#so i went back to the floor and considered driving to my grandparents house to sleep on their couch

[a-new-dork]

I was having such a hard time falling asleep that when I did fall asleep, I dreamt that I couldn't sleep :(

[xkat-holstaur]

this post is a long rant about family drama so uh. buyer reader beware

so. context. i'm currently staying recreationally at my great grandparents' house with my mom, three younger siblings, and my family's dog. living here currently is my great grandfather (alias: ned), great grandstepmother (alias: doretta), and doretta's thirty-something granddaughter (alias: kylie). we arrived here july 6th.

additional background: in the two weeks before we arrived, kylie's car (which ned and doretta bought for her, used) started having some trouble and needed to be taken to a mechanic. when pressed about why by ned, she said it was fine. when he continued pressuring her about it, she got inordinately upset about it and claimed he was 'yelling' at her (he wasnt). lacking a usable car for the meantime, kylie borrowed ned and doretta's van. she was driving it for less than a week when she crashed and totalled it. im not positive, but my mom and i are both pretty sure she was intoxicated at the time. this was all before we arrived.

at this point in the rant i think it would be much improved if you listened to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_FwZ6E5adA

so, as for our stay here. everything was fine for the first couple of days, but one morning (july 9th, to be specific) i left my little plague doctor squishable on the floor near the bed, where it had fallen overnight. i left the door open, with the plague doctor plush in view of the door. my family (and doretta, separately) went out for a few hours. when we came back, nothing seemed amiss. when i went to bed that night, however, i realized the plague doctor plush was completely missing. freaking out a bit --less about not having it and more about why it would be missing--, i chalked it up to a few possibilities.

--this one requires a lot of context but was 100% confirmed false near immediately--

family dog took it somewhere out of sight

kylie stole it

doretta took it (my thought process was: shes very conservative, i present male, and maybe a 'male' adult shouldnt have plushies in her opinion)

the next morning (july 10th), i brought this up to my mom and two of my siblings. we ruled out option 4 after doretta said she didnt take it (she wouldnt lie about it), and virtually ruled out option 2 after not finding it anywhere the dog could have put it (its a somewhat small house).

we had fun things planned that day, so we went out and did those. we were gone for about 11 or 12 hours. on the drive back, i discussed the plague doctor plush situation with my mom. after talking about this in front of my three siblings, the youngest spoke up that she had seen it on kylie's bed when kylie had gone to the bathroom with her door left open. my mom and i somewhat-angrily agreed that it was most likely that kylie had stolen it. we decided not to pursue this, as it was late and we were all tired.

this morning, we begrudgingly relayed this theory to doretta, who considered it a bit ridiculous (citing the fact that kylie is a grown adult in her 30s). she asked kylie --through her bedroom door, how personal-- if she had the plush in her room. kylie, of course, denied this. doretta decided that was the end of the line of questioning.

later, kylie took a bag of trash out to the garbage bins. incidentally, kylie then feigned ignorance about my accusations and offered to let me search through her room for the plush. worried that we had shown our hand too early and she was trying to dispose of the evidence, i told doretta in private that i was going to look through the garbage. doretta found this idea ludicrous, and insisted that i go look through kylie's room personally. i insisted that i at least check through the garbage bag. doretta was upset by this, and went to go do so herself. i then went to kylie and half-heartedly told her searching her room wasnt necessary after all, as "if it was in there, [she] would know."

the trash revealed no plush whatsoever. doretta was fairly disgruntled about this, and once again urged me to go search kylie's room. i declined, and laid out my thoughts on it very clearly: either it wasnt in her room to begin with, and thus searching it wouldnt be necessary; or she had stolen it, hidden it upon realizing i was onto her, and that searching her room would be fruitless. doretta, in an almost out-of-character moment (shes the archetypal karen, very stubborn about things she believes shes right about), agreed to drop the 'searching kylie's room while she's there' angle. at my insistence, doretta agreed to search kylie's room when she went to work today.

kylie, despit having a shift scheduled, did not go to work today.

no further developments occurred until just an hour or two ago. while lazily watching something on the discovery channel, i overheard kylie speaking loudly over the phone to someone and packing something into a box and a garbage bag. verbatim, she said "who are these guys, they're just bending the truth". this could have possibly been some unrelated interpersonal drama, but i had doubts and kylie --who my family has not met in person in an extremely long time-- had voiced complaints about my family's presence to doretta and ned earlier during the week. halfheartedly playing subway surfers on my phone, i saw as kylie left her bedroom with the things she had packed and, watching from a window, saw her put said things in the back of her car.

i went to my mom and explained this to her, and we went with some hesitation to explain this information to doretta. once we had finished, she became visibly frustrated about my 'conspiracy theories' (which is rich coming from a women who owns multiple books about how the democratic party is full of evil government-disrupting communists) and offered to simply replace the plague doctor plush.

a murder mystery where the judge offers to clone the victim and declares the defendant --their granddaughter-- not guilty. so ends the life and times of meridia, the first plague doctor plushie, but seemingly not the last.

my family are packing up and leaving for another family member's house tomorrow, significantly ahead of schedule.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

One Night🌙10

Warnings: noncon sexual acts, angry Andy, hormones

This is dark!Andy Barber and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: One night changes your entire life.

for @kittykatlow​‘s 200 Follower Celebration

Note: Another update? Who is this bitch actually trying?

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you. Love you guys!

Please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

The bus chugged down the city streets as you sat closer to the back. You stared out the window and watched the grey sky of Nelson hanging overhead, a cloudy backdrop to the smoking city. 

You sighed every now and then, trying to forget the beeping and when it stopped. You still felt Andy’s hand on your back and the suffocating silence of the drive home. The burden of the dead woman on your shoulders.

It was as if it had been years since you saw the slightly crooked pole that held the bright sign. The bus stop was as desolate as ever, the dirty bench marked with spray paint and the shelter glass cracked. You set off around the corner past the house. Each was familiar but not comforting.

Your hips hurt from the stiff ride and you rubbed your stomach. You wore one of Andy’s hoodies under your open jacket, the zipper of the latter no longer meeting. You stopped in front of your parents’ house. You hadn’t asked permission; not from your mother, your father, or Andy. There was no courtesy phone call so you hesitated, afraid you might be sent away.

It was noon. Your father would be in the garage. He always had some project going. That was his work. He was cheaper than any other mechanic in the city, he just did it all from home. He could recycle parts from the junkyard and charge half price. They usually did better than the newer parts sent away for down at the Jiffy.

You walked up the driveway, the garage door was only halfway open, the bite of the late autumn, rather the early winter, mingled with the warmth flowing under the metal. You tapped on it with your knuckles, “dad?” you called.

You stepped back as his oily hands gripped the bottom and he hauled it up entirely. He tilted his head at you but couldn’t hide his smile. He looked at your stomach and you dropped your hand. He drew you to him before you could react. He hugged you tight and rocked you.

“Your mother’s gonna be mad you didn’t call before you came,” he let go of you and looked you over again.

“Mad that I’m even here,” you remarked.

“No, she might act like it but…” he waved you into the garage and rolled over the little stool he sat on when he was working. He helped you sit and put his wrench on the plywood table against the wall, “she missed you. We both did.” he wiped his hands on his jeans, “you could have called us. You know how she is. She feels before she thinks.”

“She kicked me out,” you felt precarious on the little rolling stool, “you let her.”

“So why’d you come back?” he asked.

You hung your head and hugged your stomach, “well, I’m having your granddaughter. I didn’t want you to find out from anyone but me.”

“It’s a girl?” he grinned.

“Sorry, wish I could give you a boy to get all filthy in this place,” you shrugged.

“You never minded getting your hands dirty,” he neared and grasped your shoulder.

“Yeah, guess it doesn’t matter too much, she’ll be as curious as any kid,” you said.

You were quiet as you looked around. Your dad’s rolling chest of tools was dented and rusted, the same one he’d had your whole life. The place hadn’t changed, only the car sitting in it.

“That’s not the only reason you’re here,” he said. Your father was a simple man but he wasn’t dumb.

You frowned and felt a prick in your eyes. The hormones, you told yourself, they were getting to you.

“I need you guys,” you said quietly, “is that so bad?”

“I missed you, you’re mom did too, she’s just stubborn. Think that’s where you get it,” he turned his hand over and held it out to you, “but she won’t turn you away.”

“You sure?”

“I won’t let her. Not this time,” he bent and took your hand, “now come on.”

You let him help you to your feet and he led you through the side door into the house. You heard your mother’s old Patsy Cline CD droning from the box speakers on the shelf as she muttered to herself. 

Your dad kicked the dirty off his boots and you slipped your own off. You followed him and peeked over his shoulder as he went to the living room. Your mother was wiping down the framed picture from your high school graduation.

“I got a surprise for you,” he announced as he stepped aside and beckoned you in alongside him, “and she’s got a surprise for you.”

Your mother turned and froze. Her lips formed a straight line and her eyes pierced you. She didn’t say anything as he stared at you then tossed the dusting cloth onto the table beside the lamp. She looked down at your feet.

“You remembered to take your shoes off,” she said.

Your lips parted and your chest gripped. She was still mad.

“You remembered us,” she swept over to you so quickly, you flinched. She hugged you and her middle met yours. She let go and looked down at your stomach. Her eyes were sad but not angry, “I’m…” she lifted her head and met your gaze, “I’m not good at saying it but I’m sorry.”

You watched her for a minute. She was still her mother as nasty as she’d been. You could see her regret and it coupled with your own. It didn’t fix everything but for her, it was a lot.

“I’m sorry too,” you breathed, “it was… me being stupid started all of this. I just didn’t know what to do.”

“You gotta tell her,” your dad intoned.

You glanced at him then back to your mom. You gulped, “we found out yesterday, it’s a girl.”

“We? And where is… he?” your mother bristled.

“Working,” you said.

“We went to the diner, they said you quit. The café too,” your mom batted away lashes, “please, sit.” She touched your stomach, “you’re so big.”

“Five months, I think,” you said as you let her take you to the old floral sofa, “and the doctor recommended I take it easy so I had to… leave.”

“Oh? Is something wrong with the baby?” she picked up her cloth again and resumed her dusting. Your father quietly excused himself.

“No, just me,” you leaned against the arm, “but they said my blood pressure is getting better, just have to check it now and again.”

“And that man? The least I can say is at least he’s taking responsibility, even if he is married,” your mom hung the picture back on the nail.

“It was a mistake,” you said, “but you know, I think it’s taught me a lot. Not that it was worth it.”

“I don’t mean to rag on you, but… it’s just not how it should be,” she went to the television stand and focused on the edges.

“You think I don’t know that. Mom, I didn’t come here to argue my morality. I came here…” you paused as you felt your phone buzz. You slid it from your jacket pocket and checked the ID; Andy. You ignored it and dropped it back inside, “I just wanted to see if you had any interest in your granddaughter.”

She spun back and her face wrinkled with sadness. She twisted the cloth and retreated to the rocking chair and sat. She chewed her lip and looked at the floor. When she looked at you again, her brows crinkled.

“I’m trying,” she said, “but what you did, I don’t know if I can’t get over that. That man, everyone knows him, and when it comes out, with his wife still in a coma, you don’t think about what that does to us.”

“Well,” your throat constricted and you held back the hot tears bubbling behind your eyes, “she’s not anymore.”

“What?”

“She… she passed last night,” you sniffed, “and I’ll admit that I came here as much for me as you. I just needed… needed to get away. Just for a little.”

Your phone went off again and you grunted as you pulled it out and swiped away the second call from Andy. You kept the phone in your hand and rested it against your thigh.

“I just need time,” your mom leaned back heavily.

“Well, it’s quickly running out,” you replied, “she’s gonna be here soon enough.”

“I know,” she said grimly, “I know.”

There was another silence and your phone twitched. You turned it over and checked the message on the screen; ‘why don’t you invite your parents for dinner if you’re not gonna answer me?’ You let the phone slip between your legs and slowly raised your eyes. How did he know?

“I can go, if it’s too much,” you said, “I didn’t expect to get past the front door, honestly.”

“It’s not-- you’re still my daughter,” she uttered, “and even if it’s not the best situation, you got my granddaughter too.”

Your phone began to shake between your legs and you huffed, “sorry,” you stood with effort as you snatched the phone up, “just a second.”

You went into the dining room and answered. You hissed into the phone, “what do you want, Andy?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going there?” he asked sharply.

“How do you even know? You following me?” you kept your voice low.

“I know, that’s all,” he retorted, “it is… surprising.”

“They’re my parents,” you scowled at the tabletop as you leaned on a chair.

“Mine, too, right? Considering--”

“Andy,” you warned, “come on. Let’s cut this out--”

“Invite them for dinner. You’re right. Our kid will need her grandparents,” he interrupted, “I’ll get off early and help.”

“I don’t think--”

“Invite them,” he demanded, “and don’t take the bus back. I’ll send you the money for a cab.”

“Jesus, I can take care of myself--”

“No, you can’t, which is why you’re sleeping under my roof. And this isn’t about you, it’s about the baby,” he exhaled and you heard a squeak of metal, likely a chair, “Now I want you home by two. I’ll be there shortly after.”

He hung up before you could argue. You closed your eyes and forced down the angry bile in your chest. You shuttered and tucked the phone back in your jacket. How did he know you were there?

🌙

Your parents agreed to dinner. Your mother wasn’t subtle that she was curious to see Andy’s house. Her judgement was always her driving motivation and you were certain she could find something to hate, even in the suburban utopia. 

You took the bus out of defiance and brewed with anger as you got off just outside the cul-de-sac. You walked the single block to Andy’s and paced like an angry lioness inside.

He arrived at three, just after. Your anxiety boiled with anger and you stopped to face him as he entered. You watched him put down his briefcase and hang his long black coat. Your nostrils flared as you braced yourself for the onslaught ready to spill forth.

“So, you weren’t following me?” you challenged.

“I was working,” he said quietly, “to pay for all of this…” he pointed to the ceiling, “and that,” he pointed to your bump.

“No, Andy, you don’t get to do that every time,” you snarled, “how did you know?”

He didn’t answer and brushed by you. You followed him into the kitchen as he went to the coffee machine and pressed the buttons bluntly. You watched him from a foot away, your hand on the cold marble.

“You can’t just ignore me. How did you know I was there?”

“Because…” he grabbed a mug and filled it with water. He poured it into the machine and snapped the lid shut, “because you have my baby and I have a right to make sure you don’t take it from me.”

“That’s not an answer,” you sneered, “Andy, I have done everything you’ve wanted. I have stayed here, I have quit my jobs, I have kept this baby for you, and you… you’re what? Tracking me like a dog?” You reached into your back pocket and slammed your phone on the counter. You slid it over to him, “when did you do it?”

His jaw ticked as he put a pod into the machine and hit start. He tapped his fingers on the counter and let out a long breath through his nose. He turned to you and crossed his arms.

“After you stayed out that night. I couldn’t worry like that again. I had to know,” he said staunchly, “because I’ve had a wife go out and not come back. A child--”

“I’m not your wife and I won’t ever be. This child is all we have in common,” you rebuffed, “even after last night. What you did, that doesn’t change things.”

You nearly tripped as he marched towards you. He had you against the far wall, his hand planted on either side of your head as his anger rippled across his forehead and set his jaw square. You pressed yourself against the pure white wall and tried not to wither.

“I did that for you,” he breathed, “I’ve done everything for you. Don’t act like you’re the only one doing shit.”

“Andy, get away--”

“No,” he punched the wall and you gasped, “my wife is gone. Jacob is gone! This is all I have; you, my daughter…that’s everything and I will be damned if I’m going to let you take any of it away from me.”

“You’re scaring me,” you wisped, “Andy, please--”

“No, you shut up and you listen. This is the last time we have this conversation. Your parents are coming and you’re going to be good. You’re going to wear something nice, you’re going to cook something good, and you’re going to smile. You don’t let them see you crack, not once.”

“You can’t--”

“Enough!” he hit the wall again and you heard it crumple under the force, “if you don’t, they won’t be around. Ever. Do you understand me?” you gaped up at him and trembled, you shook your head in disbelief. He leaned in and spoke softly to you, “Understand that I will make sure you and no one else ever sees them again.”

“You… wouldn’t…”

“I could. I will. You’re fucking bitch of a mom deserves it,” he hissed, “so, honey,” he growled the second word, “what’s it gonna be?”

Your lip quivered and you searched his face. The rage had his blue eyes alight and his breath rasped out like animalistic snarls. You thought of Laurie, of how blank he’d been when they stopped the machines. And that smile, after. What was that?

“I’ll… be good,” you murmured, “I will.”

His lips twitched and he shoved himself away from you. He stomped over to the fridge and took out the light cream. He added it to his mug of fresh coffee and stirred. You stood straight shakily and looked up at the hole beside your head.

“Well,” he said, “better figure out what you’re making for dinner. Our guests won’t be long.”

[whump-town]

A Favor

Feeling very Hotch and Hank these days (feel free to send me asks about them because I fucking love them and I will write more about them if given the chance)

No warnings

No Pairings

It begins about mid-April in the height of the whole “April showers bring May flowers” thing. Hotch is sitting on the porch when Derek pulls into his driveway. The day is chilly, the perfect sort where the weather never gets the chance to get humid because the rain doesn’t stop falling and the sun stays tucked behind thick, billowing clouds. Windshield wipers darting quickly, never fast enough to fight the rapid downpour. Sitting out in a rocking chair, sweater pulled over his white-shirt to fight the chill, Hotch cocks his head to the side as Derek throws his door open, jogging - head down- to the porch. The car is still on.

“I need a favor,” he shouts as he nears the porch. He runs on up, ignoring Hotch’s raised eyebrow of confusion. Derek follows his eyes to the car and lets out a breathless sigh. “Listen, man, Hank’s got the croup or something. The nursery won’t take him when he’s got a fever and the plumbing just blew sky high at that house I’m renovating on Sixth Street. Savannah -”

Hotch stands, all Derek needed to say was that he needed Hotch to watch Hank for a little bit. The rest is rather unnecessary. How many times did Derek spend an hour or the day watching Jack so Hotch could do his job? Hanging around a park or the office instead of out doing what he wanted. Even if he hadn’t watched Jack, Hotch loves Hank. He cares about Derek and he also likes Savannah. Besides, his day isn’t exactly looking too busy at the moment. “He’s in the car?” Hotch asks, reaching down and grabs the raincoat he’d laid over the chair beside him.

Derek nods. He winces, “he’s moody but I think he’s excited to see you.”

Hotch hums. As they near the car, Hotch’s jacket is thrown over his arm as he walks into the rain, he smirks as they get closer and Hank’s crying gets louder. He looks at Derek, a twinkle in his eye, and betrays his amusement. Hank doesn’t exactly sound excited to be here.

Derek opens the door, immediately placing a hand on Hank’s heaving chest, shushing him gently. “Hank,” he calls, rubbing Hank’s chest with his thumb. “Baby look who it is.” Hank whines, kicking out and still making softer crying sounds as he rubs his eyes and finds Hotch. “See?” Derek offers, stepping to the side to let Hotch step closer. “I promised I’d take you to see Hops.” Hank still cries, softer now but big pitiful tears that make both men’s heartache. It makes Derek feel awful that he has to leave him.

Derek steps back, sighing as he moves to the other side of the car for the diaper bag. “Everything should be in here,” Derek shouts, as he leans around and drags the heavy bag out. He hadn’t looked in it, he realizes, before leaving but he’s certain diapers are good but he’s not so sure about a spare change of clothes. If it’s that big of a deal, Hotch will just drive him to Derek’s. Besides, Savannah should be off by five and Derek should be done by lunchtime. They’ll be fine. Hotch has done the baby thing before.

Hotch unbuckles the straps holding Hank in, frowning when Hank immediately starts fighting to get the rest of the way out. His fingers have lost the dexterity he had in his youth - too many years of abusing them for all they were worth in fights, countless hours of paperwork, and... Foyet. Wiggling baby and tiny little mechanics do not help. He’s managing slowly when Derek comes back around, his grey t-shirt now soaked, and he steps back to let Derek in.

“Alright, alright -” Derek gets him out in a second. Working through the straps and buttons with no issue. “Look,” Derek turns and gives Hank to Hotch. Smiling when Hotch wraps his raincoat around the baby, rocking his body to try and soothe Hank back down. The baby takes to Hotch, wrapping his arms around his neck, and presses his wet face into Hotch’s shirt. Derek can faintly hear him hiccuping, still crying but softer now. Whining more than sobbing.

At that moment, Derek has no idea the impact of the domino that he has knocked over.

When Hank was born, before Hank was born, Reid went through this phase of reading every parenting book he perceived worth it. If they were really good, if Reid found them intellectually stimulating and correct statistically, he’d turn them over to Morgan. Annotated. They would be covered in sticky notes, full of notes and commentary. Lots of directions about orders to read the books in and how to skip around so ensure he got the best read according to Reid.

Having nothing to do with what Reid thought was best or even important, Derek found himself reading through the guides about grandparents. About the ways that people change. Adapting to being a parent and then how parents handle being grandparents.

His father would never meet Hank.

Chicago is so far away. Fran is here when she can be, she’s a fantastic grandmother. He’s called her for everything under the sun and even though Hank has had a thousand colds and upper-respiratory infections come and go, he still calls her for every single one. Just to make sure. Just for someone to tell him he’s doing all this right.

Savannah hasn’t talked to her parents in years. Things are too complicated.

Hank will have a grandmother. One.

It’s so unfair.

