#so I just need to like. idk!! learn myself or find someone who will run these for us

[tatoasting]

I just had such a fucking good idea for a way to promote more business at my job but I have no one to tell about it because its 2am AAAAAAFUCK and I also have one big flaw with pulling it off that I have no idea how to get around which is pissing me off aaaaAAAA idk how to fix this?? Unless someone wants to teach me how to GM TTRPGs haha (please. It would be so cool haha) AAAAAAA

[platonicmoonwater00]

I see these everywhere. and i mean EVERYWHERE. and also i need motivation so lets go ig

10 notes- i'll drink on weekends too(i forget cos on weekends im just at home and not at school lugging around my frank green in my tote bag)

20 notes- i will(try to) pay attention in class

30 notes- i'll watch my whole watch later playlist on yt

50 notes- i'll actually do the techniques im learning in ✨therapy✨ to help with my anxiety and shitty social skills

75 notes- i'll take my iron tablets every day

100 notes- i'll start my assessments when i get them(i have one due tomorrow which i was gonna finish now but i'm doing this apparently)

125 notes- i'll ask my crush to hangout alone during spring holidays

150 notes- i'll try to go for a run or at least a walk every day

500 notes- i'll write another chapter of my fanfiction

1k notes- i will actually make an effort to get clean

2k notes- if i see someone pretty that i want to go out w in public i'll ask for their number cos holy fuck i need to put myself out there. even if we js end up being friends cos holy shit im lonely

3k notes- i will actually finished the dress i started making

4k notes- i will try to get over my crush cos its ✨never gonna happen✨(she so pretty and masc tho its gonna be hard)

5k notes- (this is so far up here cos idk how to do this so im gonnna need a lot of time to figure out how) im gonna try to demolish the rumour that im gay thats going around a bit.**

6k notes- i will finish all my crochet projects and not start any new ones until im done.

**context. i go to an all girls school and theres a lot of people so its not like everyone knows everyone, even in my year(theres approx. 174 in my year alone, and theres 6 year groups at my school cos high school is 7-12 where i live) but some people know me ig cos i know a few girl who are more notable, im in the top class and i recdntly started sitting with a group that the popular girls call furries.

(theyre a pretty big group and popular girls hate them cos one or two of them are trans - ftm, ftnb etc, no mtf cos my lovely/s catholic school wouldnt let trans girls in- several of them are gay, a few of them are emo, most of them are poc's and a few of them dont have english as their first language. overall they are seen as the "weird kids" in my year)

so this rumour apparently is going around that i like a girl in my class(i absolutely do but if you havent noticed my school is hella hoomophobic and i could very well get beat) which js isnt ideal and is gonna lead to a lot of issues, especially if a lot of people start believing it so if you guys have any advice pls lmk. and its not like i can js get a fake bf and show him off cos its a GIRLS SCHOOL. if i reconnect with a friend from primary school tho we could pretend to be dating and like make a post on social media. but then kids at his school would find out and hed either have to tell them its fake(which would eventually find its way back to my school, and when i say eventually i mean immediately) or he couldnt get a girlfriend so that probs wouldnt work.

i know it sounds like im making a mountain out of a molehill but ive got years to go here and i dont want to spend all my high school years getting bullied bc even if i went to a teacher about it or smthing id have to like analyse them first and try to figure out which ones are homophobic or not.

like learning about why "being gay is a sin"(pretend im saying that really mockingly) is literally in our curriculum.

holy shit that was longer than expected.

no pressure tags: @wishiwereheather13 @loserboyfriendrjl @fracturedsunsets @chasingthemoony @stars-and-leather @starsofleo

thats all im doing idk how you guys can stand js copy and pasting moots over and over i cant do this i did the first six that came up and that seems like enough 🤷‍♀️

begun doing

going to do

finished

[someloserinajaywig]

Dragons Rising S2P2 predictions because I can keep them to myself no longer 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

Ok this is going to be mostly Arin/Sora centric because HOOOO BOY do I sense trouble in the air for these two

First of all, Arin is DEFINITELY going to find out about Sora helping him out with the object spinjitzu thing and I think he’s going to be really really hurt. They spent so much time this season building up his feelings of insecurity and finding this out is going to bring them back in a HUGE way.

Another thing the writers spent a long time building up was Arin’s innate goodness/kindness/naivety. Call me crazy but I think he’s going to learn shatterspin in part 2 - the one thing that literally requires destroying the goodness in your soul. I don’t think he’ll use it much but I think he will learn it and be irreversibly changed

I can envision the lead-up to it so vividly and I think finding out what Sora did is going to be the tipping point. I think the rough timeline would go something like this:

Things are going well-ish. Arin’s confidence is restored and he’s back to training with a new enthusiasm. I don’t think he’ll master object spinjitzu at this point but he’ll be seeing more success and feeling better about himself

Something will happen - my guess some sort of pivotal battle where they’re relying on Arin’s object spinjitzu to save the day and it won’t work and Sora will have to come clean.

Arin - betrayed and insecure - lashes out towards Sora, and then towards Lloyd and the others when they try to comfort/calm him down. He says he needs some time to himself and runs off somewhere

While he’s alone, he’s approached by some force of evil (maybe Ras, or Ras’ master, or someone different entirely) and they use his insecurity to convince him that the ninja are holding him back - think like his conversation with Ras in part 1 - and because he’s feeling so awful about it he’ll agree to join them

Training under this new person, they’ll encourage him to work with all this insecurity and build up a ton of anger towards the ninja - especially Sora and Lloyd - and I think they’ll get him to use that to learn shatterspin

Also pretty sure Sora will learn spinjitzu & rising dragon in p2. Thematically this makes a lot of sense as Sora has been very intertwined with dragons since her introduction (she literally NAMED herself after one), and her element is all about creating new things and pushing the limits of what she can do.

