#deadpool fanfiction

[hanasnx]

x gon' give it to ya.

MINORS DNI 18+ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ NOTES: @fuckmyskywalker introduced me to the concept of talking to a pussy i think via an anakin smut post and it changed my life so i'd like to dedicate credit to the idea. WARNINGS: fem reader | sex in the suit | deadpool calls himself daddy ironically and talks to your pussy.

A deep groan reverberates from low in DEADPOOL's throat. "Baby, I can't believe how good you look right now, seriously never looked better." he praises, commending the space between your legs as she's stuffed full of every inch of his dick. Another inexplicable thing about his mutation—he grew.

"'Talking to my pussy again, Wade?" you scoff, amused and breathless as you rock back on him, tossing a glance at him over your shoulder. Your spine is in a deep arch over the bed, and the nine inch heels you're wearing are the only reason you're able to compete with his height bent over like this.

"She needs to know what a good job she's doing otherwise she'll get discouraged. Poor thing needs a lot of love." he refutes your judgement, however playful, lovingly stroking the flesh of your ass with his glove. "Give us some privacy, please. Jesus." he tsks, shaking his head at you while you bury your face in the mattress. If his dick wasn't yanking your brains out along with it, you might have more to say. He turns his attention back where your bodies conjoin. "Thank God I put zipper on this thing. Who knew a onesie would be such a hassle to take a piss in?" The sounds of the room are filled with him running his mouth and your cunt's wet responses when he pulls out and shoves back in. "Now look at us." A particularly moistured sound squirts out, and he laughs knowingly, like your hole's said something entertaining at a tea party. "Zipper makes it too easy, you know? We've gotta stop meeting like this, maybe next time we can just sit and talk—"

"Wade!" you giggle, banging your fist onto the mattress. "Just fuck me, already!"

"Don't worry about her, she's just jealous." he tells your cunt, "You and I have something special, don't we? 'Specially when Daddypool says to christen the suit." A wave of wetness wells up from his comment, and he gasps in pleasant surprise. "Oh, you like that, you dirty thing. Next time I crotch-shot a bad guy he'll smell you all over, is that what you want, you freak? C'mere, I'll give you something real to leak about." Big rough hands grip on your hips, slamming into you so hard your ass ripples from the effect, and your happy pussy gargles around the dick it chokes on.

[ichorai]

reset me ; wade wilson.

track twelve of BROKEN MACHINE.

pairing ; wade wilson (deadpool) x mutant!reader (gender-neutral)

synopsis ; charles sends you to recruit deadpool into the x-men. expectedly, the bastard tries to weasel away from you—and when that doesn’t work, he resorts to his most lethal method: flirtation. that, and taping a kick me sign on your back.

words ; 1.3k

themes ; comedy, mild fluff and action, mutant au

warnings / includes ; mild injury/violence, sexual jokes and foul language, a lil bit of banter/terrible flirting, reader has the mutant ability to harness energy into ropes, wade steals blind al's crocs, reader's implied previous romantic relationship with wolverine, mentions of the rest of the x-men :)

Wade’s place smelled like greasy pizza, put-out cigarettes, and old socks. The door wasn’t locked—in fact, it was slightly ajar, and you could clearly hear Wade and Al bickering about missing Crocs.

“I swear I put them right here!” she vehemently exclaimed, gesturing to a potted plant. 

Wade rolled his eyes. “Right—because you always hang your Crocs on our leafy greens.” 

Al shuffled somewhere into the back of the house, complaining loudly to herself. 

You took that as your cue to silently step in, standing just behind Wade, noting with mild amusement that he was wearing a pair of white Crocs. The very ones Al was searching for, you presumed.

In the blink of an eye, Wade whirled about on the heel of his squeaky, rubbery footwear and brandished a knife. Its strangely warm blade slotted against your throat just as you defensively raised your hands.

“Watch it, Wade,” you warned, though you were not at all worried. His knife lowered and flipped back into the depths of his fluffy bathrobe when he realized who you were. 

“Oh. It’s you,” he said. The discolored flesh of his face twitched with a grin. “Did Mr. Metal Dick send you? The bullwhip substitute to watch over the class?” He snickered at his own joke, recalling your mutant ability to harness energy into the form of ropes.

“Piotr is off on vacation with Kitty,” you replied, propping your hands up on your hips.

Wade tipped his head back and guffawed. “Do you think he stays that way under the sheets?”

With a grimace, you pinched the space between your brows and sighed loudly. “Jesus, Wade—I don’t fucking know. Why don’t you ask him next time you see him?”

“Good idea.” He shuffled off to shuck open a box of day-old pizza on the table. “You want?”

“No thanks.”

“You sure? It’s pepperoni. You know how expensive it is to get pepperoni nowadays, in this economy? I’m offering you gold flakes on bread, here.”

“Mhm, I’ll pass.” After a considerable silence, only filled with Wade’s loud munching, you tested the waters by saying, “Charles actually sent me.”

Wade gestured at a chair and nudged for you to take a seat. “McAvoy or Stewart?” 

“What? Charles Xavier, who’s McAvoy and Stewart?” You sank down onto the creaky wooden chair, frowning at the baby powder rimming the backboard. It was probably Al’s. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was Wade, though.

Ignoring your question, Wade tilted his head and asked, “How’s Yukio? And her emo-face Megasonic Nuclear Bomb-Head girlfriend?”

You smiled slightly, remembering how they were pestering Logan, who’d been working on fixing a motorcycle back at the mansion when you left. 

“They’re fine. Wolvie, too.”

“No way!” exclaimed Wade. “Logie’s there, too? Jesus—whole damn gang’s there.”

“Except you,” you pointedly said.

Wade paused mid-chew. “Oh. Oh-ho-ho, I know what you’re doing here. Charles wants me to join his rag-tag team of circus freaks.”

“Wade—”

“The answer is no.”

“Come on—”

“And he wants me to be around all those kids? In a school? Has he met me?”

“Believe me, I don’t know what he’s thinking, either,” you told him, scoffing. “You’re the last person I’d expect to be on the team but… I trust Charles. If he wants you in, there must be a reason why.”

Holding his hands out, Wade shook his head. “Listen, I’m flattered, really, but Deadpool works solo. Except for that one time I formed the X-Force. But that was a team of people I hand-picked! The X-Men just doesn’t sound up my alley, y’know?”

You blew out a breath and fixed him with a serious expression. “Some day you’re gonna have to pull your head out of your ass and realize that there are people out there who are willing to be your friends. Your family. Don’t throw it away, Wade.”

A muscle in his jaw ticked as he studied you. 

“You’re really bad with rejection, aren’t you?” he finally asked, quirking up a brow—or, at least where his eyebrow used to be—and crossed his arms. The Crocs he’d stolen from Al squeaked as he stood up and gestured to the door. “I’m surprised you didn’t go running back to Charles the moment I said no. I’m beginning to think you have a crush on me, or something. Not that I blame you. My face may be fucked but my dick works better than ever. Just ask Al. She’s blind as a bat, but she hears everything in this damn house.”

Immediately, you grimaced. “Ugh. Don’t be crass.”

“What? I thought you were into broken men. Like to pick up their pieces, don’cha? You and Wolvie had that fling once, no? He told me all about it.” 

In truth, Logan had told him little to nothing about his brief relationship with you, but Wade had ruthlessly pestered him anyway. 

You stiffened at his words, glowering. “You’re exasperating.”

“And you’re looking awfully lovely today. That frown really accentuates your eyes. Makes you look about a decade older.” Wade leaned his weight onto the table, leering over you, patting your back twice. “I find it very attractive.”

With a flick of your hand, a crimson coil of your harnessed energy shot out and thwacked him in his side, and he hissed out a string of curses, backing away from you. You’d burned right through his fluffy white robe, to his simultaneous dismay and astonishment.

“Jesus!” Wade glanced incredulously from you to the slight, shallow gash that formed by his ribs, already starting to heal itself. “That’s actually—that was so fucking cool. Do it again!”

Clearing your throat, you pushed yourself away and stood up. “Final time I’m asking. Yes or no?”

Wade pretended to give it a long, hard think. “Mmh…” He wrinkled his nose. “No.”

“Fine,” you said, rolling your eyes up to the ceiling. “When Piotr comes back from vacation, he’s going to find you and he’s not gonna go as easy on you as I have.”

“Ooh, ouch. Hope he brings some lube with him.” Wade grinned wolfishly.

Completely fed up with him, you ripped out a wad of paper and a pen from your jacket’s pocket, scribbling down your phone number. You folded it in half before shoving it against his chest.

“I’m not giving up on you. I’m a competitive person, Wade. If Piotr was the one to convince you to join, I just wouldn’t be able to bear it.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re literally obsessed with me, I get it,” he remarked, sparing you a lopsided beam. He made a show of pocketing your number on the side of his robe that wasn’t burnt. “You little minx, you.”

With a final flick of your hand, you lashed out another coil around his foot, and made your way to the door just as he fell back onto the couch with a muffled oomf! 

Just as you left, you heard Wade cackling to himself through the door you left partially ajar, just as it was when you came in. You chalked it up to him finding it funny that you managed to trip him over with your powers, and strode away from the shoddy house with your lips twitching upwards. 

Wade, however, was laughing because he’d successfully pulled off taping a kick me sign onto your back without you noticing. A low and childish blow, but would certainly make for some fun banter whenever he saw you again—which, he suspected, would be pretty soon.

Plus, Wade thought you were pretty cute when you were riled up.

[dyns33]

Obvious

Most of the time I see him as the cool silly big bro, but I love Deadpool, so here's a long Deadpool x female reader.

Normally nothing destined Y/N to meet Wade Wilson.

A normal life, without enemies, without superpowers, without contracts on her head. She didn't fight, respected the law (at least for the most serious and important things) and she considered herself to be a good person.

The first time she had passed Saint Agnes Orphanage, she hadn't really paid it much attention. The second time, she found it a little strange that an orphanage was in this part of the city, which was not really made for children.

Then one evening, when she had had a bad day, she realized that it was a bar and she decided to go in for a drink.

Since she thought an orphanage was strange in that place, she might have thought it was odd for a bar to have such a name. She could also have been scared when she saw the other customers, who all turned towards her, indicating that she might not be welcome.

But Y/N was tired, and she just wanted a drink before going home, so she smiled politely as she sat down at the counter.

The waiter frowned, but he agreed to serve her with a shrug, muttering that as long as she was an adult, it wasn't his problem.

A tall, bald, tattooed guy then approached her, putting a hand on her arm without worrying about her private space, asking her if she wanted to follow him home.

"… No thanks."

“Come on, don’t be a slut.”

"Please."

“Come with me, you stupid bitch.”

"Now, that's really not very nice. The lady said no, a gentleman should know it's time to leave. But no Hector, not only are you insisting, but you're being rude."

"Fuck you, Wade, don't get involved in this !"

The waiter continued to mumble about cleaning, while this Wade guy smashed Hector's head against the counter. A tooth even flew close to Y/N’s face.

