#side order trailer happened that’s the only other thing im looking forward to

[the-creat0r]

ITS JOEVER

[splatoon-edits]

Garlic anon here,

Got any predictions or hopes for Side Order since it's releasing in just 2 weeks?

(Personally I'm hoping other octoling DJs like Paul and Warabi show up somewhere somehow, also hoping for an Agent 4 cameo)

OH MY GOD YEAH I DO!

HI GARLIC ANON NICE TO SEE YOU THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO RAMBLE BECAUSE I AM GOING TO EXPLOSE IN ANTICIPATION OF SIDE ORDER

Agent 4. First and foremost this is the top of my list. I would love to have them appear in full 3d (and be available to see/have their own dedicated place on the map like captain 3 is cuz i want to take pictures. but thats less important) but honestly at this point ill even take them just being mentioned. it would suck if they were the only agent to not show up at all in 3 but like PLEASE JUST LET ME KNOW THEY ARE OK AND WELL WHERE DID YALL LEAVE 4 ARE THEY JUST STATIONED ELSEWHERE ARE THEY FOCUSING ON PERSONAL/NON NSS STUFF PLEASE MENTION MY DARLING BABY- ahem sorry im very normal

No dedf1sh villain :( i mean i ould be fine with it from a storytelling point if its good. but like. i want to imagine acht being ok after all this. pls let her be fine and ok. like on one hand it would be cool. but on the other hand... thats my baby pls dont make her evil :(

NO MARINA VILLAIN EITHER. well like. this is more subjective. but like. no like intentional "i wanna take over the world and do harm" kind of villain. if shes responsible for the bad stuff in an indirect or unintentional way id be ok w that. like idk she tried to do smth and it got out of hand? but if its just "ooh isure do hate the splatfest results so now im gonna turn evil >:(" kind of thing i just dont think it would fit her character.

some kind of reward. beyond just beating the dlc obviously. like. its meant to be played over and over and over again, right? i want some sort of reward(s) to work toward to incentivize that. idk i just want smth else to work towards besides just salmon run scales or playing pvp.

im also really looking forward to seeing pearl and 8 together again. i just feel like pearl being the one giving the advice and guidance, potentially without having a voice of reason like marina, is going to be very fun. she says the funniest most unhinged stuff. i adore pearl and i cannot wait to see her.

IM ALSO RLLY LOOKING FORWARD TO FIGHTING ALONGSIDE PEARL. it was SO much fun having little buddy in hero mode. like just having a lil companion who helps u in video games is the best.

at this point i think its time to retire the octoling enemies unless we have a reason for them. they barely made any sense at all in 3, and unless they do something creative with them i just dont think they have a place as enemies again. luckily none of the trailers show enemy octolings, so fingers crossed we don't have to beat up poor mind controlled octolings for a third time.

ok i know not everyone agrees with this. and given how side order looks so far, i dont think/actually want it to happen. but it would be nice to get more deep cut content. we didnt get to actually spend time with them in story mode. they were just antagonists the whole time and then once they joined the players side we got immediately thrust into the final parts of story mode. they didnt really get a chance to shine as friends rather than foe. but ig we already get tosee that on the splatcast. and the story mode is rlly just to show the other side of them we dont get to see on air. so at this point from what we know about side order, it wouldnt make any sense for themto be there. they dont know 8. but early on before we got any trailers and all we knew was that there was going to be a dlc with off the hook,,,, i was hoping for a deep cut cameo... now we have no way for deep cut and off the hook to meet after this. like deep cut and the squid sisters know each other and get along(?). and we know marina is a huge squid sisters fan, and pearl at least knows of them. Plus pearl and marina have met capn cuttlefish and made friends w him. so were probably able to infer that off the hook and the squid sisters have hung out more since octo expansion. i think there is even official art of them together in multiple pictures? so they are obviously friends now. but deep cut and off the hook dont know each other.... SO HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET A DEEP CUT, SQUID SISTERS, AND OFF THE HOOK CONCERT. I NEED INTERACTIONS WITH THEM.

honestly i hope they lean into the like... vibes of it all. but this is splatoon. the art and music always gives 130%. like its always good. theres nothing to rlly worry about there.

ok so im hopeing this isnt going to be some fully disconected alternate timeline where none of this affects the normal timeline or characters. im still partial to my own theory of the whole thing being a simulation built by marina in her hopes to see what a world of order would look like. but marina got stuck in it (or is refusing to leave maybe?) it would be unclear to 8 and pearl where in the simulation she is or if she is even here of her own free will or not. so u know 8 also goes into the simulation. and pearl probably doesnt go in, but is able to control the pearl bot from outside the simulation so that she can still interact with the real world. i mean pearl can cover for marina, but if both famous idols suddenly went missing it would be a pretty big panic. or maybe theres some other reason why pearl cant be in there fully. or she is in the simulation fully but for whatever reason she is in the pearlbot form. anyway this would allow us to have the fun of an alternate timeline while the characters are still from out timeline.

SPEAKING OF. if we do get the whole "our version of the characters AND alternate version of the character" thing. i want alternate marina to be the villain. like maybe marina in the simulation/alternate world didnt mean to be a villain, but in her quest for order and safety she ended up hurting others sel expression and creativity and all that. but our marina finds her and is like yo maybe this is... not a great thing. but alternate marina doesnt listen. this would be interesting cuz then pearl and 8 could get messages from marina that seem out of character but nope its just alternate marina boom big reveal. idk man.

ive realized im more theorizing than talking about what i want to see at this pint. so i should uh... probably end it here. cuz i can theorize all day but no ones gonna know whats right till it comes out. anyway yeah my biggest thing i want is probably an incintive of some kind to play over and ver.

also it 5 in the mornaling and i have not slept. so if you see grammar/pselling mistakes? no you didnt. dont ask why im awake(couldnt sleep so i figured id come check tumblr and try and get more requests done but i only actually ot one thing done before egting sidetracked by this ask)

[lilyclawthorne]

Escaping Expulsion Thoughts (once again very stream of conscious-like while i rewatched the episode so there’s a bunch of stuff here)

i fucking knew odalia was gonna be an oracle, i knew and i hate that for her family. i’m not sure if this necklace thing is specifically a form of oracle magic or not but im assuming it is, and either way the second i saw it happen that made my stomach twist. the fact that she just keeps this direct line to her daughter at all times feels so disturbing

so, i get that the joke with glyph lessons here is that eda and lilith are probably acting the exact same way they did when they were younger, but it does also feel a little odd for me. in my post for episode 1 i talked about how it felt like lilith probably missed the structure of the coven, and maybe even having an authority figure, and it does concern me a bit that it could be projected on to luz here. 

also, i saw someone mention that they thought lilith could be regressing a bit, which is interesting seeing as she’s been in the coven since basically being a child and now that she’s out, she could be going backwards because that was probably the last time she had a personality of her own instead of one that was carefully crafted to be socially acceptable for others. and to be fair, the few moments in season 1 when we see glimpses into the true lilith, she is pretty childish.

anyways lilith has such pretty handwriting i love it

gus!! witch puberty!! do not worry buddy eda will get your name eventually. probably.

amity went out and murdered those fairies for luz didn’t she

i need to know why the heck bump has no choice in the matter of the expulsion. typically a pta (or pca in this case) wouldn’t have power that much stronger than the principa?? so i wonder if the blights have something over bump, or if its even just something such as donation money they’d withdraw

odalia blight you gaslighting bitch “I’m appalled you’re not in class right now what are you thinking” YOU MADE HER COME HERE

PLEASE i know gus and willow are sad here but the whole “live off the land” thing and “water you one last time, with my tears” are so fucking funny ok

GO LUZ, YOU TELL OFF ODALIA

i feel like alador doesn’t really care what’s going on and just wants to be back home making his abomination inventions, also he seems to have an affinity for different creatures as well which is an interesting detail

i love that willow stated they would get back in on their own right in front of alador and odalia. these people fucked up her friendship and caused her a lot of trouble that she shouldn’t have had to deal with so i love that she’s unafraid to speak like that in front of them

between the first & second episode, and some of the seasons trailer, it seems like Lilith may have an affinity for ice magic? which is interesting seeing as eda was always a fan of her “spicy toss” aka some fire magic. interesting to see the two of them as fire & ice basically

i LOVE how much bump loves luz, willow, and gus. it’s kinda really sweet, but again it feels so concerning that he had no choice in the matter. makes me think he’s more likely to eventually rebel against the standards that have been in place for so long at some point. (also abominations coven for bump!! interesting!! i appreciate seeing the coven marks included on the adults so far)

what is it with these kids and being dragged off by their hoods in this episode

love that the blights address includes “right arm”, also i took a quick look up of the word “bruegal” which is boulevard they live on, and it’s probably just a coincidence but the first google result was actually for a european think tank that specializes in economics

yknow i actually have wondered about layering glyphs on top of each other and making a super glyph the way eda did, so good to know that would NOT work out

luz you’re really gonna give the blights their own flowers??????

it goes by so fast but please take a moment to take in and appreciate the design of that blight entry room/living room-esque area and it’s combination of abomination and oracle decor. also the blight family portrait.

i could talk about alador and odalia and their relationship dynamic here, when luz is meeting with them, but i think it’s best to save for the end, but i will say i don’t think it’s just odalia controlling everything (though she does control a lot) and alador just suffering and being silent. 

the more i stare at odalia’s hair the more i feel like she has an odd receding hairline

love that the abomination kept the cat shape luz gave it and that amity knew immediately from that

WILLOW’S DADS!!! I LOVE THEM! I love how much they want their daughter to have a great education even if they have to be the ones to do it! (even if it could come across as a little intense) Although, the fact that they’re prepared to teach plant magic to her makes me question why they put her in abominations once again. (wish we could’ve gotten a glimpse of their coven marks!)

odalia is definitely the one who handles more of the parenting and alador is more distant. at least that’s what i get based on the twins specifying to amity not to tell their mom specifically

absolutely insane that odalia is just letting the abomiton destroy the whole place to kill a child

“stay away from my luz!” oh my god,ohmy GOD 

i like how lilith can’t tell if these are normal noises or distress ones. really sums up life in the owl house. also lilith? kicking doors in?? this combined with “I AM A WITCH, UNHINGED” tells me she’ll be as chaotic as the rest of the owl house in no time and i am here for it.

the music when amity jumps in to protect luz is absolutely killing it here i need a soundtrack now

YES AMITY DESTROY THE NECKLACE (and oh god please don’t let odalia give you something even harder to remove or destroy)

Luz is blushing!! The feelings are starting to be returned!!!

