#sleep is great people don't be like me and constantly mess up your sleep schedule

[rapha-reads]

32-hour-long sleep detox is going swimmingly!

26 hours awake, and it's only the middle of the afternoon. Fresh as... Graveyard tulip, I guess. My dad seeing my face on a video call, to my mother : "oh, look, it's your zombie daughter".

Spring selfie, hello! I was rereading Uprooted in the park, but I started falling asleep on my book.

I want chocolate. And a healthy sleep schedule.

[corollaservant]

Lotus // Choso x f!reader (18+)

Synopsis: He was supposed to have his brother's undivided attention. Until he invited you over for summer break. Since he loves him that much, you're the one who's paying. (5.8k)

Warnings: 18+ dark, dubcon/noncon, humiliation, college, f.masturbation, use of "nii-chan" from Yuji, obsession/yandere brother, degradation, violence, dacryphilia, breath+impact play, dom!choso, reader gets a sunburn but it's mentioned 1x? and only as feeling pain

A/N: yk how everyone always makes Choso the nerdy, creepy, virgin perv? well i kinda want it reversed (he has killed people btw) [ao3]

Choso loves his family. That's why he doesn't like you.

Seriously, couldn't his brother not bring you over his place for summer break? He gets it, Yuji is young and can never say no, his best friend turned him down for a summer course and Choso guesses you were his second choice. Though Yuji would never tell him that. Or you for the matter. Choso can't wrap his head around why Yuji likes you so much. He knows his brother, no actually, he loves his brother so he knows it's not some crush otherwise Yuji would've shyly approached him and confessed. It seems like his brother just genuinely has a great time with you and that pisses him off. You're loud, that's fine, so is Yuji. But Yuji’s smart, caring, sensitive. You on the other hand... you break things on your way, stumble, laugh obnoxiously and make a mess in his clean kitchen. You're insufferable. So of course, Choso scoffs and rejects Yuji's offer at first.

"She's not coming over, Yu." He tells his little brother, "This was supposed to be our bonding time, remember? I planned out both weeks for us." Choso was excited—he really was. Getting to have his brother around was the best thing that could've happened to him. He'd take Yuji to the movies, carousel, beach, for beers; ok, no, he laughs, he'd definitely get them in a club, maybe a casino? Some strip show? Yuji was an adult now and Choso couldn't wait to listen to his college stories; though he knew there probably weren't many, judging by how nice his brother was. Really, a very likeable kid (adult, he corrects himself).

Yuji begs him. Tells him you'll help around the house, says you've never travelled before, you don't have any plans and you won't cause trouble. It's when Choso starts doubting himself. Ok sure, Choso isn't young per se, but he's definitely fun to be around, right? Does his brother seriously not think he's cool enough anymore? Would he be sad if he said no? He can't stand the thought of making his brother sad. Not because of him, that's certain. This is why he now has you in his house strutting around in flimsy shorts and a barely covering shirt, puffy eyes from your sleep and messy hair. On his kitchen counter asking if there's coffee. He scoffs.

"I made some. For Yuji. You can get some yourself.” He's been up hours ago, went for his run and excitedly waits for his brother to wake up. But now you’re there. Choso couldn't wake Yuji up, he practically spoiled him anyway he could, sleep was no exception. However, you and Yuji unfortunately do not share the same schedule so he is cursed (because blessed would be a euphemism at best) with your presence.

"Alright, damn." You groan, ever since you got there, he seems constantly pissed off with you, but you just woke up, you’re groggy and in his house so you can't do much but yawn. You walk past him, he's too absorbed in his phone, not bothering to look. 

"When do you think Yuji will be up?" He asks, as the smell of coffee suddenly makes you feel alive again.

"Oh I don't know, I'll wake him up soon, we'll go for a swim today." You giggle, you'd been so excited to go to the beach, swimsuits were the first thing you packed. Yuji told you about this beach he wanted you to go to, you’d promised to bring your polaroid and take pictures.

"No, you're not." Choso lifts his head up as he puts the phone down. "Me and Yuji have plans today. You can chill here, we'll be back before 9." It’s sharp and sounds non-negotiable as you stop in your tracks.

"What plans? I didn't know—"

"Why would you? This is our day, you guys can hang later or whatever." But Choso is already pissed. Like actually pissed. If you don’t know then…hadn't Yuji told you or were you just that dumb? He weighs in on the latter. Regardless, he can't argue with a girl his brother's age.

"But I–" You try to protest, as you stand next to the counter, your mug in your hands and you haven't even taken a sip when you’re cut off.

"I'll go wake him up now. Oh, and wear some proper clothing, will you? You've taken this family trip way too seriously." He spits and heads upstairs, leaving you dumbfounded. Coffee suddenly doesn't make you feel that alive. 

-

Yuji is sad. Sad because none of you want to compromise. Choso arranged for them to rent bikes and tour around town; the boardwalk along the seafront was ideal for the activity. His brother had always been athletic and loved the idea so Choso had contacted the shop owner to rent in advance. He knew he was creepy, who the hell rented a bike a week prior? It’s not like they wouldn’t find one. Still, the store closed at 4 PM and it was already past one (Yuji and his sleep) so they’d have to hurry. He’d prepared lunch and was excited for some brotherly time. As for you? Choso honestly didn’t care. You could go for a walk for all that mattered, it’d be four hours at most, you’d be fine. But then there was you, reminding Yuji of the impulsive promise he gave you twelve hours ago. The truth lies in the middle. Yuji mixed up the days—could you blame him? You and Choso bombarded him with plans and ideas meanwhile the poor boy only wanted to rest and enjoy his vacation. So he’d told you about today, when he’d promised Choso days ago. 

‘’Guys, I’m so sorry.’’ Yuji frowns as you both look at him. ‘’I promise, we can do both! One has to call it off so we can do theirs tomorrow.’’ His eyes gleam like usual, but he looks anxious. Probably because he knows both of you. 

‘’But you promised me first.’’ Choso speaks, he doesn’t sound condescending, he’d never raise his voice at his baby brother.

‘’Yeah, well he promised me yesterday!’’ You retort childishly. It’s like a race you two have, who will answer first, a competition, who can win Yuji over.

‘’Please don’t fight, we can do both, come on now, who wants to do their activity tomorrow?’’ Yuji sighs, looking across the kitchen table. He’s the youngest, but he sounds like a kindergarten teacher at the moment.

‘’Yuji, what do you want?’’ Choso emphasizes. Good, that should give him his answer, he thinks.

‘’Yeah, Yuji, why don’t you tell Choso our plan is waay more fun?’’ You consider sticking out your tongue but one look at Choso and you keep your mouth shut.

‘’You know I can’t choose! I love both.’’ He pouts. ‘’Don’t make me do this, can’t you guys figure it out on your own? I’m serious. I’m sorry…” Yuji’s eyes fall. Choso can tell and he suddenly feels responsible. Not for his plans, no. For seeing a sadness cross his brother's face. His heart aches seeing him so passionate to end this stupid debate, so caring, never wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. He deep down wishes he came first. Choso’s older now and he realizes he can’t continue; a sigh leaves his lips as he speaks up. 

‘’It’s fine, Yu. Be back soon.’’ He backs off. Again. He has to put up a front for his brother. He doesn’t bother giving you a glance, as he exits the kitchen. He wonders if he’s ever despised someone that much before. To the point of choking them…no, not that. That’d be too nice for you. You deserve an agonizing death. He imagines your body stretched out on a medieval rack as your limbs crack one by one. You hadn’t been there more than a day and you were already fucking up his schedule. And in his own house, too. As if dressing like some whore wasn’t enough, seriously what ever happened to modesty? In his head his thoughts make sense, a stranger meddling in his newly amended relationship with his brother. Did you even know how much he cherished him? The lengths he’d go to protect and be there for him? This summer break was supposed to be more than a brotherly reunion. He wanted to be Yuji’s friend this time. He bets you don’t even know what it’s like to have no one around. 

He might go for another run, he considers. You’d be gone within a week. But even when his thoughts subside, he still thinks of ways to put you in your place for good.

-

By the time you’re home, polaroids in your bag and salt on your skin, Choso is pacing up and down the living room. It’s 8:30 PM and Yuji hasn't texted him since noon. 

‘’Where the hell were you, Yuji?’’ Choso completely ignores you as he looks at his brother, who is licking off a half melted ice cream and flaunts a newly acquired tan.

‘’Did you get a sunburn?’’ Choso’s anxious, damn it that kid, always failing to reapply SPF.

‘’I’m fine, nii chan.’’ Yuji laughs, as some ice cream falls on the floor. ‘’I’ll go take a shower or do you wanna go first?’’ He asks you.

‘’She can go first.’’ Choso tells him and you’re taken aback.

‘’Really?’’ You sound surprised. There’s no way he’d ever be kind to you, you knew that seconds after you met him. 

‘’Yeah, want to have some time with Yuji, before we head out.’’ He sounds casual as he brings a wipe to clean Yuji’s ice cream. His back muscles flex under his compression shirt, he looks kind of messy, had he worked out again? Unruly hair falls on his eyes as you try to tear away your gaze.

‘’C-cool.. I’m going upstairs.’’ You announce and leave, stumbling on the first step. What did you think of right now? 

