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The most compelling part of my incredibly elaborate Alison Corruption Arc AU™/Alison Stranded in 1993 AU™ is definitely Alison just becoming an accepted part of Julian and Margot's marriage. The Cooper-y filling in a Fawcett sandwich.
#bbc ghosts#Alison and Margot in my head have a VERY complicated but very deep relationship with each other#they love each other. they hate each other. they both think the other is AWFUL. they'd both trust the other with their life.#they will never understand each other. they know each other intimately.#they can't stand to be together. they miss each other terribly when they're apart#it's toxic. it's profound. it's beautiful.#and obviously they both love Julian but in different ways#Margot underneath it all loves the bastard she married and thinks he can never change#Alison loves the good sweet man she sees deep down inside and believes he CAN change#And Alison still loves Mike of course and WANTS to get back to him but she doesn't know if that's possible#she's stuck in 1993 and the only people she has any real connection with here and the hot awful tory couple she's living with#what's she MEANT to do?#which of course means when she finally eventually does get home she'll be overjoyed to be with Mike again#but heartbroken that she can't touch Julian anymore and that she'll never see Margot again#and also just morally a way worse person now#so really in this AU Alison could never win#she was always going to end up heartbroken either way#the brainrot is real by the way#julian fawcett#margot fawcett#alison cooper
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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.
Interview with Tabula Rasa
Tabula Rasa has 8 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files fics at AO3 and her website. She writes Mulder and Scully in a very lovely way. I've recced 3 of my favorites of her fics here before: Bird in Snow, Fall: East on M St, and Skuamorph. Big thanks to Tabula Rasa for doing this interview.
Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?
I'm always extremely pleasantly surprised to get kudos (or, very rarely, a comment) on my old fic, but I'm always happy to see it! I did post them all (I think) to AO3. I'm not surprised people are still reading fic, though. It's an iconic show and now with streaming, it's really easy to watch older shows and natural to want fic about them!
What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?
XF was my first fandom, definitely my first online fandom, and so it will always have a special place in my heart. Also... I had a great time! I stumbled upon and joined the Scullyfic email list by accident, but it was the best thing I could have done. I learned a lot about how to be a writer and how to be in fandom, and those lessons are still important to me. Foundational. Also, in terms of modern fandom drama, XF was more low-key on the drama (although it didn't seem like it at the time!). But I learned something that's always served me well: find like-minded people, and hang out with them. Don't worry about the rest.
Also... you can't control the show, but you kind of can control the canon.
Because of Scully, I ended up taking a forensic anthropology class in university-- and now I have a Master's in a forensic science! Part of the Scully Effect, and proud of it!
Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?
Definitely mostly email list! I never really got the hang of message boards. Posting fic was exhausting, and tbh I never figured out how to work Ephemeral. I checked it every day, though! I loved, after a new episode, everyone sending in their thoughts and reading everyone's experiences together. Fandom was a lot more work back then, tbh!
What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?
That fic can be just as good, or better, than traditionally published works. There are works of XF fic that have stuck with me for years now, far more than some books I've read. That fan writers can know the characters better than the show writers. The fandom in general was really smart, and mostly more adult than me (I joined fandom when I went away to college, so I always felt at the younger end of the scale. That was good though!).
Also, my first time reading and writing porn. Not gonna lie, I was shocked the first time I accidentally read smut. But I adjusted fast. lol
What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?
I was still a kid (now we would say preteen) when the show premiered- I think in middle school. But I was already into ghosts, aliens, monsters, solving mysteries, and I'd already imprinted on the dynamic thanks to Square One (really)! I was also just old enough to start developing celebrity crushes. Hilariously, I did not twig to the fact that I'm bisexual the entire time I was in XF fandom, despite having enormous crushes on BOTH Mulder and Scully. Ahhhh!
Also, my whole family was into the show, but I was definitely the one with the hyperfixation. I used to take notes and record the episodes as I watched. It just had the right stuff and hit at the right time. And I've always been obsessive.
What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?
As a kid I also really liked Star Trek, and someone had given my dad a book about the history of Star Trek, which I read. This included mentions of fandom and fanfic. As soon as I had a private-- and perhaps more importantly fast-- internet connection (in college), I went looking for XF fanfic, and that was that. Hooked immediately. Also I shipped them A LOT so that's what I went looking for.
What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?
I tend to not go back to a fandom once I have a new fandom, so I wouldn't say I'm in it. I did hang around the edges for the revival, of course, because I wanted to experience that with the same people, but since the revival was mostly not that great (with a few exceptions), I didn't get pulled back into it. But I still think of the people I knew in the fandom a lot, and always hope they're doing well.
Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?
I've never left fandom, and I've been in a BUNCH: Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Bandom, Supernatural, now CQL/The Untamed and other Chinese-media fandoms, with many smaller ones in between or on the side. I feel like at their core fandoms tend to be similar, although where you host the fandom makes a big difference: Livejournal, tumblr, twitter. I think that because fandoms now tend to be bigger and more diverse (which is good) there tends to be more wank (which is bad). In some of them I was close to a group of people, some of them not. Honestly the best thing is when someone you know from an old fandom is in your new fandom. It's so much fun. I have really good friends thanks to fandom, and I've had them for YEARS. Like. 15 years.
Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?
I tend to focus more on ships than characters, but some of my all-time favs: Scully, Hermione, Sirius Black, Castiel, Lan Wangji, Xie Lian. That's just fandom-oriented ones, otherwise we'd be here all day. :D
Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?
I don't often rewatch episodes any more, although if I come across an ep on tv I might. I definitely still think about them though! For example, I'm a teacher now, and just a couple weeks ago one of my colleagues mentioned he'd heard the students saying they shipped two of their classmates, and he was like "Ship? I don't get it" and I was like "HOO BOY, do I have a story for you!" And I explained how shipping came from XF fandom, and why. That was fun. I definitely still think about Mulder and Scully too-- I mean, they're cultural touchstones, so they do come up sometimes in greater pop culture. Also, I was in Hannibal fandom for a while, and Gillian Anderson is still The Best.
Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?
I haven't read XF fic in years, even the ones I remember as being really significant/important to me. I still have my all-time favs saved on an external HD though! Fic in another fandom- every day lol.
Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?
Blinded by White Light by DashaK has stuck with me. Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Ruby-Throated Warbler by I forget I'm so sorry -- that's lasted as my ideal post-canon MSR and as an interesting and different way to tell a story. [Lilydale note: It’s by rah.] I was always thrilled to see fic by Brandon, JET, MaybeAmanda, Syntax6... and, frankly, everyone on the Scullyfic/ Emuse list. So many talented people in that fandom!
What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?
Things Outside, which is the only thing I've ever written based on a dream, and I'm really satisfied with it. It was hard to write but so much fun to revel in the weirdness. I always kind of wanted to write more because I know a lot more about the situation, but otoh, I like the open, ambiguous ending (usually I am very HEA).
In other fandoms, King & Country in bandom (MCR) and in Supernatural I'm very proud of Hope and Clay. I struggle to write casefics even though I love to read them, but that one really worked out.
Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?
I don't think I'll ever write something new. There is an old fic that may be done but it was smut so I was too shy to post it at the time. In theory if I find it and it's decent, I could post it!
Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?
I do! I write fic very slowly, but I do write still! I have a million ideas for stories, but I'm so slow at the actual writing part.
Where do you get ideas for stories?
I usually take a jumping-off point from canon, or of course, something I need to fix or expand on. Or sometimes I start telling myself a story as I fall asleep and the idea grabs me long enough I can manage to write it.
What's the story behind your pen name?
I was getting into fandom and realized people didn't use their real names. I flipped through my history book looking for inspiration, and decided tabula rasa was a great name for a writer. I tend to add an X because it's rare to get "tabularasa" as a username, and the X is indeed for X-Files (so I'm something like tabulaxrasa most places). I usually go by Tabula Rasa or Tab, though. And I still use it because 1) it IS a great name for a writer; and 2) it's not fandom-specific so I can keep it in every fandom.
I identify with it so much I have answered to this name in class (oops). I have a "Tab" t-shirt (as in the soda, but I have worn it to Comic-Con for ease of ID-- better than a nametag!). And my mom got me a necklace with a "tab" typewriter key as a charm, which I adore. Yes, I have accidental merch of myself.
Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?
As you can tell from the above, my family knows (my family being my parents and sister). They are supportive! I think my mom read a couple stories? But obviously she has to know the fandom to get it... I got my sister into fic, and we even wrote a couple fics together (in Gundam Wing). She's a lot more selective about fandoms, but she's joined fandoms on her own, too. She's just not in one constantly, like me. :p
I tend not to tell not-online friends unless I have felt them out and know they're super fannish, or they bring it up first.
Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?
Most of my old fic is now on AO3 and I hang out on twitter a lot, @tabula_x_rasa
Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?
I'm really glad people are still in this fandom! It will always be so important to me. Thank you Lilydale, for this nostalgia trip!
(Posted by Lilydale on March 30, 2021)
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metempsychosis: t. holland series (pt. 3)
a/n | we’re finally getting to the good stuff :-) now that i’m turning this into a submission for a competition i’m having to change all of the names and tenses (bc i can’t submit “y/n” to professionals) so hopefully there aren’t too many typos !
synopsis | A young couple whose lives were both lost in a tragic accident are reincarnated as new people. As they collide as strangers in their second lives, they must try to make sense of the innate connection they feel.
cw | reincarnation au. language, fluff, a lil angst, flashbacks. this one ain’t too sad. 2.6k words.
Read part 2, join the taglist
1993
{ He took a gulp as he opened the door to see her sweet face waiting to be let in. “Hey, glad you found me,” he laughed nervously, arm reaching up and over to scratch at a nonexistent itch on the back of his head.
She wandered through the doorframe, taking in the smell of his apartment, counting the dirty dishes in the sink, smiling at the family photos he had on display. “I’m glad we’re finally getting around to having a movie night,” she grinned back.
“Sorry, you know how crazy school has been-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Chemistry this and med school that. I can’t believe I’ve found myself swooning over such a nerd.”
“Says the girl who prefers numbers to real people.”
She gave him a dramatic slap to the shoulder, feigning offense. “Just put on the movie before I ditch you for some spreadsheets.”
He gave her lower arm a lighthearted squeeze and guided her over to the couch, putting the tape in and plopping down next to her. He grabbed a blanket off of the armrest and whipped it up in the air, letting it fall spread out across her lap. She looked surprised at his intuitiveness. “I remember you telling me you can’t watch a home movie without a good blanket,” he said.
Her eyes crinkled at the edges at his attention to detail, picking up the corner closest to him and motioning for him to take half of the quilt. “Then you shouldn’t, either.”
The rom-com had an argument scene between the protagonist and his love interest where they disputed over who took what side of the bed the first time they slept together. He laughed at the silliness of it all as she sank further into his body as their chests rose and fell.
“Do you think we’ll need to pick sides of the bed?” he whispered as the scene changed.
“This is only our second date- I won’t be sleeping in your bed anytime soon, mister,” she smiled, stare still pointed at the screen.
“Well, fine, but it seems like this is a conversation we need to have if we have any chance of making it,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Let’s just pick sides of the couch then!” She looked down at her own lap, then at his. “I’m on the left side right now, so I’m claiming it as mine.”
“Wait, I didn’t even get a chance to experience the left side!’
“This is your couch,” she rolled her eyes at his playful tone.
“So I’m just stuck with the right?”
“Yes.”
“Forever?!”
“What other option would there be?”
