#since no one is reading this shoutout to the nsa?fbi? agent who had to

[toastlover21]

that feel when you don’t want to have sex and you don’t want romance but you like the feeling of kisses on your neck and kisses on your forehead and girls are sooo pretty and boys are sooo handsome and enbies are sooo majestic and how are you supposed to court people nobody taught you and you’d like to use the word queer because it is the only word that explains what you feel but you feel like you’d lying because you haven’t gotten to kiss a girl yet but does that even matter because you don’t even understand your own damn gender bc wtf is that and this is all coming out because it’s quarantine and you’ve finally left a two and half year relationship that you still feel guilty about a couple months ago and then you see one of your friends you haven’t seen a year that made you question your sexuality when she started questioning her own and you meet her boyfriend who honestly is kinda cute after you’re pretty sure you got a contact high and as much as you shouldn’t think about being with them you do but then you’re immediately disgusted because when you think of yourself with other people it just ruins the idea of anything and that’s why you called yourself ace and aro forever but you like hugging soft girls and wrapping your arms around the waist and maybe sniffing their neck but you also like a boys strong arms around you and feeling secure and you still think about that enby you met in ninth grade where they held the only halloween party you’ve ever been to and you think their costume was a pirate but all you remember was their shirt having like five buttons popped their hair flowing in the wind and wanting very much to be swashbuckled into the night and wtf none of this makes any sense and maybe if you had grown up with a healthy view of sexuality and gender this wouldn’t be such a fucking problem but shoutout to your cousin who did their best to teach you what they could and you honestly don’t expect this to be read but it feels good to “say” it anyway