“Luz, Willow, and Gus are my friends!” love it. love the open declaration. love that she’s telling her mother off. love that i have something to check off my bingo board already.

okay, i know a lot of people have already suggested that alador is smiling here because he can tell luz and amity like each other, but i’m pretty sure it’s only because he’s noticing how much amity’s magic has grown and improved

small detail but i love the smoke from the units order sign filling the background while odalia is fuming herself

oh? alador has had the ability to tell odalia off and successfully calm her down this whole time? and chose not to use it till now? yeah he sucks too. he very clearly has a plan for amity as much as odalia does as well, but he’s much better at seeing the long-term goal

“the glyph combo, copyright me, lilith” im screaming, lilith you DORK

ok i really wish eda or lilith asked where luz had been. i’d kill for these sisters to go off about how much they hated the alador and odalia in school, as well as threaten to hurt them for hurting luz.

the statue lilith made and her reaction to the gold star she received re-emphasizes my concern about her need for approval and for an authority figure. (ok but her noise at the gold star WAS very cute tho)

alright lets get down to business on the blight parents. so far i definitely do not view their relationship as being one-sided with odalia in control. honestly, i think they do have a sense of mutual respect for the other. to me it seems like all alador really wants to do is focus on his work and nothing else, and odalia seems not only more than happy to let him do so, but willing to take care of everything else the company needs, and he seems fine with that and going along with whatever because he only has to do his part. and clearly his abomination tech combined with her showmanship/advertising (and honestly probably some oracle magic) has clearly made them successful. 

so what im saying is that i think their power in their relationship is actually pretty balanced, if it looks otherwise that’s just because that’s how they best function together, with odalia being more forward and alador being more distant, and therefore they’re very much both to blame for shitty parenting. 

also I know some people have joked about the blight family name coming from odalia (which is also a dumb joke like why is it funny if the family name comes from the woman and not the man) but anyways I definitely do think blight is aladors family name and odalia married in simply because he takes the whole blights keep up their end of the deal thing much more seriously than odalia. probably something that’s been taught to him since he was a kid yknow, whereas she was super ready to ignore it when it inconvenienced her.

as for the very final scene with them and the golden guard, i had an interpretation of it that i saw, but it seems that everyone else ive see react to it so far saw something different than me so maybe i’m just plain wrong. but like, i have this feeling that maybe the blight parents, while they do want power, might not be as aligned with the emperor and his coven as we may think?? not saying they’re good people, just that there could be more going on here. but idk, i’ve seen no one else interpret it that way yet so i won’t go off about it unless either someone wants to know more of what i thought or if i ever actually make myself get around to making a separate post about it. 

[annoying-lucy]

Evan Evagora did an AMA involving the Star Trek Shitposting Facebook Group - the questions and answers below were copy/pasted direct from the collated master post. Evan is a member of the group, who participates under an unknown pseudonym.

———————————————

AMA Master Post!

Thanks so much to Evan Evagora for taking time out of his day for our AMA earlier. To make the questions and answers easier for ya'll to find, here they all are together below.

Q: How does my love of cats compare to Elnor?

A: Im actually more of a dog person, there was a scene that had Elnor and spot 2 unite briefly but unfortunately it didn’t leave the editing room

Q: How familiar was I with Star Trek before and did I have to do research?

A: I grew up with TNG, I’d have to say either worf, Guinan or Q are my favourite characters. And I was given episodes to watch that were to help with information before filming Picard

Q: How was I prepped to deal with the crazy fans?

A: I got told to join Star Trek shitposting 😉. Not but in all seriousness, it was Jonathan Frakes who gave me advice on entering the world of fandom from the other side and he said it’s been nothing short of a pleasure

Q: So if Hugh had survived would they have made out?

A: what happens on the cube stays on the cube

Q: My favourite moment of s1

A: getting to slice that romulans head off

Q: How did I hear about Star Trek shitposting?

A: most of the crew is either a part of the group or knows about, one of the amazing hair and make up ladies got me into I think my first or second day

Q: If I had to be Tuvixed with someone excluding elnor?

A: mirror verse Elnor, nah worf to be honest

Q: What is something I’d like to do in season 2

A: Id like to see Elnor and spot 2 together

Q: How am I passing my time woth quarantine?

A: ama for the gronp! Nah I’ve just been reading, writing and also the contact I’m having with the fans too has really helped a lot

Q: If I had to quarantine with any of my costars who would it be and why

A: I’d go with hardy treadaway he’s got the nicest place

Q: What am I hoping to see in Elnor’s future

A: Inner peace, contentment and possibly shorter hair?

Q: Am I intimidated by working on a show with such a big fan base?

A: no I grew up with Star Trek, you’re really in a bubble of filming when you’re making the show, it all didn’t really hit home until the first trailer at San Diego

Q: Would I consider playing Elnor as non binary

A: I’ve seen a lot of debate and discussion about not only my character but others in the series, if there is something that connects you with a character on this show and it resonates with you, even if it’s shown, not shown or hinted at I’m all for it. I am not for the constant belittlement, bullying and criticism of not only the characters on the show but also other fans. It really does break my heart reading comments where people aren’t welcoming of one another, because that is the whole reason why Trek has bought so many together and by spewing these disgusting cruel words out your not only showing the world you don’t understand the meaning behind the show, you also are destroying the thing that makes us all love it

Q: Is there Australia on romulas

A: yeah they have a down under I’m sure of it. No the accent can easily be explained with, Elnor left romulas at a young age, moved to a planet with different species and languages spoken so that influenced his accent

Q: Have I seen Elnor fan fiction and art?

A: yeah some of it has been really amazing! And some others have been...creative

Q: How excited am I to make home movies with my action figures?

A: my plan is to buy everyone’s, make them record audio and then film shit using the dolls and their voices

Q: Are you playing animal crossing?

A: I’ve preordered it because they’ve sold out here in aus, but in playing civ 6 to pass time and Mario party

Q: Did I get to try Romulan ale?

A: no I wish, I’m kind of hoping for a scene next year where Elnor gets drunk for the first time

Q: What character did I wish would appear in our show?

A: one word, one letter Q

Q: What’s my background have I been acting long?

A: Picard was my third acting gig, and the first project to release, so I have got some experience acting and I have previous work but it has either just aired or is going to next year

Q: Please my friend choose a charity you would like us to donate to

A: food bank

Q: Favourite ninja turtle

A: it’s always been Raph and always will be

Q: Do I know much about Elnors background

A: I know things that haven’t been mentioned yet, but also given his character is new and season 1 just finished, hopefully some of those things are explored

Q: How would o feel about the fan theory that Spock is my father

A: I mean, I’m not really sure, I can always shoot Ethan a message and ask him what he thinks too

Q: Which classic episode trope would I like to see?

A: mirror universe

Q: Can we look forward to more ninja representation?

A: is Elnor not enough? ☹️

Q: Were there any particular characters I drew inspiration from, any elves?

A: there’s a particular group of people I think Elnor might have been inspired from. Can I just say how cool it would be if Elnor is just cosplaying as an elf because Picard left him a copy of Lotr when he was young

Q: Would I be open to exploring Elnors sexuality in s2 and what would it be?

A: I am totally open for that, and as for Elnors sexuality, I’m not sure he’s only 17 he’s just left his planet and gone off on an adventure where he openly knew the success may lead in his death or others he hasn’t had time to figure himself out so seeing his sexuality explored would be amazing

Q: What stories did you hear about working on precious trek series from the OG actors?

A; So we found out Michael Dorn used to muddle his lines up because he was normally the last close up of the day. They used to put bets on to see how many takes he’d have to do. All I must add in very fun spirits nothing ever malicious or mean

Q: My long term career goals

A: id like to keep pursuing more roles I’m acting, I’m a big writer and have some projects I’m looking at getting created but right now I’d say I’m just here to learn and grow

Q: What do I write?

A: right now I’m working on three screenplays and two pilots most of the stuff I’ve written is just sitting on my hard drive just waiting to be used

Q: Ever fried an egg, buttered and vegemite'd some toast and eaten it like a sandwich?

A: what I just read, scared the crap out of me, I love vegemite but the most I’ll do is add cheese to it

Q: What is one of my favourite stories about s1

A: Jeri Ryan and I had a scene together in the borg cube (what a queen she made!) it was shooting at night and I think it was the final shot of the day, we couldn’t keep a straight face and just laughed through about fifteen takes

Q: Are you a big fan of fandom besides Trek?

A: Star Wars, lotr, the magician series Raymond e feist, a song of fire and ice series, avatar last air bender and legend of Korra (would love to play zuko) and of course Batman (fav Jason Todd as the hood)

Q: Could I see myself playing Elnor for six or seven years?

A: as long as there’s a good story that myself and fans will enjoy, but if it didn’t meet my expectations no. And also hopefully the writers and creators would want to

Q: My top TNG eps are in no particular order

I borg, all good things, tapestry, the measure of a man and all good things

I’ll also add I borg especially because it’s just cool seeing where Hugh began and how he ended up

Q: How did I land the role of Elnor?

A: I was on a break from filming Fantasy Island (a movie based off the old tv show) and I was home for pilot season which is when they cast for shows, I had two weeks of daily auditions before I was due to fly back and start filming again, two days before I was meant to leave I got an audition for Picard, the script had a code name and Elnors name was Kbar on it, but I was told it was Star Trek. I went into the room and thought I didn’t do a very good job, then I flew to film and two days later I was told I’ve made a list of people being considered, after a few more auditions and a couple of phone calls from producers and everything I found myself on a plane to LA five weeks later

Q: Have I made friends among the cast?

A: no, we tried really hard to become friends, but unfortunately we ended up becoming a family instead. Everything we say in interviews about us getting along is all true and not fake. I’m the newest to acting out of everyone so I was kind of of shocked to find out that how close we all are isn’t necessarily how it will be when I shoot other projects, so I think we just got lucky or they casted really well

Q: Have the Picard people seen your memes?

A: yes I’ve shown them the memes from the page, I’ve shown everyone including Patrick we find most of them funny (some shocking)

Not shocking in a bad way

Unexpected I should say

Q: How do I feel about the ears?

A: I wore them so much they came up in my dreams, but they were the easiest thing to apply onto me

Q: Which non tng character would I like to see return?

A: I wouldn’t mind seeing the doctor

Q: The most relatable Star Trek character?

A: Look for me growing up it was Wesley, i just picked anyone who was the young one. And I grew up with my sisters and was always being told I’m either wrong, an idiot or just to shut up

Q: Did I have previous martial arts experience before the show?

A: I have a background in boxing which helps when it comes to movement, reflexes and just all around fitness for stunts. I didn’t have any sword fighting experience before we began training for the show however

Q: How do you think being raised by an order of women affected Elnor?

A: I think it gave him a healthy understanding of not only the strength and resilience of women but I think he understands not only gender equality but just equality in general and I think that’s directly to do with growing up in a sect of all female warrior nuns

Q: What is a type of meme you would like to see more of in the group?

A: I love all the memes in the group, I hardly like any of them now incase someone figures out who I am though ahahah

Q: Favorite recent memes?

A: See my comment below

[master-sass-blast]

Decisions, Decisions.

Hi. Welcome to angst.

Summary: You join up with part of the X-Force and Frank Castle, alias the Punisher, to rescue a group of mutants being trafficked to Hell’s Kitchen. Things go wrong, however, when you get shot in the leg and wind up having an episode during the mission.

Rating: M for mentions of gun shot injuries/injuries in general, swearing, and angst. Lots of it.

Pairings: Piotr Rasputin x Reader and Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson.

@marvel-is-perfection

(Side note: Frank Castle is my new hyperfixation. HOLY SHIT HE’S SO HOT. I don’t have any fics for him planned any time soon, but yeah. Jon Bernthal is a snacc.)

“Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know what seems so obvious in hindsight.” -Judy Belmont.

“--but that was before I back-flipped over the crocodile pit--”

You snort as Wade dives deeper into his latest story about a hit on a zoo manager that had participated in the distribution of child porn, and try --again--to get the band-aid you’ve been fiddling with for the past two minutes to apply to your elbow without sticking to your fingers. “Okay, you’re making this up.”