Choso’s bathroom is spacious and allows you to take your sweet time rinsing salt and sunscreen off your skin. Yuji may have not been sunburnt but you couldn’t say the same. Your skin aches as you lather your back and thighs, were you sunburnt everywhere? You make a mental note to apply some moisturizing cream you brought. You had a good time with Yuji, he told you about his best friend’s summer course (financial crime, corruption and money laundering— dude sounded weird) and not being able to make it, how they’d meet and how his relationship with Choso had drastically changed in the span of a year. Yuji didn’t even know about Choso and took some time to warm up to him. As his brother, that is. But Choso was the best brother he could have, he told you. You had trouble believing that. Choso’s demeanor was far from.. best. You sigh remembering your brief coffee encounter. How he’d looked at you above his phone, his cold eyes with tired bags under as his long hair fell on his face, unruly and..sexy. What? Why do you think that? Your mind goes through images like a film projector—his long torso peeking under his compression shirt as he stretched and accidentally revealed a v-line and a happy trail. You feel a sting as water falls down the drain; the lotus and white tea fragrance from the body foam he has envelops your face. You close your eyes and think of him in more…compromising scenarios. Behind you for example. Strong arms snaking around your waist as he presses against you, droplets falling between you while his mouth latches on your neck. A muscular, veiny hand finding your chest and caressing gently…only to move to your lower belly and lazily circle around the entrance. You fight the urge to let a soft moan as you imagine him teasing. Yeah, he’d definitely tease your slit up and down, pecking on your neck until you begged. ‘’Choso..please! J-just one finger!’’ and he’d laugh, mouth contracting on your delicate neck and rubbing around your clit. You’re getting yourself off, what the hell are you doing right now? But could you really blame yourself? You never thought of Choso like that but you do now so you can’t question it further. You let a finger slip slowly inside you. It’s wet and fills you up well—not as good as you think Choso’s thick, calloused fingers would, but it does the job. You wonder how good he’d feel and you’re getting yourself off only by picturing his fingers. You’re suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. 

‘’Aren’t you done yet? It’s been half an hour. Get out.’’ Choso growls behind the door, you remove your finger and quickly gulp down. 

‘’I’m almost done.’’ You faintly say, shit, the man you had fingers in your cunt for, interrupted your daydream…of him. You quickly rinse off excess shampoo and exit. God, you needed to get laid instantly. 

-

When you come downstairs, Yuji is nowhere to be found. Choso is sitting on the couch, the TV plays a show he doesn’t watch as he scrolls on his phone.

‘’Where’s Yuji?’’ You’re wearing Yuji’s old T-shirt from when he was a gamer and skater and nothing under it. In your defense, it’s long and covers almost up to your knees. He doesn’t turn around.

‘’He left. Sent him off to meet his friend, his parents dropped him off.’’

‘’What friend?’’ As far as you knew Yuji told you all his friends were busy with summer courses.

‘’His best friend, Megumi, don’t even know that?” He sneers. Megumi? The money laundering guy?

But he—

‘’He’s not staying long.’’ He has to be joking. 

‘’Why didn’t you tell me? I wanted to meet him, Yuji told me–’’

‘’Why should I? Yuji needs time with some real friends. Told him you felt sick or whatever.’’ 

‘’Are you serious? Why would you do that? Where are they?’’ You can’t believe this guy, first he treats you like a pile of shit, then he’s nice to you by offering you to go first…wait. Did he send you up first so he could convince Yuji to go out without you? Could he be so shitty?

‘’Oh my fucking God, that’s why you told me to shower first didn’t you? What did you even tell Yuji?’’ This guy is unbelievable and you fight the urge to rip his hair out from the back. 

‘’Does it matter? He’s already gone. Serves you right.’’ Choso sounds relaxed, like he just stated tomorrow’s itinerary. 

‘’And what am I supposed to do here, huh? God, you’re so fucking annoying, I swear I’m texting Yuji right now.’’ You realize your phone’s upstairs and before you can turn around, a strong palm grabs your wrist forcefully.

‘’One more step and you’ll be spitting blood.’’ His eyes burn as you feel the pain from his grip.

‘’Let— go...’’ You ask, more like beg as he throws your hand away, it burns, partly due to the sun but also from the pressure of his grasp. 

You slowly drag your feet to the kitchen as you think of ways to hurt him. You hate this guy, you simply exist and he decides upon making your life living hell. Sure, he doesn’t do anything dramatic but he’s constantly interfering with your friendship. Yuji wants you there, he acts like he’s some unprotected child and constantly monitors him. You grab a glass from the cupboard as you feel the words slip out your mouth involuntarily.

‘’Yuji doesn’t like you.’’ You lie and before you even have the chance to have a sip, the glass soars in the air and falls with a loud thump, shattering in a million pieces as you’re turned to look at him. 

‘’What the fuck did you just say?’’ He spits. He scares you, you think, the way he’s hovering; he seems really angered.

‘’I said–’’ You can’t continue. Because he slaps you. On your face. With his palm. And it hurts so badly, you feel tears prick at your eyes, your wrist hurts and you can’t move around— each time the burn catches up to you. 

‘’Why don’t you say that again?’’ He goes on, he has not moved and still waits for your answer.

‘’S-stop..!” You muffle, as you bring a hand to your face, you want this resolved immediately, you’re kind of defenseless, since your phone’s out of your reach and you are alone. He also is extremely strong and it doesn’t help that you anger him, his muscles tense and you notice the veins on his neck pulsating.

‘’Useless bitch.’’ He hisses, ‘’Yuji doesn’t like me? Look at you and your pathetic self. You think he likes you? Yuji likes everyone, wake the fuck up. At first I thought he fucked you, cause why else would anyone want to hang out with you?’’ Choso is fed up with you. Fed up with being nice, fed up with compromising. In all honesty, he’d probably be fed up with anyone but Yuji, but you’re just the cherry on top. Did you seriously think you could try to contact Yuji? The fact you even dared to speak on his name angers him even more. And that’s why he continues while you break down slowly. 

‘’You come here, in my place to hang out with my brother. Dressing up like some common cockwhore and you know what? I really wouldn’t give a fuck, but taking him away from me? Did you two have fun at the beach? You wanted him to fuck, yeah? Otherwise, what are you even good for?’’ He goes on to bring a hand on your cheeks, squishing and bringing your mouth to open like a fish. Tears that welled up in your eyes now fall sideways as he mocks. Your back slams against the counter, you think you feel your feet touch glass splinters as you tremble. You ache everywhere and he keeps going. 

‘’S–ow-’’ You manage, you can’t articulate coherently and feel nauseous. 

‘’Wanna speak up?’’ His mouth twitches but he still isn��t fully smiling. He has to hide it for now. Each moment that goes by, he feels an immense pleasure. It’s like he takes out all his anger that he kept inside the previous days and he doesn’t want to stop. Not when his palm moves your pathetic face left and right, like he’s viewing some artifact. In the insanity of it all, he feels his cock hard. He is unconsciously rubbing on your t-shirt (Yuji’s t-shirt) and your face looks oddly pretty, puffy cheeks adorned with tears and wide pleading eyes. 

‘’L-uh- oh’’ You try to speak out and he gets exactly what you’re trying to communicate. 

‘’Y-Yu- i’’ You call out his brother's name. Seriously, it's like you’re asking for it.

‘’What about my brother, huh?’’ A hand is removed as more air fills your lungs. You sob. You feel searing pain in your chest, among all other body parts— fingerprints sit on both of your cheeks. 

‘’Y-Yuji— is.. he..is not..’’ You can hardly keep up, he is in close proximity and your tailbone hits against the counter from the way he has his body pressed onto you. A hardness pokes at your belly and you think that this wasn’t what you had in mind in the shower. He is aggressive and looks like he won’t back off soon.

‘’Not what? Speak the fuck up.’’ 

‘’N-not like this.’’ You cry. You can’t understand how these two are even related. Yuji’s a sunshine, the kindest soul you’ve known, of course he wouldn’t want to fuck you, he just felt sorry that you didn’t have plans and offered up some company. He’d do it for anyone. You were naive at times but you knew it was the reason you were there. Yuji couldn’t say no. He must’ve also not been aware of his brother’s rage otherwise you wouldn’t find yourself in this position. 

‘’You’re right.’’ Choso takes you out of your thoughts. ‘’He isn’t. But I am. It’s your lucky day.’’ His left hand is on the counter behind you, so there goes your chance to leave. To your left, there’s an exit. You could run. But your eyes betray you and his palm abrasively pushes your left shoulder back. 

‘’Don’t even fucking consider this.’’ He says as his knee nudges yours to the side. You’re standing the whole time and the rough poke makes your legs buckle—you almost fall but you’re brought to stand upright as he lifts Yuji’s shirt.

‘’Shit, wearing his shirt and everything, as if you’d ever be good enough to be his girlfriend.’’ He mocks, but his eyes aren’t on you, they’re on your chest as you wriggle under him. 

Choso is determined this punishment exceeds medieval torture. And you should definitely look on the bright side, you’d enjoy it by the end.

‘’Finger yourself.’’ He orders and your eyes widen. 

‘’W-what..’’ You tremble. He raises his right hand and you flinch but he goes on to move a strand stuck on your lips.

‘’Stop playing deaf. Touch your cunt like you did in the shower. What? Think I didn’t listen? That’s the type of nasty whore you are.’’

