#slowly my nessian is being revived

[vidalinav]

Okay, just pause for a moment... Take a deep breath. 

Nesta has nightmares about the war and the only way she feels better is by laying on top of Cassian. Because of this Cassian always knows what she dreams about, so he’ll run his hands down her back until she’s calm enough to sleep, lulling her with the words, “We have all the time in the world, Sweetheart.” 

[julemmaes]

98.“It’s not a double date. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.” for nessian???😅😅😅😅

Third And Fourth Wheeling - October 16th

Nesta Archeron x Cassian

A/N: I AM. ASHAMED. OF MYSELF. I KNOW IT’S LITERALLY THREE MONTHS LATE BUT I HOPE YOU’LL LIKE IT ANYWAY

Masterlist

Word count: 2,312

Nesta would have rather done anything else at that moment than have to walk even for one more second through the streets of Velaris with her best friend, her boyfriend, and Cassian Navarro. Not because the company was bad, but the last chapter of the book she was reading had ended with an unexpected event, and she needed to know if the main character would be able to save herself somehow.

When Amren had suggested going out that afternoon, she hadn't realized that the last person Nesta wanted to see would be there, and by the time she'd arrived at the meeting point and seen him with his back turned in the distance, it had been too late to turn around and go home, because Varian had greeted her with a curt wave of his hand and he'd turned around. And Nesta had felt as if she were floating for a moment.

It was no secret that Cassian had been genuinely interested in her - with all the times he'd flirted with her at every party they'd met at, it was quite impossible to ignore that detail - but Nesta was sure she'd never hinted at her true feelings for the man in question. Or at least, she had been until Amren had given her a not-so-sneaky wink, seeing how she'd blushed when she'd stopped next to Cassian and ogled her with inquisitive eyes.

They'd started walking along the Sidra, stopping at a small cafe with a gorgeous view of the river mouth, only to resume walking after not even an hour. The only thing she could be thankful for was the spectacular winter sunset the city offered them.

"Are you having fun?" asked Cassian suddenly, distracting her from admiring the falling sun.

Nesta slowly turned to face him, clenching her hands into fists in her pockets. She blinked a few times, not sure if she heard him correctly, "Hmm?"

"Are you having fun?" he asked her again, a sly smile on his lips.

Lips that Nesta should have stopped staring at. She glanced up at his eyes and noticed that they sparkled with mirth. She shrugged, returning her attention to the sidewalk, "I'd rather be home on my couch reading a book." she murmured without hiding her boredom. Varian burst out laughing a few feet ahead of them as Amren chuckled beside him at something the latter had said, and Nesta wondered again why her friend had invited them if she wasn't going to consider them at all.

"I guessed as much." Cassian gave a nervous chuckle and scratched his chin thoughtlessly, "When Amren suggested we meet for a double date I didn't think she meant with you." he said in a more cautious tone, "Not that I mind."

A sound much like that of a cat choking made its way out of her, "It's not a double date. We're just third and fourth wheeling." joked Nesta, chuckling at the idiocy he had just said.

Cassian looked at her wide-eyed and then burst out laughing, throwing his head back, and Nesta thought it was an overreaction to what she'd said, "And here I thought I was going actually taking you home after dinner."

Nesta wrinkled her brow, looking at him with a horrified expression, "Pig."

"I was only kiddin'," he said, still with that stupid grin on his face.

She nodded once, reducing her lips to a thin line, "Sure." she whispered, probably in a more detached tone than she intended.

He seemed to stiffen beside her, and Nesta risked a glance in his direction. The frown on her face deepened even more as she saw his expression. He looked almost tense, like when you're in high school and you don't know if the teacher is going to say your name for the exam.

She shook her head, flashing her eyes back to the snowy mountains, thinking it was just her imagination.

Yes, it couldn't be otherwise.

Cassian couldn't be under any pressure just because she hadn't fallen for his temptation and responded to his flirting like she always did. Her doubts were soothed when he sagged down beside her and returned to his relaxed demeanor.

Still, as she strolled through the snowy streets of Velaris and cursed all the saints and gods of that world for not making her turn down Amren's invitation, she couldn't help but think that she wasn't uncomfortable next to him. That even though their arms touched every time they passed someone walking in their opposite direction she didn't mind being there with him. She didn't mind him wrapping his arm around her shoulders when passersby had no intention of moving and risking coming at her, and he would remove her from their paths before they bumped into her.