Wade makes a noise of fake offense and places his hand on his chest. “You dare to suggest that would hyperbolize the latest and greatest tale of my prowess as a mercenary?”

“You hyperbolize burning toast in the morning.”

“Well, see if I share my snacks with you ever again!”

“Oh yeah, I’m so worried about not having access to your shitty fruit snacks --for fuck’s sake!”

“Is everything alright?” Piotr, in his X-Men suit and in full armor, treads into the kitchen with an expression of concern.

“Oh, yeah. I’m just having trouble with this fucking band-aid is all.”

He chuckles and walks over to where you’re positioned at the counter. “Let me, moya lyubov’.”

In that moment, two things happen.

First, Piotr gets the band-aid onto your elbow on his first try. The fucker.

Second, Nate walks through the back door, trailed by--

Wade lets out an excited gasp. “Spank Me Daddy! Fancy seeing you here!”

Frank Castle, alias ‘The Punisher,’ closes his eyes, makes an expression of barely concealed annoyance, and turns on his heel. “Nope. ‘M out.”

“No, you’re not.” Nathan catches Frank by the back of his jacket and yanks him into the kitchen. “I put up with him on a daily basis; you can manage for one job.”

“You’re crazy enough to date ‘im. That’s the difference.”

“What’s going on?” you ask, frowning. You knew that Nathan mentioning a job meant that he was placing another part of his plan to save the world into place, and that he had teamed up with Castle before if a mission happened to put them on the same path, and that if Nathan came to the X-Mansion it was because he needed the X-Men’s help--

But ‘job’ plus Frank Castle --of all people--plus the X-Men?

You couldn’t figure out how it all fit together in his head. Frank’s self-appointed tenure as the Punisher set him at pretty heavy odds with the X-Men’s no killing rule, and you were pretty sure a man like Frank wouldn’t hold any appreciation for the X-Men’s strict adherence to that rule --not all that different from Wade, all things considered.

“There’s a team of human traffickers that have been running between Europe and the States,” Nathan explains. “They’ve a got a shipment of mutants coming in tonight, at one of the docks in Hell’s Kitchen. We’re heading in tonight to make sure they get rescued in good order.”

“Okay,” you say slowly before pointing at Frank. “And you’re joining in because?”

“He owes me a favor,” Nathan says with a smirk.

Frank rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “Only way I’d ever get within ten feet of Wilson.”

“Aw, Super Top, I’m hurt!”

You do your best to hide a grin --and fail, if the look that Frank shoots you is any indicator--and nod. “Alright. When do we leave?”

“I am not sure this is good idea,” Piotr says, ever the advocate for caution. “Hell’s Kitchen is entirely different game than most of us are used to working. We would be out of natural element --not to mention that things would likely devolve into senseless violence.”

“You really gonna look me in the eye and tell me that a few traffickers are worth keeping around?” Frank growls.

Yupp. Just like Wade.

“I am concerned about safety of my team. I am well aware of your reputation, Mr. Castle. You have extensive history of high collateral damage.”

“So does Wilson, but you let him live here. You got a point?”

“Domino’s already agreed to join in, as has Wade,” Nathan interjects before a nastier argument can break out. “All we were looking for is for your’s and Y/N’s help.”

Piotr frowns. “Again, I am not sure that is good idea.”

“Don’t want to get your hands dirty by doing some actual fucking work?” Frank asks, brow arched and expression unimpressed.

“They’ll need one of the jets to get everyone evacuated quickly,” you say before Piotr and Frank can start arguing again. “And if you’re there to break open whatever’s being used to carry the trafficking victims, the job’ll get done that much faster, which means less chances of unnecessary deaths. Plus, if I go, I can do some high altitude reconnaissance; that’ll help everyone be that much safer.”

Piotr’s frown doesn’t lift. “Moya lyubov’, I still disagree. Even though you are using good logic and reason, Hell’s Kitchen is entirely different beast. I think it would be best to stay clear.”

“Babe--” you reach out and latch onto one of his hands, steel cool to the touch against your skin “--we’ve done stuff like this before. It’ll be alright. Besides, there are people who need our help, and I can’t look away from that.”

He considers, mouth pressed into a tight line, then relents with a sigh. “Khorosho. But only to make sure you stay safe.”

You squeeze his hand --which isn’t much of a squeeze since he’s armored up, but the sentiment of the gesture remains unchanged. “Everything’s gonna be alright, big guy. You’ll see.”

It’s a --thankfully--warm summer’s night as you fly over the dock in question, high enough that you won’t be seen.

It’s easy enough to see the group of men at the far end of the dock. Just like Nathan said, there’s a crane offloading a few small shipping containers from an unmarked boat, setting them onto semi trailers while men holding assault rifles watch the process and the docks.

On the far end, closest to the city, you can see Nathan, Wade, Piotr, Neena, and Frank working their way through the maze of shipping containers already stacked on the concrete pier.

“How’re things looking?” Neena asks.

“They’ve got three containers offloaded and on the trucks so far. I can see about fifteen different guys, but I don’t know if that’s all of them or not.”

“I guarantee it isn’t,” Frank growls under his breath over the wireless headset system you’re all hooked into. “No way these assholes are leaving the ship empty while they’re offloading.”

You hear Piotr mutter something under his breath in Russian that you know --by now--means he’s lecturing Frank on his language, and smirk. “Yeah, well--” There’s a loud crack, and you yelp as a bullet whizzes past your elbow. “Shit! What the fuck!”

“Myshka? What is it?”

“Fuck, I’ve been spotted. I--” Before you can finish your sentence, something that feels like a fucking school bus hits you in the leg, knocking you back. You can feel air rushing past you, whipping your hair around, then let out a scream when you realize you’re falling. “Shit!”

The air current you whip up keeps you from splattering into a pile of goo, but the landing is still none too gentle.

You groan, gasping as you try to push yourself upright. Your entire right leg is screaming with pain, and you can hear the cacophony of worried voices in one ear as the sound of gunfire hits the other.

“Y/N! Myshka, where are you? Are you alright?”

You push yourself into a sitting position, crying out in pain as you sag against the metal wall of a shipping container. You place your hand on your aching limb, as if that would numb some of the pain, and your stomach churns when your palm comes away wet and warm.

Blood. Dark, dripping, warm--

“I’ve been shot,” you wheeze, hand shaking as the shock starts to set in.

Nathan swears in your ear. “Get to a safe place. Get back to the jet if you can.”

“I got hit in the leg; I can’t fucking move!”

“I’ll get her,” Neena says over the earpiece system.

You can hear the traffickers shouting, footsteps smacking against the concrete as they track you down.

You’re also suddenly aware that the wind is whipping around you, nearing gale forces despite the completely clear skies.

When you look up, there isn’t another graffiti covered container sitting in front of you. Instead, all you can see are thick stands of trees.

“Fuck.” Your head’s spinning from pain, panic, and blood loss. “Guys, I’m--”

“I know, kid,” Nathan grunts. “Try to stay calm. Domino, stick with us. Wade, go get Y/N.”

Memories, the present reality, and black spots all swim in your vision. You’re shaking from head to toe, hissing with pain every time you jostle your leg. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck-

A man carrying a rifle walks around the corner of one of the shipping containers.

You don’t have time to think or call for help. All you have is one insane ‘Hail Mary.’

You close your eyes and let the episode take over.

You come to in a hospital room.

Not one of the clinic rooms in the X-Mansion, but an actual hospital room; white walls, fancy monitoring equipment, special bed, the whole nine yards.

You grimace as you swallow at the dryness in your mouth. Your body feels heavy, like it’s been filled with lead, and your head feels like it’s been stuffed full of cotton balls.

You manage to loll your head to the side and see Piotr snoozing in the chair next to your bed. You try to say his name, but only manage to make yourself cough.

He wakes up anyway, coming to with a sharp inhalation of breath that’s followed by an adorable snort. He lurches forward, rubbing at his face, then fully comes awake all at once when he sees you peering at him. “Myshka. You’re up.”

The amount of reverence and relief squeezed into those three words nearly makes you cry. You try to shift towards him, reaching for him.

“Nyet, nyet, nyet.” He gets up quickly and sits on the edge of your bed. “You need to stay still. You were very badly injured.”

You swallow on nothing again and grimace. “Can I have some water?” you croak.

“The nurse said you could, but only few sips.” He picks up a styrofoam cup with a bendy straw poked through the lid and holds it for you. “Little sips. No gulps.”

You do as instructed, taking a few baby sips to alleviate your parched mouth and throat. “What--” you cough again “--what am I doing here? How long have I been out?”

“You lost...” His face strains with grief and concern, and it takes him a couple minutes to get his composure back. “You had episode, and lost great deal of blood. We had to bring you here for surgery.”

“But the healers at the mansion--”

“You almost died on the jet,” he says quietly. “Twice. We... we needed experts. Resources beyond what the clinic has. Professor Xavier’s family helped build this hospital; he sent us here.”

Once again, the Xavier fortune opens doors. “How long have I been out?”

“Only about... twenty-seven hours. Once they got you stabilized and sewn up, the doctors said your recovery was likely.”

You nod, then lift your hand to his cheek. “Are you okay?”

He sighs, and takes your hand in his so he can press his lips against your fingers. “I am now.”

Another twelve hours pass --most of which you spend sleeping, thank you painkillers--before anyone else shows up.

You’re watching TV when Piotr walks in, vase of flowers in hand, trailed by Nathan and Wade. “Cable and Deadpool are here.”

You file the use of the merc names away for further review; you’ve known Piotr for a while now, enough to know that he uses formalities as a way of keeping polite distance between himself and people he’s unsure of or uncomfortable with.

Or, as you suspect in this case, keeping a wall between himself and the two people who are most likely taking the brunt of his anger.

You smile up at them anyway, happy to see them and that they’re in one piece.

“How’re you doing, kid?” Nate asks as he sits at the foot of your bed, squeezing your blanket covered foot affectionately.

“All things considered, not too bad. I can’t feel a damn thing because of the painkillers, I get pudding with every meal, and I have de-facto control of the TV remote.”

“Living the high life!” Wade nods his approval. “Can’t say I’m not jealous.”

Piotr opens an envelope holding a small card and hands the card over to you. “From Mr. Castle.”

The inside is mostly blank, save for a few lines of heavy-handed print.

Sorry you got caught so hard in the fray. Glad you’re alright. See you around.

You can’t help but smile a little at the artless courtesy. “Well, that’s nice of him.”

“The world’s most fantastic dom and he understands the basics of social etiquette,” Wade chirps. “What’s not to love?”

You chuckle --and Nathan smirks and rolls his eyes--but you can’t help but notice the line of tension in Piotr’s shoulders.

You can tell he’s holding back the urge to send both men packing, to take control of the situation and protect you from... from whatever it is he thinks you need protecting from.

You make a mental note to commend him for his restraint --and interrogate him about what’s got him so upset. For now, you’re just going to sit back and enjoy Wade’s antics and your painkillers.

You’re released back into the care of Xavier’s a few days later, with very strict instructions for what you can and can’t do, and a rigorous physical therapy list.

You don’t have to wear a cast, fortunately, but you’ve been assigned to a wheel chair until further notice. It’s the middle of summer, and you’re off all training and missions until further notice, which leaves you with an assload of nothing to do.

