#so i tried it with the greek and voilà

[nya-vivi]

Not to be that person but hoyoverse has transcribed Charlotte's constellation wrong and I can't bear to even look at it.

The word is from Greek and they transcribed 'hualina' instead of 'hyalina'. υ is pronounced like a y or a French u.

They really have to use the obscurest words 💀

[mamibaddie]

When The Heart Beats || Vampire!Eddie Munson x Reader

Chapter 1: The Wicked Grasp of Grief

Summary: Reader unknowingly makes a deal with the Devil.

Authors note: hey everyone! This is my first chapter for this story. I had talked about it in a post and voilà, here it is. I’m very excited about this story, it’ll have some elements from some of my favorite vampire movies like; Salem’s Lot, Dracula, and possibly The Lost Boys. I was also inspired by a certain Greek Mythology story. 👀 I was inspired by people coming up with the theory that Eddie could possibly come back as Kas in DND. However, I don’t know a thing about DND so it’s very loosely based on that. I don’t consent to my story being posting any where else or translated. Without further ado, let’s get into the story!

Warnings: Blood, violence, death, both religious and non-religious elements (same as any other vampire story) and some angst. 18+ only please!

You don’t know how long you’ve been staring at your wall. Unmoving, only being kept conscious by the shallow breaths your tears allowed you to take. You’re sitting in the middle of your room. Dawn starting to break into the sky and seep into your room through the cracks of your shades in your windowpane. You finally blink and if it weren’t for the tears, your eyes would be incredibly dry. You look down at your hands and clothes, stained with blood. His blood.

Whenever you close your eyes you can still see him. Eddie. Your Eddie. Laid on the ground, blood coming out of his mouth and tears flowing down his cheek. He was littered with bite marks and cuts from the Demobats that sunk their fangs into him. It wasn’t meant to be this way. You two were supposed to graduate together, then heading out on a road trip around the country. You can still hear him gently whispering, “I love you.” With his last breathe.

You kept shaking him, at first whispering his name. Then the whisper became a stern tone, then became a rippling scream. You refused to believe he was gone. Dustin, clearly broken and grieving, tried to pull you away. “We have to find Steve.” As if Steve had the magic potion to bring him back to life.

You’ve been on autopilot ever since. You blinked and suddenly you were in the shower. Not knowing when or how you got in. You lazily spread the bubble-soaked wash cloth over your body. You looked to the right of you to see his shampoo and body wash. Both a crisp, fresh apple scent.

The more you thought back to the previous hours, the stranger it became. After the tear rippled through the entire Upside Down, effecting Hawkins, you all made your way back to Eddie’s body; still there, still warm. “We need to bring him back up.” You said. About to lift his body up and ask Steve to grab his legs when Nancy replied. “There’s no way we’ll be able to do that. We’ll do good getting ourselves back up there.” “Well, we can’t just leave him down here like this.” Dustin croaked. You close your eyes and wipe your hands over your face. Streaks of Eddie’s blood on your forehead and cheeks. “We aren’t. Just for now, until we bring the right supplies to bring him back up there.” You couldn’t believe it. You felt so helpless. It didn’t sit right to just leave him down here. In the cold, dark, and empty nothingness. “No.” You said shaking your head. “You try to lift him up but you don’t have the strength. Your mental won’t allow you, let alone your physical. But that won’t stop you from trying. “Y/N… he’s dead weight. He’s much heavier to carry than you think…” Nancy said. She walked over to you and gently put her hand on your shoulder. “I know how you feel. We’ll make this right. As much as we can. But for now. Let’s regroup tomorrow and think of what supplies we may need.” With that you shook your head. Gently laying him back down, balling up your jacket to place underneath his head. You give him a kiss on the forehead before you go. Your very last kiss.

—————————

Eventually you all made your way back to Hawkins through the crack and that’s when you faded out only to come to staring at your wall in your room. You walked out of the bathroom and into your room. The light beginning to pour into your room. You shut your blinds and it was practically dark. It was still and quiet. Normally, Eddie would��ve spent the night. You two cuddled and snug in your bed. Either a movie like Nightmare on Elm Street or Poltergeist playing on your tv.

You couldn’t sleep. You tossed and turned but every time you closed your eyes, you just seen him. You got up and went to the door of your bed. You grew up in a religious household. Having went to church every Sunday growing up. You weren’t a particularly religious person due to what you have witnessed from people at your church and in society. Some people thought they were superior to those who didn’t think like them or act like them. It effected the way you viewed religion as a whole. However, you needed a miracle. Whether it was your grief or being in denial, you got on your knees, clasp your hands together and swallowed your pride. “…hey God…. It’s me.” You cringe. It’s been a while since your prayed and you didn’t know what to say. “I know I haven’t been in touch with you but I need a miracle. Please God….or whoever is listening….Please bring me back my Eddie, my love.” You started to break down in tears, sobbing. “I don’t… I can’t … do this without him. If you bring him back… I’ll do whatever… I’ll be devoted to you…. Just please.” You were pleading on your knees. The carpet burned into your skin. Your bones became stiff with how long you stayed in that position, wishing, hoping, praying that a higher power would hear your pleads.

You didn’t know it but someone…something…was listening, watching, lurking. In the dark abyss where souls don’t rest. A wounded but alive spell caster has heard your cries, has felt your suffering. And it’s almost at an end.

Taglist: @lunar-flwr @capmedusa @celestixldarling

[hardskz]

a penny for your thoughts.

pairing — han jisung x female! reader

genre — trope inversion of the soulmate au, college au, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff-ish, smut; oral, possessiveness kink, praise kink, safe word, size kink, first time

synopsis — life isn’t easy when you belong to the 1% of the world population that has a soulmate, know who your soulmate is and happen to be utterly in love with said soulmate’s best friend. alternatively, jisung can hear all of your unfiltered thoughts and has heard enough of your horny fantasies to the point where he wants to throw up, so he takes matters in his own hands. 

note — i think i’m gonna cry this work is my 11k word BABY i’ve never been THIS invested over a fic. this is purely self-indulgent and an emotional rollercoaster ride if you ask me. this fic is all over the place it’s chaotic and i apologize in advance for many italics you are welcome i hope you CRY and SUFFER with me because completing this bitch was a midlife crisis in itself. that being said, i appreciate any form of constructive criticism so pls go ahead and rip my baby apart sdkjl

“You’re staring again,” Hyunjin notes. Seungmin and Jeongin stifle a burst of laughter while Felix, whose head is resting on Hyunjin’s lap, sends you a look that resembles Candace from Phineas and Ferb whenever she finds her brothers creating some whacky futuristic shit, laughs like a madman and then resumes to call her mother with an ear-splitting MOOOM! because she’s so certain that her brothers are busted this time.

“Am not,” you huff as you tear your eyes away from the guy just sitting a little bit farther away from you, basking in the warm glow of the sun. Today he’s sitting in the perfect angle, giving you the best view on his side profile. His signature cap is perched right on top of his head but even then, you can see how his eyes brighten up and how the corners of his lips tug upwards as he laughs at his friend’s joke.

“You’re a worse case than the Mary Sue protagonist of every romance anime ever.” Seungmin snorts before he playfully nudges your side with his shoe. “Just say you want Seo Changbin to bang you and go.”

“Hey! We have a child present!” Hyunjin chastises, to which Jeongin rolls his eyes.

“I’m not a child. We’re all in fucking college.”

“Fine, not a child then. The baby has been corrupted! Don’t swear, it sounds so wrong coming from you!”

“Shut up. It’s called freedom of speech!”

“It’s ‘shut up Hyung’ to you!”

Felix groans in distress and is probably rethinking his life choices. Seriously, what does Felix, resident hopeless romantic, see in Hyunjin? Sure, he’s good-looking and a great friend when he’s not bitching around or hovering over the nearest trash can after taking too many shots. But a romantic? Please, Hyunjin can’t even eat without making a mess out of his shirt.

“I don’t want him to bang me,” you mutter and receive a collective ‘yeah sure’ look. “Fine, I don’t want him to bang me only. He’s nice,” you retort before your eyes flit back to him for a millisecond. By now, Changbin has put his hands on the grass and is leaning back, enjoying the sunlight while listening halfheartedly to the other guy blabbering.

“And hot. We get it. Now get dicked,” Seungmin deadpans, earning flabbergasted looks from everyone and a smack from Hyunjin.

“Show a little more empathy, you dickwad. She’s whipped.”

“Anyway—“ Felix sits up, earning a pout from Hyunjin but he blatantly ignores it, and directs the conversation back to the previous topic before the other two bump heads, “(y/n), you have his number. You’re not strangers, so why don’t you just make a move?”

You glance at him with horror in your eyes. “What do you expect me to do? Ring him up and ask him to hang out with me because I find him cute?”

“Uh, duh? Last time I checked, that’s how you ask someone out.”

“Absolutely not.”

“New idea.” Seungmin butts in. “Why don’t you ask Han Jisung—“

“No.”

“Agreed.” Hyunjin shoots you a nod of approval before Seungmin can start yet another interrogation about your bitter hatred towards Jisung. Jisung, who happens to be said friend of Changbin that is laughing beside him right now. “He must think he’s so much better than us because he’s hanging out with the senior geniuses of the music production major. Then again, Seo Changbin and Bang Chan are on a different level than us commoners.”

“Speaking of Chan,” you quickly say to steer the conversation away from the personification of everything you hate. “Where is he? It’s so weird seeing the trio incomplete.”

This time, Jeongin chimes in. “Haven’t you heard?”

“Heard what?”

“Chan and that one language major — you know, the one who collapsed a while back?” When all he’s met with are clueless faces, Jeongin sighs. “Seriously, you guys should keep up with campus news. I swear, everyone and their mothers already know by now. But anyway, they’re soulmates. It’s also the reason why Chan has been pulled out of the boxing team until the end of the semester and had to cancel their training camp as soon as she broke down.”

Felix does a double-take. “But Chan’s the ace of the boxing club!”

“It is what it is.” Jeongin stretches his legs out, shrugging. “What else is to expect when you have the proximity link and need to be around your soulmate within a certain distance unless you want death?”

“Poor guy. Must be a smack in the face for him, now that he’s got a soulmate and happens to have the worst link one could have.” Seungmin says.

“The tattoos are worse though.” Hyunjin fires back. “I mean, you’re literally born with a tattoo of your soulmate’s name and then grow up knowing that you have one? And even if you never meet them, you won’t have better chances with others if you want some romance. Who in their right mind wants to have a lover who’s got someone else’s name tattooed on them since birth?”

“No one.” You chuckle. “Absolutely no one.”

In another lifetime, another universe, you and Jisung would probably be on better terms. He’s sunshine on legs and looks decent from an objective point of view.

In another lifetime, another universe, you’d like to believe you’re childhood friends and have been neighbors ever since your first shit in your diapers. Perhaps you would be clowned from being inseparable once in a while, but you’d go with it and then shrug it off as if it was nothing.

In another lifetime, another universe, you’d like to believe that being soulmates doesn’t equal the downfall of two people. Sure, the fact that people are bound to each other and the danger of growing too dependent on that person remains, but it probably won’t be so frowned upon. Probably. Hopefully.

However, as much as you want to twist it, another lifetime is not this lifetime, the reality.

In reality, you and Jisung are only neighbors because the universe has some kind of inexplicable hatred towards you. Seriously, you must’ve done something wrong in your previous life to be punished in this one. And because the universe has sadistic tendencies and loves to make you suffer, the laws of the universe are just as equally fucked up.

The concept of soulmates is a lot of things, but most of all, it’s a mystery. There are endless possibilities for soulmate links, not all of them discovered. And unlike popular belief, soulmates do not have to necessarily share the same link. So voilà, even more fuckery from the universe.