It eats Derek up. Grandparents had been so important to him as a child. His grandmother was one of the only people he felt safe with, always. She was just calm in the storm of pain in his life. Who could be that person for Hank? He never wants Hank to need someone but it’s better to have a net to fall on, something to brace against when the floor gives way than to come crashing through the floor. To be met with concrete where it doesn’t have to be.

Then Derek goes and spills all those dominos.

The first time that it happens he’s a mess. He dropped Hank off at daycare at seven, like he does every morning. So, reasonably, that’s where Hank should be at two when Derek goes to pick him up.

An hour later, shaking and on the verge of tears, Derek finds him in Hotch’s backyard. The two calmly swaying in the hammock, Hank drowsily listening to Hotch read “The Lorax”. Even intently listening, head tilted up so he can see Hotch, to the older man’s boring, if not entirely too complicated, commentary about capitalism and Karl Marx. The alienation of labor and lack of class consciousness, it’s no wonder the kid is falling asleep.

Putting Hotch on the emergency list had been more of a precaution for the possibility that Morgan is on a job and Savannah has work. He hadn’t really considered Hotch would need to go get Hank. Morgan hadn’t even wanted to list him, didn’t want to bother him like that.

By about the hundredth time, it’s no longer jarring to walk into the daycare and find his son is already gone. Even the workers know to warn him now.

Derek has a key to Hotch’s, he’s more than earned that right but especially these days. He lets himself into the front door and through the house, knows exactly where to find his son. The kid spends more days out of daycare than he spends in it.

“What are you two going to do when he goes to Kindergarten next year?”

They’re in the backyard, as they typically are. As annoying as he finds paying for a program that Hank doesn’t honestly attend most days, he can’t complain that much. Hank is reading exceptionally well, having two adults’ undivided attention for long periods of time helps. There are side effects. He can read books on his own but he does occasionally do old people things.

Like grunt when he sits down.

And asks to drink everything out of a mug.

Derek can see the face Emily makes, knows how this conversation goes by default of how it’s gone a hundred times before. “No,” Derek says, flatly. “You can not pull him out of Kindergarten.”

Hotch looks down at Hank, the toddler curled up into his side with a picture book. “He doesn’t have to go to Kindergarten.”

Derek had made himself sick thinking about Hank’s perceived lack of support. He hadn’t anticipated this. The giant hammock Hotch put up in his backyard. Met for fall days just like this, large enough for Emily and Hotch lay on two separate ends. Hank in the middle of them, feet kicked up on Emily’s thighs like a little king. The bookshelf in Hotch’s old office lowest shelf full of children’s books. The car seat in his old pick-up truck. The go-gurts, applesauce squeeze drinks, and gummies in his kitchen cabinets.

“There are proven benefits to homeschooling,” Emily offers, eyes peeking up above her own book.

Morgan rolls his eyes, “and there are too Kindergarten as well.”

Hotch says nothing but the blank look, the slight glare, speaks for itself.

“I don’t want my four-year-old to act like an old person,” Morgan defends. Is it not bad enough he grunts when he bends down to get things? That he’s told Savannah his back hurts and he needs a heating pad? He’s four. He doesn’t need any of those things. “No offense,” he adds, very delayed. The worst part is that he was going to have to bring Hank here this afternoon anyways. He’s expecting a new roofer at his property on the other side of town and Hank gets too antsy to watch. Besides, Hank would much rather be here.

“Look!” Hank sits up, twisting and turning around so that he can show Hotch his book. Derek moves forward, about to fuss and warn him to gentle but Hank knows what to do. He spends every day with two old people, neither as limber as they once were. Covered in scars and trauma that have stolen mobility. He knows how to be excited and bouncy with them. So he’s careful even as he looks like a monkey climbing up the side of Hotch’s legs and hip to half sit on his stomach and turn his book around. “See?”

Hotch nods, smiling encouragingly. Hank’s new thing is spiders. Bugs are very age-appropriate but Emily and Hotch struggle to maintain a blind amount of interest. Especially when Hank brings them bugs, he’s so excited too. It’s adorable but Hotch is going to lose his mind if he has to let Hank crawl into his lap with one more spider.

“I’ll be back by six,” Morgan says. He kisses the top of Hank’s head, nodding his head when Hank shows him the enlarged picture of the spider in his book. “If not--”

“He’s fine here, no reason to rush around.”

Morgan nods, "love you, buddy."

Hank ignores him, just falls over onto his side. Squirming around until he's tucked against Hotch's side, smirking up at his father.

"Behave."

But the truth is, Hank always acts on his best behavior for Hotch.

[mickeymouse-moshpit]

street lights, people

A/N: In the biker AU I learned about through the amazing @maybege‘s Biker!Paz and Biker!Boba upcoming stories, I created a pediatrician!reader who falls in love (eventually, I’m talking a few parts here) with Biker!Fennec Shand. I use as much gender neutral language as possible, but reader is AFAB and uses she/they pronouns. Also hi, May! it’s me that anon who dropped by a couple times. I hope you all enjoy this, I'm sorry there isn’t more Fennec/peds!reader interaction, but I will have more in the future I promise!

P.s: let’s all suspend our disbelief when it comes to the judge doing strange things, had to have conflict somewhere

Summary: When the local pediatrician has to go to a hearing for one of her patients, she stumbles across Fennec Shand, the head of the local chapter of Bikers Against Child Abuse (BACA). 

Rating: T for now, E in the future (possibly) 

Warnings: References to past child abuse, domestic violence, NO descriptions of the actual acts

Chapter One: January 8th

“Okay, Seb. You look good, I don’t see any reason why you can’t go back to school on Monday.”

“Really, Doc? I can’t even stay out one more week?”

“Sorry, bud. I know another week of winter break would be nice, but you gotta go back to the real world. Sucks, but I got told nope too when I asked for Monday off.”

“Fiiiiiine I’ll go back.”

“Good, good. Mom, how are we feeling today?”

“Much better, things have been stable at home but I’m nervous that something is going to happen tonight.”

“Do you have BACA’s contact? If not, I can get Max to give it to you when you check out. They can swing by tonight after the hearing to make sure nothing happens to you and Seb.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that. Do you think they would mind?”

“From what I’ve seen, they won’t mind at all. When I was in residency, there was a kiddo that the chapter there took day and night shifts for three weeks while the father was out on bail while the trial happened. If a kid needs it, they’ll make it happen.”

“Thank you, for everything. Will we see you this afternoon?”

“For sure, I’ve got to get all my notes signed then I’ll be heading over there.”

“Doc, will you sit with me after you’re finished?”

“Of course, Seb. Do you want me to bring anything with me?”

“Do you have any of those peanut butter cookies?”

“Seb! She’s a busy person!”

“It’s okay, and yes I do. I made them last night just in case you might want some today.” You smiled at him and he beamed back. “Okay you two, head on out and Max will take care of you. I’ll see you over there.”

Seb bounced out of the room, his mom following behind them.

You shook your head and headed out of the exam room and into your office, closing the door behind you. You unlocked your computer and pulled up his chart, finished typing up the note you had started that morning before he arrived. You read and reread the note, making sure it was as accurate and representative of Seb’s course since discharge from the hospital as you could make it without having seen him every day. Finally satisfied, you signed it and called CPS to make sure they knew it was done.

You leaned back in the black leather chair, pondering how much of your credibility you would lose if you showed up in the Winnie the Pooh dress you had worn because of the proportion of toddlers on the schedule that morning. You sighed and pushed yourself up and toward the hook on the door to your office and pulled down the suit that lived there. It was plain black but tailored perfectly. You cut an imposing picture when you paired it with the sharp white button down and simple black pumps that you wore when you needed a confidence boost. You slid the pants on, and ditched the dress before buttoning up the shirt and tucking it in. You put the jacket on, then your boots. The pumps would have to wait until you got to the courthouse, seeing as they were currently sitting on the passenger seat of your car. You gathered your things and made sure the computer was locked again before clicking off the lights and shutting the door behind you.

You stopped at the front desk where Max handed you the sealed manilla envelope that held the morning’s note before they went to lunch. You grabbed your overcoat, the soft wool soothing under your fingertips as you put it on over your suit. It had started to snow while you were in clinic, coating everything with fresh white powder. You would be more excited about it if you weren’t about to go have a hand in deciding a young kid’s fate. You shivered as you turned on the seat warmer and let the car warm up while you plugged your phone in and got your seatbelt on. You pulled out of the spot and onto the highway.

***

You sat for a moment more, closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths, counting in and out. Satisfied, you made sure the document was in your briefcase before putting on your dress shoes and getting out. You stepped carefully, not wanting to show up wet and shivering from the snow. You smiled when you saw the few bikes parked outside the courthouse. You knew BACA had been working with Seb and his family as long as you knew him, but this was the first time you had been to the courthouse for a hearing.

You almost made it inside but skidded on a small patch of ice a few feet from the door. You would have fallen, but a couple of strong arms grabbed and steadied you.

“Whoa, there! I would ask where the non-skid footwear is but the more important thing, are you okay?”

You looked at the woman who had caught you, struck dumb for a moment. She was wearing a leather jacket with a charcoal grey wool sweater underneath. Her hair was pulled into a braid that disappeared down her back and she was wearing a smirk that made you blush.

“Sorry about that. I almost made it too, ugh! Yeah, I’m fine. I remembered too late that my boots don’t fit in my briefcase so had to risk it. Thanks for saving me.”

She kept one hand on your midback as you walked through the door.

“It’s no problem, just maybe wear the boots next time.” She let you go as you got past the mats that kept the floors from being too slippery. You nodded in response and walked to the stairs that led up to the courtrooms. You steadied your breathing as you walked up the marble. You pushed the door and stepped inside, sitting just behind Seb and his mom.

***

“… and plan for follow up in four weeks, or sooner if needed.” You finished reading the note.

“Thank you, doctor. You may step down. We will reconvene after a fifteen-minute recess.” The judged banged the gavel once and left for their chambers.

You made it down the step in one piece and headed for the door, grabbing your briefcase as you went. You wanted a drink of water and needed to give Seb his cookies before he had to go back inside. You grabbed your briefcase and sat down on the bench with Seb. His mom was a few feet away, whispering to the lawyer and social worker on the case. She looked worried.

“How’re you feeling, kiddo?” You pulled a water bottle and the baggie of cookies out, handing them to Seb before getting out your own water.

“I’m okay, I think.” He took a sip of water. “Mom’s worried, she won’t say anything to me, but I know she is.”

“She’s your mom and doesn’t have control over this outcome. That’s enough to make anyone worry. Are you worried?”

“I don’t know, a little. This time it was really bad, and I know we’ve got plans for leaving but it just hasn’t happened yet. I think something happened, but I don’t know. I don’t want to leave.”

“It’s okay to be worried, whatever happens, you two will take it in stride. You’ve got a lot of people rooting for you.”

“Thanks, Doc. And thanks for the cookies, I know mom wasn’t happy I asked about them but I’m really glad you made them.”

“No problem, Seb.” You took the cookie he offered and savored it, wondering what the new judge was going to say. They were new to the town, new to the case. You just hoped they would be fair.

***

You walked out of the marble building with a silent Seb and mom beside you. 30 days. They had 30 days to find a way out of that house or Seb would be sent to live with his grandparents two counties away and barred from seeing his mom until she was out of the house. You could have sworn you heard disgust when you heard the judge reference Seb’s mom. But the gavel had fallen and now there was an due date on the plan.

***

You considered yourself lucky that you had avoided any more stumbles between your car and the door of the pub. You swirled the whiskey in your glass and took a sip, savoring the flavors that washed over your tongue. You didn’t usually come here, but as you started to drive home, you found your mind running around and around the afternoon’s events and you couldn’t make them stop.

Unknown to you, Fennec was sitting in the same pub, watching you. She took a sip of the beer she had been nursing for the last thirty minutes since you walked in.

“I’m just glad she’s got her boots on,” she mumbled to Boba.

“Would you just go talk to her? You haven’t stopped staring or shut up about her since she walked in.” He was nothing if not an effective wingman.

“I don’t know, will she think I’m following her? She’s some new in town lawyer type that probably doesn’t go for that.”

“Shand, if you don’t go make a move, I’m going to go point you out to her myself.” Boba had done it before.

“Fine, fine.” She scooched out of the booth, leather jacket squeaking against the vinyl as she got up. She tugged at the sleeves as she sidled up to the opposite end from where you were.

“Another one, Fennec?”

“No, I want to buy her next round.” She nodded in your direction, wondering what it would be.

“Sure thing.” The bartender side stepped away out of Fennec’s line of sight and filled a glass with ice and club soda. He finished it with a slice of lime before setting it down in front of you.

“What’s this?” You looked up with your brow wrinkled.

“Lady with the braid over there wanted to buy your next round but I remembered what you told me last time someone wanted to do that.”

“Oh, thanks.” You looked in her direction, meeting her gaze. You gave a small wave to thank her and she disappeared into the growing crowd. You went back to your drink and finished the whiskey off. You felt a familiar hand on your midback as she sat on the stool next to yours.

“Good to see you’ve got appropriate footwear on.” There was her smirk again.

“Well, they just go so much better with a suit and slush,” you quipped at her. “I don’t make it a habit of falling into the arms of strangers, you know.”

“Oh, I’m sure, I’m just glad they were mine.” Your eyes widened ever so slightly. “And I’m also glad you accepted…whatever the hell that is. I’m Fennec by the way.”

“Inside joke with the bartender.” You winked at her before giving her your name.

“How have you been in town long enough to have inside jokes with Karga?”

“I’ve lived here two and a half years, that’s plenty of time, don’t you think?” It was her turn to wrinkle her brow. “What, didn’t think I knew what winter was or something?”

“I—I don’t know. I thought—two and a half years and you didn’t know the steps ice over?”

“First time going in the winter, usually I give my depositions in a conference room in the office building around the corner from the courthouse.”

“Dep—you’re not a lawyer?” You pressed your lips together as you suppressed a laugh. “From how you walked away from me I thought you were about to put away a murderer or something.”

“No, I’m a pediatrician. I work with CPS and do advocacy work for my kiddos in bad situations. This was the first time a judge actually wanted me to read my note into the record at a hearing, something about they wanted to make a decision today and didn’t want to wait on me.”

“Wait, you were there for Seb?” She set her hand on your forearm. “How did I not know? BACA is supposed to know all the people coming in for a case.”

“Not sure.” You took a sip of the club soda. “I didn’t even know I was going to be there until three days ago when I got a call.”

“Huh. Well, I have to say I’m glad you were there, even though the circumstances weren’t ideal.” Her thigh bumped yours and her hand came up to brush your hair out of your face. “And while I don’t think you should wear those shoes outside again, I’m happy I was there to catch you.”

“Me too.” You let out a small huff of laughter. “BACA head, yeah?”

“Yeah, just appointed a few months ago after the last guy retired.”

“I like women in powerful roles.” You held her gaze and you let your knee bump hers this time.

“Bye, Shand. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Fennec could hear Boba laughing as he strode out of the pub after clapping her on the shoulder. Wingman indeed, you were looking at your drink again.

“Hey, don’t mind him. He can be a dick sometimes, but he means well.” She rested a hand on your shoulder as you turned to face her fully. You tilted your head and you held eye contact for a moment.

“It’s okay, we’ve all got those friends, mine just happen to be working tonight.” You chanced a glance at your watch. “Which, I actually need to leave soon. I have to be at the hospital early in the morning to round or the residents will have my head. I would go tonight, but the whiskey and the afternoon in court make that a no go.”

Fennec rested a hand on your knee while she reached for a napkin and the pen you had signed the bill with. She scribbled something and folded it before tucking it into the pocket on your suit jacket.

“Text me when you get home.” She slid off the stool and pressed a kiss to your cheek. “See you around, Doc.”

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

iii.vi. the maldives pt.2 (m)

After an extensive breakfast, a few rounds in the sea and a few make outs that never led to sex, you decide to explore the island a little. You were wearing a short white summer dress, trying to intend that your husband might still sleep with you that day. Hand in hand you stroll along the beach and enjoy the togetherness for each other. "We should go to such a place with Miga and Sunoh also one time. I think they would like it." You stop and look at the turquoise sea. It was all so incredibly beautiful and warm that you wanted to stay here forever. "Yes and the twins." Jaehyun stood behind you and put your hands on your stomach. It was such an incredible time to have him alone for you. Somehow you felt like you were just a couple, without children. "Do you think it will be girls or boys?" You look up at him as he places his arms on your shoulders. Jaehyun thought for a moment, but he quickly found his answer. "Hmm, I always thought I wanted boys. But now I think more that I'm a girl-dad. So I want two girls." Jaehyun laughed and stroked your stomach. "But do you think Miga will accept two girls? She sure wants to stay Daddy's girl forever." You turn over to him and put your hands on his chest. "Miga will always be something special. Simply that she was our first baby. Through her, I learned to be a father." He smiled softly and you envy him for his lightness. You were either horny or panicked that two babies were growing in you. But Jaehyun was calm all the time and you didn't know if it made you angry or if you needed him. Slowly you walk back again and decide to spend some time with you in the bungalow. In the evening you registered for a boat trip, but it was only midday.

When you were back, you decide to change your bathing suit. You lean down to your suitcase to get something fresh out. "You drive me crazy with your perfect ass." Jaehyun suddenly stood behind you and grab it hard. You suddenly feel his middle pressed firmly against yours and it surprised you that he was already beginning to lose his composure. "The dress looks great." He said one thing, but he was already pulling the dress off your body. "But you know that I prefer your clothes on the floor," he whispered in your ear and you turn your eyes inside. His hands moved over your body, stroking your skin every inch. You moan, throw your head back and enjoy the electricity. His hands went under your bra and he starts kissing your neck at the same time. "I hope you don’t make false promises," you moan as your bra is removed. But Jaehyun ignored your statement. He picked you up and put you in bed. "I want to eat your pussy." He lay on his back and pulled you closer to him. You quickly take off your panties and look at him. "Do you want me to ride your face?" You grin and Jaehyun is already taking off his pants. His cock was half stiff and you take the opportunity to position yourself over his face. Only this time your body was over his because you had considered a little punishment for your husband that he would not fuck you. "Simply the most beautiful cunt in the world." You can feel Jaehyun rubbing wildly over your folds. But when you feel his tongue for the first time, you lower your hips and start riding his face. As always, his lips were perfect on your folds. Jaehyun could not only sing well with his mouth but also satisfy you excellently. "Oh fuck." When Jaehyun hit the right point, you could only be more vocal yourself. He played with his tongue your perfect spot, but his hands went down to himself. But you stop him in time before he can touch his cock. "No no no. You focus on me." You don't even let him speak and keep pushing your dripping pussy against his face. You start moaning loudly simply because you could also there were no children and you knew that it made Jaehyun hornier. You look at his cock as he stood hard up. His tip shone slightly, Precum was probably already dripping out. When you felt yourself getting closer to your climax, your pace became faster. Jaehyun gripped your hips tightly and his tongue pressed harder against your clit. "Ah-Jae ... I'm coming ..." Your body twitched and you would almost tip over, while your orgasm hits you hard, if Jaehyun didn't hold on to you. When your muscles gave way, he knew you had climaxed. He let his mouth go and kissed the inside of your thigh. "Are you feeling better, mummy?" You could see his grin as you turn to him. "It was good." You shrug your shoulders and stroke his chest. "Only good?" He was almost offended by your comment, after all, he had done his best. He had licked everything out of you with full passion. "You know what I want." Your hand went down to his groin and you start to tease him a little. "Urgh ... you don't make it easy for me." He grunted as you begin to massage the base of his testicles. "That is the plan." You grin and go a little further down with your face. You take his cock in your hands, which was already completely red and plump. His veins protruded aggressively and you hadn't seen him in a long time. All his blood just had to be down here. Each of your touches drove him crazy, but you weren't doing anything good in front of him. He should feel how you feel. "Do you want me to do this?" And suddenly you put his cock all the way into your mouth. His hard length barely fits into your throat and you can feel his whole body twitch. "Oh god - yes exactly ... please." He was more vocal than usual and got really loud. But you just wanted to give him a taste. "Then you have to fuck me." You grin and let go of him. Jaehyun looked at you stunned when you got up innocently and put on your swimsuit. "Was that it?" He watched you go and pointed to its plump and red length. You nod and grin at him. "Shit," Jaehyun put his head back and wanted to get rid of his problem, so you take his hand and pull him a little. "No, no, no! You should know how I feel." "Y/N, please. It almost hurts." Jaehyun whined, but you didn't feel sorry for him. "Yes. I have been feeling the same for 1 1/2 weeks." You roll your eyes and throw his swimming trunks at him. "Let's go swimming."

