#slinks off to my evil lair

[naturalbornlosers]

if i start posting abt MASH im gonna need someone to hit me with a comically large mallet

[greatatmakingmemes]

Wooden Overcoats: The Social Rudyard & Practical Magic

“I’m not sure she actually knows what we do.”

“I want you to sweep the floor, wash the windows, see if you can do anything interesting with the dead begonias.” 

“You mean you’ve got a signal?”

“I’ve got a message.”

“Get down, [Name]! It’s dangerous!”

“How are they even getting here?”

“Where are the wires?”

“Ghosts don’t go through people. Would you like to walk through a person?”

“I’ve got over 3 million notifications.”

“Like telegrams?”

“Everyone knows we’re here and they can come if they want to.”

“Some people pay to be memorialized online.”

“This ‘social media’ thing sounds like a step too far for this firm.”

“[Name] has over 2 million followers.”

“Do people like to see pictures of a beverage?”

“[Name] has opened a new battlefront. We must retaliate!”

“Some people have a frothy cappuccino.”

“I can take a picture with my phone.”

“It phones people. Like a telephone, but mobile.”

“Damn your coffee bubbles to hell, [Name]!”

“Have you seen our gas bubble?”

“You’ve got to take money to make money.”

“Photograph me!”

“You’ve got to think about what you want people to say about you.”

“What if I smiled?”

“You need something that lets the world know what you’re about.”

“Since when has she been going to the cinema?”

“If I’m an undertaker, I need to prove that I’m comfortable being around their dead relatives.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“The future is here!”

“That little dash? It’s a minus sign.”

“So, people still don’t like me?”

“Grab the other shovel.” 

“Let’s try this one more time, [Name]. And I need you to concentrate, okay?”

“This isn’t going to work if you don’t try!”

“You’re talking to a spaniel?”

“I know it’s none of my business…”

“Blimey, that’s a task.”

“I thought you’d be great at magic.”

“It’s much simpler than you think.”

“You can do magic?”

“So you really do have evil powers, like [Name] says?”

“Why do I always have to deal with this mess?”

“He was the perfect salesman in every way, except he was a little hard of hearing.”

“Socks? Of course we have socks!”

“You really should speak up.”

“An excellent choice, sir!”

“This jacket doesn’t seem to have a price on it.”

“How much for this dinner jacket?”

“You can slink off back to your lair now.”

“I’ll eliminate you.”

“Please excuse my sister, she’s just a bit inexcusable.”

“All of a sudden, it’s your lucky day!”

“What the hell are you even talking about?”

“That was just a weird story with some funny voices!”

“Give me a reason not to kick you in the knees.”

“It’s not magic, it’s just a con.”

“Stay focused on what you can control.”

“We’re more public than you!”

“Give me a category like cities or football players…?”

“Now we mix these up in the bowl so we can’t tell which is which.”

“Picture it in your head as clearly as you can.”

“That was just uncanny.”

“You must have made a deal with the devil.”

“God, I’m lonely.”

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines Chapter 52 - Power

don’t worry y’all I’m not gonna leave you in suspense too long here we come with the next chapter :D

Terri and Zash learn about the nigthsister coven of Dathomir

Terri was speechless as the imposing figure of Mother Ysum shambled towards them, she was doing her best to not look scared, she wasn’t really sure how effective it was though. Mother Ysum frowned at them now up close Terri could properly see the age of the woman, her face was lined with wrinkles her movement slow and creaky but Terri could see that this was a wise person regardless. 

Zash stepped forward bowing before Ysum “Mother Ysum it’s an honour to meet you forgive me but I thought the nightsisters were just a myth to scare the acolytes” Ysum’s face stretched into a slight smile looking down upon Zash

Terri slinked back not wanting to get in the middle of this meeting of the minds, Ysum turned to the chamber around her “yes well I assure you we are quite real” she paused “although we have seen better days” Terri had never heard of the ‘nightsisters’ maybe it was before her time. She had only read about witches in storybooks she had to admit the idea of being a witch was a little cool but it had to be the right type, she didn’t want to be the jaded old woman type more like cool aloof hero. 

Terri caught herself before the daydream distracted her too much, Zash stood up straight trying to meet the height of Ysum unfortunately missing by about a foot “yes I have to say your lair seems a little empty no matter how impressive this place is” Ysum nodded seemingly bearing down on Zash. Terri had no idea how Zash was keeping her cool Terri would have ran away already, it didn’t help that Zash’s form reminded her of Lusi in danger. Terri tried her best to put the thought to the back of her mind remembering Lusi wanted this she had to stay strong.

Ysum gestured with her hand and a luminescent green energy began filling the chamber forming a weird gaseous visage “unfortunately there were those who fear our... unique take on the force” the visage swirled into what seemed like a battlefield “and fear makes people do crazy things, but I don’t need to tell you that Zash” Terri’s eyes widened how did she know Zash’s name? Terri looked to Zash who was still staring down the Rattataki seemingly unfazed.

Zash folded her arms “quite, people usually like to destroy what they can’t possibly understand” Terri felt a bit out of place with these two wise woman squaring off and then just her “at least I have an answer for what the conflict was about” Ysum nodded seemingly confirming Zash’s suspicions “You spoke of a deal” Terri had completely forgot about what Ysum had said she needed ‘assistance’ whatever that meant

Ysum continued to stare down Zash “I did, but first I’d like to know what you want” they stared at each other for a long second Terri had never felt this tense in her life, she couldn’t even tell if they were allies or if there was about to be a fight talk about sith egos. 

Zash eventually conceded “I have come here seeking secrets, I have seen that there are ways of enhancing ones own potential and that some of them may lie with you” Terri sighed she was hoping to be done with the ancient secrets and powerful rituals but that seemed unlikely.

Ysum let out a small chuckle “you wish to learn the ways of the nightsisters?” Zash frowned she seemed almost offended by the doubt Ysum cast

Zash nodded “if that can enhance my own ability then yes but I think I’m looking for something more specific” Ysum nodded considering the statement

Ysum turned around “then I’m afraid I have some bad news you cannot learn the ways of the nightsister if you are not one” Terri frowned were they gonna become witches? “and for that you would need to have this planet in your blood” Zash raised her eyebrow clearly not believing what Ysum was saying

“in my blood? is this some spiritual message” her words dripped with sarcasm but to Terri’s surprise Ysum seemed almost amused by the words

she gestured around her the green mist coiling around her arms “no my dear I mean you need it ‘in’ your blood, the green mist that you keep seeing we refer to that as spirit ichor and those from this planet carry it’s essence within us” the mist coalesced into a staff shape and then suddenly a real staff appeared in it’s place “that is what gives us our magic” Terri was stunned no wonder she sensed immense force power from the ground, she looked to Zash who was looking increasingly agitated.