And, with all your free time, you wind up thinking. A lot.

You haven’t really ever had an opportunity to make yourself into something. Growing up, your parents had controlled every single facet of your life. You hadn’t had hobbies, hadn’t had friends, hadn’t had freedom. You’d barely seen anything outside of your family’s house, save for church on Sundays and your mad dashes for freedom that always ended with someone dragging you back to your prison.

You hadn’t been anyone back then. Just a shadow of existence, trying to survive in a vacuum.

You’re someone now. You work as a teaching assistant during the school year, train with the X-Men, and occasionally help the X-Force with missions. You draw, play video games, cook, and do whatever strikes your fancy or curiosity. You have a family, friends, and a partner that you love from the top of your head to the bottoms of your toes.

But if you can’t get your episodes under control...

No. That’s not the right way to look at it.

The trauma that’s shaped you --and whatever’s happened to your brain that makes your episodes manifest the way they do--is a part of you. It doesn’t define you, and it isn’t you, but it’s still a part of your life. Even if you can get a diagnosis, there isn’t going to be some magical pill that takes everything away.

You’re always going to be at risk of having the episodes; maybe not as much as you are now, definitely not as much as you were before therapy, but it’ll always be there. It’ll always be a variable in your life.

There’s still a lot you can do, but running missions? When you’ll be in the thick of a fight, when you’ll be surrounded by your friends and family, when you won’t have the option of a safe room and careful reintegration to keep you and everyone else safe?

Piotr kisses the top of your head, jolting you out of your reverie. “It’s time for next dose, dorogoy.”

You smile at him in thanks, take the painkillers and eat the protein bar he’s holding out to you, and pat on the deck couch cushion next to yours. “Come sit with me, big guy.”

He does, careful not to jostle you. “How are you feeling?”

“Bored.”

He chuckles and kisses your temple. “It will all be over eventually.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve, uh, actually been doing a lot of thinking. About my future and shit.” You take a deep breath when he makes a noise encouraging you to continue, and spit out what’s been on your mind for the past few days. “I don’t know if I can do missions anymore. Like, not from an injury standpoint, just, like... at all.”

“Why is that?” he asks after a moment of processing, unfailingly calm.

“I kinda realized... the episodes are never gonna go away. I don’t mean that I won’t get better,” you say quickly when he opens his mouth to affirm you and build you up. “But they’ll always be there. A background possibility. I mean, diagnosis or not, there’s not gonna be a magic bullet for it. Even if we can get them to go into remission, there’s still always the chance that something’ll trigger one.”

Piotr nods hesitantly. “You’re... you are not wrong.”

“Well, I mean --I lose total control of my powers. I’m a danger to others and to myself.”

A truth that had been grotesquely, painstakingly illustrated to you in the aftermath of the most recent series of incidents. Not only had you been shot, but you’d nearly destroyed your vocal cords and lungs from the screaming you’d done. The healers had ended coming to the hospital mid-surgery, just to help stabilize you.

Not to mention the trafficker’s you’d disintegrated during it all --and some of the victims that had been accidentally crushed.

Because there were always casualties. Always.

“I’m a liability to others, no matter how well I learn to control my powers or how much therapy I go through. No matter what diagnosis and treatment I do or don’t find. That’s... that’s always gonna be there. And... and it’s pretty clear we can avoid most of... of whatever triggers it here. Or in regular life. And that, with the safe rooms and the fact that I’ve gotten better at recognizing when one’s coming, I can be around people without being a risk to them or myself.”

Piotr nods. “Agreed.”

“But missions... it’s harder to avoid the triggers because I can’t control the environment. There aren’t any safe rooms. I just...” You let out a ghost of a laugh. “It’s not rational, Piotr.”

“That is also very true.”

“But... I like doing missions. I like being the good guy. A hero. I like helping people. I really like kicking ass.” You grin when he chuckles. “And, I mean, isn’t it true that we’re all one step away from snapping? That any of us could lose it, or lose control of our powers? I mean, I’ve made it through missions without episodes, on and off the serum, so does that mean I shouldn’t throw away all of this over one bad mission?”

Piotr stares out at the lawn and puts an arm around your shoulder as he ponders your questions. “I think that is only something you can decide. You are right that any of us could lose control --many trainees do at some point. And you are right to be cautious in regard to the nature of your episodes and the technical --likely--permanence of them.”

“Yeah.” You grimace. “There’s no real easy answer to this, is there?”

“Nyet. I imagine this will take great deal of consideration on your part. But, I believe that whatever you decide will be the right choice.”

You smile, touched, and let your head rest against his shoulder. “Thanks, babe. I love you.”

“And I, you.”

You sigh, contented. “Man, Wade is going to be a pain in the ass while I’m in this wheelchair. He’s already threatened to leave things on high shelves just to torment me.” You frown when you feel Piotr tense and look up at him. “What? What’d I say?”

His mouth quirks to the side as he rubs at the back of his neck. “About that...”

“You’re leaving?”

As it turns out, you haven’t been the only one thinking about big decisions. During your recuperation at the hospital, Wade and Nate had decided to move out of Xavier’s and into a location that better suited their needs as mercenaries --and better support their views on how to handle the world.

Code for the X-Men finally had enough Wade and Nate’s morally gray ethics and gave them the boot, you think as you gawk at the duffel bags and boxes sitting by the front door.

“For once, I’m with her!” Scott says, just as shocked as you --albeit for entirely different reasons. “Nathan, you belong here with us. Not with --with--”

“Where I belong is with my partner,” Nathan growls, emphasizing the word ‘partner.’ “You kick Wade out, you kick me out. End of story.”

“Nathan, you’re not thinking rationally.”

“Yes, I am. As much as I can respect what you do here, it’s not what I stayed behind to do. I have a mission, and if I’m going to succeed I need to be able to work outside a strict set of rules.”

“Look, if this is about the whole gay thing--”

“It’s called bisexual, Scott. I suggest you get used to saying it.”

“I don’t have a problem with it, I just don’t understand why you’d shackle yourself with... with...” Scott gestures to Wade haphazardly. “That!”

Nathan goes deadly stiff, techno-organic eye flaring as he glares at Scott. “‘That’ has a name. I suggest you use it.”

“Ooh,” Wade says when Scott flinches. “Do that again, Nate.”

“But --you!” Scott sputters.

“This isn’t up for discussion,” Nathan says, voice heavy with finality. “Now, I’d appreciate it if you left. I need to talk to my kid.”

You tilt your head back to watch Scott go. “Damn. That was impressive.”

“You learn it pretty fast while fighting a war.” Nathan kneels in front of your wheelchair. “You gonna be okay?”

You nod, chest suddenly tight with emotion. “Yeah. I always am --or find a way to be.”

The corner of his mouth lifts in a grin. “That’s the spirit.” He hugs you as best he can. “Love you, kid.”

You sniff. “Love you too, Dad.”

Wade groans when Nathan steps back. “I hate good-byes. Do we have to do this?”

You don’t even try to blink back the tears welling up in your eyes as you reach for him. “C’mere.” You wrap your arms around his neck when he bends over, stretching as much as you can without standing. “I’m gonna miss you.”

He squeezes you carefully. “I’m gonna miss you, too.”

“You better visit.”

“Well, who else am I gonna watch Nailed It with?”

You squeeze him one last time, then let go so he can pick up his duffel.

You and Piotr walk --well Piotr wheels you out, but the sentiment is the same--the two men out to Dopinder’s cab, and watch until the cab pulls away and drives out of sight.

He kisses the top of your head and hugs you when you start crying. “It’ll be alright, myshka.”

And it will be. Despite the pain, you know everything’s gonna work out. You’ve got your friends, your family, Piotr.

You’ve got yourself. You know who you are, what you’re doing, what you’re about.

You’re gonna make it just fine.

[taylorandashley]

