#sits. hey you think the ending is weirdly hopeful and optimistic. do you want to talk about why that is perhaps. would you like to discuss

[liuisi]

thinking about when my friend asked me if she could present my psalm 1 poem in her poetry class as a poem she likes and i was like yeah sure and then her teacher was like oh what an interesting take on ecopoetry ^__^ the ending is weirdly optimistic though thats unusual!

[lyallblacklupin]

Wolfstar x Friends (Truthful Thanksgiving Day!)

This is a wolfstar fanfic based on Friends’ season 6 episode 9: “The One Where Ross Got High.” 

Remus realizes that he should go and check on Sirius and help him in setting the plates for today’s Thanksgiving dinner. Sirius has taken the lead in cooking department and was very emphatic about his dislike towards people interfering and commenting about his cooking skills, so Remus has been smart enough to steer clear from his way. However, as the game finishes at Marlene and Dorcas’ apartment, who were also their neighbors, Remus gets up and tells them that he’ll meet later. He is always hopeful when Marlene and Dorcas are left alone because there is always a chance was for them stop their pining and finally becomes more than just roommates.

He comes in his and Sirius’ apartment, and finds that Sirius is looking drop-dead gorgeous, wearing muggle clothes. Half buttoned red collar shirt, black pants and  damp hair dripping into his silver eyes, which means he just came out from a shower as the scent of tropical shower gel is also mixing with the aroma of turkey filling the room. Sirius looks up when he senses his presence, and beams up with the widest smile. Remus smiles back but then the other one is smiling for too long, and also there is something strange about that smile—something uncomfortable—as if he is sitting on a cactus plant but struggling to pretend that all is well.

“So guess who’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner?” Sirius says, still smiling weirdly.

“Filch and Mrs. Norris?” Remus jokes, and flops down on the sofa in Sirius’ direction.

“I miss James.” Sirius rolls his eyes, “No, Effie and Monty!”

“Oh that’s great!” Remus relaxes, “They haven’t seen the place since I moved in.”

Suddenly, Sirius is grinning a little too wide, and looking anywhere but him.

“Yeah, and if you don’t mention that we live together that’ll be great! I was thinking about eating around 4!” He says all that in one breath, and Remus has to take a second to process of those words, and then it hit him.

“Why can’t I tell them that we live together?” Remus asks, trying his best to ignore the way Sirius was becoming jumpy and nervous as he starts to stir something white in the bowl.

“Cause they don’tknowthatwearedating. Do you think we should eat in the kitchen?”

“Why haven’t you told them?” Remus asks, a little confused.

“Well…ummm,” Sirius finally looks at him, his eyes guilty and soft, “I was going to, I really was, but at some part out of nowhere, I didn’t.”

Remus was too much concentrated on the way Sirius was becoming too much fidgety that it was almost entertaining to watch him, but he retaliates anyway.

“What!? Why haven’t you told them? Wouldn’t they be happy? I mean they mean so much to you! They are just as your parents as James’—“

“SO! DINNER IN THE KITCHEN AROUND FOUR! I’LL SEE YOU THEN!” Sirius’ voice is raised, and his face is a too sardonic to keep Remus from chuckling a little.

“Sirius…” Remus calls him in a singing voice which never fails to dissipate the tension from Sirius’ body, as he stops and looks at him with big puppy eyes, “Why wouldn’t they be happy?”

“Well, umm, because, umm mainly,” Remus is getting irritated until the other finally says, “They don’t like you.”

“WHAT!?” Remus is gaping at him because not even in his drunken mind he ever had the thought that James’ parents would not like hm. They were too good to take Sirius in as their second son, the Potters were the only pureblood family to be the best in their hospitality, and were very much embracing as they didn’t object when Sirius told them that he was gay.

“I’m sorry! Remus!” Sirius becomes jumpy again, advancing at Remus to calm him.

“Why! Why don’t they like me??”

“I don’t know…I mean maybe you are very quiet and sarcastic...and that may consider to be rude or something…or maybe because when you are reading, you don’t respond people who are trying to tell you an idea for making your bed a little hotter?”

Remus crosses his arms, looks at Sirius, deadpanned face.

“Is this why they don’t like me, or you don’t like me?”

Sirius smiles guiltily, “I know I should’ve told them, and I don’t really care what they think, love, but I’m sorry.”

“You know what, it’ll be okay!” Remus suddenly feels optimistic because of course, it’s not Sirius’ fault and he hates to see the guilt in his eyes, “Because when they come over, I will be all charming. I will make them fall in love with me, and then we’ll tell them.”

“You really think that would work?” Sirius’ silver eyes lights up.

“Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe. Won you over didn’t I?” Sirius laughs and leans in to brush his nose with his.

“I don’t think my parents would ever be a hopeless romantic like me.” They kiss the tension away, and then after waits for James, Peter and Marlene to come over for the dinner. Apparently, Dorcas have just moved in with Marlene, and according to her, she is going to meet some of her dancer friends to celebrate Thanksgiving, much to Marlene and Peter’s enthusiasm because Hot dancer friends and hopeless singles? Why Not?

The Potters comes to Sirius and Remus’ apartment, and there is all meet and greet session going on before Sirius exclaims, not at all coping with his subtlety, “Look! Look who it is! It’s Remus, Mom and Dad!”

“Oh it’s so great to see you, Remus.” Mrs. Potter smiles funnily, apparently not reaching her eyes, while Mr. Potter is just staring at him with his narrowing eyes but Remus is determined to change their impression about him.

“Mr. and Mrs. Potter, you look wonderful and it’s great to have you here! Let us take off your coats!” Remus can see the confused looking Potters, as he reaches for Mr Potter’s shoulder, “Woah! Snowing out in the Hollows?” He wants to slap himself for his needy sarcasm because there is a painful silence and Sirius is giving him THE glare.

“No.” Mr. Potter replies, walking away to sit in the living room.

“You are going to be fine, sweetheart.” Sirius slips his arm to tug Remus by his waist, “Just be yourself…but not too much.” He quickly pecks him on the cheek and scurries away to sit with the Potters.

In the meantime, Remus goes over to James who is in a heated discussion with Marlene.

“Hey, Prongs? Your parents like me, don’t they?” Remus asks.

“Pfft! Of course! They like you.” His eyes still on Marlene casting a delicate spell of the dessert Lily has made for the dinner.

“Pads just told me that they don’t?”

“Yeah, they don’t like you.” His eyes were still on the glass tray.

Sirius’ eyes are wandering around even though Mrs. Potter is talking to him with such amusement about her new neighbor.

“Honestly, Sirius, you should meet her! Her son is your age and is so cute—“ but she stops when Mr. Potter clears his throat a little prominently, slightly shaking his head. “Yeah I might stop myself, but you should meet him! He is such a nice kid.”

Remus can see the discomfort etched to Sirius’ face as he won’t stop scrunching his nose, but then he is gesturing him to come and sit among them. Remus does nothing but obey him.

“So, dad, Remus is one of James’ best friends! You remember him right?” Sirius beams up.

“James sure is a great guy!” Remus interjects, thinking hard of something eloquent and of course, charming, “I’ve always felt how a young man turns out as a reflection on his father.”

 This pretty seems like a success, because there is nothing sarcastic about it. The tone was okay, the words were just fine, hope the smile is not too wide.

“Uh huh.” However, Mr. Potter doesn’t seem to cooperate with him as he takes a sip from his wine, and Sirius’ facial expressions are now coming out too strongly.

Mrs. Potter comes to sit beside Mr. Potter, and now James is here to with his stupid grin and messy hair.

“Oh, Mum!” Sirius jumps on his chair which almost jerks Remus out from his, “Remus was just saying that he likes your cardigan.”

“Oh, thank you, Remus. I just bought it.” Mrs. Potter is smiling which makes Remus excited.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s very beautiful! It’s crème colored and tight and—“ WHAT!? TIGHT!?

Now everyone is staring at him, and he couldn’t feel more mortified.

“I did not mean tight—I mean not too tight—not that I was looking—I mean why would I look because I’m—“

Sirius elbows him to stop. James doesn’t stop sniggering, and Mr. and Mrs. Potter has a resigned look on their faces.

“What’s the matter with him?” Mr. Potter is now whispering but werewolves can hear still, right?

“I think he’s stoned again.” Mrs. Potter whispers back before Sirius gasps. Oh he heard that, too.

“What?” He is glaring now.

“Dude! I need to talk to you.” James is flushed red as he grabs Remus by his arm, dragging him to the room. Remus is feeling hot and cold, and he has an urge to hit someone in the face. Maybe James.

Once there were in the room, James begins, “Okay…I think I know why my parents don’t like you.”

“You do!? Why?”

“Okay look, we were young,” James chuckles hesitantly but Remus doesn’t join, “Okay, after fourth year, summer holidays happened. I got high in my bedroom. And then my parents walked in and smells it. So I said that you were here who got stoned and jumped out of my window to escape.”

“What!? Why did you do that!?” Remus is almost there in hitting the other’s face.

“I don’t know…you were the first name that popped in my head. I’m sorry!”

“What about Sirius!?”

“I knew that wouldn’t be believable because he comes from Noble house of Black! But look I didn’t think it would matter—“

“How can that not matter!?” Remus is surprised at his voice becoming so high-pitched.

“How was I supposed to know that we’ll become closer after you told us about your furry little problem? And also and most importantly how was I supposed to know that you’ll end up living with Sirius after Hogwarts, who happens now to be my adopted brother!”

“What about that all Friends Forever stuff?”

“I don’t know…I was all high…” James is trying his best to make out puppy eyes, but no, Remus is not going to fall for them 

Then the door is slammed shut as an angry looking Sirius is in the room. Remus turns to face him, and he looks very cute. Is this the time? Says a small voice in his brain.

“Mum and Dad sent me here to find out that if you” He points at Remus, “were getting James stoned!?”

Remus tells everything in one breathe, and is little entertained to watch Sirius getting enraged as if someone has lit him up by fire. Before Remus knows it he is lunging at James to rip him out.

“You’re—dead! Son of—“ He is hitting, but more like pinching, squeezing James, who is murmuring ‘sorry’s’ Remus pulls his boyfriend back, as much as he is enjoying the fight, he knows that it’s no use of getting defensive at each other because the problem still lies within.

“Look, that’s not going to help. James, you tell the truth to your parents.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay I’ll tell them.” James sets his dangling glasses on the bridge of his nose, while Sirius is still glaring daggers at him. He slips out of the room carefully away from Sirius’ thundering rage, leaving him and Remus alone in the room.

“Okay, so I guess it will be alright.” Sirius sighs, looking extremely tempting. Remus holds him by the waist which seeps away the tension from Sirius’ body. He makes a humming sound and buries his face in the taller boy’s chest.

“I’m glad you’re shorter than me.” Remus says in his hair

“Why?” A very grumpy and muffled voice reaches him, immediately making him laugh.

“Because you can relax your whole self in my arms when you are having a tough day.”