He huffed in disapproval, but as time and movie dates passed, he had carved his own dugout in the left couch cushion that fit him like a glove. If he ever wasn’t on the right side of her, looking at her side profile from that specific angle, he couldn’t help but feel out of place. When they did finally share a bed, there was no need to fuss over who took which side, and no matter how many new couches they went through in different moves at different stages of their life, he sat to the right, learning to keep a throw pillow on his lap to anticipate her inevitably lying down and resting her head on it. }
You walked over to Tom, the soft padding of your feet against the wooden floors ringing out as the only sound in the suddenly quiet apartment.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“Uh, coffee, if you have it,” he replied, still clutching the throw pillow in his lap.
“Really? At 8pm?”
“Yeah, caffeine doesn’t affect me, I have one of those recessed genes or something.”
You shrugged and obliged, happy to have something to keep you busy as you paced over to the kitchen to brew the coffee, holding your hip. Tom swiveled around to watch you work.
His words sliced through the silence. “Are you feeling any better than earlier? You seemed pretty off in the car-”
“I’m fine.” You didn’t want to replay the emotions you felt while Tom was driving in your head, so you cut him off before he could keep talking about it. “Here’s your coffee.”
He took a sip and burned his tongue, scrunching up his face in such a cute way that you couldn’t help but let out a small giggle, sitting down next to him on the couch.
“Fuck, that’s hot!” he started fanning his stuck out tongue like it would do something, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smirk when he noticed you were laughing.
“I’m sorry, you literally just watched me brew it...” You shrugged, still entertained by his dramatic display.
The mood changed then and you were finally able to loosen yourselves up, able to chime in with conversation, exchanging eye contact that didn’t make either one of you nauseous. Now that you had the chance to look into Tom’s eyes for a little while longer, you was able to see just how mesmerizingly milky they were.
He continued in a panic. “I can’t lose my tongue! That’s how I make a living!”
You raised an eyebrow at him and he shot back a face of realization.
“That did not come out how I meant it to.”
You giggled again, pulling a blanket over your lap.
“I meant because I sing-”
“Yeah, Tom, I figured.”
You both had laugh lines splaying across your faces and you felt yourself settle back into the cushions a little easier, growing more used to being in his presence. Once you had given it a chance, you and Tom actually got along quite well.
“Speaking of which, can I hear something?”
“You want me to play for you?”
“Well, I’m an artist and you got to see my work...so, yeah,” you smiled, poking at his shoulder.
“Um, I don’t have my guitar,” Tom blurted out an excuse, because he was currently terrified of singing to you; you already made him excitedly nervous enough.
But you weren’t letting him off the hook that easy. “Isn’t it just in your car?”
“...so you saw it, then.” He sighed in defeat, getting up to get his keys.
“Yep.”
“You’re really gonna make me sing for you?”
You smiled and nodded at him.
“It’s the least you can do now that I’ve graciously opened my home and my coffee pot up to you.”
He shook his head as he laughed and ran out to grab the instrument. Once he was settled back down on the sofa, you watched him with your head tilted to the side as he became lost in the strings, tuning and then strumming onto them a truly beautiful melody. He saw you in his peripheral so seemingly enthralled watching him play, your bottom lip half bitten as you focused on his hands and fingers moving.
“Well, truthfully, I haven’t come up with anything good in a few days,” he said, still in denial that his dreamy muse had abandoned him. “So what’s a song you know? I’ll just play a cover.”
You pondered for too long on the question, thinking your answer would hold a lot more weight about your character than it actually did. Tom was far from that kind of deep thinking; he was too busy taking in the way your wavy hair framed your hollow cheeks.
“How about ‘Iris’?” You took a chance on one of your favorite old songs, assuming he wouldn’t know how to play it.
“Ah, a classic.” He started to pluck out the first few notes, and you were amazed that he already knew it by heart. But where you expected to hear the lyrics come in, Tom stayed silent. He looked over to your confused expression and stopped the music.
“What?”
“Aren’t you gonna sing the words?”
“It’s not really in my range. You can though, if you want?”
You sat upright. “Me?”
“Well, if you wanna hear the words that badly,” he shrugged, grinning at you.
“Ugh, fine.”
“Wow, she paints and sings?”
“Hey, do you want me to or not?!”
He chuckled at you, loving how rosy your cheeks had gotten, and started the song over, his hands on autopilot.
You sang the first few words of the first verse, and upon hearing your voice, Tom’s jaw all but fell to the floor; he was completely awestruck.
That voice. He knew that voice.
1993
{ He sat slouched on his barstool, listening to someone do a country song a great injustice up on the microphone.
“Why did you drag me to this, mate?”
“To a bar?”
“To a bar with an open mic. I can’t listen to a Beatles’ classic being sung off key for a third time tonight.” He popped the top off of another beer and chugged it down as another amateur made their way to the front of the room.
The girl on the stage started to sing and he all but did a spit take. Her voice was incredible, melting into his ears like smooth butter. And once he turned to look at her, well, that was all it took. He had waded through the bar crowd so quickly that she was barely off the makeshift stage when he approached her, blurting out “Hi, you’re so beautiful, I mean, your voice, I mean...uh, can I buy you a drink?” and kicking himself afterwards for not even trying an ounce to playing it cool. But it didn’t matter; one look was all it took for her, too. }
Tom racked his brain as you continued to sing, your voice echoing through the apartment like an angelic aura. That was it, he thought, she sounds like the singing voice in his dreams—and the day he’d met you was the same day he’d stopped dreaming—no, no...that wasn’t possible.
But he couldn’t shake the eerie thought from his head. Were you trapped in his brain until he met you in person? Had his angel manifested itself into the beautiful singing girl sitting next to him?
He stopped the song halfway through as he felt a rush of copper through his forehead and down to his nose. Shit.
“Um, where’s your bathroom?” he shot up and covered his nose with his sleeve, his guitar haphazardly falling onto the couch behind him.
“Down the hall, first door on the left,” you answered, confused. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, just gotta-” Tom bolted down the hall and shut the bathroom door abruptly, uncovering his face in the small mirror to see a familiar trickle of red pooling above his upper lip. When he reentered the living room after cleaning himself up, he hadn’t realized that his blood had stained the collar of his t-shirt.
“Tom, you have...” you stood up and made her way over to him, touching your finger to his shirt. He looked down in horror and sighed heavily.
“Yeah, it’s…I’m sorry. I get these nosebleeds.”
You smiled up at him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. I might have an extra shirt lying around, if you want it?”
Mortified but infatuated with how warming your touch was, Tom smiled back. “That would be great.”
You came out of your room with a t-shirt in hand. “This is the only one I have that will probably fit you,” you shrugged, tossing it to him and trying not to let your smile show as he stretched to take off his shirt right in front of you, revealing quite the body underneath. You pretended to busy yourself with something, anything, so he wouldn’t notice that you were watching him—but he did, and he didn’t mind it.
Tom’s phone lit up with a call in that moment, and he picked up to hear the tow trucker on the other end.
“Hey, sorry to let you know we won’t be getting out to your area for another few hours, turns out the truck lost its own tire on the freeway and we’re stranded,” the voice said, causing Tom to pace around the living room, speaking curtly with the man on the phone.
“Okay, right, thanks, bye.” He hung up and turned to you, pouting.
“My insurance is shit,” he shook his head. “They won’t be here for hours.”
You feigned upset, but neither of you were too unhappy about the opportunity to spend more time together.
“...do you have anything stronger than coffee?”
You winked at Tom as you made your way back into the kitchen. “Coming right up.”
You passed the night away, mixing your coffee with rum and childhood memories with the anecdotes of a broken heart. As the hours trickled by, you sank closer on the old couch; you kept track of Tom’s heartbeat, watching his chest rise and fall in rhythm, and he kept losing his train of thought in the gold specks of your eyes.
You opened up to him about your disability, and upon seeing you become so open, so vulnerable with him, Tom couldn’t help but lean forward, place a light hand around the shape of your cheek, and capture your lips in his own. Upon the contact, you both felt as if you had been delightfully tased—and it sent your head reeling.
You saw fragmented scenes in your head—images of flashing lights, a shouting couple, a tender, loving kiss frozen in time. As Tom pulled back, the fantastical man in your head followed suit, and you doubled over on the couch as a shock of familiarity churned your stomach at the realization that the man had been a dead match for Tom.
The flashes continued, and the girl on the receiving end of the kiss became less pixellated; you felt the warmth of a lifetime of memories flooding your system as you registered that the girl in the images was, in fact, you yourself.
Tom held you upright as you held your face in your hands, shaking your head softly. “y/n, what just happened? Was it the kiss? Did I read the room wrong? I’m-”
“No, Tom, it wasn’t you, I just…” you trailed off, bolting up from the couch and quickly pacing to the kitchen. “I need some water.”
He watched you from his seat with concern, readying himself to run to your rescue, just as he heard the loud, startling sound of a horn. The tow truck had finally made it.
“You should go,” you said, refusing to turn around and look Tom in the eye for fear of making any more sense of what she’d just seen.
“y/n-”
“Please go.”
“Please tell me I can see you again.”
You thought on that for a moment, frightened but unready to let go of this mystery.
“Okay.” You remained staring out of the kitchen window.
Tom stood up and silently exited the apartment, closing the door softly behind him, wondering where in time and space he had just lost your thoughts. As he arrived home much later and finally succumbed to sleep, he wasn’t able to rest long as he was visited by his own nightmare.
He had been in the driver’s seat of his car, unidentified noises pinging here and there as he heard someone mumbling, unable to discern their words. He turned to the passenger, his vision lagging as it made its way to her, and saw none other than you, yourself but not, crying softly, the vividness of your features making the dream feel more like a memory. As he tried to lend a comforting hand—the arm in his dream seemingly extending a mile away to reach you—the car was hit with a blinding force, and the vision went black as he was jolted awake.
#metempsychosis#reincarnation!au#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland imagine#tom holland blurb#tom holland fanfic#tom holland one shots#tom holland x reader#tom holland x you
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Simpsons Review: Simpsons Comics #102 “Uncle Burn$” or Homercore Nudity!
Whelp out of all the commissions Kev has thrown me this one’s kind of a curveball. I mean it makes sense why cover it: It’s a pastiche of Donald Duck Comics done in the pages of the Simpsons long running comics. I cover duck stuff on here, and not only do I love the Simpsons but I tend to reference it for jokes a LOT. I just genuinely never thought of reviewing it till now, likely because earlier on in my new career of reviewing animated shows, I wasn’t really convinced I could do pure comedies. With my regular reviews of Darkwing Duck and as it comes out coverage of the Loud House (I still need to get around to Band Together), that’s no longer a real issue and I should consider doing the show in the future, especially since I have an unabashed love for the first 10 seasons and a few episodes beyond that.
As you can tell, I love the Simpsons. While I do genuinely wish it would end and have no real intrest in the current seasons, though if you’d like me to take a look i’d be willing to. The show in it’s prime was funny, witty and each episode was crammed with jokes. And refreshingly for an adult cartoon show of it’s time, the show genuinely wasn’t afraid to mix things up: Milhouse’s parents divorced and stayed that way for so long that them apparently getting back together decades later is itself a huge status quo shake up. Lisa went Vegetarian which stuck thanks to sir paul mcartney, and then went Buddhist, both of which have never wavered since and both fit her well. Skinner and Krabbable started dating. Barney went sober for a few seasons. Apu got married. These are minor changes but the show does have things happen occasionally and doesn’t just snap everything back and it adds genuine tension to plots knowing they might stay the status quo They usually don’t but the occasional change gives things stakes. I could go on for days, but I couldn’t go on for 8 weeks, point is the Simpsons are awesome, and deserve the praise they get early on I just wish they’d stop as by this point people really have stopped carring and it’s time to pass the torch and Let Bob’s burgers be the wholesome family comedy that runs forever.. and even then that one should stop at 10 seasons. Or if not at least let the kids age dammit. But that aside, while many of you simpsons fans looking at this probably have at least seen the comics, or a collection of them over the decades, many of you like me are wondering what the hell Bongo Comics is and how they managed to last so long. Bongo was founded by Simpsons Creator Matt Groening in 1993. Matt Groening had noticed that at the time there just weren’t any funny books on the shelves, funny books being comedy based comics primarily targeted for kids, with Archie and Disney being really the only ones left at the time. So he founded Bongo to rectify that, and given Fox naturally liked the sound of more merchandising dollars, the publisher was primarily used to produce simpsons comics, though looking at wikipedia there were one or two that weren’t including, of all things, a Coldplay comic tying into their album. Why did Coldplay publish a comic book at a primarily simpsons comic book company?