Suddenly though her anger all melted away “Is it at all possible to learn this power” Terri was impressed she’d let go of all her anger just like that she really wasn’t your average sith.

Mother Ysum shook her head “I’m afraid not without prolonged exposure to the ichor, but that doesn’t mean the magic is useless to you” Zash raised her eyebrow “you said you wanted to enhance your force power there are many rituals with such applications” Terri groaned oh great more rituals 

Zash seemed intrigued however “what’s the catch you’re not just giving this away” Ysum seemed amused by Zash’s tenacity Terri had to imagine she hadn’t spoken to someone this wise in years

Ysum nodded “of course not Zash nothing is free, for such a ritual ingredients from many locations are required, as I’m sure you’ve noticed I am not exactly fit for such ventures. I’m proposing you get the ingredients required as well as others I require and in return I will help you with your ritual” Zash nodded considering the deal

Zash thought for a long second “how will we know where to find the ingredients” Terri did wonder these could be anywhere how were they going to find them

“most these ingredients once grew on Dathomir but have since dwindled but across the galaxy certain planets have a small piece of Dathomir in them” Terri wondered if Ysum enjoyed being vague she certainly did it an awful lot

Terri wanted a straight answer “uh um what do you mean a small piece of Dathomir?” Ysum turned to Terri and she instantly regretted speaking up as Ysum stared right through her

The green mist rippled into an image of planets “long ago I foresaw this issue and set up small colonies on planets across the galaxy that either contained a potent ingredient or had the right conditions for such to grow. The ichor was imbued in seeds and promptly planted allowing for our magic to continue and these ingredients to be harvested.” Ysum paused dissipating the map “unfortunately it was only a failsafe so certainly not feasible with the main colony destroyed” Ysum turned back to Zash letting Terri finally relax

Zash frowned at Ysum “I still don’t understand what you’re getting out of this we get our ritual of power and you get ingredients? seems like there’s more to this” Ysum let out a raspy chuckle

Ysum raised her eyebrow “isn’t it obvious I can then restart my colony” Terri frowned with just ingredients?

Zash chuckled “I’m pretty sure you need people for that” Terri had to agree with Zash this seemed sketchy

Ysum smiled “you’d be surprised” Zash’s eyes widened looking to Terri, Terri shrugged unsure if she was crazy or super powerful “as well as that however I will be able to contact the scattered nightsister clans for a more useful rebuilding” Terri sighed in relief ok that was a little bit better

Zash frowned “how do I know you won’t just steal the ingredients when I get back” Ysum’s eyes narrowed at Zash

“first of all I keep my word but do I really look capable of that” Terri honestly had no idea this witch stuff was powerful “regardless we need each other if you want your precious power so you’re going to have to trust me” Zash pursed her lips clearly keeping her anger locked down

after a long pause Zash responded “Fine you have a deal we’ll get your ingredients as well as ours” Ysum smiled Terri wasn’t sure if this was a good idea she may need to ask Zash about the plan later

The mist formed a piece of parchment in Ysum’s hand “here is your list of ingredients and locations good luck my dears” Zash took it without a word and gestured for Terri to follow her out walking out quickly.

Terri shuffled up to Zash and once they were out of earshot spoke up “um Zash are we actually gonna let her restart her coven?” Zash held her chin clearly pondering the question

Zash frowned “I’m not sure but after we have my power we can think about putting a stop to it if it’s evil” Terri frowned she guessed there was something to that although it seemed like a risk “I’ve seen what this ritual could do though Terri I think it’s worth it” Terri wasn’t sure how to feel about it but she knew she was supposed to trust Zash

Terri stammered “well gee Zash ok I guess”...

[bcbdrums]

Things Change

Rant time. So I had the perfect ending for this written in my head. Witty in-character dialogue, vivid descriptions, a satisfying conclusion... And then literally seconds later I sit down to write and I've forgotten it all. What is wrong with my brain!? I really really tried, but it's gone. So I wrote a new ending and I know it's not as good. Anyway...

Trying my hand at prompt filling to stretch myself. From the Sensory Prompt list, number 55: Finding old photographs you had forgotten about. Requested by @benjimators

Enjoy!

Muted orange hues illuminated the wooden interior of the treehouse lair in Tahiti as the sun set. Drakken was shoving cardboard boxes around, trying to get them all organized by their contents.

It had been two days since he'd received a medal from the United Nations honoring him for saving the world, and six days since the alien invasion. Most of his time in that period had been spent either spreading his plant mutagen around the globe or showing others how to synthesize it to help stop the alien devices that were rampaging out of control.

This was the first night since his abduction that he had returned to the lair and as he went straight back into a normal routine, he finally felt as if he could breathe again.

"Phoo!" he exclaimed, letting out a breath as he stood and mopped his brow. It was far muggier than he remembered when he had first built this lair, but at the moment he didn't really care. For the first time since he'd been abducted, things almost felt normal.

Glancing around, he spotted Shego's discarded beach chair and pulled it up next to the box he had just moved and sat down in relief, watching the sunset through the window. He felt a creeping sensation on the back of his neck and a moment later the mutant vine with its pink flower had curled around in front of him, seeming to look at him in question.

"I don't know, flower," he said with sigh, leaning on his elbow. "This is...new ground."

"Hey, Dr. D.," Shego's voice caused him to turn around. "Thought you said you were going to bed?"

The vine slinked away as Drakken turned back to the window and crossed his arms. "I would if I could find the bed," he grumbled.

He could practically feel Shego rolling her eyes behind him. Predictably, she crossed the room to another stack of boxes and ripped through the tape to get into one.

"Look, here's your futon..." she said, dropping the item on the floor as she walked up to the stack right next to him, "and here's your jammies," she said, opening another box. She plucked the folded clothes out and dropped them in his lap, followed by his teddy bear and slippers.

He blinked twice, and then grumbled out his thanks.

"You're welcome," she said. Her tone was almost polite, causing him to look up in curiosity. The moment their eyes met she turned away, walking back into some other part of the lair.

It had been like that since the ceremony. She never really looked at him, and their conversations were short and only about necessary things. She hadn't said anything sarcastic in over a day.

"Drakken, get these things off of me!" she hissed out through clenched teeth as cameras began to flash.

"I don't...! I didn't—" he stuttered, looking anxiously at the crowd as the vines tightened further around them.

"Tell them to let go!"

"Rgh. Flower, let us go!" he commanded quietly.

Obediently, the vines released them and Shego immediately stepped away from his side. He glanced at her as she swept her hair back, continuing to smile and wave as if nothing was amiss. He followed her lead.

He hadn't thought any more about it until they had arrived back at the lair and she immediately abandoned him for her room. When he realized nothing was in it since they hadn't had a chance to unpack, that's when he began really thinking back over the last two days.

Praise and honor and glory and a pardon, and money and job offers and research grants, and.....