That might have been enough to scare her completely. In addition to the surge of violence that was happening right next to her, there was the red suit, the katanas and other guns, which could make you want to flee as quickly as possible.

But when he finished kicking Hector's ass, Wade turned to her, and despite the mask, it was obvious that he was smiling, extending a hand towards her.

"Miss, my apologies for that boor. He knows nothing of good manners."

"… Thank you."

"You're very welcome, lovely angel ! Wade Wilson, Deadpool, Merc with a mouth, at your service ! Oh, he spilled your drink… Bad Hector ! Or was it me ? Maybe it was me. Weasel, the same for the little lady, on my note !”

“You already owe me a fortune.”

“I will kill whoever you want for free !”

“I thought you didn’t kill anymore.”

"Ah yes… I'll suck you for free !"

“Here you go, two drinks, just shup up Wade.”

In the end, Wade was a bit special, but not evil. He stayed with her, partly because he loved having someone to talk to, but also to make sure no one else was going to bother her again.

And he talked a lot. Everything he said didn't always make sense, he even seemed to be talking to himself sometimes, but he was funny. It seemed to please him that Y/N laughed at his jokes. Behind the counter, Weasel was still muttering that she was doing something silly.

Among the long tirade he delivered that evening, she understood that Wade had not had an easy life. That he had done some things that could make him a criminal, but he had been trying to improve for some time.

"Colossus already wanted me to become an X-men but it wasn't for me. Wait, there are X-men in this universe ? I do not know anymore. Anyway, there's Spidey and Devy. No, he's right, this nickname isn't great, Devil. Like Daredevil. They want us to be Team Red, but only if I stop unliving people. It's not fair because they're friends with Frank, and Frank keeps unliving people, but he lost his wife and his kids, so I guess he has more sympathy points than me."

"I don't understand everything, but I guess Spidey is Spiderman ?"

"Yes ! He's super cool ! And his ass ! People confuse us sometimes, it annoys me, but it's a bit of a compliment. He's my role model."

Like a true superhero, Deadpool insisted on taking her home. He was terribly honest, saying that he could leave her a few blocks away, but that was useless, because as a former mercenary, he was very good at stalking people and he could find her address without difficulty, even if he only had her name.

"Which I wouldn't do ! Normally. I might want to see you again, and ask Weasel to find your number, but I know myself, I'll put it in my phone, and I'll hesitate for weeks, then I'll send a lousy message, you'll be scared, you'll block me, I'll be ashamed and I'll shoot myself in the head because I'm a moron."

“I can give you my number.”

"And I… Huh ? Huh ?! For real ?!" exclaimed Wade, jumping like a child on Christmas Day.

Wade called her right away, specifying that it was not to verify that she was giving him a false number but a little. Despite the mask, his face showed surprise when he saw that she hadn't lied.

"I should put a bullet in my head to make sure I'm not dreaming."

“You wouldn’t wake up.”

“Baby girl, we only just met, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

When Deadpool talked about shooting himself, he meant it literally. It often happened that he died, either because of an enemy, an accident, or by his own hand. But he always came back. A gift like a curse.

They became friends. It was obvious, and quite sad, that Wade didn't have many friends.

Most people around him couldn't stand him or were afraid of him. It was true that he could be quite unpredictable, especially when he got lost in his discussions with the boxes, or an imaginary audience. But he was never mean.

Weasel was more of a collaborator, Al was forced to accommodate him, and the other heroes, unable to get rid of him, tried to make him a nice guy.

And he was really nice. Crazy but adorable, funny and wanting to do well.

Very quickly, Y/N started to have a crush, and even more. Even after seeing him without a mask. He never took it off completely to eat, repeating that he didn't want her to lose her appetite or feel like throwing up.

But after landing in a trash can after a fight, and forgetting that he had invited her to watch Princess Bride, Y/N had seen him. Yes, his scars were a bit impressive, but they weren't that bad.

With an embarrassed smile, he waved his hand while remaining frozen near the entrance.

"… I can move if you want to run away. I won't follow you. I may look like Frankenstein's monster, but I only pursue young girls who ask me to. Or who deserve it. Because criminals have no gender, I don't discriminate."

“I brought popcorn.” was her only reaction.

"... Oh. Sweet ? Salty ? Caramel ? Al must have beer somewhere, hidden with the cocaine."

After that, he was a little less afraid to show his face, even though it was obvious he wasn't comfortable. It wasn't easy to reassure him, repeating that she didn't care about his appearance.

Y/N didn’t remember how they ended up having this conversation. The only thing she knew was that she was pressed against him, laughing, when she had innocently said it would be fun if they went out together.

This made Wade laugh, but a very serious laugh, leaving no chance and hitting where it hurt.

"You and me ? Ah ! No chance."

"Why ?"

"It's obvious."

A simple little sentence could sometimes do a lot of damage. Too busy making fun of the characters on the screen, Wade didn't see Y/N's look of sadness, just as he didn't feel her body stiffen.

Still, she should have expected this response. Of course it was obvious that they had nothing to do together. Deadpool was a super hero (in training), he was tall, muscular, funny, rich.

She had seen photos of his deceased ex, Vanessa. She had observed him flirting with beautiful women and men before. It was already fortunate that she was only friends with him.

So Y/N swallowed her pride, accepting the obvious, and not talking about the subject again.

But it was hard, because the more time passed, the stronger the feelings became.

It was even harder when Wade entered his depressive phases. He kept putting himself down, insulting himself and accepting insults from the boxes in his head. It took a lot of patience and perseverance to get him to put down his gun.

"Anyway, I'll come back later. Bad luck for the world. People would be happier if I wasn't here anymore. Maybe they'll miss me a little, for a few minutes."

“I would miss you, Wade.”

"Yeah… You say that because you're adorable, baby girl. But you'd be better off without me too. I'm a real drag."

“You saved me the first time we met.”

"And since then you think you owe me a debt. You know, every time we're in the street, the others look at me and they're afraid. If I wasn't there, you could be with them. You could have lots of friends.”

"I don't want lots of friends, Wade." Y/N sighed, taking him into her arms. “I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Oh, sweetie pie, me too !”

It was rarer for them to find themselves in the opposite situation. Not because Deadpool wasn't capable of empathy, but because she didn't like talking about her problems, preferring to keep everything to herself and cry out of sight.

Unfortunately, she had made the decision to become friends with a former mercenary who loved to jump from roof to roof, only to come visit without warning by tapping on the window.

Y/N had no time to hide her tears, holding back a sob as her eyes met those of Wade, who had stopped mid-movement, fist raised against his window.

He didn't hesitate before entering, terribly serious.

"Who ? Who did this ?"

“Wade…”

"Who made my baby girl cry ? I want a name. Spidey and Dev will understand. Yellow wants decapitation, White wants emasculation. Tell me who."

"It's really not necessary. It's not important."

“It’s important if you cry.” Deadpool growled as he looked around the apartment for clues.

Once he had an idea in his head, it was almost impossible to divert his attention. If it wasn't so important, it was possible with food or talking about Spiderman's butt. But this time he considered it very important.

Tired, Y/N thought that all she had to do was say that it was just a ridiculous heartbreak for him to calm down. He had no reason to kill someone just because they didn't love her back.

This actually seemed to calm him down a bit, as he patted his cheeks with his hands in a dramatic gesture.

"What ?! Someone doesn't love you ?! Someone doesn't like my sweet little angel ? Are they crazy or stupid. You deserve the best !"

"Actually… He's the one who's too good for me."

"Bullshit ! The important thing is love ! If a woman can marry a space duck, then everyone can be together, as long as it's legal and consensual !"

"… What ? No, wait, it doesn't matter. Wade, please forget it."

"A name. Let me prove to you that this fool doesn't deserve you, and not the other way around !"

"No."

"A name !"

"You ! It's you !"

For the first time since they met, Wade was silent for more than a minute, staring at her like he wasn't sure she was real. He often had hallucinations, so this happened to him.

Then he muttered incomprehensible things, probably speaking with his boxes to check that he had heard what she had just said.

"… Me ? As in, me ?"

“I know what you’re going to say.” Y/N sighed, wanting to disappear. "You've already said it, it's obvious that we're not meant to be together. You're charismatic, and strong, and funny, with powers. You save people, you have an extraordinary life, while I… I am me."

"… Baby girl. Do you have a fever ? Did you lose a bet ? Because… You saw me without a mask. You know I'm crazy and dangerous. There are several bounties on my head, I've unlived more people than the population of New York, and my favorite movie is Zoolander 2. When I said it was obvious… I meant that you were too good for me."

There had been a misunderstanding, each being convinced that the other could never want the other, because they were too different. But even though he was special, with skin problems and an inability to concentrate for more than ten minutes, Wade was much better than a space duck.

However, while she was sure of what she wanted, he hadn't clearly said what he expected next.

"I mean, if you just want to be friends, I'll understand."

"You can't tease me like that and then break my heart. Don't play with me, woman !"

“Wade…” Y/N sneered, as he gesticulated like a degenerate, declaiming his great love for her and her smile, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Taking advantage of his inattention, she approached him, until he froze when he felt her hands on his mask.

With a look, she asked him if she could take it off, and as he didn't move to stop her, she took it off first up to his nose, before hesitating.

Y/N didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but she also didn’t want him to think that she didn’t want to see him if she didn’t go further. So she took out the whole mask, she observed Wade, smiling before kissing him.

"… Don't take what comes next as a bad thing." he whispered as their lips parted.

"What ?"

"I'm going to have a heart attack…"

As always, Y/N thought he was joking at first, until he collapsed in front of her, looking delighted even though his heart had stopped beating. Fortunately she was used to seeing him die, even if it was still a little traumatic.

It took almost an hour for him to wake up. Y/N had time to take a shower and make herself some tea, sitting on the couch to wait.

"Shit !" he shouted as he opened his eyes, looking around the apartment before looking at her. “Did we kiss ?”

“Yes and you died.”

"It's weird. Normally you go to heaven after you die, not before. But I probably don't have enough superhero points for heaven yet, so the other option is that I became totally crazy."

“Wade…”

"I know, White and Yellow would have told me. They're already saying that all the time, but they would have insisted, especially for me to escape from the asylum. It's no fun fighting with fake people and hippos. Was I dead long ?"

“No, a little over half an hour.”

"And you stayed with me, it's so cute. Nurse Y/N. No, Doctor Y/N, and I'll be Nurse Wilson. Oh, Doctor Y/N, I made a mistake in the dosage of a patient, I'm a bad nurse, punish me."

"… Let's see Nurse Wilson, we're in the middle of an intervention, calm down."

"Uh oh ! You're playing along !" Wade exclaimed, pouting from the ground. "I didn't expect that ! Wait, I need a blonde wig, and a white dress. You'll see, I look super sexy in a dress. Wait, we do this now or it's quick and we should have a date first ?'

“I wouldn’t say no to a date.”

"I see the genre, like in novellas. Doctor Y/N takes me to the restaurant to talk about my future promotion, but in fact, you are going to admit to me that I am pregnant with you, before I even enter your bed !"

