#she was like. [bad american accent] GIVE ME THE GOOD NEWS FIRST TOSH

[toshsatos]

i’m listening to the tw audiobooks but i cannot take it seriously if naoko mori tries to do the accents?? help?

[agentnico]

X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019) Review

For all this gender talk surrounding the title and Mystique’s “well excuuuuuuse me, princess!” attitude in this film wanting the team to be called X-Women, why not just follow in the footsteps of the wise man Deadpool who said “we’re not X-Men, nor X-Women....we are X-people”. Be good, be cool, be like Deadpool.

Plot: Jean Grey begins to develop incredible powers that corrupt and turn her into a Dark Phoenix. Now the X-Men will have to decide if the life of a team member is worth more than all the people living in the world.

The last ever X-Men film from Fox as we know it (not counting New Mutants though by this point that might never see the light of day). Kind of emotional. Kind of. Dark Phoenix is a new take on the story that was attempted in The Last Stand, and you remember how bad that one was? You’d think they learnt from their mistakes and the second time round will be better? Absolutely. Absolutely not. This film is a mess, with a terrible script, a plot with wasted potential, actors not caring, moments of awful CGI (mind you, this film’s budget is a ridiculous $200 million) and an overall disappointing anticlimactic end to a franchise that has seen better days of future past.

So the script, what can I say about the script? It’s very clunky with the dialogue at times very cheesy and over-the-top when it does not mean to be, the story feels cobbled together from a couple of whisky soaked poolside 'brainstorming sessions' by a couple of developmentally challenged teenagers, and the discourse throughout is nothing more than moronic, exposition laden gobbledygook. The directing from Simon Kinberg is also at fault here, as the man previously only acted as producer on these movies, so all of a sudden making him a first-time director and handing him such a big movie right off the bat results in the whole thing looking very amateur. 

With this being the last X-Men film following the Disney-Fox merger means that no one really cared about how this movie panned out as no one was worried about the future of the franchise for there was none. This factor is made the more obvious by the actors, who have played these roles before to strong critical acclaim might I say, however here there performances ranged from mediocre to outright flat. Michael Fassbender especially comes to mind as first an unnecessary character in this film in the first place and secondly a performance so wooden that I considered becoming a lumberjack. It’s kind of a shame that since 2015 with the likes of Steve Jobs and Macbeth, both fantastic films in their own right, Fassbender then had a massive dip in quality and hasn’t really been in a decent film from then on. James McAvoy who is fresh off the heels of his superb role in Glass (still my favourite performance of this year so far) gives the definition of a mediocre performance. He hits all the bullet-points of the emotions his character needs to go through in this movie, but knowingly how previously spectacular he was in the role, here it comes off really forgettable and care-free (not in a good way). Jennifer Lawrence was forgettable, Jessica Chastain had a sweet glass of nothing to work with. The only two who actually seemed to care at all among the cast were Nicholas Hoult as Beast who’s actions and intentions I actually believed, and surprisingly enough Sophie Turner as Jean Grey. I say surprisingly since up till now she had not proven to be a good actress, both on Game of Thrones and X-Men: Apocalypse. Here however, though not an awards worthy performance (not even close), I at least understood what she was going for and you could tell that she was giving it all she had, and that awful misguided American accent she had in Apocalypse has thankfully been turned down.

The one truly good element of X-Men: Dark Phoenix was the music score. Throughout the duration of me watching this film I was bored a lot of the times at what was happening on-screen but I was digging the music with it seemingly taking inspiration from the sounds of Inception and Interstellar. In fact the scenes in the film where I actually felt any kind of emotion was only due to the score giving me the feels. So I waited till the credits to see who this Hans Zimmer-wannabe was only to find out that it was Hans Zimmer. Say what now? Didn’t Zimmer say a couple of years ago that he was done with working on superhero films and that he wanted to strive to more interesting and different projects? Apparently that was all tosh (only in Hollywood, eh!), but heck, at least it resulted in something good to come out of Dark Phoenix.

