#so i meant to have it done for july seventeenth but alas

[freckleslikestars]

Mamma Mia! (2008) Soundtrack

(insp. x/x/x)

[heywardsarchive]

If You Loved Me (Sirius Black)

Summary: sirius and y/n were the power couple, until they were not. Their loving relationship turned toxic. Will they be able to save it? Read to find out;)

Warnings: toxic relationship, kinda cheating but not really, injuries (nothing to graphic), angst, alcohol, I think that's it?

Word count: almost 4k

Pairing: Sirius Black x female! Reader

This is the request by fangirl_3004 on wattpad Hi I wanted to request a sirius one-shot where they are like 20 and have been working for the order and have been dating for a few years but he keeps flirting with other girls. So the reader and sirius get into a nasty fight and he says a bunch of mean things to her and they breakup but the reader gets badly injured in an order mission and the next day sirius realises how much he loves her and they make up.

a/n: a big thankyou to @iwritesiriusly​ and @tragically-here​/ @tragedy-of-sorts​ for proofreading this ❤

*****

All schools whether magical or not have that one couple who everyone thought would last forever, in Hogwarts, that couple was Sirius Black and y/n l/n.

Sirius Black had all the girls of the school wrapped around his finger but when y/n came along, Sirius was whipped, he was wrapped around her finger. They didn't start dating immediately no, Sirius had to prove himself before he managed to get a first date. And boy was he over the moon!

Their first date was simple, a picnic near the black lake (where the rest of the marauders were definitely spying on them) the skipped rocks on the water and just basked in each other's company, by the end of the date Sirius was convinced that he had found the woman he was going to marry one day.

He lay in his bed in the dormitory and gushed about the date to James, Remus and Peter. They pretended to fake gag and passed comments like , "oh no we've lost our pads to the other side, abort mission abort mission!" But they were truly happy that their friend had found someone who he loved and only hoped that she would give him the love that he doesn't get at home.

Soon they finished their seventh year at Hogwarts, it was bittersweet going home in the scarlet train for the last time in seven years, they would miss their school but their life had just begun. Sirius and y/n had been dating for about two years then and they decided to move in together, it was only fitting since they were utterly and truly in love and besides, sirius had inherited one of his uncle alphard's homes in London which was conveniently near where Lily and James were going to live.

Everything went swimmingly for a few years and in 1979 Lily and James got married in an intimate but beautiful ceremony. Everyone tried to stay happy in a time where things were dark. The dark lord called voldemort was rising and gaining support, it was only a matter of time before a war broke out.

Lily, James, Remus, Peter, Sirius and y/n had joined the order of the pheonix, an organisation started to by Dumbledore in order to stop the growth of the dark lord.

But like they say not everyday is the same, sirius and y/n started growing apart, unnoticed by them too. Their weekly date nights started becoming monthly date nights, work commitments and other such things came in the way. Still everyone believed that they were meant to be.

"Sirius, I will be away for a week." Y/n told Sirius one night, she had been called for a rescue mission by the order, her medical skills were required. "Don't worry love, I'll be fine." He reassured her with a pat on the cheek.

Early the next morning, y/n had her things packed and she was ready to go. She kissed Sirius goodbye and apparated to Scotland.

That evening Sirius sat down on the sofa, and opened his work file. He tried to get his work done but his mind kept wandering. He sighed and shut his file and closed his eyes. It was pointless just sitting around and he thought he may as well enjoy his Friday night. All his friends were wrapped up in their own business and he didn't want to disturb them.

He put on his leather jacket, the one y/n had got for him on his seventeenth birthday, and headed out of the door. He walked the streets of London and wandered into a bar. A few drinks wouldn't hurt. He sat down at the bar table and drank a few shots. He looked around the room, it was crowded and reeked of alcohol. Couples stood there making out in the back and others danced in the middle with their sweaty bodies pressed against each other due to the lack of space.

As Sirius watched the scene, a pretty brunette girl with electric blue eyes walked up to him. "Care for a dance?" She looked him up and down and asked. Sirius was about to decline but then decided to go for it. What did he have to lose anyway? It wasn't like he was cheating or anything, it was just one dance right?

He allowed the girl to pull him to the dancefloor. There he drank a few more shots and danced like there was no tomorrow. Soon it was midnight, sirius decided it was time to leave. As he was about to head out, the girl who's name sirius did not know decided to kiss him. Sirius almost kissed back but then y/n's face flashed in his mind and he pulled away quickly. "I can't do this." He said almost hesitantly and rushed out of the club.

