#sick of the constant masking and constantly being misgendered

[theblabarmy]

fuck. im going to girls camp in 2 days. i fucking hate this. i fucking hate mormonism and i fucking hate being around those people

[sureuncertainty]

this trip is gonna be the death of me i swear, I gotta vent out some frustrations

i did NOT realize how fucking EXHAUSTING it was going to be to censor myself constantly, mask in every possible way, our system being trans, being constantly deadnamed and misgendered and have to be careful about everything i say while i'm supposed to be having a good time

like i KNEW it was gonna be rough but i didn't realize how bad it would be. and now i'm sick with this STUPID cold (def not covid or anything contagious, it's 100% a stress induced cold, i get these sometimes, but it's been awhile) and it's like mild enough that i can still do stuff but not so mild that it's not like making me physically lowkey miserable the entire time, as if I wasn't miserable enough already. currently i cannot breathe out of my nose whatsoever.

i just want to be free. I want to just get to do disney with my partner (which hopefully we will get to do that tomorrow if I'm feeling better by then) and just be ourselves, all of us, and make the stupid jokes I wanna make with my partner, and not have to explain everything and overthink everything bc i'm around my homophobic aunt all the time. this constant masking LITERALLY made me sick and I want it to stop

the physical frustrations with being in a new environment, adjusting to a new time zone, AND the fact that our flights got rebooked twice while we were getting down here, first making us lose an entire day of our trip and THEN miss our connecting flight and have to take a later one which meant we got in like 2 hours later than intended and didn't have time to nap before we went to go see a show (which was amazing, it was beetlejuice and it was incredible) so I was running on 22 hours of being awake AND travelling, AND the stress of the rebooked flight like we were supposed to have a day to rest before that, and then we were at least gonna get a few hours to nap but nope. none of that. just constant going

and now i'm sick and miserable even more so and i hate this so so much and it's not all bad, but it just really really sucks. the ONLY good thing about this cold is that it forced me to take some time alone and time to myself which honestly has been nice so at least there's that