She hadn't even minded that he'd offered to pay for her tea, though she knew she'd have to find a way to pay him back. Or that he'd offered her his gloves when she hadn't been able to hide the fact that her hands were turning purple from the freezing weather.

She also liked that he didn't feel the need to fill that silence that had fallen between them, but rather seemed to appreciate it as much as she did.

One thing she'd noticed during the few outings she'd been invited to was that people seemed to dislike silence that was considered awkward, always trying to cover up every second of time by saying polite phrases or giving far too much personal information - things that Nesta could stand to accept from her sisters and closest friends, not from strangers she'd known for a few days or in some cases a few hours.

Cassian seemed to think exactly as she did, however, because he hadn't said a word since she'd contradicted him, and although he always had that confused, thoughtful expression on his face, he didn't seem inclined to start another conversation.

***

Cassian often wondered how people managed to stay silent when they were doing boring, simple tasks as walking. He felt the need to speak, the words tickling his tongue like they never had before so they could go out and tease her some more, just one more time, to see how far he could push it.

Nesta Archeron was the most beautiful and mesmerizing woman Cassian had ever had the honor of meeting, of that he had no doubt, but she certainly wasn't committed to making his job any easier.

The first time he had seen her, he had been shocked by the sharp, elegant, serious features of what he did not yet know would become the woman of his dreams for the next ten months. The eyes of that peculiar gray, a color he had never seen in anybody else, that he had learned to appreciate in the blink of an eye. The dark hair she'd always worn tied back and never styled the same way... Cassian had dreamed of touching it so many times, of putting his lips to it, of holding it between his fingers as he held her.

And the first time he'd seen her with her hair down, that had been the day he'd realized there would be no other in his life. The way it had wrapped around Nesta's face, the way it fell over her shoulders and framed that perfect breasts.

But Cassian hadn't been lost just by the appearance of that ethereal being, no, that would have been foolish. That mouth had spoken words that the man wouldn't have been able to think of even in his wildest dreams. They had made him kneel, fall before that queen he would serve without the shadow of uncertainty.

Yet when he had gathered enough courage to speak to her, she had done nothing but look at him, arch an eyebrow, and walk away.

The dismissal a blow so hard to the man's pride that it had taken him seconds before he realized that she was actually gone. It had hit him deep, hurting him in ways he didn't think he could be hurt, and he certainly hadn't expected that such a beautiful body could also contain such indifference. God how wrong he had been.

He hadn't tried to make a move on Nesta again, respecting what was clearly a rejection, but his hopes had been revived, stronger than before, when Feyre had mentioned to him that Nesta had asked about him. Several times.

With the memory of that hopeful emotion stirring in him, he uttered the words before he could stop himself, "And what if I asked you out on a real date?"

Nesta's head snapped up, toward him, and she seemed to stumble over her steps. Her eyes went wide for a moment as surprise laced her every feature. That hope was about to turn into fulfillment in him, but then she blinked, composing herself, and turned back to Amren and Varian, looking at their intertwined hands, "I'd tell you I'm not interested."

Cassian felt the disappointment and embarrassment of being rejected for a second time make its way inside of him, as his cheeks turned a light red. He only hoped she didn't notice, that she thought he was just cold.

"I see," he murmured. He put his hands in his pockets, squeezing into his shoulders.

He saw Nesta watching him out of the corner of her eyes and turned to her, giving her a tight smile, wanting to reassure her that it was okay. When she realized he was looking at her she parted her lips, but closed them the next second and Cassian sighed, forming a cloud of mist in front of him.

Then Nesta surprised him, "It's not you." she murmured so quietly that for a moment he thought he'd imagined it, "I just don't date people I don't know."

Cassian was confused, "I don't understand."

Nesta took a shaky breath, keeping her eyes fixed in front of her, "I don't date people who aren't my friends."

Those words didn't help quell the confusion inside of him, but rather only added to the disappointment the pain of being told so directly that Nesta didn't consider him her friend.

He decided to gloss over that mitigating pain in his chest, "So how do you meet new people to date?"

Nesta bit her lower lip, the muscle in her cheekbone twitching, "I don't." she said even more softly. "I don't like to make the people I'm going out with think that they should expect something from me at the end of the night and so before I know if I want something from them or if I want to give them something, I have to get to know them. I can't bond - romantically speaking - with someone, if I don't know them."

