only to find a nervous Jason preparing dinner at the stove, a sizzling pan in one hand and a spatula in the other.

And an adorable apron with frills making him look the part of the perfect homemaker.

It was shocking enough to smooth out her temper just enough to smile. “Sorry,” she mumbled. After a deep breath and the removal of her emergency black flats, Diana entered the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. “I didn’t know you’d be home.”

“Where else would I be? I haven’t heard about any leads from you or the League, it’s not dark enough for criminals to be roaming the streets yet, and I was getting hungry.” Jason explained, covering all of his bases to justify his time at home.

Except for one, which Diana decided to bring up for him. “Nightwing wouldn’t let you join him and Huntress?”

Surprisingly, an honest scoff was his answer. “Nope.”

She did her best not to giggle as she reached into the fridge for her water filter and bring it with her over to the cupboard. While taking a glass off of the shelf, she listened to the sound of the meal being prepared and felt her stomach grumble. When she caught the scent of it, a second grumble shook her body. “So what are we having?” asked a famished Diana.

Proudly, Jason announced. “I’m making my world renowned burgers.”

“How is it ‘world famous’?” Diana inquired as she took her first sip of water all day.

“Because I’ve had to cook for myself many times while traveling from place to place, so I’ve made this particular recipe while I was all over the world.” Was his half-witted explanation. It immediately occurred to her that she could – and rightfully should – correct his understanding what ‘world renowned’ meant, but it didn’t seem like it would be worth the effort after the day she had had. Not only that, but the food did smell particularly delicious and she didn’t want to risk having her portion revoked.

Conceding to his logic, Diana put her cup down on the counter and headed towards her bedroom. “Did any of my belongings arrive today?”

“No, sorry.” He yelled down the hall after her, his sympathy genuine. Sighing to herself, Diana entered her bedroom and looked at the barren space. The hardwood beams that caught the light of the street gleamed with a rather pale glow, making the entire space feel all the more hollow. There was no bed for her to sleep on until it was delivered next week, and there were no dressers or night stands for her belongings until next weekend; she felt like she was on a sting operation rather than integrating into Gotham City, when her new home looked as barren as it did. Despite knowing that all of her possessions would be set up for her in a matter of days, she couldn’t feel settled in until she could see herself all over her new bedroom.

It wasn’t the first time she had to sleep on a cold floor though, and it probably wouldn’t be the last.

She decided to move beyond her self-pity and open up her carry-on bags that she had placed in her closet. Whenever she traveled to the States, she always packed extra outfits in case she ever lost her suitcase during the trip, so she was absolutely prepared to dress down into her pajamas. She changed into her satin set of a button up shirt and shorts within a few minutes and exited her room with a new determined attitude.

The scent of beef seemed farther away than it had before, and Diana realized that Jason had brought their meals into the living room. Her slipper-wearing feet carried her down the hallway until she spotted a rather surprising set up for their dinner. “Oh, you found us a table?” Her question merely stated the obvious, but she was actually impressed. It was simply a foldable surface that he had placed near their window, but the matching pair of chairs meant that they actually had somewhere formal to sit and eat until everything else she owned arrived.

Jason was laying down their plates while answering her, rather focused on the table setting looking just right as he refused to look her way until he was finished with it. “It’s not much, but yeah. I didn’t think we’d want to eat on the floor when we have our own place. It’s kind of cramped, but it’s a table.”

Diana couldn’t argue with him there. “It’s a great table,” she praised him earnestly while walking the expanse of the long living room. She reached her seat and made sure she looked him in the eyes as she added, “Thank you.”

Jason nodded in acknowledgement of her words before sitting down and digging in.

For a moment, it seemed rather calm in her apartment. Her roommate had made her dinner so she didn’t need to cook as soon as she got home, the sun hadn’t set yet on the summery day in Gotham City, and there wasn’t a single police car or ambulance siren wailing off in the distance.

“Oh,” a thought struck her just before she picked up her burger. “Did you see me on the news?”

Jason quirked a brow while his mouth was completely stuffed. “No? We don’t have cable, and I was finding us this table.” Somehow, she understood what he was saying through the massive bites of food he was shoveling down.

Maybe it was because she was able to understand animals…

She decided to take a bite of her own dinner, chew it properly and swallow before she filled him in on everything he had missed today. “I was locked in the isolation ward at the hospital with the people who had been turned into sludge monsters.”

“You WHAT!?” Jason exclaimed, firing bits of food at her unintentionally.

Diana ripped her napkin off of the table and dabbed at her face, brows furrowed ever so slightly. “I went there today on behalf of the Wayne Foundation, and somehow, I was locked in there with about fifty people who had been transformed by the sludge. I couldn’t fight them or escape without giving away that I’m Wonder Woman, so I had to just survive until Superman showed up and rescued me.”

For a moment or two, Jason couldn’t speak. The story she had told him was running through his mind and his mental process of digesting her words showed on his face plainly. So startled was he, he put his world famous burger down and invested himself entirely in her recap of her day. “How the hell do you get locked in an isolation ward at a hospital?”

“That’s what I’d like to know, and it’s just another thing added to our list of mysteries to solve.” Grumbled Diana as she spoke her realization aloud. It felt to her as though their mission to save Bruce was becoming more and more complicated without leading to any answers, and her patience was wearing thin, especially after her ordeal at Gotham General on her first day on the job.

“Is that why you were so angry when you came home?” Jason questioned her gently. Taking a rather hefty bite of her dinner, Diana simply nodded as she chewed.

“Well, we knew this wasn’t going to be easy when we started out,” he tried to pacify her with reason. “We were all coming into this thing with Bruce a month late. Yeah, it sucks that we keep unearthing more problems than solutions. But I think we’ve all realized by now that rushing into things isn’t going to work. The sludge is contained, Bruce is functioning normally – or what it appears to be his new version of normal – and we pretty much have a superhero army on the case.”

Diana was ready to fire off a retort the moment he started listing their different tasks. “We know that the sludge isn’t contained because Aquaman and the Flash were last seen fighting off a new version of it, and we haven’t heard from them since. Should we send someone to check on them? Should we try to contact Atlantis? I don’t know!”

“Diana…”

His attempt to counter her logic only urged her onwards. “Bruce isn’t normal because we know he has some kind of cognitive impairment, but we don’t know what it is! I am spending the day with him tomorrow, and I can try to scan him again, and hopefully Cyborg can determine what’s wrong with him. Meanwhile, we have roughly fifty people in Gotham General who are infected with this sludge that has no cure, along with the people in Metropolis and the people in Central City. Superman is dividing his time between Metropolis and Gotham to help us find out as much information as we can, but Central City is still unprotected while the Flash is missing.

“We think Oracle has been consumed by the sludge, we think Vicki Vale might have been too, and all of those innocent people are left suffering in those mindless, violent sludge monster bodies until we can try to find a cure. But we don’t have any ethical procedures put in place because we don’t know anything about this substances. I can’t ask Cyborg to touch it though or we could lose him too! This entire situation is absolutely maddening! And I’m sitting here, in an empty apartment, trying to move my life from Paris to Gotham, when I should have just taken an extended leave from work and… and…”

She couldn’t think of what her alternative would have led her to do, and it resulted in a rather heavy silence in the middle of their conversation. The absurdity of her day finally caught up with her and she couldn’t stop herself from venting to the nearest crime-fighting human being. The longer she spoke, the more embarrassed she felt about her outburst, creating a rather petulant rant she hadn’t expected. It was true that she felt overwhelmed by all that was going on, lost in terms of what options she had, disappointed that no results had been yielded after putting forth a plan that involved the Justice League.

For the first time in a very long time, she felt anxious when she realized that she had absolutely no control over anything going on in her life.

That feeling of disappointment in herself doubled in size when Jason got up from the table suddenly. “Jason,” she called to him, ready to apologize. However, all he intended to do was retrieve his home that was plugged into a charger in the wall, then he returned to his seat while unlocking his device. Then, a question spilled out of her against her will. “You have a phone?” He didn’t look up at her as he kept his fingers busy. “It doesn’t have service. I found it in the garbage once while I was in Canada and it was in perfect condition. I just hobo off of other people’s Wi-Fi to watch videos online or type up encrypted notes for myself when I’m working on something.”

“Oh.” Was all she could think of to say.

He glanced at her over the top of his device, then showed her a pale white screen, with only the words ‘Moving In: Checklist’ written across the top. When she didn’t react, he clarified his intention slowly, “That’s what we’ll call this mission.”

Still uncertain about the meaning of his actions, Diana simply replied with a similarly paced, “Okay.”

An unimpressed look crossed his face, but Jason recovered and began typing away, moving on without her. “So we have you, me, Cyborg, Superman, Aquaman and the Flash on the case, right?”

Diana nodded. “We also have Nightwing and Huntress, and possibly some more allies from my side.”

That last comment of hers caused him to lift his head up. “Your side?” He paraphrased her, one brow arched high on his forehead.

“I sent for help from the Amazons, and asked Donna and Cassandra if they’d help, should we need them. Even though I haven’t heard back from anyone, I wouldn’t count them out entirely.”

“Well, I’m only going to include who we have with us now,” Jason stated, rather efficient about his note-making. “If we break this list down person by person, what is everyone doing? Which mission are they apart of?”

Diana sat up straight and counted each person on her fingers as she tried to figure everything out. “I’m working at the Wayne Foundation to guard Bruce from any other possible attacks, and to make sure his condition doesn’t worsen.”

“And to see if you can scan him so we can figure out what the hell happened to him.” Jason tacked on.

Diana let him add that to her to-do list, but didn’t wait very long to carry on with her rundown. “Cyborg is trying to analyze the sludge back at Headquarters, though he knows he can’t touch it. Once I scan Bruce, he’ll analyze that information too. He’s essentially filling in for Oracle now that we know she’s been consumed by the sludge.”

Across the table, Jason’s body twitched momentarily. He continued on typing, never looking away from the screen, piping up rather softly to ask, “So you think she’s gone, or you know?”

One second too late, Diana realized that she had been rather crude in relaying that information to Jason. There was no doubt that they were friends, given that they both worked for the Batman at one point or another. Her tone was a tad guarded when she responded to him. “According to Clark, she’s been gone just as long as Bruce has.”

“Well, I’ll add a visit to her place onto my to-do list,” Jason promised, his voice as rigid as his expression. “Speaking of Superman, what’s he up to?”

“He told me he wants to hunt down Vicki Vale, see what leads she had. He thinks she’s disappeared, that someone thought she was getting too close to the mystery of the sludge and took her down before she found anything.”

“Dammit, this could have so many more layers than we realize,” Jason cursed and bit his lip as he typed away furiously on his phone. He was beginning to empathetically understand her frustrations from earlier, making her feel much less ashamed of her whining. “Either this is just one bad dude or there could be a bunch of people in on this. They’re taking out reporters, they’re infecting cities…” “And then creating a single sludge monster to appear off the coast of Maine just to take away the Flash and Aquaman.”

“Do we know they’re missing?” Instantaneously, Jason shot his head up, staring her down from across the table. He was absolutely determined to only deal in facts, as evident in his claim to visit Barbara’s house. She wasn’t any different, however, Diana found it a tad upsetting that he felt the need to question her about what she and Cyborg had already agreed upon.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Diana stood her ground when she addressed his subtle disbelief. “They’re officially MIA. They went to handle the monster and haven’t been heard from since. Their Comms are dead, and we can’t confirm if they are alive or dead.” The blunt way in which she had to speak to him was rather painful, but she handled herself with poise to avoid another bout of volatility.

He didn’t question her when she stood up to him in such a way. Instead, he approached the situation from another angle, “Do we have plans for a rescue mission?”

That question deflated her. “No, we don’t. Given how thin our resources are already, I don’t have anyone else to spare. We need to contact someone from Atlantis if we are going to search for them, since the fight they had with a new version of the sludge monster was over water.”

“Why don’t we do it?” Jason suggested, his tone flippant, like it was the simplest and most effective idea he’d ever had in his life.

Quizzical, Diana frowned at him. “Do what?”

Jason answered with an overtly cheeky grin. “I’m bored, we’ve got no plans for the night. Let’s go search for them.”

“Jason,” she prepared herself mentally for the conversation that was sure to ensue before she rebuffed his idea, “We can’t breathe underwater the way an Atlantean can. We’d have no way to search for them aside from flying Bruce’s plane over the ocean and hoping to spot something. It’s unrealistic.”

That reply did not appear to satisfy his curiosity, nor his supposed boredom. Holding his phone in one hand and following the rhythm of his answer with the other, he bit back, “But we aren’t going to find them if don’t do anything at all. What, you just want to leave them out there?”

“No!” Argued the incredibly offended Amazon, her combative instincts making her rise out of her seat. “It’d be foolish to travel all the way out there with no really plan on how to locate them. Our only plan is to talk to an Atlantean—”

Jason stood as well, invigorated. “Right! So let’s do that.”

“—but he never gave us a way to do that. We can go to Headquarters and check.”

“Then let’s go!” Again, Jason was prepared to leave the apartment and travel to the JLA Headquarters at a moment’s notice.

His eagerness was becoming more of a nuisance, steadily declining in endearment. Diana nearly shouted, “Then what happens if we can’t contact them, and you still want to go out there? What do we do if you and I are taken away as well? What happens to Bruce, to Alfred, to all of the people infected and any future victims if we leave Superman and Cyborg to handle everything on their own? We can’t just run into something like this without a plan.”

Jason’s responses was already on the tip of his tongue by the time she finished her last question, but instead of hearing his reply, someone else spoke in place of him. “Wow, I never would have guessed that I’d find you like this.”

The window had become her knew doorway, Diana thought, as she stared up into the eyes of her latest intruder. It was about time that someone from ‘her side’ arrived to help them defeat this evil that had infiltrated the Justice League’s livelihoods. She just didn’t expect it to be like this…

((Who could it be!? It was super important I organized the mission records for both Diana and you, my beautiful readers. There's a lot going on and the different plot lines need to be spelled out before me dive into the romance- I mean, the friendship of Diana and Bruce. Hope you enjoyed this fun chapter amidst the serious tones of the last one, and hope you return next week to see who our guest is! Also, I have my own original story now available on the Radish ficiton app (pink logo with a white 'R' in the middle). It's a free app where I was invited to write original content, and I have my first series out called "The Aeternum Series: Book One". If you're into Greek mythology or magic or romance that's both sweet and sexy, please check it out! You can also learn more about it by following my social media accounts JenAnneGam. Thanks so much! ~ Maiden))

[fireandgloryrpg]

Unity Feast || Group Chatzy

Roman’s and Greeks gather together to celebrate their unity. Piper loses her purse and the night has a dramatic ending. 

Percy had lived in New Rome for most of his adult life and he had yet to see it in such a beautiful condition. He didn’t know who was responsible for it, but the progress in the cities reconstruction was astounding. Where they hadn’t completed work, delicate decorations such as fairy lights or neon signs had soften the atmosphere around the square where the festivities were taking place. Striding through the crowds of people, he greeted friends left and right. He was wearing one of the few pieces of his wardrobe that he’d managed to salvage after he’d returned to his apartment at the war’s end. A dark navy blue suit with a light pink shirt and blue tie. Brown belt and brown shoes of course. Heading towards the bar, he ordered a drink. This was going to be a good night, at least that was what he hoped.

Wally had left after Z. The pair decided to meet each other at the feast separately. Wally came in a dark purple tux with a dark tie to match. He had added a laurel wreath to his head for the evening, something he felt was a nice addition. Wally was openly nervous, looking around every few minutes, waiting for something to pop up. It felt like nothing could be enjoyed anymore. The smell of food was quick to reduce his fears. Maybe if he ate something he’d feel better. As trays of food passed around, Wally picked up what seemed to be a fried ball of filled with stuffing and mashed potatoes. “Holy shit, has anyone else tried this?!” Wally snuck a few more of the things off a tray and made his way over to the bar to order a drink. He smiled when he saw Percy down a few seats. “Hey! You look good, man.”

As a general rule, Abigail was not a party person. Partially because bumping into other people was inevitable, partially because talking to other people was inevitable, partially because it meant getting all dressed up when she’d much prefer to lounge around in her couch, braless, hair tied up in a bun, wearing an oversized shirt covered in Cheeto dust and with her cat, Shelley, curled up on her lap. Counterpoint: she liked drinking, dancing and eating fancy snacks. So this was kind of a conundrum. In the end, she solved it by giving into peer pressure and going to the friggin’ party. Wearing a full-length light blue gown (with full sleeves and gloves, of course) and with her hair in a neat braid, Abigail was thoroughly enjoying the open bar, ordering the drinks that looked the fanciest and the wackiest. Later, once her legs had rested from the walk over, maybe she’d dance.

Noticing the two children of Hecate that had arrived around him, Percy finished his drink order. “Hey Wally,” he said as he finished ordering a pint of beer, turning to look at Abby and then leaning back and engaging both his friends, “you and Abby definitely know each other right?” he asked with a gentle smile. He’d known both Wally and Abby separately. Both of them were children of Hecate and though he’d spent time in New Rome and Camp Half Blood with them separately, this might’ve been the first time that he’d seen them together. “Is it too early to start really drinking? I’ve been considering when the appropriate time to start doing shots would be.”

While Jason wasn’t the world’s biggest fan of overly formal events, he couldn’t deny that he looked pretty good when he attended them. Anxiously smoothing down the front of his dark gray jacket and adjusting his dark red tie he strode purposefully into the half-finished Senate house, marveling at the beauty of the edifice. As he turned slowly to take in everything around him he caught a familiar bearded face from across the room, and wandered over to his best friend, snagging two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter’s tray as he did. “It might be too early for shots. However I think you’re in the clear for some bubbly.” He squeezed Percy’s arm and nodded to the people he was talking to, brushing his hair out of his face. “Evening. You both look lovely.”

While Percy was all fussy about when was the right time to start drinking, Abigail was on her third tequila shot. “Uh. Wally? Never heard of him. Sounds like he got jealous of my nickname, though”, she said, deadpan, before licking off the salt from the back of her hand and downing her shot like a pro. “Evening, Jason. Thank you, I always do. You two look nice, too.” Unable to help herself, she added, teasingly: “For guys, I guess.”

Annabeth had never been one for much dressing up, and she much preferred her shorts and t shirts, but in the spirit of the Unity Feast she was now sporting a long blue gown. Praying to all the gods that she didn’t trip over it somehow in the course of the evening, she headed over to where a cluster of her friends stood. “ Hey, what’d I miss? ”

Wally nodded. “Yes we know each other, sadly.” He smiled at Abigail and thanked the bartender when his drink arrived. “I think we all look pretty sexy, myself included, of course.” When Annabeth came over, he shrugged. “Nothing yet. We’re getting drinks, but it seems Percy is apprehensive. But my guess is: put something blue in front of him and he’ll drink it, no matter what.” Wally took a look around and showed his plate of kind-of-stolen delicacies to the small group. “You guys gotta try these. There is mash potatoes and stuffing mixed in. It’s like . . . I don’t know. It’s the kinda stuff the gods hoard away from us.”

Turning, Percy accepted the glass of champagne off of his best friend and took his place besides Jason. Smiling graciously, he shrugged. “I want to be clear, I’m not the type of person to shy away from a good drink. I definitely don’t think that I’m the type of person to turn down a shot, I was simply musing as to whether or not it was worth considering if there was an appropriate time for shots. Four for shots perhaps?” he smiled gently and looked to Annabeth, winking gently at his friend before taking a sip from his champagne flute as the music filtered through the evening air. The sound of violins singing in the background.

“I never really associated this outfit with pounding shots at the bar,” Jason laughed, straightening his tie and vest, but if we’re lining up at the rail, I’ll do my duty and uphold my collegiate honor.” As Annabeth joined their group he gave her a small wave, sipping from his flute. The entire scene was a little surreal, but he didn’t all together hate it. They had earned this party, with blood sweat and tears and hopefully it would give them all a chance to heal some of the ugly wounds the war had opened. “I hope there are more than canapés at this thing or we’re going to be drunk in a corner in the first five minutes.”

Connor took his time arriving at the party. Sure, he enjoyed them, and all the things that came with parties, such as food and alcohol and pickpocketing, but he just wanted to take it slow tonight. Walking through the crowd, he wore a white button up shirt with floral patterns on, half buttoned down, along with navy pants and matching brown shoes and a belt. Flashing flirty grins at most people he passed, his eyes fell upon his friends at the bar. “I see we’re forming a sub-party over here, is it invite only?” He joked before ordering himself a whiskey and lemonade. “Glad to see we all turned up, everyone looks stunning.” His eyes flickered over everyone before finally landing on his drink. Tonight would have been great, if it wasn’t for the fact that he was terribly missing someone.

