#sick. i wanna stop sacrificing things I love bc the other person who loves them isn’t good for me

[zibah-ho]

so the issue with having a turbulent relationship with someone is that when things are good and you’re in sync it’s like you’re one person and you love the same things and do things together but when things are bad those same things become unbearable and you no longer have access to things you love because to love them is to love that person and you don’t want to so you pretend they don’t exist and in doing so deny yourself another thing that makes you happy

[ahwait-no-yes]

so basically my friend told me today about her dream she had that involved a demon and of course my mind went “...SAIOU AU”

here’s our convo so it makes sense:

if I had the motivation i would DEFINITELY write a fic about this- the fluff/crack/angst potential is t h e r e

and as a bonus doodle,

story is under the cut (it’s long)

“I was gonna keep this in tags but hsdf;j” is what I originally wrote here until I started thinking about this more and sorta wrote the whole plot-

-> as ouma’s killing the other monster things he flirts with shuuichi while the poor demon has never been flirted with so he’s stood there all confused and ??? (his version of blushing would be like, the fire coming from his small horns gets bigger and brighter)

-> the one he summons ends up being like. kaede and they both just end up having to lecture shuuichi on why it is that he should not want to die so easily

-> eventually kokichi and kaede wanna give him a hug so they try to but shuuichi’s Extra Hot™ (from being a demon and also probably blushing) so they both immediately regret that choice but kokichi laughs and gives an obligatory pun about shuuichi being hot which only confuses him because ‘of course im hot?? im a demon??’ while kaede explains what ouma meant

-> imagine shuuichi crying (fire tears..) at the generosity of these two strangers who a) aren’t absolutely terrified of him, b) refuse to hurt him and c) actually *want* to help him and ouma actually inwardly understanding a little bc he’d never imagine someone actually wanting to be with himself either

-> saihara now wanting to know what it’s like to live as a human with ouma and akamatsu but being unable to find a way (except for maybe being undercover?) but promising he’ll bring ouma back to him (he’s aware of the whole aging phenomenon in the lil demon world so he wants to keep their time short) and ouma finding that now he has something to look forward to

-> the 👏 mutual 👏 pining 👏 that commences after they both have to leave each other (if kaede knows kokichi in the real world she’d definitely tease him a little knowing he has a crush- this is probably good potential for building oumaede friendship)

-> it takes a while before ouma and saihara can see eachother again because getting the two to escape without killing saihara exerted a lot of energy on him, but they do get to! about once a month to be safe, and they get to know stuff about eachother like which shops ouma likes to steal from and shuuichi’s really loud demon friend he once had (aka momota)

-> one day though saihara tells ouma that if he keeps doing this he’ll die of exhaustion (it takes a lot of energy from saihara to get ouma in and out of there) and ouma calling him an idiot but really being worried. saihara tells him not to worry about him even if something happens to him, and makes ouma go back to the real world

-> ouma doesn’t hear from him after that

-> he worries he might have been killed or saihara forgot about him and feels stupid for being so hopeful in something so childishly impossible and starts trying to forget about him

-> the real world is aware of demons cause people talk about them (and obvs you can tell when someone’s gone to their.. dimension thing because you can visibly see them age) so still denying that he’s curious and likes saihara still, ouma tries to go to libraries and do his own research on demons and ends up finding out that saihara specifically comes from a bloodline that makes him quite powerful if not for that he wouldnt want to take the risks that come with it and then lowkey gets excited again for saihara while still in ✨denial ✨

-> it’s been almost a year when saihara has enough energy (and more) to ensure that his new plan is successfully carried out and that ouma (and potentially 1 more..) gets back to the real world safely. he created this plan when he figured out how to exist in the real world- by sacrificing the thing he cares most about

-> so when ouma suddenly gets that off-feeling people get when they’re leaving the real world he feels very many emotions at once (giddily going ”ohh my god its not this it cant be this no way oh heck tthisis not happening not a chance”) until he sees the face he’s been waiting 4 months for again except this time it looks.. frighteningly cold

-> ouma’s instincts are screaming at him that something is very, very wrong here especially when he can’t hear any warmth when saihara says “Welcome back, Ouma. It’s your final time” and explains the whole ‘kill these monsters then kill me’ thing again

-> ouma’s confusion inevitably turns to annoyance as he kills the dudes (there appears to be a lot more than there was last time) and fires questions at saihara (‘is this saihara?’ ‘what happened to you??’ ‘do you even remember me?’) while saihara stays silent for the whole time thinking about how he really doesn’t want to be doing this. 

-> eventually ouma decides he was wrong (again) to have put his faith in a guy- a demon- he only met once a month.. even if said demon gave him something to look forward to

-> when he finally gets to saihara alone he internally notes that saihara cant look him in the eye, but he finally speaks to tell ouma that now either himself or ouma will now die (saihara knows this is for sake of the sacrifice, but he can’t let ouma know else it won’t work)

-> ouma refuses to fight him again, expecting saihara to snap back into the meek demon from a year and some months ago, but rather than that happening saihara actually says something like “if you won’t kill me, I’ll have to kill you” and swings at him

-> even if ouma was on his full guard, he still would’ve been surprised by how strong saihara actually could be when he tried to fight- and of course saihara can’t stop now that he’s started but ouma hears the hesitation when saihara asks “are you going to kill me yet?” and gets annoyed that the whole time he spent with him and even akamatsu meant nothing. saihara smiles sadly knowing he’s achieving his goal but ouma thinks he’s smiling at the thought of dying and gets somehow even more annoyed

-> during their whole fight, insert “I’m alone, Ouma, and I will always be” line from saihara, “No amount of talking can convince me otherwise, Ouma. I’m sorry it took so long, but it was foolish of you to trust a demon you met only once” or something and yes it hurts saihara too but ouma’s staying silent and before saihara can continue, ouma fires back with “You’re right- you are meant to be alone. You were always meant to be that kind of guy” and stops dodging to start finally attacking- this is when saihara knows he’s pretty much achieved his target: sacrificing ouma’s trust in him

-> just as ouma swipes at him, saihara’s lil spell thing is activated that takes saihara back to the real world, disguised so people don’t see him as a demon. but now ouma thinks he’s just killed saihara (I just attacked him. and he is gone. i dont know what that light was but i must have just killed him. oh my god im a murderer.”)

-> saihara hiding in the forest to do the lil spell thing again but on ouma (all the time he spent saving on energy was worth it) so ouma gets transported to the real world too and immediately runs to tell akamatsu everything that happened

-> saihara trying to find to blend in with humans from what he remembers of how they act but he doesnt need to particularly eat he just needs a heck ton of sleep so he basically just lives in the forest now. he’s very sensitive to water so he actively stays away from it too (it wont kill him but it does make him sick). he’s still feverishly warm but not scalding and he also decides to work at a store to fit in more

-> ouma regretting what he did to saihara even though saihara hurt him first and realising he misses him

-> saihara ends up accidentally bumping into him at the store he works at that ouma conveniently steals from a lot (”Ouma, you’d make a good demon” “Nishishi! What do you mean? I’m a perfect little angel!”) and saihara gasping when he notices ouma’s unforgettable purple hair and cute smile.

-> ouma finding something familiar about this awkward new staff with the cute face and deciding he’ll visit the shop more often to see this stranger and not because said stranger might help him get over his demon crush

-> then they get to know eachother again for the 2nd time, and as much as this guy is really cute, he clearly knows more than he’s letting on... so of course ouma’s gotta now pay even more attention to him. just so he knows what the guy’s hiding. not cause he wants to know him.

-> one day saihara is sick from trying to protect himself from the rain (cause yk, water bad) so he stays in the forest instead of coming in to focus his energy on getting better and also not blowing his cover. ouma notices he isnt there on that day and asks other staff members where he lives and they’re all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-> it rains quite a bit after that, inevitably making saihara even more sick and in turn needing time away to himself, so ouma starts getting worried when saihara stops coming to work

-> saihara really wants to see him though, so one day he tries to drag himself to work in a terrible state where he’s actually almost cold for once and collapses after trying to run to ouma. ouma sees him and tells his manager he cant work nd takes him home himself where saihara wakes up confused

-> ouma lecturing saihara because he worried him and the way he fell reminded him of.. someone (demon shuu).. then he asks vague questions to saihara about if he’s ever met a demon and half-confesses to having met one himself multiple times and ending up falling in love and then probably killing them

-> saihara, in his tired state, tells him his story of how he was raised to believe he had no purpose other than to meet someone who would kill him, eventually finding that person but instead of looking at him with fear or anger he looked at him with admiration and playfulness, how the guy meant to kill him refused to and flirted w him instead. ouma has probably clicked on by this point but saihara continues to tell him he wanted to protect that guy with the power he had so he took time away from his first ‘job’ to find out how to be with him. saihara is probably shaking at this point while he continues telling him about how he found out he had to sacrifice the most important thing to him, so he “went and had a terrible argument with him one day and i ran away. but i’ve never stopped looking for him since, he showed me that even a demon like me can fall in love” (there’s the ✨grand confession ✨)

-> ouma saw it coming from the moment saihara started speaking, but that didnt stop him from being utterly paralysed. of COURSE saihara has to say “When I said you’d make a good demon I really wasn’t lying. Your hand is so warm it could fool even me” which possibly makes ouma completely combust before absolutely bolting out the door and calling akamatsu to tell her to get to his house (”AKAMATSU-CHAN I’M GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T GET HERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT THIS SECOND”)

-> while waiting for kaede, shuuichi explains that he needs to be Warm™ and immediately holds kokichi’s hold again, while the other’s having a gay panic.. and he doesnt know how to feel because on one hand, his beloved demon is.. right here, in the ‘flesh’, holding his hand, telling him he fell in love with him.. but on the other hand, that doesnt excuse the confusion and hurt he put him through back then, not being able to see him for a whole damn year.. 