Meanwhile Arin doesn’t have an element (as far as we’re aware, and I really hope it stays that way), and a parts his design speak to oni imagery - the horns especially. I don’t think it’s far-fetched so assume that under the right circumstances he may turn to destruction

Creation and Destruction never ever show up without each other in ninjago. They are completely linked and a recurring theme in the show and I think this will become WAY more evident as dragons rising progresses

Other small things:

Someone will find Jay, probably. (Hopefully!!!!) I’m hopeful for an angsty arc but in all honesty it seems like it’ll resolve quite quickly once they do find him. Tbh im happy either way I just miss my wife

Cole/Geo won’t become explicitly canon but they will continue being delightfully queercoded

I think Wyldfyre and Nya are both going to struggle without Kai,, he’s sort of been a father figure to both of them and knowing he’s stuck somewhere he might never escape from is gonna be really hard on them (esp for Nya who’s already sort of lost one of the most important people in her life)

More Wu info??? (Hoping for this! Hes present in at least one of the new sets (dragon stone shrine, linked below) so im hopeful we’ll find out what happened that silly old guy

PIXAL return???? (I’m begging on my hands and knees)

Arin Sora and Wyldfyre will meet Fritz and Spitz idk I just think that would be cute

[quimichi]

It's me the little guy Fae >:3 and I'm here for your match up event

Fandoms

Honkai and/or genshin

Pronouns

She/they

Hobbies

Illustration, crochet, embroidery, watercolor, gaming, TTRPGs (tabletop role-playing games) like DND, putting my characters through absolute hell (writing)

Gender preference

With fictional characters I prefer men but I love me a tall sexy evil Woman

Personality

Don't listen to what my hobbies say about me, I'm actually a chaotic little shit who runs circles around my friends. I do my best to give support when needed whether it be mentally or with a technical issue but I'm sure you knew this stuff before because we are friends on here. Though I will say I am depressed and that may impact the character I may or may not get matched with.

Fun facts

I really like foxes :)

And jellyfish :))

While it's not common enough to be a hobby I do know how to sew

My favorite colors are pastel pink and yellow

Well I prefer a cottagecore aesthetic for myself I actually don't prefer that in a partner.

I'm not a Neuvillette main but my autistic ass will go off about water (different bottles of water have completely different tastes you cannot change my mind)(also cold water tastes sharp and warm water tastes round I will not be taking criticism on this)

I don't have a green thumb per se because all my plants are suffering but they stubbornly cling on to life no matter how much I neglect them.

If you need more you know where to find me

A/n: I'M SORRY BESTIE BUT MY HEAD WENT "DOMESTIC" THE ENTIRE TIME---

ARLECCHINO

@ NO CAUSE HEAR ME OUT

@ you loce cottage core, and your hobbies are stuff like crochet and watercoloring. Its cute and i feel like Arlecchino matches that somehow??

@ listen, she is much more softer than she looks. She loves the kids and does really care about them, i think this cute little domestic life would fit her and would also be a dream for her

@ although she grows the kids into the fatui, she loves them dearly, can't show it tho-

@ but anyway--imagine sitting side by side near a fireplace while she reads a book and you do your thing beside her. No talking, just enjoying each others company

@ loooves to do domestic things with you, like cooking together, baking a cake, reading a book, crochet or bathing together.

@ i think she can do embroidery and crochet but not so good-teach her, she will actually listen. She's a little tsundere but she'll listen and she will learn pretty fast.

@ it's important that the twins and freminet like you, they visit quite often or she visits them. If they don't like you, or any of the kids in the house of the hearth, she would be quite skeptical about you then

@ lucky for you cause...they love you, duh?? Who wouldn't.

@ you're very parental, you give great comfort and you like to play with the kids.

@ and Arlecchino loves to watch lol

@ now to your depressed state. She will take it very seriously and will tell you so many times to rest and take care. She would give you the best tea from liyue, only the best watercolors from Fontaine, and the best baked goods so you can relax.

@ she would also leave you your space if needed. It wouldn't really bring her down, she would just be worried about you, but as a strong woman she wouldn't show it to you, that would only bring YOU down.

@ so dw, daddy Arlecchino will take care of everything. And if someone bothers you...well...you know...

GEPARD

@ listen it was hard for hsr ok---

@ for some reason I see you with Gepard---

@ also for the same reasons as Arlecchino, the little domestic life won't go out of my head for you-and Gepard also fits this

@ like-he comes home from work, also brought some goods from the bakery so you both can enjoy some sweets after dinner (which you both prepare together) and then after dinner and dessert you both cuddle on the couch while watching the snowflakes dance outside Belobog

@ if you ever decide to crochet him idk socks or something, he will wear them with pride. Even if they're pink with glitter, he ADORES them.

@ wears them under his gear lol. Like Belebog is cold he appreciates any warmth that he gets. And what is warmer than your love~♡

@ (I'm disgusting-)

@ super shy, we all know, so it took him a bit to gain the confidence to ask you out- I can see you being friends with Serval so--Imagine asking out the friend of your sister?? Yeah I'd piss myself too-

@ but Serval was pretty supportive sooo dw, it all worked out very well

@ ans Lynx is also not complaining with you so the relationship is blessed ♡

@ helps around the house, he was raised good :)

@ also, if he has every a free day and you have to work, he takes care of the things at home and cooks for you ♡♡♡

@ also runs you a bath. Spends his entire day making you smile when you come home.

@ very overprotective too. Can't stand seeing you sad or having a bad day or depressed episode, so he does everything in his power to change that

@ even if it means for him to act like a complete idiot just to see a smile, cause trust me, he would

[hueberryshortcake]

btw idk if the people are ready for this but I look at Louie Duck and I see "child with undiagnosed chronic illness". I also did not like to do things I strictly didn't have to, whether it was small stuff like getting up to get myself another drink, or bigger stuff like playing games, wrestling, or day/road trips. I didn't really run or like camping or adventuring the way my siblings and classmates did.

I just figured I was a lazy person until I started to get really sick in high school and got my juvenile amplified pain / fibromyalgia disorder. THEN I realized that, no, I had just been experiencing low-grade symptoms like fatigue, amplified pain, and vertigo ever since I was little (along with adhd and anxiety symptoms of course) without realizing that it wasn't normal.