Marcus leant against a building on the outside of the square, tapping his ring against his glass. His eyes gently scanned through the crowd making mental notes of everyone he knew. So far, he hadn’t noticed anyone who caught his particular attention, other than a couple of greeks that had started to gather at the bar. Sighing he pushed himself off the wall and moved towards the centre of the square, slipping past people with ease. A smile tugged at the edge of his lips as he spotted his co-centurion and began to move towards her. “Cat, imagine seeing you here.” He joked.

It was strange to think that once upon a time Marcus had been Cat’s subordinate, but now they were partners in leading what was essentially her life’s work. Marcus had been the most suitable choice after Jax had left, however without him here, now, it felt strange. “Marcus,” she drawled, raising a glass of red wine to her equally crimson lips, “a pleasure as always to see you here.” Wearing a sleek black silk dress, Cat reached up and played with the black diamond she wore around her neck. Absently taking everything in. “It has truly turned out well, morale should benefit from the extravagance, don’t you think?”

Brock had been there since before the event started. He offered to act as guard but his higher-ups still felt he was a bit too off balance to be working. They believed it would be better for him to enjoy the event, as if he could. The entire feast, while he was happy to see Romans having a good time, it felt like a joke. Seeing Marcus and Cat, Brock got into stepping. Seeing familiar faces, ones incredibly friendly took a weight off of Brock he hadn’t been aware of before. “Marcus, Cat, how’re you both? You both look nice.” His eyes strayed from Cat but he kept an even smile. Brock had come in a suit lent to him by his friend, tailored of course. A dark green suit with a thin belt around his waist, similar to those of the strings tied around a tunic.

In her defence, Piper hadn’t meant to get so tipsy. She’d only meant to stay for a little while, have a couple of drinks, and then go home. But that wasn’t what happened. She was on her second drink by now, a complete and utter lightweight, swaying in time to the music as she swallowed the sweet taste of cranberry-vodka down her throat. She hadn’t put much effort into her appearance tonight, wearing a tight red dress and pair of heels. She looked great, however, but didn’t feel on her A-game. Nonetheless, she wanted to see everyone. Following after Connor, she said, “Hey, has anyone seen my purse? Pretty — pretty sure I left it somewhere. Don’t know where, but it’s got to be here somewhere.” Even when tipsy, she could talk eloquently.

Eyeing the drinks available, Annabeth was torn between making a conscious decision to stay sober, or throw caution to the wind, because let’s face it, they all deserved a night to get shitfaced after everything that had gone on. “ Cheers to the night? ” She lifted her own glass at the group, raising her eyebrow as Conner and Piper joined them. “ I haven’t, but I could go with you to take a look around if you’d like? ” She offered, noting the slightly slurring girl. There was a voice in the back of her mind telling her that if the beginning of the night was any indication, it might be safer for there to be at least one sober person. God knows what might happen when you mixed a bunch of demigods and legacies who had still unresolved tension and alcohol.

Despite everything that had happened in the last few months, Percy found himself relaxing and enjoying himself. Swallowing a few mouthfuls of champagne, he glanced between Annabeth and Piper wondering whether Piper had even brought a purse with her, “I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” Percy replied with a smile as he reached for several more glasses of champagne and passed them around the group, ensuring that anyone who didn’t already have a drink was well provided for. “If I can just take a moment, I’d like to toast us all, Roman and Greek alike, we’ve been through so much and we’ve come out stronger. So a toast to the years to come, with all the friends we’ve made along the way.” He raised his glass towards the small group they’d formed by the bar. Completely oblivious of all the people they were blocking from gaining access to said bar, but in that moment they couldn’t care less.

Despite his love for these events, Aidan was nervous with how things would go. If he’d know anyone there, if he’d be dressed well enough. He fidgeted with his outfit in the storefront windows as he made his way down, feeling over the soft pink lace sewn over his creamy white jacket. Matching pants, and rose gold cufflinks. He stared at the lights of the party before entering, putting on his best smile. His anxiety washed away seeing people he knew. “Hope I’m not too late to join in?” He asked, picking up a glass of his own, knowing to be mindful of how much he had, eyeing Cat. Aidan wasn’t about to embarrass himself further. Everything felt surreal. Calm. Okay for the first time and Aidan felt good about the night. About the future a little bit too.

Jason raised his glass as Percy launched into a toast, nodding along to his friend’s words. “Here here. To the friendships we’ve made along the way and to the peace we now work to construct. May they both last an eternity.” He downed his glass and passed it off to a passing waiter before snagging another full one. He was more than his usual amount of awkward; given that this was the first event he’d been to where he didn’t have a title and job to hide behind, but he was bound and determined to make it work. Which meant acknowledging the presence of the bitch in the black dress across the circle from him. “Ms Karavadra.” He half bowed “you look lovely this evening. Hopefully you’ll save a dance for me later, provided your dance card isn’t already full.”

By the time Abigail came back, she was still a little tipsy and her feet -- foot, her foot hurt. She slid delicately onto the stool, propped her elbows up onto the bar. Her cheeks were flushed with the exercise, her hair only slightly out of place. “I missed the toast?” she asked, then ordered a side of French fries, one of her few guilty pleasures. Out the corner of her eye, she saw Karavadra, promptly deciding to ignore her. It had always been obvious how Karavadra felt about the Greeks, so Abigail felt no obligation to go out of her way to be nice.

Honestly, as Cat, Brock and Marcus made their way past the group of merrymakers toasting and loudly talking about shots, food and the food time that they were having. Cat’s emotional mask slid into place as she gave Jason the most beautiful smile that she could muster. “You look positively ravishing yourself, that suit really brings out your eyes.” She smiled kindly at him as she continued gliding past. “I shall endeavour to save you a dance,” she gestured to Marcus and Brock as if to indicate that she was already inundated with potential prospects, “but as I am sure that you can see Mr. Grace, my dance card is filling up fast, so make sure you get in while stocks last.” She gave him one final sickly sweet smile, a mischievous glitter in her eyes as she imagined what disembowelment would be like for him. She hoped painful. His self righteous smug nature was almost sickening.

Cat had a way with people, she knew what to say and how to seem elegant and hide her true feelings. Marcus however, struggled with it despite his natural gift with the mist and his illusion spells. Instead, he opted to simply showing his true emotions, one of disinterest towards the group. He remembered all the Roman legionnaires they had lost through the war, not to mention their legionnaires on every other day too. He might have seemed old fashioned with his ways, but blood must have blood, just, not now. Leaving Cat’s side, he flashed a chaotic smile at Jason and then the others. “You don’t mind if a join you right? You did make a toast to Romans and Greeks alike, that includes me right?” A tone of mischievousness danced in between his words as he placed his empty glass on the table and ordering a new one, purposely leaning over and Greeks in the way.

“Oh, Zeus”, Abigail said under her breath. She didn’t mind the Romans’ company on grounds of them being Romans, but she didn’t like the atmosphere they’d brought with themselves. Growing up in a hostile environment, she could pick up on the slightest of signs of someone getting angry. Her magic probably had something to do with it, too. Always a hater of physical contact, but too stubborn (too fucked up) to display weakness, Abigail didn’t even twitch as Marcus leaned over her to get a new drink. Her plate of fries arrived, and she used a toothpick to stab at them, eyes flicking between Jason and the Romans.

Connor rolled his eyes as Cat showed up. He recalled their previous conversation and couldn’t help but feel a taste of disgust in his mouth. “Piper, I could also help you look for it if you like? I’d rather be anywhere but in the presence of her.” He felt like spitting her name out of his mouth but held himself back. Besides, it honestly wasn’t worth it. “I haven’t seen anyone steal it, perhaps you left it on a table and a waiter picked it up?” Connor had been drinking but he was sober enough to help look for a purse.

Wally turned himself around when Cat showed up. He prayed to his mom that she was passing by. If he never saw her again, he’d be fine. Wally poured back half of his drink and signaled the bartender. This would be more fun, and a lot easier to get through if he was a lot less sober. “Whiskey shot,” he chimed. Wally vaguely heard the daughter of Aphrodite talking about a missing purse. He knew somewhere in his room there was a locator spell, but that was all the way back in his apartment. ‘Sides, Connor’s already offered, he reasoned. Waiting for Z might just be his best option.

Brock grinned at the Greeks and caught the eye of Annabeth and Jason. Even before the war, after the Greeks had shown up, word of Annabeth’s skill in battle came around quickly. He had imagined a few times what it would be like to fight her, what he could learn from her. Jason on the other hand made him feel agitated and annoyed. It was aggravating to see an unfaithful Roman, but Jason wouldn’t allow himself to get too deep into thought on that. There was mystery on both sides and it was easier to just protect the civilians. “Cat, maybe we should go somewhere less rowdy? You wouldn’t want to get anything spilled on that dress.”

It wasn’t like Z to be so terribly late. He had always been the punctual sort, but times were changing and he had a bit of elephant business to take care of before making his way to the festivities. As he slipped past people with faces he knew and treated, he fiddled with the cuffs on his suit jacket. Unfortunately, he hadn’t had the prior inkling to get anything new tailored and his recent surplus of physical activity was making his clothes fit a little snug. It couldn’t be helped. “Oh; excuse me,” he politely exclaimed as he passed by a couple talking privately amongst themselves. His shorter stature easily snaked beyond them, only for him to come to a complete stop when he nearly bumped into Aidan. “Lace? To an event like this? You’re bolder than I thought you’d be.” The tease came easily as he reached over and wrapped his fingertips around a glass on a tray passing by. He eyed the contents warily. The last thing he wanted was alcohol, but this was clear. The squint he gave the glass was almost threatening.

Percy winced internally as the Romans moved over to the side of his group and Marcus made it clear that he was welcoming himself to the proverbial party. Reaching into a small bowl of olives, Percy chewed on a thick green one soaked in chilli oil and made sure that it was crushed into nothingness before he even considered opening his mouth. “Yeah can I get two shots of tequila with lime and salt,” he turned to a Jason whom he knew couldn’t stand Catherine Karavadra, especially after what he considered to be her wrongful arrest of former Praetor Reyna and Frank, “down the hatch bud,” he grimaced as the tequila poured down his throat. The tension in the room was near unbearable as Connor and Cat seemed to glower at one another from across the room. However Percy was determined to ease things off, he knew that the easiest way to do so was probably to break the group up. Turning to Piper and Annabeth, he looked at Jason and grinned. “Ladies?” he asked as Boogie Wonderland began to play in the background, “may we have this dance?”

Cat knew that she was the least popular Roman in miles, and considering the high density population of this square that was truly something to say. The Karavadra family hadn’t done itself any favours by funding and leading the war effort. But Cat knew deep in her stomach that she had done the right thing. She’d been protecting her city, protecting her people. “Yes, I think we should move along Brock, are you coming Marcus?” she asked as she strode away and moved towards Aidan and Z. “I agree, lace was certainly a very bold choice, however I am not convinced that Aidan’s got it in him to be anything less than bold, it has always been a trait that he has possessed.” Despite the fact that he’d previously drunk too much on a mission, she had to admit that the guts which that took was impressive to say the least, she didn’t know many Legionnaires that would survive an ordeal or even risk it.

Piper, ever the eloquent one, grinned at Annabeth, giving her an appreciative glance as she did so. About to accept the offer, she was interrupted by Percy. “I wouldn’t worry about it usually,” she replied. “But I’m pretty sure I left a few important items in - in the bag.” A hiccup sounded, soon followed by another giggle. She was about to say more — perhaps launch into a great speech herself — when Percy beat her to it. Honestly, his way of speaking was much better — and more eloquent — than hers was, so she let it slide, lifting her glass in the air and saying, “Hear, hear!” in response to what he had said. Then, noting Connor at her side, the young demigod latched onto him, curling an arm over his shoulders as she said, “The more help the merrier! I really, really need that bag. Seriously.” She’d already forgotten what she’d put in there, beside a pack of gum, but she was sure it was important. And whoever Connor (and Jason) were trying to avoid, Piper would happily help them do so. However, the thought of her bag was soon forgotten upon Percy’s invitation to dance, and with yet another grin in Jason and Percy’s direction (and with a slight stumble), she said, “I’d love to. Annabeth, what do you say?”

On the surface, this was the time for Greeks and Romans to make up, but as the daughter of a strategy goddess, or even someone with a smidge of common sense, Annabeth knew that things would never be that easy. She nodded in acknowledgement, smiling slightly at the ones who recently arrived, feeling the need to set an example, but it would be a lie to say that she wasn’t wary, especially of Catherine. Grateful for Percy, she silently commended him in her mind, knowing that if they continued here any longer it wouldn’t end up well. “ Don’t yell if I step on anyone’s toes, though. The rest of you want to come? ” She grinned, moving in their direction and extending a hand to steady Piper. The responsible part in her, though, couldn’t help but question Piper again. “ Are you sure you don’t want to go look for your bag first? If there’s important things in it … ”

Frowning at the situation, Percy decided that before any dancing was to be done they would have to discover the whereabouts of the bag. “Has anyone asked some of the staff?” he turned around to the bartender behind the bar and turned to look at Piper. After a hurried conversation, Percy turned to the group. “The bartender says he hasn’t seen it but there is apparently an official lost and found across the way,” he turned and strode off, unsure of which way to go, but he led the way all the same, doing everything that he could to indirectly combat the tension growing between them all. “What colour is your purse?” he asked curiously as the music shifted from Earth Wind and Fire to something a bit more modern that he couldn’t place his finger on.

Connor grinned as Piper placed an arm around him but simply slipped away when she left for a dance. He wasn’t in the mood to dance right now, not after the atmosphere that Cat brought with her. He was about to suggest that he go look for the purse whilst they danced, but then Percy set off on a mission. With a skip and sprint, he caught up to Percy’s side. “I can check the square entrances? Perhaps someone picked it up and dropped it off there. I don’t think it was stolen, and if it was, I could find that out too.” Without waiting for a response, he turned to face the others. “Anyone want to join me?” He then turned and made his way to the entrance that he had come through.

Marcus picked up the drink the bartender had whipped up for him but before he could say anything else, the group seemed to split up and Cat somewhat summoned him to follow her. Sipping his drink he grinned and followed behind Cat, free hand in his pocket. He wasn’t exactly impressed with how Aidan acted during the raiding of the Greek party, but it was amusing. He wasn’t there but he had definitely heard about it. It had been brought up at one of the Centurion meetings so that the Centurion of the 5th could deal with it. “Can you handle your alcohol tonight Aidan?” He said with a teasing smile. He then turned to look over the crowd. Frankly, he was rather bored. “Brock, interested in doing some rounds? I wouldn’t mind reprimanding a few legionnaires that have gotten themselves drunk during the festivitie?”

All the Greeks seemed, suddenly, very concerned with Piper’s bag, and Abigail suspected -- no, she was certain -- that, while their concern was real, they were all the more grateful to get away with the least popular demigod in New Rome. It was a pity that Marcus was so heavily associated with her (at her beck and call, in Abby’s opinion), because, as her mother always said: she was always Hecate. That was why she’d been the least affected by the Roman-Greek split. In her opinion, Marcus and the other children of Trivia were almost as much of her siblings as their Greek counterparts... “See you ‘round, brother”, she said, stabbing another fry with her toothpick. Deciding to help out, Abigail stood. “I’ll come with you, Connor.”

Cat gently watched the majority of the Greeks depart from the large part of the bar that they’d been occupying. “Make sure that you don’t pick on too many of them, I’ve got a nice 10 mile run in full gear for any of our Legionnaires returning to the barracks intoxicated underage, and anyone late for duties will be joining them.” It was a tradition she and Jax had formerly run, and one she intended to continue running in her brother’s absence. She didn’t mind her soldiers enjoying themselves, but they had to always put their duty first. Arriving to duty hungover was unacceptable and it was not something she was willing to tolerate. “But do make sure that our soldier’s are minding their manners. I’d hate for anyone to get upset in such a tense time.”

Aidan’s face flushed and he shrugged. The situation had grown increasingly uncomfortable with Cat and Marcus’ presence, and it felt weird to receive what felt like a compliment from her. “Thank you Z, thank you Cat. And don’t worry, Marcus, I will be watching my intake. I’ve learned that lesson. The rather hard way.” He said remembering how hot and heavy that armor had been the full 10 miles. His muscles ached from the memory. “But maybe go easy on my fellow legionnaires? Gods know we could all use tonight as a break. All work and no play, you know.” He watched as the group split, most people going after his sister’s mysteriously lost purse. He wondered if she’d even brought it. “How’ve you been Z? I haven’t seen you in a hot minute.”

There was a lot to unpack at once. Z recalled, during the final declaration in front of the senate, that there was some sort of tension between Cat and Aidan, but the wording tonight from the centurion and also the man following her alluded to something more. The child of Hypnos would’ve given why a bit more thought, only the voices of a few familiar people caused his head to tilt away from those closest to him to garner a glance at the slight commotion. His ears could faintly pick up on them deciding to split up to look for Piper’s purse. He thought it was best to join them, since it would give him a chance to avoid whatever was about to happen before him with the Romans, but their talking drew him back in and his honey eyes snapped back to them quickly. “Never a dull moment for the Legion, I suppose,” he mused over the rim of his glass. Wagering a sip told him it was very much not water and he hated how smoothly the small bit of clear liquor went down without causing him to wince. “I’ve been as alright as I could be. It’s hard not falling victim to the ‘all work and no play’ sort of thing nowadays. I take it that it’s been fairly similar with people on your end as well?” His words were in the addressing of all the parties before him, not simply to Aidan. He didn’t want to be rude, no matter how much his skin crawled and itched at the thought of what sort of snap could possibly come from Cat or the, frankly, curt man with her.

Brock laughed and shrugged, picking his head up to look around at all that was going on. “Sure, though I think Aidan’s right, Marcus, go easy on them tonight. It’s not everyday that we get to go to a feast.” Roman life was hard and as understatements go, that was certainly one of them. But it made their parties, the times when they did relax all the better and everyone was more grateful for it. If he couldn’t relax tonight, on day when everyone was suppose to be thankful for things, maybe his superiors were right and he was too rigid. “Maybe have a drink first, Marcus.”

Wally watched the group of Greeks leave as he stayed at the bar, deciding to wait on Z. It was a few more minutes until he heard the sound of his boyfriends voice. Turning around, he saw him talking to the kid who Wally had looked after children with. He smiled, happy to see that Z was making friends. He looked back and realized his shot had been sitting there, waiting for him. He threw it back and grabbed his other drink, and went to join Z by putting an arm around his waist and saying hello to both him and Aidan. “Nice night for a party. How’re you boys?”

“Definitely.” Aidan replied. “Reconstruction efforts, civilian complaints…” He sighed, shaking his head and grinned. “And children watching. Wally here sure knows his way around the kids.” He greeted the man as he appeared. Aidan felt like gushing over how cute the pair were, but he held himself together for his current superiors. “I’m pretty good, and how are you? Did you get called back to the daycare since last time? I’m sure the kids wondered why you haven’t been back yet.”

Nico was never huge on social gatherings. The whole idea had his anxiety skyrocketing, but given the general atmosphere of New Rome following the full blown war he'd completely missed out on, he figured making an appearance would be a good thing, especially considering his history of attempting to maintain peace between the Romans and the Greeks. He arrived in an all black three piece suit, despite the fact that he absolutely hated dressing up, but a dress code was a dress code. The decor was breathtaking, and the reconstruction seemed to be heading in the right direction. Deciding against immediately seeking out human interaction, he made his way over to the bar and, after a millisecond long internal discussion about just how old he was (sometimes he forgot his exact age, given the fact that he was technically almost a century old), he ordered himself a Guinness and took a few small sips from the glass.

Percy had checked three bars across the square, doing his best to find Piper’s lost property. He had been enjoying the night well enough, and it only improved as he spotted the black three piece suit of Nico di Angelo. Drinking his typical pint of Guinness, Percy wondered if his friend drank Guinness for the aesthetic or whether he genuinely enjoyed the taste. Either way there was something striking about his appearance. “Nico!” Percy beamed, “I was wondering if you would show up.” Turning to the bartender he ordered himself another drink. The waiters that were moving around the room with Champagne seemed to have disappeared for the moment and Percy wanted to try reconnect with his friend, if he possibly could. “Isn’t the party going well?” he asked as the bartender passed him a pint of Blue Moon. Sadly the drink itself wasn’t actually blue, but the name at least made up for it a little bit.

