#she's freaky scary spooky doomed

[derangedthots]

nothing abt harrenhal+the god's eye is even remotely normal like i knew they were freaky and cursed but the list never stops at least 4 targaryens died near there and wdym addam supposedly stopped at the isle of faces during the dance wdym by that addam WHAT DID YOU SEE

[blue-angel-wings]

Halloween with Angel.

Word count: 1,468

Characters: Angel Reyes x reader (Y/N), Gilly Lopez, Coco Cruz, Leticia Cruz.

Warnings: Cursing, Halloween (? Idk some people don’t like it 🤷‍♀️)

It was nearing Halloween, and whilst all your neighbours had started to decorate their homes and front lawns, yours was bare and depressing, due to no fault of your own. Your boyfriend Angel had made it clear that the decorations in the house you to shared were perfectly fine and served their purpose but Christ they were depressing.

The decorations were disgusting collecting dust and growing mould from being thrown randomly in the attic and you were struggling to tell the difference between the real and fake spiders. But Angel had yet to grant you the permission to buy new decorations. Not that you need explicit permission but you viewed you and Angel as a team so you made decisions like these together. Sadly.

You and Angel had lived together for years at this point so you got used to each other’s ways and quirks, so really Angel should’ve been prepared for your enthusiasm for the holiday.

“Knock, knock and I’m already in.” Said your brother whilst you were sat a the table eating breakfast. Angel had gone for shower a few minutes ago so the house was quiet apart from the quiet sound of the water running.

“Hey Y/B/N, you okay?” You rounded the corner of the island to see your brother with your niece wearing a cute little pumpkin onesie.

“And hello to you too precious girl!” You cooed to the young baby currently yanking on your hoop earrings. You tickled her tummy just to hear her giggles whilst your brother babbled on about work. Obviously hearing the adorable shriek of laughter from your niece, Angel entered the kitchen and snatched her from your arms to have his fill of the baby cuteness. Begrudgingly you turn to brother to now pay attention to his words.

“So I was wondering if you remember where it is that Mama always took us for Halloween so we could go to the ‘kid friendly’ haunted house.” He said making air quotations when saying kid friendly. He stole a piece of bacon whilst you took your mind back to time when you were younger.

“Yeah she just took us to the garden centre, god knows if they still do it, people always complained it was a bit scary.” you reminded him, whilst continuing your breakfast.

“So you wanna go, think it would be a bit of fun, take us back to our childhood and pass on the tradition to Mia.” Your bother spoke whilst removing Mia from Angel’s arms, she fussed a little but settled quickly.

“Yes! I can get new decorations for the house, they have the best decorations!” You bolted out of the chair heading to door before Angel spoke up. “ No! We don’t need decorations we have them here.”

“But Angel-“

“No babe I’m putting my foot down, please it’s a waste of money, just don’t. You’ll spend more time putting them up and taking them back down than them actually be img on display!”

“Ooh he’s putting his foot down.” Your brother mocked, provoking Angel to throw the tea towel at him.

“Fine I won’t bring home any new decorations.”

“Thank you, I love you baby.” Angel spoke kissing your forehead and leaving to speak with the guys about an incoming run.

You stuck to your word, and didn’t return with any decorations, that’s because you ordered them to arrive to your home a few days later. This was for multiple reasons, 1) you couldn’t fit them all in your car and Angel would flip his shit if he saw you carry what is seemingly the whole store and 2) You knew Angel was going on a run so you order it to come whilst he was out. It was perfect because by the time it all up and looking pretty it would be too late. What can you say, you always get your way.

The day arrived and you were buzzing, it was time to get your spooky season started. You woke up alone in bed which wasn’t strange, as Angel was due to be on a run. It wasn’t until you heard yelling and swearing in the living room did you discover that was not the case. Walking out you were greeted with site of your boyfriend and his 2 extra shadows Gilly, sat at the table eating your food, and Coco sat next to Angel playing PlayStation.

“What are you doing here?” You exclaimed from shock.

“Uhh I live here-“

“I’ve been paying the bills with you for the past 2 years.”

When you don’t respond to the comment and continue to stare at him confused.

He points to his chest stating, “I am Angel” condescendingly thinking it’s funny.

“You’re supposed to be on a run.”

“It was only a small run,we weren’t needed.” He said shrugging like it was nothing when I’m reality it was huge.

“Damn Y/N you ain’t happy to see us?” Coco asks standing to hug you, you accept the embrace with a smile but on the inside you are screaming, why did he have to be here when you don’t need him to be but gone when you did need him?

A few hours into the day and they were still here and your delivery when due to arrive imminently.

“Don’t you want to go to the clubhouse I mean it’s more fun there, I mean you spend every waking second of your days there anyway why not go there now.” You exclaimed getting antsy.

“Nah we’re good.” Coco replied, you roll your eyes and spin on your heel to go to the kitchen and watch for your delivery of doom to pull up. “Why you trynna to get rid of us sweetheart?” Gilly asked jokingly, startling you in the process. “The other day I went to the store with my brother and bought way to many Halloween decorations when he specifically told me to not to and I thought by having them delivered whilst he was on his run, it’d be too late for him to do anything about it but now I know he isn’t on a run that planned it fucked.” You confessed. “Well damn baby you in shit now.” “Gilly” you whined palming his chest softly.

“Okay stop I’ll get him out and tell Coco to call Leti to come and help you put them up. Don’t stressed your pretty head!” He said tapping your temple.

“Thank you Gilly you are a lifesaver!”

“I know baby, it’s a gift.” He joked shrugging his shoulders like it was nothing.