There’s only one reason that justifies your wholehearted, unfiltered hatred towards Han Jisung. Well, only one reason that seems justified in this lifetime.

The tattoo is simple; just fine black characters under your collarbone that are nicely hidden under high-cut shirts.

But the fact that it’s his name tattooed on you since birth remains.

“Let me crash here for the night.”

“No.”

“Let me crash here for the night, please.”

“My answer is still no.”

The exasperation is plastered on Jisung’s face as he tries to keep his temper in check. Truth be told, it’s damn satisfying seeing him wanting to rip your head off but refraining to do so. Perhaps you’re enjoying this more than you expected at one o’clock in the morning. For the past five minutes, Jisung has been asking you to let him stay over for the night. You’d save him out of his misery and help a neighbor out who locked himself out of his apartment at this hour — well, if he wasn’t Han Jisung.

By now, he’s growing more impatient with every further rejection. “Oh come on, all my friends live on the other side of town and you can’t expect me to ask the old grandma next door! At this rate, I’m gonna freeze to death overnight!”

“Then go break a window or something,” you deadpan, ignoring the dramatic hand gestures he’s making to accentuate his words.

“The fuck? I’m not going to break into my own place.”

Not wanting to draw out the pointless conversation any longer, you’re about to slam the door shut when he blocks your action with his foot. “C’mon, just this one night. Please.”

He’s not budging anytime soon. His bullheadedness reminds you of Seungmin, who always tries to get Hyunjin wasted whenever you attend those Greek frat parties. Seungmin, who always succeeds in getting Hyunjin wasted, followed by Hyunjin hugging a bucket for the next few hours as he tries to get over the hangover. With a defeated sigh, you gesture Jisung to come inside and don’t wait for him until he’s taken his shoes off at the entryway.

“Look, I know you don’t like me—“

“Well, ‘don’t like’ is putting it very lightly—” you scoff once he’s caught up to you in the living room. It’s not exactly spacious; the couch takes up most of the room and college assignments are spread all over the minuscule coffee table.

“You could at least treat me like a decent human being.”

That statement is enough to get your ears flaming. You whip your head in his direction, voice getting louder. “How can I when your existence is making my life worse than it already is! And I mean it literally! Just seeing your name whenever I look at myself through the mirror sickens me!”

“Stop acting like you’re the only victim here.” Jisung snaps back in the same manner. If there was a little bit of etiquette in the first place, it has all vanished now. “I’m not having it easier when all I hear from you is the dozen ways you want Changbin to fuck you dumb!”

You freeze.

“Cat got your tongue? It’s already bad enough that you have those kinds of thoughts about my best friend every single day.”

“But I thought— y-you had the proximity link?!” This has to be a joke. A very bad one at that. His proximity link is the very sole reason why you lived next to him. His soulmate link is the only reason why you’ve been stuck together like glue since you could walk.

Jisung taps his foot impatiently, running his hand through his hair. “That’s what I thought too until I started hearing things that nobody said around me. First, it was just a few thoughts every other day, but now you’re like an annoying radio that I can’t switch off.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then? I would’ve—“

“Stopped fantasizing about Changbin’s dick? And then you would’ve jumped to the next person. I don’t care if you like him or not, it’s none of my business. Changbin’s hot, anyone with eyes can tell. Besides, it’s not like you have a chance anyway…”

You feel your blood boiling at his underlying message and cross your arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jisung doesn’t bat an eyelash and says in a mocking tone as if stating the obvious. “No doubt that Changbin will make you feel good. But could you return the favor?”

That’s a low blow. Even for Jisung, that’s a low blow.

“I get that you’ve got a dirty mind. But those are just fantasies. Could you really execute them just the way you had in your head? You don’t even have experience in the first place.”

“If I sucked you off right now, you wouldn’t even be able to speak properly!” God knows what went over you when you countered. At this point, rage has taken over your brain and you don’t even realize what you just said right away. Not that it matters anyway; all you see is red.

Jisung just raises a brow, clearly unimpressed by your outburst. “Prove it,” he challenges casually and then flops himself onto the couch, legs spread wide. It’s an open invitation. “Go ahead, make me see reason with your oh so mind-blowing skills.”

The only thing you’re able to do physically is gape at him. He is joking, right? As if he actually means it—

“I knew it. Shameless in your head but too flustered to say it out loud, let alone following up with your bold statements.”

That seals the deal. You’re fuelled by anger and the desire to prove him wrong as you drop on your knees and are on eye level with his crotch. However, your spirit dissolves the longer you silently stare and realize that you have no fucking clue on what to do. Jisung is painfully aware of that too.

“I’m more terrified than turned on seeing your angry face.” He lets out an exasperated sigh before he pulls you up and directs you to sit on his lap. “Obviously it’s not working when neither of us is in the mood. You gotta get in the mood first,” he mutters, hands settling on your hips.

The look in his eyes is more composed now, but you can tell he’s being observant. As if you have clues written all over your face, he keeps you under his stern gaze. Then his eyes droop lower to your lips and he slowly leans forward.

Not even a second later, you firmly plant your hands on his shoulder and push him back. “No lips.”

If Jisung is judgemental about your sudden stunt, he doesn’t comment on it. “Anything else, your royal majesty?”

You’re too tired to react to his mockery and roll your eyes. “No marks.”

“I can work with that,” he mumbles more to himself rather to you. Then he leans forward again and buries his face in the crook of your neck. Surprised by his actions and new to the unfamiliar sensation, you tense up. Jisung seems to take notice of that too.

“Relax,” he orders, rubbing circles on your hips to help you loosen up.

Well, that’s easier said than done. It’s already bad enough that you’re gradually exposing yourself as the complete amateur you are, and out of all people who could’ve been the first to do any form of sexual advances on you, it just had to be Jisung. Perhaps you shouldn’t have rejected that one kid in high school who was the only one who ever had a crush on you. Even if that kid wasn’t your type and not a serious commitment anyway, maybe you would’ve at least some sort of experience with dick.

“A-ah—“ your breath hitches when he nips on the patch below your earlobe. He smiles against your skin as if he just made some scientific discovery and swipes his tongue on the same spot, eager to make you squirm. Not wanting to slip up anymore, you clamp your mouth shut with a hand.

“Let me hear you, baby. Just relax, I got you.” When the fuck did his voice start to sound lower and raspier? Where did ‘baby’ come from? All rationality and resistance leave your body when he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

The cologne of musk lingers strong on him, almost intoxicating even, and you can’t form a cohesive thought anymore. The only things you are painfully aware of are an arm forcing your chest flush against his and his hot breath all over your neck.

You’re so far gone that you fail to notice that you’ve started grinding on his lap. Jisung moans softly into your neck as he encourages you to move with his hands.

“On your knees, baby,” he whispers after a while. A rush of disappointment runs through your veins once he detaches his lips from you and slides you off his lap, but all of that is forgotten once you see the prominent bulge in his pants.

Right. There’s a reason why you ended up in this predicament in the first place.

Jisung urges you to touch him with a simple nudge. “C’mon, baby. Take it off.”

You don’t waste time discarding his sweatpants. Just when you’re about to tug his underwear off, you notice the wet patch on the fabric. A surge of mischief washes over you as you boldly cupped his hard-on over his boxers, causing an obscenely loud moan from him.

He flinches, definitely not expecting that brashness from you, and throws his head back. “S-stop teasing me already and take that goddamn thing off or God help me what I’m going to do if you push my buttons.”

That. That was a threat. That dealt much more damage to you than you like to admit.

As much as you want to watch him break and see if he’d make his threats come true, you decide against your feelings and hook your fingers under the waistband and tug the fabric down in one swift motion. A groan leaves Jisung as his cock, fully hard and leaking precum, is exposed to the cold air. He’s certainly above average; on the longer side probably, and you’re conflicted on whether to think fuck, I want him in my mouth right now or fuck, how on earth is that supposed to fit into my mouth?!

You don’t get far with your inner conflict when a hand grabs a fistful of your hair and slowly urges you closer. The next thing you know, something is tapping your lips and before you fully register it, the tip of Jisung’s cock lies heavy on your tongue.

You carefully look up and meet Jisung’s hooded eyes. His shirt has ridden up a bit and flashes just a little bit of his toned stomach. That’s just enough of an indicator to see that Jisung is holding himself back, in case his irregular breathing hasn’t been a dead giveaway.

Jisung opens his mouth, about to say something, when you give an experimental suck on his dick. “Do something— f-fuck, a little more, baby.”

That’s enough to build your confidence up. You slowly take in more of his dick, sucking carefully and making sure to cover your teeth. The rest that doesn’t fit in your mouth is barely covered with your hands, and you messily try to coordinate your hands, switching between rubbing the base of his dick to cupping his balls.

“Mmh, use more pressure,” Jisung whispers, not trusting the stability of his voice when you fondle with his balls. A groan leaves him when you suck harder on his cock and switch back to swirling your tongue around. For a total beginner, you are holding yourself up better than he expected. Fuck.

“Focus on the tip fir— hhh- aa-ah...” His brain blacks out for a moment when you swirl your tongue around his tip and dare an experimental hum, the vibrations going straight down to his dick. The grip on your hair loosens, but it’s still firm enough to experience a sharp tug. “You’re doing good baby. So good.”

The combination of his sounds, the decent taste of precum on your tongue and the way his adam’s apple bops is enough to send you into sensory overload. You notice the way Jisung tenses his thighs, as to keep them still. You’re about to pull out completely to prevent your drool from getting on your face. However, before you get the chance to complain, he forces his length back on you that it grazes the back of your throat, nearly making you choke.

“Fuck, I— I’m gonna— s-soon—“ he hisses and you take it as a sign to speed up. At this point, your jaw hurts and a mixture of drool and precum drips down your chin. It’s borderline disgusting if you think about it, but the delectable sounds leaving Jisung compensates for it.

He sharply tugs on your hair, ordering you to pull off, but you slap his hand away. “I’m going to spill in your mouth if you don’t pull off right now—“ Jisung chokes on his words when you interrupt him with a hum as if to say so what? It doesn’t help that you’re looking up at him with teary eyes and a lot of conviction, even though you’re visibly struggling to keep half of his dick in your mouth.

When he cums, it’s accompanied but drawn out moans, and you forcing yourself to swallow the horrible texture. It’s not horrible per se, but you’d gladly refuse to swallow a second time if you were given the choice.

Jisung looks down at you with flushed cheeks and is about to wipe off the drool or cum or whatever liquid is staining your bottom lip, but you quickly block his hand. “I’ll clean up by myself.”

For a minuscule second, he looks defeated; he looks borderline disappointed, but before you can pinpoint his feelings for sure, his expression changes. “But what about you?” he asks, eyes raking down your body and stopping at the waistband of your pants.

“I’ll deal with it on my own.” You shrug, avoiding his eyes. All of sudden, you find it hard to breathe in the room as the realization settles into your brain. You just sucked off Jisung. Jisung, out of all fucking people.

“You sure?” Your eyes flit to him who looks like he’s been observing you the entire time. His breathing has calmed down, his lips look a little bit plumper than before and his hair sticks out in all different directions. Looking at his current state makes you feel sick, and your undying hatred for him starts growing again. It’s your fault that he looks so fucked out and—

Why the fuck did you even do that?

“Yes. Now stop asking before I change my mind and kick you out.”

Before he can have the last word, you turn on your heels and rush into your bedroom, ignoring the fact that your underwear is practically drenched.

You wake up to the smell of pancakes emerging from the kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“I’m making breakfast?” Jisung throws you a questioning look and then plates the last batch of pancakes from the pan. “It’s the least I can do after you were friendly enough to let me crash on the couch.”