There is silence but Sirius has held him a little tighter now, then the muffled voice returns again, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

 The dinner goes on, and clearly James is trying his best to avoid the conversation with his parents.

“Why is it so important for Sirius?” Marlene says to Remus while eating the leftover yams from Lily’s plate, “I mean he doesn’t have to care. Just tell Mr. and Mrs. Potter that you guys are dating and living together, going to get married soon, and have kids like a happily after…”

Remus is staring at her how she is not at all interested, while making eyes at Dorcas who has just stopped by to borrow a bowl for her party.

“Is there something in your yams? Or is that just the effect of pining after your roommate?”

“Shut up.” Marlene scoffs, finally meeting his eyes. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“The Potters are Sirius’ only family. Can’t you see they call him ‘son’ and he calls them ‘Mom and Dad.’ He needs their approval too, and I understand that. I would have felt the same if my parents didn’t like Sirius which they don’t the way I want them to, because apparently he is a Black.”

“Yeah, but come on, your parent at least know that you guys are serious about each other. I meant SIRIUS.”

“Ha-Ha. That joke’s a hundred million years older now.”

The dessert is served, and nobody is looking forward to the mishap Lily has done. Trifle! Who doesn’t like a trifle? Except that it is not a complete trifle but also a shepherd’s pie. So it’s a no-no. 

“It tastes like feet!” Peter whispers harshly when everyone has left from kitchen to the living room.

“I like it.” Remus snapped his head up from his plate to see Marlene eating it passionately.

“Are you kidding?” He snorts.

“Well, what’s not to like? Custard? Good! Jam? Gooood! Beef? GOOOOOD!!”

Remus can say he is not that surprised because Marlene has two most foremost things in her life which includes food and being a raging lesbian.

Sirius has thrown his dessert from the balcony, and is currently convincing Lily that a pigeon ruined his dessert.

“So the bird grabbed it? And try to fly away with it…and then just dropped in on the street?” She asks, utterly confused.

“But if it’s any consolation before the pigeon dropped it, he seems to enjoy it.” Sirius replies while Remus has to keep a hand on his mouth to secure the laughter bubbling out of him.

James is still sitting with Marlene and Peter, not making any effort to do his job. Sirius glares at him probably the fourteenth time.

“James, let’s go.” He says, as Remus is sitting in the living room, watching the scene.

“Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking maybe writing a letter.” He tries to laugh with Sirius who has a stony face.

“You know what, you had your chance.” He turns away to step towards Mr. and Mrs. Potter sitting on the couch. “Mom, Dad, James smoked weed in fourth year.”

“What!?” They both says in a unison.

“You are such a tattletale!” James hisses, and then sheepishly sits in front of his parents, “Mom, Dad…umm remember in the summer holidays, when you walked in my room and smelled the you-know-what.”

“Yes.” His parents says in unison again, but this time their glares are fixed at Remus.

“Well, I told you it was Remus who smoked it but it was me…I am sorry…”

“It was you?” Mrs. Potter looks hurt. However, Remus can see Sirius still not looking contented with the situation.

“And, Dad, you know that employee who you fired from your hair potion company, he didn’t burst the batch of glass bottles, James did!”

James looks stunned as Mr. Potter is looking at him with a disappointed look.

“The chandelier in the dining hall didn’t break because of the thunderstorm coming from the opened window, Sirius’ spell did!” James retorts.

“James has been suspended from working in the Ministry for eight months!”

The Potters gasps.

“SIRIUS AND REMUS ARE LIVING TOGETHER!” It was Remus’ turn to gasp, but Sirius was raging like a dog who has been hit on its tail.

“JAMES MARRIED MY BROTHER WHILE HE WAS DRUNK, THEN GOT DIVORCED!”

“I’m in love with my roommate!” Marlene yells from her table.

“I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle.” Lily says apologetically.

“I WANNA GOOOO!” Peter shouts, looking bored.

Remus is taking a while to process all of that has happened but eager to see how the Mr. and Mrs. Potter are going to deal with it.

“That’s a lot of information to get in 30 seconds.” Mr. Potter is rubbing his temples.

But then Mrs. Potter stands up, “Peter, if you want to leave just leave.”

“And no, Lily dear, you were not supposed to put beef in the dessert. It did not taste good.”

Lily looks sad, but Marlene is convincing her that she loved it.

“And I’m sorry, Marlene, but I think you should start by confessing your feelings to your roommate.” Mrs. Potter continues. “Sirius, love,” She smiles at him, “Why did you have to hide the fact that your important relationship is beyond me?”

“And we kind of figured about the broken chandelier, son.” Mr. Potter is also smiling now.

“James…” Mrs. Potter turns to her son with an upset look, “Drugs…Divorce?”

“What happened, son?” Mr. Potter asks.

“I got tricked into all those things…” James tries to defend himself but actually trails off.

Remus feels his heart thudding in his chest.

“Remus!” Mrs. Potter exclaims and he abruptly stands up from his chair, “You’ve been James’ best friend all these years, stuck by fighting his drug problem!”

James huffs while Sirius snorts.

“And now you take in up on Sirius as well! I don’t know what to say...” Mrs. Potter chuckles and then says, “You are a wonderful human being!”

Remus almost screams, “Thank you!”

“No, Thank” Mr. Potter gets up and kisses Remus’ cheek, “YOU!”

Remus can feel that he has never smiled so wide.

“James and Sirius, I don’t know what I am going to do about the two of you.”

They both look miserable, and Remus can recall their Hogwarts times when they would receive detentions and Mcgonacall would ask him to make the two of them realize their mistake and never do it again.

“I’ll talk to them.” Remus says, smiling ear to ear, as he is sandwiched in Mr. and Mrs. Potter’s embrace.

[oureuphoria]

Worst of You - JJK Final

You meet him under horrible circumstances but everything feels perfect when you’re with him. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. He, however, is a police officer with years worth of built-up turmoil and an inability to make attachments. Or “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X  collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2,834

Warnings: None but let me know if you find me. 

Note: I’m so sorry for the really late update BUT I had to finish my paper first! Wow, let me just say I am very, very, thankful to have such amazing, wonderful people who read this fic and I love each and every single one of you so so so much. Thank you for reading and thank you for allowing me to share this with you. This is just the beginning and I have many ideas that are yet to hit paper so this will not be goodbye. Once again, thank you to everyone for reading and I love you all!  

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

Jungkook promised himself he wouldn’t get sad over you. He tried so hard to stop himself from getting attached and yet here he was, 2 weeks later, unable to focus on a single thing at work. Jungkook spent his entire Saturday moping around his apartment, he recalled how he used to spend Saturday nights, clubbing and one-night-stands, but now none of that appealed to him. You had ruined Jungkook, now he couldn’t even look at a girl the way he used to because he always thought of you instead. On Sunday he was invited out with his brother’s family, his niece and nephew were constantly asking about you and Jungkook couldn’t help but grow sadder each time. He didn’t know why he missed you, or how he even could miss you when he swore to himself he wasn’t attached. It was a Monday and Jungkook was at work again, staring at the same paper for 20 minutes with an empty head. Mel approached him with a coffee. “What’s wrong?” Jungkook gratefully took the cup from her hand as she sat on the chair in front of his desk, where you used to sit. Jungkook scolded himself mentally for thinking of you but no matter how many times he did it, his mind would come back to you.

Mel felt bad for what she did, it was eating her alive and yet she knew if she told him he’d never forgiven her, especially since he lost Y/N.  She was jealous, unaware of the fact that her love for him wasn’t as platonic as she thought it was. It never bothered her before because he was alone but when he wasn’t, all her emotions came cascading upon her as she let her jealousy overrule her rationality. Jealousy was a horrible emotion that caused people to do reckless things, Jungkook knew it, Mel knew it and back at your dorm, you knew it too.

“I’m so stupid! I screwed it all up just because I’m an insecure, jealous little bitch!” You were angrily throwing pillows around as you ranted to Jimin who just came into your room to borrow your laptop charger. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure if you apologize he will understand.” You fell back onto your bed, sighing. “I tried. I called, I messaged, I even went to the station but the receptionist said he didn’t want to see me.” He softly stroked your head as you pouted at the ceiling, he was grateful you stopped crying but your anger was more annoying than your tears. “Make a grand gesture or something, like they do in the movies. You know, with the whole rocks on windows thing and the poetic love letters.” You grabbed one of the pillows you haphazardly threw and aimed it at him. “Except, I’m not 15, this isn’t a movie and he lives in a penthouse; I can’t throw rocks that far up, Jimin!” He threw the pillow back at you and soon enough it became a pillow war.

“Wait!” Jimin’s hand stopped midway through the air. “I have an idea!” Jimin looked at you weirdly but put the pillow down to listen. “What if I reverse ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ and write a letter about all the reasons he should forgive me?” Jimin looked at you blankly, not catching on. “Writing on paper is literally the only thing I’m good at, Jimin!” He smiled before rushing you to get ready while he left the room. Once Jimin was outside, he silently prayed that the letter would work, post-break-up Y/N was the worst Y/N.

“I know he doesn’t want to see me but could you just give this to him-” “Y/N!” Mel’s voice startled you, causing you to drop the letter. You quickly picked it up though in the process you gave yourself a paper cut. Perhaps it shouldn’t have been 4 pages long. “Y/N, I have to apologize about something.” Mel had explained that she had lied to you, and even went further to explain everything you were suspicious about with Jungkook, even covering his fears about his mother. You spoke for about 20 minutes before she told you he was upstairs, at his desk, on his lunch break. Although what she had told you was a lot to take in, you found that the only thing you could think about then was apologizing to Jungkook. You took the letter and zoomed upstairs with Mel’s permission.

The second Jungkook saw you he felt his eyes poke out of his head. He wasn’t expecting to see you, especially not with a huge smile on your face.

“Before you yell at me and tell me to leave, let me explain. Throughout my entire life, the only safe place I had was my mind and I’ve grown to live in it sometimes and despite my unhealthy attachment to it, it hates me. I overthink a lot and whenever I do my mind runs off to the worst possible scenario and my mind turns into pure chaos. It’s not an excuse because it doesn’t justify me accusing you of something you didn’t do and I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you first but you have to know it wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with you. I understand if you don’t want to forgive me but you must accept this apology letter as a sign of my extreme remorse. It contains all the reasons why I believe you should forgive me because I am very, very bad at talking-” before you could finish your rambling, Jungkook interrupted you.

“Y/N, I’m busy, I don’t have time to read your letter right now.” Your smile fell, but you were persistent. “It’s okay I can read it out to you!” He shook his head, picking up the remains of his lunch and throwing it into his bin. You began reading it but he stopped you again “You should go.” You frowned, getting upset because this wasn’t going to plan and you didn’t have a plan B. “But I still have 4 pages left…” You looked like you were going to cry and Jungkook wasn’t sure he could handle it before anything else happened though, Mel interrupted.