You spend the rest of the time swimming, sleeping a little and eating. It was wonderful to do nothing. At 3 p.m., Jaehyun's phone rang because it was 7 p.m. in Korea and time for your children to go to bed. Jaehyun and you lay in the lounger together and you take the video call. "Hey Miga." Jaehyun smiled and saw his little daughter smiling at the screen. "Hello my sweetie." You look also at your daughter and you were happy to see her. "Mummy, Daddy, Sunoh is there too." She swings the camera to her little brother and you see Sunoh with his little bear pajamas and very tired eyes, which were very small. "Oh my little one, you should be in bed." You see your son rubbing his eyes and when he saw you on the screen he started to cry. "Mummy ... Mummy", he tries to take the screen, but Miga picked up the phone again. You could hear Jaehyun's father taking Sunoh and the crying quiet. "Did you do nice things today?" Asked Jaehyun and while he was talking to his daughter he put his hand on your stomach again. "Yes, we played and drew." Miga shared her day with great joy. It was good for her to spend time with her grandparents. Jaehyun still doesn't talk to his mother, but his father sometimes picks up the children to have his grandchildren with him. "That sounds really great, but you should go to sleep now." You smiled and Miga nodded. "But when are you coming back?" She had fun but also miss you. "Sleep twice, okay?" Jaehyun smiled and Miga nodded understandably. "Okay, Mummy and Daddy love you, sleep well." Jaehyun then hung up and put his phone down. "Maybe we should make peace with your mum." You sigh and cuddle more into your husband's chest. "I don't know, I mean what she did to you ..." You could see that he was thinking about it. After all, it was his mother that he loved. "I want to leave it all behind. We should tell her that I'm pregnant, because if we have 4 children then we may need a little help at home." Then he thought for a moment and nodded. You were glad that he agreed with you because you didn't want Soobin in your house that often either. Her infatuation with Jaehyun annoyed you a little. "By the way, we should tell Miga and Sunoh too, even if Sunoh won't understand it yet." Jaehyun starts kissing your belly as he continues to stroke it. "We'll do it when we get back." You smile and close your eyes and only enjoy Jaehyun on your skin.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[dumpy-fire]

The Potato

Oh, what a wonderful Christmas it would be. Tasty treats, exchanging gifts, and of course, time with the family. Grandma would bring the pies: Pumpkin and cherry. Mom had been cooking a turkey all day, basting in special brine she made every year. Crazy Aunt Chloe would be bringing her “world famous” macaroni, which she claimed to have made from scratch, but everyone knew it was Kraft. Then again, Crazy Aunt Chloe claimed to be psychic, so maybe she thought it was made from scratch. And of course, I would be bringing the potatoes. 

“Hey, it’s me,” I said into my phone. “Do you think I could possibly use your stove? Mine broke.”

A long sigh from my mother, followed by: “You know we’re having Christmas dinner in two hours, right? Your Aunt Chloe’s already here, and grandma and grandpa are on their way.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t know my oven was broken, mom. I put them in, went off to get ready to leave, and then I came back out only to realize that the oven hadn’t even started to preheated.”

“You know, you’re not supposed to put food in before the oven’s preheated, right?” Mom said. 

“Fuck off, I was in a hurry. Can I use your stove or not?” I implore.

“Fine. The turkey’s almost done. When are you getting here?”

“Give me like five minutes. Almost there.”

Five minutes later, I was pulling into my mom and dad’s driveway, my Crazy Aunt Chloe’s old VW Beetle was parked behind my parents’ newer, much less hippy-looking SUVs. Grandma and Grandpa must not have been there yet, as Grandpa refused to allow anyone else to drive him.

I parked next to Chloe’s car, and reached into the back seat, grabbing the sack of potatoes. Once I had secured my hold on the bag, I pulled it into my lap, turned off the car, and got out. I walked up the path to my parent’s front door, and heard the dog barking and scratching at the door.

As I pushed open the door, Klaus, my parent’s German shepherd, went to jump on me. I braced myself for impact, but, seemingly in mid-air, Klaus flinged himself backwards. Whining, he tucked his tail between his legs, and bolted away from me. I found it odd, as normally, he wouldn’t stop clinging to me until I gave him a treat. I wondered what was wrong with him, but before I could try to follow him, I heard the booming voice of my dad.

“Honey, the child’s here!” He shouted to my mother in the kitchen, before getting out of his chair, and walking over to give me a hug. He wrapped me up in his usual crushing hug, before holding me out at arm’s length. “So, what’d you get me for Christmas?”

I held up my sack of potatoes. “Well,” I said, smiling sheepishly. “I’m a poor college student, so congrats, you get a potato.” 

“Just what I always wanted.” He said, holding his hand out.

I plopped a potato into his hand as my mom walked out of the kitchen, on a bee-line to give me a hug. “Merry Christmas.” We both said, in almost perfect synchronization, before embracing each other. My mom smelled like turkey and the usual Christmas peppermint perfume she wore.

“Just got the turkey out, so the oven is still hot. Get those potatoes in.” My mom said, letting me go and moving aside for me to get to the kitchen. 

I moved to the kitchen, where my Aunt Chloe stood at the stovetop, stirring her macaroni. 

“Hey, Aunt Chloe. How are you doing?” I asked as I went to grab a cooking sheet out from the cabinet. 

“I’m doing wonderful, sweetie. I’m getting the feeling you’re having a bit of a rough day.” She said, clearly trying to show off her powers of ESP. 

Naturally, I responded with astonishment, “How’d you know?” As if my mom hadn’t complained to her about how terrible I am at being an adult. But it’s rude to shit all over your Aunt’s profession, especially on a holiday.

“Oh, honey, come on. You know that I can see beyond the beyond. Your aura’s so obviously frustrated.” She said, still stirring away at her homemade Kraft mac ‘n cheese.

“It always amazes me how you know. How’s the business been?” I regretted it before I had even said it.

“I hardly consider it a business. I’m helping people to reach closure with their lost loved ones. It’s a passion.” She said, her voice filled with pride and emotion.

We continued to talk about different subjects, as I made the potatoes. After about twenty minutes, the door opened, and I heard my grandma’s soft voice floating into the kitchen, “Hello, everyone! Merry Christmas!”

I and Aunt Chloe exited the kitchen in order to greet my grandparents. Grandma hugged me, and handed me a small, gift wrapped box. I then turned to my grandpa, who gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Did you change your hair? I hardly recognized you!” He said, giving me that sweet, grandfatherly smile he always did. 

“No grandpa, I’ve had the same haircut for like...Two years now.” I responded, knowing full well he was just fucking with me. He opened his mouth to retort back, but was cut off by a sharp gasp by Aunt Chloe.

I followed her gaze to the potato I had given my dad, which rested on the table beside his chair. Chloe had a look of absolute horror on her face. I had never seen anything like that from her, and I had seen plenty of weird shit from Aunt Chloe. Like that healing crystal she swore would fix my acne in high school.

“Aunt Chloe, are you oka-” I began.

“Did you bring that in?!” She shouted, taking an apprehensive step towards the potato. She looked like she was about to defuse a bomb.

“Uh...Yeah, why? Is something wrong with it?” I asked, starting to actually worry about her.

“It...It is...She…” She began to shudder violently, her eyes rolling into the back of her head.

My mom rushed over to grab her shoulders, clearly not knowing what to do. My father reached for his phone, clearly going to call an ambulance. But before he could even turn the screen on, my Aunt Chloe began to speak, but not in her voice.

“I will kill you all...I will burn you all...In the fire of my wrath…” She whispered softly, her voice replaced with a raspy, Irish brogue.

And all of a sudden, it was over, Aunt Chloe stopped shuddering. Her eyes returned to their normal positions in their orbits. And she stood there, her face a mask of absolute horror, and her eyes locked on the potato.

Grandma was the first to speak up, “Chloe, dear? Are you okay? Do you need an ambulance?”

“The potato…” Aunt Chloe began. “The potato is...It is no potato...It is evil.”

Everyone, excluding Chloe, traded glances. In those glances, we swapped a hundred different unspoken words.

And of course, I was the first to laugh. And then everyone, again excluding Chloe, joined in.

This went on for roughly five minutes, until we finally got ourselves under control. But Aunt Chloe was still serious.

“You had us scared there, Chloe.” My dad said, wiping a tear from his eye. “You really did. Potato’s evil...That’s a good one.”

Chloe opened her mouth, only to be cut off my mom, “Oh, I think the potatoes are burning!” She said, rushing into the kitchen.

“You don’t understand, we all must leave, we all must leave now! It will kill us all, it wi-”

FWOOM!

Screams from the kitchen. The smell of meat burning.

I was the first to move, rushing in to find my mother engulfed in flames. More flames spewing from the open oven door. My father was close behind me, and as I was frozen in shock, he rushed in, going to save his wife. Ultimately sealing both their fates.

My mother, spastically waving her arms as she was consumed by the flames, managed to swat my father in the face, catching his eye, and sending him stumbling a bit. Just enough to slip on a flaming potato that had landed on the ground. A horrible, disgusting SNAP reverberated through the kitchen, even over my mother’s slowly fading screams, as she ran out of oxygen in her lungs, and was unable to suck in any more, due to the flames. 

My father hit the floor after catching his neck just right on the edge of the counter, his body twitching. My mother followed shortly after, collapsing to the floor as the flames finally consumed her, and began to spread. I fumbled for my phone, dropping it from my shaking hands. I attempted to catch it, but only managed to slap it into the slowly spreading fire which had began to devour the kitchen.

I rushed out into the hall, and was about to go for the door when I saw it. Sitting there. Biding. Blocking the door. I don’t know why I didn’t go for the door. It was just a potato, right? But it was something my Aunt Chloe - who stood continuing to stare where the potato had once been - had said. And it shook me to the core. 

“Someone call 911!” I screamed, before remembering my Aunt Chloe refused to own a cell phone, and that my grandparents weren’t tech savvy enough to use one. And the only landline was in the kitchen.

My grandpa, moving as fast as he could, went to the landline, which had yet to be engulfed in flames. I followed. He pulled the handset from its holder, and as he stepped out of the kitchen, unable to breath due to the smoke, his foot hit a flaming patch of hardwood floor. He panicked, and his legs got tangled with each other, and he went stumbling, right into the flames.

I let out a scream, as he had the oxygen ripped from his lungs, and the flames began to cocoon him. I rushed out of the room kitchen, determined to open the door, only to find myself slipping on...The potato. I hit the ground hard, felt my shoulder pop out of its socket. My grandma already lay on the ground, blood pooling around her head. And Aunt Chloe stood there. Still in shock.

The flames began to spread into the rest of the house, smoke filling the air. I struggled to push myself to my feet, unable to use my fucked up arm. The potato lay dormant, unmoving from where it had been kicked as I fell. As I finally got to my feet, I raised my head to see Aunt Chloe, staring through me.

“This is our pain. This is our suffering. This is the pain that was caused...When we lost our crop. The crop you take for granted.” She said, in the Irish brogue from before. It was still a woman’s voice, but completely different from my Aunt Chloe. “The famine took my family. So I shall have yours.” 

I ran. I pushed through the door, tears streaming from my eyes. I vaguely remember seeing Klaus bolting up the street, but I can’t remember for sure. I collapsed on the lawn, shaking and crying. I watched through the wide window which looked into the living room of my parent’s house. I watched as flames engulfed Aunt Chloe. I was still crying, frozen in my paralysis of shock, as the fire department showed up.

I know you’ve been through a lot, the psychiatrist said. But you have to realize that this...Potato...It’s not real. It can’t hurt you.

I was committed against my will. They said for my own safety. I was drugged up. I was forced into a straitjacket. I was placed in a padded room. I was almost convince that the potato wasn’t real. Until…I heard the door...

Creeeak…

[jaskierswolf]

You Set My Heart Ablaze pt.1/25

Geralt swore as he knocked into his bedside table, hopping from one foot to the other as he tried to pull on his socks. He’d have a nasty bruise on his shin by that evening but he’d had worse, a lot worse. Across his chest was a web of puckered scar tissue that he’d had ever since he was a child. He growled under his breath and pulled his shirt on hurriedly.

“Geralt!!” Ciri shouted from downstairs. “Come on! We’re gonna be late!”

He glanced at the clock and swore again. She was right. It had taken so long to get her dressed and sat down eating breakfast that he’d lost track of time. He pulled half his hair back into a black hair tie and stared back at his reflection in the mirror. He looked passable.

“Coming, Princess.” He called back to his young ward.

He’d known Ciri since she was born, and he’d known her parents well before the accident. Pavetta and Duny had been two of the kindest people he’d had the pleasure to have known and he’d been honoured when they’d asked him to become Ciri’s Godfather. Of course, at the time, he’d only ever expected his duties to be a sort of uncle figure in her life. No one could have predicted they would have been taken from the Earth so soon. Ciri had spent the next few years with her Grandmother, during which time Geralt had barely seen his Goddaughter. He and Calanthe had never really seen eye to eye and the elder woman had decided Geralt was a bad influence on her granddaughter’s life.

Still, Geralt had been sad when he’d received the call at the beginning of summer that the woman and her husband Eist had passed away and Ciri would become his ward. Calanthe had been a fierce woman and Geralt found he had a lot of respect for her, despite their differences.

And now he was raising a child as a single father.

It wasn’t where he’d seen his life going but Ciri had brightened up his lonely existence considerably and he would not change having her in his life for the world. He’d not realised just how lonely he was before Ciri had moved in with him. His life had just been work, sleep, eat repeat. He worked hard to afford his house and then never actually spent any time there because he was always working or at the pub with Lambert, Eskel and Renfri. Since Ciri, he’d realised it was alright to spend time staying still at home.

He shook his head and made his way down the stairs. It was Ciri’s first day at school and then he’d have to make his way to the station for the start of his shift. Vesemir had been very understanding and now allowed Geralt to work his shifts around his young ward. He now started after the school run, and he would only do on-call or evenings if Yen or one of the wolf pack was around to babysit over night.

“Geralt!” Ciri called again and ran out of the kitchen. She had her shoes on but the laces were flying and Geralt only just reached the bottom of the stairs in time to catch her as she tripped. Her hair flew out behind her in a cloud of ashen blonde and he was hit by the scent of her floral shampoo. He chuckled. Lilacs. Just like Yen. Ciri had probably chosen her shampoo to mimic Yennefer’s after his ex had spent the week with them over the summer.

“Got ya!” He chuckled as he pulled her into a hug. She hugged him back tightly, she always did, and he stroked his fingers through her long ashen hair. “Be careful, Princess.” He dropped her down on the bottom step and tied her laces, explaining what he was doing as he looped the laces round. She watched carefully, sticking her tongue out in concentration. “You can have a go tomorrow.”

“Let’s go!” She whined and pulled him by the hand towards the door.

“Wait.” He ruffled her hair and gestured towards his own boots, sitting down to pull them on.

“Hmmph.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest and pouted at him. “We’re gonna be late on my first day! Everyone is gonna laugh at me.”

Geralt’s eyes snapped up from where he was tying his own shoelaces at the sudden vulnerability in the young girl’s voice. He frowned and tilted his head as he tried to search for the answers in her bright green eyes.

“Why?” He huffed when he found no answer.

Ciri shifted awkwardly and scraped her feet on the floor. “They did at my old school.”

Geralt tensed and he felt a bubble of rage in his chest as he finished off his laces. “Why?”

But Ciri couldn’t find the words. Her eyes filled with tears and she spun round to avoid his gaze. He stood up and pulled the young girl into another hug and kissed her hair. “They won’t laugh, little Lion Cub, and you must tell me or your teacher if they do. Promise?”

Ciri nodded against his chest and then wiped the tears away. The next minute it was as if the whole moment had never happened and she plastered a smile on her face and pulled Geralt determinedly towards the door. He grabbed his keys off their hook and let himself be pulled towards his old truck.

“Come on!” She trilled and he let himself smile at her newfound excitement.

He made a note to check in with Yen to see if she knew whether Ciri had had any problems at her old school. After the death of both her parents and her grandparents, Ciri was bound to have been the odd one out and Geralt knew from experience how cruel kids could be when you were the odd one out.

The drive went without any further incident. Ciri was happily chatting away about all the new things she couldn’t wait to learn, wondering what her new friends would be like, and her new teachers. Geralt had received an email from the school administrator a few weeks before. Ciri was going to be in Mr Pankratz’s class, otherwise known as Buttercups. All the tutor groups in Ciri’s school were named after flowers. Yen’s tutor group had been called Lilacs before she’d quit teaching a few years ago to focus on her career as an art critic. She’d enjoyed spending time with the children but had found that teaching didn’t suit her and her online art blog had been growing in numbers almost everyday. She’d begun to make a name for herself over the last few years and had been jet-setting all over the world after receiving invitations to all the most prodigious galas and gallery openings.

It had been one of the reasons they’d grown apart. Geralt hadn’t enjoyed the glitz and glamour of Yen’s new life, and she hadn’t been content to stay in the small town for the rest of her life. The spark that had kept bringing them back together after every fight had fizzled out and they’d realised that deep down their relationship had never really meant to last. They were both too headstrong, too stubborn. Still, she knew him better than he knew himself and they stayed in contact. He didn’t have many friends outside of his work life and he didn’t want to lose Yen. He still loved her and she was his best friend. Life without Yennefer Vengerberg would be very dull indeed.

It had been Yennefer who had managed to use her connections with the school to get Ciri a place last minute once she’d moved in with him over the summer. Yennefer was still friendly with the staff and regularly met up with a handful of them when she was in town. Geralt pulled up and parked the car. He helped Ciri pull her rucksack onto her shoulders and held her hand as they headed towards the reception.

A pretty young woman was manning the desk. She had curly dark caramel coloured hair and dark chocolate eyes. Her skin was tanned and her cheeks were painted with a flurry of freckles. He frowned. She seemed vaguely familiar but he couldn’t recall ever meeting her and he was usually pretty good with faces. She smiled brightly when she saw them approach and stood up to shake his hand.

“Mr Rivia?” She asked.

“Hmm.” He nodded. “Call me Geralt.” He added.

“Excellent. I’m Ms Merigold.” She smiled as she released his hand.

Merigold.

That was Yennefer’s best friend’s name. Triss Merigold. They’d never managed to meet up whilst he’d been dating Yennefer, and Geralt had started to suspect that Yen had purposely never introduced them. Maybe she’d been jealous. More likely she’d realised their relationship was never meant to last and there was no point in involving her friends. Geralt had been optimistic and Yennefer had been introduced to all the most important people in his life. He felt a pang of sadness to know she’d never allowed him the same courtesy.

She ticked off Ciri’s name on the clipboard in front of her. Geralt grimaced when he noticed hers was the last name. This single parenting lark was going to be a lot harder than he expected. “Don’t worry. There’s still time.” She turned to Ciri. “And you must be Cirilla?”

Ciri made face and scrunched up her nose at her full name.

“She prefers Ciri.” Geralt explained.

“I’m sorry Ciri. I didn’t know. We’ll make sure all the teacher’s know before you have any classes with them.” Ms Merigold smiled down at his ward. Ciri scowled whilst she considered the other woman’s apology and then her face broke into a bright smile. “You’ll just need to let Mr Pankratz know.”

“Thank you, Ms Merigold!” She beamed.

“Follow me. I’ll show you to Mr Pankratz’s class. You too, Geralt. Jaskier, Mr Pankratz, likes to meet all the parent’s on the first day.” Ms Merigold walked around to their side of the desk and started to make her way through the corridors, pointing out important locations to Ciri on the way, the toilets, the school assembly hall, the dining room.

Ms Merigold stopped in front of a bright yellow door that was covered in kid’s drawings of buttercups. The name ‘Jaskier’ was scrawled out in elegant calligraphy under the thin window pane.

“Here we go. Once you’re done, Mr Rivia, Geralt, if you could drop back to reception and we’ll finish up the paperwork.” Ms Merigold gave Ciri a small wave and wandered back down the corridor.

Geralt took a deep breath and knocked on the door. The music that was floating through the door, halted and Geralt heard a voice through the buttercup covered door.

“Come in!”

Geralt scowled at the cheery tone and pushed the door open. In the middle of the room, surrounding by tiny children, was a sunny looking brunet cradling a guitar in his arms. His face broke into a grin when he saw them. Geralt felt like he’d been punched in the gut as Jaskier’s brilliant blue eyes met his. He’d never seen eyes that blue before. They seemed to shine and glitter in the bright lights of the classroom. He was… radiant.

Geralt tore his gaze away from the teacher and looked around the room. He knew he had a habit of staring too much and with his larger frame he had a tendency to be intimidating. He didn’t want to terrorise Ciri’s new teacher on her first day. It would only make her school life harder for her. Although, Jaskier’s eyes were so captivating and unique, Geralt could hardly be the first person to gawk at him.

“Ahh Mr Rivia! At last. And you must be…”

“Ciri.” Geralt cut the younger man off. “This is Ciri.”

“Ciri!” Jaskier jumped up excitedly and swung his guitar onto his back and extended his hand to the young girl. “Nice to meet you Ciri, I’m Mr Pankratz but everyone calls me Jaskier.”

Ciri giggled and shook Jaskier’s hand. “That’s a funny name.”

“Princess.” Geralt warned in a low voice.

“No no. It’s fine.” Jaskier just waved it off with a charming smile that made Geralt’s stomach flip. He turned back to the children behind him with a wave of his hand. “Right everyone,” Geralt noticed he was making gestures with his hands as he spoke. It looked like sign language not that Geralt was overly familiar.

“I want you all to think of three things that have made you happy this morning and share them with as many people as possible. It can be as simple as having a yummy breakfast, or a parent picking out your favourite top for you to wear. Go!”

He finished off with a final wave of his hands, his tongue sticking out as he concentrated on the last couple of words. A little boy in a beanie was watching him intently until the very end. He had an adult sitting nearby who smiled appreciatively at Jaskier.

The classroom erupted with noise but Jaskier’s eyes just danced with excitement. He’d probably have a hard time calming the children back down but it gave him a chance to talk to Ciri and Geralt without much disturbance. Jaskier turned back to Ciri with a more serious expression. “Jaskier isn’t my real name Ciri, but I chose it. Just like you chose Ciri, right?”

Ciri’s nose scrunched up as she took in what her teacher was saying and then nodded.

“Just because we chose our names, doesn’t make them any less important. A name is a very personal thing Ciri. We should be openminded, yeah?” Jaskier spoke calmly, fixing his blue gaze on the younger girl.