Your eyes wander to the countertop to the two plates stacked with pancakes. Jisung finishes up the second plate and hands it out to you.

You stare dumbly at the plate. It’s too early for your brain to mouth filter to work, so the first thing you spit out is, “How do I know you didn’t poison it?”

“Are you fucking serious—“ Jisung squeezes his eyes shut, mutters something inaudible under his breath before he puts on the fakest smile he can muster. “I can take a bite if you really insist.”

“Give me that plate.” You point to the other plate on the counter. Presentation-wise, it looks the same as the one Jisung is offering you, minus the visible steam.

“There. Wanna switch again or can I finally eat?” he scoffs when you walk past him to get cutlery and sit at the dining table; it’s essentially a round wooden table where one of the legs is about to break. Two plates and a pitcher at most take up the entire surface. You really should consider buying a new table, but you have better things to spend on rather than that.

From your peripheral vision, you see Jisung rolling his eyes. Perhaps you were making an entire unnecessary circus, critically cutting through the pancake and inspecting each and every side before stuffing it in your mouth. But again, in your defense, it’s too early in the morning to show basic etiquette towards him out of all people.

You have to admit that visually, the pancakes look good. What you didn’t expect were the pancakes to taste just how they look. It looks like you couldn’t contain your surprise in you, judging by the amused smirk that finds its way onto Jisung’s face as he claims the chair across from you.

“As if you could actually cook,” you splutter because there’s no fucking way you are giving him that satisfaction of the day.

However, it seems to bemuse him even more. “You literally eat this every day and know the recipe by heart. With the excessive number of times you recite the ingredients a day, obviously, something got stuck in my brain,” he explains while cutting through his own portion.

The rest of breakfast is spent in silence. You both finish at the same time and while you’re washing the dishes, he’s stayed put in the chair, mindlessly checking something on his phone.

“You didn’t have to cook, you know. You could’ve just left.” you start. It’s already awkward enough that he’s still here. Bloody hell, you should’ve just waited with the plates and ushered him out of your place instead of just getting away as fast as possible from the table. Now that you think about it, this was probably the only time you two were somewhat amicable at such proximity. (Even if you didn’t talk at all. Still, it’s progress.)

He drops his phone on the table with a soft ‘bang’. “It’s the least I could do. Besides, I was starving too.”

“In other words, you’re taking advantage of my fridge?”

“Exactly.”

Just as you’re drying your hands, he’s about to leave. “I’ll get going, lecture’s starting in a few. And, uh, thanks for letting me stay here.”

You just shoot him a weird look. “You already thanked me once. How often do you wanna repeat yourself?”

Jisung rolls his eyes. “Fine, next time I’ll just leave without a word then.”

It’s when he’s finally out of the door that his last words sink in.

“Yo, I have pics of sweaty Changbin in a jersey. How much do you wanna pay for those gems?”

You nearly choke on air. “What the fuck?” Really, that’s the only appropriate reaction.

“Hyunjin, this needs more context.” Felix looks like he’s seriously second-guessing his taste in men before shaking it off with a sigh and elaborates. “He’s been trying to find out some scoop about Chan for the campus blog and caught him in his angry boxer mode and Changbin was also there assisting him. Hey, did you know that Chan doesn’t tape his hands before punching the bag? Fuck, that’s so intimidating but so hot at the same time—“

“Yah! I’m your boyfriend! How can you say that in front of me?!”

Changbin. Changbin in a jersey. Changbin in a jersey and drenched in sweat. And Hyunjin seriously has HQ pictures of that Changbin.

It really, absolutely shouldn’t have been the first thing that crossed your mind, but the idea of that Changbin — bonus if he still has anger pent up in him — barging into your place and instantly throwing you on the bed—

“I’m not a perverted creep who’s gonna buy pictures of him that he doesn’t even know exist. Besides, isn’t that a violation of his rights? He never consented to those pics. This is college, you’re only working for the campus blog, not fucking Dispatch.” you deadpan.

“So you don’t even want to take a sneak peek at a picture?”

“No.”

You barely stepped a foot into your apartment when Jisung storms out of his own place and stops in front of you. “You fucking liar.”

“Excuse me? What the— hmph!”

The next thing you know, Jisung forces his way into your hallway, slams the door shut and crowds you against it. His face is invading your personal space, eyes enraged and jaw locked. Even though his anger is far from justified as you haven’t glanced at him ever since he stayed over, a tiny part of you believes that you pissed him off for good. It's not the first time you witness him angry. However, it's the first time you witness him look as if someone murdered his family and was trying to get revenge.

“I thought you took care of it yourself!”

“Took care of what?”

“Did you already forget that I can read your mind?!”

You scrunch your nose, trying to connect the dots in his words. It doesn't take long for you to realize that there’s no point in trying. A frustrated groan leaves you. “Why are you getting so riled up? I just breathed and you stormed into my place!”

“‘Bullshit. You weren’t just breathing,” he snaps, and you flinch when his hand lands a few inches beside your face with a loud pang. “You were thinking of Changbin again! And I mean that in the thousand sex positions and locations you want him to bang you kind of thinking! And also—“

“Also what?”

“I know you’ve been pent up for days. Seriously, why don’t you just get off like every other sane human being?”

His brutal delivery leaves you flabbergasted. How the fuck does he know that? No. No. No. He doesn’t know. He can’t. Just because he can read your mind doesn’t mean that you didn’t pleasure yourself after giving him that blowjob. Jisung’s probably bluffing — he has to be bluffing.

“W-why should I answer you?” you stutter. Suddenly the walls look much more interesting. When was the last time you painted the walls? Maybe it’s time to switch things up—

“Are you really about to get all cocky with me? Give me a break.” Jisung chews on his bottom lip after little deliberation. “You wanna know why? Because one of my best friends is going through a hard time that can utterly destroy his entire future thanks to the fucking universe! If that isn’t stressful as it is, I also see and hear all kinds of things you want Changbin to do to you. And your fantasies are also affecting me.”

You stare at him as if he sprouted eight new legs. “So you’ve also been…?”

“Sexually frustrated? Fuck yes. And it’s all your fault. So take responsibility and do something against it before I do.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“So what if I am?”

A cold shiver runs down your spine once you meet his stone-cold gaze. Frustration is displayed all over his features, from his labored breaths to the raised brow. He’s not playing mind games this time, he’s actually frustrated.

There are a billion red flags, a billion blinking signs saying NO DON’T YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING THIS! DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT in your mind. There are so many countless reasons why you should listen to your head, but the way Jisung is lusting after you is terrifyingly attractive.

You don’t trust your voice to respond verbally. Instead, you look down at your trembling hand and tug at the hem of his shirt. It’s just then when you also realize that your thighs are clenched. Fuck.

Jisung takes the hint. In the blink of an eye, he’s yanking you to your room, kicks the door shut with a loud ‘thud’, and manhandles you on the bed. You’re too stunned to react, and gulp when he hovers over you and strips off his jacket, leaving him in a white shirt that doesn’t hide his toned arms.

“Use the color system, alright? Green when everything is alright, yellow when you want me to slow down, and red when you want me to stop for good?” he asks.

“I know what the color system is,” you mutter, tearing your eyes away from him.

“That’s not an answer to my question.” he presses.

“Fine, color system it is. There! Happy? Now get on with it—“

Jisung pins your wrists above your head vigorously. “You don’t call the shots here. I do.”

Your stomach swoops. You really should’ve listened to your brain. This Jisung isn’t comparable with the Jisung you sucked off a few days ago. That Jisung was cocky — he’s always cocky, what are you even saying — but he still gave you room to breathe. This Jisung is downright scary.

“Good thing for you, I know exactly what you want me to do—” he starts sinisterly as his thigh settles firmly between your legs, pressing up against your clothed core. You suddenly regret wearing a skirt. “—and trust me baby, even if I couldn’t read your mind, I would do all those things because that’s what I plan on doing to you regardless.”

The look he gives you should be illegal. He shouldn’t be in the position to look down at you, as if he’s the king and has free reign over the consequences you are about to bear. Your head suddenly feels dizzy, and it’s way too hot in the room. It’s as if your bedroom has morphed into some vacuum as you’re desperately trying to breathe. Your system ceases to function once he presses his thigh even harder on your cunt, and all you manage to make is a pathetic whimper.

A menacing grin makes its way to his face. He’s clearly thriving on this ego-boost and continues to grind his thigh on you until your hips start to sway along. It seems like you found your voice again once he leans down and nibbles on your neck. Your moans are barely audible at first, but they slowly turn into drawn out mewls and labored breaths.

Your eyes snap open when he suddenly retreats his thigh and holds your hip in a vice grip, stopping you from moving. “W-what the fuck? Why did you stop?”

“Tell me what you want me to do.”

“Huh?” You squint at him. “But you can read my mind!”

“I want you to say it out loud.”

There’s no way in the universe that you’ll do that. You’ll gladly wipe off that shit-eating grin out of his face whether he likes it or not, but with his hold on your wrists, that is deemed impossible.

You should say something out loud though. Yellow. That would save you from the humiliation. You could regain at least an ounce of control, not feel so pathetic anymore. It’s a simple word, just two syllables, six letters. The tables can be turned to your advantage. It’s easy.

You don’t.

“You’re embarrassed, aren’t you? You can’t say all those filthy thoughts in your head out loud because you’re ashamed, huh? Not when you love feeling so powerless, subject to anything I do to you. Face it baby, just admit that you’re a needy little bitch who wants to get off on my fingers so bad, and I’ll give you what you want,” Jisung growls in between hot, wet kisses he leaves on your neck.

“I—“ you whimper after some difficulties, “I’m your needy little bitch w-who wants to get off on your fingers.”

Jisung’s head pipes up, his face just hovering a couple of inches away from yours. With that little distance between you, you know it’s not a trick of the light and that his eyes are blown up with hunger, hunger, and more hunger. "Not just any bitch, but mine? Do you like it when I call you mine?"

You nod. From there on, it’s a chain reaction.

He wastes no time slipping his fingers past your panties, mindlessly trailing along your folds. You throw your head back in pleasure, bucking your hips into his touch. A cry leaves you the moment he slips a finger inside you, his thumb simultaneously flicking your clit. It’s sensory overload, rendering your rationality to a standstill.

Your utter downfall is marked once Jisung adds a second finger, never slowing down. He groans at the way you clench around him like a maniac, and the sounds he makes send jolts all over your body. You’re writhing under his grasp at this point, overstimulated by everything yet at the same time, you feel your arousal slowly fading.

“Does my baby feel good? Are you close?” Jisung asks, nipping on your earlobe.

“I don’t know,” you whisper.

“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know’?”

The pit in your stomach grows. You’ve never experienced claustrophobia, but right now, it’s like everything’s suffocating you. “A-as in I don’t fucking know!” you exclaim shakily.

Jisung stops his movements. The weight on your wrists is lifted, and he looks at you, face unreadable. “(y/n), color. What’s your color?”

“Green. It’s just...” your trail off, avoiding his eyes.

“Just...?”

“I’ve never come before,” you confess in defeat. You really can’t believe that Jisung out of all people is the one to make the call of judgment. “I mean it! I’ve tried getting myself off but I never managed to... so cut me some fucking slack because I’m trying my best here and am still new to everything!”

Jisung stays silent. He stares at you in… confusion? disbelief? You really have no clue how to read his expression. Something negative for sure, though. He’s Satan’s spawn, for fuck’s sake. He’s probably thinking twice about going down on you, thinking about the gravity of a mistake he’s dealing with this time. He just has no clue how to articulate his irritation—

“You’re so cute, fucking hell,” he whispers.

