Crackfic snippet - Red Dwarf
Kryten’s cleaning routine had carried him to G deck today, and now he was engaged in pleasant chit-chat with one of the vending machines. Its voice was pleasant and well-spoken, its accent a buttery and smooth Irish. They had just finished discussing the marvels of Mr. Lister’s capacity to consume chocolate bars and had been about to make a start on a conversation about the pleasures of folding shirts when Kryten ran a duster across the top of the machine.
The machine shuddered in its place, a faint purring of motors accompanying a whimper so close to human it could have been mistaken for one in the dark.
‘Oh goodness, I do apologise, Miss. 19X, I ought to have asked before dusting you!’ Kryten whisked the feathery tool away as Shame Mode activated, compelling him to shuffle and twist his hands. His left was far looser than his right, so he strove to direct the impulse productively, wrenching the part as deep back into its socket as possible.
‘Oh Mr. Kryten, sir, I don’t mind at all,’ the machine trilled after a moment, the light in her display fluttering and flickering coquettishly. ‘In fact, I’d rather like a good cleaning, if you don’t mind me saying so! It’s been quite a while, after all.’
‘Oooh!’ Kryten’s excitement expressed itself in the rapid vibration of his chassis, and he quickly turned to the hovercart he’d brought with him, rummaging through his various tools. ‘Let’s see, then – I could go over your outsides and scrub off Mr. Lister’s food stains and give you a lovely polish,’ He placed two separate sets of buffing pads at the top of the pile, then continued digging. At length, he emerged with his vacuum attachment. ‘And then of course I could vacuum your slots, and then restock you!’
‘Oh, please, please, restock me!’
Kryten’s cubic face stretched with his approximation of a human “smile” as he grabbed one of the pads and smeared it with a cleaning agent.
‘Are you ready, Miss. 19X? I should warn you; I have been trained to clean most vigorously by Mr. Lister!’
‘I’m ready,’ the vending machine murmured, its voice breathy and eager. Kryten bit down on his artificial lip as he pressed the wool pad against one grotty metal side of the machine. Somewhere inside the machine, snacks tremored, their wrappers rustling. The odd bottle of juice that hadn’t ever been bought sloshed provocatively. He pressed the pad more firmly against the metal and began to drag it languidly up and down the side of the machine, prompting still more of those deep quivering sounds.
‘How’s this, Miss. 19X?’
‘So, so good…’ The unadulterated enjoyment in the simulated voice was more than enough to prompt Kryten into Bliss Mode, something he normally only reached when doing a particularly demanding load of laundry for Mr. Lister. So he took his time, thoroughly cleaning every inch of the lucky unit with that woollen pad first, and then eventually shifting over to the foam pad and a thick layer of shinebrite solution. This, he applied with a featherlight touch, prompting machine 19X to groan appreciatively.
Had the humans – or the Cat – been around to hear this, they might have been quite jealous, reflected Kryten as he finished the last long, luxurious swipe down the front of the machine. The display had returned to the indecent flickering and fluttering as he finished up the external cleaning.
‘Now, Miss. 19X, may I vacuum your slots?’
‘Oh god, please!’
Grinning from ear to artificial ear, Kryten fumbled in the cart for his groinal attachment, which he then slotted into its appropriate position. He tested the suction against his hand first, something which the vending machine appeared to take as quite the tease, for a torrid whine emanated from its voice grate and the display flickered yet again, turning to a gentle pink.
‘Goodness, this one’s small,’ he commented as he manoeuvred the nozzle into the coin slot. The machine whimpered as he flicked the switch and began to vacuum.
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My first Masterlist
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Fanfictions: Obey Me! Shall We Date?
DiavoloXYuri - Yet Untitled (WIP)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10
Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 13-A
Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17
Moist ✨ (Complete)
Read here
Welcome Back to The Devildom (Complete)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Fanfictions: The Arcana (Complete)
Transcendent Love (Julian/MC)
Beloved Spouse (Julian/MC)
Magically Ever After (Julian/MC)
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Headcanons
[All PG or PG-13, promise]
Obey me!
1 2 3 4 5 6
My hero Academia (Just an HC dump, long post. Enjoy)
Mystic Messenger
A trip to Spirit Halloween
RFA VS ADD ADHD
RFA Scents/Perfumes/Colognes
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Who put a pencil in my hand? AKA my fanarts
Arcana~
Obey Me~
1 2
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When a friend from high school (who is basically responsible for your unicorn addiction) feeds your habit by sending a darling unicorn candle holder. Yep. You just stick a tea-light in his butt and he lights right up! Thank you @attaleila! 🤣 🦄 🕯 #unicorn #galpal #shinebrite #happymail https://www.instagram.com/p/CDvOYiRDK8F/?igshid=1vr1mhpp8r528
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Golden! 👑👑👑 @crownedbymoshoodat Creative Direction @Moshoodat 📸 @nyarko_photography Head pieces & endowments @crownedbymoshoodat Campaign @afrochella Queens: @yandysmith @bemisoul , @debbie_nichole , @yazzistush .................................................................... Get inspiration for any occasion on the AfriqOkin app, free on Google play and Apple app store. Click here download http://onelink.to/aptvqj #afriqokin #AfricanFashionApp #AfricanFashion #AfricanPrint #AsoEbi #wedding #AsoEbi #bellanija #asoebibella #regrann #Moshoodat #CrownedRoyalty #GoldenYear #GraceOfGod #2020 #BlackGirlMagic #Blessed #Queens #Glorious #QueensLiftQueens #GoddessVibes #AfricanQueens #ShineBrite #CircleOfWomen - #regrann https://www.instagram.com/p/B-r5oOmJaMq/?igshid=b6071pakcb2l
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