So not to get all overly deep about it but I look at a kid who doesn't have the energy or desire to keep up with the kids around him, who feels that his strengths lie in hanging back and observing first rather than jumping right into the action, and I think, yeah, me too. when you only have so much energy, of COURSE you're going to be breaking down the most efficient way to get things done, because some days ever ly step counts. of course you're emotional; your body is pumping adrenaline all the time and it exhausts you, and you are constantly in need of a nap, and it makes you feel super cranky sometimes.

so to have someone say, "hey, I see you, and I see you have different strengths and weaknesses than the other kids, so let's see what we can do to help you succeed?" that's HUGE (<- most dangerous game night). feeling like you can't contribute because nobody realizes what's different about you, not even you? yeah you internalize that. it's isolating.

there was a period of time where I was really, really struggling to do things that were considered basic for me, and it took awhile of my family just not understanding what was happening until I finally got it through that something was wrong. it wasn't that they didn't care, it just took awhile for us to help each other understand, and I see that in the s2 arc, too. Della and Louie are having trouble communicating to each other what they need and why it's important, and Della is finally able to be like "I see you, too, and I'm here to help you, and also to help you learn to help yourself, so you can really find your role in this family." and Louie is able to reciprocate that and say "you're right, I'll help you understand what I'm seeing and we'll work together". like dude I've had countless conversations with MY mom that went just like that

idk. chronic illness lense man. and everything is about Louie Duck all the time.

[icedbatik]

get to know me game (I was tagged by @rimouskis and @sportsthoughts ... thank you both!)

do you make your bed?

Yep! In part because I like having a nicely made bed, in part because I use my bed as my design board/work space when I'm quilting. And, in part, because it's an easy way to have some small bit of tidy space in a house that has too much stuff. (My core being is "neat freak" but my reality is "please pull a truck up so I can toss stuff out the window".)

what's your job?

I am a newspaper copy editor/writer.

if you could go back to school, would you?

It depends. Would I need to keep working? Would it put me in debt? I like learning, but I already don't have enough time in my day to do everything I want to do. If I had to write term papers and study for tests while working a full-time job and still taking care of my household (groceries, laundry, meals, yardwork, running errands, all the other odds and ends involved), I think I might crack.

can you parallel park?

Yes, though I rarely have the need. (If you follow the instructions carefully, it's amazing how well it works.)

do you think aliens are real?

IDK. I accept the reasoning that it's unlikely we're alone in the vastness of the universe, and that it's a bit arrogant to think we're the only ones. But I also think it's unrealistic to assume others take a form we'd immediately recognize. And, if there is intelligent life out there, why, exactly, would it mess with us?! Have you seen us lately?!

can you drive a manual car?

Yes. My brother loaned me his pickup truck to drive after I graduated from college. (He didn't need it at the time because of his job.) The idea of not having to make a car payment was great incentive to learn.

guilty pleasure?

I'm not sure I feel guilty about any of my pleasures. But they include Tumblr/fandom, writing fic, Pens hockey, quilting and a daily mug of good-quality hot chocolate.

tattoos?

I have a permanent spot on my skin from when I accidentally stabbed myself with a pencil as a kid. I'm pretty sure that's as close as I'm going to get. (Mine is big enough and dark enough that doctors routinely panic when they see it, thinking it's skin cancer, until I remind them we've had that conversation before.)

favorite color?

black with all the bright colors, particularly the off colors (fuchsia, turquoise, teal); and all the blues that make up the ocean (There's a reason why batik is my favorite type of fabric. Solid colors aren't nearly as interesting as lots of colors playing together.)

favorite type of music?

The most straight-forward answer is rock, particularly classic rock, though I like a lot of different types of music on a song-by-song (or artist) basis. Most country music doesn't do much for me. My last two musical purchases were Disturbed's cover of "The Sound of Silence" and Sufjan Stevens' "Illinois" album, which is the basis of "Illinoise" the Broadway musical.

do you like puzzles?

I guess you could say that, since I quilt and "Tetris" is my favorite video game.

any phobias?

I'm not into snakes. I'm trying to do better about not panicking over them, but I still have absolutely no desire to see them, whether in my yard or in a photograph.

favorite childhood sport?

Riding my bike.

do you talk to yourself?

Of course. (At least, that way, I know someone is listening to me!)

tea or coffee?

Nope. I prefer drinking clean water to dirty water. (The idea of having a cup of tea is appealing, but the reality has never done anything for me.)

first thing you wanted to be be when growing up?

A photographer.

what movies do you adore?

"Dave" and "The American President" are both older movies but they have lead characters (Kevin Kline and Martin Sheen Michael Douglas, respectively) who are kind of my fantasy president. Can't find funding for this program that helps children? No worries. We'll just stop paying $500 for a screwdriver we can get at the hardware store for $5 and use the leftover $495 (per screwdriver) on food programs and after-school programs and utility-assistance programs. It's not that hard.

I'll tag @pr-scatterbrain and @maljic and @ehghtyseven and anyone else who wants to play. (Maybe I want to know you and just don't realize it yet! )))

[stateswscarlet]

i want to manifest my desired face whenever i dont see a movement i go crazy and the cycle starts again, i just wanna get my df but im tired of this cycle i always go back and nothing happens, i feel like all that thing is waste of time but at the same time ik its true cuz i've manifested a lot of things. but whenever it comes to my df i cant stop wanting it and after fulfilling myself i feel like it's done, but after 10 mins it happens again. i start to get mad at 3d again and its just so .. i cried becaus i want my df and 3d makes me crazy. i feel like nothing happens im so desperate i dont wanna read 823823 loa posts anymore i just want to be pretty as like others. i hate that feeling of 'trying so hard' hope u answer

<3

this genuinely makes my heart hurt :(

this is what i told another anon:

“unrelated, idk what youre desiring to change about your face but make sure you’re approaching it from love and not hating/disliking your current self. it makes me so sad whenever people tell me theyre manifesting a whole new face thinking itll make them happy, prettier, attention from people, etc and it wont at all. changes starts within and you are more than worthy of being just the way you are and treating yourself with love and compassion.”

please understand that “getting” a physical change will never ever ever ever take away your insecurities or make you happier, fulfilled, nor will it make you feel pretty from the inside. literally look at all the supermodels and stars who are drop dead gorgeous who we pine after who are incredibly insecure and are constantly hyperaware of their insecurities and flaws.