You do a double-take. What? What did he say?

A small chuckle escapes his lips. As if he doesn’t mind. Wait. He doesn’t mind. “I’ll take good care of you. Trust me on this,” he says.

“That’s a little late coming from you, your fingers are literally up my vagi— h-ha-aah—“

“Just shut up and let me do the work.” Jisung rolls his eyes as he works you up again, fingers moving at a slower pace this time. Within minutes, he’s reduced you into a panting, stuttering mess. “You look so tiny and helpless underneath me. How adorable,” he coos, to which you just whine.

“Yeah? You like it when I call you tiny? Like it when your tight cunt already feels stuffed with just two fingers? Maybe we should stretch it to a third one, think you can handle that?” he presses on. That’s when he rams his fingers into a particular spot, making you arch your back. A knowing smile makes its way onto his lips. “Found it.”

“N-no, fuck— t-too much—” you babble, but he continues to abuse your sweet spot without remorse.

An unfamiliar pressure builds up in your abdomen, threatening to burst. Your whines grow louder, breaths shallower. You squeeze your eyes shut as you thrust your hips into his hand, desperate for more friction. “Jisung, I think I’m gonna—”

“Oh no, not like this,” he growls. “Keep your eyes open. I want you to look at me when you cum. So you’ll remember that it was me who made you cum for the first time. It’s me who’s making you feel good.”

That is easier said than done. You manage to open your eyes, though with a lot of difficulties. Scratch that, your eyes are barely open. Jisung is a blurry image, and you’re unable to register everything he says, the sound of his fingers squelching in your heat blaring in your ears.

You deem it fucking impossible to keep your eyes open when your orgasm hits you hard, body spasming from the sensation. But you keep on trying, keep forcing to set your eyes on him.

It’s all worth it though when the reward you get is a proud smile on his face, as well as streams of praises coming from his mouth.

It’s a continuous pattern that goes as follows:

1. You spend your days glued to your friends.

2. At least one of them (usually, it’s Seungmin) preaches how you should get your shit together and ask Changbin out.

3. Somehow, Changbin manages to leave a strong presence in your fantasies and you end up daydreaming about a scenario that stars him, you and a bed (if you’re feeling more daring, any other kind of surface or object he could pound you into.)

4. Jisung notices and forces the horniness out of your system.

5. You tell yourself that it’s the last time Jisung has such control over you.

And then the cycle repeats.

But here’s the thing: you find yourself doing no. 5 you with less conviction the more it happens. No. 5 is a formality at this point. You don’t know when you went the wrong path, but are you really in a position to complain? Jisung is good with you, he’s good with his fingers, even better with his mouth.

But then there’s this side of Jisung after he’s ruined you. He knows what you want to eat after you’re all cleaned up, knows what show you want to watch, knows if you want to just drop dead in bed or need someone to force you to finish your uni assignments. In short: Jisung is good. If you ever said that out loud and someone caught wind of it, they might assume that you liked him.

But Changbin. You like Changbin. You like Changbin you like Changbin you like Changbin—

You like Changbin, right?

“You’ve been looking at me as if I had the word CLOWN written over my forehead. Do I have something on my face or what?” you cross your arms and are met with your friends quickly averting their eyes from you.

Felix is the first one to break the silence. “Is that a new dress?”

“Not really. I recently found it when I cleared out my closet and decided to give it one more try. Why—“ you pause, and your expression turns grim once it dawns on you. “I look ridiculous in this, don’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“No!”

“You look like a clown.”

“Seungmin-Hyung, did you really just???”

If your crippling self-esteem hadn’t reached its all-time low before, then it definitely did now. “Geez, thanks,” you deadpan.

Jeongin is panicking, trying to provide some damage control as Felix snaps at Hyunjin and Seungmin. “Nobody cares about your two cents!”

“Well, but she asked for our opinion!”

“Nobody cares about your honest two cents!”

“Let’s just have lunch at the burger place and talk about this later, Hyung!”

You’re still dazed, chuckling dryly like those cartoon characters usually do when their soul leaves their body after someone dragged them. The entire situation is downright sad to witness. Is this a sign that your period is coming soon? That’s it! That probably explains why you’re acting so uncharacteristically sensitive today—

“The dress suits you, (y/n). You should wear it more often,” Changbin says.

“Hah?” you flinch and you’re sure your soul actually left your body when you turn to face Changbin smiling genuinely at you. Out of your periphery, you see Jisung and Chan behind him, but that’s not the point.

What? The? Fuck? Did he really just? Did Changbin just… compliment you?

You don’t realize how long you’ve dumbly stared at him until Jeongin nudges you. “Uhhhh, thanks!” you squeak out, cringing at how your voice just went up by an octave. You can feel Jeongin facepalming internally at your response, but you don’t blame him; you’d most likely do the same.

Changbin just smiles before he turns away to get to his next class, tugging Jisung and Chan with him.

Nevermind. Wearing this dress was the best decision you’ve made in your entire college career. The way you suddenly beam almost gives Felix whiplash — it’s obvious in the way he stares at you as if he ended up watching a comedy instead of the melodrama he was expecting. Hyunjin seems just as flabberghasted, Jeongin is still cringing from the secondhand embarrassment, and Seungmin just grins.

“Ah, so lover boy is the reason, I see.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Oh my god, just shut up, Seungmin.”

Jisung is eating you out with such fervor that has you sobbing and thrashing around. He’s merciless in every literal sense, keeping your hips planted on the couch with his hands to the point where veins are bulging out, and lapping up your juices with his tongue, continuing even though you already came. He only pulls away, lips glistening in your release, once you tug on his hair despite his orders to not do that.

“Already spent now? But baby, we just started.” he pouts. “Or is it because it’s me? Would you defy if Changbin was the one eating you out?”

You stare at him with blown out eyes. Why the fuck is he bringing up Changbin now? The words hang heavy in your throat and are threatening to burst, but the death stare he delivers stops you from doing so.

Something’s not right.

“Don’t tell me... you’re wet again because I just mentioned Changbin. Changbin this, Changbin that, huh? It’s always only Changbin, Changbin, Changbin. And I thought I was doing you good all along,” he rages, making you flinch. He can be terrifying when he wants to be, but this time, he seems completely out of it. “You know what? I’m fucking done with holding back. You’re mine, got it?”

With that, he dives back into your cunt, sucking harshly on your clit as he slides a finger in you. You try to pry him off, but his weight is restraining you to the sofa.

“Jisung, it hurts— ouch—“ Panic starts to rise in you when he finally detaches himself from your nub, but instead, moves down to your thighs and starts sucking on the skin with a force much harder than you’re used from him. “What are you doing? S-stop—!”

“You’re mine, you’re supposed to be mine. I am literally written on your skin. So why can’t you just wish to be with me? Do I have to mark you up so that you’ll finally get it?”

It hurts. It hurts. Once you feel teeth on your skin, you burst into tears. “Red, Jisung, red!”

As if it was the spell to break the cast, Jisung finally snaps out of it. His features break once his eyes meet yours. Regret sticks onto him like a second skin, and he slightly moves his hand in an attempt to reach out to you. Your muscles react faster though, and you instinctively pull your legs towards yourself and shy away from him. The way his face drops by another layer of remorse tugs at your heartstrings, but the impending fear overpowers everything else you’re feeling.

“What’s going on? What went over you?” you ask.

Jisung’s breath is shaky. He feverishly opens his mouth several times, but no sound is coming out. He’s struggling to find the right words, maybe trying to find a somewhat reasonable justification for his behavior. In the end, he lets out a defeated sigh. “I can’t do this anymore without having feelings—” his voice is weak and vulnerable and you’ve never witnessed him break down like this before, “—I like you. I like you the way you like Changbin. I just...”

Silence.

“Leave,” you whisper, but in this silence, your voice rings out loud and clear. This is… too much weight for your heart to carry.

Jisung complies. He grabs his belongings from the floor, slips on his shirt, and leaves with his head hung low. His footsteps grow more and more distant, but then he stops.

“Are you really in love with Changbin?” His voice cracks.

You don’t muster up the courage to face him. “Just read my mind.”

It’s silent again. Too overwhelming. You’re waiting for yet another outburst of him, waiting for his “I want you to say it out loud”, because that’s how the conversation always goes.

The last thing you hear is the front door falling in its lock with a soft click.

You like Changbin. You like Changbin you like Changbin you like Changbin you like—

You like him, right?

Things have changed.

You and Jisung haven’t crossed paths ever since, not even passed each other by in the hallways. It’s weird since you’ve grown used to seeing him every day outside of your apartment complex. You’ve never really acknowledged each other’s presence with a wave or something in the sorts; it was just a second where your eyes met, and then your days went on.

That being said, you run into Changbin quite frequently. If you ever exchanged words, it’s nothing more than friendly small talk and the one or other compliment about his music. Talking to Changbin is nice; he makes you smile.

You know a little bit more about Changbin now, like his favorite ice cream flavor or the fact that he has a pokemon plushie named Gyu. It’s cute, and you chuckle when you think about how you’d pay good money for that information a few weeks ago.

Changbin is nice, and there’s nothing more to the story.

The chaotic quartett you call your friends however, doesn’t seem to buy it. They are loud and nosey and have eyes, so it was set in stone that they’d tease you about it sooner or later. It’s all fun and games, and you played along with it at first, because that’s how you guys are. But as time went on, when the banter became so repetitive and blown out of proportion to the point where they have made clowning you about your small interactions with Changbin the pinnacle of their entertainment, you’ve begun to be fed up by it.

“Will you finally stop bringing him up in an indecent manner every single lunch break? Or even better, stop bringing him up altogether?” You snap, which shocks everyone at the table because you never snap.

Nobody has time to react as you quickly stomp away to grab some fresh air. You mutter out every curse under the sun, not intending to let your anger take over you this much. You’ve only made it past the door when Felix catches up to you, placing a hand over your shoulder.

“(y/n), what’s the matter? Clearly, something’s bothering you. And I know it’s not because of just Seungmin.” Concern is woven in his smooth voice.

You have to admit, it was a smart and calculated move from your friends to send Felix your way. He’s always been the compassionate one out of your little friend group. Like a pillar, he’s the one who keeps you all grounded (and he’s the one to drive your asses back home after the wild Alpha Beta Gamma frat parties).

“I don’t like Changbin that way, I realized. So it’d be very much appreciated if you asses didn’t allude to that every time,” you huff.

Felix sends you an understanding smile. “We can work that out. You know that Hyunjin and Seungmin in particular can be insensitive and sometimes don’t realize they’ve taken things too far..”

“Fine, but that’s not the main thing that’s eating me up alive, Felix.” you sigh. The words seem to flow out of your mouth like a waterfall. “I’ve realized I’ve never really liked Changbin. Okay, fine, he was just a crush I had but I don’t like him.”

He nods slowly, his brain processing your ramble. “So you like someone else.”

“Yes. And I don’t know how to fix it because we got into a huge fight.”

“Talk to them. That’s the only thing left to do.” His response is immediate, and he says it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Every relationship has its ups and downs, and if you want to be committed, you have to fight for it. If you were made for one another, you’ll make it.”

The last part makes you laugh internally. If only he knew.

“Let me guess, you expect me to barge into his place to sort things out,” you say.

Felix gives you the look of judgment. “I mean, you could also show some human decency and text him in advance so he’s also prepared. But that works fine too.”

Come to think of it, you’ve never been to Jisung’s apartment. That’s about to change when you knock on his door sometime in the evening, shortly after sunset.

Jisung’s face immediately drops once he opens the door. “What are you doing here?” His voice is soft, drenched in regret.

