#so i was thinking about this since charlotte came out because i checked her cons and was like whot the fuck is this

[nya-vivi]

Not to be that person but hoyoverse has transcribed Charlotte's constellation wrong and I can't bear to even look at it.

The word is from Greek and they transcribed 'hualina' instead of 'hyalina'. υ is pronounced like a y or a French u.

They really have to use the obscurest words 💀

[sapphyreopal5]

Probably sounds terrible on my part to have missed this notification but last night I was thinking about a man I briefly dated over 11 years ago. I looked on his Facebook and saw a comment on my last birthday post to him from 8/4/2023 I somehow missed from 40 weeks ago. It was a comment from this guy's sister named Whitney telling me that earlier that year he passed away. It turns out he passed away 4/1/2023 unexpectedly, not sure what happened.

I remember dating him briefly, went out on 2 dates to be exact before he was incarcerated a county away. I remember this young man rode a motorcycle to both of the dates we went on. Maybe a few days after I had stopped hearing from him I recall one of his younger brothers reached out to me via Facebook Messenger at one point letting me know what happened to him. I in turn had to tell our Anatomy & Physiology professor what happened to him to which he decided to give him a W for Withdrawal since he knew his sister Whitney (who would he that ended up telling me he passed away over 11 years later).

He is who I affectionately called my pen pal from years ago, as I spent that summer making visits to him at times and wrote to him. I was at Sunset Beach when he was released. I remember the very last time I spoke to him on the phone was while I was at Sunset Beach. It was when I returned home is when I found suddenly my phone calls weren't being answered and phone calls never went to voicemail. On Facebook, nothing couldn't find him. Realizing I had been ghosted, I threw away the letters he had sent. I kind of regret doing that now in a way but it is what it is.

Turns out after I asked him via Messenger back in 2019 that he figured I deserve better than him. Said that he ended up getting into drugs and alcohol a lot because of the pain from having the plate in his spine from a hit and run (and left for dead) in a parking garage from years ago. Also told me that he tells his friends I'm the one that got away to which I said "more like pushed away." He did apologize for hurting me and does mean what he said. The very last time I spoke to him was related to some political post he wrote which was back in 2021.

Interesting timing with finding out he passed away given the current state of things. I also returned from another beach just 4 days ago aroudn 2am and it is now that I discover he is truly gone from this world for good. I checked to see what date it was 40 weeks ago when I read his sister Whitney's comment letting me know her brother passed away earlier last year. The date? Friday, 10/13/2023. I will say I'm saddened by just now discovering this news so late, let alone to hear of his passing. On a side note, it's ironically the same jail he was in when he was my pen pal that's less than 20 min away from the Charlotte SPN Con I went to almost 5 months after he passed away (and not knowing it at the time), which also took place on the same day a former coworker passed away. His higher self Poseidon did tell me that the guy did return to him after he passed away. I'm also aware that it is another Poseidon incarnation's 42nd birthday today who happened to have starred in the movie Friday the 13th (and is the first time I saw him). Happy birthday Jared by the way, I hope your day was happier than mine.

This news I think is rather saddening for me because I do think he was telling me the truth when he said that I was the one that got away. When I was 17 years old and dated someone my parents did not approve of, my dad said to me that if a man cares about a woman but knows her family doesn't approve (for legitimate reasons), he will let her go. Him letting me go in believing I deserved more than what he could give me has been hitting me a little hard today. He seemed to have seen a lot more potential and positive things in me than I even see in myself most times. Before I heard about his passing away, a song from the movie Phenomenon came to mind, Have a Little Faith in Me. I watched the 1996 movie Phenomenon (one of my favorites) a couple days ago and heard the song Dance with Life at the very end. It's a somewhat fitting song for this scenario I think.

I know this is a bit late but rest in peace Blake, I will see you again one day.

[tinysupervicki]

It’s hard to stay away, huh? I did turn off my notifications on twitter but I still peeked. Why are y’all so amazing to me? What did I do to deserve this love? This community?

Since y’all have been there for me ever since my mom passed three years ago, I’d do anything for y’all. I felt I did let y’all down because I’m a content creator and haven’t done anything in so long. It sucks because I’m yearning to do so but lack the time due to now being an adult, working a grueling adult job and living with family.

I believe I will be able to get a place of my own later in the year, I’m really hoping for that. As for my full time job, I’m actively looking for another one. The one I’m at, I feel I work so hard but I’m not appreciated enough. It’s a healthcare industry and I work hard to help people with their needs while management focuses on metrics and numbers. I wanna get out of there.

I haven’t had time to myself and just be selfish for once? So I’m glad I was able to take time off to have a pretty long weekend to enjoy Sizecon 2020 and spend time with friends.

Let’s get started on the recap, shall we? Bare with me, I talk a lot (and not well might I add).

Day 1: Thursday 2/13/20

I woke up at 4 am to catch my flight that leaves at 6:45 am. I thankfully had all my bags packed, I just needed to shower and be ready. My dad took me to the airport and wished me off. At this point, I had plenty of time, even seeing the long TSA line at the Houston airport. I had internally groaned a lot but managed through. After having some minutes to spare, I grabbed a quick bite to eat at one of the dining places, a lovely breakfast bowl that I can have (those of you who don’t know me, I have celiac disease and I have to eat gluten free). Jumped on my flight and comfortably slept in my seat on the plane. The plan was to have a connecting flight to Charlotte, NC and then to Newark, NJ.

Two hours later, I woke up to not at my destination but at Colombia, SC. Apparently, while I was asleep, they had to divert us to the next airport because the weather was really bad in NC. We had two options: stay on the plane and wait it out until we’re back in the air to NC, or get off the plane and figure out another alternative. I stayed, I had plenty of time until my connecting flight was scheduled (which I actually got alerts that it ending up delaying a lot) so I stayed in my seat and watched greys anatomy. About almost an hour passed and we’re finally back up in the air, with more space to breathe since there were people that did leave the plane. Landed safely in NC and I ventured off to find snacks and wait at my gate. It kept delaying but I finally was able to get on my flight to NJ, making my total time at the airport and in the air...all day, I can’t do math lol. I safely landed in NJ at 5:30 pm, I had been awake since 4 am. It was a day.

Yo, I’m gonna get him and his wife a gift, I swear to god, but DJ (aka Giantgripper) saved me by picking me up from the airport and letting me stay the night at his place. When he’s the host, he does one heck of a job as a host. Since I hadn’t eaten a proper meal since 5 in the morning or so, DJ took me to a Mediterranean little mom and pop restaurant that I fell in love with. Had a stuffed pepper and practically cleaned everything off my plate. After we ate, I accompanied DJ while he did some errands for extra things he needed for the con (which did include articles of clothing for the giant cafe lol). I was happy to help as much as I could. After that, we made it back to his place. Once his wife Adri (chibiana) came home from work, we watched a documentary while trying (and failing with me because I’m a turd) to make different mixed drinks to taste. I ended up going with hot chocolate, I’m a simpleton when it comes to alcohol. A little bit afterwards, I had to pass out, it was a long ass day.

Day 2: Friday 2/14/20

Valentine’s was just another day for me. Woke up, got dressed, and DJ surprised me with a fresh homemade breakfast. It was magnificent, I scrapped the plate then too. Plans for the day was to get allllllll the stuff we need and travel to the hotel, which apparently was an hour and a half away from DJ’s house I believe. Adri had to go do another thing for work and was gonna meet up later. DJ and I traveled to the hotel first. I passed out again in the car, I was so exhausted from before I guess it had hit me again.

We made it to the hotel and unpacked the car with my stuff, his and Adri’s bags, and things for the con. I got to say quick hellos to people I knew that were already there (gave a big ass hug to Miss Kaneda, she’s so precious and a big hug to IamFilledwithStatic). I was going to be sharing a room with shortmarcy, Morgana (Moe), and Guiri. So since I had arrived first, I will check in first; Morgana and Guiri were still flying from Spain and shortmarcy didn’t come until the next morning. Since it was under shortmarcy’s name and the deposit was paid under her, She had to call to have the hotel let me check in for her. In turn, I had to put my card on file. I thought I was being a responsible adult and I thought it was gonna charge like half of the charge or something but...they charged the full price of the hotel. Which was $503...which was basically everything in my bank account. I didn’t know that was gonna happen, I panicked and just sat on the couch outside of the con area while Robyn (goddess-rei) comforted me. I had to come to terms that shit happens and I had no money for the weekend. But I graciously had the best of friends this weekend, I’ll get to that in a sec.

After my bumming out, I changed to put on my blouse for the valentines banquet (one of my guaranteed dinners that night lol). I met up with Morgana and Guiri and also sillylilbug (she’s so adorably sweet). We had our own table along with my friend Joe (CaptainRandGTS, who is a phenomenal photographer btw). We ate some good food and they took account of my gluten free (however I think the chimichurri steak may have upset my stomach). I said goodnight and went to my room to basically turn the bathroom up XD I had changed into my pajamas to head downstairs to get water and pain medicine when I turned the corner and saw a group of people walking down the hall. Guys, I’m still getting used to this, but the group was like, “Is that Vicki?!” “That is her!” And I was like WHAT. It was my lovely friends sviolet, mansquishers, mister finch, Joseph moestar, and Strongshadow2018. I was so surprised and honored, I was gushing. I got to hang out with them in their hotel room for a bit, played cards against humanity (I WON!) and ate ridiculously delicious gluten free cookies misterfinch made.

Day 3: Saturday 2/15/20

Con day. This day was a bit of a blur honestly (my mind is not the same people) but I know I took this day to “try” and relax. I was still bummed about my money problem but I had enough to buy the breakfast buffet meal ticket. My idea was to chow down a lot of food (since it was a buffet) so I won’t ask for food but that did not happen because I have wonderful friends?? Towards noon, I went to ihop with my crew (we called each other the sizecon crew lol) with sviolet, mansquishers, mister finch, Joseph moestar, and strongshadow2018. We had a nice time and I was so grateful for the lunch! Once we headed back to the hotel, we split up to do more con shenanigans. I met so many people, it was amazing. People I already knew and new people as well. It was awesome to match names to faces, it was so cool. I’m telling you though, my mind is not the same so I can’t list out the whole list of everyone I’ve seen. Then I got to see my good friend Steve (Miles Striker). I’m so fucking proud of this dude. He showed me a film he wrote, recorded, and edited all by himself, it was mindblowing. We had to go back downstairs after that because I forgot I had a social to lead and he had panels to go to. I stopped by the giant cafe, that was fucking wild. I ran the Fluffy Feels Social and I did my best because I’ve never ran something like that. But I’m glad we all liked the same thing and we just kept talking! It was getting late to when the Playroom was gonna start, so I headed back upstairs. Chilled a bit more with my crew and then headed back downstairs. I don’t know what got over me, but I gathered enough courage and joined the nude swimming party. I cannot believe I did that, that was a big step for me. Kinda sucked getting out though because I didn’t have extra clothes and it was fucking cold.

Day 4: Sunday 2/16/20

Technically last day of the con but it was the busiest. I spent all morning practicing my skit for the Tiny Cafe. I was nervous and pacing around in my hotel room, making sure I get it right. Around 12:30, I headed down to meet up with the rest of the cafe to get ready when we start at 1 pm. I could not describe how nervous I was. I wanted to make sure I didn’t mess up and I know I was lip syncing (graciously provided by Anoka’s vocals) I was still nervous as fuck. This was a performance and I’m now more confident talking to others about my kink/aesthetics but performing? Oh lawd. We had a big crowd apparently, I was surprised. We had to get more chairs and apparently turn people away? THAT MADE MY NERVES SKYROCKET. The cafe starts with a wonderful performance by Adri (Chibiana) then followed by cute transitions from our servers mini-moo and shortmarcy. Then it’s time for our skit: Veronica (Jitensha), me, and Aim were shrunk and sung songs about our giants. I was first (omg) and mine was in the style of “Maria” from west side story (Veronica called it Shrunken side story). I was shaking like a leaf and tried my best to get through the whole song while doing silly quirks of mine. Once that was done, I rushed back from my spot XD it was Veronica’s turn to sing about a giant dick lol and Aim serenading a giant lady. After our skit, it was the grand finale of Morgana performing a dance in a giant hamster ball. It was incredible. Despite my anxiety, I’m glad I did this and we did so amazing (we made tips!!!!).

Right after that was done, I had to rush to lead a social of Giant men and Tiny women. It was a small turnout but we still got people and we talked a lot. When that was done, I rushed to be on my first panel of the day: Owning what you love. After that was the Macrophile panel and then after that was the Diversity panel. I was on all of them and they were back to back, I was a busy lady lol. After that panel, I was free! Since I made tips from the cafe and I was broke from the hotel, I got to buy a few things in the vendor hall. Was able to say hi to some people I knew like scridam, the reducer, miss kaneda, iamfilledwithstatic, robclassact, and aborigen. It was also mister finch’s birthday so since I was free for the night, I went with the crew to go celebrate at a restaurant. That was such a nice time, I swear everything I did this weekend I wanted to experience again. When we came back to the hotel after dinner (after a quick stop to the liquor store lol), I was able to make it in time for the closing ceremony. Hearing everyone’s words touched my heart and reminded me why I love this community. So I was able to give a speech to say that; this is my second home when I lost my only home when my mom passed. God, that room was filled with so much love. I went back upstairs and hung out more with the crew and watched Promare (pretty sick movie). I was gonna head to bed but I hung out more with Steve and we watched a movie before passing out.

Day 5: Monday 2/17/20

It was time to say all of my goodbyes to everyone that had to leave. I gave so many hugs and love, I just miss them all. Most of the crew had to head out, except for sviolet, she had her flight in the afternoon. So we went out to breakfast at a Mexican restaurant, reminiscing this whole weekend. We came back to the hotel to chill in my hotel room. Morgana and Guiri were leaving to the airport back to Spain and shortmarcy wanted to venture to NYC before she went home the next day. So sviolet and I chilled in my room before she had to head out.

Then for the rest of the evening, I had the room to myself. I watched law and order svu whole packing and double checked I had everything. I waited up for shortmarcy to come back (I was so worried) but she made it back after 10 pm safe and sound. At that point, I had to go to bed because my flight in the morning was at 5:45 am.

Day 6: Tuesday 2/18/20

I woke up at 3 am to get to the airport on time and my Lyft driver I got...I had a feeling he was having a bit of fun by himself before he picked me up. Because it stunk in the car of cum. Whatever, I held in my breath and made it to the airport safely. My flights were on time and I slept on each one. I did not want to go back home.

Back to reality and I hate the after con blues! Especially with how much this con and community means to me.

Hoping there’s a next year and I’m ready to help as usual.

Y’all have a goodnight ❤️

[imaginationintowords]

About Time.

Chris Evans x Reader fluff

word count: 1551

Requested.

Plot:  He and reader are co-stars in the MCU, and they kind of secretly like each other, but in denial. At a comic-con panel the cast give a few hints about them liking each other, and they later set them up together.

We were all backstage talking, killing time before our big comic con panel. I was talking with Elizabeth Olsen, Lizzy.

“Nervous?” she asked, nodding to my fidgety fingers.

“Just a little anxious. No matter how many times we do this, it won’t ever be ‘normal’.” I tell her. 

“You’re telling me.” someone says from behind me.

I turn around to be greeted by the ever so handsome, Chris Evans.

“Hey Chris.” I smiled, feeling a bit of my nerves fading away.

“If you get too anxious, just squeeze my hand. I’ll be right there to help.” he smiled.

“Thanks Chris.” I smiled, trying to fight the blush forming on my cheeks.

“Anything for you.” he winked, before grabbing a water bottle and joining Robert and Hemsworth’s conversation.

I couldn’t help the smile growing on my face, and the redness on my cheeks.

“Seriously [Y/N], I don’t know what you two are waiting for.” she says.

“What do you mean?” I ask confused.

“You, Chris, - wait. Are you being serious?” she says, even more confused than I am.

“I don’t have any clue as to what you’re talking about.” I tell her, still not getting it.

“Oh, sweet [Y/N]. You’ll get it eventually.” she said, patting my shoulder.

“Okay. Everyone, please line up. Five minutes!” a stage hand announced.

I got in my place in between Chris and Hemsworth.

As they began calling our names, we walked out to be greeted by a room full of screams.

“You good?” Chris turned around and asked me.

“Yeah. I’m good.” I smiled.

“Now you know him as Captain America, please welcome Chris Evans!” the moderator announced.

“Show time.” Chris says, before walking out.

“Now introducing the talented, and wonderful [Y/N]!”

You walked out smiling and waving to the sea of people, making your towards your seat next to Chris.

----

Everything was going smoothly, we were about an hour into the panel, and it was time for audience questions. Those always make me the most nervous, because you never know what they’re going to ask.

“Can we expect any new romances?” a fan asked.

“Great question! Perfect for Evans, and [Y/N] to answer, since they know all about romances.” Robert says winking towards us.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chris nervously laughed.