Gilly stuck to his word and got them out the house, just before the delivery turned up. Coco had indeed called Leti to help you but you guys spent more time gossiping than actually hanging anything.

“ I think you may have gone a little too far with this.” She said holding a 7ft robotic witch on your porch swing as you cable tied it’s ankles to the structure of your porch, so the kids didn’t steal it.

“Oh shush you’re as bad as Angel, it looks great so don’t complain, it was worth all the time it spent to put it up and the ...$300 it actually cost.” You muttered the last bit hoping she didn’t pick it up.

“ Y/N, holy sh-“ she was cut off by the roar of bikes coming down the street, announcing the arrival of your man and his brothers.

You braced yourself for the backlash but when you turned around to man your man he had nothing but a smile on his face, Coco and Gilly hung back on the bikes whilst Angel took in the scene.

“Baby-“ you started.

“I like it.”

“What?”

“I knew you couldn’t resist the decorations at the store and when you came back home empty handed I was shocked, then earlier when you wanted us out I knew you had this arriving.” He exclaimed gesturing the house covered in fake cobwebs and pumpkins, and obviously the freaky witch on the porch. You breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at him with total adoration.

“ I love you Angel, thank you for understanding but your lazy ass coulda helped if you knew.” You complained cuddling into his side. He chuckled lowly. The moment was ruined by a scream and then followed by a gunshot. You ducked into Angel from the fear.

“You scary motherfucker, jump at me and imma shoot yo’ ass! Do it again hoe and see what happens.” Coco shouted with gun pointed at the witch.

“What the fuck Coco it’s not real.” You pointed to the now ruined witch.

Coco stepped forward gingerly, gun still cocked, inspecting the witch, confirming with a slight nod of the head that it was in fact a robot.

“My bad” He shrugged.

Taglist: @mayans-sauce.

[pepitotheantichristandgaz]

Credit goes to my friend CelestialDarkness666 on AO3 💙💙💙

I will be posting on here for her since she isn't on Tumblr. She is an all around nice person and i support her fanfics, especially this rare pairing. (She also is writing a ZimxGaz fic on Archive of our own titled Lost and Found) 💙

Dib's New Neighbors of Doom!

Chapter 2: When Pigs Fly!

Saturday rolled around fast, and Dib woke up really early, thanks to a beeping noise on his laptop. He eagerly grabbed the laptop that sat beside his nightstand and flipped it open.

A message chat with a Swollen Eyeball member awaited him. Dib eagerly clicked the icon, starting a video chat with Agent Disembodied Head.

"Mothman." The man said as a form of a greeting.

"Agent Disembodied Head! Did you get my picture?!" Dib asked excitedly, waiting for his verdict on the picture of his neighbor the Antichrist.

"Yes, we've received the picture." He said, sounding serious.

"And? Am I right or am I right?!" Dib excitedly asked, feeling sure of himself.

"I have to admit, we all had our doubts about you..." Disembodied Head began to tell him.

"Go on..." The young paranormal investigator replied, waiting for recognition and praise.

"And we were right! You really ARE crazy!" He yelled as a parrot sitting on his shoulder squawked.

"Wait. WHAT?" Dib said as his mouth dropped open, not expecting that reaction.

The agent looked at the picture of Pepito that he printed out. "I will, however, give you some credit, since well, you're you. And you're delusional. This is one really hideous, scary looking mall goth... but not a demon, let alone the FREAKING ANTICHRIST!" He yelled as his anger got the better of him, holding up the picture of Pepito as he shook with rage. A horrible rage that was due to the fact Dib had cried wolf one too many times...and now no one took him seriously. Especially in the Swollen Eyeball.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! You call yourself an EXPERT?! He's not some mall goth! I saw him manifest a fireball out of thin air! Look at his pointy horns and eyes and his demon teeth!" Dib screamed, trying to point out the obvious in the photo.

"Heh heh. You don't know much about mall goths, do you? They pride themselves on looking spooky and scary! Which is what this young man is clearly trying to do, what with his fake horns and contact lenses. He even went as far as to sharpen his teeth! And as for the fireball, he could have just been doing a magic trick or an illusion with some smoke bombs and you were just gullible enough to believe it." The Agent explained, virtually trying to debunk the entire case Dib brought forth.

"IT WASN'T AN ILLUSION! IT'S NOT LIKE HE CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE TO PULL A RABBIT OUT OF A TOP HAT! THIS IS SERIOUS! HE'S PROBABLY PLOTTING HUMANITY'S DOWNFALL AS WE SPEAK!" Dib screamed, trying to reason with the guy...to no avail.

"HA! This is just like that whole 'the green kid's an alien thing', isn't it?! And when we didn't believe you about him, you started making up stories about Antichrists running around to doom us all so we would help you." The Agent fired back in a know-it-all manner.

"This isn't anything like Zim! He's...WORSE! And I had to save the world so many times from Zim, with no help from you, thank you very much! You're lucky we're not all DEAD! You're like the worst investigator ever!" Dib fired back.

"Well, if that's how you're going to act towards a respected member of the paranormal community, you can go to HELL, where you can hallucinate about Antichrists with pitchforks galore!" The Agent yelled back as he was about to click a button and end their conversation.

"WAIT!" Dib yelled. He had no choice but to swallow his pride and try to beg for some help...even if it came from the lazy Agent who just debunked nearly everything. "B-b-but you HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! He's coming over to my house soon to play video games with my little sister!"

"Oh ho ho! That's what this is really about! You're afraid this freaky mall goth likes your sister!" Disembodied Headed said with a cackle.