She blushed a little but nodded. “Yeah.”

“Wonderful.” Jaskier trilled happily. “Now, go join the others. Remember I want three things that put a smile on your face this morning. What’s the first one?”

“Cub!” Ciri replied with a laugh.

“Her stuffed lion.” Geralt explained when he saw the flash of confusion on her teacher’s face. He immediately brightened up at Geralt’s explanation and met Geralt’s eyes with a grateful expression.

“That would make me happy too. You’ll have to bring Cub in one day so we can meet them.” Jaskier’s voice was so sincere and genuine that Geralt almost believed that the young man would like nothing more than to meet Ciri’s stuffed toy lion. “Off you go then.”

Ciri scampered off to meet the rest of the class. Geralt watched after her nervously but Ciri was already better than him at making friends and she’d already introduced herself to two of her peers before Geralt turned back to face her teacher.

“Mr Rivia.”

“Geralt.” He insisted.

“Geralt.” Jaskier nodded. Geralt’s name sounded like molten chocolate coming from Jaskier’s mouth. He turned back to watch Ciri so that the teacher couldn’t see the blush that he was fighting down unsuccessfully. “I just wanted to check with you to see if there’s anything we can do to make Ciri’s school life easier. The other children aren’t aware of her, circumstances, shall we say? If she ever needs time off or you think a therapist at school would help her then we can accommodate that. She’s far too young to have known so much death.”

“Hmm.” Geralt nodded. Jaskier wasn’t wrong. “I’ll have a think. Thank you, Jaskier.”

“So what’s made you happy today, Geralt?” Jaskier asked with a wink.

You.

The word almost escaped his lips and took him off guard.

Instead, he took a deep breath and turned to face the teacher, desperately trying to ignore the smile that seemed to brighten up the whole room, or the way his eyes twinkled as if he knew the most exciting secret.

“Ciri.” He paused. “And the coffee machine.”

Jaskier’s chiming laugh filled the room. “Ah yes the elixir that is coffee. That’s only two things though, come now Geralt even the kids can count to three.”

“Hmm.” Geralt struggled to think. “Ciri was nervous this morning.”

“And that made you happy?” Jaskier raised an eyebrow at him and put a hand on his hip.

“No, of course not. Let me finish.” Geralt almost growled at him before he remembered that this man wasn’t his friend, he was his daughter’s teacher. “She was nervous, and you made her laugh.”

“So, I made you happy?” Jaskier smirked mirthfully.

“No.” This time Geralt did growl the word. He couldn’t help it, this man was just so infuriating. Of course he was. No one could be that beautiful and not be a pain in the arse. “You made Ciri happy. Ciri being happy made me happy.”

“Ciri’s on your list twice.” Jaskier pointed out.

“Problem?” Geralt raised an eyebrow at the younger man.

“No. No. No problem.” Jaskier grinned. “Right. I need to get back to the little devils. Triss, Ms Merigold, will set you up with my email address should you need it, she’ll also need your phone number incase there’s a problem here. I’ll look after Ciri, Geralt. I promise.”

Geralt grunted with a nod and turned to leave the room.

“Wait. Geralt.” Jaskier called. “One last thing.”

Geralt tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at the brunet.

“If we can’t get hold of you. Is there someone else to contact in emergencies?” Jaskier fiddled with the strap of his guitar.

“Hmm. You could try my work. Vesemir, or Yennefer if she’s in town.”

“Vengerberg?”

“That’s right.”

“You know Yennefer Vengerberg?” Jaskier looked at him wide eyed.

“Yes.” Geralt nodded wearily, Jaskier was probably a fan. Yen’s art blog had become something of a sensation after all.

“I met her once. She left before I started here, but she’s become something of a legend amongst the staff. Mr Gynvael speaks very highly of her.” Jaskier explained although the way his gaze drifted awkwardly to the floor made Geralt think there was probably more to that story than Jaskier was letting on.

“Hmm.” Geralt didn’t quite know what to say to that.

Luckily for him one of the children started to cry and Jaskier instantly slipped back into teacher mode, rushing over to where a child had fallen on the floor. “Hey hey. It’s alright. Can you show me what hurts?” Jaskier cooed to the small child.

Geralt smiled at the easy care that Jaskier had with the children. He would be far better at being thrown into single parenthood. Geralt sighed and walked out the classroom. He glanced at his watch and cursed. Vesemir would not be impressed with him. He was much later than he’d anticipated but he could always say it was an exception for the first day.

He pulled out his phone and hit his second speed dial.

Vesemir picked up on the second ring “Ah White Wolf. You’d better have a good explanation.” Vesemir chuckled.

“Ah. Fuck. Yes.” Geralt sighed. “I’m on my way.”

_____________

Geralt ached. His body was tired from running drills with Lambert, Eskel and Renfri all morning. They had also been called out a few times. Nothing major luckily, an unfortunate microwave incident in the local University dorms, a couple of house calls that were easily contained and the hugely stereotypical my cat is stuck in a tree call. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed as he unlocked the door to his flat. He’d barely stepped across the threshold when a blur of ashen blonde hair came flying at him and he caught Ciri in his arms and spun her around.

“Geralt!” She giggled happily as she flew through the air.

“Hi Princess. How was school?” He asked his ward.

“It was great! Mr Jaskier is the best!” She sang happily. “He was telling us all about words that sound the same, and Dara can’t hear properly so Mr Jaskier is teaching us how to speak with our hands!”

“Yeah?” Geralt smiled fondly down at the young girl as he carried them both to the kitchen where Coën was waiting for them both. Geralt nodded at him in greeting. “What words sound the same?” He prompted wondering how much she would have learnt on her first day.

“Yeah! Like bee and tree!” Ciri nattered away happily.

“Hmm. And you were a good girl for Coën when he picked you up from school?” He asked.

Ciri pouted. “I’m always good!”

Geralt chuckled. “Of course.” He turned to her babysitter. “Thanks Coën. Any problems?”

“None at all. She was an angel.” Coën said with a laugh as he pushed his glasses back up his nose. “She’s even been teaching me how to sign the alphabet. Ciri, show Geralt how to sign your name.” Coën asked with a gentle smile. Ciri beamed back and scrunched up her nose and she slowly spelled out her name with her hands.

Geralt made a mental note to look up sign language courses online. If one of Ciri’s friends used sign language then it was only a matter of time before they ended up on a playdate and he wanted to be able to communicate with his ward’s friends and support Ciri in her learning.

“That’s good, Ciri.” He praised a little awkwardly. He’d never been particularly open with his feelings but it was something he was working on for her. He knew children needed praise and encouragement so he was trying his best.

The three of them sat in the kitchen for a few minutes whilst Ciri tried to go through the whole alphabet. She forgot a few of the later letters but Coën had already looked them up on his phone and was able to remind her. Geralt’s respect for the teenager grew. He was the son of one of Vesemir’s former colleagues and Vesemir had recommended him as a babysitter once he heard about Calanthe and Eist’s death.

Once Ciri had reached the end of the alphabet, Coën hugged her goodbye and Geralt shook his hand. “I’ll see you both tomorrow then. Bye Ciri!” He called with a wave before picking up his bag and heading to the front door.

“See ya!” Ciri waved him goodbye and then turned her attention back to Geralt. “Did you know nothing sounds like orange?”

“Hmm. I did. Did Mr Jaskier tell you that?” Geralt asked as he lowered Ciri back to the floor and began to root around in the fridge for his dinner.

“Yup! Purple doesn’t have a word rhyme either.” Ciri grinned.

“Hmm. I never thought about that. Mr Jaskier is a clever man.” Geralt smiled softly at the memory of Jaskier’s bright eyes and kind smile.

“He’s the bestest!” Ciri agreed. “but don’t worry, Dad, you’re still my favourite.”

Geralt’s heart stopped in his chest.

“Dad?” He asked quietly.

“Well obviously.” Ciri said with her hands on her hips.

“Come here.” Geralt said and pulled her into a big hug.

“Oh there’s something from Mr Jaskier on the table for you!” Ciri said as she squirmed in his arms.

“Hmm?” Geralt let his daughter go and saw a yellow envelope on the table.

“He said to make sure you saw it.” Ciri insisted.

Geralt flipped the envelope over. He was sealed shut by a small blob of teal wax. Geralt chuckled at the sight of it. He should have known that Ciri’s teacher would be the extravagant type. He opened the envelope carefully, tracing the elegant letters of his name. He’d never known anyone else with such dramatic writing. He wondered if Jaskier wrote on the whiteboard like that or whether he’d made an effort for the letter. Geralt scowled at that. Why would Jaskier make an effort for him? He shook the thought from his mind. He wasn’t special. Jaskier had probably written a letter like this to all the parents.

The writing inside, however, wasn’t nearly as neat. It wasn’t bad but it was definitely more of a scrawl than calligraphy.

  Hi Geralt!  

     Thank you for coming in to see me on Ciri’s first day. I always prefer to meet the parents sooner rather than later so we can work together to give the kids the best start in life that we can. Normally I would send an email at the end of the week to give all the parents an update on their child’s progress and what we’ve learnt but it’s the first day so that’s all a bit exciting isn’t it?  

     Ciri is an absolute delight! She makes friends very easily and seems to have the whole class wrapped around her little finger. She’s even managed to bring one of the shyer kids, Dara, out of his shell. You should be very proud of her.  

     On a more serious note, Ciri has noticed that her family situation isn’t exactly common. Most of the kids in our class have two parents or live with their mother. We had to have a little chat after lunch. She got a bit upset that she didn’t have a mum and dad but we talked about how family is important, especially the ones we choose. If there’s anything I can do to help please let me know. If there are any topics that are best to avoid etc.  

     Anyhoo! Today we learnt about rhyming words and started work on writing our numbers and alphabet. In the morning we learnt a new song together and started learning sign language! A wonderful skill to have, I think, and this afternoon we had to draw one of the things that made us happy. Ciri should have her drawing done by the end of tomorrow! I expect to see all her drawings pinned to the fridge. No slacking, Geralt.  

     I am absolutely thrilled to be teaching Ciri this year! Here’s to the rest of a brilliant year with the Buttercups!  

     Kindest Regards,  

     Jaskier.  

Geralt didn’t realise he was smiling until Ciri peered up at him with a smirk on her face.

“Dad, do you like Mr Jaskier?” She cackled.

“He’s a good teacher, Princess.” He scowled down at her.

“He’s got pretty eyes.” Ciri hummed thoughtfully.

“Cirilla. Go to bed.” Geralt snapped.

“But Dad!” She whined.

“Don’t forget your teeth.” He grunted.

“Urgh. Fine.” She stormed off upstairs in a huff.

Geralt gently traced the letters of Jaskier’s name at the bottom of the paper. Jaskier was a beautiful man, there was no denying that. It was the first thing Geralt had noticed when he’d walked into Ciri’s classroom. You’d have to blind not to notice that, even Yen would probably agree and Jaskier was decidedly not her usual type, and he was kind. He was good with the kids. He talked too much. That much was evident but he’d already won over Ciri and Geralt had been impressed by how he’d handled the sensitive subject of Ciri’s home life, both that morning and in the letter.

That didn’t mean he liked him though.

It was just well-deserved respect.

He pictured Jaskier’s blinding smile and the mischievous glimmer in his eyes. Geralt felt a warmth bubble up in his chest at the thought. He put the letter in his pocket and slumped down into a chair, resting his head on this the table.

“Fuck.”

_______

Next

[pendragonsandbuckleys]

hold me like the moon holds onto the tide (3/3)

Summary: Kidnapped and locked in a cell with no escape. Alex and Michael are faced with an ex-Caulfield employee who is prepared to do anything to get alien powers of his own. (Inspired by the Daisy/Sousa scenes in Agents of Shield 7x06)

Word Count: 3,804

[Also on AO3]  [Part One] [Part Two]

“What about the time he tripped over your guitar and smashed his head into the table?” Flint leaned back as he spoke. The hard plastic of the chair was digging into his back and it squeaked as he tried to get comfortable.

He’d never liked hospitals. The strong antiseptic smell that seemed to linger in the air. The rush of people in the day and the quiet hallways at night. The big scary words that made no sense but always seemed to mean something bad. The unnatural mix of cleanliness and death.

He didn’t mind them so much when he was younger. His mother had always told him that they were hopeful places, where illnesses were cured and lives were saved. Thinking back, it was probably just her protective way of trying to calm his nerves whenever a grandparent was sick.

But at that age, her positive nature imbued in him a childish hope that the doctors would be able to help his brother. That soon they would realise that that many broken bones and bruised ribs a year was so much more than just a clumsy child falling off his bike or losing his grip whilst climbing a tree.

He couldn’t remember when he’d stopped wishing for someone to work it out and just accepted that no one would. It was probably around the same time he’d stopped accompanying his brother on his too frequent visits and had left that responsibility for someone else.

The last time he had actually stepped foot inside a hospital was after his unfortunate accident during CrashCon. Healing up in the unwelcoming, lonely hospital room for a week wasn’t fun but at least he hadn’t needed to worry about the condition of anyone else during that time.

No, the last time he’d been on the waiting for news end was during his last tour when several members of his team had been seriously injured.

Until now. Which is why part of him was glad that he wasn’t alone in his vigil.

“He must have been about eight, right?”

“Oh my god, there was blood everywhere!” Gregory grimaced as he looked over at him, horrified that his brother was even bringing up that memory.

Flint laughed softly at how uncomfortable the recollection had clearly made his brother, ”You felt so guilty! I don’t think you even got your guitar out of its case for months afterwards.”

Gregory shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. He wasn’t sure when this game between them of who had the most embarrassing moments had just straight up turned into a list of which brother had managed to injure another the most.

It was true though. He hadn’t slept properly for days after that incident. Every time he had closed his eyes he had seen Alex’s poor little face covered in blood and tears and snot and he’d felt the guilt brewing inside him. He had avoided the guitar out of fear that he would somehow manage to wound his brother with it again.

To this day he still makes sure that the instrument is kept off the floor.

“You know, growing up, I think that was the last time he was in the hospital where it wasn’t dad that put him there.” He replied sombrely.

Flint hummed in response. He had run out of words to say on that subject. It was a topic that had slipped frequently into discussions between the two of them during their months of reconciliation and it always ended in the acknowledgement of their guilt and desire to do better.

Gregory pressed the heel of his hand into his eye. It had been a long day and he could feel the hours catching up with him. “I really hoped I would never have to see him in a hospital again.”

"Were you there after he lost his leg?” Flint asked.

“No, I didn’t even know it had happened ’til months later. Did you?”

”No. I think Dad went though.”

“Seriously?”

Flint nodded with an unamused look on his face.

“Why? It’s not like he went to go play the loving father.” Gregory asked, genuinely confused as to why his dad would even bother to take the time to go and see Alex.

Flint shook his head as he repositioned himself again. At this rate he was honestly considering going on a hunt for a pillow. “That man didn’t know the first thing about being a loving father.”

Gregory’s brows furrowed as he failed to hide his surprise at that statement. The expression was so familiar and Flint couldn’t hold back an exasperated eye roll.

“Don’t give me that look, I may have followed in his footsteps but I know exactly what kind of man he was.”

Gregory watched as his brother played with the cuff of his jacket, his thumb and forefinger running along the edge before tugging uselessly at the material. It was a nervous habit that he’d always thought their father had managed to train out of Flint.

“Do you regret it? Following him?” He asked delicately, noticing how Flint’s eyes remained trained on his sleeve as he answered.

“We all followed him.”

“Into the military, yeah, we didn’t exactly have a choice. But on his little homicidal mission? The rest of us hopped that train before it reached the station.”

“Umm more like he didn’t even invite you onto the train. You have no idea what you would have done.” Flint replied defensively and Gregory was caught off guard by how much the look in Flint’s eyes reminded him of their mother.

“Pretty sure I wouldn’t have done that.” He teased, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah alright, well I’ve apologised, okay?” Flint rolled his eyes again as he leant over and gave his brother a playful shove.

Their conversation fell into a comfortable silence as their gaze drew back to the third presence in the room.

Alex hadn’t woken since Flint had found him but in the hours since they had brought him to the hospital his cheeks had gained more colour and he looked to be resting more peacefully.

Clean bandages hugged his various wounds, several IVs were in place to begin replenishing what Hughes had stolen and now all they needed was for him to wake up.

It was strange watching their brother sleep. The last time they would have had the chance was when they were all living under the same roof together, but Alex was always so guarded back then with their father in the house that he would never allow himself to be seen in such a vulnerable state. Starting after their mum had left, Greg could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Alex sleep and they’d all been due to illness or injury.

The hospital ambience of the room, along with Greg’s wandering mind, was interrupted by a text alert on Flint’s phone. He slid his hand into his front pocket and pulled out the device, unlocking it with a quick tap of four digits. He opened the message and Greg watched as his eyes scanned the words.

“It’s Clay. He says he’s glad we found him and to keep him updated.”

Greg’s eyes crinkled slightly as he smiled. It had been a long while since he’d seen Clay in person but he was glad to hear that their brother was also onboard for acting like a family again. “Who would have thought it. It only took us until our thirties but we’re all finally learning how to be brothers again.”

Flint opened his mouth, ready to give a sappy reply about how he much he’d missed the bond they’d all had during childhood, when a small groan from the bed caught his attention.

Alex’s brow was furrowed as he poked his tongue through his lips slightly - a tiny habit that Greg could recall seeing him do all the time when he was younger. After a few moments his eyes blinked open as he let out another involuntary groan.

Greg couldn’t help but grin as he watched Alex slowly register his surroundings. Being closer to the top of the bed than Flint, he leant forward and gently placed a comforting hand on Alex’s arm.

“Hey.” He whispered, keeping his voice low as to not startle his brother.

Alex turned his head slightly, his unfocused eyes drifting to the left as he followed the sudden sound. “Hey,” he replied, his words slow and soft. “You’re here?”

“Of course we’re here.” Greg began to rub his thumb back and forth along Alex’s arm in a soothing gesture. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.”

Greg was unsurprised at the answer. Alex’s eyes were already struggling to stay open. “Go back to sleep Alex. You’re safe now.”

Alex had only allowed his eyes to close again fully for a moment before they were flying open again, Michael’s name being drawn from his lips with a gasp.

Greg continued the soothing motion, bringing Alex’s gaze back to him. “He’s fine, he’s okay. He’ll probably be here the next time you wake up.”

Alex nodded as he let his body relax once more and drifted back to sleep.

Greg looked over to Flint to find him wearing a matching smile, nodding to himself in an unspoken acknowledgement. Alex was going to be okay.

-

The door to Alex’s room opened carefully.

Michael had noticed that the lights inside had been dimmed so he hadn’t wanted to wake anyone, though he was wholly unsurprised to find Greg and Flint watching him with raised eyebrows as he entered.

“Thought you were gonna try and get some sleep?” Flint asked in near amusement.

“I did get some sleep.”

Greg tilted his head sympathetically. “Michael, you’ve been gone barely an hour.”

Michael shrugged as he took a seat in the one remaining chair on the other side of the bed, “No one specified how much sleep.”

He had tried to get some rest but every time he closed his eyes it was like there was an invisible string yanking him back to the hospital.

Isobel had taken him home as soon as Kyle had assured them all that, in time, Alex would be fine. She had spent the drive spouting on and on about how he had been through as much of an ordeal as Alex had and he needed to rest and look after himself. Or at least let someone else look after him.

The words had been left hanging in the air between them for a good few minutes before he had fully registered her kindness. And then he had just felt a horrible pang of guilt deep in his stomach. Guilt that her compassion and protectiveness didn’t quite warm his heart as much as Alex’s had.

So he listened to her. He ate the small plate of food she had lovingly made for him. He drank the hot cup of tea that burnt his tongue. He showered, letting the scolding water wash away the overwhelming fear that had been building up inside him ever since he first woke up with his hands chained to a wall. And then he crawled into Isobel’s bed and tried to ignore the nervous energy that was still sitting heavily on his chest.

And he had slept a little, he wasn’t lying about that, but it was like his brain knew that there was somewhere else he should be and he just couldn’t take it any longer.

“How’s he doing?” He tugged at his bottom lip as he observed Alex’s still sleeping face.

“Better.” Greg nodded, taking a moment to hide a yawn with his hand. “The doctor came back while you were gone. Said he’s probably gonna be quite weak and achy for a few days at least. But the transfusions are helping and he should be fine.”

Michael ran a hand through his curls. It wasn’t much more information than Kyle had provided earlier but to hear that nothing had gone wrong in his brief absence was relieving.

“He woke up not too long ago.” Greg continued and Michael looked at him, somewhat horrified that Alex had woken without him. It must have shown on his face.

“Calm down Guerin,” Flint snorted, “it was for like thirty seconds, he probably won’t even remember it.”

Michael could practically feel the heat crawling up his cheeks. No matter how protective and borderline possessive he felt of Alex at the moment, it was still embarrassing for anyone but himself to be aware of that fact.

“No it’s good, I’m glad he’s okay.” Michael coughed as he tried to deflect the conversation.

But Greg seemed to know how to catch him off guard all of a sudden as he turned it back onto him. “And how are you feeling?”

Michael took a few seconds to process the fact that Alex’s brother seemed genuinely concerned in his questioning.

“I’m fine, my powers are back and everything.” He replied warily. With Jesse Manes gone, he knew that he wasn’t in any danger from anyone currently in the room, but it still felt strange talking about his alien abilities to any Manes man that wasn’t Alex. “I could probably do with a bit more sleep before I try to use them, but whatever Hughes did to me has worn off.”