“Oh. Just that you and  [Y/N] have first hand experience in that department.” Robert teases, causing the crowd to erupt.

"I think what Robert means, is that our characters have a romantic history." I quickly say, to get the focus back on track.

"Yeah, that's exactly what he meant." Scarlet sarcastically says, quietly into the microphone.

"Right. Our characters romance has been hinted at since the end of Age of Ultron." Chris says, ignoring Scarlet's remark.

"The kiss!" someone shouted from the crowd.

"Ah the kiss, right." Chris says, remembering that fan favorite moment.

"Steamy kiss. Had the whole crew shook up." Hemsworth said.

"Had to hose these two down afterwards." he continued to tease, getting the exact response he wanted from the crowd.

I rolled my eyes at his comment.

"I really thought these two were going to take it back to their trailer." Robert jokes.

"Robert!" I shrieked, in complete shock.

"Hey. It was a nice, hot steamy kiss, you two should be very proud of yourselves." Robert raised his hands in defense.

"Okay. Okay. Knock it off you two. Give the lovebirds a break." Elizabeth says, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention.

"We're not lovebirds." I cautiously say.

"Yeah. [y/n] and I are just friends. The second you hear action, you just get lost in your characters." Chris said, smiling at me.

"Exactly. And I think you'll see that in this new movie also. The differences between Steve and Charlotte, and the dynamics of their relationship, and how it all plays out." I finish off the answer.

------

The rest of the panel went by smoothly, the comments towards Chris’ and I calmed down, thankfully.

We all made our way back to the backstage area.

“Some panel, huh.” Chris asked as we made our way to the craft’s table.

“Yeah. For the most part, I think it went smoothly.” I laugh.

“Once we got the children off a certain topic.” he smiles, as Elizabeth came up to us.

“Hey you two. Me and the rest of the crew were going to dinner later tonight. You two in?” she asks us.

“Sounds good to me.” I say.

“Same here.” Chris agrees.

“Perfect. I’ll text you two the time and the place.”

------

I got to the restaurant at the same time as Chris.

“Hey. Are we the first ones to arrive?” I asked him as we stepped into the restaurant.

“Looks that way.” he said looking around for the rest of the group, as we walked up to the hostess podium.

“Hi. We are here under the Robert reservation.” I tell her.

“Ah yes. Robert for two.” she tells us.

“Uh. No. It should actually be a bigger party. Around 15.” I tell her, sharing a confused look with Chris, as he checks his phone.

“I’m sorry. We only have it down for two.” she apologizes, flipping through her reservations book.

“That can’t be right.” I turn towards Chris.

“Actually, it is. Looks like everyone cancelled.” he said showing me the group chat.

“What a coincidence.” I sarcastically say.

“Will you two still be joining us for dinner tonight?” the hostess asks.

“Might as well. Since we’re here.” Chris shrugs.

“Wouldn’t hurt.” I smiled up at him.

The hostess lead us through the restaurant to our table. Chris had his hand placed on my lower back as we walked through, I could feel the goosebumps take over my body.

“You look really nice tonight.” Chris comments, once we are seated.

“Thank-you. So do you.” I blushed, glancing down at the menu.

------

A few drinks, a full meal, and many laughs later, Chris and I decided to walk the short distance back to our hotel.

“It’s such a nice night out.” I say glancing up at the sky, rubbing my arms as I feel a cold chill.

“Are you cold? Here take my jacket.” Chris said, taking off his jacket before I could protest.

“Thanks.” I smile at him, and he winks back.

“So, do you really think it was a coincidence that everyone magically cancelled tonight?” he asks, walking very closely to me.

“After what happened at today’s panel? I’m going to have to say no.” I laugh.

“Those guys, will be the death of us.” He shakes his head playfully.

“I mean, they weren’t wrong.” I tell him.

“About what?” he asked.

“I mean, that kiss was a pretty steamy one.” I playfully nudge him, causing him to let out a loud laugh.

“It was, wasn’t it.” he agreed.

There was a comfortable silence that fell between us as we walked.

"I'm glad we had tonight." Chris said after awhile.

"Me too. I had a really great time. It's not everyday I get to have dinner with great company."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure men are knocking down your door to take you out." he says.

"You would think so, but no." I lightly laugh at his assumption.

"Seriously?" he asked flabbergasted.

"Don't be so surprised. These days men are either intimidated by your success, or by your independence." I explain to him.

"Well there loss. They're missing out on someone truly wonderful." he smiles at me.

"Thanks, but you have to say that. We're friends." I blush, pushing away the butterfly feeling in my stomach.

"Yeah. Friends." he sighs.

"What if we weren't just friends?" Chris asks after a few seconds of silence, stopping a few feet from our hotel.

"What?" I asked confused, and stopping next to him.

"What if we weren't just friends. What if we had more nights like tonight." he says.

"I"m sorry. I'm confused." I say, feeling a little lightheaded.

"I mean we both had a great night, right. We've known each other for years. It's not this crazy coincidence that everyone cancelled. They've teased our relationship since our first scene together. We get along great." He says wholeheartedly.

"I'm not intimidated by you. Hell, I admire all those things about you and more. I think you're fucking incredible. I always tried to push those feelings away because, why would anyone as wonderful as you want to be with someone like me? But after tonight, if I don't go for it, I might always wonder what could've been. And I've been imaging what if's since I first met you. I'm done being afraid because I now know what I've been missing." he passionately continues, catching me off guard, but making my heart leap.

I can feel my eyes begin to water.

"I know this may all be too much, but I couldn't hold it in any longer." he finishes.

I'm at a lost for words, so I do the only thing I can think of.

I stood on the tip of my toes, and reached for the back of his head, gently crashing my lips against his. I could sense the surprise coming from him, but he quickly regained composure and began to kiss back. I could feel him wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me in closer.

There we stood for awhile, my arms around his neck, just kissing. Enjoying this moment that took us too long to get to.

After awhile we both pulled back with matching smiles on our faces.

"I'll take that as you feel the same way." he whispers.

"I feel the same way." I whisper back, pressing another kiss to his lips.

"I guess we'll have to thank the guys later." he says, causing me to laugh lightly.

"They're never going to let us live this down." I say, feeling the smile on my face growing by the second.

"We'll be able to manage." he smiles, leaning in for another kiss.

[neshabeingchildish]

Poly Wanna? Ch. 7

This is probably my messiest chapter YET. We get some action too, and some pain and even some violence, so TW for that. I didn’t put a warning on the ffnet post, but I think most of the readers read this here anyway and only my two muffins read on that end. They know who they are. At any rate, prepare to drama to the fullest reality TV style extent.

Lemme know if I need to take you off the tag. Idk who’s actually reading because I’ve only heard from a couple of people, so idk if y’all still interested.

@adorkable-blackgirl  @chenoahchantel @ciara-knightly @cactus-con @up-the-tube @riebellion  @itsyaapollochild@oof–musicals @lesbian-so-what @woahjusttakeiteasy-man @meadowstryingtobepretty @imma-sensitive-btch @okaygal21 @midernacht @divinereign4ever @xoxoemille

The Unspoken Stories

“You know how sometimes, people say things like ‘I had a feeling about this’ or ‘I simply just knew,” or anything else to indicate that they possessed some intuition about things? I often wonder where that comes from? Is it like Charlotte says - the universe, energy, spirit, etc or whatever, or is it something inside of you that just tells you, like a superpower? I don’t tend to have a lot of intuition about many things. I tend to try to assess what I see, but I’m usually battling with multiple questions about exactly what that is. I don’t have any intuition that I know of, so the feeling that I’ve been getting around Char and Jasp… I think it’s probably wishful thinking, but they’re warming up to me.”

Jasper decided that a good place to maybe talk out some of Charlotte’s tension, as it related to Henry and the other two girls was to have them air it out at the spa. Henry and Charlotte both thought that was a terrible idea, but he raised a good point, “Would it be better at a fancy restaurant, at dinner, where drinks might be thrown? Or at one of our homes, where possessions might be damaged? At least if things go poorly, everyone can go to a different room and get some stress relief treatment.” 

“Why are your expectations filled with violence?” Charlotte wondered, knowing that he probably was lowkey accusing her of possibly whipping somebody’s ass. 

She wasn’t violent, so much as she had been more likely to fight since her breakup with Henry. That was the first time she struck someone in anger, and it felt good at the moment, but definitely bad afterwards. Even if she hadn’t hurt her wrist, she hurt her pride. She let him make her so mad that she resorted to putting her hands on someone. She didn’t like that about herself. And, it made it easier for her to be willing to put her hands on others, since then. Boxing helped, though. Punching a bag instead of punching people, whether or not they deserved it, kept her from punching her dad right in the chin any time that she saw him.

“Because, I’ve had to pull my girlfriend backstage for fighting customers,” Jasper answered simply.

“Wasn’t a fight. He grabbed me and I defended myself.”

“You broke a glass over his head. I’ve DROPPED those glasses, numerous times. Do you know the level of not with the shits you have to be to break one of those on a human being?” Jasper wondered.

“He had a thick skull,” she said and shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not violent. I’m defensive. There’s a difference. Whenever I punched at Henry, it was a reflex to him grabbing me when I was trying to leave and was already pissed. I’ve only ever hit men who made me feel threatened or violated my space. They might rule this world, but I’m not a part of any man’s inheritance.”

Charlotte had a WHOLE regimen planned for the day. She had checked on the prices and made a checklist of what she was having done and they had decided that their chat could be held in the steam room. She and Jasper rode together, of course. He had his hair pulled up into a tiny bun that she kept snapping photos of and K(her)SL. Along with the stubble on his face, he looked so “Daddy,” and she lived for it, but that bun was SENDING her. 

The owner of the spa (the one with the history with Henry that he never quite acknowledged) made sure to be there herself to make sure that the group was treated fairly. Charlotte hoped to see some juicy backlash, but Henry was already there when she and Jasper came in, sweet-talking her. There were flowers there and a handwritten card. She was guessing that he apologized… She stopped Jasper and asked, “Is that Henry’s handwriting?” in a quiet voice.

“Girl, no. Henry has a pensman.”

“That’s not a real word.”

“Penman?”

“Somebody writes letters for Henry?”

“Whenever he wants to suck up extra hard. The dyslexia, you know, makes letters from him more heartfelt?”

“But, if he didn’t WRITE it himself, how is it heartfelt?”

“She doesn’t know he didn’t write it.” Charlotte started to put him on blast, but they needed to have the big conversation and she could always clarify with homegirl, later. There was no way that she was gonna just let that woman be played out by this boy again. 

Henry smiled at Charlotte and Jasper as they approached. “Look who it is! My favorite people!” He cheered and went to hug them. “Got you some flowers,” he said and handed each of them a yellow rose. 

Jasper forced a smile, but looked sad. Charlotte definitely noticed and wondered, “What’s wrong?” She was on the alert and ready to defend him, if need be. He gave her a kiss on the temple and whispered that he’d rather not get into it. “So, whenever Henry and I were… involved, if he did something mean or hurt me, he’d always apologize with yellow roses. He said yellow roses were for apologies to your friend, and since I’m his best friend, he never wanted to let any kinda problems go unchecked or any kind of hurt he caused me to go without apology… When I went to the hospital, he didn’t even come to see me, but he sent me six dozen yellow roses and I honestly thought that I’d never get another from him. I had a lot of feelings when he handed me a single…”*Starts crying and gets up.*

The spa owner got a whole bouquet of various apology flowers, but since they were having a spa day, Henry felt like single yellow roses were the way to go for his company. He knew that Jasper would get it, if nobody else did. Jasper seemed pretty emotional about it. Henry didn’t have the intuition to know whether it was good or bad. Charlotte had the intuition to know that it was a mixture of both, but she didn’t know the context and that irritated her.

Chloe and Bianca showed up, holding hands and laughing together. Chloe had on some open toe shoes and Charlotte looked down and asked, “Getting something done with those feet today?”

Chloe smiled awkwardly and laughed a little, “Should I?”

“It’s up to you,” Charlotte said, then unintentionally, but intentionally looked right at the camera as she tried to stifle a smile. “My mother used to tell me that I had to remember to moisturize so that I wouldn’t be ashy. I didn’t realize that Chloe needed to moisturize too.” 

Bianca said, “Oh, we should TOTALLY get our feet done!”

“I saw a foot mask made especially for crack repairs,” Charlotte suggested. Henry tried really hard to not laugh, realizing that even though her voice was very sweet, that was most likely shade. Chloe’s feet were looking kinda worn.

“Charlotte must have some kind of foot fetish or something. She was REALLY centered on my feet! What people don’t know is that I’m an athlete. I’ve been on multiple reality show challenges and have even won some seasons. So, yes, my feet are a little less feminine than the girl who can’t decide if she’s a singer or a scientist. I’ve actually gotta get out there and grind.”

“Would you like a naked steam room?” The owner asked. Henry looked around at his company. Bianca and Chloe looked down for it. Jasper didn’t seem to care (or maybe he didn’t hear. He was staring at his rose). Whenever Henry made eye contact with Charlotte, she had a raised eyebrow DARING him to say yes.

“I think we’ll be good in one with clothes?” He said, still looking at Charlotte to see if her face changed. She relaxed a little. 

“Robe sizes needed?” 

Charlotte snuggled up to Jasper and wondered, “Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah,” He looked up at her and smiled. She was a happy part of life. He didn’t need to dwell on the dark parts. “I was just thinking about how lucky I am now, versus how it could have been, how it used to be.”

She nodded, “Well, you won’t be able to bring that into the steam room. You wanna put it in a locker and I can maybe preserve the petals for you when we get home?”

“No,” he said and tossed it into the trash. “I don’t need to hang on to any of that.”

She didn’t know what any of that meant, but she wrapped her arm around him from the side and leaned up to make him bend down for a kiss. “Jasper threw my rose away. I didn’t know if that meant that he didn’t accept my apology or if it meant that there was nothing to be forgiven, but it hurt to see. But, Charlotte, she kissed hers and she put it away safely. I know that she’s probably gonna save the petals, like she used to… or I hope. I don’t have intuition, like I said. I’m guessing, here.”

.

Charlotte kept her spa shoes on her feet, grateful to have them. Who knew what those roach stompers Chloe had might bring into the room with them? Jasper was sweating before they even got into the room. He and Charlotte sat next to each other, Bianca and Chloe sat across from them and Henry tried to figure out where he might be best seated… He decided across from Charlotte and Jasper, since they were what was really important to him and he wanted to look them in the eyes as they did… whatever would be done here today.

“Okay, so, thank you everybody for coming here today. I don’t want to ruin this place for you, so I sucked it up and apologized to the owner, even though most of that was all in her head. I just want everything out, like I told Jasper. I want to deal with it head on and show everyone that I have changed and I want to introduce you to who I am now. I want you to get to know me, today, as I am… But, I also understand that might not be possible without addressing the shit that I’ve done in the past, to everybody here, really. If anybody has any questions or comments, I am open for them.”

Charlotte looked at Jasper, “You wanna talk to him about something between the two of you?” Maybe, Jasper might open up now that they were having this time together. She knew that he wasn’t okay and all she wanted was for him to be better. This whole thing was more of Henry’s idea, she gathered, to curb his guilt, but if Jasper could benefit from it; she wanted that more than anything she wanted for herself. She must really love that dude, she realized.

Jasper cleared his throat and said, “I’m not that concerned with our past. It ended very miserably for me and I didn’t come here, today, or agree to the show to rehash any of that or relive it. But, I’ve been rehashing and reliving things, and you’ve seemed fine. If I want to know anything, it’s about right now. Right now, what is it that you want, Henry? Why are we all here?”

He said in a very low and soft voice, “I just want you two to love me again.” 

Jasper noticeably, immediately went soft and nodded his head. The answer was good enough for him. “What I think a lot of people don’t understand is that no matter WHAT happened between Henry and I, no matter how he hurt me or how I processed it; we were best friends for most of my life. My dad and his mom used to be super close and we were brought together before either of us were conscious about our surroundings.” *Tears up* “We were… soul mates. However you consider that to be. We were connected at the soul, like one person, for a huge portion of my life - my entire fucked up childhood, there was nobody that treated me better than Henry, and why wouldn’t I forgive him for mistakes that were made when we were young and he was already hurting? Nobody gets to control how I choose to respond with him reaching out and asking for my forgiveness. Maybe that’s stupid. Maybe it’s foolish, but how do you hate a part of yourself forever? Even the less shiny parts, you have to figure out a way to live with, and Henry has been a super shiny part and a super dark part of ME. Not just my life, but a part of me. I’ve carried him in my heart since before I knew what love was. Of course I could love him again. I do love him. I never stopped. I never would stop.”