Cassian nodded, with a furrowed brow. It was obviously the opposite for him considering how madly lost to Nesta he was even without knowing hardly anything about her.

Then, an idea began to form in his head, "What if instead of going out as two people who want a relationship, I invite you out as someone who wants to be your friend?" he asked, straightening his back so as not to bounce with glee.

"Cassian-"

"Please, Nes." the nickname was out hanging between them before he could stop and before she could answer him, he said, "I wouldn't expect anything at the end of the night even if it was an actual date, like no one else should," he took a short breath, "Just a simple day out between two strangers who need to get to know each other to become friends."

Nesta was looking at him now, no emotion showing on that beautiful impassive face, "You'd still take me to a nice restaurant and I'd know it would be a date for you, even if you say so."

Cassian ran a hand through his hair and didn't fail to notice the way Nesta swallowed as she stared at the gesture. He smiled, trying not to give away how much her minimal attention made him feel, "Not even if I took you to one of the most beautiful bookstores in the country?"

Her eyes locked on his for the first time all evening and Cassian noticed that the left one had a darker streak of color in the middle of the gray, "Tell me more." she said, when a shiver rippled through her body.

He had to restrain himself from offering her the jacket. She would surely turn him down and then accuse him of shamelessly hitting on her and he'd dig his own grave even deeper, so, fighting every fiber of his being that screamed at him to hold her close to keep her warm, he said, "It's in a town near here. It's only a two-hour drive." he saw the hesitation in her at the prospect of having to spend all that time together with him cooped up in a car and added, "You can choose the music."

"You read?"

Cassian felt something blossom in his chest. She wasn't saying no.

He nodded, suppressing a smile, "Not as often as I'd like, but yes, I do read."

Nesta hummed something, "And what do you read?"

He didn't understand where this was going, but he was glad it wasn't him who was asking all those questions. Maybe she had agreed to his request and he hadn't even noticed and she was already starting to try to get to know him.

"Mainly historical novels." he replied hesitantly, afraid of her reaction.

The silence that followed lasted eons in Cassian's mind, but when she looked at him, he thought he would be silent for the rest of his life if it assured him that view every day.

Nesta smiled at him and he felt the air leave his lungs when she said, "Alright."

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[rufousnmacska]

Submersion

Back in 2018, I wrote a short nessian scene set right before the teaser at the end of acofas - Awakening (trigger warning - self harm, depression). Recently, it showed up in my notes. Then today we got the announcement of the title and release date for the nessian book. I went searching through my drafts and found the companion Cassian pov that I’d written for the scene. It’s been sitting there for two years. 😔

So, in anticipation of A Court of Silver Flames, and for the revived nessian fandom, I’m posting it here. I recommend reading Awakening first.

***Trigger warning - self harm, depression

Cassian had nowhere to go.

The townhouse had been taken over by Mor when Rhys and Feyre moved into the River House. The House of Wind was often overflowing due to the audiences now held each week. Velaris was a bustling city with no place for him to escape prying eyes.

He longed for the mountains, the crisp air, towering evergreens, the entire landscape sure to be frosted over with the change of season. The solitude, the lack of concerned stares and quiet pity … He so desperately wanted to fly home. But he couldn’t.

She was here. And despite everything, he couldn’t leave her. Wouldn’t leave her. No matter how much he wanted to go, no matter how hard she pushed everyone away, he knew Nesta needed help. He just didn’t know how to give it.

A group of children, some high fae, some not, ran past him as he trudged onto a small bridge over the river. The giggles and gentle taunts to continue their race home made him smile. But it was short lived. The scene stood in stark relief to anything he’d see in Illyria, where outsiders were shunned, and the boys and girls rarely played together.

Following in the wake of their joy did nothing to improve his listless steps across the bridge. His mood had been declining for some time and he wondered how much of it was due to Nesta, and how much was due to the problems at the camps. The ever growing discord among the war bands added to his itch to return to the mountains. Cassian found a secluded spot on the bank and sat down heavily, propping himself on bent knees.

It was late afternoon and he wondered where Nesta would be spending her night. How much longer could she continue like this?

How much longer can I, he thought bleakly, only to quickly chastise himself for wallowing. He’d been through worse, succumbed to his own demons and fought them off. How similar those demons were to Nesta’s, he could only speculate. But something told him they were. At least, closer than she could imagine.

How could he convince her that he understood? She wouldn’t speak to him, let alone allow him to speak to her.