It’s not that his appearance has reached rock bottom. He still takes good care of himself; however, you pick up the dark circles under his eyes and his complexion seems a little paler. Not sickeningly pale, but in a sense that he hasn’t seen the light of day for a few consecutive days.

You shift your weight on one leg and fiddle with your fingers. “Can we talk?”

Jisung gulps. “Yeah, sure,” he mumbles after a moment of hesitation before inviting you in.

“I’ve thought a long time about this. Everything, really,” you start awkwardly as soon as you’re both standing stiffly in his living room. “I, um…”

You cringe inwardly as your voice trails off. Truth be told, you’ve rehearsed what you wanted to say many times a few hours ago. Even wrote down the entire speech. Then threw the draft away, only to compose a new one. And then again and again and again. After what felt like an eternity, you had polished your final speech and memorized it from top to bottom, even making sure that your flow sounded natural. But now that this is the real deal, your mind goes blank. Of course, of fucking course, your illiterate brain had to give up on you in the situation that mattered the most.

Jisung purses his lips. “Do you want something to drink first? No need to rush—”

“I don’t like Changbin!” you blurt out. Jisung stares at you in confusion. “I mean, I used to like Changbin — I still do, he’s a nice guy! Don’t get me wrong — but that’s all he is. He’s… nice. I like him, as a friendly guy. I had a crush on him, but now it’s just, uh, like. Platonic! Yeah, platonic.”

Despite him nodding slowly, you know that he is still lost. You would be too if you were on the receiving end of this painfully clumsy delivery.

You give yourself a mental slap as you take a deep breath. It can’t get any worse than this. Definitely impossible. You’ve already proven to him how bad your public speaking skills are. Might as well get over it with the bluntest words. “I miss you. And not because of the sexual things we did, but everything else. I miss you coming over, miss the movie night, and all that. I miss you, Jisung.”

He stares at you silently. Your eyes search his face for any sign of emotion, and for one too many times, Jisung is impossible to read. Okay, perhaps you did manage to tell him what you wanted to tell him even worse than whatever the fuck your initial attempt was.

But then his blank armor cracks. Little by little, his eyes soften, disbelief and remorse on display for you to see. Jisung is looking at you as if his world has fallen apart even more. He’s looking at you as if he’s clinging to the last threads of reason, trying to make sense of the situation. He’s looking at you with eyes that could hold stars behind them, stars that were supposed to burn out yet shine brighter than the universe.

“How can you say that? I hurt you. I made you cry! I was being a selfish asshole who put out his anger on you!” he exclaims, voice breaking towards the end. Pain clouds his red eyes, and he’s fighting to keep the tears at bay.

You slowly prod closer to him, testing the waters. He doesn’t react once, not even when you stand directly in front of him. Not even when you gently place your hands on a shoulder each. Not until you say, “It’s alright. I’m alright. No hard feelings.”

That’s his breaking point. Tears stream down his face, while quiet hiccups jump out of his throat. “How can you be so nice to me?” His sobs are muffled as he eases into your touch, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around your waist, clinging onto you as if you’re his lifeline.

The answer is simple, you say to yourself, as you thread a hand in his hair. “We’re soulmates.”

The weight of the words hangs in the air, shattering the previous tension and all the worries in your heart. It’s liberating, finally being able to say it out loud without feeling like an abnormality for saying those words with happiness. You’re soulmates. You’re soulmates, and that’s okay.

Jisung’s sobs resound throughout the room, and so do his countless, tiny yeah, we are’s. You need a moment before you register the wetness on your face. It feels like an eternity standing in his warm embrace, even after there are no more tears left to cry.

“Can I kiss you?” Your voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, but Jisung catches it. two fingers gently lift your chin so that you’re facing him. You almost melt when your eyes meet, his gaze filled with adoration that makes you want to burst at the seams.

“Yeah. I’d love that.” Jisung smiles.

It costs you your willpower to tear your eyes away from him before they flutter down to his lips. Despite his bottom lip being a little cracked, they look inviting and you wonder what they taste like. You expect him to nudge you, expect him to tell you to hurry up and do something because you’re pretty sure you’re staring at his lips for far too long.

He doesn’t. The grip on your chin is loose as if to tell you to take your time and go at your own pace. But the longer you wait, the more reluctance builds up. It’s a lot of power he’s given you; hell, it’s the first time he hands the reigns to you.

“Can you… uhm… I’ve never done this before, so yeah…” you look at him with a crooked smile.

The breathless chuckle that leaves him sounds like music to your ears. Jisung moves his hand to the back of your neck before closing the distance between you.

The kiss is short and sweet, but that alone suffices to make the butterflies in your stomach burst. The faint taste of coke lingers on him, and before you know it, you’re kissing again. Jisung’s lips are like an addiction, reeling you back in for another one. Somewhere along the way, the kisses change. Innocent presses of lips are long forgotten, replaced by teeth playfully tugging on your bottom lip, and Jisung kissing you deeper to the point where he steals all oxygen out of your lungs.

Your hands slide down his chest, tugging on his shirt. Startled by your bold actions, he pulls away, but you catch him back into another liplock that leaves the two of you breathless. All you can think of clearly is Jisung Jisung Jisung—

This time he forces himself away from you. Gasping for air, he places his forehead on yours. “If we go farther than this, then I don’t know if I can control myself.” His warning is barely above a whisper.

“Then don’t,” you whisper back.

That’s all the reassurance he needs before leading you to his bedroom, all the whilst latching onto your lips once more. He doesn’t let go of you until your back hits the soft mattress and he’s on top of you. Warm, slightly calloused hands trail from your cheeks to the hem of your shirt.

“Color?”

“Green,” you respond, smiling up at him. The sun has long vanished at the horizon, replaced by the dim moon and stars. Despite only a little light surging past the blinds into the room, you can see Jisung’s features crystal clear. The endearing smile is cast into the back of your mind, so is the delicacy in his touch, fingertips lightly grazing your skin as he sheds all your clothes off until you’re left in your underwear. After hearing your complaints, he discards his own clothes with an amused glint in his eyes.

Jisung takes his time pounding every single detail of your features into his memory. His hands roam all over your body, inciting goosebumps. You lean into his touch with a sigh and flit your gaze to him once he stops on a particular spot.

The look on his face is unreadable, but the hesitation in his voice speaks for itself.  “Does this bug you?” he asks, uncertainty laced in it as he runs his finger over each character of his name that’s inked under your collarbone. You shake your head with a hum that turns into a soft moan once he leaves kisses on the spots his finger burned before, one for each letter. Eventually, his actions spiral out to sucking lovebites and rutting his bulge against your heat, enticing louder whines out of you. Your vision morphs into blurriness as you move your hips in sync with his, locking your arms around his neck to pull him even closer to you.

“(y/n), baby…” Jisung heaves for air, “Is it okay if I…?.”

“Please,” you mewl, “want you inside me.” Your desperation must’ve shone through your tone, as Jisung presses a loving kiss on your forehead before he reaches over to the nightstand for a condom, grinning like a lovesick idiot.  

In books and movies, this is the part where the virgin would reach peak nervousness. Too many fears would be inhabiting their mind; the fear of pain, fear of not fulfilling their partner’s needs, fear of the entire situation, essentially. Whatever they depict in those books and movies, it doesn’t match up with the warmth and want pumping in your veins. Even after Jisung slipped your and his underwear off and slid the condom on his leaking cock, there’s no sign of fear bubbling in you. It’s rather the opposite; you nudge him to finally slide into you.

“So impatient,” he tuts playfully, and because he can’t help being a bit sadistic, he teases your dripping entrance with the tip of his cock. Tears begin to form in your eyes from the frustration of clenching around nothing. You feel like crying for good once he slowly pushes into you. The stretch feels unfamiliar and completely different than what you’re used to from his fingers, but it’s not unpleasant as you throw your head back. While you’re adjusting to his girth, Jisung observes your every expression, faltering whenever you scrunch your eyes shut. 

“You still there?” he asks in hushed tones, caressing your cheek.

In awe about his concern, you nod. “I’m fine. It’s just… new. I’ve never done this, but I guess you already figured that out.” It takes you a moment to catch your breath, and then you give him the green light to continue.

The way Jisung has your hands firmly against the bed lacks the usual roughness; he isn’t gripping your wrists as if he’s about to cut off your blood circulation. This time, he has intertwined his fingers with yours as if he doesn’t ever want to let go of you. A firework of colors and stars is all you see as he thrusts into slow and deep and with all the passion he has to offer. His lips don’t leave space for a breather either; he kisses you with so much fervor that it swallows your heart up whole. At that instant, you realize that he’s claimed your heart and isn’t going to give that up any time soon. You don’t mind, because you know that you’ve committed the same crime.

It’s not long after until you feel the orgasm building up. Jisung brings one hand down to flick your clit, and just like that, you unravel beneath him. His own release follows suit, a muffled groan coming from his lips as he spills into the condom.

It’s quiet for a moment, no words spoken between you except for harsh breathing. Eventually, Jisung slides his softening dick out of you and disappears for a moment to clean up, returning with a damp towel for you to freshen up a little, as well as a glass of water.

“I think I won’t be able to walk tomorrow,” you say after you gulped down the drink in one go, voice devoid of emotion. A laugh leaves Jisung. The way you deliver it is so casual as if he didn’t just have his dick in you minutes before. “Also, isn’t this the part where we should cuddle?”

“So bossy, your royal majesty.” He even takes a bow before he climbs back on the bed, pulling the covers over your bodies, and scooting up to you. He says something else, but you don’t register what exactly. All you care about is being wrapped in his warm embrace. The stench of sweat isn’t prominent on him anymore. Instead, it’s a huge cloud of Axe overpowering your senses. You would complain, but you’re too blissed out to bother.

Jisung must’ve noticed at a certain point that you’ve wandered to daydream paradise. “You’ve been quiet for a while. A penny for your thoughts.”

“But you can read my mind.”

“I want you to say it out loud.” His answer comes like a shot while his hand is brushing through your hair. “That, and your thoughts are too jumbled and my head is going to malfunction if I try to decode everything running in your head right now.”

The corners of your lips quirk upwards. “I’m just thinking about how we did everything in the wrong order. It’s just now that we kissed, before that I only sucked you off or something. We’re so fucked up.”

“If you word it that way, we definitely didn’t follow the book.” Jisung laughs in agreement. The vibrations from his chest causes you to bubble up in warmth.

“I don’t mind, though. That’s not the point. I’m happy.” You don’t have to look up to know that his eyes lit up. “Jisung, I’m happy that you’re mine.”

The hold around your waist tightens, and you feel a soft kiss being pressed on top of your head. “And I’m happy that you’re mine.”

In another lifetime, another universe, you probably wouldn’t have to go through these struggles. Society would normalize having someone that completes you. You wouldn’t go through countless stages of denial, countless stages of frustration, and countless stages of doubt.

In another lifetime, another universe, you potentially could’ve been on even worse terms. Just like in those cyberpunk movies, maybe you two would be enemies, one fighting alongside the government, the other assisting the villain who tries to overthrow the system. Star-crossed lovers, that’s what you two would be dubbed as.

In another lifetime, another univer—

No need to fantasize about what could be. The only lifetime that matters is this lifetime, this universe, your reality. In reality, people like you live in hiding. In reality, society is doubtful towards people with soulmates. In reality, people like you are destined for a tragedy. It’s taken you a long time to wrap it around your head.

That’s alright though. You’re alright. You’ll always be alright. The universe might have not played in your favor in this lifetime, but you still found each other. Perhaps, the universe will be more forgiving towards you in your next lifetime. Or the one after. Who knows? Whatever happens, at least you know you have one person you’re bound to meet wherever you are, whenever you are. One person who won’t ever let go of you. One person you won’t ever let go of.