“As long as you’re in my bed before the hundredth episode.”

“UH !”

The small, high-pitched cry of pleasure preceded a second cardiac arrest, Deadpool's mind imagining Y/N and him in a bed, with a stetoscope.

When she asked him if he was going to have a heart attack every time, he told her that he would probably die for good the day he saw her naked, or that they made love for the first time.

But Wade was a gentleman, he ate lots of vegetables, exercised, and begged Daredevil to teach him meditation techniques.

So he had the courtesy of having the next heart attack only after they were finished, and in the toilet. And every time after that they were together, Wade would go out of his way to just get a nosebleed.

Especially on Weasel's counter, telling him everything they had done or almost everything, which annoyed the poor waiter a lot, even if he knew that it would happened from the start, the moment he saw Deadpool with Y/N.

[dontfuckingbother]

Best quotes of „love-punch” on AO3 aka i was pissing myself laughing aka a thread

SPIDEYPOOL

[crazyk-imagine]

Russian is Different from Rushing

Pairing: Wade "Deadpool" Wilson x Mercenary!reader

Characters: Wade "Deadpool" Wilson, Mercenary!reader

Warnings: Wade being an idiot, this was too fun to write, reader has known him for so long, reader was kicked in the side before this, Wade and reader are trying to help the x-men, wade being himself naturally this needs a warning

Word Count: 383

Based on this post

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Wade run into up the stairs (after a minor detour from the guy who was complaining about the number of stairs y'all have to go up). "Hurry up," you run ahead of him.

"I am, you're just freakishly in shape."

"It's called being healthy."

He mimics you while following after you. "It's called, you're insane."

You roll your eyes and jam your elbow into the bad guy's side. "Go take care," you grunt, adrenaline keeping you from feeling the pain in your side. "Take care of the guys in the room."

Wade glances back at you and salutes. "On it." Screams of many men dying in there brings you to a halt. You wait till there's nothing. "Is it safe?"

"Use your safe word."

"Wade!"

"Kidding, obviously." He turns, "or am I? Oh, you can't tell because I'm wearing my mask but I'm winking."

"Stop talking to yourself and get over here."

"Coming, darling."

You both rifle through some piles.

"I can't understand any of this."

"No shit, you can't read it. All of it is in Russian."

"I don't care how fast they were writing; it makes no sense."

You take a deep breath. "Okay, we need to find the blueprints, right?"

"Yes..."

"Why'd you say it like that?"

"Say what?"

You place your hands on your hips. "Do you even know what we're supposed to be looking for?"

"Definitely," he nods and looks back at the cluttered desk. "Maybe. Alright, alright. I know what you’re thinking and it's definitely blue because when teenage warhead brought it up, I thought of us all going out and getting slushies."

A dreamy sigh escapes him. "I'd definitely be getting red and you'd for sure get cola because you're weird and teenage warhead and her girlfriend would get blue and red so they can make purple because they're disgustingly cute."

"Uh huh." You shove him off the table, letting him fall backwards. "Grab everything you think is important."

You're wheezing as you try to catch your breath but falling on your back, especially when you're tackled is never easy. "What the- fuck, Wade."

"You said grab everything important and I am."

That sounds so sweet coming from him. "Plus, I don't want everyone thinking I'm the reason you died."

You groan. "My hero."

[aliorsboxostuff]

I have an idea for a deadpool x male reader fanfic, the reader confessing his love to deadpool or visa versa. Thanks!

Thank you for the idea anon! Anything to write a good, fluffy, deadpool x male!reader fic <3

Before we start I do want to make Reader a vigilante that has ice powers (Not a mutant, a failed government experiment!) because I refuse to believe a normal citizen can compete with any hero in a relationship (except maybe Pepper Pots but that's also because she's tired of Tony and has said "fuck it" to most of his shit) Also, Team red is here! (This fic feels so jumpy because i tried making this compact, if it feels off i'm very sorry anon!)

Now enjoy the fic ♡

Cold Hearted (not)

pairing: Deadpool x male!reader

tags: fluff, confessions, Wade is a little dumb but we love him, Little angst but thats just self doubts, meet-cute, Team Red tired of Yours and Wade's pining, Slight OOC (sorry wade!), Vigilante!Reader, Wade's inner voices is a little shit,

What happens when you bring a absolutely fucked up assassin, a family of unstable heroes wearing mostly red suits, a vigilante with ice powers, and a whole lot of feelings? Thats right, absolute chaos.

---

This just in; famous assassin and insane person, Wade Wilson, also known as Deadpool, has fallen in love!

That could be heard ringing in Wade's ear as he stops to a halt in front of 'Nelson, Murdock and Page's doorstep. He's in his civvies; an indigo hoodie pulled under his cap and is supporting a drug dealer type of mystery. Though that didn't stop the drop-dead gorgeous man that was perched on the edge of Karen's desk to come up and greet him, his hands outstretched. 

It takes a second for Wade to come back online, his inner monologue kicking him in the back and shouting Shake his hand you dumbass! for him to recuperate. He grins, the charming grin he uses to get his way with villains—that usually doesn't work—and shakes the man's hand. He notes the softness of it and a tinge of chill from the tips of his fingers.

"Wade Wilson," Should we say deadpool? No you fuck, he's clearly just a dude stopping by Matt's place. Yeah, a very pretty dude.

Wade gulps as he hears the slight shake in his voice, only for the angel to smile and chuckle. 

"Hi Wade," His eyes shine as he introduces himself, his name is a word that will definitely be bouncing in his head for the next few weeks. When the man lets go of his hand he's suddenly self-conscious of his always-changing skin and shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets. What?! We've always worn this body like a drag costume! Don't suddenly pussy out you dick.

"Wade, what brings you here," Matt emerges from his office, supporting his red glasses but leaving his jacket on his office chair. He could probably hear our fucking drum band of a heartbeat, shit.

"Was looking for Petey, you've seen him?" 

"What, you can't reach him?" Matt adjusts his frames.

"He probably put his phone on silent, he does that when he's studying," The Greek god pops in, and he's already assuming his earlier position on Karen's desk, legs crossed. 

"You know Peter?"

"Yeah, Parker right? We go to MIT together," He nods, another blinding grin. How many times is he gonna that? I don't know but I think we might need those glasses from Matt.

"Last I've heard he's with his friends doing homework in some cafe downtown, I can give you the address if you'd like," 

Wade tries to shrug and play it cool—he really does—but his hand brushes with you when he hands his phone, sending a sting down his spine that makes his breath cut slightly. Matt cocks his head at that, at which Wade prays he won't bring it up on their patrol tonight.

"Here," You gave his phone back. "Shouldn't be far," 

"Thanks, cutie," Slip up!

A blush makes its way up your neck to your cheeks, making you look away with a chuckle. Nevermind! I meant to say that, yup.

Wade says his leave to the group, noting the nudging grin on the side of Matt's lips, before he slides out of the office building and into the afternoon of Hell's kitchen. When he secures his hat, his phone buzzes from his pocket. A text pops up on his notification bar.

'Cutie huh? Is it fair if I set your contacts as 'gorgeous' then?'

Uh oh he's swooning, prepare to hit the wall in three… two…

Bless his healing factor or else he might've gotten a concussion from the way he swayed into the nearest wall and fell against it, a hand gripping his phone tightly while the other gripped over his heart. It feels like a thousand tree shredders decided to get to work simultaneously inside his stomach. He sighs, shaky fingers trying to reply to your text.

'Only fair if I get to set yours as 'fallen angel' ;)'

'Sure, Wade,' Blushing emoji at the end of his text. Blushing emoji?! What?! Really?! Are we that good? Obviously, we are.

The smile on his face won't drop, not when he passes a bunch of kids and they gawk at him weirdly, not when he narrowly avoids a splash of dirty puddle to his jeans, not when some douche tried to attack him and drag him to a dingy alleyway; him clearly winning the fight, not even when he enters the Cafe, filled with college students that desperately needs sleep and is living off of caffeine, and he slips next to Peter.

"Are those…" The hero peers under Wade's cap. "What's with the heart eyes, Wade?"

"Just allergies, webs,"

—

A couple of weeks after Wade meets you, he comes by to your patrols almost every night. How he found out your hero identity was… embarrassing, to say the least.

—

"You couldn't feel his unnatural body heat?" 

"I'm not The Professor Matt! For all I know he was one those types of people who refuse to wear blankets even if their fingers are falling off from the AC," 

Wade is stuffing his face with Pringles while Matt is nibbling on a lone chip. Midnight accompanies the two as they sit on a roof, having finished their first shift of patrol. Wade has freed his mouth to eat and talk. 

"Sure, but the blue eyes? Strikingly Blue, might I add,"

"How in the mother fuck did you-"

"Foggy described it to me, he actually realized faster than you, Wade," At that, Wade deflates into the edge of the roof. Way to go, nuts for brains!

"Though, I do have to admit," Matt reaches for another chip. "He plays his civilian role very well," He grins.

"I was almost fooled if it weren't for the ice coursing through his veins, its like icicles stabbing at red patties," 

Wade wonders how a blood cell would look like impaled before he huffs, reaching into the can to chew on potato chips again. There was a moment of silence before Matt perked up. And they call me mouth for brains.

"Your heartbeat increased when he came by earlier,"

"Okay devil baby, shut up," He groans. "Can't you see I'm trying to Thanos snap myself here?"

Matt hums, before he chokes on his chip then laughs loudly. It shocked Wade enough to make him sit up, staring at Matt like he was wearing an underwear over his head. His laughing dies, before it starts again and this time he wipes a nonexistent tear.

"Ah, so-" He stifles a chuckle. "So you like him,"

"No shit Sherlock, took your sweet time to deduce that, didn't ya'?"

Wade surrendered faster because he knew Matt would've found out an hour after he met. The vigilante is still laughing, supporting a smug grin when he finally finishes.

They continue their patrol shift until Peter changes with Matt, Wade going with the hero. Apparently, Peter had also known about his crush's secret identity, wow!

"He goes by Frostbite, by the way. Told me when I found him bleeding near a trash can behind my apartment," Peter says nonchalantly as he jumps to another roof. Wade could've stopped right then and there with the image of his angel lying helplessly on the concrete floor, no doubt dirtier than a Taco Bell toilet. But he paces with Peter, jumping and hurdling without worry, while he does mental gymnastics inside.

"I can trust you with his name though, right?"

"Oh my gosh, webs! It's like we haven't been friends for years now! Remember, I'm the one who introduced you to the X-Men!" Wade retorts, landing on another roof.

"Actually, it was Colossus who gave me the tour- never mind," Peter sighs, Wade calls it a win. They continue to traverse the city quietly before Peter chirps. Seriously, what's with us being quiet? Is this because of the prince charming?

"If you ever wanna meet him in his hero form, don't spook him, please,"

"What? Of course I wouldn't, I'll just meet him on patrol and strike up a conversation like any normal human being would!" Except you aren't normal, dumbass.