Cassian cursed and stood up. Enough. Nesta was beyond him. He was going to fly home before nightfall. With a ferocious flap of his wings, he shot into the air.

Of course his route over Velaris took him directly above her apartment building. Cassian cringed at the shabby appearance. Even from the air, it looked dirty and ill-kept. While he respected Nesta’s desire for independence, admired it even, he couldn’t see the place as anything more than a sign of a troubled soul. As a human, Nesta had been impeccable, never a hair out of place. Being made into a high fae had not changed that. Despite being forced to live as her worst nightmare, she’d maintained that air of propriety, that harsh need for control.

All of that was gone now.

He found himself circling above the building, like some pathetic-

Out of nowhere a sharp pain flared inside him, jerking him from the air. Cassian landed on her roof and spun around, looking for the source of the attack.

But no. He slowly realized no one had shot him. This was Velaris. Its shields were intact, nothing was amiss.

The pain struck again and this time, some basic understanding flickered in the core of his chest. He ignored it, taking to the air and flying down to the street. Within seconds he was at her door, pounding his fist against it.

“Nesta?”

He heard a muffled curse and something clang onto a tile floor.

After a too long silence, he called out, “I know you’re here. I heard you swear.” He was struggling to keep the fear from his voice, trying to force levity into it to hide the shaking.

Cassian continued pounding on the door until he heard the locks begin to turn. His racing heart eased, thanking the mother that he was being let in. He didn’t mean to burst through the entry and when he saw Nesta forced backwards, he lunged to catch her.

But she steadied herself and immediately seemed to catch fire. As she berated him, Cassian glanced down at her arm. The pale skin was marred only by a fading pink arc. Searching her bare skin for signs of other wounds, he realized he’d find none. Her fae nature meant something small like a cut would heal rapidly.

Small, he thought, his insides turning to lead, threatening to pull him through the floor. A small cut. How many others had there been?

His eyes moved slowly to her bathing room, where a nasty looking knife lay on the floor. In a small pool of blood.

It had just happened. Is that why he’d been drawn here?

A small cut. A small pool of blood.

How long before small becomes big?

The thought rang in his ears louder than Nesta’s yelling. His body numb, he barely registered the impact when she shoved him against the door. For a split second, he saw pure terror wash across her face. It vanished as quickly as it had appeared and before he could speak, she’d turned and left him alone. The slam of her bedroom door vibrated through him.

Cassian blinked as if waking from a stupor, the feeling coursing back through every nerve of his body. He thought he might be sick.

That leaden weight within him longed to pull him down and away and ignore it, ignore her, give her space, leave her venomous tongue for some other fool...

Fly home and forget.

She would never ask, never say the word ‘help’.

But the knife, this filthy apartment, the drinking, the males...

It was all part of a scream that they had not heard. Or worse, ignored.

Fly home and forget.

Fly home…

He had to do something. He’d failed her so many times.

With an ache in his heart, he knew if he failed her here and now, it would be the last time. She was destroying herself and was so very close to succeeding.

Cassian strode into the bathing room and grabbed the knife. He made no sound as he left but his mind was roaring. Planning, turning over options, scenarios, phrasing that might compel her.

Unable to bear touching it for long, he threw the knife away as soon as he could, then flew to the River House. He would need Feyre for this, maybe Elain, possibly Amren. It would be difficult, and she’d fight them every step of the way, but he needed to get her out of here. Away from Velaris, away from their judging eyes and the dark vices in which she was trying to drown herself.

The moment Cassian decided to take Nesta with him to Illyria, his siphons had blazed, the lead weight constricting his heart had melted.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door to the study and found Feyre reading.

“I need your help.” His voice gave him away. Hell, his face must have too.

She sat up, eyes wide. “Nesta? What happened?”

“Nothing yet. But…” Cassian paused, thinking for the first time how this plan might seem ridiculous. “I want to get her out of here. Take her to the mountains. I think…” He paused, closing his eyes. “If I can get her away from all this, it might help.”

He didn’t elaborate on what he meant, letting Feyre think whatever she wanted. She was his friend and high lady. He loved her like a sister. But despite the cruel words and disdain Nesta used to build her defenses, they’d all failed her. They’d all left her alone to fester in her grief and misery. He was ashamed to admit it, but it had been easier than trying to wrestle with a hellcat in pain.

“What do you need me to do?” Feyre was standing in front of him, eyes full of worry. But also, trust.