“Yeah, I’m yours.”

[eurosong]

Undo my ESC '21 (semi-final two)

Good afternoon folks, and welcome to the second part of Undo my ESC – my annual quest to make the year’s Eurovision better (at least, for me xD) by making a feasible change in each country – it could be something as small as altering a lyric or a staging detail, or as big as a different artist entirely winning the NF. Semi-final one was here so let's jump straight into SF2!

🇸🇲 San Marino: We're thrown into the deep end here with a fan fav that doesn't do at all for me. I'm one of maybe 5 people on the planet who prefers Freaky by far, I guess? I'm happy for Senhit to be getting so much love and for the diminutive serene republic to finally have a shot at a good result - but I'm not so keen on the way it's been done. There's a bit of cognitive dissonance for me because my favourite thing about Adrenalina is Flo Rida's rap, but I don't like the idea of bringing in famed American artists like "ringers" to elevate a song above one with "only" local talent. I would be so tempted to give the rap part to local artist IROL instead to spit some hot bars in Italian.

🇪🇪 Estonia: I had hope this year, I really did, for my era of absolutely adoring Estonia at ESC to be revived after 4 painful years. There were so many good songs at this year's Eesti Laul, like those of Ivo Linna, Egert, Gram of fun, Heleza - but ultimately, my huge favourite was, as expected, Jüri Pootsmann. Anyone who followed this blog back in 2016 knows how much I adore Jüri and was desperate to see him get a redemption arc at ESC itself. Magus melanhoolia was one of the best songs of the season for me and one of the best stagings. As much as I prefer '20 artists to get their shot in '21, problematic Uku with his toxic ex vibes song will have to step aside and let the Jüri renaissance happen here.

🇨🇿 Czechia: I really dig Benny Cristo - he has personality, presence and his own enjoyable style. At first I was kinda disappointed with Omaga because I was expecting something more in the vein of Kemama, with more pronounced Afrobeat influences. But it has grown on me a lot too. My change? Add more Czech than just one blink-and-you-miss-it line, mate! (Article continues below)

🇬🇷 Greece: I see this being talked up as potential televote top 3 and I just don't get it. Maybe it's the way the chorus rhymes dance with itself three times (and uses the term rockin' romance unironically); maybe it's the way that there are better 80s-inspired songs both in ESC and many fallen tributes in the NF season... it just leaves me cold. I actually preferred Supergirl and my change would be for Stefania to bring something with some actual Greek flair.

🇦🇹 Austria: I’ll echo what I said last year about Österreich – how did they go from Conchita to a guy who wished he wouldn’t have gay kids like this? I find both of this guy's songs insipid in different ways and I would invite Pænda back instead to avenge her getting robbed with the beautiful Limits. Or give a second shot at glory to the incredible Cesár!

🇵🇱 Poland: Unpopular opinion, but I absolutely love The Ride, and I feel bad for Alicja, but I much prefer it to Empires. What started as an ironic fondness for Rafał's cringy uncle vibes ended up being genuine appreciation - it's one of the few 80s-inspired songs that sound like they actually could have come out of that decade rather than like modern pastiches. And Raf actually does have an awkward charisma. My change - insert some Polish! Poland does so well with natural sounding bilingual efforts in JESC, they should bring it to the main contest too!

🇲🇩 Moldova: I was lowkey prepared to be disappointed by Moldova - I actually enjoyed Prison a lot and the news that they were going in a completely different direction didn't sit so well with me. And yet, I also love Sugar. Natalia's power! My changes: get rid of that weird scene with literally egg on her face - too on the nose for me. And incorporate a bit of the stellar Russian translation, Tuz bubi, because I'm always going to be advocating for more linguistic diversity xD

🇮🇸 Iceland: Daði Freyr can literally do no wrong with me. Whilst it doesn't have the same intense extra-fandom hype that Think about things did, I think I like Ten years even more. Nothing to change here.

🇷🇸 Serbia: It's no secret that Hurricane were far from my favourites at Beovizija 20, and that I find this a downgrade for Sanja compared to her powerful '16 song. And yet... Hasta la vista grew on me a lot, and so has Loco loco. It's something that is definitely scratching an itch at this year's ESC and the burst of anarchic energy it'll provide will be amazing. I am seriously tempted to change to the acoustic version, though, which has all the attitude of the original but is more beautiful for me and lets the girls' voices shine more.

🇬🇪 Georgia: Georgia keeps serving acquired tastes, and as a patron saint of marginal genres and I love them for that. This year, they've gone for something that even many fans of Tornike find hard to swallow - gone is the roaring rock of last year, replaced with a much more contemplative, soft effort that reminds me a little of Lou Reed. I enjoy both songs, but I can't deny preferring 2020. At the same time, I admire the chutzpah required to send something so different. I just wish there could be a moment to properly showcase T's powerhouse vocals.

🇦🇱 Albania: It was an odd Festival i këngës this year, outdoors in the freezing cold and without the orchestra that makes the songs soar so much more for me. Karma is a perfectly respectable winner, albeit one that lacks the immediacy and rawness of Shaj, Ktheju tokës and Mall. In my ideal alternate reälity, Arilena Ara would have been invited back. She'd bring a song as beautiful as Shaj - and not do a revamp into English that removes its edge this time.

🇵🇹 Portugal: 2015-2020 was a full on Portugal stan era for me. I want to believe that this year is an aberration and that in 2022, our lusitanian neighbours will produce the goods once again. Because ending a colossal streak of not sending songs that don't include Portuguese for this? I am baffled. I wanted the anthemic Joana do mar, produced beautifully by Luísa Sobral, or the timeless Contramão, which sounds like it escaped a Nouvelle Vague soundtrack. Saudade, Por um triz or a number of others would have been grand too.

🇧🇬 Bulgaria: I wasn't expecting much from Bulgaria - I really didn't and don't like TGS and the majority of songs in Victoria's NF-but-not-really aren't my cup of tea. I was happy she got her second chance, but resigned to not liking the song much that would get picked. And then, my fav, which was last in many community ratings, ended up being her pick. I adore GUIGO and believe it has the possibility to do very, very well at Rotterdam and be one of the 'moments' of the evening.

🇫🇮 Finland: CRIMINAL how YLE treated Aksel - it felt like he wasn't the defending champion, and that Erika Vikman had won the previous year. They also - I believe, deliberately - split his vote by making his just one of a number of ballads, so of course what stood out most were the two decidedly non-ballady songs. Finland only two years ago had a single-artist UMK. They could and should have brought it back for Aksel. I'd hope Hurt would win it, because that song is stunning.

🇱🇻 Latvia: I was, and am, delighted that Latvia stuck with Samanta Tina. The lady lives and breathes ESC, even wrote a university thesis about it, and if she tried so many times, finally won and then DIDN'T get to go to ESC, I would have gone to LTV headquarters personally to remonstrate. I really like both her songs. The moon is rising is poised, powerful and like nothing else this year. The only thing I'd change is adding some Latvian because it's a gorgeous language and we've been waiting for ages to hear it again.

🇨🇭 Switzerland: Gjon's song is once again not really my cup of tea, or tears - but I enjoy it better than last year's and I'm glad he's back. Highkey wish it did include Albanian or Romansch like confused commenters last year thought it did.

🇩🇰 Denmark: There is literally no excuse for Denmark's treatment of Ben & Tan. I'm not even a big fan of their music at all, out to not even allow them to compete in DMGP to defend their win with Iron heart? Even though there are songs that competed in DMGP that I prefer a lot, most notably Står lige her, I would probably have let them have a proper second chance.

And the automatic qualifiers voting in this semi -

🇫🇷 France: For me, France had an absolutely enthralling, sincere, perfectly Gallic entry that hit me so hard in the feels. And whilst I respect Voilà, no, that wasn't it. It was Pourvu qu'on m'aime, easily one of the best songs I heard all year inside NFs or out. I find Voilà a little too mannered and affected, whilst PQM is a shot straight from Juliette's heart into mine. In my dream, it'd have won CVQD and be receiving the same love that Voilà is right now.

🇪🇸 Spain: Whilst it is getting next to no love in the fandom and seems quite forgotten, I find Voy a quedarme one of the best songs sent from this country in several years - and I say that having preferred Memoria. I am proud of Blas and love that he had a hand in writing this song. My change? He said recently that the staging in Rotterdam won't be inspired by the poignant music video despite wanting it to be - I would incorporate elements from it in the live.

🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Frankly, I think almost all the Big 5+1 brought it this year, with the notable exception of Germany. Embers is the banger that I never thought was coming from James Newman, and it's been one of the biggest earworms of the season. I wouldn't change anything about it - I'd just ensure that the staging replicated the energy of the video as much as possible!

[marthajefferson]

my very long post about my trip in Paris :

just pictures taken by a true Tourist so, nothing exeptional, but i want to post them for me as well. this way, i know there will be a place i could find them easily :)

Notre Dame de Paris: i couldn’t stop singing the DISNEY’s Hunchback of Notre-Dame while visiting it :D the building is more beautiful from outside than inside imho. too crowed. i was more moved by the historical symbol the building is, than its decoration... but the rose window is very VERY impressive!

the rose window... my pic doesn’t give it justice :/

the Cemetery of Le Père-Lachaise: because i wanted to see the tombs of Jim Morrison, of Edith PIaf, of Molière, and OF COURSE, of Oscar Wilde :D and you know what? i put some lipstick and i kissed it, like the tradition asks it hehe i visited as well the Cemetery of Montparnasse to find the tomb of Baudelaire <3

The sainte-Chapelle: a small building in two parts. the first one on the first level is dark and not very impressive. but when you reach the second level... my first reaction was “WOW!” The stained glasses and the ceiling... of course, there are too many people to truly enjoy it, but the place is very VERY beautiful and unique. a must to-see!

it looks like lace... so delicate and beautiful

The Saint-Martin canal and the Arsenal port: it’s like the hill of Montmartre, a very nice place if you want some nature and peace, but there, without tourists!! a nice walk by the river and many boats... a little part of the country but in town. very lovely!!

The Museum of Orsay: a fantastic experience. a small museum (in comparaison to Le Louvre) and each piece is just beautiful and moving... if you have to visit just ONE museum, you must visit this one!!

Toulouse Lautrec

Monet

Van Gogh - his paintings are the ones that impressed me the most. you can almost see his inspiration and his urge to paint. you can see the brush strokes and the little piles of paints... so vivid! very beautiful!!

Le Louvre: i visited rather quickly, fatser than the Orsay even if the amount of artifacts is much bigger, but you can not visit Le Louvre in one day so i decided the paintings i wanted to see. that the thing i didn’t like... Le Louvre feels like a supermarket for paintings.. for real! too many paintings to trully appreciate them...

as you can, a lot a LOT A LOOOOT of people in front of Mona LIsa. i tried to reach the first row and i succeded!! i looked at her during long minutes... :)

Delacroix <3

i can not post ALL the pics but here a bunch of some of my favs

Montmartre Hill and its basilica: if you walk around the basilica and try to avoid the tourists, you will find little treasure, like the oldest and only working mill in Paris, or the famous stair or Montmartre, or vines and country in the middle of Paris... i LOVEd this district <3

the last mill working in Paris. it was surrealist and very lovely.

