#i keep waiting for you ppl to be less stupid and u never are

[xoxo-stellea]

„𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙤𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙄’𝙢 𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨~“⋆°.⋆ 𐙚

Bf!𝖲𝖺𝗆𝖦𝗈𝗅𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗑 Gf!𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 ☘︎ (ɴᴏᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴏꜰʀᴇᴀᴅ)

──────⋆⋅ 𓁺 ⋅⋆──────

it’s 1:47am & sam’s driving too fast down some dark ass backroad with the windows down even tho it’s freezing & ur hoodie is way too thin but u can’t bring urself to care bc his hand’s on ur thigh & the night feels heavy in that kinda way that sits in ur chest.

the music on the radio is soft. sad. some song that sounds like it knows all the shit u don’t talk abt out loud. ur looking out the window like u might see something that explains everything. u don’t.

sam says ur name once, all gentle like he’s afraid he might scare u off if he says it too loud. u hum. not really here. not really anywhere.

“you get like this sometimes,” he says. “like i’m sittin next to a ghost.”

and it’s not mean or accusing. it’s just. true. and u hate that.

u don’t say anything for a sec. just keep staring out at the blur of trees & night. the air smells like cold and maybe a little bit like gas station coffee.

“i’m still here,” u whisper finally. “i promise.”

he nods, like yeah. i know. and somehow that makes it worse and better at the same time.

bc he does know. he’s always known.

Amd maybe that’s the problem. maybe that’s the reason u feel safe w him. like too safe. like ur allowed to be all the things u never let anyone else see. messy. quiet. wrong. unfiltered.

u love him so hard it’s stupid. like bone-deep, stomach- ache love. like “i’d rip my own heart out for you” kinda love shit & that’s terrifying.

u curl up a little tighter in the seat. ur voice is all small when u say it

„i hate how much i disappear sometimes.”

he glances over at you, all soft eyes and hoodie sleeves pushed up.

“i don’t,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “i’d wait through a thousand of ur disappearings if it means i get to have u when u come back.”

And holy fucking shit. how is it possible to feel like ur shattering and being put back together at the same time?

u laugh, a lil choked. the song on the radio changes- it’s that one, the one w the line u both love. something about a heart breaking & it sounding kinda nice. u laugh harder & sam does too, like he already knew u would.

he pulls the car over, shuts off the engine. silence settles in the car like a blanket. thick. warm. weirdly safe.

“look at me,” he says.

u do, your gaze meeting his

And there he is. ur boy. messy blond hair. sleepy eyes. looking at you like ur the stars and the moon and all the constellations ppl make wishes on.

“i love you when you’re loud,” he tells you. “when u won’t shut up about the dumbest nerdiest stuff when ur singing off-key in the car, when ur filling up the room w ur laugh. but i love you just as much when ur like this too. when ur quiet. when ur heavy. when ur not okay.”

something in ur chest breaks. in a more or less good way.

“i don’t wanna be like this all the time,” u whisper, voice shaking

he reaches for ur hand. presses a kiss right into ur palm. like a promise. like he actually means it.

“you won’t be,” he says. “but even if you were… i’d still stay I’m not some asshole that leaves cus you decided to go mute or some shit”

and that’s it.

that’s love or whatever shitty but kinda good feeling you wanna call it

not fireworks. not perfect. just real. just him.

sam. with his stupid beautiful eyes & hoodie sleeves too long & love so steady it scares u sometimes.

u lean your head against the window and breathe. it’s cold. ur hand is warm in his.

sometimes it’s enough to just be held by someone who sees u- even the parts of u that don’t feel worth looking at.

sometimes it’s Sam whispering “i love you” into the cracks.

and sometimes?

that’s all u could ever need…

──────⋆⋅ 𓁺 ⋅⋆──────

𝘼/𝙉// 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙩 3𝙖𝙢 𝙘𝙪𝙨 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘿𝘼𝙔𝙎 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙪𝙮𝙨, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙄 𝙙𝙤 😔✋🏻

𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙤 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙝 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙙𝙞𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙟𝙚𝙧𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙛𝙛 𝙭 ☘︎

[meowdei]

rivster riveroo!! im not sure if you've talked about this for your own ships, but in a reverse au where wrio and alhaitham have tumblr and you are their f/o, what type of fics are they writing for you? I'D LOVE TO KNOW DETAILS, TROPES, GENRE, WORD COUNT, THE LIKE <333

i think wrio writes the nastiest smut its filthy and kinky and long for porn with no plot. WELL long as it like 5/6/7k words of just smut which i think is rly long for just smut no plot bc askjhdf there is only so much u can describe cock with u know? but yeah i think he sticks to longer one shots with a little plot here and there but he mainly writes smut although i think he dabbles in some fluff drabbles that are mainly banter here and there and i think its bc he is incredibly funny that they are a major hit too. his fav trope is office sex or fwb to lovers bc he seems the type of guy who is both scared of getting close to ppl but also is a closet romantic at heart so he daydreams about getting physical with someone and realizing theyre a safe place and low key its almost so self indulgent u can taste it but he masks it well with horniness that it distracts u from the fact

ALHAITHAM WRITES LONG NOVELS. like a long fic is never under 15k words for him and very easily they becomes long chaptered fics with plot twists and foreshadowing and he has the most insanely poetic and metaphoric prose and . he is just very detail oriented. his smut is ok. not bad not impressive. its there more to develop the intimacy and less to be hot or horny he does not rly care for the art of erotica he just wants to write his complex ass plots. i think his fav trope is enemies to lovers for the slow burn and he posts them in between working a tiresome 9 to 5 his chapters start with "sorry this chapter was late i was in the middle of writing and then my stupid boss sent me an email off the clock to let me know my deadline was moved up so then i had to do work OUTSIDE of my scheduled hours. They dont pay me enough for this" and then u read the most beautiful chapter of ur life and he ends it with "sorry this was so rushed i didnt want to keep you all waiting but im running on 3 hours of sleep and 4 cups of coffee and my roommates a jackass so i can hear him doing his stupid home projects across the hall"

KASHGDJSGF ANYWAY HAHAHA TY FOR ASKING I HAD FUN ANSWERING

[nyxypoo]

HAPPY V DAY NYXYPOO HOW ARE YOU

i know it’s not Friday yet but happy Valentine’s Day little demon in my head<333

So how are youuu, do you have any plans for the day? What will you and Endo be doing for the day? Do you have any idea what he has planned for you?

Aaand one final question: how Kiryu and you meet? What was your dynamic like at the beginning? Was it always the same or was there a warm up period?

Alright that’s all, take care and love ya<3 send a slice of brownie later my way pls ;w;

HAPPY V DAY DANYL MY LOVEEEE IM GOOD HOW ARE UUUU

it's close enough to valentine's day that it basicallyyyy is and HEY the only little demon in ur head is narumi bc im no demon >:(

hm for todayyyy... i don't have anything planed tbh. BUT i think endo is such a stupid hopeless romantic that we end up having a full day of plans, i never end up knowing what they are until im there yk. tho he knows i still have classes (big fat fucking sigh.) so he has lots of plans but also makes sure to keep it chill enough that i'm not dead by the end of the night.

UHHHH omg making me think of the self ship lore i've been avoiding all this time uhm uhm OKAY i think... me met back in elementary, the one of the later years when i was used to moving around and was actively trying not to make friends bc i thought i'd just move in a few months. but but he's always so nice and tries being my friend, even when i was very very much so trying not to (sorry kiryu) and i think when i end up not moving, he takes that as the opportunity to befriend me bc i was being less stubborn about it. tho it still take me some time to warm up to him bc he was a bit too nice (<- got bullied first 3(?) years of elementary) actually really long warm up period but in middle school we got way closer when i started opening up to ppl more. actually our dynamic in the beginning was like... unnecessarily defensive and closed off x really kind and uh. supportive?? yeah.

TAKE CARE AND LOVE YA MORE DANYL MWAH also. u reminded me to make the brownies I FORGOT wait... idk if i have time now ehausjabjsn

[magnoliamyrrh]

tw: csa, abuse etc. feel free not to answer this, as i know its private!! i also have a very abusive family, i was sexually assaulted by my brother in law when i was 15/16 and he is still in the family. my stupid sister decided to go ahead and have another baby with him even after she knew lol so like. i just bid my time until i can tell everyone to fuck off. i dont have direct contact w him, but i have to deal w his stupid children when i visit my parents and my stupid ass sister. obviously my situation is way less dire than yours, but it already kills me inside. ik you mentioned in the past you were trafficked by a family member and was sexually abused by family too, so what im asking is if you still have contact w the person who did it? i got way better after i was able to put distance, but the fact that i know he is still around makes me sick. i wish i could just put a bullet on his head. i wish i could kill him. i wish i could run him over and set out a hit on him. i wish i could kill my fucking sister too, for being a useless piece of shit.

this is just some random info i hope you find funny in a dark sad way like i do. i cant be around my sister for long that it raises my blood pressure to the point i get nose bleeds that wont stop. my bp goes like 23 or 20/18 or something like that. crazy high. literally puts me under so much stress i am at risk of a fucking heart attack from being around her cunt ass.

hope u can run away from them and make your own life at some point. wishing you the best xoxo

hey anon!! tks again for sending the message and im truly sorry to hear abt what happened to you & the betrayal of your sister as well. its always horrible when women even moreso family members who should care about you choose to protect predatory and shit men over u 😵‍💫 happens way too often and you have every right to be angry af at her bc its disgusting and selfish enabling behavior. hope karma is gonna hit them soon and youll get to witness it all lol ,,,, and girl 😭 u gotta be Careful i dont want u to die of a heart attack like this it aint worth it 🤣😭😭 but i getchu!! the sorta stress from this shit can take a Hugeee toll on ur body tbh i think thats why i feel so exhausted too all the time lately its the stress and physical toll of flashbacks and shit

to answer ur question it was my bio dad and for the most part i aint got contact w him no more. we're in two different countries now which helps for sure but when i go back to my birth country its almost always an issue when it comes to seeing him. he used to show up uninvited or my family would force him around and shit. but uh then for some years tho not too many that stopped happening but at the end of last year i had to see him because i wanted to see my grand geandmother who was sick and potentially dying and he was there. i chose to put up with it because i would have regretted not seeing her more. the whole thing was,,,, A Lot and exhausting and triggering and since then ive kinda been in the trauma trenches again 🤷‍♀️ being around him for that long for the first time in years definetely set sometimes off. but. yea. its hard. its hard to avoid because of that and i probably wont feel truly free from it until the day when he fucking croaks ://// which i keep waiting for. and rn i live w my mom and bio dad which isnt fantastic either bc we have a rough history too tho nothing to the same degree, its just another thing that stresses me out tho and that i wanna get away from

tks for the message girl again i appreciate uuu <3 and it does make me feel better to know someone also feels similar even tho i wish u had never been through this. take care of urself ok!!! one day were both gonna get out and we wont have to b around ppl who traumatized us anymore and well b able to breathe!!!!