“I need you to kick her out of Velaris.”

*****

Thanks for reading!

My fanfic master list (includes links to ao3)

[highqueenofelfhame]

I hire you to be the stripper at my friend’s bachelor/ette party and you’re the T.A. for my favourite class + I DON’T EVEN KNOW, ROWAELIN OR NESSIAN

Nesta wished she’d been surprised when she was ambushed by the stripper at her bachelorette party. She wished she’d been surprised by her drunk sisters cackling in the corner of the living room of her little apartment at the shocked horror that was written across her face. The thing that she wished wasn’t the surprise? The fact that it was the TA she hated - who flirted with her relentlessly - that stood before her with a trenchcoat pooled at his feet wearing nothing more than tiny sequin shorts, a bow tie, and suspenders over his too-shiny and too-muscular torso.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She finally forced out, unable to tell if the color and drained from her face or flooded it. It was taking too much effort for her to keep her eyes on his face, the light catching the sequins and trying to coax her gaze lower than she was willing to allow. 

“I was hired,” Cassian drawled, his thumbs hooking beneath his suspenders and snapping them against his chest. Nesta started at the sound, clenching her jaw as she reached for his wrist and tugged him toward her bedroom. Behind her, Feyre and Elain were trying to wolf whistle and cheer, only for their efforts to dissolve into more drunken giggles. She was going to kill them for this. 

A slow smirk was working its way across Cassian’s lips as the door slammed shut behind them. Nesta’s arms folded over her chest as she glared up at him with a set jaw that feathered behind her ear. He took a step closer to her, extending one hand to rest on the door behind her head. Nesta instantly regretted the way she was unable to stop herself from her eyes dropping down the length of his body. Cassian didn’t miss a beat. 

“I bet you’ve been wondering what I looked like under all those clothes. I bet you’ll be thinking about me dropping that trenchcoat for you while you coax yourself to sleep tonight.”

“Cassian —“ 

“Your mind will drift to me while you fuck —“ In an effort to shut him up and indulge herself in kissing Cassian once and only once, she grabbed his face and pulled his lips down to hers.  

It turned out that kissing Cassian felt a lot like having a heart attack. Her chest and heart squeezed, all air leaving her body as she sighed into his mouth and tangled her fingers into his hair. Cassian seemed just as surprised by the kiss as Nesta, but didn’t hesitate in gripping her by her thighs and lifting her to pin her to the door. Soon his mouth was descending on her neck and she was gasping in surprise, in pleasure, in suspense. Sweat was beading up over her face and chest and she felt completely and utterly dizzy and lost. 

Kissing Cassian revived her from the inside out. She never wanted to stop. 

Especially not when his fingers slipped up her dress and into her panties. Nesta let out a desperate sort of whine and dropped her back against the door. Cassian’s lips remained on the curve of her neck, his teeth grazing as he swirled his tongue over the spot and sucked. There would be a mark, Nesta knew, and thinking about it on display for everyone to see drove her insane. Cassian was marking her as his, and as much as he got under her skin it was all she wanted to be. 

With his fingers teasing her knot, she found herself arching her body against him and pressing her breasts up and closer to his mouth. Beneath thick lashes he looked at her, tugging the low ‘v’ of her dress to the side and taking her peaked breast into his mouth. As his teeth grazed her nipple, as he sucked and flicked his tongue against her, Nesta was a gasping and moaning mess. 

He was only using his fingers. 

“More, Cassian, please,” she breathed, tugging on the ends of his hair to make him look at her. Their mouths collided once again and he slipped his fingers between her folds to wet them before he pushed two inside her at once. She gasped against his lips, forcing her hips down against his hand and biting down on his lip. The faster and harder that he pumped his fingers, the louder she moaned, the more breathless she got. 

Being with Tomas had never been like this. Being with Tomas was never fun, it never felt good like this. Cassian was everything she wanted, everything she needed, and the last thing on her mind was the small diamond on her left ring finger. All that she could think about was the man that was claiming her as his with his hands and teeth and tongue. 

“Fuck,” Nesta hissed, her nails digging roughly into his shoulders. Hard enough that she was sure that there would be bruising, there would be little cescents imprinted in his skin for the next hour and it was all she could think about as she crashed over the edge. It felt like nothing she’d experienced before. Her heart was racing and pounding so hard that she was sure he could hear the stampede in his chest. Nesta’s skin was so sticky with sweat that she wasn’t sure where hers stopped and his began, she wasn’t sure what moisture on her thighs was sweat or the physical signs of how bad she needed him. “More. Please, I need you inside me.”