Wade only hears the distant hum Peter gives as an answer, and they continue on their patrol. However…

A night later Wade gets information that his vigilante crush is going to bust the remaining goons of Wilson Fisk that were hanging around an abandoned warehouse—Seriously, what's with all these dirty mucky places? couldn't have chosen a better establishment, geez.

He had sneaked from the shattered roof and dropped into the second floor, balancing on creaky wood as he made his way to a hole in the floor, bits of wood prickling at the sides of the circle. Underneath, Wade spots the mussed hair of his crush, facing away from him. Must be doing those moody monologues like Matt used to.

"Hey! Over here cutie!" He turns swiftly and Wade couldn't do anything before he's pulled roughly through the too-small hole on the floor, breaking the wood from the sheer force, making a couple of those jutting planks stab him. He lands on the concrete floor with a loud thump and groans. He spots you retracting your weapon, before familiarity hits you.

"Deadpool?!" He rushes over, turning the assassin over, hands quickly roaming around to find his wounds, only for them to close just as you spot them.

"Hey…" He tries again. "I knew that was you,"

His crush abruptly stands, dagger placed dangerously close to Wade's neck, his voice as cold as icebergs. "What are you talking about?" He pushes the sharp weapon, it glints under the moonlight.

"Who sent you?"

"Hey, hey!" Wade tugs his mask off, revealing all of his face. "It's me! Wade!" There goes the secret identity.

If Wade squints, he's sure he could see a loading circle above your head, before you jump back and land on your ass, mouth dropped to the floor, eyes wide.

"Wade?! What the FUCK!" 

"Yeah- Yes, I know, sorry-"

"What are you doing here?!"

"Slow down swiper, I'm not a part of that soccer balls plans," 

You huff from where you've landed, hand fiddling the edge of your dark blue mask. You slowly stand, arms following to cross on your chest, an eyebrow raised. Wade sighs on the floor, reaches for his mask and slips it on.

"I got info from webs that you'd be here, and well," He scratches his nape. "What better way to get to know you more than to meet you!"

"On duty?" Fuck.

"Okay buddy, you're making it sound like I spoiled your surprise- Which! I didn't, you know," He turns to his surroundings once. "Great job on the sculptures by the way,"

"Thanks, it's an original," You grin. Wade makes an amused huff and approaches one, the sharp edges of the ice spikes covered in red, and runs his finger on it. 

"So… Elsa?" 

"Excuse me?"

"Frozen? only the second best-animated film, losing to the Bee Movie,"

When Wade turns around, he finds his angel shaking, his shoulder squished to his body. He was about to reach out when he burst out, laughing, holding his stomach as he doubles over. We're pretty sure what we said was factual, does he like Frozen more than The Bee Movie?

"Holy shit, Wade," He tries to inhale. "What-" And laughs again. 

Wade only stood there, basking in the echoing sweet laughs of his crush, his angel. The way a prominent hue of red follows down from his cheeks, hidden under his mask, to his neckline. His eyes squint, radiating pure glee and Wade drinks it like he's dehydrated. He really is stunning. Enough to make us shut up.

Eventually, he stops and collects himself, huffing one last chuckle before he straightens. 

"What am I gonna do with you," He sighs. His word makes those damn tree shredders run again in Wade's stomach, his hindbrain wagging its tail from the fondness that leaks from his words.

He turns to exit the building, before glancing at Wade then extends his hands. "Come on, the night's still young,"

—

Weeks passed and your relationship with Wade grew. You've learned that he prefers to snuggle on a rainy day and would not budge without his mask. You learned he likes chimichangas, and went on your first 'date' with him—You're too embarrassed to call it a date while there's still nothing going on with you two—to the food truck that sells the best in town. You've learned that he had an ex, who died horribly—Vanessa was her name, Wade showed you her picture—And from what Wade told you, you wished you would've known her before everything. You've learned how he became Deadpool, things he went through that would make a man crumble, while your heart grows in size, enough to fit Wade in if he ever wants to. 

In turn, Wade has also learned a lot about you, even his inner monologues like you. Sure we do, it's not like we can't hate the sunshine in front of us. 

He's learned about your favorite places to have fun, to relax, to let out pent-up anger. He's learned how you prefer your drinks, how cold you want the room to be. He's learned about your favorite animal, taking notes to send pictures of them every morning. He's learned how you became the way you are; your powers weren't mutations, not like what he thought it was, but a failed government experiment. He learned that they tossed you out the second your power did not manifest, even though it took you surviving a week of fever for the ice cells to merge with your blood cells. 

"So do you really go to MIT?"

"Fuck, I wish. I'm as dumb as a pigeon,"

"Oh don't try to out dumb me, frozone, this head of mine," He knocks his head with his knuckles, then whispers, "Is run solely on hamster power," It makes you guffaws, Wade preens from it.

Apparently, Peter was the first person to find you off the vigilante mask. It didn't hit him with a wave of jealousy, Of course not, that'd be embarrassing… Right? We're not jealous of webs, right?

And so the two of you continued that way, patrolling together each night, you fulfilling Wade's dream and making him snowcones after patrols, crashing at Wade's place because even though it's messy it's way bigger than yours, waking up side by side on his king sized bed before immediately blushing from how close you are to Wade's serene face. It went on and on, flirting off duty every day—At which Matt scoffs and Peter groans—Helping the firm with cases, hanging on web hammocks with Pete, and doing grocery runs with the assassin. You and Wade were perfect like that, and you didn't feel the need to change what's happening currently. 

—

Until one night.

It was a successful bust. A drug chain as deep as the Atlantic Ocean has just been uncovered thanks to Team Red and Frostbite. It only took one stray detail for it all to crumble down and for the team to swoop in and clean up. They all came out of the fight relatively okay—Wade might've lost a chunk of his hip and Matt got some broken ribs but hey that's just another night busting bad guys, right?—And had decided to crash in Matt's apartment since he was the closest. 

The four of you all collapsed once Matt made sure his apartment was secured and locked tight. Peter quickly divests himself of his suit and stands in the kitchen with Hello Kitty pajama pants and a shirt, fixing himself a drink. Matt disappeared into his bathroom, a steady sound of water streaming indicating a shower. While Wade had landed on the plush couch on his back, mask pulled up to his nose.

You stood in the middle of the room, finally took your battered armor off and scattered them somewhere in a pile. You huff, looking around, before settling down on top of Wade's relaxed chest.

"Ouch, watch the cuts snowman," You only chuckle and nuzzle deeper into the assassin's chest, knowing he meant no bite.

"Hm, sorry," His hand has started drawing circles on your back, soothing the most likely strained muscle somewhere in your middle. The room was lit solely by the billboard outside, most of the lights in the room remained off. Despite Wade's erratic beats, it calms your nerves as you feel the adrenaline dying inside your body, aches and bruises starting to make their presence known, but the man beneath you kept a steady breath, his hand now playing with your locks while the other held you just above your tailbone. 

"Hey," Wade's voice washes over you like a deep timbre, his hand now cupping your nape. You inhaled sharply, before meeting the assassin with a smirk. 

"Hi," You answered, watching a wound beneath Wade's eye heal, before meeting his eyes, black engulfs his usual deep blues. 

You could feel his breath, inches away from your lips. With the way you're laying on him, it only took a slight push from his hand to brush his lips against yours, and you gulp. Wade drifted towards your lips for a second, before back to your gaze, but you licked your lips and grin instead, making the man inhale sharply. 

"Oh my god!" You and Wade shoot apart, eyes darted to an annoyed Peter meter away, his hands flown over his head in disbelief. "Just kiss already!"

"It's been a year since you two met and you clearly," He swallows, and huffs. "Clearly you two like each other,"

"Peter's right," Matt walks out from his room, glasses nowhere to be seen. "I mean, I could practically hear the growing arousal from you two,"

"Ugh! okay, gross, but also, like Matt said!" The lawyer nods.

Your face reds, quickly shoving yourself off of Wade and stumbles to a stand. The man sits up on his elbows, his face confused while his blues has a slight shake to it. 

'Not again, not now.' Your heart races.

Hey! Frosty has an inner voice too! Zip it sir-talks-a-lot this is some serious shit, it's like when the protagonist finds out he murdered his family in cold blood instead of his ex!

The next thing you know you've dashed to the top of Matt's stairs, bursting through the doors, the rush of cold midnight air didn't deter you from pushing the doors close, blocking them with stray bricks on the roof, running to the edge, trying to regain your breath. 

You've cocooned yourself in ice at the corner of the roof, blocked off from the outside. Your breath has finally even out, despite the storm inside your head. You don't hate Wade, god, you love him! But how can someone so bright and funny and caring find someone like you interesting?

Someone has some shit to sort out! Alright, time to bust out the big guns.

You perk when you hear heavy footsteps approaching you, before it stops. Familiar red and black boots stands in front of your little opening. 

"Hey baby," 

'Stop,' You tried to vocalize, only managing to burst out ice spikes from your palm into the floor.

"Can you come out of there? I can't exactly talk to a snowglobe," 

Breathing a ragged sigh, you ease your powers to let the ice melt around you. 

Holy shit it's like those fancy desserts where the chocolate ball melts away to something sweet!

"Wow," Wade breathes, you realize he's only wearing a white fitted shirt with his suit pants. It makes your face burn. "It's like opening a Christmas present,"

"Wade," You groan, feeling the last of your shield melt away. He sits himself next to you, enough that your shoulders touch. 

"Listen, angel," He begins.

"I'm not the best with these sappy talks and all, but what I do know, is that friends don't just storm off," Wade bumps into your shoulder, making you scoff.

"Unless, there's something they're hiding," 

"Come on Wade," You stand abruptly. "It's like you can't read the room!" 

"I can!"

"Then do it, read the room." You crossed your arms, a sense of Deja vu flashes. 

"Sure! I know that you clearly have a crush on me," 

"Exactly!"

Hold on, what?!

you huff, sitting down then burying your head into your knees, your eyes anywhere but Wade's face. "I like you, Wade, so much it hurts!" 

"You're great and caring! You're creative, always got a joke to lift up any sour mood, not to mention you're never boring to talk to!" A smile forces its way to your lips. It quivers slightly. 

"And so are you," 

the silence rings. 

Wade—Careful, caring Wade—Scoots closer, brings your hands to his, running a calloused thumb over your knuckles. "Babe, I love you too," he starts.

"I don't know what you see in this shit hole mug, but those nice things you said about me," He pauses, steadying a hand to cup your cheek. "Those are true for you too,"

"Honestly I don't know which forgiving god blessed me to meet you," You laugh wetly. "But I'm glad I did," Smooth talker Wade Wilson here!

You grin, holding Wade's hand that's soothing the tears streaming down your face. You grin, at which Wade smiles softly, his dark blues as if asking permission. Unable to hold the burning feeling coiling within you, you closed the gap between you and Wade's lips.

It's soft, experimental, before your hand pulls Wade's nape closer, deepening the kiss, just slightly. He hums and it buzzes through you, you sigh in contentment.

When you two part, Wade's eyes are blown in both shock and relief somehow, he grins dopely. It makes you laugh, you hold yourself against him, your head dropping to his chest. 