[izzy-b-hands]

12, 15, 34, 46?

Ella!! Thank u for asking 🫂🫂❤️❤️

(also apologies i am stoned and wordy aksndkfgn)

12. Your favourite book

I have a few answers for this one, but narrowed it down to the one I'm saving up to buy a new copy of eventually: Last Night at the Lobster by Stewart O'Nan.

It's fairly short, and the story subjects/setting are modern and mundane (or at least that's the critique i see leveled at it a lot, tho to me like. That's part of the punch of the entire book, but they can have their opinions, incorrect tho they may be lol), but like. the first time i read it, it just Did Something to me lmao. Part of it was the customer service experience thing, tho different industries (library at the time for me compared to restaurant in the book), and the experience in it of feeling like/having it confirmed that you, as an employee, are continually being handed more and more stress and responsibility for less reward, but you can't just drop it bc you like/tolerate your coworkers, and even on the days they piss you off, you want the best for them. And then the fallout of when a decision comes down from above your level that's shit for everyone, but you're left bearing the brunt of it from coworkers and customers alike. Very relatable, very realistically written to the point it almost makes you squirm.

The characters are all well written and realistic too; you wind up feeling like you could walk into this Lobster right now and talk to all these ppl irl, easily. That makes it just as hard at the ending to say goodbye tbh, and that's given it massive reread value for me (i think since i first read it end of HS I've since managed a reread every year to every other year. I actually accidentally packed away my copy when moving and it's been killing me not being able to do a reread rn, but i want to wait until i can have my own copy to keep again.)

Anyway i think most libraries should have it, and it's not a horribly expensive ebook, so if ur looking for a sign to read Last Night at the Lobster, this is it 🙌❤️🦞

15. Do you remember your last dream

Kind of? Tbh I passed out really hard earlier (still not sleeping amazingly with the back lol) and vaguely recall the weird, fever dreamish stuff my brain was throwing at me. That consisted of what i believe to be, ongoing all at once in the same room:

-a Tom Waits concert, with him holding but not playing an accordion

-a Bob Geldof interview, except it was Bob as he looked in the 90s

-a fire, which everyone who wasn't listening to Tom or Bob were attempting to put out by passing exactly one bucket back and forth to the inexplicable bar sink that sort of appeared and disappeared at will

Everything else was too much of a blur, but those bits really stuck out lmao 😂

34. Something old

I like this question, weirdly enough, bc I'm not one hundred percent sure how to answer it. It's vague, so i think I'm safe to interpret it kinda.. however?

(if i have that wrong tho do pls lemme know, I won't be offended and will re-answer this one if that's the case lol)

In terms of something old, I keep thinking abt my grandparents old house, even tho it's silly to do so (the thing has been sold for months now.)

Thing of it is, as of the last rare phone convo i had with my grandparents, it sounds like they really regret selling. The lack of stairs at the new place is better for their joints but like. They clearly miss the old one, the unique things that made it theirs and familiar.

Grandpa in particular mentioned a few things specific to the house that he misses, but the one that took me out was abt a bit of painted wood in the front doorway. When i was like. 6? 7? old enough to know better but still stupid enough to do it, i wrote my (dead) name on that bit of doorway, in pencil. For whatever reason, they couldn't ever get it to erase much at all, and never painted over it despite talking abt it a lot (they were soooo pissed at me the day i did it and the months after lmao), so it was still there when they sold the house.

And Grandpa tells me he wishes he would have bought some wood scraps, torn out just that bit of the doorway, and then fixed it and repainted it. Says he would have had someone reframe the whole door if needed. He even has a little shelf where he's been putting grandkid related knick knacks, that he'd put it on, apparently.

Couldn't tell him bc emotions and being that vulnerable are difficult for him, so i never want to push when he's opening up to me like that, but goddamn if he didn't make me cry with that, and i wanted to tell him how sweet it was, and that i miss the house too.

I miss that whenever Housemate and i make it back to visit ND, i won't be able to show aer the house i basically grew up in. I won't be able to show off the shed my grandpa built, say hi to Sally (mum's passed on cat from years ago, buried in the backyard with her name carved by grandpa into the wood barrier between the rock/gravel area and the bottom of the shed), lay in the backyard together under the huge tree while we snack and sip drinks (bc grandma doesn't let anyone leave the house without being fed if she can help it.) I won't get to show that spot by the front door, or show all the other million little quirky things that made the house so lovely.

If i have my way, age of the house and my own age at the time be damned, whenever I've made enough money to do it and have plenty left over, I'd love to buy the house myself. Not to live in all the time (jfc absolutely NOT i love the house but not ND lol), but to have for like. Maybe summer trips? there's enough room we could pick up friends in the area and have them come stay in the house too, tbh. I don't like the idea of it sitting empty whenever i wouldn't be there, so maybe I'd offer it to the cousins rent free to share? Take turns staying there, maybe help grandma and grandpa back to see it now and again. Idk. I just always dreamed of buying the dang thing, even if i never wanted to permanently stay in ND (and still v much do not want that, I like CT far better.)

46. Are you excited for anything

A few things rn! Housemate helped me save up enough and is going with me to see Avatar this month, and it'll be my first full show of theirs, and Housemate's first time seeing them at all!! (my first time seeing them they were just opening for Trivium lmao, so it was amazing!! but a bit of a cut down set list/overall thing, u know? didn't stay for Trivium's entire set but they were lovely too!)

We've also got several little weekend trips partially planned out: Mystic, a local flea market, a couple different beaches, getting up to York and over to Newport, plus maybe the big E and the ren faire in the fall!! I don't know if we'll manage all of it over the next few months, but I'm excited for whatever we get to!

Apologies I'm quite toasty so I'm feeling overwhelming positive for once, so i do have more! I sent a job app in to an OD office in the local costco, for a fairly chill seeming reception role, and I'm really hoping they'll want me. It seems a small enough office to be calmer than my old one, and that it's OD only and not an MD/OD office makes me feel a lot better abt it too (eye surgeons are amazing, they can do amazing wonderful things, i am grateful for them all. however. im also 97% sure 5 out of the 10 i know personally could hit me with their car and not blink, the god complex thing some surgeons have gets SO amped with this speciality in my experience, it's WILD, but I digress.)

My back is slowly getting better too (tho I've been humbled again the last few days in the nights and early mornings, it's still very angry at those times), so I'm also just looking forward to like. Being able to move more again. Standing up to do the dishes without my back spasming. Maybe even leaving the house again and doing one of the fun things noted above, tho i know i shouldn't rush it or my back will humble me again without a second thought lmaoooo 😅)

[littlebabycrybtch]

im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy’’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me. 

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism. 

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

[magniloquent-raven]

bro @metalheadcowboy the tags u left on this post 💕😭💕 fr dude if u ever got anymore 1am brainrot u need to offload somewhere my inbox is always open, i love getting random hcs

and u got me thinkin more about eddie being max's trans yoda ldfkgjlk so here's a lil thought i had that got out of hand:

susan’s always had a thing about max’s hair. never letting hair dressers take too much off, insisting on fussing over it whenever max needed to dress up for something, trying to bond over being redheads, because she and max never had much in common besides that. etc.

and it’s fine. it’s whatever. mostly. except…once max starts really thinking about the Gender thing, playing around with the idea of pronouns and buying sports bras that are two sizes too small, realizing how much more comfortable he can be…it just highlights how much the little things can hurt. 

it’s after susan has a pretty good day at work, after she lays off the booze for the evening, after she actually spends some time with max for the first time in months, after she says one too many little things that hurt just a little too much, stroking max’s hair while they watch a movie together. 

that max cuts all his hair off. badly. in the bathroom, alone in the middle of the night. and…kind of hates it. it kind of makes everything worse. 

and he shows up at eddie’s front door in tears. 

alone it felt like an insurmountable failure, like one haircut just disproved years of internal struggle, like the whole fucking world was going to fall apart at the seams because one thing didn’t feel the way it should’ve. but standing in eddie’s living room, haltingly explaining what happened while eddie waits patiently, his expression never shifting from the soft, sympathetic understanding that dawned on his face the second he opened the door, well. the whole thing starts to shrink into something more manageable. 

it keeps shrinking. til suddenly it feels like a stupid thing to freak out about. 

but eddie just nods. “yeah, i did the same thing in middle school. it, uh…” he scrunches his nose. “not a good look on me. i had a lumpy head.” 

that gets a tiny huff of a laugh in response. 

eddie fixes max’s hair as best he can, and when he’s done its still shaggy and uneven, but less of a hack job. he apologizes for not really knowing what he’s doing (he’s trimmed his own hair before but it’s different when it’s someone else’s) but max just tugs on one of the longer bits, eyebrows pinched and thoughtful. 