You can’t do it. You can’t— so he does it for you. His right palm brings your hand in between your open legs as you feel your own palm push against your entrance. He touches on your middle finger and slowly brings it in between your lower lips. He slips in your finger, which has to contract by the pressure he’s applying but his rough hand touches you too and you cry.

‘’C-Choso.. s—stop..’’ He moves your finger up and down your pussy, which lubricates steadily the more something’s thrusted inside it and then decides to stick his finger too. You gasp as it fills you fully and he finally breaks out a smile, seeing you cute and vulnerable like this really makes his cock hard. Your pretty eyes beg for him to stop but he can’t; it’s too good and you’re almost enjoying it already. 

‘’That’s right. It feels good, doesn’t it? Bet you were thinking about Yuji in the shower, weren’t you? It’s okay, I can show you how I fuck too.” Choso wants to turn you around and stuff his cock inside you without protest but that wouldn’t count as torture so he has to suppress his strained urge. He’ll make good use of that nuisance of a mouth you have first.

Both hands are removed from your cunt, slick trickles down your forcibly open thighs— the position makes your hips automatically open and buck up and you’re panting, scared and embarrassed that your body betrays you. Choso’s face is flushed, a red scarring which you hadn’t seen up close, seems even more crimson, as he gets you off the counter and pushes your elbows down. You’re dropped on the floor, right in front of a long bulge—you can pretty much expect what’s to follow but still make a timid effort.

‘’Cho–Choso, please..’’ but before you know it, his sweatpants are removed and you’re cut off by his cock in your mouth. Salty precum lingers on your tongue—not long, before he starts thrusting his hips in your mouth, fucking your face. You choke and gargle; he’s big and his girth squeezes around your palate as he hits the back of your throat, “Fucking finally..” he groans, “..good for once.” He praises, as if you make some conscious effort. 

He suddenly pulls out—spittle falls down his cock as he grabs you by the roots of your hair. You must be a funny sight, plush, swollen lips, puffy eyes, a wet, anticipating cunt and precum staining his brother’s shirt as he brings his face closer. Something urges him to kiss you. He wants to taste your desperation. He brings his mouth on yours, it’s wet and he pushes his tongue inside, he can taste the fluids as you cry. 

‘’Kiss me.” He says and tries harder. This time you comply, his tongue searches your open mouth as you follow his lead. His right palm rests on the counter behind you, trapping you in an embrace, which oddly enough creates a heat in your core. His mouth, despite the forcefulness, feels soft and you aimlessly try to close your legs in hope the nasty feeling goes away. You smell his scent, it must be his shower gel, lotus…and something else you read on the label but can’t remember now. You let tears fall from your eyes as you try to inhale only through your nose— mouth too occupied being devoured by him. 

Choso loves kissing you. He thinks to himself you are perfect, in your own way. So pretty with your mouth distracted and your legs open. For him, only. Yuji would be off limits after that. Not that you’d approach either one after, he guesses. Your kisses only make him eager to stuff your cunt more, his cock aches by the minute, that’s why he lifts you up. You’re so pliable, he thinks. He manhandles you and all you’ve said is a couple broken ‘’please’’. Did you actually want this? He considers the possibility, he isn’t unattractive in the slightest.

Your shirt has to go. He knows it’s Yuji’s but that doesn’t matter now that it has his precum on it. He finds himself wondering whether he fights internally against Yuji or you right now, seeing how he feels a pang of jealousy towards his little brother. But the idea is crazy so he brushes it off hurriedly. Your soft, squishy tits rise and fall to the pace of your anxiety. 

‘’You have pretty tits, does this hurt?’’ He asks as he slaps across your nipple, the skin around burns tenfold and you cry out.

‘’...h-hurts..’’ You yelp and he feigns sorrow.

‘’Aww, sorry, let me make this feel better. We’ve neglected her for some time, haven't we?’’ He looks at your cunt— glistening and lovely, ready to be defiled as he brings a thumb to play with your clit. 

‘’Spit.’’ You’re not that wet, what? It’s okay, he will change it.

You shyly gather spit and let a small glob fall down his digits as he pumps two fingers abruptly inside. Three strokes and your cunt starts drooling, he enjoys the sounds. But more than anything, he enjoys your tormented face, fighting to admit the pleasure you’re getting. His rough thumb circles around your clit as you’re forced to touch behind his neck to not fall off, you grip down his nape, failing to conceal your moans. 

‘’Cho-choso..mhm’’ You whine, brokenly, it pains you to feel so good, so fast. You don’t want this. You don’t.

‘’...Already squeezing down like some slut huh..’’ It takes Choso a lot of strength to not cum in the air like some loser, he’s delayed this too much and now you look irresistible, being fucked by his fingers on his counter. While you cry. And his brother’s out. 

‘’-Mm- Cho- Choso.. stop!’’ You moan, feeling close to an orgasm as he pumps faster and circles the nub simultaneously. Your fluids stain all the way up to his knuckles and if he keeps this up, you’ll probably coat his palm entirely.

‘’---f-fuck Cho–’’ He removes the fingers just before you can give in to the feeling— you pant frustrated. 

‘’Enough. Let’s test out how well that cunt feels… for a slut like yourself.’’ You want to protest, want to tell him to fuck off and leave you alone, but that’s clearly not an option. In a split second you’re turned over, thrown across the kitchen table, your limbs are stretched out and the direct contact makes you wince, as you clash with your chest. Choso admires the view. He spreads your legs out and you look ready to be fucked into oblivion.

He gives his stiff cock a couple thrusts, his red tip leaks his precum and he groans before his cockhead bumps with your entrance. You moan and he hasn’t even entered you yet as he brings a hand on the curve of your ass and smacks it. 

‘’Stop being so desperate, it’s embarrassing.’’ He sighs as he rubs his cockhead across your slit.

‘’P–please Cho–Choso..’’ You moan, understanding that you have it bad. ‘’W-want you in me...’’ You can’t even lie to yourself at this point, you’re pent up and need him. The rest of unresolved feelings is something you’ll deal with later. 

‘’Fucking needy slut, maybe Yuji was right bringing you over here. Gonna get fucked by his bro like some passed around whore? Want him to stuff you too?’’

‘’N-no! Choso! P–please- ugh.. need you..only you!” You beg as you move your hips, your dignity dissolved a long time ago. 

Choso mumbles something under his breath and pushes his cock to slide in your creamy walls as you moan—desperately. His cock is large and it hurts way more than his fingers, he hasn’t bottomed out yet but you already feel suffocated.

‘’Ch-Choso!’’

‘’What is it, slut? Be patient.’’ He huffs, but he isn’t patient himself as he prods at your cunt deeper, you’re way too tight to take him, squeezing down the entirety (or at least most of what can fit) in your little hole and he has to sigh. Your back muscles contract as your helpless hands tug at the table while he thrusts deeper and deeper, he brings his torso close to yours so he’s next to your hair, which he removes.

‘’Does that feel good? You take me so well for a common whore, baby.’’ He whispers on your neck, you shudder and cry out. 

‘’Mhmagh- Cho-Cho! Y-yes..feels s-so good! Don’t stop! Cho–’’

‘’Are you fucking stupid? Don't…don’t tell me what to do.’’ He straightens himself and grabs your hips. His cock lunges in your cunt, he’s poking at what feels like your cervix, when he slaps your reddened ass. It should appall you, it should make you wince but he notices your pussy tightening and clamping down. So you’re enjoying this? What a nasty fucking slut that you are. 

‘’C-Cho– i ughn I’m cumming fuck!’’ You sob and he fastens his pace. You’re overstimulated, overly teased and over the edge. Your hands scratch against the table as his palms hold your head firm and to the side, he pushes you downward and thrusts his cock in and out, each pump making you gradually lose eyesight until you do… fully. Your vision darkens completely and you blink rapidly as you let go screaming.

‘’C-choso aagh!’’ But he doesn’t listen, his head’s too clouded with the need to fill you up, the need to have his cum seep out your hole as he grabs Yuji’s shirt next to him, rolls it around and hangs it over your neck. You’re being lifted—your back is arched upward, the angle is excruciatingly painful; you’re too sensitive and his cock slides way too deep.

‘’Shit– don’t have much to say now, huh?’’ He asks but you’re choking and fighting for air, your ass bumps against his groin and he needs about three thrusts and a hard final slap on your flesh to finish. 

‘’Fuuuck–shit, r-right there, stay the fuck up!’’ He orders, but it’s not like you have many places to go as you feel a warmth filling you up; it’s funny, you’ve never had anyone come inside before. His load spurts and trickles out and he lets go of the scarf made on the spot, falling on top of you.

He slowly slides his softening cock out and doesn’t tell you another word while his chest rises and falls on your back. He can’t lie to himself, you were too nice. The softness in your shivering skin and sad eyes was too kind. Maybe he shouldn’t have been that hard on you, slapping you like some fly. He clears his throat as he climbs off you. You remain laid out, you seem passed out or freshly dead—you sport multiple marks and semen falls down his counter.

‘’We have to clean up before Yuji gets back.’’ You can barely register what he says but you make out the ‘we’ in the beginning. At least he acknowledges your existence, you think as you try to find your friend’s shirt. 