... but around the Basilica Sacré-Coeur, a lOT OF PEOPLE and more inside of it!

now, random places : LE JARDIN DES TUILERIES

LE MOULIN ROUGE and very ~~art-nouveau decoration for the Subway

The Opéra Garnier, where the famous Ghost lives :)

MACARONS !!!! (i tasted the strawberry one, the lemon one, and the caramel one... expensive, but delicious <3)

the two most GORGEOUS shopping center in Paris, with two wonderfull glasss roofs : Le Printemps, and Les Galeries Lafayette!! i visited them just for the glasses roofs, i bought nothing but took MANY pictures of these wonders <3

the most pretty: LA TOUR EIFFEL

and the very strange church De La Madeleine, which looks like a greek temple from the outside, but is a gorgeous renaissance church inside <3

voilà !! it was a blast and i loved every minutes of this trip! i hope that you will all be able to visit this city one day as well <3

xxxxx

[hunterartemis]

Couch (Dean X Reader)

Prompt: Some people need to know what is the proper place to fall asleep. My inspiration is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxkbRPnYUAU

Read: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Rowena’s return was as unexpected as we thought it would be. So after she decided to snip back the page from the Grimoire we all were anxious to our cores, and spent two nights straight without a wink. 

This was my third insomniac night and I felt my head will burst if I don’t close my eyes for good twenty hours. I turned on the radio to drowse myself but with the 1970′s rock and roll playing at the late night shows, it made me feel the opposite of what I wanted to feel. When I finally thought I would have to see the sky brighten on my subterranean window, I found myself sleepy enough to give up any care I had for the world.

But suddenly my eyes shot open by a wheezy sound.

If there was any god I could pray for my sleep, I would go down on my knees to do it... oh yes, there is one-- but it’s in those Greek Myths.

I followed the wheezy sound through the corridor and saw the lights of the sitting room was still alight in all their glory, and the wheezy indistinguishable sound was coming from an old fashion transistor that blared with soft tune of oldie songs; it was accompanied by snores from the reckless Elder brother, who lolled on the couch like there is no tomorrow. 

The scenery was unfamiliar to me... Dean sleeping on a couch, with three books open on his side and one on his chest, balancing gracefully on his rising and falling chest. His head hanging on his shoulder, with mouth open and drooling. I stood there for some moment, without any clue what to do. Obviously I wanted to smack the living daylight out of him, but my conscious hindered me... There was so many things wrong with my picture: Dean sleeping on the sofa... Dean, the guy who fights for the best place to sleep, he had books laying stray around, one of them was definitely Jour et Nuit (and he doesn’t speak even a pinpoint worth of French), and most of all he was sleeping to songs that made him toss right off-- oh wait, perhaps that kinda makes sense.

 This is so wrong.

I counted my steps back to Dean’s room and found some blankets to lay around him. Placing that on the table, I went to the couch and started to pick the books up and close them before Sam sees them in the morning, neglected and bent-spined and freaks out. After placing them on the table, I climbed on the couch, and placing my knees at either sides of Dean’s thighs, I gently lifted his lolling head and placed it on the short pillows near the armrest.

 It was a tough job as he was heavier than me, but I had to make it do. I tried not to breath too hard as the rising and falling of my chest will make my breasts touch his jaw which was so dangerously near them. I placed one hand on his neck and other at the back of his crown to life him. His slow, deep breaths made my night-shift flutter and made me tickle slightly.I panicked as with this position change he flinched slightly, but his sleep was not disturbed as he automatically nuzzled with the pillow under his head. 

After his head was safely on the pillow, I went down and unlaced his boots and removed his socks and tucked them on the sofa horizontally. The sofa wasn’t long enough for his legs so I hoisted them on the armrest near his feet and saw his toes wiggling in the open air of the room. Finally when he looked comfortable, I placed the blanket over him. I tucked his toes, his sides and then his chin to make sure he wasn’t cold. 

With the inviting warmth and softness, a content expression grazed on his sleeping face. I observed his face closely as he slept: the slowly darkening freckles, the light stubble, the wrinkles under his purplish under eyes, the sleeping frowns that slowly loosened and tightened as he breathed, and his lips parted, to let the air in.

so this is love...mmhm mmhm... so this is love. 

(listen to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnxupEXxrTI)

I was so alarmed by the voice that I almost knocked myself out on Dean. I carefully got up and shut the transistor off. My ears were heating up and my heart was beating fast by comparing the timing of the song and what I was just doing. 

Suddenly he started to groan behind me. I panicked again and looked at Dean, who was stirring on the couch, with the sudden stopping of sound. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to run from the place as fast as lightning, but could not. Instead when he drowsily said ‘turn the damn records on,‘ I did a thing even more reckless. I went to him, and started to pat the side of his head to make him sleepy.  

‘Turn the records on...’ he again drawled in his sleep. I was enormously thankful of how he didn’t shot up like a crazy person when the records stopped, like he did when Jack tapped him to wake up at the Stampede Motel when we were in the Dodge City.

I didn’t move from my position: if that confounded Ilene Woods song plays again, I would definitely have a heart attack. So I improvised and did something to him I thought I will never do. I slowly uttered the first thing that came into my mind

Des yeux qui font baisser les miens Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche                                                                        

To my surprise, he didn’t flinch again, so I picked up my courage and continued... 

Voilà le portrait sans retouches De l'homme auquel j'appartiens

I never prided myself with my French and the pride subsided even more when I met Sam, who taught himself to speak French to read Occult resources and his formal curriculum in Stanford included Spanish. But I really enjoyed switching the French and English back and forth with this particular song, just like my mother did when she was trying to make me sleep.

Hold me close hold me fast, the magic spell you cast... This is La vie en rose.

The notes reminded me of the time when I was in my hometown, returning home in the late evening in a bus that passed through the brightest parts of the town. The flashing amber lights on the street sides looked like tiny patches of sun in the dark. 

when you kiss me heaven sighs, and though I close my eyes, I see La vie en rose.

Wherever I went I always missed the sound of the crickets in my backyard, they reminded me a security and comfort of home that was taken from me a long time ago. After years, when I thought I lost it, Sam and Dean brought me into the bunker... it felt I like was home again, they took me in and never let go.

When you press me to your heart, I am in a world apart, a world where roses bloom.

And when you speak angels sing from above, everyday word seemed to turn into love song.

Give your heart and soul to me , and life will always be La Vie En Rose

I felt my lids going heavy and heavy, and with Dean soundly asleep, I saw it as my cue to shut the hell up in my room and disintegrate into my bed for oblivion.

...

Extended Ending 

I was on my way to the kitchen to grab some bacon and eggs for breakfast. As I was passing through the corridor, I heard Sam and Dean talking... more like arguing over something. 

‘Dean, stop screwing with the transistor. It’s almost a hundred years old and they don’t make them anymore.’

‘Shut up Sammy... don’t make me smack you.’ I entered the room and saw Sam standing over the edge of the table, glaring at Dean who was turning the knob of the transistor up and down as the songs played for two seconds and whizzed away to the next.

‘qu’est-ce qu’il a?’ (what’s with him?) I asked Sam in French so that Dean won’t understand. Sam looked at me and smirked, ‘je ne sais quoi. Il est fou. Il y a quelque mauvais dans son tete’ (I don’t know, he is mad. There is something wrong in his head) 

‘What did you say to me?’ Dean said angrily, ‘Just because I don’t speak fancy, doesn’t mean I don’t know your tu gracia appellez vous.’

I burst out laughing and Dean’s ears reddened as Sam said ‘dude, you just asked us in Spanish and French... your grace, what is your name.’

‘See... I am already better than you...’ he said and smiled like he just got a gold star. As my laugh subsided I said ‘okay now, I’ll grab some breakfast and catch you later.’ and walked away from the place, but suddenly I heard the brother quarrel again.

‘Dean, what’s the matter with you...?’

‘Sammy, you don’t understand... I need to find it.’ Dean said again, as I heard him moving through the knobs. ‘That song, that song I heard last night in the records but now I can’t seem to find it...’

‘What song you’re looking for?’ Sam asked, ‘if you just tell me, I will find it before the transistor falls apart...’

Dean got up and started to hum the song, and chills ran down my spine as it sounded oddly familiar. Only I knew what was going on, and I felt my cheeks getting warm. Sam, quite nonchalantly answered ‘Oh... it’s La Vie En Rose, and it was right there, track 46: you passed it many times Dean...’ I discreetly peeked behind the wall as Sam knelt to turn the transistor and turned it on. ‘See... I told you.’ he stared at the record fondly as the song played.

‘But it sounded... different.’ Dean complained.

Sam slapped Dean’s shoulder and said ‘first of all you were asleep. Second of all, you dreamed while the song played and the song got distorted: Freudian empiricism of dreams, and thirdly that’s the furthest you were invested in a song genre that wasn’t rock and roll--’

‘but--’

‘If you continue, I will lose my appetite and start to worry if some witch hexed you...’ I hurried my pace towards the kitchen as I watched Sam walking towards the kitchen. But I failed miserably, as my relatively small legs could not compete with his long strides.

‘ _ , I thought you were in the kitchen’ Sam asked me, his brows furrowed in suspicion. ‘Um... I-uh, went to the bathroom and--’

‘The bathroom is right there...’ Sam pointed at the other direction, and then his furrow changed into amusement, ‘wait a minute... were you eavesdropping on us?’

Before I could defend myself Sam figured everything out, ‘that explains why Dean was so nicely tucked in the couch... you did that... did you even?’ Sam was blatantly smiling at me, ‘don’t tell me you sang Dean to sleep and that jerk doesn’t even remember that... oh my god!’ Sam practically bounced on his place, ‘you gotta tell him right now...’

I grabbed Sam’s palm and gathered them in my hands ‘please I beg you, that would be the death of me... please don’t do this to me...’

‘Okay okay fine... we won’t’ Sam added compassionately, ‘but someday, you gotta do that.’

Sorry I am a bit Frenchie here. Just started to learn it and I have nowhere to practice it. So feel free to correct me. Also I couldn’t uses les accents because my keyboard doesn’t support it. So forgive me for that. 

[peakwealth]

The long shadows of Aurora

Morning. Olive groves north of Puente Genil, Andalucía, October 2020.

Seven o'clock is early by Spanish standards. In the street where I live, any visible activity before nine would be considered suspicious if not antisocial. One of my neighbours takes exception to any noise, however slight, before 10:30 or eleven. She has warned me.

But I'm not at home, I'm in the country. Different rules apply. As I crawl out of my sleeping bag, open the sliding door and look around the parking area where I have discreetly spent the night, a truck rumbles by. Then another one, going the other way. Standing a little uncertainly beside the furgoneta in the chill of early dawn, I contemplate the nascent light in the east. I have come to like this moment, the first promise of the new day, its erotic awakening, everything. It's even better when I wake up in nature, camped out in a field or in a forest, but those spots are more difficult to find, even in a country as empty as Spain.

As I remember it now, much of my early education was wasted on me. They tried to teach us about mythology in secondary school (in Latin and Greek, no less), but we children had our minds elsewhere. Or at least I did. Which means my understanding of the ancient gods and their extended families never amounted to much (something for which I was once taken to task by a minor French film maker whose name I forget). Recently, though, I have developed an intimacy with the goddess of the dawn, Aurora.

An early pastoral encounter. Sierra de Hornachuelos National Park (October 2020)

Beyond the magic of the light itself, the return of life, there are the rituals of early morning. When I'm on the road that means finding a café that opens early. By some unwritten rule, most Spanish towns and villages have at least one bar that opens early, usually at seven, sometimes at six. Not that you can always count on it. I have found myself crawling erratically in first gear around still-sleepy villages, looking for the fluorescent lights of a bar, only to be disappointed. Too small. On to the next.

Farmers and truckers get up early, as do the elderly insomniacs who have been waiting for this moment to get out of the house and head for the bar. They don't mind the bleak ceiling lights or the rough, bitter coffee. Many have a stiff drink on the side to help them kickstart the day. It may be just another weekday morning in rural Andalucía, but there's an uncomplicated camaraderie about this time of day with the regulars shouting above the din of clanking cups and saucers, the hiss of the coffee machine and the news from Madrid on the flatscreen above the bar. “They’re all thieves,” someone will say watching the screen and the others will moan in agreement.