“That’s good that it wasn’t permanent. We’ll still go through all the data that Hughes managed to collate though and find out exactly how much he knew.” Flint said strategically and Michael could practically see the mental to-do list he was creating in his head. “And as long as you’re aware that you should be sleeping, I think our job here is done.”

Greg smirked at his brother’s comment. It was very clear that getting Michael to rest was a battle they were not going to win tonight.

“Talking of sleep, you know you two look worse than I do and I was literally being held hostage a few hours ago. If you want to head home for a bit I can stay with Alex.” Michael said innocently as he watched Greg yawn once again.

“Greg, I think that’s code for he wants some alone time with our little brother.” Flint mocked in a hushed tone.

“Hmm I think you’re right Flint.” Greg joined in, watching as Michael’s eyes widened as he spluttered in defence. “Or do you think maybe it’s just our company he doesn’t like?”

“Oh definitely. He’s been waiting for the moment to get rid of us.”

“We must have done something really wrong considering the person he wants to be left with is still asleep right now.”

“That is so true Greg. I mean he’s clearly desperate so we should probably leave now before we make it even worse.”

Michael rolled his eyes as he failed to control his smile. It was a display of brotherly mocking that he never imagined he would ever experience from someone other than Max and Isobel and as embarrassing as it was, it was somewhat heartening to be on the receiving end of it.

Flint chuckled as he stood, his back instantly grateful to be out of the chair, and he took one last look at Alex before leading the way to the door.

“Text us if you need anything, okay?” Greg placed a hand on Michael’s shoulder as he passed him and squeezed reassuringly.

Michael nodded as he watched them leave, afraid to open his mouth incase no words came out around the sudden lump that had formed in his throat. Having seen the hateful side of the Manes men in action, there was something so heartwarming about seeing Alex’s brothers actually be brothers. And to be included in the familiarity was a whole new feeling entirely.

-

Michael looked out at the stars shining through the window. The lights were still dimmed which allowed the moonlight to fill the room around him with a soft, pale glow.

He still remembered all of the constellations that he had taught himself as a kid, back when he was so desperate to soar high into the sky to join them. Back when he’d give anything to find his home planet again.

But looking into the glimmering darkness now, he couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d stared at the night sky in search of the home he was unwillingly torn away from.

In fact he couldn’t quite remember how long it had been since home, for him, had started to be a person again.

Michael made no attempt to stifle a yawn as he rubbed at his eyes. They were aching terribly and he could feel his body hopelessly crying for sleep but there was no way he was leaving until Alex was awake.

As if on cue, a small noise from beside him shook him out of his doziness.

He watched Alex’s throat bob as he swallowed reflexively before slowly blinking open his eyes.

“Hey,” Michael whispered. His voice so soft the word barely left his mouth.

Alex’s eyes wandered momentarily, seeking out the owner of the voice. Once his gaze locked with Michael’s, all Alex could do was stare, a small smile emerging as he took in Michael’s presence. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Michael looked at him tenderly as he leant forward and laced his fingers with Alex’s. A somewhat casually intimate move that he didn’t regret in the slightest. “And so are you.”

Alex looked down at the touch and relished in the warmth of Michael’s skin against his. The act of their hands together feeling so natural.

“How are you feeling?” Michael asked, his tired eyes looking longingly into Alex’s.

“Sore.” Alex replied and Michael couldn’t hold back the huff of laughter.

“Well, that’s what happens when you offer yourself up to be a guinea pig for a crazy psychopath.”

Alex playfully rolled his eyes at the accusation. He could practically feel his head pounding in time with his heart but he did his best to ignore it. He’d willingly accept the throbbing of his muscles and the coldness in his bones right now if it allowed him to just stay in this moment.

A few aches and pains were worth it. He was just glad to be alive.

“Did he hurt you?” He asked, enjoying the way the moonlight was shinning on Michael’s curls.

“No, he didn’t touch me.” Michael assured him, “Isobel, Flint and Kyle got us out before he could do anything else.”

“How did they find us?”

“Turns out Sanders was still at the junkyard. Luckily he managed to catch the tail end of our little kidnapping so he called Isobel who called everyone and they spent the entire night trying to figure out who had taken us.”

Michael still couldn’t believe the luck they’d been in that the old man had chosen that night to stay late. They may never have been found if he hadn’t.

“Flint went to the bunker to look for possible alien connections when he found emails between Hughes and your dad. He recognised the name as someone he worked with in Caulfield so he followed the trail and it led him to us.”

Alex added another bullet point to his mental Project Shepard to-do list. If thoroughly digging into every email on the bunker’s computers was what was needed to prevent Michael being targeted again, then so be it.

“Of course he won’t tell me how it led him to us. It seems that’s classified.” Michael brought up the hand not holding Alex’s to do some one-sided air quotes.

“What about Hughes and his men?”

Michael shrugged, “Dealt with, apparently. Your brother is very secretive when he wants to be.”

“Must be a Manes thing.” Alex smirked sleepily.

“They were here earlier by the way. Flint and Gregory. They would have stayed but I used my charm to convince them that you’d much prefer to see my face over their’s any day.”

Michael winked at him and Alex felt butterflies. “Always.”

Michael gazed down at their locked fingers as he slowly ran his thumb up and down in a comforting gesture. He knew what he wanted to say next, but the words just felt so big and he needed to get them right.

“You shouldn’t have protected me like that. And I shouldn’t have let you.” He began sincerely.

“Michael-”

“But I’m grateful that you did.”

Alex’s lips parted but he couldn’t find the right words quick enough.

“We need to talk. Like properly talk. But what happened today, it made me realise how stupid it is to not be honest about how I feel.” Michael looked up and could see how intently Alex was listening. His beautiful brown eyes eager and hopeful.

“I can use as many excuses as I like. How we’re not good for each other. How it’s not our time right now. But you almost died, Alex. And if you had, it would have killed me. And if you had gone not knowing how much I care about you.” Michael shook his head as he looked away. The lump forming in his throat again. “I’m completely and totally in love with you Alex Manes. Always have been, always will. I can’t run away from it anymore and I’m done hiding it.”

Alex bit his lip as he felt the tears start to form in his eyes. He had been waiting to hear those words for so long.

He had been waiting to say them for even longer.

“I’ll never stop protecting you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate that before. I’m sorry I’ve pushed you away in the past and I’m sorry that I wasn’t ready. But I’m ready now.” Alex grinned, almost giddy at the declaration, “I love you Michael Guerin. Always have, always will.”

Michael could feel his heart hammering in his chest as his breath caught in his throat. He pursed his lips in an attempt to curb the ridiculous grin that was threatening to unfurl.

He gently unlaced his fingers, pushed himself out of the chair and leant over to delicately cup Alex’s cheeks, feeling the cool skin under his palms.

As dramatic love declarations go, tonights was pretty remarkable. But maybe it was exactly what they needed. They were here, they were alive and they were in love. That was the truth, spoken aloud with only the stars as their witness and there was no taking it back.

And Michael didn’t want to wait a second longer as he closed his eyes and met Alex’s lips with his own.

It was a gentle kiss. Slow and sweet and just as perfect as he remembered it being.

It was home.

[st-crylo]

Rebound

Part 12

A/N: Thanks so much for your patience in waiting on this! I really appreciate that a lot of you guys have stuck out through my hiatus, but hopefully from here on out, I’ll get parts out more consistently!!

Warnings: minor swearing

Word Count: 4.7K

Tagging: @haylaansmi @kingdomofwrath @maybe-your-left

Masterlist

Kylo was silent, the only sound coming from him was the tapping of his fingers on the steering wheel. You weren’t really sure what to say either. After seeing Pat with Shawn and Stella, the two of you didn’t stay any longer, sneaking away to the car, where you were now sitting in silence. 

You wanted to say something, but no matter what, you came up short, soaking in the silence as you tried to think of something, anything to say. However, after a while of thinking up nothing, you pulled out your phone and texted Sami, telling her about the whole situation. You felt she was the only person who could provide anything within reason to say. 

Excuse me, what the fuck? Was her response. You quickly typed away at your phone.

I know, it’s hard to believe, and I wouldn’t if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, you responded, letting out a sigh as you turned off your screen.

“Kylo?” you asked, finally breaking the silence. 

“Hold on, I’m thinking,” was all he said before pulling his own phone from his jacket, bringing up Milo’s name in his contacts. The phone rang for a few seconds before you could faintly here Milo’s voice through the receiver, deepened by the microphone in his own phone.

“Hey man, what’s up?”

“Is there any reason that you know of that Pat would be hanging with both mine and (y/n)’s exes?” Kylo said, trying to keep his cool. You held onto his hand and he gave you a grateful look before continuing to stare out the window. 

“Yo, what the fuck? I knew something was off about that kid, I told you,” was Milo’s response.

“Yeah, yeah, you told me, I know, but I didn’t think he’d be talking to my ex and my girlfriend’s ex, who conveniently hates me,” Kylo said with a huff.

“Yeah no fuck that- wait a minute, did you call her your girlfriend? You finally told her?”

“That’s neither here nor there, Milo, I’ll tell you later.”

“Yeah, no, I get it man. Yeah, fuck Pat, let me handle him.”

“You sure? I can handle him myself man, and honestly I’d like to fuck him up,” Kylo responded, his knuckles turning white from the way he was clenching his fist. 

“You don’t need to fuck him up, he’s friends with Hux, whose piggy daddy would love throwing you in jail for aggravated assault. No, let me handle Pat, that’ll be best for everyone,” Milo said with finality. Kylo was silent for a moment before letting out his own sigh, slackening his fist and closing his eyes. 

“You’re right. Just make sure he knows not to fuck with any of us anymore. I don’t want that poser anywhere near me,” Kylo said, his voice calming down. 

“Don’t worry about it man, when I’m done with him, he won’t even look your way,” Milo assured Kylo.

“Alright, well, I’m trusting you with this, man. I’ll talk to you later,” Kylo said with another sigh.

“Talk to you later, man,” Milo said before the line went dead. Kylo groaned, running a hand through his messy black hair before turning to look at you. Your eyes locked with his brown ones, and you tried to give him a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. Kylo let out a chuckle before shaking his head. 

“C’mon, let’s head to my grandparents place. Granpa won’t snitch on us for skipping,” he said before letting out a sigh. You simply nodded as he turned the key in the ignition, the car roaring to life on his command. 

Within the hour, the two of you were pulling up to the driveway at the Skywalker house. You quickly stole a glance over to your own driveway before letting out a sigh of relief. Your driveway was empty, so there was no way that your parents would catch you in the act of skipping.

You climbed out of Kylo’s car, opting to leave your backpack and stuff inside as you followed behind him into the house. You were surprised that no one seemed to be home, and honestly, you were relieved. As much as you liked Mr. Skywalker, you didn’t really want to deal with any questions right now. 

As Kylo opened the door to the empty house, you let a sigh escape from your chest. What a day it had been. You and Kylo confessed your feelings for each other, and now you both had to worry about your exes hanging around each other, and with Pat as well. You couldn’t help but feel some deep foreboding in the pit of your stomach. They were definitely planning something, and you wanted to know what. 

“C’mon, I’m gonna take a nap, I think,” Kylo said, pulling you out of your thoughts as you watched him head for the stairs. Without hesitation, you followed him up the stairs, examining the pictures hanging on the walls going up the stairs. You smiled as you looked at the different memories of the Skywalker family, forever captured on these photos. 

The upper floor of the Skywalker home was not very large, but you couldn’t say you were surprised. This was a quaint little neighborhood, not at all like the Solo house in the richer part of town. Though the grandeur of a house like that was always impressive, you preferred this more modest home. It felt more cozy, and easier to live in. 

Kylo led you to his bedroom, which was very similar to the one at his parents house, though considerably smaller. The walls were painted a dark blue, but were covered by various posters across the wall. Accompanying the posters, on the wall above the desk, was a corkboard. As you walked closer, you took a look at all the pictures and things pinned onto it. There were lots of pictures of the Knights of Ren. One was clearly from homecoming the year before, as Milo and Jordan were both in the picture as well, their smiling faces matching those of everyone else. As you looked at the photo longer, though, you tried not to frown as you noticed that there was a part of the picture that had been cut off on the end. At the edge of the picture, you could only see a portion of a shoulder, which you assumed belonged to Kylo, as he was the only person missing in the picture.

“Stella’s in that photo. That’s why it’s cut like that,” was all Kylo said as he plopped onto the bed, pulling out his phone and typing away on it as he lay on his back. You walked over to the bed, covered in a black duvet, and set yourself down beside Kylo, who moved closer to the wall so that you’d have room to lay down as well. You hesitated for a moment, your heart pumping a little faster as you considered laying down. Then, with a silent but shaky breath, you laid down next to Kylo. His body was warm, which you should have expected as much, but it still made your cheeks flush. You stared up at the ceiling, unsure of what to do with yourself as Kylo continued to scroll on his phone. After a few moments, he let out a sigh before laying the phone on the bed next to him, and turning to face you.

“We can’t really catch a break, can we?” Kylo mumbled as he looked into your eyes. Adjusting yourself to face him, you simply sighed.

“Seems that way, doesn’t it? But hey, they’re not gonna fuck with what we have, okay?” you said to him, taking his hand in yours. Kylo hummed his response and then closed his eyes, intertwining his fingers in yours. 

“I just need a nap. I’ll set an alarm,” he said as he opened his eyes again, letting go of your hand to grab his phone and set an alarm. After setting his phone back down, Kylo scooted closer to you, pulling you into him and wrapping his arms around you. It made you feel so safe, to be tucked away in his arms, and you couldn’t help yourself as you scooted even closer to him, resting your cheek against his chest. It didn’t take long for the two of you to fall into a blissful and peaceful slumber.

***

A few weeks had passed and you still couldn’t quite get over the euphoria of being in an official relationship with Kylo. Being with Kylo felt as simple as breathing, and every moment you spent together felt effortless. You didn’t have to try so hard for Kylo, because he already wanted you the way you truly were, and not some facade that you’d created in order to fit everyone’s ideas of who you should be.

Unfortunately, the joy and happiness of being with Kylo couldn’t erase everything else going on. Three weeks had passed, but you couldn’t help but feel the pit in your stomach that Pat was up to something, and that Shawn and Stella were involved. 

Milo’s conversation with Pat had not gone well, which was also evident in the fact that Pat had sent a long, rather crude voicemail to Kylo. From what Milo said, Pat had all but threatened everyone in the group, but especially you and Kylo. He’d said some choice words in his voicemail that almost made Kylo drive to Pat’s house and deal with him personally. Fortunately, you were there to keep Kylo in check. 

Apart from that, you were still receiving the deathly looks from Shawn in physics. Every day you could feel his glare burning into the back of your head, but you never looked back. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of bothering you, but you were also afraid to see the look in his eyes. You couldn’t rationalize the fear, all you knew was that it was there. 

As the last of September’s heat faded and welcomed in the chilly winds of October, you found yourself adorning your new leather jacket that Sami had embroidered. As you walked down the hall in the late October afternoon, you kept stealing glances of both the KOR stitched onto the front pocket, and Kylo’s hand in yours. They were both sights you knew you would never be tired of. As the two of you settled into the lunch table, you pulled out your lunch, letting go of Kylo’s hand and already missing its warmth.

“Alright guys, I’m gonna do it,” Sami stated with finality.

“Do what?” Alan asked from beside her, biting into the banana he was eating. 

“Apply to Hosnian State’s art program! I’ve talked a lot to Mr. Jones, and he thinks my portfolio should be good enough to earn me some scholarship,” Sami said, beaming up at everyone at the table.

“Sami, that’s amazing! I’m sure you’ll get in, and get a scholarship,” you said as you smiled back at her, her excitement infectious. 

“You can also probably cut costs by living with Milo. The two of you could find a nice little apartment, but make sure it has space for all of us to come visit,” Kylo added with a smirk. Sami simply shook her head at him. 

“You know what, Kylo, that’s a grand idea. What about all of you, you know that most of the colleges nearby have their applications due by the end of December,” Sami pointed out, causing a groan to come from you, Kylo, and Phasma.

“I don’t even know what I want to major in, let alone where I want to go,” you said, putting your face in your hands. 

“I think I’ve settled on a major, but I still don’t know about location either. Part of me wants to go to HSU just to get the fuck away from Mos Eisley,” Kylo commented, resting his elbows on the table.

“I think I’m gonna go to Coruscant Central. The only problem is I have no idea what to major in,” Phasma added, running a hand through her blonde hair. 

“Well, we’ve at least got time to figure that out. As long as we figure out where to go, we should be fine,” you added before taking a bite out of a muffin. 

Thinking about college was definitely a source of stress for you. While there were plenty of things you were good at, you weren’t sure if you had passion enough for a subject to actually pursue a degree in it. Admittedly, though, you couldn’t deny that you shared Kylo’s sentiment about going to HSU. It would be nice to get away from Mos Eisley for once, and actually experience life outside of the prying eyes of your mother. You had the grades to get into HSU, maybe you would just start undecided.

You shook college from your mind after lunch, though. As you walked down the hall, your hand in Kylo’s, you couldn’t help but get the feeling that you were being watched. You looked around the hallway, trying to pinpoint the feeling when you spotted him. 

Leaning against one of the lockers ahead of you was Pat. You had expected the look on his face to be angry, one of contempt, but instead, he was smiling at you with an almost evil grin. You felt a chill run up your spine as the two of you made eye contact. You quickly turned away from him, but it didn’t stop you from noticing him turning away as well, walking towards the end of the hall. Whatever he had planned, you didn’t like it. 

As the two of you stepped into the Physics lab, you tried to keep your eyes away from Shawn’s spot in the classroom. You had a sinking feeling that if Pat was planning something, Shawn would be involved. After all, they looked pretty chummy when you and Kylo caught them together. The thought of them conspiring together was terrifying, and it chilled you to the bone.

Throughout class, you couldn’t help but feel dread, even though you were constantly trying your hardest to ignore it. Everything should be perfect now, after all, you and Kylo were dating for real this time, and even though your relationship with Rey had yet to be repaired, you were still friends with Poe and Finn, and you had all your new friends. By any stretch of the imagination, your senior year was going great, especially considering how it had started. You really had nothing to worry about, and yet here you were, stewing in your anxiety. 

Occasionally, you’d steal glances over at Kylo, trying to read his expression, but you never caught on that he might be feeling the same as you, or that he even suspected that you were feeling a certain way. No, he was just looking up at the board, taking notes, and then occasionally would draw on your notes, which were currently just a blank page with Kylo’s doodles all over them. 

You were thankful when the bell rang, and you began to gather your stuff to get ready to go to English. As you were packing up, your eyes scanned the room, and for a brief second, they made contact with Shawn’s. Much to your surprise, though, they didn’t have that cold, plotting look that Pat’s had earlier. Instead, it was the same angry expression he always gave you when he looked at you. It felt weird to say it, but you were relieved that it was only his anger you were looking into. With a sigh, you stood from your chair, waiting for Kylo to finish packing up before the two of you headed off for your last class of the day. 

Walking into English was always a little comforting, especially seeing Phasma and Sami waiting for the two of you. As you looked across the room, you also made eye contact with Poe and Finn, who both smiled and waved at you. You waved back, and made a mental note that you would need to hang out with them sometime soon. 

As you sat down, you let out a sigh, and Sami and Phasma both turned around in their desks to face the two of you.

“So, how was physics?” Phasma asked.

“The usual. Mr. Windu is having us do a take home lab with our respective partners, and it’s due next week,” Kylo said with nonchalance as he pulled out his copy of Hard Times. You tried not to look shell-shocked when he said it, as you’d spent your entire time in physics hanging on the edges of panic.

“Can’t wait for this semester to be over. What’s the plan for Halloween this year?” Sami said, leaning her elbow against your desk as she looked between the three of you. 

“Haven’t really thought that far ahead. I know I don’t wanna do another party, and also we have no place to do a party,” Kylo said as he brought his hand to his chin in thought. 

“How about we just come to my place and watch some movies or something? My mom’s gonna be gone on a business trip, so I’ll have the whole house to myself,” Sami offered.

“That sounds great actually. Should we still dress up, or should we just be normal?” you asked, kind of excited about the idea of spending the night with your new friends. In the past, you had spent Halloween in a very similar manner with your old friends, but you had a feeling that your new friends would probably want to watch more macabre movies than your old friends would. While you loved the fun Halloween classics, a scary movie did you good every once in a while. 

“Obviously you’ll come dressed up. I’ll be really disappointed if the two of you don’t come in a couple’s costume. Be Frankenstein and his bride or something,” Sami suggested, causing you to laugh, and for Kylo to let out a dramatic sigh.

“Wow Sami, I can’t believe you understand me so well, a being who did not ask to be created and is thus suffering in this corporeal form,” Kylo said wistfully, causing you and Phasma to laugh.

“Don’t be such a drama queen, Kylo,” Sami said as Mr. Skywalker stood up, drawing the attention of the class.

Your inability to focus followed you into English. It probably didn’t help that you found Hard Times incredibly dull, it just made it all the easier to shift your focus from the lesson, and onto your worries. 

Chill, take a deep breath, you thought to yourself as you inhaled deeply, and then exhaled. You needed to stop letting your worry consume you, especially now that you had something to look forward to. Halloween with your friends would be fun.

Then, without warning, an idea hit you. You pulled out your phone and started typing away.

Hey, do you wanna hang out tonight?

It didn’t take long for Poe to answer back.