He sat down on the sidewalk and put his hand on his head. Sirius couldn't understand why he almost kissed back when he absolutely in love with y/n. He shook his head, stood up and apparated home. His head couldn't handle it along with the alcohol.

He spent the next week buried in work, trying to distract his mind from thoughts he wished he didn't have.

It was on Friday night when y/n finally returned. A distinct pop sound echoed through the room. Sirius rushed out to greet her. He was dressed messily, his hair tousled from laying on the bed and his shirt wrinkled. "Hello love, you're back." He smiled wrapping his arms around her in a hug. As he took in her familiar scent, he realised that what happened at tha bar was a mistake and there was nothing wrong with his love for the girl in his arms.

He pulled away to take in her appearance. She had a few cuts and bruises littering her arms and face, otherwise she looked fine. "How was the mission?" Sirius asked, his grey eyes brewing with concern.

"It was fine." Y/n shrugged. "Managed to get hold of a few death eaters and interrogate them." She pulled Sirius info another embrace and sighed. "it's good to be home." A simple statement such as that made sirius feel extremely guilty. He had to tell her what happened. Not then, soon. He would tell her.

Sirius spent many a sleepless night with the guilt eating him from inside. He decided that it was time he came clean.

He woke up before y/n the next morning and drank his coffee, and made her a cup too. Soon y/n came down the stairs rubbing her eyes tiredly. "You're up early." She pressed a kiss to his cheek before drinking a glass of water and eyeing him carefully. "What's wrong?"

Sirius looked up as though he had been snapped out of a trance. "Uh with me? Nothing. Why do you ask?" He stuttered nervously.

"Don't lie to me siri, I can read you like a book." She spoke with such tenderness in her eyes that sirius wanted to slap himself for being so stupid and almost kissing the blond girl back in the bar. Well, he had to tell her. It was now or never.

"Actually something is bothering me. Remember when you left for the mission a few weeks back?" Y/n nodded. "Well that night I went to a bar, because I was unable to concentrate and-"

"You're guilty because you went out to drink without me? Oh sirius that's nothing to worry about!" Y/n cut him off.

"No, that's not it. Let me continue. So I drank a few shots and got a bit tipsy and soon I ended up on the dance floor. Now, before you hear this I want you to know that I'm very guilty about what happened." At these words y/n's brows furrowed and she looked at sirius intently.

"I was about to leave when a blond girl who was dancing in the group I was in kissed me. I didn't kiss her back though-" Sirius defended himself.

A series of expressions flashed through y/n's face. First sadness, hurt and betrayal. "Did you think about kissing back?" She gripped the counter top hard, her knuckled turned white.

"I- I didn't kiss her back! Please understand y/n! I love you I would never hurt you this way." He tried to defend himself reaching out to hold her hand.

"No! Answer my question. Did you think of kissing back? Be honest." She looked firm and sirius knew he couldn't lie to her.

"I- ok yes I did. But I didn't. Your face flashed in my head and I couldn't bear to do anything more. So I pushed her away and left that instant." He said honestly. Sirius looked at y/n hoping that she'll forgive him, now that he was honest. But all he was met with was her steely gaze eyeing him sharply.

"I thank you for your honesty. I really do appreciate it. But the fact that you almost kissed her back speaks volumes. I think it's better that you give me some space to think." She spoke calmly. The calm before the storm. Sirius wished she yelled at him, and eventually forgave him but alas, that didn't happen.

**** July 1980

Lily and James were blessed with a beautiful baby boy whom they named Harry. He had his mother's stunning green eyes and his father's dark hair. He was the light that lit up a dark room, or in the case of the marauders and lily and y/n, their dark lives.

Things were not looking up for sirius and y/n's relationship. After y/n asked for space, she pondered over whether the relationship she had with Sirius was worth fighting for or not. She loved the man, ofcourse she did not know if he would stay faithful to her forever, that was just one incident. Who knows how many would occur? But eventually she gave in and decided to mend their broken relationship.

January 1981

The happiness of sirius and y/n's mending relationship didn't last long. In the order, Sirius was obviously the attraction of many single women, they all flirted with him hoping to catch his eye. He ignored their attempts at first, but after a fight with y/n over a trivial matter he decided to flirt back just to spite her.

Their relationship was getting toxic. Everyone could see it. Sirius and y/n would fight over small things and in retaliation, sirius would flirt with other girls. It became so bad after a point that the two of them wouldn't even look at each other for weeks at an end.

James, Remus and Lily were worried about their friends. Everyone thought that their fights would stop but it only got worse.