Though most series seem to be either short lived or one shots, there were a few exceptions: Naturally the company put out an annual Treehouse of Horror issue, there was a Bart Simpson ongoing focusing on him and the other kids of Springfield, I had a trade for that one once, and once Futurama premiered it too got a comic book that held through both cancelations. But standing above them all was Simpsons Comics, a 245 issue long runner that ran all the way up to the company’s closing, likely due to a combination of a lack of profits and the then upcoming Disney-Fox merger depriving them of the very heart and soul of the company.
Naturally being a Simpsons fan I have a connection to these comics having gotten the trades out of the library multiple times as well as the collection of Bartman’s solo series, which was my favorite and I might cover some day. In addition to the Free Comic Book Day issues i also picked up scattered issues over my life since, much like Archie, Simpsons comics were a mainstay of bookstores and super markets and the decline of both comic markets is likely why the Simpsons comics started to peter out in the first place. The quality and memorability of the stories varied but they were a fun thing to have around and it’s sad to see them go, as well as see Disney not even make a remote attempt to bring them back or at the very least republish the vast library they now have access to. Also finally if your wondering yes, there indeed was a Simpsons/Futurama crossover. And no I have not read it. So with that history, most of which I just learned some of which I already knew, in mind, it is very fitting the comic’s did a tribute to the Uncle Scrooge comics. Though it does feel very weird that I have yet to cover any Donald Duck or Scrooge comics.. yet i’ve already covered one of the Ducktales tie in comics and a Simpsons homage to it. I’m going to have to correct that but until then, join me under the cut as I dive into adventure with the Simpsons.
This issue was written by Ian Boothby and drawn by John Delaney, I feel mentiong the writers and artists should be important in comic reviews and I kick myself for not having done that or gone into them as much before. Boothby was apparently the Ian Flynn of these comics, writing more simpsons comics than any other writer according to wikipedia and winning an Eisner for his work on the comic if sadly not this issue. He was nominated for an outstanding Canadian Writer award for it though so that’s good. Point is the guy is a decorated vetran of this series and it shows in how good this issue is and I felt he deserved some recognition as most Comic Book Readers, myself included up till now, likely weren’t aware he even existed nor took over the comic in the 2000′s.
We open with Burns getting attacked by a mummy! Gotta say wasn’t expecting this as where we started out but the simpsons have started with wonkier premises to end up somewhere. I mean there was the time a bag boy strike ended up with them in Africa. Also i’d say Burns should call the police, being the kind of privileged white guy they actually care about protecting and all, but frankly the Springfield Cops don’t have the best track records with Mummies:
But no it’s just Smithers, who dove in heroically to save the company 15 dollars after Homer took a bet to see how many fire crackers he could jam in his computer’s disk drive. Lenny said 20 but he proved him wrong. And yes those are all actual jokes from the comic, this issue is very funny and feels very much like a Golden Age Simpsons episode. They also all gather to sign Smither’s cast.. which naturally is a legally binding contract. Burns takes his loyal minion to get some quality medical care only to find an arcade because he traded the Medical Bay in for one during an outbreak of Pac Man Fever... again I really can’t top that and there may be a good reason why I haven’t covered the Simpsons till now. But yeah as Buns gives Smithers a roll of Pennies, he wonders who to have replace Smither’s on their annual summer treasure hunt.. which would come out of nowhere but we genuinely don’t know what they do most summers. I assumed Burns just road Smithers like a horse to play cricket while Smithers enjoyed it way too much. But a stray comment from Homer getting a Krusty Doll from a crane machine about being king of the treasure hunters leads to this.
I mean it’s an easy joke but damn if it didn’t get a laugh out of me. So later at the old Simpsons place, because this comic is fantastic, Marge and Homer talk things over, but Homer insists Burns said he’d split the treasure, and Lisa wishes she could come along. And Marge says he should, especially for his own saftey.. and when Bart complains, says all the kids should go, she already packed their bags, she’s heading to Rancho Relaxo byyyyeeeeeee. Once again, this comic is amazing, and I would say this is out of character for Marge, but frankly that’s the whole point. Plus it really isn’t when she has to deal with 4 children on a regular basis, and her sisters, and a town gone mad.. yeah can’t blame her here.
The next day at Burns Office, Homer is wearing his navy outfit.. or rather Donald’s Navy outfit. But given I did a quick google and found him having at least 4 different outfits during his time in the Naval Reserves, it’s not a stretch to assume the Simpsons Version of the Navy gave these out too. Seriously Ian Boothby has put more thought into continuity than most writers on the show proper. Also Simpsons Tide, season 9 episode, still very memorable and hilarious and not due to childhood nostalgia. Just looking up this bit had me laughing hard.
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I now want to watch that episode sometime soon so thanks Kev. Anyway Homer seems to have misplaced his plants. Now I could spare you the image since I don’t do things panel by panel anymore and only use panels from a comic when relevant. Buttttt
This traumatizing of my audience brings me to a point about this issue and why it works. While there are tons of nods to the Donald Duck comics and what their homaging is very clear, the issue doesn’t REQUIRE you know them to enjoy it. Knowing them I obviously enjoy it more, but most of the jokes aren’t reliant on you knowing anything about the barks comics and even someone with a passing knowledge of the Original Ducktales can still get the reference if not why Donald is here. It helps this is less of a parody, with the exception of some jokes, and more of an homage, using stylistic elements of those comics while telling i’ts own story as a loving tribute to it’s predecessors. Speaking of one of those jokes poking fun at the source material, Burns is delighted Homer brought child labor, which kept me laughing for a good minute, and when the kids introduce themselves we get this bit.
Not only am I 100% sure every version of Donald or Della did this to make sure they could tell them apart, very much including the reboot with Donald, but it’s a genuine hilarious bit. Donald’s response as they head off is “there’s somehting hooey Dewey and screwy about this. “ Also I will criticize the fact Bart isn’t the one wearing a blue outfit. For those wondering why, after all Maggie wears blue shouldn’t she get it, who haven’t seen this a LOT of merchandise early on had Bart in a blue shirt, due to early Merch being rushed out pre-show and since he wore one in some earlier concept art, he got to wear blue. He also wore it late into the 90′s.
Sidebar: I just found this and while it isn’t a bad joke given his character it is questionable to have a fourth grade boy tell you to buy him. Just saying. But the reason I bring it up is partly because the show itself referenced it at one point.
As well as it’s sister show Futurama
And you remeber that Bart Simpson solo I mentioned? That one frequently, both in and out of story, had Blue Shirt bart show up for some variety.
Also why yes each issue does have it’s own fun “Superman’s Pal Jimmy Oleson” Esque subtitle. And I love it so. Point is Blue Bart is part of the series legacy and this very comic company, so it’s VERY weird to not have that here. That being said there were a few Green Shirt barts apparently as a printing error, so he could just as easily be 80 steps ahead of me. I just don’t know.
Back at the plot Burns and the Simpsons show up at Frink’s lab, Frink rather obviously filling in for Gyro, with his own version of little bulb named F.L.O. who gladly shakes Lisa’s hand.. and releases a Pterodactyl but hey you can’t win em all. It’s a nice nod, though one only fans of the source matieral will really get, but the pterodactyl bit right after helps distract from it. Frink slotts into the roll well, as Frink has no reall affiliation with anyone and is basically, much like Gyro, there for various characters to go too when the story or joke needs him. Frink has two gadgets for them: Some Scuba suits that can go to any depth and a grappling claw that accidently gets him gripped to the pterodactyl. Also homer accidently switches suits with maggie, so we get an adorable shot of her serenely sleeping in a diving helmet while her daddy chokes to death.
So the next day it’s out to the open seas where The Simpsons are doing all the work while Burns lounges.. which yeah this is a typical uncle scrooge adventure all right. While the man unlike Burns does work hard and do things for himself, he spent most voyages talking about the destination while putting all the hard work on Donald, in case you thought there was at least one universe where Donald isn’t miserable most of the time. Lisa wonders what he’s doing and we get this lovely bit.
I just.. can’t stop finding that hilarious or a nice way to get the Uncle Scrooge bit in there while still fitting the Simpsons, and it at least explains what happened to Herb, whose been mentioned all of once in the 30 seasons since he last showed up. I checked. And yes for those unaware, which is fair, or who just now remembered Homer does indeed have a brother, one his dad had out of an affair who showed up twice, once with Homer unintentionally, and largely due to Herb’s own foolishness, ruining his life, the other time with Maggie helping him get back on top and him and Homer reconciling. He’s also voiced by comedic legend and your friend and mine, Danny Devito, whose still making us all laugh to this day and is a wonderful person from all accounts. Rock on Danny, here’s the only way I can think to honor you.
But yeah it’s a good gag. Burns claims to be watching for a Giant Squid.. and turns out to be right. So it’s up to the simpsons to fight the giant squid, a sentence I genuinely didn’t expect.. I thought like the Griffins they’d just ignore it.
I miss that show.. oh i’m aware Family Guy is still running but much like the Simpsons the show it USED to be is long gone. Anyways Bart tells a worried homer octopus suck out the innards and drink it first quipping “It’s not like you haven’t been drunk in the morning before homer. Homer chokes bart only for the squid to choke him which is easily the second best “Homer getting choked after Choking bart” gag i’ve seen.. the best being this one I found on youtube.
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Though personally my faviorite part of that whole bit is Bart’s proud “THAT’S BECAUSE I SOAKED HIM IN SLIME!” Anyways Lisa figures out a way to beat the squid, painting the likeness of each of them on it’s tentacles and letting the thing devour itself. Lisa lampshades it making no sense PHysics wise but with that she reluctantly accepts calling Mr. Burns, Uncle Burns and we’re off to our next location. Next up is Mt. Donrosa, a very clear nod to Uncle Scrooge maestro Keno “Don” Rosa, an avid fan of Barks work who expanded on it and turned it into a solid continuity, most famously, and what got me into the ducks in the first place, with the epic “Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck” which I proudly own and.. well I did say watch this space didn’t I? Enough hinting at the future as the Simpsons scale the mountain with Homer carrying burns up on a rickshaw. Burns however looses his lucky #1 penny, SUBTLE, and cuts Bart down to get it. We then get the best line of the issue:
Bart thankfully survives and we find out the Penny, much like Scrooge’s Dime is how Burns started his fortune.. for this issue and nowhere else but that’s standard for the Simpsons. Specifically loading it into a gun and threatning to kill Jasper’s grandfather with it during the gold rush, a nice twist. At the top of the mountain they find the fabled key of Strobl, which comes from the Taliaferro tribe.. more refrenes this time though I didn’t know them and had to google. Tony Strobl was an artist on the Duck Comics at one ponit and Al Taliforino id forgotten about. He did the Donald Duck comic strip which I had heard of and weirdly hasn’t been collected yet despite Fantagraphics covering mickey, as well as reprinting barks and rosa’s respective works.