Nico had no intention of moving from his spot at the bar just yet. Social interaction was draining, something he had to work himself towards. He’d blown through a quarter of his Guinness before he made out a familiar face moving through the crowd and towards him, a small smile forming on his lips. “Figured I'd at least make an appearance.” he responded, turning his body toward his friend. “I think so, yeah. Part of me forgets you guys were at each other's throats not too long ago, but then I spotted a couple Legionnaires giving me the stink eye.” he added with a light laugh. “I think things are going in the right direction for the most part, though.”

Percy had to admit that he was pleased to see his friend. Slipping his hand into his jacket pocket, he reassured himself by patting the pen which would transform into Riptide on the inside pocket of his jacket. Sipping at the hoppy larger he’d been given, Percy shrugged. “We were all manipulated into fighting one another, that’s something that’s going to take time to adjust to that,” sighing gently he took another long drink and sat silently. “The tension seems undeniable.” He sighed gently and shrugged. “But these things are the best worked out in social situations with a shit tonne of booze and food, right?”

Connor accepted the company and began checking the entrances. “No luck, this is really strange. I’m sure it’ll show up sometime though. He shrugged and dug his hands into his pockets, slowly heading over to a bar and ordering shots. “I suppose we should reward ourselves for the effort.” He states as 5 shots per person were poured. They were called sours and weren’t potent but 5 of them were surely to get the party going. He took all 5 swiftly and tilted his head back to enjoy the head rush. Spinning, he turned to locate everyone. He noted Percy’s location, watched as Marcus seemed to leave the party and finally his eyes fell on Cat. He stared as anger boiled. He couldn’t believe how stubborn and selfish someone could be. Not offering help to refugees simply because she’s helped the Romans already and was busy rebuilding. Perhaps it was the alcohol crowding his judgement but he spat on the floor and pulled a subtle middle finger at the Roman before turning and ordering his favorite drink. “I hate her.” He said to whomever was still with him after the shots and the purse hunt.

Cat hadn’t seen Connor’s less than subtle attempt at swearing at her. Mainly because as she had been crossing the square, she had noticed a small bag. Squatting down delicately, she scooped it up and returned to her less than lofty heights. Although the heels she wore allowed her to stand above her usual stature. Opening the purse, she flicked through it to find an ID. Piper Mclean. Interesting. Cat hadn’t exactly ever talked to Jason Grace’s former flame, and though she was sure that Piper was as insufferable as the rest of the heroes of the prophecy who had earned their fame through a few lucky quests, unlike her prestigious career through the Legion, leading and fighting for her people as it should be done. She was aware that a purse had been lost, and set out to return it to its owner. They had to at least pretend to play at peace right?

Connor turned and leaned his back against the bar, taking a sip of his drink, his eyes scanned the crowd again. It was a habit of his, searching the crowd for potential targets even if he had no plans of stealing anything. That’s when his eyes landed on Cat yet again. Seeing the purse that clearly did not match her outfit, he squinted and pieced things together. He launched himself off the bar and stormed off towards her. “I see you’ve found a purse, how convenient after Piper’s had just gone missing. I don’t suppose that’s hers is it?” He stood in her path, arms folded across his chest. “If you’re done doing who knows what with her belongings, I’ll return it to her thanks.” He held his hand out for her to hand the purse over.

Cat had no intention of speaking to impudent Greek that was angrily crossing the square across from her. However it soon became clear to her that Connor had every intention of speaking to her. Not even bothering to suppress the roll of her eyes she tutted at him. “Are you always this arrogant and rude?” she asked with a sneer quickly dancing across her face before she composed herself. “For your information, I only just picked this up, unlike you children of Hermes I have no intention or desire to steal. If I wanted this purse then I’d simply purchase it. However as this is hardly my sort of taste,” she looked somewhat disdainfully at the purse and frowned gently, “now if you’ll excuse me then I shall return this myself, I don’t need your interference, please step aside and next time remember who you’re speaking to. I’m not one of your cabin mates from Camp Half Blood. I’m a centurion of the twelfth Legion, I don’t owe you any explanation.”

“Actually, yeah I am.” Connor spat. “Especially to people that have given me a clear reason for me to be rude to them.” He spoke with confidence and met her gaze. “It’s not the purse you wanted, it was the information. Like you said, you’re a Centurion of the twelfth Legion, it’s your job to collect information on people who could be a threat, maybe you’re just collecting knowledge of the Greeks so that next time you declare war against us, you’ll have a better fighting chance.” He laughed dryly. “Yeah, so you get your henchmen to do everything else for you, but this you’d like to do yourself? To paint yourself as a hero when you stole it in the first place? That’s the thing with Hermes kids like myself, we don’t just steal things, we know other criminals moves as well.”

Laughing quietly and mirthlessly at Connor, Cat actually had to place a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from really shrieking with laughter. “Ah, you’re truly a fool, I am more committed to the peace process than any of us, if you don’t remember it was my orders that had the senators taken into custody.” She would’ve liked to say that she hadn’t collected information on what she considered to the main strengths and weaknesses of all of the most powerful demigods who could be seen as a threat to her or to the Cult. “However, just because you’ve developed a vendetta against me and my people, like so many of your people is not of interest to me. I have nothing to benefit from painting myself as the hero over something so petty. You’re drunk and making a fool of yourself. Now I’ll ask you one more time step away from me and allow me to continue on my path. This is none of your concern. Go back to your drinks.”

“Connor.” Abigail said, resting her hand over his chest to stop him from possibly advancing over Cat. Her voice wasn’t loud, but it was firm, commanding respect. In another life, she would’ve made a good commander. “Stop. It’s not worth it to pick a fight. Actually, it’s downright a bad idea. Peace is fragile right now. Don’t. Blow it.”

Past experiences had trained Annabeth to sense trouble brewing pretty quickly, though she was too far away to stop the confrontation between Connor and Catherine. She’d never been much of a peacekeeper herself, one much more likely to fall victim to her own pride, but even then her analytical mind knew that de-escalation would be the correct path here. Noting that there was already someone attempting to hold Connor back, she caught his eye for a moment, hand slightly tapping his back as she passed, hoping that he would take the hint to back down. Instead, she turned her attention to Cat, smile on her face. “ Thanks for finding it, but Piper’s a little tipsy at the moment, and would probably end up losing it again if you gave it to her now. We’ll take care of it for now, but I’ll let her know that you found it. ”

Raising an eyebrow at the situation, Cat dipped her head gently and nodded. Handing the purse gently and carefully over to Annabeth before taking a step away. She had no intention to further the conflict with Connor, she wasn’t nearly childish enough to do so, perhaps that wasn’t entirely true but she had airs to keep up. Her professionalism was meant to be the core of her personality. “Hopefully she doesn’t lose it again,” she turned and strode away, moving towards Marcus with a slight smirk. That had been somewhat satisfying.

The Legionnaires had a lot on their plates, but this was certainly not a concept localized for just them. Z couldn’t quantify the amount of work the Greeks were also busy with. His own workload was enough to make him dizzy sometimes. “That does seem like quite a bit—Oh!” he gasped out softly as an arm snaked around his form. He looked over, and then subsequently upward, to see his boyfriend’s face, and his heart skipped a beat. Thank the gods it wasn’t someone random. “Aidan was the one you were working with at the daycare? What a coincidence. We met while I was keeping some children company in a game of hide and seek.” The universe worked in mysterious ways, it seemed. It was basically fate that they meet, just as it seemed to be fate that some sort of loud conversation broke out at an event for peace. As short as he was, he couldn’t quite see over the heads of other partygoers, but he did catch the faintest of sights of Connor and what sounded to be Cat’s voice as well over the cacophony of others. A frown graced his face as he fiddled with the glass between his hands.

Aidan sighed, thinking about how cute Wally and Z were, wishing he too would someday find something like they had. Or at least had thought to bring a date to dance with. It felt like a middle school dance, as tensions kept most the groups to the bar and food areas. Chatting quietly. At least it was passive until he heard the commotion, and felt a vague sense of dejavú watching Connor drunkenly yell at Cat. He just felt glad it wasn’t himself, not having even finished the glass in hand. Aidan downed it and trying to keep a smile on his face as he began to feel suffocated from the ensuing silence cleared his throat. “Brock- would you uh, would you care to dance?” He asked, trying to change the subject. “I love the-the cha cha slide, everyone… knows it…” He trailed off, hoping someone would jump to his aid. Surely he wasn’t the only uncomfortable one.

The Dominus has watched eagerly as the party had progressed. Tension burning bright after all the chaos they’d caused for them lingered in the back of their minds. Placing their empty palm on a sphere of crystal they stepped forward and cleared their throat before exerting their will on the magical artefact in their possession. Across the city, in the unity feast a shimmering apparition appeared before darkening into a silhouette made of pure shadow. With a voice like nails being dragged across slate, the Dominus began their first address. “Demigods. I hope you have enjoyed tonight’s festivities as it may be one of your last.” They pause for dramatic effect, drinking in the silence that had fallen on the crowd. “I appear before you tonight with some information for all if you. An omen, a warning. By now, you are aware that there is a cult that has burrowed and wormed its way into the city’s roots and corrupted almost every aspect of this society. The members of this cult are among us as I speak, yet in the shadows, they hide. The cult is one of the most powerful forces in New Rome, and it obeys my bidding now. I have poisoned this city, and used the cult to do so. Watch in despair as your hopes rot away, leaving nothing behind, you are witnesses of the end of New Rome. Your city will soon collapse in terror and despair. You may be asking yourself who I am, well that’s easy. I, am simply known, as the Dominus. A name that will be on your tongues as you die in the rubble of this fallen city. Enjoy tonight, as soon the time of reckoning will be upon you.” The Dominus stepped away from his artefact and the vision cut off, a moment later the unity feast exploded into a chaotic roar of questions and shouts, confusion and concern enveloping the whole group.

[lirlovesfic]

The Choice

A Doctor Who fanfic

Summary: After GitF, the TARDIS brings the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey back to the estate to solve a problem involving the TARDIS herself. But when they see a familiar face, the face of someone who should not exist, they realize the problem is deeper than they thought and could endanger the Doctor’s very existence. Primary characters: Ninth Doctor, Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jackie Tyler. Genres: Romance, mystery, adventure, drama, character study, HN AU, fobbed!Nine, sick TARDIS. Pairings: Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose Rating: Adult

Warning: none for this chaper

a/n: I am currently working on editing this chapter-by-chapter, with the hopes of completing a chapter a day until I catch up with myself. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m doing it to try to get back into the swing of writing and to build some momentum in order to finish this. Also, there have been some tiny things nagging at me for a while (grammar, punctuation, etc.) so I’ll be correcting as many of them as I can find as I go. The story will not change. In fact, most of the changes are going to be so minor that I doubt anyone (besides myself) will notice. But to keep myself on target, I’ll be posting it all here as I go, with links to the other websites it’s on. I hope you enjoy it.

Catch up: on AO3, on TSP, on ffnet

This chapter: on AO3, on TSP, on ffnet

Chapter Twenty-One—the Titanic dock, Southampton, 10 April, 1912

Mickey cut through the crowd and entered the large White Star terminal building. The lobby was only slightly less crowded than the dock. People, mostly from first class, wandered about or stood in groups chatting with others also waiting to board. Off to one side of the room was a large doorway labeled "First Class Lounge" while on the far side of the room was some sort of reception desk, behind which stood a number of men in the uniforms of the White Star Line. Like everywhere else, there was a long queue in front of it.

He shook his head. "I don't have time for this." He crossed the lobby to the desk, bypassing the queue, and spoke to the nearest staff member who had just finished helping an elderly couple. "Hey, did you see a tall man with really short hair walk through here? He's wearing a black suit and was with a couple with two kids."

The man shot Mickey a look. "Are you kidding? Do you know how many people I've seen today?" He turned away from him to face the queue. "Next."

With a huff of frustration, Mickey turned back to the crowded room. "Where the hell is he?" he muttered. "He just came in here. Where did he go?" He scanned the room, finally spotting him leading the Richardson family through a narrow door opposite the lounge. "Ha! Got him!"

He rushed across the lobby, but once outside the door he stopped and stared at it.

"Now what?" he said aloud. He felt a bit like a kitten who had been chasing a mouse but didn't quite know what to do with it when he caught it.

The door was slightly ajar, and the voice of Edwin Robertson filtered through the crack. "What's all this about then?"

Mickey carefully pushed on the door to widen the crack a tiny bit, allowing him to hear the conversation more clearly, and then leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. To all appearances he was just waiting to board the ship like everyone else in the room.

"Mr and Mrs Robertson," the Doctor began, "My name is John Smith, and for the last ten years I have served as the solicitor to Mrs Robertson's distant uncle, Gerald Pollard."

"I don't remember having—" Rachel Robertson began.

The Doctor continued as if she hadn't spoken, effectively cutting her off. "I regret to inform you that Mr Pollard recently passed."

"You came all this way, pulled us out of the queue to tell us her uncle died, an uncle she's never even heard of?" Edwin demanded incredulously.

"If you would allow me to continue," the Doctor said haughtily. Mickey snorted. It was the same tone of voice that Doctor had used to call him "Mickey the Idiot", but this time he wasn't on the receiving end of it. "Mr Pollard had a large estate east of Manchester that Mrs Robertson visited several times as a young child. He had fond memories of her and chose to remember her in his will."

Mickey heard Mrs Robertson gasp dramatically. He snickered. "This is better than an episode of EastEnders," he said under his breath.

"When you say he remembered her in his will," Edwin said, "how… well… did he remember her?"

"It's just a small sum," the Doctor answered. "£5,000."

There was dead silence. You could have heard a pin drop in the room, Mickey thought. Even he knew that was an enormous amount of money to someone in the early twentieth century. Hell, on the Estate it wasn't anything to sneeze at in 2007.

After a moment he heard some papers rustling, and the Doctor explained that there were some papers to sign and that the funds would then be at their disposal. He named a prominent bank in London.

"You will, however, have to appear in person as soon as possible to complete the paperwork at the bank itself in order to withdraw the funds. It would, of course, prevent you from sailing today..."

As the Doctor continued to give them instructions—the Robertsons were silent, probably due to shock—Mickey glanced at his watch. Twenty minutes had already passed. Nothing unusual had happened, unless you counted the fact that the Doctor was masquerading as a solicitor and basically handing out money, something he had never ever expected the Doctor to do.

And then he suddenly realized what his Doctor had been doing on the dock. When he'd been talking to that couple, he must have been buying their tickets off them. His mouth twisted into a grin. Usually the Doctor went for flash, saving history, saving planets… Saving that family was the most compassionate, most domestic thing he'd ever seen the alien do. And he began to see what Rose saw in him.

The conversation in the room began to die off, and he heard the sounds of chairs moving, as if they were getting ready to leave. If he didn't leave immediately he risked being seen.

"That's my cue," Mickey said under his breath. He headed out of the building and made his way back to the TARDIS.

~oOo~

The Doctor let himself into his former self's TARDIS. To his relief, the TARDIS hadn't shocked him, and the key had turned easily in the lock.

He pushed open the door and made his way inside, noting the minute differences between this console room and his own. If he hadn't known it was his previous self's TARDIS already, merely entering the cavernous space would have told him immediately it wasn't his. Some of the controls on the console were different, and others were in different places. There were fewer post-it notes. The jump seat was in a slightly, almost imperceptibly different spot—shifted approximately a centimeter and a half to the left—and one of the rips on the seat was smaller. Even the ambient light was at a different wavelength, although no one but a Time Lord would notice.

Even more telling, the coat thrown over the branching coral strut wasn't his long brown coat but the heavy leather jacket he used to wear in his last body.

The Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver. As the tip lit up and it softly whirred, he slowly circled the room, scanning everything—console, walls, floors, even the jump seat—for evidence of damage of any kind at all. He frowned as he looked at the results. There wasn't any sign of damage per se, but the readings weren't clear either. It was almost like there was an echo of damage rather than damage itself.

Weird.

He scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully as he crossed to the console monitor. The CCTV record was clear but unhelpful. At this point in the TARDIS's linear time, if there was such a thing, he had left the Powell Estate and had made two stops before this one: to Dallas in 1963, and to the planet Anaranjado in the Redalian sector. Nothing had happened in Dallas, not to cause these problems at any rate. He was certain of it. It was possible that something had happened on Anaranjado, he thought, but extremely unlikely. It was a peaceful, agricultural planet and one of his favorite spots for replenishing foodstuffs. If something had happened there, however, there should be a record of it in the temporal neural net.

A trigger of the CCTV of the exterior of the TARDIS while on Anaranjado told him nothing. The ship had landed in the center of an orchard, and the Doctor watched his younger self leave the TARDIS. After fast-forwarding a bit, he saw him return carrying a large sack. Switching to an interior view showed him leaving the console room and entering the galley where he unloaded bananas, oranges, apples, and assorted tea bags from the sack and stowed them away.

Definitely a dead end.

It appeared that whatever had happened hadn't happened yet.

But then again there had been that weird echo he had picked up with his sonic.

The Doctor scanned the TARDIS again, this time with the TARDIS's own self-diagnostic programs. A series of interlocking geometric shapes rotated on the monitor and a speaker built into one of the control panels let out a quiet ping ping ping as the TARDIS searched for any problems. Three minutes in—two minutes and forty-seven seconds before the scan should have been finished—the pinging stopped. The screen froze.

The Doctor frowned.

"Well, that shouldn't happen," he said. Pulling out his glasses and peering into the screen, he rapidly flipped a switch next to the monitor. The display began to rotate again. But it was a millisecond off compared to relative time.

Searching for the source of the glitch, he climbed under the console and opened a panel on the underside of the control panel. A variety of interconnected glowing pear-shaped and spherical items—memory pods and ganglionic circuits—fell out of the gaping hole and almost hit him in the face. They hung from the open panel by tubes pulsing in the same blue-green as the Time Rotor. He scanned everything with his screwdriver: pods, temporal circuits, even the main memory core. There was a tiny blip in the temporal relay, one the TARDIS herself didn't acknowledge even existed. And it didn't appear to have a cause.

Troubled, he climbed back out from his spot under the console. He was running out of time. If he stayed any longer, he risked running into himself, and even if he stayed longer there was no guarantee that he'd find anything new. He downloaded everything he'd discovered into his screwdriver for further analysis in his own TARDIS. He just hoped his own ship was up to it.

Later, back at his own TARDIS the Doctor found Mickey sitting on the ground, arms crossed and with his back leaning against the door. The younger man scowled at him.

"How long have you been waiting for me?" the Doctor asked.

"An hour," Mickey said crossly as he stood up. "I've been sittin' here an hour. After you told me to meet you in a half an hour. That was an hour and a half ago!" He shook his head. "For a Time Lord you sure have a lousy sense of time."

The Doctor ignored the comment and unlocked the door.

Inside, the hum of the TARDIS's engines was quieter than normal, the glowing roundels dimmer, particularly compared to the TARDIS he had just left. After first tossing his overcoat on one of the struts—the same place his earlier self's leather jacket had been in the other TARDIS—he crossed to the console and plugged his sonic screwdriver into a small hole that appeared on one of the panels. He put on his glasses and stared into the monitor.

Mickey joined him at the console. "So, did you figure out what's goin' on?"

Shushing him, the Doctor waved him off. As he studied the display in front of him, he ran his hands through his hair, causing it to stand straight up, and let out a frustrated groan. He backed up and sank down on the jump seat.

"What is it?" Mickey asked in a low voice.

"I think the TARDIS has been poisoned," the Doctor told him quietly.

"What!" Mickey looked around himself, as if he was expecting something to attack them. "Should we even be in here?"

"You aren't in any danger," the Doctor said. "Me on the other hand…" He sighed. "It's a poison that only affects Time sensitive creatures, like the TARDIS. And Time Lords." He rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands.

"So…" Mickey said tentatively. "What do we do now? How do we fix it? Is there some sort of an antidote?"

"I don't know. Depends on what caused it, what the source was, and when it happened." He sat up. After pulling off his glasses and sticking them in his pocket, he rubbed his left eye, a move that expanded into massaging his forehead. "His TARDIS has a temporal glitch. But at the same time it doesn't. It's echoing back from the future. His future, not ours," he clarified. At the blank expression on Mickey's face, the Doctor continued. "Something happened, I don't know what, but whatever it was is creating ripples backwards and forwards in time."