“I lied to Y/N.” You looked up at her, shocked and confused because you could almost swear she wasn’t standing there before. “I lied to her about where you were that Friday, that’s why she thought you were cheating.” Jungkook’s face looked mad but his eyes looked hurt. He was betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust, and at that moment, he couldn’t bear to look at either of you. He ignored her confession, stood up and went on his way. “Wales. Hurry up, we have shit to do.” The man quickly picked up racing after he and Mel winced at the sight. “Poor Wales, he’s going to have to deal with the short end of the stick.” Your eyes went to her face, she wasn’t worried at all. “Aren’t you worried he won’t forgive you?” She smiled down at you before saying something that left you perplexed. “I hope he doesn’t.” She walked off right after leaving you with nothing but your racing mind. You grabbed a post-it-note off his table and wrote in all caps ‘PLEASE READ!!’ With a smiley face that followed, you stuck it onto the letter and left it on his desk.

Jungkook said he wasn’t going to read it, he swore to himself he wouldn’t but how could he not when the note you left alone had him missing you like crazy. Fuck it. He thought, picking up the letter angrily. Each and every word made him miss you more and it wasn’t until he read the very last reason you’d written that he realized he needed to see you. He got up quickly, it was already after hours and now that he was corporal he could basically dismiss himself. He said his farewells to the chief and drove to you as fast as (legally) possible. He didn’t go into your dorm building, he parked in front of it and leaned on his car staring at the establishment with an overactive mind. What if you didn’t want to see him? Then what? Jungkook messaged you to go outside and you read it instantly, after a couple of minutes he was worried you weren’t going to come.

Eventually, your small frame squeezed through the tiny opening of the door you managed to open, he remembered you always complaining about how the door was too heavy. “Did you read it?” He smiled at how cute you were, your optimistic eyes clearly hoped for a happy ending. He nodded and the smile you had been fighting back was beaming on your face. “Y/N, I hated it.” Your smile dropped, your face significantly sadder. “Why? Was there a typo? I was rushing so-” “You got the last reason wrong.” You furrowed your eyebrows, you remember faintly that the last reason had simply been you confessing your love to him, you didn’t understand what was wrong.

Jungkook was fishing through the pockets of his coat. “You wrote ‘Reason number 10: I love you. I know you’ve heard me say it before and I know you’re not quite there but I feel like it is a pivotal reason because I think you’re unaware of just how much I love you. P.S. it’s a lot.’ You nodded in reply, you had indeed written that but you weren’t sure what was wrong with it. “Y/N, you wrote that I didn’t love you but you are so terribly wrong.” You felt as if your heart had stopped beating and you were impatiently waiting for him to spit it out. “I love you, Y/N. I don’t know why but from that very first interrogation, I knew I had to get to know you. I’m not sure how I fell in love with you. Maybe it was your weird obsession with those cheese balls from the café that you stared at more than you ate, or your clumsiness that had you adorably tripping all the time, or how excited you got over a good report grade, or your kind, sweet, heart that forgives more than it should. You forgave me every time I screwed up and yet you didn’t expect anything from me. It’s been rough and we’ve both screwed up a lot, although I will admit it was mostly me, I realized that I would much rather exhaust myself fighting for you than rest with someone else.”

“That’s not fair!” Your voice broke in the middle of the sentence because you had started crying. Jungkook was quick to pull you into a hug. “No, baby, don’t cry. What’s not fair?” You spoke into his chest and although it was muffled it was still coherent. “How are you so good at talking?” He let out a chuckle but stopped laughing when you forced yourself out of his arms and started rubbing your cheek. “What’s wrong?” “Your vest hurt my face.” He apologized through laughter which you found mocking and he roughly pinched the cheek you were trying to soothe and you angrily slapped his hand away. “I missed you, princess.” “Well, I miss not having sore cheeks, you bully!” You were genuinely mad because the man you loved just told you he loved you back and all you could think about was how much your cheek hurt.

“But you promised!” You whined while pulling his unresponsive body back and forth.  “Y/N, no.” He pulled you off of him out of annoyance but you couldn’t back down, not with so much at stake. “You promised that if I didn’t rant to you about the shows I was watching for a whole month then you would watch The Office with me!” Jungkook slowly put his laptop down on the coffee table and turned to you, holding both of your hands in his. “Baby, this may come as a shock to you but, I lied.” You sighed in frustration before angrily storming off to your room. Jungkook picked up his laptop to continuing working. Soon after he began to grow afraid of the fact that you may actually be mad at him so he put his laptop back onto the coffee table and slowly made his way to his room, he opened the door ever so slowly and peaked in to see you wrapped up in a blanket, frowning as you watched The Office on your TV.

Jungkook smiled and opened the door completely, violently unwrapping you from your self induced blanket burrito causing you to roll out off of the bed. “Oh shit, sorry.” You didn’t say a word, still evidently mad at him. “The silent treatment, over this?” Jungkook gestured at the screen looking unimpressed. “Excuse me, The Office is one of the most iconic sit-coms to ever be televised in the existence of sit-coms, you’re just uncultured.” Jungkook was having a dilemma, was he supposed to be glad you were speaking to him again or be mad over the fact that you had called him uncultured. “I just don’t understand the hype around sit-coms it’s basically the same situation over and over with different variables-” You slapped your hand onto his mouth to shut him up. “You already ruined Brooklyn 99 for me, keep this to yourself.”

After an entire year of being together, your dynamic was still yet to change. You both still acted like 12-year-old frenemies and madly in love adults simultaneously and you wouldn’t trade it for the world but in moments like such, the urge to strangle him was unbearable. “See this is why we can’t have nice things, Kook.” You folded your arms as you laid back onto the bed but Jungkook was committed to ensuring you didn’t go to bed angry. After several minutes of tense silence, the clock hit midnight and Jungkook whispered into your ear, “happy birthday, Y/N.” You tried to fight back a smile but you couldn’t no matter how hard you tried. You turned to him, smiling bitterly before whispering back, “Happy Anniversary, Jungkook.”

[silver-wield]

The Promise Analysis (Cloti)

Sorry about that, Nonny, I relate the promise between Tifa and Cloud to some of the stuff that happens during their resolution and went full tin hatter on it.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recapping for anyone who's forgotten the basics – cause I assume by this point you're ok with spoilers and me pointing that out is kinda dumb lol

So, chapter 4 and it's mission time with the trio – I love these dorks, especially Wedge, he is my child and if he's dead Imma riot. Jessie is off being sneaky and it's up to Cloud and co to play tag with the security team.

As Charlie Biggs (if you got the ref kudos) explains the plan, Cloud looks up at the night sky — which is a whole lot different to the one we fade up to and I personally wonder what it was about that sky that made him recall the promise to Tifa. Was it just the fact he'd been talking to her and it was his first time he'd paid attention to it? Before that he was under the plate and before that he was in the reactor, so I guess it's safe to assume this is his first chance to relate the two things.

Ok, after the fade in, we're treated to a pretty damn romantic set up. The water tower, the night sky and lil Cloud waiting for Tifa.

In the OG it mentions he waited for so long he started getting really cold, but he stuck it out because he wanted to see her and hoped she'd show. That's an OG lifestream detail not in the first OG promise scene, but let's assume for now it's gonna get a callback in the Remake. That means bby Cloud has been sitting there waiting for Tifa for a while now.

Ok, call her a thirteen year old bitch if you feel good about yourselves here, but she's thirteen and her dad is super overprotective. He stopped Cloud from playing with Tifa after she had an accident at 8 that wasn't Cloud's fault and in fact if he hadn't been there she'd have died on the mountain because nobody would've known where she was. Ok? Ok.

So, he's been waiting, and it's clear he's nervous – he looks so fucking cute I just can't stand it! Nervous fidgeting, balled fist, head down, mouth pulled into a pretty grim line. He thinks she's not coming, but still he's waiting for her.

Sorry, just to further hit home the above points. That is the face of a boy who is desperately hoping the girl he likes is gonna show, but has half given up hope. There's sadness in his eyes and a tensing along his jaw line. This boy is disappointed and my heart breaks for him.

Going back to that focus in on Cloud's eyes before the flashback and we can see here the massive difference mako makes to the colour. Cloud's eyes are a deep blue, while his mako infused eyes are blue/green. I get why he goes on about them a lot because he's probably not used to seeing them like that yet; maybe he never will be. Tifa's comment was about the look in his eyes – which I touched on in a comment I made while replaying. Tifa isn't focused on the colour, she's dismayed he has such a hard look in his eyes and when you compare the look in this boy's eyes, it's clear to see what she's getting at. This Cloud is the real Cloud and he is soft as fuck and trying to look tough.

GODDAMNIT!! There's way too many good moments to grab for this analysis! Look at this precious boy! All but folding under the weight of disappointment! But, what's this in the bg? Our heroine, here at last!

If anyone anyone tries to say Cloud didn't have a great stonking crush on Tifa as a kid then please tell me what this means if it isn't he's gutted he's waited and waited and she didn't show.

We don't know why she's late – maybe Remake will clear that up for us – but I'm guessing she couldn't sneak out or maybe, judging by the amount she's dressed up, she was doing the typical girly thing and couldn't decide what to wear, asking herself if this is a date and second guessing why Cloud called her to the water tower – which is known as a romantic meeting place. Whatever the reason, she's thirteen, sheltered – thanks to her dad – and naturally shy. Maybe she worried herself into a state about whether she should go and had to find her courage to meet Cloud. She likes him just as much as he likes her remember. It's canon, don't argue.

Now, her face is this bit is out of focus, but that's nothing to my weirdly myopic eagle eyes – it's a very specific gift. Tifa's smiling. That we can tell even before she's fully in shot. There's a bunching of the cheek muscles that tells us that. She's pleased he's still there. Obviously, she can't read his body language, but she'd probably be a bit upset to realise she upset him. Because she's not actually a bitch like some people like to claim. Sorry, but she's thirteen. How threatened are yall that you gotta call a thirteen year old girl a bitch and try to erase how important she is in Cloud's childhood just to further your own ends? Seriously, get help.

Sorry for the janky, but this is a transition between focus so it's not gonna be great anyway. Here we can see Cloud's expression when Tifa says heya. Eyes open, wide with surprise. She showed. That's what his face is saying. He's trying hard not to show his emotions too much – I mean he is still Cloud and too cool for all that nonsense – but he's relieved. Maybe his heart even skips a beat, but I'm speculating. Her greeting is casual, reserved. Tifa. She’s being cute even though he’s not looking because she wants him to think she’s cute.

Tifa, ever respectful and respectable sits the right amount of difference away that both encourages Cloud she's interested in being near him, but doesn't over encourage him and make him think of her in a negative way. She's likely cultivated this on purpose – she's the mayor's daughter so she's always got to be proper – because she's got a lot of male friends and having any of them get the wrong idea would be bad. You'll notice in her other flashbacks where the boys feature that she's not sitting too close to any of them and they're running around her, not touching or anything. They're satellites that revolve around her because she is untouchable to them. Because she's the mayor's daughter and has to be a good girl all the time. This is further evidence that goes towards Tifa's overall personality. She's very careful and respectful to people. She doesn't go out of her way to offend anyone unless she has no choice. Though she's a skilled fighter, she's very slow to anger and tries to look on the bright side as much as she can, despite the tragedy in her life. (I'm gushing, I know, but she's such a great multifaceted character and way more than the tropes people shove on her to make her into nothing).