Overall score: 3/10

[that-writer-girl5]

Adventures in the Slow Path {Part Ten//Hundreds of Our Closest Friends}

Saturday rolled around pretty quickly.  It was a start to a very wonderful life.  Rose wasn’t extremely happy to be sharing her engagement announcement with all of Vitex and the press, but she knew it was what had to be done as Pete and Jackie Tyler’s daughter.

Rose sat on her bed and began thinking about her life growing up on Powell Estate.  She had lived there her entire life, until she met the Doctor at nineteen.  After she met him, she considered the TARDIS her home.  She lived a simple life, Mickey being her best friend and first love.  She was happy and although Rose knew that her mum missed her dad, she knew her mum was happy too.  After watching her dad die in that street, she realized that no matter what her mum thought about her dad, she would never let Rose’s image of him be anything other than wonderful.  

Going back a second time and being there with him, letting him figure out who she was and giving him that second chance her mum didn’t know he had, had helped her mum to realize the loss of him.  Her husband loved her and cared for her.  Now, she had that.  After meeting this world’s Pete, Rose discovered that he was harder than her other dad.  He had seen more, he was more jaded.  After Cybermen had taken his Jackie, he had lost what her mum had lost.  The love of their lives.  Rose knew what it felt like to lose the love of your life.  And all three of them knew what it was like to get them back, albeit not in the same fashion, but in a way that worked for them.

Rose's thoughts were disrupted when the Doctor walked into the room.

“You okay?” He said.

“Yeah, fine.  What’s up?”

“Just coming in to get my tux,” he shuddered slightly when he said the word.

Rose smiled knowingly.  “I always did love you in a tux, ya know?  Even though bad things happen when you’re in one.”

“You do, Ms. Tyler?  And why’s that?”

“Because you look so sexy,” her tongue poked through her teeth and she made her way to her fiancé.  She put her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.

The Doctor cleared his throat, “Well, yes.  I suppose I’m not all that bad looking in a tux, am I?”

Rose remained firm in her current position, “No, not at all bad looking.  Well, you know what, actually, I prefer you out of a tux, with nothing on at all.  Makes it easier to do this.”

Rose pushed him on the bed and removed the boxers he had on.  She hadn’t yet started getting dressed, so all she had on were her bra and knickers.  The Doctor hurriedly removed both of them and she climbed on top of him.

“That’s better, isn’t it?”

The Doctor didn’t fall asleep, but Rose had.  Legs entwined with his and her head on his chest.  He kissed her forehead and remembered his time without Rose.  In his best estimate, it is not advisable to go without Rose Tyler in your life once you’ve met her.  It’s simply heartbreaking.  

He had Martha and Donna, but they weren’t Rose.  They helped him cope, but it wasn’t the same feeling he had when Rose was around.  The Doctor thought that might have been the biggest issue for Martha.  She wasn’t Rose and he was trying to fill the emptiness he had without her, and Martha, or rather no one, could fill that void.  Martha wanted to do that and couldn’t.  Donna knew she couldn’t and understood.  No one can replace the love of your life.  Even a life as long as his.

Rose stirred.  “Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” he smiled his winning Doctor smile.  “Ready to get clothed and get going?”

“Yeah.  I think so,” she said, stretching, “Thank you for earlier.  I needed that after the week we’ve had.”

“Anytime,” he chuckled.  “Don’t act like I've done you a favor.”

“Oh, but you did.  That is always a favor to me,” she winked and they both laughed.

Rose went into their en suite and slipped on the blue dress she bought at Cover Up.  It was in a protective bag, so the Doctor hadn’t seen it yet.  She put on black stockings with black high heels. Her hair up in a bun using a few bobby pins.

She found herself wearing less makeup the older she got.  She wasn’t sure if it was because she knew the Doctor didn’t think she needed it or if it was because she felt confident enough not to have to.  Maybe a combination of both.  She opted to just wear a little mascara and lip gloss.

As she walked out, her date was standing there looking as gorgeous as ever.  He had on a traditional black and white tux.

“You look gorgeous, Rose.  TARDIS blue?  Perfect.”

“Don’t look so bad yourself, handsome.”