Yeah! My place or yours? He responded.

Mine is good! I think my mom will appreciate me having some of my other friends over. 

Lol ok. After school work alright with you?

Yeah. See ya then!!

Now you had something else to look forward to, hanging out with an older friend. 

At the end of the day, you packed away your copy of Hard Times and let out a sigh. Once you were done packing up your bag, you leaned back, being greeted by the warmth of Kylo’s arm, which was resting on the back of your chair. 

“You two are gross,” Sami said, sticking out her tongue at the two of you. You laughed as Kylo shook his head.

“I don’t wanna hear shit from you, Sami. You and Milo are all over each other whenever you have the opportunity,” Kylo quipped back, causing Sami to frown, and Phasma to laugh. 

“Whatever,” Sami responded with a pout just as the bell rang. The four of you stood from your seats and headed out the classroom, ready to be away from the school for the rest of the day. 

“Do you wanna have dinner with my grandparents tonight?” Kylo asked as the two of you followed behind Phasma and Sami, who were chatting away.

“I can’t. I asked Poe if he wanted to come over, and he said yeah,” you responded. Kylo frowned for a moment, his bottom lip sticking out slightly in the most adorable way, but his frown soon turned to a smile. 

“Good. I’m glad you’re hanging out with him, seeing as it’s been a while,” he responded. “Just because you have new friends doesn’t mean you should forget about your old ones.”

“I think some of my old ones would rather eat dirt than talk to me right now,” you said with a sigh. You hadn’t so much as made eye contact with Rey ever since you had dinner at the Solo house, and even if the two of you were open to talking, you weren’t sure what to say. You definitely felt you were owed an apology, but that didn’t mean you were completely innocent in the situation, or its outcomes. If you’d been smart, you would have just sat her down and explained firmly that she wasn’t losing your friendship simply because you were dating her cousin. 

“Rey will come around eventually. I mean, I doubt she’ll ever be happy with the fact that we’re dating, but I think if she values your friendship enough, she’ll be able to overlook it for you,” Kylo said, helping to reassure that anxious part of you that feared your friendship would never recover. 

You grabbed Kylo’s hand and laced your fingers between his, smiling up at him. He gave you a half-smile back before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on your cheek. 

When Kylo pulled into the driveway of his grandparents home, you already saw Poe’s car parked on the curb between your driveway and the Skywalker driveway. With a final quick kiss from Kylo, you grabbed your stuff and walked over to Poe’s car, where he was sitting in the driver’s seat, staring at his phone.

As you approached, you tapped on the window, causing him to jump before looking over at you, his brows furrowed in feigned anger. You couldn’t help but laugh as you stepped back so that Poe could climb out of his car. Poe gave you a hug before the two of you walked towards your house. You looked back at Kylo one last time, who gave a wave to the two of you. To your surprise, Poe waved back to him.

Once inside your house, you passed by your parents talking in the living room, who gave you a shocked look when they saw Poe.

“Hey, Mr. and Mrs. (y/l/n)! How you guys been?” Poe said as your parents approached. 

“Really well, thank you! It’s been a while since we’ve seen you, Poe,” your mom said, giving you a look that made you wanna groan. 

“I’ve been kinda busy recently, but I had a free afternoon today! Just came to hang out with (y/n) for a bit,” he responded, as quick as ever with coming up for a reason for his absence that didn’t give your parents any hints to the argument you’d had, or your own neglect of your old friends. 

After your parents were satisfied, the two of you retreated to your room. With a sigh, you threw your stuff on the ground and threw yourself on your bed. Poe plopped himself onto your desk chair and let out his own sigh.

“So, what has been going on with you?” Poe asked, leaning back in the chair as he turned to face you.

“Don’t even get me started. Life has been so crazy recently, I feel like I’m getting whiplash from it all,” you said from your bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“I mean, they all seem like they live crazy lives,” Poe commented as he watched you.

“I guess. I mean, it’s mostly been crazy because of the drama. I never thought Kylo would have so much drama surrounding him, but I guess I was wrong,” you said. Poe perked up with curiosity, a grin forming on his face. This was a part of the reason you loved Poe. He was easy to tell anything to, especially since you knew he’d take your secrets to the grave. 

However, there were a lot of things involved in the drama that revolved around your former plan with Kylo, and you weren’t sure what Poe’s reaction to that would be. For a moment, you thought on it, trying not to look into Poe’s eyes as you weighed the pros and cons of telling him everything.

“Okay, so a lot of what’s happened might not make sense if you don’t know something very important, I just need you to promise me you won’t get mad when I tell you,” you said, twiddling your fingers and looking down at your lap as you waited for a response. 

“Sure, what is it?” Poe asked, leaning forward.

“I uh….mayhavebeenpretendingtodateKyloupuntilrecentlytogetbackatShawn,” you said very quickly. For a moment, Poe’s face was confused, but after he was able to discern what you said, his face shifted into one of realization.

“Oh my god, (y/n)! Wait, what do you mean up until recently?”

“Well, a few weeks ago, Kylo and I decided to become ‘official’ official, so now we’re actually dating. We just weren’t in the beginning.” You were still avoiding eye contact with Poe, but you could tell that the look on his face was incredulous.

“You should have just told me in the beginning! I get why you didn’t tell Rey, she would have shot the idea down immediately, but me? I would have supported you,” Poe said, causing you to look up at him.

“You would have?”

“Yeah. What better way to get back at Shawn than to date the person he hates the most.”

“But you’re not upset that me and Kylo are actually dating now?”

You waited as Poe thought for a moment, his fingers rubbing at his chin, and nose slightly scrunched as he thought about what to say. 

“No. When we talked that one day, I could tell that you really liked him, and I trust that you know how to pick a good partner, especially after Shawn. I was worried that you were maybe dating Kylo because he was the opposite of Shawn, and that you didn’t really feel anything for him. Also, I wasn’t really sure about Kylo’s intentions either. When I realized you genuinely liked him, that was enough for me,” he explained. Without warning, you pulled him in for a hug, squeezing tight as Poe laughed.

“Now, tell me all the drama,” he said once you let go.

And so you did, ready to share the craziness of the past couple of months with someone who hadn’t experienced it for themselves. It felt so good to explain to someone everything that had happened, and to get so many of your opinions off your chest. Poe was an amazing listener as well, engaging in the conversation and asking questions along the way each of which you provided answers. 

It felt good to tell one of your old friends about all the things that had happened with your new friends.

When you finished talking, you watched as Poe absorbed all the information you’d given him.

“So you’re worried Pat is gonna plan something?” he asked after a moment of silence. 

“Exactly. I don’t know why, but the way he looked at me today was so unnerving. He’s definitely got something up his sleeve,” you responded back.

“Well, I have a couple of classes with Pat. I can try to see if I can get him to talk?” Poe offered.

“No, I doubt he’d tell you anything. It looks like I’m just gonna have to wait and see what it is,” you said with a sigh. 

Though you were worried about Pat, and whatever it was he had planned, you still felt tremendously lighter than you had before telling Poe everything. Now, if you could only get Rey to be so compliant, maybe you could work your way with everyone else as well. 

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 25

~*~Emma~*~

 Breakfast was the "Eggcelent" diner for omelets. We talked about dinner, with me checking out what he liked and didn’t like. He assured me, "I'll eat pretty much anything you put in front of me. Except for fennel." He shuddered, "It comes from the devil's asshole. Fennel and anything licorice."

 We ran to the grocery to get supplies then back to my place. We changed things up a little based on what produce looked good. Sebastian grabbed some shortcake cups and we loaded up on berries and some whipping cream. Back at my house, Sebastian unloaded the groceries on the counter and I put away, leaving out the chicken to marinade and the potatoes to boil.

 "Give me a job." He seemed uncomfortable not doing something.

 I pointed to the pots hanging overhead, "Fill one of those with enough water to cover the potatoes and get them boiling. Another for the eggs. It won't take me more than a few minutes to get the chicken done."

 We were finished with our tasks at the same time and headed toward the couch. I pulled back, "I'll be right back."

 "I'll look up train times."

 I came back down to see Sebastian standing behind the couch, his butt on the back with his ankles crossed, looking at his phone. Jeans did good things for his legs. I wanted to stop and stare, but he looked over. It was strange having him here. Not strange in a bad way. The level I felt like I knew him didn’t match the time with which I knew him. Some quick math told me that was because on average our dates lasted fourteen hours if you counted today as four dates and just counted the hours up until now.

 "You changed." He checked me out with a smile.

 "I was in yesterday's clothes." I went into the kitchen to turn down the heat on the stove and set a timer. The chances of me getting distracted and burning something was high. "What did you find out?"

 I was anxious about when he was leaving. I was anxious about when I'd see him again. I wanted him to leave as late as possible or super early in the morning where we could both get to work on time.

 Sebastian came up beside me by the stove, "You looked fetching in your walk of shame clothes."

 "I feel fresher."

 Sebastian raised his nose and looked for the smell. He squatted beside me and ran his hand up my calf. "You shaved your legs." His tone of voice was sweet and endearing. "You didn’t have to for me."

 "Yes, I did." I turned to face him, "I want to look pretty for you. Today part of that meant shaving my legs." We hugged, "Just in case a situation arose when you might be touching them again."

 He took my hand, leading me to the couch. He sat me in his lap where my back was supported by the arm of the chair. He put a hand behind my neck and the other stroked my legs. "So soft."

 "Thanks, glad you like."

 He hummed appreciatively. "I like touching your legs very much. See.." He shifted his focus from my legs to my eyes, "You looked pretty in gym clothes at the groceries, in jeans and a peach and white shirt at dinner, jeans and top for the festival, and ratty shorts and well-used t-shirt yesterday. What you wear doesn’t matter, you're always pretty to me. More than pretty."

 The way he used my word, pretty, and remembered everything I’d worn made my stomach flutter. I kissed his cheek, "I’m still going to do things to try to turn you on."

 "Don't waste your efforts. I'm very easy. For you, anyway." He leaned in and kissed me, his hand moving up my thigh to rest on my ass. “Train schedules?”

 I nodded.

 “Latest tonight is ten.”

 “Ten?” Oh, no, that wasn’t going to work at all. I mean, having to be at work in the morning dealing with a room full of six and seven-year-olds means I can’t really be up all night, but ten is early. I think I pouted.

 Sebastian’s face cracked into a slow grin, the hand on my ass pulled me closer and we kissed again. “Latest I can leave in the morning is seven. What time do you have to be at work?”

 “Seven-thirty. Fifteen-minute drive.” I bit the side of my lip, “Wanna have a sleepover?”

 “Very much.”

 “What shall we do with ourselves?”

 “I think I promised we’d make up for the lack of kissing.”

 “Good thing I set the kitchen timer.”

 We made out until the timer went off, at which point I dumped the potatoes and eggs in the sink, reset the timer, and went back to his lap. Needless to say, I was enjoying the hell out of the make-out session. Things stayed relatively calm. Everything stayed above the waist. Hands roamed, mouths kissed, and things would amp up every now and again, but mostly it was this lovely leisurely kissing and touching. I highly recommend.

 The timer rang and I pulled away with a groan, “Want to help?”

 “Kinda.”

 I laughed and headed to the kitchen, “Why don’t you put on some music? Just plug your phone into the dock and it will do the rest.” I’d pulled what I needed out of the fridge by the time he joined me. I put him to work cutting up the potatoes while I cut up onion, pickles, and the hard-boiled eggs.

  “Who knows what we’re going to get.”

 I assumed that meant he’d just hit shuffle, “That’s the most fun.”

 Sebastian finished the potatoes and stood beside me watching. “Who taught you to cook?”

 “Mostly my grandparents. My papa taught me biscuits, gravy, and all sorts of fried things. My nana did more healthy things. They used to have a barbeque place. Nothing fancy, just a big smoker and some picnic tables.” My mouth was watering at the memory or maybe that was about the man next to me. Either way, I closed my eyes and moaned happily, “Best coleslaw ever. I can’t recreate it. I think it’s about ingredients changing. Papa would die if he could see how little cans of Crisco are now.”

 Sebastian laughed, “Does anyone even use that anymore?”

 “If you want good biscuits you do.” I threw about three quarters of the onions, pickles, and eggs in the potatoes with a healthy amount of mayonnaise, salt, and pepper. I tasted and added until I was satisfied. Only then did I load up a spoon and hold it out to him, “It’ll be better once it’s chilled a few hours.”

 “Wondered why we were making this so early.”

 He opened his mouth and let me feed him. The flutter in my stomach was back. This was my go-to for school potlucks and I always got requests for my recipe, so I knew it was good, but different people like different things. I watched his eyes go wide and he covered his mouth with his hand, “This is delicious.”

 I got a thrill from him liking something I’d made. Boy, did I have it bad. Emergency leg shaving and feeding him homemade food. What was next? I laughed to myself. This was my thing. I enjoyed taking care of people. Shaving my legs wasn’t really in that category. Cooking was. I hadn’t cooked for a man in a very long time. “Thank you. Does it need anything?”

 Shaking his head, Sebastian pointed to the bowl, “I’ll need to taste again.” I didn’t even consider giving him the spoon. Way too much fun to feed him. He chewed happily, “More pickle? I love pickle.”

 I scraped the rest of the chopped pickle into the bowl. I liked him giving me feedback. I pressed my lips to his briefly. “For telling me what you wanted different.”

 “How will you know if I don’t tell you?” A slow smirk formed, “Not just food.” A new song started and he took off for the family room, “Fucking love this song.”

 Before the lyrics started, he’d turned the volume way up. He quickly turned and pointed to me with one hand, arm outstretched and singing along. “You can dance.” He repeated the move with his other arm, “You can jive. Having the time of your life.” He flipped over his hand and motioned for me to join him. What followed was him singing and dancing with infectious joy. I was laughing while I ran across the room. When I got in reach, he took my hands, holding them out and swinging them in and out. He let go and twirled me around before taking my hands again. We sang along and danced like we knew how, both of us laughing because we didn’t.

 The next song was something much more appropriate for slam dancing in a mosh pit. Sebastian dropped to the floor with arms and legs spread, “I wanted a slow song.”

 I stood with feet on either side of his hips, looking down at him, “Playlist management.”

 “Wouldn’t matter. Shuffles and plays what it wants.”

 “There’s a button to turn off shuffle. It’ll play whatever order you put them in.”

 His lips were tight and he looked annoyed, “Didn’t know that. Give me a week, maybe two, and I’ll have the perfect playlist.”

 I knelt over his hips, putting my hands on his stomach, “I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”  The idea of slow dancing with him was very appealing.

 “Me either.” He ran his hands up my arms to my shoulders before pulling me over him, “Come down here.” As I lay down on him his hands smoothed down my back to my waist. “Much better.”

 I kissed him, pulling at his lower lip, “Your lips are so soft.”

 “I have good lip balm.”

 I ran my finger through his hair, “You make me laugh.”  I kissed him again, long and deep, “Let’s see what I can make you do.”

[takaraphoenix]

When it comes to goodbyes, there’s only one person I’ve ever known who had her own personal take on that. Whenever I’d say “Mach’s gut” - “take care”, though literally it means “do well” - she would counter with “Mach’s besser”. Do it better.

I always thought that was a funny little thing, I always found that adorable, because she’d say it with mischief in her eyes and in a playful way but still like she absolutely meant it, like she wanted me to do better than her.

And it absolutely wrecks me to think that I’ll never hear her say that to me again.

When I was a kid, I used to spend at least one day a week at my grandma’s. It was always just my grandma; my grandpa had died when I was barely a couple months old. But I still had my grandma and grandpa on my mom’s side of the family. The two grandmas thing was always very confusing as a child - and I mean, too young to realize relatives have names beyond their familiar relation title - so in my family, we solved that rather easily.

My dad’s grandma, she was my Gartenomi. My garden granny. Well, not just mine, I have three older cousins on that side of the family and she was all of our Gartenoma. Because, as the title implies, she had a garden. Back then, that was something I assumed everybody had, you know. Everybody had a mom, everybody had a dad, everybody had a regular Omi and everybody had a Gartenoma.

She had berries in her garden, among other things. And my older cousins and I, we used to always go and gather them with her. I hated that, I always hated being out in the sun and well, manual labor was also never a thing I was a fan of. But I was a fan of the berries, so that evened out.

She used to make jam out of them. We had like a whole deal with that, my dad and his two older sisters would always keep score on who gets to take how many jars of what jam home. And her jam was the best, leagues above any store-bought jam, clearly the most superior jam, truly.

She also used to have veggies in her garden and she she would make that broccoli/cauliflower soup for me. About, I don’t know, between five and ten years ago, she had to give up the garden because they tore all the gardens down there to even the field to build houses there. And even though I haven’t had home-made broccoli/cauliflower soup in a long, long time, it still gives me that homey feel and reminds me of when I was little, even if it’s packaged soup.

We’d also always play games. Well, I suppose that’s normal, isn’t it? Playing games with grandparents. Though she was always rather bad at it and always lost. Around my teens, I started to suspect she may be losing on purpose to let her grandkids win, but to this day I am not a hundred percent sure. Especially Mensch, ärgere dich nicht (I think it’s called Sorry! in English?) and she had these particular little wooden figures for the board-game. Particular, because they were a deep, dark magenta - and normally this game comes with yellow-red-blue-green figures only.

When my grandma moved to the retirement home two years ago and gave up her apartment and we - the whole family - came to... salvage among the things she wanted to throw out, I picked those four wooden magenta figures. I still got them standing on my desk, you know, right next to my screen.

I also took a shell. My grandma had this big shell collection - she, grandpa, dad and my aunts used to go to Italy a lot to camp when dad was a child. The shells were always laid out next to her TV on two long shelves. There were a lot of pretty ones there, but I had always liked one in particular, it’s huge and a pretty curled one, the kind crabs live in. My cousin and I, we used to play with them, with this one and another one similar in size. We pretended they were our shell-phones. I got to keep mine and she took hers.

The two of us, we also had these... school notebooks. But like, old school notebooks. From the 70s, back when our parents still went to school. We used to write and draw out our adventures and stories in them together. Those, we also took and kept.

December two years ago, my mom bemoaned that she didn’t save any of my grandma’s cookie-boxes, because until she had to give up her apartment, my grandma used to provide all Christmas cookies to the entire family. She made... so, so many cookies - do keep in mind, my dad and his two sisters, each with kids of their own. Each family usually got two to three boxes of cookies. And they weren’t just any old cookies. She made ones that I have never before or after seen anywhere else and she used to make them with her home-made jam too, of course.

When I was a late teen, she started talking about the war. She’d never done that before, I don’t know if she deemed me old enough to hear about it then, or if she was already slowly slipping into dementia, because it were... the ever same stories that she’d repeat with a haunted look on her face.

Of the food they couldn’t afford, of how lucky she had been that her mother ran a grocery store and that they were doing better than most other families thanks to that. Of French soldiers living in their apartment with them during the war. Of how nightmarish our beautiful city had looked back then, bombed and destroyed. Of going to school as a little girl, while the bomb sirens were going off, past dead bodies on the street.

It was also when I was pretty much out and proud as a lesbian to... nearly everyone I knew. Aside from my grandparents, who all have... unfavorable opinions on the gay.

That was when I started visiting less. Not never, still about once a month. I also justified it a lot with being busy with college, you know. I was still visiting her regularly, after all.

Two years ago, she slipped in the stairway in her apartment building and while she made it upstairs, she collapsed there. My aunt only found her two days later. That was when we knew something had to change.

With her broken bones, she had to stay in a care home for a couple months anyway, which was enough time for my dad and his sisters to thoroughly debate what to do. It’s hard to consider that your own mother won’t be able to take care of herself anymore, but with that fall it became apparent that she couldn’t and that living on the first floor wasn’t exactly safe anymore either. That was when she sold her apartment and went to a retirement home.

The home’s just down the street from her old apartment. It’s... nice, I guess. The same where my great-grandma used to be in, I even still faintly remember that.

But she wasn’t the same anymore after the fall. I don’t know if dementia can be kickstarted by a fall on the head, but she slipped so fast in the following year.

We’d come and get her for Christmas or Easter or birthdays and when we’d drive her back to the home, she would get disappointed and sad that we were abandoning her, that we’d just trick her into leaving her at a retirement home, having completely forgotten that she was living there for months now.

When visiting her, she’d get her hopes up that we had come to pick her up and bring her back home again.

Then, in the past year, it started to get even worse. She’d forget where she was, completely. Looking out the window of her room, the one pointing directly at the elementary school she used to go to as a little girl - as she had told me very proudly when first moving into that room - and she wouldn’t recognize the building, wouldn’t recognize the neighborhood she had spent all her life in.

She had to rely heavily on her walker too, which was so terrifying to see, because I’ve only ever seen my grandma as, honestly, more fit than myself. She used to ski, she used to hike, she used to climb, she had and took care of that garden until she was eighty years old. To see her so... fragile... was terrifying in its own right, but to have her mind and memory slip like that too?

She started repeating whatever others told her, mixing up memories, not recognizing people anymore, staring blankly through you when you were directly in her line of sight.

Last Christmas,we got her to go to my aunt who hosted Christmas (it used to always be at my grandma’s). And she was... really just... physically present. She slept most of the time, even fell asleep in the middle of conversations. She looked through you, nodded along but didn’t quite listen. She could barely get up with help, but not more around on her own anymore.

About... four weeks ago or so, she was permanently put in a wheelchair because she couldn’t walk anymore at all.

Three weeks ago, the home called to inform us that visiting hours were cancelled due to the corona virus.

This morning, the home called because grandma had a fever.