"I love you, Wade," You breathe, inhaling the scent of musk and grime, something acidic within Wade's body, but that smell brings you peace, calms your ramming heart. His hand finds your middle, the other soothing down your locks. He presses to your crown, the sensation makes you breathe out a soft sigh.

"I love you too baby," 

"Now let's get back inside before Matt complains about the leaking on top of his laundry room," The realization makes you red. Wade laughs along with you.

Walking together into the warmth of the apartment; you take note to apologize to Matt for the drip the aftermath of your powers caused, and to cuddle together with Wade once the night pulls the group enough to sleep. 

Happy ending, woo!

[sleepyems-15]

yandere Deadpool x reader

(this is a story from my wattpad account)

Characters: you and Deadpool/ wade Wilson

You were being stalked and you knew that was pretty clear. You learned that you were being stalked a week ago, you were coming back from a shop and you turned around, you saw someone but it moved at the perfect time so you couldn't see the person face.You did that a of times and the same thing happened more than once.

One time you came home seeing lots of pictures of you and old things that was  missing acouple of days ago on your front door, there was a note on the door saying 'thinking of you ;)' it made you uncomfortable.After that you were uncomfortable and scared.

A  psychopath was following you, you were in your bed fast asleep until you felt something next to you (some how idk story purposes).Your eyes opened slowly to see a man in a red suit next to you "heya sweet cheeks" you started to panic, how did he get in your house?, was he the dude that followed you?, Was he the person that stoled  your stuff and gived it back to you?."Who are you!" You shouted, you sat  up

"your knight in shining armour!" He said you sat there confused "get out of my house please" you told him."Um... Nah I think I'm good buutt" he didn't finish his sentence "but?" "I'm taking you home" he grabbed a rag and put in on your mouth.You tried your best to not inhale the chemicals in the rag. After a few minutes you inhaled by accident, your eyes betrayed you, your eyes felt heavy, slowly  your eyes closed."See you see cutie pie"

Counted words: 313

[emma-frxst]

Love Yourself

Pairing: colossus x reader

Warnings: body insecurity

Summary: anon asked “Gotcha! In that case, i had this idea about fluffy Piotr x chubby fem!reader, she's insecure about her body, Piotr is such a gentleman and respects her boundaries and also tries to help her see how beautiful she is, maybe he could lift her spirits with some innocent tickling and kissing while they cuddle in his cold room? He loves hearing her laugh and showers her with compliments to see her blush and get flustered cause I think hes just that kind of guy❤️”

You and Piotr were out and about in the city, doing some holiday shopping.

You walked up to a store window, admiring a pair of shoes that caught your attention. Your eyes drifted to the other goods within the display. Your eyes stopped and stared at the impossibly thin mannequin.

You let out a sigh as you pulled your jacket tighter around your body. Your insecurities began creeping up on you.

Piotr came out of the store next door, just in time.

“(Y/n) I have found best workout pants and-“ He stopped mid sentence, his focus on you. “what is wrong darling?”

“Nothing, just ready to head back.” You flashed a faux smile, hoping he wouldn’t see past it.

“Me too.” He agreed.

Piotr could tell something was wrong, but he didn’t want to push it.

“Why don’t we go back to my place and watch film?” Piotr suggested, hoping to take your mind off things.

“Sure.” You replied, ready for some colossus snuggles.

Piotr’s room was rigidly neat, as was his lifestyle. Wake up. Breakfast. Workout. Teach. - that’s how his days usually went. But then there was his time with you, which he’s gladly more flexible with.

You and piotr lay snuggled up in his bed, you insisted having the thick fuzzy blanket, it was always cold in his room. ‘Good for keeping germ count down’ he says. ‘Reminds me of home’ he says. But all in all you weren’t complaining, it just meant you got to snuggle up close to your metal man.

“Will you tell me what is wrong ?” Piotr spoke up after a few minutes into cuddling and a movie.

“I just, it’s stupid….”

“Y/n…”Piotr gave you the look. “Not stupid.” He assured you, now sitting up.

You rolled over to face him, mirroring him.

“Look..I saw the mannequin in the store and it was like stupid thin, like not even humanly- or mutantly- possible. Makes me feel insecure even more than I already am”

“No need for you to be unsure of yourself. You are perfect.” He tucked your hair behind your ear. “You are kind, smart, beautiful....I could go on but my English fails me when it comes to adjectives..my point is you are amazing , y/n!”

His comments earning a small smile form you.

“Da, do I see a smile?”

You blushed, his compliments sending you into a tizzy. He was always good at getting you all flustered.

“Yeah, yeah there’s a smile.” you teased.

“I bet I can see a bigger one.”

“Oh no.”

“Dats right.” The expression on Piotr face unmistakeable, you were about to be relentlessly tickled.

As the laughs fell from your lips, Piotr’s heart swelled, he just wanted to see you happy. And if some childish tickling was what it took, then he was happy to oblige.

“Okay! Okay! I give up, You win.” You said breathlessly, only then Piotr stopped his relentless attack of tickles.

“Da. There’s that smile.” He boasted.

“Yeah, yeah.” You said, feigning being upset about never winning the tickle battle.

“I try not to cross boundary, y/n, in all seriousness, I only want for you to see you, how I see you. I want to see your pretty smile and hear your laugh.”

“You’re too sweet Piotr Rasputin.” You leaned up to give him a peck on the lips, but Piotr held your kiss for much longer, and kissed you much deeper.

You liked where this was going.

-

tags: @chromecutie @xenomorphique @evelyn120700 @nightriver99 @iamwarrenspeace @this-that-and-every-thing-else @hsk-puma @bungeewabbit @pianomad @lesbianstarkx @hazilyimagine-blog @super-darlcloudtsudent @thehuntress26 @siren-lamented-vampire @mooleche @rovvboat @leo-writer-deactivated20221124 @dandyqueen @nitemaremotionless @thewintersoldierswife @master-sass-blast

[boxofbadaddiction]

Deadpool Smut writers right now:

[guardiandae]

Cable/Deadpool Multi-Bang is GO!!!

92 prompts. You claim the prompt(s) you like. You make the fic. (or art!) You post the fic. (or art!) The fandom rejoices!

(Also if you want an invite link to the Intercourse Pennsylvania Cablepool server let me know~)

[spidersense-and-anxiety]

I cant explain but this song would make such a good spideypool fanfiction 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ or sum similar yknow- anywhosies

[hanasnx]

MINORS DNI 18+ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ WARNINGS: fem reader | dirty flirting | suggestive material | it’s not dubcon, it's just you and deadpool's dynamic.

Like a stray cat, a mercenary hangs around your neighborhood. At first he was cute, you'd leave some food out for him, he'd hit on you shamelessly and in a million different shades of dirty, and then you wouldn't see him for six months. It got old quick, especially because he didn't care that you weren't interested. As if flirting with you was a hobby, he didn't mind that he wasn't getting anything out of it besides your irritation.

It's late, but you might as well take your trash out. You didn't bother to cover up when it's hot and humid out. In a crop top and the littlest shorts you own, you step out, immediately greeted with the familiar tune of DEADPOOL's voice.

"Braless—brave." he notes, and you slump in place, turning to see how he lays precariously on the railing of the fire escape. He gestures to his own chest with a flourish of gloved fingers, "Me too. Burn 'em, I say. The 70's were good for something." He nods his head.

You sigh through your nose, dropping your bag to let it sag pathetically on the asphalt. "What do you want, Red? Blowing through my part of town coincidentally again?"

"Oh, no coincidence, sugar." he tsks, and wags a finger at you before gracefully swinging off the railing to flip to the ground. You roll your eyes at his showmanship, and retreat to the backdoor of your apartment building, followed leisurely by the Merc. "Can't a guy say he missed you? Visit suddenly without calling? Golly, a man can't partake in a little light stalking these days."

You round on him, pointing a warning finger in his mask when you catch him watching your tits swing under your shirt. "Nips are hard. Excited to see me?" he asks with enthusiasm, meeting your gaze and you guffaw at him, taken aback with a hand on your hip. "Turn around, lemme see the back again—"

"'Excited?' What part should I be looking forward to? Your outdated jokes or when you make passes at me until you get it all out of your system?" You lean forward, gesturing to your enunciating mouth. "Read my lips, Red, it's- not- happening." Unknowingly, you'd lowered your voice, that sultry tone lulling Deadpool into your direction like a pie on a windowsill.

"Oh, baby, if you could see my face, I'm grinning under this mask right now." he confesses, chuckling under his breath. "Love it when you play hard to get." He straightens to his full height, sighing with relief. "Your place or mine?"

"Red—"

"Seriously, you gotta give me a twirl or something, I'm getting blue balls over here. You take a little stroll in your little jammies and I've got a halfie, throw me a bone."

You scoff at his audacity, as fat and veiny as always, and back away. "I'll see you next time, Red."

"Hopefully you'll see this boner next time, it'll be waving to you like a flagpole flying my tighty-whities." he calls after you. He knows he's exhausted his welcome this time, there'll be another opportunity soon enough.

[ichorai]

dancing choose ; wade wilson.

track three of DEAR SCIENCE.

pairing ; wade wilson x gn!platonic!reader

synopsis ; when you said he’d come crawling back to you on all fours—you weren’t really being serious.

words ; 2.3k

themes ; comedy, action, angst

warnings / includes ; strong profanity, graphic depictions of blood/injury/violence/trauma, mentions of getting drunk and high, sexual innuedos, wade makes fun of vegans i'm sorry, one mention of edward cullen our sparkly vampire, hulk's ben and jerry's ice cream flavor, dumpster flowers, rumor has it wade is still waiting for the avengers to reply to him to this day, getting beat up by girl scouts, mentions of carnage bcs yes carnage and deadpool did fight in the comics, and mhm wade is quite literally on his hands and knees for you in this one

main masterlist. 

Wade Wilson wasn’t good at life. If there was an award that went to the person who was the worst at existing, it’d go to him annually. He sucked at maintaining healthy relationships, consistently neglected his own well-being, and rarely ever took anything seriously. On the grand pyramid of shitty things that could possibly happen to a person, Wade was most likely at the very tip top of the food chain. He was the great white shark of the ecosystem that were unfortunate events that a person could endure—not that it was something to be proud of. Besides, Wade never really liked sharks. He’d much rather be a seahorse or something in the next life. If he could ever even get out of this life. 

You had once mentioned that he was purposefully sucking at life as some sort of coping mechanism for his childhood trauma, but he merely responded the only way he was really good at—like a three year old throwing a tantrum. He had stuck his fingers into his ears and yelled out, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA!” 

Besides, what were you, his therapist? 

No, seriously, though. What were you?

You had appeared into his life around three years back, when he crashed clean through several buildings in a row (thanks a lot, Carnage), eating mouthfuls of rubble and inhaling pure dust and shards of glass. After the fourth building he was thrown into, he crashed out of a window, stumbling into you, an innocent pedestrian just on their way to try out the new vegan restaurant down the street. He collided into you with enough force to send the both of you toppling over onto a busy road, asphalt scratching painfully against your cheek. Cars screeched to grueling halts only inches away from the two of you, angry honks erupting from a dozen vehicles at once. Wade almost had the gall to feel guilty for a second upon meeting your wide eyes. Then he spotted your trembling lips start to open into a horrified gape, which then gave way to the most awful, ear-splitting scream he’d ever heard.