It was beyond anything he had ever wished for, and he had made the excuse that he needed to do more work on his plant formula to ensure it continued working in order to escape the throngs. And now he realized that while Shego had been his companion through all of it, she had been completely silent.

He started to set his teddy bear back in the box when a large, dark book inside caught his eye. When had he packed that?

He lifted the old photo album out of the box and opened to the first page. Under the plastic was an 8 x 10 sepia photo of a baby wearing a white frilly dress and cap, giggling up at whoever was behind the camera.

'Drew's christening,' the caption read in his mother's handwriting.

Drakken began perusing the album, genuinely not remembering the last time he had seen it. Had his mother brought it during one of her visits? Had Shego packed it?

It was his entire life, condensed into one cliche narrative: the story of geek-boy, growing up brilliant and receiving all the accolades from school and from his family, but utterly friendless. He didn't like remembering it, and wondered again where the album had come from.

When he reached the final few pages he slowed down and actually looked. One photo was in front of the dome of M.I.S.T., where he posed with James, Bobby, and Ramesh in front of Bobby's new Audi. They were all smiling and throwing hand-signals that they thought made them look cool. Next to that photo was one of his mother kissing him goodbye on the day he had moved into the dorms.

He sighed. The college photos were painful, but he did like to see them. They reminded him of why he had become a villain.

But now...

The jobs he had been offered, the invitations to join research teams, the pardon... Everything he ever wanted and more was being offered to him on a silver platter. He finally, finally had the recognition he had wanted all his life.

Except...

He looked down at the images of his so-called friends, who had mocked and teased him and put down every innovation he had ever tried. Then he looked out the window, watching as the sun slipped beyond the horizon.

The awards and priveleges were conditional. The only way to keep them would be to stop being a villain. And if he stopped...would he eventually be ridiculed again? Would his heroics be forgotten in the face of his...unconventional ideas?

And if he didn't change his ways, what would the world do to him?

His gaze drifted through the darkening skies until resting on the remains of the alien robot which Shego had demolished.

Shego...

He sat forward suddenly as he realized—none of it would have been possible without her. The earth would be under alien rule right now if she hadn't come after him and saved him. He'd be dead and forgotten, his corpse mounted on some Lorwardian's living room wall.

He tried to tell himself that of course she had come after him, he was her boss after all. It was in her job description to save him. And besides, he was the world's utmost genius. It would have been crazy of her to not...

He slumped back and hung his head. Who was he kidding? He was lucky she'd come after him. He had no idea why she stuck with him at all, especially after everything that had happened the first time Warmonga had shown up.

He owed Shego everything. It...wasn't really for him to choose his fate, if he was being fair. And he already knew what Shego would choose.

He felt a twinge of pain in his chest then, and realized that...maybe he really did want to try out being on the side of good again. Maybe? But there was no way Shego ever would, so there was no more point in thinking about it.

It was dark now. He may as well try to get some sleep.

He stood up and turned around, and was startled to see Shego leaning against the door frame, watching him.

He caught the strangest glimpse of sadness in her eyes before she quickly put on a smirk, and then shoving off the wall she started toward him.

"Reminiscing, Doc?" she asked.

He glanced down at the open album that hung in one hand at his side.

"Mm. As little as possible," he answered, closing the book and setting it back in the box.

"Don't know why you keep that. I'd think it would just remind you of how much everyone hates you."

He cringed. But then he took a breath and looked her in the eyes. "Funny thing... I don't remember packing that album. Do you know how it got in there?"

She halted her approach, and he smirked.

"I knew it! Where did you find it anyway? My mother's attic?"

She crossed her arms and turned away, her head held high. "Hey, I was just trying to help. Every villain needs to fuel their evil fire now and then."

He watched her hair swaying in time with her steps as she walked away, and he sighed through his nose. Frowning, he spread out the futon in the middle of the floor and began unbuttoning his lab coat. Maybe he could sleep off his disappointment...

"Don't worry, Shego," he said, his voice low.

She stopped and turned back, looking at him curiously.

"Worry about what?"

"I'm not going to take any of their job offers...or their pardon."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why not?"

He dropped his coat onto her beach chair and started on the rest of his clothes. She turned her back while he changed.

"Wouldn't work out..." he muttered.

"What? But...how do you know?" she asked, glancing briefly over her shoulder.

"I just know!" he spat as he hurried into his pajamas. "Where are the blankets..."

"The same box as the futon," she said. "But...you're always ranting about wanting to be recognized for your genius. Isn't this everything you've ever wanted?"

Drakken ground his teeth as he dragged a blanket out of a cardboard box and spread it over the futon. She knew well and good it was everything he wanted. Couldn't she just—!

"'Can't I just' what?"

He blinked.

"Did I...say that out loud?"

She turned to face him now, hands on her hips. "Uh-huh."

He frowned and crossed the room to the box with his teddy bear, retrieving it in a hurry.

"Just let me get some sleep, okay!"

He pulled a pillow from the first box, dropping it on the futon and then quickly hid himself under the blankets, staring furiously at her ankles as she continued to stand over him.

"'Can't I' what, Doc?" she said again.

"Just...leave me alone, Shego!" he said, rolling over to face the taller stack of boxes.

It was silent for several moments, save for the crickets outside. Finally, he heard her sigh.

"Fine..." she said, her boots echoing on the wooden floor as she walked away.

When he closed his eyes, images of the faded photos from his college days appeared in his mind's eye. He let his anger seethe as he tried to fall asleep, remembering everything his so-called friends had said to him back when he still believed in things like hope and happiness.

No. It really wouldn't work in the end, anyway. Even if it didn't happen immediately, the belittling would eventually start and he'd be banished down into obscurity again.

Though her tactics were dirty, he supposed he really was lucky to have Shego there to keep him firmly grounded on his evil path.

Gradually his breathing evened, and he let himself focus on the chirp of the crickets and the sound of the breeze blowing through the palms. It sounded like applause...and it reminded him of the ceremony at the U.N.

He would never hear that applause again. If he betrayed the world now, they would never recognize him the way he wanted them to. All he could do was...subdue the world, and rule it through fear...

Understanding suddenly hit him. He...didn't want that anymore. Not after knowing genuine praise and honor. To get what he wanted through evildoings would just feel...empty. If he didn't choose the straight and narrow, he would be miserable for the rest of his life.

He began to relax into his newfound understanding, but then his eyes flew open as he remembered—it wasn't what Shego wanted. Never in a thousand lifetimes would she go back to the life of 'good'.

He bit his lip. He knew that despite owing his life to Shego, he technically didn't have to include her in his decision. But theirs was an unspoken partnership. While he still referred to her as his sidekick and she called him her boss, their relationship had become...something deeper. She was part of his—he rolled his eyes at himself—evil family. He couldn't just...abandon her. Could he?