Where was I?

Right. So, in direct contrast to their later conversation during the chapter 14 resolution, here we see Cloud with his back to Tifa and her with her head tilting, inviting him to confide in her. Yes, there really are that many awesome parallels purposely inserted in this game and that's why you need to take more than one look.

From her face we can conclude she's optimistic. She's smiling and doesn't look like someone who's expecting a bomb to drop any second – Cloud if you only turned around you wouldn't have gone through this shit. Sure, you'd have likely died when Sephiroth came to town, but hey, you'd have gone out with your childhood sweetheart lol

What she's probably expecting is for Cloud – who has purposely invited her to the watertower hot dating spot – to ask her out. And since she's there and dressed up, we could conclude she'd accept him.

Cloud is trying to find the cool words he wants to say that'll motivate Tifa to miss him, maybe even push her into saying, “No, don't go,” because even though he's fourteen, Cloud is no good at talking to women. This is just one of his character traits. It's why we wanna strangle him over the Triangle. Bby Cloud is hardly better than adult Cloud, but at least bby Cloud knows he likes Tifa.

Bomb dropped. Kaboom. Poor bby Tifa. Look how disappointed and upset she is. She wasn't expecting this one bit! She looked so hopeful in the seconds before Cloud's hesitant declaration, only it wasn't the kind she hoped for. I wouldn't go so far as to say she's crushed, but she's upset, that's for sure. Her brows have come together and she's turned away from Cloud because she doesn't want him to see how she looks in this moment. She's trying to put a brave face on it, but bby Tifa isn't as good as her grown up self. You can see the mouth trying to form a smile, but the eyes have a different expression in them.This is again seen in chapter 14 when Tifa tries to put a brave face on for Cloud before breaking down. 

Shots fired! Tifa goes for dismissive and succeeds! Never mess with a girl with a crush lol

Cloud was trying to get a reaction out of her, but she got one out of him instead. Brave face wins. Well, what did you expect? She's the mayor's daughter and raised on being proper.

He stutters that he's not like the other boys – so cute – and shows off his lofty dreams. He's trying so hard to impress her. He only has these dreams because of the incident when they were smaller where her father said if Cloud can't take care of Tifa then he has no right being around her. This is what drove Cloud to distance himself from Tifa and her friends. Talk about shoving an inferiority complex and identity disorder on a kid. I get it, the mayor was worried about his daughter, but Cloud didn't deserve the bear the brunt of his anger and blame. Still, the fact that nine year old Cloud took that, held onto it for five years and still decided to pursue Tifa by becoming a SOLDIER has huge meaning for them. He was nine. Ok, for argument's sake let's say he didn't have a crush on her, but they were friends and he was told he wasn't good enough to hang with her. So, thanks to propaganda he gets it in his head that SOLDIERS are the best and if he's one of them he'll be good enough for her father to let him see Tifa again. We're not told at any point – nor shown it – that Tifa is only interested in Cloud if he's this elite who can impress her. Remember, she already likes him. Look at what she's wearing compared to him ffs. This girl – again – dressed for a date with Mr Oblivious. Yes, I'm rolling my eyes. Yes, I want to smack him upside the head. Yes, I know he's 14, I meant adult Cloud.

Back to it. The look on his face here is one of “she thinks I'm like the others? I'll prove I'm not. I'm better than that. I can be next to her if I prove myself.” At this point, he's definitely gone from wanting to be around her in a friendship capacity to borderline romantic. I mean, he did call her out to the watertower. Did I mention that? A few times? Because it's significant. He's frustrated she compared him to her friends – no she didn't friendzone him, she likes him. He thinks she friendzoned him. Kids are frustrating and the adult versions aren't much better.

Shots fired part two! Points to Cloud this time! Smug lil fucker, I see that smirk!

Okay, so Cloud says he's gonna be like Sephiroth and at this point in time Sephiroth isn't batshit crazy, he's someone to be admired. Tifa to be fair, doesn't sound impressed, but she's humouring Cloud. Then, she says, “Isn't it hard to become a SOLDIER?” And Cloud replies with “Yes, so I won't be back for a long time.”

Okay, now. This is definitely to get a reaction. The smirk on his face is saying that he's partly getting her back for her earlier shot and partly trying to goad a reaction from her because he thinks he didn't get one before – this is why eye contact matters.

Tifa, for her part, doesn't look happy. He's got a reaction out of her, but it'd be really super helpful if he was facing her to see it. Because he isn't, she can get away with a breezy reply that makes him think she doesn't care.

I'm sorry, can I just say serves you right and leave it at that? Seriously, Cloud, don't mess with girls when you can barely form coherent sentences most of the time. What did he expect? She'd throw herself on him, clinging, crying and begging him not to go? Probably. Once again, our angsty hero is on the backfoot in their conversation. This is why eye contact matters. He's looking a bit gutted at her reaction. He likely hoped for more and got far less than he wanted. It's no wonder he goes to Midgar and doesn't approach her when he comes back as a grunt. He's carrying this presumed disappointment around with him that stops him from seeing her. (I can't really go more into CC events since I haven't played it and I've only seen a few bits and pieces, but what I got from it was Cloud is an idiot.)

Tifa asking if he'll be in the papers is both a brush off towards his baiting and also she's trying to encourage him. This is his dream. He called her out of the house late at night to tell her – just her – that this is what he's gonna do. Of course she won't stop him. She's not that kind of girl. She's supportive and kind. She doesn't understand that Cloud's doing it for her – I honestly don't think it enters her mind at any point until he reveals it OG during the lifestream sequence. She's pretty much as oblivious as he is and assumes they're just really close friends and her attraction is all one sided; same as he does about her.

Ah ha! Tifa thinks, realising that Cloud's lukewarm effort to be in the papers won't be enough to satisfy her. If Cloud's going to become a SOLDIER, then he'll be a hero – like Sephiroth. What do heroes do? Save people. He said he won't be home for a long time, but there's even less guarantee he'd come back at all, and she wants to see him again, even if it's just once. She can't leave Nibelheim. As the mayor's daughter she's got responsibilities to the people there – even though the town is dying out and nobody new is settling. Eventually, she'll be the only person her age left and maybe never hear from any of her friends again. But, she can't leave. She can't abandon the people. She'll be left, alone and lonely, until everyone’s gone. Her life wasted. But, she could see Cloud again and that makes her optimistic. Maybe she wouldn't mind the time so much if she thought she'd get to see him again. See that at least he's pursuing his dreams and he's happy with the direction his life took. Maybe she'd get one grand romantic gesture in her life if SOLDIER Cloud could save her.

Confused boi is confused. From Cloud's pov, he doesn't understand this odd request. He hasn't thought about Tifa saying everyone leaving means she's alone. He's only seen this from his pov, so he can't see why Tifa would need saving or how he would even know she needs him. He doesn't realise it's her way of trying to get some guarantee they'll meet again.

I mean, we can see he's trying to understand her. He's actually turned to look at her this time and his expression is searching, like he's looking for clues why she said this. He also invites her to explain by making a verbal cue.

And now that Cloud has her full attention – you know, the thing he was trying to get all along – he doesn't know what to do with it. He's flustered and awkward, and she's cajoling and turning on the charm, which she likely has in spades because mayor's daughter. I know I say that like it's a personality trait, but in part it is. She's had to learn decorum and everything that goes with it. She needs manners and good behaviour. She has to be just enough of an extrovert that she can attend functions – because even though I know I said the town is dying, they still have a reactor and that means they still get visits from important people. She can't show her dad or town up. In the Resolution analysis I made I said she hasn't been allowed to show emotion for five years since she arrived in Midgar, but it's very likely she's never been allowed to show much emotion. She's gotta be the doll. So, since she can't show she's sad, she goes for positive, and Cloud's frowning because he's not sure how he'll keep this promise she wants so bad and if she isn't interested in him then why is she asking for one anyway? Remember, they just did a do-si-do with each other's feelings acting like they don't like each other.

But then, oh look! Oh look! In the face of Tifa's unrelenting cheer and optimism, Cloud starts to smile. Eyes soften and the slightest lift at the corner of his mouth. He's starting to like the idea of being her hero. And it's just once and maybe from that one time save things would move forward for them. He's definitely not opposed to the idea – especially since he's the one who brings it up with Tifa later and she's pretty embarrassed at the reminder. The confusion from before could be because he thought she wasn't serious, but looking her dead in the eye – this is why eye contact matters – he sees she's serious. She wants him to be her hero. She wants to see him again and even offers a get out clause by saying “just once.” He doesn't have to do it forever or whenever she wants, just once. So, she can have hope she'll see him again some day.

And now we're back with the big idiot, who squeezes his eyes shut as he remembers Tifa in the bar earlier saying she feels trapped. Guilt likely pinches. Maybe he wonders if this was a hint she wanted his help – I'm wavering on this because she does say later she didn't expect this kind of thing when she asked for his promise – but if we go by choice of words alone it's leading. Then again, bby Tifa uses the word trapped, so it could just be a word that she feels comfortable using to describe her feelings. How we speak is made up of specific words we go to that feel right when we say them. It's just one of those things and why not everyone speaks the same even when they're from the same region or you have friend groups where you speak one way and other groups where you speak another.

From the dev pov I'm assuming it's meant to be a callback to the promise, but I wouldn't put it on Tifa doing it purposely to encourage Cloud to help her. If that makes sense.

And we close off with Cloud clenching his fist and resolving to help Tifa. To keep his promise.

At no point do we have confirmation from Tifa that the reason she asked Cloud to make a promise was to get a favour off him.

Conclusion

This is actually a very tragic scene from Tifa's pov. I've seen some people say this is because she's a young girl acting like a fairy princess, but I can't marry that idea with the gritty themes FF7 portrayed, and Remake does still hit those notes. Tifa is a young girl who had her romantic hopes dashed and she's looking for some kind of consolation from the boy she likes. He's leaving her. They're all leaving her. She'll be alone. She just wants hope that she'll see him again.

Is it manipulative? Yeah, ok, if that's how you see it. She's thirteen. Did I mention that? I'll say it again. She's thirteen, and one of the last people her age in town. Soon, she's gonna be the only one her age. She's lonely and doesn't want to lose everyone in her life. If you say that's manipulative by asking her crush make a promise so she can have hope she'd see him again, then go off I guess.

And let's touch on hope. Tifa is someone who has a lot of enduring hope – this is why I initially linked the ask to the resolution scene because the theme of hope runs through both. Tifa gets knocked down a lot. She's almost died several times, lost people close to her when they left town, lost Cloud when he left and still found a way to go on. She was never a damsel or trying to be one. She's wearing a cute dress because Cloud asked her out. She thought it was a date. Or she wanted it to be. And since when does wearing a dress make someone a weakling? Or does it only apply to Tifa because convenience?