"NO! Well, maybe a little. But it's really about him trying to end the world! The Antichrist's arrival is a sign that we're all doomed! And he's probably gonna destroy us ALL! That means you, too! You have to believe me!" Dib shouted, begging for the ignorant man to believe him.

The Agent sighed deeply. "I get it, kid. I have a little sister as well, and she means the world to me. I'd be worried if she started hanging out with a weirdo like that too! Tell you what, kid. If you can get video footage of him using his 'powers' instead of just a picture of him, I'll consider sending you help." He told him.

"Really?" Dib asked, feeling a bit more hopeful.

"Yeah. I'm a man of my word. I doubt you'll get it though. I'd have a much better chance of seeing pigs fly!" He said, cackling as he cut their conversation short.

Dib stared at the blank screen for a moment. "Okay. Video footage...I can do this!" He confidently said to himself.

On perfect timing, a rubber piggy with a jetpack flew through his window, smashing it, and nearly scaring the crap out of Dib. He got up to look out of the broken window.

"What the-"

"MY PIGGY! HE FLIES! GIMME! I NEEDS IT MARY!" A green dog screamed in a shrill voice as he jumped up and down on the lawn.

Dib groaned, already getting annoyed with the start of his day so far. He threw the rubber piggy to Gir, who squealed and continued to play with it.

He quickly got to work, setting up some hidden cameras before his sister woke up, and connecting them to his drives to record potential evidence. He was disappointed that the drives currently needed to be repaired, but once they were fixed and functional, he would have the evidence he needed. After everything was set up accordingly, he went downstairs for some breakfast...only to find a note on the table with his name on it.

"Dib, don't do anything to embarrass your sister.

And don't start calling the neighbor boy a demon or rant about the paranormal.

We need to get off to a good start with these new neighbors.

The last ones wouldn't even come out during the day because of you.

Speaking of which, make sure your sister doesn't rip this kid's limbs off.

P.S. There's a questionable mold in the very bottom drawer of the fridge.

Don't clean it up. I plan on using it for SCIENCE!

Love, Dad."

"You've gotta be kidding me! They wouldn't come out during the day because they're called VAMPIRES, Dad! And why leave mold in the fridge?! WHO DOES THAT?!" Dib yelled to himself. "Crap. I have to record the Mysterious Mysteries marathon today. And stop Zim from whatever he's up to. Oh god! What am I gonna do?! I can't watch him AND save the world from Zim at the same time!"

"Where's the Franken-chokies?"

"AAHHH! Oh, Gaz, you startled me!" Dib said, shoving the note into his mouth and eating it before Gaz could read it. "I think they're in the top cupboard! And you're dressed already?"

Gaz quickly found them and poured herself a bowl of cereal. She was already dressed, wearing her classic black form fitting dress over pink leggings, along with combat boots. "Yeah. I have my new game to play and Pepito's coming over soon."

"He's the Antichrist, Gaz! Why?! Why him?! He's EVIL, Gaz!" Dib screamed, unable to hold it back any longer.

Suddenly, Gaz gripped him by his shirt collar and growled in a threatening manner. "Listen to me, Dib. I don't care if he's the Antichrist or not. I have two games I've been dying to play, but I couldn't because I needed a second player to unlock the later levels. I NEED him." She said, beginning to shake from rage...and desperation to potentially play locked levels.

"ALL THIS FOR VIDEO GAMES?! I could play with you...after I stop Zim!" Dib said.

Gaz scoffed. "Yeah right. You couldn't even make it past level 5 last time. I just want to play some video games with him and that's it. You better not do anything weird to mess up my day, or I'll send you to a nightmare world from which there's no waking. Got it?" She said, directing a warning glare at him.

"Got it." Dib yelped.

With that, Gaz released him. "Good. Mysterious Mysteries marathon is on soon."

"I know. I'm gonna watch it while I monitor Pe- Zim!" He said.

"Whatever. As long as you don't bug us." Gaz said as she stuffed her face with delicious cereal, tuning him out.

A little while passed, and Dib slinked up to his room, turning on several monitors. One showed Zim's Base, the other showed the downstairs living room, and the third surveyed the outside of the house.

"You're crazy if you think I'm just gonna let you alone with a horrible monster, Gaz." Dib whispered to himself. He focused on the monitor with his sister on, watching her set up a wide array of snacks to eat...

"Are you kidding me? Since when does she offer other people food? What is she-" Dib's train of thoughts were cut short when he heard a loud explosion. He turned his head to the third monitor, only to see a mail truck turned on its side, bursting into flames. The mailman got out and started running in fear for his life, all while Pepito happily watched the chaos he created.

"OH MY GOD! That poor mailman!" Dib screamed, pointing at the monitor as he watched the Antichrist, who looked like he was in a good mood, levitating to his front door. "I GOTTA SAVE GAZ! WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF!" He yelled, anxiously trotting down the steps as he heard knocking at the door.

He saw his sister was about to answer the door, but before she could, he pushed her out of the way.

"HEY!" She yelled in surprise.

Dib grabbed the nearest weapon he could find to ward off the beast...which happened to be an umbrella.

"YAAAAHHH!" Dib screamed as he flung open the door and pointed the folded umbrella at the Antichrist's face, all while he stood in a Kung Fu stance. "YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE, SPAWN OF SATAN! GO HOME!"

Upon seeing Dib screaming and waving an umbrella in his face, Pepito's once happy smile quickly faded to an annoyed scowl.