He sat up on the futon, clutching his teddy bear tightly to his chest as he stared out the window at the dark silhouettes of the palms, his face twisted in worry. Apparently...this would be a far more difficult decision than he'd thought.

Behind him, watching from the door frame, a fearful tear slipped down Shego's cheek.

After a moment she stepped forward, and he turned at the sound of her steps.

"Hey...Doc..." she said, going down on one knee in front of him and looking at the floorboards. Her eyes were sadder than he'd ever seen.

"Shego?"

"I...I'm sorry. Do whatever you want, okay?"

"What? But..." he turned around and sat on his knees facing her, confusion written on his face. "You...do know what that would mean. Don't you?"

"I know," she said, her breath catching. She glanced up for the briefest of moments, and he was startled as the moonlight revealed two tear tracks down her cheeks. "It's fine," she continued. "Don't worry about me."

"What? But...Shego—"

"Don't worry about me!" she said, turning and running from the room.

Drakken stared after her, mouth agape as he fell back on the futon.

What just happened?

[thetygre]

30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day #23: Favorite Bad Movie Monster

Alright, so most of these movies aren’t really all that bad; they’re just kind of ‘meh’. But they would have been a lot worse without these cool and/or goofy monsters.

1.       Jabberwocky (Alice in Wonderland 2010)

I am prepared to disclose that Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland was not horrible, but 60% of that opinion stems from the Jabberwocky. (The remaining 40%is 30% the other monster designs and 10% lesbian subtext.) The Jabberwocky has always been my favorite part of the Alice mythos (surprise surprise), and not to sound petty, but I have dropped Alice movies just for not including the brilling beast. Burton’s Jabberwocky might not be my favorite, but it has a lot going for it. The way they treat it is basically as Wonderland’s Tarrasque; a living WMD, a legendary kaiju, the ur-monster in a world teeming with dangerous and crazy creatures. The way it wakes up is even a direct nod to Chernabog from Fantasia; they are literally equating this thing to the Devil.

Second off; Christopher Lee.

Finally, when the Jabberwocky meets Alice to fight, he says this thing about meeting his ‘old foe’, ‘the vorpal one’, in battle again. It is made explicitly clear that he is talking about the vorpal blade, not Alice. And that just… I don’t want to say that that changes the entire movie, but yeah, it kind of does. The implications here are that the vorpal blade and the Jabberwocky have fought each other countless time before in the past. The history of Wonderland is just the history of a dragon and a magic sword fighting. Is the vorpal blade sentient? How many times have these two fought? This kind of transforms everything about the setting the movie has established for the last hour and a half. It’s just so filled with so much potential to me.

2.       Torgo (Manos: The Hands of Fate)

Y’know, when you’re in a dark place, you have to find your own light. A source of motivation, something you can cling to to pull you through to the other side. Maybe that’s a dream, a goal at the end of the tunnel, or maybe it’s a hero, someone you can look up to. I’m not saying that Torgo is a hero, but he inspires me. There are weeks at work where I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I come home at night to an empty room and fall asleep alone. It gets hard, is what I’m saying. But you know who never stopped trying, even though he hated his job and was lonely too?

Torgo. That’s who.

Everyday Torgo gets up, throws on his blazer and hat, and he goes out there and busses a haunted motel for a boss he hates. But he does it, every day. And if Torgo can do it, you can too. So you’ve got to get out there and be the best damn lackey you can. You’ve got put in the work to make it to tomorrow. And when the good times roll in and come shining down on you, you take a minute to remember the man who helped you get here. Take a minute to remember Torgo, looking down on you from Cloud No. 9, shedding a tear.

3.       Radu (Seventh Son)

The Last Apprentice series is actually a pretty cool (and grim) series of dark fantasy/horror young adult novels, kind of like junior’s first Solomon Kane. The Seventh Son movie based on the series has piss-all to do with it, and its only redeeming features are some cool monster designs and Jeff Bridges. Of those cool monster designs, the stand-out for me is Radua aka Muslim Dragon Kratos. He’s one of our villain witches chief thugs, and is unnecessarily cool for a side-character. He’s got this whole Nosferatu Zodd code of honor thing, and wields these two chain blades and probably could have been the villain in his own movie.

Now that alone would have been a neat detail, but then he can turn into what I honestly consider one of the more interesting dragons in recent cinema. I talked before about how one archetype of dragons was of being these unholy, scavenger type wilderness monsters, and that’s kind of the vibe I get from Radu’s dragon form. It’s all lanky and feral looking. It has too many limbs, and it walks around like it doesn’t know how. It’s another unnecessarily cool design for such a generic movie, and it’s definitely worth checking out.

4.       Krakensaurus (Jack the Giant Slayer)

I don’t want to be mean and discount Jack the Giant Slayer as ‘discount Ray Harryhausen’, but thems is the breaks, as the saying goes. The movie is kind of charming in how earnestly it plays to being a 1960s fantasy movie, with princesses in pink dresses and warlocks with goatees and a rhyming leprechaun. The movies stop-motion monsters don’t really live up to industry standards, though. But I can’t sit here and lie and say that I don’t have a special fondness for the sea monster at the end. The movie’s penultimate scene sees our heroes trying to escape the warlock’s castle, so the villain summons a two-headed giant (or ettin, if you know your monsters) which looks suspiciously like one of Ray Harryhausen’s cyclopes. Trapped in a sea cave, the rhyming leprechaun trapped in a bottle (roll with it) summons a sea monster to deal with the problem.

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, like watching two weird looking monsters fight to the death. Our sea monster is a blue-green mixture of kraken and allosaurus, and I’m pretty sure its toy had more detailing than the actual moving model. When this guy showed up on the screen, six year old me was hype enough to punch through a wall. I spent the next week drawing pictures of him so I wouldn’t forget him. This movie has 100% more sea monsters and singing leprechauns than The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, and that almost makes up for its deficit skeleton warriors.

5.       Queen of the Lair (She Creature 2001)

Stan Winston was on the helm for this little lady’s monster design, and it shows. A mermaid queen, it’s hard to tell if her monster form is her real shape or just something she can morph into. Even her basic mermaid form is pretty interesting; the split tails remind me of sirens or tritons. Her monster shape, though, is pure Stan Winston gold. There’s more than a little bit of the xenomorph queen in there, between the crest and the fangs. Someone threw it into a blender with a sea serpent and a viper fish and what comes out is the most badass mermaid to ever slink across cinema. She rips people’s heads off, her tail is covered with bone spikes, and she can sing a siren song to summon up her mermaid swarm. Oh, and psychic impregnation powers. That part’s kind of important.