Camping will be so cost efficient

guest star: Written by yours truly: Taylor

This is the story about the events that transpired on November 24, 2017. This really happened to us. I swear. But first let me start out with the bit of a preface: Before Ashley and I came to Australia we decided we really wanted to camp as well as stay in hostels. “This will be so cost efficient”, “camping is fun, and we wont have to stay in hostels and we can have our own space.” So we go online, searching for the best backpacking tents, space conscious and light. Sleeping bags and sleeping pads that can be stored compactly, flashlights, pillows that can be inflated or rolled up tight, anything small we could fit in our bags. I have to mention that these items that can be super compact tend to be much more expensive, but “it’s okay Ashley we’re going to be camping TONS, it’s worth the extra money.” Flash forward 2 months… Ashley is lugging around a 10 pound tent on her back which has not moved since the day we left. My sleeping pad has remained in my bag, taking up space and those damn pillows have yet to be blown up. Ashley comes to me and says “Okay, we’re finally going camping.” She plans it all out we’re going to rent a car and drive there. We sit the night before planning our next day, so excited, oblivious of the horror that is planned for us the next day. The plan was for Ashley to wake up around 7 am in time to pick up our rental car for 8am. We plan to head to bed early as tomorrow is a big day. I wake up to a slight rustle of Ashley who’s alarm did not go off around 7 as planned and instead it is now 755am. The rental car place is approximately a 20 minute walk away. I look at my belongings thrown across the floor as if a tornado has gone through the room and she looks at me and says “SOOOO, you’re not packed.” I reassure her that by the time she gets back I’ll be packed and have breakfast started. We should’ve probably looked at this and gone hmmmm, maybe instead we’re in store for a bit of an interesting day but no, we still looked forward with optimism. We lug our 1 million pounds of luggage (that’s what it feels like I swear) into our 2014 Toyota Yaris (YAY A YARIS) and take off from Newcastle. We stop at Big W for some odds and ends and to Anaconda (the best camping store in the world) before we head out. Ashley has a revelation that she’s forgotten her after bite cream (prescription stuff that has been our SAVIOUR from misquotes thus far) at the hostel. Off we go back to hostel to search the room, its not there. Which surprised me as it honestly looks like cream someone would use for their Hoo Ha and I’m not sure who would want that second hand. We continue on for our 2 hour drive towards Crowdy National Park. We have a nice drive talking when Ashley finally clues in: “Wait, I think we were supposed to turn back there.” I get on the phone to look up and it turns out we had gone past our turn off. The GPS gives us 2 options: 1) continue on this route, it looks like a larger loop but it’s apparently only 7 minutes slower or 2) turn around and go on our original route. Maybe if I we had’ve picked route 1 we would’ve had a different day. We turn around to go on our original route. We turn off into a small little town and follow the GPS towards what looks like a dirt road. It’s okay, our Yaris can handle it. We go down this road, gravel a flying and bumping, Ashley quickly realizes that in order to not do damage to this small car she has to drive about 15 kph. About 7 km into the drive Ashley turns and looks at me. “Oh my god, that’s why that long drive was only 7 minutes longer, this 24 km drive is all backroad.” Well we’re too far in now it doesn’t make sense to turn around now. We’re fine. We travel at an agonizing 15 kph, bumping up and down in the Yaris Ashley evading the HUNDREDS of pot holes and me attempting to not throw up on her from the constant stopping and turning around the stupid pot holes. We finally arrive at the campground after what felt like hours, Yaris all dirty, us hating the stupid roads and cursing that we didn’t turn around earlier as we probably broke everything under the car. Get our campsite and as we’re setting up look up and see wild kangaroos EVERYWHERE. We’re ecstatic. At least 5 we can see just right in front of us. “Oh my god we’re camping with kangaroo’s, how cool!” I quickly get on the phone with mom and brag about these roos running wild right beside us. We get our tent set up and head back to the RIGHT ROAD (the one who should’ve taken originally) towards town. We go to the grocery store and starting getting groceries for the next 3 nights. We needed an “Esky” (Australian for a cooler) and have seen these really cool styrofoam esky’s you can get from the grocery store. We buy that along with sausages, hot dog buns (perfect ones) and other random groceries. We head back to the car load in our groceries Ashley begins to pull out of our spot. *HONK* *BANG* *ASHLEY SCREAMS* We look behind and we’ve collided with an extremely large utility truck. We get out and our left tail light has been smashed out and not a scratch on the truck. I look up and hear a lady scream, the truck is rolling backwards towards us… He jumps in his truck and gets in it in time to throw the brake in and stop it from hitting us and another vehicle. We quickly realize this is going to be 50/50 and he has no damage so he can leave. No information required. (Big mistake we know) After getting in the vehicle Ashley looks at the contract from the rental company and realizes that we need to prove there was another vehicle in order for the amount being taken from us from 398$ to 900$. In order to have that we needed his information so the insurance company could call him and confirm there was 2 vehicles involved. New plan: we’ll go to an auto shop and get them to fix it before we take it back on Monday night. Perfect. First shop: we’re moving, we can’t order parts. Second shop: I don’t have a part and neither do my other 2 shops, you’ll have to call and get it ordered and get them to fix it back in Newcastle before you return it. Done. It’s shortly before 3, we head to the liquor store (clearly we need it). We’ll call the Newcastle shop when we get back to the campsite to order the new part. And find Molson Canadian (SUCCESS) head to the check out. We stand in line and *Smash* a guy drops beers right behind us at our feet. Alright sweet our bad luck is just radiating now. We look beside us and see a white 2 door truck with a utility trailer as the back. No. It can’t be the same guy. We turn around to find a driver. We automatically see about 5 of the exact same vehicle. Ashley waits for the driver, its not our man. We drive through the lot and I hear Ashley yell and lay on the horn. I turn and look and a truck is about a foot away from T-boning us on my side. You’ve got to be kidding me. We drive back to the campground. Turns out the most common vehicle around here is a white 2 door utility truck. Everywhere. We stop back at the store to talk to the lady who yelled at the guy when his truck was rolling. I go in and talk to her. Apparently the man is in there every few days and she will call me with his information the next time he’s in. Okay a win. We get back to our tent and crack open a well deserved beer. Its been a rough day. I call the Newcastle shop to order the part for the car, the deadline to order a part before Monday was at 3pm. It’s now shortly before 4. Sweet. So I guess we’re going through insurance now, we better hope to god get that guys information. I go to check on my sleeping pad which “self inflates” the one I just “Had to have” and “It’s okay to spend a little extra money on it” because “I’ll be using it all the time.” It has only inflated on one half and has no indication that it’s going to get any more blown up. Sweet. Sleeping should be fun. Okay time for some food. Yay. We planned for Australian Beef sausages with fresh hot dog buns and some chips and salsa (fancy I know) Im pulling our food out of the car to put into the esky and take over to the BBQ as I notice a few kanagroos within about 20 feet of me. I see a Joey poking out the pouch of a mom. (ADORABLE, RIGHT?) The joey hasn’t quite got all his fur on him and he looks slightly like a rat but his ears are adorable and his head is poking out in his moms tummy. The cutest thing in the world. I kneel down and stick my hand out towards the group of 3 roo’s and the mom comes towards me. I almost cry into the esky while loading it as this is the cutest thing ever. She comes up to me and Ashley starts snapping pictures. Im petting her as she starts to hop by me. I turn to Ashley to see if she got the picture and I see the mom casually start walking towards our dry food bag. No. She’s not going for that… Ashley quickly goes to pick up the bag and just as she does the Mom reaches in with her paws and grabs our bag of hot dog buns! I yell NOOOOOOOO (im very excited about these buns I kept poking them all afternoon) I lunge toward the bag as the mom has no picked it up in his paws. I attempt to rip it from her paws but she’s stronger than I suspect, there I am, pulling back and forth a bag of hot dog buns, losing to a kangaroo. I scream and pull as the hot dog buns going flying. I scramble attempting to pick them up before she can get them (the little thief) she’s managed to get one and is trying to put it in her mouth, I snatch it away and go NO. Swatting my hand at her. I grab all the buns and the bag and try to run for the picnic table by the BBQ. By this time all the campers have gathered. (oh honey haha look at these helpless Canadian girls fighting with kangaroos) But oh no, we’ve left the esky behind. Have no fear, Ashley gets a second wind and grabs the handle of the cooler and takes off. *SMASH* I turn around to see Ashley holding the handle of the cooler in her hand but the styrofoam and contents of the esky are no longer attached to the handle and are scattered amongst the ground surrounded by ice. I look at Ashley who just says, “I’m going to cry.” The noise of the cooler smashing on the ground has scared off our kangaroo friends. We sheepishly pick up the contents of our old cooler and make our way to the BBQ. At this point we’ve said “You’ve got to be kidding me” or “What the hell kind of day is this?” At least a dozen times, but this time we’ve really had it. We finally clean up the mess and make it over to the picnic table and BBQ. We take out a beer each. A toast: “What a shitty day, here’s to an awesome night.” I take out the sausages, which at this point I’m like yes. Okay something delicious. Perfect. I assumed they were more like hot dogs. And tried to tear off the outer layer which I assumed was plastic like back home. It's not. Turns out they wrap their sausages in “edible collagen” and you don’t have an option to not eat the collagen because it all falls out when the wrapping isn’t on it. I don’t know how to explain this so I can help you understand how unappealing this “sausage” looks like. It was like mince beef, add some water and gelatine and stuffed it into an intestine. The outside was browning but the inside you could squeeze the meat out and it would come out. I’ve now had it. I turn to Ashley: “I’M DONE WITH THIS, TAKE ME TO THE PUB.” Ashley: “But I don’t want to waste the food.” Me: “THEY WERE 4$” Ashley being the intriguing foodie that she is, insisted she try the dog food so she puts it in the bun (i’m sure it was the one I wrangled from Sheila (I decided to name the mom roo) She takes one bite into it and the collagen part goes no where but the meat comes squeezing out the end of it. “NOPE. NOPE, I’M DONE.” Ashley: “Its actually not bad.” I’m hangry. As I type this I sit at a hotel restaurant chomping on garlic bread, Ashley and I exhausted from this day, going over it, like did this really happen. We got lost and ended up on the worst road possible, bumping up and down, damaged our rental car with still an unsure way to fix it, almost got t-boned, disappointed by our camping gear, wrestled a bag of buns from a kangaroo, broke our esky, lost our ice and anyway to cool our things for the next 3 days, wasted food and likely became a vegetarian. We have now gotten back to the campground and have forced ourself into our tent, not allowing ourselves near fire, anything sharp or pointy or near other people, just in case we’re contagious. The moral of the story is don’t lose your after bite cream.

[chocominnie]

Desperado —  01 (M) | JJk.

Pairing: Badboy!Jungkook X Reader

Summary : A messy situationship at it’s finest. You don’t even know whats headed your way, just even engaging in the slightest within him. See, he has an assignment to complete. A mission granted by his father thats do or die. You just so happen to be a major pawn in that assignment. He didn’t mean to take an interest in you. Surely it was an accident right? Only except. you hold much value in this game that he’ll do anything to complete it. Oblivious is what you are. Poor thing. Poor.. Poor thing.

Genre: Mature/ Mafia!Jungkook

Trailer: xxxxx  preview

Word Count : 4.6k

Warnings : This honestly isn’t for the light hearted and the weak…High angst, usage of drugs, drug mentions, mental illness, switch!jungkook, Brat reader, possible stockholm syndrom, kidnapping, assault, death of side characters, weapons, usage of weapons, masturbation, physical violence, blood, alcohol, weed, unprotected and protected sex, spanking, honestly its a lot of aruging

Copyright:  please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

‘‘ Here is the first room on your schedule.. now i’ll have Mr. Brock if he’ll have someone that has a similar schedule as you, to help you around.’’ 

You nod your head at the assistant principle and gulp. The nerves that you had somehow subdued is starting to creep back up again. Nothing or nobody in the hallways which makes the tension and nervousness in the air even more thick.

He places a hand on your back, ‘’ You’ll be fine Miss yn. If anybody bothers you, you know where my office is now right?’’

‘‘ Right..’‘

‘‘ Good then. Now go inside, im sure the class is ready to greet you.’‘ He chuckles, his cheeks puff out with a hearty smile. It’s somewhat creepy.

Taking a deep breath in, you turn around and put one hand on the door handle. Thoughts intrude your mind of such all the horrible things you could think happen. It doesn’t help that your heart is beating at a fast pace. It feels like it could burst any second now.Your hands tremble as you open the door slowly, in reward it lets out a creaking noise. 

The muttering sounds of student’s suddenly stop. A man, about 5 foot 9 looks over at you. You take in his features. A westerner. Finally someone of your kind. He has dirty blonde hair and is clean shaven. There’s a mole on the left side of his full set of lips but not to noticeable, just the right size. He can’t be anymore than twenty eight years old at the max.

‘‘ Welcome! You must be yn! Come in, Come in.’‘ He shows off his pearly whites smiling proudly. You keep your head low to not make any sorts of eye contact with the class as you make your way over to him.

‘‘ Class please Welcome yn!‘ 

You can practically feel the eyes burning on you but your head remains a little lowered. Some chatter begins once more along with some whispers and giggles of teenage girls.

‘‘ Why don’t you tell us about yourself hmm?’‘ The teacher, Mr. Brock, politely asks.

You finally manage the courage to raise your head up. It’s a bad idea you soon regret doing it. The faces all stare at you in silence, waiting for you to do as told.

Swallowing hard, you look at the teacher and then back at the silent classroom. “I’m yn, I’m uh.. new here and I just transferred from an international high-school. I moved here when I was eleven due to my mom’s job. I was born in the United States, but soon Canada had became my home after being born.”

‘‘ Wow! A foreigner!” One person bursts out. Then suddenly, all of the questions start coming in at once.

‘‘ How is it in Canda? ’‘

‘‘ I’m visiting the United States over the summer!’‘

‘‘ Is it true that Americans are obese?’‘

Questions are thrown left and right. You try and answer each one of them but your mind and mouth clam shut. It’s not like you’re from America anyways. So all you do is just stand there opening and closing your mouth trying to get a correct answer out.

‘‘ Enough!’‘ Mr. Brock gives one stern look to the class and they all fall silent. You silently thank him in which he nods and turns back to the once more silent class. ‘‘ She surely doesn’t want to be bombarded with questions. Just welcome her class. Shall we begin teaching once more?’’

’‘ Yes teacher.’‘ The class says in monotone.

Mr Brock sends you to an empty seat in the back. On your way to the back, there are more giggles and murmurs but you get past it. Besides, it would be harder for them to stare since you’re in the back.  Your eyes are kept low as you pull out the materials needed for the class. The teacher resume’s what he’s teaching all while you think of how many ways you hate this new school.