One angry Gaz got up off the floor, tackling Dib to the ground, to Pepito's surprise. "DIB! WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT SENDING YOU TO A NIGHTMARE WORLD IF YOU BUGGED US?!"

"GAZ! You don't understand! He blew up the mail truck!" Dib pleaded as he barely managed to point to the demolished truck through the open door.

Gaz looked at the mail truck laying on its side, engulfed in flames. "So?" She said in her indifferent voice. Years of seeing and hearing Zim destroy various cars, people and property, this didn't surprise her at all. "Let's get Pepito's side of the story." She suggested.

"So?! That poor mailman-"

"Almost ran me over." Pepito finished, folding his arms.

"Wait. What?" Dib asked as he and his sister stared at him.

"Sí. I was on my way over here and he nearly ran me over. So I blew up his truck. He's lucky I didn't explode his head right then and there!" He explained.

Dib didn't believe a word of it. Years of fighting with Zim and the vile alien always came up with some excuse or fake reason for his horrible actions. Well, at least he had it on camera so he could replay it.

"You're lying! You're not the first monster I've had to deal with! It's so typical of an evil creature like yourself to just make up an excuse!" Dib screamed in an accusing manner.

This comment only made Pepito angrier... "FOOL! I've no reason to lie!" He yelled.

Gaz actually felt somewhat embarrassed that her older brother was acting like this in front of him. At this point, she assumed he was probably not looking forward to being here at all. And she didn't want that. Not with her video games at stake.

"DIB! If you don't go back upstairs right now and hide in your room for the rest of the day, I'm gonna make you suffer horribly!" The scary sister threatened as a dark aura now surrounded her.

Dib just looked at her as if she was crazy. "But-"

"Horrible suffering." She warned in a low whisper.

"O-okay!" Dib nervously replied, dropping the umbrella and trotting back up the steps to avoid his sister's dark wrath. He figured he probably shouldn't interfere anymore. Not unless Gaz needed him. And lucky for her, he could just watch them both on the monitor!

Gaz glared at him until he was finally out of her sight. She turned around to face Pepito, who was still standing in the doorway. "Sorry about that. He's crazy sometimes."

The Antichrist shrugged his shoulders. "Eh, it's okay. He's really protective of you. I read his soul...he acts like that everyday?" Pepito asked.

"Yes. I always have to listen to his constant screaming." Gaz complained.

Pepito grimaced. He couldn't imagine listening to such screaming day in and day out. "That must be very annoying."

"HEY! I'm not annoying!" Dib quietly yelled to himself as he watched them on the screen.

"It is...welcome to my house." She responded as she motioned for him to come inside.

Which earned a chuckle out of the Antichrist who entered the home and started looking around.

Gaz shut the door and walked over to the sofa and took a seat, Pepito following her and taking a seat nearby.

He looked at the table in front of him...which was loaded with junk food. So much junk food, it could feed an entire Superbowl party. There were bags of chips, popcorn, nachos, pretzels, candy bars, soda, cupcakes and all sorts of snacks.

Gaz gestured to the table. "Help yourself to some snacks."

Pepito's eyes widened in shock. "That's a lot of food." He replied, looking surprised.

Gaz merely shrugged her shoulders. "Eh...not really. If we run out, I'll just order us some pizza or something."

He looked at her in astonishment. She's a thin girl that has the table loaded down with all kinds of food that was more than enough for the both of them, and she's worried about running out?

"Gracias." He told her, smiling at her. This was literally the first time he had been invited to someone's house...and needless to say, it wasn't exactly easy for him to make friends, let alone be friends with a girl. To say that most people were frightened of him was an understatement. But this girl...really didn't seem to mind?

"No problem." Gaz replied as she actually smiled a tiny bit at him.

Pepito fidgeted somewhat anxiously, he fumbled with his hands. "So uh, doesn't it bother you at all that I'm the Antichrist?"

"So glad you admitted it on camera, Satan Spawn!" Dib whispered in excitement in his room. "Man the Eyeballs have to see this!" He said, sending a message to the Agency on his laptop.

The goth girl raised an eyebrow. "No...Why would it?"

He was surprised at her answer. She didn't even seem fazed the first time he said it. She was full of surprises. "Eh...I don't know. Most humans are terrified of me. I can be rather terrifying. Very terrifying." He responded, bragging about it to her.

"Meh..." She said in her usual indifferent attitude...to his dismay.

After seeing her unaffected reaction, he felt overcome with the need to prove his scariness to her. "Okay...I shall prove it to you!" He declared, leaping off of the sofa and standing in front of her. A fiery aura suddenly formed around him as he levitated above the floor. Flames burst from his hands, as the rest of the room grew pitch black with swirling darkness and ghoulish shadow figures, all while he laughed evilly. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

It was indeed horrifying! Especially to Dib, who clutched his chest in a panic attack.

"OH MY GOD! GAZ! I'LL SAVE YOU!" He screamed in a horrific panic, running out of the room to rescue his sister from the demonic nightmare...

"Terrifying, sí?" Pepito asked in a low growl, as he stepped closer to Gaz.

She crossed her arms, unamused. "No." She answered as she watched him like he was putting on a play, rather than a display of fiery demonic power.

Which stunned the Antichrist... "But it's at least spooky, no?" He asked, wanting some form of approval from her.

"No. Not really." Gaz answered. Maybe to every other person on the planet, but not to someone like Gaz Membrane.

"Are you sure you're not even a little terrified?" He inquired, still making flames shoot out of his hands.

"Do I look like the type to be terrified?" She responded in her usual surly voice, placing her hands on her hips and waiting for an answer.