6.       She Creature (She Creature 1956)

Aforementioned sea monster queen was part of a series of horror films based on old b-movies, so this is the original She Creature. Even today, this is one of my favorite designs from the 1950s. Paul Blaisdell might just be the king of B-movie monster suits, and belongs up there with Ray Harryhausen in the great monster hall of fame. The she creature looks like the sum product of an orc, a lobster, and a scorpionfish. It’s a shame you only see her in monochrome, because her color scheme is a startling mix of green and pink. What I find most fascinating is the concept that this is supposed to represent some parallel evolutionary stage of humanity. This is supposed to be a different version of Homo sapiens that never left the sea. Stan Winston’s mermaid queen is great, but I would still love to see an updated and more articulate version of this design.

7.       Vampire Spawn (Van Helsing)

This raises so many questions. So the crux of Van Helsing is that Dracula needs Frankenstein’s monster to power a force-field that will allow his swarms of vampire spawn to survive past infancy. I bet you thought vampires reproduced by biting people, right? Well, apparently they also have egg-sacs. Just, massive, Aliens style egg-sacs full of bat/human fetus monsters hungry for blood. It’s so stupid that I love it. These things are horrible and adorable; they remind me of chupacabras. I want one as a familiar, or at least statted up for a tabletop roleplaying game. Just really try to avoid thinking about the whole egg-sacs thing and all the implications that brings to vampire mythology.

8.       Emperor Tyrannus (Attack of the Super Monsters)

I don’t… I don’t think I have the strength to really get into Attack of the Super Monsters. When I watched it, liquor was involved. Describing it reads like a parody of Japanese media that involves anime, men in monster suits, and giant robots meant to sell collectible toys. But it’s real, and the realest shit ever is Emperor Tyrannus. Emperor Tyrannus is literally a giant tyrannosaurus rex who is the evil mastermind of an underground civilization of dinosaurs. The dinosaurs talk, because shut up, and Emperor Tyrannus in particular talks with a villain voice that I just can’t really convey through text. I think the closest I can get is saying that he sounds like someone doing an imitation of Brian Blessed while having a stroke. Emperor Tyrannus shoots laser beams from his eyes that mind control the other dinosaurs into being evil, and watches them fight a hermaphroditic cyborg superhero in a drill/airplane. Look, you need to see this for yourself. I’m not doing this justice. Get your friends, find the DVD, and strap in for a wild ride.

9.       Witch Tree (The Last Witch Hunter)

The Last Witch Hunter is another guilty pleasure move where Vin Diesel brings what I’m pretty sure is one of his D&D characters to a movie and somehow ropes Michael Cain and Elijah Wood into it with him. Our villains are, in a surprising twist, witches that cook up some fairly grotesque magic. One of the creatures meant to act as the witches’ guardians is a magical sentinel, and it just goes so hard and so dark for what amounts to a stick golem. It’s the fine details that make this construct stand out. The extra limbs let it move faster and have extra attacks, the jawbones around the front form a crude mouth, and the branch rib-cage makes it look like something that used to be alive instead of something that was just magically summoned. There’s so much work poured into this one monster, and it’s definitely a treat to see it at the end of the movie. Rethink your golems, kids; treat yourself better.

10.   Giant Leeches (Attack of the Giant Leeches)

I used to be pretty intensely leech-phobic when I was younger (and by younger, I mean a couple of years ago), but even then I knew the giant leeches were lame. Incredibly lame. Like, honestly kind of pathetic. I kind of like them out of a bizarre sense of pity. Giant leeches should scare me, but these guys are just goofy. A leech isn’t a hard design; it’s a tube with a sucker on each end. But I am almost convinced that the person who designed these monsters had never actually seen a leech, or possibly even a worm. But the movie still treats them with all the dignity and awe of the Creature of the Black Lagoon. There are prolonged sequences of these guys swimming underwater, floating around like hungry garbage bags. These things are not, nor were they ever, leeches; they are some kind of aquatic octopus or confused anemone. That’s why they need our love, our protection; because they’re too stupid to survive by themselves.

[umbrahighpriestofgiratina]

Out In The Cold

A fic written for one of Serebii’s old Quarterly Challenges. It involves /tg/ and Ed Edd n Eddy references and  what @antialiasis deemed an adorable Kyurem.