PLEASE i beg you the best thing you can do for yourself is practice self love RIGHT NOW the way you are. stop waiting for some ideal face before you chose to love yourself, as that day will never come. you will find more and more reasons to feel insecure and upset at the 3D and be running in an endless cycle “manifesting” things to change but you’ll never be satisfied.

you need to remove your dependence from the 3D/outer world by understanding it can never give you anything. go within and instead of focusing so much on your face changing focus instead on the feelings of being secure, safe, etc regardless. stop chasing shallow things like pretty privilege and attention and anything else you THINK your df will give you (spoiler: it wont give you any of that).

coming from someone who isn’t conventionally attractive and used to hate herself and her looks, it is SO important to love yourself and accept yourself the way you are first before expecting others to do that. i learned to love myself exactly the way i am. my inner shift changed my attitude and how i viewed myself which led to others reflecting that. i started getting attention, pretty privilege, etc (which now i know are just shallow things) without a single physical change.

i really hope you understand where im coming from anon. its not that you cant have your df, but if youre unable to love yourself right now you wont be able to love yourself with your df bc youll find a million other reasons not to. once you remove this from the pedestal you have it on (thinking itll make you pretty, etc) it will be much easier to focus on the feelings of security and anything else you desire.

[plasmasimagination]

Um, hi! I hope you're doing well! I saw your match up event and I'd like to request a Genshin and HSR match up (if you still can ofc, I don't wanna force it owo). I don't really wanna be paired with any of the female characters (as much as I love em, I perceive them more as best friends or sisters than possible lovers, if that makes sense—).

1. My pronouns are she/her. My MBTI is ENFP.

2. I hope you don't mind if I give you more than my big 3 in Astrology, since the planets up until Saturn (especially Venus, since it's in conjunction with my Sun, and Saturn, since it's in conjunction with my Rising) are pretty prominent for me. My Sun is in Aries ♈️, my Moon is in Leo ♌️, and my Rising is in Cancer ♋️. My Mercury is in Aries ♈️ as well (natal retrograde), my Venus is in Pisces ♓️, my Mars is in Aquarius ♒️, my Jupiter is in Libra ♎️ (natal retrograde), and my Saturn is in Cancer ♋️ and a few degrees away from my Rising.

3. As for my appearance, I have a height of 147cm (idk what it is in inches and feet, but it's pretty short, I know, it runs in our family), and I'm on chubby side when it comes to my body, but I sure as hell don't have an hourglass body shape. I have wavy-ish black hair (currently experiencing some form of hair loss tho) that reaches just above my chest. I also wear glasses and my fingernails are often short because I bite them.

4. A lot of who I am is influenced by the fact that I have ADHD (mostly hyperactive/impulsive presentation), so I tend to be restless and hyperactive, energetic and talk excessively, sensitive and emotional (emotional dysregulation go brr haha). I have pretty strong opinions about a lot of things (mostly politics and social issues), but I'd be open to discussion that could possibly change my mind unless I consider the view to be morally or wholly wrong with regards to other people.

I consider myself to be intuitive and able to sense even the slightest change of emotion or energies within someone or in a room, wanting to be the one to support, comfort, and advise someone when they need it. Idk, I like feeling needed and wanted by others. I'm pretty expressive with my emotions and can become easily vulnerable and share/be open about them to others. I do know that I often don't like being told what to do or how to feel, in addition to becoming defensive, closed-off, and silent after being given certain criticism/comments.

5. As for what my friends think about me, they probably find me a bit too overwhelming, especially when I become too restless and overthink and about tasks, but I'm also kind of the mom friend in my friend groups, trying to be a lil level-headed and making sure everyone doesn't get into too much trouble. I'm also pretty affectionate with them, saying how much I appreciate and love them often, confiding to them about how I feel and vice versa. I enjoy showing and giving love to the people I care about, and sometimes I get scared that I'm too annoying or that I'm overwhelming.

6. Other info about me is that I love playing games, designing, and learning in general. My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. Because of my diagnosis and my experiences in life, I'd like someone who'll make me feel at ease, someone who won't judge or limit me, but instead support and be patient with me, especially when I (inevitably) fuck up. I like being reassured and having healthy communication okay—

I hope this isn't too much— Thank you so so much in advance, and please take care, wherever you currently are! Sending lots of energy and appreciation your way! 🥹🫶

Heyy sweetheart

.

.

.

ALBEDO

Albedo is calm and analytical, he's a non judgemental being and always open to learn more about his sweetheart

Similar to you, he enjoys learning and designing, he's very open to any new knowledge, so there could be mutual conversations about different topicd

Albedos calm nature can provide you with reassurance, his patient and quiet attitude can provide you with a comfortable feeling without feeling overwhelming

He's willing to support and encourage your interests.

When combining this with his love for words of affirmations, it creates a comfortable environment all around.

As an alchemist, he appreciates you sharing your thoughts and feelings, opening an environment of healthy communication.

JING YUAN

Jing yuan, the perfect man

He's incredibly good at communication and reading people

He's the type of person that you could tell everything that bothers you without feeling like he's gonna judge you or disregard your feelings

He's a general, meaning he's dealt with a lot of new people at the job, he's got more than enough patience and rarely gets frustrated or mad

His love languages are mostly words of affirmations and physical touch

His sweet words and soothing voice could make anyone fall to their knees

Jing yuan is someone you can love for an eternity and he'll never get enough of it, his heart is always open and he'll definitely rainprocrate your love and offer you the same if not more back

[hughiecampbelle]

hello hello!! hope you're doing well <3 so i saw ships were open again... and i did get one as an anon a while ago, but the format has changed for the 10k so back i am for your amazing writing <3

i'd love to be shipped with someone from the boys!! (i do feel bad requesting for specific characters even though it's incredibly easy to see who i want to smooch in this show. i love them all though and above all love to see authors get creative. go crazy go bonkers. ok with any character but the deep, homelander, stormfront, and firecracker.)