He began screaming with you shortly after, because he promptly realized that his legs were gone and the pain was nearly enough to have him pass out.

“FUCK! FUCK, OH MY FUCK! SHIT! JESUS CHRIST, SO NOT COOL, CARNAGE! SO NOT COOL,” he yelled, using his arms to drag himself across the road, spitting out obscenities at the cars honking at him. There was a thick trail of blood and bits of mutilated flesh and skin following his severed knees, and you had to physically force your eyes away before you could feel your breakfast move its way back up your digestive tract. You pushed yourself up onto shaky feet, grabbing Wade’s suited hands and dragging him to the sidewalk with a groan. 

“What the fuck happened to you?” you panted raggedly, staggering away from him as soon as he wasn’t under the imminent threat of being run over by a white man’s dirty Toyota. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Wade winced, completely not fine. “They’ll grow back in a day or two. I’ve had my legs cut off way too many times to count.”

Your brows furrowed. “Jesus. You’re one of those Avengers folk, aren’t you? Fuck.” 

“Nuh-uh! That is so offensive. Just because I’ve got superpowers, doesn’t mean I’m an Avenger! I’ve been sending them my resume for months now, and they still haven’t gotten back to me.”

You had the audacity to roll your eyes. “Listen, hot-shot, I don’t know what I can do for you, then. I have a reservation I can’t miss. Are you gonna be okay on your own?”

“Ooh, reservation. Sounds fancy. Where are you going? You got a date or somethin’?” Here he was, bleeding out on the side of the road, and nonchalantly asking you about your love life. 

You blinked twice. “Yeah…” you started hesitantly. “Just down the street at that new vegan restaurant. It’s my first one with him and I don’t want him to think I’ve stood him up.”

“Must have a humongous penis to get you dressed up all fancy shmancy for the first date. At a vegan restaurant, no less! Listen, here’s a life lesson that I had to learn the hard way: vegans only gain happiness from two things and two things only—tofu and being mean to millennials on Twitter. Save your time,” he hummed glibly. You absentmindedly wondered if he was going loopy with the amount of pain he was enduring. Blood began dribbling from his nose and leaked past his cracked lips, and he sat up abruptly, spitting into his mask. “Oh, gross. Gross! Fuck, all I taste is blood now—Edward Cullen you nasty fucker. Look, I’m sorry to ask this, you seem like a really nice person and I really don’t want to drag you into my shit but I’m gonna drag you into my shit anyways. Do you have a place I could maybe lay low for a while? There’s this really awful alien after me and I don’t think I can take them without losing any more limbs.”

After a beat of silence, you pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed heavily. God damn it—you couldn’t just leave him here alone, could you? “Yeah. Yeah, it’s just down a block. Let’s go.”

So, that was how you met him for the first time. Blew off a tofu-loving, millennial-bullying vegan (his theory, you never actually got to meet him), in order to save his ass from a goo parasite from space.

You quickly realized that this was nearly an everyday experience for him. It eventually became a routine pattern. He’d go out, get himself beat up by some otherworldly beings (there was that one time a gaggle of girl scouts beat him to a pulp, but he made you vow never to speak of that again). Then, he’d come slinking back to his apartment where he’d call you and whine until you begrudgingly agreed to come over with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s—specifically requesting the Hunka-Hulka Burnin’ Fudge flavor or he’d threaten to set himself on fire. Dramatic fucker. 

And sometimes he’d come to your apartment, dripping vermilion blood everywhere, or high out of his goddamn mind, or so drunk that he could barely formulate a coherent sentence. Usually it was some infuriating combination of the three. Nonetheless, you’d tuck him into your couch with a fleece blanket and a throw pillow he often complained smelled like nacho cheese, but he slept like a baby despite it all. 

And when you woke up? He was never there. No notes, no crude pencil drawings of dicks on your wall, no trace of him whatsoever. The process would continue to repeat itself a million times over, and you began to find yourself unsettled with your predicament. 

Who was Wade to you? A friend? A stranger? A man who occasionally slept on your couch and constantly made you worry for his well being despite knowing that he was practically immortal? 

The day you finally exploded at him, bombarding him with questions he had no answers to, he hadn’t meant to start yelling back. Insults were traded, scathing and cutting far too deep for either of your liking. He particularly remembered you hissing out, “Please, you can barely even function without me! You’re awful at taking responsibility for yourself, Wade! You don’t eat well, you barely ever sleep if not passed out on my couch, you’re always high or piss-drunk or beaten up halfway to hell! You know how fucking exhausting that is? Taking care of someone that doesn’t give two shits about you? I bet you wouldn’t last a fucking day without coming crawling right back up to my door on all fours! Like a little bitch!”

Wade knew you were just caught up in the heat of the moment—that this wasn’t really you. But damn if your words still hurt. 

The fact that so many of your angry tirades were falling upon deaf ears and a stonily blank expression only seemed to fuel your frustration more, pushing you to the brink of tears glossing over your reddened eyes. That night ended with you telling him to never come back, and you had to physically shove him out of your apartment, slamming the door with such ferocity that the floor rattled beneath his feet for a split second.

Wade had stood outside your door for a full minute before coming to and realizing just how much of an asshole he’d been. You didn’t owe him anything. Hell, the two of you barely knew anything about each other. He began knocking softly, asking you, begging you to open the door, apologizing over and over and over. Then, he proceeded in his attempts to bribe you—with chocolate bars, movie nights, free vegan dinners, the chance to shoot him in the ribs, he put it all on the table for you. He was in front of your apartment for hours. 

The door never opened. 

That was around six months ago.

Now, as he found himself back in front of your apartment after so long, things were different. He wasn’t wearing his superhero suit like he usually did, there were flashcards of what to say in his hands just in case he completely blanked upon seeing you, and clutched in his other palm were half-wilted flowers he scavenged in the back of an alley dumpster (listen, he didn’t have the time nor money to buy you proper ones, so it was the thought that counted). 

After rapping his knuckles against the wood three times, the door swung open. 

Fuck, Wade was nervous. Suddenly his sweaty fingers fumbled and flashcards were fluttering to the ground, making a mess of pink little cards, some filled with doodles of extremely realistic (a style commonly known as ‘stick-men’) depictions of what he thought he looked like while fighting bad guys, and other cards with his lines of what to say to you. He dropped to his knees, hurrying to grab at the scattered pieces of paper.

“I knew you’d be back,” you sneered, staring down your nose at him with thinly-narrowed eyes. “Jesus, Wade. It’s been… forever. I didn’t—I thought something might’ve happened—”

With a heavy sigh, you got down on your knees beside him, picking up some cards with a curious hum. “When I said you’d come crawling back to me on all fours… I wasn’t actually being serious, Wade.”

“Shucks,” Wade said, nervously taking the cards from you, uncharacteristically tentative. “And here I was thinking you were into that.”

Your expression immediately soured. “What do you want from me, Wade? Come to mooch off of me again? Make me care about you and leave just before things get heavy?”

“Y/N,” he breathed out, mentally going fuck it and setting the cards back down on the floor. “You’re wrong. All those months ago you said I couldn’t give two shits about you. I did—I do give two shits about you. In fact, I give so many shits that the toilet would be clogged with just how many shits I give about you! I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how to care for someone properly. I don’t know how I’d do it right. But I wanna try. Please, Y/N, let me try.”

The way your jaw set made Wade swallow nervously. Then, the slight quirk of the corner of your lips made Wade tilt his head in surprise. “Are these… flowers? You got me flowers?”

“Yeah, but they’re from the dumpster.”

“No need to put yourself down, Wade. They’re lovely.” You took the wilting bouquet from his grasp with a mild grin.

He didn’t have the heart to tell you that he was telling the truth. Just as long as you didn’t stick your nose into them, he supposed he’d let you remain blissfully oblivious.

“So what are you asking?” you asked, thumbing the bruised stems of the flowers. “You wanna try being friends? Real ones?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that,” he whispered with a near watery chuckle. “Whose balls did I have to fondle in my past life to get lucky and crash into you all those years ago, huh?”

The way you wrinkled your nose in distaste made Wade snort. “Don’t be crass, fuckwad. I missed you, too, for the record. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean most of what I said that night. I was being really harsh for no reason. There’s nothing wrong with struggling with things like that, Wade, you just need a bit of help, is all.”

There was a beat of comfortable silence before Wade sighed, pushing himself up to his feet, dusting off his pants before offering you a hand up. You took it gingerly, opening the door wider for him to step in. 

Glancing once at one of his cue cards, he cleared his throat. “My name is Wade. Also known as Deadpool, founder of X-Force, and an Avenger-in-waiting,” he declared, gazing at you fondly. “I may suck at this whole living thing, but at least I look amazing while doing it.” When you shot him a halfhearted glare, he lifted his hands in surrender. “Kidding, kidding. I look like a chewed up piece of gum, let’s be honest. It’s nice to meet you… friend.”

The brilliant smile that painted itself violet over your features made just a slight fraction of the same expression mirror itself onto Wade’s face. “Nice to meet you, too. I think we’ll be getting along just fine.”

Wade Wilson wasn’t very good at living, but he liked to think he was just a little better at it now because of you.

[tempestfang]

Hi I’m making an appearance as a spideypool fan with my first little comic inspired from the amazing fan fiction 👉🏻 Love is Only a Feeling! All credit goes to @the-sinking-ship! This comic strip is based off of the beginning few chapters but I realized comics were hard so I had to condense wahhhh 😭😭😭😭

[infinitehyperfixations]

Europe's Most Wanted Thief

Part 2 of Ribbons and Steel

Ribbons and Steal: Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Piotr faces the aftermath of his first interaction with Maya Durand and learns more about Europe's most wanted thief.

Story Tags: Slow Burn, enemies to lovers

Warnings: Language (mostly Wade)

Word Count: 4.6k

POV: Piotr

Note: Sorry that I haven't updated in a long time! 2023 was not a good year for me but I'm hoping that this year is better!

Comments and Reblogs are love!

Piotr prided himself on his ability to keep a level head in the most aggravating circumstances. He thought it was one of his best qualities. Everyone could rely on him to stay calm in the worst situations. He believed that there has to be at least one person that keeps their composure and Piotr was always more than happy to fill that role.

However, someone else would have to take his place as the “calmest person in the room” while Piotr dealt with his current predicament.

Piotr seethed as he glared at the opened skylight that Maya Durand had escaped through in the museum’s banquet hall. The thief had left the perfectly in tack window ajar as if to mock him on his failure. His outraged thoughts drowned out the police sirens and shouting reporters beyond the entrance doors. He could barely hear NTW’s frantic muttering as she tried to release him from the chain-like prison Maya Durand trapped him in. Only a couple of minutes had passed since her escape and the burning anger inside Piotr worsened with every passing second.