Seven hours ago, my grandma died at ninety-one years old.

We don’t know if she had corona, or if it was something else. We couldn’t go visit to say goodbye due to the risk of it being corona. We don’t know how things with the funeral will play out thanks to corona.

And I spent the last seven hours doing the dumbest, most time-wasting tasks I could think of to not think about the fact that she’s now gone for good, or the way that makes me feel, because I don’t know how I feel because she’s been slipping away for two years now and she hasn’t been the grandma I grew up with in two years but the thought that she’s now really, truly gone still hurt so much and the only thing I can think about is how I couldn’t say goodbye to her and that she will never say do it better to me again, ever.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

A carriage ride down the rolling hill of daisies

Funny how looking closely at something seemingly mundane and ordinary suddenly gives you a newfound appreciation for them. Not that daisies aren’t pretty to look at, but it’s one of those things you take for granted at a glance. Upon closer look, you begin to see things like the shapes of the petals and the subtle differences in colors. No two flowers look alike and yet they’re still recognizable based on a few characteristics.

Eternia Mountain is one of those places that feels like you’ve traveled back in time. While there are utilities like plumbing and electricity, it’s very much like living in a remote place. The nearest town is roughly a half hour walk away - most of the residents rarely drive to town, or in general - and while the mountain folk get along with the townspeople, there is a disconnect. 

Many say the gap’s gotten better in recent years, mainly with the younger generation, but at times it’s like they’re living in different worlds. Holly Anne jokes that her younger self would be appalled when she finds out that as an adult she’ll be spending some of her weekends hanging out in town. Having spent all her life in the mountains, Holly Anne can’t see herself anywhere else.

Many of the families have been living in Eternia for generations. Holly Anne’s spans back to her great-great grandparents. She was raised by her grandma Blessing, a beloved mountain folk who was known for her beautiful singing and kind heart. Blessing was kinda notorious as she was born in the middle of a fierce blizzard that ravaged the mountains. She was described by the mountain folk as a spirited and gentle soul.

Whenever she talks about her grandma, Holly Anne has nothing but fond memories. It’s sweet but also sad because it’s clear how much her death has left a void in Holly Anne’s heart.

I first met Holly Anne in Mulberry, where we both lived for a short time. Nothing against Mulberry but it wasn’t a place I could see myself settling down in. At the time we were both trying to find our place in the world. Holly Anne was going through a rough time with the loss of her childhood home followed by the passing of her adoptive guardians.

The old cottage was known as the daisy house because it was near a large hill that’s always blooming with daisies. Five generations lived in the little house that became the center of music for the mountain folk. It was the bedroom overlooking the daisy hill where Blessing took her first and last breaths. Holly Anne stayed with her until the very end.

After Blessing passed, Holly Anne was adopted by a family that lived on the other side of the creek. Her plan was to move back into the daisy house when she finished school so every once in a while she or a mountain folk would come by to tend to Blessing’s garden or do some cleaning. But as Holly Anne got older, upkeep kinda fell to the wayside, especially as the problems with it being such an old house began to surface.

With the cottage in need of repairs, Holly Anne was unable to move in as planned. Around the same time Holly Anne was helping Monnie care for an ailing Pop. While the daisy house was undergoing repairs, a faulty wire caused a fire that left the skies cloudy for days. For Holly Anne, it was like losing Blessing all over again. While things like Blessing’s dulcimer, various photo albums, and a box of keepsakes owned by Holly Anne’s mom were kept safe in Pop and Monnie’s house, everything else was gone. 

Holly Anne was injured in the fire while trying to save whatever she could as well as make sure there wasn’t anyone inside. While she was recovering from her injuries, Monnie and Pop finally agreed to have an aide from town care for them, an idea they long resisted. So not only Holly Anne had to deal with the loss of her childhood home, but also the fact that her Pop and Monnie are nearing the end of their lives.

Within a year the old couple passed away and Holly Anne felt lost. Losing the daisy house was a devastating blow as she had built her future around it. She wanted to tend to Blessing’s garden and bring it back to its former glory. To play the dulcimer on the porch on a starry night like Blessing did before she fell ill. On rainy nights, she wanted to sit in the attic, look at the stuff hidden away, and make up stories about her ancestors. There was so much she wanted to do and gone it went, all up in smoke.

Not knowing what to do, Holly Anne decided to leave the mountains. She said it was an impulsive decision, a poorly thought out plan - not exactly the formative life experience she expected, but one she needed in order to gain clarity. The mountains held too many painful memories so Holly Anne felt that she had to get away. Problem was, she didn’t know where she wanted to go other than away.

So she moved to Mulberry, which was where most of the mountain folk who wanted to pursue higher education went. There, Holly Anne shared an apartment with Jane, her best friend, and they attended classes at Neighborhood Community College. Jane is currently going for a master’s degree in education and her dream is to open a school in the mountains so the kids wouldn’t have to make the long walk into town.

Holly Anne stuck around Mulberry for two years before going back home to the mountains. Mulberry’s one of those places that makes you feel unremarkable. Basically, most of the residents are here for something and once that’s done, they leave. It’s not the kind of town where you can see yourself settling down and taking root. I lived on the floor below Holly Anne and Jane and during my short time there, I think they were the only two people I befriended and interacted with on a regular basis.

Spending time away from the mountains helped Holly Anne clear her mind. She realized how much she missed her home and even though it’s not the same anymore, it’s still a part of her. 

Through the losses she experienced, the daisies continued to bloom and grow. They were her anchor, a reminder of her roots. Her childhood home was gone but the memories are still there. Even after the smoke, the daisies kept blooming, a sign that life must go on. It’s an unspoken rule that Holly Anne is the keeper of the daisies, for they bloom the fullest when she’s around to care for them.

After leaving Mulberry, Holly Anne returned to Monnie and Pop’s house. She said it didn’t feel right to rebuild the daisy house. Instead the mountain folk decided to let nature reclaim the land and built a small garden memorial where the old orange blossom tree once stood. Since then Holly Anne has been tending to the garden and the daisies.

Over the years I’ve visited Holly Anne and Jane a few times when I was around the area. I can see how much more content and at peace Holly Anne is on the mountains than in town. Though since living in Mulberry she has grown to tolerate the townspeople. Maybe she does live a somewhat sheltered and reclusive life, but she doesn’t mind at all. She has joked to townspeople that she tried living in the “outside world” and said “no, thanks.” as soon as her trial was up. 

Since I last visited and saw the daisy hill, the blooms have flourished and thrived. It almost doesn’t look real - more like a painting from a fairy tale! Holly Anne never expected to inherit Blessing’s green thumb, considering that as a kid she never really enjoyed gardening and only did it out of obligation. She describes it as frustrating and therapeutic, kinda like how it was when she helped Blessing tend to her garden. Sort of a love hate thing but in an affectionate way.

On beautiful days like today, Holly Anne likes to take the carriage out and go to the meadow behind the daisy hill. I still remember the first time she took me along and I was mesmerized by the sights. The scenery’s still breathtaking, probably even more so than when I last saw it. I can see why Holly Anne wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. She has her whole world right here in the mountains.

Sometimes, all you have to do is watch a bunch of daisies sway in the wind, and for a moment, you feel at peace.

[mar-bluu]

How do you reckon Elmer and Buttons would react if Lucy got pregnant? Can just imagine how excited Elmer'd be, calling everyone like "im gonna be a grandad!"

Akdksoske ohmygosh okay!!! (This is gonna be my long, and incomprehensible ramblings, sorry!!)

So! One day Elmer's sitting in the kitchen eating his breakfast when Lucy walks in and just throws up right in front of him. Elmer's like "oh okay that's nice, you do that, yeah right in front of my toast, okay" and Lucy just walks out and leaves him to clean it up. So Elmer finishes up his toast and cleans up Lucy's mess when Buttons walks in. Elmer's like "Lucy threw up just before but i cleaned it up, so be careful, the floor might be wet." And Buttons goes "huh, she threw up yesterday as well." So they're a little concerned but chalk it up to her probably eating grass. The next day, however, when she throws up again, they're like "okay something might be wrong, let's take her to the vet" so they bundle her up in the car and drive down to the vets, Elmer's quietly freaking out because all he can think of is the absolute worst, and Buttons is trying to keep him calm, saying that its probably nothing as he tries to stay calm as well.

They pull up and head inside. As theyre sitting in the waiting room, Lucy throws up again, so the lady at the desk is like "okay, we should probably look at that like, now." So Lucy's brought into a side room and Buttons explains that she's been off her food and vomiting for the last few days. So the vet's like "is she spayed?" And Elmer and Buttons look at each other like "is she??" So they say that they're unsure and the vet's like "okay, well we're gonna do an ultrasound real quick" Lucy's whisked off to the back room for an ultrasound and now, Elmer's f r e a k i n g out. "Buttons, she could've eaten something really bad! What if she's been poisoned? Did we remember to give her her heartworm tablets? Did we check her for ticks!?" And Buttons is trying to stay calm and reassure Elmer, and theyre both too busy worrying about Lucy to notice the vet coming back. She opens the door to the two of them panicking, and just sets Lucy down on the examination table, waiting for Elmer and Buttons to notice. Lucy sits on the table with her tail wrapped around her paws and meows loudly. That gets their attention, and the turn to the table, holding each other's hands nervously. "Well," the vet starts "Lucy's gonna be just fine." Elmer and Buttons share a look of relief. "But," they begin to grow nervous again "you might wanna consider kiddie proofing the house, cause Lucy's gonna be a mama"

The two of them are completely silent, staring open mouthed between the vet and their cat, who stares proudly back. "What?" The vet just nods, giving Lucy a scratch behind her ears. "A mother of seven, actually. Or at least thats how many i can see." Buttons squeals excitedly as Elmer tackles him in a hug "we're gonna be grandparents!!" The vet laughs along before stepping them through the pregnancy process. She walks them to the counter and gives them a card to an all-hours house call vet who can help them if they're worried about or during birth. They thank the vet and bring Lucy home.

The second they got inside Elmer's on the phone to everyone telling them the good news as Buttons lectures Lucy about running off and getting pregnant. Everyone's so happy for them (especially Davey who's a big cat person, though he doesn't often show it and Mush who comes over as soon as possible with extra cat food and bedding) and Buttons and Elmer spend 110% of their attention on Lucy and making sure she's comfortable ("pregnant cats are called queens, Buttons, we should treat her like one!" "She has three beds stacked on top of each other and enough food to last her a life time, i dont think she needs another cat-box" "fine, but we need to get her a "world's best mum" cat bowl!")

Anyway! One morning at about 2:40 am Elmer wakes up to Buttons shaking his shoulder. "It's happening!" "What?" "It's happening!!" "Wha- oh, oh!" He springs out of bed as Buttons dials the emergency vet. Elmer sprints through the house, finding Lucy huddled in a corner, washing her fur. Elmer kept his distance, not wanting to annoy her, as he tried to keep his excitement quiet. Not too long after that the emergency vet arrived, following Buttons into the room. He said there wasnt a lot he can do, as Lucy seemed to be handling it very well, so they sat there and talked about Lucy, if this was her first litter, how well she'd been dealing with the pregnancy etc. They waited there for an hour and a bit, cooing over pictures of the vet's own kittens, before Lucy gave birth to the last of her kittens. The vet monitored Lucy for another half hour or so before heading off, ("make sure to take them to the vets within a week or two for a wellness check") and Elmer and Buttons move in closer for a look at the newest additions to their family. They count the kittens, finding another 2 the vet missed, and excitedly snap pictures and send them to their friends. As they continue to melt over the kittens, they notice that while a lot of them have the same black and white colourings of their mother, a few of them were a pretty orange, that looked suspiciously like the ginger cat who lived down the street. Buttons made a mental note to have a stern talking to with him the next time they saw him.

Already Elmer's thinking of names for the kitties, sending options to the groupchat (only Race is awake and his suggestions include Professor Cheeseball and Sir Meatball Daggertooth, which he reads out to Lucy who doesn't look too pleased with them) Buttons had already picked a name for one, Tigger, which they settled on giving to the biggest ginger fluffball. They settled on Gizmo for the kitty that looked like a little clone of his mum, then waited for the others to wake up and help (Race is officially banned from naming anything after suggesting Moldy Stink Rat) Elmer and Buttons sat on the couch and watched Lucy with her new babies, wrapped in each others arms, as they fall asleep listening to Lucy meow softly to her kittens.

After about three months, the kittens were all named (Tigger, Gizmo, Oreo, Luna, Willow, Sunny, Marmalade, Cedar, and after lots and lots and lots of pestering from his human counterpart, the last one was named Jack) and had their appropriate vet work done. Davey appointed himself as godfather and was over any time he could ("where are my babies? I want to see my babies!" *scoops up Gizmo* "And how's mama Lucy going?") Mush and Blink would come and visit them frequently too, always bringing little toys and things for the kittens to play with. Cedar had taken a real shine to Mush and Blink, and would always go running towards them whenever he heard their voices. (Elmer and Buttons had a feeling of who they wanted to give Cedar to when the time came) Jack couldn't come over as frequently as the others but would constantly text Elmer and Buttons for updates on Cat-Jack, and had a picture of his kitty twin in his wallet and would show it off proudly to anyone who asked.

Unfortunately come month 4, Buttons and Elmer had to make the tough decision of giving away their precious babies. Lucy was just as upset as the two of them, but they couldn't keep looking after all of them, they'd already lost a pair of shoes, two pillows and several cups and glasses. So they needed to make sure the kitties went to the best of homes. Naturally Davey offered to take two (Oreo and Marmalade), Katherine took Willow, Barney adopted Luna, and Albert got Sunny. Elmer and Buttons asked Blink and Mush if they wanted to take Cedar, but they were slightly hesitant as they didnt want him to be overwhelmed by all the other animals (though they seriously had to restrain themselves from accepting right away) So Elmer and Buttons held onto him (tho they had a feeling that in a month or so he'd be living on the farm) Jack obviously adopted mini him, and Gizmo and Tigger stayed with Buttons and Elmer

Every month or so, they would all organize a meet up together, usually at Buttons' and Elmer's house so Lucy could see her babies again, and have kitty hangouts. Lucy, Elmer and Buttons miss the other kittens a lot, but they're happy knowing that they're with good families and good homes :)

Also Lucy definitely got spayed after bc they couldn't deal w the heartbreak of giving away kittens again, and also to help keep kitties off the streets, and the cat from down the road got a very stern talking to

[screensirenfic]

Black Leather - Chapter 12

Warnings: Mentions of Sexual Assault

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I never actually told Steve what happened that night. I don’t think I had to; the mascara stains on my cheeks and the bruises on my neck spoke volumes.

The fact that Billy was the cause didn’t require any mind games to work out; everyone knew we’d been alone together, even Steve, and it didn’t take much to bridge the gaps.

Still; Steve never asked questions. I was thankful for that; didn’t need to know details, just knew his friend needed him right now and that was enough.

I hardly ever cried. I only think Steve had actually witnessed it once since we met; and that was when dad stopped taking his meds, the first anniversary of when Sara died and everything seemed to be falling apart around us.

He’d held me then; thirteen years old with death a foreign concept reserved for long forgotten grandparents and fish you won at the fair.

He didn’t know what to say to me back then; didn’t even understand why I was so upset.

So he just sat there with me behind the dumpsters in middle school, petting my hair and telling me that everything was gonna be alright; even though he was in no position to be making those sorts of promises.

I guess he did the same now; cradling me close to him like I was fragile like glass, lips braced on my hair to try and kiss away the worry and regret.

I knew Steve assumed the worse.

That what Billy had done to me hadn’t been reciprocated; that somehow his actions had been forced upon me.

The word ‘rape’ swam around both our heads; the word tasting dirty in my mouth, not quite fitting what had happened between me and Billy.

Was he pushy? Yes.

And did I regret what happened? Yes.

But I’d enjoyed it. I’d begged for it at the time, and somehow that felt worse than if I hadn’t wanted it at all.

I felt dirty; like I was lying to my closest friend, luxuriating in his sympathy whilst the evidence of my sin still left my thighs tacky beneath my skirt.

Fifteen minutes later; Steve had dropped me home in near silence, worry still there on his face, but no where as near as prominent as before.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” He asked; taking note of the absence of my dad’s truck.

“I’m sure.” I responded; undoing my seatbelt and picking up my discarded leather jacket from the floor.

“Are you sure? Because you could always come back to mine tonight and drive home tomorrow.” He offered; no implication or undertone in his petition, just a warm desire to see me safe.

“I’ll be fine; Steve.” I insisted with a half hearted smile, staring into those worry filled doe eyes.

“Okay.” He relented with a sigh, running a hand through his thick hair as I began to climb out of the car.

“But if you need to talk or anything; just call me, alright?” Steve continued to press, those deep brown eyes still staring at me as I shrugged my jacket on in a vain attempt to hide the purpling marks on my neck and chest.

“I know; Steve.” I replied, leaning across the passenger seat to press a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you.” I said, and for once, I was sincere. Steve had been a sweetheart; no bones about it, and I was grateful for that.

I left him in the car then, slamming the door shut behind me before I made my way up the porch steps.

“Hey Lo...” Steve called after me, and I turned, watching him hang out a now open window to talk to me.

“Yeah?” I asked, wondering what was going on beneath all that hair that left him so serious.

“Goodnight...” He said, even though for a moment, I thought he might say something else entirely.

“Goodnight” I smiled back, turning back to my door and pretended to be searching my pockets for my keys.

I waited till the I heard the hum of his engine spark up, then fade as he disappeared back into the woods; and once again, I was glad that Steve’s sense of chivalry only went so far, especially when he knew I’d take it as an insult if he offered to “walk me to the door”.

Knowing that I was once again alone, I lifted my hand to the door and knocked.

Knock knock.... knock knock knock.... knock.

I waited, listening to the sounds of owls hooting and the wind blowing; a true signifier on just how isolated we were out here.

When I’d told Steve that me and dad were packing up and moving into the wilderness, he gave me a look like I’d just told him I was planning on running away and join the circus.

He thought my dad had lost it again; gone into a paranoid survival mode like you saw in movies, trying to lock away his family for ‘the end of the world’.

I had to reassure him that no; dad hadn’t lost his shit again, and no; I didn’t need to come move in with him until my dad was done playing Bigfoot.

I’d even had to break my dad’s favourite rule of secrecy, letting Steve drop me off and pick me up from the cabin, though my dad would never let him inside.

Steve just took it that my dad didn’t trust him with me; something that wasn’t all too surprising considering his chilly attitude towards Steve in the past.

Steve still had no idea of the real reason he couldn’t step inside my house.

“El; it’s Lola.” I called; noting that a couple of minutes had passed and she hadn’t come to answer the door. Probably pissed at my dad and planning to make him suffer for it.

I heard the click of locks opening, then the door swung open. I stepped inside, noting that despite the sound of TV murmuring, El was nowhere to be seen.

My eyes spied the long black cable of the TV set, following it as it trailed across the living room and up to Eleven’s closed door, disappearing beneath.

The kid had balls; I’d give her that; the corners of my mouth almost rising into a smile when I’d realised that the Hopper pettiness was apparently also contagious.

Almost; then I was reminded of the stickiness in my underwear, my stomach tensing as I realised I needed to clean myself up urgently.

—————————————————

It didn’t seem to matter how scolding I made the water; how hard I scrubbed my skin, I just couldn’t get the feeling of Billy’s hands on me to go away.

I was probably gonna end up using up all the hot water at this point. Dad was gonna be pissed, but you know what; fuck him! If he hadn’t been so damn well insistent I went to that party, I might not be...

No; you know what; I wasn’t gonna think about that.

Instead I focused on scrubbing the scent of beer and cigarettes out of my hair.

Only once I’d scrubbed my skin red raw; the strong scent of cherry blossom overtaking the stench of testosterone and cheap cologne, did I get out of the shower, wrapping myself in the least ratty looking towel I could find and heading back into my bedroom; ruined clothes in hand.

I locked my bedroom door, knowing that there was no chance of El leaving her room tonight and having no desire to speak to my dad anytime this week, then settled down to work out if anything was salvageable from my Halloween costume.

The stockings were goners; large rips spanning the length of my thighs down both legs, though that was no surprise. Those sort of things never lasted more than a couple of wears anyway.

My top was beer stained, though I could probably get that out with a little detergent and some elbow grease.

The skirt was passable, though my skin crawled slightly at the reminder on why I’d picked it.

I’d probably not be wearing that one again in a hurry.

My bra was surprisingly fine, despite Billy’s rough handling, as were my heels.

My panties; well that was another story.

Damp was an understatement; despite being left on the floor of the bathroom for the better part of an hour, the crotch was soaked through. I dared a look inside on the lining, and instantly wished I hadn’t.

Stained; an almost milky looking streak running straight down the centre. I feared what a mess I might of found if Tommy hadn’t interrupted Billy; if he’d actually been allowed to continue.

I screwed them up into a ball, dumping them in the trash can alongside my ruined stockings in a bid to forget my shame.

I dumped the rest of my clothes into my laundry pile, planning to deal with them first thing tomorrow after dad left for work.

Then I pulled open my drawers, rifling through the jumble of cotton and denim for an oversized t shirt. I grabbed an old Jefferson Airplane t shirt that my dad gave to me years ago; a relic from him and ma’s freer thinking days back in New York.

I dropped my towel, fully intending to shove on the shirt then climb into bed and go to sleep; hopefully waking up tomorrow with enough of a stinker of a hangover that I’d have plausible deniability of the night’s events.