The key is suspended in the air by what Lisa suspects to be magnetics, and while Burns plan is naturally “Have Bart swim in it and see if he surivives”, Bart, still pissed from the penny and not wanting to die today, grabs the Penny and uses his slingshot to fire it at the Key. The bad luck from the penny casues an erruption, but Bart once again saves the day and has them surf down, with naturally tons more great jokes. The family enjoys some steamed Seafood, except Lisa whose eating Seaweed, while Homer enjoys a sting ray “It tastes as good as it stings, Ow, Ow.” ON to Goddfrodson Trench, an odd choice given Floyd Goddfrodson was barks equivalent for the Mickey Mouse Comics and not really a duck writer, but he still deserves the honor regardless. Under the Sea, no accusations just friendly crustaceans here.. our heroes are close to the treasure but loose the map to the Jailbird Boys, aka Snake and his cousins, who found out due to Lisa’s blog. She didn’t want to loose any more readers to Sheri and Teri’s Olson Twin’s Fan Page.. which.. it’s 2004.. weren’t they dead by this point? Nope still alive? Still are today in fact? Alrighty then. Also this bit, and some of the other references are a bit heavy handed, I will admit that, but the jokes are high quality enough otherwise that it just comes off as a bit of an adorable wink more than laziness.
Snake and co cut their air with Starfish used as throwing stars.
The gang tie their air suplies to avoid dying, and Maggie, in a clever bit, talks with the starfish, since they communicate via sucking, to attack the Jailbird Boys. Again..
I genuinely don’t know, but our heroes find the fabled vault of Barks Billion.. named after Bark Barks, that polar bear from the sonic games.. no of course it’s named after Disney Duck God Carl Barks, who created the Duck’s share of Donald and Scrooge’s supporting cast: Uncle Scrooge himself, Daisy Duck, a fact I just learned but given he created her first short “Mr Duck Steps Out, shouldn’t of surprised me, The Beagle Boys, Magica DeSpell, Goldie O Gilt, Flintheart Glomgold, Gyro Gearloose, Gladstone Gander, The Junior Woodchucks as a whole, Neighbor Jones, John D. Rockerduck, The Number One Dime, Gus Goose, April, May, June and Whitewater Duck. Just the sheer impact he’s had on the comics on all continents cannot be overstated. He is also the one who refined Huey Dewey and Louie from hellraising little shits to the good little boys they are today.. well okay they were, thankfully the reboot has created much better versions. Point is what a man, what a man what a mighty good man, he is truly missed. We get two great homer gags in the same page, one where somehow he’s put the giant key on a key ring and still can’t find it.. with Bart helpfully taking it from him, and then we get this, which I missed on my first read through.
Naturally Burns betrays them, using a Gold Magnet, kay, to suck up all the gold and naturally planning to leave the Simpsons for dead to no one’s surprise. But thanks to Bart teaching Maggie how to use the spittoons, Homer gets one stuck on his head.. and starts getting sucked up with the Simpsons using them to escape. Naturally Lisa’s first instinct is obvious.
But Burns weasels his way out by promising them free gold after their free lunch. Naturally the next day this turns out ot be a trick as their lunch came from frinks and thus, for now, their weightless.. but Karma gets Burns when he tries swimming in his new gold vault... only for the natural result of what happens when am an who never exercises and who doctors once described as having so many diseases packed into his body at once they tripped each other off and that a strong wind could kill him, trying to do with a similarly aged but still physically fit and well trained at swimming in money man does on a daily basis.
We then close on a quick gag of weightless homer getting caught on fire and we’re out.
Final Thoughts: This was a really excellent comic. It captured the tone of the Simpsons at their best and while stiff in a place here or there, it’s mostly just really funny, entertaining and a nice and warm tribute to Donald and Scrooge’s long comics history, not really mocking it but instead just homaging it, while still throughly feeling like the Simpsons. It honestly feels like the Treehouse of Horor Segement on the shining, a bit that parodies something, but for the most part the jokes still feel firmly rooted in the simpsons and their cast. This was a treat to review and i’m glad Kev comissoned it and I may take a look at more Simpsons in the future. If you guys like this review, you can follow me on patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet, or if there’s a specific simpsons or ducktales episode or a specific comic you want me to review, you can comission your own review for just five bucks. Just send me a direct message on here through Tumblr, or take a look at my ask box or submit. However you want to do it. I take payments through paypal and until next time: Happy Days are Here Again.
#scrooge mcduck#the simpsons#carl barks#simpsons comics#montgomery burns#homer simpson#bart simpson#lisa simpson#maggie simpson#don rosa#professor frink#bongo comics#waylond smithers#reviews#ducktales
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introducing [insert name of seven devil’s high school here], class of 2012. with the initial rise of snapchat, "call me maybe", the peak of glee, and the horrifying trend of having mustaches on absolutely everything, the graduating class had everything to gain AND lose from the end of their high school days. while some were ready to set off and see the world as real adults, others were petrified at the thought of leaving their “best days of their lives” behind them. and, for the time being, these days still have been some of the best that they’ve experienced. despite this small group of classmates not representing the entirety of the class of 2012, it does represent a good number that were explicitly linked to the high school’s varsity football team during its 2010 and 2011 seasons. while many were athletes on the team, a handful were cheerleaders, and others were linked to one or both through romantic tryst, friendship or familial connection. following a devastating loss in their final playoff game during their 2010 season, [name here]’s team finished off the 2011 season with a championship winning season. the athletes on the team and all those connection to it went into the new year on an adrenaline fueled high …, only to be brought back down again in one way or another by the continued passing of time. while some have stuck around seven devils after graduation, others have moved on to bigger cities in the state, or outside of the state, or even outside of the country. with the end of a new school year coming upon seven devils, much of the 2012 class has returned back to the city to open a time capsule that was buried in a wooded area near the school during their freshman year of school. for some, they’ve come back simply for kicks. for others, they’ve come back to try and connect, while others have ulterior motives in mind.
annnnd … that’s basically it. tl;dr: this is a group of high school “friends” with elements of their history and characters loosely based on those from one tree hill. they all have either a direct or distant connection to the varsity football team of the graduating class of 2012, and there’s some sort of time capsule dig up that they’re gathering in town again for… or whatever. (the last part was mostly whipped up to give the ones who left town a reason to come back, honestly.) requirements? they all attended school in seven devils through all of high school, and they’d all be around twenty-six years old. (in terms of #grade birthday calculation, they would’ve all been born sometime between september 1993 - august 1994 … unless they were held back or pushed forward in grade.) the characters DO NOT have to be carbon copies of their counterparts from one tree hill. this is why i decided to stick with blurb-ing pretty general facts about them from high school. you can decide how they’ve changed since then, yada yada. you also don’t have to do the same ships from the show obviously. have fun with it! not to keep rambling, but yes! if anyone is interested: either reply or shoot me a dm here, or send me a message on discord (#britt4980) and i can hook you up with a spot!! the ratio is split even in terms of male and female characters, but i’m open to a gender swapping happening, and i’m also open to any of the characters involved being transgender or nonbinary!
reid park ·· the lucas scott ·· taken by britt ·· varsity running back during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for talking in literary quotes.
beckett park ·· the nathan scott ·· taken by june ·· varsity quarterback during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for once thinking he was a casanova.
margot cabrera ·· the brooke davis ·· taken by piper ·· varsity cheerleader during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known also for being class president.
first last ·· the peyton sawyer ·· taken by bri ·· varsity cheerleader during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for being a walking, talking fall out boy lyric.
wren everly-park ·· the haley james ·· taken by marie ·· valedictorian of the graduating class of 2012. star member of the varsity team’s marching band.
first last ·· the julian baker ·· open ·· co-founder of the school’s film appreciation club. known for throwing some of the best parties the school say way back when.
first last ·· the clay evans ·· open ·· running back during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for getting the first football scholarship out of the entire team.
first last ·· the quinn james ·· open ·· co-announcer of the school’s first ever football podcast. known for being able to hold her own in playing football against the team.
first last ·· the jake jagielski ·· taken by jessica ·· center during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for being a hot teen dad and general dreamboat.
first last ·· the marvin macfadden ·· open ·· co-announcer of the school’s first ever football podcast. known for being a girl’s guy aka the one who’s always “just a friend”.
first last ·· the millicent huxtable ·· open ·· salutatorian of the graduating class of 2012. known for coming out of the shadows and #blossoming into her own self.
first last ·· the chase adams ·· open ·· ... or one of the many kids of one of the local religious nuts. known for “tarnishing” his good boy image by hooking up left and right.
first last ·· the rachel gattina ·· taken by maddie ·· varsity cheerleader during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for crashing parties and starting hell regularly.
first last ·· the chris keller ·· open ·· the guy who (begrudgingly) sang the graduating song of the class of 2012. known for talking in the third person.
first last ·· the antown tanner ·· open ·· full back during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for being everyone’s friend. everyone. [must be black!]
first last ·· the alex dupre ·· open ·· varsity cheerleader during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for living on the wild side of things - for fun!
first last ·· the tim smith ·· open ·· tight end during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for being a himbo ..., that’s basically it. that’s him right there.
first last ·· the bevin mirskey ·· open ·· varsity cheerleader during the 2010 and 2011 varsity football season. known for playing “dumb” better than anyone else.
first last ·· the lindsey strauss ·· open ·· aka one of the most overachieving people in the class of 2012. known for never getting what she wants though ..., sadly.
first last ·· the samantha walker ·· taken by celine ·· aka the one who came from the “wrong” side of the tracks and persevered in her own way.
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My Jurassic Park/ Jurassic World Top Ten List of Prehistoric Creatures
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So as some of you may know that I am a crazy Jurassic Park fan. I love the movies and I love the books. I thought it would be a pretty cool idea to post what my favorite dinosaurs are. I have a lot of favorite Dinosaurs in the Jurassic Park fandom but what are they? Let us dive into it. So get ready we are taking a short tour through the wilds of Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna for these favorites. Buckle up the the Jeep Wrangler is moving. These are not my photos but are stock and belong to their rightful owners. Spoilers ahead so watch out! If you have not seen the film turn back now you have been warned.
Number 10: The Stegosaurus
To begin my list of my favorite Jurassic Park/ Jurassic World Dinosaurs is this beast which was showcased in the search for Sarah scene in The Lost World: Jurassic Park. This is on my list for it was the first time we saw a plant eater attack a human in the series on screen. This attack was provoked by Sarah Harding as she was photographing the baby Stego in the nest. Her camera goes wonky and scares the baby and it alerts the family. Two big ones come from out of nowhere and start to attack Sarah by trying to swipe her with their large Thagomizers. She is almost killed but the massive tail spikes miss and she is left to live for another day. This was always one of the favorite parts for me in the Lost World for it was the first and only time we see a plant eater attack a human in the original trilogy. You don’t really see any other animal that is a vegetarian try to attack anyone. So this one kind of stands out there as one of the more interesting attacks in the Jurassic Park franchise movie wise. It is also one of the best designed and one of the coolest opening dinosaurs in the franchise. Lets let the heard move on and got down the road shall we.