It was a typical winter in Icirrus City, which meant one thing: Snow. Inches and inches of it, piling up every year without fail. And it didn't stop a young man with ginger hair and bright blue eyes from staring out at it all in wonder from the window of a modest two bedroom apartment. From a bit further in the apartment, another young man with black hair and hazel eyes took a swig of his beer, then plopped the bottle down amidst a couple empty ones and glanced over at his fellow in annoyance. "...Tom, it's just snow. You don't have to stare at it for fifteen minutes." "But it's so pretty here, Roger!" Tom said. "There's just something about all the white everywhere that's so nice to look at!" Roger continued to stare at him irritably a bit and sighed. "Alright. If you wanna stare at all the fancy white ice go ahead. I don't give a damn." At that Tom's smile disappeared and he turned to Roger with concern. "...You're still sad you couldn't visit your family for the holidays, aren't you?" "...I'm not. Don't ask about it again." Tom gave a distinct pout and moved over to the table, sitting across from Roger. "Hey, c'mon. You can tell me if you're sad." Roger just stared to the side blankly. Off a ways, a Scrafty and Golurk, previously playing a video game, looked over at the two humans with similar concern. <Yo, Vladimir?> said the Scrafty. <I'm thinkin' your trainer needs some cheering up.> <I was about to note the same, Estragon,> said the Golurk. Together the two moved over and stood by the table, Vladmir in particular placing one of his massive hands atop Roger's shoulder reassuringly. Roger smiled slightly. "Heh... I guess it's still nice having you all around..." He quickly frowned and looked down again. "But... I dunno, I wanted to see my family for Christmas after all the shit from us joining Team Plasma and then all that promptly going down in flames... I mean, that's the whole fucking reason we had to lay low and hole up in the first place, but I... I..." He groaned and slumped his head on the table. Vladimir gave Roger a gentle pat. <The necessary evils of life are hard, to be sure...> <Yeah, ain't denying that's really rough,> said Estragon. Tom, meanwhile, stared anxiously at Roger and fidgeted nervously. "...I've always wondered... Where did Christmas come from anyway?" Roger looked up at Tom with a weary expression. "Honestly, no one fucking knows. Some say it started with some human avatar of Arceus whose birthday was supposedly around the time... Some say it started with something about Xerneas and that's why they call it X-Mas sometimes... We do know over the years all these other holidays got mixed in so that's why no one knows how it fucking started... And I dunno, sometimes I get the feeling it's some other world's holiday that got tacked onto ours for some weirdass cosmic reason..." He paused. "...I'm being weirdly existential again, aren't I?" Tom fidgeted more. "Um... I guess?" Roger shrugged. "Figured. I suppose it's the alcohol. I come up with the most insane bullshit when I'm drunk." He took another swig of his beer regardless. Tom looked off to the side nervously before his eyes lit up and he turned to Roger with an excited, if somewhat nervous, grin. "Hey! If it cheers you up I can tell you a story about a holiday we celebrated where I grew up!" Vladimir's lit-up eye flickered nervously. <...I do dearly hope it isn't like that Ugly Binacle sto-> "It's not basically that Ugly Binacle story again, is it?" said Roger. "Nope!" said Tom, smirking. <Crisis averted! Mabye. I hope,> said Estragon. "Right..." said Roger. "You said you grew up in Lacunosa before moving to my hometown at age 14, right? What the fuck do they celebrate there?" "Well... You know about Lacunosa and Kyurem right?" "Yeah... Kyurem showed up one day and started using the locals as midnight snacks, so they made a bigass wall like in that one gory and depressing cartoon about the giant man-eating Mr. Mime and have locked themselves in every night since. Right?" "Yep! But they say in the winter months, Kyurem gets extra-hungry, so we take preemptive measures!" "...Like what?" "The Great Feast of Kyurimek!" Roger raised a concerned eyebrow. "Please tell me this doesn't involve fattening up select human sacrifices to be ice dragon abomination food." "Don't worry, it doesn't! It does involve making sure Kyurem's belly is too stuffed to want to eat anybody!" "Reassuring. For now. But go on?" "Well... Every year on Kyurimek the people of Lacunosa set out food! Loads and loads of food everyone in town chips in to prepare to be as tasty as possible, so Kyurem can make it into a stew that will delight its icy tastebuds and keep it full all winter - and leave Lacunosa alone!" Tom's eyes sparkled in delight at fond memories rushing through his mind. "And when the clock strikes midnight on Kyurimek, Kyurem emerges from its lair in the middle of the Giant Chasm and walks through the streets of town gathering up all the food! If it's particularly pleased with the offering, it makes the winters less harsh and blesses the people of Lacunosa with good fortune and well-wishes, especially good girls and boys that offer their favorite snacks and treats!" His expression became somber and serious. "...We don't talk about what happens to the bad little girls and boys who only give the vegetables they don't want to eat." Roger gave Tom a bemused look. "About as bizarre and nonsensical as expected... But that's all just bullshit, right?" Tom grinned. "Nope! Kyurem actually does that! I've seen them myself!" Vladmir's eye flickered again. <He's encountered... The Shell?> <OK, now this is getting really interesting!> said Estragon, pumping his paws excitedly. Roger, on the other hand, merely raised an eyebrow skeptically. "OK... Go on. Tell me how the hell you'd know Kyurem's holiday shtick isn't as much of a fairy tale as Santa Claus is for my holiday." Tom put a hand to his chin. "Well..." *** On a cold winter's night years ago, the townspeople and Pokemon of Lacunosa were in a frenetic rush, piling all sorts of fine and freshly prepared food in the middle of street crossings, in front of their houses, in any place they could. All the while they sang, with a universal air of joy, hope, and... more than a tinge of fear. Deep within the chasm dark There lives the dragon god of old Whose appetite is bigger than Its power over bitter cold. Hey! Great Kyurem who fell from the sky And with wings of ice desperate to fly! Great Kyurem who craves the meat And should have something less morbid to eat! Great Kyurem who calms the ice Especially if its meals are nice! Great Kyurem who hides away To hopefully stalk another day! But should your meal be ill-prepared Your feeble dish too weak in flavor Great Kyurem will surely come And make sure you're the one to savor! Great Kyurem who curls up in its hole And roars its wishes to be more whole! Great Kyurem who can't ever feel The greater power of truth or ideal! Great Kyurem, forever incomplete And tried to fix that with our meat! Great Kyurem, take our gifts instead And spend the winter away and well-fed! Amidst it all, a young boy with ginger hair and blue eyes was carrying an armful of various bagged snacks and candy bars. "Kyurem's gonna love these! Especially the carmelly ones! Those are my favorite!" He suddenly blinked as something crossed his mind. "Wait, I've got some fruity candy it'll like too!" He attempted to fish some out of a bag he was carrying to the side, only to spill the rest all around him. "Oh no! Kyurem's gotta have some good snacks!" He scrambled to pick up the assorted scattered junk food. As he did so, however, a clock chimed eleven and echoed through the town, and the townspeople all immediately rushed to dump their food wherever they cold and sped back to their houses to lock the doors behind them. In the mayhem they didn't notice the boy, and in turn the boy didn't notice them in his frenzied attempt to gather his treats... ...Until he finally finished his task and looked up to find himself alone, in a cold, dark, silent town. "...Oh no." He rushed around, desperate to find his own house but lost in the darkness and silence. He banged on doors, only to hear yells from inside about Kyurem's coming. He ran more, panicked, desperate, scared... ...Until overwhelmed from exhaustion he collapsed amid a food pile. -------------- The first thing he noticed as he started to come to was the even greater cold. His still-waking body was already shuddering at it, and as he gained more consciousness he curled up into a ball to keep warm. It was then he noticed the cold shift somewhat. It became more concentrated somehow, specifically around his face. Despite the shock from that he managed to pry his eyes open... ...And became much more fully awake seeing a massive pair of blank yellow eyes staring back into his. He immediately screamed in utter terror and pedaled backward. The massive, gray dragon with much of their body encased in ice immediately mirrored his actions, backing themself into a corner and letting out a staticky buzz vaguely akin to a cat's terrified hiss. "P-Please, Great Kyurem, d-don't eat me, I probably t-taste terrible..." At this Kyurem paused, before warily gesturing to another corner of the chasm they were in. The boy looked over to find a massive pile of all the food the Lacunosans had left out. "Wait... I... I'm not food?" Kyurem hesitated for a second before slinking over to the food pile and shoveling some of it into their maw, chewing and swallowing it before gesturing to the food pile again, in a way the boy read as... concerned? "Oh, s-so you're happy with all the food? Th-that's good..." Kyurem raised their haunches slightly and gave another buzz. At that, however, the boy furrowed his brow. "Weird... You don't make any growls and such and say bits of your name like most Pokemon do... You make those weird buzzes, like a broken machine..." At the word "broken" Kyurem shrunk back again and hung their head in an ashamed fashion. "Ah! D-Did I upset you? I-I hope not, you r-really will eat me then..." Kyurem backed away further, letting out a small, faint