“i look like my brother.” max takes a big rattling breath. “when, uh. we first met. he’d just started growing out his hair.”

remembering still hurts, but this…it’s something else. 

“you gonna do that too, or do you like it like this?”

he’s so casual about it. because of course it doesn’t matter. it’s not a big deal. the ease of it is comforting. the simple reminder that, yeah, he can do whatever the hell he wants. look however he wants. susan will have words, she’ll have opinions, but none of them will matter. 

max shrugs. “think i might, yeah.”

~~tag list ppl hello im still here 😅 @growup-thatbeautiful @spreckle ~~

[jadenightthewriter]

In their defence they may be stupid but marcellus is a) traumatised and b) a child. Idk what marcias excuse is tho 😔 in the esmerelda version she is also so so traumatised and has barely had time to recover from althers death before ending up with a baby for a second time except this time she can't dump it on someone else 😔😔😔 (the bit where she goes to the heaps in that version is So funny,, she shows up like um. Haha hi uhhh help. And she has a teenage boy with her and also a baby (identical to baby #1 silas got handed) and silas is like marcia wtf. Marcia why is there a baby who looks exactly the same as the one u gave me before. Marcia where r these babies coming from)

Honestly I think real au esmerelda probably had it better than canon esmerelda?? Like in canon everyone had caught on that etheldredda was killing her kids and tried to protect her, in this au etheldredda isn't even killing just the princesses she also killed her son who wasn't a threat at all and everyone is so on guard abt it. Esmerelda is never ever left alone w etheldredda not even once and all the palace staff r so careful abt it

YEAH <3333 septimus and marcellus get along So well here,,, septimus is having some kind of panic attack at one point and marcellus is like look i get it- and seps like LITERALLY NO U DON'T. And marcellus goes haha. Lmao. And then there r explanations (once sep is not actively crying on the floor) and septimus latches onto marcellus as his new favourite person (equal to marcia) and also septimus gets twice the amount of hugs and its all very sweet and nice <3 also I'm assigning marcias rooms another bedroom so marcellus can also stay there 😌 they may already have one?? I think it's mentioned in thm somewhere??? But. I'm putting it properly in the story this time <3 marcellus is staying in the tower while all his alchemy stuff is under construction and marcia HATES it bc he can spot when she's not sleeping and literally pick her up and put her into the bed and it's the WORST and sometimes he makes food and then she has to actually stop what she's doing to eat it and it's awful 😔😔 (<-she's doing better physically and mentally than canon marcia tho so). He's also very much a shoulder to cry on abt dn1 related stuff so literally this marcia is like canon marcia but 100% less. Lonely and sad.

Anyway I got off track,, yeah septimus and marcellus bond over being two guys with the same variety of trauma and both marcia and marcellus r able to help him more in this au than in canon bc they have. Experience. Does it help septimus that much?? Short term kind of long term definitely. Marcellus to septimus is like a kind of cool uncle/sort of dad figure,, they hang out when neither of them have smth else to be doing (sometimes when they do) and marcellus teaches him abt alchemy and marcias like wow marcellus :/ I can't believe you'd steal my apprentice :// that's so rude and mean 😔😔 and he's like lmao <3 and keeps teaching septimus stuff. Also marcellus does eventually tell more ppl abt his Actual backstory and jennas like WAIT WE'RE RELATED????? and decides he's cool actually now that she can bully sep abt how that's her great uncle 🥺 how could he steal him from her like this 🥺🥺🥺

This ask is so long abdhdbdjd rip and uhh. Well i have Plans for a fic but I think we all know what happens when I have a plan for a fic (<-it never ever gets written) so PLEASE write smth if u want to i will love it forever and ever and ever <3333

Consider: I would call them stupid even without the trauma, hence they have exactly 0 excuses sorry babies I love you but no

I bet Silas thinks Marcia did something stupid and kidnapped them all which is,,, aha not exactly wrong?? But it's not like she's going to admit that. (side note i feel like marcellus and silas probably get along shockingly well and marcia is Upset about this she's been betrayed how could you marcellus)

hmm.... that's a good point about esmerelda. I think mentally it might be harder for her though, because there might be lots of people who love her but i feel like there wouldn't be many who would try to get super close, because she's still royalty. i think septimus should accidentally trip and fall through one of marcellus's silly experiments and meet esmerelda and maybe be her friend for a bit.

ngl marcia sounds like a cat here i love this. do you think sep and marcellus (help i need to shorten his name i can't keep typing it T^T) scheme to like,, trick her into doing things they want. i bet they do like pspsps marcia look here. (i bet marcia and marcellus fight over how much alchemy and magyk stuff they're allowed to leave lying around. their rooms look pretty much exactly the same because they both hoard so many things except marcia's has like 2% more purple. relatedly i bet their horrible sense of fashion has infected the other.)

marcia and marcellus working together is probably the best possible thing to happen for sep it's like,,, someone understands almost all of what happened to him, there's always someone to talk to, there's someone to be responsible and someone to be irresponsible, he gets all the good things he deserves <3333

i think the jenna sep marcellus dynamic would be so funny idk how much an age difference they have (depending on AU version i would guess 10-15?) but they probably have the same sort of influence from marcia and all love to make fun of each other. they probably wear purple a lot and don't notice until silas points it out lmao and then make a point to see who can wear the most outlandish purple thing until marcia yells at them.

bestie same 😭😭 i can't promise anything (fuck you, school) but i have so many ideas i'm serious when i tell you this au is one of the best things i've learned of in months

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

hiiii you never gonna escape my live reaction

People should be able to fight or disagree with their partners without being scared of losing them to something far worse.

damn thats really unhealthy cause one never should feel like walking on eggshells in their relationship its exhausting bruh

"You literally have a sugar daddy and you're going to make me pay? What a cheap ass, Lightwood."

i know this is setting up for angst but idc sugar baby alec right!! he deserves it

"Alec, people do not use substances to escape this world. They do it so that they can become a part of this world. A world that has not been kind to them and yet, all they want is to feel like they belong."

this. its always seem kinda icky to me when most narratives about addiction is people being too weak to resist and use them to escape reality. this put my feeling on it perfectly.

"You just asked me to sit with you?" Alec says incredulously.

"Yes but this is my side of the bed." Magnus states.

"God, you're so annoying. I'm leaving." Alec huffs and turns to leave the room, but a hand on his arm stops him—-and pulls him back towards the bed.

you are on hospital bed. put the rom-com act away. its no time to be insufferable

Magnus lifts his head to look up at him and nods. "I am now."

alec playing with my hair would solve my problems too but not all of us have that luxury

Of course, his coping mechanisms would need a coping mechanism too.

how can he still joking while getting his diagnosis I-

He remembers the same expression on his mother's face. Her constantly being worried about Asmodeus, waiting for him to come back home.

again Assholedeus can choke on hot coals

Alec strokes his cheeks softly. "I knew you were obsessed with me but I didnt realise that not talking to me for a week makes you more stupid."

why he listing this like an achievement. is he gonna put them in his cv next. "I make magnus bane act stupid by lack of vitamin me"

"Can I kiss you now? I can deal with alcohol withdrawal but not from the withdrawal I'm getting from not kissing you for a week."

alec's confidence will never falter he got support from the man himself, cry about it

Alec gives her a soft smile. He picks up the girl in his arms and sits her down on the chair vacated by him—bends down on the floor and teaches her how to tie her lace.

i know lrhwy!alec not gonna have any kid but he just has dad vibe there i said it

Or maybe Magnus is the third wheel.

no the third wheel are you twos overthinking and not talking about it

"People shouldn't have kids just because they want them. They should have kids because they want them and can provide a good life to them. Anything less than that is selfish." Alec comments.

some ppl want to have kids and have the ability to raise them properly but still fvck up so yeah. parenting is hard how tf my parents put up with me

His boyfriend chuckles at that. "We are not becoming a Cat family. Maybe we can get a dog in the future."

arrow about to snatch the bestest family member award in the future

He almost believes that he deserves punishment for making a living out of war.

this is parallel to canon alec being a shadowhunter. i scream

They find out that Sebastian did this. It's revenge. Alec doesn't know what for.

sebitchtian better catch it. by it i mean he should be dipped in boiling oil

"Holy fuck." Alec yells as soon as his eyes land on Magnus, who is wearing deep burgundy lingerie with a garter belt.

i planted this. idk how but i planted this

"Come on. It's not like we've never done it without it." Magnus tries to convince Alec.

doing it raw cause u hiding something in the closet. lets be real for a second

Magnus takes the butt plug in his mouth in a seductive motion, keeping eye contact with Alec, whose eyes darken a bit. "I just want some messy, rough, caveman sex. Is that too much from you, soldier?

porn roleplay script aside that isnt hygienic stop putting everything in your mouth magnus!

"How long have you been drinking again?"

you can hear the pin drop

"I was losing my mind today so I thought I'll clean the clothes. Get my mind busy." Alec mumbles.

this reminds me the time i was so sad im willing to do chemistry revision. it was so bad for me

Something must be wrong with Magnus because all he can think right now is how glad he is that Alec has only found seven out of the nine places.

damn its a scavenger hunt

"Sometimes it feels like you love alcohol more than you love me."