i'm a bi & ace jewish brazilian girl, 1.72m tall, with long, straight, brown hair (that i've always thought about dying but always chickened out of). no tattoos, even though i have a list of which ones i'd get and what do they mean. i'm from brazil but currently go to college in new york, majoring in theatre and minoring in translation. i'm fluent in portuguese and english, learning french, and have the life objective of becoming a polyglot.

i'm in love with theatre, literary analysis, linguistics, music, writing, and art in general — will absolutely ramble about anything i am interested in, and also might have strong opinions on stuff that maybe i didn't need to have a strong opinion on 💀 i can get a bit combative about that at times... i definitely take as my biggest skill, besides singing and acting which are quite literally my intended job (i want to be a musical theatre actress), eloquence and just my way with words (toxic trait is believing i'd talk my way out of a murder fr fr). friends that know me more recently would even say i'm an extrovert because of that, but honestly i am a pile of nerves of an introvert with social anxiety that simply loves yapping and putting on a show. most notable quirk/habit might be how precise i always am with finding the right words because i simply cannot leave an opening for misinterpretation (and that's on anxiety and a suspicion of undiagnosed adhd oops); that might lead me to be a bit picky (for the lack of a better word), specific, and/or literal with the words other people use as well.

other tidbits: i can't cook for shit, i love cats (i have a rescue named lily) but also like dogs a lot, i love kids and have been told i'm good with them. i'm crazy lucky for some reason and i love crime comedy movies. i'm almost always writing or thinking about writing but i can't ever finish a project (and you may have realized by now i write too much). i love arts & crafts & other manual activities, i do knot friendship bracelets to de-stress. my default hangout with anyone ever is grabbing coffee. i'm also pretty proud of my music taste — from alt rock to 40s-50s music, love curating the vibes and i'm a bit of a playlist freak. also i would 100% show brazilian music (mostly rock and mpb, brazilian popular music) to whoever i'm paired with 💥🇧🇷

when it comes to love life oh boy i am a disaster — the two situations i have ever gotten myself into were the objective hottest girl i know and the weirdest guy i've ever come across (and both are my good friends atm). for me doing something creative, like a project together, is the quickest way to bond; and being in cahoots with someone is the deepest form of connection. let's ramble about our interests, be weird together, cause a diplomatic crisis, watch a movie, write something, idk.

this was LOOONG but i hope it's not too much and it gives you plenty of material to write with!! thank you so much for carrying the the boys fandom on your back enna <3

Annie is actually blown away by both your love of and intelligence with languages. She's always trying to learn both Portuguese and French sayings (mostly nicknames/"I love you") to surprise you. She loves the look of joy on your face when you realize what she's trying to say. Her pronunciation could use some work, but it's still very adorable

It melts Annie's heart when she sees you around children. She knows it can be a lot, with kids and their parents running up to her, asking her for pictures, showing off their Starlight costumes. She would understand it got a little exhausting. But you have never minded, instead you ask them questions and make them laugh, telling them they're little superheroes, too

Annie feels like she can truly be herself around you. After all those years with the religious conventions and the time she spent with Vought, she was never allowed to be herself. She couldn't show off her real laugh that's squeaky and high-pitched. She couldn't swear as a teenager or say all the crude jokes she thought of. With you, though, she can let loose. She doesn't have to uphold this image like she's had to her whole life

You and Annie are as equally terrible at cooking. You make a plan to cook together, learning recipes and measurements. Sometimes the food gets burned, or worse, under cooked, and a few times you've had to split it out, wondering where you went wrong? But, overall, it builds your skills together and it makes you feel better about your lack of skills

Annie comes to every show you're in at least three times. She'll bring Hughie and Kimiko first, then M.M. and Frenchie, and the third time she goes along, wanting to see you in your glory, feeling like this moment belongs to her. She shows up with flowers every time and tells you parts and songs she's loved as if you hadn't spent weeks practicing lines and songs with her. She's so proud of you, she can't contain herself. She definitely happy cries at the end when you take your bows!

Want to request a ship?

My love!!!! I hope you like it!!!! :D Xoxoxo💜💜💜💜

[hypergamiss]

Not an ask but I do need a pick me up. I’m 18, my parents kept me away from boys and now that I’m dating I feel like everyone is not serious and thinks I’m a just a hook up I’m on tinder I think that’s where people go to find boyfriends but idk. I think it’s stupid because I don’t present myself that way i dress modest I don’t cuss so i don’t understand why they just think im a hook up. If you have some pointers on what I should do differently that’d be amazing they don’t have to be older although I do think the guys at my college only want a hook up too…idc for money or should I? Should I be hypergamous I don’t think that possible for a dark skin woman like me coming from a upper middle class family I think it’s harder for me also to date older bc I think someone who’s 25 or older would want nothing to do with me who 18 rightfully so I’m not saying I’m not attracted to them but what value would I bring…. Ig I do need help ig the whole run down on dating. I think people only talk about what to do in relationships instead of giving advice on how to find such relationships how would we use the advice people give us if we don’t know where to find such men. Most men my age just want hook ups I mean I can’t blame them it’s college.

Thank you in advance sorry for being naive or depressing

Any guy will TRY to hook up regardless if you’re a classy lady or not. They will literally try to bang a hole in the wall if they could lol. Their testosterone is through the roof and driving them insane. They will have the audacity to say and do things that they will later regret because they’re young, and it still happens when they’re older but not as often since they learn self control. After reading your message I don’t get the feeling that you think your an “it girl.” I think you should focus on boosting your confidence up or these men will run you over. You have to be so confident that you don’t question yourself as much and run them over instead when they don’t meet your standards. If you want to care about money that’s completely up to you. Typically things will go a lot better when a man is financially stable but your age group is so young so that won’t be happening for a while. If you date this young you have to accept that a man won’t be able to treat you to really nice dates and gifts. They might even be asking you to split the bill if they ask you out. I think you need to prioritize the relationship that you have with yourself first and then secondly entertain the idea of going on dates and meeting guys. There are very few guys who are worth dating in college and you can’t really expect them to propose at that age either. The ones who are more likely to be loyal will be the nerds, the athletes will 9/10 not be loyal even if they’re in a relationship. Also, your skin color does not matter when trying to date up. Once you have your confidence up you attract the type of men you would want to date a lot more than actually finding them. It’s not always about looking it’s more about making yourself available and blocking out the ones you should ignore.