One day Lily and y/n had a girls day in (with Harry ofcourse, y/n loved her godson) and she voiced her concerns to the (h/c). "Im worried about you, love. All you and Sirius do is fight. And when you fight he goes out and flirts with other girls. Don't you think it's time you break things off with him? Or try fix your differences?" She reasoned placing a hand on her knee.

Y/n sighed and placed her head on top of Harry's, who was sitting on her lap. "I have thought about it ofcourse, but I still love him." "Even after everything I love him. And besides, if we break up what will happen to our friend group? I love you and James and Remus and Peter, it's just that I may never see you again if we separate." "And if I'm being honest, I still have a small bit of hope that the old sirius will return, the one I fell in love with."

Lily pulled the girl into a hug. She was sobbing at this point and Lily wanted nothing more than to end her hurting. "Talk to him. Make him understand, if you can't leave him, try to get him to understand." She said still holding y/n in a hug.

She sniffed. "You're right. I'll talk to him."

*******

June 1981

Y/n never did get around to talking to Sirius. She kept putting it off and avoiding the topic as much as she could. Everytime she would meet Lily, she would tell her the same thing and y/n gave the same reply. "I will, eventually."

Disaster fell upon the group when the dark lord decided that Harry was the baby who was destined to kill him. Since he was on the lookout for James and Lily, they had to go into hiding. Peter was made the secret keepers, the world belived it was sirius but no one knew of the real secret keeper.

The order was on high alert and most of the members were killed or in hiding. The last few remaining were Remus, y/n, Peter and Sirius among others. Due to this, sirius and y/n didn't have much time to fight with each other which was a nice change to their lives.

It all came crashing down once again when Dumbledore approached y/n to go on a mission, a dangerous one to find out who the traitor in the order was. She agreed, anything to figure out who the awful human was who decided to give information about lily and James and pose a threat to their safety. She graciously agreed.

Sirius was furious when he got to know that she agreed to such a dangerous mission. "Are you insane?!" He slammed the door shut. He was running his fingers angrily through his dark hair. "What do you mean?" Y/n asked him.

"You took the mission bloody well knowing it was a suicide mission. You won't survive this!" He slammed his fist on the table.

"Oh so now you care about me?" Y/n slammed her book shut and stood up and jabbed her finger in his chest. "After so long! Did you not care about me earlier? When you flirting with all those girls!" She screamed, equally fumed.

"STOP CHANGING THE TOPIC!" Sirius yelled.

"All we do is fight Sirius, I can't take it anymore." Y/n replied in a small voice.

"What?" Sirius asked, his anger melting away. "What do you mean?"

"I think it's better if we just end it. Right here. Right now. It's best for both of us." Her voice broke.

"No you can't, you can't just walk away!" Sirius cried out. But y/n didn't reply. She shook her head and apparated away. It was then when Sirius allowed him to think about all the months they spent fighting and it hit him of how bad a boyfriend he had been.

*****

October 1981

Four months. That's how long it had been since y/n walked away from sirius that day. Three months since she went on the mission to find out who the traitor was. Sirius was broken without her. He couldn't meet his best friend, and so the only person left was Remus who was probably tired of hearing Sirius repent for his mistakes.

Sirius regretted everything he had said to y/n everyday since she left. He barely left his house, he had become the shell of the man he once was and it was all his fault. He wondered if she was as hurt as he was, but another part of him hoped she was doing okay, he never wanted to break her heart which he swore to himself he would keep forever. He kept an eye out for letters from Dumbledore, or anyone for that matter hoping to get a shred of information of where y/n was and if she was safe, well as sage as she could be.

As for y/n, she apparated to her parents house after she left sirius in their house. She cried herself to sleep for a week but once she had no tears left to cry, she decided that it wasn't worth crying over someone who didn't appriciate her worth. She started preparing for her mission and spending as much time as she could with her parents because there was a chance she would not return in one piece from the mission.

******

Finally a few days later on October 27 1981, he recieved a letter from Dumbledore telling him that it was urgent and that Sirius had to arrive at the location with Remus that very instant.

The two of them arrived at the order safe house a few minutes later and rushed in. "What's the matter professor? Is everything alright?" Remus questioned but sirius' eyes were fixed on the bed in one of the bed rooms where he could see y/n's figure resting on the bed.

"What happened to her?" Sirius questioned urgently interrupting whatever conversation was going on between Remus and Dumbledore. "Ah. I knew you would ask. Well, y/n figured out who the traitor was but unfortunately she was cornered and attacked in an isolated alley, there were no eyewitness and so there is no way to know who did it to her."