-> ouma ignores all the feelings when akamatsu arrives where she’s brought water and blankets (just in case- i feel like shes the kind of friend who would do that) so saihara takes the blankets and ouma takes the water and she calms them both down and gets them to explain everything slowly and in their own time. its awkward esp for ouma who isnt particularly close with her, but they manage it in the end

-> they decide shuuichi literally cant live in the forest so of course now he has to live with ouma but akamatsu offers to help if it ever gets too much for ouma which obviously ouma denies. she leaves soon and its just them but ouma needs some time to himself to clear his head and he only returns late to see saihara asleep clinging onto akamatsu’s blanket with his life lmao so ouma sighs and brings him more. and if he kisses the sleeping demon’s forehead, nobody has to know

-> ofc its still very much awkward and it takes ouma getting used to having even just another presence in his home, let alone his sort-of-unofficial-demon-bf and saihara’s still sleeping a lot of the time but recovering

-> they probably establish their feelings for eachother properly when they’re more mentally prepared for it, and then 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (they kiss) and are now actually legally boyfriends. i absolutely cannot let this end in angst so they’re happy and love eachother now yay the end

nngl. i talked about this with that same friend and I lowkey want to start writing an actual fic for it now that ive written... literally the entire plot, but if i do that it probably wont be out for a while bc i take 10 years to write lmao-- plus i hardly ever finish what i start so uh yeah.. but hopefully! im not even good at writing fic this is just the plot but yello

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hi Colour! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up!

Oh wow, that's so precious! You've definitely earned the "real life Dani" nickname haha I wish I could find something meaningful like that to do with my life. I'm actually autistic and have ADHD so hearing you do this kind of work makes me really happy! Keep up the good work Ms. Clayton! 😁 Haha

You sound like a lot of fun to hang out with at pubs! Haha I'm glad you identify with that bit of info on your star placements. I had a lot of fun doing it too!

The thing about Hozier is that some of his lyrics are incredibly sapphic to me for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. NFWMB is one of the songs that feels like that to me. Don't know if you've heard it before but give it a try if you haven't. If you close your eyes it sounds like you're in an epic romantic story and there are swords, pretty gowns, and rooms lit by torches. Haha

The beginning of this song was inspired by a poem written by W.B Yeats called "The Second Coming" in 1920, and it talks about an apocalypse of sorts, alluding to all of the horrors men inflicted upon the world which ends up awakening this beast that goes to Jesus's place of birth in the Bible (Bethlehem) to be born. The last lines being:

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"

So the song starts with:

"When I first saw you

The end was soon

To Bethlehem it slouched

And then, it must've caught a good look at you"

And oh boy do I think of Dani when I hear that. Especially bc of that scene where Viola accepts Dani's invitation to live inside her. And nobody knows why she accepts it (but I do!).

And yeah at first glance you might not think much of Dani. in the beginning she's just a tiny frail small-town girl with a lot of anxiety, running away from her past traumas. But she proves us wrong again and again and again. She moves to a country she's never been before entirely by herself, sees an opportunity, and doesn't let go of it even when it looks like it went wrong. Then is very loving and tender with these children who have gone through so much and are still going through so much. Tries to fight (with a fire poker!!) the threatening man that keeps harassing her, the children, and her friends. THEN manages to soften the angry, grumpy lesbian who's given up on people after A LOT of trauma (too much in my opinion) and doesn't give up on her when she rejects her either. Freaking exorcises her ex and makes him stop haunting her so she can be with the love of her life. And then finally as if all of that didn't make her the bravest hero in this story, she literally stops an apocalypse from happening and saves everyone from this beast by sacrificing herself without even thinking twice. Saves everyone that came before her and then the ones who'll come after for the rest of eternity. I mean the P-O-W-E-R this girl has. 💪 so hell yeah the lady in the lake wanted to take her.

When Hozier says:

"Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?

Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?

Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?

Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?"

I can only think of Dani at the bottom of the lake laying on top of all the bones of the people Viola killed and how she's at peace living forever in a dark place like that. That's kinda hardcore y'know?

After the first verses, Hozier goes on to talk abt his lover, someone so utterly terrifying even the beast of the end of the world can't stand to look at them. But this song is also about being proud to be this person's lover bc nothing can fuck with them, not bc you are there to protect them and wouldn't let anyone harm them, but bc they're more than capable of protecting themselves and you too. So in my head, this song is Jamie's declaration of love to Dani.

And then I think of Jamie's devotion to Dani when she said "If you can't feel anything, then I'll feel everything for the both of us." shown in this verse:

"If I was born as a blackthorn tree

I'd wanna be felled by you

Held by you

Fuel the pyre of your enemies"

And the fact that she took what she could get just to be with Dani. She knew she'd have to suffer for/bc of her at some point, but chose to be with her anyway. I have no doubts in my mind she'd want to be anything for her as long as they could be together in any way, shape, or form. In all the lives they happened to meet one another too.

Wouldn't it be cool to see them in an AU where Dani is like a medieval princess who's supposed to marry Edmund to form an alliance between kingdoms or something and Jamie is an assassin who is hired to kill the princess so she has to pretend to be Dani's personal guard or wtever but they fall in love and run away together and Jamie teaches her how to fight so Dani becomes this warrior but turns out Dani is naturally good at it and then she becomes a legend? Hahaha I can see her riding a horse in the winter with paint on her face and her blonde hair falling over this fur-lined cloak, fierce look on her face, and Jamie riding next to her (always). Then they come across Viola who's a witch and puts a curse on Dani and then Dani and Jamie have to travel to all sorts of places and fight all sorts of people and go on this whole adventure to rid Dani of this curse. Maybe Dani has to go back to her kingdom bc her father dies and there are other people trying to take her kingdom so there's a lot of angst and suffering but then they win at the end after a lot of sweat and tears and they live happily ever after! 😎Hahaha

Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far and hope you had fun with your niece today! (I know if I was her and you had us make fudge and paint I'd worship you haha) I'm sorry for the very (very) long ask, but I've been obsessing over this idea for months and I just had to share it with someone! ✌️✨

(And you can call me Libby or wtever since I'm not anon anymore 🤗)

Awwh thank you so much for saying I have earned my 'real life Dani' title is means a lot to me that you guys see that in me!! I am sure you do so many meaningful things in life without even realising it!! I honestly just want to make a difference and I love helping people so going into a career like this just seemed so natural to me and I really do love what I do!! Thank you so much I really hope I can keep up the good work!! I hope I'm a lot of fun- I know I have helped win a few pub quizzes and there's been a few times I've won games of trivial pursuit as well so that really did make so much sense to me and learning about all the placements of my chart was so much fun and was so interesting so thank you very much!! I have heard some of Hozier's lyrics are quite sapphic and I always mean to look into more of his songs and then just never do but I will definitely look in to NFWMB because the lyrics you have sent me here are incredible and definitely give of Dani x Jamie vibes I definitely agree with you in everything you have said about why Viola accepted Dani's invitation- Dani and Viola are similar in some ways and this was something I was explaining to my niece when she watched it with me. I explained to her that both Viola and Dani are strong willed, and stubborn, and would do anything to fiercely protect the people they care about. We saw that time and time again with Dani, how within days of knowing Miles and Flora she was out with a fire poker trying to protect them from a strange man that she kept seeing around the manor. And how Viola would've done anything to protect her daughter. One major difference between them though is that Viola seemed to have a slight selfish streak where as Dani is entirely selfless, she was selfless for the longest time in even agreeing to marry Eddie so she wouldn't hurt him, she was selfless in protecting Miles and Flora, and even more selfless in saving Flora's life and freeing all the trapped spirits of Bly Manor and then she is selfless in the fact that she won't drag anyone down and won't hurt anyone else at Bly ever again. The one thing she did for herself was being with Jamie- and she was able to make Jamie open up and trust people in way she probably hadn't for the longest time. Dani is a truly strong person as was Viola and I can see why she would accept Dani's invitation. I will have to listen to this song to see it from a Jamie perspective which I will definitely do tomorrow but from the lyrics you have sent me I can definitely see it being a love declaration to Dani from Jamie. Jamie knew in the end she would suffer because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep Dani forever, and knew that one day she would have to leave her- but she knew loving Dani for as long as she was allowed to would be worth that pain in the end and Jamie is a truly strong person as well for knowing this and staying by Dani's side anyway when that must have been such a hard thing for Jamie to ever have to accept. Jamie would've been anything for Dani and would've one anything for her as Dani would've for Jamie and that's why I love them so much. They loved each other so purely and without conditions and so wholeheartedly and it really was such a lovely thing to watch play out in front of us (even if it did hurt us all at the end). I think it would be so cool to see an AU like that I think medieval stuff is always so fun and so interesting and a good enemies to lovers start never fails either because there's so much tension there between them. And Jamie being undercover as someone to get close to Dani and them slowly falling in love with each other would just be a great thing to see!! And I am all for warrior Dani and Jamie (women with weapons is a little bit of a weakness of mine)!! This whole AU just sounds incredible I love a good curse in fantasy stories and the curse slowly taking over and you thinking they're going to run out of time but everything works out in the end!! Dani going back to her kingdom because of her sick Dad dying would be great for angst because it would look