[rocknrolloccultist93]

It just dawned on me that I genuinely can't understand why people take photos anymore. A day or two ago I was fucking around on my old DS, the power was out because we got new breakers or something, idk. Took a few crunchy photos on it, but the thing was... I looked at that stuff every day. I don't need a photo of it, and even if I didn't look at that stuff every day it'll just stay in my photo library never to be seen like every other picture I have. There were other photos on it ofc from when I was a kid, but they didn't mean anything. In fact I'd go as far to say that they mean considerably less to me now than the time I took them. They're nothing special. Just the old, soulless house with my bedroom decorated the way my mother wanted (as it always was, I had no choice in the matter) shortly before we moved, some photos of the highway, my dinosaur toys. The most interesting thing about them is that they're old. I don't feel anything looking at them, nor any sole image really anymore. Pretty ironic that I hold on so tightly to physical media then, isn't it?

There's a porn store in my town, too. I have no fucking idea how they're still in business, but I hope they stick around for the sole selfish reason that I'd like to visit it someday when i'm not broke. But no one jerks off to centerfolds anymore. Why bother, when there's infinite porn online? And it isn't just a picture, it's video. In motion, sound, color. Even then, if I came across some old dude's porn stash in a yard sale i'd buy it. I'm gay, i'm not even into women, but it's an artifact, right? A piece of an era in which it still mattered.

When Spike went after Vincent that last time, did he ever consider the fact that he set out to kill himself? I don't mean literally. Spike and Vincent are one in the same, they're both desperately trying to find the door to reality. They share the same soul. Spike said it himself, yet at no point did he say "there is no door." Did he, even for a moment, consider those facts, and in the same breath intend to end Vincent's plan, one way or the other, knowing that line of thought would put Spike himself in the line of fire? Did Spike believe that there is a door, and that only one of them could walk through it?

Looking at these old photos, am I Lain, unable to understand why having a body is so important because I was never meant to have one in the first place, or am I Alice, desperately trying to convince myself of the importance of having a body? Am I Vincent, looking for the door to reality, or am I Spike, knowing there is no door but unable to believe otherwise because my will to live depends on it? Should they matter to me, give me some feeling that is completely untranslatable into speech, therefore justifying their existence, or is the "should" an illusion painted by the expectations of the society that invented the camera? Is there something about a photograph that i've forgotten to be able to pick up on, or was I ever able to feel something from a photograph in the first place? Can I even learn to feel it again, or is it gone for good? If it is, then I must ask the same question. "Why is Vincent still alive?"

Come to think of it, Vicious asks the same of Spike, "Why are you still alive?" At some point in someone's life they realized they played a song, or a movie too many times. You watch it still, knowing you should feel something, but you just don't. Waiting works sometimes, but you don't know how many months or years it'll take. Then should you look for something else to give you that same feeling? Surely you'll run out of high quality media to consume, so should you then stoop to the level of watching complete and utter crap with your relentless hunger for that feeling? Who knows how many lifeless husks of movies and shows you'll leave in your wake, knowing you won't be able to feel anything from them in the end. By "quality" I don't mean whatever bullshit the film industry thinks, I mean artistic quality. Things made out of passion vs. for profit. You may know the difference but your brain doesn't. To your brain it's a stimulating input, nothing more. For every rewatch it gives you less and less dopamine, wether you're watching Lord of the Rings or some shitty early 2000's reality TV. We can only experience these things, emotion, sensation, through our brains, so does it matter what our opinions are, what we know we "should" feel from this specific input, when our brains are physcally incapable of giving us that feeling? Is there a way to trick the brain into giving us that specific feeling for that specific input, regardless of the amount of timess we experience it, or are we all destined to become numb to everything that once held meaning, unable to hold onto that meaning by our own free will?

[hanjnah]

messy thoughts abt bad communication skills:

I will not speak to u right first try just so you know. Obviously I have to put in the work and try to relax and be vulnerable enough to talk as myself, to have conversation at all, which is what I have trouble with, but um it also helps if you are patient with me and keep talking to me so I have the chance to lose the fear. If you give up on me the second I am awkward I will never learn. I have been given this patience before and sort of took it for granted, like I didn’t know how to open up even though kept being given chances to..patience and space to be vulnerable.. I still feel so sad about that. I wish people were patient like that with everyone though, like just generally I think that is a good thing to do. There are disabled people and severely traumatized people and ppl with very bad communication skills or! disability that doesn’t let them develop those skills, um I’m actually all of those, and it never helped me to be ignored when I made mistakes, it did not teach me anything, I didn’t ‘need time to grow’. It fucked me up actually, because I kept being pushed back into isolation, years of my life wasted in it. It helps when u clearly communicate your discomfort to me, what you want and need, if you give me this information that’s when changes and growth within the connection happen.

I just..had so many instances of people either refusing to communicate anything, or just ghosting me, or both. my ex checked out when I turned out to have real needs and trauma and then refused to communicate that discomfort or anything she felt and then also ghosted me in the middle of my getting top surgery and then Also blamed me for all of it like her actions were totally justified. Idk. If you find someone who can’t communicate well and keeps fucking up maybe they’re disabled, have issues with empathy, are autistic, etc. Be aware of this, choose patience and communicate clearly. Often being forced to set boundaries feels uncomfortable and like a form of self betrayal, I think that’s a weakness everyone (including me!) needs to work on. You’re not gonna betray yourself for setting clear boundaries. And if awkwardness has so much power over you that you feel you need to run away the second you feel it, maybe ask yourself why? It feels really good to walk thru awkwardness like it’s just a ghost, and say exactly what u wanna say totally disregarding the tension it wants to create.

my general point is, try to be nice.

[borathae]

DONE WITH ANOTHER EXAM u know what that means???