"No." He finally responded as he dissipated the flames from his hands and made the room go back to normal. He sat back down on the couch beside her, pouting.

Gaz noticed this, and while she was now a little amused, she kinda wanted to say something to make him feel better. "I have to admit...that was pretty cool, though."

Pepito perked up after hearing her say that, staring at her. She didn't think he was scary, and it didn't apparently bother her that he was the Antichrist. It was a good thing that she wasn't afraid of him, and it was even better that she thought his scariness was cool. He could get a vague reading on her, but otherwise she was a mystery to him, which was a first. But he knew that she seemed different than anyone else he encountered. And she seemed kinda feisty...which he liked.

Gaz caught him staring at her for a second or two longer than normal. She placed several games on the table in front of him. "Alright. Let's get started."

Dib stood at the top of the stairway, watching the spectacle. He felt somewhat relieved when the Antichrist stopped his scary display of demon power! Except he was now sitting aside of his sister, to his disgust. He marched back into his room before his scary sister would notice...

Pepito looked at the blood and gore on the covers of the games, raising a surprised eyebrow. Most girls (at least the ones he knew) weren't interested in such violent games. "These are all fighting games..."

"Yeah. They're the best kind." Gaz responded with some genuine enthusiasm.

He smiled, content with her choice of games. Yet another thing they had in common. "They're my favorite too."

The goth girl smiled lightly. "Cool... Do you want to play Super Kicky Fighters 12? I wanted to play some locked levels on there and I needed a second player in order to do so." She explained.

"Sure. I had the same problem. I needed another player to unlock the bonus levels on mine but I never had anyone to play with me." He replied, being faced with the same dilemma as nobody wanted to play with the Antichrist.

"Huh. I thought I was the only one." She responded as she scratched her head. She put in the game and handed him a controller.

Dib watched the two of them, as he finally received a response from the Eyeball team. He opened his laptop, eagerly awaiting to show the next Agent. "Agent Dark Booty! Quick! The Antichrist is in my house next to my little sister!" He said, pointing the laptop in the direction of the monitor.

The camera showed Pepito and Gaz sitting side by side...quietly playing their game together.

"Mothman! I've already told you that jokes have no place in the Swollen Eyeball Network." Dark Booty told him, getting irritated.

Dib just stared at him in disbelief. "But I-"

"TIME TO EXPLODE YOUR HEAD!" Pepito sinisterly yelled in a threatening tone of voice.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! WHAT?!" Dib shrieked as his heart jumped into his throat in pure fear as he looked at the camera. Dark Booty looked back at the monitor as well.

"Nice one." Gaz complimented, actually starting to giggle as Pepito blew up one of the other important fighters in the game like it was nothing. She was actually kind of...impressed?

"Gracias." He answered, feeling content that he was starting to impress her.

Gaz smiled. "You got his brains all over the street. I love this game, but the graphics on the 10th one were actually-"

"Better?" He asked, completing her sentence.

"Yeah." She said, kinda surprised since most people argued that the latest version's graphics were definitely the best.

A wave of temporary relief washed over Dib once he realized that the demon wasn't talking about his sister, but rather the video game character.

"Those kids really love their video games. They develop hand eye coordination, you know." Dark Booty said to Dib in amusement.

"NO! Forget the game! Look at his horns!" Dib insisted, pointing to the screen.

"Disembodied Head told me about you. You should be ashamed of yourself." The Agent told him.

"What?! ME?!" Dib asked in surprise.

"Just because he has a different... appearance, doesn't mean he's a paranormal case. He may dress like the devil, but that doesn't mean he IS the devil." The Agent told him, trying to make a point.

"Except he IS! HE IS THE DEVIL!" Dib emphasized, about to go through the roof.

On that note, Dark Booty was disgusted, and promptly ended the conversation.

"Just wait. WAIT UNTIL I SEND YOU THE RECORDINGS! ONCE I- OH MY GOD!" Dib shouted in a panic as he noticed they were no longer playing the game...

He noticed the Antichrist manifesting some more fire in his hands, holding them near his sister!

Dib tripped and flopped on the floor like a noodle, trying to get up to rescue his baby sister. "GAZ! I'M COMING! I'M-"

Dib was about to run out of the room to save her...until he noticed that his sister started to hold a bowl of cheese dip over his hands, trying to heat it. After a moment she took it away and placed it on the table, the two of them dunked some nachos into it and began to eat.

"Mmm. That is better than using the microwave." She admitted.

"Si. I do this all the time. It loses flavor if it's in the microwave too long." He explained.

Dib continued to watch the two of them, his anxiety getting the better of him as he nearly had a heart attack several times over. But so far, so good. They just snacked, and played video games for a while. One thing was weird though. It seemed like they were actually enjoying each other's company. Which was a first for Gaz, who could barely tolerate or socialize with anybody. And seeing that he's the Antichrist and wants to doom everyone. Babysitting the two of them made him forget what else was on his agenda for today. The poor paranormal investigator was soon interrupted by a loud explosion, but it wasn't from downstairs. He rushed to the window, and heard yet another explosion in the distance.

"Zim! ZIM!" He angrily screamed about to rush out the door. Except he was forgetting one thing. "OH NO! What am I gonna do?! I can't leave them alone! But I also can't let Zim destroy the world! What am I gonna do?! Gaz will kill me if I bother them again! MUST. CHOOOOOSE!" He very reluctantly made his choice. He crawled out the window and got in Tak's ship. He HATED leaving them alone, but he figured they made it this far without any incident. Besides, if Pepito did something really stupid, Gaz might just doom him! He piloted the ship out of his yard, and headed toward the direction of a large cloud of smoke in the distance.