like she would have to marry someone to create an alliance and that she would have to take over a kingdom (perhaps something she never wanted to do in the first place)!! I think this could be a very angsty one shot and could be so interesting and fun and the happy ending would definitely make all the angst worth it in the end!! I am having a good week so far thank you and I had so much fun with my niece today, making fudge went great and she was happy that I was able to show her how to do it because she'd never made it before so now that's something she knows how to do (I think she thinks I'm way cooler than I actually am haha thank you for saying you'd worship me though if you were my niece haha 😂) but tomorrow she is teaching me how to do something because I taught her how to make fudge today... she's gonna teach me how to draw in an anime style- which is something she is really into and even though I'm not she loves drawing so I've asked if she can teach me since I taught her something today!! There's no need to apologise I loved this long angst and I loved this idea I think it's really great and interesting and that song just seems amazing and I am definitely gonna listen to it tomorrow when I get chance!! Thank you for sharing this idea with me I loved it!! ☺️ Haha oki doki then as long as that's alright with you Libby is what I'll call you!! Like I said you can seriously call me anything!! ☺️

[ambered-glazed-sheep]

Please do go on about Doomslayer and his morals. I'm legit fascinated by him since starting the let's play I'm watching and I'd love to hear your take on him (I know literally nothing about the Doom franchise other than lots of blood and violence against demons and also badass music)

You know, a year ago when my friends asked me 'hey do you wanna play minecraft' and i said 'yeah sure' i would have never thought i would one day have a minecraft sideblog where i get questions about the personality of the main character of a shooter fps game (of all things!) that is known for its incredible violence.

But here you go:

(prepare yourself this has gotten way longer than i thought oh god, and also it has nothing to do with hermits whatsoever. warnings for language and descriptions of violence? and i assume the readmore won’t be working the way i want it to)

Ok so, Doom!

First of all, i know nothing about the old games, and i’ve only seen a minimal amount of Doom Eternal Letsplays. Most of this is based on Doom (2016). 

Ok so we all start out thinking Doomguy! It’s the guy you play in Doom. The hand that hold the gun YOU are shooting demons with. And sure, you can go trough the whole game with that mindset, but that’s boring and we are overthinking fictional characters in this house.

ID software actually managed to give Doomguy/Doomslayer a TON of personality despite him never saying a word, barely any cutscenes to show what he does when you don’t control him (at least in Doom 2016), and not a lot of other characters to interact with despite enemy monsters.

The game just leaves you little hints and snippets and that’s what makes Doomslayer so exciting to think about. Just the right levels between ‘cryptid half-god who never shows emotion and is a player-insert’ and ‘this dude’s got an AGENDA. he has PLACES TO BE’. You are him as you play, but sometimes he makes decisions on his own. But personally, i could never find myself to disagree.

First, you got the intro sequence. 

You got a unknown voice telling you: 

“They are rage. Brutal, without mercy. But you. You will be worse. Rip and Tear, until it is done.”

First of all, YO. WOW. HOLY SHIT.

The scene immediately shifts to Doomslayer waking up. He’s naked, he’s chained down somewhere, theresa SHIT TON of scars littering his arms and hands. First thing HE does, on his own behalf, is ripping off the chains by flexing a little (literal iron chains!!!), smashing a zombies head against the sarcophagus he lays in and completely obliterating said head into a bit of blood (mind you, three seconds after he woke up from a thousands of years long coma!! but we only learn that later), and then promptly gets up, picks up a pistol, and now it’s your, the players turn. This takes like 8 seconds in total. This man means BUSINESS. That’s the first thing we learn.

Second thing that strikes me is the interactions with Samuel Hayden. 

Doomslayer is patient when a computer voice tells him the status of the base. He is patient as he looks at the screens to see what is going on. (a demonic invasion, thats what). But then dear Dr. Samuel Hayden calls. 

Dr. Hayden says “Hi, i’m the boss here, i’m sure we can work together in a way that benefits us both uwu”. Doomslayer immediately grabs the PC screen and pushes it aside. His gesture says, i’m done with this. im sick of this dude. this guy is full of shit. And he’s right! And that after barely hearing two sentences from Hayden!

So the second thing we learn is that he has no time for people trying to exploit him. He hears Hayden, he has a gut feeling that this dude is a little fishy, maybe he just plain doesnt like higher ups and heads of facilities. But we learn that he IS. NOT. going to listen to this man, and his body language makes that very clear without being actually violent against the person (he doesnt destroy the Screen either! just pushes it aside very annoyed. He isn’t mindlessly destroying property here.)

This continues. 

Hayden goes ‘hey maybe don’t destroy that energy source!’ in the few seconds you dont control him, Doomslayer listens. He hesitates. He considers. Then he destroys the thing anyways. Hayden keeps telling him to stop, but Doomslayer doesnt listen. He’s got his own mind!

This was mostly about Haydens Company, the UAC, harvesting hell energy, and hurting people in the process. 

There’s a scene where Doomslayer rides an elevator. Hayden, over the comms, tells him that everyone that has died in the demon attack was a nacessary sacrifice that will bring a new future or some shit like that. the camera pans down to show some poor sods corpse at those very words. Doomslayer cracks his knuckles. he is NOT HAPPY about that, so we know he doesnt like it when human lifes are sacrificed. He destroys the communicator, so he doesnt have to listen to Haydens voice telling him lies and trying to sway him anymore. 

(then he takes out his shotgun, the doors open, metal starts playing and the doom logo is shown, but that’s more about making the player feel epic than showing doomslayers personality,,)

Now i would like to talk about VEGA, the AI that controls the mars facility. 

VEGA occasionally talks to us/the Slayer. He is very straightforward, tells us what to do and why to do it, and is generally very polite. In the story, Doomslayer listens to Vega. 

Now why does he listen to VEGA but not Hayden? 

I think it’s because Hayden tries to get him to do things that just benefit him, and Hayden is very manipulative in his words (or tries to be lol), while Vega just says (if you destroy this thing, that door will open. I think Doomslayer appreciates it when people are honest to him.

And in the end, Doomslayer on his own decides to save a backup of VEGA. VEGA didn’t ask him to, Doomslayer did that on his own. It’s not relevant to his mission, he doesnt need VEGA to go to hell to close portals and whatnot. But he does save him. Why? I think it’s because he cares. Because he’s come to like VEGA. Because Vega didn’t try to manipulate him and screw him over. 

Next up is the Slayers Testament. 

These are a bunch of writings/recordings that you find scattered in the hell levels. (i highly recommend listening to them/reading them, they are metal as fuck and give me such an immense feeling of power bc they are talking about me, the doomslayer)

These testaments were written by demons. They were genuinely afraid of the slayer. 

Quote:

Unbreakable, incorruptible, unyielding, the Doom Slayer sought to end the dominion of the dark realm.

As said, i don’t think these are purely talking about his physical strength. They are talking about his... well, mentality. His Codex. They see him as an unstoppable force. He is incorruptible. Let that sink in. Man walks trough hordes of demons and at no point ever thinks ‘yeah maybe this is a bit much’ or ‘they just keep coming this is pointless’. No. He’s unyielding. (Can you tell how much i love the words in these testaments? It’s just got such a nice ring to it.)

In battle, the Doomslayer is BRUTAL. He tears apart demons, rips their eyes out, all that. He stomps on heads like they’re water balloons and isn’t fazed at all. Nothing stops this man. (except players like me who fall off the map 5 consecutive times, but lets just imagine the doomslayer is actually like he would be if someone played the game perfectly. player skill shouldn’t be considered in my headcanons jahdjhgd) One could even argue he has fun at this, because there are some animations like ripping off a zombies arm and beating the Zombie with it, or feeding a demon it’s own heart.

I feel like that says a lot about his personality as well!

He doesn’t hesitate. He doesn’t doubt himself. He doesn’t question his cause! He fights to get rid of the demons, not just the ones in his way, but every. demon. He will go out of his way to kill more demons. You could either take this as him having fun, or him following his own moral codex to get rid of every demon, or him being a not-quite-human war machine, or wanting to protect humanity from them. 