“Piotr!” NTW yelled in his face to pull him out of his furious haze. “I have been calling your name for the last minute!”

NTW nodded, deciphering Piotr’s muffled words as an apology while she tried to pull the cloth off his mouth.

“Anyway,” NTW huffed as she yanked on the tight fabric on his arm, “I was trying to tell you that the Professor is fine. He is currently trying to distract the press outside with Mr. Levine.”

Piotr only grumbled at the thought of the press finding out what happened with Maya Durand. It was inevitable that the X-Men, X-Force, and Wade would learn of the events that transpired but Piotr wanted to talk to them first before they saw it on the news. Piotr was nearly drowning in dread at the thought of Wade finding out before he returned to the mansion. The X-Men would forget about his fight with Maya Durand eventually, but Wade?

Piotr would never live this down.

NTW continued to tug on every strand of fabric with no avail. Piotr was grateful that she tried but even he could barely move in the cloth’s steel-like grip.

“Jesus Christ this shit is way too strong for me to take off,” NTW wheezed, rubbing her reddened fingers. “I think we’re going to need Logan’s claws to get you out of this.”

Before Piotr could think of an alternative plan, the fabric tangled around his body loosened fast enough for him to lose his balance. Piotr’s surprised yelp warned NTW to jump out of the way before he fell flat on his face with a loud bang.

While laying face down on the cold floor, Piotr reflected on the past few months - peaceful and uneventful months that now seemed like a distant memory - and wished he hadn’t taken them for granted. Staring at the scarlet silk that had bound him to the floor moments before did not help to extinguish his anger whatsoever. It only fueled his desire to catch Maya Durand and wipe that devious smirk off her face. He could already tell that the next few months would be the most infuriating of his life, but there was simply no way around it. One way or another, he was going to be the one to put that snarky thief in chains.

When Piotr did not immediately stand up, NTW cautiously stepped closer to him.

“You okay, Piotr?”

“I’m fine,” Piotr muttered, his voice muffled by the cold marble floor.

“You don’t sound like it.”

“I promise I am perfectly fine.”

NTW watched as Piotr stood up, letting the rest of the red fabric fall off of him. Every single piece pooled around his feet except for the one small piece that landed on his shoe - the one that Maya Durand wrapped around his head to keep his mouth shut. The image of Durand’s stupid smirk plagued his thoughts as he snatched up the cloth. With a sneer on his lips, Piotr shoved the material in his pocket for Hank to analyze in his lab. With any luck Hank might be able to figure out why Durand’s fabric was strong enough to hold him down.

Before Piotr could make his way to the museum’s entrance, James Levine threw the doors open to escape the hoards of reporters, flashing cameras, and shouts from police officers that tried to keep the rowdy crowd at bay. The Professor, who looked just as exhausted from dealing with the police and journalists as Levine, closely followed him.

"I see that you were released from Maya Durand's trap," James Levine said when he ran up to Piotr and NTW. "I was afraid that I was going to have to tell Miss Ba to get her briefcase."

Piotr and Ellie looked at Levine inquisitively and then at each other.

"Briefcase?"

"Yes, my toolkit, Mr. Rasputin," Miss Ba's cold voice came from behind him.

Piotr flinched at the sound of her voice before he quickly turned around to meet the assistant's harsh gaze. He wondered if she had the power to teleport because he had no idea how she managed to sneak behind him. Her face seemed to be permanently fixed to an unimpressed frown that wouldn't allow the mere emergence of a smile.

When Piotr finally broke the uncomfortable eye contact with Levine’s assistant, he noticed a large black briefcase she was holding at her side. His discarded suit jacket was draped over her arm, large enough to engulf her small frame.

“As Mr. Levine’s assistant, I must be prepared to protect him and his assets under any circumstances,” Miss Ba explained as she reached in her pocket to grab her ringing phone. Her frown deepened as she glanced at the screen. “That includes a visit from Europe’s most wanted thief…and a call from his relative whose diamond was just stolen.”

Miss Ba excused herself before answering the phone call. She kept the phone almost a foot away from her ear, the woman’s enraged screams audible even as the assistant moved to the opposite side of the room. If she was affected by the woman’s degrading shouts, she did not show it, her face as impassive as ever.

Levine sighed as he watched Miss Ba step aside. “I knew my aunt was going to be in hysterics when she found out about the diamond, but I thought I would have at least an hour to prepare.”

NTW looked up at a banner that advertised the Devil’s Treasure exhibit. “Your aunt owns the diamond?”

“Yes, I convinced her to lend it to the museum.” Levine ran a hand through his dark hair as he glanced from Miss Ba to the open skylight and the crumpled pile of red fabric in the middle of the floor. “I told her that the Devil’s Treasure would be safe and that no one - not even Maya Durand - would dare to attempt to steal it with an X-Man present.”

Levine glanced at Piotr hesitantly before clearing his throat.

“I guess I was wrong.”

Piotr clenched his hands as he took in a deep breath. Levine’s words only made his mood worse. He was an X-Man, he should have been able to stop a thief that controls fabric. He allowed himself to underestimate his opponent, a mistake he wouldn’t be repeating when it came to Maya Durand.

“Who is Maya Durand? How do you know her?” The Professor asked, turning his wheelchair to face Levine.

Levine barked out a laugh, but his amusement quickly faded as he looked between the others’ puzzled faces.

“You’re kidding right? Maya Durand? Europe’s most wanted thief? The woman that has become every billionaire and politician’s waking nightmare? You’ve never heard of her?”

Levine’s astonished look grew when the three mutants shook their heads. He pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering something under his breath that Piotr couldn’t make out.

“Of course they never heard of Maya Durand,” Miss Ba chided, somehow appearing next to Piotr without him noticing her. She narrowed her eyes at the X-Man as she handed her phone to Levine. “If they did, they might have actually prevented her from stealing the Devil’s Treasure.”

“Nyza,” Levine warned before extending his arm out apologetically. “Please forgive Miss Ba, she can be very…blunt at times.”

“No offense taken,” NTW said, giving Nyza a harsh glare.

Nyza Ba rolled her eyes before she moved closer to Piotr, holding out the jacket on her arm with an irritated look (which seemed to be her default facial expression).

“You may want to put this on,” Nyza suggested, gesturing to his shirt with a nod of her head.

Piotr nearly popped a blood vessel when he looked down at the state of his dress shirt. The seams were ripped open, the fabric was littered with tears of various sizes, and he was missing several buttons. It was a miracle that his shirt was still on his body. Even with his jacket, he would look like he had jumped through a paper shredder.

Just like his dignity, his clothes also fell victim to Maya Durand.

Once Piotr took his jacket, Nyza made her way to a nearby table, brushing aside the remnants of the ruined plates and champagne glasses to set her briefcase in its center . The latches of the briefcase clicked as the assistant opened it.

Piotr gawked at the sight of the neatly organized contents inside of the briefcase. There was a small collection of large, razor sharp knives, two pairs of hedge clippers, and various firearms with extra ammo clips next to them. Piotr realized that this must be the toolkit that Levine spoke of earlier. He grimaced at the thought of them using the knives and hedge clippers to cut him out of the trap.

“What’s that?” NTW asked, pointing at a gun with a small compartment filled with some sort of clear fluid underneath its barrel.

“A mini flamethrower,” Nyza said nonchalantly. “My sources say that Maya Durand has an intense fear of fire.”

Levine’s eyebrows knitted together as he sneered, “I told you to get rid of that.”

To Piotr’s surprise, Nyza’s face paled at the sight of Levine’s hardened gaze and her eyes grew wider as he towered over her small form.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Nyza mumbled, reaching inside the briefcase to disassemble the weapon. She carefully disconnected the gun’s fluid compartment and tucked away the parts inside the briefcase.

Once she was done, Levine pulled out a tablet from the bottom of the briefcase. While he turned it on, Nyza closed the briefcase and moved to stand behind her boss, her normal judgemental look quickly sliding back over her features.

“I have Nyza keep a tablet with all of the information we have on Maya Durand. She has become quite a problem in Europe.”

Piotr reminded himself of the briefing the Professor gave on James Levine and his company on the way to the gala. While the company did produce machinery for medicine and entertainment, Drake Industries was primarily a tech company that specialized in security and weapons. It would not surprise him if the company had extensive records of criminals across the world.

“I wanted to ensure that local authorities knew whom they were dealing with if she showed up,” Levine explained, turning the tablet toward the mutants.

Piotr peered down at the tablet, which was currently displaying a mugshot of Durand. Much to Piotr’s displeasure, her signature smirk was firmly in place as she stared defiantly into the camera. The Professor gave Piotr a stern look as he tried to hide his frown at the sight of the prideful and mischievous glint in her eyes.

As he looked away from the infuriating picture, Piotr’s gaze fell on Levine’s face. There was a ghost of a smile on his face as his finger ran over Durand’s cheek. What unsettled Piotr even more was the way he was looking at her as if she was his next meal. His eyes wandered over her features with a possessive desire and longing that made Piotr’s stomach churn.

Weird.

“You may have this if you wish to pursue her,” Levine said, dropping the strange demeanor as he handed the tablet to the Professor.

“Don’t worry,” NTW asserted, nudging Piotr with her elbow. “We’ll make sure she’s put behind bars.”

Nyza scoffed at NTW’s promise and quickly silenced herself after receiving a harsh glance from her boss. Before NTW could make a scathing retort, Levine interjected to ease the tension in the air.

“It worries me that she has made an appearance in the states,” Levine stressed. “It may mean that she’s bored and wants to cause trouble here. If that’s the case, she is likely to make another appearance soon.”

Piotr nodded sharply. He was going to make Maya Durand regret crashing the gala. He would be the reason her obnoxious grin fell as he put her behind bars.

“Then she will have to face me the next time she shows her face.”

“And we will get that diamond back,” NTW promised.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but the Devil’s Treasure is long gone,” Levine chuckled lightly. “By now Maya Durand will have given it to the person who hired her for the job.”

The sound of Levine’s ringing phone took away his attention. Groaning, he pulled the device from his pocket and looked at the three mutants apologetically.

“I’m afraid I will have to deal with my aunt now. Nyza has made arrangements for your car to pick you up discreetly behind the museum so you can avoid the press. I wish you the best of luck catching Miss Durand.”

Before turning to take the call, Levine nodded to each of the mutants, his gaze lingering on Piotr for a fraction longer than the others before he strode off, his aunt’s screeching following him as he headed for the museum door. Piotr tried to ignore the unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach, but something was…off about Levine. If stories from the other X-Men were anything to go by, people like Levine almost always had an ulterior motive when they involved themselves in the mutant world. And besides his involvement with mutants, it was odd that Levine didn’t seem upset about losing the multi-million dollar diamond to Durand. Piotr would have to keep his guard up.

“God, I am so glad that I’m not him right now,” NTW muttered as she and Piotr watched the door swing shut behind Levine. With a significantly colder nod to the group, Nyza Ba quickly followed her boss out of the museum, briefcase in hand as the door swung shut for the second time, leaving them alone in the event hall.