In the meantime, Gaz and Pepito had just finished their Super Kicky Fighters 12 game.

She was impressed with his gaming skills, especially since the two of them were fighting in perfect harmony with one another and getting really great scores. Needless to say, she was now in a good mood. "Wow...That was...fun."

"Sí...that was. You're a really good gamer." He said to her, paying her a nice compliment.

"Thanks...And I know." She responded.

Pepito smiled, running his fingers through his hair. "No. I mean, like the best I've ever seen."

On that note she started to blush lightly, Pepito noticing the pale pinkish color on her face, to his delight.

The purple haired girl smiled at him, getting an odd feeling that was foreign to her as she continued to stare at him. "Thanks...You're actually pretty good too."

Coming from Gaz, that was a pretty damn good compliment. And it was the truth. He actually did have skill, and was a true gamer, to her surprise.

"Eh...I try my best. I've been playing video games since I was a little kid." He told her, as he started eating a cupcake.

Gaz's eyes lit up at that comment. "Me too. Which game do you want to play next? I've got the latest Vampire Piggy Hunter game or-"

"Vampire Piggy Hunter. Also one of my favorites. I'll play." He immediately replied, smiling at her.

Pepito handed her the game at the same time Gaz reached for it, their hands touching one another's on accident. At that very same second, they suddenly heard a loud crash, followed by some loud yelling.

They separated their hands, and looked towards the source of the ruckus.

The front door was blasted apart, and one short, angry green alien marched through her home. He had an array of weapons coming out of his Pak, one of which was a laser, a buzz saw, and a mini cannon, and he wore an insane look on his face...

Gaz growled in annoyance, as her day was about to get crazier.

[goosebumpsbookclub]

Stay Out of the Basement

Yes, I'm still doing this.

We descend now into the second chronological entry in the Goosebumps series. I do want to stress that this is only the second book, and R.L. has gone with "plant monsters," something I'd expect from maybe book #50, after he'd run out of all the classic monsters. Points for originality.

The protagonist of this one, Margaret Brewer, is just Amanda Benson again, complete with annoying little brother. (Alas, this little brother, Casey, lacks the inhuman physical strength of his predecessor.) She also has a mom who's away on a trip and a dad who sucks so, so bad.

Basically, this book is told from the point of view of the child of a doomed Jeff VanderMeer character. Margaret's dad is doing science of some sort in the basement after losing his Real Science Job. He's weird and distant and doesn't let his kids enter his lab, so obviously they do enter his lab, where they find messed up plants that breathe. Their dad subsequently gets a lock for the basement door (which, like, why on earth didn't you do that in the first place, my guy) and starts wearing a baseball cap all the time, which is never a good sign. Also he eats dirt. Just out of the bag, like an animal.

What's under the hat? I'm happy to tell you! It's leaves and stuff. Margaret finds this out almost immediately because her dad is supremely bad at hiding his secrets. He convinces her and Casey that growing an entire tree out of the top of your head is actually totally fine and not a cause for concern at all, which is a stupendous feat of gaslighting. Then he serves them green potatoes. Which is also fine. (They don't eat the green potatoes.) His old Real Science Boss shows up, he takes him down into the basement, and the man is never seen again. Which is also fine! This is all great.

When Margaret and Casey inevitably return to the basement to catch another glimpse of those sweet, sweet evil plants, they find the boss's jacket Their dad explains that it was hot down there, so his boss took off his jacket and then forgot to take it with him when he left. This definitely sounds like they're banging. Mr. Brewer basically just told his kids he's gay in order to divert attention away from his weird plants.

A third and final trip to the basement (no lock can stop these children!) reveals the rest of the boss's clothes, confirming that he is their father's lover. More importantly, though, their dad's bound and gagged in the (literal) closet, when he's supposed to be picking their mom up from the airport. Uh oh! Two dads now! One was bad enough. Other Dad shows up and tries to convince the kids he's Real Dad, but Margaret figures out Closet Dad is Real Dad because he shows her love. Real Dad then cuts Other Dad in half with an ax, which, Jesus Christ. It turns out Other Dad was a plant clone that got too strong and stepped into Real Dad's life like a gay green Stepford Wife.

But it wouldn't be Goosebumps without that sweet cliffhanger. Margaret goes out to hang out in the yard, where a plant pokes her foot and tells her it, in fact, is her Real Dad. Fade to black. Fin.

I actually love this twist because it really reinforces the main theme of this book, which is that dads are terrible. Instead of processing his socioeconomic anxiety, this guy alienates himself from his kids and makes horrible horrible plant people, literally creating a surrogate dad to manage childcare. On accident, sure, but surely there's something going on there subconsciously. And at the end of the day Margaret remains unsure which dad is real, because they're functionally the same. Even (supposedly) Real Dad's declaration of love could be a front--Margaret can’t remain convinced of its truth for very long. She gets only a brief respite before she's caught up in her dad's bullcrap again, trying to decipher what the hell is going on with him, trying to keep up with him in order to survive. She's an unwilling player in the Game of Thorns and this guy is Tywin Lannister. Get it? Thorns? Please high-five me.

Ratings:

Cover: The cover I got from the library was the 2003 update, still by Tim Jacobus, and a little busy for my taste, but that plant guy is pretty spooky with his beakers and such. 2.5/5 The original shows a scary plant hand reaching out of the basement, much simpler in concept but detailed and gross and slimy as all Jacobus covers should be. I give it a 4/5.