I would say it’s a healthy mix of all that :D

In older games, there was this whole backstory snippet of him returning to earth, finding that the demons had invaded his planet but also killed his pet rabbit (Daisy), and he then goes onto a 2-game long revenge trip.Take that as you will.

The last thing i would like to mention is this post.

Please watch the video. Doomguy walks trough the rows of random human guards. This is the walk of a man who doesn’t owe them SHIT. Yes, he wants to save humanity. Yes, he cares. But he also knows who he is. He knows what he did, and what he will do. He doesn’t have to justify himself in front of these shady scientists and jerky guards.THEY owe HIM, in fact. This video emits the sheer CONFIDENCE of someone who has walked trough hell multiple times and knows none of these people could even touch him. Yes, he would never kill them. He would not harm humans. But he doesn’t care about making them uncomfortable with his presence, either. He doesnt ask for permission.

(i think by now i am using the exact same words they did in that post. really, its worth the read. i think there’s a lot of repeated things between this post and that post by now but i encourage you to watch that video. its worth it.)

Also, the impact he has on the people in this room! they trip. they walk backwards. they go quiet, stutter. they are intimidated. They know he’s technically here to help and save them, but now, standing in front of them.... just wow. it really puts things into perspective. it tells the player that all the demons that he’s killed, all that the doomslayer has done... its noted. it has an impact. 

I’m not really sure where i’m going with this anymore, but watching those NPCs react to the slayers presence just adds so much more to his character. it tells us how people see him, and boy.... do they see him. 

i think it also ties a lot into how the player is made feel, controlling doomguy. all these head stomping and limp tearing animations, the guns, people being scared, watching doomslayer destroy important equipment from first pirson or pushing open doors or whatever... it just gives me such an immense feeling of power! i can’t even describe it. (...it also has nothing to do anymore with the original question but holy shit did i love playing doom for the sheer atmosphere of it. despite me being horrible at playing.)

(at the end of this i’m realizing that all of this never addressed if doomslayer is happy and content murdering demons, or if he just wants his peace and quiet but can’t help himself every time he sees a demon. i would propose to leave that up to headcanons. mine is a mix of both but in a way that makes it not angsty. like he loves to have his calm moments, but is just as happy to rip some demon’s spine out. probably gets a little itchy and impatient if he hasn’t fought in a while.)

also if you’re interested in game design and way more professional people talking about why doom 2016 is great i reccomend this documentary

...anyways it’s past 1am and this has gotten way out of hand but

tl;dr: the doomslayer is metal as fuck, he has a lot of agenda he is following, and i love him so much

[kyu-bri]

Magia Rapport pt 2

@magiarapport​

August 24th prompt: What was your favorite event, and why? Is it because of gameplay or the story?

It’s hard to choose so I’m gonna just, gush a bit.

As you can probably tell I’m very biased toward the OG girls, I started Magia Record primarily because PMMM had become my new obsession and I wanted some sort of constant flow of content out of decade old anime lmao.

But another thing I think I hooked onto was Inu Curry’s writing. They really know Madoka Magica and aren’t afraid to really play with them- something the writers for a spin-off gacha game (as with most spin-off stories honestly) can be scared to do. Inu Curry made references, revealed secrets and built upon the story we already know- which lets be honest is what we always truly want from a spin-off series. Magia Record proper does this well by putting more magical girls into the world and letting us see things work out better for them than for the original cast, but what I really appreciated with this story was getting to see that old original cast get to get in on that, and these events managed to do that without watering them down any.

Under the cut is me going on for 3000 words about why I love these three events I’m so sorry. TL;DR at the very end-

I’ll go in release order,

A La Carte Valentine was one of the first if not THE first event I got in on. I was eager to bc 1 Gay Magical Girl Shit Guaranteed. And ofc 2 OG Cast participation.

I want to preface by saying I actually loved all the girls’ stories in this. I was very much still in a state of getting used to Iroha’s gang let alone trying to care about the secondary girls. I knew Tsukasa had this angsty Twins Separated At Birth Deal and liked seeing her home life (also I immediantly stanned Take. Regular well-meaning dude who has no idea whats going on just trying his best and hating his boss). I knew nothing about Ami except Cowgirl Meguca and getting the bulk of her personality in one short even I think really kept me from being absolutely sick of her, she’s just a cute silly teenage girl who could be in literally anything and I was able to just endearingly giggle at that. Hinano managed to do the heterosexual unrequited crush cliché without me groaning or missing any of her regular personality. Also was there a Ren part? I don’t remember because everything Ren does feels like a Soft Yuri Valentines Special. Also I love Momoko. Ok moving on to what I Really wanna talk about.

Madoka is genuinely my Least Cared About of the Holy Sextet. I don’t think she’s bad or even boring- Madoka has a depth to her character, like, really deep- but that’s not something ever really touched upon by the fandom. Even when people like her and make her the Heroine she’s Supposed to be, it’s usually in the context of “Girl who feels nothing but kindness and happy thoughts would cut off her right hand to feed to a hungry dog. Isn’t she so Good????”. And honestly, while I understand the point it was going to make, I wasn’t crazy about her sacrifice in the end of the series. (Team Homura “Rebellion Is Good Actually” ftw) All because I think that I’m an Adult Woman watching this like “You are 14yrs old and need to be home playing Sims and not sacrificing yourself for the greater good you stupid silly little baby girl”

So my point is here near all fan content I encounter tends to emphasize whats sort of my least favorite facet of Madoka. I don’t think she made the ‘wrong’ decision in the context she and the story were given, but it’s still a sad thing to show a depressed(!!!) insecure girl resolving to give away her very existence so that every other girl on earth has a chance to just Dream. Oh and they still usually die young. But that’s ok because then she takes them and lets them sleep peacefully forever in her Heaven Basement (Yes I am bitter stan Homura I would yank this savior complex infant girl out the sky too)

MY POINT BEING (The servers closing let me BLEED OUT ALL MY FEELINGS) This event did not do that!!! It made Madoka…….. EVERYTHING SHE SHOULD BE??? ALWAYS??? Showed her HOW WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VIEW HER??? (Read: Happy and Alive and Confident at no foreboding or sacrifice of anyone else!!!!)

She is Sassy and Surrounded By Friends and Really Funny??? And we get this Ridiculous Oh My God On Crack metaphor about her being this all-powerful apocalypse bringing being which is representing her love for the universe through her Witch form of Wanting Everyone To Be Happy And Safe With Her??? And she still risks herself to save everyone as is her Thing to do but we get to have her do it without erasing her existence as a human being at the end and if that is not some GOOD SHIT????

Ok next:

NGL Sayaka’s (fav character, inarguable best girl, can u not tell) parts in MagiReco til like the last arc have always left me a bit disappointed. She was the only late comer of the OG girls from what I understand and it kind of gives her the air of what a lot of the second(/thirdary?) girls suffer from. You can tell the writers can’t even figure out a trope to apply her to to make her easy and two dimensional to write about so they just don’t know what to do. They definitely try to make up for it (especially in the anime which Praise Be but that’s probably Inu Currys doing) but she’s still lacking like, any of the depth of her personality. Which, I guess I could anticipate. Because most of the fandom tends to as well. (again)

Gonna stop complaining and get on with- That didn’t feel as much the case in her Valentine event. Sure it was still the same formula of “The Issue Is Kyosuke” but that didn’t play out as grueling as her personal story did with “Nine Episodes Of “The Issue Is Kyosuke””

There was one big glaring heart-aching detail of “Mami isn’t really there because SHES IN A FUCKING CULT RIGHT NOW” which kind of jarred the event out of the ho-hum silly valentines sidestory these events usually keep up.

Sayaka has this crisis about Doing Anything Meaningful With Kyosuke which we all know what That’s calling back to, but in this environment we get to have Kyoko come right up and be in a position with her to earnestly and affectionately Push Her To Do It. The lonely little tsundere bitch girl pushes her Not Friend to Give The Bastard The Gotdamn Chocolate Already and for a moment you can only think about What If’s and If Only’s. Sayaka’s is still the weakest of the threes stories in this event but it worked harder to show us different sides of the characters then 6 chapters of Another Story managed to do.

And then there’s fucking Homura.

I will be, eternally grateful for Kuro. As a character that becomes metaphorical for the 2D ways we initially viewed the feathers and just NPCs in games in general, and also like, giving Homura a friend she actually cares about that isn’t the tangled dark web of Bullshit she’s gotten tied up with Madoka in. Please ask me about all my AU’s where Kuro is Homuras first girlfriend.

Seeing Moemura in Magia Record has always been a bit surreal, we never really understand just what stage of Trauma this Homura is in because Multiverses Are Hell, but this event gives us a good chunk of a Homura who still has hope and faith both in the world and Madoka. Theres this wonder to her that while still bogged down by terrible experiences still has the energy to be Trying. And she sees a girl who used to be like her- which when you think about it is probably what Madoka saw in her- and she wants to help. Because Madoka helped her. And Madoka is the best thing in the universe and maybe Homura can be just a little bit closer to that.