-

When Yuji returns Choso tells him you’re asleep. He can’t let him know he was cleaning bodily fluids off the kitchen counter. Yuji doesn’t ask more, he is excited to let Choso know about Megumi’s course and Choso listens, though he’s tired. By the time Yuji wakes up, you’re gone, having left a note behind that you ‘’didn’t feel well and changed the flight tickets.’’ When he tries calling you, you don’t pick up and he tells Choso.

‘’I’m sure she’s fine.’’ Choso made breakfast— it’s biking day, the sun shines and Yuji actually woke up earlier than expected (11 AM). His house feels silent, empty in a funny way, almost like you left and took its joy with you. Yuji is visibly upset but Choso reassures him everything’s fine.

‘’Yeah… I guess you’re right. You did say she felt sick yesterday..’’ He reminds him. Did he say that? Well, Choso thinks, it definitely sounds better than letting his little brother know of the sickening things he did— your punishment for daring to be his friend. Maybe he wasn’t lying to Yuji when he said that.

‘’I’ll try again later.’’ Yuji smiles. His voice doesn’t have its usual excitedness but Choso will work on it. He doesn’t have much time. 

‘’We’re still going, right?’’

‘’Sure.’’ Yuji smiles half-heartedly as he stands up.

He heads upstairs and Choso picks up the breakfast plates and puts them in the sink. He stands right at the spot he had you pinned twelve hours ago—defenseless and crying as he slapped you, facefucked you, fingered, choked and ultimately humiliated you. He knows the excuse that he made you cum and the way you looked at him barely holds up. Even if you liked him, it wasn’t right.

He is suddenly overcome by a wave of inexplicable emptiness. It’s a vicious cycle, he thinks. If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been someone else. He would have driven them away from Yuji in an effort to have him to himself. Then Yuji would be sad and he would feel responsible. It wasn’t ever really your fault. Yet, this wouldn’t have happened if you never showed up. It would have benefited all three. Maybe this was never a cycle; the loop would require equal components. You were a labyrinth, a complicated, long path and Yuji was the center. 

[genshinimpactlife]

Hiiii! If it's not a problem, I would like to request a sfw matchup! Thanks in advance and I hope you have a great day!

Also I am sorry if it's very long I don't know how to write short things 😅

I am 20 years old, I am short (around 156 cm) and chubby. My hair are short and dyed (tbh they are just bleached now)

I usually wear t-shirts with a plaid shirt and jeans.

I am INTP and pisces.

I have glasses but my sight isn't that bad, I can see nearly perfectly without them.

I am asexual ans demiromantic. I use any pronouns.

I dislike being touched unless you are one of my closest friends, but on some days I don't want even them to touch me (anything from hugs to just placing their hand on my shoulder).

I am very shy when I meet new people but when I know someone longer I start to be very talkative and if given a chance I would talk for hours about my interests or stuff I am into at that time.

I tend to not show it when I am sad or angry because I don't want to worry anyone.

I am very patient person.

I also apologize a lot out of fear that someone might be mad at me even if there is no reason that they would be.

My hobbies are watching anime (I usually just bing watch an entire season in one night), reading books, archery (just using a wooden bow on my backyard nothing big or anything) and playing video games .

My biggest interests are history (not the military history) and video games.

I am also interested in ghosts and other paranormal stuff but I will never try anything related to this myself because I don't want to be in trouble if they turns out to be real.

I drink a lot of coffee and tea (sometimes I drink like 3 cups a day).

My sleep schedule is very bad and it's very hard for me to fall asleep.

Also I listen to music basically all the time doesn't matter what I am doing.

I would match you with...

Itto loved seeing you slowly come out of your shell with him. He can easily spend hours talking to you about both of your interests.

He's constantly reminding you not to apologize when you did nothing wrong. He's always doing stuff wrong, so he can't imagine apologizing for nothing.

Your favorite date nights are curling up with a cup of coffee or tea and watching anime together.

Itto is very competitive and loves video games, but he is awful at them. It always ends with him playfully pouting while you laugh at him.

Itto loves the idea of ghosts and paranormal things but is equally as terrified of actually interacting with them if they are real.

If you're having a bad touch day, he completely understands and will do his best to remember. He apologizes if he ever slips up.

Even though you don't express yourself when angry or sad, Itto knows when you are. He's surprisingly patient with you, not showing those emotions and hopes that you will express them to him in the future.

Itto has an equally messed up sleep schedule, and he enables your bad schedule too.

"I know its two am, but do you want to go onikabuto hunting?"

I always say the longer the better! I hope you have a wonderful day as well! Enjoy!

[pastballads]

❤ + your url

Hearts for my thoughts. | Accepting | @hybridgear

You're asking me to give my thoughts about my blog? I'm putting this under a read more because I've got a bit to say. More about myself than my blog, though it does tie into it and my writing.

The rules, all the about pages, and the verses page could've looked way better than they do, but I don't know enough about Google Docs to actually fix things the way I want them. I only started using Docs four years ago, and it was mostly as basic backups for my characters' about pages in case anything happened to a blog or for the purpose of Discord RP servers.

I'm not great at messaging others either. Not because I'm shy, but more often than not because I don't want to bug. Like, over half the people on my Discord list have left their profiles on Do Not Disturb or appear offline damn near 24/7, and the messaging here is a broken, buggy mess and I don't want to unintentionally spam someone because I have no idea if a message went through or not. People are always like "no it's fine, come talk to me whenever", but I'm not going to gamble and take the chance of accidentally pissing someone off. Happened enough over the years.

Then there's my reply times. I can be slow as molasses, and I know it. Everyone knows that whole spiel about roleplaying here is a hobby, real life comes before here, yadda yadda. The issue there is I'm a space cadet with bad ADHD and an ever-shifting sleep schedule. I could be awake or asleep at any time of day depending on the circumstances around the house. I could be halfway through writing a massive draft when something as simple as a single song can derail my entire train of thought. And this isn't including all the spontaneous parts of life causing distractions either. That's why I could be here finishing dozens of drafts in one afternoon or radio silent for almost a week with maybe one post. Not much of a surprise that I constantly apologize for how late they can be.

Muses are another big problem of mine. They're all over the place, with inspiration coming and going like ocean tides. Doesn't help that music or playing a new game or damn near anything can spontaneously send me down the idea phase of creating a new one. Back when I was in the RWBY fandom, I had eight sideblogs because my mind was dedicated to thinking outside the box from the run-of-the-mill OCs everyone used. Hell, it's still a bit of an issue. Just this month, my mind's thought about adding my FF14 character to the roster despite knowing little about the lore, as well as running a trial with my revamped take on Algol from Soul Calibur 4, putting Tino back into his RWBY verse as an AU even though it'll go unused, an old OC who was based on or even secretly Dionysus, and my take on the MC of a nigh-dead MMOJRPG called Onigiri. Not gonna happen though. Last thing I want is to flood this blog with six shallow characters I came up with in two days.

Tying in with the previous bit, getting into the headspace of writing certain muses is another issue for the same reasons. It's entirely sporadic.

I can go on and on and on. Some of these things can be improved or fixed. Others, they're just personal issues. You can say I'm being hard on myself or whatever else you might think, but I'm just being honest.

[hughiecampbelle]

Having Twins With Tommy Would Include:

Tommy is so fucking scared to be a father

He's afraid he might turn into his own father

An absent, violent drunk who never gave a damn about any of his kids, who left them without a second thought, no matter how young

You assure him he's nothing like that man

That the fact that he's already worried about being a good father means he is in no way like his own

"You're a far better man, Thomas Shelby. Don't forget that."

When you do decide you want to expand your family, he's hesitant, but more than excited to find out the good news

He wants to tell the whole family as soon as he finds out

There's so much pride in those big blue eyes

He's had a lot of practice with kids by raising his younger siblings all those years, you already know he's gonna be a natural at fatherhood

Tommy gets pastel paint all over his nice suits painting the nursery in his spare time, dabbing it on your nose when you're not paying attention

He laughs at the little clothes while you two put them in the drawers

"Look at this sock! It's so tiny!"

He spends a lot of time in the nursery at night when he can't sleep

It's a place that brings him so much comfort

Sometimes he sits in the rocking chair and accidentally falls asleep

You wake him up in the morning, chuckling at him

He had no reason to believe he'd be less than a great father

Polly is sure she knows the gender of the baby, bragging about all the times she was right, but you questioned her this time

Something about this felt different

The both of you feel as ready and prepared as new parents can. . .

What you're not prepared for is two!

Tommy nearly faints

Twins? Did he hear that right?

Not only would there be one baby to care for, but two

No one was prepared for that kind of news

Even Polly was shocked

You only had one crib, one height chair, one set of everything

You only had one name picked out, too

When he holds the both of them though, arms completely full, there is a wave of calm among the worry

Two button noses, two sets of eyes, two new smiles

He promises the both of them he'd do anything to protect them

Bringing them home, though, that calm begins to fade

Your families are around a lot to help

One newborn is a lot of work, so two needs a whole village of help

You learn their schedules of feeding and napping and things start to get a little more organized, though there's laundry every day, a mess of bottles to wash each night, and absolutely no time to sleep

Tommy takes time off, getting business sent home so he can be there

When he does go back, John can't help but laugh when he catches his brother falling asleep at his desk

"Keeping you up all night?"

"I think they're nocturnal."

"Welcome to the club!"