After Cloud leaves, Tifa begins training every day. She learns from a master and develops her skills until she's at the peak. I mean, you've seen her fight. She kicks all the ass.

She wasn't sitting around like a damsel waiting for an opportunity for Cloud to come and save her. She got on with her life. She was happy at times, sad others. It was normal. She missed Cloud, I know that much from CC. She dressed up – again – hoping he'd be part of the group inspecting the reactor. She was disappointed when he wasn't there.

The promise between them wasn't about furthering a childhood romance or making Tifa someone Cloud couldn't get over. Neither of them was aware the other had feelings. It was awkward mutual oblivious crushing that clearly carried on for another two years until Cloud showed up with Zack, but didn't appear before Tifa because he’s that kind of idiot.

And what happened during the trip? Well, a lot of stuff, but the thing I know about is Sephiroth went batshit cray cray and slaughtered everyone in the town and then burnt it to the ground. He nearly killed Tifa. Cloud was there and that's what we see in his headache flashes about “I let you down again”.

He carries a lot of guilt about not being Tifa's hero, which is why he tries so hard to protect her. He made a promise to her that part of him believes he hasn't kept, but if it wasn't for him, she'd be dead. Again. He did save her. And he keeps on saving her. Not because of the debt of a promise but because he wants to be her hero. The real Cloud that's hidden deep within him, the one that made the original promise, the one that almost died saving her and got stuffed in a mako chamber for years until Zack rescued him, that Cloud wants to be Tifa's hero.

That's why after he recalls this moment – and it's one of the ones where he doesn't have a headache at all (just thought I'd mention that because certain people go on about how a specific scene is all Cloud not headachey Cloud whatever) – that he becomes focused on helping Tifa. He opens up both to her and others – check the camaraderie with the trio after the mission and him offering to walk Wedge home. 

This recollection of a promise is the first step for the real Cloud to finding his way back. That's why it anchors his development and that's why his and Tifa's relationship will never be less than something deep and meaningful.

[returnsandreturns]

@scumrunner asked for matt/foggy mutual pining and it ended up being law librarian!foggy AU which i hope is cool? it lives in my head and i jumped on the chance to enact it.

"You need to sleep," Foggy says. 

Matt would be annoyed because--yeah, he's aware, he must look like he's about to lose it at any second--but he likes that Foggy cares enough to say it.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead," he says, muffled with a pencil between his teeth and an armful of books that he drops unceremoniously onto the counter. 

"I'd miss you too much if you died," Foggy says, reaching up to pluck the pencil out of his mouth and drop it next to the books.. Matt feels a little startled, face getting hot. It feels weirdly significant that Foggy definitely just touched some of his saliva. Also, gross. But significant. "How many exams do you have left?" 

"All of them," Matt says, gravely.

"Will you make a deal with me?" Foggy asks, after a second. 

". . .maybe," Matt says. 

"Good future lawyer instincts," Foggy says, laughing. "If you let me show you the best place to nap in this library, I'll give you these books." 

"I'm pretty sure you're legally obligated to give me these books no matter what," Matt says, but he's smiling despite himself. He really likes Foggy. He'd probably try to figure out a way to be actual friends with him if he wasn't drowning in his course-load and way too busy to interact with humans that can't directly benefit him academically. 

Jesus Christ, he might be turning into a robot. 

"Sometimes the laws are wrong, Murdock, and you have to break them to do what's right," Foggy says, serenely, sweeping the books into a pile before rounding the desk and resting a warm hand on his shoulder. "Want to take my arm?"

Sometimes, Foggy will help him along when they're searching for something in the labyrinth of materials in the archives downstairs. He swears that it's haunted and that's the reason books end up scattered around the floor; Matt very purposefully does not tell him that he can hear people having sex down there more often than not. 

Matt's expecting Foggy to take him to a quiet corner or something but he just leads Matt behind the desk and into the office. 

"We're so understaffed that I'm basically the only one here at night," Foggy says. "If you need to crash for a minute, our crazy comfortable couch is all yours." 

". . .really?" Matt asks, softly. He reaches down to touch old, cracked leather, fingers running over a soft woven blanket. 

"I meant it when I said I'd miss you if you die," Foggy says, almost equally as soft. 

If Matt was being honest with himself, he wouldn't be trying to ignore the fact that the way he feels with Foggy being so nice to him, standing so close to him, is more than just wanting to be friends or thinking he's cool. He--he thinks Foggy is really cool. He's just not sure he has time to handle whatever crisis he could be having at any moment, that he's maybe been putting off since some scattered incidents in undergrad that made him question his perhaps overly optimistic heterosexuality.

". . .I really could use a nap," he admits, smiling helplessly at the sound of Foggy's heart.

"Great," Foggy breathes, then, a little more measured, "That's--that's great. I'll leave you to it." 

Matt wonders if they can both fit on the couch. 

If he's being honest with himself, it sounds pretty nice.

*

Foggy offers to wake him up and does so by shaking his arm gently and saying his name in this voice that's--tender is the only word that Matt can use to describe it but it's really been awhile since anybody's treated him tenderly.

"Hey," he murmurs, smiling sleepily up at him.

"Good sleep?" Foggy asks. 

It's the best Matt's had in months.

"Can I take this couch home?" Matt asks. 

"No," Foggy says, laughing. "I need a good reason to lure you back here." 

Matt wants to tell him that it wouldn't take much to lure him, not if Foggy's the one doing it, but that would make things weird. Even if Foggy's not just being funny, he's probably not allowed to help library patrons explore their repressed urges. He doesn't really know what you learn in library school but there's probably some sort of code of ethics involved.

"Alright," Matt says, sighing and sitting up so the blanket falls off of him. "Can I have my books now?"

"They're on the table next to you," Foggy says. "I'm a man of my word." 

"I respect that," Matt says, finding his backpack and shoving as many books as he can inside of it before slinging it over a shoulder, tucking the remainder under his arm. "See you next time?" 

"Yeah," Foggy says, sounding like he's smiling. "See you, Matt." 

* Matt takes more naps in the next few months than he's ever taken in his entire life.

He also starts to imagine, when he can hear people getting off in the archives downstairs, that someday he might go down there with Foggy and push him up against a bookshelf and--do something to him. Definitely kiss him. Probably other things. His brain hasn't worked it out yet. 

Then, one day, when Foggy thinks Matt's asleep, he says under his breath, "Jesus, you're unfairly cute like that," in that same tender voice before he wakes Matt up. 

It's undeniable evidence that Foggy isn't just being nice. But--Foggy's so honest and open and warm and attractive and--oh, fuck..

Matt might be in love a little. If he's being honest with himself. 

But if Foggy wanted Matt to know how he felt, surely he'd tell him.  *  It's the last day of the semester, after finals and everything, when Foggy says something flirty and Matt, with the lunacy of someone who has slept almost exclusively in nap-form for weeks, says, "Do you have some kind of librarian rule where you can't sleep with your patrons?" 

". . .what?" Foggy asks. 

Admittedly, Matt just interrupted Foggy in the middle of a story that had nothing to do with them sleeping together. But they're here now. 

"Are you allowed to sleep with--I mean, date your patrons?" Matt asks. He's pretty sure he sounds pretty demanding but it's hard to stop. "Not sleep with. Or--yes, sleep with, if you're into that, but--" 

"Matt, there are no laws against me dating you," Foggy says, heart pounding in a really distracting way, sounding--amused or amazed or somewhere between those, "or sleeping with you. If you're into that."

"Why have you not said anything, then?" Matt asks. 

"Why haven't you?" Foggy asks, laughing. "You're inscrutable, Murdock. I didn't want to freak you out if you were just so comfortable in your heterosexuality that you didn't realize you were making me fall for you." 

Matt doesn't know how to articulate the fact that he's useless with emotions and also maybe an actual idiot about everything other than school so he reaches up to find Foggy's face with his hands and push up on his toes to kiss him over the desk. Foggy kisses back immediately, making a low sound that makes Matt want to drag him downstairs and blow him.

At some point, his fantasy settled on blowing him and he plans to enact it with a single-minded determinedness. 

"It probably--it probably is unethical to do this while I'm on the clock," Foggy says, panting out a laugh when they part, stroking Matt's hair before dropping his hand.

Matt kisses him one more time. 

"I can wait," he promises. 

[summertime-children]

Family Christmas

Happy holidays and New Year, Mika (@my-lady-bugaboo)!!! I’m your Secret Santa (not so secret anymore, since I’m like the last one to give my gift OTL) and I decided to present you this “little” (2k+) mekaquartet(mostly Kano and Kido)/kanokido thing. Hope you’ll like it! :D

It seemed that this year’s Christmas were going to suck. It was painted all over their faces.  Had been for some time already - ever since the first decorations in the shops had been hung out (which, incidentally, had been way too early) Kano could feel the gloominess emanating from his two childhood friends presence that only grew the closer to that day it was getting. And he couldn’t really blame them, it was their first Christmas without Tateyamas and the contrast between the warm and snug atmosphere that was always so ever-present in their household during holiday season and the grey, sad reality that was so painfully noticeable in the base now was overwhelming.

Subconsciously he felt that they could feel the same from his presence too, even through under his crafted mask. Well, it’s not like he was trying much or had enough energy to hide it anyway.

It really seemed like it’s going to be this way the whole holiday season, until one innocent question was suddenly asked out loud, pulling out the rest three from their trance-like state.

“What is… ‘Christmas’?”

The trio suddenly stopped dead whatever they were doing (namely- nothing, or being even more specifically just empty activities intended to keep their minds occupied, like listening to music or mindlessly reading) and simultaneously turned to the little Medusa with completely dumbfounded expressions on their faces.

“They’ve kept talking about it in TV for a few weeks now. Is it some sort of a game…?”  

The question may had seem simple, but all three just sat there in silence for a couple of seconds. They were alternately exchanging hesitant looks, unsure of what to say and looking down at their own feet, reluctant to be the first one to take the floor. Well, at least until Kano got an idea, seeing the opportunity created by Mary’s innocent ignorance. Suddenly a wide grin appeared on his face, wiping off any traces of previous confusion and dreariness.

“Well, Kido,” he said affectively bringing their Danchou attention, even if with still a little disoriented expression on her face, “it looks like we just got the new mission.”

~~

“Is… here, ok?” asked Kano barely being able to speak. His body was stretched out from the tips of his toes that barely touched the stool underneath him to the tips of his fingers that in the contrast were holding tightly the bright green-red ornament to the wall and he was afraid that every false move could cost him hard landing on the floor. Even the move of his mouth.

Yet he still had took that risk as well as now when he shifted his gaze carefully behind him. With the corner of his eyes he could see unsatisfied grimace on Kido’s face (something he could guess was there even without seeing).

“Hmm a bit to the right.”

“What?! You just told me to move it to left!”

“But you moved it too much! A bit to the right.”