Kuro is too far gone though, as is the reality frequently in this series, things don’t work out just because of circumstance. Kuro was a bullied, insecure little girl who realistically shouldn’t have had to become a rampaging monster because of it. We’re reminded of this being the reality of the Madoka universe. Homura, is reminded of this reality. Homura loses this one chance to bring hope into the world like Madoka brought hope into hers.

And then her story ties into the ending of Madoka’s. Madoka saves her life yet again, even as Homura continues to feel miserable and empty. But at least Madoka is with her. The girls then share a quiet, intimate Valentines together. And you sort of understand how Homura fell so far into the darkness that the only thing she was able to still care about and fight for was Madoka’s safety.

That shit slaps. It slaps you right in the heart and causes fucking bruising but then u want it to do it again because you’re masochistic and Meguca Is Suffering.

Anyway I hope Kuroe slaps our hearts more in season2

MOVING ON!!!!

~Nagisa’s Wish~

Ok, I don’t remember what got me so simp over Nagisa, I think it was the heart-aching irony that Mami adopts the witch that fucking ate her. But that is my baby now and I’d die for her. Fandom Charlotte whose pink and silly and loves her mom and is Mami’s cancer-riddled girlfriend is cool and all but she isn’t a tiny Halloweeny baby whose fucking bitter angry and manically obsessed with cheese due to PTSD.

I had saw a summary of Nagisa’s Wish reposted just to quickly explain Nagisa’s backstory, and as such immediately had to search out if that crazy ride was true- so I actually watched this whole event probably before I downloaded the game. It was surreal on its own but replaying it when it came to NA didn’t lessen it any- I got to process more of what I was witnessing and as result stanned Yu pretty hard.

I guess to explain my Emotions here, saving Yu for later- calls for me to just, describe who Nagisa is as a human being and my headcanons surrounding it all with what this event gave us. Whether you consider it canon or not it’s one version of events that we were given and that I am all for accepting.

Nagisa’s Mom was a celebrity, she could have been an actress though I also like the idea of her being an Idol. She met Nagisa’s Dad oh-so romantically and got knocked up- they very well could have been married but it doesn’t seem clear enough. He seems to have left too suddenly for legal matters like that. Nagisa is approximately 11, and while she seems to remember her Father, she doesn’t in the sense of having had a relationship with him or any feelings. Her Mother has to “explain” why he left, so Nagisa was probably still young even if not a baby. What I’m getting at here is the timeline for when Nagisa’s Mom Got Like That. Nagisa can remember her from before she was, and then says that she got sick after her Dad left. So what I’m wondering is did Daddy Momoe ruin this young rich girls life, give her syphilis and then leave her with a baby she was unfit to care for in poverty? I know half of this is running on anime logic but Holy Shit all the possible ways reasons and ideas for why things could’ve gotten This Bad.

Is it ridiculously dark and edgy that the original story we were given was “Girl wishes her dying mother could have her favorite cake but then realizes OOPSIE-DAISY I could have wished for her to Not Die instead!!!!” got turned into “11yr old hates her abusive mother so much she wants to make her suffer in the most symbolic way she can and then goes mental when she isn’t able to do it”??? Yes. But if I had the mental capacity to I have to admit I was in a position to be just as bitter at that age too. I can’t call it unrealistic. I may infact be projecting hard with how much I support and enjoy this backstory.

Anyway Nagisa was in such a state of trauma and distress at a horrifically young age when she died that it broke her mental faculties so severely that even when she came back as a literal Angel of God she had blocked it out so deeply and thoroughly she seemingly regressed to an even younger capacity and hyperfixated on the trait that she has before used to try to bond with her Mother who she had died hating.

And that also slaps u right in the heart.

A N D T H E N !

~Beachside Bonds~

Just the simple structure of this story was so enjoyable and nicely done. We finally get to see the OG girls in a context we wouldn’t be able to in literally any other scenario. They’re going on a summer vacation together and Homura is sentimentally journaling every single second of it. Is this mayhaps because she’s never gotten to be this happy and blissful with these girls she loves so much??? Of course this is are you not paying attention what the fuck. Homura is so optimistic and healed and hopeful she’s acting like what she might actually be doing as a normal teenage girl. (A heartrending contrast to the end of her Valentines Special)

We get nothing short of pure fluffy Slice Of Life shenanigans on the beach which even includes a bunch of the Kamihama girls that the OG crew knows! And they talk about it! And introduce eachother! And their friends commentate on it! Ren gets to see Kyoko Not Being A Bitch and then Sayaka teases her about having made friends and oh my god my heart is turning into cottoncandy as we speak Mom holy FUCK

Sayaka’s existence fucking matters in this story! It’s her families Hotel they’re staying at and she has relationships and memories with the creepy twins that live there and she talks like a fucking person??? And gives opinions??? That aren’t just copypasted “Justice is Good and Bad things are BAD!!!!”

Mami is fresh out of her fucking Cult Drama and she’s still trying to be cool Senpai but then she DECKS Homura in the face and gets scared by the ghost stories and then turns into pudding and waxes nostalgia at Kyoko out of nowhere IT’S ALMOST LIKE SHE’S A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL????????

G H O S T S ? ? ? ?

Y U ! ? ! ? ! ? !

(IS G A Y ! ! ! !)

This whole fucking backstory and truly horrifying Romeo and Juliet on Acid love and death story between Yu and her girlfriend and like if I wasn’t fascinated enough by Yu just being the creepy organ harvester before but apparently thats what she became after she literally made some sort of wish that erased all of her memories besides the nickname her sweetheart used for her and coincidentally also added to her the task of killing all Bad People?????

Yu made a wish to be able to get rid of All Bad People preserving the innocent version of herself who grew up with this girl and it was right after a failed double suicide attempt on fucking Doomed Lovers Cliff fucking Lifetime Will You Ever.

It then pairs with Homura whose PTSD gets to shine through a bit in being unable to believe any bad sort of Madoka which how could you try to force her to at this point while Also pairing Homura with Ren in the “Gay Love Saved Our Lives: Traumatized vers & Vanilla vers”

I don’t remember if there was a symbolic finale and tbh I have forgotten a lot of the details with Yu and her girlfriend Whatsherface because that shit was just so shocking and bizarre to read and much too painful to reread in a timely fashion just.

That shit hurted but it was full of so much love and hope both doomed and stolen but still was wrapped up in the comforting concept that This Is The Universe Where Homura Gets To Be Okay This Time.

She’s still scarred beyond comprehension and this ghost drama accentuated it all but at the end of the day this is still the Safe Universe where all of them are alive and the Holy Quintet are friends and they’re all going to be okay (Godoka & Aniplex willing) and so many of us love Madoka Magica because it shows girls fighting through the same pain we’ve been through and keeping their hope alive and here we get to see them actually find peace in a clunkily written fanservicey spin-off mobile gacha game and hey, that made me happy while I got to experience it. Thanks for the ideas and memories and tragic backstories and funny thirdary characters MagiReco I’m gonna take em all and Run.

Akjsladbfalkjfsbslk If you read this all without getting a migraine or blocking me ily thanks for listening!!!!!!

TL;DR

Me likey A La Carte Valentine bc it’s silly and gay and I simp Kuro

Me likey Nagisa’s Wish bc sawft baby is good and so are Tragic Edgy Backstories

Me likey Beachside Bonds bc Gay Ghosts and Our Girls Finally Get To Be Happy Peaceful(ish) Teenage Girls and that’s all I want for them ;w;

Reeses In Pieces ya’ll

1Ten 2More 3Words 4To 5Hit 6(3000 7Words 8Woo 9Boy 10Howdy

[littlebabycrybtch]

im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy’’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me. 

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism. 

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

[cherrymoonvol6]

some avengers endgame Thoughts cause i saw the movie yesterday and can't stop thinking about it

of course..... spoilers ahead

nebula and tony playing!!!! i just love how nebula's personality comes through without it being ooc

also... nebula carefully sitting tony up. she Cares so much :(

steve immediately going to tony :( like im a stucky kind of gal but holy shit i love them

which was completely erased in the next scene where tony drags steve up and down and after that passes out, which is a confrontation Mood

i wonder how they made tony look so skinny and sick. if it was cgi then i applaud them cause it looked so good

the way they killed thanos so fucking quickly here... i don't know how to feel lmao. like cutting the gauntlet arm and then slicing his neck... that's what we were all screaming at them during infinity war. it's good to see them learn from their mistakes, i guess ?