buzz. "I-I'm sorry! Wait!" The boy hurriedly got to his feet and rushed to the food pile, hastily digging through it until he found a small bag of fruity licorice. From there he steadily, carefully approached Kyurem with it. "Um... If it makes you less likely to eat me, I got these especially for you..." Kyurem eyed the boy carefully themself before steadily standing upright, inspecting the bag of licorice. "Um... H-here, you probably can't open it very well with your claws..." He ripped open the bag and scattered the contents in front of Kyurem. Kyurem immediately sniffed one of the fruity pieces of candy before lapping it up with their tongue and chewing lightly. Their eyes widened and they gave an ecstatic buzz before gobbling up the rest quickly and then giving the boy an expectant look, at which the boy waved his hands in panic. "Ah! I-If you need me to get more I can..." Kyurem stared at him, then the food pile, then back at him, tilting its head. The boy blinked. "You don't want any more food?" Kyurem stared at the boy blankly, shifting nervously. "Um..." His expression suddenly brightened. "Hey! If you can understand me... Here's a human thingy! Shake your head up and down for yes - that's nodding - and shake your head side-to-side for no - that doesn't have a name, it's silly. But got it?" Kyurem hesitated before nodding. "Good! Now do you want any more food?" Kyurem looked to the food pile and then back at the boy before shaking their head side to side. "Um... What do you want, then?" Kyurem regards him quizzically again before sitting down the best their anatomy could allow it. The boy stared back in confusion. "...Huh?" Kyurem made a loud series of buzzes. The boy blinked again before he realized something. "Do you...Want to talk?" Kyurem's expression brightened as they nodded. "Oh, OK! Um..." He thought a bit to himself before responding. "Um... I'm Tom. Tom Rosencrantz! Do you know how human names work?" Kyurem nodded. "Yay! I already know your name is Kyurem..." Tom's brow furrowed. "Were you always called Kyurem?" Kyurem hesitated before shaking their head. "What was your name, then?" Kyurem attempted to respond with another buzz, only to realize their own incomprehensibility and hang their head in shame again. Tom responded waving his hands defensively again. "I-It's OK... I can just call you Kyurem..." An awkward silence ensued. Tom eventually looked around the chasm out of curiosity. "So this is that big ol' giant chasm where you live, huh?" Kyurem nodded. Tom looked off to the side in thought for a bit before looking back at Kyurem. "...You know, you don't seem like the kind of Pokemon who would eat people... At least not anymore... You actually seem really nice! Why don't you go to my town and show them that so they're not afraid of you anymore?" Kyurem stared awkwardly at Tom before shifting uncomfortably. "...What's wrong?" Kyurem hesitates before turning to give Tom a better view of their left leg, at which point Tom notices a large scar. "Wha..." Kyurem turned again to show another scar on their arm. Then opened their mouth to show a broken tooth. Then various parts of their icy bits that seemed cracked and worn before something finally clicked for Tom. "They... Did all that to you?" Kyurem stayed still a long while before finally nodding. "Oh... I... I'm sorry..." Kyurem immediately shook their head. "Huh?" Kyurem gestured to Tom, then to one of their scars, before shaking their head again. "Oh... It's not my fault?" Kyurem nodded and buzzed in a reassuring way, and Tom smiled. "That's good to hear, at least..." He suddenly approached Kyurem with arms outstretched, at which Kyurem cowered away again and gave another hiss-y buzz. "D-Don't worry! I know you think I am, but I'm not gonna hurt you! I'm gonna do, like, the opposite!" Kyurem tilted their head warily. "I'm gonna give you a hug! Humans give each other and their Pokemon hugs to make them feel better! I'm gonna do that to you!" Kyurem stared at him a bit longer before hesitantly righting itself. Tom slowly approached Kyurem before getting close enough to quickly hug their leg, only for both to recoil in shock. "Ah! You really are cold..." Kyurem shifted warily again. "Don't worry, there's gotta be a warm spot on you somewhere..." He held a hand close to Kyurem's body without actually touching it and used it to scan, Kyurem noticeably nervous but still allowing Tom to do so. Eventually, Tom's hand reached the un-iced part of Kyurem's chest, and he suddenly stopped and smiled. "Wait a minute!" He carefully touched Kyurem's chest. Kyurem flinched noticeably, but stopped when Tom just felt their chest gently. "Your heart... I can feel it beating! And it's so warm!" He slowly pressed his head and other hand against Kyurem's chest and closed his eyes. "It feels so nice..." Kyurem looked down in shock before gently clutching Tom with their claws. They stayed that way a good while before Tom moved away and smiled up at Kyurem. "Glad you liked that..." He looked back at the food pile and then to Kyurem again. "You already got lots of good food... But after tonight I wanna give you something extra-special that's not food!" Kyurem tilted their head again as Tom dug into his bag and pulled out a figurine of a woman with bright red hair in even brighter red full armor. "This is a Crimson Lady action figure! It's from a TV show I like where great heroes from the past team up to fight bad guys! And she's my favorite!" He handed the action figure to Kyurem. "...So I want you to have her!" Kyurem stared at Tom in shock before clutching the action figure gently in their claws and inspecting it carefully. "I dunno... Everyone back home thinks you're this big scary monster who eats people and really you're just hurt and scared and want to be alone so you don't hurt people or other Pokemon and they don't hurt you back... So I know she's a toy and not the real person, but maybe she'll make you feel less alone?" Kyurem looked down at the action figure then back at Tom before nodding vigorously with a contented buzz. Tom smiled brightly back. "Yay! That's great!" He then frowned. "...Sorry, I gotta get home... Everybody probably thinks you ate me..." He looked around the chasm nervously. "Though... I don't know my way out of here..." Kyurem looked to the side in thought a bit before looking back at Tom, hunching down, and gesturing to a non-icy part of their back. Tom grinned in response. "You'll give me a ride?" Kyurem nodded and buzzed contentedly again. Tom immediately went to Kyurem and climbed onto their back, flinching again from the cold at first but then getting to a position where he could ride comfortably enough. "Alright... Let's go!" Kyurem gave a triumphant buzz before stomping out, Tom astride his back. ------------ It was early morning in Lacunosa, and the whole town was searching desperately for a certain someone in panic - a man and woman in particular. "I... I can't believe we just left him out there..." "Relax, honey, Tom's a resourceful boy, I'm sure he found a way to hide from that thing..." "Yes... Just... The thought of it eating our child alive... I... I can't..." "Hey Mom! Hey Dad!" The pair turned immediately to see an unharmed, if weary-looking, Tom standing before them. They both immediately embraced him and sobbed as the other townspeople and their Pokemon looked on happily with murmurs of relief. "Honey, we- we're so happy you're OK..." "Yeah, I'm fine... Kyurem helped me out!" "...What?" "Yeah! It was actually really nice to me!" "Honey... A night out all alone must be addling your brain... You need rest!" "But Mom, Dad, I'm telling the truth! Really!" He was promptly ignored as his parents hauled him back to his house, despite his protests the whole way. *** "...So yeah! I got to be friends with Kyurem!" said Tom, puffing his chest out proudly. He promptly deflates a bit and frowns. "...Even though no one believed me. Still bitter." Roger, Vladimir, and Estragon, meanwhile, were all staring aghast. <...Well, that certainly went in a bunch of crazy directions,> said Estragon. <The Shell... So different from what I thought...> whispered Vladimir. "Tom, you... You really made friends with the one being your hometown feared the most?" "Yep!" Roger smiled softly. "...You know what? I believe you, man. If only because I know you're the one person crazy enough to pull it off." "Thanks!" Tom shifts a bit. "And... I told you because it's a lot like what you're worried about." "...Oh?" Tom frowns. "Well... Kyurem was all scared and alone and hurt and had nowhere to go, right? That's kinda us right now, after what happened in Plasma. After we... W-we failed N... And that's why we have to hide away here and we can't see our families..." He smiles. "But... Kyurem was just so happy I kept them company then... So... I figure sticking with each other now will help too, right?" Roger smiles brightly back. "...You're damn well right, Tom. You're damn well right." Vladimir and Estragon looked on fondly before the latter nudged the former. <Yo, Vladdy! Bet these two would appreciate being in on the vidya.> <Some friendly competition would be good, yes...> Vladimir nudged Roger, who looked up at him as he gestured to the TV and video game console. <Would you be interested in virtual kart racing, Trainer?> Roger smiled. "I'm assuming those beeps and that 'lurk' mean you guys are up for four-player?" Tom pumped his fists. "Dibs on first player!" Roger glared in response."Tom, what did I fucking tell you about that?" "Hey! Remember who brought the console here." "Remember who's being kinda stupid and rude." "I'm rude? You-" The two descended into incomprehensible prattling as their Pokemon looked on and sighed. --------- Deep within the Giant Chasm, Kyurem tossed the last of the food gathered from Lacunosa's streets into that year's pile. After doing so and pondering a bit they decided they weren't ready to help themself just yet. Instead, they walked over to a corner of the chasm, where a Crimson Lady action figure was set upright on a small outcrop, Kyurem gazing at it fondly. <Merry Kyurimek, Tom... Wherever you've gone...> ~~~