"Like a pebble in a pond," Mickey said.

"Exactly. At some point in his future and my past he and the TARDIS were poisoned, probably accidentally. I'm guessing it happened so gradually that he didn't realize it was happening at all. But eventually the TARDIS became so ill that she needed to shut down in order to slow the damage."

"So why'd she turn you human?"

"Humans aren't Time sensitive. By turning him human, she saved his life. Then she tried to contact us, call us back to the Powell Estate to help: to fix her and to cure him." He jumped up and began to pace back and forth in front of the console. "But somehow, probably because she was sick, the message arrived late. Too late. By the time it arrived, the damage had managed to spread to our TARDIS."

"Can't we just go and warn, you know, the other you?"

"Not without creating a nasty paradox. And even if we could, what do we say? That something's going to happen sometime that will poison both you and the TARDIS, but we don't know what it is or when it happens and you won't know either until it's too late?" He stopped in his tracks. "The Time Lords would have been able to fix this, heal the TARDIS, heal me, prevent a paradox, just like that." He snapped his fingers. "Piece of cake, home in time for tea. But the Time Lords are gone."

"Hold on," Mickey said. "If this, whatever it is, is going forwards and backwards in Time, isn't that going to start affecting the other one of you who's here?"

The Doctor shook his head. "No. The TARDIS won't let it. She won't allow herself to be at the center of a paradox. She'd rather die first, and if I can't somehow figure out how to fix this, that's exactly what's going to happen."

He stepped in front of the controls and began flipping switches. "It's time to get you home." He spun a dial on the other side of the console and then raised a large lever. A loud groan filled the room, but the Time Rotor didn't move. "Come on, come on, come on," he said under his breath. He pushed the lever back down. His fingers flew across a colorful key pad, then he spun the dial and raised the lever again.

The groan was louder this time. The room shook.

The Doctor slammed his hand down on the console and then repeated his movements. Switches. Key pad. Dial. Lever.

The shaking grew stronger.

Switches. Key pad. Dial. Lever.

As the groaning continued, the Doctor moved faster and faster.

Switches. Key pad. Dial. Lever.

Switches. Key pad. Dial. Lever.

Switches. Key pad. Dial. Lever.

After one last jolt, the shaking stopped. The lights dimmed, and an unnatural quiet fell over the room. Even the ever-present hum of the engines was gone.

Motionless, the Doctor stared at the console.

After several long moments, Mickey broke the silence. "We're stuck here, yeah?"

The Doctor didn't answer immediately. He wanted to yell, to kick something, to punch someone. He wanted to rage against the universe.

But he couldn't. Someone was depending on him.

He turned to face Mickey. "No," he said, his voice filled with determination and resolve. He tugged down on his jacket, straightening it. "No. I won't let you get stuck here. There are two other me's out there. One of them might be able to take you home."

"I thought you didn't want them to see me."

"Can't be helped now. I don't want to trap you here if there's another option." He turned away and began to fiddle with the controls. "Maybe if I contact my Eighth self…" he said thoughtfully. "No, that wouldn't work. He ends up on the Titanic…"

"Eighth?" Mickey asked. His eyebrows shot up almost to his hairline. "Blimey, how many of you have there been?"

The Doctor ignored the question as he continued his own train of thought. "But if I told him Charley's family gets saved by his future self, he and Charley wouldn't get on the Titanic at all. It would cause a minor ripple in time, but it wouldn't cause a paradox." He nodded slowly. "He could take you home and then force himself to forget you. And me. That version of me had memory problems anyway. He won't think twice about not remembering an hour or two."

"Which one is the Eighth?" Mickey asked.

The Doctor turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "The one you described as 'a refugee from a Jane Austin novel'."

"Still think it fits," Mickey answered. "So if he's the Eighth, which one are you?"

"Does it really matter?" the Doctor asked in disbelief.

"Probably not, but I still want to know."

The Doctor let out a huff of exasperation. "Oh, all right. I'm the Tenth Doctor. Satisfied? Now be quiet and let me think for a minute."

"Tenth?" Mickey asked. "Wow. Does Rose know?"

"Get some perspective here, Mickey!" the Doctor said sharply. "The TARDIS is dying, you are currently stuck in 1912, and I'm trying to figure out a way to get you home without causing a massive paradox. Now just shut up for a minute!"

"All right," Mickey answered. "Right after you answer one more thing. If the TARDIS isn't working and you're sending me home, what're you gonna do?"

"I'm going to stay here and see if I can figure out a way of healing the TARDIS."

"I thought you couldn't do that without knowing what caused the poisoning."

"I'm very clever," the Doctor responded. "Given enough time, I should be able to figure out something."

"If that's true, then why are you sendin' me home?" Mickey asked pointedly.

"Because it would be easier on you," the Doctor snapped. "Having one of me take you home would be easier on you than having you here when…"

"When what?" Mickey snapped back.

"When I disappear!" he exploded. He stalked to the other side of the console and laid his hands on it. He closed his eyes. Despite her weakened state, he felt the warmth of her presence in his hands and in his mind. He let it wash over him, helping him calm himself.

After a moment, he took a deep breath and looked up at the younger man. "You were right before. Before we came here, you were right about what would happen. If I can't solve this, if I can't figure out a way of getting rid of the Time toxins in the TARDIS, Rose will never be able to get to the watch and the human me will stay human, will never change back. And if he never changes back…"

"You won't regenerate into… you," Mickey finished.

"Yeah," the Doctor said quietly. "This timeline will cease to exist. And if that happens, it will be easier on you mentally to be on the Estate."

"Easier than what? Being trapped in 1912?"

"That's one possibility, but the far more likely possibility is that none of this will have ever happened and you'll just wake up on the Estate one morning with two sets of memories for the last two years. Due to the ricochet nature of Time, it will be easier on you to cope both mentally and physically with it if you're already there."

Mickey was silent for a moment, taking it in. "What about Rose?" he said. "Will she have two sets of memories?"

"Yes," the Doctor answered. "Jackie too. Since the three of you know me, this me, you three are at ground zero in all this. You'll remember, but no one else will."

"But what about…" He took a deep breath before continuing. "What about all the things you've done... like protectin' us from aliens and things? Like when the Sycorax came, or the bat things with Sarah Jane? You know, all the 'it is defended' stuff?"

"You humans are brilliant. You would have managed to save yourselves. Mind you, it might have taken a little longer, but you would have done it eventually." The Doctor's mouth twisted into a grin. "Besides, I'll still be there. Even as a human, I'd still be a genius. After all," he said with a wink. "It wouldn't be the first time an auto mechanic helped save the world."

A small smile crossed Mickey's face and then quickly faded. He shook his head. "No. It's not fair. Rose was right. You saved the planet so many times… There must be something else we could do."

"There isn't. Whatever poisoned the TARDIS isn't here, and with the TARDIS unable to take off, we can't search anywhere else. Unless…" The Doctor's voice trailed off.

"Unless what?"

"It most likely wouldn't work…" he muttered.

"What wouldn't work?" Mickey asked.

"I could link my TARDIS to his and allow his to tow mine to wherever he goes. Then I could search for sources of the Time toxin everywhere he goes in the universe. It would have to be done very, very carefully of course so he doesn't notice," he said thoughtfully. "And of course there's always the possibility that the stress of being pulled into the Time Vortex instead of entering it under her own power could rip my TARDIS apart, ripping me apart at the same time." He grimaced. "Not a pleasant way to go. On the other hand, it could work… And considering the alternative is ceasing to exist due to being part of an aborted timeline, it's definitely worth a shot." He nodded decisively. "But first we need to get my previous self to take you home. Don't want you to be ripped apart in the Time Vortex."

"Yeah," Mickey said quietly. "Don't want that."

The Doctor popped his sonic screwdriver out of the hole in the console and stuck it in his pocket before grabbing his coat and heading for the door. He turned back when he realized Mickey wasn't following him. "Let's go. We need to catch my other self before he leaves. You don't want to miss your ride."

Mickey nodded and took a step towards the door before stopping again. "If I go with you instead of with him, what happens to me if it doesn't work?"

"You would be painfully ripped apart along with me."

"And then?"

"And then you would probably wake up in your own bed on the Powell Estate with memories of an excruciating death, a death that would haunt your dreams for the rest of your life, but I can't guarantee it. That's the best-case scenario. The Time Vortex is a tricky thing. Not even the Time Lords understood it completely. You could just die outright, without coming back. It's even possible that you dying in the Time Vortex could totally wipe you from existence, prevent you from ever being born in the first place." He jerked his head towards the door. "So let's go. I need to send you off before I start connecting the two TARDISes, so there's no time to waste."

"No," Mickey said slowly. "I can't believe I'm sayin' this, but I'm stayin' with you. Rose asked me to watch out for you, and that's what I'm gonna do." The Doctor started to protest, but Mickey interrupted him. "You're gonna need my help. Don't bother tryin' to deny it. Rose'd never forgive me if I coulda helped you but didn't. And frankly… I'd never forgive myself either. So I don't care what you say. I'm stayin'."

[architectnews]

Sagarana House, São Paulo, Brazil

Sagarana House, São Paulo Real Estate Renovation, Brazil, Brazilian Building Development, Architecture Images

Sagarana House Conversion in São Paulo

19 September 2021

Design: Pedro Haruf Arquiteto and Cristiane Salles Arquitetura

Location: São Paulo, Brazil

Sagarana House

We were asked by clients to develop a project that segmented Sagarana House, so that the 60’s house would continue to serve as a residence, but which would house a commercial space, the idea was to create, in the client’s words, “A house of Yoga , of therapies, a place of urban retreat, a place of reception, of exchanges”.

Required for the conformation of the house, part of the facade, a cave and the street were the possible spaces for commerce and services, but we would have to provide it with a small area, access by an extensive side corridor and limited ceiling height. In addition, this division into two distinct spaces also generated the challenge of keeping the spaces large, with privacy, guaranteed lighting and natural resources for the residential part.

In a first phase, removing the work from the house, we transformed the façade of the original house into two, each with its own access and individual design, distinguishing and totally separating the two uses.

For the commercial part, we took advantage of the backyard to create a wooden pavilion that expanded the usable space by 100m². The conformation of this new building was also essential for the creation of a large yoga room, generous in both space and openings, characteristics that we would not have achieved in the existing building.

The search for an urban retreat environment guided the project in defining its materiality. The use of ceramic, wood and bamboo tiles, combined with a landscaping project, make this space an oasis in the heart of the city. We also created a sensory corridor, all in blue epoxy paint, it’s a kind of portal, it marks the user’s entry into this world apart from the city, a place to disconnect from the outside world.

The sensory corridor strategy was also important to solve the long access corridor, we divided this corridor into two parts, the first being the blue corridor and the second the ramp that overcomes the uneven floors. In this second part, the tile, the wooden pergola and bamboo mat and the metallic support for climbing plants and vases integrate the space made the passage part of the environment.

We handle the openings to allow for privacy both in commercial and residential. In the commercial, the new pavilion received movable bamboo frames that allow controlling the visibility to the windows of the residential space. When the bamboo frames are closed, a linear zenith opening brings natural light into the yoga room.

In residential, bib below the windows will filter what is seen with plant growth. A small patio was designed to increase the amount of light and ventilation entering the house, and on the front façade, we increased the opening with a large translucent glass door.

What are the sustainability features? The choice of materiality for the project is also based on an idea of sustainability, traditional materials and techniques, such as the construction of certified wood, the use of ceramic tiles made near the city of Belo Horizonte, and the use of bamboo that comes from a research project in bioconstruction and ecodesign. Prioritization of natural ventilation and lighting.

Key products used: All over the commercial floor, we use Altivo ceramic tiles, creating unity. In addition, wood (Paraju) was used in the structure of the pavilion and bamboo was used as a closure and as a mat in the ceilings.

What building methods were used? In addition to the traditional techniques in masonry construction, common in Brazil, a new all-wood pavilion was built. The pavilion was manufactured in a company in the city and assembled on site.

How is the project unique? The project managed to create a space in a central area of the city that can transport those who enter to a haven of peace and tranquility. This was done with the preservation of elements of the original architecture and with the use of natural and low-cost materials (tile, wood and bamboo).

What was the brief? The project’s brief was to separate the uses that coexisted in the home, residence and space for yoga classes and also to create a commercial space that could produce income for the resident.

Who are the clients and what’s interesting about them? The client is a yoga teacher who lives in an old family home. She wanted to create a space to welcome women, and she does this through yoga, meditation, massage, psychotherapy and other alternative therapies.

What were the key challenges? The main challenge was to reorganize the existing spaces and create more spaces that could be rented together or separately. Due to the conformation of the house, part of the facade, the basement and the backyard were the possible spaces for commerce and services, but with little area, access by an extensive side corridor and ceiling height limitation.

On the residential side, the challenge was to keep the spaces large, with privacy, and without prejudice to natural lighting and ventilation.

What were the solutions? To separate the uses in the house, we delimited the spaces and created two facades and two distinct accesses, enabling independent functionalities. We used the backyard to create a wooden and bamboo pavilion that expanded the leasable space by 100m², we extended the wood and straw roof throughout the access corridor, making it part of the atmosphere. We also created a blue portal, to demarcate the entrance to this place, transporting the visitor from the chaotic city to a place of tranquility.

We handle the openings to allow for privacy both in commercial and residential. In the commercial, the new pavilion received movable bamboo frames that allow controlling the visibility to the windows of the residential space. When the bamboo frames are closed, a linear zenith opening brings natural light into the yoga room.

In residential, bib below the windows will filter what is seen with plant growth. A small patio was designed to increase the amount of light and ventilation entering the house, and on the front façade, we increased the opening with a large translucent glass door.

In the customer’s words “Casa Sagarana is a place that has been in our family’s memory since 1987: we already lived in it during my childhood. It has already been rented for commercial purposes. It was co-working, it was a bridal shop! In the heart of São Pedro, on a silent and tree-lined street, it almost became a 6-story building.

It was at the beginning of the pandemic that the universe guided us and showed that the path was to be something beyond a building, beyond a commercial house. At that same address, as a resident, I was already developing my mini Yoga and meditation studio. With such a special and welcoming vibe that the house has always emanated, it was with my family that I heard the call to make this house a multifaceted space.

The concept was already an old dream. We invited the architects and we fell in love with the project. A house of Yoga, therapies, a place for an urban retreat, a place of welcome, exchanges.”

Camila Barcelos

Sagarana House in São Paulo, Brazil – Building Information

Architecture: Pedro Haruf Arquiteto and Cristiane Salles Arquitetura

Project size: 360 sqm Site size: 360 sqm Completion date: 2021 Building levels: 2

Photos: Dentro Fotografia

Sagarana House, São Paulo, Brazil images / information received 190921

Location: São Paulo, Brasil, South America

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[sending-the-message]

Lila by emareil

The baby didn’t cry at all when it was handed to me, it just stared up at me with its wide, blue eyes.

There was noise all around me, the child’s mother was crying, or moaning, but her words burred together into one unintelligible stream of sound that I filtered out. The baby blinked, a fringe of black eyelashes brushed its cheek and I shook my head- in the moment of clarity before the baby’s eyes opened and entranced me again.

The gaze seemed to me, completely aware and oddly complacent- as if the child had trusted itself to me, to my arms. The mother, Angeline- I think her name was reached out for her baby, but I stepped back from her grasp- unkind perhaps, but I couldn’t muster a single ounce of sympathy for the woman writhing before me. I despised her for what she had put the child through.

She would die soon, I imagined- but again, I felt only relief. I checked the baby in my arms, the child was shaking; convulsing- its frantic movements mirrored the mother’s.

The baby was female. Her skin was warm against mine, feverish. I hummed softly and bent down to bring my own eyes level with the mother’s.

“I want my,” The woman hissed at me. Sweat beaded her forehead and her hair was matted around her head. Detached, I watched the spit fall from her mouth as she struggled to speak. “I change- I don’t.”

I cut the contemptible woman off. “No.” Compared to her raspy vowels my own voice was pure and unusually forceful.

The baby shook against me; the child had been born addicted to whatever vile substances the mother had forced through her clotted veins. A horrible cruelty, I thought, to subject someone so innocent, so utterly defenseless to torture at the hand of one’s own despicable cravings. I stood up, and fixed the warm cotton blanket around the child.

“You know what the agreement was. I’ve fulfilled my end.” I made my voice soft, for the baby’s sake, but the power was still there. The woman drew away from me, cringing into the filthy ground of her apartment. A beer bottle rolled across the floor as she knocked into it.

“You promised,” The woman tried to raise her head, but gave up. It made a heavy thunking sound as it hit the ground. “I’m not, my life isn’t what...”

I ignored her, and stepped around her prone body towards the door. If she had false hopes, then they were her problems. I didn’t even bother trying to assuage her doubts, she was to weak to do anything, and I had paid her the money she’d asked for anyways.

The mother tried again, “You can’t… You won’t”

“I will.” I told her, allowing an edge of steel to creep into my words. The baby, the little girl was mine now.

I called her Lila, the short form of a traditional name in my mother language- shortened because I didn’t want her ridiculed by the children in her classes. I knew children could be cruel.

She was a beautiful child, special somehow, as if the fates were compensating for the trial of her first days. I never came to regret the adoption, as unorthodox as it was; Lila was my only light in the world.

When I’d brought her home, I’d held her to me, skin to skin against my chest and sang to her until she’d stopped trembling. I couldn’t feed her myself, of course, and I couldn’t bear to get her a wet nurse- to give the job of sustaining my baby to some other woman. Besides, I couldn’t stomach the thought of some alien girl’s bodily fluids coursing through my own child.

I bought her best nourishment money could buy, and I gave her what no one else could; my undivided attention and unconditional love. I had enough money, more then enough, to spend every single second with her. I never tired of my baby, the way other mothers might have. I had lost enough to realize how lucky I was; every moment with Lila was a blessing.

Her mother had had brown eyes, with ugly dilated pupils and bloodshot veins marring the whites of them. The father was unknown- any number of philandering men could have donated half of my baby’s genetic makeup. The doctors had told me that eyes darkened over time- but that was never the case. Four years later, Lila’s eyes were even more stunningly blue, and her hair was dark and wavy against pale cream skin.

The doctors had also said she could face any number of symptoms; from sudden death to attention defects, to delayed and stunted growth to mental retardation. I should have paid less money for their council.

I was my daughter’s guardian, I watched over her, helped her learn, taught her to read and write, and to solve problems and form conclusions. I watched as she played in the bath, and I sang to her every night- protective lullabies against whatever evils the mother may have lashed to her fate.

Lila was gifted, by far the brightest out of all her classmates. Her school was a private one that advertised the best facilities in our city- one with teachers that loved their jobs and a big list of successful alumni. I doubted that it was the facility alone that had produced the fame and fortune of their graduates, but rather, the bar of excessive wealth that gatekept the progeny of the less fortunate.

My own wealth was a huge aid in the world, an untimely inheritance that I had never felt I deserved. I had privileges that the vast majority of society never would- Lila had been legally mine six months before she was even born. She had privileges too. I’d enrolled her in the stupid pedigreed elementary school full of stupid children from ridiculously affluent backgrounds, after all.

But wealth wasn’t everything, because Lila’s biological mother hadn’t had a penny in the world- at least not before she’d met me. Lila’s biological father was, presumably, equally bereft. Still, Lila had had full reading comprehension while most of her classmates struggled to read single words.

Today we sat together on the couch in our home, her head against my chest and her legs tucked up besides me.

“Mama,” Lila had said, reminding me of the first word she’d ever spoken. She hadn’t cried at all as a baby, and she hadn’t babbled, just watched me until she’d been able to model my own words, to call me Mama in a pretty sing-song voice that had sent a thrill of pride through me.

“Yes darling?” I brushed some of her hair away from her face and tried to imagine what she would look like as a grown woman.

“Will you swim with me tonight?”

She’d always loved the water, something that brought me great relief. I missed the beaches and the glittering waters of my home. Although we were far from the beach, I was glad she could still appreciate the pool I’d had built with the house.

I agreed easily and poked her in the side, prompting her to tell me about her day.

We talked about all of her feelings in depth, and she was angry because the children in her class were boring and self absorbed. She was frustrated because the classes moved too slowly for her.

I called the school while I prepared dinner- they would move her up two grades. She was mature enough not to be stunted socially, and the coursework was advanced enough for her.