(can't remember the order in which things happen from now so forgive me if i make a mistake)

i told my sister "that's one of the russos!!!!!" so it took me ten seconds to realize that the russo was the gay character everyone was talking about (i thought it would be fury for no other reason than it being shocking and fury having very little to do with the plot, but)

and steve being supportive of that :( man out of time said gay rights!

carol's new hair!! holy shit!!!!!

rocket insinuating carol has been experimenting with more hairstyles... i would like to see it

don't think i missed that carol x rhodey nod. i support it.

don't wanna say it now... for now ill just state: i love what they're doing with natasha in the movie. she truly feels like a friend to steve. like that small gesture of her sliding the plate towards steve is just so domestic and beautiful! it really makes her feel so human and complex at the end. i was so worried about her being wasted but i loved her throughout the film

it was a fucking rat who got scott out. i have to laugh.

also is that the guy from that old "gayyyyy" meme????

cassie is all grown up!!!!!! i can't even imagine how hard it had been for her

also what happened to her mom? and the stepdad??? are they fine????? i hope so

i was hoping we would get more tony as a dad in this movie and it delivered!! tony is so fucking good with kids. the bond between him and morgan was so well portrayed

also the place they live in is so cozy and that's what he deserves

when steve stepped down the car in that black outfit with the leather jacket on i gasped... he's fucking gorgeous

i kept wanting him and tony to kiss lmao tf is wrong with me

OKAY my hawkeye rights. i missed him so much

the stylish subtitles on the middle of the screen felt like too much. this isn't a tumblr gifset honey, just write them down!

thinking about the whole clintasha conversation really foreshadows the whole thing. natasha cares so deeply about clint and really puts his needs before hers. it's so beautiful to see

honestly... my clintasha rights!

i think the hulk/bruce scene was kinda endearing but then the ant man banter dragged on for toooo long

the dab i YELLED. these poor kids have to stand this man on 2023 pulling out 2016 trends to appear Hip and Cool

fat thor...... i hate how it was handled. hate it so fucking much.

new asgard! that's so cute. i hope that's on norway

miek and korg are alive!!!!

the thought of thor insulting a possibly 14 year old on fortnight is too much for me. it sounds like bad fanon talk. i still laughed (bc noobmaster69??? that's fucking hilarious)

tonys reaction to i love you 3000 is so beautiful. like the way he looks taken aback and so happy. i love irondad

steve in a white shirt and jeans!!!! i gasped again. he's delivering, the fucking model

i know they were like, barely being decent to each other again, but i still wanted my stony hug:(

when they're discussing their infinity stones memories and natasha and tony are laying down together on a table???? adorable. amazing.

also why tf didn't nebula said the soul stone required a sacrifice??? i thought that's what she got from gamora dying in volmir

as soon as natasha and clint arrived to volmir i began chanting "nonononononononono"

fuckkdjdksndk fucking nebula. cue to more nononono chanting

rhodey knocking out quill with a single hit is the funniest scene in the movie

clintasha calling on bullshit on the sacrifice thing was also quite funny

the forehead touch :((( im so weak! so sad!

clintasha literally fighting each other to be each other's sacrifice!!!! kill me now!!!!

jeez now i can finally say it: scarjo shined so fucking much on this movie!!!! her delivery was amazing, i really felt a connection between her and the avengers, it really showed her growth during the five year time jump. she fucking killed it. she did her best and she's the best black widow we could've ever gotten.

clint mourning her :((((( probably the third time i cried during the movie

thor's panic attack being used for cheap laughs was the most uncomfortable moment for me... or any scene where people only saw thor as Fat and Lazy (basically, two thirds of the movie)

the freya + thor reunion was so sweet though!

okay. okay. hear me out. tony was on a very serious mission to regain an infinity stone. and the first thing he does is check out steve's ass. and aknowledge how glorious it is. i couldn't believe what i was watching!!!!!! like that actually fucking happened. consider me a fully formed stony bitch.

and scott joining in to say it was "america's ass" ???? poetic cinema

so it's canon that everyone checks out steve's ass and appreciates it as a national treasure. that's all i never thought id needed.

steve saying "hail hydra" i YELLED. it was a nice nod to the whole "cap is a nazi" mess

and steve fighting himself... hot

using his bucky trauma to shock himself is :/// but also :((((

i loved that for one moment i knew everyone on the theatre was staring at steve's ass

and steve being appreciative of his own butt!!!! ok that's all i have to say about steve's ass

i loved the reminder that thor was still kinda goofy back in avengers 1, for everyone who says taika completely changed his character. and the little tony + thor moment was adorable

"howard..... potts" i can understand tony being a mess but how did howard not suspect of anything??? elevator lady took one look of steve's face and all of her alarms started ringing

peggy carter... ive missed my wife so much

did peggy marry souza. i hope she did. steve tf are you doing staring at a married woman (jk)

clint kicking the stones away as soon as bruce is done with the snap is the biggest mood

also... the hell was scott looking at that made him think it had worked? just... more birds outside? i was really curious

the irony of the only avenger without superpowers being left with the stones

"i know you" *hands out stones* how can you not love clint, he's so pure

nebula killing his 2014 self is a power move. that would be me if i met my 2014 self

thor with a braided beard!!!!! beautiful

thanos is like, a real threat and i love that

okay. i kinda saw it coming. i saw thor leave mjolnir behind and i thought "oh????". and then the shock of thanos being able to wield stormbreaker. and then fucking mjolnir moving!!!!! i was the only person in the theatre who yelled

but seriously!!!! steve wielding AND fighting with mjolnir!!!!! couldn't stop thinking about it all day!!!!!!!!! STEVE IS WORTHY!!!!!!!

parallels to thor going for the chest. it never works babies!

and just.... this was steve's moment. steve i-can-do-this-all-day rogers really fighting with every ounce of his body and soul against the most powerful being on earth. justice for him getting knocked after touching thanos for one second in iw!

and steve getting up again! all dirty and wounded!! trembling with exhaustuation and resolution!!! with his broken shield on his arm!!!! just him facing the biggest army of the universe!!!!! so powerful

sorry to destroy this epic moment, but like, okay. people had been reintegrated to life like, twenty minutes before. and i understand that they were all confused and out of place. but sam really needed ALL that time to just... try to communicate with steve????? ok

the "avengers..." *brings mjolnir with one hand while bracing his shield with the other* "assemble" moment was... oh my God. chills all over my body.

that One Moment where steve has stormbreaker on his hand... so fucking hot

the tony and peter reunion holy shit. the hug was everything i needed! like please just hug tony stark for ages

and tony and pepper fighting together!!! that's a power couple right there

i felt it when quill looked at gamora and just... stopped. im so sad his moment was played for laughs when it was obviously such an important moment for his character

thanos was so fucking scared of wanda that he put his own troops at risk to stop her for a little while. strongest avenger right there!

and carol coming back!!!! i was like

i felt so relieved at that point. i was like "yeah thanos is fucking over what's next"

no need to talk about all the women coming together to defend peter :')

thanos getting the gauntlet again... the nonono chanting came back

fucking CAROL trying to stop him. looking at him with such a determined face, like "you can't stop me from stopping you". it was so powerful he had to snatch one stone to stop her

and strange giving him the one finger to tony.... i knew what was coming holy shit. i knew it. they knew it.

tony really proved himself there. it was his best scene on the entire mcu, don't argue with me!!!!!! the way he stood there and took all the power of the stones, unmasked, unaffected, powerful and almighty

"i am... iron man" cue to ugly sobbing

tony knew there was no other way. pepper did, too... she knew exactly what she had to tell him. she was right. tony spent all of these years moved by selfishness first, then fear, then guilt. an endless battle since thanos was on his head. but the war was over. what mattered was that he saved everyone, and he sacrificed himself for everyone. a complete 180° from last movie's ending.... wow

gotta said... peter there felt a little bit out of place for me. i think it would've been more powerful if he didn't say anything, though peter is a teenager, i can get it

his arc with steve felt unfinished, too. i would've liked to see steve's reaction as well, since tony had told him he wanted everyone back and also for his family so survive. but whatever

im not against tony killing thanos instead of gamora and nebula but i would've liked if we saw them react to his death, at least:/ like a little parallel between nebula's reaction at the beginning and the end of endgame

the One stucky interaction here was pulled from cap1 and iw. i feel betrayed

bucky Knew what steve was going to do. i wonder if steve told him before or bucky just sensed it

you can't convince me steve would go back and carelessly dance with peggy knowing his friend is being used like a weapon by hydra and bound to kill tonys parents. nah nah. it all felt wrong

my steggy rights!!!

love that the russos foreshadowed cap!bucky on tws just to give the shield to sam at the end

anyways what the fuck bucky was all steve had but he lived the happiest life without it and left him alone on the 21st century? okay fuck y'all

[emubop]

Adding on to my post from yesterday, I’m just gonna list all the issues I have with Disco (a separate list of the things I love soon to come!)

Under a cut for length and for spoilers. Seriously. Major spoilers ahead. And tw for discussions of character death, if that bothers you.

With that in mind, let’s get to it! (This is in no particular order, btw.)

Starting with the last two episodes, since they’re pretty fresh in my mind - they felt very rushed. I’ve seen some people say that the season should have ended right when they got back from the mirrorverse, and I completely agree. The final arc felt like it needed at least two more episodes to be fleshed out. I wanted to see more of the characters actually dealing with what happened in the mirrorverse, and having time for development; and while we got a little bit of that between Michael and Ash, it wasn’t very much. And like, I get why. When you’ve only got two episodes to get the plot where you need it to go, of course character development is going to be sacrificed for time. Which is why I think they should have either a) added more episodes to the end of season one, or b) ended the season with the mirror arc, so that they’d have more time to explore the Klingon war thing at the beginning of season 2. Disco has some very wonderful characters who are very deserving of development and growth, and it’s unfortunate that they didn’t get it.