Charlotte wasn’t as moved in the same direction as Jasper, and to be honest, in hindsight, they probably should have had separate conversations, because seeing Jasper just forgive him in his heart, while he might not have actually said it out loud… that made her heart harder. He noticed the darkening of her features as she glared in Henry’s direction and took her hand and kissed it, trying to smooth her over. Because him loving Henry didn’t take anything away from him loving her. He loved both of them for different reasons, in different ways and he never wanted to be apart from her, no matter what kind of love he had for anyone else. “What did you do to him, Henry? What would make this big hearted, kind spirited person who has always taken mistreatment from loved ones with a grain of salt… What would make him turn against you? I do some things that I’m not proud of to Jasper every single day and he still loves me. We watched his parents not give even pinches of fucks about him all throughout school, and he still loved them. We saw him idolize our boss, who wasn’t really that fond of him for many years, and he loved him… So my suspicious self, my smart self, I have to always wonder what in the world that you did to somebody that I LOVE, with most of my heart to make him not love you?”

“I didn’t stop loving him,” Jasper injected. She gently pulled her hand away. “I only say that to say… The things that you’re saying right now, they’re very triggering and just stirring things up and it's not really like that, so please…”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered and nodded at him, empathetically. He took a deep breath and leaned back. “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay, Babe.”

“Please, don’t do that. I hurt you and I don’t want you to just brush it off, like it didn’t happen. Everyone needs to be held accountable for what they do.”

“Every time somebody hurts someone, it isn’t necessarily on purpose. I think that intent matters,” Jasper said. “I love you, too. I don’t care if you hurt me, because I know that wasn’t your intent.”

“But, you’re still hurt.”

“And you feel remorse for that. Don’t beat yourself up.” He hugged her. She was soft, but she was still wondering, “Seriously, what did he do to my man to have him in the bad way that I’ve heard he was in after they broke up?”

Charlotte heard one of the other two girls mumble something and her head snapped in their direction so fast that they both startled. “Did you have something to add? To help out? He didn’t say anything about wanting your love, so what’s the tea? Why are YOU TWO here? Oh, yeah, to discuss your part in all the bullshit.”

Bianca cleared her throat and said, “I was simply saying that you two are so good together that I don’t know why you even care about what Henry wants, at this point.”

“I thought that me and Henry were good together at some point too, but you didn’t right? And that’s fine, you’re entitled to feel how you feel and do what you do. You’re grown, you were grown at the time, and you weren’t involved with me, so I never came at you or confronted you or anything like that. But you, both of you, came over to our place, smiled in my face, played nice with me, and both of you weren’t about shit, behind my back.”

Bianca scoffed a chuckle and said, “Well, we were all pretty young when all of that happened. I had recently learned that you were the one who initially suggested that Henry ask me out, and Chloe felt some kind of way about it…”

Chloe threw in, “Henry and I hadn’t officially broken up, but you were pretty accepting of another girl being brought into his life, back then.”

“GIRL! You are really here, sitting here telling me that the reason you were disrupting my love life was because of something that happened when we were in school?” Charlotte cackled, but there was a terrifying anger in it. “BITCH. PLEASE.”

“Well, today, it’s like 6 or 7 years since that happened and you’re still mad. For me, at the time, it had been maybe about the same amount of time, I was younger, and I thought that Henry had just moved on because of distance, when really, he moved on because you pressured him to move on. I wasn’t even mad that I had lost Henry, but when I found out, I was hurt about it, so I wasn’t that concerned about your relationship, just as you hadn’t been concerned about mine. We’re ALL older and wiser now and I’ve moved on.”

“You’ve moved on because you didn’t have something important taken from you. You had the chance to go be on TV or be with Henry and like any kid would, you went with TV. Henry had a crush on Bianca and I, as a friend, supported that. When you left, in my head, that was that. What you did to me, we were grown and Henry and I were in a REAL relationship. And to this day, I’ve never come at you about it or anything. So, for me to be trying to console Jasper, who was SUPPOSED to be your friend and for you two to be having a little side conversation, ah kee keeing and shit… Man, fuck y’all. Y’all are so fake. To this day. You’re both some fakes and Jasper deserves better friends.” Charlotte was fuming.

Henry finally spoke up and said, “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have been airing out things to Bianca, but when that started, you and I were having some issues and I couldn’t talk to Jasper or any of our mutual friends about it, and I didn’t really have a lot of alternatives.”

“So, fuck me?” Charlotte asked and laughed sarcastically.

“At the time, I was worried that talking to you about it wouldn’t be received properly. So, I started talkin’ to Bianca, and a few things came out - that weren’t necessarily secrets, but stuff we had never talked about. I was actually speaking pretty generally about it all when I told her that you were the one that encouraged me to ask her out, and she told me that she’d kissed Kid Danger when we were together and I told her that wasn’t important anymore and we just were chilling and laughing and connecting. I didn’t expect it to turn emotional. I didn’t expect her to talk to Chloe about what she’d learned. Whenever Chloe asked me about it, I very nonchalantly told her the truth and it was years before, so like you said, we were kids, I didn’t think anything of it. But, I didn’t know that she felt hurt to find that out. Sometimes, we hold on to things that happen, not specifically because of that event or the person involved, but because of other things in our makeup.”

“Okay, but if she was still feeling a way, she could have said, ‘Hey Charlotte, I know this was a long time ago, but it’s fresh to me, because I just found out that you openly supported my first boyfriend moving on while I was away for a little while, and I’m having trouble feeling okay about that.’ We could’ve discussed it. Not… started a group chat with the two of you to fish for information about our problems and then deliberately try to drag me.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Chloe said.

“I read the entire thread. It took me hours, because it was months of inappropriate things. You started it off with a little disparaging joke about how you three could be the Charlotte is the Blame Club. Bianca had told you about my “prude problems,” and you wanted to let Hen know that you two were there for him, if he needed to blow off any steam. “Emphasis on blow, lol.” 

Chloe was speechless. She didn’t even remember most of that chat, but apparently it had mattered to Charlotte. 

Bianca said, “I promise, it was completely innocent, in the beginning. We thought it was kinda funny that you two dated so long and you didn’t do certain things for him.”

“It's nobody’s business what hangups that I have, but since everybody’s business is out right now, I will say this, I wasn’t able to slut around when I was young. My mother tried to be supportive of me being sexually aware, but long story short, she was very sexually wholesome and I didn’t do anything with anybody until Henry. So, yes, it took me a while to get into the habit of things. This boy didn’t even wash his legs whenever we got together, so no, as a science minded person who understands how germs 

work and shit, I didn’t wanna be doing a lot of risky stuff with him. And whenever I WOULD do something, I had to be sure everything was clean and clear and ready. Henry was the one who didn’t feel like “going through all of that for a BJ.’ Okay. That was his choice, just like it was my choice to not get ball sweat or ball hair anywhere near my face and mouth area! Maybe you’re fine with musty nuts in yours. I wasn’t. And that was MY. BUSINESS. With MY. BOYFRIEND. But, it's not your fault that he told you that. It WAS your fault that you shared it with Chloe, because if he wanted to share our business, okay, but why did you feel like you could share it?”

“Because I didn’t give a damn, Charlotte!” Bianca snapped. “I’m sorry that early college years, I didn’t care about privacy or things like that. It sounded like a scandal and it was humorous to me. I didn’t know that it would become what it became, which, even right now, wasn’t anything very important to me. It was a part of my life as a young adult. I’m sorry that it affected you like it did. I truly am. You seem like you were very kind to Henry and I feel like what we did made you less kind. I’m sorry that I helped you become this bitter person…”

“BITCH…” *Camera shakes and moves around through a lot of shuffling and winds up on Charlotte, getting tackled by the security* “This bitch got me injured. Couldn’t even angrily speak my mind without being seen as a threat.”

Jasper was pulling on the guard, “Get the fuck off of her! She didn’t DO anything!” Charlotte was screaming, in pain and Henry was signaling to cut the camera. The camera didn’t stop. They might need the footage. Chloe and Bianca had rushed to the other side of the sauna and Henry and Jasper were both fussing with the guard. “You get the fuck out, You’re fired. Hell no! You don’t get to grab her like that, are you serious?” 

“What is happening?” the owner of the spa asked from the doorway.

The guard said, “She was about to attack, and that’s where I have to step in. It’s my job.”

“SHE STOOD UP AND WALKED TOWARDS HER!” Henry yelled, at the same time Jasper yelled, “SHE DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH HER!” They were both yelling about how Charlotte sometimes gets in your face, but she wasn’t violent and threatening to press charges and insisting that he left immediately before he got his ass kicked. They heard Charlotte groaning and went to check on her. 

“I’m pretty sure he bruised my ribs,” she said crying. “Whenever the guard tackled Charlotte, everything happened so fast that I froze for a moment. But, when I snapped to… This motherfucker, a big grown man, had slammed my girlfriend onto a hard tile floor, crushing her and pinning her down in the process, and… I have never been more pissed in my entire goddamned life.”

“Whenever the person I hired tackled Charlotte for essentially standing up while angry, I felt responsible for that. She was hurt. It wasn’t as serious as it could’ve been, but he’s got size on her and the situation - you see a tiny woman, in a bathrobe, in a steam room approaching another woman, you can easily step in front of her and maybe ask her to step back. Tackling her was so unnecessary and infuriating.”

“I was in so much pain. I hit my tailbone on that tile, and my elbow. I bumped my head when I reflexively tried to get away and he slammed me back down telling me to hold still. If they show that footage, you’ll probably see my entire puss. He had me straddled, restrained and bruised me up pretty bad, including how hard he pinned me down. I looked like somebody beat the hell out of me and I felt like it. Because I dared to walk in a white girl’s direction while Black and pissed.” *Sighs hard and shakes her head.

Charlotte was hurt enough that she just wanted medical attention and didn’t care how that happened. Henry and Jasper took her to the ER and once she was treated, Henry insisted that she stay at the brownstone to recover. It had more room, and was more luxurious and she accepted. She was going to be resting and taking meds. Jasper collected her stuff from home to bring over. “You wanna stay? I have much more room than I need, or even two people,” Henry said.

“No. I’ll let you two try to work some things out while she heals. Maybe it can be a double healing. If she asks me to come to stay, then I’ll take you up on the offer. I think she’s just trying to process the attack by herself and I’m glad that you’re providing a safe space for her to do that.”

Henry nodded. “I can’t believe that happened.”

“I can’t believe that we didn’t kill him,” Jasper said. “But, then I’d be in prison and she’d still be injured.”

“Yeah, I might pay him a visit in the suit later. Asshole.”

Jasper nodded. “Well… I’ll have my phone right by me and on the loudest setting if she needs me. Take care of my bae.”

“I’ll take care of her like she’s mine.”

“Not… That much,” Jasper said and partially smiled. 

“We didn’t really finish the conversation…”

“We did. Sorry it didn’t happen how you hoped, but… I think she at least feels a little more trusting now. She’s staying here, isn’t she? Just… work with what you’ve got. I’d love for the two of you to patch things up. I miss the three of us.” Jasper and Henry hugged and Jasper left. 

Henry peeked in on Charlotte. She was passed out, asleep and medicated. Jasper had set her things in certain places that Henry was sure were how she must’ve liked them. Jasper was really good at stuff like that. “Sweet dreams, Char,” he softly told her.

“Night,” she said, mostly in her sleep.

[mysamcedesmadness]

So, Are We Gonna Discuss This, Or…?

Charlotte and her pros and cons! She wished that she could be more impulsive, but that never hurt her before… Well… maybe. She was quite frigid in many ways and it meant a lot to her that her closest friends didn't care. But she and Henry were getting pretty close and serious. They were going into their last year of high school. They might not see much of each other beyond that and the girls around him were getting bolder and fresher all the time. Charlotte estimated that it was probably time for "the talk."

And how does one, Charlotte Page, go about having the talk? Well, she certainly wasn't going to just say "We need to talk about this." She could have and maybe should have, but that seemed to her to leave too much room for confusion. How could she possibly talk about something that she was only vaguely familiar with?

Charlotte prepared a Lincoln Douglas Debate to decide), researched STDs & STIs, sexual health risks vs benefits of sex, and high school relationship sustainability and success before and after sex before she even breached the subject with Henry. By the time she finished, she knew what she wanted to do. She was ready, but Henry had to be ready to. She had to be confident that he knew what she knew and they had to talk about it.

Breaching the subject sounded a lot like nervous energy in human form. "I've prepared a debate for you to feast your eyes upon.." she said, then awkwardly thought about how that was the nerdiest presentation she had ever made.

"No thanks," Henry said and handed the paper printout with various sticky notes and edits back to her. She flipped it to the front page, which was a bright yellow cover with bold black letters that read “SEX”, and much smaller subprint, “So, Are We Gonna Discuss This, Or…?” But, Henry only saw the largest word on the paper, and he snatched it from her and shoved it into his shirt. "What're you doing? Someone could've seen that!" He looked around the man cave for their friends, but Ray and Schwoz were in the middle of something and Jasper was down in the store.

“Someone needs to see it. You.” She handed him green sticky notes and finished with, “Any notes or questions you have, use these. I don’t want the version in our shared documents to get cluttered and you miss out on information, like you’ve been known to do.”

He scoffed a few times as he placed the notes in his pocket and she went to the control panel. Where on Earth would he keep this thing, in the meantime? He rolled it up, put it in his back pocket, and checked on it with extreme paranoia the entire time he was there. Later on, whenever he was at home, the first thing that he did was make the time to read it. He lit some candles scented to help with concentration, made sure the lighting in the room was efficient, washed up, got into comfortable clothes and made himself comfortable - suggestions that Charlotte had given him for when he had to read a lot (because he honestly hated reading, most of the time) - and he settled with the document, the sticky notes and his pencil.

There were a lot of facts in this thing and there was a lot of science. There were risks that he didn’t consider. There was social pressure that he had not thought about (regarding her). There was… A lot to stop and think about. By the time he finished, he knew what he wanted to do. He was not ready. They had to wait. There was going to be some deep thoughts about all of this fresh information.

He was no longer as sure as his body usually was when they were alone together. Reading her research, eloquently presented as an argument for and against it, he just wasn’t sure if he measured up enough to put her in that position and to take on that type of responsibility.

Charlotte was sad to hear that, but respected his wishes and was relieved that these weren’t issues that he thought about after making that decision. They could wait. It wasn’t like she was frothing or anything. But honestly, if not Henry, what kind of person might she wind up with? Her research came across some horror stories of people who went to college, relationships fell apart and they wound up losing their virginity in some regrettable act of deviance and independence. She wanted it to be safe and comfortable with somebody that she loved and trusted. And she was Charlotte Page for crying out loud. Let’s be real… It could take another lifetime for “somebody that she loved and trusted” to come along. Maybe, he just needed a little bit of time… to realize that she was most likely the greatest good that he was gonna get.  She chuckled to herself as she had this thought.

The three of them had a sleepover at Henry’s the weekend of Jasper’s birthday. Jasper noticed that they were behaving oddly. For one thing, Henry wasn’t uncontrollably and reflexively touching Charlotte every single chance that he got and hardly whispering inside jokes into her ear. Charlotte… Well, she seemed the same as always. So, Jasper had to presume that whatever the issue was, it was something with Henry. When it was semi-late, Charlotte announced, “I’m going to go to sleep.” She got up, gathered her sleeping bag and headed upstairs.

“Goodnight, Charlotte!” Jasper said. She nodded her head and pointed at him, then glanced sadly at Henry and went upstairs. “Soooo… Did you two break up?”

“What? No. We just… Haven’t really been intimate lately.”

“Why not? I thought you two were really serious. What happened?”

Henry sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "We talked about… You know… Doing the dance…"

"Which one? Like an Internet challenge?"

Henry groaned and whispered it into Jasper's ear. "YOU DID???"

"We only talked about it!" Henry shrugged his shoulders and had to admit, "I didn't know the first thing about doing, well, any of it. I ran over all the information she gave me, and I guess I just felt inadequate. I feel like not only do I not know enough, but if something were to happen… I would mess it all up. I never really thought about it before. I only knew that I wanted it and wanted her. But, if I'm just gonna be unskilled and unknowledgeable, what's the point? She'll judge me, and we both know it."

"How can she judge you when she only knows stuff about it in theory, herself?" Henry shrugged his shoulders. "What did she say to you?"

"That I'm her best friend, she loves me and whatever the emotional risks are, she's brave enough to face, because it's a journey with me."

"That sounds like somebody who wouldn't judge you."

"I don't want her to have to face emotional risks. Like what happens when she's away at college and I'm Kid Danger full time? Or when we've been together for so long that we never realized that we were never meant to be this, it was just convenient?"

"So… You're scared of the emotional risks."

"No! I'm not scared…" he bit his lip and sighed, "I'm terrified. What if I love her more and she gets me out of her system? I mean… I have to believe that a huge portion of her interest is physical attraction and curiosity."