The bell rang a chime-ful ring that almost makes you want to mentally drown yourself. At your old school they did not have that annoying chime. Instead it was a regular 10 second dull ring. This just adds on the list of why you really don’t want to be here.

‘‘ Hi, I’m Ayami! Nice to meet you!’‘ Your thoughts are interrupted by a short girl with long dark brown hair, smiling and holding her hand out. You eye her up and down and hesitantly take her hand and shake it.

‘‘ You’re new yeah? Can I see your schedule?’‘

You furrow your eyebrows as she hold she hand out to see the schedule. You give it to her.

She scans over it and hands it back with a smile on her face. ‘’ We have all our core classes together. I play the Violin and I also take Fitness class. So we will only see each other three times out of the day and in lunch also.’’

The two of you start walking down the noisy yet not crowded hallway. Each time a person passes you they chuckle or whisper. You keep your head forward with hopes of the day going by fast.

‘’ Fitness?’’ You didn’t know it was an option. 

‘’ Yeah it’s like P.E with no teacher. Only two gyms, one for boys and one for girls. You basically have to fight for slots in scheduling for a spot. They give you a blue card to swipe to get inside the gym.’‘

‘‘ They did not tell me that.’‘  You frown.

‘‘ Well you did come in the end of the year. Plus you have to be academically good for them to even consider letting you take fitness.’‘

Academically good? Just for a workout? ‘’ Why is that?’’

‘‘ Because.’‘, She chuckles as you both turn down the corridor,  ‘‘ You have to take an hour off your performing arts class in order to get fitness. Hence why your grade in that class and others have to be good.’‘ 

‘‘ Oh.’‘ You nod. ‘‘ That makes since now because you would have to do good in that class. I get it.’‘

You both stop at a classroom. The blue sign on the left of it reads AP Psychology. You can’t help but to smile because it’s always been one of your most favorite classes. 

‘‘ You are in your last year correct? Have you chosen your major and college?’‘ She waves to the teacher as you follow behind her. You look at the female teacher and she gives a warm smile.

Ayami makes her way to the back of the room and points to a desk next to hers. You take it as her wanting you to sit there so you do. ‘’ My major is Psychology. I haven’t chosen a University.’’

‘‘ I chose SNU. I’m going in the medical field as a Pediatrician. Oh how I just love kids.’‘ She beams. You chuckle at her sitting position. Elbows on the table with her head in her hands and a smile to top it all of.

‘‘ Then why choose Psych as a class?’‘ You ask. 

Ayami shrugs her shoulders while adjusting her seating position. ‘’ Maybe I’ll need it one day.’’ 

By the time the class is over you’ve written down every word and notes that the teacher had provided. Ayami had slept for half the class but managed to get some of the notes down. Maybe she’ll ask for them later. That defeats the purpose of her being so called academically well though.

‘‘ And this is the cafeteria. We have 4 main lines of lunch choices. European food, Korean food, American food, and Japanese food.’‘

Your mouth drops at the sight of the huge cafeteria. It’s very spacious with a set of spiral stairs leading up to another seating area upstairs. Two cafeterias? What doesn’t this place have? Each flag of all over the world hangs on the perimeter of the ceiling in the two huge cafeterias. You try and count them one by one but end up disregarding it seeing as though there are so many.

‘‘ We have two vending machines. One with juice and the other with little snacks.’‘ She points to the farthest corner of the cafeteria. There stands two brightly colored machines filled with snacks and drinks. Wow.

You and Ayami begin to walk towards Japanese cuisine line. It wasn’t pretty full in the lines or cafeteria in general. ‘‘ Amazed? Yeah I remember being the same way after I moved from Japan to Seoul and as placed here. I got in by auditioning and recommendation.’’

Grabbing a tray, your mouth waters at what you see before your eyes. All the foods that the lunch lady’s prepared looks so delicious. ‘’ You’re from Japan? You speak english very well..’’

‘‘ Yes I’ve studied hard. I practice a lot too. I speak three languages total. Japanese, English, and I had to be forced to learn Korean and the hangul alphabet.’‘ She chuckles at the end.

‘‘ Can I just have whatever she gets?’‘ You look up at the lunch lady and she nods in approval after you hand her your dark green tray. After the tray is filled with enough food, you and Ayami thank her and move down the line.

‘‘ Try this, it’s sweet in the inside.’’ 

You watch her as she drops two biscuit like circles onto your tray with her chopsticks. ‘’ It’s kind of an overwhelming sweetness, so you’ll only need to eat a little bit.’’ She says.

Once you two have payed for your two meals, she leads you to a table in the middle of the cafeteria. You notice two females and one male which makes your anxiety even more high than it was. New people and you don’t mix together. Its just an awkward scene waiting to happen.

‘‘ Minlee, Crystal, Sungmin, this is my new friend YN.’‘ Sitting her tray down, you feel a tug on your skirt informing you to sit next to her in which you do. They stare at you for a bit, making you look down at your lap to avoid the eyes.

Ayami sighs, ‘‘ Idiots! Say something nice.’‘ 

‘‘ I’m Crystal. I like your eyes...’‘

You look up at her and take in her beauty. Clear skin with strawberry red, long hair and bangs. Her figure seems to be very slim and tall. Full lips with a tiny mole on near her right eyebrow, and a nice nose. Surgery maybe? 

‘‘ Thank you.’‘ 

‘‘ Sungmin. Art is my kind of thing.. what’s yours.’’

Your eyes almost buck out of your head when you make eye contact with him. He has a sharp jawline with a protruding collar-bone and semi long neck. But it all makes up for his tall height and hands that are big also. Double eye-lids with white teeth and a cute yet sexy baby face. One that looks innocent but might be the opposite. To compliment his face, he has short wavy tresses with bangs covering his forehead.

‘‘ The piano..’’ You say, ending the eye contact that was made. You look down at your plate of whatever delicious looking food it is, but your mind goes blank when you realize there are no forks or spoons, just chopsticks. Your worst enemy.

‘‘ Oh how nice. I’m Minlee. I play the viola.. I also draw a bit.”

She’s pretty too. A short bob cut and fringe bangs. Her cheeks are full and just look so pinchable, even with her two dimples. She’s a little on the shorter side but not too short.

Sungmin notices you staring at your tray of food. A look of concern comes across his face in which you try your best to still not make eye contact with him. .’‘ Do you not like the food here?’‘ 

‘‘ Oh no no no the food looks so good. It’s only that...’‘ You trail off not wanting to reveal something to embarrassing. What would they even think of you. An eighteen year old who doesn’t know how to use chopsticks.

Minlee smiles and finishes off for you, ‘‘ You can’t use chopsticks right?’‘ She puts hers down and grabs yours, breaking them apart. You watch her as she folds up a piece of tissue to the point where it is thick. Then takes a hair tie from her wrist and slips the block of tissue in between the chopsticks then wraps the hair tie around them.

‘‘ Trainer chopsticks. There you go.’‘ She smiles, putting it back onto your tray. You thank her as your cheeks begin to heat up. ‘‘ Sorry for the inconvenience.’‘

‘‘ Wow. How do you eat at restaurants and at home?’‘ Sungmin leans forward from his previous position waiting for your answer. You bite your lip and begin to pick up a dumpling. ‘‘ I order out or either pick it up at a restaurant. We have forks and knives and spoons at home.’‘

‘‘ You’ve lived here for so long, how do you not know how?’‘ Crystal giggles and takes a sip of her berry-like beverage. ‘‘ I try and practice but give up after the first try.’‘

‘‘ Ah I see. Well we can help you work on that if you like.’‘ Min-lee takes a bite of her pizza and nods. ‘‘ Thanks. Although you guys might not be very successful. I’m short tempered.’‘ You chuckle, plopping another dumpling into your mouth.

Crystal lets out one of her cute giggles again, ‘‘ Non sense. It took me till i was ten to stop using trainer chopsticks. I hated when my mom made me use regular ones.’‘ 

You laugh with the whole table again. This might not be so bad. Four new friends on the first day of school. Wow, being the anti-social person you are it’s a new record. You only had a total of 2 friends at your old school, but something inside you thought that they weren’t really your friends because they talked to you whenever they felt like it. 

‘‘ Oh they’re coming! Look guys look!.’‘ Crystal points and squeals at the entrance into the cafeteria. ‘‘ Oh god. Here she goes again.’‘ Sungmin rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

She punches his arm and does a harsh ‘shh’ sound. Sungmin rubs his arm and curses under his breath making you smile at the two. ‘‘ Shut up idot! I need to have quietness while i intake their handsomeness.’‘ 

‘‘ Those boys are nothing but trouble.’‘ Minlee says, shaking her head also as Ayami agrees with her.

You turn to look at the entrance to see who they’re referring to. But you freeze and begin to choke on a piece of noodle as they walk through the cafeteria.Tears form in your eyes as your coughing becomes more violent.  Ayami ferociously pats your back until the noodle becomes un-lodged in your throat and onto the ground. 

‘’ Damn it yn! What’s wrong?’’ Ayami says, eyes wide of fear and curiosity. You shake your head as your breathe hard, ‘‘ I just didn’t expect it to be the boys from this morning.’‘ 

Sungmin hands you his un-opened bottle of water in which you take and thank him just before taking multiple sips.

‘‘ They’re beautiful aren’t they? Jungkook, Jimin, Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok, Taehyung, and Yoongi.’‘ It doesn’t help that Crystal is in a dreamy like state with her hands on her head and a slight smile as she stares off into space.

You turn to get a good look again. They sit in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where you guys sit as possible.There’s seven of them and they laugh and talk amongst themselves. They aren’t looking or staring at you, unlike the other students who did so all day. So it’s declared safe to stare at them without fear of making eye contact. 

They certainly don’t look like blood brothers. The one from this morning has muscles with dark brown hair and a serious jaw-line. Another is taller, leaner, but still muscular, and has black hair with a dimple when he smiles. The third one has ginger hair and an eye smile when he laughs. His full lips also catch your attention. The forth one is less bulky with a brown haired mullet and facial features to die for. Fifth one has a bright personality coming from the way you’ve seen him smile and laugh way more than the others. He has blonde hair. Sixth one has what it seems like a dull personality. He sits with his legs crossed with a neutral facial expression that doesn’t change. But something tells you he might be the biggest sweetheart ever. The very last one looks like he could be a model like the mullet guy. Broad shoulders and a squeaky laugh. How adorable. You just could not look away from them. They’re so beautiful it’s unnatural.  They are like the faces you see on a fashion magazine. Or maybe even skin care. 

‘‘ Who are they?’‘ You turn back to them at the table. ‘‘ You were staring at them for like five minutes.’’ Ayami shakes her head and finishes up the last of her ramen. ‘‘ They’re trouble that’s who they are.”

‘‘ No.’‘ Crystal interrupts, ‘‘ They’re handsome men that make this school worth going to.’‘ Sungmin scoffs and sits back up from his slumped position. ‘‘Yeah right. I’m number eight after them on the schools ranked handsome list.’‘

‘‘ Exactly. Number eight, idiot.’’ Crystal roles her eyes earning a fake hurt expression from Sungmin. ‘‘ I swear if you weren’t my sister I would say something so insulting.’‘

So they are brother and sister. Interesting.