Sometimes I do.

you should have told me im not the favorite child in the family it would have hurt less

"You literally were about to get your name and identity changed when you thought Clary wasn't into you." Alec accuses.

jace got the lightwood dramatic from you dont even deny it alec

21st October.

i can hear the italicized oh and the dramatic orchestra background music in my mind

He stares at the two of them. "You have helped plenty. You can leave, I wouldn't want to be a bother to you guys."

he's bitch and he's baby and that's on three-dimensional character

Alec deflates at the word and steps back. "I was just trying to help. Chairman was crying."

meanwhile chairman is looking very much unbothered

It's a tiring process, and Alec needs to take a break a couple of times since his body needs rest. Arrow comes to check on him and remind him to rest, and Alec kisses the dog softly.

hes better than me if i got crushed by an entire ceiling you would have to princess carry me out of my bed

Alec is here to recover and not to meddle in Magnus's life. He doesn't have the right to cook for him or take care of him anymore.

why you go from a to z to infinity stone with one sentence it's literally one sentence omfgggg shut ur virgo ass up

"Chairman, why didn't you tell me I was an idiot."

maybe if you paid chairman

It's just something his ex-boyfriend did all the fucking time, and Magnus was so used to it that he hated having to do it himself after the breakup, so he cut his hair.

has magnus heard of sth call hairclips

"Why? You're broken up so he is public property again."

"Shut up."

magnus: he not my bf but he still my bf in the sense that my bf not my bf do you understand????!?

Alec chuckles softly at that. "You're doing a lot more than cooking in my dreams."

alec is just never loosing the inappropriate flirt contest

"Well. I did cook dinner that one time." Magnus comments and then pauses when he remembers that one time.

damn i so looking forward to the breakup

He almost wants to leave the room and run away because being near Alec hurts.

But he can't leave because being near Alec is like oxygen.

you can just make an alec plushie. problem solved

"Alec, I'm moving to London."

when he's Welcome to New York but you're London Boy

damn does malec have any relationship to attempt at distance relationship lmaooooo

Bold of you to assume I’m not waiting for your reactions cause they are funniest thing ever.

I also dislike the addiction arcs where someone is shown weak. I think addiction is more complex than that and those sides are not portrayed that well in media usually. I tried my best in reflecting that.

“Shut your Virgo ass up” MAAM I-

“Has Magnus ever heard of smth called hair clips” WHEN I TELL U I CHOKED.

And again at “does malec have any relationship to attempt at long distance” YOU ARE BRUTAL AND HILARIOUS AS ALWAYS ANH.

I can write a para giving my reaction to your reactions lmao.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.2

Also yes this is a 5 part story arc, why do you ask, no I’m not “avoiding real life work”

Main Chat

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED AT AN UNGODLY HOUR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME JEWELRY AND FORCED INTO AN ADVENTURE

Wu Xie: And we are just so grateful you are above all that.

Zhang Qiling: You were fully awake and insisted we pack and go as soon as possible in case there was, and I quote, “more weird shit happening we can cash in on.”

Wu Xie: I mean it’s kind of interesting that the Zhang family sent a car for us. We could have driven. So what is going on there, I wonder?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW FOR A PARANOID AND CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT YOU STILL RADIATE OBLIVIOUS BAMBI ENERGY

HATE TO BE THE ADMIRAL ACKBAR HERE BUT ITS DEF A TRAP MY BOY

WHY DO U THINK WE ARE MESSAGING AND NOT TALKING DUMMY

WERE YOU IN A TOMB ON THE DAY THEY TAUGHT PPL STRANGER DANGER

BUT NO NO YOU WERE ALL “LETS GET IN THE VAN WITH THE FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES I BET WE’RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS”

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM LOJACKING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME, SHOULDVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO

Zhang Qiling: I agree, in this particular case, with Pangzi. You should not have gotten in their vehicle while we were still inside the house. It forced us to follow you into the van to prevent separation, and they seemed to be expecting that. I don’t know whether Zhang Rishan intended this, but I don’t trust him.

Wu Xie: :( I got excited and didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.

Wang Pangzi: DONT YOU GIVE US THE BIG EYES WE ARE IMMUNE

MOSTLY

SPEAKING OF IMMUNE ITS REALLY FUCKIN COLD IN HERE AND UR STILL SICK, PUT YOUR JACKET ON STUPID

Wu Xie: oh relax, I’m fine. No fever at all today, remember? I feel a lot better, too.

Wang Pangzi: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE XIAO GE INTERVENE

Zhang Qiling: It is odd to say this, but Pangzi is right again. You are barely back on your feet and could easily get worse again. Wu Xie. Jacket. Now.

Wu Xie: Oh fine. Teaming up on me, I see. Happy now?

Wang Pangzi: FUCKING ECSTATIC. NOW BACK TO HOW WE MAY BE PULLING A LI CU

Wu Xie: If it is an abduction, it wouldn’t be them moving against the whole Wu family—not with Uncle Erbai in charge. Zhang Rishan strikes me as someone who doesn’t make a move unless he is sure of his plan, and this is all a bit last-minute to be a big shift. Besides, they let Xiao Ge keep his sword and we still have all our phones.

Wang Pangzi: TOOK AWAY MY EXPLOSIVES THO THE BASTARDS

Zhang Qiling: In fairness, you were waving them around and yelling that if they tried anything it was going to be “yippeekiyay motherfucker all up in this bitch.”

Wang Pangzi: IT SOUNDS LESS COOL COMING FROM YOU. I THINK I SEE THE TEAHOUSE?

Wu Xie: me too. That’s Zhang Rishan on the steps. This must be urgent. Everybody stay shiny.

Zhang Qiling: I will be getting out first. Wu Xie in the middle, Pangzi at the rear.

Wang Pangzi: AND WHAT A VIEW;)

An hour later…

Main Chat

Wu Xie: Is everyone okay? I tried knocking but nothing is getting through, these are some solid walls.

Wu Xie: guys???

Wang Pangzi: OOPS PHONE WAS ON SILENT AND I WAS BUSY YELLING AT THE CEILING

IM PRESENT AND PISSED OFF

Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I was trying to break down the door.

Wang Pangzi: SO THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT WHILE WE’RE HERE

Wu Xie: fuck Pangzi, I know, okay??

I’m an idiot, I’m so fucking stupid. It’s not like it’s the first or fiftieth time I’ve put you two in danger, either.

Wang Pangzi: HEY HEY WHOA NOW

STOP SAYING RUDE SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND

ITS GONNA BE OKAY

DESPITE KNOWING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA I STILL COULDNT PREDICT HOW MUCH CHAOTIC LUCK THIS FAMILY HAS

DAMN IT I HATE WHEN HEI XIAZI IS RIGHT ABOUT THINGS

Zhang Qiling: I’m sorry. This is my fault. My line has a ruthlessly pragmatic streak and they’ve clearly wanted to test us separately to see why the necklace reacted to our arrival like that. It does not excuse Zhang Rishan trapping us in these separate rooms.

Wang Pangzi: UHH BITCH I SAID THIS FAMILY NOT YOUR FAMILY

THIS AINT ABOUT THEM

YOUR FAMILY IS ON MY SHIT LIST EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

THIS FAMILY MEANT US OBVS

UGH ANY SIGN OF THE BASTARDS?

Zhang Qiling: no. Wu Xie?

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, answer me.

Wang Pangzi: WU XIE

TIANZHEN

PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE DAMNIT YOU'RE SCARING XIAOGE

Zhang Qiling: I’m going to try breaking down the door again.

Wu Xie: Hello, Wang Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. My apologies for the rather inhospitable circumstances, but this seemed expedient considering the unknown qualities of the necklace. I could not be sure who was causing what, or what could happen next, and thus have temporarily set you in separate rooms for the sake of everyone’s safety.

Wang Pangzi: WTF GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN PHONE ZHANG RISHAN I KNOW ITS YOU YOU PRETENTIOUS ANTIQUE

WE DESTROYED THIS PLACE BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

Zhang Qiling: Your concerns for everyone’s safety are noted. Thank you for whatever you believe you’ve done right here.

Now. If you release us immediately and return Wu Xie to us, we will consider leaving without direct personal retribution.

Wang Pangzi: WHAT HE SAID AND ALSO YOU SUCK

Wu Xie: I regret that this has happened, I hope to make it up to you in the future. For the purpose of today’s needs, however—I will have my men escort the two of you out if you so desire, but unfortunately Wu Xie will need to stay until we have finished examining him.

Wang Pangzi: EXAMINING??? YOU FUCKING PERV HANDS OFF HE MAY BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL BUT HIS DANCE CARD IS SPOKEN FOR

I SWEAR I DID NOT GO THROUGH TEN YEARS OF THIS STARCROSSED CLUSTERFUCK FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND STEAL MY FRIENDS BF

Wu Xie: There is no call for rudeness. He will not be harmed. The artifact was responding to him directly. It has not lit up like this in over 200 years, and I need to understand why it is responding, and responding to someone who is not our kin, which it has never done before. This could have implications for everyone in my family if it could protect someone at the right moment.

Wang Pangzi: OKAY BUT CONSIDERING OUR TRACK RECORD IN THIS BUILDING AND THE SITUATION AT HAND Y’ALL ARE ABOUT TO NEED PROTECTION

Wu Xie: The testing would be going better if Wu Xie wasn’t worrying himself unnecessarily over where you both are, it’s making our readings difficult.

Wang Pangzi: OH GEE SO SORRY YOUR KIDNAPPING VICTIMS ARENT THRILLED TO BE HERE TO SAMPLE YOUR CREEPY JEWELRY BOX BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan. I appreciate that you must think of our family first in your decisions. As must I. I hope you can appreciate what that means for decisions I make.

Wang Pangzi: HEHEHE SO TRUE BESTIE

YOU PISSED OFF THE WRONG GOTH TODAY BUDDY BOY

Zhang Qiling: A compromise: we stay with him as you run your tests. That will calm him and assuage Pangzi’s concerns and prevent me from…testing the limits of your lifespan.

Wu Xie: I accept that this may temporarily impact our relations, but am hopeful that you will come to understand that sometimes I need to make certain choices for this family that are…difficult. I will come to let you—One moment. Something seems to be happening.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: OH SO WE ARE GONNA JUST POLITELY SIT WITH WU XIE AS STRANGERS POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES ARE WE HUH WELL LOOK WHOS BEING A HELPFUL LITTLE LAB ASSISTANT

Zhang Qiling: I’m attempting to convince him to let us out. Of course we will not simply sit there. Some lying to gain trust is necessary here.