He bowed his arm, “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

They were advised by Jackie, the one-woman party-planning committee, to arrive fashionably late, so that they would be the centre of attention.  They both commented how they would be the centre of attention regardless, considering the party was for them, but Jackie would have none of that.

They arrived at the Tyler Mansion at about fifteen past seven.

“Perfect timing, Sweetheart.  Donna and her family are here.  They will be sitting at your table in front.  After you get settled and do your meet and greet, your dad will announce the big news.  Don’t forget to offer a dance with the investors and such.”  She looked to the Doctor.  “Especially, you.  The lady investors love you, so woe ‘em.”

Jackie walked away and back to Pete, as if her requests were completely normal.

Rose walked around, greeting everyone she saw, as did the Doctor.  Rose counted at least seven promises to dance and after they met up at the table with Donna, Shaun, Wilf and Sylvia, the Doctor counted fifteen promised dances.

The room became quiet as Pete made his way to the podium.

“Good evening, Vitex employees, investors and family.  As you probably know, I am Pete Tyler, owner of Vitex, Incorporated.  My wife, Jackie and I have asked you here today to announce some very exciting news.  Our daughter, Rose, has agreed to a proposal from Doctor John Smith.  The wedding will held in a private ceremony in five weeks time.”

The room erupted with excited chatter.  Everyone, it seemed, was approaching the Doctor and Rose to congratulate them on their upcoming nuptials.  Trying to make her way through the crowd, the Doctor spotted Marie and a man she looked quite similar to.

“Is that Owen Harper?” The Doctor asked Rose.

“Yup, that’s him.”

Finally, Marie made her way to the couple.

“Doctor, Rose,” she nodded to Rose, “congratulations again.  Rose, you know my brother Owen.  Doctor, this is my brother, Owen Harper.  The invitation said I could bring a plus one.”

“Oh, that is great.  Nice to meet you, Doctor Harper.”

“It’s Owen, mate.”

“Right!  Okay, then.  Did you bring any of the your other team?  Gwen, Toshiko, Ianto, perhaps?”

Rose had told the Doctor of Pete’s World Cardiff Torchwood team, but said there had been no Captain Jack Harkness in the company on record.  But of course, he had met the other Gwen and Ianto.

“I believe Pete invited them.  They must be here somewhere.  Gwen brought her husband, Rhys,” he said, with a grimace.

Right on cue, two faces the Doctor recognized joined the group, along with a woman and a man they had never met.  

The woman he recognized as Gwen spoke first.  “Congratulations!  I’m Gwen Cooper-Williams.  This is my husband Rhys,” she said extending her hand for a shake and pointing to Rhys with the other.  “I work with Owen at Torchwood Three.  I run the place now.  We’ve heard so much about you.  And it’s nice to finally see you in person, Ms. Tyler.”

“Call me, Rose.  He’s just called the Doctor,” Rose smiled, shaking her hand in return.  “You must be Ianto Jones.  Pleased to meet you,” Rose said to the handsome stoic man.

“You as well, ma’am.”

“No use in getting him to call you Rose.  He calls all of us ‘ma’am’ and I’m only slightly older,” the other woman they didn’t recognized finally spoke up.

“You must be Toshiko Sato,” the Doctor extended his hand.  He then realized he had met her before, albeit briefly and with a different set of eyes.  He was dealing with the Slitheen invasion and she was examining a pig from space.

The Doctor soon realized that Owen and Toshiko were not present during his and Rose’s encounter with Gwen and Ianto and he briefly wondered why.

“Yes, sir.  You can call me Tosh.  I’m the tech expert at Torchwood Three.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too, Tosh.  Call me Doctor or John.  Please.”

“Of course,” she smiled, shyly.  

“Now, for a really important question,” the Doctor began.  “Have any of you heard of a man by the name of Captain Jack Harkness?  American accent, bit flirty, not unattractive.”  Rose nodded at the last description.

“No, sir,” Ianto piped up.  The Doctor decided not to correct him.

“No, huh?  That’s too bad, then, isn’t it, Rose?”