"I don't feel like you're giving Charlotte much credit and that's not fair. She said herself that she loves you. As just her friend you should believe her. And the fact that Charlotte doesn't talk like that, you really should feel honored. Besides, if you don't do it, someone else will as soon as they get permission. So, you'll regret it forever if you don't take the opportunity. When she's gone off to college and comes back with some kinda sexy scientist, you'll kick yourself, and you'll probably try to kick him too. But, she's giving you first dibs and you turn her down? I don't understand that at all."

"I don't want first dibs I want only dibs."

"For now, you've got "only dibs," but I can't imagine she'd wait forever for you."

So, Henry had more to think about. At some point, in the middle of the night, he left Jasper alone on the couch to go cuddle up with Charlotte again. He'd been avoiding too much contact with her since their discussion and now he not only missed her like crazy, but Jasper's advice frightened him into thinking he might lose her if he didn't get it together and grow up.

Charlotte was fast asleep, in her sleeping bag, near the window. Probably thought Henry would want his bed to himself… "Hey, Char?"

"Hmmm?"

"Hey, let's get in bed, okay, Babe?"

She sat up and looked at him, slightly angry for waking her up, but he picked her up and laid her in the bed. She rolled over, muttering but was back to sleep before he could even wrap himself around her body.

.

Jasper's basement birthday party was very much so an upgrade from the last time he'd done it. Full of soon to be seniors and a few graduates that he knew, plus Ray and Schwoz. Ray couldn't believe that he had willingly come here, but he heard that there would be fiesta sized churros and he felt like he deserved that.

Several minutes into his fourth chunk o' churro, he looked over at "the kids," because he heard Charlotte laugh kinda loud, and…

Well, she was sitting on top of a bench, Henry was leaning against it, but he was rested right in between her legs… facing her.

Ray was going to comment on it but, Henry turn to face Jasper and talk so he let it go. But, Henry was right there, for most of the day. Eventually, he moved to go to the bathroom. Charlotte got up for ice cream and churro. Whenever he returned, she sat in his lap, with his arms around her as she finished dessert, then when she was done, she was seated between his legs. They were just carrying on a conversation like that!! He had to find Schwoz!

"Charlotte is publicly allowing Henry to be rested between her legs and vice versa!" Schwoz looked like he had no idea what that was supposed to mean. "Intimate Cuddling IN FRONT OF ONLOOKERS??? Charlotte, Schwoz. This is Charlotte!"

Schwoz rolled his eyes and walked away saying, "Call me when you've got something juicy."

Ray realized that they must have done the deed and tried to get a confession out of Henry. Henry was annoyed by all of the questions such as, "Are you and Charlotte closer than ever before? Might one day that the two of you have become one?" This went on for a while before Charlotte announced that she had to go and Henry, as though that was some kind of dog whistle, cut off Ray mid sentence to rush to her so that they could leave together.

"Before you go, I'll need you to take another oath."

"What, here? At this party?"

"You need to immediately promise me that Kid Danger comes first, no matter what's in your mind, your eyesight, and…" he whispered, "your pants."

"Alright, I'm not saying any of that. See you later. Gotta go. Char's parents are gone and we're gonna have a Flick & Chill night."

"You'd better be chilling fully clothed!"

Henry's face told that was not in his plans, but he gave Ray a thumbs up anyway. "At least be safe," Ray said quietly.

"Dude..  I'm with Charlotte. I'm the safest man in Swellview."

Even though he knew that Henry meant because Charlotte was always efficient and thorough, Ray wanted to crack a joke about it being because nobody else in Swellview had ever, or ever would, get that close to Charlotte; but as the two of them took off up the stairs, hand in hand, he had nothing. Henry probably would be livid if he had said anything like that. The Kid was clearly all in with her now, no pun intended.

[sunsetcurve]

to find a light in the darkness

Summary: Henry’s voice came in. “Ray,” he said, voice low and dangerously quiet. “He released the virus already.”

“What?”

“We-we’re too late.”

Word Count: 3,386

Rating: High T for violence, lots of swearing, blood, injury, and an overall dark theme. Trigger warning for a very brief, non-explicit but still present suicide mention.

A/N: here it is, finally, the zombie apocalypse au i’ve been rambling about way too much. i want to start by saying that i’m sorry, because i didn’t actually finish the fic. i was going to make this a short one shot, maybe a couple thousand words max, but now i’m sitting here with over 3k and it’s sunday night and i have school tomorrow and still a long way to go with this fic so i decided to post what i have, because otherwise i don’t know when i’ll finish. and i was really excited to get this out there. so i’m sorry about the cliffhanger, but if all goes well this will just be part 1 and i’ll update as soon as i have time–which might not be for a while, but i’ll do my best. this isn’t quite as angsty as i hoped it would come out but it’s still fairly dark, and hopefully the next chapter will be a little more of the emotional turmoil. anyway, i really really hope you guys enjoy this, and i’ll stop talking now so you can get to the fic.

sidenote: i had to watch a video about how to change a tire for this fic

Dedications: please please please don’t feel any pressure to read this if you don’t have time or just don’t want to! i just want to dedicate this to some amazing people: @up-the-tube @um-ramen @xanderdewitt @bijerbear @cactus-con @ciara-knightly @jelenarulestheworld @gwendastacy @ginger–binger @greenrules95

“Jackpot.” There’s a soft click of the lock and then Henry is grinning, brushing dusty-gold strands of hair out of his eyes and handing her a bottle from the gently humming fridge.

Beads of condensation run like sweat down the side of it. There’s a small, rational part of Charlotte’s brain that tells her to savor the Coke, ration it like they’d been doing with everything else, but she tells that part of her brain to fuck itself and chugs down half the bottle. It’s the first cold drink she’s had in ages, sweet and fizzy, and it almost pulls her back to movie nights in the Man Cave and barbecues with the Hart family. She stops drinking for a moment to shove those memories to the back of her mind.

“Check this out,” Jasper says, and pulls another bottle from the fridge, showing them the label. “Share a Coke with Henry,” he reads, and gives a short sort of laugh as he unscrews the top and bumps the drink gently against Henry’s, then hers. His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but then again, it’s been a long time since it has.

Charlotte tries to push past the layer of grime on the floor and the dust particles caught in the beams of sunlight that spill through the cracked windows to enjoy the moment. Cold sodas in an empty gas station with her best friends beside her, with Ray and Schwoz filling up the gas tank outside and Piper rummaging around in the back of the store. It’s quiet, except for the sound of the faint turning of the engine outside, and Charlotte finds herself thinking about how before all of this started, the three of them would’ve been laughing at some stupid joke, or Henry and Piper would’ve been bickering, or they would’ve been taking turns annoying Ray. She knows there’s not a lot of use in dwelling on the before, but it’s hard not to.

“C'mon, losers,” Piper comes around the aisle, halfway through a king-sized Hershey’s bar. “Let’s ditch this place.”

Henry, Jasper, and Charlotte shove as many cold drinks as they can into their tiny cooler and start filling grocery bags with toilet paper and energy bars and Frittles cans and packages of gummy worms.

“Man, this place is a gold mine,” Henry says as he shoves a few Starburst into his pocket. It’s kind of funny that their definition of gold has boiled down to gas station junk food. It’s kind of fucked up, actually.

They start to load the back of the van with all the food they have room for, because this is the first unraided store they’ve come across for miles and they don’t know when they’ll find another.

“We should just stay here,” Jasper says, squinting in the sunlight as he closes the door. “A ton of food, supplies, and they even have power inside. Air conditioning.”

Ray gives a heavy sort of sigh. “Sorry, kiddo, no dice. We gotta keep moving.”

And Jasper’s face falls, but they know he’s right. If they stop moving, they’re sitting ducks for the Infected and for raiders and whoever else might be prowling around the Arizona deserts.

So they get in the car, and Schwoz and Ray tousle over the wheel for a moment and Piper elbows Henry for getting in her space, and then they drive.

They just drive.

* * *

It started seventeen months ago. Seventeen months, twelve days, and nine hours to the dot, but Charlotte pretends she isn’t counting.

The villain wasn’t like the others they had faced. He didn’t wear sparkly pants or give himself a ridiculous monicker, he was just insane. And a genius. And that made him dangerous–after all, the only time that combination had ever worked out well was on Schwoz.

She remembers the feeling in her chest before Henry and Ray left to take him on. She remembers knowing that something was going to happen, knowing, somehow, that this was all going to go south. Henry had told her not to worry. She did, anyway.

She heard the whole thing go down over the comm sets. The villain went on and on about humanity being a plague on the planet, about how he was just trying to get rid of the disease. He raved like a madman, and then she heard the thwack of Ray’s fist and the sound of the man dropping like a stone and she thought it was over.

Until Henry’s voice came in. “Ray,” he said, voice low and dangerously quiet. “He released the virus already.”

“What?”

“We-we’re too late.”

And seventeen months, twelve days, and four hours ago, the reports started coming in. People started getting sick; not sick like fevers and headaches but sick like throwing up black goo and screaming themselves hoarse from the pain and tearing their skin open with their own nails. Sick like dying within a matter of days–and those were the lucky ones.

The ones who weren’t? They started sprouting fangs and claws. Started losing their hair, losing the whites of their eyes, losing their minds. The disease turned humans into monsters that tore other people to shreds, multiplied with bites, and seemed to have come straight off of the screen of a horror movie.

It only took about a month for over half the population to become infected.

That became the name for them–the Infected. It’s shallow, Charlotte thinks, and does absolutely no justice to the terror she felt when she first saw those things roaming the streets of Swellview. Infected is what you call someone who gets the flu or Yellow fever. These were people turned into monsters.

They stayed in Swellview for the first few months. Schwoz holed himself up in his lab, mixing chemicals and testing blood samples and trying to find a cure. Then Charlotte’s parents had disappeared. Then Jasper’s had up and left, with only a note to suggest they’d ever been there to begin with. Then Henry–then Henry had watched his mom turn into one of those monsters and watched his dad shoot himself in the head to keep from doing the same.

The city was overrun, and so they packed the Man Van and they left.

They just drove.

* * *

They’re still driving now.

The van is hot, enough that Charlotte’s shirt is sticky with sweat and the rolled-down windows only succeed in providing more noise than cool air. They don’t turn the AC on for the sake of preserving as much fuel as they can, but she’s starting to wonder if it’s worth it.

As he drives, Ray regales them with tales from his early days as Captain Man. They’ve heard this one before, and it’s obvious he’s tacking on as much dramatic flair as possible–Schwoz’s interjections of “that’s not what happened!” are a dead giveaway–but it gets them to start ribbing him, even Piper, who still sees him as her hero. Pretty soon they’re all laughing, passing around a pack of Lifesaver gummies, and it’s one of those rare golden moments that Charlotte lives for.

And then there’s a bang like a gunshot, and the van jerks and screeches as it spins off the road.

Everyone’s screaming. Ray yells and swears, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles go white and slamming the brakes right before they jerk to a stop.

“What just happened?” Henry says shakily.

Ray grits his teeth. “I think a tire blew out.”

“What? How–” Charlotte doesn’t get a chance to finish her question. There’s a rumbling of engines and a clamor of voices outside, and she looks out the windows to see several men pulling up dirt bikes in a circle around them. Raiders.

One of them steps off his bike, dust puffing up from his heels as he struts to the window, a gun raised in his hands. Charlotte sees Henry tense and grab Piper’s hand beside her, and for once, the younger girl doesn’t pull away.

“Hey, big man,” the man says to Ray, voice cold and even. “Step outta the car. Hand over your supplies.”

Ray turns and gives them all a reassuring look before he opens the door and raises his hands. Almost instantly, there are four guns trained on him. “Alright, okay, take it easy,” he says, and his tone is light enough to make it clear that he’s not worried at all. Really, if anyone should be worried, it’s the Raiders, but they haven’t figured that out yet. “You know, you guys really didn’t have to blow out our tire. I mean, I would’ve offered you some Frittles if you’d asked but,” he gives a short laugh, “that was just rude.”

“You think this is a fucking game?” The one closest to Ray cocks his gun.

“I don’t, actually. ‘Cause playtime’s over.” Ray’s fist collides with his head, and he crumples like paper. Gunshots ring through the air as the others open fire on him, but the bullets just pepper holes in his shirt and ricochet off his chest.

“Oh my god–holy shit, he’s invincible…it-it’s Captain Man!”

Ray snorts. “Used to be, yeah,” he says before knocking one of them clear off his feet.

The remaining men turn tail and scatter like a pack of rats, leaving nothing but dust clouds in their wake as they jump on their motorbikes and drive away. Ray stands there for a moment, chest heaving as he wipes the sweat from his brow, and then he turns around to look at them. “Everyone okay?”

They nod. “Nice line,” Henry tells him, and Ray looks smug.

“Alright, get out here and help me put on the spare.”

They stand in the sweltering heat for a while, watching as Ray shows them the proper way to change a tire and Schwoz points out everything he’s doing wrong. He lets them take turns trying to loosen the lug nuts, and Piper manages to unscrew hers the farthest, reminding Charlotte yet again of why she’s terrified of her.

“Done,” Ray says with finality as he screws the hubcap back on and huffs. He lowers the car jack and pulls it out from underneath, standing up and leaning against the van. “The spare isn’t gonna get us very far on these roads, though. We’re gonna have to find an auto shop.”

“Where the fuck are we going to find an auto shop out here?” Piper furrows her brow, and Henry nudges her with his elbow.

“Language,” he says, sounding eerily like his mother.

She swats at him. “What are you, Captain America?” She sticks her tongue out, and he grins and ruffles her hair despite her protests.

“I guess we’ll just drive until we find one,” Ray shrugs a little. “We should probably get going. It’ll be dark soon.”

Charlotte looks out to where the sun is sinking in the sky, turning the hills of sand and rock golden beneath it. It’s the kind of picture you’d see on a postcard from Arizona, and even with the threat of death and worse looming constantly overhead, she can still find it in herself to admire the beauty of it. Maybe even more than she would’ve before.

Henry catches her staring. His hair is made a brighter gold by the rays of the sunset, and he gives her a half-smile with the same kind of warmth as he laces his fingers through hers. “C'mon, Char,” he says, and she follows him back into the van, her eyes still watching the sun as they drive away.

* * *

It’s long past nightfall by the time they stop. The air is much cooler now, the sky speckled with stars, and Henry is asleep on Jasper’s shoulder, his hand still intertwined with hers. Piper is snoring quietly with her head propped against the window, and in sleep the two Hart siblings look peaceful, more alike than usual. Jasper seems to be thinking the same thing, and he gives her a small smile over Henry’s blonde head.

The van jerks as they approach a run down sign with peeling letters, the spare tire just about ready to give out. Luckily, the garage door of the auto shop is already open, and they manage to pull inside.

“Thank god,” Charlotte mutters quietly. She doesn’t want to think about what might’ve happened if they’d broken down in the middle of the road at night, with hardly anything to shelter themselves against the Infected.

“Okay, everyone out,” Ray says, shutting off the ignition and pocketing the keys. He bumps Schwoz, who wakes up with a start, and Henry’s eyes flutter open while Charlotte gently shakes Piper’s shoulder. They pile out of the car as Ray goes to get the tools from the trunk.

“Schwoz, fix the van.” He shoves the toolbox into Schwoz’s hand with a yawn.

Schwoz looks affronted. “Why should I have to do it?”

“Because I’m tired, alright? I just drove for like ten hours.”

“I told you I could drive–”

“You drive like a blind person.”

“That is just rude. And you know I cannot loosen the lug nuts–”

As they bicker, Henry blinks the sleep from his eyes and stares out of the open garage door. Shock cuts across his features, and as Charlotte turns to see what he’s looking at, her heart crawls into her throat.

“Guys,” Henry says, voice rising as he slaps his hand against Ray’s arm. “Guys, we have a bit of a situation.”

“Not now, kid, the adults are talking.”

“Ray!”

“What, Henry–” Ray looks out the door and stops. In the distance, the shadows seem to be moving towards them. Hulking black figures, not quite human, just silhouettes in the dim light of the moon. But Charlotte doesn’t have to see them to know what they look like. The image of them is burned into the back of her mind, engraved behind her eyelids and the subject of her nightmares. She feels her blood run cold.

Her eyes dart around. They land on a pair of buttons by the entrance, and she points a shaky hand at them. “The door,” she says hastily. “Close the door.”

Ray runs over to them. He presses the button once, twice, three times, and nothing happens. He slams it over and over, and the door creaks and groans softly but doesn’t shut.

“Shit,” she hears Henry swear under his breath.

The monsters are moving faster now. They’re close enough that Charlotte can see the reflection of the moonlight in their void-black eyes, can see the glistening of their teeth in the dark. There’s a whole pack of them, outnumbering their group, and they’re wicked fast and stronger than should be possible.

“Get in the office,” Ray says, pointing them to the tiny side room with the peeling blue door. “Hide. I’ll hold them off.”

“By yourself? No way–” Henry starts to say, but Ray gives him a tiny shove towards the office.