Sirius' eyes widened and he was about to go rushing to y/n's side, but Dumbledore stopped him by placing a hand on his wrist. "Don't you want to know who the traitor was?" Dumbledore asked. Sirius and Remus nodded. "Peter." Dumbledore looked disappointed.

"Peter!" Remus cried out in disbelief. "How could he do such a thing? We trusted him with our life!"

"Im going to kill him. Look what he did to her!" Sirius said angrily.

"You don't have to." Dumbledore started. "Y/n already took care of him. When she found out what he did, she cursed him and he's now in ministry authority."

With that Dumbledore left. Sirius and Remus stood there staring holes into the ground. "Do you think, she'll forgive me?" Sirius asked Remus sadly. "I think I realised how much I love her after she left me." He gulped. "You dug yourself in this hole, now you get yourself out." Remus clapped his shoulder and entered the room where she lay, unconscious.

Sirius stood outside for a while before he decided to enter the room. There was healer with her who kept an eye on her heart rate. "Whats happening madam?" He asked the woman. She sighed and rubbed a hand against her forehead. "Hard to say, she was attacked pretty badly. She may remain in this comatose state for a week, a month, she may not even make it."

The words died in sirius' throat. Not make it? She couldn't just die? Y/n was the strongest woman he knew. He couldn't live with himself if the last conversation they had was them fighting. He swallowed the lump in his throat and sat down beside her bed. He held her hand and observed her face. The sunlight fell on her face and highlighted her features. He pushed away a bit of hair from her face and took in his peaceful y/n looked albeit she was covered in cuts and bruises.

*****

December 1981

It had been two months since Peter had been outed as a traitor and in those two months. Y/n was still unconscious and Sirius spent most of his waking hours by her bedside. With the help of veratuserum, Peter had confessed the names of all other death eaters and voldemort's plans. Dumbledore and the aurors were able to figure out a way to kill him and succeeded.

Once it was safe, Lily and James along with Harry came to visit y/n. "You look terrible mate." James said pulling his best friend into a hug. It had been almost a year since the two saw each other last. "Yeah well, I certainly feel terrible." He said honestly. James gave him a sympathetic glance before joining Lily who was sitting at sirius' spot beside y/n. She looked devastated at seeing her best friend in such a state. James smiled at her sadly while Harry babbled happily to himself.

"Are you all family?" Rushed in the healer who had been treating y/n.

"Yes, why?" James asked curiously.

"We have bad news. We have checked miss y/l/n's reports and if she doesn't wake up soon, she may not make it. " She said sadly.

Tears welled up in the eyes of everyone present there. It was hard to see y/n who was always so happy and bubbly lie there on a bed unconscious and almost dead. Sirius knelt before her. "I know we fought before you left, but please wake up. I can't live without you, I realised how much I loved you only after you left. Come back to me, to us I swear I'll be better. Please y/n/n." He kissed her hand that was slightly cold.

Call it dramatic, but a few moments after that y/n's eyes fluttered open. "Sirius?" She said softly. She looked pale and her eyes didn't have the shine they used to.

"Where am I? Did they catch Peter?" She asked confused. Lily reached forward and hugged her friend tightly. "You're in the order safe house, you've been here since the past two months. You're okay now, and they caught Peter. Soon all this will be over." She smiled happily.

Y/n sighed happily. Her gaze fell on everyone in the room but when it landed on Sirius, her smile fell a bit. "I think we should talk about what happened earlier." Y/n said to him. "No! You've just woken up, you're still weak." He protested. "I think it's better we get this over with." She said firmly. Sirius sighed and walked over to her. Everyone else left the room.

"Im sorry about the way I acted, I was scared for you." Sirius started. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did. Im sorry I hurt you so bad, it wasn't my intention. I promise I will never ever hurt you again." He finished earnestly.

"How do I know I can trust you again? You promised you loved me the first time and yet you did it again and again. We were toxic for each other Sirius, I don't think we're good for each other." Y/n told him.

"I understand how you feel but if you give me a chance to prove myself, I swear I'll be better." He grabbed her hand.

She sighed and sirius started to lose hope. "This is the final chance I'll give you. I want to be friends first, and take it from there. I don't promise you anything." A small smile played on her lips.

Sirius wanted nothing more than to be loved by her, as a friend or as a lover. That evening, all five friends sat together talking like they were back in Hogwarts and nothing was wrong.

Maybe everything would be fine.

******

A/n: ngl i was planning to tweak the request and kill off the reader but I felt nice and decided against it, you're welcome 😌

taglist (strikethroughv means tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you): @emilianamanson @itsarandomsparkle​