‘‘ I’ll tell you who they are.’‘ Min-lee sighs and pushes the tray away from her while clearing her throat. ‘‘ They came two years ago. All of them came together. Nobody knows where or what school or district they came from. Rumor had it that they didn’t need to audition like the rest of us to get in. That’s when people started to speculate and get interested in them.’‘

‘‘ I did not have to audition..’‘ You say, confused. ‘‘ It’s because you had a good recommendation from someone that’s of higher level.’‘ Ayami says.

‘‘ Oh. Keep going.’‘

Minlee continues, ‘’ They wear all this rich-like clothing and have always walked to their core classes together like they were some type of high-class boys. But in reality, someone found out information on them, and who they work for.’’

You furrow your eyebrows. Work for? What does that even mean?

‘‘ Supposedly they are all in this gang. It’s one of the most notorious gangs in South Korea. Say the name and everyone knows who you’re talking about. But nobody knew who they were. The principle had denied the rumors and speculations when it was brought to her attention. But it was too late. Now everybody believes that they’re truly apart of it. And guess who’s father is the of the gang.’’

You had no idea. You sat there waiting for her to continue as everyone else became quite at your table.

‘‘ Jeon Jungkook. The dark browned haired guy with the killer face.’‘ Minlee sits back with a smirk upon her face. You don’t know how to take all this in.

Seven boys apart of a gang? But go to a performing arts school? It doesn’t make sense at all.

‘‘ So he and his friends work for his father correct?’‘ You ask. They all nod their heads at you. ‘‘ That means that they might be killers?’‘ You swallow hard, trying not to look back at the seven boys.

‘‘ And drug dealers, and criminals.’‘ Ayami rolls her eyes and sighs. 

‘‘ They’re all ruthless. They might seem like they care about you, if you’re pretty to them. All they want is sex from girls and money from doing their dirty job.’‘ Minlee says.

‘‘ Non-sense, I know a few girls that have dated them.’‘ Crystal frowns while gazing over at them. ‘‘ And how long did it last? Did it end well.’‘ Sungmin’s sarcasm comes out of his mouth. 

‘‘ Nobody asked you dummy. I was just saying.’‘ Crystal lets out a huff of air, picks up her tray, and starts getting up. ‘‘ I’m going to toss my trash. Anybody coming?’‘

You just so happen to get stuck with the night shift before someone comes in and does the overnight. You wish someone would have covered your shift for you. It makes it even worse since you’re utterly exhausted from getting used to your new school today. All you wanted to do was go home and sleep, but work calls and money must be made. 

‘‘ How was school?’‘ 

‘‘ Eh. I need more time to get used to it.’‘ As you bring in the last boxes of ordered candy, you thank the vendor and watch him leave the store.

‘‘ Really? I would kill to go to a performing arts school.”

You chuckle at Sejun, your coworker who manages to keep you sane at the store. ‘’ It’s not all that. The uniforms are ugly.’’

‘‘ Uniforms? Ha, nevermind I wouldn’t want to go. I can’t just wear one single thing for the whole school week. You know I’ve got to express my fashion in any way honey.’’ He snaps his fingers together and does a striking pose.

You stifle your laugh with a hand coming across your mouth. He likes putting sarcasm on the stereotypes of him, which is funny to you. Such a silly person, but a blessing to work with. When you met Sejun you thought he was the flirty type because he’s always hands on and touchy towards the staff. But after one day you had asked if he liked you, he laughed right in your face for a good two minutes. It was embarrassing, so you thought, but all in the end he shook his head no and told you he is gay, in English, in his Aussie accent. 

It was a relief to you but you saw that coming out of no where. How could you not have known? Till this day it still shakes you up , but in a relieving good way.

‘‘ The group at school misses you. I told them to come into the convience store to see you one day this week.’‘ 

Sejun takes half the boxes from you and starts slicing them open with a box cutter. You carefully hang each pack of candy onto the metal hanger with ease. ‘’I’ll be looking forward to it. We need a night out all together.’’

Stacking an empty box on-top of another, ‘’ But exams are coming soon. I heard from one of my new friends at school that they also test each quarter on your performing art skill. We have this big one coming up, as my teacher said today.’’

Sejun hands you a box of blue raspberry candies that belong on the row you’re working on. You take it from him and toss it next to you to work on when you’re done. ‘’ Yeah. Maybe an end of the year graduation party. A big one.’’  He says.

You nod your head in approval as you hang the last bag of strawberry candies up, ‘’ Sounds great. Lets rent a place shall we?’’

‘‘ Yes. We could invite anyone and everyone! Let’s plan this out more later on okay?’‘ Sejun giggles of excitement. ‘‘ Besides, I need to meet new people. Preferably a handsome boyfriend who can handle all this ass and sass. ‘‘

You almost choke on your mint flavored gum when he says that. Sejun giggles once more and pats your back, ‘’ I’m totally not joking. We need to get boyfriends. Any cute boys at your school? No down-low ones for me.’’

Your mind instantly goes to the group of boys. You don’t know the names by heart yet. But you do know the one who confronted you, Jungkook. The leader of the group at school, and son of a mafia-drug lord. 

You swallow hard and shake your head no quickly, “No. I don’t.’’

Sejun smirks, getting up from his crouching position and placing his hands on his hips. “You’re lying. Come on spill it to me mama.”

Looking back up at him, you try and hide your burst of laughter that comes tickling up your throat. “Im,.. serious..’’ 

‘‘ Who is it. Let’s go behind the counter and talk. Some customers might come in soon. It get’s busy around 5 till 7. ‘‘ He holds out a hand to help you up. You pick up all the little empty boxes and then grab his hand for him to yank you up.

On your way to the counter you toss the boxes in the huge recycling bin by the soft drink machines. ‘’ Honestly, it’s really nothing.’’ 

‘‘ Oh so it’s more than one boy hmm? ‘‘ Sejun smirks again. You roll your eyes playfully and stand right next to him, leaning on the counter. ‘‘ Okay fine. It is more than one and they are all handsome but i’ve been warned about them.’‘

‘‘ Spill it Now.’‘

‘‘ Seven boys go to my school and its rumored they are in the mafia. Get this, the leader of the gang spoke to me this morning. Of course they’re all stuck up and rude. They laughed at me when the leader scolded me for being in their way.’‘

You shiver at recalling this morning’s entrance scene. ‘’ The leader is nonchalant with a bad attitude. He’s got a great face though. The rest are all very handsome. Like they all belong on some modeling contract and on the front page of some magazine.’’

You notice Sejun’s mouth hanging open which makes you furrow your eye-brows at him. ‘’ What? You know them or something?’’

He raises his finger slowly out of your direction. Your eyes follow to where he’s pointing and your breath hitches for a quick second. No way. No fucking way.

The door’s bell rings signaling someone has entered. But it wasn’t just someone. No, it was more than one person. Those seven boys. Laughing and being loud as they walk inside, barely even noticing you or Sejun.

‘‘ Are those the ones you were talking about? Because they’re hot as hell and-’‘

‘‘ Shut up Sejun.’‘ You whisper harshly. You can’t believe with your own eyes what you’re seeing. How is this even possible. On-top of that, how did you not see those on them before.

Sejun whispers, ‘’ okay but all of them are covered in tattoos.. major turn on oh my god.’’ 

Your mind or body doesn’t pay attention to him talking. All you cant think about is how Jungkook’s neck, biceps, arms, and chest are covered in tattoos. The deep, black v-neck on him portrays his collar-bone making you just want to melt right then and there. 

Tattoos? Who knew that tattoos could look so fucking good on a person like him. It’s obvious to why he covers them in school, but jesus christ they look to damn good on him.

The ripped black skinny jeans show off his very muscular thighs. Is this heaven right now? You can’t even stop yourself from staring so hard. The blood rushes through your cheeks just imagining him shirtless with all the tattoos showing.

‘‘ Yn.. Yn.. come back to earth he’s coming up to the counter damn it!’‘ 

Sejun shaking you makes you come back to reality. Before you know it, he’s standing right in-front of you with a case of beer and condoms. Not any regular sized condoms either.

‘‘ Well well well, it’s little miss entrance ruiner. ‘‘ He smirks, eyes never leaving yours, brown eyes burning right into your soul. ‘‘ Ring these up for me baby-cakes.’‘

You bite your lip and break eye contact first while grabbing the scan gun. Your hands shakily scan each item not even daring to look back up. ‘’ Your total  is $22.34... cash, credit or de-’’

He cocks his head to the side with a sly grin on his face, ‘‘ Cash.. if you don’t mind.’‘ 

‘‘ N-no problem.’‘

He gives you a twenty and a five dollar bill in which you put it in the cash register and take out the change back for him. Ripping the receipt off the printer, you hand it to him first and then the change. 

‘‘ The name’s Jungkook.’‘ 

He smirks once more before grabbing his items and leaving out with the rest of the boys trailing behind him. Once the door closes, you finally let out a puff of air.

It still doesn’t hit you that what just happened is real. It can’t be real. You did not just hold an actual conversation with a possible gang person. A sexy one at that.

[bruhsauraus]

Armando Iannucci: I was saved from being a reject by comedy

The king of satire, back with a new film about Soviet-era Russia after Stalins death, talks about being uncool, Veep and building a spaceship in London

Armando Iannucci arrives for our 3pm meeting with a small amount of his lunch still clinging to his shirt. We discuss retouching the mark for the Observers pictures but, admirably, he doesnt seem to care either way. It is tempting to describe the 53-year-old Iannucci as the most feared political satirist of our age. Certainly, his output in the past decade the BBC sitcom The Thick of It, the companion film In the Loop, and latterly Veep has been untouchable in skewering the vanity, incompetence and plain childishness of people in power. But, in person, nothing about Iannucci is remotely scary: he is self-effacing, smiley, quick to laugh. At the end of the day, hes just a guy with a tomato stain on his shirt.

Iannuccis latest target is Stalin and his cronies. His new film, The Death of Stalin, is set in 1953 and depicts with unexpected historical accuracy the undignified scrabble for dominance that followed the demise of the Soviet despot. It is silly, moving and revelatory, all at once, with deft, pitch-perfect turns from Simon Russell Beale as Beria and Steve Buscemi as Khrushchev. Iannucci, who never likes to have fewer than seven plates spinning at any moment, has also just published a book on classical music, Hear Me Out, about a lifetime of listening to Mahler and Britten in open defiance of the keepers of the cool.

Was it easier than you expected to make a comedy about Stalin and his inner circle that was also factually accurate? Yeah. When we were researching it, we found out things like Vasily, Stalins son, really did lose the ice-hockey team in a plane crash. And because the comedy is the comedy of hysteria, you want to be true to what happened and how people responded. So anything that was so-bizarre-and-yet-true was a candidate for going in. I thought about having This is a true story, but then I thought, no, just watch it for what it is, and it would be great if you subsequently found out that the bulk of it was true.

These men are vicious, but your film also gives them a human side. They have families they fear for; they play practical jokes. Did your feelings towards them change? Um, no. But I did think, what must they have done to have survived and ended up so close to Stalin, and what has it done to them? The fact, for example, that he would almost taunt them and mock them and play them off against each other With all these things its about posing the question, What would you have done in those circumstances?