“This isn’t up for debate, Kid. Go. I’ll be fine, I’m indestructible, remember?” There’s a soft sort of twinkle in his eyes and he nudges Henry again, casting a glance at the shadows that are almost at the door. “Just go!”

Charlotte can see the struggle behind Henry’s eyes. She can feel it, too, that same struggle in her chest, but she’s less of a self-sacrificing idiot than he is so she grabs his hand and pulls him into the office behind her and shuts the door.

Her heart is pounding. She can hear the soft chittering and hissing of the Infected; they’re already here, and she stands there with her back pressed against the door for a moment before Schwoz motions for her and Henry to join him, Piper, and Jasper behind the desk.

Charlotte sits down on the dust-covered floor and listens.

There’s a sound of scuffling outside. The hissing gets louder, then, Ray’s yell, like a battle cry. Screeching. More yelling.

She shouldn’t look. She knows she shouldn’t look; they’re supposed to be hiding, but Piper pokes her head up to stare out the cracked glass of the window and she can’t stop herself. Ray is attacking the monsters with nothing but his bare hands and a hammer from his toolbox, and for the first few minutes, it seems like he’s winning. Their claws rake harmlessly off of him, their fangs not breaking his skin, and though his shirt is in tatters he takes them out one by one without a single scratch on him.

But then they just keep coming. Charlotte was wrong about them being a pack–they’re more like a mass, and they swarm him, knocking the hammer out of his hands, leaping onto his back and tugging at his arms and legs. There’s too many of them.

Henry stands up. He opens the desk drawers, rummaging through them, and grabs a wrench from one. As he starts towards the door, Jasper grabs his arm. “Hen,” he says. “You can’t go out there.”

Henry’s jaw is set. “I have to. There’s way too many of them out there, Ray can’t take them all alone.”

“Ray’s indestructible. You aren’t.”

“I know that,” Henry says sharply, and bites his lip. “Look, if I don’t go out there, they–they’re gonna drag him off, or they’ll overwhelm him, and then they’ll break the windows or bust through the door and they’ll kill us anyway. I’m going.” He pauses, his eyes blazing. “I may not be Kid Danger anymore, but I’m not leaving Ray to fight alone.”

And slowly, Jasper gives the tiniest of nods and lets go of his arm. When Henry gets like this, fire behind his gaze and voice hard and stubborn, there’s no stopping him. They know that.

He tries to close the door behind him. But Charlotte grabs it before he can, a stapler in her other hand and the blood pounding in her ears. “I’m coming too,” she says, with no room for protest. There’s no stopping her, either. And he knows that.

The two of them leave the office, armed with a wrench and a stapler, ready to face the monsters from their nightmares together.

* * *

The fight is unlike anything Charlotte could’ve imagined. Ray is surprised to see them, if his yell when Henry knocks the Infected clean off his back is anything to go by, but there’s no time for him to lecture them as the monsters swarm the trio. Charlotte and Henry stand back to back, hacking their way through the fray.

Black blood sprays her face and clothing. All she can see is white fangs, soulless eyes, grotesque skin pulled over veins and bones. Claws swipe at her and she pushes them back, the sound of screeching and hissing and yelling filling her ears. At some point, Jasper and Piper and Schwoz join them, and there are no words exchanged between them, just blows towards the Infected. They fight and fight and fight, and more keep coming, and they just keep fighting.

When the world is ending, every day could be your last. Charlotte has prepared herself to fight for her life, has prepared herself to go down swinging. But in that moment she finds that preparing for something and doing it are very, very different things. She’s not ready to die yet.

“Char, look out!” Then Henry shoves her, and she stumbles, and before she register his yell that sounds like pain one of the Infected is lunging at her. She slams her stapler into its skull and it shrieks, dropping to the ground.

And then everything stops. Charlotte stands there for a moment, chest heaving, waiting for more to come at her. They don’t. She looks around. The six of them stand in the carnage, black bodies lying on the floor around them, and it’s over. It’s finally over.

Henry gives a breathy sort of laugh. “I-Is everyone okay?” he says, and Charlotte looks at him. He’s splattered with black blood, and there’s a shallow scrape on his cheek, but he smiles in relief.

Then–“Kid…” Ray’s voice is choked and tight, anguished, and Charlotte follows his eyes. Her heart drops like a stone.

“What–” Henry blinks, confused, and lifts a hand to touch his side. His fingers come away soaked in black blood.

His eyes widen. “Fuck,” he breathes quietly, and then his knees buckle beneath him.

[agcntlisbon-blog]

All she could do was replay their last conversation over and over in her head, how cruel her words had been-- spoken out of anger and frustration and fear--

      You’re so twisted up in your own dishonesty that you have no idea how to act like a decent human being...              Just leave me alone...

This was a terrible idea, getting on this plane, saying yes to Marcus-- borne from being angry at Patrick, she never should have said yes. It was like she was trying to get back at him for something, but what had he done? Well, other than completely lie to her, trick all of them into thinking a killer was back on the loose. But maybe his intentions were in the right place, as twisted up as everything was now. Teresa knew this was a terrible decision-- all the way to the airport, through checking into the flight, and even as she sat there, staring past the passenger next to her out the window.

She didn’t love Marcus, what was she doing moving to DC and saying yes to his marriage proposal? He was a good man, a decent man, she shouldn’t be doing this to him. Why are you running away from the man that you do love? From the man that you’ve loved for longer than you haven’t? Why are you running away again?

Speak of the devil and he shall appear-- apparently spouting declarations of love. The way his voice cracked and tears slipped from his eyes made her heart ache and soar at the same time-- and yet her lips betrayed how she felt.

      I can’t imagine waking up knowing that I won’t see you-- I love you.             It’s too late, Jane, it’s too late.

But did it have to be? As he was escorted off the plane-- as she watched him go through tear-filled eyes-- all she could think about was the way he’d said those three words and the way it had absolutely knocked the air from her lungs. He loved her-- he loved her and she loved him and she should get off the plane, but instead she was wiping her tears and apologizing to the woman next to her. I’m so embarrassed-- but was she? Patrick Jane had finally admitted that he was in love, and she was embarrassed? Slowly, the carefully constructed walls around her heart were crumbling, but with those three words it was like he’d taken a sledgehammer and knocked the rest all the way over. She couldn’t breathe properly for what felt like an eternity.

It took her another fifteen minutes before she finally gathered herself enough to get off the plane, easily discovering that he was being kept in the TSA holding area. Leave it to Patrick Jane to wait until he had to break onto a plane to tell her he was in love. Through the glass, she could see his ankle resting on a chair, wrapped up and on ice. They’d told her he jumped the fence-- idiot, she thought with an affectionate smile tugging at her lips. Marcus was a good man, but he’d never made her feel the way Jane had. After everything they’d been through, she was sure no one could make her feel the way he did.

      This is another fine pickle you’ve gotten yourself in, huh?

He looked tired-- emotionally worn, probably from his admission and from thinking she’d left him. But how could she have left him, flown away from the man she did love for a man she didn’t? It was almost like he was in a stupor for a few moments, until he stated the obvious-- You didn’t go to DC. And then everything that meant, all the implications and repercussions, played at the corner of his mouth in a hint of a smile, and Teresa felt her heart jump. She didn’t go to DC, she couldn’t, not when her heart wanted the man in front of her. Teresa knew she’d have a hell of a lot of apologizing to do to Charlotte, as well, but she’d do what she could to make it up to her. Right now, though, she had to make extra sure of something--

      Did you mean what you said?             Yes I did-- just to be clear we’re talking about pickles, right?

Leave it to him to try and inject humor into a serious conversation, one she was already struggling to hide her smile through because she knew he’d meant it. Of all the people, Teresa knew what it meant for him to be able to do what he’d done. Admit his feelings for her despite the fear and everything he’d been through since his wife had died. Her heart was in her throat when he continued staring straight at her and swore that he meant every word of what he’d said-- he loved her, and her heart felt about ready to burst from her chest. If this was what love was, she never wanted it with another person as long as she lived.

      Good, because I feel the same way.

For everything they’d been through-- all the shit he’d done (they’d done), the stunts and cons and half truths; for all the solved cases and nearly losing each other, the two years he’d been gone, Teresa loved him with everything in her. And it was scary and wonderful and terrifying and beautiful all wrapped into one package. That over-emotional, almost teary smile he gave her was worth all of it. As for Marcus... part of her was sure he already knew about the two of them. She felt awful for it, of course, but she had thought for a moment that he could have made her happy. And maybe he could have-- but it wouldn’t have held a candle to how happy Patrick made her. He’ll understand, she’d said, but there was still guilt bubbling beneath the surface. She would not let it win this time, however, as she looked across the table at Patrick and smiled.

      Say it again.             Say what again?

Oh, now he was doing his usual toying with her, and all Teresa could do was arch her brows, smile still playing at the corner of her mouth as she held his gaze. No way was she going to give in to that. But the way he looked at her made her knees weak-- even though she was sitting down-- and all but melted her insides, turned her to mush as he stood on his good leg. She didn’t move, only watched as he leaned over the table and put his fingers under her chin, tilting her head just the smallest bit--

The moment he kissed her, nothing else mattered but the feeling of his lips on hers, and the desperate wish that they were somewhere other than a TSA holding area. Still, as far as first kisses went, Teresa had never had one quite this perfect before. Her hand came up to rest on his cheek, wishing for just a moment longer to explore this softness, but they had all the time in the world now. Even when he pulled back, she didn’t let him go far, her nose nudging against his gently before she spoke, her voice soft.

“Let’s get you out of here.”

@cbipsychic

[bromfieldhall]

What Makes You Beautiful - A Mentalist Fanfiction

TIMELINE: Set some in the future after series four finale. Minor spoilers.

SYNOPSIS: "Yesterday I made a New Year's resolution. I'm going to give myself one whole year to woo and win the love of California Bureau of Investigation's Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon."

PAIRING: Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon 

Continuing Reading:  2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

CHAPTER 1

"You're insecure, Don't know what for…"

~ What Makes You Beautiful ~ 1D

January 2nd – 4.51pm

Yesterday I made a New Year's resolution. I'm going to give myself one whole year to woo and win the love of California Bureau of Investigation's Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon.

She's head of the Serious Crimes Unit. Did I happen to mention that she's also my boss? Not that it matters. As a consultant, I'm not strictly a CBI employee so fraternisation isn't frowned upon between us. I checked. Then I double-checked…just to make sure.

My name's Patrick Jane. I was once a damn good, dare I say, the best fake psychic and all round con artist there was. Until the day I crossed a very bad, very sick man called Red John who took away everything I held dear one devastating night a little over eleven years ago.

My family. My beautiful wife and child. Angela and Charlotte. It took me years but I finally avenged their deaths. I hunted down and found the bastard who butchered them…but I didn't kill him. Lisbon did that. She saved me yet again. From my own destructive folly. I'll be forever grateful to her for that…

But that's not why I love her. No, that's been creeping up on me so slowly I hardly even knew that it had happened until I was head over heels and all bent out of shape. She's my friend. My best friend and she kept me sane. Well, as sane a man who carried the crushing guilt of being the cause of his family's murder could be I suppose. She's stood at my side through thick and thin. Never faltering. Never leaving. No matter how much I pushed her away or tried to distance myself. No matter how much trouble I caused in the pursuit of my obsession. No matter how many times it was detrimental to both her personally and also the team. She was always there. Always understood. Always cared. My rock.

I ask you, how could I not fall in love with her? I'd be complete imbecile if I hadn't…and believe me; I am many things, but an imbecile is not one of them.

Does she love me, though? Now, that's a harder question to answer. She definitely has some feelings for me, I'm certain of that but I'm also just a certain that it will be a cold day in Hell before she'd even admit it to herself, let alone me.

I can't blame her, really. That whole Lorelei debacle last year ruined any kind of trust she'd worked so hard to have for me, stone dead. I mean, I told her I loved her and then she found out I'd had sex with Red John's right hand woman. From the woman herself. Hardly supports my declaration, does it? But I did then and still do love her, I just don't have great timing. I am a little rusty concerning affairs of the heart after all.

Of course, the fact that I started, and continued, the charade of having feelings for Lorelei just to get information on Red John didn't exactly help substantiate my avowal to Lisbon either. I detested having to do it but like I said, it was the in pursuit of my obsession and, wonderful woman that she is, she still stood by me, even though I could tell it pained her.

I have to admit that, apart from the obvious, seeing the incredible hurt on her face each time I came back from interviewing Lorelei and knowing that I was the one responsible for putting it there …well, I can honestly say that it is one of the biggest regrets of my life.

I truly hate myself for that.

And for what it did to our friendship.

My selfish actions nearly broke us, more than once. But somehow, we held on. Whether is was down to my own tenacity in not letting her to go or down to the fact that she has the most forgiving and generous nature a person could possess, I'll never really know. But somehow, now it's all over, we've managed to move on.

Finally, after four excruciating months of waiting and praying to a God I don't really believe in, since Red John's death and Lorelei's conviction, Lisbon is starting to let me back in again. Just little things, but I recognise the signs and they give me hope. I am determined not to ruin it this time. She's too important to me.

To quote from sonnet 43, 'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.'

To be honest, I'd need to count off far more than the twenty fingers and toes I possess to fully do justice to the amount of adjectives that I could espouse about her beauty and brains, not to mention her brawn. Who knew such a tiny little thing could hold so much power? And I'm not talking just about physically either…although Teresa Lisbon in full flight, tackling a man twice her size to the ground is truly a thing of beauty. Trust me.

Where was I? Ah yes, let me count the ways…well, she's beautiful, obviously, kind, strong, stubborn, feisty, caring, intelligent, sweet, clever, passionate, witty…

"Jane!"

Loud, angry…

"Jane! I know you're not sleeping. Get the hell up and into my office! Now!"

Bossy.

I wince slightly as my poor old couch gets yet another swift boot to its side then crack open an eye to see her standing over me, hands on hips, her ire radiating off her in waves so hard they slap me square in the face. How I especially love to see her like this, all long flowing hair and stormy emerald eyes. And as for those perfectly kissable lips…

Magnificent!

"Oh, were you calling me?" I ask innocently, as I deliberately go overboard on pretending to wake up. I watch in unabashed delight as her eyes grow even more tempestuous.

"You're an ass," she tells me before stalking off.

I can't help but agree with her evaluation of me and get up to follow, making sure I stop off at the break room first to make myself some tea and Lisbon a coffee. It'll give her some time to calm down a little before I go in and fan the flames again.

"It's about time," she grouses as I eventually step into her office.

I give her have my patent "You love me really' grin and she shakes her head in annoyance. I sit down on the chair in front of her desk then take a leisurely sip of my tea as I wait for her to bawl me out.

"Just what the heck were you thinking this afternoon?" she begins, her voice surprisingly controlled all things considered.

"What do you mean?" I ask casually before taking another sip of my drink. I find that being obtuse is particularly aggravating to her.

"You know exactly what I mean," she responds, the volume rising slightly just as I knew it would.

I shake my head, all innocence then suddenly produce the perfect 'eureka' expression before I say, "Oh, you're talking about the fact that I helped bring yet another killer to justice."

"No, I'm talking about the fact that you pushed Senator Carlton into that mud hole!" she exclaims.

"Meh…collateral damage," I excuse dismissively. "And he had it coming. He wouldn't leave you alone."

"He was upset and I can handle men like him myself," she argues back. "I don't need or want you to stand up for me, Jane. How many times have I told you that?"

Too many. And as much as I know this, I don't feel sorry for knocking that asshole into the mud. Besides, I didn't really push him per se, it was more of a…perfectly executed nudge. And it'd been funny to see him slip over again and again as he'd tried to stand up, covered in dirt, spluttering in rage. Even Cho had been amused, if that slight upturn on the right side of his mouth had been anything to go by. And rightly so. I know he was as ticked off as I was at the way Carlton had been pawing at Lisbon all afternoon using his crocodile tears as a pretext of needing comfort over the fact that his cheating wife had been murdered by her lover. I saw the truth in him. There was no love there. He hated his wife and was secretly pleased to see the back of her, she was just a trophy to him anyway. Plus the added exposure gave him the press time he so desperately needed for his new campaign. Nasty human being.

I smile slightly at the thought of him flailing around covered in dirty muck and Lisbon stands up suddenly, rigid with fury. "You think this is funny?" she asks me, placing her hands on her desk and leaning towards me. "Because I don't! As usual your actions have landed me in trouble. If you don't apologise to the Senator, I'm on suspension for two weeks. Effective immediately."

I stare back at her in wonder. Her eyes are sparking green fire and she's breathing heavily from trying to control her ire. I can't stop my gaze from dropping to her delectable lips then trailing further down along her smooth neck and coming to a stop where her modestly covered chest is rising and falling at an increased rate.

She's glorious and alive and I have to physically restrain myself from reaching out and just kissing her senseless. I drag my eyes away from her body and focus on my teacup instead. I take another, longer draught of the brew and pull my errant thoughts back under control.