Wang Pangzi: UR BEIN A SHADY BITCH XIAOGE AND ITS HOT

THATS WHY YOUR TATTOO IS SO BIG ITS FULL OF SECRETS

ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU TO—WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SOUND??

At the same time…

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Xie Yuchen: …so, this is not what I expected to find.

Hei Yangjing: yeah kiddo is a bit freaked out:/ this sucks. I mean I get that they are concerned blah blah blah necklace goes brightbright but maybe we should go find the other two

or at least find a way to let Wu Xie know we are here, that room he’s in looks like a dungeon and not in a good way

Xie Yuchen: Does it look like I’m able to do anything right now? Also, I’m fairly certain they won’t be harmed. Zhang Rishan may be callous, but he isn’t stupid.

Hei Yangjing: r u kidding

he split up Romeo and Juliet, then left Romeo with a sword—seems pretty stupid to me

Xie Yuchen: Yeah I’m not going near that. He made his bed with that choice. What can you see? These Neanderthal guards are blocking my view.

Hei Yangjing: uh so there’s like a lab table situation

Wu Xie isn’t tied up, a good sign in this context

I can’t see what those people are holding, they’re talking a lot and some asshole just grabbed Wu Xie’s arm, looks like maybe they are putting in an IV?

The necklace is—oh. Oh shit.

[storiesforallfandoms]

love you as you are ~ yungblud

word count: 1462

request?: yes!

“ Hi! How are you doing? If u are not too busy, could I request something with coworkers or friends to lovers - Dominic Harrison with insecure reader? (don’t mean to romantizice insecurities, reading things like that makes me feel less alone sometimes and I am pretty sure it happens to other ppl too) Stay safe, much love 🖤🖤”

description: in which his life long friend constantly compares herself to the girls he dates, and he’s finally starting to notice

pairing: yungblud x female!reader

warnings: swearing, insecurities

masterlist

My worst bad habit was looking at pictures of Dom with his girlfriend’s and finding a flaw for myself in all of them.

That’s what I was doing when he called one day. New pictures had arisen of him and Ashley, although he insisted that they weren’t back together and probably would never get back together. They seemed cozy, and the smile on his face was so wide and bright, it was obvious he was happy with her. He always had been happy with her.

Her eyes were so pretty, her skin was flawless, she could pull off any hairstyle or color, her style was constantly on point, she...

My ringing phone brought me out of my daze. A picture of Dom smiling filled my screen along with his name. I couldn’t help but compare that smile with the one in the picture with Ashley. Was it as wide? Was he as happy?

“Hello?” I finally answered.

“(Y/N)!” Dom exclaimed. “What are you doing right now?”

“Just chilling at home.”

“Great! I’m coming over. Be there in five minutes!”

I was confused. The pictures I was looking at were supposedly recent, but he was here? Did that mean the pictures were fake? Or...was Ashley here?

Before I could ask any questions, Dom hung up. I paced the apartment, worried that Ashley would show up with Dom. I had nothing against Ashley, she was nice and I had been a fan since before she started dating Dom. I just...I couldn’t see her with Dom like that.

Before I knew it, Dom was letting himself into my place and making himself at home. He immediately laid down on the couch and looked up at, me catching mid-pace.

“Welcome,” I said sarcastically. “I didn’t know you were home.”

He gave me a weird look. “What do you mean? We’ve been texting all week. I told you we were gonna make plans soon.”

Oh yeah, that’s right. How did I forget that?

“Why didn’t you think I was home?”

I shrugged, trying to play it off. “I just saw some paparazzi pictures - ”

Dom cut me off with a groan. “Whatever it was, it’s bullshit. Paps are vultures and they’ll post any bullshit to get clicks.

I felt extremely stupid, but I was glad he didn’t seem upset or anything. As I sat down next to him, though, he asked, “What were the pictures of?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. Do I tell him the truth? What would he think if I told him it was pictures of him and Ashley?

“Nothing,” I responded with a shrug.

Dom gave me another look. “Okay, it was obviously not nothing. You can tell me, (Y/N), I’ve probably read worse about myself.”

I sighed heavily, knowing Dom wasn’t just going to drop this. “It was pictures of you and Ash, and it was saying you two were back together again.”

Dom’s immediate reaction was a loud laugh, which caught me off guard at first, but I soon realized that his laugh meant that he and Ashley weren’t together, and he was right in saying that they probably never would be together at all.

“I haven’t seen Ash in months,” he admitted. “She’s off dating someone else now, if I was spotted out with her, it’s only as friends.”

For some reason, knowing that Dom was potentially still friends with Ashley put me back in my down mood. They were friends, but they used to date. He didn’t look at her the way he looked at me. I was a really just a friend, but she was his beautiful ex-girlfriend. He probably still loved her, I wouldn’t blame him, she was probably the best person in the world. She was so nice and kind and caring, she was so sweet to me. She...

“(Y/N),” Dom said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. He pulled me out of my trance and I looked at him, trying to pretend nothing had happened. “Where did you go then?”

“Nowhere,” I responded. “I guess I just zoned out, it happens. What were you saying?”

He was looking at me hard, almost studying my face. “Are you okay, (Y/N)? You just...you seem off today.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted. “It’s nothing, can we drop it?”

We both went silent for a moment. I couldn’t handle it, there were so many thoughts running through my head that I needed a distraction. I turned on the TV and put on a random station that was playing some movie I had no interest in. I sat back and pretended to be invested in what was going on, but in reality, I was just trying to keep myself from thinking about Dom and Ashley.

I could feel Dom’s eyes on me. He was watching me intently, waiting for a crack. Dom knew me better than anyone had, and I knew that he knew when I was upset. I was hoping he’d leave it be and just bring up something for the two of us to do, but instead, when he did finally speak, he asked, “Is it because of me and Ash?”

I tried to hold back any signs that he was right, but I knew it was no use. I sighed again and looked down at my lap. “Not really...but kind of?”

Dom tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with Ash?”

“Nothing, that’s the problem!” I responded. “She’s so perfect! God, I wish I had just a fraction of her perfection.”

I glanced up at Dom and saw that he was starting to understand. “You can’t compare yourself to Ash, (Y/N). You’re two different people, with different personalities and different...well everything. You can’t actually be comparing yourself to her.”

“I can’t help it,” I admitted, tears starting to prick my eyes. “You always date the most beautiful girls, both inside and out, and I can’t help but compare myself to them because...”

Dom moved closer to me, placing one of his hands on top of mine. I couldn’t get the words out. How do you admit to your best friend that you’ve had feelings for them for so long without weirding them out? Was it even possible to do that and maintain the friendship?

“(Y/N), you’re perfect as you are,” he said before I could finish my sentence. “You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone, let alone the girls I date. In case you haven’t noticed, you’ve been around much longer than those girls, and there’s a reason for that. It’s because you’re a genuine person, and you care so much for me, and, this may be awkward, but I think you’re incredibly cute. I love you as you are, I’d hate to see you turn into someone you’re not.”

I couldn’t help but scoff at his choice of wording. “Don’t say that.”

“Don’t say what?”

“That you love me. It gives me false hope.”

Dom was confused a moment before he finally put two and two together. “What if I mean it in more than just a friendly way?”

I glared at him this time. “Don’t do that.”

“I’m serious, (Y/N)! What if I like you too? What if I always have? What would you say?”

I wasn’t sure if I believed him. Why would I? He’s never even given me a sign that he could potentially like me. Saying this now, especially with the conversation we were having, just felt like some sort of sick joke he was playing on me.

But, as I looked into those eyes that I had loved for so long, I could tell he was being genuine. Had he really liked me all this time?

Before I could say anything else, Dom pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. “You’re perfect as you are, (Y/N). Who you are is what I love the most about you. Please don’t compare yourself to others, especially not to any of the girls I’ve dated.”

“You really mean that?”

His chest vibrated as he laughed. “Of course I do.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I wiped the tears from my eyes. “I really like you, Dom.”

“I like you, too, (Y/N).”

We fell back into a comfortable silence then. I wasn’t quite sure what this meant for us. We had both just admitted to having feelings for one another, so what comes next?

In that moment, I didn’t care. All I cared about was being in Dom’s arms, my ear pressed against his chest as I listened to his steady heartbeat. I was just happy to have him there with me, and to finally have that truth off my chest.

[dastardlydandelion]

So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

[joisbishmyoga]

A friend has convinced me that the Arkenstone is a Silmaril.

- glowing rock

- similar sizes probably. fit on giant evil crowns and in hobbit pockets alike.

- ppl went war-crazy over them

- one of them was lost to a fiery pit

- a lone mountain is very likely to be a former volcano

- Middle-Earth's timeline is stupid in a geological sense anyway so SURE there's plenty of time between the First and Third Ages for a volcano to die and get turned into a dwarven city-state why the heck not ლ(ಠ_ಠ ლ)

This lends itself to a particular logical progression:

- the dwarven lords swore their obedience to the rock, not the line of Durin, after it was found

- this is why they could refuse to go with Thorin to retake Erebor

- this is also why it was so damn important for Thorin to get the Arkenstone specifically ASAP, instead of "eh we'll find it eventually while we're sorting through the treasury"

- they didn't originally intend to slay the dragon as a group of 14, they meant to get the Arkenstone, go back, and command all the dwarves to come attack Smaug

- ANYWAY a key feature of a silmaril is that it burns anyone who doesn't have the right to possess it

- so when Bilbo is like "here's the Arkenstone", Thranduil is like "what the fUCK that is a SILMARIL Gandalf WHAT" and Gandalf is like "WHAT THE FUCVK i mean MY AREN'T HOBBITS INTERESTING LITTLE FELLOWS what the fuck what the fuck"

- and then Thranduil is like "well it isn't burning him so that makes him the rightful owner"

- and then someone, probably one of the dwarves, it would be kind of hilarious if it was Fili or Kili but it could also be Nori (very savvy), Ori (a scribe) or... I think it was Balin who was responsible for teaching the princes things like history idk, ANYWAY one of the dwarves is like "wait doesn't that make Bilbo King of the Dwarves?"