Number 9: Ptranodon
The Ptranodon is one of the most under used Dinosaurs in the movies until you get to the third and fourth Jurassic movie. However in the first book there is a giant bird cage scene that we eventually got to see in the Jurassic Park /// film. This is a favorite of mine. The bird cage scene is one of the best scenes in the third JP film which many of us think was pretty clunky in some parts. I think it was much better than Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom in some aspects. This scene was one of those redeeming qualities in my opinion. In the book Alan Grant, Tim and Lex enter the bird cage and get attacked. In the film it is Alan, Eric, Mr. Kirby, Amanda Kirby, and Billy who wind up getting attacked. It is a terrifying sight but the design of these are pretty cool and just the sheer terror of this scene gives me chills. The photo of this is part of that scene where Billy is being swept down stream and this guy looks at the survivors like “your next!” this part always sends shivers up my spine for some reason. It is just one of those scary moments that shouldn’t really be that scary. I did like them in the Jurassic World scene but their design is not as good as these guys. So I am adding this one as a JP Win instead of a Jurassic World win because even though I liked that movie these looked the most real in my book. This is a much darker and more intense scene for me than the birds escaping the bird cage in Jurassic World. You may have another opinion but this is mine right here. Lets move on.
Number 8: Procompsagnathus AKA Compys!
These little buggers spell trouble! They are one of the scariest little terrors on Isla Sorna. Introduced to the franchise in the Jurassic Park Novel by Michael Crichton. These guys were set up to be used for waist management. These are the first to escape to the main land and attack a few people including a little girl playing on the beach of Costa Rica. That scene was first seen in The Lost World: Jurassic Park but it was in the opening of the Jurassic Park Novel. These guys will jump on you and not let go. Deter Stark learned this the hard way. After getting lost to pee in the woods he falls down a hill after getting turned around after one pops up and scares him. He is soon swarmed not once but twice and getting torn up. They bite him from all angles and dig into his flesh with their claws. Hammond in the novel was given the same treatment. After falling down a hill after grousing about the failure of the park and hiring all the wrong people and thinking about firing all the original park operatives and wanting to make a new park he falls down and hill and meets a similar demise. These guys are one of my favorites because at first they look kind of cute like a few other Jurassic Park dinos. They look like they mean you no harm but if you tick them off then that is when they get you. karma on Jurassic Park does work. You can’t be stupid in Jurassic Park and if you are a smart-alek or just a plain jerk then best beware Karma on Jurassic Park comes in many forms and in some cases it comes in shades of green.
Number 7: Blue
I am a sucker for Raptors and Blue is only my third favorite in the series. Her relationship with Owen is something that was never explored in any concept in the original films or the first two novels. This is a very interesting concept and makes for an interesting story. Some people maybe against what they are doing in the new films but I kind of like the new ones for they broaden the horizon of the story of Isla Nublar’s animals. Blue is a cool Velociraptor and almost has a human like quality of emotions. She trusts Owen and no one else. She is pretty cool and when it comes to defending Owen and his crew. She is one cut above the rest and not just a blood thirsty monster like the other raptors of Isla Nubar and Isla Sorna. She is alright in my book but kind of falls short. I have nothing against her if that is what you are saying she is smart and one heck of a clever girl in the long run.
Number 6; The Indominous Rex
Okay so now we are in hybrid territory and this guy is the only Hybrid that I really thought was interesting. The Indoraptor was kind of a retread in my book. It was just the Indominous in a different wrapper. This original Hybrid is the one that I really thought was pretty cool. It just comes to show how unhinged animals built in a lab can be. This sucker was completely hostile and would kill anything for fun. It was kind of sad that she really had no clue what to do she was just trying to survive and learn where she belonged in the food chain. She was quite the fighter and was a brutal monster. Her abilities reminded me of a few of the concepts from the original Michael Crichton novel. The Velociraptor that Ellie Sattler finds that could change color and the Carnotaurs that could blend to their surroundings could be the big inspiration pieces to creating this guy. That is just my theory anyway. I am a huge fan of the books so when ever I talk about a dinosaur I always try to mention the novel’s connection with said animal and why it may be like that. I am not one to criticize a Jurassic Park film for all of the parts to the novels are there on screen throughout all of the movies just told a little differently and this monster is just one of those things that I found very neat.
Number 5: Stiggy
Used for a more comical effort this guy was actually pretty cool. He was one of my favorite dinosaurs from the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom film. This guy caused chaos and confusion in the very little screen time film. Again with a vegetarian that attacks people. This attack was not really intentional just more accidental in my book. This guy just runs amok and throws chairs and people every which way just for the heck of it. To be very honest this film was very wild with some of the comical stuff like the Indoraptor smiling just before ripping off Ken Wheatly’s arm and then killing him. This one I would count as comedic but it is more Jurassic Park style I guess. This one was a fun one though and has really grown in popularity in the fandom. I have to admit he has a certain personality to him. He comes off kind of cute and a little clumsy at times. ]
Number 4: The Brachiosaurus
Going back to the original movie and the very sad part of the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom which included this animal is the Brach from 1993. This guy is the one intro Dinosaur that has really stuck with me and like most of us gave us the best exposure to what we were baring witness too during the first Jurassic Park movie. This is almost as Iconic as Rexy herself. This guy is number four for it had to be on the list somewhere. You just can’t forget the one dinosaur that all gave us the big reactions given by Alan Grant, Ian Malcolm, Ellie Sattler, and Donald Gennaro. It gave us and reaction of our own that this movie was going to rock. This one has always stuck with me and when it died in Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom after director J.A. Bayona said it was this one a little part of me just died inside. It was very sad even though it was not a real creature it was still a big part of the Jurassic Park series but as they say some eras must come to and end and the Jurassic Park era is no more. Welcome to Jurassic World I guess. As sad as it makes me to say that some legends still live on like Rexy from Jurassic Park (1993). So some things just don’t die to easy. Rexy is the most resilient of any of the dinosaurs.
Number 3: Rexy (Tyrannosaurus Rex)
Speaking of her majesty! I give you the Queen of the Jurassic Park/ Jurassic World Saga. She has always had a pretty lasting impression on all of us as fans of the Jurassic franchise. This female Rex has stood the test of time in her world gaining a lot of battle wounds over the time of five films soon to be six in 2021 with Jurassic World 3. I have to say she is only third on my list for she maybe iconic but sometimes even the poster children can’t win them all. Still she is pretty high on the list. I love the book and movie versions of this particular dinosaur. In the novel there is a second Rex which is younger than she and is a little more clumsy with a puppies gate. She on the other hand is tough and the young rex knew to stay away from her. In the movie who could forget the “Main Road” scene that first introduced us to her. In the book she is actually seen the first time they arrive to the T-rex Paddock as she eats the goat. The main road is almost the same with a character running out of a car after peeing their pants and totally freaking out with a few differences. Rexy has saved the hides of many a Jurassic Park visitor but I don’t think it was totally on purpose. She is one that always is always going to get the big reaction and I have been very sad that she has kind of been over shadowed by Blue in the recent films and has only been used in only a handful of scenes in the newer chapters of the franchise. Still she outdoes blue anytime. Sorry but she was here first my friends.
Number 2: The Tiger Striped Velociraptors and the Original Raptors of Jurassic Park and The Lost world: Jurassic Park.
I count these as one for they are all in the same category. Both of these Raptor clans gave us some of the biggest jump scares in the first two movies. I was not a very huge fan of the ones with the quill in Jurassic Park ///. The original raptors showed us what real terror was like. In the original novels they are just as terrifying and will stop at nothing to rip you to bits. In some cases that is exactly what they are good at. They are almost like the Compy packs but much bigger with bigger teeth and bigger claws. You have to be super smart to out think and fox these guys. The Tigers are my favorite for we see just how their social orders go in just that small scene where they are at the gas station near the worker complex where Nick Van Owen was trying to get a chopper called to pick up the remaining survivors. All the raptors are the top predators of the Jurassic Park series. They have a complex social structure and are hard to bring down. They never give up and they seem to always be on the hunt. They are one of my top favorites for they are just that Clever Girls. I bet you are wondering what is my first over all favorite??? It is not the raptors and not Rexy. Lets take a look at number one.
Number 1: Dilophosaurus AKA Spitter
This is my favorite dinosaur in the whole Jurassic Park series. I am very upset that this one has only been featured as an actual dinosaur in the first one. It has been eluded to in the last couple of films but that is not good enough. I want to see this one again. This guy is one of my favorites for its very personality. It is kind of cute one minute but then once angered it turns into a frilled nightmare lizard that shoots blinding poison at its target. This one is one of those scenes that give us that “Holy... Did you see that?!” Impression. The difference in this scene from the movie and the book is that in the book Nedry dies outside the Jeep in the movie its pretty much blocked out in the Jeep. The book gets really descriptive which sends shivers down my spine every time I read that. Still my all time favorite dinosaurs for its really interesting surprise attack mode. It is certainly a beautiful but deadly edition to Jurassic Park.
There you have it my top ten Jurassic Park dinosaurs. Of course I do have a few honorable mentions such as the Mosasaur, Carnotaur, and of course the Certasaur that we only got a few seconds of which I think was a complete let down for that creature and I am not the only one who thinks that. Now I have a mission for you; tell me what your favorite JP dinosaurs are and why. Thank you very much I think we survived another travel through Jurassic Park. Until then I am Zachary AKA Galactic_Bug_Man and I will see you on the trail.
#jurassic park#jurassic world#dinosaurs#velociraptor#tyrannosaurus rex#dilophosaurus#pteranodon#stiggy#Brachiosaurus#indominus rex#blue raptor#compys#stegosaurus#isla nublar#isla sorna#steven spielberg#michael crichton#adventure
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hello loves , what’s up ! i’m super excited to be here & to finally play my precious girl , jade aka kool kat . i’m LOLA , use she / her prounouns , i am NINETEEN , & i am currently in the gmt + 1 timezone which means yes , my ass should’ve been awake for intro posting but i don’t know what time management is and ended up swamped w/ work , so ! everything you need to know about about miss kat is under the cut , & i’m rlly thrilled to be apart of such a wonderful rp with such gorgeous muses . corniness over –– if you’re looking to plot sumn out , just hit that ♥︎ & i’ll make my way on over to ur dms , or feel free to add me up on discord which i’ll give in im’s if anybody’s interested ! ♡♡♡ tw : family issues , body image issues & drug mention ( not explicit ) .
001 . SYNOPSIS . FULL NAME . jade kikuchi . NICKNAMES . kool kat . AGE . twenty - one . DATE OF BIRTH . twenty - seventh of september , 1993 / libra . PLACE OF BIRTH . harajuku , tokyo , japan . GENDER . cisgender female . SEXUALITY . ( closeted ) pansexual . NATIONALITY . japanese , now american too after successfully gaining citizenship . ETHNICITY . asian . OCCUPATION . fashion designer at katz designz , former fashion design and journalist student back in her original timeline . PLAYLIST . here ! ( + ) charismatic , enthusiastic , warm , energetic , adventurous , compassionate , animated . ( - ) deceptive , independent , emotional , territorial , ambitious , impulsive , temperamental , insecure , sarcastic .
002 . AESTHETIC . wheatgrass smoothies , 90′s anime with subtitles , chanel no. 5, speeding on a desert road with the windows down , painting your toenails on the dashboard , neon prints , cat lazing on a balcony in the sun , black lace , japanese horror films , sour cocktails with sugar around the rim , half - smoked cigarettes , stacks of fashion magazines , long hair hastily dyed different colours in a motel bathroom , thrift stores .
003. INFORMATION .
tl;dr : a flighty, inattentive adventurer: a follower of whims; personable and sociable but lacks the skills to maintain relationships because she’s entirely (and perhaps too) career focused, checks her horoscope daily and entirely relies on the stars when concerning relationships, epitome of a britney spears / gwen stefani stan back in the 2000′s, still owns a (bedazzled) flip phone, collector of vintage fashion (chanel, elle, juicy couture etc.) a subscriber to the Leonardo Da Vinci sleeping method; catch her at 2 am making soufflés or buying plane tickets to shiwei so she can really experience the culture: will tell you she loves you ten minutes after first introduction because she’s high: kind of unintentionally insensitive to those she doesn’t know and closed off but in like a cool, lovable way.