Kano sighed deeply, but obligated. He knew better than to oppose Kido (plus he really needed to get off that stool as fast as possible).    

“How about now…?” he asked, but even though this time he didn’t turn to see her face, with every silent second  he could feel something is wrong again.

“…You know what, it looked better before.” At her words Kano couldn’t help but grumble.

“Kido-samaaa~”

“Ok, ok, just hang it up there and leave it.” The little feel of guilt must had made her finally gave in Kano’s whines and he didn’t hesitate to use it as he did as she ordered and quickly jumped off the stool before she could change her mind.

“Maybe it could be a bit higher though…” Kido started thinking aloud and it made Kano stop dead in his track, cold sweat already forming on his forehead.

“Eh, we’ll just ask Seto to do it when he comes back if there’ll be a need.” She said under her breath and if Kano wasn’t so relieved by her decision maybe he’d be offended. Maybe. “He should have done it from the beginning.” He thought, but then remembered that fairly, he wouldn’t be able to do the taller boy’s task in the exchange.

Kano looked over at Kido to be sure if he was indeed finally safe. She was still contemplating over decorations, but the longer she was looking the more her expression changed from focused grimace to soft smile. For a second there, Kano thought that all of that was worth it and even forgot about the pain in his back and legs.

They were staring like that for a moment, Kido at decorated living room and Kano at Kido (and only one aware of their own action) until a loud beeping was heard.

“Ah, cookies!” Kido exclaimed in the voice so high and bright Kano hadn’t heard from her since they moved out. He giggled silently and wanted to comment it, but she didn’t even notice it, nor tried to hide it and almost bounced to the kitchen. In the end Kano just sighed fondly and trailed after her like a stray cat.

By the time he joined her in the kitchen, she had already took the cookies out of the oven and Kano was welcomed with the heave spicy sweet scent that quickly permeated the room. Kido laid the baking sheet on the table and Kano watched like her expression changed from fairly satisfied to the death glare directed (as expected) at him.

“Don’t even think about eating one before dinner.” He snickered and raised his hands in defense.

“Don’t worry. It’s not why I came here, I swear~” It didn’t ease her suspicions or glare, but she did give eventually him a silent permission to stay, as she sighed and finally looked away from him.

“I won’t need your help though, so you might get bored.” She said as she turned around to the prepared by her earlier frosting that rest on the countertop. “But I appreciate your…” she turned back around and abruptly stopped in her track. “You ate a cookie!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He replied with the innocent tone and matching it smile.

“Cut it! Who else could take it?” she pointed at the visibly empty spot on the baking sheet. “Besides, you can change the appearance of yourself, but you can’t hide the crumbs near you!” she moved her hand to point at them laying on the table near Kano and then quickly to his cheek as she leaned across the table and pinched it.

“Au! Au! Ouch! Ok! I confess! It was me! Can you please stop pinching my cheek? I have still some remains stored there.” He cried out and suddenly his cheeks became more puffy, his voice less smooth and more indistinct compared to before.

“Hmpf, why do you always do that?” she asked after she finally showed him mercy and let go. Kano laughed, rubbing his cheek from pain. “It’s honestly not my fault! You shouldn’t have made them so good-smelling and good-looking~ Also as found out delicious.” He added the last sentence after licking his fingers. Kido just shook her head at his antics (even though his complements did leave a faint blush on her face).

“Ehh, whatever. Just don’t do that again.”

“Ok, ok!~”

“Kano…”

“This time seriously! I promise.”

Kido sighed and decided to believe him (she always seemed to do that too often, but even so she had never trusted him even one time too much). Even if he did lie though, he wouldn’t be able to steal another cookie from before her eyes anyway. With that optimistic thought she finally proceeded to decorate the (already mostly chilled out) cookies like she originally intended.

Kano, like Kido said before, wasn’t much needed there and throughout the whole process just watched like she focused was covering the cookies with the frosting, adding on each one a different pattern. While doing so she had a partly stuck out tongue and Kano couldn’t help but think how adorable that was. But the main charm wasn’t even that, but a soft smile that would appear on her face from time to time.

It was so different to her gloomy look from a few days ago. Those days had been really depressing. They had been for him too, but what really had made them so unbearable was seeing his two childhood friends dried out of the joy and energy that had been always present in their eyes the previous years. Bringing back the light to their eyes was all he was wishing to accomplish by their “mission” and looking at the lovely picture before his eyes, it seemed like he had succeeded.

Seeing her so happy did make him feel so weirdly satisfied. He felt like helping her fix this Christmas was the only thing he ever did that matter.  

And sitting in this kitchen with her, he decided that this Christmas wasn’t so different from the ones in Tateyamas after all. Kido with the way she supervised everything and how she was solicitously working in the kitchen and how she was singlehandedly managing everything in here really reminded him of Ayaka. The way the living room was decorated in the kind of western, but also very random and very inconsistent style, the way the kitchen smelled at the moment, it all reminded him of home. In the spirit of Christmas were even his antics with Kido- they reminded him of Kenjirou and Ayaka…

Kano suddenly stopped his thought-train, too embarrassed to go further. His embarrassment manifested in a bright blush that formed on his face and which he quickly covered up with his ability before Kido could notice it (which, incidentally speaking, would probably take a moment, since she didn’t seem to take her gaze from the cookies anytime soon) and he out of panic changed the subject that was never even there.

“H-hey, don’t you think that Seto and Mary are taking a little too long? They were supposed to just get a tree, right?”

Kido paused for a moment and spared a glance at Kano before returning to her work, this time with less vigor and her expression changed to slight concern.

“They did… You think so? How long they’ve been out?” “Crap.” He didn’t wanted to make her worry.

“A-ah! I don’t really know! It just kinda feels like it’s been long, but I guess this kind of task does take time so maybe…” Just as Kano was beginning to doubt if he should be worried about them too or not, suddenly a sound of unlocking door was heard followed by a few footsteps and a loud, vibrant as always (even though this time clearly tired) “We’re back!”

Kano and Kido just looked at each other and didn’t waste much time nor words before simply getting up and going to welcome their roommates back.

“Heey! Look what we hunted down!” exclaimed Seto when he saw his two childhood friends and motioned his head at the tree he was still holding. “It looks very healthy, doesn’t it?” he asked proudly.

“Seto, that’s not something you should say about the dead tree.” Kano thought, but then he guessed the dark-haired boy knew more about nature anyway. In comparison Kano couldn’t say about the tree nothing else other than that it was pretty small, which was actually a good thing. Looking at Seto though, he seemed like he was able to carry even a much bigger one.

He was wearing his paned out-to-woods coat, the one that a bit tattered from assumingly sharp branches and needles, below he was wearing his working trousers and boots (the latter so covered in mug they were barely visible) and on his head was a fur hat that prevented his hair from being snown on only partially as big drops fell from his frosted bangs. In one of his dressed in fingerless gloves hands he was holding a ax and with the other he was balancing the tree (that should be an actual center of their attention) on his shoulder.

If he only had a beard he would look like a real lumberjack.

And he most probably didn’t need Mary’s help (if anything she was the first suspect in the case of their delay), but she was excited to accompany him and in the end… the trio had decided to send Mary where she would disturb the least.

Speaking of Mary, she finally emerged from behind Seto’s back with a pleased smile.

“Doesn’t it? It will make a perfect sacrifice for the evil red Christmas goblin!” to her words Kano and Kido looked at each other in confusion] and then at Seto, expecting explanation, but he just gave them a look that said “don’t ask”.

~~

After they all together rather quickly (and not without a few smashed baubles)decorated the Christmas tree, they sat out to the awaiting them, prepared by Kido earlier Christmas dinner. They spent the rest of the night laughing, talking and occasionally eating. It was truly a family Christmas.  

[btsinspirationtakesme]

Don’t Leave Me

AN: Everyone knew Suga was in love with her. He just didn’t want to say it, that was- until she was going to leave. 

Y/N was nearing the end of her time at BigHit as BTS’ personal assistant. She shared her job with a noona, and they split the band between them. Y/N was in charge of Yoongi, Namjoon and Jimin’s schedule whilst noona took care of the others. 

Y/N was feeling optimistic about leaving, she was going to go to college to study English Literature after taking a year out to figure what she really wanted to do. During that time, she was mostly running after Min Yoongi who couldn’t get his but out of bed to get to interviews, or seemed to pester her with the most obscure requests. She was his PA, but his requests were the most obscure things anyone could ever come up with. The other guys weren’t like that, and it seemed that he took fun in specifically getting her to do these things. Sometimes he could be the sweetest person ever to exist for her too, which often meant he was hot or cold. His mood changed like rapid seasons around her. 

He also seemed to like teasing her, sometimes it went over board and Y/N ended up on the verge of tears not too long ago.

Flashback

“Is he cute?” Noona PA asked, as Y/N let it out that she had a date tonight set up with a mutual friend of theirs during lunch. But now, whilst the guys were getting their hair and makeup done did noona PA decide to ask her about it out of the blue. 

Y/N blushed. 

“Ah, young love! What are you going to wear? Sexy, cute, preppy, vintag-” Noona PA asked, too loudly for Y/N’s liking. It got J-Hope’s attention. 

“Y/N whose the lucky guy?!” He semi asked-yelled. 

“I feel bad, this is all happening and you didn’t tell us.” J-Hope play pouted. 

“Yah, Y/N I think you should go for cute-sexy. If it were me, I would be captured and wanting to know more. “ Namjoon offered his thoughts on how she should dress for her date. He explained it with his hands, like she was some sort of concept. 

“Namjoon, If it was you, you’d spend most of the time going on about some theory that no one knows about.” Y/N teased back. 

“Aish. Whatever, just know that guys like cute-sexy.” He said.

Y/N rolled her eyes. 

“Who has a date? Y/N?” Suga asked, in a blunt voice that bluffed up. 

Y/N never knew how to react around him. He was sometimes hot and cold. Today, it seemed like cold. 

“Suga- hyung, what’s your opinion on what Y/N should wear on her date?” Jimin asked, smirking. 

Suga contemplated his answer. He wanted to say that she should wear that baseball top with the number 3 on it, paired with her black ripped skinny jeans and nike sneakers when he would pick her up to go and get pizza. 

“Nothing really makes a difference. Plain is plain.” He said nonchalantly. 

The rest of the guys rolled their eyes or silently huffed. They knew Suga had a thing going on for Y/N. He couldn’t express his feelings, or even try and convey it to her he had some feeling in general. 

J-Hope shot him a dirty look. He signalled that what he said was uncalled for. 

Y/N on the other hand, was on the verge of tears. She had to keep it together, since she was working. She tried her best, but felt her eyes about to pour out. Stripping it back by looking up, she willed herself to stay composed. Y/N didn’t know why his words sometimes cut through to her. 

“I think we should keep our personal lives, personal. Now, Namjoon- you have an interview for 4 today.” Y/N said diverting the topic. 

Suga was an asshole to her. Later that night, when Y/N was about to file their scripts from todays interview, she was surprised to see Suga standing in the doorway. 