Cassian slowly let Nesta’s body slide down until her feet touched the floor. Slowly, he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked her juices from them, licking his fingers until they were completely clean. He kissed her then, the taste of her fresh on his tongue. It was overwhelming to want someone so badly that you would surely combust. 

“Call me when you cancel your wedding,” he murmured low in her ear. Cassian pressed a tinder kiss just below her ear before pulling open the door and leaving Nesta standing in the dimly lit bedroom, to contemplate her entire future. 

~*~

It was early. Entirely too early for his phone to be ringing. Entirely too early for anyone to need anything from him, but he answered anyway, groaning a gruff ‘hello’ into the receiver. 

“Hey.” To say that her voice surprised him was an understatement. He hadn’t expected to hear from Nesta Archeron ever again after what had happened the night before. She had spent so much time ignoring their chemistry, so much time focusing on other inferior men that any spark between them she had run from like it was the plague. 

Up until last night she wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. 

“I told you to call me when -”

“I know what you said,” she interrupted, an annoyed sigh falling from her perfect, wicked mouth. Cassian popped up on one elbow, unable to believe what she might have been telling him. “I… I want to see you.”

In her voice, he heard a small smile and he could imagine her laying in bed with loose curls splayed across her pillow. He could imagine her picking at the fabric of her blanket while she nervously offered herself to him. Even worse, he could imagine her crawling on top of him and slowly unbuttoning the sleep shirt she was wearing . 

“You know my rules.”

“Are you dense? You said to call when I called it off. And I’m calling. Gods above, nevermind. This was stupid, I -”

“Do you want me to come over?” For a moment, she was silent. For a moment he heard nothing but the fabric of her blankets shifting as she moved in her bed, heard nothing but the sound of her breathing as she thought. 

“Please.”

[thatbitchydonutcollector]

The Rose of Regret and the Sting of Desire

Part 3

Nessian Mini Series- Mainly Angst/Eventual Smut

Note: Thanks so much for beta-ing @darlingfireheart (😘). This is quite the filler chapter some may say. But I truly, truly love the duo (haha no spoilers) that I explore in this part. Much is planned, and you must be patient for the slow burn. There will be much more Nessian confrontation in the next part (which is already in the works). Without further ado, enjoy! 🌿

Word Count: 1,343

After more than a day of scouring the House of Wind, Nesta finally shrugged on her cloak and decided to brave the stairs leading down to the base of Velaris.

It was nothing like the human realm.

Where she grew up, full of dull colors and starving lands, people had one hand on their weapon and their head turned in paranoia. The human realm was merciless. The human realm let her and her sisters starve while not even batting an eye. But here...

...there children running in the streets. There were townsfolk walking with smiles on their faces and plentiful baskets of food on their hips. There were people laughing. Playing. Grinning.

These people were happy.

And now Nesta understood what lengths her sister would go to to protect this place of shimmering stars and joyous people.

Her feet carried her slowly, taking her time in searching the grounds before her. A female, twirling with a basket of roses on her arm, gave Nesta a smile as she passed. She stopped on her feet, searching Nesta’s face and frowning accordingly. She handed out a pale white rose to her.

“I have no money for this,” Nesta said dully.

The girl beamed and just searched her face. She saw the uneasiness in Nesta’s expression. She saw the longing.

“There is no cost.” The girl chimed simply. “I hope your day brightens.”

Was her facade that translucent? Nesta asked herself as her nose inhaled the sweet perfume of the blooming bud.

Nesta kept walking until she reached the Sidra. She heard the steady thrum of its current, and the sloshing cacophony of where it thrashed against the bank.

Her head bowed, Nesta sped up her pace. And she knew exactly why her feet wanted to walk faster. She knew exactly why the sound of choking waves almost made her sick to her stomach.

The feeling of water filling her lungs engulfed her. She remembered the way it burned like wildfire inside her and the way she gasped for air on the tiles of Hybern as she expelled it from her system, scorching like razor blades leaving her body.

The first thing she smelled in her new body was her-- Cassian’s blood seeping across the tiles towards her.

Nesta put a hand to her stomach, suddenly overwhelmingly nauseous.

She groaned as she caught her breath.

The raging storm inside her was screaming. She was better than this. So Nesta Archeron stood up tall and continued her search through the streets of Velaris with a white rose in her hand.