They have their own little twin language

Sometimes you and Tommy would sit by the door, quietly, trying not to laugh too loud at your children's serious, jibberish conversations

"You think they're talking about us?"

"Hope not."

As they get older, and do things like sit up, crawl, stand, learn to talk, things get even more hectic

The two of you are constantly running around, trying to catch them

Your home is hard enough to baby proof with Tommy's cigarettes, guns, and blades, things he thought were out of reach until he finds the two of them tearing a box of cigarettes open among their toys

He makes sure they can't touch any of those things again

Little tricksters, they always get past baby gates

"I liked it better when they couldn't move."

"Me too."

Ones first words are for Tommy, the other for you

At least, that's what Tommy thinks

You said name over and over again for one to repeat just at the right moment for when Tommy walked through the door

He doesn't stop bragging about it for weeks

You visit him often at work

Two babies on your hip is a lot of work, so you're grateful for when they can hold your hands and walk by your side, even if they do waddle

Being around the Shelbys, they pick up on the language

You can't help but laugh, even if they shouldn't say it

You don't like to dress them up the same, or when people refer to them as "The Shelby Twins"

They have their own identities, you want them to know that

Most nights it's the four of you in bed, your two little toddlers taking up the most room, pushing you two to the side

"We should have gotten a bigger bed."

Tommy loves when they sit on his lap, his arms around them

They love pulling at his tie or taking his hat off his head

Around them, he wears one without razors, just in case

When it rains they play out in the puddles with Uncle Finn, who encourages them to splash in the mud as much as possible

Auntie Ada loves bringing over Karl, who absolutely adores them

He teaches them all kinds of games he's learned

Johns bundle of kids think they're fun, too

They're little enough for the older ones to dress them up or send them off as bait while they come up with schemes to get more sweets

Uncle Arthur spins them round and round until they're dizzy, making them laugh so hard they nearly cry

Polly just adores them

She takes them any chance she can get, which is great, because you and Tommy could use the break

When there is a lot of danger or an even greater target on his back, Tommy sends the three of you away for safety

He keeps you updated, but he can't let you be home knowing someone could hurt you or the kids

You tell him all about what they do when he can't be there to witness it

"Tommy, you should have seen it. It was so cute!"

He cares deeply about their education, teaching them things before they're even in school

Things about safety, about the business, as well as their alphabet and how to count to ten

He loves walking them to school and picking them up

"How was school?"

"Bad."

"Why's that?"

"I got in trouble. . . "

Both have that Shelby temper he prayed would skip a generation

Tommy teaches them about horses as well

When you two ride them, you each have one kid on your lap

They giggle when they pet the horses or feed them carrots and talk about racing one another when they're older

The Tommy in them comes out at full force

How could those cute little toddlers be so stubborn?

"They're definitely your kids."

"How could you tell?"

"They hate being told what to do."

Constantly having to break up fights

If it's not about a toy, it's a book, or a bug, or whatever they can get their hands on at this point

They get over it just as quickly as it started

"I want you to apologize to one another, now."

"I didn't think you knew what an apology was, Tommy."

"Very funny."

Even now that they're older you still feel unsure with twins

The more you think about the future, the more complicated it gets

Two kids in school, two growth spurts, two kids to help through broken hearts, and crushes, and life with the last name Shelby

Still, you think about adding a few more to the family. . . .

"More?"

"One or two. Haven't you ever thought about it?"

"Of course I have."

Tommy loved being a dad, it was by far his favorite title. He thought of having a family as big as his brothers more often than he'd like to admit

"What if we have another set of twins?"

"Thomas Shelby, what are the chances of that happening again?"

[rosedavid]

Since Cyrus loves TJ's name, TJ lets Cyrus call him Thelonious sometimes, but one day, he accidently calls him that when they're with the gang at the spoon (but please let it end happy lol I don't want an angry TJ)

this got way long lol! hope you enjoy :)

What’s in a Name:

It’s the weekend, and Cyrus stands outside of TJ’s house. They have a informal date at his house planned for the day. Most likely, it would involve lots of binge watching tv shows and cuddling. 

When the doorbell rings, TJ races down the stairs, almost falling. He yanks open the door in excitement, heat rising on his face when he sees Cyrus outside all bundled up in comfy clothes. He ushers the other boy indoors, stopping him in the doorway to greet him properly. 

“Good morning, Cy,” TJ greets, automatically tilting his head down to peck his boyfriend’s lips. 

“Good morning, Thelonious.”

TJ frowns at Cyrus, who plays innocent. 

“I should take back my kiss just for that!” TJ exclaims, crossing his arms with a huff. 

Cyrus breaks out into a grin, tugging on the sleeve of TJ’s shirt. He reaches up on his toes to try and press a kiss to TJ’s lips, but TJ dodges causing Cyrus to miss. Instead, he ends up kissing TJ’s chin which causes them both to chuckle. 

“TJ!” Cyrus whines. “Please let me call you by your full name!”

Honestly, TJ loves the way his name sounds on Cyrus’s lips. He’s never been fond of his name (obviously), but every time Cyrus speaks it endearingly, with no hint of teasing in his voice, it makes TJ’s heart pound. With Cyrus, everything has always been easier. Cyrus has allowed him to become truer to himself, as well as less insecure about numerous things, from his dyscalculia to his identity. In retrospect, it makes sense that TJ would feel comfortable with Cyrus calling him by his real name.

“Okay, fine,” TJ relents, “Just please don’t use it in front of anyone else!”

Cyrus squeals, bouncing on his toes. “It’s a deal, Thelonious!”

Unable to resist the adorable boy beside him, TJ pulls him into another kiss that leaves both of them dizzy. 

For the few months, Cyrus continues to call TJ Thelonious in private. Sometimes, he’ll even call him Jagger if he wants to mess with him. Not used to hearing his name so often, TJ can’t help but get butterflies every time Cyrus says it. He doesn’t say it very often, though. He mostly uses it for special reasons, such as to make a point. In fact, Cyrus using TJ’s real name helps calm TJ down because he knows he’s with someone who knows him better than anyone.

One of his favorite moments with Cyrus so far happens a few weeks into their relationship. They lie on Cyrus’s bed, half-asleep from the lull of music in the background. The oranges and pinks of the sunset stream through the blinds, scattering light across the carpet. It’s been a rough day for both of them. TJ had failed yet another math test, making him feel discouraged. Cyrus, on the other hand, didn’t get into the advanced creative writing class he wanted to participate in the next year. 

“Are you asleep?” Cyrus whispers, squinting over at the boy in his arms. 

“No,” TJ admits with a yawn. “I wish I was, though. I wish I could just forget about this day.”

“Me too.”

TJ adjusts his position so he’s facing Cyrus, noses nearly touching from their close proximity. He reaches a hand up to Cyrus’s cheek, brushing it with a delicate touch. Cyrus blinks slowly, gazing into his eyes. 

“I’m sorry about your class,” TJ whispers. 

Cyrus shrugs. “Happens, I guess. I’m just not good enough for it.”

“Don’t say that! You’re amazing, Cyrus. I love your writing. You just need to keep practicing. You’ll get there.”

“You need to take your own advice,” Cyrus says, not in a harsh tone but rather a sensitive nudge. 

TJ’s expression darkens. “That’s different. I’m different. I’ll never be able to do math as well as everyone else because I’m stupid.”

“Hey,” Cyrus frowns, scooting impossibly closer to him. 

He reaches for TJ’s hand, intertwining their fingers. He squeezes their hands together before tugging them up and kissing TJ’s fingers. 

“You are not stupid, Thelonious,” Cyrus promises. “And just because you’re different doesn’t make you any less of a person. I’m different, too by a lot of people’s dumb standards. But we can be different together. And you know I’ll always be here to support you and help you out with math or anything else you need.”

TJ feels tears welling up in his eyes at Cyrus’s words. He opens his mouth to speak, but only a croak comes out. Understanding how he’s feeling, Cyrus wraps an arm around his side. Their legs tangle together, and TJ also slings an arm around Cyrus. They stay like that for a while, just breathing deeply and listening to soft melodies echoing from the speaker.

Despite that day being one of TJ and Cyrus’s worst, for both it ended up being one of their fondest memories of each other. Never have they had such a tender moment since the time they confessed their feelings for each other on the bench.

Just like he promised, Cyrus only uses TJ’s name when they’re by themselves. Still, noticing how much TJ loves it when he says it, Cyrus ends up sneaking it in more and more, sometimes even in public when they’re apart from the crowd. TJ never gets upset, as Cyrus is typically careful about saying it.

“Thelonious,” Cyrus giggles, “Stop it!”

“Don’t think using my name can always get you out of things!” TJ responds, not letting up on his brutal tickling.

Cyrus bursts out in laughter, head tipped back and arms squirming. TJ’s fingers dance along his belly while Cyrus curls in on himself. When he hears Cyrus’s beautiful laughter, TJ can’t help but smile.

“Thelonious. Thelonious. Thelonious,” Cyrus says between his laughs.

Finally, TJ relents. “Okay, okay, I give for now.”

“Finally! I thought I’d have to break out Jagger,” Cyrus teases.

Today is just over three months into their relationship. As usual, they are connected at the hip. Honestly, neither of them has been happier. TJ finally has accepted himself and gotten more comfortable in his relationship, while Cyrus feels fully loved.