“Can I help yo-” She was cut off by him. 

“Who is he?” 

“I’m sorry. I’m your PA. My life isn’t that interesting or necc-” She was cut off again.

“Answer my question. “ Yoongi said, taking a step towards her. 

“Why are you wearing that?” He asked, looking at the red ensemble she was in, paired with black stillettos. She looked enthralling. Yoongi wanted to be the only one to see her legs. Not whatever frat boy she’d be going to see tonight after work.

Scrap that, Yoongi thought to himself. There was no way in hell he was letting her out of his sight, dressed like that for someone else. 

“I need you to help me tonight.” Yoongi said, about to lower himself to a last resort.

“Please, Yoongi I really want to go out tonight.” Y/N half way begged. She couldn’t stand his how petty he was being. It was clear he was trying to mess up her night off. 

“Too bad. I call my monthly negotiation today.” Yoongi said, smirking. A monthly negotiation was when he could chose one day a month where his PA could be asked to stay with him to help beyond the hours they normally worked. 

Today was that day for Yoongi. 

“UGH. I hate you.”  

Even though Y/N didn’t end up on her date, Yoongi got her to order in pizza and made her sit down with him eating. To anyone else, it looked like they were having a date night in probably. Weirdly, she enjoyed herself even though she shouldn’t considering she was on the verge of tears not too long ago. Yoongi had this weird ability to make her feel like that, something was up; but Y/N didn’t want to think about it too much. It would complicate things. 

End of flash back 

“She looks like she’s seen herself in the mirror lately.” Think of the Devil and the devil shall appear, Y/N said to herself as none other than the guy who took over her nightmares said walking past her into his dressing room chair. 

The rest of the boys just huffed, annoyed at Yoongi’s blunt rudeness whenever he was around Y/N. Namjoon just wished he’d confess his feelings already, considering he spends so much time usually just talking about how ‘weird’ she is or asking about her to the other members. 

Y/N was now a bit more use to his random requests and bluntness, although he was polite to the other PA noona. 

She rolled her eyes and went back to the chart she was looking at to organise their schedules. 

“Yah, how am I going to live without Y/N when she goes to college?” Jimin huffed. 

“Why, someone finally let her in?” Suga asked, blunt as ever again. 

Jimin ignored him and Y/N usually just rolled her eyes, but no one doubted her intelligence.

“All five accepted me, including two USA ivy leagues.” The Ivy leagues were thanks to Namjoon’s helping when he could in preparation for the tests, but still- Yoongi just tried to make her seen incompetent. 

“So you don’t think BTS are good enough for you, is that why your’re leaving?” Yoongi asked, aggressively getting up from the chair he was about to sit on. 

“Nice to know you’ll miss me.” Y/N said without looking up from her sheet of schedules. 

“Get me the lyrics I left on the desk on the third floor from the other day.” Yoongi said, trying to seem unaffected. This was an example of the weird requests he had, which Y/N had no option but to do. She tried to be sassy about it at first, but now she was close to giving up. 

“Yes, your majesty.” She said under hear breath as she tried to find where an obscure bit of paper would now be in this giant building. 

Later that week 

“That’s the last of your things? I’m going to miss you.” Noona PA said, seeing Y/N pack the last of her things from her office into a big box. 

“I’ll be back this summer, we’ll go to Han River and watch fireworks. I promise.” Y/N said, knowing she’d be back from the US this summer once she got over all her exams. 

She couldn’t help but feel emotional saying goodbye. She had also said bye to the boys apart from Suga, who didn’t even bother looking at her. She bought all of them cupcakes that she made and was met with goodbye gifts from each of them. She said they’d go far, and it would be a matter of time before she’d wake up one morning in New York hearing BTS on Capital FM. 

Jungkook and J-Hope had let some tears loose, so she broke down saying her final goodbyes with them. They had become friends without her even realising, they all spoke about how it didn’t feel like Y/N was a member of staff to them, but like a sister.

“I’ll go check if your cars ready.” Noona PA said, excusing herself from the office. 

“Oh, Suga...” Y/N heard Noona PA say as she was about to leave. Noona PA looked back and forth between Y/N and Suga, deciding it was best to leave them. Noona PA wasn’t dumb, she knew Suga probably liked her, because he picked on her like a boy would pick on a girl he liked. 

“What is this?” Suga asked, stepping closer to Y/N and pointing at her two boxes. 

Y/N figured this was his weird way of saying good bye, so she got the spare cupcake she had made for him out. 

“Here. I know you don’t like me, but I just want you to know that I wish you the best. And-”

Y/N should have expected how he would cut her off by now.

“You’re not leaving.” He said, as-a-matter-of-fact like it was obvious. 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows. 

“Okay...” She rolled her eyes, before it clicked he might pull another negotiation trick on her.

“Hey! No more negotiations, I’ve formally quit.” She warned.

“Quit?! How dare you! You can’t quit.” He yelled, which was rare. Suga’s voice going up octaves wasn’t something people usually saw or heard. Y/N nearly flinched. 

She was confused, his behaviour was ice cold at the moment.

“Aren’t BTS good enough for you? Is that why?” He took more steps towards her, closing in on her against a wall. 

“Why, Suga? Why do you care?” She asked, trying to keep composed. She wanted answers, this guy who seemed like he could spit on the ground she walked on was now looking at her like she was the focal point of his world. 

He laughed, which did something to Y/N she didn’t want to admit. 

“Aish. I can’t do this.” He said, pushing his head back and running his palm over his face. 

“Suga...” Y/N didn’t know what came over her, but she reached out to touch him. 

“Don’t go.” Suga said, in a low voice. 

“Why? You have to tell me why...” Y/N said in a quiet voice. There had to be a reason why he was acting like this.

“I like you”. He said, their bodies so close they could be one person. 

Y/N’s eyes widened. 

“What?!”  

“All this time, you treated me like absolute shit, you nearly made me, no in fact- made me cry on-” Classic Yoongi, cutting her off. This time, he took her into his arms and pressed a surprise kiss that Y/N warmed up to in seconds. 

“Shut up. I was in love with you, you idiot”. Yoongi thought out aloud in the midst of his heated kiss. Y/N had gripped his shirt and was overcome with an unexpected need to be as close to him as possible. His gentle, calm, teasing kiss made her feel light headed. 

“I’m so confused by you Min Yoongi, we need to go through what’s going on in that head of yours.” Y/N said, forcing herself to break off. She had no clue why she kissed the guy who made her cry and feel like shit for months. In repressing how she thought Yoongi was attractive, suddenly she let herself feel what she felt towards him. 

Y/N felt like she had missed so much, like how he had a lop sided grin right now, like all that hatred that was bottled up had finally deflated. 

It was like looking at a new person, or the real Min Yoongi. 

He had said he was in love with her, which Y/N couldn’t get her head around. Yet, any fool who looked at his expression now could tell he looked like someone who was in love.

“From when you walked in to that room a year ago and introduced yourself, I thought you were cute. I watched you joke around with my hyungs, and saw you thoughtful you were. I saw how you helped people when you didn’t have to, but most of all- when you spoke to me. I realised that getting you riled up had become a past time of mine, but there was more, I-”

This time, Y/N cut Suga off for once. She could tell it wasn’t easy for him to pour his heart and soul out like that.

“It’s okay. I know.” She said, trying to make him feel better. 

Little did she know, that’s what people who are in love do. 

[deactivated-goddessofice-yuko]

Hope

ft. @godofthievesemil

‘Today is cold, it’s always is’ - she thought, chuckling to herself. The crippling loneliness is getting onto her is what she usually tells herself when her mind started to wander off to her emotional side.

♢ Click clack ♢

She made her way to the main part of her realm. The realm involves 4 different floating islands, 3 small ones floating around the sides of the main island of the realm. They connects through a long stair way. In the three other islands, it consists of bedrooms and bathrooms for guests, not like she’d ever get any but better come prepared.

♢ Click Clack ♢

The sound echoed around the empty space. Sometimes she wonders if there is a limit to this realm, she never really explored all of it. She was given to by a previous Ice God. He is gone now though but he was a nice man.

♢ Click clack ♢

Sometimes she also wonders what is it like to be a heroic God or Goddess. Sure, she wasn’t evil but she is definitely not the best Goddess as her powers can actually take a person’s life just by touching them.

♢ Click clack ♢

She rubbed her hands. Sometimes she wonders what is it like to be warm. She could definitely feel physical touch but she is always cold. She always wonders how humans feel when they experience hot, cold and neutral weather, she can’t feel them, she could only feel cold.

♢ Click Clack ♢

She fixed her dress, the sizzling sound in the main island notified to her that someone was there, in the kitchen. Emil was the first one that came to mind, he usually crashes over. He crashes over to any God or Goddess’s house or realm really. Different from other God or Goddess that might feel that it is unpleasant, she finds it comforting that he visits once in a while. She needs someone to interact with.

♢ Click Clack ♢

She reached the end of the long icy stairway and made it into the kitchen, the main kitchen. “Hey!~ I made some for you too!” - Emil said. She put on a smile before walking towards the God of Thieves. Compared to her, he is pretty young.

♢ Click Clack ♢

She settled down on the icy diner table, the pasted on smile as usual. “Oh wow~ your food is really tasty! Come over more often if you can~” - she said, smiling. She should probably stop doing that, she knows she should stop doing it. Lying. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

The sound of the cutlery touching the plate as Emil sat across the table. Sometimes she wonders if other Gods and Goddesses could feel cold. Her realm is full of nothing but ice, even some of her food are ice yet Emil is eating, sitting and talking like it’s nothing. Maybe he is cold, maybe she should lend him a jacket. She shook off the idea, the jacket would be frozen too anyway.

♢ Click Clack ♢

She smiled as Emil started telling her about the things that he saw, the things that he did that day. It was nice to listen, in a way she would say she enjoys listening to others rather than speaking to them half of the time. Sometimes she wonders if they would listen to her if she tells them there is something she wanted to vent about. She shrugged it off, of course they would, she shouldn’t be thinking of something like that. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

“Heey, Hey. Yuko. Are you okay there?” - Emil asked loudly from across the table, waving his hand in front of Yuko. She flinched, staring at the God sitting in front of her. “I apologize, I zoned out for a moment there. Did you say anything important that I need to know?” - she asked. He shook his head, munching on the frozen apple in his hand. “Not really but anything you need to tell me about? I talked to Otabek a while back and from what they told me, you don’t seem to be fine.”. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

She clicked her nails onto each other as she got nervous. She know she shouldn’t be, Emil is a friend, a weirdly close friend because of how often he visits. Emil kept on pushing, he knew something was up, he know way too well that Yuko would lie about herself to not bothers others even if it means her problem would get worst. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

Emil tapped his nail onto the icy table, waiting for Yuko to response. Most of the Gods and Goddesses know it, they know how easily nervous and awkward Yuko is when it comes to herself, she cares too much about others to start naturally talk about how she feels. He gave her time to collect her thoughts, something she incredibly appreciate. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

She put down the fork and spoon and she didn’t use, staring at the God that have been waiting for her. “Emil.. I’m not fine.” she admitted. He wasn’t surprised, no one would by that matter. “My powers are weaker than before, my body have melted more than before” - he admitted, he nodded, listening to the Goddess. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

The sound of her finger tapping on the glass echoed around the realm. “Maybe they hate me. The humans. They did many things, turn many Gods and Goddesses such as Goddess of anger, God of the sun, you, ect stronger while unconsciously slowly killing God and Goddesses such as Goddess of the Sea, Goddess of Nature and I to name a few..” - she sighed. He nodded. “I used to be fully natural Emil.. I used to be a full Ice Goddess, my body was nothing but ice. But now all I have is a curse and a pair of ice legs.” 