I should have known Lisbon would get caught up in the backlash of my actions. She always does and I usually let her because I'm too damn arrogant to back down. But now I've made my resolution that's about to change. How can she even begin to believe I care for her if I don't swallow some pride and do the decent thing for once?

I place my cup and saucer on her desk and nod. "OK, I'll apologise."

If I had slapped her, I doubt she could have been more shocked. She slumps back down onto her chair as if her legs can no longer support her diminutive weight and looks at me as if I've gone mad. "Excuse me?" she says obviously not fully able to comprehend my acquiescence.

"I'll apologise," I repeat, slower this time, just to try and rile her up a little again.

Her eyes narrow suddenly and she looks at me suspiciously. "Are you playing me?" she asks, her tone incredulous. "Because I don't like being made a fool of, Jane."

"How on earth am I playing you if I say I'll apologise?" I counter, genuinely confused. I thought I was showing her that I cared. Infuriating woman.

"By telling me you'll do it and then not following through, leaving me feeling like an even bigger idiot for allowing myself to start to have a little faith in you again," she tells me unhappily. She lets out a sigh and sits back into her chair with a shake of her head. "Why are you even here anyway?"

My confusion grows. "You asked me in here," I reply, dryly.

"Not in my office here, but the CBI?" she rectifies, her voice taking on a softer, almost uncertain edge. "Why haven't you left yet? I thought that with Red John gone, you'd be off making a new life for yourself. It's been four months, Jane."

"I know how long it's been, Lisbon. I can count," I retort, cut to the quick that she had actually thought that about me.

It really hits me then, the full extent of how far our relationship has truly disintegrated. When had I become so blind? I honestly believed that she was starting to get past all her insecurities about me but it seems she was merely ignoring them because she thought I was leaving anyway.

It hurt. More than I care to admit. Especially as I know how so very deep my feelings for her are.

I stand and pick up my cup and saucer. "Set up the meeting with Carlton. I'll apologise. I'll even do a dance if that's what he wants," I mutter sardonically. Hurt fuels my next words, as I add a trifle brusquely, "Just don't tell me that you're expecting me to leave you ever again, Teresa. Trust me, I'm not going anywhere…whether you like it or not. I'm hoping you do, but if you don't…I'm a patient man. I can change your mind."

It's with some satisfaction that I watch her mouth open in shock and then I turn and leave, shutting the door quietly behind me.

I go into the break room to make another cup of tea, the familiar actions a balm on my injured soul. As I wait for the kettle to boil, I try to stop myself from looking over at her door, but fail miserably. I see her staring back at me then, to my surprise, she gets up and leaves her office and heads in my direction carrying her coffee. I resolutely turn my attention back to the kettle, which thankfully starts to whistle as I see her dump the cold contents of her mug into the nearby sink out the corner of my eye.

We each work on making our own hot drinks while surreptitiously watching the other. I see her pick up her mug and move away then, unexpectedly, I hear her call my name. I look up and she gives me an awkward half smile as her cheeks colour slightly.

"I do like it," she reassures me softly before quickly turning and going back into her office.

I finish making my tea with what I know has to be the most asinine grin on my face, but I just can't help it. I may not have done much actual wooing of my fair maiden today but I believe I've most certainly laid down the foundations.

END CHAPTER 1

[sizzlingasianpersuasion]

New Year, Same Mistakes

There’s rain coming down and I’m watching the raindrops trickle down my driver’s side window. The left side of my face is pressed against the cold, my tears are falling faster than the rain.  

 “You’re a stupid shit,” I think to myself.  “You keep making the same stupid mistakes.  You will never amount to anything.  You are still nothing and you should have killed yourself a long time ago.”

 Once the downhill of your depression has already been made, it’s like a ski slope you’ve already been down before.  You get faster to the bottom with each practice.  I would have numerous medals based on how quickly I get to the lowest, darkest place in my mind.  

 I get a call from an adoring fan/friend, who is one of a very small group of people who understands me in a way most do not.  I read the transcript of his voicemail and I cry harder.  He saw my self-defeating Twitter post and called to check up on me and reassure me he is there to be a friend.  I just felt shittier.  

 I’m the type of person who crumbles under people’s generosity and kindness when I am in a depressed state of mind.  I have been programmed to believe I do not deserve it.  

 As I approach my 32nd birthday, I criticize myself even more that I still don’t have my shit together.  “You keep trying and you keep failing, why do you still bother?” is what I ask myself at this age.

 I was deceived by a professional con-man.  I am ashamed that I foolishly believed this man, who said he was working for a professional athlete, that was interested in seeing me.  I was offered a large sum of money for two weeks, enough that it would completely wipe out my debt and have plenty left over.  

 I won’t go into all the details, but this guy was good.  I have to give him that.  But I should have listened to my engineer, who warned me this was probably a scam. But I already had to borrow money from him to pay bills, I haven’t been able to pay my student loans, and with the end of the year, comes taxes, and I already owe the government a few thousand from last year.  

 My student loans, plus the loan I took out to help me move to Las Vegas, and let’s add what I owe to IRS for just 2015 alone, since I do plan to pay my taxes unlike our President-Elect, is about 67K.  And I know there are other debts floating out there that also have to be resolved, and I don’t even want to know what the real figure is.  

 So maybe you can understand why, when I think there might be a chance I can earn enough to wipe my debt clean, I don’t think quite as clearly as I should.  The figure weighs heavily upon my mind.  And in December, I only had four calls, so I went into more debt because I didn’t have enough for all my expenses.  

 As I sat in my vehicle, wailing to myself, glad to have finally gotten my windows tinted this past year, but knowing people could probably still see and hear me, I thought about the texts my mother sent me this past summer.  

 In a previous post, when I was discussing my trip to LA and an interaction I had with another provider, I wrote that my mother implied I was a diseased whore and I left New York with telling myself I will never talk to her again.  I’ve mentioned how tumultuous the relationship with my mother has been in the past, and after I was home in July, I thought it best she remains out of my life while I try to learn to love myself.  A lot of my insecurities stem from my mother.  

 In July, I owed three car payments.  I was paying the average minimum of what my actual car payment was supposed to be each month, which is about $400.  But I had gotten into a hole a couple times in the beginning of the year, where I wasn’t able to pay one month, and then it happened again a couple months later.  I was finally up to being able to pay the monthly payment, but not enough to pay the $800 from the missed payments, plus the monthly $400.  

 My parents were getting calls from the loan collector.  I explained to my mother what had happened, but that I was back on track and just needed a little more time to pay back the missed payments.  She decided to make a payment with her credit card.  My parents are in just as much debt as I am, maybe a little less, and they’re both retired.  

 I didn’t ask her to do that for me.  I didn’t want her to do that for me.  I knew my mother too well.  I knew this would backfire on me.  And it did.

 My mother has the tendency to do something nice for me, then shove it in my face later on, making me feel guilty and horrible she did it in the first place.  I felt like she would do something kind just to use it as a weapon to strike me down at a later time.  

 At age 12 or 13, my mother decided to discipline and hate me one day, while I had my best friend over. I didn’t do anything horrible.  I don’t recall what happened previous to the memory I have, but I remember my friend and I sitting on the floor in front of the entertainment center.  There was a swinging door opening to a portion of it, that housed VHS tapes.  I had it open and as my mother walked by with a pile of laundry, she kicked it, so the corner bashed and cut my knee.  

 She told me I didn’t deserve to have glasses.  “If you’re not going to appreciate what you have, you don’t deserve them,” she said towering above my friend and I.  

I’ve needed glasses since I was ten.  My eyesight had significantly deteriorated at that age, that the optometrist asked my parents how I could even see the softball.  

 I needed my glasses to see clearly.  My mother knew that.  I yelled for them back and she refused.  I started crying.  And my girlfriend started crying too.  

 My mom drove my friend back home and there were no words spoken, except when my friend whispered, “Please stop crying.”  

 So maybe now, you can understand a little bit better of my psychosis.  Why I’m this somber/angry/emo girl who has a hard time accepting when people are nice to her because she doesn’t believe she deserves it.  Who will always wonder when that generous person shouts, “Look at what I did for you!”  The way my mother and my New York-ex did.  

  Back to last July:

 My mother paid my missed car payments.  I told her thank you and that she did not have to do that.  

 I’m still that teenage girl in many ways who can only tolerate my mother for a certain amount of time.  ‘What are you eating?  Where did you get that top?  Where are you going?’  I’m extremely anxious around my mother because I can never relax, every action is an interrogation.  

 I tweeted the night before I left, “It was good to be home, but I cannot wait to get away from my mother and her fifty fucking questions.”

 And then came the shit storm.  

 She read my tweet and I admit, it wasn’t the nicest thing to say, but I gave her the ammunition to ridicule me and my job.  

 “Sorry I ask so many questions, but at least I don’t ask you for money,” she snarled at me the morning I was getting ready to leave.  “At least I’m not a fucking whore.”  

 She called me a “fucking ingrate,” implied I was a diseased whore, and made some remark about sucking cocks.

 The tears welled up in my eyes like it had so many times when I was growing up.  I got in her face and pointed at her, “You have no idea who the fuck I am and I do this because of you.”  

 I was so angry and emotional that my words didn’t make much sense without context.  But I’ve given a lot of thought of why I do what I do, and/or the reason why I place myself in certain situations.  And the honest truth, is that I don’t really care about myself.  My mother nurtured all of those insecurities that I had about myself.  When you’ve been brought up to think you are nothing, you believe your worth is nothing.  Who cares if you sell yourself?  At least I have a value now.  

 “Don’t you want to say goodbye to your daughter?” my father asked as we stood with my luggage gathered by the front door.

 “No,” she said authoritatively.  

 “Goodbye, Mom,” I said. I fought back more tears.  ‘She doesn’t get to win this time,’ I told myself. And I also knew these would be the last words I would be saying to her, either until her death, or for a very long time.

 I had a layover in Charlotte, NC.  I switched my phone off airplane mode and I received a text from her, ‘FYI:  I am sick of the F’ing calls from your bill collectors and the 50 F’ing questions they bombard me with.  With that said, the next call I will give out your porn name, talent agencies, special phone number, and all info that is readily on the public web.’

 Me: ‘All I can ask is please do not.  If my real name is attached to my alias, more people will be able to find me and threaten to hurt me, rape me, and kill me.  If you want that, then fine.  But please do not.  

 My mother: ‘Should have thought about that before choosing your career.  I will feel no guilt.  Too bad, so sad.  

 Pay your F’ing bills, give your animals to respectable families, and live within your means.  All you want is quick cash and entitlement.  Shove that down your deep throat and gag. Shove your blaming attitude up your banana as whole.’

 (I refer to myself as a banana for being Korean, but really, I’m white because I’m completely Americanized.)

 So there I was sobbing inside the Charlotte terminal, strangers looking at me, like what the fuck is wrong with this woman?  

 My friend from Brooklyn College called me after I posted a screenshot of the conversation with my mother. I didn’t want to answer.  Her kindness made me weep more as she attempted to convince me that I’m not a horrible person.  

 I cried talking to her. I cried on the plane to Los Angeles. I cried on the FlyAway bus from LAX to Van Nuys.  I didn’t cry the whole time, but I only had the company of myself and I drifted to those dark places because I knew I was alone again.  

 My mother’s text about giving away my animals is near the top of the most hurtful things one can say to me.  I know I have a lot of pets.  I like to think I’m making up for my entire childhood and adolescence without having one, and that’s why I have so many now.  But I told my friend from college this (she’s an animal lover/artist too), “The more lives I have to take care of, the less likely I’ll be able to kill myself.”  

 Always half logical and half emotional with my thoughts, it is true.  My whole pack would have to be separated and I would never want any of them to wind up in a bad situation or in a shelter.  They are my everything.  My littlest dog, DeSoto, sits in my lap as I type this.  My special dog, Atticus, is underneath my chair.  

 I just get along better with animals.  People have been and continue to be cruel to me.  Animals have not.  I’ve discovered I’m a horrible communicator when it comes to relationships.  I believe it is a combination of needing time to express my thoughts and feelings (hence, writing), along with a fear of my words being misinterpreted, and growing up as an only child and not having anyone to talk to when I was sad.  

 I used to drape my Pound Puppy’s ears across my eyes and cry myself to sleep at night.  I didn’t have to say anything to my stuffed animal Brodie, who I got when I was a year old, and named after my neighbor’s dog.  I would just wrap my little arms around him, put his long ear over my eyes, and hope my sadness would be less when I woke up.

 Now I finally have my own menagerie.  I get to hug and cry into my squishy Pit Bull who is usually taking up most of the space in my king size bed.  I talk to my one cat as he head-butts to greet me.  My other cat kneads my stomach, reminding me maybe I should have done more cardio.  I laugh at my special dog because he is just that.  I squeeze my little Min Pin, wondering if he was just given away just because he is all black.  I smirk when I hear my turtle swimming to nowhere as she kicks up the rocks in her tank. And I marvel at the beauty of my German Shepherd and ask myself, how am I so lucky to be the owner of such a handsome animal?  

 But when I’m struggling to pay my bills, especially last month and I thought this month would be better, but it’s looking like I will be in the same position with only a call a week, my mother’s words echo in my mind.  Maybe I don’t deserve them.  

 I will be 32 next week and my career as a whore is barely keeping me afloat.  My porn career is non-existent since my agency has zero interest in promoting me, apparently.  I have no children.  Thank goodness in many ways, but I’m in a very small pool now of those who are not mothers.  So I’m nearly 32, and I still am struggling.  And the day after my birthday, we inaugurate a mean, petulant child to the highest position of our country.  

 I keep trying to fight back the tears of my failure.  I try to convince myself that I am more than nothing.  I try to have hope.  But as one potential client cancels on me, another tries to bargain me down to 300, another 400, and others who lose interest just because I won’t fuck them raw, I don’t have much hope.  And with the world will becoming a much scarier place on January 20th.  I don’t have much hope at all.  

[darwinbigelow]

Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin!

My friend Charlotte and I are in a DIY battle to renovate our guest bedrooms. Catch the entire series here.

Back today for a new update on the guest bedroom! By now, most of you already know what this is all about, and that we’re getting very close to the final reveal.

But for those just now tuning discovering my Dueling DIY challenge, welcome! I created the Dueling DIY series because it’s a great way to keep me focused on a much-needed project that has been hanging out on my to-do list for too long. By challenging another blogger who is doing the same project and committing to bi-weekly updates (along with a vlog recap each month), it makes for a lot of fun — especially the smack talk.

My pal Charlotte from At Charlotte’s House, aka my chosen co-host for the guest bedroom series, almost makes that last part too easy. Her house is so hideously designed that it was recently photographed for Better Homes and Gardens. So, zero pressure for me, obviously.

Anyway, enough about that chump, let’s talk about what you came for: the guest bedroom. With the Murphy bed now complete, it’s time to enclose this bad boy inside a great-looking built-in wall of cabinetry and shelving.

Lots of decisions

For the sake of “I know, it ain’t much yet,” I don’t really have that much photographically to show for progress made. But it’s there. It’s mostly been a shitload of math and mental preparation. Making sure things start level and stay that way. Making sure I have the correct hardware to create my cabinets. Analyzing and obsessing. And learning how to use my dad’s old table saw for the first time!

Not exactly my most confident experience every using a power tool… a proper future work table will help, though.

I’ve never built cabinets before. I’ve also never installed a sliding shelf. So, before I start to make any large cuts, I’m checking and double-checking my measurements. A height of 36 inches is considered “standard” for a kitchen counter, but I don’t need cabinets that tall. And while a standard dining table is around 30 inches, that seems too low. So, much like this house’s nickname (Goldilocks), I’m picking another number that seems juuuuuuust right. Somewhere in the middle. The rest will serve as shelving space, except for the upper light area that will also hold storage. For reference, here’s the 3D sketch I started with:

I also grabbed some of the scrap plywood from the Murphy bed build and used it to help confirm that the shelves above will balance things out. I think this height will be perfect!

Cabinet platform for baseboard

These built-ins require installation from the bottom up. That means first dealing with the whole baseboard situation. I replaced carpeted areas within the first year of moving into the house; while that was the right decision (the old carpet, ew), the new carpet was thicker than the old, and that hid the baseboards a little. It’s not really something I notice or care much about day to day, but it was something I needed to work with. It’s pretty common to create a small platform on the floor so you have a level place for the cabinets to be installed on top. This is the “toe kick” and easily accomplished with 2x4s, since the baseboards are often the same height.

And as it happens, I built the darn 2×4 platforms this week, at first, without thinking about any of this.