Lila was twelve when she came home from dance class upset. She never cried, but I could read it in her posture, in the tense way she carried herself and the shallow breaths she pulled in. I poured her a glass of water from the fridge and passed it too her, motioning for her to sit besides me on the couch.

We sat in silence for a while, and I looked at her. She was my proudest accomplishment, my baby, my daughter and my only light in the world. She looked like me now; we both had black hair and strong bone structures. Her face was symmetrical, a product, I thought, of a good childhood. It took the body a great deal of energy to grow symmetrically, and symmetry was an indicator of health and ample resources during the growth periods. She was softer then me, though, a gentler beauty whereas I was regal and harsh. I was proud of that too.

She also danced with an elegance that was unusual amongst her awkward, prepubescent peers. Already, she carried herself with the grace of a young woman, with a quiet confidence that set her apart.

“Do you think Fermat’s principle is prophetic?” She broke my reflective silence.

I didn’t share her love for all things physics, but I kept up with her because I loved our conversations. I furrowed my brow, worried.

“No, and neither do you.”

Her love for the sciences and math’s had never been philosophical in nature; she delighted in the purity and in the fixed properties of physics.

“What’s bothering you?”

Lila was silent a beat longer. “Did you date?”

I laughed now, relieved. Boys bothered everyone.

I had attracted men as a teenager, a lot, and a new suitor every week. My family’s status had been fortunate (perhaps unfortunately) enough to merit undue attention from men older, and far more mature then me- an impressionable child.

“Not at all. Romantic relationships are never worth it.” I said, trying to keep my tone light. Lila looked relieved, she confessed she didn’t share the shallow attractions her friends obsessed over.

I was relieved too, and it flooded my body like an ocean of reassurance. I feared the corrupting influence of teenage boys. Perhaps I was overprotective, but they disgusted me, and I had my own reasons.

It had been my own heart that had brought devastation to my family. Bored with my life, and my duties as an heiress I’d allowed myself to be charmed by the first man to show me sustained attention and had abandoned my family to be his wife. My father had died soon after- and I hadn’t even made it to his deathbed. Our marriage hadn’t been happy- and we’d both grown idle- as the obscenely rich did.

Affair after affair had followed, and I- for all of my ambition was nothing but eye candy. In the world of socialites and business magistrates my job was to look pretty. I had stood calmly by, smiling graciously as he charmed a steady stream of women- a thick coat of makeup covering the regular bruises that had painted my throat black.

When he’d died, I had been relieved beyond words but hideously angry, with only my sisters left as family. Eventually I had abandoned them too- and wandered, lost, until I’d found Lila- or the woman carrying her.

Family. I rarely thought of it now; therapy sessions with the most qualified professionals I could find would do that- but Lila’s words had reminded me of the past I tried so hard to forget. Still, I wouldn’t change a thing if it meant I could keep her.

Boys brought my daughter more trouble, and one day I left a conference abruptly to join her principal, an ugly teenage boy and his insufferable parents in a school office.

“Lila bit Bennett’s hand.” The principal’s voice was long suffering, and he gestured to the boy who was cradling a hand wrapped in white gauze.

I raised an eyebrow at my daughter, who was glaring at the boy, her wide blue eyes awash with fury. I could feel the tension in the room, in the harsh anger emanating from my daughter and the duplicitous pain the boy was trying to project.

“Why?” I asked, and I could hear the fury in my voice. The boys parents looked smug, they though I was angry with my daughter. Lila, however, was vindicated- I was her cavalry- and I could never be mad with her.

“She claims he touched her breast.” The principal said, in his stupid, long-suffering voice, as if he dealt with claims of sexual assault daily. Lila met my eyes, and the anger simmering below the surface erupted into a point of white-hot fury. I hummed under my breath, a low sonorous note to try and calm myself. It didn’t work.

I was reserved, but terrifying in my defence of my child, and the boy’s parent’s cried. The boy’s name was Bennett; it was a stupid name that his idiot parents modeled in their equally idiot behaviour. The father told me, “Wait now a minute,” and the mother covered her mouth and wiped at her eyes. Lila didn’t cry, because I’d raised her to be strong.

The principal apologized to me personally, I wouldn’t sue the school, and Lila’s tuition would be free this year- as if the money was ever an issue. The boy changed schools and Lila took a long, long shower to wash off the feeling of his hand on her.

After, I taught her to fight, and we practiced the movements under the big window of the living room. She was a natural, years of dance brought the movements effortlessly to her, and she was sinuously graceful where I could only ever be harsh and brutal. Our legs made susurrus sounds as we sparred, and I taught her what to do if a man ever laid an unwanted hand on her again.

Lila’s classmates enjoyed social media, and she did too. She had always been popular, because she was beautiful, and because some twisted property of society made that a desirable trait.

She threw a party for her sixteenth birthday, and we strung fairy lights around the yard, and waterproof lights inside of the pool so that it glowed at night. It was a rather unearthly blue colour and Lila loved it; it reminded me of her eyes. I taught her the melodies of my favourite songs as we prepared, and she picked up the notes with ease.

They took lots of pictures at her party, these groups of giggling, tittering teenagers. Lila had never looked so separate from them- they were still insecure and they preened like a flock of birds. My daughter was effortlessly confident, poised and lovely. She spent most of her time in the water, whirling in circles and laughing as she splashed her friends. I remember teaching her to swim, just days after she was born.

I didn’t like Lila’s friends, they reminded me too much of the women I’d known growing up. Superficial, vain, and outer beauty only barely concealing horrific nasty streaks- women could be unassumingly dangerous, the undertow beneath a calm surface.

Later, as Lila and I looked at the photos her friends posted online, she confessed she only threw a party for their enjoyment. She would have preferred doing something with me- I promised her we’d go cliff climbing or swimming together as a treat later. She smiled hugely. Altruism, I suppose was a fine quality.

Lila’s biological mother finds us a month later; I should have been more vigilant with the online posts. It never occurred to me that she would survive the birth.

Her eyes are sunken and hollow, she’s disgustingly thin and I make a conscious note to clean the carpets she stands on. Or to have them cleaned, I don’t want to touch them.

“I want my baby back.” The woman says, coughing weakly into her sweatshirt.

Lila stays behind me, this woman means nothing to both of us.

“That’s my Abigail!” The woman insists, stumbling forwards. She’s bleeding from both arms from where she climbed through a hole she’d smashed in our window. Her arms are bruised from decades of drug abuse, and I am reminded of Lila’s first days of life, and the pain my daughter had endured. I meet Lila’s eyes for reassurance, and I am furious as well, I will protect my daughter to whatever end.

“You promised me a better life!” Spit sprays from her mouth, and the drugs in her system egg her on, making her feral. “My life is shit, I deserve my baby back! GIVE ME MY BABY!” She screeches, and makes a grab for my daughter.

I force the woman, screaming, from my house, and the police are called to remove her. It doesn’t take much from them to believe my story.

Legally, Lila is my biological daughter, and this woman is a crazy drug addict who vandalized my property. The mother is also unconscious now, which probably lends a significant amount of credibility to my story. That and Lila is almost my spitting image. Her father is out of the picture too, which helps. I’d found his records years ago; he’d stumbled in front of a truck with a blood alcohol level high enough to kill him anyway. Good riddance.

Despite the damage to my property, I don’t regret a second of Lila’s adoption. I couldn’t have gotten pregnant if I’d tried, and I couldn’t have endured it anyways. I was an undocumented citizen- or at least a falsely documented one.

Lila’s biological mother had been younger then Lila was now when she’d fallen pregnant with my child. It was an unorthodox exchange, but with my funds, it was entirely convenient. It was also the best choice I’d ever made, even if accepting a street girl’s proposition of money for a child had been legally grey.

Besides, Lila had always been special.

Lila’s graduation marks the end of our need for this country. She has learned all of the math and science I couldn’t teach her, and I feel obligated to leave.

For the first time my daughter disagrees with me, she wants to stay and learn more about the world, about the laws that govern the universe. I think a portion of her insatiable quest for knowledge stems from her inability to understand herself.

Still, I suppose knowledge is as worthy a pursuit as any, so I agree easily and fund the tuition for whatever university she wants to study within. I listen eagerly as she tells me about everything she’s learning, although most of it escapes me.

Her biological mother contacts me again, this time through mail following an incessant stream of online attempts. She wants more money. I ignore the messages.

Lila finishes university with honours, I have never been prouder. She also finishes university without a romantic attachment; something which pleases me too.

She is away from me more, and I’ve been having nightmares. It’s been many years, but I fear for Lila’s safety. I sing to her every night, although she’s old enough now to sing for herself.

I think she intends to learn even more, to absorb every ounce of knowledge available before we leave. It seems foolish to me, but she is resolute. She needs to know enough to continue her studies in another country.

I acquiesce, of course, and I pay for her courses. We still have as much time as she wants, and I can hardly blame her for being anxious about leaving what she knows.

My sister visits me while Lila is away; she wants me to come back home- to bring Lila with me. I disagree, it is still unsafe for her, and for me- my family will not be so quick to forgive me. My sister tells me they already have.

The second time the biological mother finds us, Lila is grown herself - and we are planning on leaving for my home country soon, leaving the bleak grey of this city for sunny Mediterranean seas and salty ocean breezes.

The mother is stronger now too, and I can tell the drugs are free from her veins. Still, she is mad. Mad perhaps with the dreams I’d sang to her still carving a path through her skull. Mad because the paradises I’d promised her in return for her complacency would never come to fruition, and because she had no other option save for this frenzied pilgrimage. I pitied her.

“I only want my baby!” She shrieks at me, she had climbed the backyard fence and she stood across from us on the pool deck.

I could see the insanity within her eyes, dark, hollow pits consumed by the glimpses of heaven I’d afforded her. I imagine she saw my daughter as a way to go back to the girl she was, before she had seen exactly how much she was missing, and how much she could never have. False promises were an exquisite torture. I hummed beneath my breath, but the woman was screaming so loudly I doubted she could hear it. Lila hid behind me, terrified.

“I want my fucking baby back! Give me my life back!” The mother shrieks again, deranged, tears brimming in her eyes. “You did this to me! You took my life away from me!”

She gasps, spine jerking, and eyes roving madly. She fixes her gaze on something I can’t see and laughs- a chilling sound, although I am unmoved. “All I see is perfection.” She laughs again, and then screams at me, “It’s not real! NONE OF IT IS REAL.”

I tune her out.

“I need money- I have to,” I turn to face her as she claws at her forehead- I notice streaks of blood covering it. “Please,” her voice is low now, groveling, “You have to help me.”

I turn to face her. “You’ve wasted your life of your own volition.”

“Bitch!” She howls, furious again, “You promised you could make my life better!”

I won’t make any more false promises, “I can’t help you.”

“NO!” The woman cries out, she is beyond reason. I edge towards the door and keep an eye on her out of my peripheral vision, she can hardly stand upright- perhaps the drugs really did help her.

The mother speaks up, this time softly, “So you wont help me.”

“No.” I tell her.

And then something changes, and the mother- biological mother- because the only right she has to my child is a packet of donated genes- shifts. Like a switch has snapped, and I see with horrifying clarity what she was hiding behind her back. It’s too late now for me to convince her otherwise- and I can only accept whatever the fates may bring. Adrenaline courses through me, and I feel the song build up within me- ready.

A few things happen at once, and a bullet tears it’s way towards us, towards my daughter. I fling myself in its path. Lila cries out as the bullet tears through my chest and out my back. I feel it in an odd detached pain; I am consumed with protecting Lila, I barely notice- all I can feel is relief that she is okay.

Lila became my life after I left my sisters and mother behind. She is the heir I raised in my place once we return, destined to take my place as queen. Now, I am furious, my anger is hell-hot and a raging, blistering fire at the though of my daughter being taken from me.

I sing.

My voice is powerful; it protected my daughter from the pain she might have faced, chased the drugs from her veins, and helped shape her into her truest self, but this time it doesn’t nurture.

I shatter the mother’s bones with my song, I sing her skin to putty and I snap her spine-it makes a hollow sound. My song is beautiful- hauntingly ethereal, and I sing dozens of notes at a time in an unearthly concert. Energy crackles around me, and the stone under my feet turns black and cracks. The water in the pool bubbles and steams, and I can feel the strength of my voice reverberating away from me.

The song pours effortlessly from me, my throat contracts around it but the melodies form of their own volition now. Long, bloody ropes of flesh peel from the mother’s arms and legs and her hair snakes across the concrete as I split her skull open with a sickeningly satisfying crack. My song pounds into her like shrapnel and the blood that spurts from her abdomen is vaporized almost instantly. Her screams are piercing, shrill, and they remind me of when I cut my daughter free from her womb after I’d sang the control of her body away from her. I didn’t want to give her the honour of birthing my child.

My song is as brutal and as carnal as I can make it, a stunning cacophony of melody, I will make the mother’s final moments my first slice of retribution for daring to hurt my child. I suppose I am still furious at the pain she’d caused Lila, even if it had allowed me to claim her. I had known my daughter from the second I’d sensed her in this woman’s belly. The mother was only ever the container- although I had underestimated the lengths she would go to see the empty promises I’d bestowed upon her played out. The only thing I regretted about the adoption now, was not seeing her dead.

I rip her limbs brutally from her body, the bone within them leaks out of the end and steams out of the pores- and the appendages incinerate to ash before they touch the ground. Poofs of the dust blow over the mother’s face and paint her black. Blood pools below her and the mother’s strident screaming fades to a harrowing keening and then strangely funny gurgling as I turn her lungs to mush.

Unlike the other’s I’d killed for Lila; various men lured into my house for dinner or convinced to donate blood to suckle my infant daughter, I relish the mother’s pain- even though her death is costing me my life. I would gladly die to protect my child.

With a tremendous force, I sing her soul from her body, and slam it down into the deepest reaches of Hades- now she will enjoy an eternity of torment and pain.

I am a Siren, Lila is the ascendant queen of my people and there is no rival to my song on earth. I could sing armies of men to do my bidding, command an entire nation to sacrifice themselves at my feet- but it is hardly worth it, Siren women have no reason to desire more then they have been given.

A siren woman is a dead woman, usually one drowned- choking on the salt of the sea spray before her vocal chords harden- and before she is sung from the ocean to become a sister.

Lila was different, drowned in her mother’s womb as a defenceless child- but still I could sense her potential. The mother just wanted money at first, only later had she required coercion. She hadn’t known the fetus she protected was a corpse, and she hadn’t cared after she’d heard my song.

Sirensong was a funny thing, and there was a reason those who heard it usually jumped to their deaths. My song had warped the young woman’s mind, possessed her until she was consumed by it. A fatal mistake, as it turned out.

Besides me Lila, my daughter, my Scylla, sings too, but she doesn’t cry because I’ve taught her mastery over water. Her eyes are brilliant, blue and she raises her arms to the sky and the water of the pool rises with her, surrounding her in a glorious whirlpool. I’ve taught her how to fight, and she is practiced as she controls the waves, as she rises up, black hair whipping around her.

I know where she will go, to the our home just as we’d always planned, and I know she will be able to control my sisters just as easily as she controls the water.

I’m proud of my daughter, of my only light in the world, she is monstrous and she is powerful, named for the cliff monster of old that I’d hoped she would take after. She is even more fearsome, and I know she will be safe. She will be Queen as well; her voice will bring a new generation of men to their knees at her feet. She will always have enough to eat.

She is everything I have ever wanted. My life has been long, but I have only been alive for as long as Scylla has. I met death the first time with fear, but this time I can smile as the world around me blurs at the edges- there is nothing else I could ever want. I suppose that I too have been consumed by Sirensong.

I meet Scylla’s eyes, her beautiful blue eyes- just like my own- and she fixes me with her gaze, and I am transfixed just as I was when she was a baby. Her eyes are full of understanding, and this time; trust in all I’ve taught her. She knows she will be okay. Scylla, my daughter blinks and my head clears.

I look at her one last time,

And then

I let go.

…………………….It’s 1925, and my husband stands besides me- or perhaps a little behind me. The ocean is blue, an unearthly colour and I love it.

The musicians are playing, some jazzy upbeat tune- but I let the roar of the waves tune it out and concentrate on the faint strains of music flowing over the water.

“Darling,” My husband says with what I think must be his most charming smile, “you don’t look well.”

His voice breaks my concentration- and already the images flowing through my mind have passed. I can’t look at him anymore- so I look out at the jagged cliffs that line the edge of the island chain we are sailing by.

“Though you always look a vision.”

My husband reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, and involuntarily I flinch away. Something cold and sinister flashes beneath his vision- betraying the good-natured half smile he always has playing around his lips.

I look at him through my lashes, and brace my hands against the balcony. He nods as though he approves and takes a deep breath to steady himself. His breath blows hot over my face, and it reeks of alcohol. Illegal- but easily bought, especially for the rich.

Below us, I feel the hum of the ship’s engine as we change course- imperceptibly, but I know we’re headed for the islands. We can’t hear their song over the loud music- but the captain can.

“I was going to take a boat out with the boys and head back the way we came- try and catch a few fish.”

I look at the jagged rocks and to the shore below littered with the wrecks of other ships- although from this far away they look like black smudges.

“No,” I smile up at him, and meet his eyes. I reach a hand to my back and undo the zipper that holds my dress up, and I take in the way his eyes widen as my dress falls softly to the floor around me, with satisfaction. I curl my hand around his cheek and lock the other around his wrist. “Stay.”

He doesn’t need any more convincing. And I smile against his lips as I wrap my body around his- I’ve seen everything I could ever want in the world, a curse and a blessing because I know it will cost my life, and I would rather die then fight it. I resolve to write all I’ve seen down in my room later- so I don’t forget.

Behind us, the rocks inch ever closer and I know that when I drown my husband will drown with me- but only one of us will rise again.

Lila, I’m coming.

I am posting this today, three months after purchasing a house here- in the city, three months and twenty-seven days after leaving my sisters. Today has been an uneventful day- uneventful aside from your biological mother camped out beside the subway station.

I write this, because the Sirensong that drives me is relaxing now- I met you today, and already I am forgetting all that I have seen. I have posted this on hundreds of forums, written notes to you, secured papers in safe deposit boxes. This is a redundancy.

When you find this I imagine I will already be gone from this realm- and I imagine you will be a Queen. Know that I am proud of you, and that Sirensong was not the only thing that drove me to die for you. Rule well, my love.

[gethealthy18-blog]

343: How to Balance Neurotransmitters Naturally With Dr. Ann-Marie Barter

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343: How to Balance Neurotransmitters Naturally With Dr. Ann-Marie Barter

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

This episode is sponsored by Everlywell, at-home lab tests that you can get without a doctor order! I’ve used many of their tests and can recommend a couple that have been especially helpful. They have an at-home allergy test for 40 of the most common allergens using the same CLIA-certified labs used by Allergists/Doctors. The labs are reviewed by an independent physician and this test measures IgE levels of common allergens including pet dander, mold, trees, grasses, and more. But you can do it from your own home with a finger stick. I also really like their food sensitivity tests that test for IgG reactions. This was a big key for me in my health recovery, as there were foods that didn’t show up as an allergy that were causing inflammation for me. I used an elimination diet, but this food sensitivity test also filled in the missing piece of the puzzle for me. Through healing my gut, I’ve been able to remove all sensitivities except for eggs. Finding out I was highly sensitive to eggs made a huge difference for me, as I ate them often as an inexpensive protein source. I feel so much better now that I don’t eat eggs and I would never have known that without this test! I also use their at-home Vitamin D test to keep an eye on those levels and see if I need to supplement. Check out all of their tests at wellnessmama.com/go/everlywell. Use code MAMA10 for 10% off orders.

This podcast is sponsored by BLUblox. That’s B-L-U-B-L-O-X, which is an advanced light-filtering eyewear company. You’ve probably seen pictures of me on social media wearing orange glasses of various types at night. And here’s why. In nature, we aren’t exposed to certain types of light after dark, specifically, blue light, because that type of light signals the body that it’s daytime. That in turn suppresses melatonin and can interfere with sleep. This is the reason that a really dramatic study found that camping for seven days straight with no artificial light at all could actually completely reset and heal circadian rhythm and help a lot of light-related problems, like seasonal affective disorder. This is also the reason that I wear orange glasses after dark to block these types of light and protect my sleep, which I am adamant about protecting. I also wear certain types of yellow glasses and anti-fatigue glasses during the day if I want a computer to reduce eye fatigue. BLUblox has orange glasses and yellow glasses. Their orange glasses for nighttime wear are designed to block 100% of the wavelengths between 400 nanometers and 550 nanometers, which are the ones that are studied to interfere with sleep and melatonin production, and circadian rhythm. My kids also wear these kinds of glasses at night. And I noticed a difference in their sleep as well, which is a huge win for a mom. This is especially important when we’re watching a family movie at night or looking at any kind of screen as the artificial light, there is a source of blue light and can interfere with sleep. You can learn more, they have a ton of educational content and check out all of their innovative protective glasses by going to blublox.com/wellnessmama and using the code wellnessmama to save 15%.