• heads up im running on like 5 hrs sleep so sry when this inevitably derails ! ok sweet let’s get into this .
• so as aforementioned this is jade kukichi, aka, kool kat. she was dubbed that by her friends due to her unique fashion style and sense of dress, and it’s stuck. lbr nobody other than her friends can use that term so if you do, she’s just going to stare at u for a quick sec before saying ‘it’s jade’.
• born in harajuku, tokyo to a cardiothoracic surgeon of a father and a politician of a mother, jade grew up traveling the world and becoming flighty af, never thinking she was going to make long - term friends and kinda being okay with that.
• her family has never stayed in one place for very long, though her aging parents eventually settled into a permanent residence in the us around the time she turned sixteen, not soon enough for jade to break the habit of wandering, but thankfully quick enough for her to meet the bratz girls who were just as adventurous and fun - loving as she. she's spent much of her teen life jumping from place to place wherever her interests are that moment, collecting people along the way, but to find friends was the only thing she was missing. jade has a brilliant mind, but she lacks patience and follow through. she needs guidance or she'll jump from idea to idea, job to job, whim to whim.
• ngl, jade pretty much hated her home life. her parents were an overbearing presence in her life, her mother wanting jade to be a proper lady who also went into a profession like theirs (entirely serious and stifling when it came to creativity, doctor, politician, lawyer etc.) while jade herself wanted to check out the latest trends and go to the mall w her friends – so she turned all of her focus and energy into getting good grades in everything she wanted to do in the hopes that she could be the most successful fashion designer, then leaving town forever.
• like she spent 7 yrs in high school graduating w honours but she barely knew what was happening in 9/10 of her classes and sometimes she just slept through classes and then wing her exams which she miraculously did well at. it was just not a good idea to send jade to a public school at 11 after being in boarding school for the rest of her life and then never really enforce any rules :~\ she has trouble with that kind of thing.. as in making logical choices instead of saying "YEAH lets go watch american psycho and smoke weed!" skipping chemistry to do just that
• she loves fun and values doing what makes her happy over most things. it's hard to pin her down and she spends most of her life chasing after ideas that don't really follow any sort of conscious order, bc she’s really got that ‘i’ve got dreams and i’m gonna do everything in my power to achieve them’ personality.
• according to bratz canon she’s worked as literally everything ? she’s one of those insufferable people who r just. good everything ig and that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth. jade’s been a photographer, a song - writer and bass player in a rock band (shout out to bratz rock angelz the best movie w the best soundtrack ever), a student studying fashion design, a fashion columnist, a quickly fired nanny, and many other things in between.
• so when she appears in toonsville she’s kind of out of it that she’s not doing something w her skills and sets up her own business which she loves ? being her own boss suits her fine (for now) because she’s got a Real Job and she's actually trying rly hard so she can fulfill her dreams !! like suck it mom nd dad haha !!!
• jade has a lot of weird feelings TM about her body and her looks and struggles a lot with her self confidence :~( she had a shit time at school with boys saying she was too thin and she compensated by acting like she didn't like anyone at all for a while and now she thinks she isn't good enough for anyone when rly she is a cinnamon bun too good for this world too pure
• best friend ever she is so good at being a friend if u text her at 3am to go out or cry on her shoulder shes ready to go at 3:15 even if she was sleeping w lots of snacks and treats and love!!! she is sooo extroverted around those she’s comfortable w, she gains so much energy from being around people and she loves being nice and being around ppl she likes
• she becomes the mom of groups pretty easily (hence why she’s the leader of the bratz) bc she bottles up most of her own problems to help ppl with theirs!! which is toxic yea but she puts people first always so !! plz help her poor repressed soul!! rip kool kat..
• still super into the stuff of her time so like.. she loves the x files and bad reality tv shows (i want to be a hilton) and reads gossip magazines on the reg because she enjoys that stuff! also very into girl groups.. ginger spice / posh spice is an eternal mood.
• anyway yes sweet adult-child of 21 (she is in denial about that tho like she doesn't want to be childish) who is v nice v kind v loyal v baked a lot of time, v passionate v silly. idk what i'm doin hope u like it < 3
004. WANTED CONNECTIONS .
friends / best friends / ride or dies . jade genuinely loves people, loves talking to strangers and getting into intense conversations with people she’s only just met, learning other people’s way of life and bettering herself for getting. she is, however, incredibly blunt and has never once minced words to keep from hurting someone’s feelings or to ease them into a situation. she’d much rather have a one-time conversation with a stranger than make long lasting relationships. she has three very close friends – to the point of co - dependence – and honestly, she’d rather spend all of her time doing things she loves such as her hobbies, sticking her nose into the latest vogue, or searching for cute collars and treats for her cat mica w them instead of making new friends. she's also FUN and she'd be happy to go on crazy road trips or buy out a movie theater for a day or anything that she thinks will her buds happy. she's traveled all over, so she’s v well read and cultured. she loves people but she hates complication and won't deal with any sort of emotional labor. she wants to live in the moment and expects everyone in her life to do so as well. just be chill, y'all.
frenemies / enemies / rivals . please be her enemy, she needs people to antagonize shdhshd. she grew up pretty much affluent so she’s pretty spoiled even if she doesn’t want to admit it, and that rebellious side of her hasn’t died down yet. despite the fact that she is wealthy and in good community standing, she has a hard time letting go of childish grudges. in general she’s got a lot of suppressed feelings and ready to fight everyone who hurts her friends – like an irritated cat – so, honestly, come at her ? she is sometimes a little fickle and flighty and a unintentionally stuck up when it comes to art / fashion and she has definitely said the wrong thing at the wrong time and pissed the wrong people off, she can’t stand anyone underestimating her or thinking she’s dumb bc she’s interested in fashion. like gtfo !
ex’s , fwb’s , possible love interests . jade is fairly fluid romantically and is the type of person who hates labels but also just wants to be cherished and called cute pet names lowkey. she loves a lot and gives a lot to her relationships, but typically doesn't want to commit to anything important. she’s gone from one disastrous relationship to another, ending up with a boyfriend who constantly ridiculed her image that was essentially the catalyst for her cutting off romantic ties, quite a recent wound before she found herself on the island actually. worst thing is tht she’s convinced herself that she’s been the problem in these relationships – that she turns good people bad or that she is too much for people to deal with, she’s not sure what the issue is and she doesn’t really want to know. so…. fuck everything amirite ? anyway, she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no (wo)man.
etc . pls give me people jade can give a makeover to, people she shares an apartment w on the island, people who think fashion is girly and vapid.. creatives who love what she’s doing, anything tbh << 3
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We are pleased to announce that MAE has been accepted as ATTICUS HUMMEL! Please make sure that in the next TWENTY-FOUR HOURS you read over the CHECKLIST, create your blog and send a MESSAGE to the main page so you can get your ooc blog link!
OUT OF CHARACTER
name: mae
age: 24
pronouns: she/her/her
timezone: est
contact info: discord (heyashleymae#3829)
activity level: 6/10
triggers: n/a.
anything else? (insert tango dancer emoji here.)
BASIC CHARACTER INFORMATION
full name: Atticus James Hummel
face claim: Chris Colfer
age: 24
birthday: May 28th, 1993
birth order: "#1, just like Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen.“
hometown: Lima, OH.
gender identity: Cismale
pronouns: He/him/his
orientation: "Top” (Bisexual, Biromantic)
occupation: Bartender
area of study: N/A.
IMPORTANT EVENTS
(tw: drugs, death, addiction, overdose, vague suicidal thoughts.)
Atticus was eight when his mother passed away; it was the first time that his carefully composed view of the world shattered, and although he was young, he’ll never forget the consequential realization that shit happened. This triggered the first manifestation of his deep rooted anger issues, a pointless war waged against the unfairness of it all, and proof that he had developed the habit of burying his feelings until they all spilled out at once. This has never quite gone away–he’s never been the best at learning from his mistakes, but. This was also the first time that Atticus made an effort to grow up, even just a little bit. He attempted to help around the house and eventually settled into a minor role at Hummel’s Tire and Lube, the family business. As a kid, Tic’s abilities were limited, but working in that shop gave him a sense of purpose and an outlet for energy. Above all, though, from this tragedy Atticus learned that he shouldn’t hold back. He’s made it a goal in his life to work his way through his mother’s unfinished bucket list as well as his own, because for all his shortcomings, he feels like he’ll make her most proud if he lives the life she’d always dreamed of.
In his Junior year of high school, he was voted captain of the cheer squad. His social life had always been more important than education to him; school was difficult and he didn’t have the attention span for his classes, but his status on the Cheerios allotted him a certain amount of leeway, and he found in most cases that his teachers were willing to grade him more leniently to ensure he maintained a high enough GPA to adhere to the school’s policy. Atticus was never the kind of person who let the popularity go to his head, though, finding the social hierarchy to be utter bullshit. He spent a great deal of time with those both on his team and on the football team, as was to be expected, but he made an effort to befriend those lower on the totem pole, especially if he saw them become targets of his friends’ ill-intentions. It was easy to stay on top when he was leading the team through two undefeated seasons, and it made him feel a little better that he was making things easier for the few students he managed to notice. Perhaps it was problematic, that white knight complex, but he didn’t have the capacity to really understand at that point in his life. Being captain of the Cheerios gave him a new sense of pride that he hadn’t felt before (although that could, in part, be contributed to his acute egomania, but whatever). He flourished under the attention, talked to everyone, and all in all became a very intense presence in the halls of William McKinley. This was also why he fell hard as graduation rolled around. With his focus on the sport and his reputation, Atticus’ grades were enough that he was able to graduate high school, and although he had offers pouring in from various colleges, he knew he couldn’t accept any of them. While all of his peers had goals and dreams, his plans after graduation were empty. He wasn’t smart enough for college. He didn’t deserve the opportunity. All at once, Tic went from being on top to being nothing.
At nineteen, he met Max. The thing about Atticus is that, for as energetic and egotistical as he may seem, he hits rock bottom very easily; he’s self aware enough to know what his faults are but not smart enough to fix it, so he’d been spending the past year working at the tire shop and trying to find purpose in dark bars. Holidays had become his least favorite time, old high school friends always making the effort to see him (and there was no hiding in a place like Lima), forever commenting on his almost manic attempts to be who he once was, but unable to overcome the contrast between himself, stuck, and them, growing up and learning and working toward something greater. He’d become a Lima Loser. Max, a self-proclaimed Lima Loser as well, came into his life at exactly the right (or wrong) time. Her cynicism clashed perfectly with his own amicable demeanor, and they were both bored most of the time, so. They began to hang out. And, once he’d proven trustworthy, she began to introduce him to her vices–drugs, primarily speed. With nothing else to do, an easily addicted personality, and an unwillingness to lose this first real connection with someone completely unlinked to who he was in high school, Tic fell into it. And it wasn’t like he hid it very well, but he was good at keeping a distance from his old friends and family once he was really involved. He might not have been in love with Max (though he certainly told her so, late at night with his lips pressed against her skin) but he did love her, and he was willing to follow her anywhere, so. When she said that she wanted to go on a road trip, he decidedly didn’t give a shit that they had barely any money saved and an expensive habit they couldn’t kick, and when they ran out of money, they settled in a small town in South Dakota and figured it out from there.