“What’s on the agenda for today?” TJ asks, knowing that Cyrus has an elaborate schedule even during weekends.

“Well, we have to meet everybody for lunch at The Spoon in like an hour,” Cyrus replies.

TJ groans in mock annoyance, causing Cyrus to reach over and smack his arm playfully.

“I don’t wanna socialize,” TJ complains.

“I know, trust me, but we have to. Besides, weren’t you just saying you missed talking to Andi? She’ll be there, too.”

In the past few months, TJ has grown even closer to all of Cyrus’s (and now his) friends. He’s made his own place in their little group besides the kid who used to be mean. Now, he’s Buffy’s sports buddy, Jonah’s music buddy, and Andi’s drawing buddy. Not to mention, even though they already knew about his and Cyrus’s relationship, after coming out to all of them officially a few weeks ago as gay, TJ has felt a lot more comfortable in the friend group.

“Okay, I’ll go, but only for Andi,” TJ decides with a smirk.

“You’re the worst.”

TJ smacks a sloppy kiss on Cyrus’s cheek. Cyrus wipes it away, rolling his eyes.

“Did you have to slobber on me?”

“You say that as if you don’t drool all over my pillows as well as myself when you sleep over,” TJ comments cheekily.

The boys spend the rest of the morning before meeting their friends bantering and getting ready. Having slept over the previous night, Cyrus borrows one of TJ’s hoodies and shorts, both of which are way too large for him.

After not seeing each other for a while with TJ traveling for high school basketball and Cyrus deep in studying, they’re grateful to be together again for a bit. High school has been a difficult adjustment, but they manage to find time for dates and friends between everything. Today is the first time in a while all of them will be together in once place.

“We’re going to be late!” Cyrus shouts as he pulls on his shoes an hour later. “Hurry up!”

TJ fumbles downstairs. “I’m coming! I just had to find my converse.”

Luckily, The Spoon is only a short walk away from TJ’s house. Despite the short distance, though, they still manage to be a bit late much to Cyrus’s chagrin. Everyone else is already there by the time they arrive, chatting amongst each other. Even Amber has gotten off her shift to join them.

“Cyrus! TJ!” Andi waves. “Finally!”

“We’re only five minutes late,” TJ comments.

“I’m a very punctual person, TJ!” Cyrus retorts, jabbing his side.

“Trust me, I know.”

From her spot beside Marty, Buffy sighs. “As great as it is to see Cyrus not moping, I definitely did not miss your constant flirting.”

TJ and Cyrus scoot in beside everyone. It’s crazy how big their group as grown in the past bit to include Marty, Amber, and TJ himself. They can no longer use a regular booth at The Spoon unless Cyrus sits on TJ’s lap (which TJ would not oppose, but Buffy for sure would).

“We do not constantly flirt!” TJ says. “We’re just talking.”

“Exactly,” Cyrus agrees. “TJ isn’t smooth enough to flirt, anyway.”

“Oh, please, I could flirt circles around you—”

“You two are literally flirting right now,” Amber comments, sharing an amused glance with her girlfriend.

“You’re flirting with me, Thelonious?!” Cyrus gasps in mock surprise.

It seems so natural to them. The name just slides off Cyrus’s tongue without a second thought. At first, TJ doesn’t even realize Cyrus did anything wrong. He simply ruffles Cyrus’s hair with a grin. It’s only when they notice that no one else is speaking or moving that Cyrus realizes his mistake.

“Wait, what?! Thelonious? Is that seriously your name?” Buffy chuckles.

“Why else would Cyrus call him that?” Andi responds.

“You told Cyrus before us?”

TJ immediately scoots out of the booth roughly, ignoring Cyrus’s outstretched hand. He glares at them all, but his gaze lands mostly on Cyrus, who shrinks in on himself. TJ never wanted any of them to find out, at least not yet, but now one of his most embarrassing secrets is out to all of them. Everyone will for sure make fun of him for the remainder of his life.

“Yeah, but I guess that was a mistake,” TJ mutters.

“Wait!” Cyrus calls out, but TJ ignores his calls.

He stalks away down the sidewalk, fuming. He should’ve known that it would get out at some point. For more than once in his life, he wishes his parents never named him something so ridiculous. Even though Cyrus claims he likes it, it’s extremely unlikely that everyone else will. He can’t believe Cyrus just blurted out his name like that. After all, his family has been able to keep it a secret from his friends for years. But Cyrus just said it in front of all of them. Was it on purpose?

No. Even though TJ is angry with Cyrus, he knows Cyrus would never do something like that on purpose. It was just an accident. An accident. TJ shouldn’t be so furious with him, but he can’t help it.

How did it slip out so easily? How could Cyrus just say something so abnormal like it’s normal?

“That’s a great name!”

“You are not stupid, Thelonious.”

“Thelonious! You need get back to studying.”

“You’re beautiful, Theo.”

“You’ve got them moves like Jagger!”

“I love you, Thelonious.”

TJ blinks. He’s at the swings, where everything began. Where everything fell apart. Now, where he comes to a startling realization. It’s not abnormal for Cyrus. His name is a way to express his adoration and love, to show his support, to be there for him. For Cyrus, his name has never been weird or unusual, it’s just been his name. No matter how much TJ despises his name, Cyrus loves it. TJ loves that Cyrus loves it. TJ likes his name when Cyrus says it.

“TJ!” A voice in the distance calls.

It’s Cyrus of course. At first, the sight of him makes TJ feel anger rushing through him again, but it dissipates as fast as it comes. As Cyrus comes closer, TJ notices that his face is red, tears on his cheeks and in his eyes. All TJ can feel now is guilt.

“Oh my god, TJ,” Cyrus gasps, trying to catch his breath. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to say your name in front of them, I promise! I-I don’t know what happened! I was just so caught up in the moment and it just slipped out, and I feel so bad about it! I’m sorr—”

“Woah, take a breath,” TJ instructs, bracing his hand on Cyrus’s shoulder.

Once Cyrus can catch his breath again, TJ sits them down on adjacent swings. Cyrus still appears to be feeling awful about the whole situation, sniffling occasionally.

“I’m not upset, not anymore at least,” TJ tells him. “I know it was an accident. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not!” Cyrus disagrees. “If I can’t even keep your name a secret, how can you trust me with anything ever?”

“It’s not your fault, Cy. You call me it all the time, and I let you because I like hearing you say my name. We’re comfortable with it now, so using it is almost automatic. I get it.”

“I still feel bad,” Cyrus sighs. “I made sure to tell everyone at The Spoon to never tell anyone and to never use it!”

TJ smiles, reaching over to clear Cyrus’s face of tears. “Thank you, but I actually think I’m going to tell them my full name now that they know half of it.”

“Are you sure? I feel like I pressured you into this.”

“You didn’t. You made me more comfortable with my name and myself, Cyrus. I should be thanking you endlessly for that.”

They stand up so they can hug.

“You don’t have to thank me, Theo,” Cyrus whispers into his ear. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Cyrus.”

Only after a few more moments of blissful comforting do they head back to The Spoon. Their friends seem surprised to see them walk back through the doors happy and holding hands like nothing happened.

True to his word, TJ tells them all his full name. Although he’s ready now, he still feels insecure about them judging him. Buffy is the first one to comment.

“We can make a club now,” Buffy decides. “Only people named in reference to someone famous can join.”

TJ laughs in relief. “That sounds good to me.”

“Dude, being named after two musicians? That’s cool,” Jonah says.

Marty adds, “And that guy from Shrek!”

At this, they all join in on the laughter. Cyrus brings TJ into yet another hug, but this time everyone else joins in. First, Andi and Buffy wrap themselves around TJ, followed by Jonah, Marty, and finally Amber. TJ feels thoroughly smushed in the middle, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Maybe Thelonious Jagger is a better name than he thought.

[johnnys-so]

I recall you saying you don't know Day6 well enough for an analysis, but what about now? If you can, we'd love one. Thank you!

HEYOOO! 

Umm a lot hasn’t changed on that front but I feel like the distance might be a good thing so I’m going to attach some small mini-analysis after the cut.

sungjin

Bob is literally the most dad friend ever and I think he really takes the cake (though GOT7′s JB comes a close second). He looks so constantly done with all of his members, and yet - probably the one who cleans the kitchen and makes sure to stock up on water/ramyeon/veggies etc.

I feel like he was born to be the hyung, you know? He is the responsible and primary caregiver type. Even though he doesn’t make a big show of it, it seems to be a big part of his personality that he takes care of other people

Also, my god his humour is just.... something commendable, truly. He can’t be funny to save his ass but atleast he keeps trying and i think THATS what so funny about him??? sungjin-ah.... never give up bby

I feel like he’s the least complicated of all members. He doesn’t seem to be the emotionally volatile type and seems very centred in his personality, he also seems oddly like he might have a sister? a younger one (does he? idk, mydays pls let me know). it’s just that other than the protective bear stereotype, he does seem emotionally well-adjusted. Maybe he’s just at that point in life where he can encounter a shitty day or some sort of hardship and look at it straight and say - ok, that’s fucked up. But I guess we gotta just work through it. (in comparison, wonpil would be shrieking through his lungs AND working through it)

in terms of a temper i think he most certainly has one but it takes him a while to get there and i don’t think he’d talk through it AT ALL. maybe cleanliness would be his pet peeve? (im just shooting in the dark here)

to wrap it up, sungjin is the sort of guy (in my opinion at least) who has a strong and steady value system and he’s sort of ok with dealing with the world as long as he has it figured out in his head. He knows who he is, and therefore there is little conflict he brings to the world. If he wasn’t playing in this band, I’d 1000% see him settle for the corporate life and clean9 to 5 job which lets him come back home by 7pm and have some cold beer while watching football and hearing his kids play in the living room

Jae

Aww man this skinny bitch. I feel like the fandom is sleeping on his ‘annoying prankster’ potential because i think  he’d give peeves a run for his money

derives great joy from the misery and anguish of others (probably has Wonpil maniacally laughing in the background)

on a normal day Jae is the sort of person who’s probably going through memes on the phone while everyone’s having a serious conversation about their tour or like their everyday schedules. He has a few things he cares about in life and is okay to take a backseat when it comes to the other shit. As long as he gets what he needs (a possible slytherin mofo?)