Chapter 34

fuck where is yoongi 😭😭😭kook come to ur senses please

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

omg im so scared and nervous i wanna cry even tho its kook being scolded

NO DONT KILL HIM WTF YOONGI NO

“Thanks, but I can manage myself. I did so splendidly in the last two weeks” fr

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

Where are those goddamn band aids FUCKING REAL U CAN NEVER FIND IT WHEN U NEED IT and u will find it in the same room, same drawer a week later 🥲

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

“Stupid bathroom!” you yell, throwing another cabinet closed. #justiceforcabinet2024

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

Is that what Jungkook could have too? 😭😭 yoongi pls dont leave again, i wanna be extra proud of kook

oh kook is sleeping for now (wtf i felt like a mama bird for a second there)

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

Now that he is so close again, you have forgotten everything you had wanted to tell him. oh it wasnt just me lol

“Doesn’t matter, I’m back now”, OK THATS IT FOLKS HE IS GOING TO LEAVE AGAIN 😭😭😭

oh a new plant 😭

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

YOONGI BOONGI YAY HE ACCEPTED IT HAHA CUTIE PIE

“Forget it. I didn’t want to do it anyway”, i was cackling until i remembered this is how i act with mom, oh mom im sorry

YAY THEY ARE GOING GROCERY SHOPPING ALL DOMESTIC shit taehyung my baby 😭😭 THE JACKET RAAAAH

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT YOONGLES YOURE A PRETTY MF GOT IT???

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

oh this time he answers her questions properly thats a difference hm

WTF OOF DAMN I - (did ever tell u that i love your writing and this bombastic story?)

It is not every day that you watch someone get beheaded or find out that someone wanted to fuck your dead body fr im still shivering and goosebumps are still there.

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

I’ve just lived long enough to have learned the skill.” Tae: 😃 ALSO IM SORRY YOONGI I LOVE THAT YOU CAME BACK but when is tae getting out?? 👉🏻👈🏻 great TAE MY BABY IM SORRY 😭😭 I CANT DO ANYTHING

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

GREAT HE LEFT AGAIN WHERE ARE U NOW

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

fjasdjf no he was genuinely in the midst of coming back when he suddenly heard the noises and then just came running 😭

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

NO BUT I AM SO :( FOR BOTH OF THEM :((

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

the way you can see the learned guilt in her and in everything she does :(

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

I feel like he is just really nervous and trying not to scare her away with too much movement :(((

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

of course it's the emotions heheh <3 he is in loveeee <3

oh a new plant 😭

HE IS IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

I LOVE HIGMMGMGM

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

jfasdjf me fr fjadsjfa

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

HE IS SO SWEET AND CUTE AND IN LOVEEEEEE

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

no but I love him so much!!!!!!

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

100% :( gosh my boongie :(

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

same same same !!! I love him so much !!!!

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

lmaoa mine was like 2 and my dad 3 kfadkf

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BAHAHHAHAH

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

I LOVE HIM HE IS SO IN LOVEE

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

I genuinely love this chapter so much 😭😭

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

HE IS SO COOL FOR MURDER THOUGH :)

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

lmaooa me

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

I feel like she can JFAJDFJ he is way too smitten for her JFJADSFJ

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

SAME SAME SAME !!!! I LOVE THEMEEEEEE !!

[mouseratz]

idk I'm an unemployed moocher so take it with a grain of salt. but the thing about the concept of "work no one wants to do" ......I think about how I genuinely feel more at peace cleaning up an animal's or kid's disgusting mess over the useless busywork schools gave out- the first feels like, while I am not enjoying it, I am doing something very necessary, and the task is finishable, with a clear end goal & change (the area we live in or the animal/person I'm helping is Clean and safer from illness and more comfortable) vs schoolwork I found extremely boring over topics we had already covered/was just given out to make you shut up during class (I don't feel like I'm learning anything, I'm wasting my time and energy and focus on something I have no interest in and already understand well enough, and I spend the whole time thinking, why am I doing this? who is this for? because it's not for me!) *

*i do think sometimes schoolwork that is repetitive or boring can still help you learn in the long run, especially with aspects like memory and practice, but that still just isn't the case of all schoolwork you get.

I guess the thing is. I have a tolerance for some level of boredom and discomfort and even disgust for tasks if I know there's a desirable, necessary, or functional end result of what I've done (even if it's still difficult to Start Anything even stuff I have fun doing due to the executive dysfunction), but if there isn't, if I can't find a Reason to do something I despise doing, I find it extremely difficult to Keep Doing It. literally "why don't I quit now".

I guess for most jobs the answer is You Need Money To Live, which i mean, Yeah, but I don't blame people for getting bored and frustrated and listless, even depressed, with even "easy" jobs for this reason. for me personally at least I find it very natural to ask myself "what am I doing this for who am I doing this for what end am I doing this to" for even very simple tasks.....so then to think you can have a job that you spend all day at 5 days a week and it all seems to amount to Nothing? how would it not drive you up a wall?

what's going to feel like "nothing" vs "something" is going to vary a lot between person to person, I think, but I don't think it's wrong to want a job or to spend your time doing work that feels like "something", and it seems like a very normal end conclusion to be weary and upset if your job feels like "nothing". it's not a Whiny Complaint just because some jobs are verifiably more miserable and harmful by comparison; it's still a serious emotional and existential drain, and just because there's worse out there in the world at large doesn't mean you can't ask for or hope for anything better.

and on a general note, above work, about life overall- if you aren't allowed to hope for anything better, how do you suppose we're meant to like, want to live? how are you supposed to grow and change? you have to admit what's wrong with Right Now to imagine what a better future looks like, even if your life "isn't that bad" relatively speaking, compared to someone else. idk. I am a whiner I love whining for this reason I think whining and complaining is healthy and the moment you swear it off is the moment you cut off something vital from yourself.