Culber’s death... This is the main point where I’m like “yeah, I don’t blame you for not liking the show anymore,” because I came very close to that too. In the end, I do still think I like the rest of the show overall, but this part... I just about stopped watching. In short - the way the show treated Dr. Culber was absolutely shitty. Sure, I’m like 99% certain they’ll end up bringing him back in season 2, but in the meantime, he’s still very much dead. And NOT ONLY did they use the “bury your gays” trope, but out of only TWO gay characters, they buried the man of color. Like... that’s just... what the fuck.

I’m expanding this into multiple points, bc it’s the biggest point I have. Culber’s death is legitimately the worst thing Disco has done. Not only just the fact that they killed him, but how they did it. His death was violent, sudden, and meaningless. The main characters barely even get to react to it before moving on. His killer doesn’t face trial or repercussions. (Note - I personally see Voq as being entirely the murderer and not Tyler, since Tyler had no agency in the killing and was if anything just a tool, but either way, no justice is served.) And then we, the audience, have to see the brutal killing scene AGAIN in the “previously on” section of the next episode or two, which makes it seem like they’re using this horrific event as mere shock value. I literally felt sick to my stomach watching it. What happened was disgusting, and I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to watch the show anymore because of it.

I trust Wilson Cruz. I trust Anthony Rapp. I trust them when they say that there’s a plan, that Culber will come back, that this will work out at some point. Their reassurances do help me personally to make some measure of peace with the situation. I don’t want to think that two openly gay actors would sign onto the script if this is how it ends between their characters. But right now, Culber is still dead, for no good reason that I can see, and it still stings. This is justifiably upsetting. And until I see him come back with my own two eyes, yeah, I’m not gonna be happy about it.

Aaaaand speaking of death, let’s talk about Georgiou. I just... that’s not a good way to start your show off, ngl. You take a very strong and deep character, played by Michelle Yeoh no less, and then just kill her? It’s bad writing. They could have easily had Michael transferred off the Shenzhou and arrested and kept Captain Georgiou alive. They could have even kept the whole “tragic backstory” thing in play, with Michael and Philippa no longer on speaking terms, and Michael mourning the loss of what was once such a close relationship. (I do appreciate that they brought her back as her mirror counterpart - and boy howdy the Emperor is a good character - so that does take a little bit of the sting out, but still. Not the best way to open the show.)

And then Landry dies in both universes?? I can accept mirror!Landry dying because of the whole “Lorca’s second hand” thing, but like... god, this show has got to stop killing off poc. Especially woc. I can understand that they’re trying to do a “raceblind” thing, and I understand their reasoning - the whole “it’s a utopian future and everyone is treated the same!” thing - but it doesn’t really work like that irl for the audience. Unless someone is actually literally colorblind and sees everything in greyscale, no one has any business saying they “don’t see color.” And no one should be casting with that mindset. The situation could certainly be a lot worse - they’ve got Michael, at least, and she’s fucking amazing - but it could also be better.

And yeah, it’s a warzone, and people are going to die. I get that. But just... do some critical thinking about who you’re killing, why, and if it can be avoided. If for no other reason, it makes the story a lot stronger in the long run.

It’s the year of our lord twenty-gayteen, can we stop having the makeup on white people playing Kingons being so hmmm questionable maybe?

(With regards to several of the above points, I’m white, so please let me know if I’m overstepping my bounds here. And like the point about Culber - I wouldn’t blame anyone for disliking/not supporting the show because of these reasons, and I’m not ever going to try to convince anyone that these things are okay. Because they aren’t. Just because I like certain elements enough to give the show a second chance with season two, doesn’t mean that anyone else will or should do the same. Continuing.)

Why the fuck is this show so obsessed with eating people? Stop it. Get some help.

The only explicitly bisexual/pansexual person we see is the Emperor, who sleeps with both a man and a woman and seems very satisfied with both parties afterwards. Which, okay, cool, except she was also trying to get information out of them, so whether or not she was even attracted to either one is debatable. I personally think she was - thanks to Michelle Yeoh’s acting, which is a goddamn gift - but that still leaves us with the only representation of bi/pan people being a murderous emperor from the mirror universe. And the “relationship” is entirely sex-based, as well as being with multiple people at once, which only furthers the stereotype of bi/pan being promiscuous, being only bi for a threesome, being untrustworthy. And to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with one night stands or poly relationships! Those things are perfectly fine! But when that’s all that bi/pan people are shown as, it can play into really damaging stereotypes - and as a bi/pan person, I’m frankly getting a little fucking sick of it.

(I mean, it’s better than DS9′s “mirrorverse=gay/bi/pan” thing, I’ll give it that, but I’m not going to give any show brownie points for reinforcing harmful stereotypes. You’ve improved slightly, Trek, but not nearly as much as you should have.)

I’m just making another point here for Dr. Culber’s death because seriously. Fucking seriously. What the fuck.

I would’ve liked to have seen more one-off episodes, like “Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad.” That was a fucking awesome episode. It’s fun! It’s got character development! I wanna see more of that!

The portrayal of Klingon culture is a bit inconsistent. And okay, to be entirely truthful, I’m really not that into Klingons in general? So having a plot centered around them wouldn’t be my first choice anyway. But if you’re going to do it, please do it right. It felt like the writers sometimes “forgot” important elements of Klingon culture for the sake of the plot, and just... come on. The Klingons are brutal warriors, yes. They’ve killed innocent civilians in the course of battle, sure. But they have a whole honor code, and going out of their way to murder thousands of helpless, defenseless people? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it just doesn’t quite seem to fit.

I really, really wanna see more of the bridge crew! I wanna get to know them! They seem so cool who are they please Disco I’m begging you

This is a very dumb, very tiny thing, but I was kinda hoping I’d see some Cardassian makeup in the crowd while we were in the Seedy Black Market on Qo’noS. Did appreciate the Trill lady tho!

I dunno, the ending almost felt... too neat? If that makes sense? I would have liked things more ambiguous, a few more loose ends. It felt like they threw in a happy ending out of nowhere; it didn’t really match the tone of the rest of the show.

Speaking of tone - it felt to me like Disco was trying to mix the upbeat, thoughtful, philosophical tone of classic Trek with the grittier, more critical, more heavy tone of DS9. I love both classic Trek and DS9, but they don’t exactly mix very well. Disco’s tone felt a bit confused and convoluted. And like, here’s the thing - classic Trek doesn’t preclude heavy subjects (”Conscience of the King” from TOS is a great example), and shows like DS9 don’t preclude fun and optimism (there’s episodes like “Explorers” that are uplifting, and “Take Me Out to the Holosuite” is a fucking delight). Star Trek at its best should always tackle difficult issues, should always have determination, should always have hope. DS9 had a more morally gray outlook, yes, and certainly questioned the idea that the Federation is utopian, but it was still underpinned by the main characters wanting to do good. Wanting to improve the world around them. It managed to do a very good job of adapting Trek’s message to its darker tone - whereas Disco feels like it’s flip-flopping between having a darker tone and trying to be like TOS. Like, buddy, just pick one. You just gotta pick one.

The more times Sarek shows up in Disco, the more he looks like a complete dick to Spock in TOS. This isn’t necessarily a complaint, because Sarek being a dick is certainly in character for him, but I’d like to see that disparity in how he treats his children addressed. By his wife. Specifically by his wife. Amanda is a national treasure and I need her to call her husband out.

idk I think there’s more but like, I’ve been working on this for hours - WAIT HANG ON

This has been bugging me since the beginning of the show, because while Michael’s mutiny was certainly a bad idea, she technically... didn’t really do much of anything before being taken to the brig? She almost has the ship fire on a Klingon vessel, but Georgiou shows up and stops her. Helm locked phasers on the vessel on Michael’s orders, yes, but earlier they locked phase cannons on the vessel for a short time, which Georgiou agreed to. Her actions during the mutiny didn’t really change their situation at all. So why does everyone blame her for starting the war?

“But she killed that Klingon during her spacewalk!” Yeah, she did, because he came charging at her with a bat’leth with the intention to kill. In that scenario, her actions were self-defense. She attempted to talk to him, he then proceeded to try to kill her, so she fought back to save her own life and ended up killing him in the process. And all this happened while she was investigating a foreign object in Federation territory. So while I can see why she was charged with mutiny and assaulting a fellow officer, I don’t think it’s fair to say that she started the war. The Klingons on the ship of the dead were planning to start shit before anyone even got there.