But that’s not to say that he’s easygoing or wishywashy about the things that he does care about. Music, matters a lot to him. Even though he’s not academically musically instructed (as young k is) he has spent a whole lot of time and effort into educating himself to the point that it really shows in their albums (i could wax poetry about the complexity of Day6′s music and how its so refreshing in it’s personality of being both goth and peppy i-). So Jae is most certainly determined, goal driven and very intrinsically motivated

Also, very much in his head. If he doesn’t have a strong pisces placement, I’m willing to eat my foot. I feel like while Young K is very intense about his emotions, Jae gets very emotional about the people he surrounds himself with.

With people: not very trusting of everyone. Has a chosen few that he goes to certain things about. Might be the kind of person who distributes his troubles by categories to various confidants. But also, trust is something that is earned with jae. But that is not to say that he won’t get along with other people. He’s cordial and is good in engaging a crowd (as a performer, MC, friend, VJ) but he’s also good at drawing lines and boundaries

the most incredible part of his personality for me has always been his work-ethic and his drive to be better. He’s always challenging himself through his existing skill set, but also pushing himself to learn new things. Sounds like a bloody workaholic to me. 

probably shit at figuring out his own feelings/emotions/attitude about certain things. But always up for being the wise advice-giver to other delinquents (read: jamie)

sarcastic wit to sass everyone for days. probably a loki over thor guy

Kink master extraordinaire. Likes cooking up shit and encourages people to sin.

Young K

emo baby af. But we all knew this so more on that later

The ultimate Onion of a personality. Young K, off the bat, seems like he hides so many layers. Not purposely at all, but simply because he’s unable to communicate the extent of his mental world to the public

one beautiful way he has found to channelise all of his thoughts and ideas about the world is clearly through his music and lyrics. But he’s also extremely creative in other ways (art and fashion). I feel like he’s the sort of person who feels most confident and assured in himself when he’s creating. 

socially, what a mess. I wouldn’t say he has trust issues like Jae does but im pretty sure he’s made some foolish mistakes about choosing friends and not realising how to navigate that friendship (friendships where he has demanded too much or has been demanded too much of??). But otherwise a jovial fool the kind of person who laughs the loudest (and dorkiest) at a dinner with friends

how’s his alcohol intake? I have this super funny intake of a drunk young k trying to write mini love poems for all his friends and sungjin being called to take him home and the call actually begins with “did he try to be poetic again?”

while im trying to paint a picture of him as a jester (because young k also needs to be seen for beyond his emotionality) he’s the kind of guy that would surprise you with how brilliant he is. An actual wisecrack/genius, and very underappreciated. I wouldn’t be surprised if he someday returns to teaching

Right. Emotionality though. If he isn’t some pisces (sun or moon) i will actually yell. He’s the definition of ‘someone who navigates an alternate plane, is open to a world that most people don’t even begin to understand exists’. i feel like speaking to him about abstract concepts - such as the existence of truth, the point of life, the definition of beauty, other existential phenomenon - would be so much fun because he’s have such an interesting and unconventional take on things. I feel like he’s make me humble with the words he has (he already makes me feel so secure with all of his lyrics because i realize, even if the world is shit what a relief that someone like young k exists)

probably would be a guilt-ridden but a wonderfully emotionally supportive boyfriend. Someone who understands your demons all too well and would go the extra mile to provide whatever help he can

1000% has high neuroticism scores that would be cause for concern. someone give him a Beck’s depression inventory right away.

HAHAHAHAH probably the fucking kinkiest mofo, after Jae

Wonpil

An actual baby!!

No ok but wonpil has matured THE most in all of Day6 and i really didn’t realise it until i notice how his expressions have become more closed during airport pics, and his voice has gained a new level of emotionality in live stages, and he’s also a lot more reserved these days on variety shows

still the most extrovert in the group. I just think the fame, the crowd, the possible betrayals as a result of their growing fame and having to be an adult in this tough situation - has gotten to him. But that’s inevitable really. None of us can be protected from the reality of life that leeches away at our innocence

such a vibrant soul. Such a giver. As a friend, he’s literal sunshine. Not much of a protector, but more of an amicable I’ll-always-be-there-for-you sort of person (though im guessing the amount of people he extends this courtesy to nowadays has probably reduced. 

fucking made to be an entertainer. He’s naturally funny and attracts all the energy (and eyes) in the room to himself. A very good mood maker if you will

in terms of neuroticism, I think he’d be more on the depression (from the constant stress workstyle and the increasing loneliness) than an anxious person. I think he probably is a bit volatile in his emotions but that’s because he gets lost in the moment. He’s literally someone who lives in the present far more than he lives in the past (sungjin or young k) or the future (jae)

don’t think he's intrinsically motivated much. Prone to a lot of lazy days, a lot of extreme gaming and just randomnly playing jokes and pranks on people. he’d need some strongly external guidance/deadlines to get his work ethic going

high extraversion and agreeableness, probably low on conscientiousness (especially discpline) but fascinated by aesthetic beauty (openness to experience).

Dowoon

Honest to god i cannot figure him out. I think it’s a case of - im trying to look deeper and harder but the truth is, it’s not even that complicated

underappreciated oppa potential 100000%

still comes through as a dork of a maknae. has zeROhand eye coordination outside of drumming. the kind of kid who breaks the glassware and blames it on his sibling (wonpil) and his parents totally believe him because he could do no wrong (aka sungjin grudginly yells at wonpil, again, about house rules)

just a man dedicated to his drums and his food. if he can play some solid beats, get some work done on the albums, play a nice set on a tour, have some chicken and beer while he is resting, have his hyungs fool around in the green room --> he good bruh

but by no means does that make him a fool (though i do think he’s a bit of a fool sometimes when it comes to picking up social cues about wonpil/jae making fun of him. he lacks the 눈치 you know what i mean)

Also (maybe I just love plot twists) but i think he’d be eerily good at picking up on people feeling sad/depressed/lonely/off in general. He’d be like that guy who just walks into the room and sees you just slinking away on the sofa and he thinks.... nah im just going to give them space and go get myself some food. But literally a few seconds later, he sits by you on the sofa, offers you food, and asks what’s on your mind. The silent supporter kind. Willing to listen, willing to be there for you

i don’t know much about dowoon so im just going to end this with: arms that can lift kids/ crush you in a bear hug/ pin you against a wall and leave bit marks on your neck

sorry if that didn’t cover much. I sort of only know day6 with their music. If im extremely wrong or way off about someone, please reach out and correct me!!

[checanty]

HELLO this might be a little personal so if you don't want to answer this question I completly understand. I was wondering how you deal with your (art)-anxiety (you know the thing: self critisism and knocking yourself down all the time, being scared shitless about the future because life is getting real now). Do you have some tips or thoughts? X

Alright. So this is a big topic. It’s not always easy to tell since we tend to make sure to project our best self via social media, but anxiety and self doubts are not especially rare with artists including the ones you think have *made it*.  However, while I can talk about how I personally deal with anxiety, we all feel differently and not everything that works for me will work for you. Take what’s useful to you and leave the rest here. I’m just a silly 23 year old spewing nonsense into the void.

Also, if you struggle and feel like you need help, please do the scary thing and reach out to somebody you trust and/or talk to a mental health professional.

And obviously this is not a complete list because I have come to the realization that at the pace I’m writing we’ll be old and grey by the time I’m done.

Anyways here we go …

I. Assorted things

a. First, it helps to acknowledge that imposter syndrome, the fraud police or however you want to call it is a thing. Once I identify that nagging little voice for what it is, I can call it out on its bullshit. Sometimes it just haunts me in the back of my mind and I actively formulate the negative thought out in an ‘Ah yes, I’m a lazy little shit, that will never be good enough. That what you wanted to tell me, brain? Well, you gotta come up with something new because I know this trick and it’s not true.’ fashion. It helps me to recognize the pattern, pull it out into the open and then reject it. It’s easier than having my head buzzing with negative fragmented ideas that can continue to fester until I can’t deal with them anymore.

b. Trust others. When a person says they like your work? Trust that they do. Don’t draw the conclusion they’ll be your über-fan and throw money at you or that they’re an art critic guru, but take them by their word. That person likes your work and that’s awesome! (Obviously my grandmother predicting me to become a great artist won’t mean it’s true, but I believe she means it.)Also, somebody hires you for a job and it’s super scary and you feel like your going to fail? Trust the person who has hired you. They’ve seen your portfolio, they pay you (make sure they do), they believe you can do it. They’re not stupid.

c. When you’re sitting in your pajamas surfing the internet, eating cereals with a fork trying to eat away your felt 3000 failed drawings (But you’re lazy, so really you only drew like 5 things, but they’re so bad the failure counts for more.) of the day it’s hard to believe you can ever be as pro as those glorious drawing machines on the internet with their polished websites and portfolios who make it look so easy.