[cathygeha]

Pre-Order Blitz: IN MY SKIN by Shannon McKenna

“McKenna expertly stokes the fires of romantic tension.” —Publishers Weekly

“Her books will take readers on a nonstop thrill ride and leave them begging for more when the last pages are devoured." —Maya Banks, New York Times bestselling author

Title: In My Skin

Author: Shannon McKenna

Release Date: June 19, 2018

Publisher: Self-published

Series: The Obsidian Files #3

Genres: Romantic Suspense

Format: Print & Digital

Synopsis:

Come back to me …

Luke remembers a few things. Just not his last name, or anyone he ever knew. He knows that he’s a supersoldier, genetically enhanced and loaded up with brain implants. He just escaped from a year-long hell of captivity, and to protect his family and friends from his tormentors, he blocked his memories. Now he needs those memories back, fast … or he and those he loves will die agonizing deaths.

Luke’s dangerous plan to reconnect with his past—and stay alive in the present—has drawn his enemies’ attention to the tough and sexy Dani LaSalle. He’s duty bound to protect the luscious beauty from the evil pursuing them, but he can’t control the scorching desire she awakens in him.

Dani’s strict routine has been trashed by Luke’s explosive arrival. This rock-hard slab of valiant, smoldering manhood appears out of nowhere, saves her life, spirits her away to his mountain lair and bewilders her with tales of sadistic researchers, enhanced assassins. Is this gorgeous, problematic sex god just plain crazy—or is she? But Luke can do things with his mind that are just as wild as what he can do with that body … and she can’t say no.

And there’s no time to wonder. As their passion burns hotter, Obsidian moves closer ... and Luke and Dani must place their lives and their hearts on the line just to survive …

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IN MY SKIN Excerpt

Copyright © 2018 Shannon McKenna

Goddamnit.

Trapped. In a closet. Stupid fucking bonehead move. Luke had acted without thinking, locked in combat survival mode.

But they were surrounded, and it was the only move to make. He had to make the best of it. Keep her from making noise. Giving his presence away.

He’d gotten inside just in time. The hostiles had showed up moments afterwards. He’d seen four thermal heat signatures slinking around out there. Systematic, professional, moving smoothly into position in the overgrown foliage. No unmod would have seen or heard them. Covering every entrance. Probably listening with modified ears, just like him.

He just hoped they weren’t scanning for thermals.  He couldn’t afford to lose the advantage of surprise, outnumbered as he was.

Now if he could just quickly, forcefully convince Dani to get down on the other side of the dryer while he went out to deal with them …

But she wouldn’t. It wasn’t her nature. He needed to calm her down first. Explain that she had to do exactly what he said, this instant, if she wanted to keep breathing.

But he couldn’t get the words out. At least not without scaring her so badly that she started screaming again.

Words wouldn’t come. All those long months of keeping silent, refusing to speak to Mark, then Braxton. Resisting interrogation, beating and torture.

He wanted to howl his frustration, but that wouldn’t help. Her heart was galloping.  Stripes of yellow light from the kitchen sliced through the slats in the door and across her eyes. They were wide and brilliant, glittering with angry tears.

“Hold still,” he whispered.

Her body squirmed against his, chest to thigh. She was tall and strong. Her head came all the way up to his nose. Her lush tits pressed against his body armor. The sensation made him want to ditch the damn vest. Feel all those curves for real.

Some other time. He had a job to do. And she absolutely did not deserve the shitstorm that was blowing her way.

“Dani,” he whispered. “Don’t scream.”

He meant it as an order, but it came out rough, hoarse. Pleading.

Slowly, he lifted his hand. Her mouth was slightly open. She was panting. The pink, tender fullness of her lips made him ache down low.

A tear glittered as it flashed down over her cheek. The sight of it hurt him inside.

“Don’t cry,” he begged, in a raw whisper. But he touched his fingertip to the wet tear-track that gleamed on her smooth, beautiful cheek. He wanted to taste it.

She inhaled. Luke sensed the ear-splitting scream that was forming in her mind, and did the only thing he could think of to head it off.

He kissed her.

About Shannon McKenna:

Shannon McKenna is the NYT bestselling author of seventeen action packed, turbocharged romantic thrillers, among which are the stories of the wildly popular McCloud series and the brand new romantic suspense series, The Obsidian Files. She loves tough and heroic alpha males, heroines with the brains and guts to match them, villains who challenge them to their utmost, adventure, scorching sensuality, and most of all, the redemptive power of true love. Since she was small she has loved abandoning herself to the magic of a good book, and her fond childhood fantasy was that writing would be just like that, but with the added benefit of being able to take credit for the story at the end. Alas, the alchemy of writing turned out to be messier than she'd ever dreamed. But what the hell, she loves it anyway, and hopes that readers enjoy the results of her alchemical experiments. She loves to hear from her readers.

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