“You will wish you were when we see Wade back at mansion,” Piotr grumbled.

The Professor rolled his eyes, although the slight quirk of his lips hinted at his amusement at NTW’s pallid expression. While they followed the Professor to the museum’s rear exit, Piotr started to mentally prepare himself for the harassment he was going to receive from the X-Men and, much to his displeasure, from Wade. He knew NTW could withstand some playful jabs from the X-Men but he was certain he was going to have to take the brunt of Wade’s teasing so she wouldn’t send him through a wall.

For the sake of his sanity, Piotr hoped he was wrong.

-----

The car ride back to the X-Mansion was deathly silent. Piotr and Ellie turned off their phones to have a little bit of peace before they returned. Both of them refused to look through the tablet’s information on Maya Durand so they wouldn’t have to think about what had happened. The incident was surely on every single news channel by now. Even though Piotr did not have any social media profiles, he knew he couldn’t hide from the flood of tweets and memes of the ordeal with his students and Wade around. Frankly, he wouldn’t be surprised if he had at least a hundred memes and videos about his fight with Maya Durand from Wade waiting behind his phone’s black screen.

When they finally arrived at the mansion, the X-Men were waiting for them in the foyer. Their quiet muttering came to a sudden halt as they stepped through the door. Most of them glanced between the members of the haggard group hesitantly, clearly not wanting to provoke any lingering emotions from the gala. Logan, on the other hand, stood front and center with an amused grin plastered on his face. The X-Man seemed as if he was anticipating some form of entertainment. He did not have to say anything because Piotr knew exactly why Logan was giving him that look.

Piotr closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he released a deep sigh. “Where is he?”

The rapid footsteps from the hallway at the top of the staircase behind the X-Men gave him his answer. Wade bounded to the top of the staircase, waving his phone in the air with a wide smile on his face. Piotr’s frown deepened when Wade took notice of his ruined dress shirt.

“Damn, she really did fuck up your over glorified hall monitor ass, huh?” Wade chortled, sliding down the arm of the staircase with Nathan marching down the steps to follow him. “I cannot believe you got your ass handed to you by a person who controls fabric.”

“Shut up, dickhead,” NTW snapped while her hand formed into fists.

Wade simply ignored her and continued on with his jests. “Just be thankful that you don’t have Twitter because they are having a field day with this selfie of you and Maya-”

“Selfie?” Piotr interjected as his rage from the fight suddenly came back to him. “Show me.”

The sight of the selfie that Maya had taken of them when he was stuck in her trap made his blood boil. The Devil’s Treasure rested casually in her free hand, which was propped carelessly on his shoulder. Her glimmering eyes, perfect teeth, and victorious smile that shined brighter against her red lipstick only made his mood worse. Of course she looked gorgeous while Piotr was tied up with a tattered shirt.

Piotr clenched his fists tightly, “She is going down.”

Before Wade could say anything else, Nathan snatched his phone from him, sending him a harsh glare. He didn’t budge at Wade’s demands to release his phone. Piotr was reminded vividly of a parent taking a toy away from a misbehaving toddler as a punishment.

“You have been talking about this for hours,” Nathan seethed, putting Wade’s phone in his pocket. “I’m tired of hearing about it and I’m sure the Big Guy here is too. Besides, I bet she would kick your ass too.”

“You are no fun,” huffed Wade. “She would never beat me! I would just slice her little ribbons in half!”

“I wouldn’t underrate Miss Durand’s powers, Wade,” The Professor chastised, holding up the tablet that Levine had given him. “According to this, she’s a professional.”

Professor X motioned for all of them to follow him to the large council room that they used for meetings and debriefings. In the center of the room was a grand round table with enough seats to sit the X-Men and X-Force. The massive TVs on each wall of the room displayed different news stations that were all discussing the same thing: Maya Durand. Titles slowly crawled across the bottoms of the screens. Piotr read Breaking News: Maya Durand Strikes in the U.S., Maya Durand Steals The Devil’s Treasure, and X-Man Fails to Stop Mutant Thief before forcefully pulling his gaze away from the screens.

The Professor slid the tablet to the center of the table as everyone took their seats. The device’s screen flickered for a moment before it projected a hologram of Maya Durand’s file for all of them to view. Her mugshot was at the very top of the file. Her perfect smile taunted Piotr as if she was telling him to catch her if he can.

Her basic information was in print below her photo, which Piotr stubbornly ignored as he focused on the text. He felt as if her picture was watching him amusingly as he read what little information the file had. Her exact age was unknown (it said she was in her early to mid twenties), no known family, no known aliases or allies, or anything about her life before she became a thief.

The details that her file did have were of the crimes she had committed, her services that she offered to the highest bidder, and information on her mutant powers.

“This has absolutely nothing on her,” NTW grumbled as she scanned the file.

Scott let out a low whistle as he read aloud her criminal charges, “She’s wanted by Interpol for multiple counts of burglary, assault, theft, espionage, grand theft…everything, and a whole lot more.”

“Who cares about a couple boring charges?” Wade threw his hands in the air as he glared at Scott like he had grievously insulted him. “Homicide and manslaughter are way cooler and you know it!”

Piotr quickly read through her charges to fact check Wade…and he was right. She had not killed anyone, at least not in any incident listed on the file. Piotr wasn't sure if this information made him feel better or worse about the thief. He decided to chalk up this oddity to Durand being too proud to get her hands dirty and label her as the absolute worst person he had ever met.

“That is little extreme… I have fought people that want to kill all mutants,” Piotr reminded himself. “Maya may not be worst person but she is very high on list.”

Scanning through the rest of her file, Piotr came across a section that listed her skillset. Piotr rolled his eyes at the Master Thief at the top of the list. He wondered if Maya had gotten her hands on the file and put that in there to inflate her ego. Her file also stated that she was a chameleon - a master at hiding in plain sight. The way that the file described her abilities made Piotr wonder if she was almost as good as Mystique. On top of that, the file claimed she was a master escape artist as well. He read the brief description of the few times she was sent to prison and her increasingly elaborate escapes. It seemed that no prison could hold her - at least for long.

“Piotr, I think I know why Maya’s fabric was strong enough to hold you down,” NTW said, pointing at the section on her file that listed her mutant abilities.

Mutant Powers:

Fabric Manipulation

Fabric Creation

Material Identification and Application

“Material Application?” Piotr read allowed with a perplexed tone.

“I’ve heard about this ability!” Hank divulged with an intrigued look. “Some mutants have the ability to copy elements of certain materials to another object without changing it physically. A copy and paste power to put it simply.”

Piotr reached inside his pocket for the cloth he had taken from the museum and placed it on the table. He peered down at the fabric inquisitively, running his fingers over the soft silk before handing it to the scientist.

“She was able to make her fabric as strong as metal with this ability?” Piotr questioned, almost impressed by her ability.

Hank examined the material in his hands before pulling at it to test its strength and elasticity. The fabric stretched easily, not showing any visible signs of stress. It didn’t even tear when Hank ran his sharp claws against it.

“Yes, I suspect that her fabric may be as strong as steel,” Hank hypothesized, keeping his eyes on the fabric, “but I will be able to tell you more tomorrow once I’ve taken a closer look.”

The Professor glanced down at his watch, realizing how late at night it was before backing away from the table. With a wave of his hands all of the TVs in the room turned off as he made his way to the door.

“Maya Durand may not look like a big threat now, but I fear this is only the beginning. Judging by her reputation, her jobs may put people in danger,” Professor X cautioned, his face drawn as he looked at the mutants still gathered around the table.

The Professor met Piotr’s gaze levelly for a few moments for a few moments before addressing the group at large.

“Piotr, I’m trusting you to be the one to stop her.”

Before anyone could object, Professor X held up his hand to keep everyone silent. Piotr caught Logan rolling his eyes with an unimpressed grin on his face. He vaguely heard Logan muttering about how this was going to go for Piotr and judging by his tone, the clawed man was betting against him.

“You can count on me,” Piotr nodded before stealing a glance at Maya’s mugshot. The Professor was giving him a chance to deal with the thief himself like he had trusted him to handle Wade, and Piotr could not let him down. “What happened tonight will not happen again.”

“Good,” The Professor let out a satisfied hum before turning to the door. “We’ve all had a long night so I suggest that you all turn in for a well earned rest.”

Piotr and NTW remained in the room while the rest of X-Men, Nathan, and Wade followed the Professor. Wade opened his mouth, no doubt to make an obnoxious quip, but Nathan roughly grabbed him by the ear before he could form a single word. Wade released a flood of insults at Nathan as he pulled him out of the room.

Once Wade’s screeching voice was far enough away, Piotr released a deep sigh as he rested his hands on the table. NTW slumped in her seat as she glared at Maya Durand’s mugshot.

“She’s not even here but it feels like she’s mocking us.”

“We will get her,” Piotr reassured her. “I have plan.”

NTW peered at him questionably, “And what is your plan exactly?”

“We wait until she strikes again,” Piotr decided. “She is practically ghost. No use finding her until she is hired for next job.”

NTW’s puzzled look grew, “So what do we do in the meantime? Twiddle our thumbs and hope she makes an appearance soon?”

Piotr shook his head as he pulled the device closer to him from the center of the table. He felt as if Maya Durand was standing in front of him with her mugshot only inches away from his face. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Her alluring mischievous eyes were like an addictive toxin that fueled his need to put her behind bars.

“While we wait, we learn as much as we can,” Piotr asserts, narrowing his eyes at Maya’s picture. “We will not underestimate her again.”

“Not the best plan, but it's the only one we’ve got,” NTW said listlessly, before sliding out of her chair. With a yawn on her lips, she made her way to the exit to go to bed.

Piotr chuckled at her blunt (yet true) assessment as he settled into his chair. He had a long night ahead of him, but he could not think of any other options that would end in anything besides frustration and embarrassment. Besides, his experience had taught him that good things always come to those who wait.

And he would wait for a century if it meant he would be the one that put Maya Durand behind bars.

-----

Tag list: @master-sass-blast @sadstonewrites

[crazyk-imagine]

The Horrors of Blenders

Pairing: Wade "Deadpool" Wilson x Supe!reader

Warnings: Wade being wade, reader making it funny, I can't with these two, we love a chaotic duo, I love this fandom bc you can get crazy with it, cursing, this is the shortest thing I've ever written

Word Count: 147

Based on this post

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He doesn't notice you at first, or maybe, he didn't care enough to check.

You stare at him with a horrified look, you've been watching him for too long and feel like you can't move.

He turns to make his way into the living room, finally noticing you.

You can tell he's smiling under the mask by his movements, "perks" of being his friend (and ally, if he ever needed backup).

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you here just yet."

"I wasn't expecting to be traumatized but yet, here we are."

"What do you mean?" He lifts his mask so he can take a sip of his drink.

"You blended a fucking chimichanga! Who does that? Insane people, that's who."

"Who told you I was sane?"

You narrow your eyes to him. "Fair point." You plop onto the couch. "Finish your demon juice so we can watch tv."