Scare factor: I found this one less freaky than the first, but the detail about the plants breathing did give me a chill and genuinely reminded me of Annihilation. Also, a guy gets chopped in half with an ax. 3/5.

Dads: 0/5. Be better, dads.

[brunhiddensmusings]

year in review of parenting

thought i would try and record a few prime interactions ive had with my kids so i remember them as my 3 daughters are just so out there - daughter says shes interested in becoming an animator so i have to line up a list of animations on youtube i know were made by one person, including ‘no evil’ by betsy lee, dingo doodles sips and the karaoke of doom, ‘witches on tinder’, and piemations as examples of the kind of thing one person can reasonably do with a lot of dedication and if you pay close attention you can see how each of the animations are done differently - explaining what skaa was, twice - spending  time at gamestop just discussion how some funko pops make sense and some are super dumb. makes sense funko pop would be one of the main characters of a movie thats well loved, dumb ones would be the same but for a movie literally nobody likes but funko pops were released before the movie was so they will never sell, or having 40+ differnt versions of rick and another 50 of morty. even having 15+ different batmans doesnt make sense because given the choice do you want orange batman or classic batman? - no i cannot go to your school to beat up the kid who was mean to you. i mean technically im physically able to but thats not the point - explaining what the music style ‘scat’ is and why its unrelated to the same word used to mean ‘wild animal poop’ - i dont know how to explain to you who freddie mercury is because were in a car and i cant show you a youtube of bohemian rhapsody while im driving - explaining why i am irritated at the kid friendly versions of classic horror monsters, they dont get it so i have to go into detail a- is the wolfman scary? like just a dude thats hairy? no. no he is not. however imagine that someone you know, and you dont know who, may at some point in time turn into a ravenous monster who will attack their friends ruthlessly, its already happened at least once so everyone is on edge wondering who it is. however, secretly it is you that is the monster, living in fear that you could loose control and kill the ones you love most b- the frankenstins monster, just a big green dude with bolts in his neck? scary? no, hes just a larger zombie basically. however imagine someone at college going nutty and then starts to raid the morgue, the cemetery, butcher shops, and surgery wards at hospitals for the human parts he stitches together into a rude parody of a human being and brings it to life. but it doesnt stop there, because he abandoned this new creature that thing now stalks him out of revenge, one by one killing everyone they know - the kids now understand why the majority of the classic monsters are supposed to be scary as balls - explaining COPPA to them because several youtubers we watch together have started loudly announcing ‘not for children’, at which they unprompted start complaining about a youtuber called ‘ryans world’ where a very annoying screaming child tells everyone to buy shit and is repeatedly recommended to them by the algorithm because it knows theyre kids. i should have taken that as a warning so i wasnt surprised at just how much ‘ryans world’ merchandise was in stores this year, like ye gods theres more of it then there was starwars and harry potter merch combined he has his own cereal which is apparently frootloops and disturbing plush animals. we agreed its weird when on his merch theres four different characters but the pink cat girl looks like she was made by someone different then the others because shes got way better detail - explain to kids that ‘green eggs and ham’ was made on a dare, which requires me to recite the whole thing for them to count that there are exactly 50 different words 5 year old- “wheres my sister” me- “in the bathroom, why” 5 year old- “imma hug her” me- “nn.... wow youre - 14 year old in the bathroom- “GAAH!” me- “-fast” - i can do a perfect impression of the ‘huhuhuhuh’ sound sans undertale makes - its been 3 years of me using the phrase ‘sans undertale’ specifically and my daughter who has spent the last 3 years dressing like him and listening to his music hasnt caught on that the way im phrasing it is in fact a joke - kids accidentally stumble uppon a history meme i was part of and i have to explain thats a thing i do - explain to kids what the emu war was - explain to kids who rasputin was - explain to the kids what the problem with hitler was, given the 11 year old is supposed to only get this in the school curriculum this next year i can understand why she was shocked. 14 year old was also shocked becuase she is in the between part of ‘we briefly touched on that war’ and ‘okay now that you are old enough we can explain how shoving people into ovens works’ - they asked, they really did, and only then do i realize that despite it being something everyone should definitely be aware of... figuring out how old and how to explain it really is a tricky matter cause ho-damn most adults get queasy when you explain it and im sure those kids had bad dreams for a week - theyre also aware of the trump concentration camps and were able to draw the connections real quick - pun contest - kid asks me to acquire a daft punk song for her so i can put it on her mp3 player, i have never heard of this song despite her spending 5 minutes describing it and how their eyes are freaky. have to explain to her that when i was about her age daft punk released an entire movie made of music videos. we have to show each other different daft punk videos to understand each other - no, daft punk are the robots, not the blue eye people. literally nobody knows what they look like under the helmets they even show up to music award shows wearing them. the helmets can actually make words and emotes theyre really rad songs we have erupted into together - spooky scary skeletons - narwhals narwhals - another irish drinking song - hubba hubba zoot zoot

[aion-rsa]

The Best Horror Comedies of the 21st Century

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Spooky season isn’t just about candy and trauma (although we enjoy those things as much as the next person), it’s also a perfect time to gather together for giggles. Horror and comedy go hand in hand and as well as the classics like An American Werewolf in London, Young Frankenstein and Army of Darkness the 21st century has coughed up plenty of new gems. We’ve rounded up 13 of our favourite to delight and amuse you this Halloween.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010) 

Just because you’re a redneck, it doesn’t make you a psycho, in this deceptively adorable anti-slasher where a bunch of vacationing college kids keep accidentally getting themselves killed trying to escape from the harmless Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and his lovely friend Dale (Tyler Labine). Eli Craig’s directorial debut is gruesome, gory, and very funny, but the movie is more than just a gimmick: there are some top horror twists here, too.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) 

Possibly the most iconic horror comedy of the 21st century, Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead is the first part of the director’s “Cornetto Trilogy,” which all riff on genre and all star Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Shaun is a “zom-rom-com” which sees Pegg’s leading man trying to win back his girlfriend in the face of a zombie apocalypse. It’s achingly British in its humor but has become an international cult classic, with cosplayers regularly dressing as Shaun. It came out in 2004 but still completely holds up today.