- Thorin is shocked out of his gold madness by the fact that actually no he isn't King Under the Mountain

- "Maybe you can be Consort Under the Mountain if you apologize nicely enough."

- "... Apologizing nicely? Uncle Thorin?"

- "Good point. I guess we'll never be princes again, Kili."

And so Bilbo fixes everything with hobbity practicality and also offends tf out of Thranduil and Gandalf and the dwarves without them being able to do anything about it.

- The dwarves love that Bilbo told Thranduil, very loudly, in front of the entire elven army, that he can fuck right off though his elves are welcome to return to sell food, and he will get his stupid starlight pebbles AFTER all the ACTUAL priorities of feeding and housing everyone, and going through Erebor to assess the city's structural integrity, and washing and uncursing the hoard, and actually sorting through it for Laketown's money and paying the food merchants and dividing heirlooms from liquid assets and etc etc etc have been addressed. And every time Thranduil behaves like a sulky fauntling, his stupid rocks go down one slot on the very. very. long list of priorities.

- (The dwarves are much less pleased to have all the wealth of Erebor called "rocks" and "pebbles" and "mathoms".)

- so get this army off my doorstep NOW Thranduil, or do we have to send missives to all of Middle-Earth that you are an oathbreaker as should've been done a century ago.

- You know. When you broke your treaty of mutual aid to the kings of Erebor. And left thousands of innocent, traumatized survivors to starve to death. It's one thing to refuse to enter a lost battle. It's something entirely different to refuse to help the refugees. Children starved, Thranduil. CHILDREN.

- p.s. You have no idea how badly you, and by extension all of Mirkwood, have offended all of Bilbo's hobbity morals here, Thranduil.

- if Bilbo was even the slightest bit more vindictive, Thranduil would have to abdicate and Legolas would have to rebuild all of Mirkwood's diplomatic ties with a severe handicap. Oathbreaker is a SERIOUS THREAT given what we've seen of Middle Earth societies.

- so considering the Arkenstone just got revealed as a Silmaril, putting that memory right at the top of everyone's minds, there should be PLENTY of elves either old enough or educated enough right there to make the connection between "bloody war over the silmaril rocks" and "bloody war over the starlight rocks" and want NOTHING to do with it tyvm

- Bilbo like "we will NOT be housing anybody in the mountain but the original Company before we've inspected each space for structural safety, no even we aren't just wandering around the mountain willy-nilly, the dragon broke a lot of stuff and a big enough rock fall will break even a dwarf's thick head"

- Bilbo also like "for valar's sake, Bard, take your mob home, set them to salvaging what you can of Laketown and Dale, send messengers to your trading partners that there's a lack of food and enough money to pay for it up here, and bring the salvage up so we can build you all shelters for the winter"

- Bilbo like yes OBVIOUSLY i'm going to feed and house you all, how dare you have to ask

- Bilbo setting Gandalf to breaking rocks on the lee side of the mountain so they need less salvage to build with, oh I'm sorry did you want to help shovel dragon dung instead, ah yes that's what I thought

- idk what this does for the orc army but that's not the point

Bilbo: Seriously, Thranduil, what do you care if it takes another century or two to get some pretty rocks. You're an ELF. You're already fifty thousand years old or something ridiculous like that. Bilbo: You basically let thousands die and went to war over the equivalent of a one-month delay in shipping.

Now, if he'd had ANY sense, instead of being a Karen... Thror: Nope I'm keeping them MINE ALL MINE ALL THE GOLD IS MINE Thranduil: . . . Thranduil: Eh, you'll die off soon enough. I'll just call your descendents until one is sane enough to honor the contract.

Thranduil: We elves have songs longer than this shipping delay. Thranduil: I think I'll go listen to one.

But that did not happen! Instead it was more

Legolas like "dad could u stop being so horrible u are embarrassing our entire family"

Legolas like "dad stop screaming at the teenage cashier over your 25 cent coupon"

Thranduil: I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER

Fili and Kili: ooooh, he wants to speak to the manager~ Bilbo: I AM THE MANAGER

[lollytea]

Fearless (part 1/3)

(Ty/Louie fairytale au fic. i am simply a bitch writing about my au and my oc so it is all very catered to me personally and im aware not a lot of ppl will read it. but if you DO read it, i love u so much. i guess tw for blood/serious injuries relating to teen characters. nothing too graphic but be warned. Also if you’re curious, info on the au here, here and here.)

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[OCTOBER 22ND, 6:19PM] The sky was bleeding pink and orange and Louie tried to focus on it. Didn't take much brainpower to appreciate a sunset. He clung to the sight with desperation, muttering the simplest thoughts under his breath like a mantra.

It was pretty. He liked sunsets. He liked pink. He liked orange. The distraction wasn't working. The unpleasantness that was already writhing in his stomach churned. His finger was on his temple, idly tracing delicate circles against the tightly wrapped bandage. His head hurt. The point where his shoulder met his upper arm was also dressed. The stitching still had to heal up. That hurt too. Louie was pretty stupid. Which was not something he usually thought. But it was a real kick in the confidence when someone sharp-witted did something stupid. And it was a real kick in the heart when someone who didn't wanna hurt anybody ended up hurting somebody. This was stupid. He had already tried reading as a means of distraction. Too hard. Too many words. Way too much of a strain on his mild concussion. This was so, so stupid. Sitting by his windowsill, he hoped this dumb bandage would be gone soon. His forehead felt sticky and damp with sweat. He was stupid. He wished Webby were here. If she were, she'd be in the courtyard below his window sparring with Dewey. At least then, Louie could watch and keep his mind occupied. No. No, that wasn't right. If Webby were here, she would've attached herself to Louie by now, hugging him tight until his injury healed. If it had been any other incident, Louie would let her, crumbling into her arms and whimpering about the pain as his amazing, magical sister made it all ebb away. But this wasn't any other incident. If Webby were here, he wouldn't be able to accept her hugs. The very idea rubbed him the wrong way. If anyone was entitled to healing hugs, it wasn't Louie, it was--.... His face twisted up. Webby wasn't here. She was off on some quest with Lena. Probably wouldn't be back for days. So there was no point in dwelling over hypotheticals. Louie would heal on his own. They were both gonna have to heal on their own. The sunset was fading.

It was pretty. Pink... Orange.... He couldn't do this. 

Why was he doing this?! Louie always knew himself to be a coward but this was to a pathetic extent. Depraved even. He felt sick. 

He couldn't. He just couldn't. Every additional second he spent hiding in his room was weighing him down. It was suffocating. But he couldn't leave. He was too scared.

Freezing up just like always. Just stop being so fucking scared! He would have to confront what he did eventually. There was no way around it. So, why couldn't he just go now? Louie had far worse things in his life to be dreading. Far worse. A ticking clock of trepidation was seated deep inside him. A predestined future he couldn't rewrite which, on all accounts, should render him paralyzed. But he wasn't. This was the sort of thing to demolish him. Apparently. Stupid. This shouldn't be overdriving his other senses. This shouldn't be flooding his mind. He shouldn't be drowning right now. This shouldn't have his hands shaking. This shouldn't have him pacing the length of his room. This shouldn't be stealing the oxygen from his lungs. His brain was pounding against his skull, protesting his rapid back-and-forth movement. He was dizzy. He shouldn't be crying. Fuck it! He was always crying, who cares about that?! Just stop panicking, just stop crying, just stop being so selfish for once and just own up. Louie's back crashed against his door, gasping for breath. Stars were blotting his vision and he couldn't breathe and it was the end of the world. Okay. Okay. He was spiraling again. That was all it was, it would be okay. It would be okay. The prince's bed chambers, alive with the choking sound of contained distress, subsided to complete silence for just a moment. Inhale. Exhale. And then all to be heard was a small, crackling voice straining to sing himself a quiet little lullaby. ___________ [OCTOBER 22ND, 10:07AM] "Your highness, don't be an idiot. You can't just---Hey! Wait up!" "H'oh boy..." Louie's eyes flicked to the high heavens. Right now he felt like he was tasked with personally escorting this goddamn boy across this goddamn forest by the goddamn ankles. He whirled around impatiently, crossing his arms with a flourish. "Pick up the pace, Tiberius. We don't have all day." "Can you maybe not be a huge pain for like... I dunno, five minutes?" Snapped Ty, his dearly devoted retainer and most notorious pain-in-the-tail. "Can you maybe loosen up? Y'know it's a real mood killer when there's a paranoid guy on my case all the time, insisting that the whole world is out to get me. Being constantly reminded of my fragile mortality? Woo, talk about fun times." Scowling, Ty stumbled his way over a protruding tree root. "You've got a bad habit of attracting danger, you know that, right? I'm pretty sure it's a Duck thing." The remark slapped the annoyed expression right off Louie's face. Ty quirked an eyebrow. "What's that look for?" Before he could further analyse, Louie sharply turned on his heel and strode on. "It's a Duck thing." He said, keeping his tone even. Both of them knew it was a Duck thing. Ty just didn't know the half of it. "Your highness," He heard Ty gripe. "You know this is a bad idea. A prince shouldn't be out in the open like this without proper protection. And I'm unprepared right now. I can't--" If Ty weren't yakking so much, Louie wouldn't know if he was still there. He wasn't wearing his armor for once so the familiar clank and clatter of metal was nonexistent. "You got your sword, right? You can do a lot of damage with that thing." "Yeah but no juice. And I need juice. See, 'cause what if we get in a tight spot and you--?" "What do you think is gonna happen, Ty?! For the love of all that is gold, It's just a party." "It's never just anything." He grumbled. Ty jogged ahead a little, matching his pace to Louie's. His footsteps alongside him were purposefully heavy So, he was stomping now. Real mature. Louie rolled his eyes. He was fully aware Ty was pissed, he didn't have to go above and beyond to make his anger known. "You really think I'm an idiot who doesn't take safety precautions? I'll have you know keeping Prince Louie alive isn't just your problem. Prince Louie is pretty serious about that too." He gestured to himself. "If you haven't noticed, I'm incognito today. I've got no crown, no mantle, no status whatsoever. And look at these ugly peasant threads," Louie pointed out, tugging at the hem of his dull green tunic. "It's actually kinda depressing how drab I look. I'm never gonna do this again actually. But! See how committed I am right now? Who's gonna recognize me? As we're all aware, I'm pretty well known for my pizzazz." "Just 'cause you stop being a prince doesn't mean danger stops existing." "No but it makes you way less of a target. Now, are you really gonna spend your whole day off bitching at me?" 

