#smoothification

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Every time I queue the apps on my phone to update and every time I don’t realize tumblr is one of those apps and then I get jumpscared by new things when I open it again

[jerk-jock]

I feel so mind fucked THAT a comic artist i used to read in the mid 2000s is still making comics

[a-suspicious-lack-of-bagel]

Smoothie: a very silly treatise

In my opinion, the perfect smoothie has 3 ingredients; these being bananas, milk, and spices. (Perhaps I should have said categories of ingredient!) I have several thoughts to share on this:

1. The equipment. There are many ways to process foods into a mush, and some are marketed specifically for use in smoothification! My personal choice, however, is a stick mixer. It does the job and it's handy for sauces and soups also. In terms of container; I use a tall, cylindrical plastic container (jug? vase? I'm not sure. It's food safe, anyway) with a diameter of about 8cm. If you use a different one, you might end up with more or less milk than I use - but my measuring methods are vague and not particularly repeatable and frankly, who cares.

2. The bananas. Bananas used for smoothie should be bordering on over-ripe. Ideally, they should be past the point where you don't want to take them for lunch (because you know they have insufficient structural integrity to survive your bag); but before the point where you put them in the freezer, thinking (optimistically) that one day they will be used for banana bread. Their role is to provide sweetness and texture. You can use 2, or 3, or however many your heart desires! Peel them, break them in half (they may do this themselves), and put them in the jug/container/whatever.

3. The milk. You can use whatever sort you like! When there's milk in our house, it's usually "light" cow's milk, so I use that. Personally I haven't found a non-dairy milk with a taste I like - because I don't like change, and I assume it would be very hard to get a plant milk to taste EXACTLY like cow's milk. Lactose free would be fine - you're not likely to notice the extra sweetness in something like a smoothie. In terms of amount, I like to mostly cover the bananas and leave about a dollar coin's height of banana sticking out. What's that, 3cm? Probably.

4. The spices. Which ones you use is up to you, but make your ancient ancestors proud. You want to use ground spices - the stick mixer won't grind things for you, and it looks pretty when they go into the milk! I always use chilli; often I also add cinnamon and ginger, paprika can also be good. Don't be afraid of using too much (though don't be excessive) - if your smoothie isn't brown at the end, you could Definitely have added more spices. Without the spices, a banana smoothie is OK - but rather bland. Then again, some people are wierd and don't like flavour in their food. They're wrong, but they're allowed to be wrong. You don't need spices! (But I think they're pretty good).

Now, some things ARE wrong - especially, adding more ingredients. Things you may be tempted to add, and shouldn't:

1. Mango. Why? The texture is viscous enough, the smoothie is sweet enough, and I don't think you're adding much to the flavour. You want a mango smoothie? Make one, don't hijack a banana smoothie.

2. Berries, or any other sort of fruit. See above - if you want those in your smoothie, you're making a different sort of smoothie and should leave the bananas out. As a side note, I'm not a fan of a mango smoothie, and I'd prefer to just eat the component fruits of almost any other smoothie.

3. Chocolate or coffee. They might complement the banana flavour, but again - if you want those in your drink, make a drink where they're the focus.

4. Honey. Why? It's sweet (and thick) enough already from the banana. Use the honey in tea or biscuits or something instead.

5. Oats. Again, why? The texture is perfectly fine already.

6. Any form of extra protein. There are other, yummier ways to get protein if you need it. If you're the sort of person who needs the extra protein in their smoothie, do Not be fooled - a liquid breakfast/post workout will Not sustain you for long enough! Take the time to EAT something, and you'll feel better overall, and food is delicious.

7. Vegetables or vitamins. See above - enjoy your smoothie, enjoy food, and get them somewhere else.

8. Ice. Your drink is a frappé now. By definition, it is no longer a smoothie.

9. Anything else. You surprise and confuse me; but if by some miracle I can eat whatever you're mixing in, I may yet be convinced.

Finally, if your bananas HAVE got to the "freeze them before they smell and make the other fruit go off" stage, or you're adding in frozen banana for whatever reason; remember that frozen banana is stickier than fresh banana! You may want to add more milk to balance this.

I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with me about some of this. That's fine! You're wrong, but you're allowed to be wrong (as long as you don't try to make your Smoothie Abominations near me, or feed them to me). I hope that someone at least finds this half as entertaining as it was to write!

[briarborealisocs]

trying my hand at superhero/vigilante outfit design for the first time. for the vigilantes in particular i want to make the outfits very like. practical. like these are all things you could Buy at the Store or make at home yourself without being super suspicious.

so here's discord!! aka mick. he very VERY rarely actually goes Out for missions. he's the guy who stays at home and monitors things for his vigilante partner(s). he's got just kind of a generic hacker/tech wear outfit that he wears for Work Mode and also puts on a mask and a modified VR headset that lets him use his powers more easily without getting overwhelmed or distracted. the gloves are part of the headset and let his motions be tracked. why wear the mask if he's not going out? it's a precaution in case his location gets compromised. if he gets jumped having the mask on protects his identity more in case he manages to get away. it also has a voice modulator in it for similar reasons

or at least that's the idea here haha it's very much a first pass

mick prefers sharp angles aesthetically speaking, he HAAAATES the roundification/smoothification of graphic design but he has to make do

[kremlin]

i don’t understand why the chally3 en-smoothification wasn’t the central core issue surrounding the UK election. who gives a shit about like healthcare or whatever. How about dental care. National dental service. Hahahaha. Send post

[dullahandyke]

Like on one hand given the increasing smoothification of IT, it is a rebellion to adamantly demand the guts and customisation to divest yourself from shitty apps and choose your own path, your experiences hampered by YOUR shitty inconvenient choices instead of some companies

But also mostly this is a cover for the fact that I think it's really really fun to make 'bullshit amateur tinkerer' part of my personality and love causing problems and inefficiencies for myself. God I need to get that external hard drive working so I can back up Phoenix and start linuxing

[theo-the-cat-guy]

To a certain extent I gat using that design for a live action show, the rotting living person might be a bit too much for some people, but I still don't support the smoothification of ghouls

[misskumikosixteen]

the way this was phrased, lol

and if you're even talking about literal sleep, we all know he knew no one was able to sleep

like do you mean I'd actually be able to sleep or...

could you be plotting something?

so much for that, Smoothifer.

(and I'd very much like to know who said this and how it was said)

[nakakabaliw]

Since people are seeing this, I just want to add a few more things:

MAKE THAT MAN OILY!!! SHOW THE OILY SHEEN!! THE ONLY SPARKLES I SHOULD BE SEEIN' ARE THE ONES ON HIS SHINY ALMOST BALD HEAD!! THE BLOATED FACE!!!!! THE BELLY OIURRGRH MY FUCKING GOD SHOW THE BELLY! IS THAT LIP TINT I SEE ON HIS LIPS! *SLAPS IT OUT OF YOUR HAND* NO!!!! USE IT ON HIS RUNNY OLD NOSE!!! IMPERFECTIONS MAKE THE PERFECTION!!!

No, no. Stop it. UNDO. Make him look horrible!! do it!!! MAKE HIM LOOK HORRIBLE GODDAMMIT! STOP CLEARING HIS SKIN!!! STOP SMOOTHING HIM!!!!! STOP REMOVING HIS SHIRT STAINS!!!! GIVE. HIM. HIS. RECEEDING HAIRLINE AND IMPERFECT TEETH!!! NO ABS NO ASS!!!!!!