Power corrupts? Yeah, it was almost like Animal Farm by the end, and yet they all lived near each other and popped in and out of each others houses. He might have had your brother shot and all that, but they had to sublimate that as just part of the process of moving forward. But, you know, you read that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove were the biggest enemies and are now reconciled. Im not saying they are like Stalin, but in that febrile environment where you see each other every day, in order to survive, just psychologically, you must have to close off a bit of your emotion.

Watch a trailer for The Death of Stalin.

So there are lessons about todays political landscape? Trump gets all his closest associates in over the past three or four months, and has to say, By the way, youre fired because I need to survive now. So could you go away? And eventually hell be saying that to his daughter and his son-in-law: Youve now become an albatross, I cant be seen with you anymore. Or after the general election, Theresa May turns to her two very close advisers and says, Its you or me. And they all kind of understand that. Its like that thing in The Godfather: Its not personal, its strictly business.

Is it true there have been calls in Russia for the film to be banned? You say Russia its a person in a country of 200 million people. Just somebody somewhere said something.

Were you expecting a reaction? I was wondering what it would be. I was surprised to hear we sold it to a Russian distributor. Stalins been making a comeback. There have been busts of Lenin, Stalin and other key figures going up in Moscow for the 100th anniversary of the Russian Revolution. Its that sense of, dont be frightened of strong men. Thats the message in Moscow at the moment.

Theres a line in your book Hear Me Out where you describe film directing as an astonishing ego trip, and that you wouldnt recommend it to anyone who has the slightest psychotic tendencies. Is it a job you feel comfortable doing? Ha! It is, but you do spend all day ordering people around, and everyone will do what you say. My wife teases me when I finish a shoot that it takes about a week and a half before I stop going, Right, shall we have a cup of tea? You, get a cup of tea I can see how, especially if you do shoots that go on for months, you become like a medieval lord with all these serfs, just ordering them around and torturing them and asking them to tell jokes and fetch food.

As the creator and showrunner on HBOs Veep for the first four seasons was it a difficult decision to give it up in 2015? No. It might have been the British thing that we dont do that many episodes of TV shows in the UK. Plus, it was three months of the year going out to Baltimore, backwards and forwards, and it was an all-year-round thing of the writing, the shooting, the edit, the publicising and then the writing And I knew the show could carry on, but fundamentally Id taken it to where I wanted to take it.

The show will end next year with a final, seventh series. Do you know whats going to happen? No, no, no. They asked if I wanted to stay on, but I knew I was going to do Stalin and I just thought, I cant be on set and get a call saying, Can you look at this script? But its great, because I watch it as a viewer and you realise though I always knew this what an amazing cast it is and how funny they all are. And also, I genuinely dont know what they are going to say next, which is really great.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as vice-president Selina Meyer in Veep. Photograph: HBO

It was recently announced that youre making a new show with HBO called Avenue 5. Whats the idea behind that? Ive always wanted to do sci-fi, so this will be set mostly in space, in about 40 years time. Its not going to be Blade Runner, but there will be an element of realism to it. Ive been out to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena and Virgin Galactic, looking at where it might be in about 40 years time. Ive mapped out the season and were writing the pilot episode and well shoot that sometime next year. And because its in space, its not location specific, so we can shoot it in a studio or a hanger in London. Well just build a spaceship here.

What impact do you think streaming services such as Netflix and Amazon Prime are having on terrestrial TV? Well, the good thing is that content producers writers and producers have more places to go. And also, whats great, and HBO paved the way with this: quality stuff is profitable. Thats their business model: youll only subscribe to HBO if you think youre going to get good stuff thats different from whats on the networks. So they need it to be better and well thought out and high production values and all that.

But is the quality always better? I do worry that simply because theres so much money available from the big streaming companies, theyll say, Oh well make your movie. We know no one else wanted to, and we realise why, because it was slightly indulgent or whatever, but well make it. And you watch it and you think, it was fine but For all the criticism of the studio process, if youre making something that costs someone else money and which is going to be available commercially, you want people to go and see it. So it does force you to think: have you made it as well as you can? Or have you really thought this through?

In Hear Me Out you write about the tyranny of the keepers of cool. Was liking classical music a reaction against them? Well, I was never really into fashion or clothes. I just wasnt that bothered. I wanted to read a good book. I was saved from being written off as a complete reject by the fact I could do comedy.

You started to learn piano in your 40s. Was that difficult? I found it hard. It was learning a language: Oh, I can speak music! And suddenly these dots and whatever started to make sense. But it was hard work. Some people can do it instinctively and I couldnt. My son would lean over me, hed be practising the violin, and go, No, no, no, its like this. And he hasnt had a piano lesson.

Do you listen to any non-classical music? I kind of like Radiohead, the Beatles, Bowie, its not extensive, but Im always trying. Whats interesting now is, because everything is available, kids can listen to Sinatra when theyre 12 and theres no real sense of: Youve got to listen to this because its out now. But you cant listen to that because thats from 20 years ago. They are a lot more experimental in what they are listening to and that then feeds into the music thats being produced. Its influenced not just by music from two years ago, but music from 20 or 30 years ago.

How can classical music stay relevant? Its up to the classical music establishment, for want of a better word, to open it up. Concerts neednt be off-putting and expensive and you dont have to dress up and you dont have to understand the technical complexities. Just talk to the audience. One of the weird things about a concert is that nobody says anything to you, so youve got to just accept whats in front of you and work it out. Somebody should sit down and explain: This piece, when it was first composed, caused a riot. Now it might sound a bit more conventional because its been used in a Walt Disney movie. I dont know, I think its just useful.

Stalin had a great passion for classical music. So listening to it doesnt make you a better human being then? George Steiner writes about how Goebbels was into Mozart and played the piano beautifully. Wagner was an antisemitic bastard, so actually, no. Thats the sad thing: it doesnt make any difference. It really doesnt.

Can you put that aside when you listen to the music? I dont know. I always got taken by the grandiosity of Wagner, but the more I listen to it now the more I think, it does sound fascist, doesnt it? But its interesting, that thing of, Can you excuse? Like Polanski. That whole, Great film-maker, but should you be watching his movies? I dont know what the answer is.

The Death of Stalin is released on 20 October.

Hear Me Out by Armando Iannucci is published by Little Brown (14.99). To order a copy for 12.74 go to guardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/media/2017/oct/15/armando-iannucci-the-death-of-stalin-hear-me-out-interview

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[deutsche-seehund]

Day Two (Actually three)

05/05/2017       (LMT SGP)           

An early start to the morning today and from now on more or less. I am going to be following the Chief officer around. And it so happens Chief Officer's Watch is 0400-0800/1600-2000. You can be sure I was dead tired. And sure enough i thought that I was going to get it from the Chief officer. Here's to hoping he did not notice that I was literally falling asleep on the bridge. Downing glasses of water one after the other to hopefully combat the sleep deprevation. At around 0700, I was told that I was going to be scrubbing the deck. Well almost. Sounded a bit like what I was expecting to be honest. But in actual fact it was just that I was required to sweep and mop the bridge every morning from 0700-0800, before the 3rd officer comes in for duty.

After the wake up call of having to do sweeping and mopping, the Chief let me go for breakfast before meeting with him at the ships office at 0900.

I entered the ships office just before 0900, as being on time is being late....right? Who am I kidding..

Anyway Chief wasn't there yet so I took the opportunity to walk onto the deck quickly. I donned the appropriate PPE, being the good seafarer I am LUL, and walked out onto the main deck. The portion of the deck that is directly outside the ships office was now covered by the containers that we had loaded in Singapore, so there was some protection from the morning sun. I walked out onto the port side provision crane, which is basically nearly at the aftmost end of the main upper deck and looked out. And I couldnt see a single high rise building for miles. And I couldnt hear the droning of millions of people shuffling to work. I actually felt relieved. And I am finally underway and making way. Both in life and on the ship..seeing as that we were passing Pork Klang at around 0500-0600. So around 0900 we wouldve probably cleared out from that area. After meeting up with the Chief, his orders for me was simply to find all the people that signed on on the 3rd in Singapore and collect the various forms, like the drug and alcohol policy and the environmental protection awareness (????? i cant remember. Sue me then). So shuffling between the decks, which by the way are basically like this:

Compass Deck (Topmost portion of ship)

Main Bridge Deck/Wheelhouse (Where we steer and navigate our ship from)

E Deck (Atas people stay here, like Captain and Chief Engineer)

D Deck (2nd E, 3rd E, Chief O stays on this deck)

C Deck (Various ratings and engineers, also engine cadet and Bosun)

B Deck ( The deck my cabin is on. I think another AB or OS is here with me)

A Deck (The rest of the crew including Chief Cook and steward + Ship hospital)

Poop Deck (Galley, Officer Rec and dining Rooms, Crew rec and dining rooms)

Upper Deck (Ship office, entry to engine room, stores and other things are on this level)

I believe that just by doing this everyday, i will lose weight. I am not shitting you, it is so tiring to keep going up and down just the stairs between decks it isnt even funny sometimes. Anyway, after collecting everything I headed back down to the ships office to hand in all the forms. Afterwhich i assisted chief with the cargo loading plan as apparently the previous chief officer did jackall in Shanghai, where some of the cargo is loaded. Cargo like trucks and trailers and construction equipment and........you get what i mean. Anyway, it was quite rightly a mess and before we could even do the cargo loading plan for the stuff we loaded in singapore we have to settle the old one first as it affects the stability of the ship. And speaking of cargo affecting things, it seems that for whatever reason, my guess is being that the previous chief officer, who did jackall, approved to load the containers that are on the bow of the ship, which after generating a report in singapore after we had loaded the rest of the cargo, was actually blocking the IMO required view from the bridge to the waterline.

So yeah. Anyway Chief had to ballast in like the entirety of the forward peak tank and 25% of another tank which i dont remember in order for us to actually meet the requirement for viewing distance and stuff.

Anyway whatever it is, we got screwed over by the previous chief officer who neglected his job and now the new current chief has a ton of extra work to do. :/

Lunch was at 1200, which was good. Our chief cook is from Indonesia so it's kind of food i know, so im happy for that.

Took a break again till 1545 when I reported back to the bridge to assist chief in the routine watch. The chief and 2nd officer were discussing some things before 2nd handed over his watch. They were talking about things like wifi on ships and piracy and how screwed up Angola ports are. After 2nd took his leave, The captain came up to the bridge for awhile and was discussing some things with chief while i ended up being on watch. LUL.

I dont remember the exact time, but i only remember that i had to inform chief of an incoming fishing boat that was expected to cross our bow, port to starboard, in under 5 minutes at around 1.5 nM. Which is actually pretty close. Chief took over, adjusted the autopilot a bit and we both observed the fishing boat, which probably realised that it wouldnt have been able to cross ahead of us in time, altered itself to starboard and crossed us on our stern instead. After that the captain finished his discussion with the chief and left, chief told me that i did a good job by alerting him to the fishing vessel that was attempting to cross our bow, because it looked like if it did try to attempt to cross, it probably would have resulted in a collsion. Well for us, our paint will probably get chipped a bit maybe, but the fishing boat wouldnt just get chipped, it'd probably get wrecked seeing as it was made of mostly of wood.

I think tomorrow i will try to record down the morning and evening coordinates, at 0400 and at 2000. I think it would be quite nice to note down all these things.

Anyway off to sleep. I have learnt now the importance of sleep. And its only 2100.