Katie: Hello and welcome to the “Wellness Mama” podcast. I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com and wellnesse.com. That’s Wellnesse with a “e” on the end, which is our new line of personal care products.

And this episode is all about neurotransmitters, especially what you need to know about dopamine and serotonin and how to optimize them naturally and from the inside out. I’m here with Dr. Ann-Marie Barter who has always had a mind for high-level problem solving. And she now uses functional blood chemistry analysis, nutrition, applied kinesiology, and other natural remedies in a functional medicine approach to help people with thyroid issues, blood sugar issues, gut health, hormone dysfunction and issues that stem from neurotransmitter imbalance. And so, in this episode, we go deep on a couple of those topics and some practical ways that you can start at home to optimize your neurotransmitter levels, to reduce stress, and to feel better in all aspects of life. So, without further ado, let’s join Dr. Barter. Dr. Barter, welcome. Thank you for being here.

Dr. Barter: Thank you so much for having me, I’m so excited to be here today.

Katie: I’m so excited to chat with you, and we get to talk about something that I am fascinated by but definitely don’t have a ton of knowledge about, or, at least, in depth knowledge, which is neurotransmitters. And I think, this is actually a really pertinent conversation right now, just with so much of what’s going on in the world, and, of course, neurotransmitters are always very important. But I think that we could have some special conversations around them right now. But to start broad and then, kind of, narrow down from there, first of all, kind of, define what neurotransmitters are and why we should care about them.

Dr. Barter: Well, so neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in our brain, and so they help us with mood, they help us with muscles and communication in our overall system, they even help us with our gut, and they also help us with sleep and memory. So they’re really important, and they’re really broad, and they affect the whole entire system. But the two that I think are most pertinent that I really want to talk about today are going to be the two that are called serotonin and dopamine, and those two are so pertinent in our overall mood, and our happiness, and how we see life. So that’s really where I want to go today, if that’s all right with you.

Katie: Yeah, absolutely. Does one lead into the other?

Dr. Barter: No, let’s start with dopamine, if that’s all right with you.

Katie: Let’s go for it. So what is dopamine?

Dr. Barter: So dopamine is our pleasure-seeking hedonistic neurotransmitter. It’s why we do things that, maybe, aren’t good. For starters, just as a really broad one, it’s why people do drugs, honestly, because you get a huge dopamine dump, but it’s also why we feel motivated, its why people use sugar, and so, this is our reward pathway. So, for example, you know, you’re feeling low one day or you feel worthless, and you’re like, “You know what, I just don’t feel good about myself. I am going to go into the cabinet and get some sugar,” and then suddenly you feel better. And so, you actually have a huge dopamine dump that pumps during that time period, and then, about two hours later, you feel worse than you did before you actually had the dopamine. So, ultimately, when the sugar is in your system, the dopamine can rise, you know, 150% above normal levels. And so, some things that we see, let me just read a few of the symptoms that we’ll see with lower dopamine, and you don’t have to have all of these but you can have some of these. Well, let me just tell you a few of these so that some people can potentially relate. You have feelings of hopelessness, you have self-destructive thoughts, you have an inability to handle stress, which may be really relevant right now, anger and aggression while under stress, you don’t feel rested even after long hours of sleep, you prefer to isolate yourself from others, you have unexplained lack of concern for family and friends, you’re easily distracted from your tasks, you have an inability to finish tasks, you need to consume caffeine to stay alert, you feel like your libido has decreased, you lose your temper for minor reasons, and you have feelings of worthlessness. And so, all of those are related to dopamine dysfunction.

And, what was really interesting was, I got into this in practice because patients would come in and they would say, you know, we would go over the diet that we needed to do, I do a 30-day elimination diet in practice and they’re all on board, and then, what would happen would be, they would come back in and they would be sheepish, and they’d say, “I really want to do it but I can’t.” And I would ask, “Is this a willpower issue?” And they were like, “I just can’t stay away from sugar or these carbohydrates.” And, really drilling down into that, they were trying to help themselves by eating the sugar and carbohydrates to boost it up. And so, that’s what we are seeing, was the dopamine would boost up for a little while and then it would go lower than it was before baseline. And so, you know, you end up in this vicious cycle trying to help yourself. So that made me start to really investigate how we could increase dopamine and what we could do. So that’s, kind of, the overview on, maybe, why dopamine is a little important.

Katie: Yeah, that definitely sounds like something you’d want to correct if those symptoms were ringing true with anybody listening. Obviously, sugar is not the way to correct it other than a temporary feel-better fix. So from a whole-body perspective, what are some of the ways that we can support the body’s natural dopamine response correctly?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, that’s a great, great question, and there’s not a simple answer to that so I’m just going to go ahead and run through all those. Number one, a lot of dopamine is made in the gut which seems counterintuitive because it is a brain chemical. So really looking at what’s going on in your gut, do you have any sort of infection, do you have a viral infection, do you have a parasitic infection? Do you have SIBO, do you have a yeast overgrowth, do you have leaky gut? Do you have dysbiosis of the gut or improper gut flora? You know, all of those things are really important to correct because, you know, a lot of dopamine is made in the gut. Second thing that is highly critical, and I’ll just tell you, most people do have gut issues. A lot of people don’t come through clean on the testing, I’m always surprised if that happens, but most people really do have gut issues even if they’re not showing gut signs and symptoms, like bloating, or changes in stool, or whatever it would be. It can be like ataxia. A lot of people will have more brain-type symptoms with gut issues, so it can go across the board. It’s really variable.

The second thing that I will see is, blood sugar dysregulation is huge. I see this in probably 90% of folks, and a lot of folks say, “Hey, you know, I don’t have diabetes so I don’t have blood sugar dysregulation.” And that’s not true, most people are hypoglycemic, hyperglycemic, a mix between hyper and hypoglycemic, so low and high blood sugar. And all of those things, ultimately, can deplete your neurotransmitters, especially dopamine. And so, that’s important because when we eat glucose, you know, the dopamine is going to rise and then it falls. So there was an interesting study that was done where they were injecting people with glucose, and they saw a dramatic rise on dopamine. So they know that that is correlated and that when the glucose is in your system, you have higher than normal levels of dopamine. But what we’ve also found, and why this can cause blood sugar dysregulation or also, and I’ll get to why this can cause, also, obesity is, they did a study. There was an experimental group, these poor rats, they were put on a food deprivation diet for 12 hours, so, no food. And then, at the end of that 12 hours, they were given another 12 hours, 10% access to a sugar solution or a sucrose solution, and then, also, rat chow for 21 days, okay? The rats increase their intake of the sugar solution consistently across the board, and then, they ate most of the sugar solution in the first hour they were given that. And then, when they looked at these rats’ dopamine levels, they were increased over 130%, and the control group, it was just given the rat chow, whatever that is, did not see a spike on dopamine on the same days. What they measured was, “Hey, do these rats also feel satisfied after they’ve gotten the sugar solution?” And the ultimate answer was, no, they did not feel satisfied, and so, they had what we call a delayed ACh response which makes us feel satisfied or acetylcholine.

And so, this drives us to, number one, binge eat, and number two, eat more sugar. And so, what we see is, you know, there’s an old Guns and Roses song that is actually about addiction and says, “I used to do a little, a little wouldn’t do, as the little got more and more.” And that’s actually what we saw with the rats, it started off with just a little bit and then they increased daily on how much they were eating. And so, if you’re eating more and more sugar to meet those needs, we’re also seeing a change in your blood sugar as well, and so, ultimately, we’re in a vicious cycle like, “Okay, well, we’re raising it and then we’re lowering it even more.”

And, what they have also found was, there was another study that looked at two controls in a population to figure out, maybe, why we have such an obesity epidemic. You know, I think they believe about 30% of the population is obese at this point, which is a tragedy. And so, they looked at, “Okay, is this about how much people are moving or is this about how much processed sugar is potentially in the foods that we’re eating?” And Nestlé did a study in 1998 to see how many new processed foods were hitting the shelves in the grocery store, and they saw 11,000 processed foods hitting the shelf every single year up until 1998, which means that probably now, it’s substantially more, and so, they’re finding that they’re using more processed sugar. And so, these are not just baked goods, I want to be clear about that. My patients say, “Did you know that salad dressing has sugar in it? Did you know that ketchup has sugar in it?” “Yes, I did. Canned foods can have sugar in it.” Anything processed can have sugar in it. And so, looking at these things, this definitely is causing a huge dysregulation in our dopamine systems. So really cooking at home because also, you know, restaurants are adding sugar, it makes that food more addictive. You want more, you had a pleasurable feeling when you ate that food, and you’re like, “Wow, I like that restaurant. Wow, I like that brand of X, Y, and Z.” And the manufacturers know, or the restaurants know you’re going to buy more, you’re going to eat more, because sugar is so highly addictive and there’s even been some chatter that it’s more addictive than drugs. People that have stopped drugs that use sugar now, they say it’s harder to get off of than the hardcore drugs that they were doing. So really looking at stabilizing those blood sugar levels is incredibly critical.

The next thing that we see with neurotransmitters is, you have to have the right nutrients in your system to make dopamine, okay? So people always ask me, “Okay, well, what can I take to get more dopamine in my system?” And it’s really not that simple because you can make yourself sicker by using some of these things. You can increase brain inflammation that will ultimately create something that we call quinolinic acid in the system, right? And, that can lead to scary, scary conditions like brain degeneration, dementia, ALS, you know, things that you just do not want to bridge the…things that you just, absolutely, do not want. So, I’m not going to give recommendations on how to increase dopamine, but I will say that simple things contribute to the making of dopamine, certain B-vitamins. Our methylation pathway is really important, believe it or not, vitamin C and copper are used in the making of dopamine as well, and also tyrosine. Looking at all these things, you have to make sure they’re in the correct balance. And we run a test called an organic acids test or you can also run a nutrition test just to see where these levels are. And, as a general rule, most people are very, very low in vitamin C. In fact, some of the experts have said that we’re going to see a recurrence of scurvy, ultimately, here pretty soon. And with, you know, the epidemic that’s going on here, you know, vitamin C in a lot of the studies of other countries protect people, especially liposomal or intravenous, you know, doing it with an IV. So, we are incredibly, incredibly low in vitamin C, you know, and in looking at those levels, also B-6 is incredibly low in a huge amount of the population. So, you know, running that testing to figure out where the nutrient imbalances are, and what can be pushed to actually make dopamine?

Another thing that they have shown is trauma is actually linked to having lower than normal dopamine. Again, also, limiting your processed foods, eating organic, eating clean foods, you know, because we know that chemicals and environmental exposure will also deplete these neurotransmitters, any sort of inflammation will also deplete these neurotransmitters, anything systemically that you have going on that could be, you know, creating a stress on your system. So that’s a lot of things, so it’s about fixing the body first, and then all these other things will fall into place.

Katie: That makes sense. And to go a little deeper and tease apart a couple of the things that you said. So I love that you brought up blood sugar, and hypoglycemia, or hyperglycemia, and I’d love to go into a little bit more detail on this and about testing. I think this is something I definitely had when I was younger, especially, as a teenager, and something I don’t have now. Even when I do long fasts, like, my blood sugar is extremely stable. And I’m curious, what approach you take to managing this with your patients. Just, like, myself, for my own data, I often will test my fasting blood glucose with just an at-home glucose meter a few times a month just because I feel like that’s a pretty good baseline and something I want to keep an eye on. And, mine’s usually about like 87 which is the range, kind of, where I want it. And I also test the HbA1c or the hemoglobin A1c every few months just to have that marker as well. But I’m curious, for people at home listening, how can they know if they might be hypoglycemic or hypoglycemic, and how can they pay attention to their blood sugar?

Dr. Barter: First off, those are super great comments. I do what you do. I send people home with a glucometer and I have them check at fasting, and then, I also have them check it about an hour and a half to two hours after they’ve eaten. So, first thing, fasting. I like to see fasting blood glucose around 83 to 87. So that’s when you first wake up in the morning, that is not having coffee, and just seeing where that number is. I will generally run an overview blood test just to get an idea. And on the overview blood test, you know, you’re going to check things like just regular glucose which is a snapshot in time of where your glucose is, and hemoglobin A1c which shows us a measure of, really, where you’ve been for the last three months. So it gives us a little bit longer-term data on where your blood sugar has been. And I have people check it, and then, I, ultimately, will do strategies to potentially lower, elevate, or stabilize that.

For some people, they really need to eat more frequently, for some people, we actually need more time in between the meals, and they just need to do three stable meals per day. Everybody is a little bit different, it depends on what we’re dealing with. So a lot of folks that come into my office actually have more eating disorders. So they don’t eat enough as a general rule, you know, they’re eating, probably, around 1000 calories a day, and so, I need to increase how much they’re eating. But I have them check their glucose and their glucometer multiple times a day, and as we start to do the interventions, you know, stabilizing the blood sugar, we see that level out. But, yes, I completely agree with the glucometer, you know, intervention. And, most people have glucose problems across the board even though they tell me that they don’t, even though they tell me they’re low, but you’ll see people get shaky if they haven’t eaten, hangry if they haven’t eaten, they feel like they need sugar after a meal to feel like they’re made whole or because they’re still continuing to crave foods, they don’t feel satisfied after a meal. You know, all of those things are actually contributed to having hyper, or hypoglycemia, or a mix of both.

So when somebody eats, we really want to see that glucose rise no more than 30 points above baseline. So let’s say, you know, your fasting glucose is 87, you eat breakfast and your glucose is, you know, 200, that’s too much of a spike. You either ate too many carbohydrates at that meal, you ate too much food, so depending on what’s going on, you might need a little more fat to stabilize that. So an example I like to give is, I went out one night, and I like to check my glucose as well. And that night I had protein and vegetables for dinner and ate out, and I don’t generally do that, and I had a glass and a half of alcohol. I had wine, red wine, Malbec, I think. I woke up the next day, checked my blood sugar 12 hours later. My blood sugar, I run at 85, was 198. A hundred and ninety-eight after the alcohol and the food that I ate, again, which was protein and vegetables. That was terrifying. That was about the last time I had alcohol because it was such an extreme spike, and guess what, that’s going to cause a lot of inflammation, aches, and pains, it’s also going to deplete your neurotransmitters. So really looking at the things that you’re doing that you think might be benign, same thing, you know, like with eating cookies, or, you know… I didn’t have any signs and symptoms the next day, I didn’t have a headache, I was getting ready to go for a run, nothing. So absolutely no symptoms of my blood sugar being up, you know, that much higher than its normal baseline which is quite scary, to be honest.

Katie: Yeah, no kidding, that is extremely drastic. And I like that you also mentioned with sugar, just how addictive it can be because I think we don’t call this out enough, and, especially, when we give kids so much sugar without even really thinking about the potentially addictive nature of sugar. I mean, we’re talking about in adults, like, what the cycle looks like and seeing these problems and then having to undo them. But obviously, with kids, we want to, hopefully, avoid the problem to begin with. And I’ve had multiple guests on this podcast that have said the same thing and including someone who actually had addictions to multiple drugs and said that breaking sugar was absolutely harder than heroin or cocaine. So that’s, like, really a staggering thing to think about, and this is a drug that we’re all…or not all of us, most of us, consuming very regularly. Do you have any tips for breaking that sugar addiction? Because I also think it’s really important to speak to, like you talked about at the beginning, this is not just a willpower issue. Like, if you have low dopamine and you have some of these symptoms going on, it’s not just that you don’t have enough willpower, you actually have something physiologically going on that needs to be addressed. So when someone is in that cycle, any tips for starting the process of breaking that?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, that’s a great question. First thing I’d like to say is that, I fell into this and I teach people about, you know, breaking this all the time, and I take people through this diet. But, my hours started increasing at work and I was a little more stressed out, and I found myself stopping at Whole Foods and picking up a cookie, and I felt guilty, and ashamed, and embarrassed about the whole thing, and hoped nobody I knew saw me because, you know, I felt like I was a complete hypocrite. And I just felt way more fatigued and exhausted. And come to find out, I had moved into a house at the time that had high levels of mold, environmental mold, which also depletes dopamine. And so, what I assumed was, “Hey, like, I am just way more stressed out, my hours have increased, you know, I’m working harder.” And I had all these reasons on why this had happened, but I was, actually, heavily being exposed to an environmental chemical that…we know that black mold depletes dopamine in a huge way. So the first tip I’d like to say in breaking that addiction is making sure you’re not being exposed on a daily basis in your home. There is a test that you can do, it’s called RealTime Lab test. You can get it yourself, it’s a dust test. It checks your home levels for mold. Is there going to be mold? You know, we want to make sure that the mold inside the house is not greater than the mold outside. Obviously, we’re exposed to just, you know, mold in our environment, but we just don’t want there to be black mold growing that is creating all kinds of problems.

I think the second thing to get started with is making sure to go on a, I think, an elimination diet, is really helpful in most people breaking the addiction. You know, really limiting processed foods, actually, limiting processed foods altogether for 30 days, and really working on seeing how you do with that. Some people have also said that light therapy increases your neurotransmitters, so using a lightbox in the morning can be very, very helpful at you just feeling good. I’ll never forget, I was actually with a friend one day and she said, “I’ve got to be honest with you, I thought that, you know, you always being in a good mood, and energized, and all that, like, I thought that you were faking that.” And I was like, “Oh, really?” And she goes, “I didn’t realize you really felt like that.” And I was like, “Oh, really? What changed your mind?” And she said, “I actually got a lightbox and I think that I feel like you, I have all this energy.” So, I mean, looking at that. And then, also, I think, in breaking the addiction, it’s really, really important to run the testing and figure out, “Okay, what’s low? How can you optimize your system to help yourself, to figure out, “Hey, do I have a gut infection, what else could be going on here?” And, I think one of the most important things to do, overall, is become an advocate for your health, you have to read labels. You know, food manufacturers are tricky and they’re not going to call out and say, you know, all the time, they’re going to get really creative names like “rice syrup,” or they’re going to say things like “sucrose.” Like, what is sucrose, you know? Ultimately, you know, all of these things, high fructose corn syrup, I think most people are pretty well educated that that’s sugar. But they’re going to be really creative on what they’re calling sugar. So I think, you know, limiting your exposure to all of these things is a really important start to breaking the addiction. You know, in, again, looking at some of these diet fads, you know, keto, paleo, I personally do a mix between the two of those. I’ve been a paleo advocate for a long time with, you know, a little bit of keto in there, as well. And so, I think, you know, some of these things, cooking at home, watching out how much you go to restaurants, all of those things are really important to kicking this addiction.

Katie: Yeah, I think those are all such great tips, and I’ll make sure we link. I know you have some resources about this, and I do as well, on some of these topics. I’ll make sure all of those are linked at wellnessmama.fm for any of you guys listening. And I know the other neurotransmitter you mentioned at the beginning that comes into play here is serotonin. And so, I’d love to understand, like, how did the two of those play together or separately, and then, what kind of approach do we need to address serotonin as well?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, great question. Serotonin is powerful. A lot of people have heard more about serotonin because, you know, if somebody feels, you know, serotonin plays like the traditional depression. Like, “Wow, I can’t get out of bed.” That looks a whole lot more like a serotonin. A lot of people have heard of SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, right? You know, that they’ll go to their doctor and get these “antidepressants.” And so, you know, there has been a higher understanding of serotonin, let me just run through a few of the symptoms. I will tell you on running testing, I have only ever seen one person that actually had full neurotransmitter function on both serotonin and dopamine, but they had severe brain inflammation that made them feel like they didn’t have it, so almost every person I’ve seen has low neurotransmitter function across the board. But here are some of the signs and symptoms, losing pleasure in hobbies and interests, overwhelmed with ideas to manage, feelings of inner rage or anger, feelings of paranoia, feeling sad or down for no reason, you feel like you’re not enjoying life, you feel like you lack artistic expression, you feel depressed in overcast weather, you’re losing your enthusiasm for your favorite activities, you’re losing your enjoyment for your favorite foods, you’re losing enjoyment for friendships and relationships, you have difficulty falling into a deep restful sleep, you have feelings of dependency on others, you feel more susceptible to pain, feelings of unprovoked anger and losing interest in life. And, all of these symptoms were developed, actually, by Datis Kharrazian, and so, I want to make sure I give him credit where credit is due, he did a great job developing these.