Now imagine stumbling upon yourself on the internet. What do you see?Your latest cool artwork, your work ethic (even if you really just queue your posts cleverly) … And this is just your online presentation. Think about the artwork. You know your stuff. You see it all the time. You know all the frustrating bits and problem areas. You know what parts you’re just winging or obscuring by drawing decorative ornamental elements on them and pretend it’s your style. Other people don’t. (They might if you tell them. So try not to be too negative about your work.) Try to see your work with their eyes. Design a book cover mock up with your artwork (or whatever is applicable to the area you want to work in) and imagine it’s by somebody else and you just stumbled upon it in a book shop. You might realize it’s actually kind of okay …You might actually start to really like some of your works. (or all of it.)

d. Trust in the fact that drawing is a skill that is constantly developing. Even if you’re not at the level you need or want to be at, as long as you practice and keep at it you’ll eventually get there. It’s a process. It might be a really slow one. But there’s just one direction to go and you have time. You do. Even when other people your age (or younger) seem to have made it (whatever that means), it’s frustrating, alright. Have a cry, that’s ok. Get back to the drawing table. You’re on different paths. Stay off the internet for a while if comparisonitis gets too bad. There’ll always be people who are better than you. Focus on your work. (My drawing teacher’s advice on this was: Get inspired, not frustrated. Which is easier said than done.)

e. Learn a new skill that has nothing to do with your art, simply for the joy of learning it and then fail a lot. It’s a lot easier to learn being accepting of your mistakes and failures this way. It’s much easier to learn when nobody judges you (grades you. Makes you take tests.). I’ve started yoga and learning a new language last year and I am still bad at both, but whenever I mess up my vocabulary or can’t do a pose it’s … okay. Nothing bad happens. And it’s lots of fun. The failing. The times when things do work. It’s easier to realize a mistake isn’t the end of it all when you practice with something that doesn’t already come with all the old pressures and expectations.

f. Get your sleep. No screens before bed time, seriously. Those are an invitation for insomnia. Try to keep a regular sleep schedule. I sound so boring with my whole scheduling habit, but it helps a lot.

g. Find a way to release stress. Do something besides work. When I find it hard to allow myself to do non work related things I tell myself being good at what I’m doing or being successful early on doesn’t actually mean much when it means I’m burned out by 24 and dead by 27. It’s really hard to follow your passion when you constantly fantasize about running away to hide somewhere in a forest cave living only on dirt and roots until you eventually poison yourself or freeze to death.

What also helped me to stop feeling like I’m not working enough was using a timer so I could show myself by the end of the week how much I have gotten done.Also using a schedule. And sticking (at least roughly) to it.(Although it takes a lot of trial and error to figure out how to best put your schedule together. It’s important to be aware of how you’re feeling and to be able to make some changes to accommodate your needs. Don’t start out by assuming you’re always your best and most productive self. Are you doing something that will probably exhaust you? Factor that in. Figure out how much you can actually effectively work. Buffer days in case you have deadlines. You might get sick or have a bad art day. Time off for regeneration. Don’t do the ‘I work best under pressure a day before the deadline’ thing if you can help it.)

h. Realizing you got time and you don’t actually have to be a fully functional amazing, successful artist person by, like, tomorrow. You don’t. You take the time you need. You make sure you’re okay first. Figuring out what exactly is important to you and what you really want to be and do takes time. It takes going down the wrong path sometimes. I started out wanting to be a comic artist, but ended up doing creepy dark fantasy illustrations. Now I’m realizing that this is not everything I want to do. It’s a process and nothing you do is in vain, but things take time.

(–> Goal setting on the other hand is a great way to succeed at something, but you have to know what you want first. Of course you can set a goal and realize on the way that you have no interest in reaching it anymore. I guess then it depends on what your goal is whether you want to continue or change course. E.g. I’d finish that big project you’ve been working on for years, but maybe stop trying to get that job you actually don’t want anymore.)

In a similar vein … Learning to be patient with oneself. Patience is always good.

II. The future is scary and I don’t know what to do

a. Research first! The monster is way less scary when you can see it clearly. Only once you know how it looks like you can plan on how to slay it. (It might not even be a perfect plan, it just has to be good enough to make you feel like things might turn out okay.)Hit the internet, read a lot. Learn what you can. See how other people do it. Ask questions. Try to find out where your crowd hangs out. My personal advice is to be a bit careful with those 10 ways to be a successful artist articles depending on how in depth they are. I either find them not especially informative or they’re a great way for me to spend the rest of the day crying (even and especially when they’re supposed to be motivational. There’s so much motivational stuff out there that really just makes me feel super insecure.) because after reading them I’m pretty sure I don’t do any of those things and am a horrible person anyways. Articles dealing with matters in a more nuanced manner might often be more to read, but have been way more helpful to me.

Some resources that help(ed) me a lot (consider I’m mostly doing fantasy art, so it might not all be for you):

http://muddycolors.blogspot.deAmazing artists and art directors sharing insights. There’s a lot. Maybe matching this ask’s subject:

Arrogance & Doubt

How to get what you want

The secret to success in art

@dearartdirector here on tumblr. Make sure to check out their prior asks&answers before sending them your questions. There’s already a lot of important stuff in there.

Bobby Chiu’s Youtube Channel1FantasticWeek Podcast (& Facebook Group)Drawn&Drafted

Giuseppe Castellano’s Blog and #arttips on Twitter

For children’s books: find the hashtag #kidlitart on Twitter

Otherwise try to find blogs and podcasts about what you want to do.

III. Everything is too much and I can’t manage or think or …

a. Sometimes things just get too much and I put everything on hold and write through it. I think faster than I can write, so putting thoughts to paper slows me down. I also see the stuff in my head written out and it is easier to confront it and recognize what actually makes sense and what doesn’t. The process is obviously different every time, but basically I try to boil down what upsets me and then find ways to deal with it conversation style. (I usually even include the bits where I don’t know what to say and then write exactly that down.)For example I’ve written  myself through some phone call anxiety last year by listing what I am actually afraid of and why it makes me feel insecure and then writing down what I know to be actually true.

The last part looked somewhat like this: You’re safe. You’re sitting in your room on the floor and there is nobody around. Nothing can happen to you. You are physically safe.It is their job to help you. If you don’t know something, they will help you.  If they are mean it is not on you. They might have had a shitty day. Also, they don’t know you and their opinion on you has no influence on your life. They talk to a lot of people in a day and will probably forget you. You are not important enough to ruin somebody’s day. If they make fun of you at home it has no influence on your life.Just be as polite as you can be and you have nothing to feel bad about.

And so on.

Most negative thoughts are similar. e. g. ‘I’ll never achieve anything.’ vs writing down successes (as small as they might be): I’ve been able to feed myself for a week. I can speak a second language. I survived school. I’m keeping my rats alive. I know myself better today than I did last year.

When I feel like I’m dancing on too many parties and feel like I am constantly forgetting something or feel just vaguely haunted I try to figure out what the immediate issues that freak me out are. Being as specific as possible. Being as honest as possible. It’s not like anybody has to see what I’m writing. This is not just about art. It’s about everything, even and especially the petty little things. If you gather enough of those they can be crushing. Once they’re all written down I can decide which have priority and which I can put aside. The important part is to make a conscious decision (really, decision making. Sometimes stressing about making a decision is worse than making the wrong choice.). I don’t have to answer my friend’s Facebook message today, I can just tell them I’m currently stressed out and will get back to them at some later point. Or let them wait for a day or two. They’ll survive. I can simply say no to this or that thing. I can totally schedule this thing to next week and not think about it until then. (Actually write down when you’ll do it, though. Everything you write down you don’t have to keep juggling in your head.)

Then I write down possible solutions for what is still left. Afterwards I figure out which ones I can implement and which one’s I cannot (for whatever reason.). What can I do right now? (Starting with the easiest fixes. That might be doing the dishes that have piled up over time.) What can I schedule? I need to have plan of action* for every problem on my list. Sometimes it doesn’t mean I’ll solve it, but at least I’ll feel like I’ve done everything I currently feel capable of doing.

* Those may be suuuuper small steps. Or maybe even acknowledging it scares me, but accepting that it is something I cannot influence and therefore something that just goes into my calendar and out of my brain. It’s a lot about planning and scheduling for me.

b. I use a friend of mine and my  mum for reality checks sometimes when my brain gets stuck on something totally irrational and I need somebody to explain to me why I don’t make sense.

(I also use my friend when I’m not sure whether I’m interpreting a message or social situation correctly. Good to have a second opinion when your paranoid brain sees cryptic messages and overt criticism everywhere.)

c. When I feel I’m about to freak out and can’t sit down to write or think something through I have a book lying around that I can grab and read aloud until I calm down. I like Jack Kerouac for this because I don’t have to try and understand what is going on. It’s just a stream of pretty words and sound.