He’d just turned twenty-four when he came home to find Max on the bathroom floor. It was a miracle something hadn’t happened to either of them sooner, as they’d really been tempting fate for nearly five years, but it was the first time that Atticus really woke up. She was thankfully alive, forced into a rehabilitation clinic once she’d been stabilized, and Atticus knew that she deserved to get clean and stand an actual chance at having a good life. In a more cowardly move, Atticus spent the next couple of months pulling away from her; although he’d scared himself enough to kick the habit for the time being (he didn’t want to die), he knew that they weren’t good for each other at that time, so. He finally made the decision to return to Lima, hoping that being home might help him regain his sense of self. Thus far, it’s only made it worse. Without his main source of support and the constant reminder of his failures, Atticus has had a very difficult time getting out of bed most days let alone trying to resist the temptation to give in to that addiction. For now, he’s trying to mend the fences with his family, washing down his self-pity by way of alcohol, hiding his issues with dumb jokes and a false sense of confidence, and wondering how the fuck he’s going to get himself out of this situation.
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
PERSONALITY
co-dependent, addictive, personable, impulsive, kind, excitable.
PLOTTING
redemption. Atticus has made a lot of mistakes that he doesn’t think he’s capable of fixing, both with the people in his past and with his own addictions. He doesn’t have enough faith in himself to achieve this on his own, but I’d love for him to develop a supportive network to help him realize his self worth and give him the motivation necessary to help him mend his broken relationships and to become whole himself.
a sense of purpose. Tic’s biggest downfall is that he doesn’t think he’s worth anything. I’d like for him to find a path, something or someone who makes him want to be a better man and get out of bed in the morning. He’s never had a real reason to be clean and sober before. I think this is a key component to his character growth and his ability to reclaim control over his life.
his addiction. Without the above two things, Atticus doesn’t have much motivation to really stay clean, and I can see him easily falling back into old habits, especially when his return to Lima doesn’t go as smoothly as he kind of hoped it would. I’d love to see how that affects whatever relationships he might still have in Lima, as they can see first hand how he’s hit rock bottom, and while some may be inclined to stick around, I can see him losing a lot of people in the process.
falling in love. Although he loves Max, Atticus has never been in love before (probably because he’s never had the capacity to). I’d love to explore a relationship with someone where he connects with them and comes to find that they care for him, good or bad. This will certainly inspire him to become a better person, especially if they’re going through their own trials. I think it’ll be interesting to see him get his head out of his own ass and focus on somebody else for once in his life.
CONNECTIONS
the childhood best friend. This was Atticus’ person all throughout their adolescence. No matter what this person’s social standing was, there was no denying their connection, supporting and championing each other. Tic was proud of this person for making something of themselves after graduation, though their friendship strained under the weight of his insecurities and lack of initiative. When Atticus met Max, things dissolved entirely. Now that they’re both back in Lima, there’s some bad blood and a strong disconnect, but it’s hard to shake the love they forged for each other.
the good influence. This is someone who has managed to tap into a part of Atticus that he’s long since buried, and they’re trying their damn hardest to show him he’s not as much of a piece of shit that he thinks he is. To him, this person represents hope, and although he’s resistant, he can’t really bring himself to push them away.
the “max.” Extensive details are in his bio, but basically, this person knows who he is better than anyone else. They spent five years living together and in a basically open relationship, though it was incredibly toxic, and they might harbor some resentment for the way Atticus just kind of left them as they were going through treatment. They’re also trying to serve as a sober voice, though, attempting to bring them back from the edge, but he feels far too guilty and doesn’t want to be the reason they relapse.
THEIR GOALS
Atticus just wants to figure his shit out. Whether that means sobering up and trying to accept whatever mediocre life he might be able to build for himself or succumbing to the inevitable, he’s just tired of the limbo and once some sort of peace.
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Three Writing Rules to Disregard
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Three Writing Rules to Disregard
I have nothing against rules. They’re indispensable when playing Monopoly or gin rummy, and their observance can go a long way toward improving a ride on the subway. The rule of law? Big fan.
The English language, though, is not so easily ruled and regulated. It developed without codification, sucking up new constructions and vocabulary every time some foreigner set foot on the British Isles—to say nothing of the mischief we Americans have wreaked on it these last few centuries—and continues to evolve anarchically. It has, to my great dismay, no enforceable laws, much less someone to enforce the laws it doesn’t have.
Certain prose rules are essentially inarguable—that a sentence’s subject and its verb should agree in number, for instance. Or that in a “not only x but y” construction, the x and the y must be parallel elements. Why? I suppose because they’re firmly entrenched, because no one cares to argue with them, and because they aid us in using our words to their preeminent purpose: to communicate clearly with our readers. Let’s call these reasons the Four C’s, shall we? Convention. Consensus. Clarity. Comprehension.
Also simply because, I swear to you, a well-constructed sentence sounds better. Literally sounds better. One of the best ways to determine whether your prose is well constructed is to read it aloud. A sentence that can’t be readily voiced is a sentence that likely needs to be rewritten.
A good sentence, I find myself saying frequently, is one that the reader can follow from beginning to end, no matter how long it is, without having to double back in confusion because the writer misused or omitted a key piece of punctuation, chose a vague or misleading pronoun, or in some other way engaged in inadvertent misdirection. (If you want to puzzle your reader, that’s your own business.)
As much as I like a good rule, I’m an enthusiastic subscriber to the notion of “rules are meant to be broken”—once you’ve learned them, I hasten to add.
But let’s, right now, attend to a few of what I think of as the Great Nonrules of the English Language. You’ve encountered all of these; likely you were taught them in school. I’d like you to free yourself of them. They’re not helping you; all they’re doing is clogging your brain and inciting you to look self-consciously over your own shoulder as you write, which is as psychically painful as it is physically impossible. And once you’ve done that, once you’ve gotten rid of them, hopefully you can put your attention on vastly more important things.
Why are they nonrules? So far as I’m concerned, because they’re largely unhelpful, pointlessly constricting, feckless, and useless. Also because they’re generally of dubious origin: devised out of thin air, then passed on till they’ve gained respectable solidity and, ultimately, have ossified. Language experts far more expert than I have, over the years, done their best to debunk them, yet these made-up strictures refuse to go away and have proven more durable than Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. Put together. Part of the problem, I must add, is that some of them were made up by ostensible and presumably well-meaning language experts in the first place, so getting rid of them can be a bit like trying to get a dog to stop chasing its own tail.
I’ll dispatch these reasonably succinctly, with the hope that you’ll trust that I’ve done my homework and will be happy to see them go. I’m mindful of Gertrude Stein’s characterization of Ezra Pound as “a village explainer, excellent if you were a village, but if you were not, not,” and no one wants to be that guy. Also, if you persist in insisting that these nonrules are real and valid and to be hewed to, all the expert citations in the world won’t, I know through experience, change your mind one tiny little bit.
An admission: Quite a lot of what I do as a copy editor is to help writers avoid being carped at, fairly or—and this is the part that hurts—unfairly, by People Who Think They Know Better and Write Aggrieved Emails to Publishing Houses. Thus I tend to be a bit conservative about flouting rules that may be a bit dubious in their origin but, observed, ain’t hurting nobody. And though the nonrules below are particularly arrant nonsense, I warn you that, in breaking them, you’ll have a certain percentage of the reading and online-commenting populace up your fundament to tell you you’re subliterate. Go ahead and break them anyway. It’s fun, and I’ll back you up.
1. Never Begin a Sentence with “And” or “But.”
No, do begin a sentence with “And” or “But,” if it strikes your fancy to do so. Great writers do it all the time. As do even not necessarily great writers, like the person who has, so far in this essay, done it a few times and intends to do it a lot more.
But soft, as they used to say, here comes a caveat:
An “And” or a “But” (or a “For” or an “Or” or a “However” or a “Because,” to cite four other sentence starters one is often warned against) is not always the strongest beginning for a sentence, and making a relentless habit of using any of them palls quickly. You may find that you don’t need that “And” at all. You may find that your “And” or “But” sentence might easily attach to its predecessor sentence with either a comma or a semicolon. Take a good look, and give it a good think.
Let’s test an example or two.
Francie, of course, became an outsider shunned by all because of her stench. But she had become accustomed to being lonely.
Francie, of course, became an outsider shunned by all because of her stench, but she had become accustomed to being lonely.
Which do you think Betty Smith, the author of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, chose? The former, as it happens. Had I been Smith’s copy editor, I might well have suggested the second, to make one coherent, connected thought out of two unnecessarily separated ones. Perhaps she’d have agreed, or perhaps she’d have preferred the text as she’d written it, hearing it in her head as a solemn knell. Authors do often prefer their text the way they’ve written it.
Here’s another, in two flavors:
In the hospital he should be safe, for Major Callendar would protect him, but the Major had not come, and now things were worse than ever.
In the hospital he should be safe, for Major Callendar would protect him. But the Major had not come, and now things were worse than ever.
This is E. M. Forster, in A Passage to India, and I suspect you’ll not be surprised to learn that version 2 is his. For one thing, version 1’s a bit long. More important, version 2, with that definitive period, more effectively conveys, I’d say, the sense of dashed expectations, the reversal of fortune.
These are the choices that writers make, and that copy editors observe, and this is how you build a book.
One thing to add: Writers who are not so adept at linking their sentences habitually toss in a “But” or a “However” to create the illusion that a second thought contradicts a first thought when it doesn’t do any such thing. It doesn’t work, and I’m on to you.
2. Never Split an Infinitive.
To cite the most famous split infinitive of our era—and everyone cites this bit from the original Star Trek TV series, so zero points to me for originality—“To boldly go where no man has gone before.”
There’s much more—much more—one could say on the subject, but I don’t want to write about the nineteenth-century textual critic Henry Alford any more than you want to read about the nineteenth-century textual critic Henry Alford, so let’s leave it at this: A split infinitive, as we generally understand the term, is a “to [verb]” construction with an adverb stuck in the middle of it. In the Star Trek example, then, an unsplit infinitive version would be “Boldly to go where no man has gone before” or “To go boldly where no man has gone before.” If either of those sounds better to you, be my guest. To me they sound as if they were translated from the Vulcan.
Otherwise, let’s skip right to Raymond Chandler. Again, as with the Star Trek phrase, everyone loves to cite Chandler on this subject, but it’s for a God damn [sic] good reason. Chandler sent this note to the editor of The Atlantic Monthly in response to the copyediting of an article he’d written:
By the way, would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will stay split.
Over and out.
3. Never End a Sentence with a Preposition.
This is the rule that invariably (and wearily) leads to a rehash of the celebrated remark by Winston Churchill that Winston Churchill, in reality, neither said nor wrote:
“This is the kind of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.”
Let me say this about this: Ending a sentence with a preposition (as, at, by, for, from, of, etc.) isn’t always such a hot idea, mostly because a sentence should, when it can, aim for a powerful finale and not simply dribble off like an old man’s unhappy micturition. A sentence that meanders its way to a prepositional finish is often, I find, weaker than it ought to or could be.
What did you do that for?
Why did you do that?
has some snap to it.
But to tie a sentence into a strangling knot to avoid a prepositional conclusion is unhelpful and unnatural, and it’s something no good writer should attempt and no eager reader should have to contend with.
If you follow me.
Benjamin Dreyer is vice president, executive managing editor, and copy chief of Random House. He began his publishing career as a freelance proofreader and copyeditor. In 1993, he became a production editor at Random House, overseeing books by writers including Michael Chabon, Edmund Morris, Suzan-Lori Parks, Michael Pollan, Peter Straub, and Calvin Trillin. He has copyedited books by authors including E. L. Doctorow, David Ebershoff, Frank Rich, and Elizabeth Strout, as well as Let Me Tell You, a volume of previously uncollected work by Shirley Jackson. A graduate of Northwestern University, he lives in New York City.