The glare Ty shot him was petulant at best. "Well, I didn't wanna. But I got dragged along on this little adventure so guess I gotta." Louie pursed his beak, irritated. He did not drag Ty along anywhere. 

"Come to think of it, I don't remember saying you had to follow me." Well, that came out as harsher than intended. Ty didn't seem hurt. At least, there was no sign that he was. No expression cracked his stone mask. "I've got a duty." Louie scoffed. Ty and his stupid duty. It was really starting to wear on his nerves. But not today, absolutely not today. On this fine, glorious day, Louie was intent on having fun. He would show up at this little forest shindig and he would drink and dance and schmooze and whatever else any carefree person at a party would do. He would forget about everything that was eating at him. He wasn't gonna let it consume him, he wasn't. He was gonna live. While he still could. His sixteenth birthday loomed closer. Six months left. "Sorry." Said Ty, unprompted. The shadows festering in Louie's head cleared out as he snapped back to the present. Ty had his eyes firmly downcast, a noticeable slump to his posture. "It's not like I wanna be running around killing the fun all the time. I really don't. But I gotta." Louie said nothing. His eyebrows rose in quiet astonishment as he studied Ty's side profile. He remembered when Ty first came into his life. Twelve years old, brandishing a sword too big for his body and grinning lopsidedly in an unmistakably trouble seeking sorta way. A real firecracker of a boy, loud and bright. Hungry for adventure and excited to throw himself head first into the action. He remembered one of Ty's earliest and most confident statements. When he lowered himself to bow to Louie in his uncle's throne room and declared that the prince would never fear for his life again. Because Ty would protect him and Ty was fearless. Louie believed him. Make no mistake, Ty had plenty of bite back then too. He had disliked Louie and the feeling had been mutual. But he never doubted that Ty had spoken the truth with his entire heart. Ty was fearless. When Louie was with Ty, he was safe. He believed that and he always had. Despite how they clicked as well as a dagger and a keyhole. Despite Ty being annoying. So annoying. He was still annoying. But it was different now. Louie couldn't pinpoint when that permanent glowing smile of his had dwindled and a thin frown had become Ty's default expression. His sword, something he always used to proudly haul around over his shoulder, now unceremoniously sheathed against his belt. Although Louie had noticed that his right hand never strayed too far from the hilt.   Protecting royalty with your entire being was an all-consuming duty and it seemed, at some point, the reality of such an allegiance had slapped Ty across the face. He had this distinct way of holding himself now. Always stood straight and rigid, coiled up with agitation. He was prepared to fight at a moment's notice but it was clear the thrill of doing so had been long since drained out of him. He still smiled. He still laughed. But only sometimes. Ty was annoying because he was paranoid. Because he was snarky. Because he was too stiff, too protective. And man, what Louie wouldn't give to have Ty's former brand of annoying back. At least never made him feel sorry for the guy. "Can I ask you a favor?" Louie finally spoke, pushing back a drooping tree branch so they could walk below it "You can try." Ty shrugged, his gaze still fixed ahead. "What if we just turn off this whole 'Prince and Retainer' thing today. Whadd'ya think?" He turned to him blankly, complete with a slight tilt of the head that made Louie a tiny bit weak. "Wha....?" Ty was simply not computing. He looked as though Louie was throwing out algebra equations and he was supposed to solve them right on the spot. And he was not a math guy by any means. The cute clueless expression was making it a little hard to focus. Louie swallowed. "Listen." He began, his thumb dragging itself across his sweaty palm as he struggled with how to phrase this. Louie had a way with words, always had. But he had a tendency to trip over his own tongue when Ty was involved. Especially when Ty was staring at him with his soft cande-light eyes and doing that stupid adorable head tilting thing and-- "You need a break." Louie blurted out. "You're stressed like constantly and it's getting kinda insufferable and I think your Dad would sick a dragon on me if his barely fifteen year old son suddenly kicked it 'cause of a paranoia overload so I think you should just forget about being my big strong hero for today and come hang out with me at this stupid peasant party and we can just be two regular kids instead of a royal and his bodyguard do you think you could give me that Tiberius?" It was only in the following beat of silence that Louie realized how fast he spat that all out. He struggled to catch his breath. One second. Ty blinked. Two seconds. A flicker of vacant eyes and then a rush of realization. And then disbelief. And then-- Three seconds. His brow scrunched together and a snarl crinkled his muzzle. His eyes flared. Oh, he was mad.... "Are you crazy?!" Ty shouted. He was beside himself with a malfunctioning mix of fury and incredulity that had him stammering his words. "You-You can't just--.....D-do you even-- you don't...do you realize how disrespectful that is? For you to say it? For-For me to do it?! I was given this duty by the King! The fucking King! To just suddenly "turn it off" would be--....I can't--!" Maybe "mad" was an understatement. "Ty--" Louie tried. He was cutting across Louie, treading back and forth on their forest path,. Not going further, not going back. Just walking to nowhere for the sake of being too scandalized to possibly stand still. Louie was attempting to get Ty's attention by grabbing his tunic but he kept shaking him off. "I'd be a disgrace! An embarrassment! I'm trusted by the royal family to keep--...to keep you safe! I-I can't just walk around with my liege like I'm on vacation and not be on guard! You don't even get it, you--" "Ty!" Louie said loudly."You wanna maybe listen for a sec?!" Frankly, he was surprised Ty halted his tirade. His eyes were blown wide, stunned and Louie wasn't quite sure why until he followed Ty's look, snapping down. Seems in his effort to get a hold of the guy, he had instinctively reached out and snatched Ty's wrist. They stood frozen for a moment, each set of eyes boring into the touch that tied them together. Louie's fingers began to uncurl. Then he decided no. His grip on Ty tightened with a purposeful squeeze. Ty met his gaze, looking....panicked? Confused? Didn't matter. He could besottedly dissect his unreadable facial expressions later. Louie inhaled, deciding to shoulder his dignity for just a second. No safety rails of snark this time. Ty might make fun of him for being sincere later but this was important. "Don't you miss being a kid with nothing to worry about?" Louie implored. "Because if we're being real, I don't think we're ever gonna get to live like that again." Ty muttered something to himself, shaking his head a little. "But listen," Louie continued, taking a step into Ty's personal bubble. Ty took an automatic step back. But since he was still holding his hand, Louie was led a step forward. It was difficult to tell with the pink fur but he could've sworn Ty reddened. "Look I know it's weird for me to be asking but....can't we just take a risk today? It's just a party in the woods. Literally the least likely place to find any danger in the whole kingdom." "We shouldn't--" "Ty, please." Honestly, Louie was a little surprised at himself. He hadn't even planned for Ty to accompany him anyway. But in the heat of the moment, everything had shifted upside-down. Turns out there was something inside him willing to beg. Something that wanted more than anything, for Ty come along. He just wanted a simple memory of just killing time with Ty. Separated from the castle and everything that reminded him of his fate. He would like to smile without a hint of dread for once this year. So, he said just that. "I'm not just trying to make you come along 'cause I'm stuck with you. That's not it." He swallowed. "You're--....you're cool. You're fun. I wanna have you around. You know, when you're not so worked up and you're just being yourself, I like hanging out with you." He tugged Ty's hand a little. Further from his sword and closer to Louie. "I want you to come with me. And I want you to try having fun too." He may as well just tell the idiot he thought about him every time he saw a sunset. The hand he was grasping flexed its fingers. Ty abruptly broke eye contact and glanced to the side, his tongue poking out to pierce the tip of his jagged tooth. His indecisive face. "I just--.....I dunno...." He muttered. "If something happened to you--" "Nothing's gonna happen to me." Said Louie immediately. "I've got a good feeling about this. And c'mon Ty, that coming from a coward?" "You're not a coward." He said, barely a whisper. He was now staring at the ground. "I promise." "Huh?" Louie smiled tightly as Ty looked to him questionably. "I promise nothing is gonna happen. I'm gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Now, can you do me this favor and maybe, I dunno, trust me?" The look Ty gave him was a little sad, but it was soft. And then with only a tiny twitch, it shifted into something else entirely. It was trust. Blind trust. Maybe stupid trust. A minuscule pang of guilt jabbed at Louie. Of course he wanted Ty to trust him. He needed him to if there was any hope of achieving his goal here. But objectively, he really shouldn't. Louie was hiding way too much from him. It wasn't fair. Then Ty broke the world, shattered orbit and played around with reality itself by cracking a smile and Louie forgot every coherent thought he ever possessed. He would never put on record just how long he spent pre-preparing jokes, gunning to get the corner of Ty's lips to flick upwards. Made him seem kinda desperate. Which he was not. Ty had that oh, so stereotypical "cute boy" smile. It was crooked, cocky, it was utterly obnoxious. Louie hated it. And worst of all, it was like a little spell to kick Louie's heart into high speed. Sometimes it dazed and confused him like a blinding light flash. But other times, it was warm and if he stared long enough, he'd fall asleep. Louie loved Ty's smile. Every time he tried to convince himself he didn't, he ended up dwelling on it too much and the way his mouth would quirk up would play in his mind on a maddening loop and then it would be too much to handle and the truth that he loved it would always overpower him. So, whenever that happened (like right this second.) he gave up and admitted it. To himself, anyway. He loved Ty's smile. He loved Ty. ......Wait. That last part was new, hold up. Rewind. But he didn't get the chance because Ty was talking now. Still a little dazzled, Louie didn't catch what he said but he figured it was good since he was still smiling. And then that smile broke into a huge grin, his eyes flashed with trouble and his hands were on Louie's shoulders and-- "Race ya!" Ty cried. With a light push, Louie was stumbling backwards and Ty kicked off into a sprint. For a brief moment, Louie could only gaze after him, stupefied. Love, huh? Like the real deal? That was crazy. But then he snapped out of as he recalled the audacity of this bastard. "You just pushed your liege!" He shrieked, receiving a loud "WOO!" from Ty as a response. And then Louie was grinning. He was giddy. He didn't quite know if he forgot about love in that instance or if it was the force powering him but he was tearing off after Ty, yelling about the latter's totally unfair head start. In hindsight, he should've figured it was love a long time ago. Who else would get him to run for no reason?