Surprise! It wound up being an incorrect height thanks to the carpet. I want the cabinets to sit over the baseboards and flush with the Murphy bed. That meant either:

Option A: taking out a section of carpet on both sides to install the 2×4 platform (and possibly easier to level without carpet) OR

Option B: take apart my 2×4 platforms, rip them down to match the existing height of the baseboards, and re-install

Ultimately, I went with option B. I was convinced that removing the carpet was the right move at first, until I put it out on my Instagram stories and had about a dozen conversations with people debating the pros and cons. I changed my mind, and ripped down the 2x4s instead. It worked perfectly; they are exactly level, too! That never happens!

Cabinet doors

The cabinet doors were another complexity I made some assumptions on when ordering my hardware (by the way, both the Murphy bed and the cabinet hardware have been generously provided to me by Rockler, so you’ll see me mentioning them again as a sponsor when I do the more elaborate DIY post that includes the install video). For these decisions, I went straight to the internet for info. Ultimately, I decided on an inset style of door, which you will notice doesn’t 100% match my initial 3D mock-up. However, I think because the Murphy bed has a visible frame on either side, this will look more intentional and match well.

By the way, my pal Sandra from Sawdust Girl happens to have a lot of info on cabinetry (such as the pic above), if you ever need tips!

Possible lighting options

I think it’s going to take me a while to track down the *perfect* set of lights to install, but I should be able to make some headway on the electrical before the next update. Here are some of the general looks I have been eyeing, but doing something DIY that uses a wood feature like my kitchen light is ideal:

[show_shopthepost_widget id=”3104535″]

Art

I’m anxious to get started on the art that will go on the Murphy bed, but I am trying to be patient with myself and work on it only after getting the shelves installed (my reward to myself, in a way).

So, there you have it: a lot on my mind! I’m thisclose to pulling the trigger on my first cut (always the hardest). I hope I can show off a ton of change in the next update!

Charlotte has mentioned to me that she’s probably going to be done with her room in two weeks. Then again, she’s said that before, too. Her room is smaller than mine though, so the possibility of her finishing first was always a possibility. Still, I have every intention of finishing these series strong, even if there’s more to do to this room. And we all know that finishing fast isn’t necessarily a virtue . Be sure to check out Charlotte’s latest Dueling DIY update over on her blog and be ready for another video update in two weeks. Don’t forget to give her crap on her design choices on my behalf; try to make her cry, if you can.

I considered doing another collage making fun of her, but thought: why mess with this kind of perfect mocking?

More updates comin’ right up!

The post Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin! appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

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[alexrodriguespage]

Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin!

My friend Charlotte and I are in a DIY battle to renovate our guest bedrooms. Catch the entire series here.

Back today for a new update on the guest bedroom! By now, most of you already know what this is all about, and that we’re getting very close to the final reveal.

But for those just now tuning discovering my Dueling DIY challenge, welcome! I created the Dueling DIY series because it’s a great way to keep me focused on a much-needed project that has been hanging out on my to-do list for too long. By challenging another blogger who is doing the same project and committing to bi-weekly updates (along with a vlog recap each month), it makes for a lot of fun — especially the smack talk.

My pal Charlotte from At Charlotte’s House, aka my chosen co-host for the guest bedroom series, almost makes that last part too easy. Her house is so hideously designed that it was recently photographed for Better Homes and Gardens. So, zero pressure for me, obviously.

Anyway, enough about that chump, let’s talk about what you came for: the guest bedroom. With the Murphy bed now complete, it’s time to enclose this bad boy inside a great-looking built-in wall of cabinetry and shelving.

Lots of decisions

For the sake of “I know, it ain’t much yet,” I don’t really have that much photographically to show for progress made. But it’s there. It’s mostly been a shitload of math and mental preparation. Making sure things start level and stay that way. Making sure I have the correct hardware to create my cabinets. Analyzing and obsessing. And learning how to use my dad’s old table saw for the first time!

Not exactly my most confident experience every using a power tool… a proper future work table will help, though.

I’ve never built cabinets before. I’ve also never installed a sliding shelf. So, before I start to make any large cuts, I’m checking and double-checking my measurements. A height of 36 inches is considered “standard” for a kitchen counter, but I don’t need cabinets that tall. And while a standard dining table is around 30 inches, that seems too low. So, much like this house’s nickname (Goldilocks), I’m picking another number that seems juuuuuuust right. Somewhere in the middle. The rest will serve as shelving space, except for the upper light area that will also hold storage. For reference, here’s the 3D sketch I started with:

I also grabbed some of the scrap plywood from the Murphy bed build and used it to help confirm that the shelves above will balance things out. I think this height will be perfect!

Cabinet platform for baseboard

These built-ins require installation from the bottom up. That means first dealing with the whole baseboard situation. I replaced carpeted areas within the first year of moving into the house; while that was the right decision (the old carpet, ew), the new carpet was thicker than the old, and that hid the baseboards a little. It’s not really something I notice or care much about day to day, but it was something I needed to work with. It’s pretty common to create a small platform on the floor so you have a level place for the cabinets to be installed on top. This is the “toe kick” and easily accomplished with 2x4s, since the baseboards are often the same height.

And as it happens, I built the darn 2×4 platforms this week, at first, without thinking about any of this.

Surprise! It wound up being an incorrect height thanks to the carpet. I want the cabinets to sit over the baseboards and flush with the Murphy bed. That meant either:

Option A: taking out a section of carpet on both sides to install the 2×4 platform (and possibly easier to level without carpet) OR

Option B: take apart my 2×4 platforms, rip them down to match the existing height of the baseboards, and re-install

Ultimately, I went with option B. I was convinced that removing the carpet was the right move at first, until I put it out on my Instagram stories and had about a dozen conversations with people debating the pros and cons. I changed my mind, and ripped down the 2x4s instead. It worked perfectly; they are exactly level, too! That never happens!

Cabinet doors

The cabinet doors were another complexity I made some assumptions on when ordering my hardware (by the way, both the Murphy bed and the cabinet hardware have been generously provided to me by Rockler, so you’ll see me mentioning them again as a sponsor when I do the more elaborate DIY post that includes the install video). For these decisions, I went straight to the internet for info. Ultimately, I decided on an inset style of door, which you will notice doesn’t 100% match my initial 3D mock-up. However, I think because the Murphy bed has a visible frame on either side, this will look more intentional and match well.

By the way, my pal Sandra from Sawdust Girl happens to have a lot of info on cabinetry (such as the pic above), if you ever need tips!

Possible lighting options

I think it’s going to take me a while to track down the *perfect* set of lights to install, but I should be able to make some headway on the electrical before the next update. Here are some of the general looks I have been eyeing, but doing something DIY that uses a wood feature like my kitchen light is ideal:

[show_shopthepost_widget id=”3104535″]

Art

I’m anxious to get started on the art that will go on the Murphy bed, but I am trying to be patient with myself and work on it only after getting the shelves installed (my reward to myself, in a way).

So, there you have it: a lot on my mind! I’m thisclose to pulling the trigger on my first cut (always the hardest). I hope I can show off a ton of change in the next update!

Charlotte has mentioned to me that she’s probably going to be done with her room in two weeks. Then again, she’s said that before, too. Her room is smaller than mine though, so the possibility of her finishing first was always a possibility. Still, I have every intention of finishing these series strong, even if there’s more to do to this room. And we all know that finishing fast isn’t necessarily a virtue . Be sure to check out Charlotte’s latest Dueling DIY update over on her blog and be ready for another video update in two weeks. Don’t forget to give her crap on her design choices on my behalf; try to make her cry, if you can.

I considered doing another collage making fun of her, but thought: why mess with this kind of perfect mocking?

More updates comin’ right up!

The post Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin! appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

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Dueling DIY: Guest Room Gauntlet!

Dueling DIY: First Wall Painted and Murphy Bed Pro...

Dueling DIY: Dark Sage Green, Curtains, and Vlog #...

The Guest Bedroom Picture Ledges are Done!

.yuzo_related_post img{width:170px !important; height:170px !important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{line-height:14px;background:#ffffff !important;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover{background:#ffffff !important; -webkit-transition: background 0.2s linear; -moz-transition: background 0.2s linear; -o-transition: background 0.2s linear; transition: background 0.2s linear;;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a{color:#102a3b!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a:hover{ color:#113f5e}!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover a{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo__text--title{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post:hover .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{ margin: 0px 6px 0px 6px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; } jQuery(document).ready(function( $ ){ jQuery('.yuzo_related_post .yuzo_wraps').equalizer({ columns : '> div' }); }); Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin! published first on https://vacuumpalguide.tumblr.com/

[petraself]

Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin!

My friend Charlotte and I are in a DIY battle to renovate our guest bedrooms. Catch the entire series here.

Back today for a new update on the guest bedroom! By now, most of you already know what this is all about, and that we’re getting very close to the final reveal.

But for those just now tuning discovering my Dueling DIY challenge, welcome! I created the Dueling DIY series because it’s a great way to keep me focused on a much-needed project that has been hanging out on my to-do list for too long. By challenging another blogger who is doing the same project and committing to bi-weekly updates (along with a vlog recap each month), it makes for a lot of fun — especially the smack talk.

My pal Charlotte from At Charlotte’s House, aka my chosen co-host for the guest bedroom series, almost makes that last part too easy. Her house is so hideously designed that it was recently photographed for Better Homes and Gardens. So, zero pressure for me, obviously.

Anyway, enough about that chump, let’s talk about what you came for: the guest bedroom. With the Murphy bed now complete, it’s time to enclose this bad boy inside a great-looking built-in wall of cabinetry and shelving.

Lots of decisions

For the sake of “I know, it ain’t much yet,” I don’t really have that much photographically to show for progress made. But it’s there. It’s mostly been a shitload of math and mental preparation. Making sure things start level and stay that way. Making sure I have the correct hardware to create my cabinets. Analyzing and obsessing. And learning how to use my dad’s old table saw for the first time!

Not exactly my most confident experience every using a power tool… a proper future work table will help, though.

I’ve never built cabinets before. I’ve also never installed a sliding shelf. So, before I start to make any large cuts, I’m checking and double-checking my measurements. A height of 36 inches is considered “standard” for a kitchen counter, but I don’t need cabinets that tall. And while a standard dining table is around 30 inches, that seems too low. So, much like this house’s nickname (Goldilocks), I’m picking another number that seems juuuuuuust right. Somewhere in the middle. The rest will serve as shelving space, except for the upper light area that will also hold storage. For reference, here’s the 3D sketch I started with:

I also grabbed some of the scrap plywood from the Murphy bed build and used it to help confirm that the shelves above will balance things out. I think this height will be perfect!

Cabinet platform for baseboard

These built-ins require installation from the bottom up. That means first dealing with the whole baseboard situation. I replaced carpeted areas within the first year of moving into the house; while that was the right decision (the old carpet, ew), the new carpet was thicker than the old, and that hid the baseboards a little. It’s not really something I notice or care much about day to day, but it was something I needed to work with. It’s pretty common to create a small platform on the floor so you have a level place for the cabinets to be installed on top. This is the “toe kick” and easily accomplished with 2x4s, since the baseboards are often the same height.

And as it happens, I built the darn 2×4 platforms this week, at first, without thinking about any of this.

Surprise! It wound up being an incorrect height thanks to the carpet. I want the cabinets to sit over the baseboards and flush with the Murphy bed. That meant either:

Option A: taking out a section of carpet on both sides to install the 2×4 platform (and possibly easier to level without carpet) OR

Option B: take apart my 2×4 platforms, rip them down to match the existing height of the baseboards, and re-install

Ultimately, I went with option B. I was convinced that removing the carpet was the right move at first, until I put it out on my Instagram stories and had about a dozen conversations with people debating the pros and cons. I changed my mind, and ripped down the 2x4s instead. It worked perfectly; they are exactly level, too! That never happens!

Cabinet doors

The cabinet doors were another complexity I made some assumptions on when ordering my hardware (by the way, both the Murphy bed and the cabinet hardware have been generously provided to me by Rockler, so you’ll see me mentioning them again as a sponsor when I do the more elaborate DIY post that includes the install video). For these decisions, I went straight to the internet for info. Ultimately, I decided on an inset style of door, which you will notice doesn’t 100% match my initial 3D mock-up. However, I think because the Murphy bed has a visible frame on either side, this will look more intentional and match well.

By the way, my pal Sandra from Sawdust Girl happens to have a lot of info on cabinetry (such as the pic above), if you ever need tips!

Possible lighting options

I think it’s going to take me a while to track down the *perfect* set of lights to install, but I should be able to make some headway on the electrical before the next update. Here are some of the general looks I have been eyeing, but doing something DIY that uses a wood feature like my kitchen light is ideal:

[show_shopthepost_widget id=”3104535″]

Art

I’m anxious to get started on the art that will go on the Murphy bed, but I am trying to be patient with myself and work on it only after getting the shelves installed (my reward to myself, in a way).

So, there you have it: a lot on my mind! I’m thisclose to pulling the trigger on my first cut (always the hardest). I hope I can show off a ton of change in the next update!

Charlotte has mentioned to me that she’s probably going to be done with her room in two weeks. Then again, she’s said that before, too. Her room is smaller than mine though, so the possibility of her finishing first was always a possibility. Still, I have every intention of finishing these series strong, even if there’s more to do to this room. And we all know that finishing fast isn’t necessarily a virtue . Be sure to check out Charlotte’s latest Dueling DIY update over on her blog and be ready for another video update in two weeks. Don’t forget to give her crap on her design choices on my behalf; try to make her cry, if you can.

I considered doing another collage making fun of her, but thought: why mess with this kind of perfect mocking?

More updates comin’ right up!

The post Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin! appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

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Dueling DIY: Guest Room Gauntlet!

Dueling DIY: First Wall Painted and Murphy Bed Pro...

Dueling DIY: Dark Sage Green, Curtains, and Vlog #...

The Guest Bedroom Picture Ledges are Done!

.yuzo_related_post img{width:170px !important; height:170px !important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{line-height:14px;background:#ffffff !important;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover{background:#ffffff !important; -webkit-transition: background 0.2s linear; -moz-transition: background 0.2s linear; -o-transition: background 0.2s linear; transition: background 0.2s linear;;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a{color:#102a3b!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a:hover{ color:#113f5e}!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover a{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo__text--title{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post:hover .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{ margin: 0px 6px 0px 6px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; } jQuery(document).ready(function( $ ){ jQuery('.yuzo_related_post .yuzo_wraps').equalizer({ columns : '> div' }); }); Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin! published first on www.uglyducklinghouse.com

[darensmurray]

Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin!

My friend Charlotte and I are in a DIY battle to renovate our guest bedrooms. Catch the entire series here.

Back today for a new update on the guest bedroom! By now, most of you already know what this is all about, and that we’re getting very close to the final reveal.

But for those just now tuning discovering my Dueling DIY challenge, welcome! I created the Dueling DIY series because it’s a great way to keep me focused on a much-needed project that has been hanging out on my to-do list for too long. By challenging another blogger who is doing the same project and committing to bi-weekly updates (along with a vlog recap each month), it makes for a lot of fun — especially the smack talk.

My pal Charlotte from At Charlotte’s House, aka my chosen co-host for the guest bedroom series, almost makes that last part too easy. Her house is so hideously designed that it was recently photographed for Better Homes and Gardens. So, zero pressure for me, obviously.

Anyway, enough about that chump, let’s talk about what you came for: the guest bedroom. With the Murphy bed now complete, it’s time to enclose this bad boy inside a great-looking built-in wall of cabinetry and shelving.

Lots of decisions

For the sake of “I know, it ain’t much yet,” I don’t really have that much photographically to show for progress made. But it’s there. It’s mostly been a shitload of math and mental preparation. Making sure things start level and stay that way. Making sure I have the correct hardware to create my cabinets. Analyzing and obsessing. And learning how to use my dad’s old table saw for the first time!

Not exactly my most confident experience every using a power tool… a proper future work table will help, though.

I’ve never built cabinets before. I’ve also never installed a sliding shelf. So, before I start to make any large cuts, I’m checking and double-checking my measurements. A height of 36 inches is considered “standard” for a kitchen counter, but I don’t need cabinets that tall. And while a standard dining table is around 30 inches, that seems too low. So, much like this house’s nickname (Goldilocks), I’m picking another number that seems juuuuuuust right. Somewhere in the middle. The rest will serve as shelving space, except for the upper light area that will also hold storage. For reference, here’s the 3D sketch I started with:

I also grabbed some of the scrap plywood from the Murphy bed build and used it to help confirm that the shelves above will balance things out. I think this height will be perfect!

Cabinet platform for baseboard

These built-ins require installation from the bottom up. That means first dealing with the whole baseboard situation. I replaced carpeted areas within the first year of moving into the house; while that was the right decision (the old carpet, ew), the new carpet was thicker than the old, and that hid the baseboards a little. It’s not really something I notice or care much about day to day, but it was something I needed to work with. It’s pretty common to create a small platform on the floor so you have a level place for the cabinets to be installed on top. This is the “toe kick” and easily accomplished with 2x4s, since the baseboards are often the same height.