Excerpted with permission from the new book Dreyer’s English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style, by Benjamin Dreyer. Published by Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. Copyright © 2019 by Benjamin Dreyer. All rights reserved.
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Three Writing Rules to Disregard
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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.
Interview with Slippin’ Mickeys
Only 3 stories by Slippin’ Mickeys ended up at Gossamer, but she’s written many more stories than that. She’s also one of the few authors who posted numerous stories during the show’s original run and then again in the revival years. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here, including Last Chance Falls and Currahee. Big thanks to Slippin’ Mickeys for doing this interview.
Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?
I would say that it does and doesn't surprise me. It surprises me that anyone would want to read something I wrote all those years ago, (only in that I was an actual teenager at the time, and had no chops at all -- I've grown a lot as a writer, and honestly have trouble reading my old stuff because I would have made much different creative decisions now). But the fanfiction that came out of the original run of the show -- from almost day one -- was so rich and varied and a lot of it so well written that I am not the least bit surprised that people want to read it today. I go back and read old favorites often, and am always thrilled to find something that's new-to-me, even if it's 27 years old.
What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?
The first thing I think about when I think about my fandom experience are the friends I made along the way. The X-Files came up with the internet, and there was a whole new way of connecting with people that liked the things that you liked. To this day, I am good friends with many people that I met through the show back in 1997-98. When the revival came about, I dove back in, and made new, more recent friendships that are just as rich. I love the show, but I also love the people I met along the way.
Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?
I first got into the show's online community on some random message board that I think I probably found through a Yahoo search one day in a computer lab on my university's campus. I connected with one woman from Greece named Fay that day, who invited me to join a group of women that chatted about the show after it aired on Monday nights. After the first time I hooked up with them, we talked almost daily via ICQ. Later, in the early aughts, I found the forums on Mighty Big TV/Television Without Pity, where some of the most intelligent discussion was going on. The forums were heavily moderated, and so they were always on topic, and it was just a smart, funny, great place to be.
Eventually, I started working for TWoP as both a writer and moderator (surprise! A lot of people don't know this because TWoP protected the identities of their mods so well, but I was the X-Files board mod after Jessica left!). It was my first paid writing gig and opened doors for me both professionally and personally. Two TWoP recappers were in my wedding!
What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?
Fanfiction opened my eyes to storytelling as a medium. I'd obviously gone to school and read books, but it opened my eyes to words to could do and be. It was a heady time. There were stories of every stripe. Short, long, canon-compliant, AU, experimental, you name it. We had such gifted writers, too. To this day, I'd almost rather read a piece of well written fanfic than a good book. Fanfic made me want to be a storyteller myself.
What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?
It was the 'ship. God bless the ship. My first episode was Never Again, but I didn't watch again until I was sitting with my college roommate freshman year and she was like "sorry, but I have to watch The X-Files on Sunday nights." That first episode was Redux. The next week was Redux II, and by then it was all over for me. The lengths Mulder and Scully would go to for each other? And the relationship wasn't even sexual? Here were two people who loved each other. Really loved each other. Selflessly. I was SO IN.
What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?
At first, I started reading it. This was back when you could only watch the show in reruns or on those VHS tapes that were sold in three packs that had two eps on each tape (I still have the trading cards that came with them), so after I burned through the VHS options (of which there were few), and set my VCR to tape the weekly reruns on FX, I needed MORE. I found fanfic. And in fanfic, Mulder and Scully actually like, kissed and maybe even had sex! I read everything I could get my hands on. Pretty soon, I wanted to write it myself.
What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?
Things are tough these days. It's a hard world to live in, and politics aside, it just feels like everything is falling apart around us. When I first found the show, my life was in a bit of upheaval and I dove into the fandom to distract myself. I'm doing the same thing these days. When the show ended, I left the fandom and lived without it for about 15 years. But when the revival came (and really only after finishing season 11 -- season 10 didn't do much for me), I dove back in. I have quite a few more responsibilities these days, but when I can't watch the news anymore, I log on to XF Twitter (I use my fandom account far more than my IRL account) or Tumblr and get lost for a while. And most nights find me reading or writing fanfic before bed. When the world gets better (I'm cautiously optimistic) and the show has been off the air for years and years, will I leave again? Maybe. But for now, it's once again my happy place.
Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?
Nothing hardcore. The X-Files is my ride or die.
Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?
I do an occasional episode or movie rewatch. Not too often, but when I'm jonesing and have 45 free minutes, I'll put one on. But I'm writing fanfic again, and I get hit with inspiration at random and odd intervals, so it's safe to say I find myself thinking about Mulder and Scully probably more than is healthy.
Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?
All the time. The old stuff, the new stuff, the good stuff. If I have five minutes and my kid is entertaining himself? I'll happy pull out an old favorite.
Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?
I'm reluctantly abstaining from this question, as I'm still active in the fandom and I know that naming favorites will hurt some feelings.
What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?
Of The Eight Winds is probably my favorite. I've had a lot of fun writing AU's lately. It's a nice creative outlet, taking our favorite agents and plunking them in a totally different world.
Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?
Do I! I have a whole ass queue. It's frankly irresponsible.
Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?
I was writing professionally before I had a baby, and I took years off to be a stay at home mom. Once my kiddo was finally in school full time, I started writing again. With the pandemic, that's for the most part on hold, as I just don't have the bandwidth to dedicate to professional work. Fanfic is easier to play with when you only have five minutes here or there, and it's also great exercise when it comes to plotting and prose, so I'm sticking with fic for now. When the kiddos are all back in school, maybe I can start getting paid again.
Where do you get ideas for stories?
I get a lot of prompts that I just adore. And honestly, a lot of times, I'll post a stupid picture or ridiculous prompt of my own on Twitter and get dared to write it. If the idea gets stuck in my craw, I generally have to exorcise the demon.
What's the story behind your pen name?
Bad Blood had just aired and I was obsessed with it. I wanted to pay homage to it, so took Mulder's "who slipped him the mickey?" quote and ran with it. Do I regret that? Sometimes.
Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?
My husband knows and is supportive. He's a working writer, so he supports my endeavors, though I know he wishes I were doing something I could monetize. But it makes me happy, and ultimately: happy wife, happy life and all that jazz.
The friends of mine that I've made through the fandom all know and are super supportive.
As for the rest, well... I have a nom de plume on purpose!
Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?
All my newest work is on AO3. My old stuff can be found on various archives. Like the truth... it's out there.
Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?
I'd leave it with: we're a blessed fandom. The show we stan (even with the real stinkers, there's always something to love) keeps giving, the fellow fans are all some of the smartest, sweetest, and most dedicated people out there... we've been blessed for 25 years, and I don't see that stopping any time soon.
(Posted by Lilydale on August 11, 2020)
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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.
Interview with Jintian
Jintian has 21 X-Files stories at AO3 all posted during the original run of the show and all fics you should read if you like beautiful words and lovely character insights (and you do!). I've recced some of my favorites here before, including Argus, Diving, God's Breath, and Seven Days. Big thanks to Jintian for doing this interview.
Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?
Many authors from the original run still loom large in my mind, so I'm glad to hear it. The show had great production values and cinematography and iconic characters, and I think that level of quality was reflected in fanworks. Good writing is good writing no matter how old. For myself, I'm happy if anything I made still resonates with people. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?
Just doing the math, I first discovered XF over half my lifetime ago. I was a sheltered introverted young'un. Online fandom introduced me to a diversity of people and perspectives I couldn't have found in my "real" life at the time. I'm especially grateful for the wisdom of women who, over the years, advised or supported me or simply led by example – not only with writing, but with everything from relationships to job interviews to finances. And I love that in so many places I've lived or traveled, I've been able to meet someone local who already feels like a friend.
Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? The Scullyfic mailing list, ATXC, and archives were my main venues. Scullyfic was such a well-run group, with structured discussion topics, post-episode commentary, and writing challenges.
Also, an image comes to mind: for some reason my dad put our computer in the garage, where we had a fan but no air conditioning, and we lived in the US southeast which feels like the armpit of hell in the summertime. I'd sit in that sweltering muggy heat for hours getting my fandom fix. And the only way to connect to the internet was via landline, which I couldn't tie up during the day, so that meant a lot of late nights as well. My fandom equivalent of trudging miles uphill in the snow?
What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? With regard to fanfic, I learned how to receive and give constructive criticism, before and after posting. Even if it was "just" fanfic, most everyone wanted to improve their writing. I think that was a good mindset for me to cultivate, personally and professionally.
With regard to fandom, I learned how to be an active and analytical consumer, and that there can be many (many!) interpretations of a text. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? The fanfic, actually. Somehow in my internet wanderings, I stumbled across Gossamer. Dawson Rambo's casefiles were also early finds. Curiosity about the characters drove me to check out the show.
What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?
As far as writing my own, I had an image in my head which I jotted down, and over several months I kept adding to it – mostly navel-gazing, not much plot. The resulting story was a hodgepodge of different POVs and different tenses. *facepalm* But I received some lovely feedback, and I felt very welcomed. For me the XF community, with everyone's creativity and dedication, was just as inspiring and motivating for fanfic as the show.
What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?
I think of it like school. I learned a lot, I graduated, and now it's primarily occupied by a new generation. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?
If XF was like university, then afterward was like graduate school. Sophiahelix and I started a multi-fandom mailing list called Glass Onion and met lots of folks. Livejournal/Dreamwidth became big public platforms which enabled tons of cross-fandom links, recs, and discussions – and sometimes clashes. Although it wasn't as intensely formative for me as XF, I realized that fandom in general has had an undeniable impact on my life. [Lilydale note: That’s a link to a wonderful little essay Jintian wrote about fandom.]
Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why? I love the sneak attackers, the ones who seem unassuming or perhaps disadvantaged, but they're actually out here killing the game. Dana Scully was a small-statured person who had to move the driver's seat to reach the pedals – like me – but she was an FBI agent, medical doctor, and forensic pathologist – unlike me, but goals. Other similar faves are Toph Beifong (Avatar: The Last Airbender), Mat Cauthon (Wheel of Time), and Jang Geurae (Misaeng). Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Several years ago I had the notion to introduce my husband to the show, and it was totally enjoyable and could stand up with shows airing today. (Husband queried: "What is the deal with Mulder? He should have been fired 19 times already." We were in Season 2.)
Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?
No XF lately, but I'll check AO3 whenever I encounter a shiny new ship. Reading fic is my only fannish activity these days, so I stay happy and conflict-free.
Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors? It's been ages, but today I'm thinking of torch, Jane St Clair, Jordan, RivkaT, MustangSally, Khyber, nevdull, Justin Glasser, Vehemently, Nascent... On any other day it could be a whole different list. The fandom was so rich and deep in writers. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?
My XF stuff was kind of all over the place. I experimented a lot, with mixed results. I guess I'm glad about some of the subject matter I tackled, like Scully's trauma and post-abduction state of mind (and body) in Loss of Yesterday, and the thematically similar Longer Gone, which explored Samantha.
What's the story behind your pen name? Jintian means "today" in Mandarin Chinese. I was feeling existential. 🤷♀️
Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I've only ever told an ex and my husband. They were allowed to read one story – which I chose. They thought it was cool, I guess. I can't remember clearly because I had my fingers stuck in my ears going "lalalala!"
However, I can always count on my husband to say something savagely funny about fandom mess, so I just try to curate his exposure. For instance, he could recap the Msscribe saga but couldn't tell you any of my usernames. He's also met a number of my fannish friends so he knows how we get, hah.
Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?
AO3 Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?
As I'm writing this, the world is grappling with COVID-19. I'm wishing everyone safety and health, both physical and mental. If fandom provides a positive escape, embrace and enjoy it!
(Posted by Lilydale on October 6, 2020)
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