So serotonin is really important for us to feel happy, and a lot of times what will happen is people come in and they’ll say, “I have no reason to feel sad but I just do not like my life. I’ve got everything but I’m like ‘Meh,’ when it comes to everything, ‘I just don’t care, I don’t want to do this.’ And I don’t have a reason for feeling this way. And I feel guilty that I feel like this.” That is serotonin deficiency. And serotonin is much more deficient in women than it is in men, especially with our Western diet, that we’re looking at really high fat, high sugar, you know, processed carbohydrates, it affects women so much more than it affects men. Also, the lowering of serotonin is much more affected in the winter months and in dark periods of time. And so, what you see people try to do is, again, sugar plays but also binge eating plays a lot more in serotonin as well as with dopamine. So you’ll see people will, kind of, eat mindlessly to increase it, and as we get into full-blown eating disorders, what we see is, most people don’t feel normal unless they are eating excessive amounts of food. That’s the only time these people with eating disorders or binge eating disorders actually feel normal, is when they’re consuming food. And right after that, it drops off lower than it does on baseline for everybody else. So it’s like you’re feeding, feeding, feeding, you never feel satisfied, and then it drops off much lower. And the only time you can feel normal again is when you’re consuming food. So this creates a culture of, number one, binge eating, excessive eating, and you don’t have that, again, feeling of satisfaction. And both serotonin and dopamine play in, not only sugar consumption, but also binge eating as well or eating, or over-consuming, or eating mindlessly, both of these things are high when you’re eating, and then they drop down so much lower when you’re not eating.

Katie: Gotcha. Okay, that makes sense. And I know a lot of people with neurotransmitter issues, especially when that leads into things like depression, often turn to medication. And you’ve mentioned medication a couple of times, you’ve also talked about a lot of strategies for boosting it naturally. Do you think there is a time and a place for medication or, like, over time, can we support the body and remove that need?

Dr. Barter: Yeah, so, gosh, that is such a good question too. Yes, there have been cases where people are very suicidal, they’re on the edge, and it takes some time to boost some of these things back up. So if you’re on the edge or you’re feeling suicidal, I mean, certainly, there are a time and a place to really… You know, if you’re a danger to yourself, absolutely, get on medication for a short period of time, that’s what it’s there for, that’s what it was developed for. I’m personally not a fan of long-term antidepressant strategies. I think that you should be able to make these neurotransmitters yourself and help yourself instead of being on a medication, because, ultimately, with a medication, these are not boosting your serotonin levels. You know, they’re keeping the serotonin circulating in your brain but you’re not elevating it, that’s why when you come off of these medications, you feel like you’re getting brain zapped, you feel much more depressed than you were before you were actually on the medication, and you drop down. So I think it’s dropped down to a lower than normal levels of serotonin. So it’s important to build the serotonin back up and figure out why it’s low. Like, what were you exposed to, what happened, was this a trauma situation that happened? Why this was low? Were you going through something at the time, do you have a gut infection? And whatever it is, the things are the same, the things that depleted are the same as dopamine. But address those things because that’s going to be a really important long-term strategy to get this boosted back up. And so, yes, absolutely, short term, I can certainly see the use, but what I see when patients come in after being on an SSRI or, you know, antidepressant is, they’re like, “You know, I don’t feel any lows but I don’t feel any highs either, I’m just, kind of, flat. And, oh, by the way, I’m gaining weight and I don’t understand why.” And so, a lot of people come to me and they say, you know, “How do I not feel bad coming off of this thing, how can I come off of this because I don’t believe it’s serving me anymore. And, yes, I felt great benefit for the first couple of months but after that, I felt like it went flat.” Or they have to increase their dosage, and then, they just don’t feel any better and gaining weight. So, yes, I believe, short term, if you’re a danger to yourself, that’s absolutely where the medication came into play, but, ultimately, I see people really, really thrive after coming off antidepressants and really boosting their own neurotransmitter levels up, you know, in doing those strategies.

I just feel like when it comes to our lifestyle, there are really no shortcuts. You can do a medication, short term, but, ultimately, you, kind of, you just feel, kind of, flat after a while. So there’s really no shortcuts to health, you have to do the work. You have to go through and be, like, “Is it a gut infection, am I being environmentally exposed, what does my blood sugar look like, what does my diet look like? I need to read labels to see what I’m eating, I need to be outside, I need to have great relationships, I need to figure out what’s causing this stress, or where are my nutrient imbalances?” And all of these things create stress on the overall system. When we think of stress, we think of, “Oh, wow, you know, my marriage isn’t going so well,” or “I got in a fight with this person.” We really have to look at, “Okay, what is causing overall stress in our system? And nutrient imbalances can absolutely cause overall stress in our system, so can, you know, environmental toxins and so can gut issues. So really looking at this with a fine-tooth comb, and running the testing, and try not to do this yourself. People come in, they’ll say, “Oh, well, you know, I found some St. John’s wort for my serotonin levels being low.” Okay. Well, I mean, that’s great, and St. John’s wort can be helpful, but you’re really only looking at a small piece. Like, “Why isn’t your serotonin functioning, is it because you don’t have enough St. John’s wort, is it because some of your B vitamins are lacking? Like, where is there a break in the pathway, is it because you’re exposed to heavy metals?” That causes all kinds of breaks in our pathways that we’re not able to create the things that we actually need to create with neurotransmitters. You know, do you have dysbiosis? So just look at the entire picture to figure out how to boost it up.

Katie: Yeah, makes total sense. And I love that you mentioned, also, light and dealing with trauma because those were actually big keys for me personally. A habit that I started years ago with the advice of my doctor was, just going outside in the morning as soon as possible after waking up and just spending time outside even if it’s not sunny, it doesn’t have to be in the sun but just being in natural light very soon after waking up. And that helped so much my sleep, and my mood, and is now, like, a regular part of my life because of that. And I think a lot of people discount things like just how much light affects us and how much gut healing was a huge thing for me. And then, for me, personally, the last two years were, kind of, a journey of dealing with trauma because I used to have this idea that, like, I was doing all the physical stuff right, and I could just power through. And it wasn’t until I addressed all of that, the mental and emotional side as well, that all of those pieces eventually fully fell into place. And so, I think you’re right, I think this is a very holistic broad approach that’s different for every single person, and I totally understand why it’s tempting to want to just be able to find that single solution in a pill or in, you know, some kind of medication.

But if I’ve learned anything in these last 13 years, it’s just how personalized and individualized each of us is. And it seems like at the end of the day, finding our own answers requires that, working with someone who knows what they’re doing, and getting specific testing, and then, also implementing and trying because each of our own answers is going to be, potentially, very different. I’m sure you probably see that as well in your practice.

Dr. Barter: Yes. And, you know, I think a lot of people will come in, you know, with tons of supplements, and I think why I really warn against this is because they tend to be really sick. They’re like, “I went to the vitamin store and I’m taking this, for this, and this, for this, and that, for this over here. And it’s unwinding that, that it becomes so challenging because, you know, supplements can be very powerful, they’re very powerful medicine, and have to be used in the correct way. And so, some of the sickest patients I’ve seen are actually doing this, for this, and that, for that, with no end in sight. And, what I think is really important to note about supplements or doing these things, these nutraceuticals is, for most people, there should be a beginning and an end with them, right? So let’s say we’re boosting up neurotransmitter levels, okay? So in certain cases, I’ll start with certain nutraceuticals to boost these things up, but if they have a rampant gut infection, I’ll avoid certain things with doing dopamine because it can create such a severe toxic byproduct, and that creates a danger-situation for your brain. So, yes, I very much believe that there should be a beginning and an end you should have. “Okay, we looked at your testing and we see this going on in your gut, let’s address the gut, and then, we’re going to move on to something else because your gut should be healed up, you know, after we do these things, these X, Y, Z things, we can recheck to make sure that’s the case. And then, we move into these other things, Okay, wow, you know, this B-Vitamin is off and, you know, this antioxidant is off. Okay, what else could…” you know? So we have to figure out why boost these up, and then, ultimately, people just start to build and they just feel so much better.

But when we’re looking at trauma, I think that was really an important point that you brought up. When we’re looking at trauma, when you’re really stressed out, you know, not only the foods that you eat blow your blood sugar, but, ultimately, what’s going on in your life blows your blood sugar. If you’re constantly upset, you know, in a trauma-based situation, you’re never going to get someone’s blood sugar stable. If they hate their job and hate everything about their life, you know, ultimately, you have to look at that piece because stress really does blow the blood sugar as well. I’ve had people eat a perfect diet, do all of these things right, but until they heal the trauma, until they are healing what’s going on in their life, their blood sugar isn’t going to be stable. And so, that’s going to create such an inflammatory response in their overall body. These things are just all so critical to address, and I think, looking at these things, there’s just no shortcuts, and I just think it’s so important to heal the body. And I laugh. You know, people are like, “Yeah, I’ve tried to do this myself but I just couldn’t get all the way through it.” And they’re like, you know, “What do you think of that?” And unless you can read and interpret the testing, he who has himself for a doctor has a fool for a doctor, because you see what you want to see instead of being objective to the situation, and then, when the work becomes hard, a lot of people don’t want to go down that path, so we avoid. You know, you said, “Okay, I can do all the health stuff, I can take all the supplements,” but the part that’s hardest for us is probably the part that we need to address the most like the trauma piece, when you spoke about that. That’s a piece that’s particularly really important if you’re avoiding that. Or if that’s not the easiest piece for you to address, and where we have a blind eye is the most important piece.

Katie: Yeah. I think that’s such a great point. And this has been such a great primer into the world of neurotransmitters, and I hope that it’s also given people hope. That this is something that, while it may take time, and, like, any true healing in the body, I think, does take time, I feel like the body does want to move back into a state of health and of balance. And so, it’s finding the ways to support each of our own bodies in doing that.

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As we get close to the end of our interview, are there any resources, and I can make sure they’re linked in the show notes, for people who feel like they’ve heard things that are matching up with their symptoms or that are really resonating so they can keep learning or find out more?

Dr. Barter: On neurotransmitters, specifically, is that what you’re asking?

Katie: Yeah. Or even the blood sugar stuff. Just, kind of, starting points of all of this.

Dr. Barter: We have tons of resources on our website with all of that, it’s on altfammed.com. We have tons of links and resources with that as well as the neurotransmitters, and we also cover a lot of these on our podcast, which is fearlesshealthpodcast.com, just really going through all of the blood sugar and the neurotransmitter stuff. Somebody that has a great book, I think, that really nailed neurotransmitters, I think one of my favorite books in primer of that was Datis Kharrazian, “Why My Brain Isn’t Working.” He did a great overview of a lot of the neurotransmitters as well.

Katie: Awesome. I will make sure those are linked in the show notes so people can find them and keep learning. Another question I love to ask at the end of interviews is, if there’s a book or a number of books that have really dramatically impacted your life, and, if so, what they are and why?

Dr. Barter: Okay. So that’s a great question. One of my favorite books that completely affected my life, you know, as we talk about the trauma piece. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer, and she was on hormone replacement therapy. This was before I got into this. And, you know, I think that that was a big driver for her ovarian cancer. Her hormone levels on the patch hadn’t been rechecked in, I think, 12 years and she continued to use the patch. So she died of ovarian cancer, stage 4 was when it was actually finally caught. And I read the book “Dying to Be Me.” And, that was a very, very powerful book about being who we are and this woman that recovered from stage 4 cancer on her deathbed. And, boy, that book was incredibly powerful and changed my life. You know, it had me sobbing on my floor and just gave me great peace after reading that. So if somebody has lost somebody, that was a very, very special book. Another one that I really loved, a book that changed my life quite a bit was… Oh, I do not deal with Lyme quite a bit. I don’t deal with Lyme in my practice, it’s not really my bag. But Neil Nathan’s book, “Toxic,” taking you through all of the cofactors of Lyme. I thought that that was a book that really opened my eyes and changed my opinion of Lyme, and all its cofactors, and the testing that’s generally done on that. So that was huge, and the book I’m reading now that I also think is very helpful is, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.” And, you know, these books, you know, I’ve really been working into meditation and I’ve started getting really great at meditation and utilizing that, and I think that that has been a powerful, power, power powerful modality in helping treat, you know, anxiety, and overall health, and just becoming recentered. So, that’s been something I’ve been working on in my own life, having that as a daily everyday practice, and I’ve just thought that that has been so powerful.

Katie: I love it. I’ve been taking notes. I’ll put all of those in the show notes as well at wellnessmama.fm. I know many of you listen while exercising or while driving. So if you are doing that, just check out the show notes to find links to everything we’ve talked about. Dr. Barter, I’m so grateful that you were here and shared all this today. I think this is a big topic, especially right now with so much stress going on in the world. And you’ve given so many helpful resources and practical tips today, and I’m just really grateful for you.

Dr. Barter: Thank you so much for doing this and getting your message out. I mean, you’re such a powerful source with all this, and so, thank you for just speaking the truth and continuing to do this. Very, very grateful there’s people like you doing this.

Katie: Aw, thank you. And thanks, as always, to all of you for joining us today, for sharing one of your most valuable resources, your time. We’re both so grateful that you did and that you joined us, and I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of “The Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/ann-marie-barter/

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Lego Creator Expert Detective's Office Review 2020

Enjoy the world of adventure and experience immense mystery with the LEGO Creator Expert Detective's Office! In the game, you get the barbershop and an open archway, and some customers you get in the large wall mirror’s reflection, whereas next door, pool play by competitors and beneath the comforting whir darts of a rotating ceiling fan. On the first floor, you get a Venture and in the mainstream Detective's office that includes a safe enclosing valuable evidence, a concealed wall compartment, and a desk strewn with clues. Apart from this, there is an adjacent bathroom, featuring a classic pull-chain toilet, stairway, a well-equipped kitchen, a cute roof terrace where you can easily access, and at last finishes with a large water tower. Simple to remove the roof & ceilings allows you to enter the lovely interior, while the exterior built façade of the building adorned with a rooftop. The game becomes more interesting since, in the game, you'll have to solve the mystery of smuggling.

Lego Creator Detective's Office Instructions

How many mini-figures do we get with this game? The game includes six mini-figures with some special accessories: Detective Ace Brickman, Policewoman Dart Player, Pool Player, Al the Barber, In Red, A Mysterious Lady.

What includes unique in the LEGO Creator Expert Detective's office game? Box However, with the game, you get attractive that comes with a new design to some extent. You’ll see some little to little things mentioning over the box, and talk about the inside of the box, then everything you get well arranged in the box. The first, you'll open the box; you'll no need to worry about managing the game. Since along with the instruction manual, you get each item in the box very clear. Well managed & beautiful Contents There are 18 bags of different sizes inside the package, each numbered 1, 2, 3, or 4, and the bigger bags are filled with smaller bags. These are so many bags! That’s a great thing. I assume that these parts are separated into four groups, rendering it an advanced building. The packages include a manual, a dark gray plate in 8x16 size, and a 32x32 reddish-brown base plate that first shown in this color are also included in the box. Following the Parisian restaurant context, in this collection, all decals are precisely printed. Minifigures There are six Minifigures in this collection, all of them with the famous smiley eye. Next, there's the Detective Ace Brickman. It comes with a magnifying glass and a fedora. His torso is J. hands of the Jonah Jameson are yellow. So Al the barber is there. He arrives with the latest scissors, which also feature in some 2015 collections of Friends and Elves. We saw his torso before since they match very well with him and also we have seen it in other D2C sets, such as the Fairground and Palace Cinema. On the other hand, you get a pool player and a dart player. The dart player has a red baseball cap and uses Indian feathers smartly as a dart as a pool cue, and the pool player uses a 4L bar. There is also a female cop that arrives with a cute police hat. She's using the same body that suits as Ma Officer. And then there's a lady in red, which is a mysterious part.

Very! Very! Attractive Design The whole building appears pretty fantastic. It's very similar to those classic crime movie series because it also has the same usual features many of those we see in old movies. The colors are bright, but still a little real, and the walls have quite a great texture to them. There is also a lot of brilliant info all over this box. Build Like a Pro Moreover, this is definitely a compliment about the game, as you build the entire structure like a pro, each brick is so precisely fabricated that once your building is completed simultaneously without any stress, the building will fully maintain its entire structure. The thing that enables you to do this is the lego creator detective's office instructions, which you will find on a manual book equally. There is no doubt how much fun it is for you. Amazing Playability: Each package has more play tools that make it best from any of the prior sets. I appreciate the fact that they've come up with a story for this package, and they've planned the house and built the fun elements around it. This collection has several secret compartments and traveling stairs to which you can compare with Hogward’s castle.

Unique Parts Like every modular package, this collection has many new and unusual colored tiles, such as light blue. It also has a base plate with brown color, tons of tiles, as well as some different molds like the scissors and even round tile in 2x2 with just one stud. Besides, all the printed decals make it marvelous. A quick look over the details Features a barbershop, pool hall, bathroom, Detective's office, kitchen, a cat and water tower In the Detective's office, you get a desk, brick-built lamp, assorted clues, safe, filing cabinet, fan, painting, newspaper, concealed wall compartment, menu, a wall lamp, and a wanted poster Poolhall includes a hinged, pool table, rotatable ceiling fan, pool cues, printed dartboard, a drinking glass, and pool balls. Barbershop features scissors something like never-seen-before and two wall lamps, reflective mirror element, barber's chair, two mannequin heads, a broom, and a hinged cabinet. The kitchen includes a table, barrel, a stove, cabinet, a rolling pin, a wall clock, and a refrigerator. For easy access Detach the floors and roof The bathroom detailed well pull-chain toilet like real. The game becomes more interesting since, in the game, you require to Search hidden clues

Final thoughts Just like other edition of the LEGO game, this Lego Creator Detective Office is also an attention-grabbing thing. Usually, in other editions, you maybe get bored. Still, there's nothing with like that with this game, because whenever you take a look at this game even after building it entirely, you'll be finding fun in exploring and experiencing each piece of this game. Also, Read Best Rated Tabletop Gas Grills Review Lego The Simpsons House 71006 Review Sharp Kb6524ps Microwave Drawer Review Canon 10×42 L Image Stabilization Waterproof Binoculars Review Garrett AT Pro Metal Detector for Garden & Outdoor Review Bosidin Facial & Body Hair Removal (Women & Men) Review Best Solar Pool Heaters for In ground & Above Ground Pools Best Plug and Play Hot Tub Reviews for Cold Climate Best Electric Pool Heaters for In-Ground Pools Reviews Best Hot Tub Covers Reviews Sharp kb6524ps Review Champion wheelybird review Brother inkjet printer mfc-j995dw review Best Shower Head Filter Reviews Overall, the game is fantastic, if you are also a true LEGO game lover, then this edition, you’ll definitely be loving it. Read the full article

[gethealthy18-blog]

2018 Ultimate Holiday Gift Giving Guide (For Everyone on Your List!)

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2018 Ultimate Holiday Gift Giving Guide (For Everyone on Your List!)

I don’t know about you, but this time of year can be a little hectic for me! With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and several family birthdays, there is a lot to plan and a lot of gifts to wrap. We try to stick to experiences instead of stuff as much as possible (here are some of my best ideas), especially with our own kids, but also usually give one physical gift per family member.

Also, for extended family and close friends that we don’t live close enough to share experiences with, we send small gifts as well. I know it seems early, but I try to get my shopping done now so that I can savor and enjoy the holidays while knowing gifts are already wrapped!

This holiday gift guide is a compilation of the best gifts we’ve ever received and the ones that are favorites to give. As much as possible, all these gifts are eco-friendly and limit plastic whenever possible. They are also natural, organic, and health-promoting.

My Natural + Eco-Friendly Gift Giving Guide!

I’ve included my favorite gifts for every member of the family, age group, and interest level, so keep scrolling if you need ideas for a specific family member. They go in rough age order (adults down to babies) and then special interest gift ideas are below that (for the chef, the grandparents, white elephant gifts, etc).

Important: Please note that many of the links in this guide are affiliate links. This means that if you purchase through these links, the price will be the same for you and I’ll receive a small commission that helps support my blog and my family. Many thanks!