By the time that first, urgent café con leche is finished, the fog of night has lifted and sunrise can't be far off. I feel stabilized, ready to move on. An hour or so later comes the second act of the morning ritual, breakfast. Finding the perfect place is less of an emergency than the first coffee, so I take my time looking for somewhere to linger over my toast in the warmth of the early sun. It might be a in a village or at a roadside gasolinera. For some reason Spanish petrol stations have bars that can be inexplicably pleasant, gregarious social hubs, as most Spanish bars tend to be anyway. While the early morning establishments tend to be men-only (and of a certain age), this is not the case later on.

Something to be grateful for (at the Portuguese border on N-521, south of Marvão, October 2020).

Much of all this, I should explain, has come about as a result of the pandemic. Back in May, as we were de-escalating and de-confining ourselves from the first nationwide lockdown, Spain's internal borders reopened, followed by European ones. Remained the risk of using public transport, especially planes. I realized I’d be stuck close to home for some time and that my usual life of travel - Málaga today, Hong Kong tomorrow and Montréal next week - was on indefinite hold, if not worse.

I never expected to buy a car again. My life had been well organized for many years around walking and public transport, near and far. Cycling too until I broke both hips. But the idea of getting a van, a furgoneta just big enough to sleep in was not entirely new. A year or so ago I had spent some time looking at various commercial Citroëns and Renaults, checking their suitability as basic camping cars. There were millions of them in Spain, mostly white.

Before long I found myself driving my very own white van straight out of a dealer’s showroom. I took out the rear seat, et voilà. The sense of freedom is exhilarating as I explore the back roads of southern Spain, Michelin map by my side. Waking up in the car at dawn, sometimes in unlikely places, contemplating the grey emerging day, is part of the adventure. A private pleasure.

[tothestars-bowen]

Greek Mountain Tea

I tried adding a photo but for some reason Tumblr won’t upload it properly (though knowing my luck it’ll upload later and I’ll look a bit silly)

ANYWAY, I made some Greek Mountain Tea today. It’s made from the Sideritis/Ironwort plant (a close relative of sage) and is found on the hillsides of Greece. It’s been used for medicinal purposes by people for thousands of years.

This tea is great for fighting sore throats and colds. It is also a good anti-inflammatory and can help digestion and blood pressure. It smells and tastes pretty much like sage, so bear that in mind if you want to try!

How to make:

You’ll need: A teaspoon of Mountain Tea (leaves, flowers and stalks) Water Honey/sugar to taste (optional, but if you brew the tea stronger it can be a bit bitter)

Put a small pot of water on medium heat. Add the tea and bring to the boil. Once boiling, take the pot off the heat and let the mixture steep for 5-10 minutes, depending on taste. Sweeten to taste and voilà!

[florahecate]

Read More 30 Surprising Foods That Taste So Much Better Grilled

The following post 30 Surprising Foods That Taste So Much Better Grilled is republished from Eat This Not That by Cheyenne Buckingham

Depending on where you live in the U.S., grilling season may vary from just a few months out of the year when summer rolls around to all year round. Regardless of whether you get to fire up the grill whenever you please or have to wait patiently for warmer weather to arrive, grilling gives just about any food—not just meat—a boost in flavor. Grilling fruit over the fire, for example, allows the naturally-occurring sugar (fructose) in fruit to caramelize, something that only the grill can emulate. See which surprising foods take on an amplified flavor once they hit the grill, and, well, simply taste better when they’re grilled!

1

Watermelon

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

There’s nothing quite like sinking your teeth into a cold piece of watermelon, which is why grilling such a refreshing fruit may seem a bit counterproductive? Well, it’s not—trust us. In fact, grilled watermelon pairs very well with feta cheese and balsamic vinegar. Or, you could grill cubes of the fruit and make kebabs with a yogurt and honey dipping sauce.

2

Peaches

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

Chef Patrick Ochs, Corporate Executive Chef at Pubblica Italiana and Dalia at The Celino Hotel, says that grilling a peach is the great way to get the best of both worlds: sweet and savory. It’s really simple to do, too. First, cut the peach in half and remove the pit. Next, grill the open sides of the fruit on high heat until grill marks appear. “Chop and add to a salad, or as a complement to any grilled meat dish for a sweet and savory flavor kick,” says Ochs.

3

Calamari

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

Grilling calamari is the surprising alternative to its traditional fried counterpart. Try tossing the squid into a salad—as we did in this spicy grilled calamari salad recipe—and serve as an appetizer at your next dinner party!

4

Avocado

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This creamy fruit may be delicious as-is, but grilling it inevitably gifts this source of healthy fats a smoky flavor. Not to mention, grilling helps to speed up the ripening process, which is convenient if you bought an unripe avocado for a recipe that you’re making that day!

5

Pound Cake

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You could warm up a few slices of sweet pound cake in the oven or microwave, but why not take the dessert to the next level presentation-wise by plopping it on the grill? Top the slice of pound cake with berries and a dollop of whipped cream, and you’re likely to impress your guests even more. Plus, how pretty do those grill marks look?

6

Donuts

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As if donuts weren’t irresistible in their fried (and sometimes baked) state, grilling them apparently enhances their flavor even more. Grab a dozen of Krispy Kreme donuts, slice them in half, and then place them on the grill. If you’re really looking for a splurge, you can even make a fruit sauce from blueberries, Chombard, butter, and sugar to drizzle atop your grilled donut masterpiece.

7

Romaine Lettuce

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

Instead of chopping up that romaine immediately after washing it, try putting in on the grill. Need a recipe? We’ve got you covered! Try our grilled Caesar salad recipe—it’s not nearly as caloric as most Caesar salads served in restaurants, and it’s easy to make. A win-win situation indeed.

8

Pineapple

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

Pineapples pack a lot of juice, which may be one of the main reasons you enjoy it so much. However, grilling the fruit allows for that excess juice to drip off, which may result in a less messy experience. Grill rings of pineapple for a sundae, or place them on top of burger patties to add some sweetness to a savory dish.

RELATED: These are the easy, at-home recipes that help you lose weight.

9

Bananas

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

Banana splits are timeless, but have you ever tried a grilled banana split? Grilling a banana gives it a caramelized flavor, which marries well with something sweet and chilled such as a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream.

10

Grapefruit

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Grilled grapefruit is a paleo-friendly snack anyone will love! Caramelize the fruit half with one teaspoon of honey and one tablespoon of coconut oil. Sprinkle cinnamon or nutmeg on top for some extra, natural flavor—and skip the sugar!

11

Oysters

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Raw oysters are a great go-to happy hour order, but have you ever tried them grilled? Blend butter with fresh garlic and top with an herb or even hot sauce for a delicious snack. Fun fact: oysters are loaded in omega-3s, which is an important component for staving off a stroke.

12

Scallions

Scallions pack a lot of flavor on their own, and while they aren’t as pungent as red onion, for example, they often aren’t eaten by themselves, but rather chopped and added to dishes as a garnish. Chef Ochs recommends seasoning the green onion with salt and oil. “Adding grilled scallions to a dish can add the perfect addition of impeccable flavor, and can also be used chopped and mixed in a vinaigrette or puree,” he says.

13

Artichokes

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Artichokes aren’t often one the most desired vegetables…that is, unless it’s added in a spinach artichoke dip. The vegetable is a good source of vitamin C, an important antioxidant that supports immune function and fends off illness. Try grilling artichokes with lemon and garlic for a special treat.

14

Pizza

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Ditch the oven and fire up the grill—it’s time to start experimenting with cooking a pizza pie atop an open fire. Slide a ceramic pizza stone under the dough to help balance the intensity of the flames from the grill.

15

Apples

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Do you see a reoccurring theme here? Grilling fruit takes the flavor to the next level. Pair these apples with low-sugar Greek yogurt for a healthful, protein-packed snack, or add them to a grilled cheese and Brie sandwich for an extra special treat.

16

Halloumi Cheese

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“One of the best cheeses to grill,” says Ochs. “Halloumi cheese actually has a very high melting point, that allows you to get extremely nice grill marks. Add to any salad or burger, and voilà!”

17

Asparagus

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Rarely do you nosh on asparagus in its raw form—it’s more palatable once it’s been sautéed, especially with another savory element such as a shallot. Try grilling the vegetable for an added smoky savor.

18

Brie

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Cheese and crackers, anyone? Brie is an intense cheese, but applying heat to this potent cheese can potentially make this pungent cheese that much more appetizing. Serve with crackers and maybe even drizzle a balsamic reduction on top.

19

Bacon

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Tired of having to dispose of the bacon grease from the skillet? Ditch the stove-top method and, instead, fire up the ol’ grill outside. This way you won’t have to worry about clogging your drain or causing the whole house to reek of bacon.

20

Grapes

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Marinade red seedless grapes for a day in vinegar, olive oil, brown sugar, and crushed garlic. Then, slide them onto skewers and grill. Pair with a delicate and mild cheese such as fresh burrata.

21

Palm

“I love grilled hearts of palm,” says Julian Garriga, executive chef at the upcoming Seawell Fish N’ Oyster, opening this summer in Miami Beach. “They are great in salads, but even better chopped up in a pasta, baked mac n’ cheese or a vegetarian taco. It adds a great smoky and crunch factor.”

22

Cauliflower

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Often fried cauliflower is served as an appetizer with ranch. But if you’re trying to watch your waistline, it may be time to nix the fried version of this vegetable and opt for a healthier alternative. Chef Ochs says to slice the cauliflower into large steak-like portions and to grill at low heat until the cruciferous vegetable becomes tender. Then, “put on high heat to get a nice char out of it,” he says. Garnish the grilled cauliflower with herbs like cilantro or parsley if you wish!

23

Plantains

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Plantains are much tastier to eat once they have been cooked, and grilling inevitably lends the starchy food a charred flavor. Glaze the unsweet plantain with a mixture of butter, brown sugar, and vinegar so that it caramelizes on the grill.

24

Apricots

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

If you enjoy munching on dried apricots as a snack, there’s a good chance you’ll be a fan of apricots in their fresh form, too! For a healthy dessert, try grilling the fruit and adding Greek yogurt to the center where the pit originally was. Then, drizzle maple syrup and sprinkle chopped, toasted walnuts to the top of the fruit once plated.

25

Shortcake

Mitch Mandel and Thomas MacDonald

As if shortcake wasn’t mouthwatering without the grill, the flavor becomes even more prevalent with grill marks. Seriously. Give this grilled strawberry shortcake with balsamic recipe a test run and see for yourself.

26

Jackfruit

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Calling all vegans and vegetarians: this mock BBQ sandwich is super delicious and meatless! Grill jackfruit and drench the stuff in your favorite BBQ sauce as a pork alternative.

27

Mango

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Either eat grilled mango as-is or use it to make a homemade chutney.

28

Lobster

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Fire-roasted lobster? Sounds like a delicious endeavor to us! Make sure to grill the lobster with lemon because, according to Chef Ochs, “grilling a lemon lightly caramelizes it, makes it a bit sweeter, and adds a charred flavor. It’s great to add layer and depth in flavor to any dish!”

29

Clams

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Why go to a seafood place for fried clam strips when you can grill buttery clams in the comfort of your own backyard?

30

Endive and Radicchio

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“Great for a quick grilled salad,” says Ochs. “Season with salt and pepper, brush with olive oil, and grill until lightly charred. Finish with a touch of aged balsamic and shaved parmesan cheese.”

The post 30 Surprising Foods That Taste So Much Better Grilled appeared first on Eat This Not That.