[hildegardladyofbones]

RANT

FUCJ THUs SHIT. FUCK. THIS. SHIT. School is starting on Friday and now I'm actually going to school which will swallow like the majority of would be free time because I have no other choice. But for the past entire week I have had NO MOTIVATION, NO ENERGY and barely inspiration. I gave up. I said fuck this shit ill just try to survive. (And then I went on an impromptu mini trip because I was rotting away in my room completely alone and I knew I needed a restart) and NOW. NOW I HAVE MOTIVATION. for the better HALF of a month I have been DEAD. And now I have all of those things. This is unfair. This is fucking unfair. I'm going to school, and art school and I will be tired and lazy and I will never write those stories and never paint those paintings. And that is honestly why I hate summer. It's cruel how I have nothing going on for the majority of the summer so technically I could be writing and painting and drawing and crafting 24/7 but I physically cannot because I crumble without structure. There are no regular (inevitable) things that I can plan my life around and thus I fall apart. I spent half of July dissasociating and the other half not home. But when I DO have that structure I have no time. I exhaust myself by Friday and then I have to become human again during the weekends. And that takes time. Honestly I do love learning and all that jazz but I sincerely wish I could just not do that. I hate both summer and school and I can live with neither. Because oh boy school will be an obstacle. At least I'm not sharing my classroom with 4 loud boys, instead I'm sharing it with a quiet girl and a mayybbee loud boy? Who the fuck knows because there's another new student again. BUT those 4 loud boys and many more even louder children will still exist around me and they will scream and yell and run and eat and I want to lunch them in the face. I Will need hearing aids by the end of the schoolyear, not because of their noise but because i will try to drown out their noose with my noise. How the fuck am I supposed to function. And my mom is actually pushing the diagnosis thing more than me and if I have learned anything from other tistics, then I know for sure that the process will be hard and tiring and long and I don't want to deal with that. She's quite fond of the idea of finding me someone who can idk help with my misophonia and like help.me exist in the world and I have to invent gods to pray to to not get a condescending doctor. That is why I have not pushing therapy myself at all so far. I had convinced myself that therapy would be something I'm doing once I'm 18 or older because there are wayyy too many therapists that don't give a shit about minors anyway and I feel like I'm constantly having to explain myself anyway because I don't speak the same language as other people apparently. Idfk.

I'm probably over reacting, I would've never done those things anyway

(If you read all that then love ya <1212, if you scrolled last then love ya<1212)

[kaddyssammlung]

BPD / C-PTSD / bad relationship dynamics in Sleep Token lyrics - Part 1

Let's take another topic that I see in the lyrics and just take a closer look.

Of course it's something that I know from my life because it's the only stuff that I ever came up with so far.

Whatever.

So you guessed it: BPD / C-PTSD / strange relationship dynamics....

TW for general mental health stuff I guess

Fields of Elation

“Nobody else can pull me out”

That idealization that I sense in that.

To someone with BPD a partner or their child or anyone can be their perfect "one and only". They are perfect end of story. They can do nothing wrong. Ever!

So only they can pull him out.

“Your name is a sin I breathe, like oxygen”

And there goes the opposite. Either he is ashamed in some way of his feelings because no one else understands them or he has his doubts about weather someone is actually good for him or not.

I do see this as “splitting” or as I usually refer to it "black and white thinking". Someone is either everything to me or they are nothing meaning that they are dead to me. And yes this can change within seconds depending on what they are doing.

Don't reply to one of my text within a certain time? Dead to me! Reply in a nice way immediately: everything to me.

This is in the past btw.

Okay maybe I still have some of that in me. I should talk in the past tense. I'm afraid that at the end of this someone will say: yo...go to therapy again. I think you need it. I had enough of that. So...Idk...just thinking out loud.

When the Bough Breaks

“even when we run with death”

It makes me think about my ex-boyfriend and how we shared some unhealthy coping mechanisms. When your answer to your intense feelings is always something unhealthy and your partner shares that with you, it does not go very well. Let's leave it at that. (I said enough about SH and stuff like that...don't feel like bringing it up again)

Calcutta

“wrapped and quartered … missing pieces find me”

Reminds me of a feeling of not knowing who you are. I don't remember much of my childhood until I was about twelve. Everything is just gone. It's dissociated from me.

“I sweat and I ache for Your eyes and the way you breath … I'm whole again”

It reminds me of relying on someone else. Not in a normal extent but more in a way that you need others to define who you are. Like I said, I don't really know who I am so I crave the attention of someone else. Especially compliments. Maybe this is one of the reason why I liked dancing and standing on the stage so much. Standing there....looking into the crowd and their cheer you and applaud and we also got standing ovations quite often.

I feel like when it comes to BPD and the arts or movies and television or music then you will find many that have that. Idk...that's just my guess.

All of this attention from someone else and he feels whole again. I get that.

Nazareth

“and I'll see you when the wrath comes”

I'm someone who will choose anger over sadness. I recently learned that this is a typical male – BPD- trait. Okay?!

Anyway....that blind rage that used to take over. I don't miss this. Not even a second I would turn into a monster. Scream, slam doors, scream at myself, hit others....myself...mostly myself but yes things happened.....That was a long time ago.

The Way That You Were

“and you think I don't notice the way that you were”

Well...there is no version of myself that I can go back to. It's not like something happened when I was already a bit older. No...a lot happened and it began in early childhood. It's devastating.

“How much did they hurt you?”

idk...let's put an example in here. I was one of those babies who would just cry for hours. So my mother told me that she stopped taking my crying seriously. She thought I cried over nothing and just left me crying.

How can you build trust in other humans when you start out like that?

“and how much did they break you?”

Until I had no idea who I was...?!

“and how far did they take you?”

Let's just say that when your parents are not around much, and you also don't trust them then you open the door for someone with bad intentions.

This whole song just screams early trauma for me. But that's just my way of seeing this.

Jaws

“and why you're taking it slow show me what wounds you've got … show what you've lost”

I don't want to talk about that today. Let's just say trauma and also just read my pinned post and you know what I've lost.

I feel like putting this in here again, what Vessel said about Jaws:

“Our jaws are the tools we have to rend apart. They show our concealed aggression, and take something once hidden and burst it apart. You don't know someone until you have seen them destroy something. Jaws is an exploration of the frustration which accompanies the sense that someone close to you is hiding their true self.”

I have destroyed so many things, actual physical things but of course also so many relationships.

So I can just relate to what he is saying.

I have to prepare some stuff because of Easter and I guess I will continue this next week or when I feel like it. I have so much already anyway. If someone is bored you can klick here.