The sun was setting by the time she made it to her destination.

Rhysand’s townhouse.

She climbed the few steps and knocked heavily at the door before her. Something inside her churned, slightly hoping that he wasn’t home. Hoping he was off doing High Lord-ly things without his mate by his side. Waiting a few moments, Nesta sighed and turned on her heel eager to leave.

Nesta Archeron had so many questions, and the only prick she knew who would have the answers was Rhysand. But despite herself, she was scared of what he would tell her… of what it would mean.

Just as Nesta cleared the steps back towards the direction she came, she heard rustling inside the house and the door cracked open.

He looked awful.

She remembered what he looked like when he was meeting with the Queens back home. Regal. Kingly even. His head high, his back straight, and his mate by his side. Rhysand was nothing of what she remembered. There was stubble on his cheek, his hair was an untamed mess, and there were dark circles under his eyes as he looked at her.

She saw him try to stand taller, but she was not a fool. With Feyre spying in Spring… Rhysand was in shambles.

He said her name with a hoarse breath, then promptly cleared his throat.

“May I come in?” she sighed.

With a glare at her, Rhysand opened the door for her to follow him in. “What brings you to my humble abode, Nesta?” he goaded.

“I need to ask you something.” Nesta glanced around his townhouse. There were maps spread haphazardly over the large kitchen table, there was a notebook open with maddened scrawl and pencils exploding across the room and onto the floor.

“Oh?”

She suddenly felt the urge to leave. Feyre was out there, in the clutches of their enemies and she was going to ask about unimportant, much less dire things. She chuckled to herself and Rhysand raised his brow.

“May I ask what’s so comical?” his face was unamused.

“Nothing, I--” she paused. “Nothing.”

A moment of silence passed between them.

“Why are you here?”

“To ask--”

Rhys cut her off with a snarl in his voice. “Then ask it.” He still hated her. That much was apparent. For failing Feyre. For letting her youngest sister starve. She hated herself so she supposed it was valid that Feyre’s mate hated her as well.

She took a deep breath to calm herself. “How did you know… that Feyre was your mate?”

His eyes widened. “You came all the way from the House of Wind to learn about Feyre and I?”

Nesta tensed. She felt stupid, silly to come this far to ask the male that hated her guts in such a time. Gods, she was so rutting stupid. Nesta started towards the door. “You know what, nevermind. I’ll just--”

“No, wait.”

She paused.

“I suspected for a long, long time.” Rhysand said grimly. “I had dreams of her even when she was still living in the mortal land. When she crossed over into Prythian it was like a veil being lifted.”

Nesta’s hands were shaking and she gripped the rose tighter. Maybe in rage or in fear, she couldn’t tell. “Yes, all that with the dresser drawer and the dreams but how did you know?”

“Why are you asking this, Nesta?” He knew damn well why she was asking. She just stared at him.

With that rutting smirk on his face, he continued. “When she was revived by the High Lords, after all the chaos died down and I was alone with her… when I smelled her and saw her in that body, I knew. It was like… her being high fae heightened the bond between us. I had suspected for a long while, but that was the moment I knew. It’s like a tether. A string tied between mates that connects them.”

“When did Feyre realize?”

Rhysand’s eyes darkened. “I kept it from her. For months when she was in the Night Court with me. The Suriel told her in the end but she came close to realizing it on Starfall.”

Nesta nodded, turning away from him. She was calculating precisely, taking in everything between her and Cassian. “And when one of you is hurt or in distress?”

“I’d do anything for her. To comfort her. To make her feel better. I’d slaughter my way to get to her, the only thing stopping me is her decision in the matter.” Rhysand studied her face. “But you already know how this works, don’t you?”

She turned back to him, his face had no smirk, no arrogance or hatred. “What do you mean?” Nesta said, but they both knew it was a lie. They both knew exactly why she came here.

“You just needed validation.” Rhysand said plainly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nesta gave Rhysand one last look and then opened the door back to the streets of Velaris.

She was down the steps before she heard his voice again. “Nesta,” She turned with heavy eyes to look at her sister’s mate. “He’s been through a lot, and so have you. He’s a good male.”

Nesta met his gaze as he leaned on the doorframe of his home. Pained and broken. “I know.”

Nesta trekked all the way to the Sidra and watched as the white rose fell from her grip and was swallowed by the current of the maddening river.

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