I can understand why Starfleet would have thought Michael started it, at least at first, because unlike the audience, they couldn’t see the Klingons planning beforehand. That’s fair. But then Ash Tyler shows up, and he’s revealed to be Voq - who was there! he knows what happened on that ship! - and eventually, he loses Voq’s consciousness but retains the guy’s memories. So Ash knows how the war started. Ash knows, or should know, that the Klingons on that ship were the instigators. Why wouldn’t he tell Starfleet before fucking off with L’Rell? He says he loves Michael, so why wouldn’t he want to set the record straight? And most importantly, why wasn’t Michael told any of this?! She’s been blaming herself for this whole war, she’s been suffering needlessly for it, let her fucking rest! Yeah, she was exonerated and accepted back into Starfleet, which is great, but it came across as “welp you basically cleaned up the mess of a war you started and saved Earth from annihilation, so I guess we’ll clear the slate for you.” It should have been more like “well given what we know now, we can say that you’re innocent of starting interstellar war; and as for the rest, stopping the destruction of Earth is a hell of a community service, so you know what? Welcome back.”

My point is, Michael Burnham has done nothing wrong, ever, in her life

Alright, at this point I think that about sums it up, and I’m tired of looking at this anyways because it’s been hours now, so uh, yeah. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[soymilkluce]

Vld x Toz

So um I’ve been thinking abt this a lot. I wrote this in notes first then copied pasted it. I’m currently drawing art of this too so expect to see that c; * Shiro as the Shepard * Keith as the squire * - that whole bullshit thing w shiro happens “Keith if I don’t make it I want you to be my he Shepard” * Lance as a water seraph - weapon bow * Hunk as a earth seraph - weapon gloves/fists * Pidge as a wind seraph - weapon the thing Dezel has * Matt a wind seraph as well - weapon gun like Zavied maybe? * Matt gets captured by Zarkon and Haggar and is turned into a hellion maybe? * That’s why the whole expedition starts tbh * Shiro and Keith lived in a small village and Shiro was friends w Matt/has a high resonance like Keith * Matt, pidge, hunk and lance lived in near them in the forest(seraphim don’t make homes the village sorey lived in had houses to make him feel more human). * Lance and Keith lowkey fight a lot(have a crush on each other cOUGH lance knows more that it’s a crush keith is still confused and intrigued by lance) and shiro doesn’t know they know each other(and Keith doesn’t realize lance is a seraph despite him being a huge celestial record nerd rip him) * Shiro and Matt go on an expedition to look at ruins bc Matt is a highkey nerd and Shiro is a nerd from second hand nerding from both Keith and Matt * The expedition goes wrong like ¾ of the way through? * They get ambushed by a lotta hellions and they’re kinda like fuck * Matt ends up pushing Shiro to safety but only after a hellion ends up biting shiros arm off. * Shiro wakes up later to be in a city with doctors swarming around him. * Turns out the seraph princess allura w the help of her human advisor/translator/protector coran saved him and replaced his arm since if they didn’t he might’ve bleed out(or smth like that idfk) * (Allura is like Lailah and Alisha fused in this au? She’s the guardian of the sacred blade but is still called princess by coran and most even tho she’s technically not the princess, she’s the advisor to the princess through coran(Shay is the actual princess of there). Coran works as a translator for Allura since he has a very high resonance and his family has been worshiping the group of seraphs that live in the city. He holds hands w the person allura wants to talk to and she talks. She’s respected by some people but there’s rumors of her not being real brewing in the city causing malevolence) * Shiro is kinda highkey freaking out since 1) he has a metal arm now???? And 2) his seraph bf lowkey kinda sacrificed himself to save shiro and he doesn’t know if he’s alive or tainted or not?? * Turns out he’d been gone for months * While this is all happening pidge has snuck out to go find their brother(hunks and lance caught them so they’re coming too) * Keith is also worried sick abt shiro so he leaves the village to search for him * All four end up bumping into each other on the way there(comically Keith still doesn’t know they’re seraphim and lance makes the other two keep their mouths shut. Doesn’t stop pidge from making some boyfriend jokes that oblivious keith doesn’t get but wonders why lance is so red) and once they realize that matt and Shiro went together they team up to find them * They spot him in the town the Altea (substitutes lady lake in this au) and misinterpret the situation thinking he’s being held captive. * Hilarity ensues when they try to “rescue” shiro * Long story short Shiro explains what he remembers that happened, Allura and Coran are introduced, and Keith finally figures out lance and the others are seraphim. He is very pissed at them not telling him and for not figuring it out himself. * Suddenly they hear commotion and find that while princess Shay was giving a speech a riot of hellions appeared from the citizens negative thoughts * Thinking on her toes Allura tells Shiro about how there’s this thing called the sacred blade that they could use to right the hellions and in the long run could help them find matt * Keith immediately starts to protest since he knows what that would mean but Shiro has already left to grab the blade * With the help of allura he’s able to purify the hellions * He is named the Shepard soon after * He then proceeds to fall unconscious for a week * During that time keith is at his bed at all times * Lance is worried abt him but after a day of trying to comfort him he realized it was fruitless * Hunk lance and pidge go to search the city for answers * Hunk meets Shay * Shay has a lower resonance like Alisha herself so hunk in kinda admiring from afar and watches as she tries her best to help the people of the city after what happened * Hunk falls hard for her * Pidge and lance do not waste the opportunity to make fun of him because of this * Coran finds out and offers to be the middle man for the two. * Hunk and Shay speak for the first time and it’s really cute * Hunk’s all flustered and giving her compliments and while Shay seems to be keeping her cool she’s getting flustered as well * They talk for abt 3 hours straight until coran accidentally falls asleep and they decide they need to give him a rest * (They send letters to each other the rest of the journey it’s really cute) * After wards hunk comes and helps lance and pidge again to search * While they were being dorks pidge and lance were just at the library working(well pidge was working at least) * They find the entrance to a ruin under the city and decide to check it out(pidge is unsure, lance says it’s fine, hunk is worried and says they probably shouldn’t. They all compromise by saying they’re taking a quick look but not going too far in just in case). * They narrowly avoided detection by hellions and continue on(despite hunks better warnings) * They find a door and pidge deciphers it saying smth abt it having the royal symbol on it * Perfectly timed Hunk realizes that the dagger Shay gave him as a present has the royal symbol on it(a lotta cooing from the other two when they hear they’re already giving each other gifts. Bc of that hunk doesn’t tell them abt the dried flowers he gave her from his collection. It’s the little victories that count anyways). * Hunk opens the door briefly to make sure it works but closes it immediately after saying they’re not going any further until shiro wakes up * After shiro wakes up(Keith tackle hugs him duh) allura and coran explain the gravity of the situation and the trio say what they found. * The kiddos say they wanna come w him to the ruin but he says no bc he doesn’t want them to get hurt only him and allura will go. * Hunk says well y'all can’t get in without my dagger * Lance says he figured out that they could use the dagger to begin with(I hc that he’s actually really good at symbol and spacial awareness puzzles) * Pidge says they deserve to be in this till the end since shiros the one who lost their brother and he will help them get him back(pidge is kinda lowkey guilt tripping shiro here and while the feel bad for that they will not be excluded from this). * Keith says that he should come too since he knows the celestial record front to back and they’re fucking brothers no way he’s letting shiro go alone * Shiro says no to them all, is they’re all just children and Keith’s a human he could get really hurt * Allura tries to pipe in abt squires and sub lords but shiro gives her the look and she shuts up * Shiro takes the dagger and apologizes to hunk saying he’ll give it back later before leaving * Allura looks at them then at coran and they talk w/o actually talking? * Once shiro and allura leave coran fills them in abt a ruin outside of the city that has some sacred weapons they could get to be sublords. He says it like “apparently there’s a ruin with some sacred artifacts outside of altea. It’d be a shame if young seraphs came upon them and took them for there own desires…” * All the kiddos really love coran already * Keith comes w to help them since he figures if they are able to join shiro can’t single him out * Meanwhile allura is trying to casually talk to shiro abt letting the others join the journey * Shiro is no pleased but she gets to him kinda and he rethinks some things * The kiddos fight through the ruin and long story short get the artifacts quickly and get the fuck back to the city * By then shiro is kinda getting fucked over by so many hellions * The kids manage to find him cornered and help him out * With more to come they quickly explain to him what they did and reluctantly he agrees to let them join since he’s getting his assed kicked and some backup would be nice * Allura makes the pacts and they manage to fight them all, shiro and allura artimtizing for the first time and Keith and lance doing it too. * Shiro faints again since he just accepted 4 pacts holy shit. They carry him back to the inn * Only takes him 3 days since he’s now getting better at this * Coran helps them get ready to leave * He gets teary eyes and wishes them luck * Allura looks at shiro w puppy eyes and he’s like fuck it why not welcome to the team new squire coran * In summary shiro is the Shepard with Keith and coran as his squires. Allura is the Prime lord with lance, hunk, and pidge as sub lords * Before I forget the thing where Alisha gets send to that sick village happens to Shay and hunk is like !!! Oh no she’s in trouble!! * Doesn’t take a lot of convincing for the others to go help her * I realized I didn’t mention that Allura is a fire seraph like lailah as well * And regarding alluras father….um….cough cough Aizen…;;