Gifts for Mom (That She Won’t Just Pretend She Loves)

As a kid, we always got my mom new kitchen gear and equipment as gifts. I remember feeling a little guilty because my brother and I got toys and fun gifts, and I always thought she got the short end of the stick just getting kitchen items that she used for us. Then, I became a mom myself and developed a love for cooking, and now I get just as excited about new kitchen essentials. This list includes some of the best practical gifts for moms, as well as some pampering and relaxing ones!

Amazon Prime Membership – Get free 2-day shipping on many items, plus free streaming music and movies.

or Real Plans Membership – My biggest time saver – this plans all of my meals and shopping lists and can handle allergies, bulk prep day and more!

Shiatsu Massage Pillow – Seriously rivals an actual massage for half the price!

Hydroflask Water Bottle – The water bottle I use that keeps water cool (or hot) for days!

Complete Facial Kit – Amazing facial oil with the highest quality ingredients and no junk!

RTIC Tumbler – Great for hot or cold drinks.

Wake-up Light Gentle Alarm Clock – Wake up gently to gradual light and sound

Himalayan Salt Lamp – Soothing warm orange glow at night from these beautiful lamps.

Blue Blocker Glasses – I wear these after dark for better sleep (some studies show that avoiding blue light after dark helps melatonin levels).

Sleep Master Sleep Mask – Great for travel – a sleep mask that is actually comfortable!

10,000 Lux Happy Light – Feel blue in the winter? I use this super-bright light to keep my cortisol levels healthy.

Anything Le Creuset – Incredible (but pricey) dishes. I’ve been collecting a few pieces over the years and resisting the urge to buy it all!

Microwaveable Slippers – Does someone you love always get cold? These slippers have microwaveable pads that stay warm.

Dry Brush – Brushing isn’t just for hair and teeth. Brushing skin can help it stay smooth, supple, and may improve collagen.

Low EMF Hair Dryer – Did you know that hairdryers produce a lot of EMFs?

French Press Coffee Maker – Make wonderful coffee with this classic method.

Instant Pot – Revolutionize dinner! This electric pressure cooker makes roasts in about an hour and turns tough cuts of meat into deliciously tender meals.

Grown-up Coloring Book and Markers – Coloring isn’t for kids anymore and studies show it may reduce stress levels. Try a “grown-up coloring book.”

Kokomo Cream Organic Deodorant – This natural deodorant smells like the tropics and lasts for months.

A good book – Just off the top of my head… maybe The Wellness Mama 5-Step Lifestyle Detox or The Wellness Mama Cookbook? 🙂 Ok, I’m biased, but it’s a great way to have all of the best recipes and health hacks on the site at your fingertips.

Blackout Curtains – Even a little light can interfere with sleep quality. We use blackout curtains to keep our room really dark.

Wine Bottle Tiki Torch – Upcycle old wine bottles with these adorable tiki-torch kits.

Gifts for Dad (No Ties or PJs on This List)

I’ve always had the most difficult time finding good gifts for the men in my life, especially my husband. He has incredibly high standards for products and prefers really high-quality items that last forever. These have been some of his favorite gifts in recent years and they might be perfect for the guys on your list too. (Also, check the lists below for more specific ideas for dads who travel a lot or who love the outdoors!)

Magnetic Wrist Band – Holds nails and screws for the handyman!

Fire Starter Kit – Useful tool to start fires without matches or a lighter.

Blue Blocking Glasses -These glasses help reduce eye fatigue from computers and reduce blue light for better sleep.

Lifestraw or Sawyer Water Filter – Survival water filter that fits in your pocket.

Comfy Slippers – My husband loves these slippers he got a couple of years ago.

Heat Proof BBQ Gloves – For the man who likes to grill, these gloves will protect his hands.

Smart Wool Socks – Warm but not sweaty and they keep feet dry. Great for hiking or everyday use.

Surefire Flashlight – High quality and super bright pocket flashlight.

Wine Aerator – Pour wine through this to improve flavor.

30-day Lantern for Camping – A really long lasting lantern for the outdoorsman who loves to camp.

Esse 3 Knife – Really high-quality multi-use knife.

Saddleback Leather Wallet – This wallet has a 100-year warranty!! (yes, really!)

Quality Shaving Kit OR Beard Oil– Great options for the clean-shaven or bearded man in your life!

RTIC Insulated Tumbler – This insulated large mug keeps things cold for up to 24 hours and hot for up to 12.

Hydroflask Insulated Water Bottle – Insulated water bottle that keeps water cold for days.

Backjoy Seat – Does your guy sit a lot? This may help improve posture and alleviate tension in the back.

Defender Phone Case or Tablet Case – Protect him from EMFs when using electronics.

Tactical Pen – More than just a pen, it works in all conditions and can break a car window if a person is trapped.

ENO Hammock – Portable hammock that fits in a small bag and is great for travel and camping.

Tactical Backpack – For the outdoorsman, this bag holds everything he could need.

Tool Pen – Available in hex and mini-tools for easy use.

Whiskey Stones – Freeze these rocks to use in place of ice in drinks “on the rocks.”

Gifts for Older Kids & Teens

My older kids have gotten harder to shop for, but these gifts all got their seal of approval!

Buddha Board – A relaxing way to paint with just water (it evaporates and you can paint again).

Leather Journal – A beautiful leather journal for sketching or journaling.

Japanese Puzzle Box – These beautiful puzzle boxes are a unique way for older kids to keep valuable items safe and fun to learn.

Rubix Cube (or Giant Rubix Cube) – The 1980s called, but we told it we are keeping the Rubix Cube. Older kids love learning to solve this.

Star Wars Legos – Popular among big kids and teens with dozens to choose from.

Build Your Own Programmable Robot Kit – A favorite with my oldest. Build a robot and program it!

Grown-Up Coloring Books – Coloring isn’t just for little kids anymore. These “adult coloring books” are very detailed and studies show that coloring is relaxing.

Boogie Board – Reusable board that encourages doodling and drawing.

Kindle Fire – An affordable tablet with a lot of capabilities.

Runaway Alarm Clock – Does your teen have trouble waking up? This alarm clock runs away and keeps making noise until caught!

Natural Makeup Brushes – If your teen is old enough to wear makeup, these natural brushes are great!

Power Cube Wall Adapter – Surge protector and charges multiple devices at once.

Collapsible Duffel Bag – Great bag for short trips that collapses to a tiny size.

Minnetonka Chrissy Boots (for teenage girls) – Super comfy boots!

Cash inside a Money Maze Puzzle Box – Give money so they can get what they like, but make it fun by hiding it inside this puzzle cube.

No Crease Ponytail Holders – These are really popular right now. They are gentle on hair and don’t leave a crease!

Travel Hammock – Have an outdoorsy teen? These travel hammocks collapse small and are awesome.

Pocket Strings Guitar – A fun way to learn guitar! Fits easily in a backpack.

Gift Ideas for Younger Kids

There are certainly the most options to choose from when looking for gifts for children, but I’ve found that many are lower-quality plastic items that break easily and release harmful endocrine disrupting chemicals into the home or that only facilitate one activity. These are a few of the gifts I’ve found in recent years that have survived the durability test of our house and that the children have enjoyed the most:

Gym 1 Indoor Doorway Gym – Our kids’ favorite Christmas gift of all time. It is a gym that mounts in a door frame and they use it every day.

Snap Circuits – Really neat kit that lets kids learn about electricity by building different types of basic machines like a fan, a radio, etc.

Art Kit – A favorite among our girls. This kit contains markers, paints, colored pencils, and more.

Seedling Wooden People kit – Kids can create mini wooden people.

Mini Trampoline for Indoor Play – We’ve had a trampoline in our house for years and it is great for cold or rainy days. Rebounding (bouncing) is also great for adults!

Wooden Twig Colored Pencils – Wooden colored pencils made from twigs. Good size for younger kids just learning to write and draw.

Wooden People and Craft Supplies – Our kids loved making their own little wooden dolls with these.

Plasma Car – Our little kids love these and they are great for kids of all sizes.

Natural Paints – Made from natural earth pigments.

Design Your Own Superhero Cape – A fun activity that encourages creativity and is great for imaginative play.

Microscope Kit – My oldest loved looking at hair, dirt, and all kind of other things in this microscope.

Crayon Rocks – Portable and fun for littles who still have trouble with regular crayons.

Or Beeswax Crayons – Triangular crayons made of natural beeswax.

Doll House – Fits Barbie size dolls and other smaller dolls.

Stainless Steel Play Kitchen Pots and Pans – My daughters play kitchen with these for hours!

Beginner Piano Keyboard (and free Hoffman Academy Lessons) – These are a great way to get the kids started with music.

Boogie Board – A reusable writing tablet that encourages creativity.

Sun Art – Fun educational craft idea that kids love.

Kendama Game – Fun interactive game that encourages movement.

Gifts for Babies (and Expecting Parents)

There are literally thousands of options for gifts for babies, but many of them contain endocrine disrupting plastics or will just never get used. With over a decade of parenting and six kids, these are the gifts, toys, and gear that made the cut for us.

Pregnancy Affirmation Cards – I love these sweet cards that encourage pregnant moms!

Organic Mattress Cover – Protect baby from mold and allergens in mattresses.

Organic Cotton Crib Sheet – Soft organic sheet for crib.

Organic Muslin Swaddling Blankets – My favorite blankets that are perfect for swaddling or nursing.

Snot Sucker – Not as gross as it sounds and a lifesaver if baby is sick!

Baby Bouncer – This bouncer actually bounces! Rock with a foot to keep baby asleep.

Food Grade Silicone Fruit Teethers – A favorite with my 9-month-old!

Hape Wooden Toys – I love these high-quality wooden toys!

Ergo Organic Baby Carrier – A great organic baby carrier that is comfortable for mom or dad too!

Sophie the Giraffe – This teething toy has a passionate following with the under-one-year crowd!

Fleece Newborn Booties – Babies always manage to lose socks, but these stay on and keep toes warm!

Manhattan Toys Rattle and Clutching Toy – Little ones love this engaging wooden toy.

Natural Rubber Orthodontic Pacifier – For babies who will take a pacifier, try this natural rubber option.

Baltic Amber Teething Necklace – May help soothe teething pain.

Manhattan Toys Circle Toy – A beautiful and fun toy that baby love to play with.

Natural Rubber Teething Toy – The only toy my baby prefers to my finger when teething gets bad.

Organic Cotton Teether – An organic cotton and wood teething toy option.

Shea Moisture Baby Wash and Lotion – Fabulous smelling baby wash and lotion without the junk!

Animalz Wooden Animal Toys – Adorable and durable wooden animal toys.

Gifts for the Chef or Foodie

Does someone in your life love to cook (or eat)? These gifts make spending time in the kitchen so much fun!

Stainless Steel Coffee Percolator – No plastic, no junk, just awesome coffee that stays warm for hours in this all-stainless percolator.

Blendtec or Vitamix – both are amazing blenders that will last for years!

Stainless Steel Immersion Blender – Great for sauces, smoothies, blending things in a pot or pan and so much more.

Yogurt Maker – Homemade yogurt tastes so much better than store bought and is simple to make.

Ice Cream Maker – Make any kind of ice cream: dairy-free, sugar-free, etc.

Lead-free Crock Pot – A great slow cooker with a lead-free crock.

Instant Pot – This electric pressure cooker has almost replaced our slow cooker and I use it at least three times a week.

Crinkle Cutter – So the kids can help cut food for meals.

Stainless Steel Bowls – Great for mixing, serving, and storage.

Spiral Slicer – Make vegetables into noodles with this spiral slicer.

Stainless Steel Straws – Replace disposable straws forever with these steel straws.

Huck Towels – Similar to the towels they use in emergency rooms… these towels are super absorbent, great for cleaning and easy to wash.

Mason Jars + Cuppow Lids + Sprouting Lids – Use mason jars for cups and the opportunities are endless.

Kombucha Brewing Supplies – Do you drink kombucha? If so, do you make your own? It is so much better and the flavors are endless.

Dehydrator – Preserve foods with a stainless steel dehydrator.

Xtrema Cookware – Scratch-proof ceramic pans.

Bamboo Utensils – These inexpensive bamboo utensils are great for cooking.

Stainless Steel Large Baking Dish – These have been a lifesaver when cooking for large get-togethers with family and friends.

Glass Electric Tea Kettle – Make tea in seconds with this glass electric tea kettle.

Salt Block for Cooking – I love cooking fish, meat and even baked goods on a salt block for amazing flavor.

Premium Milk Frother – If you want to spring for an unusual (and more pricey) gift, this milk frother makes coffee shop worthy froth for coffee.

Organic Spice Set – These super high-quality organic spices (from my favorite olive oil makers) are beautifully packaged and come in ready-made blends like Smoky, Tex-Mex, Savory, Taco, Bagel, and more to make flavorful cooking easy.

Gift Ideas for the Grandparents

Our parents both live nearby and are involved in our kids’ lives. I always struggle with what to get them that somehow says “thanks for everything you did for me all of those years and thanks for being just as awesome with my kids.” We usually give them something handmade from the grandkids, but these are some other ideas that have been a hit. (Some of these are also ideas for this year, so Mom, if you’re reading this … don’t read past here. 😉 )

Amazon Prime Membership – What my parents are getting this year (don’t tell them!). This gives them free 2-day shipping on many items and free streaming of many movie and music.

Photo Frame – This photo frame was a hit a few years ago with our parents. No fancy motion detectors, wi-fi, bluetooth or anything else that can stop working.

Kindle Fire – My brother got my mom a Kindle a couple of years ago and she uses it quite a bit.

Terracotta Plant Waterer – Perhaps not the most fancy of gifts, but very practical for anyone with house plants (I just ordered some). It upcycles a glass bottle to water a plant for weeks.

Wine Subscription – If your parents are wine-drinkers, they will love this wine subscription box of organic biodynamic wines.

Royally Flawless Face Oil – Ditch all the overpriced anti-aging creams out there. This oil uses high-quality ingredients for real results.

Shiatsu Massage Pillow – I got this for my mom last Christmas and she uses it all the time.

Glass Electric Tea Kettle – For tea-drinkers, this electric glass tea kettle makes tea available almost on demand.

Instant Pot – The grandparents love it for all the reasons we love it- faster and more nutritious meals!

The Grandparent Book Journal – A sweet way to encourage kids and grandparents to spend time together and a beautiful keepsake of family history.

Or anything on the lists above that they will love!

“Just in Case” Gifts

These inexpensive gifts are great to have on hand for when someone drops by with a gift or to take to party hosts. I keep several of these wrapped to give when someone brings a gift by unexpectedly:

Electric Wine Bottle Opener – A fun way to open up a bottle of wine.

RTIC Tumbler – Great for keeping drinks hot or cold while on the go.

Bottle of Wine – We have a subscription to these delicious biodynamic wines, so I always have an extra bottle on hand.

Grocery Bag Carrying Handles – They make carrying all those bags of groceries a lot easier!

Bag of Organic Coffee – Who doesn’t love coffee, especially when it’s organic and fair trade?

Hario Mizudashi Cold Brew Iced Coffee Pot/Maker – I’m a big fan of cold brew coffee and this is a great way to make it.

Car Diffuser – Keep the car smelling great all year long!

Mason Jar Solar Light – Add some beautiful ambiance to any room with these solar lights.

Mason Jar with Drinking Lid – Ditch the plastic and drink out of old-school mason jars!

Funny Gifts for Dirty Santa and Gift Exchanges

These are some of my favorite funny gift ideas for dirty santa or white elephant gift exchanges. Sure to get lots of laughs!

Toilet Light – For those night time bathroom trips.

Nap Sack Prank Box – Take a nap anywhere with this hood.

Prank Pack Crib Dribbler – A fun prank for baby someone with a baby.

iDrive Prank Pack – This is just hilarious!

“You Parked Like An Idiot” Cards – I think my husband would actually use these!

Slipper Genie Mopping Slipper – This might actually get my kids to help sweep the floor more often.

The Obsessive Chef Cutting Board – For the OCD chef.

Pooping Pooch Calendar – Yep, it’s exactly what you picture… perfect (or awful?!) for the dog lover in your family!

Banana Slicer – If you’re going to eat bananas, why not slice it correctly?

Cards Against Humanity – These are incredibly irreverent, but will have you on the floor laughing for hours.

Maybe Swearing Will Help Coloring Book and Markers – For the potty mouth (or clean mouth?) in your life 🙂

Family Gifts & Outdoor Fun Gifts

If you’re like us and often choose family gifts that the whole family can enjoy (or enjoy better health because of), you might love these options. This list also includes outdoor activity gifts that we use and love.

Sauna – This is one gift that will have long-lasting health benefits. It isn’t an inexpensive gift, but one that family can enjoy all year.

Joovv Light – Like the sauna, this gift also brings the benefit of boosting health. Red light therapy is well-studied for its skin and mitochondria benefits and this is one of my favorite parts of my daily routine.

Rapid Release – Like a chiropractor and a massage therapist built into one. This device is designed to release muscle tension and it works! I love this thing.

Myobuddy – A percussive heated massager that targets muscle and fascia. A lot of people use this for cellulite, I just use it for relaxation and fascia massage.

Wholetones Music Subscription – Uses soothing music with targeted sound frequencies to induce health benefits like stress reduction, focus, sleep… and yes, it works even for kids! I love this one too because it isn’t a physical item to store around the house.

Organic & Natural Mattresses – This was our gift to each other one year and we love our mattress. We have an Intellibed and love it, but My Green Mattress is also a great option and not as pricey.

Natural Cookware – I got some of this cookware for Christmas years ago and have been using it since then!

Matching Organic Jammies –  Switching to organic PJs is one way to reduce chemical exposure from clothing by half and these organic jammies are our favorites.

A Year of Wine – I love wine, but most wine is contaminated with chemicals and additives. Hubby and I give each other natural wine from Dry Farm Wines.

Trampoline – Not just for kids when you consider the lymphatic benefits of jumping!

Swing – Our kids love this backyard swing and they can all fit on it!

Slackline – Like a balance beam and trampoline in one. It encourages balance and coordinating and is hours of fun.

Ninjaline – Like monkey bars but tougher. A lot of people use these for Ninja Warrior training, but our kids just think it is fun!

Natural Beauty & Home Gifts (Ones to Buy or DIY)

Home & Beauty to DIY

I love receiving homemade gifts and making them for others. I have hundreds of DIY recipes and tutorials on the blog, but the ones on this list make the best gifts. These are especially perfect for stocking stuffers!

Home & Beauty to Buy

If you aren’t into the DIY options, here are some great store-bought alternatives:

Lotion Bars – If you’d like lotion bars similar to my recipes, but that you don’t have to make yourself, check out Made On, a small, family-owned company that makes all kinds of lotion bars, soaps, natural baby products, and hair products that are up to my standards. If you use the code WELLNESSMAMA, you’ll get a 15% discount on your order!

Alitura Skincare – Alitura uses organic botanicals and superfood ingredients to nourish the skin. This is serious skincare with the works: clay masks, intensive moisturizers, derma rollers, and more. Use the code WELLNESS for 20% off!

Toups Organics (Makeup & Beauty) – Heather of Mommypotamus introduced me to this line and they have an incredible line of clean cosmetics, lotions, and even a baking-soda free deodorant for sensitive types.

Crunchy Betty Facial Serum & Natural Deodorant: Mentioned before, but I can’t say enough about them.

Branch Basics Cleaners – I know I’d be happy to find some all-natural cleaning products (I don’t have to make) under the Christmas tree.

Vibrant Blue Oils – Wildcrafted and organic essential oil blends made to support specific health conditions. Use the code WELLNESSMAMA10 to get 10% off through December 31st.

Magnesium Oil – Spray on for relaxation, detox support, even deodorant!

Homebiotic Spray – Like a probiotic for your home, this freshens air by targeting the source of bad smells… bacteria and mold.

Genexa OTC Medicines – So much of what goes in children’s medicine is just flavors, dyes, preservatives, and fillers. Genexa is the first to come up with a line of over the counter and homeopathic medications completely free of all unnecessary additives. I give these to my kids for colds, coughs, fevers, or even just a bad night of sleep, and they’ve worked great for us.

Kid-Safe Essential Oil Roll-Ons – For sleep, headaches, cold relief, and more, without having to worry about negative side effects.

There’s probably a lot more that could be added to this list, but these are my current favorites. If you still haven’t found the perfect gift on this list, Heather shares all of her favorite natural gifts here.

What is on your Christmas list this year? What are you getting for friends and family?

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/25195/gift-giving-guide/