And as it happens, I built the darn 2×4 platforms this week, at first, without thinking about any of this.

Surprise! It wound up being an incorrect height thanks to the carpet. I want the cabinets to sit over the baseboards and flush with the Murphy bed. That meant either:

Option A: taking out a section of carpet on both sides to install the 2×4 platform (and possibly easier to level without carpet) OR

Option B: take apart my 2×4 platforms, rip them down to match the existing height of the baseboards, and re-install

Ultimately, I went with option B. I was convinced that removing the carpet was the right move at first, until I put it out on my Instagram stories and had about a dozen conversations with people debating the pros and cons. I changed my mind, and ripped down the 2x4s instead. It worked perfectly; they are exactly level, too! That never happens!

Cabinet doors

The cabinet doors were another complexity I made some assumptions on when ordering my hardware (by the way, both the Murphy bed and the cabinet hardware have been generously provided to me by Rockler, so you’ll see me mentioning them again as a sponsor when I do the more elaborate DIY post that includes the install video). For these decisions, I went straight to the internet for info. Ultimately, I decided on an inset style of door, which you will notice doesn’t 100% match my initial 3D mock-up. However, I think because the Murphy bed has a visible frame on either side, this will look more intentional and match well.

By the way, my pal Sandra from Sawdust Girl happens to have a lot of info on cabinetry (such as the pic above), if you ever need tips!

Possible lighting options

I think it’s going to take me a while to track down the *perfect* set of lights to install, but I should be able to make some headway on the electrical before the next update. Here are some of the general looks I have been eyeing, but doing something DIY that uses a wood feature like my kitchen light is ideal:

[show_shopthepost_widget id=”3104535″]

Art

I’m anxious to get started on the art that will go on the Murphy bed, but I am trying to be patient with myself and work on it only after getting the shelves installed (my reward to myself, in a way).

So, there you have it: a lot on my mind! I’m thisclose to pulling the trigger on my first cut (always the hardest). I hope I can show off a ton of change in the next update!

Charlotte has mentioned to me that she’s probably going to be done with her room in two weeks. Then again, she’s said that before, too. Her room is smaller than mine though, so the possibility of her finishing first was always a possibility. Still, I have every intention of finishing these series strong, even if there’s more to do to this room. And we all know that finishing fast isn’t necessarily a virtue . Be sure to check out Charlotte’s latest Dueling DIY update over on her blog and be ready for another video update in two weeks. Don’t forget to give her crap on her design choices on my behalf; try to make her cry, if you can.

I considered doing another collage making fun of her, but thought: why mess with this kind of perfect mocking?

More updates comin’ right up!

The post Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin! appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

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Dueling DIY: Guest Room Gauntlet!

Dueling DIY: First Wall Painted and Murphy Bed Pro...

Dueling DIY: Dark Sage Green, Curtains, and Vlog #...

The Guest Bedroom Picture Ledges are Done!

.yuzo_related_post img{width:170px !important; height:170px !important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{line-height:14px;background:#ffffff !important;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover{background:#ffffff !important; -webkit-transition: background 0.2s linear; -moz-transition: background 0.2s linear; -o-transition: background 0.2s linear; transition: background 0.2s linear;;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a{color:#102a3b!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a:hover{ color:#113f5e}!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover a{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo__text--title{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post:hover .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{ margin: 0px 6px 0px 6px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; } jQuery(document).ready(function( $ ){ jQuery('.yuzo_related_post .yuzo_wraps').equalizer({ columns : '> div' }); });

[bespokekitchesldn]

Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin!

My friend Charlotte and I are in a DIY battle to renovate our guest bedrooms. Catch the entire series here.

Back today for a new update on the guest bedroom! By now, most of you already know what this is all about, and that we’re getting very close to the final reveal.

But for those just now tuning discovering my Dueling DIY challenge, welcome! I created the Dueling DIY series because it’s a great way to keep me focused on a much-needed project that has been hanging out on my to-do list for too long. By challenging another blogger who is doing the same project and committing to bi-weekly updates (along with a vlog recap each month), it makes for a lot of fun — especially the smack talk.

My pal Charlotte from At Charlotte’s House, aka my chosen co-host for the guest bedroom series, almost makes that last part too easy. Her house is so hideously designed that it was recently photographed for Better Homes and Gardens. So, zero pressure for me, obviously.

Anyway, enough about that chump, let’s talk about what you came for: the guest bedroom. With the Murphy bed now complete, it’s time to enclose this bad boy inside a great-looking built-in wall of cabinetry and shelving.

Lots of decisions

For the sake of “I know, it ain’t much yet,” I don’t really have that much photographically to show for progress made. But it’s there. It’s mostly been a shitload of math and mental preparation. Making sure things start level and stay that way. Making sure I have the correct hardware to create my cabinets. Analyzing and obsessing. And learning how to use my dad’s old table saw for the first time!

Not exactly my most confident experience every using a power tool… a proper future work table will help, though.

I’ve never built cabinets before. I’ve also never installed a sliding shelf. So, before I start to make any large cuts, I’m checking and double-checking my measurements. A height of 36 inches is considered “standard” for a kitchen counter, but I don’t need cabinets that tall. And while a standard dining table is around 30 inches, that seems too low. So, much like this house’s nickname (Goldilocks), I’m picking another number that seems juuuuuuust right. Somewhere in the middle. The rest will serve as shelving space, except for the upper light area that will also hold storage. For reference, here’s the 3D sketch I started with:

I also grabbed some of the scrap plywood from the Murphy bed build and used it to help confirm that the shelves above will balance things out. I think this height will be perfect!

Cabinet platform for baseboard

These built-ins require installation from the bottom up. That means first dealing with the whole baseboard situation. I replaced carpeted areas within the first year of moving into the house; while that was the right decision (the old carpet, ew), the new carpet was thicker than the old, and that hid the baseboards a little. It’s not really something I notice or care much about day to day, but it was something I needed to work with. It’s pretty common to create a small platform on the floor so you have a level place for the cabinets to be installed on top. This is the “toe kick” and easily accomplished with 2x4s, since the baseboards are often the same height.

And as it happens, I built the darn 2×4 platforms this week, at first, without thinking about any of this.

Surprise! It wound up being an incorrect height thanks to the carpet. I want the cabinets to sit over the baseboards and flush with the Murphy bed. That meant either:

Option A: taking out a section of carpet on both sides to install the 2×4 platform (and possibly easier to level without carpet) OR

Option B: take apart my 2×4 platforms, rip them down to match the existing height of the baseboards, and re-install

Ultimately, I went with option B. I was convinced that removing the carpet was the right move at first, until I put it out on my Instagram stories and had about a dozen conversations with people debating the pros and cons. I changed my mind, and ripped down the 2x4s instead. It worked perfectly; they are exactly level, too! That never happens!

Cabinet doors

The cabinet doors were another complexity I made some assumptions on when ordering my hardware (by the way, both the Murphy bed and the cabinet hardware have been generously provided to me by Rockler, so you’ll see me mentioning them again as a sponsor when I do the more elaborate DIY post that includes the install video). For these decisions, I went straight to the internet for info. Ultimately, I decided on an inset style of door, which you will notice doesn’t 100% match my initial 3D mock-up. However, I think because the Murphy bed has a visible frame on either side, this will look more intentional and match well.

By the way, my pal Sandra from Sawdust Girl happens to have a lot of info on cabinetry (such as the pic above), if you ever need tips!

Possible lighting options

I think it’s going to take me a while to track down the *perfect* set of lights to install, but I should be able to make some headway on the electrical before the next update. Here are some of the general looks I have been eyeing, but doing something DIY that uses a wood feature like my kitchen light is ideal:

[show_shopthepost_widget id=”3104535″]

Art

I’m anxious to get started on the art that will go on the Murphy bed, but I am trying to be patient with myself and work on it only after getting the shelves installed (my reward to myself, in a way).

So, there you have it: a lot on my mind! I’m thisclose to pulling the trigger on my first cut (always the hardest). I hope I can show off a ton of change in the next update!

Charlotte has mentioned to me that she’s probably going to be done with her room in two weeks. Then again, she’s said that before, too. Her room is smaller than mine though, so the possibility of her finishing first was always a possibility. Still, I have every intention of finishing these series strong, even if there’s more to do to this room. And we all know that finishing fast isn’t necessarily a virtue . Be sure to check out Charlotte’s latest Dueling DIY update over on her blog and be ready for another video update in two weeks. Don’t forget to give her crap on her design choices on my behalf; try to make her cry, if you can.

I considered doing another collage making fun of her, but thought: why mess with this kind of perfect mocking?

More updates comin’ right up!

The post Dueling DIY: The Built-Ins Begin! appeared first on Ugly Duckling House.

You'll Also Love

Dueling DIY: Guest Room Gauntlet!

Dueling DIY: First Wall Painted and Murphy Bed Pro...

Dueling DIY: Dark Sage Green, Curtains, and Vlog #...

The Guest Bedroom Picture Ledges are Done!

.yuzo_related_post img{width:170px !important; height:170px !important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{line-height:14px;background:#ffffff !important;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover{background:#ffffff !important; -webkit-transition: background 0.2s linear; -moz-transition: background 0.2s linear; -o-transition: background 0.2s linear; transition: background 0.2s linear;;color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a{color:#102a3b!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb a:hover{ color:#113f5e}!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover a{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo__text--title{ color:#113f5e!important;} .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb:hover .yuzo_text, .yuzo_related_post:hover .yuzo_views_post {color:#454747!important;} .yuzo_related_post .relatedthumb{ margin: 0px 6px 0px 6px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; } jQuery(document).ready(function( $ ){ jQuery('.yuzo_related_post .yuzo_wraps').equalizer({ columns : '> div' }); }); from Ugly Duckling House https://www.uglyducklinghouse.com/dueling-diy-the-built-ins-begin/

[twodeadchicks]

#TWDFamily Part 1

"It's not just fandom. It's family." If you are at all familiar with Walker Stalker Convention or Heroes and Villains Fan Fest, you've probably seen this tag line before. Though I'd seen it, I had never put much thought into what it meant until I experienced this family for myself. From attending the conventions as a fan to beginning this podcast with Kia, I have witnessed a fandom that supports each other with their whole hearts. I have seen people come together for each other in a way that can only be described as magical. Their one common thread? They love The Walking Dead and attending the conventions that celebrate their favorite show. In this four part series, I will be chatting with many of the people that make up this family. Today, I am highlighting the volunteers and ambassadors that have helped make the conventions you love happen. What made you decide to volunteer for WSC vs attending as a fan? [caption id="attachment_21847" align="alignleft" width="257"] Lauren with The Walking Dead star Khary Payton[/caption] Lauren (volunteered for WSC ATL 2016 & HVFF ATL 2016): I decided to volunteer because I have previous convention experience, both being as a fan and a volunteer and I wanted to utilize my experience with WSC. Calli Newman (volunteered for 1 WSC): I love volunteering for different events. Am a fan of the show so it was the best of both worlds. Jeff Wagoner (4 time WSC volunteer): I decided to volunteer instead of attending because, this might sound crazy, but I love to people watch! I love to see the reactions from the fans and the celebrities as they meet one another. Nothing else like it! Seeing the smiles and laughs on each other’s faces is so awesome! Kimberly Lujan (3 time WSC volunteer): I originally bought tickets to attend in 2015. When I found out that you could volunteer and work with the cast that I admired so much, I signed up and was accepted. Since then, I will try to work as many as I can. We don't volunteer anymore. Since we are now paid for our time, we are called "ambassadors." For me, being on a fixed income, the money really helps. Working allows you access to the same event for free and it helps on costs. I believe that WSC wanted to help compensate us for some of our travel expenses. I think that's awesome! Kimberly T (3 time volunteer, including WSC ATL 2017): I really have no clue! I found WSC randomly one day when I was bored at work.  I clicked the volunteer tab and on a whim signed me and my husband up.  This was months before the actual con.  I'd actually forgotten all about it and then I got an email saying I was accepted to volunteer.  In those days it was kind of like a lottery for who got chosen and who didn't.  They always made it clear that they wanted to give as many people the chance to volunteer as they could so just because you were picked for one didn't mean you would automatically be picked for another.  Had we not been picked to volunteer we probably would have attended as a guest otherwise. What do you love most about volunteering for WSC? Karen Crawford (WSC ATL will be her 4th time volunteering): The best part of being an Ambassador is helping the attendees. Whether it’s just showing them where they need to be, explaining a process they don’t understand, or holding a little girl’s hand when she is overwhelmed with excitement to meet a celeb. [caption id="attachment_21848" align="alignright" width="300"] Jeff Wagoner with Walking Dead fave Alanna Masterson[/caption] Jeff Wagoner: What I love most about volunteering at the conventions is getting to work along side the celebrities and them really treating you like the celebrity! They always tell us they are just like us with high profile jobs that’s all! Also what I love most is they remember you when they see you working again! Calli: The people. I got to work with a fun group. Also seeing and helping put smiles on guest faces was a big highlight. Kelsey Odle (volunteered for WSC and HVFF Nashville): I LOVE being able to see people meet their favorite actor or actress. Kimberly Lujan: In the beginning, it was the fact that I got to be near the cast and producers of my favorite show. NOW, I enjoy being a part of a huge family and group of people that I can depend on and that accept my nerdiness without any judgment. I Also work in customer service so I love to interact with the people and fans. We are there to make their experience an awesome one. Anna (3 time WSC volunteer): I loved helping people and seeing their excitement. Kayla H (one time WSC volunteer): I loved the fans. As an attendee, you are consumed with what you want & who you want to see, you forget the other fans. As a volunteer/ambassador I got to see so many people meet their favorite villain. Do you have a favorite memory or story from your time spent volunteering for WSC? Lauren: Probably getting to work the Tom Payne line last year. Everyone said I was the best volunteer in that line and I took that as a major compliment. He signed my shirt before I left. It was the best. Karen Crawford: My favorite memory is from WSC Nashville 2017.  I was working Steven Yeun’s Line, and a disabled woman came up to me and starting asking questions.  It was her very first WSC, and she was Gold.  She didn’t understand what she needed to do with her photo ops, her autographs, or where she needed to be at what time.  I excused myself from my line and walked her over to CelebPhotoOps so she could choose her photos.  A little while later, as I was still working Steven’s Line, but was up at the front this time, she came back.  She was so excited that she got to meet Steven, and got his photo op.  She thanked me profusely, and then gave me the biggest hug I think I’ve ever had! I tried not to cry, but I’m sure there were some tears that escaped. Working the cons isn’t about being close to he celebs, it’s about being close to the attendees... making it the most memorable experience they have ever had.  Seeing the smiles and excitement on the faces of the attendees warms my heart so much. It just makes me feel good that I can be a part of all of this! Jeff Wagoner: My favorite memory from my time of volunteering is working with Lorenzo Henrie in Charlotte in 2016! He kept bringing me food from the green room and we kept throwing candy into the crowd walking by! We had such a blast. Kelsey Odle: My favorite memory as an ambassador would have to be from Walker Stalker Con Nashville. At this WSC, I was working with Steven Yeun. Steven was a little late getting to the convention on Sunday and there was a girl around the age of 12 standing in the front of the Gold VIP line. We were able to talk awhile because Steven was late and, as she was telling me how much she loved Steven, she burst into tears and started shaking. She asked me if I had ever met him. I told her that I had and Steven was the sweetest person. I also told her that if it were possible, she may even love him more after she met him and not to be nervous because he was so amazing. Steven arrived and I watched this little girl meet him and get a hug from him with tears in her eyes. She came back through the Gold VIP line just so she could give me a hug, thank me for talking to her, and tell me that I helped ease her nerves while waiting. Anna: There are so many favorite memories...all of them. I think one of my favorites was assisting with escorting a Walking Hope survivor to a few tables, and sharing a few of my photo ops with him and his family. Kimberly T: Probably my "Baby Negan’s” 15 seconds of fame via Twitter.  Meeting Jeffrey Dean Morgan was SO fun! We dressed our little Finley up as baby Negan and his reaction was priceless.  He said...."awwwww....ohhhhhh... a baby Negan!!! Can I hold her?" So of course we handed her over and he was so sweet with her.  Even better, some of his "people" took candid shots on the side and emailed us copies later.  We even went back and had him autograph the picture the next day.  A few days later, we noticed Finley's picture floating around Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook and it was even tweeted by Skybound Entertainment which was pretty huge to us! We will definitely remember that forever. Kayla H: There was a little boy who loves Negan. JDM was presale only unless they opened the lines up. On Saturday, they were able to open his line to everyone else, who didn’t already purchase a autograph. When I was able to find his parents and tell them, the little boys face lit up ! He was so excited. After he walked out, he ran over & hugged my legs saying thank you. That one little moment made my entire weekend. Seeing a fan, that small, so happy was why I wanted to volunteer again.   Interested in becoming a Walker Stalker Con ambassador? Check out their website for more details!