♢ Click Clack ♢

She gathered the plate in front of her, along with the unused pair of fork and spoon that Emil gave to her. “I have faith in human, I really do. I do know that they’ll find a way to fix it, to bring the world back to its natural balance, give me back my own body.. It’s just hard when you are slowly melting away Emil.” - she stood up, putting the clean cutlery in the cupboard, the plate in the sink. “I miss Charlie..” - she said quietly, her voice slightly shaken. If she could cry, she would definitely cry at the mention of her pet. “I’m sorry he.. is gone that way.” - Emil comforted. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

The plate was placed carefully in the sink as she took a deep breath. “My curse.. or is it just what all Ice Gods have and I am just the only one that can’t suppress it? You’re supposed to have strong will, skilled skill set, be optimistic. What am I doing wrong? Am I not strong enough? Am I not skilled enough? Am I not happy enough? Is it really my fault my curse stuck on me but not the other previous Ice God?”. Her hands holding onto the side of the sink, holding herself up. 

♢ Click Clack ♢

She turned to face Emil again. There it was, her pasted on smile. “I’m sorry, that was just the loneliness in this realm that got to me” - she smiled. They talked for a bit more. She would be lying if she said Emil’s encouraging words didn’t help. She did feel better. But it won’t fix it. It won’t fix what happened and she knows about it pretty well. 

♢ Drip Drop ♢ 

Her eyes leaked, drops of water fell out. Why? She watched them fall, defeated. Is it really that time? Does the time she has left is really running that thin? There is so much she wanted to do, needed to do, have to do. Emil was gone by that time. How embarrassing would that be? Having someone else see your eyes leaked? See you cry.

♢ Click Clack ♢

She made her way back into one of the three small islands of the realm, looking through the mirror to see what other Gods are doing. Such fun things. Dating, swimming, hanging out, talking, kissing, hugging, dancing, singing, helping. Her eyes leaked more and more. I want to swim, I want to dance, I want to help people, I want to hug people, I want to.. but I know I can’t. So many things she can’t do. Maybe that’s why this is happening to her. Maybe that’s why humans hated so many things that involved her.

♢ Drip Drop ♢

♢ Click Clack ♢

♢ Drip Drop ♢

♢ Click Clack ♢

She walked around the room, rubbing her hands, her eyes leaked out nonstop. I am worthless, people hates me. I worth something, people loves me. I am a monster, they are terrified of me. I am an Ice Goddess, people come to the coldest land just to see me. I am useless, I can’t even do anything right. I am useful, so much things I have done for every human I saw. 

• ♢ •

Silent. She calmed down. She stopped her eyes from leaking. She checked her legs, they are still intact. Why? Maybe there is still hope out there? Or maybe this is just temporary until something happen and she fully melted away. Maybe that’s what happened to the previous Ice God? 

•

•

•

((I like to make my muse suffer and I’m cliche af. I kno.))

<Ask box open> | <About> | <AU detail> 

• I know you said that. But you know far too well he won’t come back the same. You killed him. He is gone forever now. My Charlie. •

[stayswaggyponyboy]

And so comes the time of reflection...the time of introspection....the New Year.  I’ve done one of these posts the last couple of years now and they’ve proven to be interesting to look back on, so for the sake of my own record keeping...here goes nothing.

2017. My.  Oh.  My.  What a year.  And I really wish I meant that in a good way.

January: started off unfathomably wonderful having the time of my life in Paris doing things I never dreamed I’d be doing.  Helping a famous haute couture designer prepare for his Fashion Week runway show, drinking wine on the Champs Élysées, sifting through record stores speaking blends of English and French, meeting up with friends in London.  Truly a wonderful month.

February: lots of pain this month.  And also some heartbreak....fuck that heartbreak man.  I suppose this was the month I learned how important open communication is and honesty with other people as well as yourself.  Don’t avoid shit man, confront it.

March: the end of something and yet the beginning of something as well.  And the beginning of something so truly beautiful it was.  Also the month I got my first tattoo woo.

April: the month I lost my best little lady but also the month I fell in love.  So hard in love with so wonderful a human being.  It’s very difficult to sit here right now and look back on this wow, fuck reflection.  The month of quality time and experiencing new things with a new person and fuck okay yeah this is hard, moving onto May pls.

May: another wonderful month spent loving my life and loving myself with someone else.  I saw Bon Iver live sitting hand in hand with someone who loves his music just as much as me.  Just kept on falling I suppose.

June: started a job that was a very difficult experience.  Thing is the downhill in life where everything basically went to shit.  He experienced awful things and the ripple effect was significant.  Cue depression.

July: don’t really wanna think about this month.  Turned 21 I guess.  Very grateful for my brothers.  Very sorry to anyone who was friends with me at this time...I was quite unwell. 

August: not much better truly....maybe worse, I don’t remember.  Let’s label these The Dark Ages.  But I was trying to get better.  I told my parents about my faulty brain.  On the 30th of this month I went to therapy for the first time so I did one good thing for myself this year at least.

September: I started to try and move on.  I worked on a beautiful show with amazing and talented friends.  I hated my job but at least liked the people.

October: tried something new.  It was fun and nice but didn’t last long of course.  Not much else....things still not great otherwise.

November: again, tried something new.  Learned a lot and was able to explore ideas that I otherwise wouldn’t have - thanks for that.  Went to Cape May and was in my happy place for a little bit.  Manifested something for the first time, that being my new job.  And rounded out the month getting hurt again ayyyy.

December: a lot of sadness and nostalgia and not great feelings.  Hopeless seems to be the word that comes to mind.  Finals...lots of extended family at my house....and starting a new job.  Trying to find comfort in literally anything.

It’s hard because while obviously there have been goods within this year...looking at it big picture like this...it all just feels....difficult to think about I suppose.  The happiest time of my year, the spring, now brings so much pain and nostalgia looking back right now, so it’s hard.  It’s hard to be a glass half full kinda gal after this past year.  BUT there were certainly little moments.  Little moments (shit already tearing up) like getting a greeting from my roommates every single time I walk in the door.  Or like a hug from mom after a really bad week.  Or a really helpful conversation at therapy helping things feel a little lighter.  Or like booking flights to do something I never thought I actually would.  Or like those snuggles with my pupper that I realized I had to stop taking for granted.  Or those laughs, god those laughs, at dinner with friends surrounded by people speaking a different language than us.  There are many other little moments, some tainted now, but moments I’m trying to remember as good nonetheless.  Through it all I’ve learned and I’ve grown and that’s all one could hope for I suppose.  

Now is the part where I reflect on the people in 2018 who meant a hella lot (it’s sorta in chronological order I guess):

CS, EW: I know there were a couple others in our apartment but ya’ll made Paris an insanely wonderful experience.  I honestly do not know what I would have done without the laughs and the late nights and early wake up calls and all of those damn crêpes and espressos.

TB: you kinda hurt me a helluva lot but I learned from it....perhaps I’ve learned I really need to stop trusting you lols but for some reason you were still a part of this year weirdly enough and I don’t hate that.

CH: I don’t really have the right words right now so I think all I can manage is thank you and I love you (and probably always will woof).

DM: I would honestly be lost without you and I didn’t expect that’s something I’d say.  I am so grateful for you and for your friendship and for being someone I am happy to come home and see sitting on the couch every single night.  Cheers to all the walks home, all the late nights, and all the stressful times. I am one lucky gal.

LV: you are and always will be my honest other half.  We drifted and did our own things at points this year and they were good (and some bad let’s be honest lol we thriving) but through it all, when I needed someone most in some of my worst moments, you were there.  And I can’t tell you what that means to me.  I love you a whole, whole lot.

SC, TL:  Two very unexpected lights in my life that I’m so happy are there now.  Living with you guys has made me feel safe in my own home again.  You’ve reminded me what comfort and trust feels like and wow I really needed that I guess so thank you.

DM: Mama you are my light, my beacon of encouragement, and I could not have done this last semester without you.  You honestly inspire me every fucking time I speak to you, to try and put out the good I want from the world and I love you for that.

ZS, BS, CS: This has been a really really great year for us.  I don’t know...you all have just become 3 of my actual best friends.  Sure we don’t gab about our lives together but I’m just really really happy with how close we’ve gotten.  Damn I love you guys.

JS: Yo real talk, one of my favorite people you are.  I am so glad and so lucky that you fell in love with my brother and decided you were down to marry him because I cannot tell you how important the time I’ve gotten to spend with you has been.  I feel like I can just unwind and take a deep breath when I’m hanging with you and your furry lil babies.  Thank you.  Thank you times a million.  Also your siblings rock and I love them all as well goddamn.

MS, JS: Every year that goes by, that I get older, I come to love and respect you more and more and it amazes me because holy shit I love you guys a whole lot and am so grateful for the two of you.  For loving me and trusting in me and always wanting to take care of me.  Damn now I’m crying ok I love you a lot that’s all.

BW: Ok honestly I am amazed you are on this list again but I’m so happy you are.  Somehow you’ve managed to be one of the most inconsistent friends but one of the truest and most honest.  There are things I have talked to you about that I’ve not discussed with anyone and that’s something I’m so grateful for.  To see where we started and where we are now is quite hilarious but hey, I’m glad you’re in my life one way or another.

DC: I spent a lot of my first couple of years at college wanting to move on and make new friends and this last year, the last few of months especially, I have come to find comfort again with all of you.  And like genuine happiness when I’m hanging out with all of you and I’m not sure when this shift occurred or why but I’m happy it did and I’m happy you all still accept me into your lives, thanks pals.

ZL: Though someone I can get very frustrated with, there have been moments throughout this year where I have been very happy to be friends with you.  And sharing in those moments, those conversations, has meant a lot to me.

EQ: Idk man you just make me really happy, you’re such a swell human being and I’m so glad I know you.  Keep being you man.

PN: Ugh my heart.  I am so glad our friendship has blossomed into something that feels genuine and supportive.  It started out as fun and exciting and cute and now it’s just like I have this wonderful human in my life that makes me happy every time I see him.  Thank you for being you.

2017 has been a very difficult year....and a very painful year.  But it has had it’s moments of sheer beauty as well.  And while I can’t say I’m optimistic and sure that 2018 will be great....I feel like...it has potential...potential for good things to happen.  And that’s all I can hope for.