[silver-embersss]

Broken Horns and Broken Hearts Chapter 8

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10

Tubbo had collapsed into bed only a few moments before, but the next the boy knew, he was sitting in yet another meeting, with the rest of the cabinet casting him slightly strange looks as they argued.

He internally panicked, scouring his brain for any memories of getting up, or even walking to the meeting - but there was nothing. A quick check of his timetable confirmed that he’d only lost a few hours this time, instead of two whole days, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying. Where were these sudden gaps in his memory coming from? And why was Quackity staring at him like he’d grown a second head? He shook it off as nothing, perhaps their confrontation last night.

The meeting was followed by another speech, where Schlatt announced a festival to be held in a week, the organising of which was probably going to be delegated to Tubbo on top of the rest. The teen scanned the cityline in boredom, and he was pleasantly surprised to see Wilbur duck behind a parapet. Thankfully, the ex-president couldn’t see him - specifically his horns - from where he stood next to Quackity, but he took a small step back anyway to make sure. Remembering the conversation he had with Tommy yesterday, Tubbo made a mental note to write down the ambush plans they’d discussed earlier and deliver it to the hidden chest.

The gaps in his memory became more frequent as the festival drew near, but Tubbo somehow managed to keep his act together, ignoring the strange looks he got as his horns grew and his patience diminished. The teen also ignored the way his friends talked about him behind his back, denouncing him just because of Schlatt. He simply pretended not to hear the hurt remarks about his grumpiness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tommy slashed wildly with a stone blade, shards of granite screeching off the wall, and he heard Techno chuckle condescendingly from behind. The teen spun around in irritated tiredness to snap at his older brother.

“At least I’m preparing and not just farming fuckin’ potatoes for three hours straight, dipshit!”

The mocking smile on Techno’s face widened.

“The thing is, Tommy, I don’t need the training - you clearly do.”

“Oh, shut up. Stupid pig bastard.”

Tommy glanced worriedly upwards towards the ravine entrance, where Wilbur stood, currently fucking up his sleep schedule even more. The pig followed his gaze and raised an eyebrow, silently judging his hypocrisy, but Tommy ignored the hint and went back to attempting to massacre the granite wall. L’Mandog could look after Wilbur. They had a war to fight, and if The Blade was going to slack off, well. Then it was down to Tommy to carry their rebellion, wasn’t it?

3 bites of a baked potato later, Techno was back in his farm, both him and Tommy trying their best to pretend each other didn’t exist.

Strangely, it didn’t work.

Eventually, Tommy gave the wall a break and swapped his stone sword out for iron, strapping the bare blade to his hip.

“I’m gonna go check the notebook chest!”

The teen called to Techno, trying not to disturb Wilbur in his moonstruck reverie as he left. Despite his efforts, Tommy felt his brother’s eyes on his back as he crept through the undergrowth.

A few hasty ducks and desperate, pleading headshakes at Niki later, the teen made it to the hillside underneath the prime path that hid the chest. For a split second, he thought he saw a flash of black - Tubbo, maybe? - dash around the corner, but it was gone before he could call out to whoever it was.

A quick glance in ‘the mailbox’ (as Techno called it) revealed the notebook they'd been writing correspondences in, but thrown hastily down on its front, bending the spine. The messy placement was at odds with how it normally lay when it was Tubbo’s turn, but the teen didn’t think much of it other than a muttered curse at the dictator who was keeping his best friend busy doing everything that Schlatt should have been doing.

Tommy skimmed through the rushed explanation of the festival’s weaknesses and snapped a picture of the map Tubbo had painstakingly sketched of the proposed layout. They’d agreed not to use names in the book in case one of them was caught with it, so Tommy just scribbled ‘Thx bitch, hang in there’ on the next page and replaced the book.

For a moment, he entertained the crazy idea of abducting Tubbo so he wouldn’t have to deal with the drunken tyrant, but the thought was soon brushed off due to its impossible nature. Plus, who would be their spy then? Will tried to get in contact with Fundy, but was left on read - the fox was still seemingly bitter about losing the election, even if he did cheat.

After a wistful glance at the half-broken walls, Tommy shoved his communicator back in his pocket, took a step back and fell into a creeper hole.

“Fuck!”

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It wasn’t long until Tommy came back from the mailbox, but it was 11:30 at night, so Techno once again tried to convince Wilbur to come into the relatively warmer Pogtopia. The ex-president was mumbling a steady stream of nonsense (which was slightly concerning, to say the least) but it wasn’t exactly a strange occurrence.

“Wilbur? Will?”

No response.

“I’ll make you stew if you come in.”

Food usually got the attention of his siblings, especially Tommy, but still Wilbur ignored him. With a sigh, Techno gave up and went back to his farm, giving L’Mandog a pat on the head as he turned away. It wasn’t the best result, but at least he tried, right?

Casting his memory back, the piglin couldn’t remember Tommy eating that day either, so he pulled a cauldron on top of the campfire anyway, letting the water boil while he rummaged in the chests for some steak. Cutting the meat into small cubes, he threw it into the pot alongside some salt and half a clove of chopped garlic. While the pot simmered, Techno sat cross-legged on the ground next to it and got to peeling and chopping some of the potatoes he’d farmed, throwing the peel in a nearby bucket. It didn’t take long for Tommy to come barreling down the narrow stairs, an ecstatic look on his face as he sniffed the air.

“It’ll be ready in a bit.” Techno grunted at him, ignoring his excited yell.

“Do me a favour and get Wilbur.”

The teen raised an eyebrow at him.

“Bet you already tried.”

The piglin glared at him, and Tommy raised his hands in surrender.

“Okay okay, I’m going!”

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The festival date was set. Planning was under way. All the information had been leaked to the rebels - and yet Tubbo couldn’t help but feel he was missing something important. The feeling was so urgent, he’d checked off lists a million times and gone over everything with Quackity a million-and-one, and it still hadn’t gone away. That, combined with the memory gaps, bleeding horns, and the alcoholic president, weighed on him more heavily than he’d admit. Sleep was a rare luxury, not a necessity. Fundy took every opportunity he had to glare menacingly at him, and even the recently-released Niki kept her distance. It hurt, to be so isolated from these people he’d fought beside for months, but there was no time for moping. There was barely even time for breathing.

“Tubbo! Get me a coffee!”

“Yes, Mr. Schlatt!”

As he sped down the hall, clipboard and a stack of papers in hand, Quackity called him from outside. He set the papers down on the hallway table and stuck his head out the door.

“What?!”

Big Q motioned towards the square, where a large hole sat in the centre of the seating.

“A creeper blew up the square, can you fix it?”

“Yeah, just-” “TUBBO! COFFEE!”

The teen bit his lip and gestured awkwardly over his shoulder.

“I gotta go-”

Without waiting for a response, he dashed back to the small break area where the coffee maker was kept. He set it going before rushing to collect the stack of forms left on the table. While the coffee brewed, he read through as many as he could. This was the usual routine - multitasking, never taking more than a second’s break, trying to stay on Schlatt’s good side - and he’d gotten used to it. As Tubbo grabbed a stack of cobble from his chest, a message buzzed through his communicator. Cobble in one hand, communicator in the other, he typed a reply in snatches, mostly looking forward as he hurried towards the creeper hole.

TommyInnit whispered to you: Tubso

You whispered to TommyInnit: What?

TommyInnit whispered to you: I need you

He sighed angrily.

You whispered to TommyInnit: tf do you want???? m busy!!!!!

TommyInnit whispered to you: is schlatt being a dick again? We need more info on the festical

You whispered to TommyInnit: well im actually doing stuf unlike some ppl!!!!! TommyInnit whispered to you: ???? u good?

You whispered to TommyInnit: lok i dont have the time!! get yor own fuckin informton!

Another message pinged through but Tubbo ignored it, shoving the little black box back in his pocket and continuing with his tasks. The next thing he knew, it was the middle of the night, moonlight streaming through the window of his room. A slight jolt of nausea accompanied the sudden change in his surroundings, but the teen shrugged it off. It was routine, after all. It was a struggle to pull his pyjama top over his head, as his horns grew bigger every day. Surely they’ll stop growing at some point. The sharp points protruded about a centimetre past his chin, and were a lot thicker than before. Succumbing to his exhaustion, Tubbo let out an ear-shattering yawn and fell into bed, digging his nails into the itchy skin around the base of the horns. A jolt of pain made him yelp, and something warm trickled down his hand.

Blood.

Note to self: Invest in bandages for these things!

[babysizedfics]

I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event