But then I stopped; I’d just caught sight of myself in the mirror.

Jesus fucking Christ; I looked like a domestic abuse victim!

The blooms of bruises decorated my skin like body paint, mapping the places Billy’s hands had strayed hours previously.

I thank God that it was dark in Steve’s car, otherwise he might’ve seen the messy pattern of hickeys running down the length of my neck, across my shoulders and collarbones, stopping just above the tops of my breast.

I even think I could make out the outlines of teeth marks mixed in amongst the bruises; the fucking animal!

It wasn’t just Billy’s mouth that had marked me up good; his hands had left purpling finger marks above my hips, the slightly raised red trails of scratches running just above in the curve of my back.

Most prominent of all was bruising on my wrist; already dark and angry, the distinct shape of his long fingers easy to make out on my darkening skin.

He was an ass; a complete and total ass.

He couldn’t even of done what he wanted and then left me to forget about it; he had to leave suiveneers, like this was some sort of milestone worth remembering.

I guess it kind of was; a hard learned life lesson to never trust a pretty smile and quick hands, no matter how much I wanted to.

I’d been an idiot; no matter what Steve said otherwise. I could accept that now, but I wouldn’t be one again; that’s for sure.

———————————— ——

I’d stayed strong for twenty more minutes, climbing into bed in my old t shirt and turning out the light, till only tree filtered moonlight lit my room.

I’d been fine for a whole twenty minutes; staring into the inky blackness till my eyes fell shut and sleep began to try and take me.

Then I saw him again; that sick self satisfied smile, those deep penetrating blues as he whispered dirty things into my ear, all to the raucous laughter of Tommy H and all his cronies.

My eyes sprung open; my heart hammering at a million miles an hour in my chest, and I was suddenly aware my face was wet; though with sweat or tears, I couldn’t tell.

I sat up, switching on my bedside lamp in the childish hope that the light might chase away the lingering bad dream. Instead my eyes were dawn to my hand resting on top of the comforter; bright purple bruises creating shadowy shackles around my wrist.

Reality hit me once more and I broke down; tears streaming down my face as I realised this was a nightmare I would never wake up from.

I didn’t get any sleep after that, sobbing silently into my pillow case like some stupid freshman who got stood up by her homecoming date.

I felt so stupid; I’d been through worse than this, for God’s sake, so why was I so damn cut up about it?

Maybe it was because I’d thought just for a moment, that Billy might actually like me.

Not like Steve did with his soft brotherly consolations and his worry filled eyes; and not like Tommy H and the rest of the sleaze patrol who stared up my skirt like it was a peep show.

I’d thought that for once in my life I’d found someone who could go toe to toe in the ring with me and put up a fair fight.

Apparently I had been mistaken; my opponent had no intention on fighting fair and wasn’t above resorting to any number of dirty tricks; even if that meant he’d end our little partnership for good.

In all my turmoil; I hadn’t noticed dad’s truck pulling up outside the house, nor had I noticed him knocking at the front door, but I could hear him now; cursing and kicking like some drunk who got locked out of his pickup.

He called out for Eleven; clearly not expecting me home yet.  She didn’t answer; no surprises there. I didn’t have any doubts that she was prepared to leave him out there all night.

“Come on; kid. Open up. Look, I know I’m late; alright....” He petitioned from the other side of the front door, unaware that his entire speech was being drowned out by a rerun of The Munsters.

“I got candy here, alright... I got all the good stuff.” He continued, but I knew it was falling upon death ears.

Eleven was mad; worse than that, she was hurt. And I already knew well enough how much being hurt by someone who you thought cared about you stung. Dad really had a better chance at picking the lock, than relying on a spurned tween to come to his rescue.

“Please... Will... You... Open... The.... Door!” He demanded, emphasising every word with a loud bang on the door, as if any amount of blustering was gonna convince El to emerge and give him entry.

Not gonna happen; I thought, but still, he was my dad. He hadn’t done anything to hurt me; at least, not intentionally.

It wasn’t fair for me to blame him just because my stupid little plan blew up in my face. He told me to go out and have a good time; not to be a slut about it.

So I dragged myself out of my bed and out of my room before my dad could give himself a hernia with all his yelling.

El still hadn’t left her room; the flickering light of the TV beneath her door the only sign of life coming from her room.

She must’ve really been pissed; and speaking of people who were pissed, dad still hadn’t given up on his ranting in the vain hope of out-stubborning a newly aged up teenager.

Stubborn or not; this teenager wasn’t so keen on being grounded till marriage, so I quickly made my way over to the cabin door, unlatching the ridiculous amount of locks lining the door. Paranoid much?

“I’m gonna freeze to death out here...” Dad petitioned; his tactics changing to guilt tripping, because apparently it was the backup plan to the entire Hopper family, but he never did get the chance to up the anti.

I’d reached the last lock and swung the door open; my face the perfect blend of pissed off and plain moody to dissuade him from asking any questions.

“Lola?!” He blurted out; actually going as far as to look confused that his oldest daughter was home after being forced to go out to some Halloween fuck fest to confront a boy he really knew nothing about.

I strode back into the house; I was really in no mood to have a moral discussion on my night out and wanted to be back behind the closed door of my room as soon as possible.

“I thought you were meant to be at a party?” Dad asked; because quite frankly, my dad was a complete and total idiot when it came to emotions, boys, and pretty much everything to do with raising a teenage girl.

I don’t even know why I trusted him with giving me advice on Billy in the first place. He treated everything like a fucking police interrogation, thinking you could get everything from someone if you just leaned on them a little.

I suppose he was right; but that technique worked two ways, and Billy clearly was better at playing bad cop.

“Lola?” Dad called out; annoyance overtaking confusion in his voice as he realised I was ignoring him.

“What the hell went on?” He asked; his chief hat and his father hat getting mixed up, but it didn’t fucking matter. Not when I could slam an slab of unvarnished wood in his face.

The door slammed; and I could still hear my dad’s blustering from the other side of the door. I knew he was gonna try and pester El on her attitude, but it would achieve him nothing but a sore throat and a sour attitude.

That was fine. We’d all earned the right to be a little pissed off tonight; some more than others. The rest of the night was destined to be spent in respective solitude, faces stained with angry tears as we each refused to talk about our problems.

Monsters were real but they didn’t hide in closets or under beds; they wore easy smiles and familiar faces, just before stabbing you in the back.

Happy fucking Halloween everybody!

[ayanacam]

Stand Still

:05

Two Months Ago

November 24th, 2022

Thanksgiving Day

Christen slowly rubbed her belly as the car started slowing down to stop in front of her parent's house. It was a maternal habit she had immediately picked up around her fifth month of pregnancy. She was now eight months, due sometime in mid-December. She was huge, something she had been struggling with for a time but Dallas had always reassured she was beautiful each and every time. Christen was ready for her little one to come out, anticipation of having a mini-me around seemed so exciting. She could hardly wait.

Dallas had parked, turning to Christen.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dallas looked concerned, scared that his wife was hiding something from him.

"Yes, I'm sure. Just feeling a little big today." She sighed.

"You're beautiful baby, and even more so that you're carrying our angel. It'll never change." Dallas reassured, pulling her head down to meet his lips. His hand smoothly rubbed over Christen's belly as Christen sighed in contentment. Sometimes she needed to be reassured.

Dallas smiled at her before exiting the car to come to her side, helping her out. Christen heaved herself up against Dallas's weight before straightening her black sweater dress. She had taken a waddle up once she hit her third trimester, her back consistently making her ache, but she didn't mind.

"Ready?" Dallas questioned, making sure all of the food packed and Christen were okay.

She nodded, beginning her penguin walk while Dallas quietly chuckled in the background. He loved her walk. The fact that it was caused by their own creation made it special to him. He wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Christen stepped up the stairs slowly, huffing breaths from exhaustion. It seemed like every time she did anything, she was short of breath.

Christen immediately opened the door as she stepped in front, seeing no reason to wait as this was her own home.

Everyone had cheered as they walked through door, swarming around Christen and her big belly. Her mood had immediately shifted from calm to annoyed. She hadn't been big on touching lately, besides from Dallas. The feel of having multiple people around since she had revealed she was pregnant had been challenging. She normally would want tons of hugs and warm touches, but lately she hadn't wanted any of it. Being uncomfortable pregnant was enough without all the maneuvering she had to do to even hug someone. She'd rather avoid it.

"Did you guys make it safely?" Christen's mother asked once they got settled.

"Yes mom." Christen rolled her eyes, her mother the epitome of worrisome.

"We did Maria, thank you." Dallas replied, his hand smoothing over Christen's bangs as she leaned into him appreciating the warmth he'd given her.

"I know baby, you're ready for this to be over." Maria sat down next to her daughter, patting her knee. "She'll be here before you know it."

Christen groaned, "I want her out now. I'm ready to sleep normally again."

Dallas chuckled lowly into Christen's head, rubbing her shoulder.

"Alright guys, time to eat." Christen's dad called from the kitchen.

Dallas removed himself swiftly, his hands held out to pull Christen up. She stumbled slightly as he pulled a little too hard, but quickly balanced herself again. They all led themselves into the kitchen, cousins and grandparents crowded around the table.

"So, how long are you going to be off work after the pregnancy Dallas?" Christen's grandpa, Jack Collins, asked.

"About three months, longer if we don't find a nanny within that time frame."

"A nanny?" Christen's grandmother, Lucille Collins, exasperated. "In my day, the wife was a stay at home mother. You don't want to do that Chrissy?"

Christen screamed internally, her grandmother always a "do-it-my-way" figure. She didn't like when someone stepped out of those boundaries, and being a full time wife and mother was one of those boundaries.

"I figured we'd both go back to work, me in the gallery and him at the office. Life doesn't stop even when children come into the picture Gam." Christen forced a smile, her voice short.

Lucille scoffed, "You should always be in your children's life. You miss all the important milestones when you hire someone to take care of your child."

"Well it's 2022, not 1963." Christen snapped, her patience wearing thin. She wanted the discussion dropped and she wasn't in the mood to argue. Everyone around the table had gone quiet, their utensils clanking awkwardly against the expensive china Christen's parents always pulled out for the holidays.

"I think it's time to play White Elephant, don't you guys?" Her father announced, the tension relieved once the family tradition had been suggested.

Everyone piled their dishes into the kitchen and immediately moved into the family room.

Present Day

January 19th 2023

"Can we come in?" Andrew asked softly, not wanting to set the woman off.

Caroline debated silently, her mind reeling as she looked over the two people in Dallas's life she knew about very well. Christen especially. Dallas and Caroline had met three years ago at a bar in Times Square. Unfortunately she had learned the next morning that Dallas was married when he had lost his mind over the drunken mistake. Caroline had felt terrible, both of them highly intoxicated without anyone to stop what had been done.

Dallas had apologized profusely, leaving shortly thereafter. Unfortunately a month later, Caroline had found she was pregnant and a few more weeks later, with twins. A boy and a girl. She knew she had to contact Dallas, he had deserved the right to know.

Dallas had been less than happy to hear the news the day she had called the office. He went ballistic, cursing to the Gods. He calmed over the next few days eventually giving Caroline a sensible situation, her to be a secret.

They had gone no further than a friendly hug and a doctor's appointment but after the third trimester, they had quickly become more. Lingering touches and stolen kisses had become a thing and before they knew it, sex had been involved along with feelings. The twins had been born and Dallas promised to leave Christen. In the mean time, however, she would stay up here and wait.

"Sure." Caroline swallowed.

"I'm sure you know who this is?" Andrew pestered, seeing if the woman would lie.

Caroline nodded her head, ashamed and guilty. "Yes, it's nice to meet you Christen."

Christen found herself to be strangely quiet, not quite feeling the moment to be real. She was looking her husband's mistress in her face on her own porch and Christen couldn't help but feel her blood boil.

All three of them walked through the home, a hallway dividing the rooms in between. Overall the house was lovely, hints of Dallas everywhere Christen looked. Pictures of him had been posted everywhere with their family. Christen's heart tugged in hurt as she eventually looked down at her feet.

Andrew was disgusted, silent murderous rage filling his body as he thought about bringing Dallas back to life just to kill him again. He was utterly appalled, he never knew his best friend since college could do such a thing. His fingers interlaced with Christen's as he noticed her state. She wouldn't look anywhere, her curls covering most of her face as she kept eye contact with the floor.

"Would you guys like anything to drink?" Caroline offered.

"A water would be nice." Andrew suggested.

Caroline nodded and pulled herself to the fridge, producing two bottles of water.

"May I ask why you two came to visit me?" Caroline finally sliced the room full of tension.

"The insurance policy needs to be handled." Andrew curtly stated, infuriated by the fact that this woman was bold and daring. In a moment like this, she didn't have the right to ask any questions.

Caroline nodded, "What did you guys need to know?"

"Did you even feel guilty sleeping with a married man or is that the whore in you?" Christen asked, her courage had finally found a voice.

Caroline was taken aback, not surprised by the accusation but nevertheless shocked that Christen had asked it in this certain way. She cleared her throat and swallowed," Listen, what happened between Dallas and I will stay between us, even if he no longer is here."

"Well it's Christen's business now since she now has to file for you to be taken care of, so make this trip worth our while and she may consider giving you a part of her trust." Andrew worded slowly, driving each word home.

Caroline felt intimidated, Dallas had said Andrew was a gentle giant. It was nothing like the steel gentleman before her. "Ask away then."

"When did the affair start?" Christen murmured.

"May 2020." Caroline offered. "We met at a bar in Times Square and we had sex."

"That's the night you conceived the twins?" Andrew questioned.

Caroline nodded and Christen became sick. That was the month she had had the third miscarriage. Each one hurt more than the last, she would make it tiny bits farther but it would always end up with her in a hospital bed for 24 hours and bed rest immediately after. Caroline had conceived just fine. Christen knew it had been her. The reason conceiving had been impossible was on her end.

"Did you ever feel any remorse?" Christen swallowed, her mind unraveling.

Caroline sighed deeply, "In moments I did, but I won't lie, for the most part no."

Christen nodded, taking in her words.

"And what were Dallas' thoughts?" Andrew pressed.

"H- He felt guilty, every night and day. He would always talk about you and how much it hurt to cheat. He said that his fear of hurting you overrode his guilty conscience." Caroline admitted.

Christen finally had gotten a good look at Caroline. She was wearing a ratty old tee, no doubt Dallas' and a pair of leggings and white fuzzy socks. Her blonde hair was in a sloppy bun and her face was swollen as if she had been crying all night.

Christen was mindful of her next question. She wanted to stir the pot.

"Why didn't either one of you stop if you both felt guilty?"

Caroline took a deep breath, "We loved each other."

Christen froze, as did Andrew. Andrew wanted to strangle her from across the coffee table that was placed strategically in front of them. She had the audacity to claim such a thing but in Andrew's mind, Dallas had loved neither one of them. He loved the game of forbidden treats. He knew Dallas too well, that Dallas wanted his cake and to eat it too. Andrew thought he had changed when he met Christen but he had been dead wrong.

Andrew flicked his eyes over to Christen, her reaction being gauged. He didn't know what Christen was feeling, she wasn't even looking up from the coffee table. She simply had her arms folded under her chin with her fingers splayed across her mouth.

Christen didn't want to ask any more questions, it seemed like all the ones she had before had disappeared into thin air. She didn't want to learn any new secrets about Dallas. Everything she had learned already had been enough. Although, there were a couple questions she needed answered.

"Did you know Dallas was part of illegal activity?" Christen voiced.

Caroline nodded sheepishly.

Another thing Christen didn't know.

"It wasn't by him telling me. I had just caught a couple of transactions going through his bank when he asked me to check his bank account. A lawyer only makes so much. He confessed when I started asking too many questions." Caroline admitted.

So she had known everything, from the imminent danger that always lurked around to his relationship with Christen. She had known his finances and every back door about Dallas. So exactly why had Dallas kept Christen around? It seemed that he had everything and more up here with Caroline.

"He loved you...Christen," Caroline started. "He loved you so much that he wouldn't leave. He talked about you all the time, and I know you've got so many things coming through you right now but do not ever doubt what he felt for you." She sounded broken, as if this was hard for her to admit.

Christen shook, in hurt and anger. "Do not tell me what you think. It doesn't justify what I know."

Caroline nodded, preceding to back off. She didn't want to cause any more harm to anyone. She had the damage in front of her. Christen looked, in literal terms, broken. She had bruises on her face, her tight brown curls layered around her forehead and cheeks. She looked to be breathing hard and from what Caroline had heard, she had been beaten with a bat before she was knocked out.

"I think it's time to go. The lawyers will be in contact." Andrew softly spoke, standing up from the teal colored couch.

Caroline stood along with him, Andrew reaching out to pull Christen from the couch. Christen winced, the sharp pain of her ribs catching her.

"Are you okay?" Andrew worriedly questioned.

"Are the meds in the car?"

"Yes, should be in the glove compartment." Andrew answered to Christen.

Caroline stayed quiet, her heart hurting for Christen. She had no right, that she knew. But she couldn't help but place herself at the scene, imagining herself in Christen's shoes. Caroline watched Christen cautiously, ready to jump to her aid. She may have done heinous acts but that didn't take away from her caring nature.

Christen made it to the front door slowly but surely, Andrew's aid helping immensely. Caroline held the door open so no further obstruction could hinder Christen's progress.

"I know this really isn't my place. I just want to say I'm sorry. Things between Dallas and I...they should have never happened. There's nothing I could say or do, that would make this better." Caroline ejected.

Christen's blood boiled but she held her tongue. She had nothing further to say to Dallas's mistress. Andrew nodded to her apology before escorting Christen to the car. Andrew slid Christen in the car softly, aware to not stir her abruptly before he grabbed the pills and put them in her hand.

Christen gulped the pills down quickly, begging internally for the pain to stop. Nothing could make the pain in her heart go away. Dallas had ripped her to shreds and seeing Caroline today had done the final tinge on her heart. She had kids with the love of her life. She had gotten everything in life that Christen had wanted.

Christen hadn't realized that tears were now streaming down her face until Andrew gripped her hand from her face and shushed her. Christen wailed, her body racked with sobs. Andrew didn't know what to do, however streams of tears followed his face as well. After a few minutes, Christen finally calmed. Her body shook from time to time but Andrew could tell the worst was over, for now.

Christen stayed silent as Andrew gripped her hand and started the car. His thumb pressed against the push to start and off they were.

Christen for the most part had slept throughout the car ride. The darkness enveloping them as the trip to the motel back in town was almost over. Andrew quietly looked over at Christen's sleeping frame, detailing her. Her curls draped across her face as she breathed quietly. Her pink lips were parted slightly due to the positioning of her hand against her right cheek. Her lashes fluttered against her cheeks as she moved slightly to make herself comfortable. Andrew was entranced. He saw Christen for what she was, not for what she put on. 

Andrew pulled into an empty parking lot, the motel lights lit up the dark scenery. Trees lined the property, slightly moving in the wind. There were a couple of other cars, but for the most part the motel was vacant.

He triple checked Christen's sleeping state before moving out of the car to grab a room for Christen and him. The steps to the reception office had him on edge, but his feelings were kept in check. He couldn't be a weakling now.

The receptionist, the same from the night before was here again.

"Another night?" the clerk asked. 

Andrew breathed out a snort, "Unfortunately." 

The clerk rolled his eyes and took the card that was held between Andrew's slim hand. Andrew looked around the place briefly. The lights were dingy, the floors were dirty, and the furniture in the lobby was tore in multiple places. Andrew wondered how this place was even still open, what with the lack of customers and upkeep. 

Andrew quickly gripped his card back and stumbled out of the office area to help Christen upstairs. As he grasped his thoughts, he opened Christen's door to find her awake. Her curls were pulled towards the back of her head in a messy bun. Strands of small curls framed her face, blocking some of the damage done by her attackers. He still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world, despite everything she'd been through in the last week. 

Christen clung to his arm as she pulled herself out of the sedan. She hated feeling this way, helpless. It only made her thoughts worse. She still had so many unanswered questions for Caroline and Dallas. But one was someone she hated, the other is dead. She couldn't bare sitting another minute with the woman who got her life way before she had actually started hers. 

As Christen started to move, her ribs began to throb heavily. With a sharp intake of breath, she doubled over, causing Andrew to catch her immediately. 

"What's wrong? What hurts?" his frantic voice and hands moving around her. 

"Meds, please." Christen gritted out. 

He immediately moved Christen to the side of the car to hold her weight before going to grab her medication. The rattle of the pills in the bottle calmed Christen down, at least she wouldn't be in any physical pain for awhile. The emotional pain was something she hadn't quite grasped yet. After swallowing her two white pills, she stretched up slowly to ease her pain. Andrew caught her as she stumbled and pulled her arm around his neck so she could have some balance. 

The walk to the room was silent, no words spoken between Andrew and Christen. Neither one of them knew what to say. What exactly was there to say? 'I'm sorry your husband cheated on you and got himself killed by doing illegal business?' or 'I'm sorry that your best friend wasn't who you thought he was?'. Neither option sounded like one the other wanted to hear. 

As soon as they had stepped into the room, Andrew had placed Christen on the couch and went to the kitchen. 

"Coffee?" Andrew's voice sounded. 

Christen nodded, even though it was late, she couldn't help but want coffee to soothe whatever she was feeling. The Keurig coffee machine began to whir, keeping Christen occupied with her thoughts. 

Christen stared out of the window to the empty parking lot, "What am I supposed to do Drew?" 

Her voice was soft, tears laden in the thickness. 

"I don't know." He answered quietly.