What We Do in the Shadows (2014)  

The movie that spawned the excellent TV show is a deeply funny mock-doc about vampires who share a house, written and directed by Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement, who also star alongside Jonny Brugh and Ben Fransham. Set and shot in Wellington, New Zealand, the humor is silly, self-effacing, and specific. A genuinely hilarious riff on vampire and werewolf tropes.

Psycho Goreman (2020) 

One of the most joyful new horror comedies sees an all-powerful force of evil bested by the small girl who inadvertently releases him from cosmic jail. Problem child Mimi and the brother she bullies discover they can control “The Arch-Duke of Nightmares” and rename him Psycho Goreman. They just want to play games, he just wants to destroy the universe. Packed with over-the-top gore, great gags, and a surprising level of sweetness, this is an ’80s-style schlocker with a modern twist.

The Cabin in the Woods (2012) 

Directed by Drew Goddard, who went on to make the stylish, and star-studded Bad Times at the El Royale, this clever, surprising, love-hate letter to the horror genre is packed with rug pulls, reveals, and gags. The movie juxtaposes a typical gang of teens taking a doom-laden vacation and the white collar workers who are pulling the strings behind the scenes. If you somehow missed it–go watch! Now! If you’ve seen it before, this is a movie that rewards repeat viewing.

Slaxx (2020) 

This Canadian eco-horror about, yes, killer trousers, which played the festival circuit before making its way to Shudder, is actually smarter than it appears. Slaxx is set around a trendy designer store which purports to be ethically sound but is anything but. Yes, there are multiple pants-based slayings as a sentient pair of jeans exacts its bloody revenge on the store workers, but there’s also dark satire and a killer sense of humor at work here–and surprisingly a catchy, cool dance routine to boot.

Zombieland (2009) 

Zombieland: Double Tap seemed a little late when it came out in 2019, but that shouldn’t detract from the original, which was a refreshing take on the zom-com with great performances from its now-starry cast. Zombieland sees a bunch of misfits who name themselves after their respective hometowns navigate the apocalypse via a strict set of rules. Emma Stone, Jesse Eisenberg, Abigail Breslin, and Woody Harrelson star in this zippy comedy with heart, and a surprise cameo to die for.

Trick ’r Treat (2007) 

If a film ever truly captured the spirit of Halloween it’s this one. Michael Dougherty’s seasonal anthology movie weaves together four stories with a wraparound that brings just the right level of chills and giggles–it manages to be both funny and scary without compromising either. A murderous school principal, a bus driver with a horrible past, teenage girls reclaiming the night, and a little kid dressed in a burlap sack bring the Halloween spirit to life in this cult movie with a cool cast including Brian Cox and Anna Paquin.

Happy Death Day (2017) 

This Groundhog Day-style slasher sees college student Tree Gelbman (Jessica Rothe) get murdered on the day before her birthday, only to discover she’s stuck in a time loop and destined to relive the day over and over. It’s up to Tree to work out who’s been killing her, while fixing some bad life choices along the way. Blackly funny with some good kills–even if it is, largely speaking, the same person being killed–Happy Death Day is a glossy production from Blumhouse which spawned a sequel in 2019 that is also worth checking out.

Jennifer’s Body (2009) 

Karen Kusama’s tasty teenage satire was somewhat misunderstood at its release, criticized by some for not being funny or scary enough. But in recent years it has been embraced for its feminist themes as Megan Fox’s popular cheerleader Jennifer becomes demonically possessed and begins attacking the boys at her school. Amanda Seyfried is great as Jennifer’s best friend Needy, while Fox shines in her best role. Juno’s Diablo Cody wrote the screenplay, too, so the dialogue is as spiky and sharp as Jennifer’s teeth.

One Cut of the Dead (2017) 

Breakout Japanese indie One Cut of the Dead is a film of three parts, and there are three stages of watching. Part one: Why does everyone keep going on about this low-budget zombie film? Part two: OK fine, it’s smarter than I thought, but get a grip people. Part three: OMG One Cut of the Dead is the greatest film ever, I love it so much, it’s so clever and funny and brilliant, I must tell everyone I know about One Cut of the Dead. That’s all you need to know.

Freaky (2020) 

It’s a concept so cunning we wonder why it hasn’t been done before. Magic hokum means a teenage girl suddenly swaps bodies with a deranged serial killer. How will she convince anyone that he is really her, while stopping her possessed body from murdering her pals? Happy Death Day director Christopher Landon heads up this quirky slasher comedy which stars Vince Vaughn and Kathryn Newton having the time of their lives.

Slither (2006) 

Before he became a comic book movie darling, James Gunn made his directorial debut with this icky black comedy starring Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, and Michael Rooker. A small town is invaded by an alien parasite who takes over the body of one of the residents, transforming him into a grotesque, tentacled being intent on breeding and infecting the townsfolk. Influenced by David Cronenberg’s Shivers and The Brood, this is tongue-in-cheek body horror only for the strongest of stomachs.

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