“Yeah.  Real, real bad.  Would have been nice to catch up with him.  Guess he went back to America, didn’t he?”

“Guess so.”  This exchange was in a very playful Doctor and Rose manner.  They both knew the possibility of them knowing Jack was slim, but it was worth a shot.

Donna sat in her chair, sipping on the margarita she had ordered at the beginning of the night.  She was holding in a fit of laughter, because she too remembered that handsome man called Captain Jack Harkness.

“May I have a word, Rose?” Surprisingly, it was Tosh that requested the sidebar.

“Sure!  Doctor, can you hold this, please?” She handed him her glass of champagne and he took it silently.

Rose led Tosh to what used to be her room when she lived there.  It was secluded enough from the party, that whatever Tosh was about to tell her, no one would hear it.

“What’s up?”

“I just wanted to let you know that I know about you.”

“About me?  What do you mean?”

“I know you aren’t from here.  Not this Earth, I mean.  You and the Doctor came from another Earth.  See, I was seeing this girl, Mary, and she worked on the Dimension Cannon team.  She told me how you were tirelessly looking for him.  She let slip that there was no sign of a Rose Tyler ever being born here and that one day, you just appeared and your parents said you were away at boarding school.  I’ve not told anyone, and never will.  I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in the knowledge.  If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me.”

“Thank you, Tosh.  Especially for keeping it a secret.  If this gets out,...”

“I know.  I haven’t even told Gwen.”

“Brilliant.  Thank you, again.  I’d like to casually invite you and your team to the wedding in five weeks.  You will receive a formal invitation soon though.”

“That would be lovely.  Thank you.  By the way, the man the Doctor mentioned.  Captain Jack Harkness?”  Rose nodded.  “I’ve met him.  He was an American soldier.  Handsome, flirtatious.  Just like the Doctor described him.  How do you know him?”

“I knew him in the other world.  He was the head of Torchwood Three.  When I first met him, he was a time agent posing as a soldier.  We met during the London Blitz.  Called me Rosie,” she reminisced.  “He was a charmer, that one.”

Tosh nodded, “Well, I know he’s in America now.  He was in Cardiff on vacation.  I met him at a bar one night when Ianto, Owen and I went out after work.  I was the only one that saw him.  He seemed down.  Said he was drinking his sorrows away.  It never got more detailed than that, but then that night, I looked him up.  Not for any particular reason, other than the fact that he looked different than any soldier I’d ever seen.  He wore a World War Two trench coat.  I found out he was in his mid-thirties, had been in the military for about fifteen years and he was unmarried.  Nothing too interesting about him, really.  Just a lonely soldier.”

“Well, the Jack I knew was definitely not uninteresting.  Thank you, Tosh.  I’ll tell the Doctor.  He’ll probably be happy to know that Jack exists, even if he doesn’t try to find him.”

“No problem.  Shall we?”  Tosh nodded towards the door.

“Sure!”

The ladies made their way back to the party, where Rose had discovered the Doctor had already invited their new friends to the wedding.

Later that night, when Rose and the Doctor made their way back to their flat, they hurriedly changed into pajamas.  Rose hadn’t decided how or if she would tell the Doctor about Jack.  Would it make any difference?  It wasn’t the same person and what happened with Donna would never happen with Jack.  Jack wasn’t even meant to be in this century, let alone in this universe, which would make figuring out his situation even more difficult.

After a few minutes of quiet reflection, she surmised it would be best to not mention anything about Jack.  Maybe after the wedding when they had more time to focus on things of an unordinary nature.

“So, what’d Tosh want to speak with you about?”  The Doctor sat down next to Rose and took her in his arms.

“Well, she actually knows about us.  About how I’m not from here and how I built the Dimension Cannon to find you.  She dated a girl on my team who told her everything, but she promised to not tell anyone and I trust her.”

“Yeah.  She seems nice enough.  We’ll let Pete know she knows so he can look out if things don’t seem right.”

“Yeah.”  Rose yawned.  “I’m headed to bed.  You coming?”

“Yep.  Right behind you.”

Disclaimer: I don’t own Doctor Who.