#sivspeaks

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

@re-is-back-in-black @silence-between-seconds @her-midas-touch @daydream-of-a-wallflower @not-rab @good-oldfashioned-lover-girl @thedvilsinthedetails @dementorfromazkaban @harry-potter-just-posted

Tagging all you guys because I mostly actively talk to you.

I am 51 days away from my exam which means it's time for me to start getting my shit together. (it is insanely stupid how they make us take one (1) exam that'll quite literally determine our whole life when we're so young tf that's so messed up)

I'll be deleting tumblr til then. Ik I promised you guys a smut fic but istg I'll come back with atleast 3 smutfics to maybe make up for it? *laughs casually in obvious attempt to conceal my guilt spiral on leaving you guys "High and dry"

@multishipperofgaydeadwizards dw I didn't forget you lmao I just wanted to say that I'm gonna come back with SO MANY wierd ass ships just be ready I'm gonna make up for 2 months of absence muahahaha

Wtaf guys- I had insta for like a year or so before i had to delete it for same reason but I wasn't 1/8th nearly as emotional and I am now and I've had tumblr for only like 2 and half months now sndkdkdndfjjdjdkdn

Ik some of you guys sent me messages but I'm gonna have to come back to them because the more I stay the more I'll chicken out of deleting because I love you guys so much aaaaaaahhhhh

Please spam me with a shit ton of stuff to come back hehe <3 {but like only in my asks and messages plis coming back to two months worth of mentions will just send me into a dysfunctional spiral💀 wow am I so easy to manage? (/sarcastic)}

I love you guys sooo much and I'm gonna miss you and I'll most definitely cry later today hehehehehe

*dramatic whisper* this isn't goodbye. This is just a see you in a bit * sparkles sparkles* *dramatic whoosh of the cloak and I dissappear into the darkness*

~💋

[the-pace-of-the-race-of-rats]

Yo; @squiddking @itslikeidont-exist If I ever got around to making NITW flower crown icons of Greg, Bea and Mea, could we all have matching icons and be a squad??

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

The urge to keep changing your theme every week>>>>

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

Literally no one on planet earth:

My parents: *makes me feel guilty for feeling sleepy even tho they know my sleep schedule is THE most fucked up schedule of the century*

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

Coming to the realization that I don't feel better once I'm in a different place and it's actually that I've been subconsciously masking for so many years is just fun 😃

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

When that one person makes you smile silly when you're literally not supposed to be cause you're stuck in the worst scenario ever to be smiling like that- AJSKDNSKDDNWKNEKDJEB

yeah so nonchalant

[good-oldfashioned-lover]

"I think I like this little life"

No. Fuck this life. I hate it. Fuck this long exhausting cycle called a life. Fuck everything. I'm sick of waking up and hating it before it's even been a whole minute. I hate not having someone to talk without any guilt whatsoever. I hate how I always put other above myself and everyone else does the same too. I hate how I want to be in love so badly but can't let myself genuinely like someone without wanting to move to Sri Lanka and change my identity. I hate how time is non existent but also the most infuriating thing to ever exist. I hate how food brings me such joy with all It's flavors and textures and yet it takes me half an hour at best to convince myself to eat my first bite of it because I'm literally not in the mood to eat even when I'm hungry as fuck. I hate how I have so many ideas that come to me but I don't write anything at all. I hate how much I look forward to the future but can't even find tue inspiration to live today, this minute of this hour. I hate how much I long to living but also just want to give up and quit life all together it's not like it'll affect anyone anyways. But I also hate how much I think about how much pain I might give to my closest people if I went through with that plan. I hate how even when planning my death I put others and their feelings first before mine.

Is it just me or does my existence feel a bit meaningless lmfao